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Steve visits his grave almost every day after his shift. No matter how hard he tries, the image of Billy getting pierced in the heart by the mind flayer will forever be burned into his brain.
He gets nightmares of that day-of that whole experience-he made a promise to protect Billy and yet he couldn't even recognize his boyfriend being possessed until it was too late. That whole time he was being held captive by the Russians, even while he was being tortured, his thoughts always wandered back to Billy and his suffering. By the time Steve managed to reach him, it was too late, he had to watch as the life of the man he loved was taken. Steve didn't even get a chance to be by his side as Billy was dying-he remembers Robin having to drag him out of starcourt-Billy probably had no idea he was there. He can still hear the agonizing screams both he and Max had let out once it happened.
A part of Steve died that night. Everything in his life felt emptier: his bed had never been colder, every time he lays in bed he always leaves space for where Billy would sleep, and every day when he drives Robin to school he'd look out at the space Billy use to park in and how he'd always have a huge smile whenever he saw Steve. It's memories like that that made it harder for Steve to cope; he had to process the fact that he'd never get the chance to create new memories with Billy.
Steve needed to put on a strong front. Especially around Max, no matter how bad Steve had it, it was nothing in comparison to what Max was going through. They had both lost someone special and he needed to be they for her, it's what Billy would've wanted.
Robin was the first to notice something was wrong. At work, Steve became really quiet, whenever a customer tried flirting with him he was always emotionally distant. He had himself off from the world around him. Whenever his shift ended he wasted no time in leaving to go see Billy's grave. Robin had gone there with Steve a few times and she always picked up on something; Steve talked to Billy's gravestone like he was still alive. He talk about his day, his dreams, and how Max was doing, he even left in little pauses where Billy would usually start talking. This wasn't healthy for Steve, he needed to see a therapist, not the grave of his dead boyfriend.
It took about six months' worth of convincing, but Robin finally got Steve to admit that it was unhealthy and now here he was, on his way to say goodbye to Billy, For the last time.
Steve was joined by Dustin, Max, Robin, and Eddie as they drove through the graveyard. Max was listening to various cassettes Steve had given her on her Walkman. Steve stopped driving once he was only a few feet across from Billy's grave.
"do you want us to come with you?" Robin asked.
"No, I need to be alone on this." Steve opens up his glove compartment and pulls out a small bouquet of roses. He gets out of his BMW and takes his time, wanting to savor every last minute.
When he reaches the gravestone he places the roses atop the dozens of other bouquets he's left there over the past year.
"Hey Billy. I had another dream about you last night. Don't worry it wasn't a nightmare this time; we were sitting on your Camaro, parked on a beach in California, watching the sunset over the ocean. You'd fallen asleep but you looked so cute I didn't want to wake you. We got so close, didn't we baby? We saved up all that money and for what?" Steve paused for a second as if Billy was actually responding to him. Steve looked up at the sky, blinking back the tears, he wanted his last words to Billy to be clear and not a blubbering mess.
"I really tried, you know, but every time I come down here all I can think of is starcourt. And I don't want that to be how I remember you...so that's why I can't come back here anymore baby. I am so, so sorry I failed you. I made so many promises to you that I couldn't keep: I promised that we'd get out of Hawkins yet we never got as far as the leaving sign, I promised I'd get you away for Neil but he still made your life a living hell, I promised I'd always protect you...and now you're dead."
Hearing himself admit those words brought a swelling of tears to his eyes he tried so desperately to contain. It was like time was slowing down, and a clock was beginning to tick, counting down their last few moments together.
"I don't have much time left but I want you to know, that I would trade places with you in a heartbeat. I love you, Billy."
"And I love you, Steve." Steve recoiled from the gravestone as the echoey sounds of a familiar voice surrounded him. He noticed how dark the graveyard had gotten, his car and his friends were nowhere in sight and there was an immediate bitterness in the air. Had Steve been here all day? Was he starting to lose it? A patch of mist surrounded a large portion of the site when a silhouette manifested from within it.
"oh Steve, you don't know how long I've been waiting to hear those words." The figure emerged from the shadows, Steve felt his heart drop...it couldn't be...Billy?
He had remnants of a black pile spilling down his chin. The curls of his once luscious locks were now damp and mangled. His white tank top was smeared with blood and ripped to shreds, revealing the open and infected wounds caused by the mind flayer.
Steve had no idea what to do. He wanted to run but in which direction? Towards Billy? Away from Billy? Before he had time to even process what was happening, this...ghost was already a couple of inches apart from him. Steve could tell something was wrong. His eyes, those weren't Billy's natural baby blues, they were pitch black; like death.
