Work Text:
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]
CG: HEY KANAYA.
GA: Hello Karkat
GA: How Are You This Fine Evening
CG: FINE, I GUESS.
GA: Your Usual Curtness And Excessive Grumpiness Is At Times Inscrutable From Feelings Of Genuine Distress And Sadness
GA: I Am At Somewhat Of A Loss
GA: Are You Alright Karkat
CG: I LITERALLY JUST SAID I WAS FINE.
GA: And I Too Did Say In No Figurative Manner That I Am Unable To Determine If That Statement Can Be Considered True And Consistent With Your Usual Irritable Demeanour Or If It Is In Fact Something More
GA: Real
CG: HOW MUCH MORE REAL CAN YOU GET? YOU ASKED IF I WAS ALRIGHT AND I SAID I WAS FINE.
GA: Is There A Reason You Started This Conversation Karkat
GA: Not That I Am Unwilling To Oblige Your Aimless Rants Most Of The Time
GA: But This Dialogue Seems To Be Reaching New Heights Of Going Nowhere
CG: I KNOW I JUST
CG: *SIGH* I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY, ALRIGHT?
GA: Is Something Wrong
CG: NO!
CG: WELL
CG: SORT OF
CG: OKAY YES.
CG: BASICALLY
CG: FUCK
GA: Would You Like A Moment To Gather Your Thoughts
CG: YEAH MAYBE THAT WOULD BE NICE ACTUALLY
GA: Very Well
GA: I Shall Not Be Long
GA: Now What Was It You Wanted To Talk About
CG: JESUS CHRIST KANAYA YOU WERE GONE FOR A WHILE.
GA: Was I
CG: "I Shall Not Be Long"
CG: THAT WAS AN HOUR AGO.
CG: I MEAN I APPRECIATE THE TIME TO CLEAR MY HEAD BEFORE MAKING A COMPLETE ASS OF MYSELF BUT WOW.
CG: THAT'S KIND OF...
CG: OVERKILL.
GA: I Apologise
GA: Rose Has Been Somewhat Difficult To Manage Of Late
CG: WHAT'S WRONG WITH LALONDE?
GA: Oh
GA: Nothing
GA: Nothing At All
GA: Just You Know
GA: Stuff
CG: STUFF?
GA: Yes
CG: KAN, THAT IS LITERALLY THE *WORST* COVERUP FOR ANYTHING IN THE HISTORY OF BILIOUS SLICK. SERIOUSLY, HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO FOOL ME WITH THAT? I AM VIRTUALLY A MASTER AT BECOMING UNNECESSARILY FLUSTERED AND BEING SPECTACULARLY TERRIBLE AT HIDING THINGS. I LITERALLY DID THAT AT THE START OF THIS CONVERSATION.
GA: You Are Feeling Very Literal Today
CG: I'M ABOUT AS LITERAL AS YOU CAN FUCKING GET. I AM A HUMAN METRIC KILOMETRE FROM ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY RESEMBLING FIGURATIVE THOUGHT. NOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH ROSE?
GA: I Cant Help But Notice The Role Of Questioning Has Been Reversed
GA: And I Must Profess I Am Not Entirely Comfortable With This New Paradigm
GA: Can We Please Return To The Original Topic Of Discussion
GA: Whatever That Is
CG: OH
CG: OKAY
CG: YEAH NO SURE I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO GET LIKE ALL UP IN YOUR BUSINESS OR ANYTHING.
CG: I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU GUYS ARE OKAY. LIKE, WITH YOUR MATESPRITSHIP. YOU GUYS SEEM SO HAPPY TOGETHER, I WAS WORRIED SOMETHING MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED... THAT YOU MIGHT NOT BE SO HAPPY ANY MORE.
GA: I Understand The Sentiment Karkat
GA: And It Is Very Sweet
CG: WELL FUCK DON'T GET TOO MUSHY ON ME NOW I'VE GOT LEGIT PROBLEMS THAT NEED LAYING DOWN ON THE TABLE AND GIVEN THE STERN AND UNFORGIVING SCRUTINY OF THE SAVIOUR OF OUR ENTIRE FUCKING RACE.
