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Home felt like the sun kissing her freckled skin, admiring the brown dots littered across her skin as if it were stardust, the warmth enveloping her soul and thawing at the icy snow storm threatening to unleash its claws, until all she felt was raw unspoilt love. Home was going to the bakery that was a 5 minute walk from the park across the street, stepping in and the smell of cinnamon and vanilla engulfing her senses as her eyes shone like a full moon greeting the night sky at the cinnamon rolls on show at the counter. Home smelt like the fresh daisies and tulips she brought home every week on a Friday to put in the stained glass vase at home that sat up top a table as the flowers swayed to the sun, craving its gentle touches on their petals. Home, Lily Evans realises, not for the first time, is Pandora Ollivander.
To Lily, Pandora was those final steps, the turn around the last bend with her mind reeling about dinner, the spotting of the house and the relief that washes over her, with a bright light on that makes the trees look like they’re dancing, with a fire lit to stave off London’s rain, and a faint laugh in the distance on the warm wind caressing her face. That is Pandora . She’s always coming home.
And, home right now is watching Pandora pace around their dorm room, braids swinging wildly, trying to convince Lily (moreso herself, honestly) that she is completely justified in spending the grocery money on a new tarot deck from the new shop that opened up last weekend that Pandora has just been dying to go to. And the excuse?: “Lils! Just look at them, they’re perfect! And, you can’t entirely blame me because they were on sale!” Lily tries to stifle a laugh that begs to escape her tightly pursed mouth, before she clears her throat, raising a bushy red eyebrow, “Oh? And how much were they originally?”
Pandora stops pacing for a minute, stares Lily straight in the eyes, and, Oh no, Lily knows that look all too well, “50 quid-” She hesitantly speaks out, grimacing.
Lily slaps a hand over her mouth, eyes widening, “Pandor-”.
“No! Sunny, do not say anything! I did say they were on a sale which only made them 20”.
Lily can’t help the loud muffled laugh that bubbles its way out of her throat, sounding like golden honey dripping into tea; Stars , does she love her Pandora. She can’t even stay mad at her as she watches Pandora fawn over this new deck, affection kindling in Lily’s hazel eyes. Lily grins, all toothy, a rosy blush falling upon her face that she just can’t help- it was as if the first time Pandora had ever made her laugh.
Lily's eyes crease at the side, evident marks of crows feet showing from all the laughing she has done in Pandora’s presence. She opens her arms widely, the snug brown cardigan she’s clad in opening. The same cardigan she received from Pandora on the first birthday she had with her (that was just so magical that she remembered how Pandora did her eye, what lipgloss she was wearing, how her makeup looked). The same cardigan that reminded Lily of the golden brown that were Pandora's eyes, that brown Lily saw in every leaf, in every tree, in every cup of coffee she drank. Pandora’s eyes glitter like a child using too much glitter on an art project as she uses this as her excuse to flop right onto Lily, who immediately wraps her arms around the upper half of Pandora tightly, littering butterfly kisses all over Pandora’s face.
Pandora giggles, and Lily thinks it’s the most beautiful sound she has ever heard. It reminds her of the chirping birds in the morning, ready to greet anyone and everyone, wishing them a good day. It reminds her of hearing the wind chimes that her Abuela used to own, that would tinkle at the slightest breeze, making Lily feel as if she were in her very own fairytale. Her laugh is a melody that Lily could listen to for millennials.
Pandora turns around in Lily’s arms, the back of her head resting on Lily’s chest as she manoeuvres her bubble braids to her left shoulder, Lily’s chin softly resting on her right as her copper hair softly tickles Pandora's back. Pandora slowly takes the deck of cards out of the plastic casing it’s in, so as to not ruin or crinkle a card. She places the casing aside, and spreads the deck across her stomach, allowing Lily to get a view of them, and once she does, there’s a soft exhale of air that tickles the hair on Pandora’s neck.
Lily’s eyes widen to the size of saucers. The detail on the cards is so elegant that it almost feels wrong to so much as look at them. She’s drawn to one specific card of the whole deck in particular though: The Sun. She slowly raises her hand that was resting on Pandora’s waist, guiding it to the card that rests on her stomach. She slowly strokes the card between her fingertips as if it were the most precious thing in the world, which she supposes it is given the exquisite art printed on the deck; it has a navy background, decorated with gold foil line art, reminding Lily of the pendant she gave Pandora on their first date- she briefly wonders if that’s what compelled her to buy the deck in the first place. A woman floats with her palms up in front of the sun as her hair billows to the side. The woman in the art is quite curvy, her belly on show as her skirt sits below it, and Lily’s heart melts a little, because she has never seen a fat woman like her on a tarot deck before.
