Chapter Text
Hakon was a nerd. As much as he played up the bad boy persona he had so carefully crafted since he was a teen, he was nothing but a softie at heart. His favorite subject before the Fall? Theatre, musicals, Broadway, the West End…he LOVED it. He found he had a natural talent for acting which he chalked up to his uncanny ability to charm and lie his way into or out of any situation. What he never understood was his ability to sing. Neither of his parents could carry a tune, he remembers. Well, as much as he can remember of them after all this time. Even before the Fall, he wasn’t close with them and he couldn’t remember the last time he had made it home to see them. And it has been well over 15 years since the Fall, he knows they can’t be alive anymore. It’s not like he can just confirm this by hopping online or jump on a train to France. They moved back to France after Hakon enlisted in the army. Said they missed the French country side. All of this right before the Fall. But he knew. It was just a gut feeling….. Another regret added to his ever growing list of regrets. He knew that list would never stop growing.
He was a coward, avoided any and all confrontation. He did it with all his ex-wives, the Nightrunners, Lawan….and worst of all he did it with Aiden. That was his biggest regret. THE betrayal. If he’d have just told Aiden the truth. That he was working for Waltz, that he was SUPPOSED to take the key, dispose of Aiden and be done with it. But those eyes. Those soft, gentle, caring, blue-grey eyes. FUCK.
He didn’t mean to fall for the kid. Hell, he didn’t want to and kept trying to shove all those feelings down. Told himself it was a fleeting crush, especially since he’d never had those feelings for a man before. Sure, he experimented. He was in the army. Everyone was young, hot, horny. And the weekends were short, so the time they had to be filled with activities that didn’t require a lot of travel or money, especially before the Fall.
But being IN LOVE?!
It didn’t work. He was in love the with the Pilgrim. He can’t fully pinpoint exactly when it happened. Maybe it was watching him run all those stupid ass errands for everyone Maybe it was all those times they’d stop and chat on the rooftops, how Aiden trusted him so easily, so gently. Maybe it was love at first sight when he saved Aiden from being hanged at the Bazaar. Whenever it was, betraying Aiden was and will always be his greatest regret. The top of the list. Everything he will ever do for the rest of his life will be to make it up to the kid. Even if the kid just sees them as friends.
He was so beyond thrilled Aiden decided to stay in Villedor after everything took place at X13. He knows part of that was because Aiden had only found Mia just to lose her within hours of getting her back. It broke him, in a way Hakon had never seen the kid.
With the death of Waltz, the discovery of the hidden supplies, the new way to navigate Villedor through the tunnels at night, the city felt revived in a way he hadn’t seen it, even before the Fall. And it was all thanks to this kid, this one fucking kid. Who came into the city looking for his sister, for answers, for closure. And found almost nothing but manipulation, backstabbing, betrayal, lies and heartbreak. Even with everything that happened, the people who used him for their own agenda, wants and needs, Aiden still always helped when he could. Because Aiden was everything Hakon was not. And he loved him for it.
He initially thought he hated the Pilgrim. This young, hopeful, kind, charming, ruggedly handsome man just strolls in, offers to help anyone and all he really wants in exchange is information on his sister and Waltz. Even after most people tried to kill him! What a fucking noble asshole. Who does that anymore?! No one. No one does anything for nothing or, in this case, very little anymore. You can’t afford to if you want to survive. But that was Aiden. And when he refused to head into the Central Loop after blowing up the PKs windmill in Old Villedor, their OPENING TO DISAPPEAR, because he had to inform Vincenzo his father, Alberto, died. And Alberto wanted Vincenzo to know how proud of him he was. That was when Hakon realized he never actually hated the kid. He envied him, wished he could be him, wished he had the courage to change even now.
Hakon isn’t capable of change but, by god, he is going to make sure Aiden doesn’t lose that gentleness, that kindness. And become like him. Especially after all those fucking inhibitors he took. And may still be taking. He needs to make a mental note to go around the city, find any and all inhibitors that are left and destroy them…but that is for future Hakon to deal with. Right now he needs to finish setting up for tomorrow night at the Fish Eye.
