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“Ferne!” Imogen startles as she enters her dorm room. “What are you doing here? How did you get in here?”
“Laudna gave me her key, she said you had a nightmare and may need someone to talk to.” Ferne lazily responds as she lounges on Laudna’s bed batting at some trinket her roommate had put up.
Imogen stopped short at the name of her roommate and former, estranged, dissociated best friend. She hadn’t seen her during the day in over a week, only knowing she slept in the dorm from the times Imogen woke in the night and saw Laudna asleep in her bed. While still angry at her something about Laudna still being there every night, still comforts Imogen for reasons she refused to acknowledge.
Turning to address the faune in the room, “Well I don’t see why she would care anymore, but I am fine. Thank you for the concern.”
“Don’t see why she would care? You are basically all she cares about.” Ferne exclaimed and she burst into a laughter stopping abruptly at the look on her friend’s face, “Oh that wasn’t a joke.”
“I haven’t seen her properly or spoken to her in 17 days, since she lied to me and didn’t show. She’s out there who knows where, having a good time and I’m supposed to believe I matter to her?” Imogen begins to rant as she slumps onto her bed only to be stopped short by Ferne’s immediate response. “She’s been in the park, library, classes, dining room, bar, and lounge generally alone from 7 in the morning to 10 at night hardly what I’d call having a good time. She said she didn’t want to burden you with her presence when Orym cajoled her into an answer.”
“Wait,” Imogen interjected, “What are you talking about?”
“I watched her a couple of days, we were worried, but she wouldn’t tell us anything. Never told us her side of what happened or gave any explanation for why she didn’t show up. Anyway, she leaves your dorm at 7am goes to the dining room, then goes to the park for an hour before her first class, after that she gets lunch, most days alone, cause her schedule doesn’t really match any of ours. Then to the library for a couple of hours or her midday class then to her next class or back to the library, then she goes into the admin building for an hour, no idea why. Then dinner, we have better luck grabbing her then, but not always. After that she either studies or reads in the Spire or hides out in the basement lounge everyone is sure is haunted till about 10 cause that’s a little after you usually go to bed. She’s trying to bother you as little as possible.” Ferne rattled off all of this nonchalantly as if she hadn’t just broken Imogen’s view of the situation.
“No, no, no,” Imogen stuttered, “Laudna lied. She said she’d be at the art expo and didn’t show up. She promised she would be there for me to help me through it and I had and anxiety attack and couldn’t…I had to leave. If Professor Estreross hadn’t figured out I have mild enochlophobia and let me do a makeup project I would have failed that assignment, it was worth 40% of my grade. And she left me all because some Delilah called her.”
Ferne in an unusual show of intensity interrupted, “Did you say Delilah?” “Uh, yeah, why what does that matter?” Imogen replies the whiplash reaction uncharacteristic of the usually laid back faune, both confusing and worrying her in equal parts. “Fuck, give me a moment,” Ferne replies as she whips out her phone, “Hey, Orym, Laudna is gonna be in the Spire or the basement in the next 20 minutes, find her and get her to the house, I think she was one of the Briarwood victims. Imogen just told me Delilah was the reason she wasn’t at the event. Yeah, try to get her to relax and spend the night. See if you can get her to talk about it, this has got to be fucking with her, especially given her past. You and I both know the chances she spoke to someone about it are so, so low. Yeah, I’ll stay with Imogen. Thank you Orym, I’d check the Spire first its karaoke night you know how she likes to listen.”
With that she hangs up and turns back to a shocked Imogen, “Victim of the who? What the hell is going on Ferne?” Ferne looks at her intently voice somewhat returning to her laid back tone, “Have you really not heard about what is happening with the Briarwoods?” at Imogen’s quick head shake she continues, “Professor Delilah Briarwood was experimenting on students, mostly ones without families and/or ones with everything to lose. She’d threaten their: grades, scholarships, visas, and her husband is in administration so some of them she would use threats against their loved ones as well. She was focused on psychological torture though apparently some of the victims were physically hurt as well. Someone turned her in about 2 weeks ago. How have you not heard this? It is everywhere on campus. Huh, that explains the times I’ve seen Laudna go into the admin building as well…”
“Did you say tortured? Someone has been torturing Laudna and we didn’t know? I didn’t notice, I knew she was tired and I saw some bruises, she just passed it off as classes and easily bruising, fuck how did I not see it?” Imogen interjected as she stared at Laudna’s stuffed rat on her friend’s desk.