Lily places the card back down, nuzzling her face in between the nest of Pandora’s neck and shoulder, fitting in like flowers in a vase, inhaling the floral perfume she’s wearing that makes her think of a Spring day. Pandora intertwines her hand with the hand that just put the card down and places a soft kiss on a beauty mark, treasuring it. She twists her head and places a feather-light kiss on Lily’s lips, who instantly leans in for another kiss. Pandora’s lips were soft like flower petals, they tasted of honey, nectar, and distinctly of the strawberry lip gloss that she loves, tasting exactly like ambrosia. Kissing Pandora makes Lily feel like the silence around her explodes, and a world of colours explodes behind her shut eyes. Like time has stopped and it’s their two souls, their two essences joining, connecting, interlocking.
The warmth that encompasses her is like a soft blanket of love on a cold, windy day. It flows down her throat, through her bones and blood, making her feel whole, her soul at peace, the butterflies landing on flowers to rest. Making Lily know that she’s at home, that this is where she’s supposed to be. Where she is Pandora’s, and Pandora is hers.
Pandora is the first to pull back, her breath laboured as she smiles the brightest smile Lily has ever seen. That smile that is so golden - the kind artists paint with scalpels in shades of thundering red and yellow. And, of course it makes her blush like a sweet pink dream where the sky glows a perpetual tea rose, because anything that Pandora does always has her ending up a flustered mess.
Lily is infatuated with her. She is in love with magic in its rawest form, she is enamoured with Pandora, because she is like new pages in a century old fairytale that would be read to children and make them dream the sweetest dreams. Pandora knows Lily is in love with her because half of her is her, and the other half of her is Lily. Pandora knows that from the first time Lily saw her, she thought Pandora was glittering, unwild, like the sun shimmering on the sea. Pandora has bewitched her, body and soul, mind and heart.
Lily leans her forehead onto Pandora’s, exchanging each other's breaths, not knowing whose is whose, their hearts thrumming in unison. Pandora regretfully breaks the luscious spell, leaning her head back and gazing into Lily’s eyes, “Sunny?” She questions tentatively, voice soft. Lily hums softly, acknowledging her. Pandora shifts so that her back is pressed against Lily’s whole front, grasping her hand, as she traces patterns on the softness of Lily’s hand. “Would you like it if I gave you a reading? It’s just… I haven’t given you one yet, and I thought it’d be nice. But, only if you want to of course!” Pandora rambles on, before she’s quieted with yet another kiss from Lily.
“Of course, I’d like one, Dora. Thank you for asking,” she tenderly whispers by Pandora’s ear, causing goosebumps to arise on her arms. She swallows quickly, then clears the deck of cards off her body, placing them next to her on the duvet that Pandora insisted Lily get: ‘They’re the colour of your eyes, Lils!,’ she’d exclaimed loudly in the bedding aisle of IKEA.
She then shifts so that she faces Lily rather than having her back against her, and smiles at her so tenderly that Lily’s legs would give out if she weren’t sitting down. Lily watches her go through her routine of giving a reading: knocking 3 times on the deck, shuffling the deck incredibly roughly (which Lily finds ironic. Pandora treats these as a gift from Aphrodite, but when in use, shuffles them as if she is taking out years of pent up anger out on them), and then asking Spirit to guide her through the reading. She watches with such fascination as if she hasn’t watched Pandora give Marlene, Sirius, James, and Emmeline readings before.
As Pandora keeps shuffling, and as a card falls out, Lily begins to get apprehensive. A whirlwind of ‘what if’s?’ begin to take hostage of her mind. She chews on her lip, reaching to get the cigarettes that are on the bedside table. She takes one out and blindly reaches for the lighter that Sirius had gifted her on the floor. She lights the cigarette, placing the lighter on the table. She inhales deeply, the smoke filling her lungs like water, blocking out the thoughts, blackening the anxiety, as she exhales shallowly. The uneasiness in her mind is drowned out by the smoke coating her insides. She feels calm now, relaxed in a way she usually is when Pandora isn’t around to soothe her.
Whilst Lily continues to puff on the cigarette, two more cards fly out of the deck Pandora is shuffling. Lily notices, grabs the ashtray on the windowsill behind her, and nips the cigarette. Pandora stops shuffling the cards, placing them in the casing delicately.
She places the three cards that fell out next to each other: The Sun reversed, The Star and Strength. Pandora grins like a child on Christmas Day instantly, Lily wringing her hands together in anticipation. “Lils, these are some of the best cards anyone could ever get. They’re like you: perfect . You are just so perfect ,” She lovingly breathes out, exhaling poetry.
