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Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on the snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there; I did not die.

― Clare Harner, Immortality  

1171, Red Wolf Moon.

Those who have known Ashe through his time at the Officers Academy would be surprised to learn that he has not always had a deep and reverent respect for knighthood. After all Faerghus is founded on idyllic chivalry. Dreams of knighthood have been fed to the kingdom’s youth long before they begin weaning off their mother’s milk. The stories of most aspiring young knights being in birth, or in some childhood memory of brandishing a weapon for the first time. It’s all too easy to assume everyone is the same. 

Nobody thinks to ask where Ashe’s story begins. So nobody knows how much he used to hate them. 

Nobody knows of the cold winters Ashe spent fending for himself, practically frozen to the bone and more hungry than any child should ever be. Nobody knows of the countless village knights he’d pass on the streets begging for food or shelter. But Ashe knows. He’s never forgotten the cold reproachful looks he’d been cast from men tasked with protecting the people of Faerghus. He’ll never forget how they chose to turn a blind eye and ignore him until he was considered a personal threat to them.

Ashe doesn’t talk about his life before he met Lord Lonato, not if he can help it. Lonato had been the first knight to make Ashe believe in knighthood. He’d been the first to cast light amidst the shadows in his heart. He’d been the first to earn Ashe’s reverence, and in doing so Ashe came to revere knighthood as a whole. 

But before there was Lonato, and before there was Christophe, there had just been Ashe. Ashe, who had been so scared, so desperate, so hungry. That’s where his story begins.

“Please stop! Just let me go!” 

The knight’s grip is as steely as the gauntlet he’s wearing. His hands are meant to protect and defend the people. But instead of crushing dangerous foes in his fist, the knight crushes eight-year-old Ashe’s wrist. 

“You think I’m stupid, boy? You think I don’t know what you are? I saw you swipe from that merchant’s cart last week. I’m not letting you steal from anyone again.”

“No! You don’t understand! That ring is mine!”

The knight scoffs, his eyes cold and unsympathetic. He doesn’t care how young Ashe is, or that he’d only taken what he needed to survive for the week. He doesn’t care that the ring held tightly in Ashe’s clenched fist is his mother’s wedding ring and the only thing he has left of his parents. 

So he has no qualms manhandling the tearful boy as Ashe desperately tries to break free. “‘Course it is. Just like those crates of food were ‘yours’ too.”

They start to move now, Ashe being forcibly dragged through the dirt to whatever stronghold these knights hail to. Ashe’s protests grow more anguished, writhing violently in the man’s hold. 

He can’t go to jail. What would happen to his brother and sister? They’re too young to do what he does. They’re too young to do much of anything. They’ll die without him. He can’t let that happen. He can’t let the rest of his family slip away through his fingers. So he does what any young child thinks to do when desperate and backed into a corner.

Ashe screams. 

“Please! Someone help me!” His voice is hoarse from lack of use and his throat is sore from the bitter cold. He hasn’t eaten in days and there’s only so much energy he can exert like this. Yet still Ashe refuses to let any of these factors keep him from fighting back. He’ll fight like his life depends on it. Because this time it does. 

To his increasing despair, none of the passersby heed his cries for help. This does not surprise him. The knight is right. Ashe is a thief, a loathsome criminal in the eyes of the goddess and her people. If the goddess wouldn’t save his mother and father, the kindest people Ashe has ever known, why would she save him? He’s let them both down. He’s let his whole family down. 

The knight appears more smug now as Ashe’s pleas fall on deaf ears, the large man smiling triumphantly. “You see that, boy? I’m not the only one who knows what you are. This whole square knows what a little good-for-nothing you are. Why don’t you give up now and save us both the trouble?”

In lieu of an actual response, Ashe starts kicking harder. Each blow directed at the man feels more fruitless than the last, the sensation akin to kicking at a vast brick wall. But Ashe refuses to give up. In his time of need, he squeezes his eyes shut and prays to the goddess that just one blow will make a difference. Something’s got to give eventually, right? 

After a dozen or so more kicks, it happens. The goddess heeds Ashe’s earnest prayers and gives him a way out. He hears a surprised grunt, and suddenly the hardened grip on his wrist loosens. Ashe has no idea how long this divine intervention will last. Therefore he doesn’t hesitate to use the rest of his strength to push the man away and break into a run. He has to get out of here. He has to find his siblings. He has to–

There’s a sickening thud directly behind him, far too heavy to be anything but a large body collapsing to the ground. Ashe freezes, horror and fear preventing him from taking another step. He’s afraid to look. He’s afraid to turn around and see what the price of his freedom cost. 

The goddess giveth and taketh away. But he’d never asked for his life to be exchanged for another’s. 

When morbid curiosity ultimately gets the better of him, the sight Ashe is faced with is half of what he feared. The other half leaves the boy shocked and bewildered beyond belief. The knight is lying face down and completely motionless in the dirt. But beyond his fallen frame is another, much smaller frame. 

The figure is hooded, their smokey gray hood obscuring their face. But Ashe can tell by their small height and build that they’re a child, same as him. In the child’s right hand they brandish a small dagger, the weapon raised threateningly as if preparing to attack. Ashe’s eyes dart from the stranger to the fallen knight between them. It’s become clear that his newfound freedom was not of his own doing. The goddess had not saved him, this child had. 

As Ashe’s gaze drifts from the dagger to the startling lavender eyes of his savior, he wonders if he’s crossed paths with an angel or a devil. 

“You killed him!”

“That’s some way to thank someone who just saved your life.” 

The boy’s voice is lower than Ashe expects it to be, still clearly one of an adolescent, but tinged with the first traces of puberty. Beyond that, he speaks and moves with a confidence Ashe would associate with fully grown adults. This boy is older than Ashe. This boy has been forced to grow up too soon, just like Ashe. 

“He’s not dead, in case it wasn’t obvious.” The boy shakes his head, returning his dagger to a sheath on his hip. “He’s just knocked out. He should come to in a little while. But by that point you and I will be long gone.”

Ashe’s brows furrow. “Why did you help me?” Perhaps it’s unwise to look a gift horse in the mouth like this, but despite his own begging and pleading, he doesn’t understand why someone would find him worthy of rescuing. He especially doesn’t know why a stranger would go as far as to attack a knight of Faerghus just to save him. 

Ashe may have been freed from this bit of trouble, but he has a feeling he’s stepped into more trouble in doing so. 

“Don’t make more of it than what it is. I just don’t like seeing knights like him picking on the little guy just because they can.” The boy speaks flippantly, but with a confidence that suggests that he speaks from experience. Though he makes no move to elaborate on what that experience is. 

Instead he lowers himself to the ground, completely ignoring Ashe’s increasing confusion in order to frisk the man he’d just knocked out. 

“But you don’t know me!” Ashe isn’t sure what continues to carry him forward. The boy doesn’t seem to want anything in return. Why not just give his thanks and be on his way? “I could be everything he said I was, and you’d be aiding a no-good criminal.”

The boy pauses, finally meeting Ashe’s gaze for the first time since they’d come face to face. Ashe finds something different in his eyes now, something he can’t quite place. “So?” 

There’s a flash of something that catches Ashe’s eye as the boy drifts his attention away. Ashe is familiar with the glimmer of light reflected off a golden coin. He knows the sound of coins rustling around one’s pocket after collecting the spoils of their labors. But most of all he knows that knights in this village are known to carry more pocket change around with them than most common people carry in a year. 

He’d been naive to think that this was ever about saving him. 

“Here, catch.” 

This is all the warning Ashe receives before a couple of gold coins are tossed in his direction. Despite this, he’s able to catch them as easily as if he’d been anticipating the throw. 

“What are you…?”

“Were you really going to walk off penniless after this guy attacked you?” The boy chuckles, giving the knight’s body a disparaging kick. “You sure do make for a lousy thief.”

Admittedly it hadn’t occurred to Ashe to take the man’s money. Despite his own struggles, he’d chosen to only take food, clothes, and other things easily deemed a necessity. With these two coins he could buy some new shoes for all three of them, or even rent a room in an inn for a night. He’d do anything to sleep in a warm bed after all this time. Yet he still hadn’t thought about taking more than what’s absolutely needed. 

But this boy did.

In the time since he’s turned to this life, Ashe has only come across other thieves sparingly. But even then they’d all left the impression that to be a thief was to look out for yourself first, and everyone else comes second. Ashe has never been able to follow that guideline. He can’t follow that guideline. He has his brother and sister to look out for. No matter how dire his situation gets, they’ll always come first. It may not make much of a difference overall given that Ashe has often put himself second to his siblings, but in comparison to others he’s met, he stood alone in his selflessness. 

Until he’s met this boy that is. It’s hard for Ashe to confidently categorize him as selfless. Every movement of his seems to contradict the last. Ashe can neither read nor understand him. But he is intrigued by him, more intrigued than he’s ever been of someone he’s come across in passing.

When Ashe doesn’t respond to his playful quip, the other boy laughs. Ashe knows the laughter is at his expense, but he can’t bring himself to feel indignant. He’s too stunned by the kind gesture to feel anything but pure shock and awe. For the first time his reflexes are slow, hardly even registering the other’s response until he starts to turn away.

“See you around…”

“Please let me repay you somehow!”

Ashe blurts out the plea before he can think better of it. He’s not exactly in a position where it would be wise to offer anything to a complete stranger. Being in debt to someone else just ensures that even less of what’s in Ashe’s pockets goes to himself and his siblings. Even so, this boy saved his life. He’s given Ashe a way back to his brother and sister, and more money than he’s seen in days. The thought of ignoring such a kindness makes his stomach twist in a way that has little to do with his hunger. 

The boy seems surprised by Ashe’s gesture, his smooth confidence momentarily halted as he stops in his tracks. It’s even harder to read him now, the boy completely silent as he stands with his back facing Ashe. However even in the wake of his own surprise, he’s much quicker to respond than Ashe had been. 

“Just forget it.” The simple words both free Ashe from his debt and leave him more tightly wound around the other than he’d been before. This boy is a mystery, one that Ashe thinks he’d want to solve if circumstances had been different for them. “You can pay me back next time.”

“But I don’t even know your name.”

The boy pauses, possibly contemplating whether Ashe is worth knowing his name, or maybe even trying to think of a fake alias to shake Ashe off. Regardless of the nature of the name given, the boy still decides to comply with Ashe’s request. 

“Regulus.”

Regulus leaves without another word, without even asking for Ashe to reciprocate the introduction. Ashe watches him leave, clutching the two gold in his right hand and his mother’s wedding ring in his left.

There’s no next time for either of them. Ashe never sees Regulus again. When the two gold coins are spent, Ashe only has a name without a face to remember him by. As time passes he begins to let himself believe that Regulus was never a real person. He’d been a figment of his imagination, or a mirage brought on by several days of hunger. Or maybe he really had been an angel sent by the goddess to save Ashe. 

Only the goddess herself knows now.

1174, Ethereal Moon.

Lonato’s hand feels heavy on Ashe’s shoulder, the eleven year old feeling the weight of his new father’s expectations on him with each step he takes. It’s his first time going up north into Rowe territory. It’s his first time leaving Gaspard at all. Travel was a luxury for nobles and merchants out on business, and until this past year Ashe had not fit into either category. But times have changed, and he owes that momentous change to Lonato.

It all feels so surreal even now, like at any moment he’ll wake up and be back on the streets again. Sometimes Ashe still pinches himself to assure himself that he hasn’t drifted off into a wonderful dream. In fact the boy did just that a few moments ago as they entered the Rowe castle. 

Word of Count Rowe’s adoption reached Castle Gaspard earlier in the week. According to Lonato, the count’s new son is around Ashe’s age. So in the interest of forging bonds between the two houses, Lonato has sought to introduce the two. The lord may not have said as much but Ashe knows a lot hinges on this meeting. While Gaspard stands as its own territory, the land and its lord still serve under Rowe. If Ashe manages to fumble this exchange, and upset the count and/or his son, it could mean ruin for Lonato and Gaspard’s future. Which is understandably a lot of pressure to put on an eleven year old commoner, who’s still struggling to learn which is the right fork to use at the table.

Rowe’s castle is the largest building Ashe has ever seen. Prior to this visit that title had been held by Castle Gaspard. But with each step further into the vast fortress of a home, Ashe becomes more aware of how little of the world he really knows. If a simple count within the western region of Faerghus has an estate this grand, he can’t even begin to imagine the kind of palace the king and prince would live in.

For a moment Ashe wonders what the prince is like. Even now that he’s been adopted into a noble house, he doesn’t know very much about him. Apart from his royal lineage descended from Loog the king of lions, all Ashe knows of prince Dimitri is that he’s around Ashe’s age and had lost his mother to the same plague that had killed his parents. 

It’s a strange way to live, he thinks. Commoners like him are made to swear fealty to a king they know little to nothing about. There could be a day where the crown turns on them all, and the people will be helpless to do anything but follow his lead. 

Lonato served under the royal family when he was a young knight. It is thanks to Lord Rufus’ recommendation that Lonato was given a lordship at all. That must mean something, right? Lonato is the kindest, most benevolent man Ashe has ever known. Surely anyone who saw the good in him must be good themselves. Anyone who Lonato deems worth his respect and loyalty, will have Ashe’s as well. Which is exactly why this meeting with Count Rowe must go well. 

He pulls on the sleeves of his Sunday suit nervously, attempting to smooth wrinkles that only exist in his mind. This suit had belonged to Christophe when he was Ashe’s age. At least that’s what he’d said. Ashe finds it hard to believe Christophe was ever as small as Ashe is now. But if it’s true, maybe there’s hope for Ashe having a large growth spurt in years to come. That would be nice. 

It’s difficult for Ashe to believe that Yuri had ever been born a commoner. His face is so delicate, the kind you would envision on a young princess, or a fairy from one of Lonato’s story books. Not only that, but the older boy carries himself with the grace and charm Ashe has only known to associate with wealth and the nobility. There must be some kind of magic in the water of whatever undisclosed village Yuri was discovered in.

He flashes Ashe and Lonato a beautiful pearly white smile as he enters the hall. In most circumstances, such overt friendliness directed his way would have reassured Ashe. But instead the younger boy just feels more inadequate in comparison. He thinks of his own smile, of the gaps in his teeth, and the missing tooth from when he lost the last of his baby teeth last moon. How is he supposed to impress Yuri and Count Rowe, if he can’t even present himself as well as they can?

But despite his own insecurities, when Lonato gives him a gentle nudge forward, Ashe still smiles and bows like he’s supposed to. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Yuri!” Ashe had prepared what to say before they left Gaspard, had everything committed to memory by the time they arrived. Yet now that he’s here, he can’t seem to remember anything he’d wanted to say. 

“Charmed, I’m sure.” 

Yuri’s taller than Ashe, not by much, just enough that Ashe has to lift his chin slightly to look him in the eyes. Ashe finds it difficult to maintain prolonged eye contact, often overwhelmed to stand in another’s undivided attention. But when his gaze meets Yuri’s, the usual desire to break away isn’t there. In fact Ashe can hardly tear his gaze away from the other, immediately taken by Yuri’s sharp eyes. 