“You know Laudna, you’re the most important thing in the world to her. Surely you have noticed how very dearly she loves you. She doesn’t hide it well, if she is trying to hide it at all. Shielding you from this was probably second nature to her. Plus, if she told you, you’d tell someone, which might have brought them down on you. They had a few key people to make it hard to report, but someone managed to get it through, helped get the whole ring of assholes caught.” Ferne sighed before continuing, “Given her past I doubt she even considered telling anyone, in the past reporting something being done to her generally just resulted in worse treatment. Poor thing.”
At that Imogen finally broke down crying. “She tried to talk to me after and I just called her a liar and walked away. I abandoned her, too, left her without even giving her a chance. Just like so many of the people in her life.” Ferne rushed over to her bed and held her, quickly trying to soothe her, “no, that wasn’t what I was implying, I mean that does seem to be what happened, but I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad,” unsuccessfully.
After realizing she was making it worse Ferne just held Imogen, rocking her lightly as she cried. In Imogen’s mind she just replayed the last six months, thinking of how tired Laudna had looked, about the bruises she’d explained away, late night research groups of unnamed classmates, the first two days after the incident when Laudna tried a couple times to reach out only for Imogen to reject her and walk away. Then Laudna seemed to surrender and started retreating out of the dorm room into a seemingly self-imposed solitude, even from their friends.
After about half an hour that seemed to stretch for hours, Imogen spoke again, “I want to see her.” Ferne pulled her in a little bit more and spoken into her hair, “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, sweetie.” “Please, I need to see her I need to talk to her, I need her to know…” “Know what, sweetie?” Ferne prodded. “That I love her and I see her, and I’m sorry I didn’t give her a chance to explain. And I’m sorry I didn’t see her hurtin’. Please can we go, please?” “Yes, okay, yes we can go. I’ll take you.” Ferne acquiesced, tears in her eyes as well.
About 20 mins later they arrived at Dorian, Ferne and Orym’s townhouse courtesy of Dorian’s family. They quietly entered the home and saw Orym upon entering the home. Ferne greeted him as Imogen hung back a bit, “Orym, hi, Imogen hadn’t heard about the Briarwood incident and is really broken up about it,” she quickly explained Imogen’s unexpected presence, “how is Laudna?” “I just got her to sleep, doesn’t seem like she’s been doing that much the last couple of weeks, sounds like our girl was the whistleblower.” He revealed with pride.
He turns to Imogen, “After you two’s falling out she told Delilah about your ended friendship. Then systemically took apart the rings support and was able to report it. Apparently, she was there as the bitch was arrested, she even thanked Delilah for making it possible by destroying the one thing Laudna couldn’t bear to lose. Sounded pretty badass honestly, I hope it gets leaked or aired.”
“That’s our girl!” Ferne exclaimed a bit too loud looking sheepish as Orym shooshed her immediately, “Sorry” “It’s okay, I put her in your room, I figured you wouldn’t be back, but you can bunk with me, or cuddle her. I guess that depends what Imogen decides to so and how that goes.” Orym prodded bring Imogen back into the conversation. She shook her head to bring herself back into the moment and asked, “What do you mean?”
Orym continues, “Well, I doubt she’s gonna sleep well, it seems she’s had nightmares almost every night. You could go in there and talk to her, if it goes decent keep her company for the night.” Imogen cringed hearing about the nightmares her dear friend had been facing alone and uncertainly agrees, “Yeah, I guess I could do that, I came here to see her and talk to her, I can do this.”
Ferne brought her into a hug as Orym gently grabbed her hand. Ferne whispered into her hair, “She loves you and you love her, you just need to talk and get back on the same path, I think you two aren’t meant to travel separate anymore.” Orym squeezed Imogen’s hand, “That’s beautiful, Ferne, I didn’t know you believed in stuff like that.” “I didn’t used to but have you seen these two?” Ferne mutters out defensively. Imogen sniffles lightly and clasps both their hands tight before disengaging and heading towards Ferne’s room.
Imogen quietly sneaks into Ferne’s room and closes the door the light from the streetlights and moon giving her enough light to see Laudna asleep in the bed. She immediately notices that Laudna’s rest is anything but restful as she fidgets and whimpers in her sleep, Imogen quickly approaches the bed sitting on the edge and starts stroking Laudna’s head speaking soothing nonsense to try to either calmly rouse her or help her back to sleep.