And, there’s that same pink rising on Lily’s cheeks, because she is one pathetic fool for Pandora Ollivander.
Pandora’s long black nail taps on The Sun card, “You see this card? The one you were drawn to earlier?” Lily nods her head, playing with a string from her cardigan, eager to see where this will go.
“Well, it clearly has something to tell you. And that something is that your inner child needs to be healed, nourished, and allowed to come out to play, especially as you had a hard childhood and do hold onto some guilt and resentment from that,” She explains. Lily stares at her dumbfounded- this is starting to feel more like a callout than a reading, her brain muses.
“This can be done in numerous ways like dancing, singing, or letting yourself be free,” a pause, “However, the sun also says that previously, you were struggling to see things on the bright side, and that this could be from setbacks that may have damaged your enthusiasm and optimism.” So this is definitely a call out, then.
“This led you to question whether you could achieve what you had set out to do, and your goals and desires,” She finishes explaining The Sun card, and Lily doesn’t know what to say, because how the fuck can Pandora get all that from one silly little card?
She then moves onto the The Star card, “Okay, so, despite the trouble and challenges that you’ve faced in the past, you’re now realising who you are beneath all your layers. You passed through a terrible stage in your life, and managed to get through it without losing hope. Whilst you suffered, you may not have been aware of your own strength but you are now in a position where whatever life throws your way, you know you can overcome it,” She hums at the end, staring intently at the card.
“You hold a new sense of self, and a new appreciation for the core of your being, which can actually also lead to inner child healing. You’re entering an era of your life where you have mental stability, and are filled by love and peace, which is essential as it’s a time for significant personal growth. The Star is also a good indication that your wishes and hopes for the future will be fulfilled, even in ways that you don’t expect,” She explains breathlessly, so passionate about this, that Lily is in awe. “Basically, this card is telling you that you should allow yourself to dream, aspire and elevate yourself.”
Lily sits silently, processing the information, which is far too much for her over-stimulated brain right now, yet she still hangs onto every word that Pandora says as if she were a child being told a bed-time story.
Before Pandora can move onto the next card, their dorm-room door is suddenly opened and loudly slammed shut, causing the two girls on the bed to jump in unison. Pandora whips her head to the intruder, “Sirius, you fucking twat! You nearly scared us half to death,” She exclaims. Sirius catches his breath, his hands on his knees as he hunches over, smiling coyly at Pandora.
“What can I say, Dorie? You know I love my dramatic entrances,” He breathes out, finally able to allow oxygen into his deprived lungs.
Pandora rolls her eyes, making more space on the bed and moving the cards next to her. She knows Sirius well enough to know that he will be using her lap as a pillow and is going to curl up like a cat, no questions asked. He walks over to the bed, grabbing the nipped cigarette in the ashtray from earlier and lighting it.
“You cow, I was saving that!” Lily groans in exasperation. Sirius grins impishly, falling directly onto Pandora’s lap with no hesitation. Pandora’s left hand falls to his hair instinctively, brushing through it.
“That’s a you problem, Evans. I’ve been asking you for fags for two days, and you my precious little red-head have been selfish, and have not shared, so I’m done asking,” He sighs, an exhale of smoke filling in the air, as he shrugs his shoulders that are rested on Pandora’s thighs.
Lily swears her eye twitches, as she groans dramatically once again, making her displeasure very clear if you ask her. Pandora sighs at the dramatic antics of the two; she swears they would make perfect performers, “What are you doing here, Pads?”
Sirius places a dramatic ring clad hand on his chest and throws his head back, “Can I not be a good person and visit my friends who I love dearly?” Pandora and Lily both deadpan at him, eyes void of humour. Sirius scowls. The usual scowl that Pandora and Remus adore so much.
“Well if you must know, Remus said he loves me…” Sirius confesses softly. Pandora jerks immediately, yanking Sirius’ hair. “Fuck! Ow! Pandora!,” He clutches his scalp, cigarette long forgotten, which luckily Lily managed to put out before the whole dorm was set on fire.
“Sorry,” Pandora apologises sheepishly, though not too sincerely, causing Sirius to glower. Before Pandora can retaliate, “And, what did you say?” Lily asks.
He cringes, already missing the cigarette Lily put out, mouth pulling down into a deep frown, “I didn’t say anything. I kinda just.. ran away?” He means it as a statement, but it poses itself as a question instead. Pandora jerks again, this time careful to not yank Sirius’ hair and cause him a bald spot at the ripe age of 20. “Dorie, can you try not to act like a hyperactive puppy,” Sirius drawls at the same time Pandora exclaims, “Are you taking the piss?!”
