Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Moblit, are you sure that's what the Commander said?" Petra asked, a shade of pink painting her cheeks.

The young man nodded. "His exact words were, 'Captain Levi and miss Ral are requested to come to my office at 7 o'clock'."

Petra’s gulp echoed through the kitchen. The Elite Squad was sitting with their lunches around the table, but the room had gone uncomfortably quiet after Moblit’s strange announcement. Eld and Gunther didn’t seem particularly concerned and were still munching away on their food.

Oruo dropped his fork with a snort and folded his arms over his chest. “Thank you very much, Moblit, it feels so good to be left out!”

Petra's eyes darted to the head of the table, where Captain Levi was sitting, but found no reaction. Her confusion intensified along with her heartbeats.

"But, I... I don't understand." She tried to make sense of the Commander’s order. "Why… Um, why d-does he want me and—"

"We'll be there at seven. Thanks, Moblit," the Captain interrupted her blabbering.

At that, Moblit gave them a curt nod and left, leaving the Elite Squad on their own.

“That’s strange,” Eld noted and sipped on his tea.

Petra hummed in agreement. The only other time that she had been summoned to the Commander’s office was when he announced her promotion to the Elite Squad, three years ago. What could be the reason now? And why only her and Captain Levi?

Commander Erwin, despite having been bestowed with charming features and charismatic wit, was also rather intimidating. His imposing stature compared to Petra’s petite figure was one of the many reasons she felt uncomfortable around him.

After a mostly silent lunch, Eld, Oruo and Gunther headed to their rooms for a short nap. It was the Captain’s turn to wash the dishes.

When they were finally left alone, Petra hesitantly got up from her chair and took small, cautious steps towards the sink.

“Sir? Am I in trouble?” She hated how her voice trembled as she spoke.

Captain Levi looked back at her over his shoulder. “Not that I know of.”

“Oh… So, you don't know what the meeting is about?"

Turning his eyes back towards the dishes, he shrugged nonchalantly. “No idea.”

Great. Not even the Captain knew. Which was odd because he and the Commander seemed to be thick as thieves. However, knowing she wasn’t the only one clueless in this situation pushed some tension away.

"Isn't it weird that the Commander requested just the two of us?" She moved closer to him with newfound confidence.

"Eyebrows does a lot of weird stuff, I can't afford to worry. All we can do is wait for the meeting.”

She supposed he was right. Her curiosity would soon be indulged and she couldn’t do anything about it until then.

“May I help you with the dishes, sir?” she offered with a gentle smile.

The Captain turned to look at her, expressionless. “No need, I’m almost done. Go rest,” he ordered, but it didn’t sound much like an order.

Immediately obeying, Petra left the kitchen thinking that no matter what the Commander had to tell them, Captain Levi’s presence there would be a huge source of support.

"We want you to pretend you are a couple." Erwin's eyes shifted between Levi and Petra.

Levi had never expected the blonde bastard to utter such bullshit with a straight face. “Excuse me?” He sat up from comfortably leaning back against his chair.

“You surely are aware that the Survey Corps is in desperate need of funding. In order to achieve that, we need popularity,” Erwin explained. “The ‘Humanity's Strongest’ trend in the newspapers served us well for a while, but the hype slowly fades out. We need a constant presence in the media.”

Levi blinked. He always hated the political side of things. Public relations was always Erwin’s domain, not his, and yet somehow he was forced to endure publicity for the sake of humanity.

Humanity’s Strongest.

How he hated that title. Indiscreet journalists digging up his past and gossiping about his life was torture, and now Petra would be dragged into that shit pit.

No fucking way. Not if he could help it.

“Erwin, get your head out of your ass. What you ask is absurd.”

He had the audacity to smirk at them. Shitty pig.

Then, the door swung open behind them and a familiar female voice echoed through the room.

“How’s my favorite scout doing?”

Levi didn’t even turn around to face her. Before meeting Abigail Carter, his opinion on journalists had been indifferent. Until Erwin forced him to cooperate with her and spread the ‘Humanity’s Strongest’ story in the newspapers. That was when Levi decided that journalists were blood-thirsty wolves that came out to hunt you. And Abigail was the leader of the pack.

“Abigail, you’re late,” Erwin said blandly and motioned for her to sit.

“So, that’s Petra! Hmm…” her eyes inspected her with rude intensity. “You were right, Erwin. She’s a beauty indeed.”

Levi had heard many people complimenting on Petra’s looks when the whole squad was out for drinks. She’d blush, tuck her hair behind her ear, and say ‘thanks’. But now she wasn’t doing any of that. Levi wasn’t sure if she even heard anything after Eyebrows dropped the bomb.

Levi shot Abigail a glare. “If that fake relationship idea is yours, forget it. There’s no way in hell we’re doing it. We’re soldiers, not your little puppets.”

“I know, I know,” Abigail’s annoying voice sang. “It may sound crazy, but it will work eventually. Levi, you're undoubtedly the face of the Survey Corps. We need to take advantage of your popularity."

"I never asked to be a fucking celebrity in the first place!" he blurted out, smashing his fist against Erwin’s desk.

"If it helps humanity, that's what you'll be," Erwin stated.

When Erwin used that flat tone, it left no room for debate. Levi scoffed and ran his fingers through his raven hair.

Petra was sitting beside him, her amber orbs focused on her lap, her cheeks flushed red. The complete opposite of the feral, confident soldier that had his back outside of the Walls. No doubt she was disgusted by the idea of dating him, even as a farce.

Levi looked Erwin in the eye. "Why Petra?"

The Commander raised an eyebrow.

“There are so many stupid girls out there that would jump on the opportunity of fame,” he added.

Abigail giggled stupidly. "Oh, Levi! Just imagine the titles on the front page! Humanity's Strongest and his beautiful partner fight for a better future! Their love flourishes in and out of the Walls!"

"Tch. Horseshit.”

“Levi, we need a girl that you feel comfortable around,” Erwin explained.

"Um... Commander?" Petra's voice was heard for the first time. He nodded for her to continue. "If that rumor we want to spread was true... then... wouldn't we be expelled from the military for misconduct? I mean, it won't be a believable lie anyway."

That was indeed a clever observation.

Take that, you fucking Eyebrows and you bitch.

"Normally, yes,” Erwin answered. “But you see, I wouldn’t kick out Humanity’s Strongest and an elite soldier like you, miss Ral. Possibly, you’d be transferred to a different squad, but there’s no need now for that.”

“Even so, I don’t think it’s a good idea. Captain Levi has many fangirls and a lot of them would be disappointed to learn he’s taken,” Petra said.

Levi flinched at the word ‘fangirls’. Other men would be flattered by such constant attention, but he hated it.

“That’s a solid point, Petra honey,” Abigail smiled. “However, celebrity couples are good for the press, too. You’d be surprised by how many people want to dig into other people’s relationships.”

Petra nodded and lowered her gaze again, awkwardness reigning on her flustered face.

Abigail patted her on the shoulder. “Darlings, there’s nothing to consider! Your regiment gets funding and supplies, and my newspaper breaks the sales. It’s a win-win,” she said with a wink.

Levi’s patience had reached its limit. With a snarky grunt, he got up from his chair.

“Thanks for the proposal, the answer’s no. Petra, come, we’re leaving.”

Petra would have never expected that turn of events. Lying still on her bed, she tried to force herself to sleep. She needed rest for tomorrow’s training. And yet, every word from the meeting replayed in her mind.

Of course, Captain Levi had no reason to pretend to be her boyfriend, it would humiliate him.

Petra shut her eyes. The Captain’s objection to the plan was the only logical response. Of course. The idea of them together was ridiculous, no matter how many times she had fantasied about it.

She thought her crush on him was over. It had to be! She had choked all her feelings, determined not to let her attraction meddle with her duties as his subordinate. And she thought she did well for a while, thinking about him less and less. But it only took a 15-minute meeting for her sentiments to re-emerge, perhaps even fonder than before.

A small part of her wished the Captain had agreed. Then she’d experience how being by his side felt, even as a lie.

God, you’re unbelievable, she thought to herself as she wrapped the blanket around her more tightly, hoping to trap her feelings under the covers too. If she went down that path again, she’d be doomed.

A shower was exactly what she needed to keep her mind from straying in dangerous directions. Petra jumped out of bed. Too hasty to light a candle, she let the moonlight help her find a towel and underwear in her closet.

She untied the messy ginger bun on her head, and then felt her hair tickling the small of her back. Then, Petra stepped into the shower, gritting her teeth as the freezing water landed on her head. She should have gotten used to it by now, the army wasn’t a spa facility. And besides, they say cold water helps with blood circulation, right?

Ah, positivity could only go so far. Petra turned off the water, not even half a minute in. Showers weren’t supposed to feel like somebody’s smashing you with ice cubes. It wouldn’t surprise her if the next time she opened the faucet snow came out instead of running water.

With a defeated sigh, she sat with her naked butt on the tile floor and buried her face between her knees.

Cold water was the least of their problems. Food shortage, inadequate medical staff, equipment that was ready to fall apart… The Survey Corps was a huge pile of mess lately.

Commander Erwin was right, they needed all the funding they could get.

Levi thought his mind had started playing games with him when he heard a knock on his door. He let his pen drop on the desk, and lifted his eyes from the paperwork he’d spent a couple of hours filling out. Was he that tired that he imagined sounds now? It was too late for anyone to be up, it had to be his imagination. If it weren’t for Petra’s head peeking in, he’d have thought he had lost his sanity.

“Sir?” she whispered.

Was her hair wet?

He did nothing but stare at her for a couple of seconds, before he blurted out, “It’s past curfew.”

“Oh, I know,” she pushed the door fully open and stepped in with a tray in her hands. The sweet aroma of black tea entered along. “I just imagined you’d be awake, and I thought you might need a cup of tea.”

His narrowed eyes clung to her as she crossed the room and left the tray in front of him.

“Spit it out,” he barked.

Her huge amber eyes somehow got bigger. “Sir?”

“This is strange. Why are you here?”

Perhaps a ‘thank you, Petra’ would have been a more appropriate answer. He loved tea, her tea, after all. But she was supposed to be asleep, and he’d be scolding her, kicking her out of his office while shouting that he wouldn’t tolerate yawns in the morning during practice, if he weren’t so curious about why she was here at this hour.

“Why are you here?” he repeated, irritated by her silence.

“I… I told you, sir. To bring you tea!” she gave him one of those smiles that he’d come to recognize meant she KNEW she was in trouble.

Expressionless, he continued piercing her with his stare, until she resigned and her smile dropped.

“Ugh, fine, fine!” she frantically waved her hands in the air. “May I?” she gestured to the chair opposite him. When she sat down, she fidgeted with her fingers a bit before speaking again. “Captain. I want to talk about… the meeting with the Commander.”

Levi had hoped that Erwin’s crazy – maybe even offensive – proposal would be forgotten as soon as they stepped out of his office.

“That issue is settled, you don’t have to worry about that,” he replied dismissively.

“Sir, please, let me talk,” her honey eyes begged. “I know that you’re against it, but I was thinking… Well… My devotion to humanity knows no limit, sir,” she declared with a boldness she rarely showed outside of the battlefield. “I joined the scouts to give my life to their cause. And I'm willing to help our regiment in any way that I can.”

She couldn’t be implying that… No, that was insane. She’d be more stupid than he thought.

“If you don't want to do it, I won't pressure you, of course!” Petra continued. “You already have so much on your shoulders, I can't even begin to understand. However... if your only hesitation about agreeing to this plan is how I feel... then rest assured that I'm willing to do it if you're willing too."

Disbelief clouding his expression, he knitted his eyebrows together. "Petra, you realize this plan is sick. Your whole life would be invaded."

“It’s only going to be for a while, anyway,” she pressed back. “And besides, the Commander is right, we really need the funding. It’s unfair that we can’t cover our basic needs!” She was speaking with passion, the lines on her forehead betraying her tension. “I took a shower before preparing the tea,” she nodded toward the brewing cups that were left untouched, “and I couldn’t stand the cold water, not even for half a minute! And my stomach keeps growling all day, sir! We need more meat in our diet, and—"

“Don’t be such a cry-baby,” Levi cut her off. “Cold water and less food aren’t a big deal.”

“Maybe not for someone who’d grown up in the Underground and toughened up, but for the rest of us it’s a struggle, sir!”

She covered her mouth with her hands before Levi had time to react. Petra murmured a long string of ‘sorry’s’, and a part of him thought that maybe she was right, although he’d never admit it out loud.

“And you think it’s worth it to go so low and play a circus act?” he asked her as she was regaining her composure. “You really want to succumb to that bitch’s wishes in hopes of maybe getting some money for the Survey Corps? Then, you are a fool, Petra. Go to sleep.”

The girl made no move to get up. Levi never gave the same order twice.

Petra lowered her face and whispered weakly: “Anna.”

“What?”

“Anna Becker. She was a friend of mine from the same training bunch. We were split in different squads when we joined the Survey Corps, and since then we drifted apart over the years. But still…” she breathed in deeply, “When I had to hold her hand as she was bleeding to death, my heart broke into a million pieces. I don't want to lose any more friends, sir."

Petra looked up at him and one single tear ran down her face.

"We deserve proper medical equipment,” she leaned closer over the desk and looked him straight in the eye. Now, Levi recognized the dreaded fighter that killed Titans by his side. “We deserve more gas for our gear! And if I have to lie to get it and enhance our chances, I will."

“What if it doesn’t work?”

“Captain, you’ve always said to us that we should trust our superiors. And I do, I trust you with my life!” she proclaimed with fervor, and then her voice softened. “But the same goes for you, you should trust the Commander. And if I may ask, I would like you to trust in me.”

“Splendid! I knew you’d agree eventually,” Abigail grinned.

Petra controlled her laughter when Captain Levi rolled his eyes. Even she couldn’t believe that he changed his mind.

“Levi, this is the right decision,” Commander Erwin said reassuringly. “The Survey Corps will be indebted to both of you,” he alternated his gaze between him and Petra.

Petra nodded. She’d be lying to herself if she didn’t admit that deep down she was enjoying it.

Abigail Carter went on and explained what would be expected of them. Just as Petra had imagined, she talked about appearances together in public, holding hands while walking, and frequent use of nicknames like ‘love’, ‘sweetheart’ and ‘darling’.

“Tch. I wouldn’t do all that even if it was a real relationship,” the Captain protested.

“That’s irrelevant,” Abigail shook her head. “Just pretend. I bet it won’t be difficult with such a beautiful girl, right?”

Petra felt a weight in her stomach. “Um, not all couples show public affection,” she tried to defend her Captain. Not that she wouldn’t enjoy the romantic gestures, but she’d hate for him to feel uncomfortable.

Abigail scratched her head and ignored her comment completely. “You know, Petra, I was thinking your hair would look absolutely fabulous if we cut it up to chin length!”

“What?” She swallowed. “But I’ve always had my hair long!”

“Trust me, it’s the latest fashion in the capital! And you’ll rock it!”

“It won’t be good for the expeditions. She needs to be able to tie it up,” the Captain interjected, at Petra’s surprise. She hadn’t expected him to notice or care for such details.

“There are other female scouts with short hair, I’m sure miss Ral will handle it fine,” the Commander said with an air of finality.

She wasn’t enthusiastic about getting a new hair-do. Petra never particularly liked changes, but if she had to be more fashionable to gain the press’ attention, she’d do it.

“Now, let’s clear something up,” the Commander continued. "No one can know the truth, not even your closest friends. Only the four of us in this room will know the real situation."

"The men in my squad will also be informed,” Captain Levi said. Abigail cockily raised an eyebrow at him, but that didn’t stop him. “I trust them with my life on the battlefield, I can trust them with this secret too."

A pensive expression painted Commander Erwin’s face. "Levi, there's no need to risk it."

"My men are trustworthy, I vouch for them," the Captain insisted.

“Me too,” Petra said.

Abigail scoffed. "Why do they even have to know?"

With slanted eyes – the same expression he used to scold Oruo when he didn’t clean the toilet up to his standards – Captain Levi turned to her, "I can't lead them and have them believe I'm not professional with my subordinates. This matter concerns them too, we are a team."

A wave of warmth caressed Petra’s heart. She felt so proud hearing those words from the Captain about their squad. Sure, they didn’t start off great, there was often internal drama and quarrels, but they certainly had gone a long way those three years they were together.

Abigail sighed. “Fine, whatever Humanity’s Strongest says!” Her cherry-red lips formed a smile filled with irony. “But they’d better keep their mouths shut, or else—”

“Is that a threat?” The Captain got up from his chair and all but jumped on her.

“Let’s not cause a scene when there’s no need to,” the Commander said sternly.

"Commander Erwin?" Petra raised her hand. Why did she raise her hand? Idiot! "I was wondering… Can I tell my father? I know for a fact he wouldn't approve of me dating my superior officer." She lowered her head and felt self-conscious for a moment.

"Miss Ral, with all due respect, your family should stay out of this.”

"Oi, she's right, Erwin,” Captain Levi said. “Her father entrusted his daughter to us to keep her safe. It’d be irresponsible to deceive him.”

“Anyone else who has to know?” Abigail folded her arms over her chest and frowned in a way so childish that it reminded Petra of Oruo. She giggled at the thought of them together in the same room.

“I think that’s all,” the Commander concluded. “The men in Levi’s squad can learn the truth, and miss Ral’s father, too.”

Petra didn’t have friends outside of her squad, anyway. There was Nifa and Moblit from Hange’s squad that they were on friendly terms with, and had shared a few drinks together, and maybe some of her old classmates from her hometown, but they hadn’t spoken in a while. Knowing she wasn’t going to fool anyone close to her put her mind at ease.

“Great. Then, let our best-selling story begin,” Abigail cracked her knuckles with a wide smirk on her face.

Chapter Text

The squad was sitting around the table listening carefully to Levi explaining Erwin and Abigail’s plan. He wouldn’t blame them if they were against it, even he himself didn’t understand how Petra had managed to change his mind.

When they heard the news, their reactions varied.

Eld’s face lit up with a playful grin, as if Levi was telling them a stupid joke. And to think he assigned him to be second in command, how ridiculous.

Gunther, on the other hand, maintained a stoic expression. He nodded along as Levi was explaining the situation, his stance only professional. He didn’t expect anything less from the sole voice of reason in his squad.

And then there was Oruo. His upper lip was twitching with apprehension, as if he wanted to let out a massive fart.

“We’re telling you in advance so you won’t doubt Petra’s integrity,” Levi concluded. “Everything you’ll see on the newspapers will be a fabrication, am I clear?”

“Yes, sir,” the men replied in unison.

“And also, guys, journalists may ask you questions about our supposed relationship. If you play along, that’ll be super helpful!” Petra chimed in, her single right dimple making its appearance again.

“Sure,” Gunther said.

Oruo adjusted his cravat. “Tch. I think it’s a silly idea.”

“Don’t mind him, Captain, he’s just jealous they didn’t choose him to be your partner,” Eld laughed.

“Shut up, Eld, of course I’m not fucking jealous, you jerk!”

“Who did you call jerk, you whinny asshole?”

The sound of porcelain against wood shut them up when Levi put down his cup of tea. Four pairs of eyes looked at him and their breaths were caught in their throats. Brats.

“Oruo,” Levi called out his name flatly.

“Sir!” he saluted with his right fist on the heart. He looked like he was pissing himself.

“Care to explain your objections to this plan in a civilized manner so we can go through them?”

He didn’t need his approval. Levi was the one giving orders here. If he told them to pretend Petra was his girlfriend, then Petra was his girlfriend. If he told them pigs could fly, they should nod in agreement.

And yet, it didn’t sit right with him not to hear their concerns – yes, even Oruo’s. If he had learned something the last three years as their instructor, it was that only trust and transparency drove them ahead.

“Well, for one, everyone knows Petra’s in love with me,” Oruo stated matter-of-factly.

Petra, Eld and Gunther burst out in uncontrollable laughter, while Levi could only rub his temples in disdain, starting to have doubts about his ‘trust’ theory, after all.

“What are you laughing at? You were all witnesses the other day when Petra said she’d die to be my wife,” Oruo raised his chin and looked around like a buffy peacock.

“Dude, she literally said she’d rather die than be your wife!” Eld wiped a tear off his red face.

“Right, I heard it too,” Gunther confirmed.

“I’m sorry, Oruo,” Petra patted him on the shoulder compassionately. “Maybe if you ever outperform the Captain and become Humanity’s Strongest no.2, I’ll pretend to be your girlfriend, too.”

Eld continued laughing, too loud for Levi’s taste, and Oruo murmured something along the lines of, “That’s very likely, actually”.

“If you’re done bickering,” Levi said with a roll of his eyes, “can we focus again on our subject?”

Within fractions of a second, silence reigned in the room. Petra mumbled a quiet ‘sorry’.

“Captain, if I may…” Gunther cleared his throat. “My concern about this plan is… Well, I don’t know where our squad will stand when your fake relationship makes it to the headlines.”

“Elaborate,” Levi urged him.

“We’re supposed to be the Elite Squad. Professionals. What’ll happen to our reputation if the whole regiment gossips about us?”

“What makes us the Elite Squad is our performance on the battlefield. There are already rumors going on about me, and I don’t give a damn. Neither should you.”

Underground thug.

Dirty scumbag.

Criminal rat.

Levi had heard all the whispers and had felt all the disgusted looks weighing on his back. He deserved them, after all. Everything was true. But caring about people’s opinion could only hold you back.

Gunther opened his mouth. No sound came out, and after a few moments of looking like a goldfish, he closed it again. Levi kept staring at him. If he had something to say, what the hell was he waiting for?

“Sir…” he finally mustered up the courage to speak. “You may choose to ignore the rumors about you, but not everyone can afford that. Getting involved with your superior like that is frowned upon, and Petra’s dignity would be stained. Perhaps irreparably.”

Levi’s eyes flitted to the girl. Her hands fiddled with the teacup in front of her, her mouth a tight-lipped line, and her jaw clenched. Damn. He might have deserved all the filthy talk behind his back, but Petra certainly didn’t.

“Gunther’s not wrong,” Eld said, his expression suddenly serious. “We know Petra is not that kind of person, but those who don’t know her will think—”

“Is it bad?” Petra cut him off. The gleam in her eyes reminded Levi of the feral Titan slayer he knew her to be. At moments like that, he couldn’t decide if he should feel proud or scared.

“You speak about it like it’s a crime!” Petra continued. “I don’t get it. Why should being in love harm someone’s reputation? It’s not a bad thing, quite the opposite!”

“It’s not love per se that’s the problem,” Gunther interjected. “Rather, the difference in ranks.”

“We can’t choose who we fall in love with,” she said. “If people think being in a loving relationship should be criticized, let them go ahead and gossip. I’ll do my best to ignore it. All I need is your support, guys.”

Levi was taken aback by her fervor to defend a fake relationship. He didn’t know if she was right. Matters like that had never bothered him, not on a personal level certainly, but not even out of general curiosity. He supposed the military code had its reasons for not allowing intimate involvements between captains and their subordinates, but Petra’s words weren’t irrational.

For the first time since the meeting with Erwin and Abigail, a burden was lifted from Levi’s shoulders as he thought that maybe Petra was the best choice after all.

After spending an eternity looking at her new haircut in the mirror, Petra changed into civilian attire and headed to Captain Levi’s office.

Outside his door, she spent another eternity. Tucking her significantly shorter hair behind her ear, Petra internally laughed at herself. She was supposed to pretend to be his girlfriend and she couldn’t even knock on his door. Perhaps Oruo was right when he said she didn’t have the acting skills to go through the plan. Of course, she immediately rejected the private lessons he offered, but she could sure use some help. Acting like an awkward mess around him wouldn’t convince anyone that they were dating.

Shaking her head in defeat, she finally knocked.

“Thought you were gonna stand there forever,” his low voice sounded from behind the door.

Oh dear, he knew she was there the whole time.

Say something! Now!

“Eh… I was just going through my application form again,” she slowly opened the door and raised the piece of paper she was holding. “To make sure I filled it out right.”

She found him once again sitting on his wooden, uncomfortable chair. (She knew it was uncomfortable because one time she sat on it while the Captain was away in a meeting with the other Squad Leaders).

He blinked at her. “Your hair. It’s gone.”

“It is,” Petra gave him a timid smile. “Abigail said it makes me more sophisticated. I don’t know, I think it’ll take me some time to get used to it.”

He didn’t offer a compliment, or any comment. He simply noticed. Of course, who wouldn’t notice that her signature long ginger hair now barely reached her shoulders?

Knowing well how much the Captain hated small-talk, she jumped straight to the reason of her visit.

“I came to request three days off to visit my father.”

Forcing her hands not to tremble, she left the paper on the desk.

“I began writing a letter to him, but… I couldn’t find the proper words. Plus, it’d take a while to reach his hands. I’d hate if he heard the rumors without warning. So, I decided it’s best to visit him and tell him everything in person.”

His icy-blue eyes quickly scanned the document. “Hmm.”

When he didn’t say anything else, Petra took a hesitant step closer. From the moment she grabbed the inked feather to write her application, she knew the most probable outcome. The Captain would give her one of his deadliest scowls that he reserved only for Titans, and he’d tell her to not even think about missing training during that crucial period right before the next expedition.

“I mean… If that’s all right with you,” Petra added, ready to accept the rejection.

“You can go. But I expect better handwriting next time I get a request from you.”

Her jaw dropped. Sure, she was right about the scowl, but his disdain was only targeted at her small, ungraceful letters. She could live with that.

“Do I wait for the Commander’s approval?” she asked, repressing the urge to jump up and down. She’d soon fall into her father’s loving arms, and she’d feel the vibrations on his chest as he’d say affectionate words (and maybe some teasing about her new hairstyle).

“I’ll deal with that.” The Captain folded the paper and hid it into his drawer. “You’re free to leave right away.”

“Thank you, sir!” Petra brought both of her hands over her heart. Her impatient legs were already carrying her away to prepare her luggage.

“Hang on.”

Please, don’t change your mind! Don’t change your mind!

“Yes, sir?” her voice trembled as she broke into a cold sweat.

He remained silent. Anyone else would be baffled, but Petra had come to know his quirks after working with him for three years. His blank expression didn’t mean indifference. He was only processing what he was going to say. Waiting for him to speak was admittedly irritating, however Petra considered his habit to think before talking a great virtue.

The Captain eventually opened his mouth. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

She fought her best not to furrow her eyebrows. “Eh… Is that a trick question, sir? Am I supposed to say you?”

“No. Do you have a real boyfriend?” he reiterated.

She didn’t have a complicated answer, things were simple: No. And yet, it took her a moment to answer, as she realized that this was probably the first time she was speaking about anything other than work with him.

“I don’t.” She shook her head too fast and felt dizzy for a second.

“Good. That’ll save us a lot of drama.” He shifted his position on the chair. “Look, I know most girls your age think about boys, and I’ve seen what happens at the pub. So, if you decide to pursue a relationship with some guy… I’d strongly advise you not to, for the time being. But at the end of the day, you make the call. Just be sure to hide it extremely carefully. We can’t risk our mission.”

“Don’t worry, Captain, I don’t see myself with anyone in the foreseeable future.”

He gave her a curt nod and returned his attention to the paperwork in front of him. Her cue to leave.

But no matter how thrilled she was to start packaging, she knew she couldn’t leave his office yet. There was something she needed to say.

“Sir?” He raised his eyes to meet her. “I suspect you’ll get many mean comments and nasty looks from other soldiers when the article is out. And that’s why I wanted to say in advance that… you are a great captain. You really are.”

It was a small, innocent confession, and she shouldn’t feel butterflies in her stomach. She shouldn’t feel awkward about the silence that followed. No, everything was fine. The floor wouldn’t evaporate from under her feet, and the earth wouldn’t devour her.

“S’that all?”

“Yes, sir!” she averted her gaze. Suddenly, the pine green curtains on each side of the window looked very interesting.

“Dismissed.”

Petra gave a hasty salute and turned around to leave, already guilty for disturbing him for so long.

“Wait, one more thing,” she heard just as she was about to exit the room.

A deep breath, and she turned around again. “Yes?”

He didn’t speak for one second, two, three…

“Petra, last time you went to your village, you brought those green tea leaves back with you.”

“Of course, Captain!” Her shoulders dropped. “I’ll bring more this time! I’m glad you liked them!” A wide grin spread across her face.

The evening breeze was caressing Erwin’s face as he looked out of the window. Clouds painted elegantly in purple and orange, while golden rays made their way through them. One more sunset. One less day before the expedition.

In his hand was a glass of his favorite whiskey, the same amber color as the sun.

Could they really be free some day? Even the sun, mighty and powerful as it stood in the sky above, had a predetermined route it couldn’t deviate from. However, it was still breathtaking. Beautiful.

Maybe everyone and everything was a slave to something, and there wasn’t anything culpable about it. Humanity could continue living behind the Walls and thrive. Build families, friendships, bake, read, dance… Humans weren’t supposed to touch the sun, and perhaps they weren’t supposed to live outside of the Walls.

Erwin took a sip and wondered if all the sacrifices the humans had made - he had made - were worth it.

Soon, the sun disappeared behind the mountains. Erwin smirked. Sunsets looked the same in and out of the Walls.

“Dangerous thoughts,” he whispered to himself. He took another sip, longer this time, hoping it would provide some distraction.

This wasn’t the time to waver. Freedom was closer than ever before. With Levi, hope was possible.

Then, as if he could hear his thoughts, the short grumpy Captain burst through the door.

“Oi, Eyebrows, sign this.”

With an amused chuckle, Erwin put down his glass and took the paper from Levi’s hands.

“No knocking, no please…”

“Sign this, please,” Levi mockingly emphasized the word and rolled his eyes.

Maybe that was part of his appeal. Crude manners and raw spontaneousness. If he were honest with himself, Erwin, despite his upbringing in Sina, preferred Levi’s directness to the forced politeness that the noble used in their interactions.

“Miss Ral requested three days off?” he asked after a quick read of the application.

“To visit her father.”

“I’m not sure your squad can afford her absence at the moment. Our next expedition is less than—"

“She’s already gone. My orders.”

Erwin stayed silent for a second or two. “I see.” With a swift movement, he took his pen and signed in the designated area. He wasn’t happy to approve already granted requests, but if there was one Captain he trusted to efficiently command their squad, it was Levi.

“Thank you so much,” Levi said, but it sounded more like ‘screw you’.

Erwin then took a second glass out of his drawer, poured whiskey, and pushed it toward Levi. Levi sat down on the chair across him and accepted the drink.

“Are you ready?”

Levi took a shot. “For what?”

“Everything that’s coming.”

The raven-haired Captain had his slanted eyes fixated on miss Ral’s handwriting. “You know I hate this plan,” he muttered under his breath.

You and me both, Levi.

The last thing his best soldier needed was a distraction. The thought of Levi being tempted by ideas like companionship, love, or even marriage and children, was out of the question. Traitorous. His devotion belonged only to the Survey Corps. To him. For humanity’s sake.

Except, Erwin had to admit that Abigail’s idea would be highly beneficial to the regiment.

The girl that was fit to play his girlfriend was the only one that wasn’t allowed to be his. Petra Ral had been nothing but professional in all of her years in the military, she was too loyal to develop sentiments for her Captain. And if Levi ever had feelings for her – which of course he didn’t – he would have acted on them after three years since their squad’s formation. And he hadn’t. Levi would be safe.

“It’ll work,” was the only thing that left Erwin’s mouth about that issue. With a steady hand, he poured some more whiskey into their glasses.

Petra was supposed to bring joy when she had time off and returned to her home. Her father’s concerned eyes pained her.

She had tried to put off the real reason for her visit until right before her departure. But she couldn’t escape her father’s instinct. He knew something was wrong as soon as he laid eyes on her, and it wasn’t her new haircut. So, when they were eating dinner and he asked her if something was troubling her, she couldn’t resist opening up to him.

“Pet, I worry,” her father cupped her face. “You've only praised Captain Levi in your letters, and I trust your judgment, but... He's too old for you. What if he takes advantage of this situation to get closer to you?”

Putting her fork down, Petra spoke softly. “Papa, believe me, the Captain is the most reluctant person in this plan. I was actually the one that pressured him to reconsider. He only agreed to it because he’s so caring and he wants to help our regiment raise funding. You know how desperately we need it. I don't eat well, papa.”

“A few more portions aren’t worth your honor! Petra, think!” he begged. “Look… I didn’t like it when you said you’d join the army. But I accepted it. I didn’t like it when you chose the Survey Corps. And I didn’t like it when they put you in the squad with the most dangerous missions. But this is the final straw! My daughter won’t be fooling around with her superior! Tell him to find someone else to play the part. Someone his age.”

Petra bit her lip and held herself from pointing out that he and her mother had a bigger gap. A 22-year-old and 33-yeard-old together wasn’t the end of the world, and the Captain easily passed for mid-twenties, anyway.

But it’d be futile to argue with her father. They had so little time together, tomorrow she’d be gone. So, Petra collected herself and replied calmly.

“Papa, I’m not a little girl anymore. I know you’ll always see me that way, but I didn’t come here to ask for your permission. Please, do your best to accept it.”

“Hm, you came here just to make an announcement, then,” he laughed bitterly. “I will ask only one thing from you, Petra. Promise me that this fake relationship won’t become real.”

Petra’s heart kicked at her chest, desperate to break through and come out in protest. Words of defiance were on the tip of her tongue. She was a grown adult and no one would dictate who she could or couldn’t date! Scandal or not, it would be her choice! If she and the Captain wanted it, then it wasn’t anyone’s right to object!

The flaming exasperation inside her lasted no more than a couple of seconds. Then, she remembered that the Captain wasn’t interested in her, anyway. He was wiser than her, and he’d never compromise his professionalism.

The Commander’s words once again rang in her ears: I wouldn’t kick out Humanity’s Strongest and an elite soldier like you, but you’d be transferred to a different squad.

Fighting by his side and being devoted to him completely. That was what she wanted, what she needed in her life. That was the only way she could give herself to him. 

“I promise, papa.”

Levi’s nostrils welcomed the sweet aroma of green tea. When Petra had said she’d bring more from her village, he didn’t expect a huge box she could barely carry, but he didn’t complain.

He hadn’t asked her about the trip, or her father’s reaction to the news. Her cheered-up mood indicated that the conversation must have gone well. Anyway, what was going on between Petra and her old man wasn’t his business.

He didn’t even care about what was going on in the world around him. That’s why he’d never bothered to buy newspapers. Lies. Corruption. Propaganda. The issue currently on his desk was no different, and yet there he was, reading it again for the fourth time.

HUMANITY’S STRONGEST HAS A GIRLFRIEND!

Chapter Text

Hange was excited to receive Petra Ral at her office.

After an adorable collection of apologies for her interruption, the cute ginger asked her to sign her certification for the elective medical courses she had taken a few months ago.

“Of course, honey,” the scientist winked at her. “Anything for shortie’s girlfriend.”

Petra flinched and lowered her eyes while smiling awkwardly.

“How have you been doing lately?” Hange asked while searching for a pen in her drawer.

“Oh, you know, ma’am… I get lots of looks,” she confessed while rubbing her elbow.

“You must be pretty used to that already, you’re a beautiful young lady and a member of the Elite Squad.”

Petra shrugged. “I-I guess.”

“Well, if anyone talks bad about you, tell me and I’ll have my lab mice devour their flesh,” Hange gave her a wide grin. The girl appeared disturbed. Strange, she only offered help. “Now, here’s your certificate, darling.”

“Thank you so much, Captain Hange! I really appreciate it!”

“My pleasure. Kisses to Levi.”

“Um… Y-Yes, of course.”

Hange laughed and slapped her own knee. “Come on, honey, you don’t have to be so awkward about it! You can drop your act with me, it’s fine. I know the closest you two have ever gotten to holding hands was when he was inspecting if your nails were clean enough. Oh, close your mouth, I think I saw a fly around here earlier.”

“Eh… What do you mean? What act?”

At least, she was trying. But Hange wasn’t born yesterday.

“I have to be explicit, right?” She took off her glasses. “I know there isn’t anything really going on between you.”

Petra bit her lower lip. "Did Captain Levi tell you?"

"No.” She chuckled. “He didn't have to, I figured it out. Suddenly the Survey Corps gets more attention and that's exactly what we want. I need money for my experiments!” she gestured to all the unfinished projects waiting for her on the counter. Hmm, maybe Moblit was right, the place could use a little cleaning up.

“Oh… I’m happy you’ll be able to continue your experiments. Oh, who am I kidding?” Petra dropped her shoulders and at once her way of talking changed to a more casual. “Of course you knew everything, you know the Captain so well!”

“Mm… I wouldn’t say that, actually.”

“You, him, and the Commander even have your own booth at the pub.”

“Why don’t you join us next time? I’m sure Erwin would be down for it, everything was his idea, right?”

Petra gave a weak nod.

“Besides,” Hange added, “let's be real, Levi wouldn't manage to land a girl like you.”

Petra wrinkled her nose. “What do you mean?”

“You’re way out of his league.”

Her eyes widened. “What? No, I don’t think so! The Captain is very nice, and trustworthy, and he’s very athletic, and—and he has blue eyes, and—"

"Say Petra, do you have a crush on Levi for real?"

"What? Of course not! I didn’t mean—No, certainly not! You know, ma’am, actually it’s time for lunch and Nifa must be waiting for me right now! Don’t want to stand her up!”

With a hasty salute with her hand to her chest, Petra left.

Poor girl. Let’s hope her heart won’t get broken.

Levi was busy with paperwork fucking again when he heard hurried footsteps from the hall outside of his office. He let out a long exhale and rubbed his temples.

Only one person had the irritating habit of running to his office like a maniac, and right now Levi wasn’t in the mood to endure Hange’s incessant blabbering about her latest experiment, or whatever she was up to these days. He’d tell her how drowned he was in paperwork, how already behind he was, and he’d kick her out, no matter how her puppy eyes behind her glasses would beg him to let her stay.

The door swiftly burst open.

Holy fuck, Four Eyes, I swear to—

“Captain, we need to talk!”

The sight of a panicked Petra was utterly unexpected. She always knocked and waited for permission to enter his office. Her footsteps used to be gentle and airy. The urgency laced now in her panting voice rang the danger bell in Levi’s head, and his most vivid concerns were affirmed.

With an abrupt movement, matching the girl’s heated energy, he got up from his chair. “We’ll call it off. Erwin and that bitch can go fuck themselves. You don’t have to worry, I’ll debunk everything, I’ll say it was a false, stupid rumor to—”

“Huh?”

Petra stayed with her mouth open for a while.

Was that a stain on her shirt?

“No, no, no! Our plan is on, as we agreed,” she said, regaining her usual calmness.

Levi raised his eyebrow. “Then, what did you want to talk to me about?”

“Um… Do you have time, sir? I don’t want to disturb you. Maybe I can come some other time, I see you’re busy,” she gestured to the paper mess. “I’m sor—”

“Sit down,” he ordered. “I finished, anyway. I was just about to wrap up.”

The girl smiled and obeyed. He sat down too.

What else could she possibly want to talk about with him? Something about the squad? They worked perfectly together, their movements synchronized like a well-oiled machine. No, it couldn’t be that.

Petra cleared her throat. She was taking too much time to finally talk, but Levi found that he didn’t mind waiting.

“You see…” she began. “I was having lunch with Nifa in the dining halls. Of course, she commented on our relationship,” she made quotation marks with her fingers. “She asked how we got together and I… well, I panicked!”

The Captain let out a long exhale and covered his face with his hand. Seriously, that was the emergency Petra was so worried about? She was killing Titans like a slaughter goddess, and she panicked because of one question? Tch. It didn’t make any sense.

“Tell Nifa to stop being a gossip freak,” he eventually replied casually.

“Sir!” A deep shade of red painted her cheeks. “That’s not how friends talk!”

Bullshit, he and Hange talked like that all the time. Come to think of it, mostly he. But they weren’t friends exactly, were they? Just colleagues. Who happen to hang out sometimes.

“Then, what did you say to Nifa?”

“Incoherent nonsense. I tried avoiding the question, but she was very persistent! Eventually, I had to spill soup in my shirt as an excuse to leave.”

Yeah, I noticed.

Suddenly, the girl became too self-aware and her face resembled a tomato if that was even possible. “Oh, I’m so sorry! I should have changed before coming to see you! Sorry, sir!”

“Go change and come back with a clean shirt.”

With a defeated sigh, Petra took off her dirty shirt and discovered that the stain had also fallen on her bra. Meh, she didn’t need to change that too to return to his office. Captain Levi wouldn’t see her bra, this wasn’t one of her spicy bedroom fantasies. But maybe if he saw that her bra was dirty too, he’d ask her to take it off. And then she would—

“For goodness, stop being so stupid!” she cursed herself under her breath and focused on the task at hand.

Nifa had told her more, like what a cute couple the two of them made. (“Must be a blessing for Captain Levi to find someone shorter than him!”). Or how she absolutely knew Petra had a crush on her Captain ages ago with her lovestruck eyes glued to him all the time. But Petra would never disclose that to Captain Levi. And besides, she hadn’t been staring at him! And even if her gaze fell on him by pure chance, her eyes were certainly not ‘lovestruck’! No. There was a time she did harbor feelings for her Captain, but she had always been extremely careful not to let on anything. Nifa was imagining things, for sure.

“We were planning to keep it a secret, of course,” Petra had told her earlier during lunch. “I just wanted to enjoy a peaceful date with my boyfriend. How could I imagine that the lovely couple at the next table were actually journalists? I told them everything about our relationship, and now it’s in the headlines! I was so naïve. But Levi isn’t mad at me, he said that everyone would find out at some point. It’s difficult to keep such a strong love hidden.”

Abigail would be proud of her. Petra had said exactly what she had instructed her. The exhausting rehearsals had paid off.

But there were still pending matters they had to discuss with the Captain. Embraced by the freshness of her new shirt, Petra exited her room and went to the Captain’s office, this time much more at ease.

A familiar voice sounded right when she was about to knock.

“Going to your dear Captain’s office, Pet?”

Petra’s nostrils flared and her eyes narrowed. “Oruo.”

Her comrade walked closer and draped his gigantic arm around her shoulder. “Are you going to practice kissing? Smooch! Mmm!” he made wet sounds with his tongue.

Petra used all her strength to step on his boot. Now released from his grasp, she shouted at him: “Oruo, you’re unbelievable! How dare you imply that—”

“It’s okay, Petra. I understand it’s all part of the plan, that’s why I let you kiss him. Aaaah, when all of this is over, you'll finally be free to publicly declare your love for me,” Oruo boasted, earning an elbow jab from her.

“Dream on, moron! And for your information, the Captain and I have never ever kissed!”

“You can practice with me,” he smirked.

The Captain’s door opened, and Oruo squealed.

“Bozado.”

“Sir!” He saluted, trembling to his bones. Then, he bit his tongue, and Petra couldn’t contain her giggles.

The Captain glared at him. “You were supposed to be cleaning the shit hole.”

“I… eh, I was on my way to the bathroom right now!”

“Good. If you don’t go this instant, you’ll clean it with your tongue, since I’ve noticed how prone you are to using it.”

“R-right away!”

And with that, he was gone.

Captain Levi then turned to her. “Okay, since you escaped the situation with Nifa, I don’t understand what you want to talk to me about.”

But… Wasn’t it obvious?

They should have talked ahead with the Captain about this, agree on every detail so they’d be consistent in their answers. It wasn’t the best solution to improvise every time someone asked them about their ‘relationship’.

“Sir, we really need to talk,” Petra insisted.

This time she felt more relaxed when they sat at his office.

“Oh, before we talk about Nifa, you should know that Section Commander Hange knows about our plan.”

“I know.”

“But you haven’t told her.”

“No, I haven’t told her, and she hasn’t told me she knows, but I know she knows. Now, what do you want to talk about?”

“I told Nifa we’re together for a couple of months,” she informed him.

“Tch. Shitty Four Eyes should tell her squad to focus more on training and less on other people’s affairs.”

“To be fair, spreading the gossip was our goal in the first place.”

He didn’t answer. His disdain for this entire plan was indisputable. Petra only hoped his negative feelings were not directed at her too.

“When you say ‘a couple of months’, how long do you mean?” Captain Levi asked after a while.

“I… Um, I didn’t specify it further. We can say that it happened during the holidays?”

“That’s plausible, I guess,” he shrugged.

“Perfect, then it’s settled!” Petra smiled. “Now that we’ve established the ‘when’, we should discuss the ‘how’.”

“How?”

“How we got together,” she clarified. “We need a story. What if they ask?”

“We’ll tell them to mind their own fucking business.”

“Sir…” Petra exhaled. “The whole point of this operation is to make this relationship everyone’s business.”

“Fine,” he rolled his eyes. “People drink on holidays, and alcohol makes you do reckless stuff.”

