Work Text:
1.
Steven wants to say: “I am in love with you, you know. Since the day we met. Since I saw you step into Anfield for the first time, and it was like nothing else. God, you were like nothing else. I look at you sometimes, and I think, this feels exactly like home. I asked myself what there was to be faithful to, and I realized you were the answer. I am faithful to you. You were the answer to all my questions, but I could have drowned in your eyes, and lived, feeling solely your pulse, and you wouldn’t have noticed.”
2.
Steven says instead: “Remember when we were young and we would sneak into Anfield at night? I would bring a ball, but you would bring beer, so we sat on the grass, hoping we wouldn’t get caught, and you would say, Stevie, you’re captain of Liverpool, the greatest club in England! If anyone should be allowed to sit on this pitch and get drunk, it should be you.”
3.
Xabi laughs, and it’s as though sunlight is spilling over the edges of the sky. Steven feels like he is pressed into gravel and dirt, waiting to be thrown over the side of the road.
4.
The clock ticks from 2 to 3. Steven is sitting next to Xabi, and he’s trying not to tell him that he loves him, and he’s trying to choke down this feeling, and he’s shaking, but Xabi reaches over and places a hand on Steven’s arm, like a sign of forgiveness, and it feels like raining when it wasn’t supposed to.
5.
It should be enough, Steven tells himself. To love someone like him should be enough. Steven knows it isn't.