Lavender isn’t exactly an uncommon eye color within Fodlan, yet Ashe can’t help but be reminded of a person from his past. A person who lives in Ashe’s memory with a name but not a face. A person who might not have been real at all. Ashe has long given up on the idea of reuniting with his angel. But that does not stop him from seeing him reflected in the eyes of every new face he meets. 

“Careful, little sparrow. Stare for much longer and you’ll be under my spell.”

“Huh?” Ashe blinks. He’s suddenly made aware of the present moment and the three others in the room. Hopefully he hadn’t spent too long zoned out. He can’t think of a worse first impression to make on the count. Ashe lets out a nervous laugh, raising a hand to scratch the back of his neck. “I’m sorry about that. You just remind me of someone.”

The comment earns a raised eyebrow from both Yuri and Lonato. But before either of them can even think about addressing it, Count Rowe speaks up. 

“Before we settle down for lunch, Lonato, I have some matters regarding the security changes at Arianrhod that I’d like to discuss with you.” The count turns to Yuri and Ashe. “Children, you may play amongst yourselves while the grown ups attend to business.”

There’s a strange air of condescension in the words addressed to the two boys, as if the ‘children’ the count had been referring to were just past the age of infancy and not a preteen and teenager respectively. Ashe is unsure whether the slight is intentional or not. But as he’s the lowest on the social pecking order, and neither Yuri nor Lonato seem to find issue with what’s said, Ashe decides to refrain from commenting on it. 

While neither Yuri nor Ashe are quite young enough to ‘play’ as Count Rowe had suggested, where the pair of boys ultimately settle on retreating to could easily make a playground for Ashe’s siblings. The courtyard nestled just outside Rowe manor is not what most would describe as picturesque. Like most land throughout Faerghus, the area is almost completely barren and without any color that would make the place interesting to look at. But as desolate and cold this land is, it is all Ashe knows. It is difficult for one to be discontented with their share when they have no idea what else is out there. Therefore Ashe is content with sitting in a scene of gray and fading green. 

He glances over at Yuri sitting beside him. Yuri’s gaze is fixed forward, the older boy completely ignoring Ashe’s presence. His lavender eyes seem to breach past the castle walls, looking beyond at something Ashe can’t see. It’s difficult for Ashe to get a read on what Yuri’s thinking, the other’s charming smile traded for a thoughtful frown. He almost looks like an entirely different person from the suave boy he’d met in the hall. For a moment Ashe wonders if there’s more to Yuri than what meets the eye. 

But before Ashe can prompt a question in Yuri’s direction, Yuri is turning towards him. 

“Are you aware that we’re sitting directly beside a hidden passageway?” 

Yuri’s face has lit up again, his expression a near perfect replication of his disarming smile from earlier. Near perfect as Ashe can pick up on something more grim lingering in the other’s lavender eyes. The things you notice when you’re able to look other people in the eye.

“No, I’ve never been here before.” He answers hesitantly, nervous hands curling into the dying grass. 

“Huh, I’m surprised. I would’ve thought someone like you could’ve picked up on something like that.”

Ashe furrows his brows. “Someone like me? What do you–?”

Yuri abruptly stands. “Why don’t we explore it together? Could be nice to have some backup for once.”

Yuri ceases to bemuse him. Ashe really can’t make heads or tails of what’s on his mind or what his motives are. It’s an uncomfortable feeling. Everything about Yuri’s attitude and charisma should put Ashe at ease. But on the contrary, every dazzling smile and confident remark makes his stomach turn. 

Church teachings express that the devil is supposed to be beautiful and alluring. Ashe wonders if this is what they meant.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Ashe remains firmly seated on the ground, looking up at Yuri with incredulous eyes. “Lonato and his excellency are expecting us after their meeting. If we go now, we could be unable to come back when they call for us.”

Yuri raises an eyebrow, apparently finding Ashe’s outright rejection amusing at best. “What an obedient little bird you are. Lord Lonato must keep a tighter leash than I thought.”

Ashe’s frown deepens, indignation beginning to mix with his incredulousness. “I’m not a bird.” He doesn’t like the way Yuri talks to him. The uncomfortable overfamiliarity might have charmed someone else. But to Ashe it only feels flippant and overly cheeky. “If you’re going to make fun of me, the least you could do is call me by my name.”

That effectively shut Yuri up, at least for a moment. Having unintentionally riled himself up, Ashe continues his incredibly politely spoken rant. 

“ – And me wanting to stay has nothing to do with Lonato being strict or whatever you mean. Lonato’s the kindest man I’ve ever met. I would still be in poverty if not for him. Today means a lot to him, and I would never want to do anything that would embarrass or disappoint him. So I’ll be staying here until he comes for me.”

There’s a stretch of silence that follows Ashe’s words. A silence in which Yuri merely stares at him with a pensive expression not dissimilar to the one he’d had earlier. It’s in that silence that Ashe’s initial insecurity and anxiety begins to spring back up out of the grass. He’d spoken out of turn. Yuri may be a child like him, but he’s still of a higher social standing than his own. If he were to mention this to Count Rowe, it could ruin everything. All that hard work he’d done to ensure that this meeting goes well would be for nothing. Ashe could never forgive himself. 

But then Yuri laughs and Ashe’s fear is quickly exchanged for confusion. 

“You’ve got more of a bite than I would have expected. But alright, Ashe. If you’d rather we sit here and wait for our fathers, I don’t have much of a reason to refuse you.” 

So Yuri settles back down in the grass beside him, an uncharacteristically warm smile across his face. The conversation between the two boys is wholly pleasant from then, up until they’re called for lunch. But all the same, throughout the rest of the day Ashe can’t help but notice a strange sadness in Yuri’s eyes that never quite fades.

1180, Verdant Rain Moon.

The thief Ashe is pursuing is fast, but Ashe is faster. Initially he’d had no intention of chasing after them. Unlike the rest of his schoolmates at the academy, Ashe knows what it’s like to be on the other end. So now that he’s in a position where he’s needed to stop criminals from looting the monastery, he’s understandably a lot more sympathetic to others’ circumstances. He’d only wanted to stop them, and hopefully talk them down from going further. But in response to Ashe’s cry, the thief had run. So Ashe is forced to run after them.

“Rats,” the thief curses, hanging her head low as she’s met with a dead end. “Just my luck I’d get found out by one of those snotty noble kids from the academy.” 

Ashe chooses to pretend he didn’t hear her as he approaches from behind her, mostly because he doesn’t know how to even acknowledge such an incorrect statement. Instead he holds his hands up in a sign of surrender, hoping she’ll understand that he means no harm. 

“It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you. I just came to bring back the supplies that you stole.”

“You take me for a sucker? I know what you are. You spoiled academy kids cut down people like me on the regular.” Ashe laments that he will never be free of preconceived judgment no matter where he is or who he is.

“You’re right. As students of the officer’s academy, we’re given missions that involve hurting people who are threats to the monastery.” He may as well be honest. There’s no point in denying the claim. It’s true. It's true no matter how much Ashe wishes it wasn’t, or how hard he tries to scrub the blood from his hands. “But I promise I won’t hurt you as long as you don’t hurt me. Do we have a deal?”

“Not on your life, kid,” the thief spits, vehement anger dripping from each syllable of her words. “I practically broke my back to get my hands on this. You think I’ll cough it up just because some kid wants to play hero?!”

Ashe sighs, accepting his choice as it is made for him. His hand reaches for the dagger kept sheathed at his side. Christophe had gifted this dagger to Ashe nearly seven years ago with the intention of assuring that Ashe is always prepared to defend himself. As he reflexively tightens his grip on the dagger’s hilt, Ashe contemplates whether his late brother would approve of his actions now. He hopes he would.

“I’m sorry. But if you won’t return what you stole, I’ll have to take it back by force.”

The thief makes a step forward, whether to flee or to defend the answer is unclear. For when Ashe moves to advance he’s met with a blade against his throat. 

“Make one wrong move and it’ll be your last.” 

The voice of his ambusher is cool and collected, yet with an edge that indicates to Ashe that they fully intend to follow through on their threat if he doesn’t comply. Ashe remains stock still, completely petrified. He’s terrified to move, terrified to even breathe. In contrast his mind moves at the speed of light, desperate to figure out a means of escape. 

He’d been in tight situations like this before, but never had the threat been this imminent or life threatening. Back then Ashe had a good idea of the foes he was dealing with, having had experience facing them one way or another. He knew what their weaknesses were and how best to use them to his advantage. Despite the strange familiarity in the other’s voice, Ashe has no inkling of who he’s up against and no idea how to defend himself in any way that matters. 

So he reluctantly complies, his beloved dagger clattering pathetically to the ground. 

The thief passes a glance to whoever is standing behind Ashe, making some sort of unspoken signal to each other before breaking into a run. Even as their accomplice is able to make her escape, the stranger keeps their weapon steady against Ashe’s throat. They do not yield until the thief is long out of sight, retracting their hand away and taking a step backward. 

Adrenaline and pure instinct pumping through his veins, Ashe bolts to retrieve his fallen dagger. His body moves before his mind can catch up to it, before he can even begin to consider his next course of action. Does he flee as well? Does he fight? Will fear possess him again and cause him to freeze? What does he do now?

But any and all thoughts leave his mind as he turns around and comes face to face with his attacker. His eyes widen as they land on a strikingly familiar set of lavender eyes. Ashe may have only met Yuri Leclerc once over five years ago, but he could never forget those eyes. Those eyes that captivated him, and seemed to see him like no one else's could.

“You’re…”

“Well, look what the cat dragged in. You’re Lord Lonato’s kid, aren’t you?”

Somehow even when brandishing a weapon Yuri looks poised and perfect. If his life hadn’t just been threatened, Ashe thinks he would have been momentarily disarmed in awe. But he knows better now. Beyond that he knows that’s what Yuri would want. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar after all. The more Ashe learns about Yuri, the more he realizes everything about him is calculated. His charming gate and honeyed smile, all of it is purposeful. All of it is a means to an end. 

But Ashe doesn’t intend to let this be his end, not yet. There’s still so much more he needs to do. 

“What are you doing here, Yuri?” His grip on the dagger tightens in time with the tightening of his chest. He’s never been so tense in the midst of a reunion.

“You don’t look happy to see me.” Yuri laughs, his hand still completely steady holding his dagger. “I’m hurt. I thought we made quite the connection back at Rowe manor.”

Now more than ever does Yuri’s flippant attitude get under Ashe’s skin. How can someone threaten to take a life and then feel comfortable joking around moments later? Is this all some kind of game to him?

“I’m happy you’re alive,” he admits, looking as grim as someone can expressing their happiness.

He’ll never forget the look on Lonato’s face when the news of Yuri’s disappearance broke out. It had been so soon after they’d lost Christophe. Lonato, still consumed by his grief, couldn’t help but empathize with Count Rowe when he’d lost his son. Ashe on the other hand had been concerned for Yuri’s safety. Regardless of how little time they spent together and how many misgivings Ashe had of him, Ashe still would have considered Yuri a friend. So Ashe mourned him, just like he would have for any other friend.

“ – But I’m not happy to see you like this.” Against his better judgment Ashe lowers his weapon, returning his dagger back to the sheath on his hip. “What happened to you? Why haven’t you gone back home? His excellency must be worried sick about you!”

“Home?” Yuri utters the word with a chuckle on the tip of his tongue, as if he was on the verge of laughter hearing something so absurd. “Make no mistake, Ashe. That place was never my home. And that old man is as happy to be rid of me as I am to be rid of him.”

“But…”

Yuri cuts Ashe off, apparently not wanting to prolong discussion of this subject longer than he has to. “Look, I don’t usually let people who threaten harm against my people walk free. But for old times sake, I’ll let you off with a warning.” As if to reassure Ashe of his promise, Yuri slips his own dagger back into its sheath. “Stay out of my business, and I won’t have to hurt a single silver hair on that cute head of yours. Got it?”

“Your business?” Ashe’s eyes narrow, gaze flicking between Yuri and the alleyway where the thief had run off. “You mean you had something to do with this?” Given the initial circumstances, this doesn’t really surprise Ashe. But all the same, he’s still confounded by what’s become of his old friend.

“I have everything to do with this, little Ashe.” Yuri laughs, giving Ashe an amused once over. Ashe can’t help but wonder how no matter what circumstance they meet, Yuri still manages to be several steps ahead of him. “That woman you tried to apprehend works directly under me. That was my errand she was running. That was my coin you were trying to swipe from her.”

Ashe can’t believe what he’s hearing. He’d always had a feeling that Yuri was up to trouble, but this? Being an actual criminal? No, Yuri’s not a criminal. He’s a crime lord with underlings and petty thieves doing his bidding. What could have happened to Yuri that he would have fallen so far from where he was when Ashe had met him?

“I don’t understand.” He more than anyone knows that sometimes there’s no other option. When times are hard and you need to put food on the table, you need to do some unsavory things to keep your loved ones safe. But even so he can’t understand why Yuri would resort to this. “You’re incredibly intelligent and crafty. Someone like you could do anything if you tried. Why would you resort to hurting people for your own selfish gain?”

Yuri’s eyes narrow, the hand at his side curling into a tight fist. Ashe has never seen Yuri look quite so angry before, and if this encounter has taught Ashe anything, he’d be smart not to go out of his way to evoke that anger again. 

“As much as I appreciate the compliment, I didn’t ask for a lecture from you. If you think so little of me and my line of work, I’ll be happy to retract my previous offer. I’ve spilt the blood of people I’d call friends for less.”

Ashe shakes his head, meeting Yuri’s venomous threat with only a solemn expression. “I don’t wanna fight you, Yuri. But I’m not going to look the other way if you’re hurting other people to turn a profit. It’s not right.”

“Don’t be so naive, Ashe.” Yuri rolls his eyes. “It’s impossible to walk through life without getting your hands dirty here and there. You’d know that, wouldn’t you? Sometimes you have to bite the hand that feeds you and kill your own father figure. I wouldn’t be so quick to judge others’ characters. What looks like a petty thief up to no good, could actually be a hungry little kid trying to get food on the table for his younger brother and sister. Isn’t that right?”

The metaphor is too specific and close to home to be a coincidence. Yuri’s not making up a story to get his point across. He’s throwing Ashe’s own misdeeds back at him to shock and humiliate him for even daring to stand against him. Ashe doesn’t know how or why Yuri knows about Ashe’s past. But he does have a feeling that Yuri’s been holding this card to his chest for a long time. 

“I’ve never told anyone about my past.” Only Lonato, Christophe, and the professor. Two out of three of those people are dead now, and Professor Byleth isn’t exactly the gossiping type. Unbidden, an old theory comes back to bite back at him like a bad habit. But Ashe bats it away before his mind can run off with it. 

“I don’t know how you know that, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve put that life behind me. I suggest you do the same before it’s too late.” 