"but that's not entirely true though. I know deep down there is a small part that is glad I died that day," his voice was far more monotone than usual making it all him all the more menacing, "relieved, almost, to be free of a burden like myself."
"No. N-No, Billy, that's not true!"
"really, then why did you just stand there?"
"Y-You don't understand, there was nothing I could do. You were a floor below me and I wouldn't have had time to reach you. Trust me, Billy, if I could go back in time and fix it, I would."
Billy made a mocking pouty expression as he brought up his veined hand to wipe away a tear from Steve's cheek. It then pushed a few strands of Steve's hair behind his ear. Just like Billy use to, "It's not just about starcourt, is it? You knew I was being abused at the hands of my father and you said nothing."
"you made me promise not to tell anyone!"
"heh, the one promise you actually kept." It chuckled.
"You said it would only make things worse."
"You don't know that, I didn't know that, but you didn't even try. So because of you, I had to suffer every day and wake up every morning wishing for the sweet release of death. The only thing that kept me going was your promises. Maybe you didn't tell anyone because you liked it? You liked having someone vulnerable seek out your help."
"NO!" the Billy creature slowly approached Steve. Each step forward caused Steve to take a step back.
"It made you feel good, to manipulate people so you could feed that ego of yours. You wanted to feel like a knight in shining armor so badly, that you took advantage of anyone that needed help, you took advantage of me. And now you're realizing you only loved me because helping an abuse victim fed your pathetic little ego. It's okay. You can admit it now. No more lies, no more hiding."
"NO! Billy, I love you, I would never do that to you!" Steve needed to get as away from that thing as soon as possible because that thing was not Billy, he would never say something like that. This was a dream, it had to be, he was going to wake up soon he could feel it. The creature took each slow step toward Steve, it didn't expect Steve to fight or run or go in any direction other than where it was leading him.
"That is why you feel such guilt. Why you hide from your friends. Why you hide from the world. And why, late at night, you have sometimes wished to follow me. Follow me into death. That is why I am here, Steve. To end your suffering once and for all."
Steve feels the ground below him crumble. He falls into Billy's open grave. The creature- which had been using Billy's skin up to this point-removed the façade and revealed its true form: It seemed partly human if the skin had been peeled off, it had no nose, its eyes grey and lifeless. There were burn marks around the top right of its face and it had these odd root-like tentacles which seemed to fuse into its skin.
"It is time, Steve. Time for you to join me." The Vecna had disappeared, leaving a trail of red mist to surround the graveyard. Once Steve crawled his way out of the ground he felt compelled to go through the mist. There was nowhere else to go.
This place was like nothing Steve had ever seen before, it made upside-down look pleasant. The sky was painted crimson red, Steve's feet began to feel wet as he trudged through the water-as at least he hoped it was water-there were floating pieces of debris in the sky as well as random pieces of furniture like a grandfather clock. There appeared to be the base of an old grand house, broken and torn to shreds, and spiked pillars branching up from the ground; the Vecna's fortress.
he came across these spiked pillars with the hollowed-out corpses of Chrissy Cunningham, Fred Benson, and Patrick McKinney entangled within its vines. "How do you like them, Steve?" The Vecna emerged from behind Steve, approaching him with ease, "would you like to join them?"
Steve tried to run but was tripped up by one of its vines which had wrapped itself around Steve's ankle, "SHIT!" Steve screamed as he was dragged into one of the pillars and restrained. This is it. This is how Steve is going to die. Maybe he deserves it, there's nothing left for him in Hawkins anyways.
I am the passenger And I ride, and I ride
Just as he was closing his eyes ready to accept his fate, he could hear the soft echoing of Iggy Pop fill the vast emptiness of the Vecna's fortress. The Vecna hesitated, it too could hear the music, it wasn't Steve's imagination.
From behind the Vecna, the red mists that covered the sky began parting. It reveals the graveyard. It shows Robin, Dustin, Eddie, and Max all surrounding Steve as they try to wake him up.
I ride through the city's backsides
I see the stars come out tonight
Yeah, they're bright in a hollow sky
You know it looks so good tonight
The song became more and more clearer as the skies opened up. It's "the passenger" by Iggy Pop, Steve remembers the first time he heard that song. Billy showed it to him. Said it was his favorite.
"They can't help you, Steve." The Vecna continues, and the vine wrapped around Steve's neck begins to tighten, "there's a reason you hide from them."