She waited for him to continue, but he didn’t.

“Captain, I don’t think I can follow your train of thought.”

“We drank our asses off and then we made out. Is that clear enough?”

Her jaw dropped to the floor. “Um…” she coughed. “It is. But it’s not romantic. Not at all!”

“Romantic?”

“We’re supposed to be a couple that represents hope for the future. Love blossoming inside the Walls, and all that! You’re supposed to be my knight in shining armor, on his white steed.”

The Captain looked at her, blankly. “My horse is brown.”

Petra blinked. “That’s not—”

“How is Philipp’s color relevant? I don’t get it.”

“For heaven’s sake, it’s only an expression, sir!”

And to think she had dirty thoughts about him mere minutes ago! Why were all men so dense?

“And what do you want me to do?” the Captain leaned in. “Plot out an entire love story? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not a writer.”

“Neither am I, but I’m sure we can come up with something more appealing than ‘we got drunk and stuck our tongues in each other’s mouth’!”

Was she really saying that to her superior officer?

“I haven’t heard you proposing anything else,” he said. “So far, I’m the only one dropping ideas.”

“Okay, okay…” Petra tried to control her rising agitation. “What about this: I got injured after an expedition, and you took care of me. With deep conversations and endless nights of stargazing, we grew super close and then we fell in love.”

He did nothing but stare at her for about ten embarrassing seconds.

“Petra, don’t ever attempt to write a novel.”

“It’s okay, I have another idea. You’ll like this one! Well…” she cracked her fingers with excitement and took a long breath. “At the annual winter banquet, you saved me from a rude guy who was hitting on me. Then we danced in each other’s arms to the most romantic music ever, and then you told me: Wanna get out of here, babe?” she mimicked his deep baritone voice. “We went out and rode your horse. We stopped at a lake to have a picnic, and you gave me your jacket because I was cold. Our faces slowly got closer, and closer, and closer… And BOOM!” she clasped her hands. “That’s how we got together.”

Silence.

He was looking at her as if she had three eyes. Or three heads. Actually, if she had three heads, she might have been less stupid.

If someone had told Petra a few days ago that she’d be having a conversation like that with Captain Levi, she’d never believe it. And yet, here she was. Honestly, she was proud of herself for not dying of shame yet. Maybe she should. She scanned the room for any object she could use to kill herself.

“I don’t talk like that,” the Captain said, unamused. “And don’t ever pursue a career in literature. Please.”

 “Sir, come on, both of my proposals were amazing!”

“I still think my alcohol idea was the best.”

Petra frowned. Normally, she’d say “Yes, sir!” and agree to everything her Captain said. She obeyed every order without thinking it twice, and her devotion wasn’t blind. Captain Levi had proved time and time again that she -and the guys – could rely on him.

But when it came to romantic affairs, he was clearly not an expert. Far from it. Not that Petra could claim the title of the love guru, but she could certainly do a better job than him. As his subordinate, she was under his authority, but as his (fake) girlfriend, they were equals.

So, this time she was going to set her foot down.

“How did you get together?”

With a bunch of stupid journalists gathered around them, it was hard to hear their questions. But this one stood out the most.

“Told you they’d ask,” Petra leant in and whispered to his ear.

They were in civilian attire, per Abigail’s request, and pretended to be on their way to the market. The hungry vipers would be waiting for them on the corner of Schneider street and Braun street.

Petra had acted surprised when they approached them. They were holding notebooks and started bombarding them with all kinds of questions. One of them was hastily drawing a sketch of them.

“How we got together?” Petra repeated while tucking her hair behind her ear. Her earrings were too big, and Levi wondered if it was painful for her head to carry them. “You see,” she continued, a faint blush decorating her cheeks. Levi couldn’t tell if she did it on purpose. “I began helping him out with paperwork on a regular basis. We both like tea, so we bonded over it and shared a few cups together. Naturally, after a while we got more familiar with each other and… here we are,” she grinned.

A collective “aww” emerged from the crowd in front of them. He had to admit it. This was better than the alcohol scenario.

Everyone was focused on Petra, asking her about her skincare routine, her clothes, and other stuff that went over Levi’s head. It was nice not to have the entire attention on him for once.

“Our readers are curious,” another reporter said. “Did Petra gain her position in the Elite Squad because of her involvement with Captain Levi?”

That was by no means an innocent question, like what kind of shampoo she used. Levi gritted his teeth at the idiot and prepared to punch his nose. No one had the right to question his squad’s honor.

Petra hooked her arm around his bicep and stopped him. Her hold was frail, unsure. He could escape it easily, and teach a lesson to that pigface. But… she wasn’t just holding him. She was… caressing him?

Levi turned to look at her, but her gaze was fixated on the too-curious-for-his-own-good journalist.

“Captain Levi would never use his authority to take advantage of someone,” she declared calmly. “I worked hard to become an elite soldier, through sheer will and determination. I've been in Squad Levi for three years, and our mutual feelings developed only a couple months ago. I got to know him better by working closely with him and interacting daily, something that wouldn't be possible before joining his squad.”

She spoke confidently. Eloquently. Levi almost didn’t recognize her. Of course, it was a show that they had to put on – thus the strange caress interaction – but still he hadn’t expected Petra to defend herself so flawlessly. The fist that was his right hand had slowly melted as she was talking.

Then, her grip loosened and she let go of his arm.

“Captain Levi, do you agree?” a woman turned to him, with her pen and notebook in her hands.

Did he need to add anything after that? He supposed he had to.

“All the Elite Squad members earned their place with fair criteria,” he said in a monotonous voice. “Anyone who suggests otherwise… Well, I wish you never have the misfortune of being on a battlefield full of Titans to see their skills in action.”

As everyone was writing down his words, Levi whispered to Petra.

“Can we leave now?”

She furrowed. “I know the question was insulting, and you seem very pissed off, but just a couple more questions, sir?”

“I’m done with these assholes. Why do they even care about us?”

“Captain… I doubt they do. But they have a job to do, and probably other mouths to feed. Maybe we should think less in terms of ‘us versus them’, and let’s just help some parents pay for their children’s needs.”

He looked at her.

He could argue that it wasn’t his fault they had made a poor career choice, or that it wasn’t his problem what would their children eat, but the more he dwelled on it, the less he wanted to contradict her.

Levi turned to the reporters again. “Okay, next question.”

Petra gave him a tiny side smile.

More questions soon erupted, and it was hard to catch up with everyone, but they tried their best.

"Petra! What does it get to win Humanity's Strongest's heart?"

"Umm...” The girl scratched her head awkwardly. “A nice cup of tea and excellent cleaning skills?"

The crowd burst out in laughter.

Brat.

"Petra, an important question our readers would like to know. How long is Levi's blade?"

A fog of exclamations and whispers covered them, and everyone hung on Petra’s lips, the tips of their pencils already on the paper. The temperature in Levi’s head rose significantly.

Petra answered with a dumbfounded expression, "Ehh... all military blades are a standard size. They are specifically designed to kill Titans, and are constructed in Trost by the best blacksmiiiii—"

Levi grabbed her hand and dragged her away. "Petra, we're leaving. No more questions."

Chapter Text

Solid. Muscle.

Pure marble.

Petra sighed, her cheeks crimson, and tossed around on her bed for the millionth time that night.

Her Captain’s bicep was one of the two things that had kept her up. The second one was her resolution to stop ridiculing herself. Like when she burped during a debriefing before an important expedition. Or when she wore her vest inside-out on a military parade. Or when she accidentally called Captain Levi ‘dad’.

But the cherry on top of the most-embarrassing-accomplishments cake was what had happened after the interview with the journalists.

The Captain had them walk away from the crowd. Petra didn’t get why the reporters were interested in their combat equipment, but she supposed the newspapers were in desperate need of any information they could get their hands on.

As the two of them walked down the pavement, Petra couldn’t wait long to break the silence.

“I think it went good?” she attempted a smile.

His jaw tensed. It didn’t look like he was going to answer.

“Oh, come on, sir! It wasn’t that bad.”

“‘Sir’?” A journalist’s voice came from behind them. Petra hadn’t realized they were still following them. “You call your boyfriend ‘sir’?”

Petra stopped in her tracks and scratched the back of her neck.

How could she salvage this? Why was she so careless? No girlfriend ever in the history of girlfriends would call her boyfriend ‘sir’! Now it would be a good time for a sudden earthquake, or a thunderstorm, or anything that could get her out of this hell of a situation! But she looked up and there wasn’t any sign of clouds in the sky. She had to take the matter into her hands.

“Ah, you see…” she began, still a little dazed. “Sometimes it slips my tongue because that's what I like to call him privately while we’re... um...”

Numerous gasps of excitement rang around them.

“Write that down!” one of the reporters yelled to his colleague.

“Did she just admit she has a submission kink?”

Someone whistled. And made a ‘woof’ sound.

Petra felt her knees unable to carry her any longer.

Captain Levi’s ears were pink.

And that was when the mortifying realization dawned on her: she had said the absolute worst thing she could have possibly imagined.

If the Captain decided to kick her out of his squad, it’d be completely justified. They could even expel her from the army, or throw her outside of the Walls with no ODM gear on, at the mercy of the Titans, as a sacrifice to appease the gods of self-respect and common decency.

But alas, none of that happened.

The following day, Captain Levi didn’t show any trace of discomfort around Petra, or really any resemblance to some kind of emotion. As per usual. He didn’t give her any extra laps for the sake of seeing her suffer, though he had every right to. No, he was treating her exactly as he did with the boys, and he used the same bland tone when addressing her.

Petra Ral’s life had drastically changed lately, but during training with her squad, everything felt the same as before. As if this nightmare had never happened. The fake relationship, the interview, the newspapers… They were just Captain and subordinate and that’s what they’d ever gonna be. A strictly professional relationship. For the rest of their lives.

Maybe that was a nightmare too, Petra thought.

On a Friday night, it was natural for the pub to be overflooded with all sorts of people. It was a place where friends could enjoy each other’s company after a long week, or a resort for losers who drank away their problems and needed an escape from their miserable, pitiful lives. Petra wasn’t sure into which category she fell. Perhaps there should be a separate one exclusively for her: trying to blend in with everyone else you know because you don’t know what else you should be doing if you’re not working, while missing your bed, while making sure Oruo doesn’t get cirrhosis, while pretending not to stare at your hot Captain. On the bright side, she certainly was good at multitasking.

After half a glass of beer, Petra headed to the restrooms and was relieved to escape the loud ear-piercing music. Piss sounded better.

Two girls from Mike Squad were standing in front of the mirror, applying make-up. “I mean, yeah, she’s kinda cute I guess,” one of them said, “but he can do much better. And I don’t get why everyone must know ab—Oh hi, Petra!”  She was so startled she dropped her lipstick in the sink.

Petra smiled at them and got in the first cubicle.

When she returned to the table she and the boys were sitting at, she found Nifa on her chair, talking with Gunther. Petra rubbed her eyes to make sure what she saw was correct. Nifa with Gunther. Actually talking. Half a glass of beer couldn’t have hallucination effects, right?

Eld asked her to bow down and whispered to her still-not-deaf ear, “Sorry, Pet. Gunther finally grew the balls to approach Nifa. We shouldn’t interrupt them. They seem really into each other.” He winked.

A warm smile rested on her lips. She had heard Eld and Oruo teasing Gunther about this matter, and she had noticed small signs herself. Petra was genuinely happy for Gunther. At least, someone in their squad had their feelings reciprocated. And managed to act on them.

Thank my cramped bladder that made me get up and empty the chair for Nifa to sit.

“Of course,” she whispered back to Eld. “I’ll just grab an empty chair. Where is my beer? Don’t tell me Oruo drank it!”

“Why don’t you go sit with the Captain?” he suggested, nodding in his direction.

Petra turned and saw him sitting with the Commander and Captain Hange, in their usual spot. Her cheeks turned red, and she was certain it had nothing to do with the little alcohol she had consumed.

“Eld, are you kidding me? I can’t sit in THE booth! The sacred booth! Only the three of them sit there!”

He rolled his eyes. “Come on, it’s not like they own it. Anyone can sit in that booth.”

“In theory, yes. But have you ever seen someone actually do it? Come on, that booth will stay empty just for them, even if the whole place is crammed up like a can of sardines!”

Eld laughed. “You’re supposed to be the Captain’s girlfriend. It’s only natural that you sit together.”

“But you know that’s not the case! I mean, he’s already stuck with me in training AND the interviews and stuff, I can’t bother him in his free time, while he’s hanging out with his friends!”

“Nonsense, you won’t be bothering him,” he waved his hand. “Pet, the Captain is cool, he won’t mind.”

Petra pouted.

“And don’t you think it’ll be suspicious if you don’t interact with each other?” Eld added.

And he did have a point. Embracing the unavoidable was the only way to go.

“Fine, I’ll go ask them if I can join them,” she gave up.

Petra started walking towards their booth, but she decided that maybe she’d embarrass herself less if she went to the dancefloor instead and showed off her non-existent ballet skills.

But for the mission’s sake – convince everyone that she’s the Captain’s girlfriend – she’d make sacrifices. Honor’s overrated, anyway.

Bracing herself, she reached the trio’s table. Commander Erwin noticed her first and gave her a welcoming nod.

“Petra, darling!” Hange greeted with her mouth full.

“Hi! Um, I… I wanted to ask… If I can—”

Captain Levi moved and made space for her to sit. Next to him. Oh. She supposed she didn’t have to ask. Her new status gave her a free pass.

Once she sat down, the Captain silently passed the menu on to her.

“Ah, here, here!” Hange had stretched her hand from the other side of the table, to point at item no. 15 on the second page of the catalogue. “Order the cheddar potatoes, they’re to die for!”

“Die then,” she heard Captain Levi murmur, and then he took a sip from his drink. Scotch. No ice.

“Here, sweetie, take one and see for yourself,” the scientist held out a potato and almost left her without an eye.

“Oh. Thank you, but I’m not hungry. And I already had one—okay, half a beer, so maybe I’ll order later.”

“What did you want to ask?” Captain Levi said.

“Never mind, it wasn’t important.”

He didn’t press on, only returned to his drink. He was wearing a white buttoned-up linen shirt, one of his usual cravats, and black tight pants that made Petra too eager to see him stand up. If his bicep felt so hard, then his butt must be—

“Miss Ral, what do you think?” Commander Erwin’s voice demanded her attention.

“Huh?”

“We were talking about the band,” he explained.

Sorry, I was too busy imagining my Captain naked.

“Oh, personally I’m not a big fan of loud music.”

Petra kept tapping her fingers on her thigh, while Hange and the Commander carried on the conversation. The Commander seemed too educated for a soldier, too invested in culture and arts. Hange continued talking with a bunch of potatoes inside her mouth, while Captain Levi enjoyed his drink and didn’t utter a word.

Petra felt like a kid sitting at the grown-ups’ table.

She had expected the Captain to be more vocal in the presence of his friends but no, he was still as withdrawn as he was in their squad’s company, only dropping occasional rude – but hilarious – comments. Petra was glad she hadn’t ordered a drink. She’d probably choke on it.

Petra’s gaze wandered toward Gunther and Nifa, and they looked like they had the time of their lives. The gleam in their smiles radiated all the way to the sacred booth. Oh, she could already picture Nifa in a wedding dress. Their children would have her petite nose and Gunther’s horrible haircut. A match made in heaven.

She locked eyes with Eld and he winked at her and gave her a discreet thumbs up. Sitting at Captain’s Levi booth was a worthy sacrifice if it meant her friends would be happy together.

After Hange finished her food – and without minding to wipe off the cheddar from her face – she stood up and walked unsteadily to the dance floor.

Soon, Commander Erwin headed over to the bar to bring a second round of drinks. Petra asked for a lemonade. She wasn’t sure she could hold her liquor, and she had already embarrassed herself enough recently.

Captain Levi asked for arsenic, to which the Commander replied it probably wouldn’t have any effect on him.

It wasn’t that bad to hang out with them. Petra could get used to it. Her hands were covered in sweat, but next Friday she’d be more relaxed.

Oh god.

She had to do this next Friday again?

Oh god.

Hange and the Commander had left. Which meant… she was alone with Captain Levi.

Petra wasn’t the type to swear, but… Oh. Fucking. God.

“I think Erwin ditched us,” the Captain commented.

Petra followed his gaze and saw the Commander talking – flirting? – with a young brunette.

“Oh.”

“I can bring you a lemonade if you want.”

“Oh, no need to, sir. To be honest, I don’t really feel like it. But I can ask the bar if they have arsenic.”

“Bring me some and you’re up for promotion.”

Petra snorted like a pig. How lady-like.

When she looked around the pub, the Commander and the brunette were nowhere to be found. That was fast.

Meanwhile, Hange was still shaking to the rhythm and had dragged poor Moblit around with her.

“Gunther’s having a good time,” the Captain remarked.

“Yes! I’m so happy for them! I don’t want to assume too much, but they’d make a wonderful couple!”

“Hmm.”

“Now it’s Oruo’s turn.”

“Oruo’s turn?”

“Yes. You know, Eld has Valerie, now Gunther and Nifa are a thing, and we… We, um… Never mind.”

Now she wished she had a drink so she could busy herself with something, instead of lowering her pathetic eyes to her lap. Why couldn’t she just keep her stupid mouth shut? If only she had done so after the interview.

The interview. Yeah, she had to bring it up.

“Sir? I'm sorry for what I said yesterday, after the interview,” she said quietly.

The Captain looked away. “Whatever,” he muttered.

“I really am, sir. Sometimes I’m so stupid.”

“Look, Petra… I think you should start calling me by my name from now on. Even if it's just us. To get used to it and... whatever shit. It’ll make your performance more natural.”

“Oh. Are – Are you sure about that? I wouldn't want to disrespect you.”

“The whole world thinks we're banging. Calling me 'Levi' is no big deal.”

Maybe we should begin doing that too, a voice whispered inside Petra's head and she immediately blushed at the thought.

“But not during training, of course,” he added.

“No, of course not!” she shook her head. “I will call you ‘Levi’ if that’s what you want.”

“Good.”

“Great!” She smiled at him.

Levi.

It was a beautiful name. She had called him that before, but her wild fantasies didn’t count.

The band now started playing a slow piece, and everyone on the dancefloor paired up and leaned on each other’s shoulders, swaying gently to the romantic music.

Perhaps, she could tell him to call her ‘Pet’. Shorter, more intimate, sounded like a cute nickname you’d give your lover. Would it be too bold of her? While she was contemplating it, the Cap—no, Levi spoke up.

“And one other thing,” he said. “You don’t have to sit here with me.”

Of course she didn’t have to. She was annoying him. He’d much rather be left alone.

“I’m sorry, sir.”

“Levi.”

“Right,” she tucked her hair behind her ear. “Levi.” She wished she could hold his name on her lips forever. “Do you want me to leave, then?”

He furrowed his brow, taken aback. “I don’t mean—I’m only saying it’s Friday night, you should enjoy yourself and sit with your friends. Have a good time. Don’t worry about Erwin’s plan and keeping up a façade.”

“What makes you think I’m not having a good time?”

“When Four-Eyes shoves potatoes up your nose, it’s near impossible.”

Petra chuckled. “I won’t fight you on that.” She made out the scientist’s figure on the dancefloor. She had rested her head on Moblit’s shoulder, and he was holding her tight, his arms around her waist. “Oh god, her eyes are closed! Has she passed out or she’s simply enjoying the dance?”

Levi looked in her direction. “I don’t know, and I don’t want to know.”

“Let’s hope we won’t have to carry her back.” She nervously bit her nails, before she could remember how much Levi loathed those filthy habits.

“It’s Moblit’s turn. Last time, she puked on me.”

Petra laughed. “My, my! And you didn’t kill her on the spot?”

“I was certainly tempted to.”

“Okay, she is awake!” she exclaimed in relief when she saw Hange striking a dance pose. “Moblit won’t have vomit on his clothes, yay!”

“Considering how fast she’s spinning him around, maybe he’ll throw up.”

He wasn’t wrong, Moblit did look somewhat pale. Petra hoped it was the lighting. They looked cute together. And so did Gunther and Nifa in each other’s arms. Gunther was whispering something in her ear, and she laughed. She had her hand on his chest, and she was smiling like Petra had never seen her before.

Of course she was overjoyed for them. However, other sentiments were also invading her brain. Melancholy. Jealousy. An ardent yearning eating her alive.

Without giving it much thought, she turned to Levi. “Do you dance?”

His silence for the next few seconds solidified what she already knew: she was stupid.

“Thank you, I’m good,” he replied eventually.

“Yeah, sorry. Shouldn’t have asked.”

“Ask Eld. I won’t get jealous.”

An ache in her heart caught her by surprise. “Levi… So, you’ll sit here and just watch?”

“I prefer watching than making a spectacle of myself. Seriously, what was wrong with those journalists in the interview? Their eyes kept scanning me from head to toe.”

“At least, it didn’t take long.”

The Captain slowly met her eyes and raised his eyebrow.

Oh. Holy. Crap.

“No, no, no! No!” Petra spat out in defense. “I didn’t mean—Okay, this came out totally wrong! Oh god! I meant the interview didn’t last long. I wasn’t implying anything about your height, Lev—”

He laughed. Not a momentary chuckle, but a normal, actual, real laugh. Was this the first time ever she was seeing him laugh? It sounded rasp and beautiful. And oh, how it suited him. He should laugh every day.

And to think she was expecting latrine duty for her comment, and she was rewarded with the best gift she could ask for.

Before that, she wasn’t even sure if his facial muscles had the physical capability to twitch in that way. Perhaps, he had gathered all his power in his body muscles, in order to become a Titan-killing machine, and there was nothing left for his face. And yet, he could laugh. And she was the one to cause it. Well, not intentionally, but still.

His laughter was on Petra’s mind when she went to bed. Another sleepless night. And the next morning. And all week.

Her Captain had been a metallic, double-locked door for as long as she knew him. But now there was a tiny opening. Just enough for a ray of sunlight to peek through. Petra had all the patience to wait for the door to fully open and reveal more of him.

Petra wanted more. Being a fake girlfriend would never be enough.

Chapter Text

“Take her out on a date.”

Erwin had clarified it was an order, not a suggestion.

Levi walked back to his office with hasty steps, as every brick on the wall begged him to punch it. Bruised knuckles would mean nothing compared to the glorious release of the fire bottling up in his chest.

There was no doubt Petra would agree. Levi had always valued her loyalty, but now he hoped she’d protest. She didn’t deserve any of that shit. She was a good girl.

A date with a good girl like that, the two of them alone... He’d sure look like an old pervert.

The first sunrays of the day fell on Levi’s face through the open window in the corridor, blinding him for a second. Alarming thoughts had invaded his restless mind last night when Eyebrows ordered him to go see him first thing in the morning. Did it have to do with the next expedition? A change of plans? A crucial super-secret mission? Threats from the fucking Underground?

And what was the urgency? Taking out Petra.

But then again, maybe this situation produced a tension all over his body equally electrifying. Or more.

The restaurant Erwin suggested – no, ordered them to go was classy enough for the press, but not too classy. If people saw them spending a month’s salary on a night out, they’d assume the Survey Corps didn’t need funding. Which was far from the truth.

“Talk with miss Ral and find out when she’s free.”

The memory of that irritating voice rang again. What about asking her if she even wanted to go out with him in the first place? Why assume she would? Not like she owed him.

He’d have to ask her after training. Or perhaps after lunch. Shit, it was Gunther’s turn to cook, wasn’t it? For all his combat skills, he was useless in the kitchen. And if he kept humming songs that went like ‘Nifa, I’m on fire, you’re my true desire’ instead of watching the food, they’d end up with a burned meal. Again.

As he turned in the corridor, he saw Petra approaching. Within a span of an eyeblink, her lips turned upwards in a toothy smile. “Good morning!” she greeted, joy emitting abundantly from her voice.

How could someone be in such a cheerful mood in the morning – or any other moment of the day – was a mystery to Levi. Greater perhaps than the origin of the Titans, or the unknown wonders of the world outside the Walls. Since her first day on Squad Levi, Petra Ral had been a morning person. A noon person too. Evening, and night. Heck, Petra was an all-day-long person and it looked like she didn’t even try.

“Good morning,” Levi remembered to speak back.

“How did you sleep?”

“Erwin said I should take you out on a date. You okay with that?”

Better now than later. Get this over with already.

Petra blinked once. Twice. “Um, yes.”

“Friday at seven sounds good?”

“Yes, sir. I meant sure! Not sir! Yes, sure. Levi.”

“Okay.”

And with that, he left.

This had to be the shortest dialogue in the history of asking someone out. It wasn’t a big deal anyway, so they didn’t need to spend more time talking about it.

And it wasn’t a real date.

It was already fucking Thursday.

Levi hadn’t gotten nearly enough sleep the past few nights, but that wasn’t out of the ordinary. He never slept well. Worrying about the date didn’t have anything to do with it.

And he wasn’t worrying per se. Thinking about possible outcomes and trying to predict what could go wrong didn’t count as worrying.

He had passed by Forkk – the pretentious restaurant’s name – and made a reservation for the table with the best view on the rooftop. For two. It was fifteen minutes away by foot from the barracks, and fifteen salaries away from his budget.

Not too classy. Sure, Erwin. Sure.

A shaky waitress had informed him that they were booked out until next month but she’d certainly manage something for Humanity’s Strongest and his girlfriend. No more than two minutes later, she was chasing Levi down the street, shouting that an extra table had miraculously appeared in the restaurant. Praise the fucking goddesses.

Seriously, what was that bullshit with the two ‘k’s? How lame. It was the worst name anyone could think of. Thinkk.

Let’s hope the food isn’t that bad.

Levi didn’t particularly care – he had eaten out of the trash a handful of times during his early years – but he wanted Petra to like it. A well-cooked meal could compensate for the lack of pleasant company.

When he passed by the squad’s kitchen, he found the boys gathered around the table. Oruo was grabbing a snack and dropping crumbs on the floor, Gunther was humming an off-tune melody while washing the dishes, and Eld was sipping on his tea.

“Eld, come to my office once you’re done. I need to talk to you,” Levi interrupted their silence and walked away.

“Ohhh! Someone didn’t fill out his reports well!” he heard Oruo’s voice as he was leaving.

“Or even worse, he didn’t scrub the floors hard enough!” Gunther added.

“Shut up, why don’t you go chase after Nifa’s skirt?”

“Sir? I’m here, as you asked.” A couple of minutes later, his second-in-command was entering his office.

“Thank you, Eld. Have a seat.”

He obeyed.

Levi trusted Eld with his life. He knew he had his back. A most loyal soldier he could count on. By now, they had learned each other’s techniques and position preferences like the back of their hand. And on the battlefield, Levi could accurately predict Eld’s movements merely by the expressions on his face. So did Eld.

And yet, despite the amount of trust that connected them, they had never spoken about personal matters. They had discussed one-to-one, yes, but it was always squad-related.

Now it was time for this to change. Levi was so desperate.

“Is everything all right, sir?” Eld asked, reminding him that he was taking too much to talk.

He brought his arms up on the desk and rolled up his sleeves. “You know what, I’m not that much older than you, you can drop the ‘sir’ crap.”

He was met with two widened eyes. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, just call me Levi.”

Petra wasn’t anything special. If she could call him by his name, so could Eld. No big deal.

The blonde guy scrunched his nose. “Wouldn’t that be disrespectful?”

“I know I have your respect, and you have mine, so let’s cut all unnecessary bullshit.”

“As you wish, Levi,” he replied with a shrug. “So… Why am I here?”

“You have a girlfriend, correct?”

He narrowed his eyes in confusion. “Fiancée, actually.”

“Right.”

Eld kept looking at him with an expression that demanded to find out why was his fiancée relevant.

“So…” Levi cleared his throat. “What do you do to her?”

The man’s cheeks flushed red. An awkward chuckle escaped his mouth and then he said, “That’s the reason for the sudden familiarity, then.” He shifted his position on the chair. “Well, Levi, these are private affairs, but if you seek advice, I can share a couple of tricks. I’m sure you’ll do fine, your body is very flexible. You have great stamina, and… Oh, you’ll do fine. Compared to our morning training, this will be a piece of cake.”

Levi found it hard to follow his train of thought. “Eld, what the fuck?”

“Aren’t we talking about sex?”

Now it was his turn for his face to turn red. “Fuck no. Why on earth would you—"

“But you asked what do you do to—”

“I meant, like, how do you treat a girl when you take her out for dinner. Or something.”

“Oh!” Eld broke into laughter. “Should’ve clarified that from the beginning.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “It’s for Petra. I mean for our fake relationship. Don’t assume I have an actual girlfriend, it’s part of the plan. Erwin wants me to take her out to some fancy restaurant. Be seen together.”

“I see!” He rubbed his hands together, a playful grin decorating his face. “Well, then our objective will be to convince everyone present that you’re a couple.”

Levi nodded.

“Hmm, let me see… For starters, you can hold her hand,” Eld proposed.

“For starters? Isn’t that supposed to be intimate?”

“There are far more intimate things, but I doubt you want to do these with Petra. Not on the first date, at least.” Eld winked. Fucking. Winked.

Levi had no option but to stand up and gesture toward the door. “Okay, you can leave. It was stupid of me to—”

“No, no, I’m only joking! Let me help! Look… Ah!” he exhaled, too dramatically. “You have nothing to worry about. You and Petra dine together every day.”

“Not alone.”

“Even so. It’s not complicated. Just… act tenderly to her."

Levi’s left eyebrow lifted. He couldn’t think of anything more complicated. Even Four Eyes’ experiments had to be simpler. "What does that even mean?"

Eld half-snorted, half-laughed. "Oh come on, Levi, you haven't been on a date before?" The corners of his lips began falling with every prolonged second of eye contact. “Oh. You haven't been on a date before."

Levi didn’t reply.

“Really?” Eld pressed on. “Never?”

You’d think it’d be believable that Humanity’s Ugliest hadn’t taken anyone out for drinks, and yet Eld couldn’t seem to fathom it.

"Never was my cup of tea." Levi made a statement that would have to suffice.

“Then… don’t worry. I’ll share what I know. First things first: when you enter the restaurant and reach your table, you must pull out the girl’s – Petra in this case – chair.”

Levi found it funny that a serial Titan killer would have a problem with pulling out a chair. He didn’t laugh, though. “She can do it on her own.”

“It’s common courtesy,” Eld explained. “You’ll sit at the table only after she has sat.”

An exhale of surrender. “Noted. Then?”

“You should lean in when she talks. Show you are interested. Pay her compliments. And also, smile a lot. It shows you’re having a good time.”

“I can be having a good time without smiling.”

“Just do it, you have nice teeth, it’ll work. Now… Hold the door for her when—”

“It’s gonna be a fucking disaster, isn’t it?”

Levi wasn’t known for his optimism. Common sense dictated that the helplessness of the situation couldn’t be avoided.

But Eld was fixated on convincing him otherwise. “My first date with Valerie was a disaster. And now we’re engaged. So.”

Lucky chick. What a catch.

“Besides,” Eld resumed, “if you’re so stressed about it, you can practice with Petra before you go. OH MY GOD! We can help you!”

The dimple in her right cheek lit up, Levi noticed.

Petra nodded frantically with a huge smile plastered on her pale face when Eld told her about his idea of ‘fake fake date’, as he called it.

Recruiting Oruo and Gunther wasn’t particularly difficult. Eld took it upon himself to beg them for their help, and the good boys accepted out of their kind hearts, and certainly not because they wanted to laugh their asses off watching their Captain ridicule himself.

Petra had put a vase with a flower on the kitchen table and scented candles “to create the right atmosphere”.

Gunther, as the brains of the squad, was selected to be the Judge. He’d watch the whole fake fake date operation, keep notes, and offer constructive criticism at the end.

Eld would play the role of the waiter, while Oruo was Random Man At The Next Table #1. Gunther argued that #1 served no purpose, because there wouldn’t be #2 or anyone else with a similar part, but Oruo insisted that it was his calling, and anyone disputing that would be undermining his efforts.

“3… 2… 1... Go!” Gunther signaled the beginning of the rehearsal.

Levi and Petra entered the kitchen. He pulled out a chair for her to sit, as Eld had told him.

“Oh, thank you!” the girl beamed at him.

“You’re welcome.”

“Cut!” Oruo dropped his newspaper.

How did Levi screw it up in literally the first seconds?

“You’re doing it wrong! Don’t be so polite with each other, it’s not natural!”

“Excuse me?” Petra brought her hands to her hips, her cute smile now gone.

“Look, Pet, I’m an expert on relationships, so you’d better listen to me.” Oruo tugged on his cravat.

“How can you be an expert? You don’t even have a girlfriend, smartass!” Eld laughed.

“And familiarity doesn’t exclude proper manners!” Petra said, her look a deathly dagger. “Can we continue, please?”

They started all over again, exiting the kitchen and reentering, and when Levi pulled out the chair for Petra, she gave Oruo a side eye and spoke unnecessarily loudly, “Thank you so, so, so much! I appreciate it infinitely! I couldn’t be more grateful!”

Levi muttered a barely audible “you’re welcome” and sat on the opposite side. Two seconds later, Eld walked up to them and left two invisible menus on the table.

“Welcome to Spoon. May I take your order?”

“Forkk!” Gunther corrected.

“Forkk, whatever. What can I bring you?”

Petra pretended to look through the pages. “Hmm… I don’t know. What do you think we should take, honey?”

The three men burst out laughing in unison. Eld even wiped a tear.

Fucking great.

Petra’s cheeks reddened. “Hey!”

“Sorry, Pet!” Eld said between sudden gasps for air. “It’s just… It’s just weird to hear you talk like that!”

“To the Captain, of all people,” Gunther pointed out.

Levi watched as the blizzard of madness went on, and facepalmed. He’d stand up and retreat to his office without a second thought if Petra hadn’t expressed how much this fake fake date would help her. That’s the only reason he agreed to do it in the first place. Petra wanted a rehearsal to feel more confident, so he’d endure all the idiocy displayed by the other members of his squad.

“Guys, don’t make it more awkward than it already is!” she complained, her voice pitched higher than usual.

“We’ll have today’s special,” Levi spoke up, and all the laughter was brought to a sudden end. “And two glasses of wine. Red,” he said to Eld, monotonous and rigid as if he was giving out an order during training.

“Uh, sure! Coming right up!”

The rehearsal resumed to normal – if you could call a scumbag together with a devastatingly charming girl normal – and everyone returned to their duties. Petra mouthed a silent “thank you” as a coy smile crept onto her face, and Levi nodded, his eyes flicking away.

Gunther was writing something up in his notebook and it surprised Levi that he took his role so seriously. Oruo flipped another page of his newspaper and Levi caught a glimpse of an article that was about him and Petra. He had stopped reading those ridiculous, full-of-lies texts eventually. Why would anyone give a fuck about Petra’s morning skincare routine? Her face was impeccable anyway, she didn’t need to put anything on it.

A while later, Eld came back to the table and pretended to leave their dishes. He made an awfully vexatious “swoosh” sound as he poured hypothetical wine into their hypothetical glasses.

“Good appetite, lads. We hope you’ll enjoy your time at Knife.”

Oruo scoffed. “Eld, you’re a lame waiter! You don’t even know the name of the restaurant! I’d fire you on the first day.”

“It doesn’t matter, it’s just a rehearsal, you moron!”

“You’re not invested enough!”

“Look who’s talking! Dude, you’re not doing anything, you just sit there and read!”

“Ehem? You forgot who came up with the idea of the fake fake date?”

“No. It was me.”

“How dare you—”

“Guys!” Petra waved her hands in the air. “Can we not have interruptions all the time? Take Gunther’s example, he’s so dedicated to taking notes.”

“Heh?” Gunther raised his head from the paper.

Levi inhaled through his nostrils. “Petra’s right, let’s get this over with.”

Satisfied, the girl lifted her pretend-glass in the air. “Cheers!”

He looked at her and wondered why his cravat felt so tight around his neck.

“Oh, um… Sorry never mind,” she lowered her imaginary glass.

Then, Eld spoke in a shouting whisper, “Captain! Remember the hand-holding thing we talked about?”

Levi replied at a normal volume. “There’s no need for that now. It’s only a rehearsal.”

“You should act exactly like you will on the real fake date! That’s the purpose of the fake fake date!” he retorted animatedly.

With all eyes on him, Levi found himself unable to fight back. Fuck it.

“Fine,” he said and grabbed Petra’s hand that was resting on the table.

He heard her gulp, but she didn’t pull away. Levi was surprised by how smooth her skin was. Maybe she did use creams after all.

“Not like that!” Eld said. “Rub it!”

“Rub it?” Levi repeated.

“Rabbit?” Oruo let the newspaper drop from his hands. “We have rabbit for dinner? Oh, just fucking wonderful! I got sick of beans.”

Eld rolled his chestnut eyes and brought his attention back to Levi. “Don’t just put your hand over hers. Try caresses, maybe some squeezing… You don’t want to show possessiveness. We’re going for tenderness, got it?”

The Captain locked his gaze on their intertwined hands. Petra’s was smaller, with impeccably clean short nails.

Up until now, pretending to be her boyfriend didn’t require any physical contact or any effort whatsoever. People read it on paper, so it had to be true. Now they had to actually play the part. Levi was a soldier, not a fucking actor.

Breathe in, he thought to himself. Small steps.

He looked up at Petra. “Is that all right?”

She gawked at him in search of words. “I… Um, yes, okay.”

His fingertips began exploring the back of her hand. It was slow and conscientious, like a delicate valse. His thumb then started running circles over her knuckles. Petra didn’t react at the touch. Her hand was still, frozen. No, it wasn’t frozen. It was warm. He was warm too, he felt like his chest had a fatal fever.

“Oh, look at that!” Eld’s voice made his head whirl in his direction. “I’d totally buy it that you two are a couple.”

“So, operation fake fake date, status: success?” Oruo asked.

“I think so! Let’s see what Gunther wrote down. Maybe he noticed details you guys can improve on.”

Eld grabbed Gunther’s notebook and his grin instantly dissolved.

A slight frown creased Petra’s brow. “What is it?”

He threw the notebook on the table, and Levi saw that the only thing Gunther had written down was ‘Nifa+Gunther=LOVE’ and other variations of it. For fuck’s sake. They should have been the famous Survey Corps couple in the newspapers, they’d give them so much content. Abigail wouldn’t need to instruct them the tiniest bit.

“Man, are you serious?” Oruo all but yelled. “I knew it! I should have been the judge. I was the most suitable.”

Eld interjected with yet another insult, and Gunther said something in return, but Levi didn’t give two fucks. Then, he realized he should have let go of Petra’s hand centuries ago.

“I think it went… okay? Kinda,” she said in a low tone only for him to hear.

He opened his mouth but realized his throat had gone too dry to talk.

With the guys quarreling as background noise, Petra spoke again, “Look on the bright side, Levi. The actual date can’t be worse.”

Chapter Text

When they sat at their reserved table on the rooftop, Petra knew they were doomed. The neighboring tables were so close that they couldn’t have any privacy. Not only did they need to look like a couple, they had to talk like one.

Hence Petra’s “it’s wonderful here, sweetie!”, followed by the Captain’s eye twitch.

After they gave their order to the waiter, she laid her hand on the table, hoping he’d take the hint and caress it, just like he did during the fake fake date. But nope. The Captain was focused on his cutlery, making sure the knife was perfectly parallel to the fork. He kept making micro-corrections, leaning in and looking around from every angle. If it wasn’t so funny, Petra would be angry with the lack of attention.

“Hm,” she cleared her throat and he instantly looked up at her. “My hand is cold.”

“You should have brought gloves.”

She exhaled through her nose. Tonight would be more difficult than she thought.

“My left, lonely hand is cold,” she reiterated and tapped her fingers. Now he’d get it.

“We can change tables if you think it’s chilly out here. I think I saw an empty table inside by the—”

“Our table is fine!”

Her hand retreated and returned to her lap. They had plenty of time ahead for physical affection. For now, talking would do.

“I mean…” Petra smiled at him. “This whole place is fine. Thank you for bringing me here. Baby.”

Levi averted his gaze immediately and grabbed the menu, even though he’d already checked it too many times and they had already ordered. “Uh, yes, you’re welcome,” he said, his mouth behind the pages.

Petra was feeling awkward too about the situation, but at least she put on a decent amount of effort! Levi had to do better than that if they wanted to convince those around them.

Discreetly, her eyes roamed around the rooftop and found that almost everyone was peeking at them.

“The decoration is beautiful,” she commented. It seemed it’d be up to her to not let their table drown in mortifying, awkward silence. “The jasmine smells heavenly! It reminds me of my village. And those pretty lanterns are a-ma-zing! Don’t you agree?”

He nodded.

Blast it, why was he acting so cool? He was supposed to be in love! His indifference to the operation infuriated Petra. But she wouldn’t back down.

Tired of waiting, she reached out and held his hand. “But then again, it doesn’t matter where you take me. Any place in the world is beautiful if you are with me.”

A moment too long of staring, and he squeezed her hand back. “Same goes for me, sweetheart.”

Petra felt the heat rising to her cheeks.

Don’t blush! You’re supposed to be used to it!

Before she had time to react, the waiter came with their meal and they had to let go of each other’s hand to make room for their plates.

To say they were disappointed would be a vast understatement. The food was too little. Literally three grains of rice and some chicken hidden under them.

Levi glared at the waiter. “Where is the rest? Did you drop it on the way?”

He dropped his jaw in confusion. “Sorry?”

“My boyfriend is only kidding!” Petra mediated. Causing a scene was the last thing they needed. Deciding not to let her panic overwhelm her, she grabbed her fork and took a mouthful of rice. “Mm! Delicious!” she said while chewing.

One grain of rice fell into her cleavage. Shoving her hand between her boobs wasn’t exactly an option with the Captain sitting right across, so she shouldn’t—

Heavens! ‘Boobs’ and ‘Captain’ didn’t belong in the same sentence! She mentally begged her dirty thoughts to go away, while praying that the grain didn’t look like a hardened nipple.

They ate mostly in silence, but hey, no talking meant they couldn’t say anything wrong that’d betray the operation. Better safe than sorry.

Petra had no option but to listen to the conversations at the surrounding tables, due to their suffocating proximity. One middle-aged couple was thinking of ways to cover up their affair more effectively, two brothers were arguing about their mother’s will, and two young girls were talking about their sex lives in graphic detail. Petra found herself feeling jealous, and it wasn’t about the siblings’ co-ownership of a large estate.

Naturally, they didn’t need more than a couple of minutes to finish eating. Petra used her napkin to clean her mouth (which she forgot she had covered with lipstick, oops) and then placed her knife and fork on her empty plate. Levi did the same, and an unspoken question travelled through their met gazes. What now?

Petra was by no means an expert, but she was sure it’d be unusual for a date to last a quarter of an hour tops. As she was thinking of possible discussion topics, her stomach growled. And to think she had eaten almost nothing all day because she was saving her appetite for dinner!

“Petra. Do you want to order dessert?” she heard the Captain address her.

“Aahh, I only wanted a good meal, to be honest,” she gave him a sad smile. “We don’t have much of those lately.”

“Hopefully soon the Survey Corps will have more funding.”

“It’d better. I miss meat.”

He didn’t reply.

She didn’t add anything.

What could she talk about with her direct superior, besides work? She knew so little personal information about him, not enough to spark a conversation. Her fingers toyed with an unused napkin when she realized she wanted to learn more about him. Not about Captain Levi of the Survey Corps, Humanity’s Strongest. But about Levi. Just Levi. And not only in order to carry out the plan uncomplicatedly. Petra was curious about him.

Her resolution to ask him personal questions died out when she remembered their neighbors could hear them as clearly as she could hear them. Asking her supposed partner in life basic questions like “what is our favorite color” or “cats or dogs” would raise suspicion. She should know all that already.

A brilliant idea popped into her head instead. “Hey, wanna see something?” Petra asked enthusiastically. She didn’t wait for his answer, and started folding her napkin, bringing the top corner to the bottom corner.

“Why the hell are you torturing that innocent piece of paper?”

She chuckled at the wording. “I’m going to make a bird!”

“It doesn’t look like a bird,” he deadpanned.

“It will in a while! I just have to… eh…” No, no, she wasn’t stuck. Maybe she needed to turn the paper over. “Ugh, I swear, I saw Gunther do it and he taught me!”

She folded every corner she could, desperate to remember Gunther’s instructions.

“Hm… I think this goes here and this—"

“You’re cute.”

Her hands froze. Great, now not only would she not be able to remember the instructions, she wouldn’t remember even her own name.

Levi continued. “But this abomination is uglier than Titan shit.”

Petra looked up at him. He wasn’t wrong, but… She crumpled the napkin and, without giving it a second of thought, she said, “It might not be a bird, but it can fly!” and threw it to him.

