Chapter Text
15th of January
Subject: Cancellation
I’d like to cancel my subscription. Would that be possible? Kind regards, C. Griffin
18 days later
Subject: Cancellation
I want to cancel my subscription. Is that possible via E-Mail? I await your reply.
Kind regards, C. Griffin
33 days later
Subject: CANCELLATION
Dear Sirs of the »Bells Bakery« magazine,
if your persistent ignoring of my attempts to cancel my subscription has the purpose of being able
to sell more copies of your low level product, I regret to inform you: I will not continue paying!
Kind regards, C. Griffin
8 minutes later
AW:
You’re mistaken. This is a private address. I have [email protected]
You want: [email protected] . You’re the third to cancel here. This magazine must’ve gotten really bad.
5 Minutes later
RE:
Oh, apologies! And thanks for the clarification. Regards, C. G.
— — — — —
9 months later
Subject: Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas and a happy New Year from Clarke Griffin!
2 minutes later
AW:
Dear Clarke Griffin,
even if we don’t know each other at all, I still appreciate this kind and very original mass mail!
You need to know: I love mass mails to a mass, that I actually do not belong to.
Rgds, Bellamy Blake.
18 Minutes later
RE:
Sorry for the inconvenience, Mr »Rgds Blake«.
It seems like you accidentally slipped into my customer file, because I tried to cancel a subscription
some months ago and caught your address my mistake. I am going to delete it immediately.
PS:
If you should ever find a more »original« phrase to wish someone merry christmas and a happy New Year
than »Merry christmas and a happy New Year«, let me know. Until then: Merry christmas and a happy New Year!
C. Griffin
6 minutes later
AW:
I wish you a very pleasant celebration and I am happy, that there is a new year right
around the corner that might count to one of the best in your life.
And if you should ever subscribe to any bad days, feel free to - mistakenly - cancel them here.
Bellamy Blake
3 minutes later
RE:
I am impressed!! C. G.
— — — — —
38 days later
Subject: Not a single Penny!
Dear valued »Bells Bakery Magazine«-publishers,
I tried to part ways with your magazine twice via mail and twice by phone. If you continue sending me your product,
I will simply consider it to be your private enjoyment. The bill I just received amounting to 189 Dollars will therefore
just be a souvenir to remind me of your lovely magazine once I finally succeeded unsubscribing.
Please don’t expect me to pay a single penny of this.
Respectfully, C.Griffin
2 hours later
AW:
Dear Miss Griffin,
are you doing this on purpose? Or did you subscribe to some bad days?
Rgds, Bellamy Blake.
15 minutes later
RE:
Dear Mr Blake,
I am deeply embarrassed. It seems like I have a chronic disease putting an »L« in front of an »A«.
When I type too fast and an »A« is following, there always happens to appear and »L« in front of it.
You see, my middle fingers just love to start wars on the keyboard. The right one always wants to be first.
I was born right handed, you know, but I changed my mind in school because I thought left would be so much
cooler and way more individual. My right hand never forgave me for that.
So that is why it always puts an »L« right before the »A«, just to annoy me and my left hand. Sorry for the inconvenience,
it (probably!) won’t ever happen again.
Have a nice evening, C. Griffin
4 minutes later
AW:
Dear Miss Griffin, can I ask you a question?
And here is another one: How long did it take for you to write this statement of your »L/A-disease«.
Rgds, Bellamy Blake.
3 minutes later
RE:
Two questions: What do you think how long it took me? And why are you asking?
8 minutes later
AW:
I think it took you less than twenty seconds. In that case: Congratulations, because for that short amount of time,
you truly did a great job. Your message actually made me smile. And that was almost an impossible thing to do tonight.
On your second question: At the moment I professionally observe the language used in E-Mails.
And now, another question: Not longer that twenty seconds, right?
3 minutes later
RE:
Sooo, you professionally work with E-Mails. Very interesting, but now I kind of feel like a test subject.
Anyways. Do you have a homepage? If not, do you want one? If yes, do you want a more beautiful one?
Because I professionally work with homepages. (Until here it only took me about seven seconds.
But it was business, that’s always quick-talk.) But honestly, you were totally wrong about my banal
E-Mail about my »L-before-A«- issue. It most definitely did cost me about 3 minutes of my precious time.
Well, maybe it was worth it?
Now, why would you think it only took me around 20 seconds? And - before I hopefully leave you in peace
(until »Bells Bakery« sends me another bill that is) - one last thing I am deeply interested in:
You said »Can I ask you a question? And here is another one: etc…« Regarding this, I have two questions:
How long did you take for this joke? And: Is that your kind of humor?
2 hours later
AW:
Dear stranger,
I will answer this tomorrow. I am going to shut down my computer now.
Have a nice evening, nice night or whatever.
Bellamy Blake