GA: Ha Ha
GA: Indeed
GA: Before We Get To That Though
GA: Just So That You Are Aware
GA: You Are A Very Good Moirail Karkat
GA: Now What Are These Problems of Yours
CG: OKAY.
CG: WELL
CG: YOU KNOW ABOUT MY CROSS-DRESSING THING RIGHT?
GA: Yes
CG: WELL
CG: I WAS HAVING TROUBLE SLEEPING THE OTHER NIGHT.
CG: SO I WENT TO ASK DAVE IF HE WANTED TO WATCH A MOVIE.
CG: ANYWAY WHEN I WENT INTO HIS ROOM HE WAS ACTING STRANGELY. HE WAS ALL COVERED UP UNDER THE SHEETS AND HE NEVER DOES THAT, SO I MAY HAVE COMPLETELY DESTROYED ANY SENSE OF PRIVACY HE HAD BY DEMANDING THAT HE REMOVE THE SHEETS SO I COULD SEE WHAT HE WAS HIDING.
CG: AND AS IT TURNS OUT
CG: DAVE IS
CG: LIKE ME.
GA: A Dork
CG: NO!!
CG: I MEAN
CG: HE'S LIKE ME. HE DOES WHAT I DO.
CG: HE'S A CROSS-DRESSER AS WELL.
GA: I See
GA: This Is Very Amusing
GA: Rose Will Love This
CG: NO YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING TO ROSE!
CG: I ALREADY COMPLETELY OBLITERATED ANY SENSE OF SECRECY HE MIGHT HAVE HAD ABOUT THIS BETWEEN US, I DON'T WANT TO POTENTIALLY OPEN THAT UP FOR ROSE EITHER. I KNOW SHE'S HIS SISTER BUT I DON'T WANT TO UPSET HIM. AND FUCK KNOWS ROSE WOULD HAVE A FIELD DAY WITH HER PSYCHO-BABBLE BULLSHIT.
GA: It Would Certainly Be Entertaining To Observe
GA: Are You Positive You Want Me To Withhold This Information
GA: Because I Really Do Want To Tell Her
CG: I AM COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY, WITHOUT ANY RESERVATION NOR HESITATION, 110% CERTAIN THAT I DO NOT EVER WANT THIS REPEATED TO ANYONE ELSE.
CG: EVER.
GA: Then My Lips Are Sealed
GA: Not Literally Of Course
GA: In Case You Were Lost Adrift At Sea With That Sudden And Unexpected Foray Into The Realms Of The Figurative And The Metaphorical
CG: HA HA. HILARIOUS.
GA: I Do Try My Best
CG: ANYWAY, THAT'S NOT THE WORST PART.
GA: You Mean The Best Part Is To Come
CG: OH MY GOD WHATEVER
CG: SO I PRETTY MUCH JUST HAD A SMALL BREAKDOWN AND WENT BACK TO MY ROOM. AFTER WHAT FELT LIKE AN ETERNAL VEIL OF AWKWARD SILENCE, DAVE MESSAGED ME. HE APOLOGISED FOR NOT TELLING ME AND I ENDED UP TELLING HIM THAT I DO IT TOO.
CG: I MEAN FUCK HOW COULD I NOT TELL HIM? SURE, I SLIPPED UP IN CONVERSATION AND SO HAD TO REVEAL IT BUT EVEN IF I HADN'T SLIPPED UP I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE TOLD HIM. EVENTUALLY.
CG: BUT YEAH AND THEN DAVE COMES OUT WITH THIS INSANE IDEA THAT WE BOTH CROSS-DRESS TOGETHER AND WATCH A MOVIE, TO FUCKING DISPEL THE WEIRDNESS SURROUNDING THE WHOLE THING LIKE A FUCKING MAGICAL AURA OF ANTI-AWKWARDNESS. TYPICAL FUCKING STRIDER RESPONSE: CHARGE IN WITHOUT THINKING AND HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY BUT I SAID YES.