Yuri’s expression is indecipherable. His eyes are on Ashe but his gaze looks beyond. For a moment Ashe reminisces on their afternoon in the dying Faerghus grass. He didn’t know how to read Yuri then, and he certainly doesn’t know how to read him now. Yuri is a mystery to him, a book written in riddles or a heavy lock he just can’t crack. The more time they spend together, the less Ashe feels he knows the other. Yet Yuri seems to know everything about Ashe, always several steps ahead in this strange game of theirs. 

“You offered to spare me in the name of friendship, right?” Ashe doesn’t have much of a leg to stand on here. He may as well offer a gambit in an attempt to walk out of this alive. “If you stay true to your word, I’ll let this go just this once. If I catch you doing something like this again, I’ll do everything in my power to stop you. But for old times sake…I won’t report you this time.”

Yuri smiles, his cold steely stare melting into an almost fond expression. “Well, it’s not the best deal I’ve ever been offered. But I suppose I can let you have this one.” He raises a hand to offer Ashe a friendly wave, beginning to turn and dip back into the shadows. “I’ll see you around, bluebird.”

For old times sake, Ashe decides not to protest at the pet name this time.

1183, Great Tree Moon.

The first time Ashe set foot in Rowe manor since his childhood visit was under circumstances more grim than he would like. This war has done more than rally troops into fighting for a cause that they believe in. It’s torn homes and families apart. The kingdom is losing soldiers left and right. Had Rowe not defected to the empire within the first year, even Arianrhod would have crumbled under the heavy hand of the empire. Nothing they do seems to be able to do more than delay the inevitable siege from the empire. There’s not much left keeping the people of Faerghus from turning to despair. 

But Ashe still won’t lose hope. He refuses to.

Three years have passed since the now Adrestian emperor Edelgard declared war. Two years have passed since Dimitri, the crown prince and Ashe’s beloved friend was executed for treason and regicide. Faerghus has been thrown into chaos, the kingdom now led by the cruelest woman Ashe has had the misfortune of meeting. Yet still there seems to be no end in sight to this war. 

Strangely enough the way Ashe lives his life now most resembles his life on the streets than any other period in his life. Money is tight, and after he parted ways with House Rowe after the defection neither he nor his siblings have been able to stay in one place for very long. The only consolation in this is that Ashe is a grown man now and need not turn to theft in order to make money. Nothing pays as well as his initial position at House Rowe, but Ashe knows more than anyone that beggars can’t be choosers.

But it’s not so bad. During his time wandering around the kingdom, Ashe has been able to do more good than he ever could have done as a knight for Count Rowe. For example this past moon he’s been stationed to protect a small village in the Mateus territory by the request of the viscount. It’s simple work, Ashe’s daily tasks being more related to ensuring the people have enough food and supplies, than doing any sort of combat. But Ashe almost prefers it this way. The villagers here know him and his siblings by name, and on particularly peaceful days he can pretend the empire’s forces don’t rest just across the river. 

Today is one of those days. 

It’s past dusk when Ashe returns from his outpost. He’s coming back later than usual, on account of him stopping to fish in the river for something for supper. His catch isn’t as impressive as some of the fish he’s caught on previous ventures, but if he cooks it the right way it should make for a nice meal for the villagers. 

On most nights when Ashe returns back, he’s usually greeted by the children of the village, the younger ones tugging on his sleeves and the older ones asking him all kinds of questions about everything under the sun. But tonight he’s met with an empty clearing, not even his own brother and sister coming to see him. It hardly bothers him. Ashe may have been a point of interest when he was first working here, but there was no way someone as simple and ordinary as him would keep the people’s attention for very long. He doesn’t do what he does for fanfare or praise. He does what he does because he’s seen how cruel this world can be, and he wants to be a part of making it better. 

Ashe is making his way to one of the communal areas to begin preparing the fish when he hears the sound of singing in the distance. It’s very faint but he can just make out the words of the song. It’s an old Faerghus folk song Ashe distantly remembers his mother singing to him when he was a kid. He may not remember her voice anymore, but he’s never forgotten the words. Captured by the nostalgia of the melody and the beautiful voice singing, Ashe momentarily forgets his empty stomach and follows the sound.

When Ashe finds the source of the song, a small chapel on the outskirts of town, the scene he steps into is partially the one he expected. The village children, including his own brother and sister, huddle around a single singer. Most of the children hum along or clap to the beat. One particular three year old girl Ashe recognizes as Genevieve, one the recently orphaned children, sits comfortably in the singer’s lap. Regardless of where or how the children are responding to the song, they all watch their entertainer in awe and wonder. Everything makes sense to Ashe now. What has he to offer the children that could compare to such a beautiful song? 

“Am I interrupting something?”

As soon as Ashe speaks, the moment is shattered. The singer stops singing mid sentence and whips his head around to find the source of the voice. Yuri looks as startled as Ashe feels upon seeing him, lovely lavender eyes wider than Ashe has ever seen them. Not only has his sudden presence triggered a shift in Yuri’s expression, but his entire body language has changed. 

If Ashe didn’t know better, he’d say he looked…vulnerable. 

But that couldn’t be right. Why would something like this get under Yuri’s skin? Ashe has watched Yuri take down dozens of foes without his composure ever slipping. He smiles and laughs in the face of all kinds of danger. Why would having Ashe see him like this bother him? It doesn’t make sense to him. 

Before Ashe can get so much as a ‘hello’ or an ‘are you okay?’ in, Yuri's whole demeanor changes. He’s back to being his old confident self again, a careless smile across his delicate features. 

“I was just leaving,” Yuri answers cooly, not seeming to care about how unconvincing his lie is. Not even the children seem to believe it, the young boys and girls all chattering among themselves now that the initial surprise has worn off. 

The only child who remains quiet is Genevieve, still sitting in Yuri’s lap. She casts him a mournful expression as she’s lifted into his arms and gently placed back down onto the ground. The rest of the children make a great disappointed sigh in unison as Yuri stands up and makes his way to the exit. 

But before Yuri can leave, Ashe steps in front of him. “Please. Don’t leave on my account. You’re really good.”

While Yuri’s smile doesn’t fall from his face, his eyes look much colder as they lock on Ashe. “Thanks, but the audience is just one person too big now. If you’ll excuse me…” Yuri places a gloved hand on Ashe’s chest, forcibly pushing him out of his path. “ –I still have business here that I need to attend to. Bye now.”

Without a word Yuri steps through the chapel door and disappears, leaving Ashe to fend for himself with the confused and disappointed children. When they ask him why their new friend left, Ashe is unable to find an answer for them.

“Did I do something to offend you somehow?”

Yuri looks up from his plate of pheasant roast, raising an eyebrow as their eyes meet. “You certainly don’t beat around the bush, do you? I’m sure you’re a real hit with men and women alike, chatting them up like that.”

Ashe’s patience is wearing thin. “Yuri…”

“You didn’t do anything, Ashe.” Yuri sighs, turning back to his plate of food. “I just don’t care to sing in front of other people.”

Ashe frowns. “I don’t understand. You seemed fine singing for the children before I came in.”

“That was different.”

“Because it was me?”

“Sure, Ashe. Because it was you.”

“Me being there changed how you felt about it?” 

“Are you always this quick on the uptake?”

“I just don’t understand why—”

Yuri curses under his breath. 

“Look, Ashe.” He turns his seat so his entire body is facing Ashe, evidently wanting to take this discussion seriously. “Let’s not make this more than what it is. I have some business in town I came to take care of. The little ones were worried that their knight friend hadn’t made it home yet, so I thought I’d distract them with some old songs my mother used to sing to me. Tonight was a special circumstance, and it just so happened that you managed to walk in on it.”

“I see…” Ashe muses.

He ponders on what he had seen when he’d arrived. It was a pretty picture, one you could imagine painted inside a children’s story or a book of church hymns. Ashe has never seen Yuri look quite so tender before. In all the years he’d known him, the trickster has always felt more dangerous and ambitious. He appeared to be the kind of person who could and would throw anyone to the wolves, if it meant he got a step closer to his goal. But seeing him like that; seeing the way he cared for those children, seeing how gently he pulled Genevieve into his arms. It was like Ashe was seeing Yuri for the first time, the real Yuri. 

“You’re really good with the children,” Ashe offers, electing to put the singing subject to bed for the time being. “They seem to really like you.” It had taken a few days for them to be that comfortable with him. Genevieve in particular would cry if Ashe tried to touch her for the first few weeks of his stay. Yuri really has a gift. 

“Well, babysitting is just one of my many talents.” 

Yuri smiles, and for the first time Ashe really feels drawn by it. Who would have thought something like this would’ve been all it took for him to fall into Yuri’s trap after all these years? He even finds himself smiling back. Now that he thinks about it…Yuri really does have a nice smile. It had always put him off before, Ashe seeing through its initial charm immediately, and therefore never being able to appreciate it for what it is. But now that he can, he finds himself slipping, sinking deep into a pit of quicksand that’s prepared to swallow him whole. 

“You’re staring, sparrow.”

It’s only when Yuri speaks that Ashe is pulled out of his daydreaming. The archer blinks, an embarrassed flush rising to his cheeks as his self awareness slowly sinks back into his body. 

“Ah, I guess I was.” It’s not the first time Yuri’s captivated his attention like this. But it is the first time Ashe has felt so wholeheartedly embarrassed by it. “I’m sorry. I must’ve spaced out for a second there.”

“Careful there,” Yuri chuckles, a knowing gleam twinkling in his eyes, “Wouldn’t want those sharp archer reflexes dulled by my charm, would you?”

“Yeah…” Ashe’s mind drifts back to the day they first met. Yuri had warned him of the power of his influence. He’d never taken it seriously before, figuring he was immune to it. Now he wonders if he’s made a fatal error. 

“So, what business do you have here anyway?” Ashe is eager to change the subject, his self consciousness still lingering. “Honestly, I was really surprised to see you.” He’d asked Count Rowe of Yuri’s whereabouts when he’d first been stationed there, but his excellency had gone as far as to pretend he knew no person under that name.

“Nothing you need to concern yourself with.” At first Ashe thinks that’s all Yuri will give him, assuming he’d slipped back into his secretive ways. But then Yuri continues, “Since the war started, I’ve been spending a lot of my time seeing to Abyss. This war hasn’t been kind to us, and if we aren’t making burial arrangements, we’re tending to the sick and wounded, or trying to make more accommodations for people who have nowhere else to go.”

“That’s very admirable of you,” Ashe offers, speaking sincerely as he lowers to sit beside Yuri. “But what does that have to do with this village?”

“I’m getting to that. Long story short, we’ve lost a good number of my people recently. Some of them had families, some of them had children waiting for them to come home.”

Ashe’s heart promptly sinks into his stomach. Grief isn’t anything new to him. Grief has been a part of his life since he was seven years old. But the familiarity of it has never dulled the sting of loss, only time does. 

“You’re talking about Genevieve, aren’t you?” They’d gotten word of her parents earlier this week. Since then various townspeople have taken to looking after her on rotation. It’s not the most ideal way to raise a child, but Ashe knows from experience that it could be a lot worse for her. “She already knows…about her parents and everything.”

“Oh, I’m not here for that,” Yuri replies to Ashe’s increasing confusion, “I’m here to make her an offer. Her parents were good people. Maybe not by your standards, but they’d been working for me for a long time before they met the goddess. I want to see to it that their little girl has a healthy and happy life. It’s the least I can do for a couple of old friends.”

“You’re adopting her?” It’s a strange thing to picture, Yuri being a father. But it’s not completely preposterous. Ashe’s parents had been younger than Yuri is now when they had had him. 

Yuri however seems to think differently about this line of thought. “No. Goddess, no. The last thing that kid needs is a guy like me for a father.” 

Ashe opens his mouth to disagree, then thinks better on it. However well intended a choice like that would be, it would indisputably be a poor one. Living the life he does, Yuri would only be a danger to her, and her to him. Still, judging by the way Yuri took care of her and the other children, Genevieve definitely wouldn’t be living with a lack of love in Yuri’s care. That much is certain. 

“I’m just here to get her parents’ affairs in order and drop off enough money to keep her cared for until she needs to fend for herself.” Yuri pauses, a familiar pensive look in his eyes as he stares at his half eaten pheasant. “I could bring her back to Abyss with me…but she’s already got it pretty good here. Taking her away from this and keeping her underground is more cruel than it is kind. I may be a villain, but I’m not gonna put a kid through that if I don’t have to.”

“You’re not a villain, Yuri.” The Ashe of four years ago would never have been so quick to defend Yuri’s character. Even the Ashe of yesterday would have hesitated. But actions speak louder than words, and Yuri’s actions today have easily deafened the deceitful lies Ashe knew him for before. “You’re just…”

Before Ashe can think of something to say, Yuri lets out a humorless laugh, “Save your breath. I know what I am. I’m not ashamed of it. But it’s a waste of time to try and play hero when I’m not being paid for it.”

“Yuri…”

“Come now, what’s with the kicked puppy look? Don’t tell me you’ve had a sudden change of heart about my line of work?”

“I haven’t,” Ashe admits, expression solemn. “There’s a lot of things you do that’ll I’ll never condone, the stealing and cheating for one thing. But how I feel about what you do isn’t the same as the way I feel about you.”

“What are you saying?…”

“I’m saying that a true villain would never do what you did today. Looking after the children, singing to them, providing for those more unfortunate than yourself, those are the sort of things you see in heroes’ stories. People who do bad things aren’t always bad people.” 

He echoes the words Lonato had imparted to him shortly after his adoption. Maybe Ashe doesn’t believe the sentiment in reference to himself yet, but that doesn’t mean he can’t help Yuri with it. 

Ashe reaches forward to clasp Yuri’s shoulder, an earnest gleam in his eyes as they lock onto Yuri’s. “You have a good heart, Yuri. You may not see that yet, but I do.”

Yuri tenses under Ashe’s touch, the trickster meeting Ashe’s intense gaze with an incredulous expression. Even in this momentary lapse of composure it’s difficult to discern what Yuri’s thinking. The man is a living mystery, a winding story with an open ended ending.

And like all the times before, Yuri’s quick to correct whatever slip up he may have. He sighs, placing his own hand over Ashe’s in order to pry it off his shoulder. 

“Save the encouraging pep talks for someone who cares. You may like playing the hero, but I don’t need you to save me. I chose this path for myself a long time ago, and no amount of those cornball lines of yours is going to change how I feel.”

Yuri rises from his seat, completely ignoring Ashe’s desperate attempts to be listened to. A layer of ice frosts over his gaze as he gives Ashe one more disparaging look.

“If you’ll excuse me, It’s about time I retire for the night. I need to get some sleep before I begin my trip back to Abyss in the morning.”

Ashe stands frozen in time, unable to do anything but watch Yuri storm off. He turns a corner behind one of the communal houses and disappears out of sight. For a moment only the faint click of Yuri’s heeled boots remain. But eventually that fades too. Ashe is left alone, feeling as cold and discarded as the unfinished pheasant on the table.

When Ashe wakes up at dawn the next morning to begin his training, Yuri is already gone.

1185, Ethereal Moon.

His first night back at the monastery is a sleepless one. Ashe would have thought finally being back in a familiar bed would be comforting somehow. But instead when his head hit the pillow, he found himself haunted by the ghosts of his academy year. 