Levi caught it in the air right before it could hit his face. Without missing a beat, he placed it on the table, unfolded it and started creating a bird.

Petra gasped. “Wait! You know how to do this?”

He answered without looking up. “Who do you think taught Gunther?”

“And all this time you saw me struggling and you didn’t help me?”

“It was entertaining.” He did an inside reverse fold to form the bird’s head. “Here. Keep it.” He set the now completed bird in front of her.

Petra stared at it for maybe too long.

“That was… amazing, not gonna lie.”

He leaned in and whispered, “Wanna get out of here?”

Maybe it was his low voice, or what this phrase usually implied, and Petra felt ten thousand fevers hitting her forehead.

“I know a good place where they sell sausages on a stick,” he added. “Must be a few streets down, if I remember well.”

Food that could actually satisfy her hunger!

“Yes! By all means, yes! It sounds perfect!” Her grin faded out instantly then. “But… Don’t we have to stay here a little longer?”

“It’s our date. We do what we want.”

They roamed around the streets, circling and circling the same blocks, when a captivating smell led them in the right direction and they found it. Uncle Stuart’s Canteen.

While they stood in the queue, they talked about how awful and overpriced the food on Forkk was. They both decided that only the wine was decent, and that the portions were ridiculously small.

Encouraged by the smell of the grill, Petra talked about her father’s cooking and their summer picnics. They didn’t realize when the line had moved on, and now it was their turn to order.

Levi ate three sausages and Petra four.

“I think…” Petra swallowed, “this is the best meal I’ve had in a while. Maybe ever.”

With full stomachs now, they started their walk home. The Captain had suggested an alternative route. It’d take longer, but they’d pass through less busy streets, where they’d go mostly unnoticed. Petra agreed. She wanted to spend more time with him, and it was a beautiful night, with a full moon shining bright above them.

The only thing that Petra hated with every fiber of her being was…

“Cap—Eh, Levi?”

He hummed in response.

“Uh, do you think we can find a bench around here? I need to sit down for a bit.”

“Don’t tell me you can’t handle a glass of wine.”

She laughed. “Oh, that’s not it! My shoes are killing me,” she pointed to her high heels, with a funny grimace on her face.

“Serves you good for trying to be taller than me,” Levi muttered under his breath.

“Hey!” Petra raised her fist for a playful punch on his shoulder but thought against it right as he turned to look at her.

“They look too ugly to be comfortable.”

“I know! They’re awful, aren’t they? But Abigail said they’re made by a famous designer, and it’s my honor to walk on them, apparently,” she rolled her eyes and sighed, partially from the pain and mostly from getting tired of Abigail’s genius ideas.

Levi released a long breath. “I can’t believe that lunatic has the audacity to tell you what to wear. You’re not a hanger for ads. I mean, come on, the dress is horrid too. Neither yellow nor brown, it’s basically the color of shit after beans.”

Petra widened her eyes. “Actually, the dress is mine.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“At least, it matches the shoes.”

Petra laughed louder than she had expected, and fortunately the street was empty, or she’d have blown off their intention to keep a low profile.

The Captain raised his arm and pointed ahead. “Bench.”

When they sat down, Petra asked, “Do you mind if I take my shoes off for a while?”

“As long as your feet don’t stink.”

She smirked. “Let’s find out.”

Levi watched her undo the straps of her heels. With that kind of face, why Abigail thought anyone would notice Petra’s shoes was beyond him. All the advertising was for nothing, and on top of that, Petra’s ankle had been bestowed with a gigantic blister. How would she train tomorrow? Fuck, this evening was a disaster.

“Ah, sweet freedom!” Petra exclaimed, swinging her bare feet in the air. “Know what, next time let’s go straight to Uncle Stuart’s. Oh, and Eld told me about the most amazing bagel shop! They discovered it by chance with Valerie.”

“Sometimes, I wonder how it works.”

“It?”

“Their relationship. Engagement, whatever.”

“Uh, what do you mean? They’re both incredible persons, made for each other!” She had those eyes like when she read romance novels in the kitchen.

“What I’m saying is it’s a difficult decision to be together with someone that might get killed any time soon. Our profession is not exactly relationship material,” Levi said.

Petra stopped swinging her legs. “That’s… that’s true, I guess. But then again… no one knows if they’ll wake up tomorrow morning. The future is uncertain, whether you are a scout or not. One day you may be full of life, playing with your daughter and making vacation plans, and the next day you’re in the hospital… barely able to breathe…”

Her usual gleam wasn’t present in her eyes anymore. Levi sensed that something especially personal had transpired between them. He was now seeing a side of her he hadn’t witnessed before. He felt paralyzed, unable to speak or do anything other than look at her.

Eventually, he saw the tension on her shoulders dissolve and she turned to look at him with a melancholic smile.

“But if you love someone,” she spoke in a breathy voice, “you want as much time as you can have. Even one year, or three months, or one day! It’s all worth it in the end.”

“You seem to have given it much thought.”

Petra nodded. “You see, for a long time I thought that someone like me, with a high-risk job, shouldn’t have attachments. And I came to terms with it, thought it was a necessary sacrifice.”

“But?”

“But I realized that love is for everyone. No matter if you’re sick or healthy, old or young. So… if I find someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with, no matter how long or short that is… I will do everything I can to be with him.”

She spoke with confidence and sweetness at the same time, and then it hit Levi that Petra Ral, the Elite Titan slayer, and Pet, the shy and gentle girl, were not two different versions of herself, but rather one person with layers on top of layers that he was enticed to discover.

And maybe she was right, maybe love was for everyone, even street rats like him.

Levi hadn’t known love in his life, except for his mother. He had had so little time with her, but that didn’t mean he didn’t treasure it with the most profound fondness up to this day.

Yes, Petra was right. And she deserved to be loved.

She lowered her voice. “Do you understand me, Levi?”

He opened his mouth, but the ability to talk was scooped out of him.

A ‘whoosh’ in the air startled him. Suddenly, he turned around and caught a ball in the air, that was going directly for Petra’s face.

What the—

“Hey, that’s mine!”

A bunch of running kids approached them, and a freckled boy that couldn’t be more than ten took the ball from Levi’s hands.

Levi shot them a menacing look. “You’d better watch where you play, little pricks.”

“Sorry, pops!” the freckled boy spat out and turned to leave, his friends joining him.

A tiny girl with curly hair from the group however said something that made everyone stay. “Guys! Isn’t that Captain Levi and miss Petra?”

“From the newspapers?” another girl said.

“Yes, that’s them!” the freckled boy shouted enthusiastically. “I would know, my mom is obsessed with articles about miss Petra.”

“Miss Petra, can you give us an autograph? Please, please, please!”

“And one for me! I’ll give it to my mom!”

Petra giggled and ruffled the tiny girl’s blond hair. “You’re all adorable! I’m sorry, but I don’t have a paper or a pen with me.”

Her negative answer didn’t drive them away. They were all still there, staring at the two of them.

“Sir Captain, have you ever kissed miss Petra, or are you waiting until marriage?” a girl asked bashfully while playing with her ponytail.

“Ew, of course they’re waiting until marriage!” another boy jolted in. “My mom said if you kiss someone before getting married, you get bacteria in your mouth and you die.”

“WHAT!” the tallest of the group yelled in agony.

“Uh oh, I think Antony has done it!”

“Captain Levi, is it true? Can you get bacteria from a kiss?” the tall boy – presumably Antony – asked while biting his nails.

“Yes, you totally can,” he answered without hesitation.

“Levi!” Petra’s eyes widened.

“What? It’s true.”

“So, have you kissed miss Petra?” the girl with the ponytail asked again. She tugged at her dirty shirt, blushing, and Levi knew she was dying for a fairy-tale kind of story.

But he’d have to disappoint her, he wasn’t a prince. “No, I haven’t,” he replied. No lie there.

The girl with the curly hair tapped on Levi’s knee. “Good for you, mister Levi. But when you get married, you’ll have many, many children, right? That’s what you should do!”

Levi turned to Petra, who was conveniently looking away. “Eh, we’ll see. Thanks for your input.”

Anthony raised his hand.

“Yes?”

“Mister Captain, can I join the Survey Corps too when I grow up?”

“I want to join them too!” the freckled boy said.

“Me too!”

“There won’t be Survey Corps when you grow up,” Levi cut their excitement short. “At least, that’s what we plan.”

“Why?” Anthony whined.

“Because miss Petra, our colleagues and I will kill all the Titans and then there won’t be a need for expeditions.”

“Wow! You hear that, guys? Captain Levi will kill all the Titans!” the blond girl jumped up and down enthusiastically.

“How many Titans have you killed so far, mister Levi?”

“Too many.”

“More than ten?”

“Tch. Ten is nothing.”

“More than a million?”

“Okay, maybe not that many.”

“Captain Levi, what is it like outside the Walls?”

“No more different from the inside, I guess,” Levi shrugged. “Except out there they walk around naked.”

The kids burst out in loud laughter. Strange, Levi wasn’t joking.

“Umm…” The girl with the ponytail pulled Levi’s sleeve. “Captain Levi, why is miss Petra crying?”

Levi snapped his head at her direction. She was folded in half on the bench right next to him, with her hands on her belly. A quivering mess. Oh. “She’s not crying, brats,” he reassured them. “She’s laughing.”

“Oh, don’t mind me!” Petra said between uncontainable giggles.

Levi didn’t control his lips when they twitched upwards. Perhaps, proper childhood looked like this.

Oruo looked at the clock for the thousandth time that night.

“They should have returned by now,” he remarked with a pout.

“Jeez!” Eld stopped shuffling the deck and placed it on the table. “Quit yapping, will you?”

“But what’s taking them so damn long?”

“You know these places,” Gunther said nonchalantly. “They take hours to bring your food.”

The tick-tock grew louder and louder as Eld was dealing the cards. It wasn’t Oruo’s fault he was losing again, his bad luck was to blame. Bad luck in every aspect of his fucking miserable life.

“Do you think they actually hit it off?” Gunther suggested while rearranging the cards in his hand.

“Seriously, dude?” Oruo scoffed. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard!”

The stupid human being that was called Eld laughed. “Why not, though? Pet’s a sweetheart and the Captain looks like he needs to get laid.”

Oruo’s fist hit the table. “Gosh, you’re so disgusting!”

“Look, man, you’re gonna have to get over this thing you have for Pet. It’s only causing you more pain.”

“Wha—Are you crazy? I don’t have a thing for her! Of course I don’t! I’m only saying I don’t like this shitty show they have to put on!”

“Oruo, calm down,” saint Gunther said in an absentminded tone, probably thinking about fucking Nifa. “It’s not our job to question the Commander’s decision, as long as Pet and the Captain are fine with it.”

Then, the door opened to reveal Petra and the Captain coming in. They finally remembered the way back, it seemed.

“Ah, I can’t wait to take off these hideous shoes and that bean-shit dress!” Petra laughed, and Oruo suspected she was drunk.

“Hey, guys!” Eld greeted them. “So… how did it go? Did our rehearsals pay off?”

“Oh Eld, it was amazing!” Petra beamed, with amber eyes that shined. “Okay, the restaurant was bad…”

“Very, very bad,” the Captain interjected.

“…but it doesn’t matter, because afterwards we went to a canteen with the best sausages in the world, I tell you! They were… Oh, they were fan-ta-stic! I just… Mmm!”

Her face contorted beautifully and Oruo wondered if that was how she looked like when she had an orgasm.

“I ate three whole sausages!” Petra boasted.

“Four,” the Captain corrected.

“And then we walked for a bit, and my shoes were killing me, and we sat down, and then some children came, and we joined them and we played football, and Levi didn’t let them win, because he enjoys being a smartass, but we had a great time anyway, and then—”

“Long story short, it was okay,” the Captain – Levi, as Pet had called him – interrupted her.

“I don’t remember the last time I had so much fun!”

Maybe when she and Oruo got lost in the city while running errands? That was fun too! Or the other time when she and Oruo were stuck together during patrol duty? Tch. Surely, Pet was drunk, that’s why she was overexcited.

“Guys, it was amazing! If only you could have been there with us!” she sighed.

“That would defeat the purpose of the date, Pet,” Eld-Poohead-Jin said.

Shut up, Eld, of course we can go together with them next time!

“Well…” Petra yawned. “See you in the morning, guys! Sweet dreams!”

Oruo knew what he was going to dream about. The pathetic truth was his dreams would never become real.

Chapter Text

Petra involuntarily brought her hand over her aching tummy, hoping she wouldn’t leave red stains on the chair. The universe had conspired against her, making the urgent meeting coincide with her worst days of the month.

She should be paying attention to the Commander, it was a very important meeting. He was informing Squad Levi, Squad Hange, and Squad Mike about the strategy they’d follow on their upcoming expedition.

But his words began fading away. Petra could hear him, but she couldn't listen to him. For all she knew, he might be talking about fairytales and elves. Every single time she tried to make sense of what he said, an excruciating stab in her belly distracted her.

Commander Erwin had the irritating habit of using long sentences, and words with more than five syllables. Petra preferred Levi’s laconic and to-the-point speeches. And toilet humor.

She thought she heard the Commander say something about their squad, but focusing on him would take more strength than she had. As she felt the weight of ten horses on her poor tummy, she squinted her eyes and tried not to make a sound.

The meeting will be over soon, she tried to convince herself, even though she was aware of the Commander’s tendency to overanalyze everything.

“Oi, Petra.”

Captain Levi’s familiar voice made her look up.

Commander Erwin had stopped talking and everyone in the room was staring at her.

“Are you feeling okay?” the Captain spoke again. He was leaning back against the wall, with his arms folded over his chest.

Petra stumbled over her words for a bit. “Uh… F-fine, sir! It’s just… a headache, but it’s not a big deal.”

She couldn’t make a public announcement about her period, could she?

Petra had always hated being in the spotlight, so when everyone’s attention kept swaying between her and Levi, she was mortified. The silence was unbearable and perhaps it pained her more than her period. 

“Go rest. I’ll debrief you later.”

Her jaw dropped at Levi’s words. Cramps, headaches, bloating, and lower back pain were normal these days, but could it be that hallucinations were also symptoms? Was she dreaming? Captain Levi was dismissing her from an elite meeting?

“A-are you sure, Captain?”

She fought back the urge to call him ‘Levi’ in front of all these people, it’d be too much. Now wasn’t the time or the place.

He nodded at her and then turned to Oruo. “Bozado, escort her to her room and come back.”

The muscles all over Petra’s body relaxed in relief. She needed to go to her bed. Now.

She got up, gave a quick bow to no one in particular, and headed for the door, Oruo following shortly behind. Whispers were heard across the room, but Petra didn't have the energy or the will to pay attention to them.

When he wrapped up the meeting, and the commotion started, Erwin called out to Levi.

“Can you stay for a while?”

The raven-haired Captain nodded.

He waited patiently for all the scouts to exit the room, and then he closed the door. When he spoke, he was composed. “What was that exactly, Levi?”

Levi frowned. “If you're wasting my time, at least try to be more specific.”

Fine. Erwin cleared his throat. “Do you think it's okay dismissing scouts from my meeting?”

“Petra is my subordinate. And you saw her, she was in a shitty condition. There was no point in keeping her here if she couldn’t concentrate.”

“So, you interrupted me.”

Levi gave him a lethal look of protest. “I wasn't going to sit back and stay silent when Petra was suffering.”

“Suffering?” he repeated, the right amount of irony blended into his voice. “Heavy word for a headache, don’t you think?”

“She's on her period, all right? Show some sympathy.”

Erwin took a few seconds to process what he had heard. “Levi, how do you know about miss Ral's menstrual cycle?”

“I'm her damn captain, of course I know. I never let her train on these days, it messes her up.”

Back when he was a squad leader, Erwin had had female scouts under his immediate authority. He had noticed sudden slumps in their performance from time to time, and in these cases, he had tried not to put too much pressure on those ladies, but expected impressive results nonetheless.

The fact that Levi had kept track of Petra’s cycle and adjusted her training accordingly was something he hadn’t expected from him. However, he only had one girl in his squad and thus alternations to the squad’s program would be flexible. 

Still, that didn’t excuse his behavior earlier.

“Levi, we won’t co-ordinate our plans around Petra’s…”

“Period? It’s not a bad word, Eyebrows, relax.”

“Should I consult with her every time I want to set a date for an expedition? In fact, we should cancel any operation if it doesn’t work for her. We don’t want her out of her bed when she’s got her monthlies.”

“I know the world doesn’t revolve around Petra’s period, for fuck’s sake!” Levi grumbled. “But I am responsible for her, I must care about her needs.”

Erwin held his gaze. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say that girl was Levi’s weakness. But Levi didn’t have any weaknesses. No, he couldn’t.

“You know…” Erwin stepped closer to him. “I’m confused, I must confess. You discipline your soldiers so hard, and yet one minor inconvenience is enough for you to exclude Petra from her duties.”

A low grunt came from Levi, as he turned his back on him. “You don’t know a thing, Erwin, so shut your mouth. She has a hard time on these days, she even vomited once.”

“Regardless. What I’ve wanted to point out is that miss Ral shouldn’t have privileges while everyone thinks you’re dating.”

“Since when it’s a privilege to rest when you’re sick, for fuck’s sake? You must be fucking kidding me, you ignorant asshole!”

“Levi, there’s no need for you to raise your voice. I can hear you perfectly fine,” Erwin enunciated each word slowly.

The Captain paced around the room, his steps charged with irrepressible frustration, until he pulled out a chair and sat down. Erwin waited for his breathing to calm down, and then he heard him say quietly, “You know, fake-dating plan or not, I would have done the same thing.”

“I know.”

“And I would have done exactly the same if Eld, Gunther, or Oruo felt unwell.”

“I know, Levi. But not everyone knows what kind of person you are. It’s a delicate situation, and I’m only asking you not to treat Petra like she’s special. I appreciate all the co-operation you’ve displayed so far, even if it was reluctant, and I trust you to continue as it’s expected from you.”

The man didn’t reply, nor did he look back at him when he left.

Erwin knew Levi too well. They were opposites, in a way. Levi had cold, unapproachable manners, but deep down he was sentimental. Full of empathy, especially for the disadvantaged. Erwin, on the other hand, knew how to appear charming and agreeable. And the next minute he could send his soldiers to their deaths without any remorse. Controlling them like pawns on a chessboard, willing to sacrifice them for a greater cause if he had to.

But what do you do when your pawns start moving on their own?

When Petra went to the kitchen, it was dark outside. How long had she been sleeping? She had dropped dead on her bed and woke up with a headache and a dehydrated throat.

“Oh, you’re up.”

Levi was sitting on the table, with a handful of documents in front of him and a candle lit on. Of course he was sleepless again. A part of her wanted to scold him, but on the other hand, she was glad to see him.

“Lev—” She coughed. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to talk before drinking some water, so she just waved at him.

“Come sit, don’t tire yourself out.” He pulled out the chair next to him.

“Uh, I don’t want to bother you, I only came because I was thirsty.”

“I’ll bring you water. Sit down.”

She did as he asked, secretly enjoying how he spoiled her.

As Levi was pouring water into an empty glass, Petra fought back a yawn and asked curiously, “Any idea what time it is? Oh, thank you!” She took the glass he offered her and took a long, satisfying sip.

Levi made no move to sit again. “Around three.”

“Oh, God. I slept too much.”

“Good for you. I was going to make some tea. You want?”

“Actually, that’d be wonderful, thank you!”

She watched as Levi pulled up his linen sleeves, every bit of skin revealed fascinating her. She felt devastatingly hot and was unsure whether she should attribute it to the high temperature or the sight in front of her. Damn, she could see his back muscles through his shirt.

A sudden realization hit her then and she squealed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was in my pajamas!”

“You sleep in your pajamas? Shit, your secret is out,” he gave a salty reply and Petra laughed. “Are you better?” His tone was lower now, almost intimate.

“I am,” she reassured him. “And… thank you so much for letting me go. I really needed it.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“No, seriously, I was in so much pain! I… I couldn’t bare another minute in there. So… thanks for noticing.”

He returned to the table with two cups of steaming tea and Petra couldn’t help a smile. Spending time alone with Levi, away from journalists and prying eyes, was all she wanted. She wrapped her hands around the cup and the heat warmed her up and filled her with comfort. One spoon of honey and she tasted it.

“Mmm. What kind of flavor is that?” she asked.

“It’s a herb special for… women. On these days, you know.”

“Oh. I didn’t know we had that!”

“I bought it today.”

Petra felt her eyelids get humid. “That’s… that’s very kind of you.”

They continued drinking in silence. She wanted to say so much more.

I’m so lucky you’re in my life.

I think you are an amazing person.

I love you.

Eventually, she settled for:

“Levi, thank you for making this… not awkward.”

There was it, the beginning of a smile on his handsome face.

When she emptied her cup, Petra didn’t want to leave yet. She had to find an excuse to stay longer. And there was something that she wanted to get out of her chest.

“I feel terrible about being disrespectful to the Commander,” she said.

“You weren’t disrespectful,” he hurried to reply. “You couldn't concentrate. We are humans, Ral. Not machines.”

“Still… I’m sorry if I caused problems between you and him. I noticed he seemed a bit irritated when you interrupted him.”

“First of all, you didn’t cause anything. I’m responsible for my actions. And I don’t regret anything. Except I should have told you to skip the debriefing completely in the first place.”

The rush of the moment pushed her to be bold. “Don’t... don’t take this in a weird way, but I think it’s very sweet of you how caring you act.”

Levi watched her as if he was trying to unlock something hidden behind her words. “Petra, if you expect to get a promotion this way, you’ll be disappointed.”

“Oh, I don’t want a promotion,” she chuckled. “I’m happy where I am.” Serving by his side, devoting herself to him… What more could she want? “When you interrupted the Commander and you called out to me, I kinda freaked out,” she admitted.

“What, you thought I was going to scold you?”

She bit her lips. “It’s been a while since you gave me latrine duty.”

“Don’t jinx it, brat.”

She choked her laughter in fear of waking up the boys. “So… When do you think you can debrief me?” she asked, refusing to let the conversation die out.

When she was with Levi, the last thing on her mind was professional matters. She’d rather talk about their future, the house they were going to buy, their four kids, and their cat. But it would be slightly unwise to be so straightforward, so she grabbed on to the things they had in common. For now.

“Sleep and get the rest you need, and we’re going to find time tomorrow,” Levi said calmly.

“Oh, I’ve already slept enough. If you want, we can do it now.”

He stared at her for a while and then exhaled. “Okay, then… From where do I have to pick it up? When did you stop paying attention?”

“Um... If you could start from the beginning...”

“Of course.”

Nifa took a napkin and brought it to Gunther's cheek.

“You've got mustard on your face,” she giggled and wiped it off.

He should feel embarrassed, but for some odd reason, he didn't. His laughter joined Nifa's, as they were walking away from Stuart's Canteen.

“Petra was right, it was awesome.” She sighed in delight, and instantly a worrisome expression landed on her pretty face. “Hey, how is she? Is she doing better?”

“She was okay this morning in the practice,” Gunther recalled. “A little too slow, but yeah.”

“Poor thing, I was so worried about her yesterday!” Nifa squeezed Gunther's hand. “She seemed like she was bleeding to death!”

He flinched. “Bleeding?”

“Yeah, she totally had her period.”

Gunther tucked on his collar. “You think so?”

“A girl knows.”

“Well, I'm glad it's not something serious.”

Nifa gasped. “What do you mean? It can be very serious! It can crash your body in half! If you guys had it, you wouldn't stand to get up from your bed, let alone ride a horse and all that!”

Gunther was ready to say that he wouldn't mind staying in bed all day, especially if he had good company, but then Nifa broke out in another one of her adorable gasps.

“Oh! Gunther, did you hear the gossip? We're getting new ODM gears! Finally!”

“About time, those we have are ancient.”

He brought his hand to her shoulder and pulled her closer for a quick kiss on the temple. She hooked her hand around his waist, and their pace slowed down. Gunther took a deep breath and told himself again it was all true. Yes, he did have the most amazing girl in his arms.

“Alsoooo,” she stretched the syllable, “I may have heard something about a raise!”

“Raise? Good god, I hope so! My salary isn't enough for half a month.”

“And yet you send so much back home. I'm sure they're very proud of you!”

“I... I do what I have to do,” Gunther lowered his eyes to the stone pavement they were walking on. “With this new operation, my sister will maybe walk someday.”

Nifa stopped and squeezed him into a tight embrace. “I have faith she will!”

“Thank you.”

“I'd like to meet her someday. All your family.”

“I'd like that too.” His fingertips traced the corners of her mouth.

“What? I have mustard too?” She panicked and released him from the hug.

“No, no,” Gunther laughed. “Just caressing you.”

They resumed their walk back to the barracks, as the sun was ready to sleep too. The golden rays reflected beautifully on Nifa's soft skin and made Gunther want to caress her again and again.

“I'm glad Petra's okay,” the girl said. “Everyone talks about what happened yesterday between her and Captain Levi.”

Gunther had been staring at Nifa for the whole meeting, so he hadn't realized Petra looked unwell. When the Captain pointed it out, indeed he could see she was too pale, an expression on her face that screamed “I’M SICK!”

He was as surprised as everyone else in the room when he let her go. After the meeting had ended, he asked Oruo about Petra’s condition but he didn’t get much insight, apart from “The Captain chose me to escort her because I’m the most trustworthy in our squad.” Gunther was pretty sure the Captain chose him because he wasn’t paying attention to the meeting, anyway.

When they ate dinner, Petra’s empty chair was the elephant in the room. Only after the Captain left, did they address the issue.

“It’s ridiculous that the Captain is treating her like a baby! Guys, I’m telling you, we need to intervene!” Oruo complained.

“Dude, relax,” Eld said. “There’s no need to get jealous, you know their relationship is fake. The Captain only cares about our wellbeing as his soldiers.”

The three of them knew that. However, to anyone else, yesterday’s incident would seem like an unfair exemption.

Gunther wished he could tell Nifa the truth. He hated keeping stuff from her. But he valued Captain Levi’s trust. The only thing he could do was defend his honor.

“Oh, Nifa... I can assure you, the Captain never favors Petra. He doesn’t make discriminations, we’re all equal to him. No matter what happened yesterday, they shouldn't blame him, because he's a great Cap—”

“Blame him? Are you kidding me? Everyone adores him!”

“Pardon?”

“They're singing his praises!” Nifa’s smile got bigger. “You can't imagine how difficult it is to function when you're on your period, and it's so nice when someone recognizes that and validates you.”

Gunther’s confusion didn’t let him speak.

“Don't get me wrong,” Nifa continued, “Hange also gets us, and so do all the female squad leaders. But it would be really great if more men in the military behaved like Captain Levi. I hope this will be the start of a new approach.”

“I guess. I've never given it much thought, to be honest.”

Nifa stood on her toes and planted a kiss on his chin. “It’s because you didn’t have a girlfriend,” she whispered against his lips and then left a kiss there, too.

Gunther looped his arms around her waist. “You don't think there'll be any problem with us dating, right?”

“Why would there be?”

“Eh, we're both in high-skill squads that cooperate sometimes and—”

“Oh, come on! Petra is together with her Squad Leader! I mean, if they allow that, we're not in any danger.” She grabbed his hand and they continued walking down the pavement. “Hey, how did you find out about them?”

“Me?”

“Yes. I mean, I'm sure you caught up on it before it happened officially. Even I did.”

"What do you mean?"

“Petra was pretty obvious, sweetie! She was giving Captain Levi the horny eyes all the time.”

Gunther gulped. “What?”

“She never admitted it, but she was melting every time she was looking at him.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“I’m telling you, that girl has been fascinated by him for years now! She tried to hide it, but she's not a good actress.”

No, she wasn't a good actress. That time she tried to cover up for Eld when he ran away from practice to meet Valerie… Yep, it was a disaster. Petra just couldn’t improvise, couldn’t lie, couldn’t act, couldn’t anything.

That must mean that her believable performance now was... not a performance. Was there a chance that she was actually… in love with Captain Levi? And if that was true, how was she dealing with all this? Was she okay? Should Gunther approach her about this?

“So...” Nifa interrupted his thoughts. “What can I treat you for dessert?”

“Hmm, let me think.” Gunther kissed her. “Yes, that’s it. As sweet as it gets.”

Chapter Text

“Who’s a good boy? Eh, who’s a goodie-goodie boy? Yes, Philipp is a good boy! The best!”

Gunther stood by the stables’ door while Petra, unaware of his presence, fed Captain Levi’s horse. The goodie-goodie boy ate the apple and Petra gave him an affectionate pat.

“Good job, buddy! You carry our Captain and you must be strong, okay? Did you like the apple?”

“I don’t think he’s going to answer.”

“Gunther!” Petra jumped around, her goofiness now gone.

Gunther would later tease her about that… strange interaction, but now wasn’t the time. He rubbed his nape and walked in. “Sorry, I overheard a bit. Actually, I want to check up on you. Can we talk?”

Petra squinted her eyes in suspicion. “Sure.”

The hay odor that invaded his nostrils didn’t make for the best atmosphere to have a heart-to-heart conversation, but if they left the stables, they’d run the danger of stumbling into Eld, or worse Oruo. Or even worse, the Captain himself.

Gunther had thought a thousand times about how to approach Petra.

What’s your opinion on the military code regarding relationships?

Hey, do you happen to be in love with Captain Levi?

If you need a wingman, just say the word.

Maybe it wasn’t his business. Maybe Nifa was mistaken. Or maybe he should let Petra and the Captain alone and it’d work out somehow, someday. And what if it was just a silly little crush and by talking about it with Petra he’d blow things out of proportion?

But Gunther knew he had to do something. Petra needed a friend right now, someone who knew the whole truth. So, he took a step closer and placed his hand on her shoulder.

He lowered his voice. “Is everything between you and the Captain all right?”

“Yes, everything’s fine,” she answered with feigned indifference and busied herself with rubbing Philipp’s muzzle. “Why do you ask?”

“Because… I worry.”

Petra rolled her eyes and threw her arms in the air. “Uhh, you and my father! You should have known better, Gunther! Captain Levi isn't taking advantage of me in any way and I’m sick of hearing that it’s inappropriate for us to—”

“No, no, I don't mean that!” he cut her off. “I've lived with the Captain for three years too, Petra. I know him. He's trustworthy and reliable.”

“He is!” she agreed fervently. “He’s never made me feel uncomfortable and he takes my side no matter what! His past may have been grey, but he’s changed now, and I respect him all the more for that.”

Gunther could see it now in her eyes. Even if Nifa hadn't told him anything, he'd know. Why hadn't he noticed before?

“Our Captain is a great man, you don't have any reason to worry,” Petra concluded.

Her admiration of him was touching. She had always talked highly of him and expressed her ardent, genuine respect. Gunther had been a fool to not see that it went deeper than that. At the end of the day, Petra was a girl and Levi was a boy.

Possibly, only now could Gunther see it because he knew how it felt to be in love.

“I worry about your feelings,” he confessed.

She flinched. “My feelings? What feelings?”

Silly Petra. Gunther didn’t have any choice but to be candid, “You are in love with him, aren't you?”

She had a mini-stroke for a couple of seconds. “What are you… Of course not! That’s… That’s absurd and—For heaven’s sake, where did you get that stupid idea? Feelings? Who? Me? Hahaha! You should write a novel or something, your imagination’s off the chart!”

Gunther’s eyes softened as they fell on his comrade’s disheveled face. They trusted each other with their lives on the battlefield. She could also trust him with her secret. He hoped his look conveyed that message.

In the end, Petra let out a long breath and gave him a sad smile. “Gunther, it’s… It’s—”

“It’s okay,” he reassured her.

She shook her head. “It’s really not. I don’t know what to do. Pretending to be his partner, when I’m not, it’s… Sometimes it’s amazing, I’m not gonna lie. I’m living my dream, I can be around him, I can sit next to him, I can touch him… But…”

“But you want it to be real?” he offered.

“I want it so badly, Gunther,” she said a little above a whisper, and it made something inside Gunther’s chest break. He pulled her into a tight hug, and for a moment it felt like he was holding Holly. Petra was his little sister, too. Maybe not in blood, but in any other way. He’d make sure nothing would upset her.

“So, are you going to tell him?” he asked.

Petra broke the embrace. “What? Of course not! I’m not crazy!”

“Why not?”

“Because…” She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times. “Because it’s stupid! And I don’t want to put him in that position, it will be awkward when he rejects me and we’ll have to still act like a couple and train together.”

Gunther tried to raise his eyebrow (he was never good at this). “But Petra, why do you assume he’ll reject you? What if he likes you back?”

The girl didn’t react for a moment. And then she broke into laughter. “Do you even hear yourself? That’s... ridiculous. To say the least.”

“Why?”

“Because... because he is he, and I am me. We’re not...” Her expression turned serious. “It's just never going to happen. He doesn't see me that way, I'm not good enough for him.”

Gunther recognized her feelings too well. “I thought the same about Nifa. You know, she’s so beautiful and brilliant, and there's no way she's interested in me, she can do so much better... And all of it proved to be bullshit.”

Petra chuckled.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, because I already have a girlfriend,” he continued, “but I think you’re a real catch. You’re pretty, and a great listener, and—”

“Shhh, come on, stop it!” A blushed Petra gave him a light punch in the chest.

“Anyway, what I meant to say is I was brave enough for once to talk to Nifa and... You know the rest. I’m the happiest man alive!”

She shook her head. “It's not the same.”

Normally, Gunther shouldn’t be encouraging her. It was common knowledge that a romantic relationship between a Captain and their subordinate was something to be avoided at all costs. Besides, Gunther didn’t know if the Captain returned Petra’s sentiments. Yes, he’d always been protective of her and he praised her skills with every chance he got, but it wasn’t clear if the soft side he displayed with her was coming from a place of responsibility or affection. Thus, would it be the right decision for Petra to pursue her feelings?

Absolutely yes.

If there was even the tiniest chance for her to experience what Gunther was experiencing with Nifa, then absolutely. Freaking. Yes.

After all, even if Captain Levi did turn down Petra in the end, Gunther trusted he’d do so in a gentle way with the least possible damage he could cause. The Captain would never make fun of her feelings or belittle her.

With all these in mind, Gunther could do nothing other than push Petra towards declaring her love. “Why don’t you try? Make a move and see how he’ll react.”

She bit her lip. “What kind of move?”

“When it’s the right time, you’ll know.”

Petra seemed to be contemplating Gunther’s advice for a few quiet seconds, and then turned to the brown steed that had witnessed their entire conversation.

“Philipp, promise you won’t tell the Captain, okay?”

The sun had already set outside the Walls and Petra could feel the cold wind of the night mixing with the sweat on her back.

It had been a successful expedition so far, if you could consider the usual number of fatalities a success. They would camp in their tents for a couple of hours, gather their strength while the Titans were inactive, and return inside the Walls the next day, hopefully with a captured Titan to examine and experiment on.

Their squad had made it just fine, apart from Oruo’s gigantic bruise on his face, which served him right for breaking their most practiced formation only to try (and eventually fail) to raise his kill count! Petra scolded him from the bottom of her heart while they were gathered around the fire, but he brushed her off and bragged about how he honorably won a battle scar and how that would help with the ladies (“Not that I need any help, but it’s nice to have something extra!”).

Petra was now alone, sitting on the dirt and finishing up her meal when she let her gaze wander up in the starry sky, the rich constellations taking her breath away. She was grateful beyond any measure that Levi was now on the surface and he could admire the same bright stars she did.

Maybe if she wished on one really, really hard—

“Hey, Pet,” a familiar voice pulled her back into reality. Nifa seemed tired, almost ready to collapse. Like any other scout on the regiment right now.

Petra patted the space next to her. “Hey, come sit down!”

When Nifa sat, the firelight landed on the dark circles under her eyes. “A favor?” she asked monotonously.

“Sure!” Petra replied cheerfully. “What is it?”

“My horse tripped earlier, and we fell, and—”

Petra gasped. “Oh no! Are you all right? Did you—”

“We’re both okay,” she dismissed her worries. “Only thing is my tent broke. Can I use yours?”

“Of course! We’ll call it a pajama party!” Petra took her hands in hers. Then, she took a self-conscious look at herself. “Uh… Even though, we’re not in pajamas. And it won’t be a party. But anyway—”

“Oh, no, no.” Nifa pulled her hands away from Petra’s grasp. “I’m snoring too loudly, you wouldn’t bare me. Besides… I need to be alone for a while if you don’t mind.”

Petra tried not to let her smile fade. “No, anything you need! But… where am I supposed to sleep then?”

“Aren’t you going to share with your boyfriend? I thought it was a given, that you weren’t going to use your tent, anyway.”

“My… My boyfriend! Yes, of course! My Captain boyfriend, my boyfriend Captain! Actually… We’re both very tired, and we each need our space to stretch. Seriously, why are they making the tents so small? Well, Levi is small too. Eh, I mean he’s short! His height! Not… Right, anyway, maybe you can sleep in Gunther’s tent?” she offered with a trembling voice.

Nifa tore her eyes away and stared at the dying fire. “That’s not an option.”

Petra, then, realized that it wasn’t just the physical exhaustion weighing on her friend’s shoulders. Carefully, she moved closer to her. “Nifa… What’s wrong?”

The peaceful crackling of the fire filled the silence as Nifa was searching for words. “We had a fight the other day and… let’s say I need some space for a while.”

“Nifa, I’m so sorry. How could this happen? Gunther is head over heels for you! Only a few days ago he told me that he’s the luckiest man in the world since dating you!”

She scoffed bitterly. “It appears he likes saying things he doesn’t really mean.”

“What are you talking about? Nifa, honestly, you two were the most amazing couple I’ve ever—”

“Can we not talk about that?”

Almost intimidated by her uncharacteristic roughness, Petra lowered her head. Pressure was the last thing Nifa needed.

“Forgive me,” Petra said. “It’s perfectly reasonable if you want your space. But… if you ever want someone to talk to—”

“Petra, you don’t have to do this. We both know we’re not really friends, okay? I learned about your relationship through a newspaper! I’m not going to pour my heart out to you, I’m sure you have better things to do! And don’t worry, you can keep your tent, I’ll figure something out.”

Nifa got up in a haste and Petra followed after her.

“No! Nifa, wait! I—”

She turned around and gave her a soul-piercing look.

What could Petra say to her?

She was right.

“You can have my tent, Nifa,” was all she could utter.

“When I finally have my captured Titan I’ll be so busy with him you won’t see me for at least three weeks!” Hange clapped her hands too many times.

“We’d better catch one tomorrow then,” Levi said unamused.

He hated overnight expeditions, he hated smelling his own sweat, and he hated Hange’s incessant blabbering. The only thing he wanted right now was a warm bath. Lavender soap. Fresh towels and clean clothes.

“Captain, a word?”

What was a scared little kitten doing outside the Walls? Ah no, it was Petra.

“Sweetheart!” Hange ruffled her hair like a maniac. Levi would reach for his blade if he had his ODM gear on. “Don’t mind me, you don’t have to call your boyfriend ‘Captain’ in front of me!”

“I just—”

“Anyway, I was just about to go to sleep!” She faked a yawn. “Goodnight to the lovey-dovey couple!”

“Uh, goodnight!”

“Go to hell,” Levi muttered and Hange stuck out her tongue as she was walking away.

Not long after, Petra cleared her throat and spoke again, her pitch higher than usual. “Captain?”

“Levi,” he corrected her. Even though they were standing too far for anyone to hear, sticking to their agreement was crucial.

She averted her honey-amber eyes from his. “Uh, yes, sure. Levi. Well… Levi, I want to ask you something.”

“Just don’t talk to me like you pissed yourself. Please.”

Petra’s jaw dropped to the core of the Earth and she looked even tenser than before.

“Relax, okay?” Levi begged, even though he too felt an undefined uneasiness whenever he was around her lately. “We don’t look like a couple. They’re watching.” He side-eyed a bunch of scouts in the distance.

Petra followed his gaze and saw them too. She exhaled through her petite, red from the cold nose and then her shoulders dropped. She locked eyes with him and took a step closer. And then another.

Let her not smell his sweat, let her not smell his sweat.

Levi knew in his gut he had to step back. And yet, he found himself leaning in. Their faces were a breath away now.

“Is this okay?” she asked, tremor laced in her voice.

“It’s good.”

Levi wished the moon shone brighter so he could see the color of her eyes better. He could swear they were the same color as his favorite black tea. Every time Petra blinked, it was a millisecond devoid of beauty, a millisecond of longing. Open them again.

“What did you want to ask me?” he said, uncertain why his voice had dropped to a whisper.

She tilted her head quizzically. “Ask you? Oh, right! Yes, I wanted to ask you something. You see, er… Can I sleep in your tent tonight?”

Now it was Levi’s turn to shoot her a quizzical look.

She scratched the back of her neck. “Uh… I gave my tent to Nifa because… Long story short, her tent broke, I couldn’t say no, so anyway I have no place to sleep tonight.”

Levi didn’t need any more explanations. The words left his mouth without a second of thought, “Petra, you can sleep in my tent. By all means.”

“Really? Wow, thank you so much! I didn’t think you were gonna—Oh, thanks!”

“It’s not too cold, I’ll sit by the fire. I wasn’t going to sleep much, anyway.”

She took a step back and brought her hand to her heart. “No, that’s not what I—Levi, I don’t… I don’t want to kick you out of your tent! That’d be cruel! You deserve the rest.”

Was he tired or too stupid? He didn’t understand her. “I don’t get it, who’s sleeping in my tent then? You or me?”

“Both?”

He was tired.

He couldn’t have heard right. What Petra proposed was… He couldn’t quite describe it. It was… just… Too much. He waited for her to break into laughter and admit playfully that it was a silly joke. He waited. And waited. And—Shit, she was serious.

“It’s a small tent,” Levi blurted out.

“I know, I… Sorry, I don’t want to… But I’m sure you’ll fit me perfectly.” Before Levi could process what she said, Petra gasped, her chest heaving. “Crap! No, I didn’t say that! No, no! I meant you’ll fit with me perfectly! Inside the tent.” She laughed awkwardly and choked on her saliva. She coughed a couple of times and then continued, “Well, can I? It will be only for a few hours. And I swear, I don’t snore!”

Levi looked her dead in the eye. “How do you know if you snore or not? You’re sleeping.”

Her eyes widened in terror. He had just crushed her whole worldview.

She didn’t answer.

“Anyway, I’m not sure Erwin would approve of us sleeping in the same tent,” Levi said. “Sounds unprofessional, we’re on an expedition.”

“Mmm, you’re not wrong. But tell me something… does the Commander have to know?”

The urge to smile tugged on his lips. “I suppose he can live without knowing it.”

Their shoulders had to be pressed together. It was the only way they could fit in that shithole. The blanket was just enough for their two bodies, while their capes served as pillows.

Levi would stay still all night. He was too afraid to move, given that Petra could feel every shift.

They had said their goodnights a while ago, right after they entered the tent and lay down. A long day was waiting ahead and they needed all the sleep they could get, so a late conversation was categorically out of the question. What would Petra want to discuss with him, anyway?

He knew she wasn’t asleep yet. Her micromovements and her uneasy breathing betrayed her.

“Petra, you should really fall asleep, you know. How else am I going to conclude if you snore or not?”

The vibrations from her soft laughter reached his body. “I’m starting to think you’re enjoying this strange set-up.”

“You begged for it, you tell me how it is.”

“Ten out of ten, would visit again. Excellent location, oh and the host was very welcoming, even though I ruined his sleep.”

“The host wants to let you know that you didn’t ruin anything,” Levi said.

“Nifa had an accident with her horse and her tent broke, that’s why she asked for mine. You know…” Petra rolled over to her side and faced Levi. “They had a fight with Gunther.”

“That’s why he was so out of focus today?”

“Possibly. I didn’t notice, to be honest.”

“They’ll work it out,” Levi said, trying to put her mind to rest. “Gunther was too obsessed with her to let her go so easily.”

“I hope so. When Nifa told me, I wanted to help her. We never were super close, but I like her. She’s a great person, and I enjoy hanging out with her. Especially now that she’s Gunther’s girl, I have it in my heart to bond more with her.”

“So, did you talk about it?”

Petra puffed, disappointment apparent before she even spoke. “She told me she doesn’t feel comfortable opening up to me because she learned about my relationship with you from the newspaper.”

“Oh. Shit.”

“And I can’t blame her. It feels like I betrayed her, you know? Plus, Gunther really helped me the other day. Helping the two of them reconcile would be my way of paying back. But I can’t do that. I’m a lame friend.”

Levi rolled over to his side too. Face to face with her now, he spoke decisively, “You’re not lame, Petra.”

“But I am! Nifa is right, real friends are supposed to share their love stories.”

