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Tsukasa has a secret.
The kind of secret he can't tell anybody.
"M-mother, PLEASE, jus-just listen to me, th-they pinned me dow-down and to-touched me, I tried to tell them to sto-stop, but they kept lau-laughing, I hated it, I-I can't handle it ple-lease just help m-"
"Honestly Tsukasa! What a pathetic thing for you to cry about! You're only upset because your ridiculous generation overexaggerates and wants to find something to complain about! You are fine. Stop being such a drama queen."
Tsukasa has a secret.
A secret he's kept to himself since that day. It had only been two weeks since he first turned 13. He learnt the hard way what telling people does, through the reaction his mother gave after he told her what her parents did to them.
The kind of secret that stops him from being able to give hugs. The kind of secret that has him so on edge that he has to ask if people are okay with a simple touch, but can't. If he asked and they said yes, he'd be tainting them. He's dirty. They're not. They don't know. He'd ruin them and make them dirty and he knows but they don't. He can't do that to them. So no matter how much he wants that hug, he'll refrain.
The kind of secret that makes him scream as soon as Emu hugs him. The kind of secret that sets him into a panic as soon as Emu gives him a surprise attack from behind because 'what if they're behind me, what if I get touched again I can't be touched again pl-'.
He wants nothing more to hug her back. He wants to hold her and let him accept her affection. He can't. He doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve to be so selfish he ruins her, leaves her unclean.
Tsukasa has another secret.
A secret Rui doesn't need to know. Rui doesn’t need to know that because his grandparents touched him as a kid, he's resorted to hurting himself. Rui doesn't need to know he was so pathetic he got touched after just turning 13 by his own grandparents.
He'll cover his arms. He'll cover his legs. Rui doesn't need to know his childhood. Rui doesn't need to know how he copes. He's so lucky to have Rui, he could never tell rui what he went through. Rui would see him as damaged goods, filthy, unworthy of his love.
That, or Rui will pity him. See him as fragile. Break up with him because he's too mentally damaged for them to ever be compatible. Too riddled with demons of his past for their relationship to ever work.
As much as it pains him, he will cover it up. A secret no one will know. He'll be their bright, shining star, never dull and always bursting with happiness, optimism and confidence.
This wasn't supposed to happen. No one was supposed to know.
"Tsu, please, just listen to me honey. Me and Emu- we've noticed you- there's something that's bothered you and I just want to help. I love you, my precious Tsustar, and no matter what happened, I'll always love you. I just- we all want you to be happy and safe."
"Haha! What do you mean Rui? Everything is fine with me, there's nothing to be concerned about!-"
"Tsu.. I've seen your arms. I know. We've both noticed- especially emu, your aversion to physical contact and affection. You seem so, scared and sad, whenever you get touched, even if it's just us. I just. I want to know what's wrong so I can help support you. I would never see you as dirty or pity you for something out your control. It- it doesn't have to be today. But please talk to me about it at some point."
Tsukasas eyes are fixated on the ground. Tears are threatening to spill onto the ground as Rui keeps talking. He was never supposed to know.
"Tsustar, nod your head if you're okay with me hugging you? I'm sure you're terrified."
Tsukasa whimpered before giving a short nod. Rui envelopes him into the hug, whisking him away to somewhere where none of them have to remember, uttering reassurances and loving words into his ears.
Tsukasa has a secret. A secret he plans on telling Rui.