It had all ended so abruptly, the declaration of war and following siege of Garreg Mach causing them all to pick up and leave at a moment’s notice. Everything is exactly the same as Ashe had left it. The library books are all still strewn on the back counter and stacked on the seat of his desk chair. His extra school uniforms and his evening wear are all still hanging up in his wardrobe. The first, second and third drafts of his last letter to his siblings still sit at the bottom of the wastebasket in the corner of the room. Were it not for the moth eaten holes in his sheets and the thick layer of dust on everything in the room, Ashe could have believed that this room had stayed frozen in time in the five years since he’d been here.

Nostalgia is not a comfort, not anymore. All it is now is a reminder of how much he’s lost, how many bodies he’s had to bury since the last time he stepped foot here. 

After a couple of hours of tossing and turning in bed, Ashe gives up and ultimately pulls himself out of bed. It’s inadvisable to battle when sleep deprived, but staying here and letting ghosts of the past consume his thoughts is hardly helping matters. He may as well get up and do something while he’s wide awake. With any luck it’ll wear his body down to a point of exhaustion where it overpowers his restless mind. 

Ashe throws his hoodie over his shoulders, steps into his boots, and exits his quarters. 

The dormitory courtyard is quiet, no signs of life to be heard save for the occasional chirp of a cricket. This doesn’t really surprise him. While it may only be a little after midnight, most of the rooms on this side of the dormitories are left unoccupied. Most of the original Blue Lion house had resided on the second floor during their year at the academy. However the vacancy cannot be completely attributed to this. Ashe glances to the room stationed beside his, a solemn sadness crossing his expression. Once more he is reminded of how much this war has taken from him. 

He was never even given a chance to say goodbye. Now Dedue will haunt him alongside his parents, his brother and Lonato. 

Ashe is quick to move onward. If he lingers here too long, the grief will take hold of him again. He must remain strong. Dedue wouldn’t have wanted him to lose heart in his name. With his heart as heavy as his eyes, Ashe pushes through. He walks aimlessly at first, having no real purpose or destination in mind. He walks to walk, to occupy his body long enough for fatigue to consume him. But ultimately what starts as mere wandering leads him down a direct path. Ashe presses his hands against the large double doors before slowly stepping into the dining hall.

If asked why he came here, Ashe would attribute it to muscle memory. When he was younger, he would often wander to the kitchen when his mind was turning a dark corner. In Ashe’s mind, the best way to cope with an anxious mind or a weary heart is to put both to work. 

Maybe it’s because he used to work in the kitchen with his father in the restaurant, maybe it’s because he spent all those years starving in the streets, but food has always been a comfort for him. Being able to cook and prepare food has always put his mind at ease. It reminds him that there are still simple joys to be had in the world. And when the world is in a grim state like this, it’s important to find the remnants of good in it. For they all will surely be consumed by darkness if they don’t cherish the light they have. 

Ashe doesn’t have an outright plan in mind when he enters the kitchen. Similarly to how he was wandering, he decides to let muscle memory lead him the way. This is how he ultimately starts to prepare some kind of dough. Ashe figures, surely some craving will come to him halfway through the process, and then he can easily morph the dough into something else. 

This plan is interrupted as the doors open on the far end of the hall. 

Ashe is immediately on the alert, freezing on the spot as he desperately tries to make out the figure approaching slowly in the shadows. The rational part of him wants to believe that one of the others simply got hungry in the middle of the night and came down to get a bite to eat. However, his childhood phobia of ghosts paired with the dark and quiet atmosphere makes it all too easy to jump to conclusions. Whoever is with him now certainly moves quietly enough to be a ghost. They blend in perfectly with the shadows, moving much more expertly in the dark than any person Ashe has ever seen before. Ashe takes a moment to wryly wish he’d brought his evil repelling amulet with him, should his company end up indeed being an unsavory specter.

In his fatigue, Ashe had also foolishly neglected to consider bringing a weapon with him, leaving both his weapon and his dagger in his quarters. Therefore in the face of a possible threat Ashe is left to his own devices when it comes to defending himself. Given his history of street fighting, he definitely is more capable than most when left without a weapon. Nevertheless in his sleep deprivation and anxiety, Ashe picks up the first thing he can find and brandishes it as a weapon. This just so happens to be the rolling pin he was using for the dough. It’s no evil repelling amulet, but it’ll have to do.

“Who’s there? Show yourself!”

No answer.

Ashe tightens his grip on the rolling pin, making his way out of the kitchen and in the direction of the shadowy dining area. 

“I’m- I’m not afraid to use this!” Ashe’s voice trembles, his own supernatural paranoia getting the better of him. He raises the rolling pin higher, trying his hardest to appear as an imposing threat when covered in flour and sugar. “Don’t make any sudden movements!” 

There’s a moment of haunting, bone chilling silence. But then the shadowed stranger steps forward, allowing their figure to dip into the dim lamplight from the kitchen. Ashe’s eyes widen, nearly dropping the rolling pin as he’s greeted with a familiar face.

“...Yuri?”

“Tell me, friend, had I declined your offer, what were you intending to do with me? Knead me to death?”

It’s been nearly three years since Ashe had last seen Yuri. After that encounter in the Mateus village their paths hadn’t crossed again. In the time apart there had been times when Ashe thought of writing to Yuri. In fact he’d gone as far as to write him several unfinished letters, inevitably ripping each one apart after he’d come to his senses. 

Initially he’d only wanted to apologize for how they’d left things before, but as time went on he found his thoughts wandering back to Yuri more and more. He would cross the edge of Rowe territory and think of Yuri. He would hear an old Faerghus folk song sung around a campfire of mercenaries and think of Yuri’s singing in the old chapel. He would see a flock of sparrows overhead and think of Yuri’s occasional nickname for him. 

It feels strange looking back on it. Ashe thinks of Yuri often, and thinks of him fondly. But what does Yuri think of him? Does Yuri think of him at all? So often it feels like Yuri doesn’t like him. They have never been without their moments of shared amicability. But more often than not it feels like they struggle to see eye to eye. Most of all, despite it having been over ten years since they had first met, Ashe feels like he hardly knows Yuri. Yuri is an enigma, and everytime Ashe feels he’s got him figured out, Yuri throws him off again. He’d always wanted to get to know him better, but at this point he doubts this shall ever come to pass.

Time had passed, and in Ashe’s cowardice and uncertainty he had let his chance to get in touch with Yuri again pass alongside it. The mockingbird had left its perch and slipped through Ashe’s fingers. He could have been anywhere. He could have been in hiding. He could have been dead. Eventually Ashe had tried to stop thinking of him. 

But just as he feels he’s come close to moving on, Yuri appears and takes Ashe right back to the start again. The mockingbird has finally landed. Now it’s up to Ashe to decide if he wants to continue trying to catch him.

Yuri greets Ashe with an amused smirk, lavender eyes flitting between Ashe’s green ones, and the rolling pin in his hand.

“I must say, Ashe, you make quite the intimidating baker. I’ve faced many a formidable foe, but your nightclothes paired with the layer of flour on your weapon practically had me shaking in my boots. Now if you went to battle looking like that, I’m sure you could send the empire’s troops running with their tails between their legs.” 

Ashe frowns, feeling an embarrassed flush rise to his face as he lowers the rolling pin he was about to attack Yuri with. 

“Not that I’m not happy to see you, Yuri…but what are you doing here?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I came to see you. Seeing the Ashe Duran in baking attack mode is a once in a lifetime opportunity after all.”

Yuri laughs as Ashe’s flush deepens, mirth filled eyes fixed on his increasing indignation. “Just trying to lighten the mood, friend. You don’t always have to be so serious, you know. But I guess you wouldn’t be you without all that earnestness.”

Yuri steps confidently toward Ashe, smirk widening as he notices the way Ashe freezes when he gets too close. Ashe can’t recall a time they’ve ever been this close before. Save for the time Yuri had held him at knifepoint, he’d always preferred to keep his distance from Ashe: another reason why Ashe believed that Yuri didn’t like him. He’d see the way Yuri would suavely move in and out of people’s personal bubbles. Until now Ashe seemed to be in a special category of individuals Yuri chose to keep at arm's length. He never understood why, and now he doesn’t know how to feel now that this has changed. 

Yuri reaches forward, brushing his bare index finger across Ashe’s freckled cheek. Yuri doesn’t linger long in the touch, but he does make eye contact with Ashe as he touches him. The action sends a chill down Ashe’s spin, tensing up even after Yuri withdraws. Yuri’s eyes don’t leave Ashe’s, his gaze still fixed on Ashe’s as he pops his finger into his mouth. 

“Mm…sweet, my favorite.” 

Ashe struggles to make a response, raising a hand to wipe the sugar from his cheek in silence. Ultimately he doesn’t need to say anything as Yuri speaks again. 

“To answer your question, I just got back from patrolling the outskirts of the monastery. Your little class reunion made quite the stir. But it takes a bit more than a rowdy bunch of royals and the Knights of Seiros to scare off determined thieves. I’d be surprised if there’s not more on our doorstep by nightfall tomorrow.”

“You’re protecting the monastery from thieves?” Ashe thinks back to their first reunion five years ago. He’d been so close to slitting Ashe’s throat in order to protect a thief who’d been pillaging the monastery. Has something changed since then?  “But I thought—” 

“I protect my people first and foremost, Ashe. Sometimes that means taking down other gangs that pose a threat. Sometimes that means scaring off a little aspiring knight after he pulls a dagger on them.” Yuri smiles, giving Ashe a slow once over. “But I guess he’s not so little anymore, hm?”

That’s right, Ashe has grown a fair amount since they’d last seen each other. He hadn’t grown at all in the year he’d spent at the academy, but the minute he’d left he’d practically shot up like a weed. Ashe had already gone through half his growth spurt by the time they’d met in Mateus, but he’d still been a little shorter than Yuri then. Tonight he stands taller now, not by much, but enough that would’ve made his eleven year old self beam with pride. 

“I guess you’re right.” Ashe chuckles, running a hand through his hair. He’s suddenly incredibly self aware of himself in Yuri’s presence, feeling a wave of bashfulness under the other’s all seeing gaze. “I’d always wanted to have a growth spurt like this when I was a kid. Christophe had always said he did most of his growing after he left the academy, but I never thought the same thing would happen for me.”

In lieu of a verbal response, Yuri merely shrugs. He smiles, giving what Ashe assumes is an affectionate pat on the shoulder as he walks past him in the direction of the kitchen.

“Now what brings you here, Ashe? Didn’t take you for the type to burn the midnight cooking oil.”

“Oh this?” His eyes follow Yuri as the other waltzes into the dimly lit kitchen. “Well, I…”

Ashe contemplates trying to come up with an excuse, considering the possible ramifications of being emotionally vulnerable with Yuri. He knows what Yuri does for a living. Even if Ashe wouldn’t be as useful to him as a high profile nobleman, there’s no guarantee that whatever Yuri learns about Ashe wouldn’t be used against him. With Yuri everything is just a means of an end. The question is whether Ashe wants Yuri to be his end. 

Ultimately Ashe decides to take a leap of faith. Ashe wants to trust Yuri. He wants to be closer to him. But that’s never going to happen if Ashe mirrors Yuri’s guarded front. Who knows? Maybe Yuri will see Ashe’s willingness to open up to him and be inspired to break down his walls in turn. 

“I was having trouble sleeping,” He confesses, sighing as he sinks into one of the dining hall benches. “Being back in my old dorm room after all this time feels…surreal. Everything looks the same. It’s like nothing’s changed. But so much has changed, hasn’t it? I keep expecting to hear Dedue moving around on the other side of my wall. But I don’t. Everything’s deathly quiet.”

Ashe could easily stop there. Someone with more sense would’ve stopped there. But the moment he speaks of Dedue, it’s all over. The grief takes hold of him, pressing through him until all his misery spills out onto the table like yesterday’s lunch. 

“I’d been naive to think we’d all be able to come back in one piece.” Ashe hangs his head low, feeling his throat tighten with each word he speaks. “I knew it was always a possibility but…I never thought…” A tear slowly falls onto the dining room floor, followed by another and then another. “Every night before I went to sleep, I’d pray to the goddess that the people I love would come out of this war alive. That’s all I wanted out of this. If it meant everyone else would be okay, I would’ve even been alright with being the one who didn’t make it.”

In the distance Ashe hears the sound of approaching footsteps. It’s possible that they come hand in hand with some word of protest from Yuri. But Ashe can’t make it out. Practically everything has been drowned out by the ghosts haunting him, and the grief they’ve left him with.

“It should have been me,” he chokes, finally unable to hold in the heavy sobs wracking through his body. “Dedue had been through so much. He more than anyone, deserved to live out through the end of this war. I don’t understand why…why all these good men and women had to die, and I’m still left here standing.” His parents, Christophe, Lonato, and Dedue…What right did Ashe have to outlive them? What possibly could be in the goddess’ plan to have her spare him over countless others who deserved to live more. “I don’t deserve it. Not with everything I’ve done. Dedue was one of the greatest men I ever knew. I’m just some commoner with nothing to offer in this–”

“Ashe, that’s enough.” 

It isn’t until Yuri speaks does Ashe realize how close he’s gotten. The trickster has completely abandoned his venture back to the kitchen in favor of returning to Ashe’s side. Yuri stands right before him now, his pointed boots just barely brushing against the spot of tear stained carpet on the floor. Yuri’s sudden presence leaves Ashe startled. He lifts his head upward, tear filled gaze finding Yuri’s stern one.

Ashe opens his mouth to speak, but Yuri gets there first. 

“Obviously I didn’t know Dedue like you did. But I highly doubt he’d take kindly to you talking about yourself like that. Don’t you think he would’ve wanted you to keep on living? Lamenting your losses does nothing for the dead. All we can do is give them a proper send off and pick up where they left off.” 

Something in Ashe’s expression must have conveyed some hesitation, for Yuri moves forward, settling down in the seat beside Ashe. “Look at it this way, do you really want Dedue’s memory to die with him? Don’t you think you’d be doing a lot more for him if you kept living so he won’t be forgotten?”

Ashe won’t look at Yuri. His gaze remains cast downward even as Yuri gently lifts his chin upward. He knows Yuri is right. He knows if Dedue was still with them, he’d be echoing Yuri’s words. But that doesn’t change how Ashe feels about outliving them all. It doesn’t put his heavy grief ridden heart to rest. If Ashe is to live on so the people he’s lost can live through him, they will be living through a man hardly worthy to carry their names at all.

“Yuri, I appreciate what you’re doing, but I just think–”

Before Ashe can finish his train of thought, Yuri cuts him off.

“Alright, you got me.” Yuri’s usual air of lightheartedness abruptly returns in his voice, casting his careless smile in Ashe’s direction. The trickster moves his hand from Ashe’s chin, holding his face now in what could easily be misconstrued as an affectionate caress. In doing so he manages to break Ashe out of his despairing haze from the sheer whiplash of the emotional shift. He falls right into Yuri’s trap, finally looking up to meet his gaze in stunned silence. What is Yuri playing at?