“Eh…” Levi tried to shrug the one shoulder that wasn’t buried under his weight. “My best friend got married without telling me.”

Petra drew in a sharp breath. “Hange is married?”

“What? No, not Hange. For fuck’s sake. I was talking about… an old friend.”

“Oh, I see.”

“It was only a fake marriage to try and get citizenship for the surface, but still. And he failed, anyway.”

He talked about it lightly, as if it were some cheap joke, but the memories of Furlan flooded him, the heaviest storm his heart could bear.

He’d never talked with Petra about his life in the Underground, but she knew. Everyone knew where he came from. Mentioning details from those times was something he avoided at all costs. However, now with Petra, he didn’t feel like he had something to hide.

“Poor guy,” she said. “Is he still down there?”

“No. He’s not anywhere anymore.”

“I…” Petra paused. She pulled their blanket up, lest grief turned into night chill, and said nothing more than a quiet, “I’m sorry.”

It meant a lot coming from her. Petra had lost friends outside the Walls too. Recently, Levi had found Anna Becker’s file in the archive, the friend she mentioned when she convinced him to agree to Erwin’s plan. Over a dozen expeditions, many assist kills, and one date of death.

Why did Petra have to lose Nifa as well?

Levi propped himself up on one elbow. “Should we tell Nifa the truth about our situation?”

“What? Absolutely not!” Petra objected and copied his pose. “We’ve made a promise to the Commander, only the boys and my father can know! Spilling our secret to Nifa can’t happen! No way!”

Levi would drop the issue if he didn’t have on his lips a sentence that would change her mind. “But tell me something, Petra… Does the Commander have to know?”

She gave an entrancing chortle. “I suppose he can live without knowing it?”

“I think so too.”

It was too dark to make out anything more than her outline, but Levi was sure she was smiling.

“Are you really okay with this?” she asked hesitantly.

“If you think Nifa can be trusted, that’s enough for me.”

“I worry that if I start making exceptions… Sooner or later, the plan will be revealed.”

“So what? You don’t enjoy lying, anyway. We have enough funding already, let Eyebrows find another stupid way to gain more.”

“I guess you’re not wrong,” Petra admitted and lay back on her cape-pillow. “But if the truth is out, then all of this will end,” she added and sounded… kind of sad.

“All of… what?”

“I, uh… I mean… The—the funding will end! And the people’s support of the Survey Corps. If they learn that our relationship is fake, they’ll hate us! And we want a good public image, right?”

Levi wondered how could anyone ever hate Petra.

“When and if the truth comes out, we’ll see what happens,” he said. “Don’t worry about that now, okay? Just sleep. And no snoring, please.”

“Hey!”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Levi.”

Chapter Text

Amongst the chaos in the forest around him, her scream stood out, a sharp stab in his chest. Levi swirled his head to where the horrid sound came from and saw Petra at the base of a tree. Everything else around blurred. Only her immobilized body in a crimson pool. Her back was bent irregularly, her spine crashed.

“Petra,” he gritted between his teeth and launched himself at her, flying between Titans.

When he landed, he knelt next to her quivering form and took her in his arms. She winced in pain at his touch.

“Hold on! Everything’s gonna be okay!” he reassured her, and he could barely hear his voice over the ringing in his ears. This couldn’t be happening. Petra was an elite soldier. No way. Not yet.

“Lev-Levi?” Her nose was bleeding and her face had gone too pale. It looked as if life had been sucked out of her.

“I’m calling the meds. You just stay strong for me, okay? Okay?” he repeated when she didn’t answer. “Open your eyes!”

She hummed and kept her eyes shut. “Hmm. Levi. I… I fell so hard.”

“Don’t you dare die on me. Don’t you fucking dare, you hear me?” he ordered and lifted her in his arms.

“Levi…” She smiled against his chest. “You’ll fit me perfectly.”

Levi was jolted awake, covered in cold sweat. He took a sudden gasp of air and when he released it, he realized he was in his room.

From behind the sheer curtains of his window, he could see the crescent moon.

It was all a dream. They had come back inside the safety of the Walls, he remembered now.

He remembered the long day he had before ending up in his bed. He remembered how he had woken up in his tent, with the weight of Petra’s head on his shoulder, and he thought “So, that’s what it’s like to wake up next to a woman”. He remembered her sleepy “good morning” and “I snore, after all?”. And when they got up, packed the tents, mounted their horses, and fought Titans until they returned to Trost.

Petra was all right.

“What the fuck,” he muttered under his breath while rubbing his eyes.

How stupid of him to believe that shitty nightmare. Petra was an excellent fighter, he didn’t need to worry about her. He shouldn’t.

Collapsing back on his pillow, Levi stared at the ceiling. He had been proven right once more: Sleeping did more harm than good. The little rest you got was only a collateral benefit that didn’t compensate for the ugly dreams that came with it.

They weren’t always nightmares. Sometimes, it was Furlan’s explosive laughter, or Isabel’s greasy hair under his calloused fingers. And other times, it was…

Her.

Her long raven hair and sapphire eyes watching over him. Her delicate fingers tickling his belly. Her gentle voice singing him lullabies to fall asleep.

Levi pushed the blanket off of him and got up. He was still tired as fuck, but he didn’t want to sleep any longer. He needed to feel vitality flow through his veins, he needed cold air. He put on civilian clothes and decided against wearing a cravat. Not today, it’d feel like suffocation, and he already struggled for breath.

As he was sliding his foot down his brown boot, an exclaim escaped him.

What the hell was that dream?

Dawn was nearing when he walked into the stables. Fortunately, Philipp was already awake.

“Insomniac like me?” Levi whispered to his ear as he was caressing his back. “Come on, let’s go for a quick ride. I promise I won’t tire you much.” He untied the knot and set his horse free.

He rode and rode, defying the chilling wind. He led Philipp through the valley with a steady pace. Navigating through bare land and forests was easier than navigating through your feelings.

Soon, the sky turned from dark blue to light blue, and when they reached the lake, they were just in time to witness the sunrise.

Levi watched mesmerized as the sun emerged from behind the mountains and wondered how he managed to live so many years without the concept of what daylight is. The sun’s color was his favorite. Gold, orangish. The color of honey. The color of Petra’s hair.

Philipp huffed as if he could hear Levi’s thoughts and wanted to interrupt them.

“What am I going to do, pal?” he asked him, all sincerity.

On their way back, his sleep deprivation was almost forgotten. The morning exercise released an infinite amount of energy into his body. Levi felt refreshed and very, very determined. There was one person he needed to see. And he couldn’t waste time.

When Levi opened the door to their shared kitchen, he heard a collective “Good morning, Captain” from his squad. In varying volumes and energy. He answered with a silent nod and didn’t move inside the room.

He noticed Gunther’s dark circles – that started to resemble his own – and Eld’s hair out of place, and Oruo’s milk mustache, but he couldn’t bring himself to glance up at Petra’s face.

“I thought you were still sleeping,” she said. “Come sit. You want some tea? It’s the one I brought from my village.”

Levi looked everywhere else in the room, except at her. “No, thanks,” he replied awfully long after. “Eld, can you take over training today?”

His second-in-command put the egg he was about to bite down on his plate, and answered, “Sure thing. Everything all right?”

Fucking great.

“Yes, I’ll be handling something in town. You don’t need to worry about that. Don’t slack off. And good job everyone yesterday, you successfully stayed alive.”

At that, Levi left. His stomach growled, but he didn’t have time to eat. He had to sort this out right now and nothing could keep him here any longer, not even Petra’s sweet invite. Especially not Petra’s sweet invite.

He marched out the door and then noticed Oruo following after him.

“Sir?”

No. “Yes?”

He walked up to him and spoke in a lower tone, probably to share something in confidentiality. Levi didn’t have time for this, but he found himself curious.

“Can I speak freely, sir?”

“You can.”

“Yesterday morning, I saw Petra exiting your tent.” Levi opened his mouth, but Oruo beat him to it. “Now, I’m not saying that you, eh… I’m not accusing you of anything. I only know what I saw.”

“We were caught in a shitty situation, but what I said to you before this whole shitshow still stands. You have no reason to doubt Petra’s professionalism.”

Oruo held his gaze with no reaction for a while. “You also said to us that we should tell you how we feel about this. Well, I’m telling you that what happened yesterday… I didn’t like it.”

Levi stood in bewilderment. This wasn’t the same Oruo that kissed his ass, imitated him, and worshipped the ground he walked on. His frustration was tangible, blended in the air coming sharply through his nostrils. It wasn’t like when he whined about losing in cards, or when they had anything other than meat for lunch. Right now, Oruo was legitimately, deeply angry.

And if Levi was honest with himself, he didn’t know what to say to him. In the end, he only managed to say, “I didn’t like it either, Oruo,” and then turned around and left.

It was true. He didn’t like this whole new set of dynamics between him and Petra. It was confusing, almost blinding. He didn’t like her drooling on his shirt, or having nightmares about her. And he was going to do something about it.

Abigail sat quietly in her office, reading the upcoming article about Petra Ral. Her insuppressible pride had translated into a wide grin up to her ears.

Her “humanity’s strongest and his girlfriend” idea was brilliant, as expected, and her endeavors had already paid off. That ruby necklace she had been eyeing for months in the jewelry shop was finally decorating her neck. It was the only thing she had kept on last night when Erwin was fucking her. Another profit from her involvement with the military.

Brimming with content, she decided to go over the article one last time.

We all know the charismatic sweetheart that won Humanity's Strongest's heart. But—

Her reading was cut short when someone burst the door open and came in.

“Levi, dear!” She hid the paper inside the drawer. “What a pleasant surprise! It’s so good to see my favorite scout.”

“Don’t lie,” his abrupt answer came.

But it was true. Erwin may have given her quite a few mind-blowing orgasms, but it was thanks to Levi that her business rose in fame and her wallet got heavier. Thus, he was definitely her favorite scout.

“Don’t just stand there, come and sit,” Abigail laughed. “Anything I can offer? Tea?”

“What about you offer me some insight?” he told her, with no intention to move toward the empty chair.

If Levi turned down tea, there was a serious problem. “How can I help?” she asked as amusement rippled through her.

“I need a timeline. When will this clusterfuck end?”

Ignoring the vulgarity of his vocabulary and manners, she asked him, “What do you mean, Levi?”

“Don’t play fucking dumb, I know you’re clever,” he snapped. “I’m asking about the future. For how long will this drag on? I’m sick of pretending and going on dates just so your stupid newspaper has something to write about.”

Abigail gave him a lopsided smile. “Levi, honey, don’t act like this is some kind of torture. You’re dating a breathtaking girl!”

“Fake dating,” he corrected.

“Whatever,” she sighed, rolling her eyes. “Petra agreed to it, and honestly, I don’t see where the problem is. Need I remind you how much good this small white lie did to your dear regiment?”

Levi paced around the room and there was something primitive about him. It was satisfying to watch, made Abigail chuckle.

“You don’t understand my point,” he finally said.

She rolled her index finger in the air. “Explain it to me, then.”

“This can’t go on forever!” Levi lashed out. “Now we’re fake-dating. Then you’ll ask us to fake-engage, fake-marry, fake… Anything. So, I need to know. When is it going to end?”

Her jubilant laughter reverberated across the room. “Darling, I can’t possibly predict the future! There are so many factors to take into account. Your regiment’s need of funding, my sales, our readers’ wants—”

“What’s your plan with me and Petra?” he cut her off.

“We’ll figure it out step by step. And don’t be so impatient, it retracts from your charm.” Abigail stood up. If he wasn’t going to come closer, then she would. “Levi, sweetheart…” she began. The cravat he usually had around his neck wasn’t there, and her hopes of playing with it sank. “You know, if you are so sick of lying, there’s a way to fix this. You can make it real.”

He eyed her with apprehension for a few seconds. “What the hell do you mean?”

“This thing between you and the ginger chick. Make it real.” Abigail shrugged her shoulders. “Become a couple.”

She watched his throat work.

“First of all, don’t call her that.”

“Oh, how chivalrous of you to defend her! You’d make a fine partner.”

“Cut it out,” Levi snarled. “I didn’t come to joke.”

“But I’m not joking!” she insisted. “Petra is gorgeous, isn’t she? You should be thanking me for bringing you two closer!”

His icy blue eyes narrowed until he squeezed them completely. “I will tell you only one thing,” he said in a quieter tone. When he opened his eyes again, there was something burning inside. “The moment Petra decides she doesn’t want to do it anymore, we’re breaking everything off.”

“If things come to that, we’ll see what to do.”

“You know, Abigail…” He paused.

It was probably the first time ever he called her by her name. He had addressed her many times, mostly using animal names or not-so-kind adjectives. Now, something was different about Levi.

When he resumed, he had the same decisiveness as before, but wrapped in a calmer expression. “You’ve been a pain in my ass all this time, and you’ll continue being. I don’t mind. My life is miserable enough already. But now we are talking about Petra. If this operation upsets her in any way, I won’t tolerate it. Period.”

Abigail realized her lips weren’t forming a smile anymore. The gravity of every syllable he had uttered made her momentarily numb. And… jealous. Yes, it was definitely jealousy. That tight comb around her stomach.

Many men had given her compliments, slept with her, made her come. But the way Levi spoke about Petra… It engulfed something deeper, something Abigail had never received. He actually cared for her.

When Levi walked out of her office, she remained still. Standing in the middle of the room, she wondered what she had been doing wrong all of her life. Why didn’t she have what Petra had?

“Gunther, seriously. Get your shit together, even your horse can aim better,” Eld said when the squad landed on the ground.

Today’s training had been a disaster so far, however, Petra didn’t expect Eld to get so aggressive. Gunther was one of the best soldiers out there. A small slump wouldn’t change that.

“Hey, we’re doing the best we can,” Petra intervened calmly. “There’s no need to be so harsh.”

“Oh yeah?” Eld replied, coughing out a bitter laugh. “If that was a real expedition, we’d be dead! It’s a miracle we survived yesterday, Gunther.”

Petra didn’t believe her ears. She didn’t recognize Eld, and when she exchanged a fleeting glance with Oruo, she knew he didn’t either.

Gunther’s face tightened. “Screw yourself, you’re not our Captain. Leave the lectures to him.”

“Maybe I’m not Levi, but my life is in danger because of your stupidity, so I think I have a say in this!”

“Eld, cut it out, please,” Petra begged. “We’ve all been through difficult phases!” She had seen the hurt in Nifa’s eyes. No doubt Gunther was in no better condition, even if his cold exterior didn’t give away much.

Eld’s voice rose dangerously. “Since when is that a good reason to get your teammates killed?”

“Dude, you’re being hysterical,” Oruo cut in.

“It’s okay, let him,” Gunther said and took a step closer to Eld, almost pressing his chest to his. “He doesn’t understand. He has a perfect girlfriend waiting for him after every expedition. He can’t comprehend that other people are not so lucky. That they have problems.”

“Gunther…” Petra placed her hand on his shoulder and tried to pull him back, but she couldn’t. He stood like stone, his feet nailed to the ground.

“You think I don’t have problems?” Eld yelled. “Valerie was pregnant! She lost it. Her letters bring me to my knees. I may be laughing and making stupid jokes, but you don’t know what I’m going through. Nobody does. Because I don’t let it influence my performance on the fucking battlefield! Is it too much to ask you to do the same?”

Petra drew in a sharp breath. Not even the air made a sound. She took a moment to fully comprehend what Eld had just said. Valerie. Pregnant. Lost it. She felt her heart shatter into a thousand pieces inside her chest, and her eyelids dropped, helplessness taking over.

“Eld…” Oruo began in a low voice, but then abandoned the idea of talking and closed his mouth.

Petra would give Eld a hug if it weren’t for her paralyzed body. Why hadn’t he told them earlier? Why hadn’t she noticed?

Gunther let out a resigned sigh. “Okay, Eld, you’re a better soldier than me. That’s what you wanted to hear?”

“I wanted to hear a fucking apology for yesterday! My fiancée of five years and I lost a child and pulled through it, and you fight like shit just because you quarreled with some stupid girl you banged for two weeks?”

Gunther raised his white-knuckled fist. “What did you say, you—”

“No! Guys, stop it!” Petra cried and tried to push the two men away from each other. They shoot heavy insults, untamed beasts, ready to attack and devour. Petra was squeezed between them, struggling in vain to get them to stop.

“You were afraid you’d die because of me? I’ll kill you myself!”

“Gunther, enough!”

“Oh yeah? I’d like to see you try!”

It all happened so quickly, Petra didn’t even realize she screamed. She felt a hard hit on her nose and the next moment she was hardly balancing on her feet. The world around her twirled and the guys’ voices were so, so distant.

Pet!

Are you okay?

What have you done?

I’m sorry!

Petra covered her nose with her hands when she realized it was bleeding.

“Look what you’ve done, you morons!” she heard Oruo shout, and then saw him jump into Eld.

They had to stop. Petra wanted to tell them so. But the only thing she could focus on was her pain. It was so bad she thought she was going to faint. The blood wouldn’t stop coming out, a metallic waterfall flowing through her nostrils.

Deep breaths.

Her hands were covered in red by now. She felt the need to sit down on the dirt and she did.

“Petra.”

A familiar voice warmed her insides, and she felt the weight of a hand on her shoulder. Captain Levi’s hand.

She hadn’t realized when he’d gotten here, or when the boys stopped fighting, or when Levi helped her up from the ground and gave her a handkerchief.

“Let’s get you to the sink,” he said flatly.

“Yes,” she replied, but she shouldn’t have. When she opened her mouth, blood came in.

Soon, they were in the kitchen. Petra washed her face, while the Captain held back her hair.

She heard his voice behind her ear. “Lean forward, let it all out.”

He pinched the soft part of her nose, just above her nostrils, getting blood on himself in the process.

“Is she all right?” Oruo asked cautiously.

“She’ll live,” Levi said. “Pull out a chair for her.”

When she sat down, the bleeding had stopped, but she felt dizzy, extraordinarily disoriented.

“I’ll wash your handkerchief,” she blurted out, even though she knew a dirty piece of cloth was the least of their problems right now.

“Don’t worry about it,” he told her, and then turned to the men. “Can I know what happened?”

Eld spoke without missing a beat. “I did it. It was going for Gunther, but Petra tried to stop us and—”

“It was an accident,” Gunther stopped him. “Things got out of control.”

“You two fought and Petra got hurt because of it?”

“You should be ashamed of yourselves!” Oruo burst out and pointed at them with an accusatory finger.

“And what did you do, Bozado?” Levi said, his words a mixture of anger and disappointment. “Instead of helping out Petra, you jumped into the fight.”

“Levi, it’s all right, it’s only a nosebleed and now it’s over, anyway,” Petra tried to reason with him.

He sighed and shook his head. “I cannot stress enough how disappointed I am. I leave you alone for two hours and…”

He paused. Ran a hand through his dark hair. Petra wanted to say something, but she didn’t know what. Apparently, none of them knew.

Before the silence dragged on for too long, Levi took off with hasty footsteps, stopping only briefly to look over his shoulder and say, “Eld, you are demoted. Petra is my second-in-command from now on.”

Chapter Text

“I can’t be your second-in-command!”

Petra had followed him to his office and closed the door behind her. Levi watched as the heaving of her shoulders eventually eased down. The red stains on her shirt and vest ignited an unfamiliar restlessness inside him.

“Go rest,” he told her. “You lost so much blood, you shouldn’t—”

“I told you I’m not going anywhere until we sort this out!” she cut in and took a few steps closer. On her face an indignant look. “Explain to me what you meant before.”

Her boldness took Levi by surprise. She spoke to him like she had the right to demand an answer.

“What part of ‘Petra is my second-in-command from now on’ do you not understand? It wasn’t clear enough for you?” He hoped the irony in his voice would remind her of his authority on her and put an end to the conversation. He was in no mood to quarrel. Not with her, of all people.

“No.” Petra’s hands started shaking as she paced around. “No, this is not happening. It’s crazy! Eld is your second-in-command!”

“Not anymore. What’s troubling you?”

“Don’t you get it? What will everyone think if you promote your supposed girlfriend?”

Levi’s fingers gathered in a tight fist. “You know, Petra, I honestly don’t care.” He laughed wryly. “I’m tired of bending my choices around this stupid plan! It’s… I hate it!”

It had gone too far already. He couldn’t let this shitty made-up story dictate his decisions. Levi could do whatever he wanted with his squad, give explanations to no one, give zero fucks about other people’s opinion. If he decided that Petra was fit for his second-in-command, then so be it.

He watched as her expression softened. Made some of his own agitation evaporate too.

“Okay, regardless of our… arrangement…” Petra took in a deep breath. “Eld is more suitable for the position. You know that, Levi. He’s more experienced than me and he’s saved my life countless times outside of the Walls. You can’t judge him based on one isolated incident. He’s proven his worth time over time.”

“He hurt you.”

Expressionless, she kept looking at him.

Yes, Eld was an excellent soldier. The best he could ask for. But harming Petra? Levi wasn’t so sure he could look past that, even if it was an accident. Right now, he considered it equal to the heaviest, most irredeemable sin.

“I think you’re angry and you’re not thinking clearly,” Petra said with a straight face.

“Look…” he sighed. “Don’t be a pain in the ass. I’m offering you a promotion.”

“I don’t want it this way. If I ever become second-in-command, I want it to be because of my own worth, not because Eld pissed you off.” She pursed her lips. Levi knew that look. She was furious.

“Tch. If you think you don’t deserve it, you’re insane.”

“And you’re a selfish jerk. You offered me a promotion, I declined. Is there anything more to talk about?”

Stupid girl. She needed some sense knocked into her cute little head. But not today.

“No,” Levi replied dryly and made no move when she opened the door and left.

She’d change her mind. Hopefully.

“Are you serious?” Nifa asked for the third time in a row.

“Yes,” Petra confirmed. “It’s not real. Never was.”

The two girls were sitting in Nifa’s bed on the top bunk. Petra had asked Moblit about where she could find Nifa, and when she did, she begged her to listen to her. Begrudgingly, Nifa agreed.

When the bells had sounded, Petra froze, mortified. She hadn’t realized it was curfew time already.

“Time for the slumber party you wanted, I guess,” Nifa said, her tone nowhere close to a party mood.

When you learn the truth, you’re gonna want to be my friend again. Just wait and see, you idiot.

Nifa had slipped into her pajamas and had lent Petra a pair. “No dirty clothes touch my bed”, she had said with a menacing look that made Petra strip rapidly. They were roughly the same size, so everything fit fine.

The illuminating moon creeping through the window was all the light they needed. Fortunately, Nifa’s roommate wasn’t there (“She’s off to loads of dates lately,” Nifa explained, a hint of jealousy at the corner of her lips), so Petra could talk openly without fear. She revealed the truth behind her “relationship” with Levi.

“I. Can’t. Believe it.” Nifa brought her hand in front of her open mouth. “So, the Commander made you act like a couple?”

“He didn’t make us, Nifa. We agreed to it.”

“And all this time…”

Petra nodded. She felt lighter. The burden on her chest had significantly decreased now that Nifa knew. Perhaps, there was hope for reconciliation.

“Pet, that’s… Wow. Shut up!”

“I know it’s hard to believe, but—”

“Do you, like… get paid for it?”

Petra let out a breathy laugh. “No, we’re doing it for the Survey Corps.”

“And Captain Levi actually agreed to this?” Nifa raised her eyebrow in disbelief.

“Not at first. It took a while to convince him.”

Her friend was still in shock, and Petra couldn’t blame her. It was ridiculous. Absurd. But at the same time, perfectly logical. The only possible explanation. A calculated scheme was the only way she could ever be “together” with Levi.

“We are not allowed to tell anyone,” Petra explained, praying for Nifa’s understanding.

“And you’re telling me now.”

“Levi is okay with it, he knows. Actually, he encouraged me to speak to you. He said it’d be unfair for me to lose your friendship because of this fake-relationship plan.”

Nifa sniffled and took Petra’s hands in hers. “Petra, what I said the other day was stupid! Of course we are friends!”

“We are friends,” she repeated and gave her a heartwarming grin. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. Only my father, the Commander, and the boys knew it.”

“Did…” Nifa paused. “Did Gunther know?”

The hesitant way she pronounced his name left no doubt. It stung deeply.

When Petra whispered a low “yes”, Nifa let go of her hands. Her eyes changed. They became dissociated. Lost.

Now that they’d established their friendship, Petra assumed it wouldn’t be too out of line to inquire after… this. “So… Are you feeling better?” she began.

Seeing her friend so silent and detached, she feared it was wrong to touch that subject, after all. Poor, poor Nifa. She had a glimpse of happiness and now it was gone.

At least, they had a real relationship.

With a puff, Nifa fell back and landed on her pillow. Just when Petra was ready to climb down the ladder and leave her alone, Nifa surprised her with a cheerful tone. “Something you might not know about me is that my mother was a Captain of the Survey Corps.”

Um. Yes, she didn’t know. Cool. Maybe Nifa wanted to change the topic. Fine, she’d play along. Anything she needed.

“Really?” she asked.

“Yeah, she was awesome! My inspiration. I can’t describe how much I’ve looked up to her.” Her eyes shined almost as much as the moon outside. She was so beautiful when she was smiling.

“Oh, Nifa…” Petra rubbed her friend’s arm.

“Gunther and I talked about the future. I know it might sound stupid. We were together for so little! But… I really thought it would last.” She sucked in a long breath. “Well… it looks like we’re not on the same page. He said that when we get married and have children, we should leave the Survey Corps. That we should be devoted to our family and not risk leaving our kids orphans. That we’d be responsible for them, that he didn’t want to lose me, and… and… Ahh!” she exclaimed and sat up. “My mom wasn’t irresponsible! She fought for a better future. She was brave and strong. Of course I miss her and I wish every day that she could be here with me! But at the end of the day, I’m proud of her and I could never blame her!”

I’m proud of her.

Petra’s father had accepted her choice to serve in the army, but he’d never said he was proud of her for doing so. He had merely accepted he couldn’t do anything to change her mind. And Petra had never demanded anything more from him, not words of praise, not recognition, not anything. Not because she thought him of all people incapable to offer all that, but because no sensible person in their right mind would be happy to see a beloved one throw themselves at the Titan’s hands, death constantly lurking.

Hearing Nifa talk like that about her mother collided with everything Petra had experienced so far in her life. It was refreshing. Touching.

“I’m sure your mother was a great person, Nifa,” Petra said reassuringly.

She smiled and nodded. Thank you. Then, a pained expression took over. “I don’t get it. Gunther, he… He worked so hard! He’s one of the most elite soldiers and he wants to throw it all away? Isn’t his dream to fight for humanity?”

Her watered eyes did something to Petra. She reached out and pulled her into a tight hug. Nifa’s strong heartbeat pulsated against Petra’s chest and blended with her own increasing one.

“Nifa, maybe… Maybe you became more valuable to him than his dreams and accomplishments were,” Petra offered and pulled back.

Nifa was crying.

“Is it too bad of me to want to have it all? Am I a bad person?”

“No, sweetie, of course you’re not!”

Children, family, future… These words didn’t belong in a scout’s vocabulary. But they were predominant in the mind of anyone in love. Thus, when a scout fell in love… things got complicated. Petra knew that too well.

“What do you think, Petra? Am I right or wrong? God, I love him so much, but what should I do? I’m all in for compromising in order to make this work, but throwing away my dream is too much.”

“Nifa, I honestly don’t know what to say. Both points are valid.”

“Then, perhaps…” A resigned expression landed on her face. “Perhaps it’s not a matter of right or wrong. We’re just not for each other.”

“Hey…” Petra wiped a tear off her cheek. “Maybe give it some time?” She tried to smile, hoped her lips obeyed.

Nifa shook her head. “Gunther told me that if I don’t see a future with him, there’s no point for him to waste his present with me.”

Petra tried to imagine Gunther, one of the sweetest men she knew, speaking harshly. And she couldn’t. So heartbreaking.

If these two amazing, made-for-each-other persons couldn’t get a happy ending, who else could have hope? Certainly not Petra.

“Listen, Nifa, I know I’m not the best to give relationship advice. I only had one shitty boyfriend and that was ages ago. But if my opinion matters to you, I think you should fight to find a way.”

“Mm. We’ll see.” Nifa lay down and pulled Petra next to her. “Sorry for all my drama and… thanks for listening. It helped more than I could imagine.”

Petra beamed. “Any time.”

“And don’t worry. You’ll have plenty of relationship experience now that you’re with your Levi.”

“Seriously?” She propped up on her elbow and looked down at her friend in shock. “I just told you it’s not a real relationship! I thought you got it after three times!”

Nifa rolled her eyes. “Okay, sure.”

What the— Petra leaned in and narrowed her eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you love him, you fool!” The smile on Nifa’s face made Petra both happy, and ready to push her off the top bunk. “Sooner or later, he’ll notice how painfully obvious it is and you’ll be together for real.”

“Huh. Wishful thinking. I swear, nothing is going on between us. In fact, we just had a fight. I’m kinda angry at him right now, to be honest.”

“Ah, angry sex is the best.”

That was it. Squad Hange would have to operate with one less member.

Erwin took a last look at the sleeping girl as he buttoned up his shirt. Helen? Elaine? Never mind, a stack of papers was waiting at his office and he wasn’t planning on being late.

He used the mirror by the door to adjust his collar so it’d hide the hickey on his neck and then left Elena’s apartment.

He hadn’t been in that part of Trost for a while. His growling stomach led him to a bakery around the corner. The line was long, but he’d endure it. Sex had exhausted him, he needed something to eat.

It wasn’t like that when he was younger. Everything was easier, less tiring.

“I heard he was seen looking around in jewelry shops!” a hitch-pitched voice made Erwin look up. Two girls in front of him in the queue were chittering too excitedly for such an early hour.

“Oh my god! Yes, please! They belong together!” her friend replied enthusiastically.

“I bet they’ll want a small ceremony. He seems like a closed-off person.”

“Who would want a wedding filled with journalists and fans? They deserve a private moment.”

“I think I’ve read somewhere that Petra has kept her mother’s wedding dress.”

“I swear, that girl looks gorgeous no matter what she wears!”

“He’s not far behind. Imagine their children! They’ll be so—Oh, can I have a lemonade, please?” she asked the employee when she realized they’d reached the counter.

Good. That’s exactly what he and Abigail wanted. They’d worked so hard for it. Levi and Petra were the celebrity couple everyone cherished. The Survey Corps gained more and more publicity. Everything went according to plan.

Then, why couldn’t he shake away the feeling that something was wrong? That disaster was around the corner?

With a hot bagel in his hands, Erwin got out of the bakery and pushed his worries aside for the time being.

“Erwin Smith.”

He turned around at the sound of his name. A tall bald man with a giant mole on his cheek greeted him. It took Erwin less than a second to remember where he knew him from.

“Mister Pierce.”

“Oh please, call me Mark,” the man laughed and offered his right hand for a shake.

He was dressed in the finest clothing, as a minister should, and his fragrance was too heavy, almost choking. His handshake had been as brief and firm as it had been in the midwinter ball last year. Erwin would never forget when he’d tried to have a sophisticated conversation with him, but it turned out the Minister of Arts had no idea about poetry or literature. Regardless, he was a man with connections and power, and it was essential to be on his good side.

“I hope our army is doing well,” Pierce said after the handshake.

“Well enough for me to brag about it.”

He laughed. “And how’s your short grumpy friend?”

“He’s actually better than ever.”

“So I’ve heard. Who knew you had such charming girls in the regiment! I’m surprised you didn’t keep Petra for yourself. I know I would.” He lowered his voice, “Don’t tell my wife.”

“Miss Ral had eyes only for Levi. But we have other charming ladies in the Survey Corps. Maybe you can join us and see for yourself.”

“Ha, I might take you up on that. My wife once said she’d find me hot in a green cape. I think it’s because of her infatuation with Levi. She’s been reading every article about your cute couple like crazy.”

“Is that so?”

“Erwin, I’m telling you, when Levi and Petra get married she’s gonna be more excited than she had been about marrying me. She’s obsessed. She and all her friends from the tennis club. Their relationship’s all they talk about.”

Erwin chuckled. “Well, I’m not going to lie, I wasn’t happy when they announced it to me. Levi is a close friend, but I never suspected anything. However, every negative emotion went away as soon as I saw how happy that girl made him. And now I’m as excited to talk about them as your wife is. Even more so, if I dare say.”

“Truly, a poet.” Pierce gave an amused smirk. “What would you say if you and your friends came to dine with us? Missus Pierce would love to meet them.”

“I’m sure they’d love that, too. Thank you for your kind invitation. It can be arranged.”

“My house is always open. I know you scouts are busy, so I’ll wait to hear from you when you’re all available.”

“You’ve got a deal, Mark.”

“Splendid. Don’t let me delay you, then. Have a good day!”

Oh, it was going to be a good day no doubt. It already began on a pleasant note. That uncultured simpleton’s money would be highly conducive to the Survey Corps.

I need a bath.

Levi walked through the corridor with heavy footsteps. Training had been awkward today. Dinner too. Not even Oruo talked, for fuck’s sake.

These brats… What was he supposed to do with them? Problems everywhere. At times, he felt more like a babysitter than a Captain of the army. Everything was horrible, horrible, horri—

“Agh!”

Petra bumped into him in the corner. Clumsy idiot.

“Watch where you’re—"

Fuck. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her nose was running. Did she catch a cold? Fuck. She was crying.

“I... I'm s-sorry, Captain,” she sobbed. “Should’ve been more careful.”

With a nod and slight bow, she made a move to leave, but then Levi's hand instinctively reached out and gripped her forearm. She looked at his hand with surprise, but she didn't dare lift her eyes to his. She was shaking.

Levi loosened his hold on her. Whatever had upset her, he’d make it right. He realized she was holding a newspaper. Her hand trembled, the sheets rustled.

“What's wrong?” he asked softly.

“I… It’s just… I’m…”

She let out an explosion of cries, let the newspaper drop from her hands, and flung herself into his chest. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her cheek pressed against the thin fabric of his shirt.

Levi swallowed as the warmth of her body was clinging onto him. Desperate and urgent. She was touching him. Closer than ever before. Petra was touching him. Petra. Levi didn’t particularly like being touched, but this… Oh, this. Why was it so intense? Why couldn’t he tell her to step back? Why couldn’t he do anything else but stand there frozen, unable to hug her back?

She whimpered. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry.” Don’t let go. Ever. You’re where you’re supposed to be.

When she pulled back, it infuriated him. He wanted to grab her from her fiery amber hair and smash her into him again. Lock her around him. Make her his cage, a prison he couldn’t escape from, nor wanted to.

Why was he having these thoughts?

Her eyes were still red, but the tears were fewer.

Levi had seen her like this at funerals. He had never dared approach her, he never felt the need to hold her. He did now.

“Petra.” He paused and made sure she was looking him in the eye. “Are you okay?”

She stared, giving him no answer, and then bent to pick up the newspaper. She handed it over to him and let her gaze wander away.

'PETRA'S MYSTERIOUS PAST' the headline read in big bold letters.

As curious as he was to read further, he turned his attention to Petra. She wasn’t well. Her chin was wobbling.

“You need to sit down,” Levi told her. “And you need a cup of tea.”

Soon, they were sitting on the couch, at a respectable distance, with their mugs in their hands. Mesmerizing cinnamon scent was travelling through the common room. Petra loved cinnamon.

The other three brats must have gone to sleep. Thank fuck. Oruo would pressure her to talk. And lately, Gunther was gloomy as ever and wouldn’t be of any help. Eld would come up with stupid jokes to cheer her up. Or he’d punch her in the nose. But thank fuck, they were alone. Thank fuck.

Petra brought her legs up on the couch and sipped some more of her beverage. Her socks were green. They looked warm. “Thanks for the tea, Levi. You were right, I really needed it.”

He didn’t reply. He’d fuck it up anyway. Silence was better. Safer.

“Won’t you read the article?” Petra asked.

“You want me to?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “It's public information now, isn't it?”

“That doesn't mean shit. If you don’t want me to read it, I'll respect it.”

There was again the happy, smiley Petra, as a bashful grin made its way to her lips. “You can read it. Should. We’re supposed to get to know each other better, right?”

Right. Whatever piece of information he could get about Petra, he wanted it. She may have been under his direct command for three years, and yet Levi knew in his heart that he had still much to learn about her. He took the newspaper from the table and began reading internally.

PETRA'S MYSTERIOUS PAST

We all know the charismatic sweetheart that won Humanity's Strongest's heart. But where was she before her enlistment in the army? After interviewing many locals from her village up in the mountains, we have the answer, and it's all yours!

Petra was born and raised in Magdegen, a small scenic paradise, to Robert and Patricia Ral, humble grocery store owners. Unfortunately, when she was just six years old, her mother started showing symptoms of tuberculosis.

Those were hard times for the Ral family. Petra was heartbroken by her mother's disease. Nurses report that she spent sleepless nights at her bedside. A few months later, Patricia Ral sadly passed away, leaving precious Petra an orphan.

Many locals have seen Petra leave beautiful flowers on her mother’s grave over the years, sit there and talk to her. “Every time she comes home for holidays, she always visits her mother’s grave,” a villager and friend of the family shared with us. Many locals acknowledge what an exemplary daughter she was. Her teachers speak of a girl kind and agreeable, despite the grief she was carrying.

In the end, her wounded soul has found love in Humanity’s Strongest. And one day, she may get to experience again the mother-child bond that was ripped from her so unjustly, but from a different perspective this time.

Levi put the paper away. “Hey. I.”

He didn’t know what to say. Maybe he wasn’t supposed to say anything. Maybe he was there only to listen.

Petra had stopped crying by now.

“Want more tea?” Levi offered.

Her eyebrows rose animatedly. “That’d be wonderful, thank you.”

She’d lost her mother. Come to think of it, she’d only ever mentioned her father. Visiting him, getting letters from him, informing him about their plan… There was no mother in the picture. She’d practically grown up without her. Why did fucked up things happen to good people?

Levi prepared the tea and caught her staring at him, not so unsubtly as she thought. Too impatient for another round, huh? But tea needed patience. He boiled the water to the exact right temperature. Everything had to be perfect for Petra. Just as she was perfect.

When he returned to the couch and handed her her tea, unplanned words of compassion came out of him for some odd reason. “Eh. Listen. Everything’s gonna be all right.”

How cliché. You’re stupid, stop talking.

She gave a smile that made something realign in him. “I know I should have expected them to dig into my life. It just never crossed my mind that I'd read about my mother in a newspaper. I try to remember her from time to time as much as I can, but having all this tragedy shoved in my face isn’t the way I want to do it.”

“I can’t sympathize. The journalists had no way of knowing about my early life in the Underground, and I’m glad. That kind of stuff is private.”

She nodded. Little by little, she emptied her cup and put it on the table. The conversation had died out and she’d probably head to her room any time now.

“I was six too when I lost my mother,” Levi said without thinking.

Her face wrinkled in a distraught expression. Shit. He didn’t have to bring up bullshit from his miserable past and upset her.

“Levi,” she sighed his name and drew closer. “I can sympathize. I’m so sorry.” She touched his hand, drew circles on his palm with her thumb. His skin was buzzing. The urge to return the caresses threatened to take over, and he wasn’t sure if he had the strength to suppress it. Petra spoke gently, “I’m sure she’d be very proud if she could see you now.”

Who’d be very proud? His mother, right. That’s what they were talking about.

“She’d be proud of a selfish jerk?” he teased.

Her hand instantly retreated and she turned pink. “Oh, I’m sorry about that! Please, forget it! It was… It was in the heat of the moment and—”

“It’s fine. Maybe I deserved it a little bit. Gunther came and talked to me. Told me what happened.”

“Oh. He told you about…” The rest of her sentence hung in the air.

“Yeah. I’ll give Eld a week off.”

“That’s great. Valerie’s gonna need him there.”

“Gunther spoke so highly of him. Begged me to take back the demotion.”

Petra leaned in, interested. “So. Will you?”

He gave a curt nod. “Won’t mean you’re any less worthy, though.”

“I know. Hey, I can have the unofficial title of third-in-command! Maybe? Please?” she implored.

He snorted, on the verge of laughing. “If it makes you feel better.”

“It does! God, that’s a relief. That I won’t steal Eld’s position. I was so surprised when you announced it out of nowhere.”

“Same, I was surprised by myself. Surprised by how much I trust you.”

She flinched. “I. Um. I trust you too. A lot. A great lot.”

“Good to hear.”

Petra moved closer. “Do you trust me enough to answer me something in all honesty?”

Her proximity alerted him. Any other time, he’d jump up and leave. But now he was too weak to. He’d tell her everything she wanted to know. “Tell me.”

“Do you… Do you want to call everything off? Abigail’s plan, I mean. I know you were opposed to it from the beginning, but if it’s getting too uncomfortable or suffocating for you, you can tell me. We might be doing it for a good cause, but when you said that you hate it, I…” She stopped. Took a breath. “You always made sure I could step out any time, but I didn’t do the same for you. Levi, if you don’t want to continue this, we won’t. Do you want out?”

Yes! That’s your opportunity. Tell her you want to stop. This insane fuckery needs to end.

Fake dates had to end. Interviews had to end. Nickname calling. Everything. Her being so close to him, breathing the same air. Unacceptable. Linking himself to Petra was damaging her, contamination to her pure, innocent soul.

All in all, the answer to her question was simple. Of course we have to stop this, Petra. We’ve done enough for the Survey Corps. Let’s return to normal, where I’m your captain and you’re my subordinate, and there’s no grey area in between. The newspapers will write that we broke up. Ha. It’s a wonder anyone ever believed we ever were together. Why would you do something so stupid? So yeah, let’s stop lying. My answer to your questions is…

“No.”

No?

No.

Whatever this was, he couldn’t let it end. Not now, not yet. Crap, crap, crap. Petra had been one hundred per cent right, he was a selfish jerk. A magnet that got attracted and couldn’t do anything to stop it. Except, now he could have stopped it. And he didn’t. What a piece of shit he was.

“Okay,” Petra responded, no doubt disappointed she’d have to put up with him, tie herself with a scumbag. “You can change your mind any time. Oh, also, I talked to Nifa. About us.”

“Good.”

“Things are fine between us now. Better than before, actually!”

She went on and talked about their conversation. About the pillow fighting. And when she became drowsy, Levi listened to her until her eyelids dropped completely and she stopped talking. Brat.

He got up from the end of the couch and left her room to stretch her legs. Picking her up and taking her to her room was a big no, no. Instead, he grabbed a nearby blanket and wrapped it around her.

When Levi was ready to blow off the candle on the table and leave her, he heard her humming.

“Mmmm!” She tossed around a little.

“You're awake,” Levi noticed. “You're going to your room?”

“Nah. Too cozy,” she replied, eyes closed, voice hoarse. “Don’t wanna get up.”

“Fine, suit yourself.”

She yawned. “Thank you for the blanket, Levi.”

“You’d shiver. If you get a cold, you’ll ruin our training schedule. I can’t let you hold our squad back.”

She chuckled. “Right.”

He walked away. Maybe he should have said a quick 'goodnight' or 'sweet dreams', but if he didn't immediately pull his eyes away from her intoxicating lying form, he could stare until morning.

“Wait,” her sleeping voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Yes?”

Her eyes were still closed and she was smiling. “I'm glad we’ve become more... ahhh." She yawned once more. “Friends... in this situation.”

He held her gaze for too little. “Sleep.”

He should do the same.

Levi left.

Was she right? Had they actually become friends? Were a Captain and his subordinate even allowed to be friends? Well, they weren't allowed to be a couple either and here they were...

He reached his room. Turned the doorknob and entered. It was dark, but he could manage. He took off his cravat first.

Thank you for the tea, Levi.

Thank you for the blanket, Levi.

I'll hold your hand like we're in a date, Levi.

I'll bat my eyelashes at you and speak in a hoarse, sleepy voice that’s the perfect combination of sexy and adorable, Levi.

His bed creaked when he lay down.

Who was she?

Was that the Petra he knew for so long? It couldn’t be.

They should really consider establishing some boundaries. Fuck, this wasn't normal. Was he reading too much into it? No, she simply had a rough evening. She just needed attention and care a bit more than usual, this wasn't going to be a regular thing. He’d be an asshole if he reprimanded her for the familiarity he had let her show, even encourage, when he had asked her to start calling him 'Levi'. Could that have been a mistake in the end?

He hid further under the covers. Was she warm too?

Most nights he couldn't sleep because he didn't feel tired enough, or maybe because he was raised in an environment where letting your guard down could be dangerous.

But tonight, the thing that was keeping him up was the image of a cute redhead curled up on the couch.

Chapter Text

Petra couldn’t help but notice Nifa’s constant absence from the dining halls. Lately, she preferred eating in her room, or not eating at all. Petra was debating whether or not to take an extra portion for her, knowing she’d reject it.