Even though it had only been a month or so since everything happened at X13, it felt like years had passed and Hakon wanted to find some way to bring Aiden out of his literal hidey hole, to help him start to process and heal. With Frank’s blessing and Lawan’s support, Hakon wanted to set up a karaoke/party night at the Fish Eye with all the people Aiden had gotten close to during his time in Villedor. He didn’t like the idea of sharing the kid with anyone but Aiden wasn’t his, let alone his to keep to himself. He knew that the support of a community, a found family, can do more than almost anything to help on the journey to healing and finding yourself once again. He wanted to go all out with food, decorations, booze, the works. Which meant sucking up to Juan Ranier, minus the actual sucking part. Hakon didn’t care for the supplier. He had been invited more than once to enjoy Juan’s time, even exclusively, but he always turned him down. He didn’t want that parasite to somehow get him on a leash, to do his running and shady deals. That still ended up happening to Hakon, becoming Waltz’s little bitch. He did have a very good reason for it but the irony was not lost on him. Thankfully, Lawan volunteered to go with him to Juan’s and help mitigate any bullshit Juan might try to pull. He was waiting at up at the bar in the Fish Eye for Lawan so they could head out to the Missy and deal with that annoyingly suave and handsome dickhead….
Lawan, his petit oiseau, spared him when she was so hell-bent on ending his life. And now she has welcomed him back into her life as her friend. He never thought he’d see the day. Mostly because he always thought the last thing he’d ever see is the bolt of her crossbow aimed right between his eyes. And he almost did. But thanks to Aiden, she spared him. After X13, they talked and he was able to explain everything to her. Everything. He left nothing out. Waltz, the blackmail, how scared he was, the regrets about the VNC tower and the Nightrunners, how he never stopped loving her and hoped she would eventually find someone better. And she listened, for the most part. She did add in her own commentary here and there, but it was like before with them just talking, crying, laughing and enjoying each other’s company until the sun started to breech the horizon. The only real difference this time was it didn’t end in wild love making. Not that he would have technically said no if she’d have offered but he wasn’t trying to pursue that. And he told her as much. How he had fallen for Aiden but knew they’d never be more than friends and he was ok with that but the thought of being with anyone else right now wasn’t even in the forefront of his mind.
They had been drinking Danior’s special “home brew” which was nothing more than moonshine, distilled and flavored with whatever fruit was in season, creating this antiseptic that can barely pass for drinkable. They were both EXTREMELY drunk but will remember that moment between him and Lawan for the rest of his life:
“Oh shit Hakon. You HAVE fallen hard….you’re such a fucking sap.”
“Little bird, did you forget the mixtapes or poetry I so lovingly crafted for you? I have always been a sap. Romance is and will always be my forte, if I do say so.”
“Ok, jeez, fine… I can admit that. You always did have a way of sweeping me off my feet. Granted, some of that was pushing me off buildings during paraglider training…”
“Patit malin.”
“Hey now. You fell for me because I’m a smartass. And I have the best ass in the Central Loop. Don’t act like you still don’t look.”
He stuck his tongue out like a 5 year old and Lawan feigned mock disgust before they both fell on to her bed laughing like maniacs.
“Thank you, truly.”
“For what, asshole?”
“Not killing me for one. So many hearts in Villedor would have broken the instant that bolt pierced me between my eyes. The cries would have been heard for kilometers away.”
She leaned up and sucker punched him in the gut.
“Jésus! Putain, c'était pour quoi ?!”
“WE ARE HAVING AN OPEN AND VULNERABLE MOMENT, YOU DRUNK ASS. DON’T RUIN IT.”
“Ok, ok! Fine…I do mean that though. You let me live and have let me back in, not only to your life but the Nightrunners, too. I am forever greatful to you AND Frank for your kindness and mercy. I wouldn’t have blamed you for turning me away or, hell, even killing me,”
Tears started welling up in Hakon’s eyes. He’s usually not a weepy drunk but this wasn’t normal drunk talk.
“I cannot take back all I’ve done or go back to that night at the VNC Tower. I wish I could. I am truly so sorry. About it all.”
