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It was a rare day off for Kris and Adam during their summer tour with the other Idols and they had the privilege to be in a hotel in Dallas to recharge and rest before their show tomorrow. Lounging in their room Kris had started one of those conversations Adam didn't even try to understand.
“What?” Kris' face broke into a grin. “Yeah, if I were gay I'd totally be into you.”.
Adam just shook his head smiling.
“Are you surprised?”
“Well... I don't know. Never thought about it.” he shrugged.
“Yeah right, Adam. As if.”
“No honestly. I never considered it.” he replied with a slight defensive his voice going that little bit higher.
“I don't believe you.” Kris started to talk faster, “You tell everyone who will listen that you think I'm cute and you're telling me you never thought of what I may think about you?”
“Well Kris, all I was thinking was that you are a happily married straight man. And that's how it is, right?”
Kris was a little calmer now, “Yeah but you're a great dude and I totally get why someone would fall for you.”
“Um... thanks?” Adam didn't really know how to react to this. Kris often said things that left Adam a little helpless. Both of them now thinking about their interview with TV Guide Magazine where the they just let their bromance live up to it's fullest.
“Come on, don't be like that!” Kris was laughing at this stage while Adam wasn't. The older man was looking more confused than anything.
“Kris, what exactly are we talking about at the moment?”
Opening up his laptop Kris said, “You know what? Just forget it. I was trying to compliment you but it looks like you can't take compliments as well as you give them.”
There were a few minutes of silence while Adam who was lying on his bed is playing around with his iPhone and Kris was sitting with his laptop on his lap on the edge of his own bed.
“You know Kris, I do appreciate it. That you're so open, I mean. And that it's not a problem for you. That I'm not a problem for you. There's not many straight guys like that.”
Looking up Kris registered the serious look on Adam's face which was still pointed towards his phone his freshly blow-dried hair falling into his face as he leaned down a little more. He didn't want his friend to feel sad. He had intended to make him feel good by saying what he had.
“Lighten up on me, dude. With me you can always be yourself. Don't try being something you're not because you think that I can't handle it.”
“I've given up on the acting quite a few years ago. I'm not trying to fit in or anything anymore. That wouldn't work.” a smile was slowly but surely coming back to Adam's face. Kris thought he looked much better with a happy face.
“So everything's cool between us?”
“Yeah?” Adam wondered why it shouldn't be and looked up.
“Okay, so I didn't freak you out with what I said about you being a decent guy and all?”
Adam's teeth were now showing as he smiled, “ Well it's totally okay for me. But is it okay for you? Straight guys usually don't think like that about other men!” The grin lit up Adam's face like a lightning bulb.
“Oh man, I won't ever say a thing about it again!” Kris had shut his laptop and was holding one of his pillows over his face.
The now laughing Adam got up to sit on Kris bed pulling away the pillow. A crooked pout appeared behind it.
“Oh Krissy, I won't tell anyone.” Adam said in a baby like voice. “It's fine. I have boys lusting after me everywhere. Nothing new.”
Kris could only shake his head not knowing what to answer to that.
Adam continued talking with one hand on his hip the other waving around in the air, “You know, I understand. I'm quite an attractive guy. I'd fancy myself if I weren't me.”
Kris know he was only messing not meaning a word if what he had just said.
“Oh come on Adam, you already have a major crush on yourself. There's no hiding that!”
With that Adam pushed Kris away from him which made him land on his back on the bed. Both of them were laughing happily.
Adam sighed after a few minutes wanting to get up but the light touch of Kris' hand on his thigh made him stay right there. The younger man wasn't looking at him, in fact he was staring at the ceiling above him concentrating on the wood pattern. For a moment Adam thought he wanted to show him something up there but as he followed Kris' gaze he didn't discover anything unusual.
With Kris' hand still burning through his sweat pants and into his leg he asked, “Kris? Is something wrong? Can I get up?” his voice was low. Adam hated it when he wasn't in control of a situation and right now he felt a bit lost.
“Just stay, will you? Please just stay here.” Kris said with an even voice.
Usually Adam sought eye contact to make sure about what the other person was thinking but with Kris that was impossible right now since the other singer wouldn't turn his gaze from the ceiling above him.
“Okay” he said quietly.
So he just stayed there in his sitting position while Kris was lying there in silence. He thought he'd get up when Kris would move his hand away but that moment never came. Instead Kris eyes began to flutter and he was fighting to keep them open. Adam watched this little battle with amusement. When he moved only an inch to make himself more comfortable Kris eyes were wide open once again his hand tightening the grip on the thigh.
“I can't sit here like this forever, Kris. My back is already killing me and my legs are all stiff.”Adam's voice was a little uneasy.