Noise to her left. Oruo had put his tray next to her and sat down silently.

“Hungry today, huh?” Petra commented at the sight of his overfilled plate.

“Tch. I’ve got a lot of muscle to feed.” He tucked on his cravat.

She exhaled until there was no air left in her lungs and then continued eating. Same tasteless porridge as yesterday. Cold. On her next date with Levi, she’d be sure to order something extravagant. What would he think about fish? She’d have to ask him.

“You weren’t in your room last night,” Oruo said suddenly.

“I… What?”

Petra wasn’t sure if she should laugh or feel offended. He’d said it like he was interrogating her. Why did he notice? Why did he care?

“I fell asleep on the couch,” she answered. Short. Truthful. She didn’t have to tell Oruo about her conversation with Levi, about the lovely tea he made her, about the warm blanket he wrapped around her. That wasn’t anyone’s business, it was something private to Petra and her Captain.

Oruo snorted. “And the night before that? You were missing, too.”

“Whoa. Excuse me?”

“Where were you, Petra?” he asked. No, demanded.

“Uh… Since when do I have to report to you?”

“Acting so defensive. Anything you wanna hide?”

The blood in her body started boiling. Oruo had always been annoying, but that was a whole new level of unmannerliness. “You’re not my father, Oruo!”

“No, but he’s not here and someone has to protect you.”

“Protect me from what?”

“Where were you, Petra?”

She shot him a deathly look. “If you must know, I slept with Nifa, okay?”

In an instant, Oruo’s wrinkled face aged three decades. “Eh… Oh. Oh. I. I see. Is that…. Is that why Gunther and Nifa b-broke it off?”

Petra looked at him, trying to make sense of his gibberish. What was he—Holy Sina! “Oruo, you’re unbelievable! I didn’t mean it like that! I slept in her room, you dumbass! You’re such a—”

“Fine, fine!” He huffed. “I should’ve known you wouldn’t choose Nifa to sleep with. I’m sure as hell you’ve got someone else in mind.”

“What are you implying?”

“You know very well what I’m implying.”

“No, I’m stupid. Please, tell me.”

Oruo shot her a staggering look. He lowered his voice to a barely audible whisper. “I can’t prove it, but I know there’s something going on between you and the Captain.”

Instinctively, she turned away. No, there was nothing going on between her and the Captain, not now, not ever. Oruo was jealous.

Petra wasn’t a fool. She knew Oruo harbored feelings for her, how couldn’t she? She loved him too. For all his boasting and rudeness, he had a good soul deep down. He was a great friend. Friend. The kind of love Petra had for him never burned her insides, never caused fireworks in her chest, nor spread electricity through her veins. These things happened only around Levi. Her heart an aching drum, ready to break every time he looked at her with those steel-blue eyes.

Sorry, Oruo. I don’t love you like you love me. I don’t love you like I love him. Perhaps it would be better if I did, but I don’t.

Keeping Oruo at arm’s length was the only way no one would get hurt. As long as he didn’t push.

“I thought you were smarter than that, Oruo,” she hissed.

“And I thought you were smarter than falling for your fucking boss. Tch. You’re so sentimental I wouldn’t put it past you. Never thinking clearly, always caught up in your silly emotions, like some stupid teenage girl. You’ve got it bad for him, don’t you, Pet?”

“You’re confusing the plan with reality.”

“Me or you?”

Oh no, she knew the fake relationship would never become real. That’s why it hurt so much.

Petra stood up from her chair, even though she hadn’t finished her meal. It was tasteless anyway. “There’s no reason for you to interfere in my affairs,” she told him adamantly.

Nothing he’d said was inherently wrong, but he couldn’t understand her. No one could.

When she was walking away, Oruo called out her name. She didn’t turn around.

With Gunther, she could talk about it. With Oruo, no. She knew she wouldn’t get any comfort, only critique.

Petra slammed her bedroom door. Two hours until afternoon training. Two hours to see him again. Too long. God, she wanted him now. She wanted him so much. She felt the wetness on her cheeks and realized she was crying.

It was getting too hot. Petra took off her clothes and sat on her bed, only in her panties.

Release. She needed release. Bottling things up was going to tear her apart.

Captain, I love you.

She imagined saying it to his face. He wouldn’t say anything in return. Man of few words. But he’d grab her and kiss her violently. Smash his tongue to hers and pin her to bed. He’d let her unbutton his shirt and explore his sleek abs. Fuck, she’d whisper adoringly. And then they’d kiss again and again and again, until they’d be both out of breath.

Her right hand spiraled out of control and went down, down, down. Oh.

See? See how wet I am for you, sir?

She slid a finger inside with ease. Levi would slide something better. Something that’d reach deeper than her fingers, where no one had ever been before.

“Ah,” Petra croaked. “Mmm…”

Her thumb—no, Levi’s thumb circled her sweetest spot. Smoothly. And then faster. And faster. Oh, and then it became almost too much to bear, and her back arched, and sweat ran all over her trembling body. White stars began appearing in her vision.

I love you so much.

And that was it. Release. Glorious release. Every good thing in the universe was hers. Nothing, nothing at all could wipe that awestruck smile off her panting face.

Two seconds and it was gone. Could she go for a second round? No, no. How would she face him in the evening? Now, she had nothing. If she couldn’t have him, she truly had nothing.

All she was left with was a hand covered in secretion. And shame.

It was the fourth store they were looking at. Petra was convinced they’d never find anything suitable for the occasion, despite Nifa’s optimistic enthusiasm. Money wasn’t the issue. Every store owner offered a generous discount whenever they saw Humanity’s Strongest’s girlfriend. Some even said they’d let her take anything for free. Petra was sure she didn’t deserve any of that. All she wanted was a dress she wouldn’t step on. Her height didn’t help.

“I just worry that it’ll be a dress I’ll ever wear once in my life. I don’t get invited to ministers’ houses very often,” Petra said as they were searching through hangers.

“Yeah, well. Celebrities never wear the same outfit twice,” Nifa commented.

“So, a waste of money for one evening.”

“It won’t be a waste if it turns on your Captain, riiiight?”

“Nifa, for the last time, I—”

“Hey, what about this one?” She pointed to a green mini-dress. She had to be kidding.

“Not sure it covers all of my butt.”

Nifa raised one of her eyebrows and gave a mischievous smirk. “Let’s hope it doesn’t.”

Her friend quickly evaded her angry fist and stuck out her tongue at her.

“Smartass,” Petra murmured. And then louder, “You know what, let’s go to a different store. There’s nothing here that—”

“Oh. My. God. Look there!” Nifa’s jaw dropped to the floor.

“Huh? Look where? Where are you—Nifa!”

Petra chased her to the other side of the shop. Their running led to a long dark purple dress in display.

“Pet, I found it! That’s the one!” Nifa exclaimed passionately and took it off the hanger. “Go put it on! I’m telling you, this dress was made for you!”

Petra took a good look at it. “Er… Not so sure. Nifa, this is so… It’s strapless.”

“It’s perfect! Your boyfriend won’t take his eyes off of you!”

“He’s not my—”

“Shhh! We’re wasting time. Where’s the cash desk?” Nifa looked around.

Petra noticed the dress some more. It wasn’t ugly. Definitely not. But she’d be overdressed. Also… Not covering her shoulders wouldn’t mean anything about her character, but who’s to say the minister wouldn’t think otherwise?

With a resigned sigh, Petra explained, “My goal is to make a good impression on the minister and his wife. I’m going for classy and elegant, not slutty.”

“Just… Trust me! Go put it on, you don’t have to buy it, just try it once for my sake, please? Please?”

With her cute eyes begging her like that, Petra couldn’t refuse her anything. “Fine, but I’m not buying it. Only to shut you up.”

She got inside the dressing room. Look at her. Shopping for something besides casual second-hand clothing. As a kid, she was always handed down clothes from her older cousins when they didn’t fit them anymore. And the best part? Her cousins were boys. Now that she had her own money, she had spoiled herself one or two times, but nothing too fancy. Her salary was barely enough. Her father had kept most of her mother’s clothes. In a way, wearing them felt like having her near again. But choosing her clothes herself? Incomparable. As she was putting on the purple dress, Petra felt as if she was in a position of power.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror and she had to admit that… it was kinda okay? More than okay. Perfect for her height, yay. She wouldn’t have to shorten it.

The color reminded her of the purple petunias they had in the backyard back home. Rich, amethyst, sort of like what the galaxies looked like in a clear night sky. A huge, harmonic contrast to her ginger hair and amber eyes.

Maybe Nifa wasn’t completely—

“Hey, still in there?” her voice sounded from the other side of the curtain. “What’s taking you so long?”

Her cue to get out.

When Nifa saw her, she let out a gasp. “Holy fuck, Pet.”

“I don’t know.” She spun once. If she were honest with herself, now she felt less like a soldier and more like a woman. Moments like this were rare.

“You are an angel,” Nifa looked at her with sparkling eyes. “I mean, you always are. But right now with that dress, you are… Gosh, you are spectacular!”

Petra took a close look in the mirror. Strapless was a bold choice. “If I had bigger boobs, it’d look… weird.”

“But you don’t have big boobs.”

“I don’t have big boobs,” she agreed.

“And Levi doesn’t have big hands.”

“Nifa, I swear to—”

“Quit yapping and let’s go pay for it! You’re buying it. Right?”

Petra felt a timid smile growing on her lips. She really looked good, didn’t she? “I am.”

“Ha! Told you!” Nifa clapped her hands. “Wait till Levi sees you in this. You’ll make him forget his own name.”

“I told you, this is not for the Captain.”

“Mm, of course.” She scanned her from top to bottom. “Oh, you’re so getting laid.”

“Nifa!”

She was beautiful in everything, but damn if purple wasn't her color.

Levi must have been staring when she was walking down the stairs, because that's the kind of fool he was. He was staring openly, knew she'd noticed, and kept staring anyway. Fuck. Gorgeous.

The dress reached her ankles, hugged her figure perfectly and highlighted her small curves. Velvety fabric, the stuff clouds were made of probably, and Levi wanted to touch it. Touch her. It was strapless, but with a modest neckline. Her shoulders were bare. Levi knew shit about fashion, but what he was seeing now... Outfit of the year. Maybe decade. Eternity.

Levi thought of scolding her.

How dare you do this to me? Go take the dress off. And don't put on anything ever again.

The click-clack of her heels stopped when she reached the end of the staircase.

“The dress is too much, isn't it?” she asked, gaze lowered.

“No, you're wonderful.” Shit. “It's. It's wonderful. The dress.”

“Oh. Um. Thank you.”

She was blushing. Of course she was. What girl wouldn't feel embarrassed when a pervert like him gave unwanted compliments? He was creeping her out. He shouldn't talk to her anymore for the remainder of the evening. If only he could help it.

Soon, Erwin arrived in the carriage he had rented and picked them up.

Levi helped Petra get in. He shouldn't, she didn't need it. She could float like a fucking bird in the air and bring down monsters ten times her size. She'd have no problem getting in a carriage. And yet, he couldn't hold back. He offered his hand. And she took it. Too polite to decline.

They sat next to each other, opposite Erwin. Not much space. Their thighs and their shoulders touched. Her bare shoulders. Levi couldn't get a hard-on. Not in front of Petra, not with Erwin watching. No. He couldn't.

Think about the minister. Think about how much of a pig he is to live in a luxurious mansion when common people sometimes can barely afford to eat. Think how disgusting it'll be to act civil around him and his crappy wife. Yes, think about disgusting things. Not about Petra's shoulders. Not about what's underneath that amazing dress.

The only woman he’d ever seen naked was Hange.

Nifa had come and asked him if he had any idea where their squad leader was. She hadn't been there for training. Levi let them train with his squad and then went to shout at Hange for oversleeping.

He found her room locked. Knocked once. Twice. Nothing. Then, he heard muffled sobs from inside, broke in and found Hange in a miserable state, sprawled on the floor on her stomach, an empty bottle in her hands and a pool of piss around her. She had vomited on herself. Levi asked for her permission, then took her clothes off and bathed her. There was nothing erotic about it. He only touched her hair, and used the sponge to wash her body.

When he took her back to her bed, Hange asked him to stay. And he did. She didn’t tell him what happened, and he didn’t ask either. She wasn’t such a freak when she was sleeping. She was... a peaceful freak.

Now he knew what Petra looked like when she was asleep. Only the memory made his heart skip a beat.

“Mmm...” Petra's humming brought him to his senses. She was looking out of the window. “I don't think I've ever been in this part of Trost. Look at this house! Like a real palace!”

Erwin looked Levi sternly in the eye. “One last reminder. Levi, we are that man’s guests. And we want to make a good impression. Try to be somewhat civil, please.”

“Tch. When am I not civil?”

At that, Petra huffed. Levi slowly turned his head to her.

“Anything you want to share, Ral?”

“And don’t call her ‘Ral’ while we’re in there,” Erwin said.

“I’m sorry, darling.”

When they arrived at the mansion, Levi felt even shorter than he was. Just the fucking exterior was huge. They had to walk the length of five botanical gardens to get to the door. Levi counted at least four fountains with little boys pissing.

Once they got inside, the hosts ran to them.

“Miss Ral. Captain Levi. This is mister and missus Pierce,” Erwin introduced them to each other, after thanking the couple for their invitation.

"I can't believe it! Petra and Levi before my very eyes!" the minister’s wife squealed. She had that kind of voice that could give you a headache.

"Tch. They invited us, why she's so surprised?" Levi muttered under his breath.

"It's an honor to meet you, missus Pierce. Thank you for opening up your house to us," Petra said with a forced smile. Levi could tell that wasn’t her real one.

“Don’t be so formal, honey! I’m Kiara,” she gave them a broad smile.

“Miss Petra, the sketches of you on the press pale in comparison to your beauty in person,” the minister said and proceeded to plant a kiss on Petra’s hand. Asshole. “After all, how could any pen depict accurately such grace and refinement?”

“What about you let me talk like that to my girl?” Levi cut in and took Petra’s hand. He should wash it.

Petra giggled. “Sorry, my boyfriend can get too jealous at times.”

“Isn’t it justified, though? Dazzling ladies usually cause competition between the opposite sex,” the bastard went on. His wife was literally standing next to him. Tch. This was a bad idea. He'd take Petra and leave. Let Erwin enjoy the gourmet dinner and all the exchange of sophisticated bullshit. Would Stuart’s Canteen be open at this hour?

A little more chit-chatting – Levi zoomed out, didn’t hear a thing – and then they announced that dinner was ready. Erwin thanked them. Again. Fuck, he was going to thank them at every bite, wasn’t he?

The dining room was a stadium. There were already salads, appetizers and dips on the mahogany table. Enormous table. They’d have to shout to hear one another.

Kiara pushed Petra onto Levi. “Of course, you two will sit next to each other. I wouldn’t dream of splitting up the lovebirds!”

Good, he had to have Petra by his side or he’d go insane.

On the plates, there were four forks. Show-offs. Why would anyone need more than one fork to eat?

The servers arrived with their food. Mm. Pasta with mushrooms. Something other than porridge, how exciting.

Minister Pierce rose his glass for a toast. “To the future of the Survey Corps. And to the future of Petra and Levi.”

If you want the Survey Corps to have a future, give us your money.

“Thank you, Mark,” Erwin said and clinked his glass with his. It’d been a while since he said it, Levi was beginning to worry.

“I’m so happy to meet you both, guys!” Kiara said to him and Petra. So, fuck Erwin? “Maybe it’s too presumptuous of me, but… is there a chance I’m getting an invitation?”

Levi and Petra looked at each other. “Invitation to what?” he asked.

“To the wedding of course!”

Levi’s brain froze.

Petra’s too, apparently. “Oh. Uh… Y-You know…” she stammered. “We’ve got no plans… f-for the t-time being… to… You know. He hasn’t proposed. Yet.”

“And what are you waiting for, Levi?”

“I… Er… I…”

I injured my leg on an expedition and I don’t want to pressure it when I kneel down.

I couldn’t choose a ring. They’re all so beautiful. And expensive.

My horoscope says not to rush into big decisions this year.

I know Petra can do so much better. Why would she even consider me?

I don’t know if I want that. I want her in my life forever, and I trust her completely, and I’m attracted to her, but I don’t know if it’ll actually work.

“Sorry if I’m too pushy,” Kiara laughed. Where did she get that idea? “You know, I’m a big rivetra fan.”

Riv—what? It sounded like a title of a silly play a minister’s wife would know. Kinda? “Sorry, I haven’t been to the theater in a while.” Ever.

Kiara’s eyes widened. “You don’t know what it is?”

“Rivetra you said?” Petra scratched her head.

“It’s the combination of your names!” she explained. “People use it to refer to you as a couple.”

“Tch. People need to get a life.”

Petra wrinkled her nose. “Hold on, I don’t get it. What does ‘riv’ stand for?”

“It comes from ‘Levi’, but with an ‘r’”.

“That doesn’t make any—”

“Don’t try to make sense of it, it’s stupid,” Levi breathed out and resumed eating. It was good. And free. If you don’t count the endurance of boring acquaintances as a valid form of payment.

Erwin and the minister were soaked up in a conversation about ballet, while Kiara Pierce talked to Petra about their summer house. It would appear they had a house for each season. Petra occasionally nodded or said something along the lines of “that’s great”. She attempted to talk about her childhood house in the countryside, but Kiara interrupted her to say how awful it was that their second library didn’t get enough sunlight.

Sometime when Isabel had first moved in with Levi and Furlan, he saw her sitting by the window, with her eyes closed, her lips forming inaudible words.

“Oi, brat, what’s the deal?” he’d said to her.

At the sound of his voice, Isabel opened her eyes and beamed at him. “Oh, Levi! Come join me!”

“What the hell are you doing? Why’s the window open? You’ll catch a cold.”

“I’m doing something very important!” She gestured for him to come closer. “I heard that up on the surface, you can see the stars falling! Once you see one, you close your eyes, and you make a wish. And that wish comes true!”

“Tch. That kind of crap is for children.”

“Maybe. But why not test it? I can’t see the sky, but perhaps there’s a falling star right now! So, I’m making a wish.”

“Hm. And what are you wishing for?”

“Well… Normally, I’m not allowed to say. It’s bad luck. But you’re my big bro, so I’ll make an exception. But keep it a secret, all right?”

“Sure, kid.”

“I wished that we had a big house. Cozy and warm. With many rooms! A fireplace, oh and a very clean kitchen! We’d run around in the living room and we’d have plenty of space to dance!”

Levi chuckled. He’d never seen stars, but he was sure Isabel’s smile was brighter.

“Do you think it may actually happen one day?”

He didn’t, if he were honest. But he’d gladly lie for her. “If you wish hard enough… maybe there’s a chance.”

Some people lived Isabel’s dream. Mark and Kiara Pierce. Spoiled assholes that didn’t know or didn’t care to acknowledge how damn lucky they were. It was unfair. Sad even.

Levi continued eating silently. With every bite, he was closer to leaving this massive house and the tormenting company of its conceited owners.

Petra leaned in and whispered in his ear. “Are you all right?”

“I wish I’d choke on a bone,” he whispered back.

“Bone in a pasta?”

“A man can only hope.”

“What are you two whispering to each other?” Kiara pointed at them. “Sweet compliments? Promises of everlasting love?” She sighed in delight and batted her fake eyelashes.

“We’re planning to fuck under the table,” Levi said. Silence. Kiara dropped her fork. One of the four. Erwin and the minister had stopped talking and were staring at him. “Ha. That was a joke. We’re definitely not doing that.”

“Oh, good.” Kiara gulped. “For a moment I thought—”

“We’re gonna fuck when we get home. A lot. Because we are in love. And we are a couple.” There. He should get some award for actors. He was wasted in the military.

Erwin cleared his throat. “Levi, you might want to eat your food while it’s still hot.”

“Right. Hot. Like Petra.”

Petra spat out water and coughed incessantly. Eh, maybe he went too far.

When they finished their meal, they moved to the living room. The minister proudly showed off five shelves suffering under the weight of encyclopedias. Bet he hadn’t read a single page.

Petra sat next to Levi on the couch, and Kiara Pierce started whining about the paint in their bedroom, which was far from the exact cherry red she had asked of her husband.

When Levi thought he had enough for one evening, he felt something tingling his nape. Petra. Petra’s hand. She was rubbing him softly, caressing his undercut. What was she doing?

He turned to look at her, but her undivided attention was on that bitch. She wouldn’t look at him, even when he kept staring.

Fuck, why did it feel so good? She was massaging him with her thumb, with lazy, tender movements. So relaxing. Levi couldn’t show how much he was enjoying it. They were supposed to be a couple, so he’d have to pretend this kind of affection was something normal. That he was used to it, that he wasn’t on the verge of crying out in ecstasy. But damn. Even if he had spent a lifetime by her side, still he wouldn’t have gotten used to this amazing sensation that was spreading through his body like a wild fire in the forest.

She laughed at something the minister’s wife said. Petra Ral was beautiful. And she was touching him.

Soon, Levi let himself relax under her touch. Cherish the moment while it lasts.

Please, don’t stop.

And then, she stopped.

“Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom,” she said while standing up.

“By all means, dear. End of the corridor, left door. I’m sure you’ll be repelled by how small the bathtub is. But don’t worry, we’re buying a new one, as soon as my husband finally speaks with his friend.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, I’m off. See you in a while.” She waved her hand awkwardly at everyone and left. Levi’s eyes followed her as far as he could.

The absence of the heat of her palm hurt. He already missed it. Her. What was wrong with him? Tch, clearly out of his mind.

However… she didn’t have to touch him. And she did. Could that possibly mean that—

No. He blocked the ridiculous thought. He was so funny today.

Go after her! a voice rang inside him. What? Why exactly? Go after her and…?

He must be losing his mind. No, no. He had nothing to say to her.

And yet, in an instant, he rose from the couch, blurted out a ‘sorry’ to no one in particular, and went into the corridor.

Chapter Text

Levi ran and ran, with an urgency he didn’t have even on the battlefield when gross Titans were chasing after him. Petra, Petra, Petra. Only one name on his mind as he was crossing the corridor in the minister’s house.

Go.

Find her.

Talk to her.

Say…

Eh, he’d think about that lat—

“Hey!”

Petra came out of a door. Levi couldn’t remember a time when she looked more beautiful. After all this hastiness, he just stopped. He stood there, speechless and lost.

Levi never had a favorite color, but if someone asked him here and now, he’d say without a second thought: “Purple!”. That dress was made for Petra, it should be sewn to her skin somehow and stay there permanently. She wouldn’t be able to fight in it, but that wouldn’t matter, Levi would protect her, he wouldn’t let a Titan lay a hand on her.

Stunning. Remember her like this.

Heck, he’d even take her out to that horrendous restaurant – Forkk – if it meant she’d wear the purple dress again.

“You want to use the bathroom too? Perfect synchronization!” She laughed.

“No. I wanted to see you.”

Her smile dropped and she didn’t say anything for a while. An invisible force made Levi step closer.

“Is there s-something wrong?” she asked apologetically. “I thought we were doing great.”

“We are! I just needed to… to check up on you.”

Yes. That was a good reason to go after her. The dinner with the minister and his wife must have been too much for her. Levi cared for Petra, as for all his subordinates. And as her Captain, he had to make sure she was okay. Yes.

Petra snorted. “I think I’m getting a big headache if Kiara opens her mouth again, but other than that, I’m fine.”

He chuckled.

A crack in her smile. “About me rubbing your neck… was it okay?”

She said it so sweetly, it gave him goosebumps all over his body. “More than okay. Do it again.”

Her mouth formed an ‘o’.

“It’ll be convincing is what I mean,” he quickly added.

“I see.” With hesitance, “What else do you want me to do to you?”

A ball of air stuck in his throat. Crap. Dangerous question.

What else do you want me to do to you?

Everything.

Things he couldn’t say out loud.

Things inappropriate to even think about.

Petra was a goddess tonight. She had always been. Why hadn’t he noticed it any sooner, he’d never understand. They had been working closely together for three years and all that time he was blind. So fucking ignorant. Better late than never. The embodiment of happiness was standing so close to him that he could grasp it.

Slowly, he raised his hand to her face, her angelic face. “I thought that…” The tips of his fingers made contact with her cheek, and he heard her breath hitch. “That maybe I could do something like this.” She was so soft and, god, she leaned into his touch. Neither of them was blinking. Closer and closer… “And then… we could—"

The sound of a falling tray behind them made them step away from each other.

“Oh! I’m sorry!” a girl dressed in a maid’s uniform said. She knelt to pick up her stuff. “I’m so sorry for interrupting!”

“No, no, we weren’t… Uh, do you need help with that?” Petra offered.

“I’m fine,” she said as she stood up again. “You really are as kind as everyone says. I’m so happy to meet you! Oh, you too, Captain, of course!” She made a quick bow.

Petra debated between “thank you” and “get the fuck out of here and leave me alone with my boyfriend”, but ultimately went for the former. She looked over at Levi, and he had his eyes on the floor, probably noticing the pattern of the carpet.

Levi had touched her. Did it really happen? She was ready to close her eyes and—

“You know,” the maid started saying, “you guys really helped me.”

Petra blinked in confusion. “We did? But you picked everything up yourself!”

“No, I don’t mean… You helped me with what to do with my life. I couldn’t be more grateful.”

Either she wasn’t making any sense, or Petra was so flustered by Levi’s proximity that her brain’s functionality dropped to below zero.

“See, my father wanted me to marry his apprentice,” the girl spoke again. “He’s supposed to take over his carpentry shop, and he’d provide for me just fine. His family are old friends with my parents. Everything clicked. Except…”

“Except you didn’t love him,” Petra guessed.

The girl nodded. “When I started reading the articles about you, I knew I could never have an arranged marriage. I want what you two have. True love!”

Petra and Levi exchanged a quick glance.

“I called everything off. My father won’t speak to me, but I’m sure he’ll get over it.”

Petra took a good look at her. They had to be around the same age. They had something in common, their fathers both were angry at them. And both girls wanted true love and didn’t have it. If only she knew the truth. Regardless, if that fairytale Abigail and the Commander had invented made people hopeful about the future and inspired them to chase their dreams, Petra felt less guilty about all the lies.

“Thank you for everything,” the girl said earnestly. “Your story gave me the courage to stand up for myself.”

“Are you sure?” Levi asked. “You may never find what you’re looking for.”

“Maybe. But it’s worth the risk, isn’t it, Captain?”

Levi held his usual enigmatic expression. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking, or if he had any intention to reply. Now more than ever, Petra wanted to know what was going through his head.

His concern was justifiable. The girl had thrown away a secure future. There was a high chance that Petra’s fake relationship with the Captain ultimately made more harm than good, feeding young people with delusions and expectations never to be met. And despite that, Petra was so selfish that she’d do it again, if only for the small stolen moments she could get with Levi.

“I’d better get going, I have work to do,” the maid said and bowed.

“We should head back too, honey,” Petra turned to Levi. He didn’t react.

“Please, don’t tell missus Pierce that I delayed you!”

“Tch.” Levi scoffed. “Even if we try to talk to her, she’ll interrupt us to complain about the paint in her third dining room in her winter house or some shit.”

The two girls giggled.

“Sorry, I didn’t ask what your name is!” Petra said.

“Clara. Nice to meet you! And of course, you don’t have to introduce yourselves, I’ve read so much about you that I feel I already know you.” She looked at them with admiration that Petra felt she didn’t deserve. “By the way, I thought they exaggerated on the press when they talked about your love. But what I saw before, when you were alone… Everything’s really true, after all.”

Petra felt a comb in her stomach. It was definitely true on her part, but the Captain?

“Oops, I’m blabbering again!” Clara blushed. “Time for me to go! Enjoy the rest of your visit.”

“Not sure enjoy’s the best word,” Levi muttered. How did he look so cute when he was grumpy?

“Bye, Clara! Nice to meet you too!” Petra took the Captain’s hand and they walked down the corridor. She still held him when they were out of Clara’s sight. She wouldn’t look at him, and she wouldn’t let go.

Good girl. Obeys orders.

That’s what Levi thought when Petra resumed rubbing his nape as soon as they came back to the living room and sat down.

He shouldn’t enjoy it, but he did. Every feather touch ignited a blissful spark inside him, made him want to close his eyes and pretend he lived in a world with no worries. Maybe in a twisted version of reality, he and Petra were a real couple, with their own wooden house by a river. And on peaceful afternoons they hang out on the porch, and Petra was lazily caressing his nape, his hair, his face, while they sipped their black tea and talked about forgettable stuff that didn’t really matter.

Damn, he was so full of shit.

Back in the normal version of reality, Petra would occasionally add a “That’s so true” in her conversation with Kiara, and Erwin had his now-I’m-pleasant face while the minister was saying something probably stupid. It was strange, really. Levi wanted their visit to be over, but at the same time, he didn’t. Because he didn’t want Petra to stop rubbing him.

And then she did.

“Oh, come on, Petra! Tell me, please!” Kiara begged. Levi hadn’t been listening, but whatever that bitch asked made Petra uncomfortable.

“I… Um, I’m sure you’ve read about it in the articles,” she replied and sat back straight, retreating her hand completely from Levi. Fuck.

“Yeah, yeah, I know what’s written on the press, but I’m sure there’s more to that. Right, darling? Don’t be shy, I’m a married woman, I’ve been in love too. So, please tell me how you fell in love with Captain Levi!”

Oh, so fucking nosey. Guess her own love life was boring.

“I told you, it’s all in the articles,” Petra insisted. “There’s not much to tell, it happened gradually. We were on the same squad for—”

“I know, I know, I’ve read that. But there must have been an a-ha moment. When you realized it, I mean.” Kiara crossed her legs and folded her arms over her chest, with a calm, neutral expression, so serene but making it clear that she was expecting an answer.

Petra looked lost for a moment. Like a stray little puppy. Levi was ready to intervene and say something like “leave her the fuck alone” but in a somewhat censored version hopefully, but Petra then spoke.

“Since the beginning, I thought very highly of Levi as a soldier. I was so proud when he picked me for his squad.” She was staring at her fidgeting fingers on her lap. “And… of course, I’ve always found him… handsome physically, but he was nothing more than a good commanding officer to me.”

Kiara’s mouth slowly crinkled into a crooked smile. “And then?”

“And then…”

Levi had to blink several times. Was Petra really smiling?

“And then, it all changed one day,” she said. “It was a while back. We had gone to the market as a squad to buy cleaning supplies.” Okay, so she was inventing a story. “Me, Gunther, Eld, and Oruo – my squad mates – had gotten inside a shop and Levi was waiting outside. When I got out first, I heard him talking to an old lady. Her shoes had holes. She looked so skinny. She was sitting on a bench, and in front of her on the sidewalk, she had a paper box, with little woolen socks for babies on it. In many colors. Handmade. She was knitting one more pair at that moment.”

That sounded familiar. Wait, what was she—

“On the box, she had written ‘two coins’. And then, I saw the Captain taking four coins out of his pocket and taking two pairs of socks. ‘My baby boy will love these,’ he said to the granny. ‘He’ll look so beautiful in them. I’m so glad I stumbled upon you, ma’am.’ She smiled and thanked him. I smiled too. After that, the old lady gave him an extra pair as a gift, and she asked about the baby.”

How old is he?

Is he your first one?

What’s his name?

Vivid as ever, the old woman’s face came to Levi. He had to make up so many lies that day.

Six months.

Yes.

Robbie.

The three pairs were at the bottom of his drawer. He had no use for them, but they were too fucking adorable to throw away.

He wouldn’t solve the old lady’s problem once and for all, but she could use the four coins he gave her to treat herself to something nice. A small relief. Her dinner was guaranteed for one day.

Levi had never realized Petra had watched the whole thing. Even he had almost forgotten it. Why did it stick with her? And why was she bringing it up now?

“What amazed me was…” she continued, her voice kinda husky, “Levi could’ve just given her money. He didn’t need baby socks. Or he could’ve bought her something to eat. But he did more than that. He made her feel useful, he didn’t treat her with pity.” When she paused to take a breath, his lips, out of their own accord, surely, mouthed her name. “Then, I realized how kind Levi was. He cared for someone he’d probably never see again. And it didn’t matter if it was four coins or a hundred, it was his approach. I believe that was the exact moment I fell in love with him.”

Levi watched her with eyes wide.

You have to remember she’s acting, he ordered himself. But what’s with all those specifics? She recalled an extremely detailed incident. Most accurately. Could that mean—

No.

Petra couldn’t be in love with him. Impossible. Ridiculous.

“Petra, that’s… the sweetest story I’ve ever heard,” Kiara said, and suddenly, she didn’t look so evil anymore.

Petra’s beam lit up the room. “I admit I was daydreaming about our future kids wearing those socks.” Oh, she was an exquisite actress. “You know, up to that day, I never imagined that something would ever happen between me and Levi. After that, however, I thought that…” She turned and looked straight into Levi’s eyes. “That maybe it could?”

No words he knew could express what he wanted to say at that moment. With every passing second of staring, she tore him apart.

Who was she?

Who was he? What kind of demon possessed him and made his head a mess? His body a collection of numb muscles, unable to move in any way, neither to get up and walk away from her, nor to rush and take her in his arms and passionately, beastly—

She opened her mouth. Levi’s eyes dropped there immediately.

“I’ve got to use the bathroom,” Petra announced and stood up. How anticlimactic.

“Again?” Kiara whined, and for the first time that evening, Levi agreed with her. Petra should stay right there, beside him, with her gentle hand on his neck.

She shrugged her shoulders. Her bare, creamy shoulders. “Seems I drank too much lemonade.”

With small, delicate steps, she walked away, toward the corridor. Took a piece of Levi’s heart along.

There was fire burning under the couch. He had to get up and go after her. He almost did.

But sitting on fire was better than recklessly crossing a point of no return.

Petra didn’t want to pee.

She wanted to do many things. Smack her head against the wall, scream from the bottom of her lungs, cry in agony until her tears would flood the mansion, but she didn’t want to pee.

Come on, where are you?

He had to follow her. It wasn’t her imagination, she couldn’t have misread it. The moment they locked eyes, something transpired between them. Petra couldn’t name it. But it existed, if only for a second.

And there she was. Waiting like a fool. For one minute, for two, for three, and then she lost count. So much for following Gunther’s advice to be bolder. Levi would never come.

But if he did…

If he did, she’d tell him everything that had been burning her alive all this time. She’d kiss his face while doing so. His hands too. Peppering warm kisses all over his knuckles. And then she’d kiss him on the mouth. Hard. Then softly, and then hard again. She’d push him to the wall, and she’d make him moan.

But Levi didn’t come.

No, she’d control the tears. How could she go back to the living room with red eyes?

At least, if Levi called her out on her stupidity, she could claim that it was all part of the plan. Best excuse ever.

Petra took a sharp exhale and walked back the corridor toward the living room.

“Miss Petra, come and check out this book!”

Huh? She turned her head to the right. An open door, revealing a library. Mister Pierce was inside, with an open book in his hands.

“Do you like poetry?”

“I can’t say I’ve read much,” Petra responded and got inside, intrigued to see the room Kiara had complained about so fervently. Wooden furniture and pine green walls. It wasn’t so bad.

“This one’s about a man in love with a much younger woman. Excellent writer, truly skilled. I was just talking to Erwin about it and came in real quick to grab it and show him.”

“It seems very interesting,” she lied. “The Commander will absolutely appreciate good poetry.”

The minister grinned. “I find myself in a remarkably enjoyable company today.”

“Same goes for me, mister Pierce. Your wife is charming,” she lied again.

“Mister Pierce? You can call me Mark.”

“I… Okay. Well, I can’t wait to tell Kiara my impression of the library!”

She turned around to leave, but then the minister spoke. “We don’t have to go back just yet.”

Petra heard her pulse go faster. “I’m sorry?”

He closed the book and took a step closer. “You’re enjoying my company, aren’t you?”

Petra took a step back. “I… I do, sir, but my boyfriend’s waiting in the—”

“I’m sure we can be quick.”

He was looking at her body. Pig. Petra wanted to vomit out her disgust. Instead, she rose her fist. “I’m a trained soldier,” she said confidently.

“Who said I want to fight you, dear? What do you think I am, a criminal?” He shook his bald head. “I’d never hurt a lady, especially one as desirable as you.”

“This conversation ends now.”

The minister laughed. “Darling, you’ve understood how the world works. You open your legs for someone important, and life opens new doors for you. You’ve done it with your Captain. I can be next. Being a minister’s whore has its privileges, as you’ll find out soon. When you get bored of the grumpy dwarf, it’ll be my turn.”

She breathed out hot air. “How dare you—”

“Don’t act offended, darling! I know you enjoy being a little whore. Coming here with that sexy dress of yours, you think I didn’t understand what you’re trying to do to me?”

She was shaking. Not another word, she wouldn’t hear another word. Levi. She had to get to Levi. Now. The door was open.

For a second, she felt frozen, but she managed to move and ran to the living room. As soon as she came in, Levi stood up. Her panic had to be obvious because he was running to her.

“Levi, let’s leave. Please,” she said among sharp breaths.

He was now standing right in front of her, worry plastered all over his face. “Are you all right?”

On the brink of bursting out in sobs, she tried to speak, “It’s just… I… Can we go?”

He put his hands firmly on her forearms and stabilized her. “Petra. Baby, what happened?”

Unable to utter a single syllable, she continued looking at him, trying not to let the hot, angry tears out. She shouldn’t be crying, nothing happened. It was over now, she just needed to leave and forget it.

The Commander had stood up too, and was watching with an inquisitive look, but didn’t say anything.

“What happened, Pet?” Kiara asked, still slumped in her chair. “You were gone for so long, and I haven’t even finished the story of why I fired my ex-seamstress.”

Screw you, Petra would say if she had the ability to talk.

Levi was still holding her tight, his grey eyes investigating her amber, puffy ones. Until he tore his gaze from her and glanced over her shoulder.

“Did you do anything to her?” he snapped through his gritted teeth.

The minister’s despicable voice and footsteps sounded from behind Petra. “Me? What are you—"

“Petra, what did he do to you?” Levi cut him off and turned his full attention again to her. Then lower, he begged. “Tell me.” And Petra knew she could tell him absolutely everything, judgement free.

“He asked me to have sex with him. He called me a whore.”

Levi didn’t flinch, didn’t change the way he was looking at her. He dropped his hands from her shoulders.

“What?” his wife exclaimed. “Mark could never—"

“Son of a bitch.” Levi took three huge steps toward the minister and punched him on the nose so hard he lost his balance and fell on the floor.

“Mark! No!” Kiara yelled in agony.

“I only made her a compliment!” the minister said while wiping off the blood with his sleeve. “She’s exaggerating!”

Levi grabbed him by the collar. “Shut the fuck up or I’ll choke you to death with my bare hands.” He threw him on the floor and kicked his ribs.

“Stop it! I command you to leave him alone!” his wife shouted hysterically.

The minister got up and tried to punch Levi, but he easily caught his fist in the air and redirected it to his own jaw. With a swift kick behind his knee, Pierce was on the floor again.

Levi spat at him. “You piece of shit.”

“Oh come on, I offered her exactly what you’re offering her! You think she loves you? She’s a little slut who’s sleeping up her way to success!”

Pierce groaned when Levi kicked him in the gut. Again and again. Petra had to look away. It was getting too rough.

“Please! Stop!” he cried out, but Levi didn’t stop. The sound of his boot smashing him continued.

“Do something!” Kiara desperately shook the Commander, who was watching as composed as ever.

“Captain Levi doesn’t seem to need any help,” he replied nonchalantly. “He’s handling it fine on his own.”

Petra closed her eyes. The ringing in her ears rendered her almost deaf, but she could still feel the vibrations from the wooden floor. She wished she could say she was satisfied. However, at that moment the only emotion consuming her was fear.

“Come on, Petra, we’re leaving.”

She opened her eyes. Levi was taking her hand and guiding her outside, with the Commander a few steps behind.

She wouldn’t look at the minister. And not because she was disgusted by his treatment. Because if she saw him with his nose broken, blood all over his clothes and barely able to walk, she’d feel guilty.

“You think I don’t know why you came here?” the minister snarled. “Why you make all that fuss in the newspapers? You want money. And I’m giving you nothing!”

“Unfortunately, we won’t be accepting your donations, mister Pierce, even if you change your mind,” Commander Erwin replied.

When the three of them got out of the mansion, it was dark.

“Levi, stay here with Petra. I’m fetching the carriage,” the Commander said and left them alone.

It was getting chilly.

Levi knew all along it was a stupid idea to come here. What else did they expect from a corrupt pig?

Petra didn’t deserve it. God knows how Levi restricted himself from kicking the minister to death. A part of him wished he had. Breathing air shouldn’t be wasted on such scumbags like him. He’d be better off covered by dirt. And his inconsolable widow would marry someone else to profit of.

She even had the nerve to ask him to stop. She hadn’t realized she was married to a monster because of her low intelligence, or because she didn’t want to admit it?

That asshole. Levi was tempted to go back and beat him up some more. The only thing stopping him was Petra. He wouldn’t leave her alone. That was what caused everything in the first place.

Levi exhaled. “It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

Petra looked straight ahead. The tears on her face glimmered under the moonlight. “No, how could you know?”

“Should’ve suspected it. That bastard was looking at you like…” he trailed off.

“It might sound strange, but…Thank you for what you did. I wish I could’ve done something myself, but I was… I don’t know, numb.”

“I’m sure if you want you can kick that jerk’s ass so hard he won’t be able to sit for weeks.”

She chuckled. Good, she was loosing up. “What can I say, you’ve trained me well.”

“Please, kid, you’re a natural.”

Humans were an obnoxious race. Worse enemies than the Titans. More than two decades of living in the Underground taught him that. That’s why Levi taught his squad to fight them too.

When he was kicking the minister, Levi felt like he was in the Underground again. Once a thug, always a thug, it seemed. And yet, no matter how repulsed he was by his old life, he’d gladly become a gangster again to defend Petra. Even though there was no need for it. Petra wasn’t in danger anymore, he wasn’t protecting her. It was pure revenge. Served fine for a dickhead like him.

In reality, Pierce was the bigger thug. A thug in a nice suit.

Erwin, come fast. Petra needs to go back home and forget all of this.

Levi would never forget the agony on her face when she entered the living room and told him to take her away and leave. Fuck, she was still trembling. Oh. She was cold. Of course she was cold. It was night and her shoulders were naked.

“Your coat?” he asked.

“Forgot it inside. I don’t wanna go back there.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

With a rapid movement, he took off his coat.

“Oh, you don’t have to!” she protested sweetly.

“I want to.”

He gave it to her, and she thanked him with the loveliest smile on earth. Strange enough, now he felt warmer. Burning.

“Petra. When you talked about that day in the market, with the old lady… Did you—”

The neigh of approaching horses interrupted him. They got inside the carriage and Levi postponed his question for another time. A time when Petra would be in a better mood to talk.

This time, Erwin helped Petra get in.

For all his sermon about civility and manners, Eyebrows had let him beat the fuck out of Pierce. Erwin was a good man under all that disguise of propriety.

The way back was silent, until Petra spoke.

“Commander, I don’t want any more meetings or interviews or dinners with anyone, for the time being.”

“Yes, Petra.”

“I can go on dates, but with Levi only. Just the two of us.”

“Yes.” And later, he added, “I’m sorry for putting you in that position.”

“No, Commander, no one else’s to blame but him,” she said confidently. Though, despite her confidence, soon the tears came again. Petra let them flow, didn’t wipe them off. As if not acknowledging them would mean they didn’t exist, they didn’t have power over her, she wasn’t vulnerable.

She was looking out of the window. Not in wonder. Empty.

Levi knew a small gesture would make her feel better. She needed it as much as he needed it.

He really shouldn’t. Erwin was sitting right across. It wouldn’t be proper.

Petra sniffled.

Screw properness. Levi took her hand in his and gave it a light squeeze. He didn’t let go until they arrived home.

Chapter Text

It was one of the rare times Eld had his hair down.

Gunther found him in the kitchen, sitting by himself, his only company a full cup of cold tea and a flickering candle. A week without him proved how valuable he was to their squad. Indispensable.

When Eld looked up and their eyes met, he tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace.

“You’re back,” Gunther said, an unnecessary observation.

“It would appear so,” he replied with a long sigh.

Gunther pulled out a chair across from him and sat down.

Normally, he’d chit-chat with him. Meaningless, stupid conversations to pass the time. But last time he saw him, they fought. Maybe he should acknowledge it.

Maybe not.

“Where are the others?” Eld asked him.

“Petra and the Captain are working on their plan. Oruo must be at the pub, hitting on chicks out of his league.” Gunther waited for a reaction in vain. “Well. How was your trip? Safe travel?”