In that instant, Hakon started to sob. It was like the Colonel opened the dam sluice gates and 15+ years of emotions came pouring out. He tried to control it, tried to subdue the sobs. Hell, he even tried to get up to keep Lawan from seeing him like that. He was barely able to sit up before she grabbed him and held him tightly in a bear hug. She refused to let go even as he tried to push away from her. He knew he was stronger than her but he couldn’t break free. She held him for minutes? Hours? He wasn’t sure but when he eventually calmed down, he looked at her. She had tears streaming down her face but she was smiling.
“What are you smiling at?! I just poured my heart out to you AND I am not expecting any sex after. Look at me, I’m growing as a person!”
Lawan started laughing.
“Y’know I was going to say something like ‘I never thought I’d hear you apologize’ or ‘Look how far you’ve come’ but then you went and fucked it up. Again. I mean it is what you’re good at.”
Hakon belly laughed and smiled.
“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. And I am a very old dog.”
“Old horn dog. And you aren’t THAT old. You’re in your mid 30s you melodramatic fuck. Make sure when you’re sweeping Aiden off his feet, you say ‘old horn dog’.”
Right after she said that, Hakon lost all color in his face. His smile fell and he felt that empty hole in his chest again. He would never have that with Aiden. As much as he wanted that to be the reality, it wasn’t. And it would never be.
“OH FUCK! I’m so sorry Hakon. I didn’t thin…”
“No, no! Mon petit oiseau, no worries.”
“I shouldn’t have opened my fucking mouth.”
“Why not? We are just 2 besties drinking and sharing.”
“Who the fuck taught you the word ‘besties’?! You’re ancient!”
-Exaggerated gasp-
“I am not ancient! I am in my mid 30s. And I heard it from Maya, one of the little shit starters, I MEAN orphans, over in Olde Villedor. Aiden started helping her out after asking about the Lazarus brass knuckles and he became smitten with her after that. So, sometimes when I’d run into him, she would be there chatting about the next dark zone she wants to raid or how the adults aren’t reliable, which can’t say I disagree with the little shit there, and she asked if I was his ‘bestie’. And what can I say? It has a nice ring to it, especially when I say it.” -raises eyebrows at Lawan-
“But you said I’m your bestie, dick!”
“I can have more than 1 bestie. Maya said so….”
They both looked at each other for a solid 5 seconds, Lawan scowling at him, before dissolving into laughter. After that, they took a few more shots of liquor and passed out. They woke up hours later, cuddled together. Hakon had missed this. This type of physical closeness with ANYONE, let alone Lawan. And he wasn’t even disappointed it hadn’t led to sex. When they both woke up and decided to part ways, to start their respective days, they hugged. And when they parted, Hakon had a feeling it wasn’t just him who was somehow renewed from their drunken word vomiting session that night.
Hakon was deep in his own mind, in this memory, when he was suddenly jolted back to reality which a light punch to his right shoulder.
“Earth to Hakon! Jeez, I’ve been standing here for like 10 seconds and no recognition? No sarcastic quip to greet your ‘bestie’?”
Hakon smiled. His bestie. It warmed his soul hearing that she used it, albeit usually in a sarcastic manner. But he knew she meant it.
“Mes excuses, ma meilleure amie. Je me souvenais avec émotion des nombreuses fois où tu m'as traité de connard.”
“Yeah well you’re going to be here until the end of time thinking of all those fucking moments. C’mon, asshole. Juan is upstairs at his table waiting for us. You know how fucking intolerable he gets when people are late to these fucking meetings with his ‘royal highness’…”
“Wait, wait. I thought we were headed to the wharf. His ‘royal highness’ doesn’t like to leave his throne room.”
“I pulled some strings with some help from Frank and got him to meet us here. Did I forget to mention that? Oops. At least if you decided to punch his lights out here, you won’t get jumped by a whole ship full of PKs. Just maybe a few. Or who knows, maybe they’ll join you.”
With a shit eating grin on her face, she turned on her heel and bounced up the stairs. Hakon stood there laughing to himself before following behind her. As he ascended the stairs, he yelled up,
“Tu es la reine de la merde qui commence….YOU ARE A FUCKING CHAOS GREMLIN!”
Lawan chuckled and shouted back,
“AND THAT’S WHY YOU LOVE ME AND WE ARE BESTIES!’