“You know me, I’m just a filthy villain who doesn’t do anything if there isn’t something in it that benefits me. The truth is, I don’t want you throwing your life away. It’s purely for selfish reasons that I’m talking to you like this. I’ll spare you the details. But did it ever occur to you that you could be hurting other people by talking the way you do? Like it or not, people look up to you. You’ll be crushing all the dreams of those sweet kids if you throw the towel in. Now, that’s not very knightly of you, is it?”

Nothing Yuri says is particularly wrong or difficult to comprehend. However, in response to the other’s words Ashe can only stare back dumbfounded. Yuri’s never been an easy person for Ashe to read. But tonight especially Ashe feels lost trying to gauge his intentions. What does Yuri want? Does Yuri actually care about him at all?

For as long as Ashe has known him, Yuri has struck him as someone who could always see the bigger picture. Not only could he see every minor detail of something, but he could see how each and every part of it could fit into whatever scheme he was developing. Which begs the question of what does Yuri see in Ashe? This is hardly the first time he’s been completely unable to see what Yuri sees. But if it concerns himself, shouldn’t Ashe be able to see it too?

“Yuri, I…”

“No need to thank me,” Yuri interrupts him, pressing his fingertips to Ashe’s lips in order to forcibly silence him. “Just try to keep that cute ass of yours from getting killed, alright?”

There’s a lot Ashe doesn’t understand. As he gets older, this conclusion only rings more true. He doesn’t understand why every time he gets close to moving on from his grief, another body is added to his pile of those to mourn. He doesn’t understand how he’s supposed to stay strong and remain a beacon of light for others when the world feels so dark. 

Ashe doesn’t understand Yuri. He accepted that a long time ago. He doesn’t understand why Yuri’s helping him, or where he stands with him. He doesn’t understand Yuri’s way of thinking and the ideals that drive every move he makes. Ashe doesn’t understand why he keeps letting Yuri burn him only to waltz back into his life like nothing happened. 

He doesn’t understand why he wants to trust Yuri even after everything he’s done. He doesn’t understand why despite the absurdity of Yuri’s emotional zigzagging, Ashe’s heart still feels a little lighter after talking to him. He doesn’t understand how Yuri can feel both like a guardian angel, and the devil on his shoulder. He doesn’t understand why he’s moving forward and throwing himself into Yuri’s arms as his chest tightens painfully. 

Ashe does understand that this is only the beginning of his grieving process, even if he doesn’t realize that he’s still crying until the front of Yuri’s shirt is completely soaked. 

There’s no snarky or teasing remark from Yuri as Ashe sobs into his chest. In fact Yuri doesn’t say anything at all. For the first time in recent memory, Yuri chooses silence in favor of saying something that would benefit him. In the days to come, that silence will make Ashe more bewildered than anything Yuri could have said to him in that moment. But right now, it’s appreciated. Right now that silence is as comforting as Yuri’s embrace. 

Ashe couldn't say how long they stayed like that. He loses all sense of time as he sits curled up weeping in Yuri’s arms. Eventually the soothing circles Yuri traces into Ashe’s back lulls him into a heavy sleep. Apparently all it took to cure his insomnia was to ensure he doesn’t fall asleep alone. This fact doesn’t surprise Ashe so much as it completely mortifies him. 

Neither of them will speak of this night. Yuri will walk away with another card kept close to his chest, and Ashe will walk away with another embarrassing memory he would like to forget. Ashe won’t forget. Nor will he complain. Because before they meet again in this dining hall for a very awkward breakfast, Ashe will sleep soundly the entire night in a deep dreamless sleep. It’ll be the first night since the war started that Ashe has been able to sleep without interruption or nightmares. So even if it would be easier to forget this ever happened, Ashe chooses to hold this moment tightly to his chest. Just as Yuri holds Ashe tightly to his chest as he drifts off to sleep.

Tonight Yuri is sweet and kind to him. He’s caring in a way Ashe never thought Yuri could be. Tonight Ashe has a safe place to land in the place he least expected it. Ashe feels comforted with Yuri in a way he never thought he could be. It’s a startling change, but a change he’s wholeheartedly willing to accept. 

The next morning Ashe wakes up alone in his dorm room. Instead of being wrapped in Yuri’s arms, Ashe is wrapped snugly in several blankets, some of which he doesn’t recognize. He’s back in his pajamas, the coat and pair of boots he’d put on last night exactly where he’d left them before he’d ventured to the kitchen. 

In Ashe’s position, some would question whether the whole night before had been a dream or not. Perhaps that’s what Yuri had been going for when he’d evidently carried Ashe back to his room. But Ashe knows better. Ashe can detect the faint scent of Yuri’s vanilla perfume lingering in the air. Even with his embarrassment beginning to creep up on him, Ashe smiles. For so long he’d associated that smell with the sense of dread he’d feel when caught in Yuri’s web. He’d never thought that feeling would change. But he supposes a lot of things have changed since last night.

1186, Pegasus Moon.

“I told you to stay out of my business.”

“I told you to stop getting into trouble.”

“Did you really think I’d throw my livelihood away just because you asked me to?”

“Did you really think I’d let you get away with hurting people just because you asked me to?”

Yuri groans.

It had been a close call. Whatever business exchange Yuri had been intending to have had gone awry. He’d been ambushed, outnumbered twenty-to-one. Usually larger numbers wouldn’t have been an issue, Yuri’s cunning and skill allowing him to cut through entire battalions in his path. But they’d got the jump on him this time, Yuri left both in a disadvantage and in danger. Who knows what would have happened if Ashe hadn’t been trailing him since this afternoon.

Despite his own frustration with Yuri and the situation he’d gotten himself in, Ashe is relieved Yuri made it out alive first and foremost. His anger quickly dissipates into the air as he approaches Yuri, concerned eyes checking the other for injuries. 

“…Are you hurt at all?”

Yuri on the other hand, looks perfectly relaxed despite nearly being on death’s door just minutes ago. “My face made it out in one piece. As far as I’m concerned, the rest doesn’t matter.”

“Yuri, I’m being serious.”

“So am I. If something happens to my face, that’s half my income gone along with it.”

Ashe sighs. “You never change.” He doesn’t know what he expected. 

Yuri stays quiet, expression unreadable as he watches Ashe pinch the bridge of his nose. But then he smiles.

“Thanks for the save, by the way.”

In a different circumstance, the thanks might have pacified Ashe somewhat. However in the midst of Yuri’s continuous flippant attitude, he only feels more exasperated. How can he keep doing this? Doesn’t he see how much he’s hurting others? Doesn’t he see how much he’s hurting himself? How can he care so little about the consequences of his actions, even when they directly affect his own wellbeing? 

“You know, I wouldn’t have to save you if you didn’t keep doing things like this.”

The remark manages to suck any and all lightheartedness from Yuri’s demeanor. He crosses his arms, sending an exasperated expression in Ashe’s direction. “Ashe, I’m not getting into this with you again.”

He’d never consider himself an argumentative person. On the contrary, when conflict arises, Ashe tends to be the one trying to resolve it as peacefully as possible. When a fight would break out among the Blue Lions, Ashe would be the first one to try and break it up. Ashe isn’t the one to prolong an argument. He’s the one to stop it. But what happens next is the result of years, and years of fruitlessly going back and forth with Yuri. Ashe has had enough. He can’t let Yuri dodge and evade this again. 

“No, I mean it. Yuri, something terrible could have happened to you because of this. But you think it’s okay because I was there to save you? What if I’m not there next time, or miss the mark, or can’t get to you in time? Will whatever happens to you be okay then? Will it be worth your money?”

“Look, if you’re just going to lecture me, I’d prefer you put an arrow in me with the rest of those lowlifes.” Venom laces Yuri’s words, his perfectly manicured brows furrowing into a steely glare. “Why go to the trouble at all? You’d be much more effective in teaching me a lesson by leaving me to reap the consequences of my villainous actions. I never asked you to be my white knight. So why is it that every time I turn around, you’re always there at my beck and call?”

It’s not like Yuri to be dense. Even feigning obliviousness is a step out of character for him. So Ashe doesn’t understand why, despite everything he’s said and done, Yuri still doesn’t get it. Ashe isn’t exactly a difficult person to read, especially not to an acutely perceptive person like Yuri. Yet somehow he of all people has become an unforeseen blindspot in Yuri’s perfect vision. How could he be clueless?

“You’re a fool,” Ashe murmurs, shaking his head.

“What was that?” Yuri snaps.

“You’re a fool!” Ashe repeats, louder now. His voice echoes against the stone walls of the Abyss alleyway, creating a chorus of Ashe’s frustration. “This has never been about teaching you a lesson. Is that what you think? I told you before that you’re not a villain in my eyes. I just don’t want to see you endangering yourself like this.”

“If I backed out of a job just because it put me in harm’s way, I’d never get anything done. If something happens to me, that’s just part of the deal. It’s my life, for a better tomorrow for Fodlan’s impoverished and neglected. If I achieve that, then whatever my untimely end is doesn’t matter. I’ll still die with a smile on my face even if I’m hanged and left to rot in the city streets.”

It’s the first time Yuri’s stated how far he’s willing to go in explicit detail. Over the years he’s insinuated as much in more vague terms. In a way it's a very noble goal to have. The common people of Fodlan have always been overlooked in favor of those with noble blood or crests. While there are nobles out there who want to make a difference and bridge the gap between the nobility and common folk, all of them lack the insight and perspective to know how to really help them. 

But Yuri’s different. Not only has he strived to make a safe haven for the forsaken and abandoned, he’s gone as far as to personally care for as many as he can. Ashe may have only seen small glimpses of Yuri’s good deeds, but Yuri’s determination to see his goals through speaks for itself. Contrary to Yuri’s own perception of himself, his cause is rather heroic. He may not resemble the knightly heroes that Ashe idolizes, but Ashe can recall many tales of heroes with more unsavory methods of achieving a truly honorable goal. 

Not all heroes are created equal. If every story had the same kind of protagonist, books would lose the creativity and uniqueness Ashe is so fond of. Yuri’s not a conventional hero by any means. But he’s a hero all the same. 

In different circumstances Ashe would think to praise him, to apologize for how he’s misjudged Yuri over the years. But right now as he stands before Yuri, Ashe is too angry and upset to care about how noble Yuri’s goals are or how heroic he is. Right now Ashe can only think about how little Yuri values his own life and how devastated he would be if Yuri really did meet an end like that.

“Stop it…” Ashe spits the words through his teeth, his jaw clenched and his hands curled into tight fists. He can’t hear this anymore. “Just, stop it.”

Yuri freezes, startled by the vehement anger and distress in Ashe’s voice. Maybe he doesn’t mean to give Ashe an opening to continue. Maybe he was just surprised that something managed to push Ashe this far. Regardless, when Yuri stands speechless before him, Ashe takes it as his chance to say what he needs to say. 

“You want to protect the people who are important to you, don’t you? Why do you think I’m doing all this? Why do you think I’m there every time you slip into trouble? You may not care about what happens to you in all this, but I do! So I’m going to do everything in my power to keep you safe no matter how foolish and reckless you are!”

He may have recovered from his initial shock, but Yuri still appears shaken by Ashe’s change. His usual swagger has faded away, leaving only a grim expression on the man’s face as he shakes his head. 

“You really expect me to believe that you’re willing to put yourself in danger to protect someone like me? How’s that going to look on that pristine knightly reputation of yours? In the eyes of the people you’ll be siding with the villains. Is that something you really want?”

“I don’t care about my reputation. I care about you.” Ashe isn’t shy by any means. Yet the admission brings an uncomfortable feeling to his stomach he can’t quite place. So he decides to add, “You should know more than anyone that my reputation isn’t perfectly pristine. I don’t see a point in trying to try and preserve something that was never good in the first place.”

Ashe has never cared about whether he was well liked. He has only ever cared about being good. In the early years, following his adoption, it had been easy to believe that these ideals were one in the same. But now that Ashe is older, now that he’s seen more of what the world really has to offer, he’s learned that this is not always the case. Just as the right thing to do is not always the easiest thing to do, a man who is good is not always the man who is most beloved by those around him. Yuri is living proof of that.

Ashe decides to go out on a limb, ignoring the unfamiliar turning in his gut to reach for Yuri. He takes Yuri’s hand, holding it both of his as he offers him what he hopes is an encouraging smile. 

“...But I do see a point in trying to keep you safe. I just…I just want to take care of my friend, okay? There’s nothing more to it than that.”

To Ashe’s surprise, Yuri remains silent, staring blankly at their intertwined hands. Had he done something wrong? In the moment, Ashe had thought a gesture like this would convey his sincerity. But in his own doubt he reflects on the last time he’d reached for Yuri like this. Yuri had pulled away from him, rebuffed his supportive gesture. Is he about to do the same now?

But then Yuri does the unthinkable, something Ashe could have never predicted. He blushes.

“I truly can’t get my head wrapped around you sometimes.” Yuri raises his free hand to cover his steadily reddening face. Had Ashe not caught Yuri’s flushed cheeks beforehand, he would have assumed that the gesture was made in aggravation, rather than embarrassment. Yuri speaks again, his words half muffled under his hand. “Also I can’t believe I’m falling for one of your cornball lines.” 

“Yuri?…” Ashe frowns, tentatively giving Yuri a once over. He doesn’t quite catch Yuri’s mumbling, but all the same he’s left concerned by the other’s uncharacteristic shift in demeanor. In all this it still hasn’t occurred to Ashe to let go of Yuri’s hands. “Are you…?”

“I’m fine, Ashe,” Yuri replies, a surprising edge to his voice as he hastily talks over Ashe’s concerned query. Inevitably Yuri does break away from Ashe’s touch, though not without offering his usual smile. Yuri’s ability to quickly regain his composure and confidence no matter what is hurled his way is a remarkable feat. But even he can’t magically make the dusting of pink on his cheeks disappear instantaneously. “Nothing to worry your cute little head about.”

Ashe is still unconvinced, concerned eyes roving over Yuri’s face. Ultimately he decides to drop the subject. Something’s obviously amiss, but he doubts Yuri would give even if Ashe pressed the subject. That’s just the kind of person Yuri is, impenetrable and unreadable. And like the rest of him, Ashe has accepted this for a long time, wholly and completely. 

1186, Lone Moon.

It’s Ashe’s fault that Yuri gets hurt. So it’s Ashe’s responsibility that Yuri gets back on his feet again. 

He’d been stupid, so stupid. Yuri had told him not to get involved in his shady schemes, and Ashe had stubbornly refused him. He’d foolishly thought that he’d be able to protect Yuri if things ever turned sour. Even more foolishly, he’d hoped that maybe his presence would provide as a good influence for Yuri. 

In the end Ashe had provided no protection nor good influence. All he had done was get in the way. Yuri paid the price for Ashe’s naivety, having been fatally injured in a scuffle with a rival gang. 

This is all his fault. If only he’d listened to Yuri before. Then he wouldn’t have been a distraction. Then Yuri wouldn’t have been preoccupied with his safety. Then that thief wouldn’t have cut through Yuri’s abdomen with his sword when attempting to cut down Ashe. 