“I guess. Back in one piece. So.”

“How are you?”

Eld seemed to be thinking about it. “Better. I think. A little.” Small words, struggling to come out of his mouth, syllable by syllable. Nothing like the fearless Titan slayer, Captain Levi’s right hand.

“And how is she?”

Gunther worried if he was taking it too far. Not his business. And yet, Eld answered him.

“Val’s heartbroken. She had planned to surprise me. I didn’t even know she was pregnant when she told me that—” He cut his sentence short.

Gunther had seen Valerie only once, a few months ago. She came to town for a weekend, for Eld’s birthday. Tall, pleasant, and elegant, the perfect woman for Eld. Even when she snorted like a pig at his stupid jokes.

Trying to imagine a girl so full of life in a desperate state almost brought Gunther to his knees. He didn’t know her that well, but Eld was family, and by extension Eld’s people were important too.

“Eld, if you don’t mind me asking… was it planned?”

He shook his head. “Nope. Been taking precautions every single time, but it still can happen you know. And it did. But unplanned doesn’t mean unwanted.”

Up till now, Gunther thought that Eld travelled all the way to Valerie to console her. It hadn’t passed his mind that he was affected too. That he also needed comfort. And damn, Eld would’ve made a good father. Gunther just knew it. Good people usually made good parents.

“How would it work?” he asked. “With you in the Survey Corps and all that.”

“I don’t know, man, I suppose we’d find a way.”

“You want to have a family with Valerie?”

“I’m fine with kids, fine without them. Val’s fine with my job, so…” Eld shrugged his tired, heavy shoulders. “Look, I don’t know about the future. Only thing I know is… I love her.”

The simplicity in his words made Gunther uneasy. God, he wanted to throw up. Eld thought that only love was enough?

Let him believe it. Now wasn’t the time to argue about it. Or ever. He made his choices and Gunther made his.

And still… Still, he couldn’t drop the issue. Eld was the only one who could understand him. So, he asked him, “If Val asked you to quit the scouts, would you do it?”

Eld appeared taken aback for a second. His open mouth an indisputable indicator. “She fell for me knowing I’m a soldier.”

“Yes, but people change. If you have children, they’ll need their father. Alive.”

“Your sister wants you alive. And your parents.”

It was Gunther’s turn to search for words. “I. Yes. Yes, they do. But it’s different.”

“How so?”

He scratched the back of his head. “I never intended to join the Survey Corps. My goal was to graduate in the top ten and make it to the Military Police. Get good money and send it home. For Holly.”

“And you didn’t get to the top ten,” Eld guessed.

“That’s the funny thing. I did. Third. But…”

“Gunther, no!” Holly screamed helplessly. Fifteen years old, a fine young lady, but still a child in many ways. She was crying like a brat. “Please, don’t go outside the Walls! I don’t want you to die because of me!”

Gunther knelt next to her wheelchair and cupped her face. He knew their parents wouldn’t approve of his choice, but he had hoped his little sister would understand. “Sweetheart, first of all, I’m not dying. Do you really think me that incapable?”

“N-no. But—”

“And why are you blaming yourself?” he asked tenderly.

“Because you’re doing it for me. So, I can walk.”

No. She didn’t deserve that weight on her little shoulders. “Holly, I want nothing more than to see you standing on your feet, but this is not about you. Yeah, I joined the army with the intention of providing for you, but over time my feelings have changed. It goes without saying that I’ll do my best for you, but at the same time, I’m joining the Survey Corps for me.” He wiped away a tear from her red cheek. “I’d have a bigger salary in the MP, sure. But I’d be just another sleazy bast—moron.” He didn’t want to curse in front of her. “Now that I’ll join the Survey Corps, I’ll help humanity get their freedom back.”

“I know, Gunther. I just… I don’t want to lose you!”

“You won’t.” He smiled.

“Promise?”

“Super promise. One day, I’ll take you to the ocean.”

Her puffy eyes lit up. “Do you think it really exists?”

“Mm. And we’ll walk on the sandy beach together.”

Holly was now twenty. Still tied to that wheelchair. No ocean on the horizon so far. Gunther made a selfless choice. Was it really heroic to put humanity’s future above your sister’s health? Nah, he never cared for humanity, he just wanted to put on a cape and feel the wind on his face and pretend he was part of something great. Freedom wasn’t achievable.

And then Captain Levi came. And he picked him for his squad. And he taught them that if he escaped the Underground and got to the surface, then humanity could someday live beyond the Walls.

The Elite Squad became Gunther’s new family. Their dreams and pursuits for the future became his own.

 Eld’s soft voice woke him up from his deep thoughts. “Gunther. Why are you in the Survey Corps?”

“I wanted freedom for my sister. So she could walk and go wherever she wanted, no restrictions. I realized every human deserves the same. Fighting for that is tough, but also extremely fulfilling.”

He nodded. His comrade, his friend, his family. He got it. “Why would anyone who loves you want to take that away from you?”

Gunther didn’t have an answer. He wanted to take that away from Nifa. Right or wrong? Sometimes, he thought he shouldn’t have flirted with her in the first place. He could’ve admired her from afar, jerk off to her maybe once in a while, and continue the life he always had. And sometimes he thought that even if their time together was short, he’d treasure it forever, only keep the good memories. No regrets. That’s what the Captain always told them, right? And there were other times that Gunther thought that… perhaps… it wasn’t too late to…

No. He couldn’t go there again. He was confused as fuck.

“Hey.” Eld shifted on his chair. “About what I told you the other d—”

“Don’t,” he cut him off. “Forget it. We’re good.”

He nodded. “We’re good.” They both had had enough drama, why add to it?

Footsteps from the corridor and then the door opened, revealing a petite redhead. Petra.

“Eld!” she exclaimed and came inside. She was wearing a long purple dress and heels that made her a little taller. A coat draped over her shoulders, not very feminine. Behind her, the Captain followed.

“Hi, Pet.” Eld greeted. Again, a forced smile that looked nothing like a smile.

“I missed you so much!” Petra said to him. She crossed the room and bent to hug him. Eld tapped her on the shoulder.

“Good to have you back,” Captain Levi said, poised but affectionate in his own hidden way.

“Eh. Thanks. How are you? A fake date? Judging from your outfit.” Eld gestured to Petra’s dress.

“Pff. Something like that. Went horribly, guys, a complete disaster. I think I’m gonna go to my room and cry.”

At the same time, Eld and Gunther turned their heads in the Captain’s direction. A menacing shadow in their squinted look.

The Captain stared back, blankly. “Oi. What you looking at?”

Petra suddenly gasped and waved her hands in the air. “No, no, guys, it wasn’t Levi’s fault! He only made everything better!” Girl was flustered. Levi. That’s what she called him. Interesting.

Gunther wanted Petra to be happy, but could a scout ever be? He hoped they’d have a better chance than he had with Nifa.

“It’s shockingly ironic how an elite scout always in the front lines breaks up with me because he wants security.”

She’d said it to him with bitter notes and a cracked smirk. He’d never forget it.

“Seriously though, I need to go to my room.” Petra yawned. “See you in the morning?”

“Good night, Pet,” Gunther said. It was time for him too to get under his warm covers and reevaluate his decisions.

Petra walked on her toes to get to Captain Levi’s bedroom. It’d be a pity to wake up the boys at this late hour. Though Oruo would probably need a hundred cannons to disturb his sleep in the slightest after the night he had at the pub. It was really a wonder how he was able to walk back to the barracks.

She had to lift her purple dress a bit. Now that she wasn’t wearing heels, she ran the danger of stepping on it.

When she reached the Captain’s door, Petra knocked.

Surely, he couldn’t be sleeping. There was light coming from inside. Then why was it taking him so long? Maybe she should knock again.

This time, she heard movement from inside. Wood cracking under the weight of his footsteps, and in a couple of seconds the door opened. Levi’s hair was a mess and he was rubbing his eyes. He wasn’t wearing his uniform, or the formal outfit he had worn to the minister’s house. He was now dressed in a plain grey shirt and black pants.

“God, did I wake you up?” Petra whispered, mortified.

“Yeah,” he replied in a hoarse voice and leant against the doorframe. Drowsy Levi, what a rare sight.

“Oh crap, I’m so sorry! I imagined you wouldn’t be sleeping yet!”

He rubbed his eyes some more. “Well. I almost sent an asshole to the hospital. I believe I deserve my rest.”

For my sake.

“Of course! Of course you deserve all the rest! Again, I’m incredibly sorry! I know how hard it is for you to fall asleep, and I ruined it! I… I’ll leave right now!”

When she began to turn around, Levi gripped her upper arm. Even in this heavy-eyed state, his hold was firm. “Petra. I’m already awake, so you might as well tell me why you’re here.”

She hesitated for a bit. “Cap—Levi? I need your help with something. Please.”

“Yeah?”

“I can’t unzip my dress.”

There. She said it. There was no turning back now.

Levi released her arm. “You can’t…”

“I can’t unzip my dress,” she repeated. Didn’t sound any better the second time. He didn’t say anything, so she tried to explain the situation without stammering too much. “Nifa helped me put it on, b-but now I can’t reach the zipper! It’s past curfew and I… you know, I can’t exactly sneak around in their squad’s dorms, so I thought… You know. I supposed you’d be awake.”

His blank stare made her want to bury her head in the ground.

As the seconds ticked by, Petra wondered if he even heard her. Maybe he was sleeping with his eyes open. And any moment now he’d snore.

He opened his mouth, but instead of a snore, a rushed sentence came out. “I’ll go get Hange.”

“No!” Petra said louder than necessary, and then remembered to lower her voice. “Please, no! I don’t want to get squad leader Hange involved. We can’t disturb her at this hour.”

Levi averted his gaze. Petra would give everything to hear his thoughts. Not jumping on the opportunity was very gentleman-like, but the rejection still stung. He should be dying to get his hands on her. She hoped he would. Craved it.

He spoke quieter than before. “Okay. So. You sleep in your dress and tomorrow you take it off.”

The only possible solution. Of course. What was she thinking? She obviously put him in an awkward position and he was kind enough not to curse her and give her latrine duty for five years. ‘Cause that’s what she deserved.

“Yes,” she said with a defeated sigh. Wasn’t going to beg him, or try to convince him that it was going to take only one second after all, and he didn’t even have to look at her back. Didn’t have to undress her all the way, marry her, or have two or three children with her. If he didn’t want to. “I’m sorry, sir. I shouldn’t have… Sometimes I’m too stupid.”

“You’re not, it’s just…”

He didn’t continue. Petra tried her best to smile at him and give an end to that madness. “Um… Good night. Please, try to get some sleep. You need it.” And I need to grow a brain.

Shutting down the urge to beg him harder, Petra turned around. She only took three steps down the corridor when the sexiest voice in the world stopped her.

“Petra, come here.”

“Sir?”

He beckoned to her. “Don’t mention this to anyone fucking ever. Stays between us, you hear me?”

She was tempted to scream from joy, but fortunately she didn’t. “Of course! Thank you! Oh, thank you, it’s so tight I can’t breathe, it’s squeezing my br— Ehem, you don’t have to know this.”

Levi took a long breath and rolled his eyes. “Turn around.”

She did. Closed her eyes and held the front of her dress, not wanting it to fall down when he’d unzip it. She felt his hand on the fabric. He pulled down the zipper. Or at least tried to.

“Petra. It stuck,” he said close to her ear.

“What?”

He pulled the zipper several times. “Can’t do it!”

“Are you sure you’re pulling hard enough?”

He continued trying, shaking Petra in the process. “Fuck,” he grunted.

“Oh come on, Levi, you’ve never taken off a woman’s dress before?”

The shaking stopped. He froze. Petra was glad she wasn’t facing him. “I’m sorry, that’s not my business,” she muttered faintly.

“It’s not.”

Of course it wasn’t, and honestly? She didn’t want to imagine it. Levi’s hands on a woman that wasn’t her? Yikes.

After two incredibly long seconds, Levi resumed trying again, but to no avail. Growing impatient, Petra shoved his hands away from her back and entered his bedroom.

He looked absolutely terrified. “Oi brat, what are you doing? Get the hell out.”

She brought her hands to her hips. “Well, you can’t unzip me in the corridor! You’ll wake up the boys!”

“Eh, no. They sleep like pigs.”

A sigh came naturally. “Can you close the door and be quiet? It’ll only take two seconds if you figure it out.”

He seemed skeptical for a second or two, but eventually gave in and closed the door behind him.

There was a lit candle on his desk. He’d probably forgot it before falling asleep. Or he was afraid of the dark and couldn’t sleep without it. Nah, the fearless ‘Humanity’s Strongest’ couldn’t be afraid of the dark, he lived in the Underground, for the love of God!

The whole place smelled like lavender. So clean and fresh. Everything was perfectly organized. Except for the bed, ‘cause Levi had gotten up in a hurry to open the door. It looked so cozy and warm. Petra wondered what it’d be like to sit on it. Sleep. Or do other things.

Petra turned her back to Levi. “Be gentle and you’ll make it.”

He resumed his efforts. The zipper wouldn’t come down. And that wasn’t entirely unpleasant. Meant more time with him.

“Tch. Maybe I’ll just grab a knife and cut it off.”

Oh my, Levi, what knife? You can tear it apart with your bare hands. And then eat my underwear.

No, I’m kidding.

I’m not wearing any.

A crunching sound. “There,” Levi said, and suddenly she felt cold air hitting her back. Finally able to breathe, she thanked him.

When she turned around to face him, he was conveniently looking at the floor. “Don’t mention it,” he said, barely audible.

“Maybe if I hadn't worn that dress in the first place, nothing would've happened with the minister.”

Levi looked up. “Pet. You can't be serious.”

“But I am. I know it wouldn't be my fault either way, but if I'd been more careful—”

“No. Don't say things like that. Perverts are always perverts, no matter what you wear, or... or how old you are, or...” He searched for words, darkness in his eyes. “Trust me, I know this very well. A while back… There was a girl that I… That was…”

“An ex?” Petra asked, a hint of jealousy in her voice.

Levi scoffed. “Hell no. She was a kid under my care. Red hair like yours. Brilliant brat.”

“In the Underground?”

“Yeah. Girls like her don’t survive long down there unless there’s someone watching over their heads. I did that for her. Me and Furlan, my best friend.”

The best friend who got married to get citizenship. “You’ve talked about him. So, Furlan? And what was the girl’s name?”

His lips twitched in an unusual way for him. Like he was holding back a tender smile. “Isabel.”

Getting a glimpse into Levi’s past filled Petra with excitement. “Beautiful name.”

He hummed. “Suited her. I remember one day we were walking down the street. And some filthy jerk called her… Called her stuff. Sexualized her. And I said what the fuck, she’s a child. Not more than thirteen at the time. I lost it. Beat him with everything I had. Got carried away and… ended him.”

Petra flinched.

“Not the first man I’d killed, not the last,” he continued. “I don’t regret it one bit. That pedo must have raped girls like Isabel, girls who didn’t have someone like me. Isabel was terrified. She saw the whole thing. For weeks, she wouldn’t talk to me. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have killed the bastard in front of the kid. I traumatized her. That’s the only part of it I regret.”

Levi had taught them how to kill. Not just Titans. Humans. In flesh and blood. In the first days of the creation of the Elite Squad, Petra had questioned his teaching methods. Why did they have to learn how to fight humans? Titans were the enemy. Petra wasn’t going to turn against her own people. That’s what they did in the filthy Underground, but up here it was unthinkable. She’d never do something so cruel as taking away a human life.

The Captain’s eyes focused on her. “You think I’m an animal?”

She couldn’t outright answer. She loved that man, but fear had a tight grip around her chest right now, tighter than the dress. She wasn’t afraid of him. Petra knew he’d never hurt her. It was more the realization that her kind, sometimes rude, sometimes soft-spoken, dear Captain had a whole other life she knew nothing about. And that perhaps it’d be best if she didn’t.

“I can’t judge you, I don’t know how it is to live down there,” she told him.

“No, you don’t.”

It wasn’t his fault. The world is cruel. But I still love him.

If one day they defeated the Titans, they could build a better world. One where young girls wouldn’t feel threatened. And good men like Levi wouldn’t have to kill.

It was a shocking story, but it wouldn’t drive her away. Never. Instead, she took a step closer and smiled at him. “You miss her? Isabel.”

She saw a sea of emotions storming in his eyes. “Every day. And I feel I don’t have the right to. I did something worse to her than that bastard on the street. Petra, I killed her.”

Her eyebrows furrowed. “You…”

“I did. Maybe I didn’t kick her to death, break her bones or put a knife to her throat, but I should’ve protected her and I didn’t.”

“Levi, what happened?”

He didn’t talk, but she could easily identify the feeling on his torn face. Self-hatred. Undoubtedly certain he didn’t deserve it, Petra was ready to dispute him.

“What happened to Isabel? How did you lose her?”

Levi shook his head. “Not today. Can’t tell you.”

She tried to hide her disappointment. “Oh. You don’t have to share with me if you don’t want.”

“I want. I just… I don’t want to think about it tonight.”

She gave him a compassionate nod. “I understand. But if you ever…” Her cordial silence should convey the remainder of the sentence she couldn’t complete.

“I will. Thank you.”

Petra held his gaze before the realization that she was holding her unzipped open-back dress from falling to the ground piped up.

Captain Levi was a man of his word. The promise of another day that she’d listen to him opening up kept her heart at peace for the moment. Not tonight, but someday. Soon.

“So… Thank you for helping with my dress.”

“It’s late, you should get rest. It’s been a long day.”

He was right. Her eyelids grew heavier every passing second, no matter how much she wanted to keep looking at him. Oh, him.

“Good night, Levi.”

That night, her bed felt lonelier than ever.

No, tonight Levi wouldn’t think about the tragic deaths of his closest people. He’d think about her.

The way the candle flame haloed her amber, perfect eyes.

How smooth her skin looked when he unzipped her.

The tiny freckles on her shoulders that he wanted to kiss.

Her voice.

What else do you want me to do you?

Levi collapsed on his bed as the heat inside him escalated. He didn’t want to send her away earlier. If he could, he’d keep her here. Right here. He’d ask her to sit on his lap and feel how hard he—

“Fuck,” he grunted, lowered his pants and freed himself.

What do I want you to do? I want you to touch me here. At the tip. With your soft fingers.

Petra’s hand would wrap around him. Up and down, up and down, up and down… Steady, rhythmic, perfect. The most beautiful girl with his cock in her hand, driving him insane. What more did he need in life?

His chest started heaving. He picked up the pace even more, so close to his climax.

Petra, yes.

Soon, his vision fractured. A hand-job wasn’t going to be enough anymore, he needed to be inside her. She’d straddle him and he’d run his hands over her velvety thighs. Then, he’d discover what her lips felt like. On his mouth. On his jaw. On his neck.

Fuck me.

She was going to be drenched for him. He’d enter her and she’d be so tight and—

“Ah!”

Bliss washed over him as he came.

Fuck, he was a horrible Captain, a horrible human being, but he hadn’t done that in ages and god it felt good. Two seconds of paradise. He leaned further back into his pillow, still fazed.

“What did you do, shithead?” he whispered to himself, as his fantasy started to fade away.

The result of his orgasm was dripping through his hands, and he grabbed the handkerchief on his nightstand to wash it off. Disgusting. Unacceptable. If Petra could see him now, hear his thoughts…

He’d crossed the point of no return and he hadn’t even realized it.

Levi walked steadily, trying to contain the hurricane inside his chest.

He needed to talk to her. Fast. If he didn’t, he’d explode.

His heart was beating like a maniac, and it wasn’t because of the exhausting training he just had with his squad. A training session he couldn’t focus on. His eyes had drifted to Petra with every opportunity. How could he command his soldiers effectively when he was busy checking out the ass of one of them? The next expedition was in three weeks, there was no room for mistakes.

Covered in sweat after practice, he should’ve had a shower first before coming to her. But it couldn’t wait. After last night, he knew he had to do something. His knock on her door was impatient.

“Come in, I’m decent!” Hange’s cheerful voice sounded from inside her room.

When he entered, it was damn hard to spot his friend amidst the pile of old books, dirty clothes, and… ew, was that a half-eaten apple? How long had it been there? Never mind, he came for a reason.

“Hange. I need your help.”

“Leviiiii!” She emerged from behind some scientific-like tubes, took off her goggles. “What’s the matter?”

He pinched his nostrils. “First of all, this place stinks.”

“Hey, you want my help? Be polite. Now, come sit and tell me what’s wrong.”

“Tch. Sit where? I don’t trust your chairs to be clean.”

She murmured something he didn’t catch. “Okay, then keep standing. And tell me. I don’t have much free time.”

Levi took a moment to put the right words together. “Listen. I think I’m developing… feelings. For Petra.” It was even scarier when he said it out loud.

Surprisingly, Hange’s nonchalant expression didn’t turn to a disgusted, horrified one when he admitted his sickening secret. Any normal person with common sense would have screamed in fear. But yes. Hange wasn’t a normal person.

“You’re developing feelings for your girlfriend, that’s expected, I believe,” she said and turned back to whatever she was doing with those liquids and microscopes.

“Cut the crap!” Levi snapped. “I know you know it’s not a real relationship. Just… help me out with this, will you?”

She was a genius, of fucking course she knew everything. If she played dumb for one second longer—

“Well, what can I possibly do?” she said with an indifferent expression.

“Talk me out of it!”

Hange blinked several times. “You really think I can?”

Shit, what he felt for Petra was too deep. “No,” he admitted.

“Then, why should I bother?”

Levi started walking toward the door.

“No, hey! Levi, come here! Levi, Levi!” She raced and stood in front of the door, blocking his exit. “Are you gonna tell her?” she asked with a mischievous grin.

“You’re nuts.”

“Ah, why not?”

He let out a long exhale and ran his hand through his hair. Did he really need to explain it? “First of all, I’ll make it awkward for her.”

“Hm. Or you’ll make her super happy. Have you thought that maybe she returns your feelings?”

How could a person be so brilliant when it came to numbers and research, and yet so dumb when human feelings were concerned? Levi decided to take it as a joke. “Ha. Good one. Does she even know how old I am?”

“Remember your surprise birthday party?” Tch. How could he ever forget such humiliation? “Petra placed thirty-three candles on your cake one by one, so I’m pretty sure she knows your age, gramps.”

She looked so cute that day, with her pink dress and the stupid paper hat that read “happy birthday” and had too many exclamation marks. She was so proud when she showed him the cake and asked him to blow out the candles. And he only did it for her sake.

Petra was a literal sunshine. Her presence in his life was of immeasurable value. A young girl filled with enthusiasm and brightness. Quite the opposite of him.

“I'm not the right man for her to marry,” Levi said.

Hange’s eyes widened. “Marry? Gosh, that escalated quickly!”

“You think what, I want to play with her? Anyway, doesn’t matter. She doesn’t love me. She’d be crazy if she did.”

“Am I crazy for loving you?”

Her straightforwardness caught Levi unawares. “Tch. You're crazy in general.”

Hange chuckled. “Levi, let me tell you something. And please don't forget it. Even if Petra rejects you, it won't mean you're an awful monster who doesn't deserve to be loved, because you are not. It'll simply mean she's not into you. Like I'm not into you that way, but I still think you're a great man. Maybe the best I've ever met.”

Awkwardness was stirring up inside his gut. And maybe a little bit of fondness. “What's with all the sappiness today?”

“You came to talk about feelings.” She smirked. “Now, I agree it'll be awkward if you declare your love, she doesn't reciprocate and then you pretend to be a couple.”

“She'd feel trapped.”

“Exactly. So maybe make a move when the fake relationship ends? I mean, if you two go there organically, sure, go for it! But perhaps it would be best not to actively pursue her if you don't see any clear green light.”

Levi nodded. Finally, Four-eyes was making some sense. “I agree.”

She scratched her chin. “Then again, there's a high chance she's giving you all the signs and you’re too dense to notice.”

“Don’t think so.” He shook his head. “You should’ve seen her last night when she came to my room and asked me to unzip her dress. She looked so painfully uncomfortable you could tell I was her last choice to ask for help. And after that, when I shared something from my Underground days, she—"

“Wait.” Hange held her hand up. “She came into your bedroom late at night and asked you to undress her? Levi, that’s a synonym for fuck me!”

“Unzip. Not undress.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me! Petra puts on her A-game and you sit here and wonder if she likes you? She’s crazy for you, Levi!”

“Stop it, she’s not. She only came to me because Gunther and Eld are in a shitty mood at the moment. Problems with their girls. And Oruo came home drunk as hell. Who else could help her, huh?”

Hange puffed. “Girl can ride your brains out and you’ll say ‘Oh, how fucking kind of her!’”

Ride his brains out.

Fuck.

Fuck.

He couldn’t have this image in his head while he was training her.

“Whatever. No matter what she may or may not feel… Me feeling that way… Does it mean I’m a bad squad leader?”

Hange smiled at him. “It means you are human. As much as Erwin and all the dumb journalists want to make you out to be something more. Sure, it’d be less complicated if you fell for someone not under your command, but hey, my buddy Levi is made for the tough shit!” She punched him lightly on the shoulder. Then, she lowered her voice and lost the energetic mood. “Will you tell Erwin?”

Erwin. The Commander. His friend. “He’ll figure it out on his own. If he hasn’t already. I don’t want him to transfer Petra to another squad. I need her. And not in a selfish way. She’s everything our squad needs. Can’t replace her.”

“I know, she’s elite squad material,” Hange said. “Who knows, if Erwin allows a fake relationship, he miiiight allow a real one!” she added with playful optimism, which Levi couldn’t share.

“You know it’s not that simple.”

“Oh, Levi. Wouldn’t be a good love story if it was.” She gave him a wink.

Chapter Text

Eyebrows kept his promise. Neither he nor Abigail approached Petra for an interview, or a meet-up with an important person that could actually be a pervert.

Her dates with Levi continued though. They didn’t mean for them to be dates, but Eld and Gunther were too depressed to join them, and when they asked Oruo he muttered something like, “Ain’t a third wheel,” and left. Tch. Better. Levi would have her all to himself.

“Where you wanna go tonight?” he asked her one evening while she was sweeping the floor. Sexy sight.

She let the broom lean against the wall. Huh. She wasn’t any less sexy without it. “But it’s… It’s Friday,” she dithered. “I imagined you’d wanna go to the pub. With Hange and the Commander.”

It hadn’t even crossed his mind. “Nah, too loud music. Overcrowded. Let’s go somewhere more civilized. Plus, I’m not in the mood to take care of drunk Four-eyes.”

Levi couldn’t miss the gleam in her eyes. She was gonna cry out like a frenzied child in three, two, one… “Oh! You know, I saw a cupcake store near the square! It had all the flavors I could think of, I swear! And cute little sprinkles on them!”

Sugary junk that looked like colorful unicorns had farted on them. Why the heck not. If that was what Petra wanted.

When Levi saw the waiting line, he changed his mind.

“Petra, no. We’re gonna wait at least one hour.” The bustling environment wasn’t good for his nerves.

“But they have decorated the walls with flowers! Look!”

Why all that fuss? She was more beautiful than them. She could just stand in front of a mirror if she wanted something nice to look at.

“Okay, we saw them, let’s go.”

She looked at him with those huge dopey eyes that rendered him speechless for a second. But only one second.

“There’s too many people, Pet.” She wouldn’t sway him.

“Yeah. That proves the cupcakes are as good as they say,” she countered defiantly.

“Great, so let’s spend an eternity waiting for a table. That what you want to say?”

“Do you have somewhere else to be?”

Hell. Probably. “No,” he answered her evenly.

In a second, Petra adopted a seductive expression and with a bold step, she invaded his personal space. She whispered, as if she was sharing a government secret. “Know what? It may be the best cupcake you'll have in your whole life. So tasty that you’ll remember it when you’ll have no hair left and a cane to help you walk. But you'll never know if you don't try.”

He gave her a what-the-fuck glance.

He had no time to think of a suitable answer – and he’d probably fail even if he had an eternity ahead – because Petra snatched him from the sleeve and dragged him to the end of the longest queue ever recorded in history.

“Petra—”

“You've got the best company in the world. You won't realize how fast the time will pass.”

He eyed her up and down. “You’re referring to yourself?”

“Obviously.”

Spending time with her wouldn’t be the worst thing, he supposed. He let out an exhale of surrender, as he tried to count heads in front of them.

A smelly fart would drive them away, but he wouldn’t do that in front of Petra.

An hour and four years later, they were seated in a bustling room, pink everywhere around them. Pink tables, pink chairs, pink napkins, pink cups, pink floor. On the wall, it was written with calligraphy letters: “Our secret ingredient is love”. Tch. If it was a secret, then why did they write it on the fucking wall for everyone to see? Morons.

The tea Levi ordered came with a marshmallow inside, what an absolute disgrace, but Petra did him the favor of eating it.

The whipped cream on her hot chocolate left her a tiny white mustache. He didn’t mention it.

Petra watched him with undivided attention as he took the first bite of his cupcake.

“So?”

He swallowed. Better than he expected. “Okay, maybe it’s not so bad.”

“See? The waiting paid off!”

She devoured her blueberry cupcake in a matter of seconds. And then ordered another one. When Levi too ordered another one, a disarming smile flashed on Petra’s blue-stained teeth. I told you so. What a brat.

Their next date was at a restaurant with a view of the lake and live music. Petra was so fascinated with the pianist that a boiling sense of jealousy flared in his chest.

“Look how many notes he’s pressing at the same time! How can his fingers move so fast?”

Wait and see what I can do to you with my fingers.

Thank fuck he didn’t say that out loud.

Back in the Underground, Levi would hear stories about the sun, and how warm it was, and what a true blessing it was to have its light on your face. On moments like this, though, watching the moon’s reflection in the calm waters, he considered it more captivating than the sun. The moon was his loyal company during the sleepless nights after all. Of course he felt more connected to it. They didn’t talk about it enough down there. It was full tonight. For those in love, they say. Crap, now he was one of them. The moon was his now more than ever.

The dinner was mediocre, but with that kind of view, Levi didn’t have it in his heart to care. He went to the restroom to wash his hands, because you can never be too clean, and when he came back to their table, Petra was folding her napkin. A deformed ugly bird. Close. He’d teach her some other time.

“So, shall we go?” she asked as he sat down.

“Sure. Hold up, gotta pay first.” He reached for the wallet in his pocket.

“Oh, I’ve got it covered already. Come on.” She stood up, put on her coat and picked up her bag from the spare chair. When she looked at him and expected him to stand up too, he cast her his deadliest expression, the one he usually reserved for Titans.

He talked slowly. “What do you mean you got it covered?”

“I paid while you were gone,” she replied, so innocent and nonchalant.

“You. Did. What.”

Her eyebrows knitted in worry. “You’re always the one paying, it’s not fair. So, I—”

“I’m the man.”

Petra burst out in snorting laughter. “And— haha, and what’s that supposed to mean?”

He wouldn’t take it. It wasn’t funny. “Petra. Why on earth would you do something like that?”

She could barely hold it together. “Gee, you act like it's a crime!”

“It feels like it. I should be the one paying.”

“So, you think we are not equals?”

Crap, was that a trick question? “We... We are. Of course. But this—”

“Then, I should pay too. We’ll take turns. Don't worry, I can afford it, I have a job. Very satisfying actually. Though my boss can be a pain in the ass sometimes.”

He slanted his eyes. “I bet.”

“Anyway. You’re welcome.” She patted his shoulder. The nerve. “And if you feel so strongly about paying, you can treat me to dessert. Come on, I think I saw an ice cream van nearby.”

On their next date, Levi beat Petra to the cashier. He was surprised by the bill. Two plates of pasta and three glasses of wine shouldn’t be that expensive, but meh. He didn’t have anything better to spend his money on.

On their way back, Petra was tipsy.

“Told you you shouldn’t have taken a second glass,” he scolded her. Not because it was expensive, but because he had to hold her waist to stabilize her. Not entirely unpleasant.

Her cheeks had turned almost as red as her hair. “Wine so yummy! Bring mooore!”

“Keep your shit together, Ral! How are you going to train with us tomorrow?”

Apparently, Petra thought he said something hilarious. “Hahaha! It’s so sexy when you’re strict. Hic. Gimme a kiss.”

“Crap, you drank so much you say the most nonsensical things. You’re worse than Four-eyes.”

“Four eyes?” she repeated in amazement and turned to look at him. Her gaze was unfocused. Wasted as fuck. “Yeah, you have four eyes, I see ‘em.” She held an unsteady finger up in the air and counted. “One, two, five, four. Hey, why two of you? Got a twin?” Tch, perfect. Double sight. “Hi, I’m Pet,” she introduced herself to his imaginary counterpart. “The Cap’n never mentioned you. I’m his girlfriend, nice to mee— hic!”

“If you puke on me, I’ll kill you.”

“Come on, Leviiiii. Gimme a kiss. Right here,” she pointed to her mouth and puckered her lips.

“Your breath stinks.”

He would never kiss Petra while she was drunk. And she’d never ask him to when she was sober. Lost cause.

The next morning, she didn’t remember a thing. Profusely apologized for being dead weight all the way home and asked if she said anything humiliating. Levi said no.

Surely, their next date couldn’t be worse. They found a peaceful little tavern and reveled in the cozy atmosphere. Perhaps it’d be best to have their dates in crowded restaurants, where people could see them. That was the only reason they were going out anyway.

Eh, they could find a busier restaurant next time. For now, they were good.

A fat man in a white apron, with a big, hooked nose that looked like a dick, came to their table to take their order. He said his name was Ethan. The name of the restaurant also, from what Levi had seen on the greased smudgy pages of the catalogue. The owner, the waiter and probably the cook too.

Levi asked for chicken, and Petra for sausages with honey mustard. No alcohol for Petra, of course.

When they were ready to ask for the bill, Petra burped. Levi chortled.

When she hid her face, Levi tried to comfort her. With a little bit of teasing. “I’ve seen you piss in your pants, there’s no need to be embarrassed because of a small burp.”

She slammed her agitated fist to the table. “It was my first expedition, okay?”

When Ethan fucking finally saw Levi’s gesture to come over, he approached them with a proud grin. “How was it?”

“Everything was perfect, sir. Thank you.” Petra beamed.

“I’m very pleased to hear this!”

“How much?” Levi asked as he pulled out his wallet. His turn to pay.

“Oh, for our beloved heroes, it’s nothing!” Ethan said and proceeded to take their empty dishes.

“Ha. Not funny,” Levi deadpanned. “Tell me the price.”

“I told you, Captain, it’s nothing. It’s the least I can do for you!”

Levi cracked his knuckles. “Listen, mister—”

“Levi...” Petra touched his forearm gently, but he shrugged her off.

“We don’t eat free food,” he continued. “We came here as customers and we’re gonna pay. Don’t need charity.”

“I didn't mean to offend you, Captain!” He gave him an apologetic smile. “But if you and the lovely lady could please accept this meal as a gift from me—”

“Can’t,” he cut him off. “If you wanna give away free food, better give it to starving children. There are too many of them out there. Now tell me what I owe you.”

“But Captain Levi... It'd be my honor to—”

"Tch. I'm tired of your bullshit. Here.” He pulled out a small pack of notes from his wallet and left it on the table. “That should be more than enough. The chicken was magnificent. Let’s go, Petra.”

When they exited the tavern, Levi could feel Petra’s eyes on his back.

“What?”

“You could have been nicer,” she said. Not angry yet, but almost there.

“He offended us.”

“He was only kind!” she debated. “Mister Ethan had good intentions. You shouldn’t have—”

“I’d rather eat my own shit than free food.”

“Levi, ew!”

“We’re not beggars desperate for money.”

“That’s literally the reason they paired us up in the first place.” Petra rolled her eyes. “Anyway. You overreacted. Could’ve declined more politely.”

He kicked a pebble on the road and turned his back to her. “It's sickening. Restaurant owners like him let big heads eat for free, but when they see hungry children, they kick them away. You know how many times I’ve begged for food? Eventually, I had to steal it. But now I have money. So, I’m not getting food without paying for it anymore.”

He hated going back to those days, but he couldn’t pretend they never fucking happened. His stomach problems were still there and they’d probably hunt him until he died.

Petra was privileged. She’d never understand—

Breathe. He commanded himself.

Breathe.

It wasn’t her fault.

After he had let it all out, Levi turned to look at her. Her mouth was open, searching for words, and her eyes were watery. Fuck.

“I… I didn't realize how important it is to you,” she said with a trembling voice.

“Yeah. Well. Whatever. Didn’t mean to bring you down, forget it.”

He saw the tear running down her cheek. Shit. He had upset her. He was an awful human being.

“Oi, brat. Don’t fucking cry.”

She smiled and shed another tear. “You can add it to the list of my embarrassing moments, after pissing myself and burping,” she said while wiping her face.

“Shouldn’t have touched the subject. Sorry.”

“No!” Petra protested. “Even if the details make me sad, I want to know everything about you. You can tell me. Okay?”

He held her gaze for a lingering moment. They were supposed to be partners, so of course they had to know everything about each other. Made sense. Levi nodded and they walked back to the barracks.

Their next date wasn’t exactly a date.

The night before an expedition was always meant for good sleep, so Levi knew he couldn’t possibly ask her out. And yet, he found himself craving her company. He shouldn’t disturb her, she was gathering strength for tomorrow. And so should he.

It was late. Too late. And he’d be a failure of a Captain if the night before a crucial mission he was thinking about a pair of pretty eyes.

Then, a knock on his door disturbed his thoughts.

A small creak revealed Petra’s pair of pretty eyes. Speak of the devil.

“Captain? Are you awake?”

He sat up straight in his office chair. “What is it?”

Slowly, the door swung open and Petra entered with a tray in her hands. Two cups of brewing tea. Second hottest sight after her with a broom.

She cleared her throat. “I thought that since we can’t go out tonight, we could… you know, drink some tea.”

Oh damn, he should really refuse.

And of course he didn’t.

Turned out, it wasn’t the restaurants and the fancy settings that made their time together enjoyable. With her, even the Underground could be beautiful. They didn’t need overpriced pasta, or the tastiest cupcake he’d remember on his deathbed. Just tea and her smile were enough.

Fuck tea. Petra was all he needed.

Eventually, when she yawned and they said their goodnights, Levi blew off the candle on his desk and lay on his bed thinking that perhaps that was their best date so far.

For the last three weeks, Petra had been in the seventh heaven.

She was marching through the town, among the other Survey Corps soldiers, towards Wall Maria, to a dangerous expedition where some of her comrades would sadly lose their lives. And yet, her insides were burning with the most heartwarming, ludicrous bliss. And all because of the man on the horse right in front of her. Even if his back was covered by a green cape exactly the same as everyone else’s around her, she couldn’t take her eyes off of him. Her Captain. The kindest man she’d ever met. Her eyes fell to his undercut and she remembered how soft it had felt under her fingers. That day when he beat up a guy for her. That day when he held her hand inside the carriage.

Petra had been part of the parade to the Wall before an expedition more times than she could count. But today was different. For two reasons. First, the happiness blooming inside her surpassed any anxiety she might have felt about the mission. Second, the civilians around them were… cheering them up?

“Go get ’em, folks!” a middle-aged woman shouted, and put her fingers in her mouth to whistle.  

Some even clapped as they were passing by.

“Captain Levi, show those beasts who’s the boss!” one teenager said. “Kill them all! Until the last one!”

“And then marry Petra and retire!” a man added.

Down the road, two girls were holding up a banner. ‘SURVEY CORPS OUR HEROES!’

Little children waved, and when Petra waved back, she saw them jump with excitement. Then she heard voices from somewhere above her, and turned her head up to see people on their balconies rooting for them.

Petra exchanged side looks with Eld, Gunther and Oruo. They knew they shared the same thought. And the same smile. Nothing like that had ever happened. In all of her years in the regiment, civilians were always throwing them curses and complaints about where their taxes were spent. Calling them useless. Suicidal. Commander Erwin a murderer. And now they were shouting encouraging wishes. Just the number of them… They were pushing each other for a better view, standing on their toes to catch a glimpse of the wings on their backs.

Petra had never imagined that the articles about her supposed relationship with Levi would have such an impressive impact, that they’d paint all the scouts in a whole new different light to the eyes of the people. It wasn’t about her and Levi anymore. Their goals, their dreams, they were finally heard.

Some of her comrades wouldn’t return inside the Walls. That would be the last farewell they’d experience. And it was good enough. As satisfying as a goodbye can be.

At the end of their course, Petra looked back and smiled. She guided her horse to the same lift cart Levi and Philipp had boarded.

They went up slowly, and Petra felt more elevated than ever.

“We did this,” Petra said as she glanced down at the cheering crowd.

Levi’s upper lip had twitched into an almost-smile. “I guess we did.”

His cold icy-blue eyes had never felt warmer on her. He wouldn’t admit it, but Petra knew he was touched too.

With determination but caution not to shake the cart too much, she stepped closer to him. “Let me fix your cravat.”

A look of puzzlement crossed his beautiful face. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Nothing.” She reached out with both of her hands and touched it. Pretended to adjust it somehow. “But there’s a big crowd watching. Just play along.”

He chuckled. “What, is it some girl fantasy?”

“It is actually! Maybe that’s why Oruo wears one.”

“I thought it was to copy me.”

“That too.” She laughed. Her Captain was elegant. Classy clothes to match his impeccable face, the depth of his eyes that now fell on her with a blazing intensity that could be interpreted as nothing less than fondness. A specific type of fondness she had hoped she’d ignite in him all this time, from that moment on the market when he took out the coins from his pocket and paid for the woolen socks. And every moment since.

For long, she thought her crush on him was hopeless. A fruitless ambition that’d never live up to her imagination. It could never be.

Now, she stood in front of him, so close that their breaths mingled in the little air between them. He was feeling it too. She knew it. And even though there were hundreds watching them as she was messing around with his silken cravat, she felt like they were alone in the universe, with no care at all. No impeding deathly mission waiting for them. Only exhilaration. Unity. Passion.

The muscles in his throat worked. “Petra.”

The desperation in his voice was her utter undoing. Without giving it a moment of thought, she pulled him from his cravat and pressed her yearning lips to his.

She was kissing him.

Fuck.

Fuck.

She was kissing him. Petra Ral was kissing him. And a town was watching.

They could still get away with it. He’d push her back and claim he didn't enjoy public affection. He’d make sure to shout that they would kiss in private, to avoid any misunderstanding.

He shouldn’t be kissing her. He shouldn’t have his eyes closed and savor the sweetness of her wet lips.

And yet he did.

Fuck, this was too good.

Better than he had ever imagined it, and he had imagined it a lot. She was pulling him closer and closer by his cravat and he felt all the emotions at once and nothing at all. As if his heart had stopped. And the next moment it was moving violently inside his chest.

Petra nibbled on his lower lip and it was godly. He had never experienced an equal storm of feelings and he doubted he’d ever have the opportunity again, so he did the only thing imaginable. He kissed her back.

Although he couldn’t see her, he felt her smiling against his mouth. The pace intensified almost immediately, it wasn’t slow anymore, it was charged and full of hunger. His hands moved and settled on her waist, pulling her closer.

When she let out a small moan on the return of her affections, Levi drowned in a euphoric wave of heat. No, it wasn't just heat, it was fire. He was burning. The crowd couldn’t hear her small moan. It was for him, and for him only.

Just a little bit more.

It couldn’t be over yet.

His need for air could wait. He doubted he could remember how to breathe, anyway. He didn’t need oxygen, he had her. Their chests were pressed together, and she had shot her arms around his neck. He felt her fingers on his undercut. There. Exactly where he loved it. How was a level of such ecstasy achievable?

Kiss me until the end of time.

When she pulled back, she was panting. He was in no better state. He was still holding her and she was still caressing his nape. Slowly, the world around him was unmuted, and all the clapping and whistling from below reached his ears. Those strangers were sharing his joy. Nah, they couldn’t feel the tiniest bit of what he was feeling. Petra was his.

She was smiling at him. Merciless enchantress. They were almost at the top of the Wall and it was time to break apart. When she pulled her hands away from his neck, shivers of cold ran through his veins. Reluctantly, he let his hands drop from her sides.

“Let’s go kill some Titans!” she said enthusiastically.

Then they were on the top of the Wall Maria, and then they were coming down to the other side, and soon they were outside, in Titan territory, and Levi hadn’t realized when all those minutes had gone by.

He mounted his horse and gave him a reassuring pat.

Focus. He was a soldier now.

“That was quite a show back there.” Erwin on his own horse came beside him. “Did you rehearse it?”

“Make silly chit-chat outside the Walls and you’ll be devoured,” Levi replied and guided his horse ahead.

Chapter Text

Paperwork spread on the fine-clothed table in front of him, Erwin inhaled the cinnamoned scent of the beverage in his hands, still too hot to sip. He blew, forcing his anxiety to exit his body along with his breath.