Unfortunately, when Laudna wakes and sees Imogen she sits up and backs away curling up back against the backboard drawing her knees in and wrapping her arms around them starting to sob and mutter, Imogen catches most of it, “no, please, stop using her, she left and I let her, leave her out of this, please stop using her against me, she doesn’t deserve this. I’m the monster, unwanted, strange, abandoned, ignored, hated, to be used and discarded. She has potential, hope, love, talent, compassion, leave her out of it.”
Imogen’s heart breaks just a little more as she slowly moves forward, finding Ferne’s little silicone monkey nightlight she taps it to turn it on flooding them room with diffuse purple-pink light as she does she brings her left hand to lightly grab Laudna’s. “Hello, Laud, can you hear me?” she implores, receiving no response other than the increasingly desperate attempts to draw breathe. (That make Imogen wonder just how many times Laudna might have just passed out during a panic attack alone in the dark of their room the last couple of weeks.)
She pushes that thought aside and squeezes her hand murmuring, “hey sweet girl, if you can hear me can you tell me 5 things you see?” Trying her best to imitate the technique Laudna uses to guide her through her dissociative panic attacks.
Laudna, almost as if puppeted responds “your face, our hands, the monkey light, the fan and the moon.” While the almost robotic answer is worrisome, Imogen puts that aside for later and tries changing the script a little, “Good Job, sweet girl, now 4 things you can smell?”
This causes Laudna to stutter, the pattern disturbed, “Uh, Lavender, Vanilla, Sandalwood, and… Ferne?” Imogen smiles a little at the last one a implores, “That’s good, that’s real good darlin’. Now your 3 favorite foods.”
Again the change throws her a little, but Imogen notices it’s still working, Laudna’s eyes coming more into focus. “Um strawberries, ginger snaps, and empanadas.”
“You’re doing so well, how about 2 things you can feel? Can you do that?” Imogen continues watching Laudna’s face carefully, growing hopeful as it continues to clear. “The blanket and your hand. You’re holding my hand?” Laudna blurts out, slightly bewildered.
Imogen smiles at her softly and squeezes her hand, “Yes, my sweet love, I am. Now last one tell me one thing you hear.” For the first time in 17 days Laudna looks Imogen in the eyes again and in a heartbreaking tone responds, “Your voice,” as she starts to cry.
At this Imogen pulls her into her lap, “Oh sweet girl, I am so sorry.” She pleads as she Laudna shakes her head and asks, “What for? I wronged you.”
“No Laudna, I know you. I know you’d never do anything to hurt me. If I had had any sense, would have asked. I should have let you explain.” Imogen asserts as she tucks Laudna a little tighter to her, stroking her back lightly as she continues, “I told Ferne you abandoned me for a Delilah and she told me about the Briarwood investigation. Why didn’t you tell me?” She lightly brushes a kiss across Laudna’s forehead as an apology when she flinched at the mention of the incident.
Laudna tucked her face into Imogen’s neck. When she doesn’t answer Imogen apologized, “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you struggling the last several months, I didn’t question your bruises, your sleep deprivation.” Laudna shook her head and pulled away a let to speak. “No, no, I needed you to not know, I had to protect you.”
Imogen put a hand on her cheek and shook her head slightly, “Laudna… Ferne said the threatened the victims… what did the threaten to do to you?” Laudna dropped her eyes away from Imogen’s and was quiet for a long moment, Imogen kept silent as she drew light patterns on Laudna’s back.
Finally, she spoke, barely more than a whisper, “She couldn’t do anything to Me, there wasn’t a threat she made against me that worked. My grade? I’ll retake the class, with someone else. My scholarship? I can take out loans. Get me kicked out of school? I have a part time job that can become a full-time job easily and an off-campus place am already planning to move into.” Imogen smiles lightly at the reminder of them moving into this very townhouse in a few months and encourages Laudna to continue. “In the end she stopped threatening me and tried a different tactic, going after someone I love. She… went after you.”
“Me? But I’m never going to be in her class. What could she do to me?” Imogen asked, continuing to stroke her back. Laudna nodded, “That’s true, but her husband, Silas, is a dean, could have you kicked out of the school, if I didn’t do as I was told or if you found out and tried to tell, you’d be expelled before an investigation could start.”