It had been a ghastly sight. Ashe has watched countless young soldiers fall in battle within his young life, many of whom were cut down by Ashe himself. But watching Yuri crumble like that before his eyes was like nothing he’d ever experienced before. It was like watching a dancer make a fatal error in the middle of a performance. Yuri falls with grace, as beautiful and captivating as a shooting star. And all Ashe can do is cry out in horror as Yuri hits the ground with a sickening thud. 

It had all been a blur after that. Ashe remembers crying out for someone, probably Balthus, to make sure Yuri was taken care of, before he’d barreled ahead. He doesn’t remember much else from the fight afterwards. When it eventually comes time for him to wash up after returning to the monastery, Ashe won’t know whether the blood on his skin and clothes is his own, Yuri’s or Yuri’s attacker. 

He’s hardly left Yuri’s side in all of this, staying underground in abyss day and night. He’ll cook meals for himself at the local inn and occasionally Hapi will drag him somewhere under the guise of stopping him from pathetically smothering Yuri. But otherwise Ashe has been at Yuri’s beck and call regardless of whether Yuri’s even awake or not. 

To the majority of the kingdom forces, Ashe has been missing in action for the last several days. The prepared statements for anyone who would ask of his whereabouts would vary from person to person. In his preoccupation with Yuri’s condition, Ashe had neglected to consider giving an actual excuse for his disappearance. Ultimately he’d only remembered to inform the professor of what had happened and where Ashe would be while Yuri recovered. 

At the time Ashe had thought this was the right course of action. It is impossible to be completely honest about the circumstances of Yuri’s attack without going into detail of his secret business transactions. Ashe may not agree with Yuri’s way of life, but the least he can do is respect his privacy and protect those secrets while Yuri’s on bedrest. However, when Ashe does return back to the monastery, and is met with a sea of absurd rumors and questions brought on by Professor Byleth’s vague explanation, he’ll ultimately decide honesty is always the best policy. 

This afternoon Ashe is cleaning up the Ashen Wolves dormitories to occupy himself while Yuri’s sleeping. It’s more for him than anything else. Just standing around at Yuri’s bedside will only lead to contemplating on everything that’s happened again. However he still earns a very appreciative Balthus as the older man leaves for the day. 

“Man, this is great! The boss should almost kick the bucket more often!”

This comment earns a lengthy scolding from Ashe, speaking so angrily that Yuri probably would have woken up had he not been practically comatose. Balthus makes a hasty exit, evidently disinterested in getting an earful from a man wielding a broom. 

So Ashe is left alone with an unconscious Yuri, just like he has been for the last few days.

To no one’s surprise, the mess within the shared dorm room can mostly be attributed to Balthus. If not for the makeup and vanity mirror on the desk, and books strewn about the room, you wouldn’t be able to tell that someone else lived here at all. 

Ashe thinks ruefully that this is very characteristic of Yuri. With Yuri, you only see what he wants you to see. Everything else about him is a secret he’ll carry locked up until the information is useful to him, or until the information is buried with him. Even if Ashe has known Yuri longer than anyone else at the monastery, and has seen sides to him no one else has seen, it still feels like there’s things Yuri’s holding out on him. 

Ashe’s gaze drifts to where Yuri is sleeping, his green eyes solemn and pensive. Yuri’s as beautiful in sleep as he is awake. He’ll be happy to know that even after a fatal injury like that, his face and looks have remained unscathed. That’s what matters to him, right? It doesn’t matter that he could’ve died. It doesn’t matter that he could still die. It doesn’t matter that Ashe has been beside himself with grief for days. 

Ashe wishes he could be angry. Maybe if he could bring himself to be angry at Yuri and his unsavory business, it would hurt less. All of this would be an easier pill to swallow if he could just blame Yuri for this. After all, it’s not like Ashe asked him to take that blow for him. He’d only asked that Yuri stay safe and out of trouble. But even if absolving himself of the blame would ease Ashe’s conscience, he doubts anything would ease the dull ache in his heart. 

Besides, if the situation had been reversed, Ashe knows he would have done just as Yuri had, his own safety be damned. Try as Ashe might to deny it, but he and Yuri are more alike than what meets the eye. They’re two sides of the same coin, Ashe clinging to the light while Yuri dwells in the dark. 

Before he can let himself sink into another pit of despair, Ashe continues his cleaning. There’s not much he has left to do at this point. Now that he’s cleared out all of Balthus’ empty alcohol bottles and cleaned the rest of his portion of the room, all that’s left to do is put away Yuri’s books. Curious to learn more of Yuri’s taste in literature, Ashe inspects each and every volume in Yuri’s book collection. 

Overall their tastes don’t intersect much. Most of the books Yuri keeps in his room are nonfiction and/or academic books that would make Ashe’s head spin. But there are a few things that catch Ashe’s interest. There’s a collection of Adrestian poetry along with some Fodlan travel journals Ashe thinks he’d really enjoy reading. There’s also a worn leather ledger that definitely looks too personal to read. 

The last of the books to look over is a large encyclopedia Ashe recognizes from Lonato’s library at Castle Gaspard. However upon picking it up, Ashe notes that this particular copy is much lighter than it ought to be. Bewildered, Ashe opens the book, only to find it has been completely hollowed out. Instead of entries he expects to find, there’s a large rectangle shaped hole through the pages. It’s the sort of trick he’d expect from someone like Yuri. Though admittedly Ashe would have thought Yuri would have figured out a better hiding place than inside a book. Then again, Balthus isn’t really the type to read for leisure, is he?

Hidden within the hollowed out book are an assortment of folded papers along with a simple silver ring. It’s definitely more innocuous than what Ashe would have expected of Yuri. But if Ashe has learned anything from knowing Yuri these past years, it’s that looks can be deceiving. There could be all kinds of dangerous information and secrets enclosed in these papers. 

While the ring piques Ashe’s curiosity, its purpose is self explanatory. It looks to be a wedding band. The design is simple and without any of the flashy or decadent jewels Ashe would associate with a noble’s ring. This is definitely a commoner’s ring. In fact, it somewhat resembles the ring that had belonged to Ashe’s mother. Ashe pulls out the ring from on a worn chain worn under his hoodie. Ever since that knight had tried to take it from him, Ashe has worn his mother’s ring around his neck for safe keeping. He’s never taken it off. He probably never will take it off until he finds someone he wants to share his life with. If he finds someone.

He wonders why Yuri would hide something like this. The ring itself isn’t worth much in material value, not something Ashe could imagine someone wanting to steal. So it must be of sentimental value. Yuri has never struck Ashe as someone who was particularly sentimental. But actions speak louder than words, don’t they? But what about this ring would be special to Yuri? Could he…?

For someone like Yuri, having a significant romantic relationship would only hinder him. A man who often relies on his seductive prowess can’t have a lover out in the open to expose him. He can’t wear a wedding ring that could be noticed by a person of interest. Is that why Yuri’s hiding this ring? Is that why Ashe has never seen or heard of this supposed lover of Yuri’s? Are these letters from them?

It makes sense when Ashe thinks about it hard enough. Yet thinking about it at all causes an unbidden feeling of melancholy to bubble inside him. He sighs, still holding the hollow book as he collapses into Yuri’s open desk chair.

Ashe has been acutely aware of the soft spot he’s developed for Yuri over the years. He’d done his best not to dwell on it, afraid of what would become of him if he let his emotions run away with him. Falling in love with someone like Yuri would only further establish Ashe’s place as a pawn in Yuri’s chess game. Even if his feelings for Yuri didn’t extend past caring for him as a friend, being attached to Yuri at all is dangerous. There’s no certainty with him. Ashe will never know whether the Yuri that draws him in is his guardian angel or the devil whispering in his ear. He’ll never know whether the hand that reaches for him intends to hold him close or press a blade to his throat. 

Ashe never wanted to love Yuri. He’d only wanted to help him, to guide him down the right path. Going any further than that would only be setting himself up for heartbreak. It’s that same heartbreak that washes over Ashe now, flooding his senses and leaving him to drown in the feelings he’d tried to deny for so long. 

He’d always known Yuri could never love him. As far as Ashe is aware, Yuri hardly even likes him. So this discovery hardly comes as a shock. He’d only wished that this inevitability would have come at a more opportune time. Ideally Ashe would have had some time to process everything before he had to see Yuri again. To the detriment of his heart, Ashe glances back at Yuri’s sleeping face again.

Ashe has never known a more beautiful person. Yuri is beautiful, inside and out. It may have taken Ashe an embarrassing amount of time to realize that, but he knows now. He’s found not only the overt beauty Yuri purposely flaunts around for his own gain, but the covert beauty Yuri hides from the world as well. The latter may be things Yuri sees as weaknesses, flaws that need to be concealed like blemishes under makeup. But it is those things that made Ashe fall in love with him in the first place.

There’s beauty in everything Yuri does. It’s in the way Yuri’s eyes light up when a plate of sweets is put in front of him and in the way his nose scrunches up when he lets out a real laugh. It’s in his melodious voice that he’ll share for unfortunate children despite his own discomfort with it. It’s in his ambitious pursuit of making a better world for the forgotten children of Fodlan. 

Yuri’s methods may be questionable, but at the end of the day he’s a better and more beautiful man than Ashe could ever be. They share the same dream. But when Ashe was staying stagnant while hoping to make a difference, Yuri actually went out and took action. Yuri’s not a devil. He’s an angel in devil’s clothing. So many lives have been saved because of him. So many people rely on him to survive. 

And it’s Ashe’s fault that Yuri might not survive this. It’s all his fault.

Ashe has never known a love like this, a love that so thoroughly consumes him that he can’t sleep at night. But that is what has become of him, isn’t it? Ashe has been haunted by many in his short life, haunted by the people he loved most. But he’s never been haunted like this by someone who isn’t dead. Whether he’s awake or asleep, Yuri’s face seems to loom over him like a specter lost to the goddess. The condition has gotten worse since Yuri injured himself. But Ashe knows it won’t improve even if Yuri survives.

Ashe’s gaze drifts back to the letters and ring in the hollow book. Someone out there loves Yuri. Someone out there could lose Yuri if he doesn’t wake up soon. Maybe the confirmation of Ashe’s unreciprocated love hurts, but it would be selfish to think about his own pain now. Knowing Yuri, he’s never told anyone of this secret lover of his. If he dies now, they may never know what happened to him. Ashe can’t let that happen. He needs to know who they are. Not for himself, but for Yuri. 

All the letters kept in the book are in relatively good condition, save for signs of age on some of the ones towards the bottom of the pile. The one on the top appears to be fairly recent, the paper still crisp and smelling of ink. Ashe picks it up, unfolding it in hopes of finding a clue to this secret lover’s identity. 

Instead he finds something that shocks him to his very core. Upon the first line of the letter in neat unfamiliar handwriting reads, To my dear Regulus.

Regulus?!

It’s been fifteen years since Ashe was first saved from the custody of that compassionless Faerghus knight. It wasn’t the first nor the last time he’d had a run in with law enforcement. But to this day it’s the time he remembers best. Ashe remembers everyone who has helped him when he couldn’t help himself, even the ones who didn’t want to be remembered. In Regulus’ case, especially the ones who didn’t want to be remembered. 

But Regulus wasn’t real. That’s what Ashe told himself. It’s common for young children’s imaginations to run wild like that, especially when the children in question haven’t eaten in days. It was a rational conclusion to come by when he was unable to find his guardian angel again. But it also made things easier to cope with for Ashe. 

For what would have been the alternative? If Regulus was real, where did he go? Why didn’t he come back to Ashe? Had he been arrested? Had he been killed? Or did he just not want anything to do with the silly little kid he saved. Every other conclusion had hurt in one way or another. So Ashe, already riddled with endless grief, had chosen the conclusion that hurt the least. 

But now, look where that’s gotten him.

Now that he looks back on it, the signs had always been there. The first time they’d met Ashe had noted the similarities between them. But at the time he’d attributed that to wishful thinking and an active imagination that still hadn’t been snuffed out by harsh reality. But if it’s true. If Yuri really is Regulus, what does that mean? Why hadn’t he said anything? Why had he insisted on keeping Ashe in the dark all this time?

Even if Yuri could never have loved Ashe the way that he loves him, he’d thought they were at least friends. But now he feels like he doesn’t know anything anymore. The man lying unconscious in bed feels like a stranger to him now. Who is Yuri? Who is Regulus? Do either of them care about Ashe at all? 

With wobbly legs and trembling hands, Ashe rises from Yuri’s desk chair. He needs some fresh air. He needs some time to think. He needs a place to process all of this that isn’t littered with reminders of Yuri. So before he can think about the consequences, before he can think about finding someone else to look after Yuri, Ashe runs. He runs out of the dorm rooms. He runs out of Abyss. He runs until his legs give out on the monastery floor.

An hour later when Yuri finally wakes up, he’s greeted with a pristinely clean room and a secret letter left open on his desk.

1186, Great Tree Moon.

Dedue is quiet as he tends to the greenhouse flowers. Ashe doesn’t mind. He’s just happy to be able to share the same space with him again. 

It had been a joyous reunion, hardly a dry eye among their ranks. His highness had even momentarily broken out of his bloodthirsty rampage to take Dedue in. After they’d captured The Great Bridge of Myrddin, nearly everyone had been eager to welcome him back. 

But Ashe had gotten there first, faster and more desperate than anyone else. It was almost animalistic the way he moved, sprinting across the battlefield without a thought in his head past his basic instincts. He needed to see Dedue. He needed to touch him, to hold him, to feel that he’s real and right in front of him. So that’s what he did. Ashe had practically thrown himself into Dedue’s arms. Nothing else mattered; not the bodies of fallen foes strewn across the ground, not the prying eyes of their battalion members, not Dimitri’s disgruntled grunt as Ashe had come between them. The only thing that mattered was that Dedue was alive.

Ashe couldn’t tell you how long he’d stayed in Dedue’s arms, eyes red and puffy as he’d sobbed into Dedue’s chest. It had definitely been longer than most would deem appropriate. In later days, Ashe might look on his behavior with embarrassment. But at that moment, he had just not cared. 

It’s been a few days since they’d returned to Garreg Mach. Since then Ashe has returned to his more sensible self, the only signs of his lingering emotions being the frequent glances he’d cast in Dedue’s direction to reassure himself that he’s still there. 

Dedue had actually called Ashe out on this at one point, his back facing Ashe as they’d prepared lunch together in the kitchens. “I am not going anywhere,” He’d said in his usual even tone. But Ashe could pick up on the trace of a smile in his voice that reassured him more than anything Dedue could have said. 

Things feel more peaceful now that Dedue is back with them. Well, as peaceful as it can be in the midst of wartime. On days like today, when all there is to do is attend to chores around the monastery, it’s easier for Ashe to pretend it’s like the old days again. Being here in the greenhouse with Dedue and sharing a comfortable silence like this is the closest thing to normalcy Ashe has had since the war started. He would stay like this forever if he could, blocking the rest of the world out as he stands frozen in time in this perfect moment.