Visiting this tea shop was his favorite part of the week, a Sunday afternoon peacefully spent. And a way to remind himself that there was life outside the military. Maybe not for him, but there was.

Levi’s reports most times managed to make Erwin doubt himself. Were the captain’s letters tiny, or now that he was nearing his forties he needed glasses? Was he right after all to drag a criminal from the Underground and appoint him as the leader of the Elite Squad? With every new report, Erwin gained more confidence in his decision. Levi’s single flaw? His blunt choice of words, entertaining thought it was. 

Abnormal walking shitbags.

Stripped motherfuckers.

Dickless dickheads.

The Commander rolled his eyes and shook his head in amusement, a small part of him knowing he would regret telling Levi not to use these terms to describe the Titans in his next expedition report.

The tea shop was busy at this hour, the ambience and the noises around Erwin sometimes distracting him from the documents in front of him. He could’ve asked Hange to join him, but she was always busy with her experiments, and she wouldn’t let him focus on the paperwork, anyway.

He had asked Levi what his plans for Sunday were, but he abruptly replied that he wouldn’t be free. Odd for him. Perhaps he meant he would be scrubbing his bedroom’s floor to perfection.

Erwin could easily work in Levi’s company. The man was silent, except for a few crude remarks here and there, that made Erwin smile genuinely.

But today he was alone. He didn’t mind. He’d gotten used to it.

Just as he was about to turn another page, an intriguing disturbance caught his eye.

A feminine figure slipped into the chair across from him. Another fangirl fascinated by military uniforms that he had to reject? Or take her to bed. Depended on the day he was having. He lifted his eyes and saw an elegant woman’s face. Her piercing gaze first grabbed his attention. Oh, he recognized it so well. He had spent endless nights imagining it.

Her name came naturally to his lips. “Marie?”

Her black hair was braided beautifully and rested on her exposed freckled shoulders. Her dimples charming as ever. She didn’t respond right away.

“I guessed right. You still frequent here.” Marie smirked and leaned her elbows on the table. “Erwin Smith, a man with specific tastes!”

“What are you doing here?” he asked, composed.

Without breaking eye contact, Marie reached out her small, delicate hand and grasped Erwin’s cup. She brought it to her mouth and took a sip, leaving a lipstick stain on the rim, and hummed in delight. “Mm… I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

“I didn’t say I’m not.”

“You didn’t say you are either.” Marie raised one eyebrow and put the cup back next to Erwin’s paperwork.

He held her gaze, determined not to soften his expression. The wrinkles on the corner of Marie’s eyes almost betrayed her age. She wouldn’t stay young forever, but her untamed, cocky spirit rendered her a perfect display of eternal juvenescence. If it wasn’t considered improper to flatter a married woman, Erwin would pay her a couple of compliments effortlessly. Not that Marie ever cared for any sense of proprietress. The lipstick on his cup a vivid reminder of that.

She was the one to break the silence after a while:

“I am pregnant.”

Marie. Pregnant.

Erwin felt a comb in his chest.

She’d never hidden that she dreamed of children and motherhood. Erwin should have expected the moment would come sooner or later. Nevertheless, nothing would have prepared him for that fist in his guts caused by those three words.

His eyes dropped to her stomach. It had to be the first trimester, since there was no visible bump. Good. He didn’t want a discernible reminder that somebody else was fucking her.

“Congratulations,” he forced himself to speak, emotionless.

She chuckled bitterly. “’S’ that all you have to say?”

“What else do they say on such occasions?”

Marie leaned back against the chair with a long sigh. “Everyone’s congratulating me. My sister is planning a baby shower. It’s supposed to be a surprise, but she’s too obvious about it.”

“You are smart.”

“It’s gonna be the first baby in my family. My parents’ first grandchild. Everyone’s celebrating. Except me. When the doctor told me, you know what my first reaction was? I cursed. I fucking cursed. And then I got home and spent all day in bed, crying. Until Nile came back and I had to put on a happy face.”

“Hormone levels during pregnancy are—”

“Oh, don’t preach to me about hormones, Erwin, dammit! Save your little speeches for your scouts!” she raised her voice. “You know the only reason I married Nile was because my heart was broken.”

Not only your heart, Marie. Not only you.

Erwin choked the intensity of his heartbeat and asked in a poised manner, “And you came here to blame me?”

“No. I wanted to see you.” Her features calmed. For a moment, she looked at him as she did back then. With adoration. Fondness. Lust. Erwin hated himself for enjoying it, but he couldn’t look away. He could only pray that he controlled his expression enough not to lead her on.

Marie pulled her chair closer to him and whispered so no one could hear her, “Listen, Erwin… Nile is missing on a trip to Sina. He won’t be back before tomorrow. And I… I think we deserve a better ending,” she lowered her voice even more.

“Mrs. Dok, if you are suggesting—”

“Call me Mrs. Dok again and I’ll rip your head off.” She narrowed her brown eyes. Ever so bold. One of the reasons Erwin had fallen madly for her. “No one will know. And I’m pregnant already, so…”

She was right, no one would know. They would be too impatient to reach her house. Erwin knew a hotel around the corner. He had brought girls there a few times. Now, it would be different. He’d undress her slowly. He’d kiss that mole on her left breast adoringly while sliding his hand down her panties. He’d enter her easily, she’d be so, oh so wet for him. He’d take his time. He’d make her come twice. Thrice. And then he’d finish inside her, not having to worry about what his semen may cause.

In the aftermath of their lovemaking, he would be holding her tight, placing hungry kisses all over her body. He’d tell her everything. About the way he still felt after all that time. About the ring he had once bought but never gave her. And he would pretend for a moment that the baby inside her was his. How pathetic.

Marie’s hand squeezed his and brought him back to reality. She caressed his palm with her thumb and she looked up at him, eyes shining, lips parted.

Erwin shook his head. “In my mind, I’ve already fucked you. That’s enough punishment for me.”

Marie nodded in understanding and her hand retreated. She had always been prideful, but right now his rejection didn’t hurt only her pride, but her heart too. Again.

“I knew you’d refuse. T’ was your stupid morals that attracted me in the first place,” she laughed. “There’s no point in me coming here today. Guess I was too desperate.”

“It’s okay. Stay and grab some tea with me for a while. It’s been ages.”

The words were on the tip of his tongue. I missed you. Erwin would never allow himself to utter them, he’d cross a line. It would be best if he sent her away, but he couldn’t push himself to be so harsh.

“I don’t think I can. Staying around you too much when I know you’re not mine, it’s…” She exhaled. “No matter how many years pass, my heart always breaks when I remember that you chose the Corps over me.”

“Haven’t I apologized enough?”

“I know, I know. It got bigger than you expected,” she repeated the words he had once told her during a heated argument. “Maybe I’m the one who should apologize. I should’ve never attempted to be anything more than a summer fling.”

“I let you, Marie,” Erwin breathed out.

His gaze drifted to the table near the entrance. The arrangement of the tea shop was different back then, but the place was the same. Where they had shared their first kiss. Erwin couldn’t remember who initiated it. It didn’t matter. He didn’t recall the exact circumstances, but he would never forget how perfect her creamy lips felt against his.

Marie hadn’t been the first woman Erwin bedded. But she was the first he’d made love to, not just sex. Sometimes, he still jerked off to her. He’d curse himself afterwards. His dick getting hard for another man’s wife, his old friend’s at that.

Maybe the fact that now he refused to sleep with her could help alleviate his guilt, even a little. He could only hope.

Erwin now avoided sitting at that table at all costs. Today it was empty, as well. As if someone had cursed it. He pulled his eyes away from it and looked at Marie’s one last time.

She got up from her chair. “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

“I won’t.”

“Gosh, Erwin. Let a woman hold on to her fantasy a bit longer,” she stifled a laughter. Her way of coping.

And then she was gone. Just as magically as she had appeared. If it weren’t for the lipstick on his porcelain cup, Erwin would wonder if the whole incident had been a product of his imagination and tiredness.

Should he feel proud of himself? No, it went without saying that cheating was wrong. Immoral. Disgusting. He did what everyone should have done.

Then, why did he feel like an entire house had collapsed upon him?

With her, it could have been wonderful.

No. He stopped himself from going down that rabbit hole. His goal in life was to find out the truth. The truth that killed his father. To be truthful. And cheating was the farthest you could get from the truth.

Erwin didn’t regret leaving Marie. Being in a relationship and fighting in the Scouts were incompatible. Polar opposites. Safety and warmth versus restlessness and constant risk of your life. The only possible compromise would be becoming a bad husband and a bad Scout, but Erwin wouldn’t have that. Devote your hearts. That’s what he was saying over and over. And he’d live up to it, with every sacrifice it took. No regrets.

The only thing he might have regretted was going after Marie in the first place.

A familiar voice from afar disturbed his troubled thoughts:

“The Commander told you about this place?”

Petra Ral. And a few steps behind, Levi. They were in civilian attire, carrying shopping bags. From where he sat, Erwin could see potatoes and onions overflooding, and Petra was holding a broom nearly as tall as her.

Many heads turned in their direction and whispers were heard across the shop. Scouts were now celebrities.

The Captain, his permanent scowl decorating his face, murmured something at her that Erwin didn’t catch, and the girl giggled. They sat on an empty table for two, unaware of the Commander’s presence just a few tables behind. The same table he hated and secretly adored.

So, these were Levi’s plans for the evening.

In some sense, Erwin supposed he should be glad the two of them didn’t need to be told to go out together. However, he had an inkling that they were enjoying it too much for a fake plan. Their kiss before the expedition hadn’t been innocent.

A fleeting smile across Levi’s lips was the indisputable proof. Levi never smiled. And he wasn’t a great actor, either.

An alarming thought nested in Erwin’s mind: perhaps miss Ral was the worst choice for the role of Levi’s girlfriend, after all. He was beginning to doubt if it even was a role anymore.

Eventually bothered with all the surrounding noise, Erwin decided to continue his paperwork in the privacy of his office. Not to mention that it was weird feeling like he was spying on Levi and the girl.

It was inevitable to greet them since he had to pass right next to their table to exit the tea shop. Too absorbed in their conversation, they didn’t notice him until he stood right next to them.

“Oh, Levi, you know it wasn’t nice to speak like that to the grocer. Even if the shelves did have a little dust—Commander Erwin!” the girl squealed and abruptly stood up, saluting with her right fist to her chest.

Levi simply gave him a curt nod.

“I recommend the black tea with cinnamon. It’s great,” Erwin suggested.

“Will you take our order, Erwin?” Levi said, his expression dead-serious.

“No,” he gave him a tight-lipped half-smile. “Let me give you an order instead. Please, don’t refer to the Titans as ‘ugly-ass bitches’ in your next report, will you?”

His subordinate covered her mouth with her hand, muffling a laughter.

“Since you ask so kindly, I’ll consider obliging,” Levi muttered and then reached out to grab an empty chair from the next table. “You join us?”

“I’m on my way back to the barracks. Don’t let me bother you two.”

“Tch. Not like it’s a date or something.” Erwin noticed the girl’s cheeks flushing at that. Levi continued nonchalantly, “You could also treat us. Bet your salary is bigger than your eyebrows.”

“Maybe some other time. I’ve already told you, you need to be seen together. Levi. Miss Ral.” Erwin nodded at them and exited the tea shop.

He couldn’t help but cast a final glance as he was walking on the opposite pavement. He could see the Captain and his ginger subordinate through the window. No, they weren’t Erwin and Marie, even though they were sitting at the same fateful table. For all his flaws, Levi could be trusted not to let his feelings get the best of him. He should be trusted.

‘Not like it’s a date’ he said. And Erwin believed him. But why did he feel the need to clarify it? Maybe to convince his own self too?

The Commander started walking his way back. The folder in his arms felt heavier than it should.

Levi… Don’t let yourself get carried away. Don’t make the same mistake I made.

Levi lost sight of Erwin when he took a turn to the left.

He had hoped he’d refuse his offer to join them, and he did. Thank fuck. Anyone else besides Petra and Levi would be redundant in that table. Or in the whole world.

At the same time though, Levi realized it had been a while since he and Erwin last talked. And not about matters of the regiment. Every ounce of his energy and time was consumed by Petra, Petra, Petra. To hell with everything else. What a lame friend he was. Focusing only on what made his dick happy.

His thoughts were brushed aside as soon as Petra’s hesitant voice reached his ears.

“Do you think the Commander has… misunderstood us?” she asked.

Levi didn’t even raise his eyes from his tea. “What do you mean?” He took one sip. Black tea with cinnamon. That blond bastard was right.

“Er, you know… You, me, here…” She gestured awkwardly with her hands. Cute and annoying simultaneously. Leaning in, she whispered, “He might think it’s a real date.”

“There’s nothing to misunderstand.”

A coy grin. “Okay. Whatever you say, Cap—Levi.”

Levi tried to convince himself that the flush on her cheeks was because of the hot beverage. Maybe it was a stupid idea to tell her about this tea shop. They should have gone straight to the barracks after they purchased everything they needed from the market. At times like that, when all sense of professionalism between him and Petra had evaporated into thin air, he felt like a circus freak trying to balance on a tiny rope.

Don’t look down. Don’t look down.

He had to keep his eyes up, locked on hers, and resist the cleavage that demanded his attention.

Could you get drunk from tea? ‘Cause right now he hated to attribute the intoxicating dizziness that was messing with his head to the woman in front of him.

And yet, he couldn’t look away. With that cute headband of hers and her innocent smile, Petra was a goddess. And it’d be a sin to tear his eyes away from her.

They hadn’t addressed their passionate kiss yet. Levi knew he was shit at words and he was determined not to fuck it up. She had kissed him in front of a huge crowd that believed them to be a couple. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why.

But even if it wasn’t fake…

Even in the slightest chance that she did have feelings for him, she’d have to be patient. Levi was barely navigating through his own emotions. He knew he loved her. But what would that encompass exactly he had no idea. He hadn’t loved before. Not like that. And honestly, the thought of pouring out unfinished sentences and lame declarations made his knees wobble. He and Petra could continue hanging out as they did before, and if something more was bound to happen, then it would. Eventually.

Or, even better, Petra would realize how fucked up the idea of the two of them together was and she’d forget all about him. Levi wouldn’t have to deal with the guilt of wrecking a young girl’s life and he’d live the rest of his years drama-free. The memory of that kiss would have to be enough.

“There’s… There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Petra broke the silence. The nervousness in her voice raised the temperature in Levi’s body to dangerous levels. No. Why did she have to ruin everything? She could grab him again and kiss the hell out of him and he wouldn’t complain, but talk about it?

With words?

Levi was doomed.

“What is it?” he asked, trying to act cool.

“Well, with the holidays now approaching… Um, you remember I always spend them with my father.”

He blinked several times. “As you should.” Where was she going with this?

“Right. So…” She fiddled with the bracelet on her wrist for a bit.

“So?” Levi asked, propping his elbows on the table. He began blending his tea while waiting for Petra to talk.

Petra took a deep breath and blurted out, “Will you come to my house as a guest for the holidays and meet my father, sir Levi? I-I mean Captain Levi! I mean Levi!”

His spoon clinked inside his cup, making more noise than he had intended, and suddenly he stopped blending. “What.”

Wasn’t it too early to ask for her hand? They’d only kissed once. He couldn’t have gotten her pregnant, could he?

“I mean… It would reinforce our image as a couple!” she said. “You see, um, you should meet your supposed future father-in-law, and… Abigail and the Commander will love this idea!”

At least, she didn’t want to talk about the kiss, but it was still a shitty situation.

“I don’t give a shit about what these two think,” Levi snorted. “Petra, you don’t have to open your house for me for the sake of a stupid plan. Why are you asking me to ruin your vacation?”

“What? You wouldn’t ruin it!” she protested, pulling her chair closer to the table.

“Thanks for the invitation, but it’s a no,” he answered drily and returned to his tea.

So absurd. No wonder she was that anxious to ask him, she knew it herself it was a ridiculous idea. It was likely that it wasn’t even hers. That poisonous snake, Abigail, might have brainwashed her into it. With Eyebrow’s blessing, of course. No doubt Erwin was shitting happy rainbows earlier when he saw them together.

Suddenly, Petra put her cup down and spoke again. Her voice was soft. As soft as her lips had been. “Every year when I and the guys leave… well, I think about you. It must be very lonely to spend the holidays all by yourself.”

Levi let his cup down too and brought his slanted eyes to her. “You pity me, Petra?”

She hummed and hawed for a few moments. “Hm, I mean… Would it be offensive to say yes?”

“No. Just stupid.” He watched her with unavowed amusement as her jaw dropped. “I have work to keep me busy. And I actually enjoy having a peaceful brat-free environment.”

“But, Levi,” she sighed, “holidays are about family. Spending them with people you—”

She stopped and coughed. God forbid she caught a cold, they had heavy training ahead. Damn stupid weather.

“People you care about,” she completed her phrase. “Even if you don’t have a family, you still deserve to experience the true spirit of holidays.” Petra beamed at him, and for a moment Levi held his breath. “And just so you know, I’m not inviting you out of obligation, or merely as a contribution to the plan. I genuinely think you’ll have a nice time with us. My father makes the best hot chocolate! And we have the comfiest couch! It’ll be so fun, you’ll see!”

“Aren’t you bored of seeing me every day, you want to spend your vacations with me, too?”

“You’re not boring. Not at all.”

He eyed her carefully. She wasn’t being polite, she was sincere. “You’re starting to convince me.”

A triumphant smirk fleeted across her face. “Oh, I do?”

“I have to meet your father. Because I must apologize to him for, er, all this mess.”

Petra seemed genuinely shocked. As if he hadn’t said the most logical thing. “You don’t have to do anything like that.”

“I doubt he approves of this situation.”

“Well, he… he doesn’t.” She glanced down at her teacup with a crestfallen expression. “But he’ll have to live with it. It was our decision.” With anew determination, she looked up, her pleading amber eyes shining. “So, are you going to come?”

He wished someone could paint her right now. Tonight he was going to think about her adorable begging expression and oh yes, he was definitely going to come.

Abigail collapsed on Erwin’s vast chest, the sweat on her tits melding with his. The white spots in her vision gradually subdued, and she got off him. Lay on her back. Ahhh, it was good. Almost too rough, but good.

“You give me head until you’re ready for round two?” she breathed out.

Erwin sat up and rubbed his eyes, giving Abigail the opportunity to admire the muscles on his back. “Sorry, I don’t think I have it in me.”

“Ah, that’s too bad.”

The bed creaked when he got up, but not as loudly as it did mere seconds ago with every deep thrust he gave. He picked up his shirt from the floor and put it on. At least, she could look at his cock for some more. It was getting softer and softer, but it was still beautiful. In whole, he was a work of art. His calves wonderfully refined, his thighs thick and alluring. Abigail watched unabashedly as he dressed, an animalistic wilderness in her gaze, coming to an irrefutable conclusion: Erwin Smith was superior to all the other men she had had.

“Who’s Marie?”

She wasn’t under some idiotic illusion that what they were doing had any deeper meaning. She knew they weren’t together or anything, and she had no right to be jealous whatsoever, but she couldn’t help being curious. Why would Erwin chant another woman’s name with his dick pumping in and out of Abigail?

“I don’t want to talk about that,” he shut her off abruptly, and then sat on the bed again to put on his shoes.

Whatever. Erwin knew where the door was. Abigail tossed around in her bed. In the aftermath of her orgasms, she was always sleepy.

He got up and walked away, but then she heard his footsteps halt.

“The articles about Levi and Petra must stop.”

Abigail yanked her eyes open. “Excuse me?”

“We’ve profited enough. Move to a new topic. My soldiers now need to focus on their jobs.”

She laughed. Because what else could she do? “Well, you obviously don’t focus solely on your job, ‘cause then you wouldn’t be as masterful in bed as you are. Let shortie have some too. Judging from what happened before your little expedition, I’d say the two of them are barely able to keep their hands to themselves.” Abigail fell back on the mattress with a puff. “Night, Commander. See you… eh, whenever we’re horny again.”

“Abigail. I’m serious.”

His tone indicated so.

Erwin always had a straight face, even when he fucked, but right now it looked straightest than she had ever seen it.

“You want our brilliant scheme to end,” she deduced. “And fucked me first to sugarcoat it.”

“That wasn’t the reason I fucked you.”

“What was it then? Oh, I know. You must be sooo in love with me,” she mocked him. “Let me tell your spectacular ass something, Erwin. We have free speech. I can write about whatever I want. And even if I stop writing, all the other journalists are fascinated by them.”

“Levi and Petra take orders from me. And my orders are that they won’t be co-operative from now on. No dates, no interviews, no anything. I’d like to see for how long the press will go after them if they’re out of new content.”

He sounded so confident. Pff, a huge bluff. Abigail wasn’t stupid. “Your grumpy friend’s a sucker for the girl,” she told him. “You think he’ll give a fuck about your orders?”

Erwin Smith’s perfect face didn’t betray any hint of emotion. Composed as ever, he turned around and left.

“Goodnight, Abigail.”

Petra could hardly close her suitcase. Eh, she’d have to take some clothes out. She had more than enough back at home, anyway. Home. The little wooden house on the hills that awaited her. Her and Levi.

“Have you packed lacey underwear?” Nifa sang behind her.

She shot her a glare.

“What, I’m just saying!” the girl chortled. “Better have them and not use them than suffer without them.”

Nothing like that was going to happen. In the same house as her father? With only one wall separating them? She’d better launch herself into a Titan’s mouth.

Still, they were going to have a pleasant time. Three days away from her military life was something she needed right now. But not without Levi, she realized. When he said yes to her invitation, she wanted to scream with joy.

“You think your old man will like him?” Nifa asked and sat on Petra’s bed.

“I… I don’t know,” she admitted. “I hope more than anything that he does. Levi is not very charming at first. You have to dig a little.” And her father wasn’t inclined to favor him after the fake relationship thing.

“Your kiss the other day though…” Nifa raised her eyebrows repeatedly to make a point.

Quickly, Petra hid her face with her hands. “You saw it?” she asked through her smile.

“Everyone saw it, Pet!”

True. But Petra saw it more times than everyone. In her dreams. And every time she closed her eyes. Levi’s tender lips had left an imprint on her, sealed her fate. She was going to be his forever.

“Tell me how it was!” Nifa demanded enthusiastically.

“Absolute heaven. I don’t know how else to describe it. The moment he wrapped his arms around me, I knew that’s where I belong! And his breath smelled so damn nice! Nifa, I just can’t!”

“I’m so happy for you! I knew it was gonna happen sooner or later! And what happened after the expedition? Did you guys make it official?”

Petra suddenly felt the need to scratch her nape. “You see. Uh. We haven’t had the chance to talk yet.”

‘What the fuck?’ said Nifa’s cold eyes. “Are you kidding me? You stuck your throats in each other’s mouths and you haven’t talked about it?”

“There were no tongues involved,” she informed her.

“Okay, vanilla girl. But you are together all the time, I’m sure there were plenty of opportunities to bring it up! It’s been so many days!”

Petra hugged her pillow for comfort. “I initiated the kiss. Now Levi needs to take initiative too. He can take his time, of course. I don’t want to pressure him.”

“But—”

“It’s best to take things slow. I appreciate him for that. Immensely better than the guys at the pub who offer me a drink and expect me to sleep with them. And…” She exhaled a bitter breath. “Thanks to my first boyfriend, I know how awful it feels when someone puts pressure on you. I don’t want to do that to Levi. He’ll come to me when he’s ready. I can wait.”

Nifa cast her a worried look. “If that’s what you want. Are you sure?”

She nodded. “I don’t know if it’ll work out in the end, but I love him so much, and I want us to do it right. It’s hard to hold back. But if we rush it, then—Nifa? Are you crying?”

“Don’t mind me!” She quickly wiped a tear, and then Petra enveloped her in a tight hug. She was shaking. That wasn’t like her.

“Poor thing! Shhh. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing really. I’m just too sensitive.”

“Sensitive? Hm, that’s not a word I’d use to describe you.”

Nifa was fine a few seconds ago, for the love of God. Was it something Petra said? What kind of strange mood swing was that?

She gave her a handkerchief and she blew her nose.

“Okay, something has happened,” Nifa admitted. “But I’ll tell you about it when you return. I don’t want you to think about me on your days off. Go enjoy them with your boyfriend, we’ll have plenty of time to talk afterwards!”

“Should I worry?”

“No, I promise. I’m fine! You focus on seducing your Captain.”

Petra pushed her friend away from her embrace. “I’m not taking him with me to seduce him!”

Nifa rolled her eyes. “Yeah, sure. Gotta go now.” She got up from the bed. Her usual cheer seemed to be back as quickly as it was gone. “I have a meeting with Hange in a while.”

“Uh oh. Trouble? What does she want?”

“I was the one who requested the meeting, actually. I’ll tell you when you come back.”

Obscure.

Petra didn’t want to pressure Levi, and she wasn’t going to pressure Nifa either.

For now, she’d return to her suitcase that somehow would have to fit everything she wanted to pack AND close.

When Nifa left for her meeting, and Petra was left alone in her room, she started humming while rearranging her clothes. Maybe her heart was kinda like that suitcase in a way; too tiny to contain her vibrant emotions for the Captain. But she’d have to not let them explode. Not yet. Soon, hopefully.

First, the two most important men in her life would meet.

Chapter Text

Nifa exited Petra’s room successfully holding back her tears.

Her friend would go on a dreamy vacation with her crush, and Nifa had no right to ruin her mood and burden her with her problem. Well. ‘Problem’ wasn’t the most suitable word to describe her situation, but yeah. She’d tell her eventually. When she’d return. For now, Nifa had to inform her commanding officer.

She knocked on Hange’s door and heard a cheerful ‘come in!’ which flooded her with eternal gratitude to whatever deity existed up there. Hange hadn’t forgotten about their meeting.

When she sat down, Nifa wasted no time in long introductions. The words spilled out of her mouth mechanically. The endless rehearsals in front of her mirror paid off. She blurted everything out to her squad leader, her mind absent, her unfocused gaze wandering everywhere in the room except Hange’s curious eyes behind her glasses.

Within a few hour-long minutes of her speech, Nifa gave a long sigh to signify the end of it.

That’s it. You had a duty to let her know, and you did. Breathe.

Hange smiled. Not her usual goofy smile that was reserved for Titans. She was looking at Nifa softly, and possibly for the first time Nifa thought ‘wow, Squad Leader's beautiful’.

“Congratulations, sweetheart!” Hange said.

“I… Um, thank you, ma’am. I know it’s v-very sudden and inconvenient—”

“No, don’t talk like that!” she cut her off. “It’s the most wonderful news I’ve heard in months!”

Oh crap, now Nifa was beginning to tear up. Fuck stupid hormones.

“I wish you all the best,” Hange continued. “You’ll be taking your leave effective immediately and your position will be waiting for you when you’ll be ready to come back.”

It was so simple, after all. The tension on the back of her neck was not there anymore. A strange sense of serenity had overtaken her instead. As if her life wouldn’t change drastically from now on, as if she wouldn’t leave behind everything she knew. Even temporarily.

“I don’t like leaving you on such short notice.” Nifa pushed the urge to cry aside. Not in front of her commanding officer. “I guess you’ll need a replacement. I abandon our squad so suddenly and you’ll be one person short and—"

“Nifa, Nifa, Nifa. That’s my job. You don’t have to worry about this,” Hange reassured her.

Her calm, sympathetic voice broke her. She tasted something salty and realized she was crying, and fuck, her stupid tears had gotten into her stupid open mouth. A quick wipe with her sleeve and, “I’d be happy to help with paperwork in the meantime,” Nifa offered.  “Any office job that’ll be useful to the Survey Corps.”

Hange hummed and rubbed her chin. “I’ll speak with Erwin and see what we can arrange. Your devotion is admirable, young one.”

Devotion.

I wish a certain someone was devoted to me.

No. She wouldn’t think about him. Not now. She had other people who cared about her.

“I know my father will support me. That’s just the kind of person he is,” Nifa said to Hange. The one thought that kept her going. The one person she could count on. Her dear papa had always stood by her mama, waving goodbye every time before she left the Walls, with little Nifa sitting on his shoulders. He’d show the same unconditional care to Nifa as well, no doubt. After this meeting, she was going to talk with him.

Hange reached out and squeezed Nifa’s hand on the desk separating them. “Have you told Gunther?”

She didn’t tell Hange it was him, but everyone knew. They had been obvious about it, didn’t care to hide it. And if by any chance someone hadn’t heard, the child would be the indisputable proof that they had fucked.

Nifa shook her head. “I haven’t spoken to him yet.” Not about her condition, not about anything since they broke it off. “I’m afraid. Of course, he has a right to know and to be in his child’s life. I could never take that away from him. But… he ditched me and now I hate that I’ll trap him forever. I don’t know, I hope we’ll figure out how to co-parent and put the past behind us.”

“Sweetie, it’s not a trap. It’s a blessing. And if Gunther doesn’t see it this way, then he’s an asshole. No offense.”

Nifa chuckled.

She didn’t dare to hope that he’d be excited about it. However, despite the bitterness in her heart towards him, Nifa knew Gunther was a kind-hearted person and had all the potential to become a good father.

“I’d appreciate it if word doesn’t get out for the time being, ma’am. I know you have to discuss it with Commander Erwin, but… Gunther has to hear it from me.”

Hange nodded once. “I agree.” Twice. “No pressure, but better hurry it up. People will start suspecting when you’ll miss training.”

“Ugh, I know. Soon I’ll start showing, anyway. I’ve been pregnant for a while. It’s a wonder that on the last expedition, I didn’t…”

The remainder of her sentence kept hanging from her trembling lips until it fell into a cold abyss.

She wouldn’t have left the Walls if she had known she was carrying such an enormous responsibility. Never. But thank the goddesses, nothing happened. She could’ve fallen from her horse, or—Nothing happened. Nothing. Thank the goddesses.

The following days after the expedition, she attributed the vomiting to the horrors she witnessed on the battlefield. No matter how much she loved her job, watching people, good people, die made her sick to her stomach.

Then, her period didn’t come. And it didn’t come on the next day either, or the day after. Too much stress. She didn’t always have a regular circle anyway.

But nausea left her no room for uncertainty. The doctor confirmed everything. Her reaction was happy tears mixed with panic. Well, disbelief before that. It couldn’t be. But she’d had sex. So.

“Hey.”

Nifa startled. She hadn’t realized when Hange had gotten up from her chair and came to kneel next to her.

“You won’t be in my squad for a few months. Or year, whatever you need. But I want you to know that you can come to me. For anything.”

If Nifa wasn’t keen on keeping it professional, she’d smash her into a bone-crashing hug. “Thanks, ma’am. You’re the first person who learns and it’s exactly the reaction I needed to grow more courage.”

Father, I’d like to introduce you to Captain Levi, my boss.

No. Too formal.

Hey, dad. Remember last summer when you woke up in the middle of the night because you heard me scream? It wasn’t a nightmare. Here’s the dude I was fantasizing about.

Nah, too much info.

Ta-daaah! Humanity’s Strongest! But don’t call him that, he’ll punch you. Kidding. He’ll just scoff. He’ll grow on you eventually.

What a disaster. Petra guided her horse ahead, next to Levi, as they went deeper into the green meadows. It wouldn’t be long before they’d reach her village.

Thanks to the wind, her hair was a mess, and she had to take it off of her face every two seconds.

A part of her regretted inviting the Captain to her house. While she wanted him with her, the fear of her father’s reaction was eating her alive.

Papa, guess what I brought home with me this time. Ready to meet your future son-in-law? He’s travel size. But not where it matters.

“Petra?” Levi’s deep voice scared her. Almost made her fall from her horse. Now wouldn’t that be attractive. “Something wrong?”

Oh well, her anxiety must have been imprinted on her damn face.

“Just tired,” she lied.

“Wanna pause for a while and resume later?” he offered.

Edging, aren’t we?

“No use. We’re almost there. See those houses on the hill? That’s Magdegen.”

Levi nodded. A few silent minutes of riding and he spoke again. “Anything I might need to know about the place?”

Petra loosened her grip on the reins. “Hm, they’re a small community, actually. The kind of place where everyone knows each other. Quiet people.”

Funny how she spoke as if she wasn’t one of them. Though to be fair, maybe she hadn’t been for a while. And even when she was younger, when she was a permanent resident of Magdegen and she breathed the same air as them every day, she never fit in. It was the place that raised her, the familiar hills she passed by on her way to school, the neighbors she knew since she was a bald baby. And yet, she didn’t belong there.

For a long time, Petra thought there was something wrong with her. And then she joined the military. The barracks became her home-sweet-home instantly, and her comrades dearer to her than relatives. In her training years, she was surrounded by people who shared her vision, who didn’t make her feel like she was the odd one out.

Then she was selected for the Elite Squad. And finally, she discovered the family that she was missing all along. She, Eld, Oruo, Gunther, and the Captain fit together perfectly, like puzzle pieces.

And then after a series of strange events, the Captain became just Levi. And Petra knew in her heart that the ultimate home where she belonged wasn’t a place, but a person.

Papa, this is Levi. I’ve already talked to you about him a lot and you’ve probably read all the articles about us. Him. About him. Whatever your opinion is of him, please don’t judge too soon. He’s a kind man. He makes me feel… less lonely.

“Any other warning about Magdegen?” Levi asked.

Oh, the most important. Petra had to warn him. “My father can be quite... abrupt. Sometimes. Do your best to ignore him.”

“Hm. Noted.”

“I was thinking… I should call you ‘sir’ in front of him. He wouldn’t like… You know.”

“I get it.”

“Also, our neighbors are super invasive. They gossip about everything, so let’s not give them any reason to. Ah, and my old classmates may want your autograph. For a good amount of time, they didn’t believe I was in your squad! And if you see a man with long hair walking aimlessly on the street with a bottle of vodka in his hands and occasionally shouting, don’t bat an eye. Billy is harmless. His wife left him and since then he’s acting strange, but you’ll face no danger as long as you don’t stare.”

Petra could talk about her village and its residents for hours. There were so many stories she could share. About their mayor, who got hiccups every time he had to speak publicly. About the florist that was allergic to pollen, or about the teacher who kept losing her voice every week because her students were too naughty and made her lose her patience and yell at them.

There was only one person Petra didn’t want to talk about.

But Levi had to know. If they ran into him, they…

Petra took a deep breath. “And there’s... James.”

When she didn’t continue, Levi raised his eyebrow. “Who’s James?”

“My ex.”

Petra kept her eyes ahead on purpose. If Levi showed any kind of reaction, she didn’t want to see it.

“I take it you’re not on good terms,” she heard him say.

“Well, I mean...” Petra stayed with her mouth open for a while and her hair got inside. Fuck you, wind. Fuck you, James. “It was just a silly relationship in high school.” She said it like an excuse. It wasn’t serious, Levi. It was long before I even met you!

They kept riding and Levi didn’t ask anything further, but Petra felt the need to tell him even so.

“He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. I don’t know why. I guess I was flattered. Didn’t know what else to say. We dated for some time and one day he told me he wanted to... to take it to the next level,” she tried to put it as innocently as she could. “And I didn’t. So, he dumped me. And when I left to join the military, he told everyone that I ran away because I was heartbroken by our break-up.”

Levi didn’t say anything. Of course. Why would he care? No one asked her to pour out her childish drama and bore him to d—

“Piece of shit.”

Petra laughed. “You can say that again.”

“Tch. Want me to punch him in the face when I see him?”

“Oh, that won’t be necessary.” Even if she secretly enjoyed it when Levi resorted to violence for her sake. The minister deserved it.

Papa, this is Levi. I know you won’t like him. And I know you won’t pretend to. All I ask is… give him a chance. If only you knew the wonderful things he’s done for me. Your opinion won’t change the way I see him. The way I love him.

Petra used to have a boyfriend.

Petra Ral was someone’s girlfriend once.

Made total sense. Of course. She was beautiful— no, stunning. Charismatic, adorable, empathetic, and all the other four-syllable adjectives you could attribute to a magical fairy-being straight out of the books people would read to their brats, hoping to inspire the same virtues in them.

That’s why her kiss had been perfect. She must’ve had a lot of practice. Tch. James. What a ridiculous name.

Petra hadn’t slept with him. Good. Thank the fucking goddesses.

Look at him. Curious about Petra’s sex life. So low and insecure that he couldn’t stand the idea of her not being a virgin. Maybe she wasn’t. Maybe she had men after she broke up with James. It wouldn’t make her any less of an angel, any less hot. Who was he to judge anyway? No, it didn’t matter.

Bullshit.

Of course he cared. His love for her carved too deep into his soul that, if she’d had lovers, he’d get over it. But if she hadn’t… Oh, if she hadn’t. He’d be her first. Her only. They’d share something so special and intimate, and yeah it’d be awkward, he wouldn’t know exactly where to put it, and she’d be in pain no matter how careful and gentle he’d try to be. But it’d be perfect. It’d be meaningful. He’d marry her and make love to her all day and all night, and they’d master the art soon.

For the moment, the memory of her lips parting for him would do.

Levi guided Philipp ahead. A few scattered wooden houses here and there told him they were close. Signs of civilization. A fucker with a beard so long that he might step on it waved at Levi. What the fuck. No, he waved at Petra, and she waved back.

“Good to have you back, Pet!”

“Good to be back, mister Royce! Greetings to Jasmine! Though I’ll probably see her around.”

Farther down the road, more salutations were directed at them. Petra smiled to everyone – that disarming smile – and Levi didn’t give a single middle finger, which was something.

“Do you think we can stop at a bakery shop?” he asked quietly. “Any good one around?”

“We’ll have food at home.”

“Yeah, I just want to buy something. Can’t come to your house empty-handed. I would’ve brought a gift from Trost, but I didn’t want to burden Philipp more on such a long journey.” He patted his steed’s head.

“But you don’t have to bring anything!”

“Common manners, Petra. We had them even in the Underground.”

It took a lot of convincing but finally Petra agreed to lead him to the closest (and only) bakery in town, on the condition that he wouldn’t buy anything too expensive.

They tied their horses outside and followed the captivating smell of baked bread and pies. Would they happen to have wedding cakes?

Levi held the door for her and they went inside.

“Petra Ral! Is that really you?” A young man wearing a white toque approached them while dusting off his hands on his apron.

Petra took a sudden inhale. “Oh. Eh, hi. Hi, James. I didn’t know you worked here.”

Fuck. Fuck.

“And I didn’t know you’re in town!” James said. Town? Ha. More like small neighborhood.

“We’ve just arrived,” Petra explained and gestured toward Levi. “That’s my partner. Levi. Humanity’s Captainest. Eh, Humanity’s Strongest! He’s, eh… very strong.”

Strong enough to break your bones. Loser.

“Nice to meet you,” Levi lied and offered a handshake, resisting dislocating the prick’s hand in the process.

“Nice to meet you too, pal! I was so happy to read about you two in the newspapers, happy that Petra finally found someone. A prestigious Captain, at that!”

“Trust me, I got the better end of the deal,” Levi hissed through his gritted teeth. What did he even mean? ‘Petra finally found someone’? What, he thought she was some spinster material? Screw him.

“Hey, guys, you should come to Joe’s tonight. Everyone will be there. Jas, Eddie, Olivia… Friday night, you know.”

Petra wasn’t opening her mouth to speak, so Levi took the opportunity to speak. “We’ll think about it. If we’re not tired.”

Him and five brats fifteen years younger. How tempting. But if Petra wanted, he’d accompany her. Even if it meant he’d be the grandpa of the group.

This fartknocker continued talking, “be there at nine blah blah something”, with a toothy smile, acting all friendly, as if he hadn’t hurt Petra. Levi couldn’t fathom how so brainless people existed. That poo-eater had the most perfect girlfriend imaginable and he dumped her. He wasn’t even good-looking! Tch. Levi tightened his fist. It didn’t matter, Petra was his now. Almost. And he’d make that douchebag suffer.

“You chat with your friend, baby. I’ll go take a look at the cakes over there,” Levi told Petra, gave her a quick kiss on the lips, and turned around.

It was chaste, hurried, so different from their first one. As if they had done it a thousand times and had become a routine by now.

Levi didn’t look back for her reaction. She must’ve liked it. She had tried to show him off earlier, so…

Was it harassment?

Jail, here I come, Levi thought as he eyed a carrot cake. Petra tasted better.

But she had kissed him too, hadn’t she? Now they were even.

A gentle touch on his shoulder and he turned around to see Petra smiling at him. How come he didn’t hear her coming?

“Have you decided, honey?”

He pointed at a cake randomly and asked the hideous pig to prepare it for him. He paid, grabbed Petra’s hand, and left.

Petra held her breath as she was waiting for her father to answer the door. Facing hungry Titans was easier.

Pull yourself together!

Levi’s kiss had relieved some of her anxiety, but not all. Her sexy crush had fucking kissed her and she couldn’t even be excited about it, with all that cold sweat streaming down her back.

As the footsteps from inside the house came closer and closer, Petra realized her deafening heartbeat had synced with them. The door opened.

Her first reaction would be to run into her father’s arms. Give him a kiss on the cheek and wrap her arms around his neck. However, his grumpy expression deterred her from even thinking about it. His eyes, slit and hardened, fell solely on Levi.

Petra cleared her throat. “Hi, papa! I’m back. Em. This is Captain Levi. Captain, my father,” she said moving her hands awkwardly in the air between the two men.

Levi took a step closer. “Pleased to m—”

“So, you did bring him along after all.”

He kept looking at him, but he was talking to Petra. They hadn’t seen each other in so long and that’s the first thing he said to her? How about ‘welcome’? ‘I missed you’? ‘Did you have a good trip?’

Petra clenched her jaw. “I told you so in my letter.”

“Right. You told me. You didn’t ask.”

She brought her arms over her chest. “It’s my house too. That’s what you’re always saying, right? That this is my home, not the barracks.”

“Oh, don’t twist my words, young lady!”

“If there’s a problem, I can leave,” Levi intervened.

Petra raised her hand. “No, no, you’re staying right here! Papa, listen carefully. Captain Levi may not be my boyfriend, but he’s my friend. And you’ll treat him with the respect he deserves, otherwise we’ll be cutting our vacation short. So, either he stays, or we both leave.”

Her father held her stare stubbornly. Typical Robert Ral, always vocal about everything he didn’t like. Petra loved him dearly, but at times like that she couldn’t stand him.

His blazed expression remained on the wrinkles of his face even when he moved aside to let them in.

Erwin had just gotten out of the shower when the banging on his door started.

“Erwin! Open up, open up! It’s me, Hange!”

Oh, he knew her voice too well. Good thing he had locked, ‘cause she was trying to open the door.

“I’m not decent. Wait,” he told her and tied a towel around his waist. Shirt. He needed a shirt.

Another loud bang. “Come on, let me in! I’ll keep my eyes closed. Promise!”

Erwin sighed. Whatever. He unlocked the door, opened it, pulled Hange inside, and shut it again, all in under two seconds.

“What is it, Hange?”

She was ogling him like a schoolgirl. “Damn, Erwin! You’re more than just decent! I can’t keep my promise.”

Erwin sighed again. He grabbed a clean shirt and put it on. “Show’s over. Now tell me why you’re here and why it couldn’t wait until later.”

“At the pub? No, no. It’s a delicate subject. We need privacy.”

“Our booth is quite isolated. And honestly, with that loud music… You worry Levi’s gonna overhear?”

Hange blinked. “Oh. You don’t know? Levi’s not here. He’s gone off to Petra’s hometown for the weekend.”

Levi with that girl again. His nostrils flared. He shouldn’t be surprised.

You fool. You let it happen.

“Yes, yes, I forgot,” Erwin tried to brush it off. “So. You wanted to tell me…”

“I have the most incredible news! Erwin, we’re having a baby!” Hange said with a grin up to her ears.

He maintained a calm exterior, trying to decide if she was joking or intoxicated. “I don’t see how that’s possible. Maybe it was just a wet dream of yours.”

She stuck out her tongue in disgust. “Yikes! Not you and me!”

“Well, you seemed pretty eager a few seconds ago.”

“Anyway, what I meant is that we’re having a baby in my squad. Nifa is pregnant!”

Great. Just great. Why was it so difficult to be careful? A headache was already looming on the horizon. New formations, new strategies…

“Obviously, I’m extremely happy for her!” Hange sang. “I can’t wait to organize the baby shower, buy gifts and all that. But we also have other things to think about. Erwin, I’m going to need a replacement for Nifa. Until she can return to duty.”