“You can lie down here.” Kris' body shifted to make room for Adam on the bed. As his hand was removed from his thigh the older man could feel coolness creeping up where it had been placed before.
Adam didn't speak. Didn't feel he had to comment on this. If it was important to Kris and it seemed it was, then Adam was happy to just be there for him. So he lay down on his side facing his friend who had attached his gaze to his new favourite spot on the ceiling once again.
Adam could hear Kris' breathing now loud and heavy in his ears like he was fighting with himself inside. He wanted to reach out but didn't know if he had permission, scared of over stepping lines. For some reason he was now beginning to feel concerned about the smaller man. Something was up and he wanted to make it better. He was afraid to ask though in case he'd say something wrong. He closed his eyes instead trying to calm himself down. Maybe that would make Kris feel more at ease if he knew Adam was relaxed. He knew he had that effect on people, he made people feel comfortable.
Suddenly and unexpected Kris broke their silence.
“Would it be very weird if I had a little crush on you?”
Adam had just been falling into a light sleep as Kris began talking. He opened his eyes and saw Kris in the exact same position as he had been in the last time he had looked.
“Huh?...Erm, I don't know? What... Kris?” Adam wanted to hit himself. Now frowning trying to read something, anything in Kris' face. He didn't quite understand what he was trying to say.
“I know you have a crush on me and that doesn't feel weird. It feels good. Normal.” at last Kris was now turning to his side. Adam was so thankful for that. He searched eye contact which he got right away. Those brown orbes now looking at him directly.
“You always say a crush is a non-threatening thing, right?”
“Right.” Adam nodded. Not saying more as he had a feeling Kris wasn't finished.
“So it's also non-threatening that I like being around you.” Their eyes were locked. Kris looked unsure maybe even a little scared while Adam looked as reassuring as he could.
“It's non-threatening that I sometimes dream about you and feel good when I wake up.” Breathing in and out he continued not taking his eyes off Adam's.
“It's non-threatening that sometimes I need to hug you even if there's no actual reason.” he paused.
“And it's also non-threatening that I feel safe with you.”
Adam nodded to all Kris had said wanting to erase the haunted look in the younger man's face. Kris reached out and touched one of Adam's arms which were tucked under his head. Adam consciously tried not to move or react in any way though all he really wanted is to get up and do something, anything.
“But would it still be non-threatening if I wanted more?”
Adam's heart was beating as if he'd just ran a marathon. He had to concentrate on keeping his breathing even. He wondered how he was supposed to answer that question. What the fuck was going on here?
“Would it still be non-threatening if I wanted to kiss you?”
Adam's breath caught while Kris seemed calmer than during the whole last hour. The taller man took his hand from under his head and took Kris' which had been on his arm. First with hesitation then he tightened his hold. Kris' eyes had still not left Adam's.
Adam couldn't talk. Or maybe he didn't want to for once. He knew what he wanted to do though. Was he allowed to do that? Had Kris asked for a kiss by asking that? Or was is a legit question he was expecting an answer to? Adam's head was spinning. He was not prepared for all this. Then Kris pulled him out of his thoughts by coming closer to him. Not only with his face but with his whole body.
Kris breath smelled like strawberry candy they had eaten after their dinner in the hotel restaurant two hours earlier. And maybe that was what made Adam decide that it was okay to take the next step. The little things they shared. Like the way they always took turns in who was the last one to turn the lights off on hotel nights without ever having talked about it. Like Kris always took two towels to dance rehearsal because he knew Adam would always forget his. And like they shared strawberry candy after dinner without telling anyone else so they wouldn't have to share with a dozen people. They had this thing together. This tour and this friendship and this hotel room and these feelings.
Adam closed his eyes and inched closer until he felt those warm slightly chipped lips on his. He thought he felt a tiny smile as the kiss deepened and the pressure from both sides grew. They breathed together and inhaled each other and kissed with all those feelings that had been there from the start but kept increasing more and more.
Kris' hand crept behind Adam's head and pulled him even closer tugging on soft hair. Feeling bold now Adam enveloped Kris whole body with his arms opening his mouth tasting that strawberry on Kris' lips and then on Kris' tongue as the other man also hungrily opened his mouth and sucked in Adam's tongue in. Neither man was quiet, little moans, sighs and high pitched squeaks surfacing as hands roamed under fabric, skin was touched and thighs were pushed between thighs.
Adam and Kris lay there together on one of their hotel room's beds in Dallas during their tour after they had both experienced American Idol together where each week millions of people had voted for them. It was an experience no one understood but them. They were together and for now that was all that counted. They kissed and touched and never wanted it to stop. Fearing that if they so much as took breath too much that this perfect moment would end and reality would set in for both of them.
Eventually though they would have to open their eyes they'd see that sometimes a crush could be very a threatening thing. Probably even more so if future careers and a marriage were at stake.