All good things must end, some quicker than Ashe would have liked. Today’s good thing ends when the greenhouse doors swing open. The clatter easily breaks Ashe out of his euphoric daze, eyes wide as a familiar click of heeled boots rings in his ears.

Ashe hasn’t spoken to Yuri in the week and a half since he’s woken up. Or to be more precise, he’d been actively avoiding Yuri. He’s not exactly proud of this, but he didn’t know how to even begin to approach the topic of what he’d learned in the Abyss dorms. So for the time being Ashe had decided he wouldn’t approach it at all. In fact, he’d do everything in his power to refrain from even thinking about it or Yuri in general, at least until things became less hectic on the battlefront. 

For a while that plan had worked well. After all, Ashe and Yuri don’t quite run in the same circles on a daily basis. But it seems Ashe’s luck has finally worn out. That, or Yuri had finally grown tired of playing this game of cat and mouse and had decided to go out of his way to find Ashe. 

To the mouse’s surprise, Yuri speaks to Dedue first, his expression relaxed but with a seriousness in his eyes that makes Ashe uneasy.

“Hey, there friend. Glad to see you back and making the rounds again. You mind if I borrow little Ashe for a second? It’ll just be a second.”

Instead of answering, Dedue casts Ashe a look. It’s subtle, but Ashe can tell this is his way of assuring it’s safe to leave Ashe to his own devices. Even if the gesture is ultimately unnecessary, Ashe still feels comforted by Dedue’s care and consideration. He’s never had a friend quite like him before.

“It’s okay, Dedue.” Ashe raises his hands in a sign of surrender, smiling as he sets his watering can down. This confrontation is likely long overdue. As much as he’d like to hide behind Dedue forever, he knows it’s not right for himself, Dedue or Yuri. Ashe needs to face this head on. That’s what an honorable knight would do. “I’ll meet back up with you later.” 

Dedue merely nods, leaving Ashe to quietly follow Yuri out of the greenhouse. 

As expected Yuri wants to have this conversation somewhere private. In fact he refuses to even breathe a word until they’ve tucked themselves away in a secluded corner of the staircase hall leading up to the second floor of the dormitories. Whatever ease is gained in the change of location for Yuri is subtracted from Ashe. The privacy only makes him more nervous, his heartbeat rapid as a rabbit’s moments before the slaughter. 

But Ashe still smiles once they’ve hit their spot, expression warm and welcoming. 

“I’m glad to see you’re back on your feet, Yuri. You gave us quite the scare back there.”

“Yeah, well. You know it’ll take more than that to take me down.” Yuri’s tone is flippant, but his heart doesn’t feel in it. He’s doing a worse job of maintaining his immaculate composure, his eyes visibly guarded and his body language stiff and uncomfortable. Evidently the encounter last moon had affected Yuri just as much as it had affected Ashe.

Ashe’s slightly contrived smile falls, a sincere look of concern overtaking his face. “Yuri? Are you sure you’re okay? You don’t seem—”

“Let’s just cut to the chase, shall we?” It seems like that was all Yuri needed to drop the pretenses. Not that he’s ever had much trouble keeping his eye on the prize. 

“I know you were snooping through my things while I was out. I don’t know what could have happened to make you lose your mind and think you could get away with prying into my business, but I wanna know why. I was of the mind that you thought going through people’s personal possessions was beneath you. Why the change of tune? Or better yet, why were you down in Abyss at all? Did you think you could clear out all the scummy criminals while my back was turned? Go on, now. I’d love to hear whatever outlandish story you have for me.”

There’s no easy way to segue into this conversation. Though there’s something to be said of how effortlessly Yuri seems to take charge. Even when he’s clearly in a vulnerable position, he carries himself with the confidence that simply commands attention. It’s no wonder the people of the underground flock to him for guidance. 

Ashe may be under Yuri’s sharp scrutiny, but none of that has dulled how impressive Ashe finds him. In fact, instead of Yuri achieving the desired effect with this intimidating approach, he only makes Ashe relax. He couldn’t say why. Maybe there’s something comforting in the familiarity of Yuri’s venomous tongue. It’s nice to feel like nothing has changed, even though everything has.

“There’s no story to tell, Yuri. You were hurt, so I took it upon myself to look after you. You didn’t think I’d just leave you for dead after something like that, did you?”

“You should have...” 

The words are barely audible. If they weren’t alone in this hall or standing so close, Ashe probably wouldn’t have heard it at all. Even so, Ashe is left incredulous by Yuri’s words, the rest of his nervousness dissipating into the air. In its place is a familiar wave of red hot anger and frustration. Some things really don’t change after all.

“What is wrong with you?!” He blurts it out before he can think better of it, before he can decide whether it’s worth it to start another fight with Yuri. “Is your pride so important to you that you’d rather be left to fend for yourself than let people who care about you take care of you?”

“Sure, Ashe. Would that answer make you happy?” It seems like it’s just as easy for Yuri to fall into their old routine as it is for Ashe. He’s flippant as ever, giving Ashe the same careless half answers Ashe has learned to expect from him. That’s how it starts at least. “Does it satisfy that self righteous heart of yours to know how much I hate being looked after? Would you feel better if you knew how disgusting I feel knowing you saw me weak and pitiful like that?”

Unbeknownst to Ashe, something in Yuri has snapped. His cool composure is gone, his beautiful face twisted in an expression of vehement anger. But even this face that Yuri wears is a mask. Yuri’s still shielding himself even now. Ashe can see it in his eyes. Yuri’s wounds may have healed, but he’s still hurting. Maybe he always has been hurting. 

“Yuri…” Ashe reaches out, compelled to console him. But Yuri stops him, taking his wrist in a forceful grip. 

“Don’t touch me,” he hisses, “I don’t need you pitying me more than you already do.”

“Pity you?...” As smart as Yuri is, he can be surprisingly dense when it comes to stuff like this. Ashe is surprised Yuri still hasn’t figured it out. Somehow Ashe has snuck into a blind spot that he didn’t know about. Guess it takes a thief to fool another thief. 

Yuri’s nails dig painful crescents into Ashe’s skin. But he still doesn’t pull away. He doesn’t move at all, standing tall and unafraid. 

“I don’t pity you, Yuri… I love you.”

Ashe had never wanted to say those words, not to Yuri. Even before finding the letters, Ashe knew it was a bad idea. Why would he burden Yuri like that? Why would he overcomplicate an already overcomplicated friendship? At every fork in the road, he has chosen to omit this truth. But today they’ve hit a block in the path that Ashe can’t dodge this time. He has to come clean, not for himself, but for Yuri. He can’t let Yuri think that this is any less than what it is. 

Ashe’s confession hangs expectantly in the air, driving a wedge between the pair of thieves under it. Everything feels frozen in time for a moment, Yuri and Ashe left staring at each other in deafening silence. Yuri unceremoniously drops Ashe’s wrist, his eyes looking more wounded than Ashe has ever seen them. 

“You can’t be serious. You really expect me to fall for something like that?”

Ashe blinks, stunned and bewildered. Yuri’s rejection has always been inevitable. But Ashe still hadn’t expected an outright refusal to believe his words. He doesn’t know whether to be hurt, frustrated or relieved. At present an uncomfortable mixture settles in the pit of his stomach, leaving Ashe disconcerted and disquieted. 

“What? What are you talking about? Do you think I would lie to you about this?” Yuri should know Ashe well enough to know he’d never lie to him about something like this. He should know that Ashe has never lied to him, period. So why? Why is he acting like this?

“How could you?” Yuri doesn’t even seem to take in what Ashe is saying anymore, too wrapped up in his head and the emotions he’s kept masked for so long. “You’ve seen me at my worst. You know the kinds of things I do for a living. You saw me when I was helpless and on the brink of death. How could you know that much of me and still feel like you love me? Are you really that stupid?”

Yuri’s words are more honest and raw than anything Ashe has ever heard from him. Ashe has never been so naive to think he knows Yuri in his entirety, but he’d never thought so much pain and self loathing lied under his confident facade. It seems he’s been very naive after all. 

Ashe takes a slow step forward, approaching Yuri like he’s a wounded animal. When Ashe reaches for Yuri this time, Yuri doesn’t stop him. He stays deathly still as Ashe tenderly takes his hand in his. 

“Regulus…” His voice is gentle and low as he murmurs Yuri’s true name. Ashe had never thought of using it before, but right now it feels like the right thing to do. Yuri stiffens, his expression crumbling as the last shards of his shield fall away. “I know you don’t feel the same way about me, and I would never ask you to love me. But please accept that what I say is true. I love you, for everything you are and in spite of everything you do. Maybe to you that makes me stupid or naive, but that doesn’t change how I feel. I’m sorry if hearing this has hurt you somehow. I never wanted to do that.”

Ashe closes the distance between them, expression solemn as he places a chaste kiss to Yuri’s cheek. The gesture is without expectations or any of the emotion expected when kissing someone you’re in love with. This isn’t a kiss of love. This is a kiss goodbye. 

“Don’t worry about me, okay?” Ashe releases Yuri’s hand, a melancholy smile on his face as he withdraws. “I’ll move on in my own time. Just keep yourself safe, and I’ll be alright.”

He’s dealing out Yuri’s rejection for him, hoping to make this easier for both of them. This way Yuri won’t have to feel guilty for not reciprocating, and Ashe can breathe easy knowing he’s done the one he loves a service. If his hand bleeds as his heart shatters under its grip, that’s just worthy collateral. 

Yuri still stands frozen as Ashe moves to make his exit. It’s a rare moment where Yuri is left completely speechless, stunned into silence and staring blankly at Ashe’s retreating figure. It’s okay though. Yuri doesn’t need to say anything. Ashe already knows what he would’ve said and said it for him. There’s nothing left to talk about.

Therefore when Ashe walks down the stairs and disappears out into the courtyard, it doesn’t surprise him when Yuri doesn’t chase after him.

1186, Harpstring Moon.

Ashe has always wanted to have the chance to go to Fhirdiad. He just wishes that his first time in the capital wasn’t in these circumstances. The city is in complete chaos, civilians and soldiers alike fighting to the death in the streets. It’s hardly the ideal first impression, but Ashe is sure this scene is much worse for people like Dimitri who once called this city home. 

Their objective is to defeat Lady Cornelia and the rest of the insurrectionists. Ideally this will be done with as little permanent damage to the city and common people as possible. But given the mysterious and monstrous weapons wielded by the enemy, this wish seems particularly unrealistic. 

Ashe has never experienced a battle that felt so fruitless. They’ve been at this for what feels like hours, yet nothing they do seems to weaken these titanus. But Ashe can’t lose hope. If they lose here, they lose everything. Everything they’ve fought for these last five years will be for nothing. So even as his body aches, even as the enemy lands weighty blows on him, Ashe will keep fighting. He’ll keep fighting until they win, or until he draws his last breath. 

Not too far away, Ashe can see Yuri fighting with as much vigor and venom he’d expect from him. They haven’t spoken since that day in the hall, both of them dancing around each other like a pair of jilted lovers. Admittedly a part of Ashe mourns this change, missing the old friend that he’d come to rely on. But mostly he’s glad that Yuri walked away from everything relatively unscathed. Ashe could never forgive himself if Yuri was left hurting because of him. 

It’s probably better this way. If something happens to Ashe, he’ll at least die knowing he’s said all he needed to say. He’ll die with nothing unspoken between them. 

Amidst the clash of armor and the thuds of the marching titanus, Ashe hears someone cry out. It’s a young voice that screams, much too young to be out here in the middle of a blood covered battlefield. Ashe whips his head around to see a pair of young children wobbling in his direction. The eldest, a boy that doesn’t look any older than four holds tightly to his younger sister’s hand as he walks forward. For a moment Ashe simply stands, confused and horrified at the idea of children so young caught in the middle of this. But when the boy cries again, it all makes sense to him. 

“Papa! Papa, where are you?”

Ashe’s heart sinks to the bottom of his stomach. This war has taken so much from them, becoming so dire that civilians have been forced to fight at the risk of their own lives. These children are too young to understand the toll war takes. These children only understand the fear that drives them forward, the fear of the battle around them, and the fear of losing the person they love most. 

Ashe moves without thinking, abandoning his post on the battlefield to rush for the children. It is a knight’s duty to protect and serve the common people first and foremost. The knights Ashe met as a child may have failed him, but he won’t fail these children. He swiftly scoops them off the ground, placing them both safely in the front of his horse’s saddle. He has to get these children to safety, he has to find their father. He can’t let this war tear apart another family, not again.

“Yuri!”

Yuri’s response is immediate, briefly turning his head from the foot soldier he’s fighting. His lavender eyes instantly find Ashe and the children, stony expression faltering as he takes in the scene before him. With a surge of newfound desperation, Yuri returns to his fight, quickly landing a lethal blow and leaving the soldier to crumble to the ground. Now free of distractions, Yuri turns his full attention to Ashe. 

“Ashe, what are you doing?” 

“Yuri, I need you to take these children somewhere safe.” Ashe dismounts from his horse, handing Yuri the reins before the latter can protest. He knows Yuri’s allergic to horses. But he and the children will travel faster this way than on foot. “I’m going to look for their father. Whatever happens to me, just keep going, okay?”

“But–” Yuri tries to protest, but Ashe puts his foot down. 

“Go!” 

Yuri nods, his expression solemn as he mounts Ashe’s horse. Ashe is already turning his attention back to the hectic battlefield. So he doesn’t see when Yuri briefly looks back in his direction as he rides away. Nor does he see the pained expression on Yuri’s face as he watches Ashe’s retreating figure. 

But Ashe does hear when Yuri calls out to him as a nearby viskam charges its power. Ashe turns back, but only in time to see Yuri’s desperate and horrified face before the viskam fires between them. Behind Ashe, one of the large city walls crumbles under the viskam’s skyborn attacks, pieces of debris and stone crashing onto him like a man-made avalanche. Ashe yelps as a particularly large stone falls onto his head, causing him to collapse in pain as he’s buried in the falling debris. 

Whatever Yuri cries out next is left muffled by the pile of rocks laying on top of Ashe. Not much can be said of what happens next, as the throbbing in Ashe’s head and aching in the rest of his body consumes him. In the end Ashe succumbs to the pain, leaving his fate up to the goddess as he shuts his eyes and fades into unconsciousness. 

He can’t say how long he’s out for. When Ashe wakes up he’s still buried in the collapsed wall, the pieces of stone blocking out any sunlight or lack thereof that would give him a clue as to what the time is. However long it’s been, it hasn’t been long enough to dull the pain the falling rocks had caused him. Ashe groans, using what little strength he has to push aside some of the debris. 

His legs are definitely broken judging by the large boulder crushed on top of them. He likely has a concussion as well. But otherwise, he doesn’t seem to have any fatal injuries. It’s nothing Mercedes wouldn’t be able to heal over the next week. That is, if he’s able to get out of here before he suffocates. 