CG: I GUESS MAYBE, I KIND OF WANTED TO? LIKE, IT CERTAINLY HELPED GET THE CROSS-DRESSING THING OFF MY CHEST.
GA: I Bet You Got A Lot Of Things Off Your Chest
CG: YEAH.
CG: WAIT FUCK NO
CG: WAS THAT AN INNUENDO
CG: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT KANAYA I'M TRYING TO CONFIDE IN YOU.
GA: Is That Not What You Are Doing
CG: WELL YEAH BUT YOU'RE NOT MAKING IT EASY ON ME CRACKING JOKES AND SHIT LIKE THAT.
GA: Im Sorry I Was Not Aware Of Your New Found Sensitive Nature
CG: KANAYA...
GA: Okay Seriously I Am Actually Sorry
GA: I Will Now Cease To Be A Sarcastic Little Shit For No Reason
GA: Carry On
CG: ALRIGHT.
CG: SO WE'RE SITTING OUT ON THE COUCH, IN OUR FUCKING UNDERWEAR, WATCHING THIS MOVIE.
CG: AND I'M ACTUALLY KIND OF ENJOYING MYSELF. SURPRISINGLY, STRIDER'S DIPSHIT SUGGESTION SEEMED TO ACTUALLY HAVE SOME KIND OF MERIT.
CG: UNFORTUNATELY, INSTEAD OF AWKWARDNESS I WAS LEFT WITH A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FEELING ALTOGETHER.
CG: LOOKING AT DAVE, IN HIS SKIMPY FUCKING GETUP AND HIS STUPID FUCKING FACE.
CG: I KIND OF
CG: WANTED HIM
CG: OH MY FUCK THAT IS SUCH A GROSS THING TO SAY GOOD GOD I FEEL THE NEED TO GAG JUST ADMITTING IT.
GA: I See
GA: So You Are Experiencing Feelings Of Attraction Toward Dave
CG: YEAH.
CG: I GUESS I FUCKING AM.
GA: And You Wish To Act On These Feelings
CG: WHOA WHAT I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT ACTING ON THEM
GA: But You Would Like To Yes
CG: WELL
CG: YEAH I GUESS.
CG: FUCK I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING I'M JUST FALLING APART TALKING ABOUT THIS.
GA: Its Okay I Am Not Judging You
GA: I Would Merely Like To Establish That This Is Not A
GA: Solicitation Of Sorts
CG: WHAT?
GA: What I Mean Is
GA: You Will Not Be Requiring A
GA: Facilitator For This Relationship
CG: ARE YOU ASKING IF I WANT YOU TO BE AN AUSPISTICE FOR ME AND DAVE?
GA: Not Quite In Those Words
GA: But Yes
GA: I Am Just Curious
CG: UM
CG: NO, I DON'T THINK I'M ASKING THAT.
CG: NOT THAT I DON'T LIKE YOU KANAYA, I THINK YOU'RE GREAT.
CG: FUCK, WE'RE MOIRAILS AFTER ALL.
CG: BUT STILL, I ACTUALLY KIND OF WANT TO FOLLOW THROUGH ON THIS ONE.
CG: I DON'T WANT SOMEONE TO INTENTIONALLY OBSTRUCT ME FROM THAT EITHER.
GA: You Dont Want A Human Cock Block
CG: WHAT
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT
GA: Perhaps You Should Ask Dave
CG: YEAH, UM, I DON'T THINK THAT'S REALLY AN OPTION AT THE MOMENT.
CG: THE WORST PART IS STILL TO COME IN MY TRAGIC LITTLE TALE OF TWO USELESS NOOKSTAINS SITTING ON A COUCH IN THEIR FUCKING UNDERWEAR WATCHING A ROMCOM.
CG: I SORT OF MAYBE GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY TOWARD THE END OF THE MOVIE.
CG: AND, LONG STORY SHORT.
CG: I MAY HAVE
CG: KISSED HIM
GA: Oh My God That Is Perfect
CG: SHUT UP!
GA: Im Sorry Please Do Carry On
CG: WELL YEAH THERE'S NOT MUCH MORE TO SAY.