Lily sighs, taking out another cigarette and lighting it.
“Sirius why the actual fuck would you run away, dickhead?”
“Don’t get your knickers in a twist now, Panda,” Sirius exhales, rolling his eyes, “It’s not the end of the world”
“Technically it is! Especially since you told me what you did!” That something would be Sirius confessing to Pandora as they sat at the park at 10pm, smoking away the box of cigarettes they’d just bought, and downing some vodka, that he was utterly in love with Remus and it scared the shit out of him, and Pandora was no help, far too drunk to form a coherent sentence: ‘Dora’, he wines, ‘You’re not helping. I’ve never loved someone like this before’.
“Oh my days, Pandora leave it alone. Get on with whatever you were doing before,” Sirius grits out. Pandora ceases. She knows not to push Sirius on the matter, but that doesn’t stop her from flicking him on the forehead, or Sirius from slapping her hand away.
“Right. Let’s get back to the reading then, shall we? Sorry for that, Sunny,” Pandora looks up at Lily who has long since finished her cigarette, and Lily waves a hand in dismissal; she needed the distraction anyway.
“Next, we have Strength. Because of your past challenges that you endured, you now know that you can endure life’s obstacles. You’re persistent, balanced and have a newfound patience that you didn’t have before,” She calmly says, solely focused on the card in front of her, whilst still brushing Sirius’ hair, whose eyes are now closed as he listens to what Pandora has to say, pretending to not be interested, but deep down being absolutely engrossed.
“Strength shows that you are committed to what you need to do, and that you go about it in a way that expresses your composure and maturity, which leads others to feel inspired by you”, She briefly pauses, collecting her thoughts, “Strength can also mean that you are fueled by your indeed strength that has flourished, as well as your strong will. It shows that your strength gives you the confidence to overcome any fears and doubts.”
“Lastly, Strength signifies that you are a loyal friend, compassionate, and a solid supporter- that you are willing to step up and be present when others are in need. In recent years, you may have noticed that you’ve developed a new sense of fearlessness that allows you to speak your mind with no issues, however the Strength card does urge you to channel raw emotional responses constructively.” Lily looks up in confusion at this, urging Pandora to explain more, to which she easily obliges.
“Basically, feelings like anger, sadness, and guilt are normal when arising in certain situations, however, it’s what you do with these emotions that make a difference. You need to be conscious of your instinctual emotions, and bring them into balance. Strength says to approach situations from a place of forgiveness, love and compassion. There is also the indication that you will be rewarded for your compassion with stability in your life in the present or near future,” She finishes off, looking up at Lily, who stares right back at her with tears shining in those forest green eyes that Pandora could get lost in.
She leans over, completely ignoring Sirius, gently wiping underneath Lily’s swollen eyes with the pads of her thumbs. “Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay, honey. This is all good stuff,” she reasurres her, still mindless of Sirius muttering about the two needing to get a room (ironic, considering he’s in their room).
Lily sniffles, shaking her head softly, strands of bright copper falling in front of her face, “No, it’s not that.. It’s just… That was exactly what I needed to hear,” She whispers, looking up at the ceiling, blinking manically to try to rid the cloudiness away.
Pandora lets out a sigh of relief, bringing Lily’s face towards her. Her rings are cool on Lily’s warm skin, a stark contrast that reminds her of diving into the ocean on a sunny day, where staying inside wouldn’t satisfy the craving of being wet. Pandora presses kisses all over Lily’s face, marking every beauty spot she can see amongst the constellation of freckles.
“Okay, seriously, this is bullocks! You two are trying to suffocate me,” Sirius loudly exclaims, head still resting on Pandora’s lap. She leans back and peers at him, sticking her tongue out childishly, before planting a kiss onto Lily’s lips, who just giggles in response.
“It’s your turn now, Siri,” Pandora states, using the nickname she knows Sirius hates just to annoy him. Sirius raises a curious eyebrow at her, ignoring the nickname entirely, “For what? A kiss? No thank you! I’m gay, you should know this by now.” Pandora rolls her eyes exaggeratedly, flicking Sirius on the forehead again.
“You’re such a prick. I meant to get you and Remus to snog or shag or maybe even both.”
“Panda, leave it alone-” Sirius begins. “No, Sirius. I know how much Remus means to you, and I’m not letting you walk away from this,” She shakes her head, staring down at him with a fierce determination in her eyes. Sirius knows he’ll lose this battle, therefore obliges with a slight hint of hesitation.
“You’ll be the death of me, you know?”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, drama queen”.