I am the passenger
I stay under glass
I look through my window so bright
I see the stars come out tonight
"You belong here, with me."
"you're not really here." Is all Steve can manage to choke out.
"Oh but I am, Steve." The Vecna extends its claw to Steve's face.
I see the bright and hollow sky
Over the city's ripped-back sky
And everything looks good tonight
"I am."
Steve can feel his mind going in and out of consciousness. As the song's volume increases, he begins to see flashes of a vision. A memory.
Singin' la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la, la la
*****
"Fuck!" Billy hisses as Steve applies antiseptic to the cut on his chin.
"Well if you'd let me take you to a goddamn hospital, maybe you would complain so much. Now hold still."
They were sitting in Steve's bedroom, the passenger playing in the background. Neil had gone off and as a result, Billy got badly hurt. "I don't need to go to a hospital, I'm fine. it's just a cut it'll heal."
"No," he pointed to a small cut across Billy's cheek which had already healed, "that is a cut. This is a wound and wounds get infected."
"Will you stop babying me?"
"I'm not babying you, I'm trying to keep you safe. It's bad enough I have to see you like this. What if the next time Neil gets pissed he starts punching you and doesn't stop until there's nothing left?"
"that's not gonna happen! I won't let it." They didn't speak for a while, instead letting the music fill the silence. Steve finishes applying the antiseptic and places a blue plaster on Billy's jawline.
Get into the car
We'll be the passenger
We'll ride through the city tonight
See the city's ripped backsides
"it's funny. A year ago, if Neil tried to beat me to death I probably would've been fine with it. I didn't have much to live for back then."
"Billy." Steve sighs.
"what? You make me realize there's actually things worth fucking living for."
"you can be so fucking corny sometimes." Billy pulls Steve by the waist to where he's practically sitting on Billy's lap. He wraps his left arm over Billy's shoulders and cups his jawline with his right.
They share a soft tender kiss, taking their time to appreciate the feel of each other's lips. Steve lets a little moan slip with the pleasure he gets from feeling the faint hairs of Billy's mustache against his upper lip. He wishes they could stay in this moment forever.
We'll see the bright and hollow sky
We'll see the stars that shine so bright
Oh, stars made for us tonight
When Billy pulls away, he pushes a few strands of Steve's hair behind his eyes. "Steve," he whispers.
Oh, the passenger
How, how he rides
Oh, the passenger
He rides and he rides
"run."
******
Steve is back, trapped in the Vecna's realm and the creature slowly reaches out for his face. But Steve has come to his senses.
Using all his strength, he pulls his hand free of a vine and rips a chunk out of the Vecna's neck. The rest of the vines release him on instinct and Steve charges for the parted sky.
He looks through his window
What does he see?
He sees the silent hollow sky
He sees the stars come out tonight
He sees the city's ripped backsides
He sees winding ocean drive
Steve notices the floating debris begin crashing down trying to block his path. Steve manages to dodge as much as he could, his only thought was about escaping this hellscape.
And everything was made for you and me
All of it was made for you and me
'Cause it just belongs to you and me
So let's take a ride and see what's mine
More flashes of memories enter Steve's mind as he runs: he remembers the time he and Dustin hunted for Demodogs and how he introduced him to Farrah Fawcett hairspray, the times he and Robin dicked around in scoops ahoy, and moments of his relationship with Billy, from the second he first laid eyes on him to the last time he saw Billy smile.
He gets a clearer view of what's happening beyond the exit. He sees himself levitating above Billy's grave and he's wearing Max's Walkman. Robin and Max are pleading for him to get down while Dustin and Eddie are jumping to grab Steve's feet.
Singin' la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la, la la
Steve does not stop for a second. He bolts to the opening while he still has a chance, he knows the Vecna is watching him but he does not dare look back. As the song reaches its climax everything goes black...and quiet...no more music.
When Steve regains consciousness, he registers where he is. He's back at the cemetery descending from nearly ten feet in the air. Eddie and Dustin catch him but the weight makes them both collapse on impact.
Steve is shaking, gasping for air, Max and Dustin huddle around him with tears in their eyes.
"we thought we lost you," Robin explains, "you were sitting here forever and we couldn't wake you up. Nancy said we needed to put your favorite song on, so we did, but then you started floating."
Steve doesn't answer right away, he's still trying to regain his breath. He can't entirely think right now, there's only one thing on his mind, after he paces his breathing he manages to get one word to escape his lips.
"Billy."