CG: I KISSED HIM AND THINGS STARTED GETTING A LITTLE HEATED. AND NOT IN THE WAY THEY USUALLY DO WHEN I'M INVOLVED EITHER; TEMPERS WERE AT AN ALL TIME LOW. THE WEATHERTROLL WAS WONDERING WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON BECAUSE LITERALLY EVERY OTHER DAY THE FORECAST WAS FURIOUS WITH A CHANCE OF SHITSTORMS BUT TODAY THERE WERE FUCKING CLEAR SKIES AND PEOPLE WERE COPULATING IN THE STREET.
GA: Is That Something You Would Like To Do With Dave
GA: Interesting
CG: NO GOD FUCKING DAMNIT
CG: ANYWAY. THE ABSOLUTE WORST PART OF IT ALL IS THAT AFTER I KISSED HIM, AFTER WE STARTED... DOING THINGS... I JUST SUDDENLY PANICKED LIKE CRAZY AND HAD TO STOP.
CG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE ALONE AND FAR AWAY FROM ANYONE. I DIDN'T WANT ANYONE TO EVEN TOUCH ME. EVERYTHING TENSED UP AND I... I WALKED OUT ON HIM. NOT A WORD OF EXPLANATION. I JUST... LEFT.
GA: Hm
GA: Perhaps You Are Simply Not Ready For That Level Of Intimacy
GA: Hesitancy Is A Perfectly Natural Reaction To Unfamiliar Levels Of Interaction
GA: Particularly Those Of A More Flushed Inclination
GA: Perhaps You Overextended Yourself And Your Body Reacted Accordingly
GA: Going Into A Sort Of
GA: Abort Mode
GA: I Really Am No Expert On Troll Biology Or Physiology But In Short It Would Make Sense For You To Feel Uncomfortable In That Situation Given That You Have Never Had Such An Experience Before
GA: The Foreign Element To The Whole Encounter As Well As Perhaps The Social Pressures Placed Upon Such A Moment Could All Contribute To A Natural Response Of Freaking The Fuck Out And Wanting To Escape
CG: YOU REALLY THINK THAT WAS A NORMAL THING TO DO?
GA: Almost Certainly
GA: Whether Or Not Humans Experience A Similar Phenomenon Is A Mystery To Me
GA: I Cannot Say I Have Ever Had Such A Reaction From Rose
GA: But Of Course A Single Human Is Hardly A Sufficient Or Even Remotely Useful Representative Sample
CG: SO WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO?
GA: I Would Suggest Talking To Dave
GA: It May Not Be Overly Comfortable For Either Of You To Do So But I Believe It Is For The Best That Both Parties Maintain An Open Forum Of Communication In Times Like These
GA: So As To Ensure That The Relationship Does Not Dissolve Around Them
GA: Ask Dave How He Is Feeling
GA: And Maybe Explain The Situation From Your Perspective
GA: Who Knows Maybe He Has Felt Or Is Currently Feeling A Similar Set Of Emotions
GA: Talking Is The Only Way Of Knowing
CG: OKAY.
CG: THAT MAKES SENSE.
CG: I THINK I'M GOING TO JUST SIT HERE FOR A MINUTE AND THINK OF WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY. THEN I'LL GO FIND HIM.
GA: Might I Suggest As Well Not Dwelling Too Much On Your Potential Answers And Dialogue Choices
GA: Your Initial Gut Feeling Will Give A Far More Accurate Indication Of Your Feelings Than An Assessed And Considered Response Will
GA: At Least I Think It Will
GA: That Is What One Of Roses Textbooks Said On The Matter Of Communication In Relationships Anyway
GA: I Think
CG: *SIGH* WELL IN THAT CASE I GUESS THERE'S NO POINT PUTTING IT OFF.
CG: I AM *NOT* LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS CONVERSATION.
GA: I Hardly Thought You Would Be
CG: ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA GO FIND HIM.
GA: Alright
GA: Good Luck
CG: HEY, KANAYA?
GA: Yes Karkat
CG: YOU'RE THE BEST.
CG: THANKS.
GA: I Know
GA: You Are Welcome
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]