It’s considered dishonorable in Faerghus to abandon the dead without a proper burial. Even for cases like Felix’s brother where there was no body to bury, it is still customary to have a service and sometimes bury an empty coffin. Even if Yuri thought Ashe had perished in the fall, he wouldn’t have abandoned him. Even disregarding old tradition, that’s just not how Yuri operates. Yuri, the man who traveled across Faerghus to honor the wishes of a fallen comrade, would never leave Ashe’s body to rot. Yuri will come back for him, he’s sure of it. Ashe only hopes he took care of the children first. 

As if summoned by Ashe’s thoughts of him, Yuri’s muffled voice rings out from somewhere beyond. 

“Over there.” Yuri speaks to an unknown figure with him, his voice cold and clinical. He sounds nothing like the frantic man Ashe had spoken to earlier. As he feels the rubble start to shift above him, Ashe wonders if this change is another of Yuri’s masks, or if this is simply how he grieves. “Make quick work of it, Balthus. We don’t want a repeat of last time.”

“Would you can it, Yuri? Last time was just a fluke. The King of Grappling doesn’t make mistakes.”

There’s the sound of a heavy rock thudding to the ground, followed by another, and then another. Soon a sliver of twilight sun pours into the darkness that surrounds Ashe. It’s not much, but it’s enough to give Ashe the fortitude to push through his pain and clear some of the rubble himself. He sits up, wincing as he attempts to shove the boulder from off of his legs. By the time succeeds in doing so, Balthus has already cleared away most of the fallen rocks. Now free of most of the rubble, Ashe crawls out into the clearing, coughing as he inhales dust and debris. 

As he collapses to the ground outside the broken wall and comes face to face with Balthus and a very surprised looking Yuri, Ashe’s first words are, “Are the children alright? Did they find their father?” If Yuri were any less shell-shocked he probably would have made some teasing remark about Ashe’s knightly virtue and his persevering selflessness. 

As it is, Yuri doesn’t say anything, teasing or otherwise. Yuri stays deathly still, staring at Ashe with an indecipherable expression as Ashe pushes himself up off the ground. Before Ashe can do more than sit up, before he can ask again of the children or of Yuri’s own state, the moment breaks. Then suddenly Yuri is rushing for Ashe, crumbling to the ground beside him as he wraps his lithe arms around him in a fierce embrace. 

“You’re so goddess damned stupid. Don’t ever do that again, understand?”

The hold Yuri has on Ashe is much too tight to be considered comfortable. Even if Ashe hadn’t just been crushed by falling debris, it probably would have hurt a little bit. Currently he sits with two broken legs, a concussion, a bruised everything, and this the most painful hug he’s ever experienced. But still he can’t find it in himself to push Yuri off of him. This is only the second time Yuri has ever held him like this, and the first time Yuri’s initiated anything like this before. Just like the first time, Ashe feels safe and secure in Yuri’s embrace, even as the world seems to crash down on him. It may hurt, but it’s a good kind of hurt. 

Ashe raises his arms to weakly pat Yuri on the back. 

“It’s okay, Yuri. I’m not badly hurt, really. No harm done. I’m sorry for making you worry. I didn’t think–”

Whatever Ashe intends to say next gets drowned out as Yuri places his hands on Ashe’s bruised face and kisses him. Whatever Ashe did or didn't think before has left his mind. He can’t think of anything at all now. Because Yuri is kissing him. Yuri is kissing him and nothing else in the world matters. Everything else has melted away, leaving Ashe to bask in the warmth of Yuri’s mouth and the sweetness of his vanilla perfume.

Ashe would be lying if he’d said he hadn’t thought about what it would be like to kiss Yuri. It’s only natural to fantasize about the person you love, isn’t it? His kiss is more fervent than Ashe would have imagined, Yuri holding onto Ashe as if he were afraid he’d slip through his fingertips. Judging by the slight shakiness in Yuri’s hands, that’s likely to be true. 

Notably, Yuri’s kiss is also a lot wetter than Ashe has pictured. Though in all his daydreams of a moment like this, he’d never thought Yuri would be crying. 

Ashe has never seen Yuri cry before. Even in the worst of times, he’d always seemed so impenetrable, his emotional shields guarding everything remotely vulnerable. But now those shields have crumbled to the ground just like the city walls behind him. And Ashe can’t wrap his head around why that is. 

Ashe had thought they’d finally reached a point where there was nothing left unsaid between them. He’d thought he had finally been in a place where he had a basic understanding of Yuri and his heart. But as Yuri presses into him, intense emotion and passion radiating through him, Ashe comes to terms with the fact that there’s still so much he doesn’t understand yet.

Yuri withdraws, giving Ashe a moment to give him a once over. Yuri’s eyes are red and puffy, teardrops collecting on his long eyelashes and staining his flushed cheeks. To Ashe’s surprise, Yuri’s face is twisted in an expression of pure fury, painting a confusing yet captivating picture before him. Even without the masks that hold Yuri’s facade together, his otherworldly beauty withstands. In fact, Ashe thinks he might be even more beautiful like this, looking so raw and real. 

But Yuri doesn’t give Ashe much time to look over his appearance. For once he’s had a moment to breathe he’s pulling Ashe back in for another impassioned kiss. The second kiss is more brief, Yuri pulling away to curse into Ashe’s skin. 

“You and your damn chivalry...” He kisses Ashe’s cheek. “—and your damn recklessness.” He kisses Ashe’s other cheek. “…and your damn naivety.” He kisses Ashe’s temple. “—and your damn big heart.”

Yuri doesn’t stop there. He continues to litter Ashe’s whole face with kisses, finding a different aspect of him to curse with each one. Eventually Ashe gets overwhelmed with the sudden aggressive affection, moving to give Yuri a gentle nudge to push him off of him.

“Y-Yuri, stop. What are you doing?” Ashe hasn’t forgotten what he found in that hollow book two moons ago. Yuri still has his lover. So why—

“Do I really have to spell it out for you?” Despite the emotional upheaval still coursing through him, Yuri almost sounds like his old self again as he lets out a wet laugh. “Come now, Ashe. I thought you were smarter than that.”

“But I thought- I thought you were in love with someone else. Those letters…?”

“--Were from my mother.”

“What? Your mother?”

“Did you seriously snoop through my stuff but not bother to read everything in the letters?” Yuri laughs again, raising a hand to wipe the tears from his eyes, “You are the worst thief I have ever met.”

“So you mean you…” Ashe still feels slow on the uptake. This just doesn’t feel real. Has Yuri really felt the same way about him all this time? But why…?

“—When you left me that day, I thought I was doing you a favor.” Yuri’s expression is solemn now, eyes tearful and earnest as his gaze locks on Ashe’s. “I thought if I let you believe your feelings were unreciprocated, I’d be saving you from getting caught up with me…I thought I was protecting you.”

Yuri’s confession feels heavy in Ashe’s heart, sinking lower into his chest with each word Yuri speaks. Yuri was willing to break his own heart in order to protect Ashe. He was willing to keep this truth close to his chest, like it’s another secret he has to hold onto to the grave. So much of Yuri has been purposefully hidden in the shadows for the protection of himself and for the protection of others. But now that Yuri has barreled head first out of the shadows, Ashe doesn’t know what to do with everything that has now come to light. 

“I couldn’t…I can’t let you get tangled up with me.” Silent tears continue to stream down Yuri’s face. Ashe moves to take Yuri’s face in his hands, gently catching each tear with his thumbs. “It’s so fucking selfish. Being with someone like me would only ruin you. I’d be putting you in danger just for being associated with me. You could never be the honorable knight you’ve dreamed of being hanging around someone like me. I just wanted to protect you. Loving you is just going to hurt you.”

Ashe knows Yuri’s trying to reject him. He knows that there’s a good amount of truth in every concern Yuri has voiced. But he doesn’t care. Everything else Yuri says washes away from Ashe’s mind as he says it, says the word Ashe has been longing for for goddess knows how long. Love. Yuri loves him. Yuri loves him, and he loves Yuri. Nothing else matters, at least right now. 

In the days going forward they’ll have time to talk about everything. What they are to each other, and what this means for both of their futures. After Ashe is carried back by Balthus (who had somehow been forgotten by both Yuri and Ashe amidst all the tearful confessions) and given time to heal, he’ll be able to ask about Yuri’s past and why Regulus had been hidden away from him for so long. But right now all Ashe wants to do is take Yuri in and give him the kiss of love he’d been withholding two months ago.

So that’s what he does, again, and again, and again.

1186, Verdant Rain Moon.

“I want you to have this.”

“Proposing before battle, hm? Don’t you think that’s a little cliche?”

In hindsight Ashe walked right into that one. After all, it's only natural to think of marriage when your partner is offering you a wedding ring. Ashe had even suspected a misunderstanding like this would occur prior. However, he’d been of the mind that Yuri would have given him at least a moment to explain himself before mercilessly teasing him. He won’t make that mistake again.

Despite being used to this behavior from Yuri, Ashe is still momentarily struck dumb by the flirtatious remark. Everything he’d prepared to say flies out of his head on the spot, a red hot heat shooting up from his chest to his face, neck, and ears. Whatever Yuri murmurs under his breath amidst his laughter gets drowned out by Ashe’s flustered spluttering. 

“T-That’s not what this is! Seriously, Yuri, can’t you let me get a word in first?”

“Sorry, lovebird. I couldn't help myself. You make it too easy.”

“Even if that’s true…” Which it is. Ashe won’t even try to deny that, “-You don’t have to tease me every chance you get.”

“Oh, I think I do,” Yuri’s wit is as quick as ever. You’d think after Ashe became his boyfriend, Yuri would ease up a little. But he’s relentless as ever. “As far as I’m concerned you haven’t been teased enough. I don’t know how you can still stand to say the things you do with a straight face.”

Ashe sighs. Why did he even think this was a good idea in the first place?

Yuri must have caught wind of Ashe’s increasing frustration as he gives a playful yet affectionate squeeze to Ashe’s arm. “Well? You’re not gonna let me stop you, are you? What is it you wanted to say?” Yuri doesn’t completely drop his cheeky air, but he does subdue it in order to give Ashe a bit of needed encouragement. 

It’s not enough to make Ashe’s irritation completely dissipate, but it does give him the motivation to continue on.

“Well, as you know we’re coming up on an important battle. A lot is riding on our success. But the enemies we’re up against are stronger than most. So in the chance that I don’t make it out, I want you to take this ring. I want you to give it to my younger brother and sister and tell them what happened to me. I don’t want incidents like before to happen again.”

Yuri’s smile falls, evidently recalling the near death experiences they’ve both encountered this past year. 

“When you’d gotten hurt before, I’d been afraid that there were people important to you who’d never know what happened to you if you ended up not making it. I don’t want that to happen with me, and I don’t want that happening with you either. If I die, I want to know there’s someone I trust to look after my family after I’m gone.”

“And you’re really sure you want to place that trust in a guy like me?” It’s something Yuri would say jokingly in most cases. But now he looks gravely serious, grim eyes staring down at the wedding ring resting in his left palm. 

“I’m sure.” Ashe remains resolute even in the face of Yuri’s doubts. “If I can’t trust you to do everything in your power to look after the people you love, I don’t think I can trust anyone.” 

Five years ago, Ashe would never have dared to place that much faith in Yuri. Five years ago Yuri was little more than a stranger to him, a dangerous potential foe who could strike him at any moment when his back was turned. But now? Now Yuri is his best friend and confidant. He’s his guardian angel and guiding star. He’s Regulus, the boy Ashe might have been in love with his whole life. 

Yuri sighs, reaching into one of the packs resting on his hip. Ashe furrows his brows, curious and confused as to what Yuri’s doing. But everything becomes clear as he pulls what he’s looking for out of his pack and offers it to Ashe. 

“Well, if we’re going to do this. We might as well go all the way, don’t you think?”

In his right hand Yuri holds out a ring, his mother’s ring, the ring that Ashe had mistaken as proof of Yuri’s secret elopement. Yuri holds it out to Ashe like it’s nothing, like he hasn’t just offered him one of his most prized possessions. It’s an equal exchange, a family heirloom for a family heirloom, a promise for a promise, a heart for a heart. But even so the gesture leaves Ashe shaken, eyes widening as he takes the offered ring. 

“This is…”

“When my mother gave this to me, she said she’d hoped that someday I’d find someone to give this to. Someone who I love. Someone who loves me for who I am, and not for what I can give them. I used to think that wish of her’s was just a pipe dream...” Yuri meets Ashe’s gaze, a knowing twinkle in his eyes as he sends him a fond smile. “But then I found you.”

Ashe closes his fist around Yuri’s ring, doing his best to ignore the increasing heat rising across his face. Yuri teases Ashe for the earnest things he’ll say with a straight face, yet he’ll say some of the most romantic things Ashe has ever heard without a care in the world. It’s just not fair! How can he keep getting away with this? 

Picking up on Ashe’s embarrassment, Yuri chuckles. “Come on, now, Ashe. As cute as it is to see you flustered, there’s no need to ruffle your feathers over this. You said it yourself, didn’t you? This is just a precaution. Let’s not make this anything more than what it is.” 

“Y-yeah, of course.” Ashe’s head is spinning. Before he can completely lose his head, he hooks Yuri’s ring onto the chain around his neck he’d previously attached his own ring to. “It’s a little early to be thinking about stuff like that anyway,” he says, acutely aware of how much he is now thinking about stuff like that. 

“Look, it’s as you said. If something happens to you, you want to make sure there’s someone to look after your family. It’s the same for me. My mother is in no condition to take care of herself. If she stopped getting her shipments of food and medicine just because I kicked the bucket, I’d never forgive myself. So if it’s me who doesn’t make it out of this, I need you to look out for her. Consider it my dying wish.” 

Ashe wants to argue. He wants to assure that both of them will make it out in one piece. But he knows certainties like that aren’t in the cards for them just yet. So instead he closes the distance between them, taking Yuri into his arms and giving him a slow, almost reverent kiss. Yuri seems to melt into the kiss, pressing into Ashe like he’s a missing half of him that he longs to reconnect. Maybe they’ve always been meant to be each other’s other half. Maybe that’s why they keep finding each other against all odds.

Eventually Ashe breaks away from the kiss. But he doesn’t entirely withdraw, still holding Yuri close as he presses his forehead against Yuri’s. 

“You have my word,” he murmurs the words like it’s a secret, like it’s a vow. 

“Look at you, my valiant knight,” Yuri’s smile can be heard in his voice, it can be felt as he leans in for another kiss. “I do wonder how I managed to get so lucky.”

Ashe flushes deeper at Yuri’s remark. But he’s smiling too when Yuri takes him in. Right now the future is unclear. For people like them it may always be unclear. But at this moment, it’s the present that Ashe prioritizes. Even if they both die tomorrow, they’ll still have had this perfect moment to last for decades to come. Ashe thinks he’ll hold onto this moment wherever he ends up after tomorrow. He only hopes that he’ll end up in the same place as Yuri.

Tomorrow, when they win the battle, when they win the war, it’ll be another perfect moment. When Ashe, Yuri, and the rest of their friends make it out alive and relatively unscathed, Ashe will attribute this to divine intervention, a blessing from the goddess after years and years of hardship. 

After all, how could he not believe this fate to be the goddess’ will? Everything feels like divine protection now that Ashe has his guardian angel fighting by his side.