Chapter Text
She felt the vibrations of her iPhone but kept her head ducked down and body focused forward. Her only concern was the car waiting at the end of the line of vultures outside of the hotel. She ignored the phony, conversational compliments as well as the jabs and questions about Robert and some other woman. She willed her brain to shut off and block their words. Her step never faltered, and she ducked with ease into the back seat. Only after the driver pulled away from the curb did she pull up her shades and glance at her phone.
She stared at the number attached to his face, a picture she’d snapped of him looking down happily, mid-giggle as Bear attempted to lick his face, narrowly catching his neck. Was it really that long ago that they were a family? ‘My family,’ he’d whispered, and she believed.
One missed call followed by a text message. And then another. She looked at Ruth, who was on her phone oblivious to Kristen’s inner debate. To delete or to peek? She bit her lip softly, quietly deliberating and staring at his name and the number and not that picture. Not the picture she needed to change.
Their last conversation had ended abruptly. She had a scene to film, another person to be. She couldn’t handle Kristen’s concerns and Nia’s in the next moment, so she hung up. Or she let him hang up. She couldn’t tell with their frequent silences, and she let her numbness carry her through each scene that day.
Before she could consider it further, her thumb swiped to look over the messages, avoiding his voice mail entirely.
You looked beautiful on Fallon last night. Incredible. Happy. – R
Don’t think I’m media stalking you, but you know mum. She sent me something. You said you’re happier now than you were in 2012? Is that true? – R
The sudden buzz in her palm nearly caused her to drop the phone.
I’ve only wanted you to be happy. – R
She tosses her phone next her with a groan, earning an amused glance from her publicist.
“I’m shouldn’t even ask, should I?” The blonde suppressed a chuckle before distracting her favorite client with idle work-related talk, but it doesn’t last the entire drive.
“I don’t know what to say.” Kristen says suddenly. “How can two people who know each other better than anything not know how to speak to each other?”
“You’re going to hate me. You’re going to think I’m the cheesiest person alive, but how about starting with honesty?” Ruth slid the phone closer to the no-longer-twitching beauty before going back to her scheduler.
Honesty. She woke up the screen and studied his messages again. Honesty. She thought about her former self. That girl in 2012 who’d stood on the edge of Twilight and looked into a chasm, not knowing if she should cling to the edge or jump. She’d wanted to stay feet firmly planted. She’d wanted to fall. She’d wanted him, too. She had a hard time knowing that girl, but she got that girl. She wanted to hold her and to push her, but they would always jump. When faced with a fear, she would always run toward it and wanting him was the scariest.
She let out a deep breath. Honesty was the easiest thing always, Ruth was right.
Aren’t you? Happier, I mean? I’d hope so. I mean,2012 was not a great year in general.– K
She debated tacking on a bit about where they are professionally now versus then. She’d never regret a thing, but she’d be lying if she didn’t acknowledge that the series that gave them the ability to pick and to choose and even quit if they desired it, also gave them an obstacle, a challenge perhaps bigger than obscurity in Hollywood: negative assumptions.
Am I at my happiest? I don’t know that yet, but I feel good. Better. Don’t tell me you are if it’s a lie, but I want you to be happy, too. – K
She wanted to ask if he was happy with her, but she wasn’t ready to show that hand, that insecurity. She didn’t want to be that kind of woman even if deep down she itched to know answers that pictures couldn’t possibly show.
Can you talk? – R
It’s Ruth’s tap on her elbow that alerted her of their arrival, and she could make out a few fans waiting for pictures and autographs. Once she was indoors, her mind made up, she sent another response, and his reply was so immediate, she wondered if it was sent before she’d been able to reply.
How do you feel about Chicago? - R