Imogen almost started to cry again, “But you managed it, didn’t you sweetheart, probably had a plan the whole time, just didn’t want to risk it?” Laudna nods, “Yeah, I did. I made it very clear how upset you were, how little you wanted to do with me and hoped it would work. It was a risk talking to Esteross, if Delilah knew about that she might have realized I could still be hurt by you being hurt, even if the opposite wasn’t true, but I had to fix that.”
Imogen started in shock, “You spoke to my professor? He’s letting me do a project instead, but he didn’t mention that.” “I asked him not to, I didn’t want my influence to bother you in anyway. I told him it was my fault, and our friendship was broken anyway, but I felt the right thing to do was set the record straight. He told me he respected loyalty, honesty, and honor especially in such cases. Then he gave me a cookie and told me he hoped everything turned out okay. I kinda wish I had a reason to take his classes.” Imogen gently squeezed her hand to focus her and Laudna trailed off her tangent.
“You were taking care of me, even when I abandoned you. After all you’d been through, all we’d been through together. I left you and you still watched out for me. Talking to my professor, staying away to protect me and to try to respect my boundaries.”, Imogen ruminated.
“No, you were right, I was not to be trusted, I was hiding something from you.” Laudna argued shaking her head vehemently.
“To protect me, yes. But after the last several years you’ve earned trust and respect and you deserved that chance, you deserved someone to let you explain, to care enough to check on you when you showed up sleepless and bruised, someone to care for you.” Imogen lamented and then sighed. “And that wasn’t me was it, sweetheart?”
Laudna nodded, shook her head, and shrugged in quick succession before she whimpered, and started weeping quietly as she turned her face into Imogen’s neck. Imogen stroked her hair for several minutes, humming the tune Laudna sung her after a nightmare or during a storm.
“First of all I need you to know that Delilah did not win, she didn’t break us apart. Second, I know all this is coming from a place of love, darlin’. But I need you to value yourself too. You are amazing, and selfless, and kind, and brave, and one the most loving people I have ever met, and you deserve to be treated well. And I promise I’m gonna try to show you the same love and care you show me, but I need you to help me. I need you to call me out, I need you to tell me when you need something, I need you to ask for help. Even if its as simple as a hug, if I haven’t noticed you need it, I want you to tell me.” Imogen kisses Laudna’s brow lightly as she slowly stops crying. “I love you, Laudna, with all my heart. I’m in love with you, I think I have been for a long while. But hearing you had been tortured and had been sacrificing so much to protect me brought it all into focus. If you don’t feel that way about me, hell if you don’t even like me much right now that’s okay, but I needed you to know. I don’t want to come through this still having secrets between us.”
Laudna stay quiet and still long enough for Imogen to wonder if she has fallen asleep as she considers how best to lay them down for a good rest Laudna quietly confesses, “I love you, Imogen. I’m in love with you, too. I have known for a while now, sometime last year I think. My beautiful star, how could on not fall in love? I didn’t think you could ever feel the same way. I mean you are bright and wonderful and I’m just damaged goods.”
“No Laudna you are good, and people have tried to damage you, but it has never stuck. You have seen terrible things, been through terrible things and choose to be good and to do good. Anyone would be lucky to be loved by you. I feel lucky to be loved by you.” As she says this Imogen reaches out to cradle Laudna’s cheek gently placing a kiss on the corner of her lips. “May I kiss you, my sweet girl?”
Laudna gives a slight nod followed by a quiet plea. Imogen tilts her head slightly and closes the the distance in a soft kiss. After a moment she dips back a little to look Laudna in the eye, she is beaming at her, but Imogen can still see the shadow of disbelief in her eye, that Laudna still doubts that this could be happening for her. Imogen gently cups her face tracing her cheekbones as she draws her into a deeper kiss, drawing a gasp out of Laudna, she winds her hands into that deep black hair as they continue to kiss. A short while later they cuddle up to go to sleep and as Imogen watches Laudna fall into a deep calm sleep, she places a revenant kiss on the neck she is curled into and vows to show her sweet girl every single day how much she loves her.
In the morning when Orym checks in, he breathes a sigh of relief as he finds the two still in bed. Imogen sprawled over Laudna as if to both comfort and protect. Laudna holding the girl over her securely in place. He hums to himself as wanders off to make breakfast for everyone. Maybe a little waffle bar, they have reason to celebrate.