Hange wouldn’t like hearing his honest opinion on this. No, he wasn’t happy for Nifa. He preferred his soldiers not to mess around, have babies and abandon their squads. Schultz was going to be involved too. He’d ask for paternity leave, no doubt. They’d both probably quit the army once they found themselves in marital bliss. What a selfish choice. They only thought about themselves. A fleeting feeling, an insignificant courtship above everything the Survey Corps fought for. Romance now, marriage later, a baby, two babies, and soon Levi would be signing his termination papers.

“Don’t worry, Hange. You’ll have another girl to replace Nifa.”

Chapter Text

Whenever Petra spoke of her dear father, Levi would imagine a merry gentleman, full of kindness and charm. How else had his daughter grown up to be such a sweetheart?

Now that Levi had actually met mister Ral, he realized that wasn’t the case. It puzzled him how a girl like Petra could be connected to that crude, unsmiling man. But then again, if people always took after the one who raised them, Levi would walk around with a cowboy hat and—

Better not go there.

“Papa, the Captain brought us a cake!” Petra tried to rectify any chance of a pleasant evening, after how horribly their first encounter went. She put on a fake smile. She was always beautiful of course, but Levi preferred it when she smiled for real. “How about we try it? I’m a bit hungry.”

Mister Ral hummed. “Did he steal it? I’ve heard he’s quite the thug.”

“Father!” Petra exclaimed, her cheeks red.

“What? He’s the criminal, not me.”

“And you're the one without manners!” Petra snapped back.

“I’m hungry too,” Levi interjected, choosing to ignore the nasty -but truthful- comment. “I can help set up the table.”

Dinner was awkward. Mister Ral’s pain-inflicting glare fell on Levi the whole time. Usually, he was the one glaring at others. It felt unsettling to be on the receiving side. At some point, he even considered returning the glare. Oh, they could play the don’t-blink game for hours. The walls around them would catch fire from the sheer animosity, and the whole house would burn and collapse upon them, and still Petra's old man wouldn't look away.

Stubborn. To a degree, Petra had inherited that from him. Like when she insisted on checking for survivors twice after a bloodshed battle. Or when she thought she knew how to make pancakes and ignored Gunther’s well-intended remarks. But when Petra acted stubbornly it was cute, not aggravating.

Levi tried to focus on the food in front of him. He counted the bites before swallowing, one by one. And realized he was the only one eating. Mister Ral was too busy staring at him, and Petra was moving the fork around her plate. Didn’t she say she was hungry? That girl.

Levi cleared his throat. If there was some chance to salvage the way things started off, he had to try now. “Sir? Could you please pass me the salt?”

Surprisingly enough, mister Ral gave it to him – without breaking eye-contact.

“Sure, Captain. Anything else you need? Perhaps my daughter’s hand?”

“The c-cake is… uh, it’s delicious, Captain!” Petra stammered, although she hadn't taken a single bite.

“Eat while you can, Pet,” her father said. “Soon you’re gonna be back to your poor, cold barracks and starve to death. At least, you won’t be killed by a Titan that way.”

“Things are getting much better,” she retorted. “We’re building a network of sponsors. We have more food. The future for the Survey Corps is bright. I have hope we’ll soon have everything we deserve, and our efforts and sacrifices will be recognized!”

Mister Ral gave an amused laugh. “What a poet! I should’ve sent you to a drama school. You ridicule me with your acting anyway, we might as well profit from it.”

Levi saw a lightning flash before his very eyes. The urge to shout “screw you” from the bottom of his lungs consumed him. However… It wasn’t his place to intervene. That wasn’t his home, he was only a guest. And Petra would feel weaker if he decided to step up for her.

“Petra, wash the dishes,” mister Ral said after a few silent minutes. “You are finally here, so it’s time to contribute to our house, don’t you think?” He looked at the wooden clock on the wall and got up from his chair. “Ah, it’s late. You two had a long journey. Captain, in case you expect to sleep in Petra’s room, I have to disappoint you. I’m sure you’ll find our couch comfortable enough.” He took a quick look at him from head to toe. “I’m confident you’ll fit in fine.”

Yeah, that’s what your daughter said to me last night.

No, Levi couldn’t say that out loud.

And it wasn’t even true. No matter how hard he wished it to be.

Levi got up too. “I’ve slept on the dirt more times than I can count. The couch will do. Thanks again for your hospitality, sir, and good night.”

Mister Ral scoffed. “Pet, bring clean sheets for your boyfriend.”

“Um, actually…” Petra played with a strand of her hair for a bit. “We have plans for tonight. The Captain and I.”

Her father shot her an inquisitive look. “Is that so?”

“James invited us to Joe’s. Everyone will be there. It’d be a shame to turn down his offer.”

Under his breath, mister Ral murmured, “You didn’t think that last time he asked you something, didn’t you?”

“What?” Petra asked. Thank fuck, she was too far to listen. The blood in Levi’s chest started boiling.

“Nothing. Fine, go with James. Let’s hope you’ll open your eyes and see what a fine lad he is. Closer to your age, no criminal record… Marry him and you’ll live in your hometown that you claim to love so much.”

She sighed. “You know that’s not happening.”

“Just a little advice. It’s for your own good.”

Petra walked toward her bedroom. “Gotta change. I’ll do the dishes later. If we don’t see you again when we’ll return, good night, papa.”

And with that, she left. The bang of her door almost made Levi jump.

He wondered if it was a bad thing to grow up without a father after all.

Now with the two of them alone in the kitchen, it seemed like the glaring game was back on. Levi gritted his teeth. And then mister Ral spoke.

“It’s time for a man-to-man conversation. Let me be clear with you, mister Levi.” He paused. “Is there a last name?”

No. Thanks for reminding me I don’t come from a happy little family like yours. “Just Levi.”

“Okay then, mister Levi, you should know that I don’t like you. At all. The only reason I’m not kicking you out of my house is because my daughter forced me to accept you. I don’t approve of your so-called relationship, and I certainly do not approve of your dealings with your subordinates. We’ll keep our interactions to the bare minimum for the next few days and after that, I don’t want to ever see you again. Am I clear?”

Levi folded his arms over his chest. “Clear as day, sir. But before we cut our interactions to the minimum, I just want to point out that you’re not making any sense.”

“Huh?”

“You say you want what’s good for Petra, and meanwhile you’re the one hurting her the most and you don’t give a fucking shit.”

The bastard took a step back. “Captain! What makes you think I’ll tolerate that kind of language in my house?”

Levi shrugged his shoulders. “Petra tolerates worse. Now listen. Your daughter is a phenomenal soldier. And from the moment we came here, I’ve only heard you putting her down and questioning her choices in life. Maybe it’s time you accepted Petra leads her own life. She’s successful, kind, sociable, everyone wants to be friends with her. And all that, way long before that whole mess with the newspapers started. She has a top position in her profession, friends and squad mates that’d do anything for her. The only thing she doesn’t have is her old man’s support. So maybe stop being a dick to her and realize how absolutely amazing she is. Even if it’s not in the ways you would’ve planned for her.”

When Levi remembered to breathe, mister Ral’s glare wasn’t on him anymore. It fell on the floor, cold and devoid of any intensity he had shown previously. It took great strength to resist the sardonic smile that was creeping up on his lips.

“And one last thing,” he continued. “Petra may not be my girlfriend, but I’d be so damn lucky if I had someone only half as good as her. Sweet dreams, mister Ral. I’ll return Petra home safe and before midnight. And don’t worry about the dishes, I’ll do them.”

The old man’s only response was heavy steps toward his bedroom.

When he closed the door behind him, Levi let his jaw relax. The Ral household was peaceful for the first time.

While washing the dishes, the cold water fell on his hands like a wake-up call. What did you do? You said too much. Was mister Ral entirely wrong for wanting to keep Petra away from you?

“Levi?”

The sponge fell from his hands. He turned around and saw an angel.

She was wearing a mint-green dress. Long sleeves. Knee length. Shiny satin that made her even more radiating.

The words got out of his open mouth uncontrolled. “You’re beautiful.”

Her wonderful amber eyes widened. “Do you really mean that?”

Screw appropriateness. Petra had heard so many nasty comments today, she deserved to hear something good for once.

“Yeah, you’re breathtaking,” he said.

The only sound in the room was the running water. Crap, he had to turn off the sink. The dishes were ready, anyway.

He rolled down his sleeves. “So. Good to go?”

“Well…” Petra came close enough so he could hear her lowered tone comfortably. “To be honest, I brought up James’ invitation to avoid my father. If you don’t want to go, it’s fine. We had a long day and—”

“If you want us to go, we’ll go.”

She bit her lip. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. And if you want to go without me, there’s absolutely no—”

“Levi, of course I’m not leaving you behind!”

“But if you want to spend time with your friends—”

“They’re not my friends. None of them. I… I just want…” She sighed. “I just want a night out.”

Her pleading eyes couldn’t have been warmer.

“A night out you’ll have then,” he told her decisively. “Let me put on something better, and we’re leaving.”

She smiled. “Thank you, Levi.”

Petra tried to squeeze her discomfort into the back corner of her mind. Her ex was going to be there. Her supposed friends that gossiped about her.

Levi too. And that made no one else matter.

Joe’s pub was exactly the same as she remembered from her teen years. Confining and lifeless. She hadn’t been there in ages, since whenever she returned to her village, she wanted to spend her limited time with her father. Or with her mother, on a serene hill, with a bouquet of the most colorful flowers just for her. Her old classmates weren’t her priority. But now that her father’s company had become rather unpleasant, it was time to discover other options. When she was going to introduce Levi to her circle, they’d all be speechless.

“Pet! You came after all!”

James welcomed them both with a handshake. As soon as Petra retrieved her hand, she hooked it around Levi’s forearm and pulled him closer, hoping he wouldn’t mind.

“Look at that! Those journalists were really speaking the truth!” Jas said, an obnoxious grin decorating her face.

“Good to see you, Jas.” Petra gave a curt nod. “I’d introduce you to my boyfriend, but I bet you already know who he is.”

“Of course. Welcome to Magdegen, Captain Levi. Can I just say how happy I am for you two? Pet, I’m really glad you found the strength to move on.”

Petra gave a smile with her lips sealed.

“I’m gonna be honest,” Jasmine continued. “At first, I didn’t believe the articles about you two being a thing.”

“When I was selected for the Elite Squad, you didn’t believe it either.”

Jas hummed. “It seems Captain Levi found something really special in you.”

“Guys, come sit!” James shouted from the only table in the pub. “Let’s have a few drinks while we wait for the others. Eddie and Olivia should be here any moment.”

Petra, Levi, and Jasmine walked to the table and sat down.

Bitch.

Persons like Jasmine made Oruo seem agreeable by comparison.

Their company was the only one in that god-forsaken pub. Joe stood behind the counter and struggled to open a bottle of whiskey. Petra waved at him, but he didn’t notice.

“Eddie and Olivia, huh? There’s only one chair left,” Levi noticed.

“Yeah, all the rest are broken,” James informed them and giggled. “We’ll have to take turns at sitting. We haven’t had so many people here at once in god knows how long.”

Petra internally cursed herself for dragging her Captain into a barely functioning pub in the middle of nowhere.

Joe left one beer for each at the table. They served one kind here.

“So,” James said after a long sip. “Levi, you’re a Captain of the Survey Corps. Must be difficult.”

Levi was inspecting his glass. Probably not up to his cleaning standards. “Eh. Intense physical training and non-existent free time, but I’m not complaining.”

“Neither am I,” Petra grabbed the opportunity to chime in. “They basically pay him to have a six-pack. I’m a lucky girl.”

The very next moment she regretted what she said, when everyone laughed but Levi.

A boring exchange of news ensued, with James talking about his job at the bakery and Jasmine revealing that she wanted to move out of Magdegen, but for real this time. In contrast to the previous thirty five times she had said so in the past.

Levi put his arm around the back of Petra’s chair, a dominance gesture that flattered her, as he recounted his greatest moments outside the Walls. Unusually talkative tonight. Petra couldn’t help but wonder what caused his sudden outburst of words upon words.

“I’m going to the restroom,” Jas said at one moment.

“And I’m bringing us another round,” James got up and headed toward Joe.

“Levi, I need a favor,” Petra told him when James was too far to hear.

He nodded eagerly. “Anything you want.”

She hated herself for what she was about to ask, but she just had to. She’d already crossed countless boundaries with Levi, so why fear now? Petra looked around and was relieved to find that James was caught up in a conversation with Joe and wouldn’t return to their table immediately. She cleared her throat and leaned in to whisper to Levi’s ear.

“When Eddie and Olivia come… Can I sit on your lap?”

At first, he didn’t react. Then he eyed her suspiciously. “You must be kidding.”

“I’m… not.”

He opened his mouth to say something. Then, closed it. And opened it again. It was satisfying to watch the muscles on his neck work. “Petra. I don’t think I need to explain to you why it’d be awkward for both of us.”

“It’ll only be for ten minutes. Then we can leave. We’ll say we’re tired.”

“Okay, I know we have a deficiency in chairs, but I’d rather stand. You don’t have to accommodate everyone.”

Petra shook her head. “That’s not why I’m proposing this. We’ll look more like a couple if you allow me to sit on you.”

The absurdity of her idea was evident, and yet the fact that Levi was arguing with her instead of completely shutting her down gave her a tiny piece of hope.

He had to want it too. Heck, earlier in the bakery he kissed her. He called her ‘baby’. Was she really out of her mind for suggesting this?

“Never seen you so desperate to follow Eyebrows’ plan,” Levi said eventually and looked away.

“It’s not about the Commander or Abigail this time. Or the stupid newspapers. Don’t you see?”

He turned to look her in the eye. “What do you mean?”

Petra took in a deep inhale and thought of all the things she wanted to say.

I want to be as close to you as I can.

Let’s do this.

I’m all in.

When she let out her breath, she managed to say, “Levi, I… My ex is here. And if you helped me with this… It’d be good.”

The enigmatic sapphire in his eyes dug into her soul. Normally, his reserve should honor him, or at the very least deem him the only sane between the two of them. And yet, it puzzled Petra. No, it infuriated her. If Levi asked her for something similar, she’d welcome him with open arms. And legs. And now she only asked for ten minutes and he couldn’t comply? When he was the one to kiss her in front of James in the first place!

“I…” Levi tried to speak.

The turmoil inside Petra melted when she saw him searching for words. She was pushing too far. Like James had done with her.

“I’m sorry!” she uttered. “If you don’t want to, I totally respect it, and you won’t have to feel guilty for refusing. Don’t think about it, it was a ridiculous request.”

“Petra.”

James started walking back to their table, with two glasses of beer in each hand.

Levi leaned in closer and dropped his voice to a whisper. “You can sit on my lap, it’s fine by me. Just… sorry in advance if… you know… if I…”

“I won’t sit near your…” She coughed. Lowered her eyes. “Near that. I’ll sit on the edge of your knee. You won’t feel a thing.”

“Here are your beers, guys!” James said and sat down at the other end of the table.

Jasmine returned from the bathroom and tried to start a conversation with Petra, but she was lost in her thoughts, suppressing squeals of excitement every three seconds.

Soon enough, Eddie and Olivia came to the pub. Petra was beyond happy to see her childhood friends, not because she missed them, but because their arrival meant that she’d be sitting on Levi.

“Eddie, you can take my chair! Don’t worry, I can sit here.” Here was Levi’s lap. Levi’s freaking lap.

Don’t land in the wrong place, don’t land in the wrong place.

She sat on him and immediately it felt like the coziest place in the world.

One day I’ll sit on his face.

Eddie asked her something, but she just smiled and said, “Maybe!” How could she possibly focus on anything else besides Levi’s comfy lap? Her pillow in heaven. A soft cloud just for her.

The group conversation went on and on, and Petra soon emptied her glass. Maybe it was the alcohol, or the fact that she had been dreaming about this since forever, that lead her to take the situation to the next level. Swiftly, without giving Levi time to react, she took his hands, placed one on her waist and the other on her thigh. Good god. She could get used to it.

“Aw, you two are so adorable together!” Olivia said.

Petra brought her hand to her heart. “Thank you!”

Olivia was the best.

“You don’t know how happy I am for you, Pet. I thought you were going to stay single forever.”

Olivia was the worst. Who says such—

Levi’s grip around her waist got tighter. Without warning, he pulled her closer into his lap and planted a kiss on her cheek.

“Good thing she stayed single long enough for me to realize how crazy I am for her.”

Many times throughout the past few months, Petra had to fake a smile for the sake of their fraud. It had to look natural. No one could suspect it was forced.

This wasn’t one of those times.

When Petra got up and said, “Excuse us, it’s getting late and we’re tired”, Levi wanted to pull her back onto him and hold her tight. Never let her go. But she had said it was going to be only ten minutes.

They said their hasty goodnights and began their walk back to Petra’s house.

The road was quiet, no sign of life as far as their eyes could reach. The fresh smell of country air and the harmonious cricket melodies danced around them. The moonlight bathed Petra’s face, gave it an intoxicating brilliance. Despite the long day he had, Levi felt renewed. He wished this walk could last hours.

“What a bunch of shitty losers,” he mumbled when they left the pub far behind.

Petra chuckled. “I know. My village is full of them. And the worst is in my home.”

“Eh, he’s trying to be protective.”

Petra stopped walking. “I heard what you said to him. Before we left for the pub.”

“Ah, crap.” Levi kicked a pebble on the ground. “Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to come off that rude, but I—”

She violently buried her face in his chest and threw her arms around his waist. “Thank you. I could never face him, and you said everything that I’ve been wanting to tell him for years.”

It was a good thing she couldn’t see his face because he must have looked ridiculous. Happiness didn’t go well with his features.

He let her hug him, debating if it’d be appropriate to hug her back. In the end, he gave in. He had to.

“I’m sure your father will come to his senses and give you the appreciation you deserve," he whispered against her hair.

Petra raised her head. A shiny tear was running down her face. Levi’s concerned eyes followed it until it reached that wonderful spot where her dimple caved in. She was smiling. “I hope so.”

Slowly, she released him.

“Wait.” He took her hand and stopped her from resuming walking. “Let’s not go back to your house yet.”

She gave his hand a light squeeze. “There’s no hurry.”

“Wanna sit over there?” Levi pointed at a bench alongside the road.

“Last one is a rotten egg!”

Petra ran while Levi walked at his own regular pace.

“Lame!” She stuck out her tongue when he reached the bench and sat down beside her.

“Ladies first. I couldn’t compete with you.”

“Pfff.” Petra leaned and rested her head on his shoulder. “Just in case anyone passes by and sees us.”

Sure. Such a late hour and they hadn’t seen another human being since leaving the pub, but sure.

“I can’t believe you and that prick used to be a thing,” Levi blurted out.

“Ugh. I know. You are a better boyfriend.” She patted his knee. “I prefer our dates instead of hanging out with those shitty losers.”

A spark exploded inside Levi’s chest. He had to ask her. Now or never. “I wanted to ask you something.”

“Mmm?”

“What happens when this fake relationship ends?”

She didn’t say anything for a while. Then, she sat up straight. The absence of her head’s weight against his shoulder hurt.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“When Erwin tells us to stop with all this.”

“Why would he do that? It's a very successful plan. We have more funds, the support of the people... It makes no sense to put an end to this fake relationship.”

“Despite all that.” He turned his body so he could face her completely. “Let's say he puts an end to everything, anyway. What happens then?”

She hesitated. “With… with the sponsors and the press?”

“No. With you and me.”

The moon reflected beautifully in Petra’s eyes. “I suppose...” She looked down. “We go back to being Captain and subordinate.”

Levi exhaled. “We are friends, aren’t we? That’s what you told your father.”

“Yes, Levi, we are friends,” she responded reassuringly.

“In that case, we have to be honest with each other.” He cleared his throat. He wouldn’t mess this up. “I’m gonna ask you something really, really insane. Petra, would you be interested in going out with me regardless of what Erwin or Abigail plan for the future?”

There. He said it. The buzzing in his ears made him worry that he wouldn’t hear her answer. However… he didn’t have to. The smile on her face, that pure angelic smile, was all the response he needed.

“Wow.” Her face was red. “And here I thought you’d never ask.”

“So, it’s a yes?”

“I mean, I thought I was quite obvious when I asked you to unzip my dress, or when I sat on your lap, or that time I told the story with the granny and the—”

He shut her up by crushing his lips to hers.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Why didn’t he do it earlier? Why didn’t he do it every day?

He kissed her bottom lip, then her upper. With his hand, he cupped her face and pulled her closer. Petra let out a moan that electrified him. She kissed him back with equal fervor and Levi wanted to cry with how much wanted he felt.

Spinning through the air equipped with ODM gear wasn’t flying. This was. He was elevated to another level of existence with every smack of their lips. He explored her mouth tentatively when she opened it up for him. His new home. He’d take care of her for the rest of his life.

His hand travelled to her hair. His Petra. His, his, his. The warmth of her breath set him ablaze, it gave him a new reason to live.

This kiss wasn’t for anyone to see. It’d be their secret, their most treasured moment.

Chapter Text

With their foreheads pressed together, Petra and Levi took a minute to catch their breaths and get used to the fireworks inside their chests. Their passionate panting mingled with the countryside air. The silver moon showered them, and Petra could swear she heard the stars dancing above them.

She was caught up between laughing and crying. What she had never thought possible had just happened. Her fingertips trembled over Levi’s velvet cheeks. Her boyfriend. Hers. Gripping the collar of his shirt, she pulled him in for another round of warm, slow kisses.

“I can’t get enough of you,” she whimpered.

Levi’s response was an intoxicating grunt.

In all of her life, Petra hadn’t encountered such endless bliss. Any more would kill her. She moaned against Levi’s mouth when his hand gently rubbed her nape. Closer and closer. It wasn’t only their lips coming together. It was the unification of their whole existence.

“What are you doing to me?” Levi’s voice came from the bottom of hell, rasp and yearning.

Petra broke apart her mouth from his, and trailed kisses across his sharp jawline. “This is so nice, Levi.” She moved down to his neck. Oh, how she wanted to explore every part of him.

Levi breathed heavily on her hair. “That’s enough, now my turn.”

He grabbed her forearm and pushed her back. Petra saw the fire in his eyes before he got lost under her chin. She raised her head to the skies to give him better access, and held onto his shoulders so she wouldn’t fall back. He was holding her waist, anyway. She was safe.

“Oh, Levi…” She took delight in the kisses he lavished on her skin. Some were quick and some long. If time even had any meaning on this night.

As if he could read her mind, Levi returned to her hungry lips. Petra gasped for air before he claimed then again. And again, and again, and again. With that kiss she was atoned for all the hardship she had endured in life. She would only be happy from now on.

“Did this really happen?” she asked him when they parted. “Please, don’t tell me you did it because someone passed by.”

Levi chuckled. “Must’ve been a good show.” He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. “But I’m done pretending. I say we kick this off for real.”

She smiled. “I couldn’t agree more.” A strong wind surprised them, and Petra snuggled closer. “Oh, I want to clear something up. When I asked you to come to my hometown—”

He kissed her earlobe. “Yeah?”

“I didn’t want to use you to show off.”

“You didn’t?” He bit it.

“Okay, maybe a little,” Petra admitted with a giggle. “You’re show-off material. But… the reason I invited you was to let you further into my life, I guess. I want you to see every side of me. Because every part of me wants to be yours.”

Petra cupped his face and gave his wet lips another kiss.

“Mmm. Or you couldn’t stand a weekend away from me?” he teased.

“That too.”

“Jokes aside, I appreciate you inviting me here. I wanted to get to know you better too. And I want to do the same for you. I want you to get to know me.”

She knitted her brows.

Levi laughed. “Obviously, I’m not taking you to the Underground, don’t worry. I mean… I want to tell you everything about me. About my childhood. Who I was before the Survey Corps. About the people I used to call my family.”

“And I’m ready to hear. Little by little. At your pace.” She caressed his face. “I want to know about your past. But ultimately, it won’t matter. Because I know who you are now. And I love you.”

Almost instantly, Petra’s heart stopped beating.

What was she thinking? They’d only shared one kiss (okay, technically three, but one real) and she was already declaring her feelings? How lame! Five minutes ago, they weren’t even a thing.

Stupid, stupid, stupid—

“I love you too, Petra.”

He said it effortlessly, honestly. A man who was frugal with words. At that moment, Petra lost it. She threw herself at him and devoured his face, leaving kisses on his mouth, his cheeks, his nose…

“Fuck, you’re disgusting.”

She laughed and gave him a playful punch on the shoulder. They could get to even more disgusting activities.

“My dad is going to be so mad,” Petra said, on the brink of hysterical laughter.

“Hange will throw a party.”

She took his hand and squeezed it. “Are we gonna tell the guys?”

Levi scratched the back of his head. “We told them about the fake relationship, I think it’s fair to tell them about the real one.”

“Uh-huh.”

He exhaled. “Oruo won’t like it.”

A comb in her stomach. “Yeah…”

He’d act indifferent. Maybe a little rude. He wouldn’t congratulate them. He’d speak to Petra in one-word sentences for a few weeks, and only if he had to.

What could she do to soothe his pain? Hopefully, he’d accept it in the end, but until then?

What would it be like for Petra if Levi had found happiness with someone else?

Tonight, Petra would block these thoughts. Tonight, she was happy. The man of her dreams was holding her, and she wouldn’t let anything ruin this moment.

“Except if you want to wait,” Levi said.

“Wait for what?”

“Just to be sure. Keep it private for the moment. Give it some time.”

Petra huffed. “There’s no need to. I’m sure about this.”

Levi nodded. No doubt the certainty in her eyes convinced him. There was no going back now. She could never be the same Petra again.

“Hey! I might have a crazy idea,” she whispered into his ear.

“What?”

“So…” She sat up. “Tonight’s Friday. We have Saturday, and then on Sunday we have to start our way back, right?”

He blinked several times. Probably because he didn’t give a fuck about days and mundane details after their hot kiss, and he would’ve forgotten his own name if Petra hadn’t moaned it each time he left a wet imprint on her skin. “Yeah? So?”

“What if we leave Magdegen? Go somewhere just the two of us?” she begged, the enthusiasm in her voice too intense to hide.

The puzzlement in his expression was almost comical. She’d said it herself it was a crazy proposal, but she hoped it’d be tempting enough. On Monday they’d return to their duties. And although their love could flourish inside the barracks, now they had a unique chance to celebrate it. Away from their routine. Only she and Levi.

The beginning of a smirk rested on his lips. “Where will we go?”

“Anywhere with you is fine.” She shrugged. “Does it matter?”

“Don’t you want to spend time with your father?” he countered.

As much as she hated to admit it, no. Listening to nasty remarks was not her ideal kind of vacation. She’d rather spend her time with someone who respected her, who made her feel valued. It’d look bad. Passing on a rare opportunity to be in her father’s company for some dude. A dude she saw daily. What an ungrateful daughter. Messing up her priorities.

Well, fuck it. For once in her life, she’d make the selfish choice. She’d think about herself first.

“I prefer a day alone with you,” she told him resolutely.

The smirk turned into a smile. “That could probably be arranged.” He held her gaze and his silver irises shone brighter than the moon. “What will we tell your father?”

“I don’t know.” I don’t care. “An emergency came up at the barracks. We have to return earlier. We got a letter. Whatever.”

“So, we’re gonna lie.”

“Isn’t that what we’ve been doing all this time?”

He looked ready to debate her, but he gave her a kiss instead. “Are you serious about this?”

Petra kissed him back. God, his mouth was a magnet. “Totally.”

Gunther had walked up to her room and left three times already. Tonight, he was going to do it. If Nifa’s roommate was inside, he’d kindly ask for some privacy.

And if Nifa didn’t want to see him, well… He’d leave. But not before begging her first.

He knocked on the door and waited patiently. No answer.

You don’t have the right to talk to her again.

You’ll only upset her.

She deserves better.

Gunther took one step back from the door. He shouldn’t even be here. Past curfew. He was gonna get them both in trouble. Asshole of the year. But if he could get her to look him in the eye, even if it’d be the last time, it’d be worth it.

He took a deep breath, his fists uncurling, and then he knocked.

At first, nothing happened. Then, he heard a sleepy murmur. His favorite voice in the world. Footsteps approaching.

“Jenny, I swear to God, if you forgot your key again—"

She unlocked the door, opened it, and stood frozen. Gunther, the same.

He could barely make out her figure in the darkness, and even so, her beauty bewitched him. It was like seeing her again for the first time. He was mentally transported to the Dining Halls, on that rainy afternoon.

The first thing he noticed was the unusual color of her eyes. Gold. Intriguing and welcoming. Her auburn bangs were wet, stuck to her forehead. Her uniform drenched, she’d catch a cold.

Gunther had heard of the new recruits, but he couldn’t make it to the welcoming ceremony. That girl could be one of them. That would explain why he hadn’t seen her around before. If he had, he’d remember her for sure.

He saw her laugh while in line for the soup. He was too far to hear her, but he could imagine a melodic, warm sound. Then Eld asked him something and he had to rip his eyes away from the short girl. It was stupid of him to watch her like a creep, anyway.

The next time he saw her, she was in the pub, on a busy Friday night. With civilian clothes, she was even more dazzling. A band of guitarists was playing and as she was twirling, her yellow dress floated in the air, and she looked like one of those sunflowers Gunther saw when he was travelling back to his village.

The craziest idea came to his mind: he could talk to her. Compliment her dress. Buy her a drink. Ask her which squad she’s in. Ask her out. However, just at the thought of standing up from his table, his legs numbed. Maybe another time.

The third time, she came with her friends to sit at the table behind him in the Dining Halls. Gunther heard her voice. It was more bass than he’d expected, but still delightful. She was talking about their morning practice and how thrilled she was for her upcoming first expedition outside the Walls.

Gunther had never been particularly religious, but right then he sent an internal prayer to the goddesses. Let this girl return safe.

One of the other girls called out her name. Nifa. Peculiar. He liked it. He didn’t know any other Nifa, and it seemed fitting for her to have a special name like that.

Months passed and he hadn’t talked to her yet.

After an expedition with heavy losses, Gunther saw her kneeling in front of the corpses of her squad. He recognized the girls that usually accompanied her.

Silently, he walked up to her, knelt beside her, and gave her his handkerchief. He couldn’t do anything to stop the tears that were flooding her golden eyes, but he wouldn’t let her mourn alone. Even if he was nothing but a stranger to her.

“Thank you,” she said between sobs.

After a week or so, he saw her again in the Dining Halls. Her face was remarkably pale, and her usual smile wasn’t there. Gunther was waiting in the line and almost lost it when she came behind him.

“Hi. My name is Nifa,” she told him. Gunther’s brain malfunctioned as he tried to think of a good response, but fortunately Nifa filled the silence. “This might be a silly mistake, but please hear me out. I have this handkerchief.” She pulled out from her pocket the handkerchief he had given her. “Someone gave it to me after the last expedition. I was crying too much and so my vision was kinda blurry and I couldn’t see who it was. But he looked like you. Tall, brown hair… It has a ‘G’ sewed on it, and I heard your name is Gunther, so I thought—”

“It’s fine, Nifa, you can keep it.”

Judging from her taken-aback reaction, his nervousness must have made him sound annoyed.

“Oh. Don’t worry, I washed it. Thoroughly,” she reassured him. “I’ve heard you have high cleaning standards in your squad, so… Er, anyway, thank you, Gunther. It was a very sweet gesture.”

“I’m sorry for… I’m sorry. If it’s any comfort, I know what it’s like."

She gave him the smile that was missing from her face. “I appreciate it. See you around, I guess.” Nifa turned around to leave.

“Would you—Uh, would you like to sit with my squad?”

She accepted his offer. She made friends with Petra, and Gunther felt jealous of how well the girls clicked.

Soon, he learned that Nifa was transferred to Hange’s squad. They trained together on many occasions, and they often happened to be at the same table during their evenings in the pub.

For a long time, he was convinced that it’d be futile to pursue her. They were scouts. They could die any day. No future. Only heartbreak.

Then, Petra and the Captain told them about the Commander’s plan to make them a couple. Gunther read the articles and they got to him. All those words upon words about blossoming love among the Survey Corps gave him the push he needed.

One Friday night at the pub, he asked Nifa to dance with him. And she inexplicably said yes. Then, he asked her out and she said yes again.

They had good moments together. He loved her, he fucked her, and then he abandoned her. He couldn’t stand it. Their love was meant to have an expiry date and he’d rather end it himself than suffer.

What he hadn’t predicted was that he was now suffering too. More. Away from her, he was nothing. And that was what he was going to say to her.

“Nifa.” His voice trembled. But he’d continue. “I want to talk. If that’s all right with you.”

She stared at him with those golden eyes that never failed to make him melt. “I need to talk to you, too. Come in.”

Levi was a damn lucky fucker.

He had a girlfriend. A real one. The best one.

He was lying on the couch in the living room and waited as patiently as he could for Petra, who said she’d come back in a minute. He had begun counting. One minute had already passed. It had passed five times. Five minutes. Why did they seem like an eternity?

When she came from her bedroom, she wasn’t wearing her green dress anymore, but a pink woolen nightgown with a small ribbon in the cleavage. She was carrying a blanket.

“Brought you an extra one. I think you’re gonna need it, it gets pretty chilly in the night,” she whispered.

“Thank you.” When Levi took it, their hands brushed together. She blushed. Adorable.

“I know you don’t sleep much, and this is a new environment, and…” she stammered. “I just wanted to say that if you can’t sleep tonight, there are some books of mine on this shelf.” She walked to the other corner of the living room and picked out a book with a fancy cover. “This one is amazing, it’s about—” She suddenly stopped. “Oh, please don’t look at me like that tomorrow morning! My father will kill us!”

“How am I looking at you?”

She brought her hands to her hips and rolled her gorgeous eyes. “You know how, Levi!”

“Don’t call me Levi. I’m your Captain.”

“Yeah, right…”

She put the book back in its place and sat on the couch, right next to him, at a distance that a couple of hours ago he’d consider uncomfortable. But now it was just perfect.

“Captain?”

“Yes, subordinate?”

“I don’t want to go to my room.”

Levi resisted the urge to kiss her. With only one wall separating them from her father, it was dangerous. Maybe her old man was asleep, or maybe he had stuck his eye in the keyhole and was waiting for the perfect moment to bust them. He couldn’t risk it.

“You’re tired,” he told her softly. “It’s been a long day. Go to your room.”

“Yeah, but I won’t be able to sleep. The excitement won’t let me.”

“Believe me, brat, I don’t want to sleep either,” he confessed. “But I bet tonight’s gonna be one of the rare occasions that I will be able to.”

She furrowed her eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

He took a long breath. “Usually, I’m too stressed out to rest. My body can’t relax. That’s how I grew up. You always gotta be alert down there, you know. But… tonight I feel more… peaceful.”

Petra’s amber eyes smiled. “I’m very happy to hear that. I thought you didn’t get enough sleep because you don’t need it. ‘Cause you’re like a machine. Supernatural.”

He snorted. “Sorry to disappoint, but I’m a regular human just like any other.”

“Not to me.”

Levi could hold her stare only for one second before dropping his eyes to his feet and grunting. “Fuck, go to your room right now, because otherwise I’ll kiss you so hard that your dad will hear, and you’ll get disowned.”

He heard her muffled giggles, and he felt her weight leaving the couch.

“Goodnight, Captain.”

Robert Ral had many flaws, but he wasn’t stupid.

And he knew his daughter better than anyone.

But he couldn’t prove anything, so he could only be patient for the next two days.

Maybe he was a bit harsh with Petra. But she was a clever girl, she should know that it wasn’t about her. It was about that thug she had gotten so friendly with. Her letters now hit different. The admiration she held for her commanding officer perhaps went deeper than Robert had imagined. A foolish crush could be excused, but who’s to say that her much older Captain wouldn’t take advantage of it?

He’d talk with Petra. Remind her of the promise she made that she wouldn’t get involved with her superior. And if she deviated from their initial agreement, he’d made sure their fake relationship would end.

He had proof that it was all a scam. Petra’s letters. He would only have to contact a journalist and then everything would go back to normal. Petra wouldn’t be forced to date a bastard anymore. Sure, their regiment would lose some of its sponsors. Their good reputation. The people’s love. But it was going to be a sacrifice that mattered. For Petra’s good.

Maybe then she’d realize that it was time for her military life to end. He’d kindly remind her that he needed help with his vegetable shop.

Bright sun rays broke through his window. Tossing around his bed, Robert decided to get up.

He went to the kitchen and found that Petra’s Captain had prepared breakfast. Omelet, sandwiches, and tea.

“Did you touch my food and cooking equipment?” he barked.

“I’ve washed the pan and the spatula, and I can replace everything I used.”

Robert scoffed. He looked at the table. Three plates filled with food, and a glass of juice for each. “Petra?”

“Still asleep.”

“She should eat her omelet while it’s hot. I’m waking her up.”

He went into her room, but the bed was empty. What now?

“Petra isn’t in her room,” he said to the Captain. Liar.

“I haven’t seen her since I woke up.”

Then, the door swung open, and Petra came into the house in a hurry. She was breathing heavily.

“Father! I have important news!” she said, a sense of urgency laced in her voice.

“Good morning to you too.”

“Yeah, sorry, good morning.”

“Where were you so early?” he inquired.

“I woke up and I couldn’t sleep. So, I visited mum and left some flowers. On my way back, I ran into a messenger from Commander Smith.”

The Captain took a step closer to them. “What happened?”

“They need us both back at the barracks, sir. The Commander says it’s urgent.”

Robert gasped. “Pet, it’s your vacation, he can’t just summon you there and—”

“Father, I’m sorry, but we’ve gotta go.”

“I’ll be ready to leave in five minutes,” the Captain said.

“Yes, sir. I’m getting ready too.”

Petra ran to her bedroom and Robert followed her. She packed the few clothes she had.

“Petra, listen to me.”

“Dad, I can’t right now. I have to be quick.”

“I’ll be quick too.”

She closed her suitcase and turned to look at him. “Okay, what is it?”

Robert folded his arms over his chest. “Pet, you made a promise to me. Remember? That the fake relationship wouldn’t become real.”

He watched the concentration on her face break. “Why… Why are you saying this now?”

“Because I’m not blind!” he shouted. The Captain must have heard him, but to hell with him. “I can see how you’re looking at him! As if he… As if he’s a god or something!”

Petra shook her head and dropped her gaze to the floor. “Father, that’s really not your business.”

He lifted her chin with his thumb, so she’d look him in the eye. “You don’t disagree with what I said, do you?”

Petra brushed his hand off. “I only made a promise to you because I felt terrified. Dad, I’m tired of being afraid of you. When will you realize that I am my own person?”

Robert Ral looked at his daughter and he didn’t recognize her. This whole situation had brainwashed her. If her mother was here…

But she wasn’t.

It was up to him to take action. He’d save Petra from her confusion and in the end, she’d thank him.

He watched silently as the two of them left.

Every time Petra left to go back to Trost, Robert would cry when he was left alone in the house, wondering when he’d see his baby again. It had been so long since the last time he saw her, and he only had her for one day.

This time, he wouldn’t cry. He knew Petra would soon return to him. For good. Away from the corrupt regiment that treated her like a dog. That considered her expendable enough to throw her into the Titans’ arms. That found it funny to match her up with her older superior.

Petra had committed her rebellion, but now it was time for her to come home. Where she’d be safe and loved.

Chapter Text

“Where do you wanna go?” Levi asked as the two of them rode their horses away from Magdegen. 

“Well…” Petra exhaled. Leaving her father behind and running off with Levi wasn’t as easy and painless as she thought, but she’d have to go on and make the best of it. “I know a village on our way back. It’s very small, we’re not running into crowds.”

“Good. It’s best we keep a low profile,” he agreed.

His face looked so sharp from Petra’s angle. Clean-shaven, smooth. And those eyes. A silver sea that she’d be ecstatic to drown in. She remembered the adoration they carried in them last night when he was kissing her. She dreamed about it, because living it only once wasn’t enough. The sweetest dream she'd ever had. 

“What are you looking at?” Levi said when he caught her staring.

Petra was startled. “Sorry, got distracted. I can finally admire you shame-free.”

“Tch. Admire? Just look at the fucking flowers or something.”

Petra smiled so hard her cheeks hurt. She tilted her head. “You are so handsome, Levi, you know that?”

He didn’t respond. He didn’t know how to react to compliments, Petra supposed. His intimidating nature must have repelled them. But now Petra wasn’t afraid to tell him the truth. She’d made sure he’d get used to kind words.

“Can you lead us to that village you were talking about?” Levi said, his eyes focused straight ahead.

“Sure. It’s called Lauhofen. We’ll probably see signs soon along the way. I’m sure you’ll love it! It’s picturesque with little wooden houses and a giant waterfall. We used to go there before my mom passed away. I don’t remember much, but the little memories I have from there are beautiful. We used to pick flowers and make crowns. And then we’d lie on the grass, and I’d fall asleep. The distant gurgling of the waterfall was like a lullaby.” She paused. “Of course, if you have something else in mind—”

“No, it sounds lovely.”

She nodded. The prospect of spending a day with her dear Levi in an idyllic village sent small tremors of joy all over her body. She wished they could kick their horses and get to Lauhofen as fast as they could. But poor Philipp and Daisy were already tired from yesterday, and they were carrying their luggage too. Petra didn’t mind. If it had to take a while to ride there, so be it. She may not be in Levi’s embrace, she may not be able to touch him or feel the warmth of his body, but she rode beside him, and she knew Levi was hers, and that was all that mattered. 

Levi sighed. “It’s really bad that I didn’t get along with your father.”

“He’s a handful. I hope that… in the future…” her voice drifted off. 

“I want this to work too. I promise I’ll try,” he assured her. No, Petra wasn’t enjoying the warmth of his body, but the warmth of his words got to her.

“Thank you,” she breathed. “But whatever the outcome, you and I are going to be all right.”

“We are going to be all right,” he repeated.

Her Captain had always made her feel safe. Petra knew she could trust him with her life. After all, he was ‘Humanity’s Strongest’. On and off the battlefield, he had proven time and time again that she could count on him. Now he evoked a different kind of reassurance. Deeper. Complete. Petra was bound to him, and she had no doubt he’d keep her and their relationship secure. 

“Look!” She pointed to an old piece of wood with almost faded letters. “A sign. Lauhofen’s that way.”

When they arrived at Lauhofen, it was just as Petra had described it. A scenic paradise with zero tourists. Truth be told, even the dirtiest piss-hole in the Underground would feel like paradise if Petra was there. 

He heard her stomach growling when they decided to get off their horses and walk. 

“We should put something in our mouths,” he suggested, remembering that he hadn’t tasted a single bite of the breakfast he had prepared, and wondering if Petra had grabbed something to eat earlier in the morning before she left.

Petra flinched. “Uh? In our mouths? Oh yeah, eh, let’s eat something.”

They stumbled upon a pretty restaurant with a huge garden and ate inside a big, white gazebo, decorated with all kinds of flowers. If there was a slim chance that the idiotic fairy tales his mama used to tell him were true, then this would be the place the fairies lived. 

They ordered sausages and different varieties of cheese.

“Ew, I’m not eating that. It has mold,” Levi protested.

“No, no! Oh, honey…” Petra giggled. “It’s not mold, that’s just how it is. It’s called roquefort.”

He gave her an empty stare. “Cheese isn’t supposed to be blue, Petra.”

“Try it, it’s really delicious! Come on, open your mouth!” She took a small piece and attempted to feed him. He caught her wrist in the air.

“No. Fucking. Way. Put it down,” he ordered with the same tone he used in missions and training. Should scare her.

“Here comes the bee!” She made a buzzing sound and moved her hand as if it was some disgusting insect trying to land inside his mouth. 

Levi grabbed the cheese from her hand and put it back on the plate. He then dusted off his hand on his shirt. “Tch. I already got exposed to countless bacteria when I kissed you all those times yesterday. Don’t compromise me more. I’ll get sick if I eat this abomination.”

She suddenly got serious. “Oh. I didn’t realize that our kisses were so dangerous. Maybe we shouldn’t share another, then.”

He blinked. “I… I didn’t say that.”

“No, I understand it. You shouldn’t endure my filthy saliva ever again, otherwise you’ll— Hmmf!”

That was it. He kissed her without mercy, spread her greasy lips with his tongue. Her mouth stank of sausage. Meh, he stank too. It was amazing all the same. 

It was when he pulled back to catch his breath, still with his eyes closed, that Petra took advantage of his open mouth. He felt her fingers stroking his face gently, and then he felt her sneaking something inside his mouth and he yanked his eyes open. 

“What the—”

He accidentally swallowed it. Reluctantly, he admitted that it wasn’t so bad, and Petra collapsed onto his lap, laughing her ass off. Brat.

With their stomachs and their hearts full, Petra and Levi left their horses at a stable and walked to the market, as their waiter had suggested.

They held hands and kept a lazy pace. More like, Petra held his hand and he was… not giving her shit about it. As much as he was in love, he wasn’t a fan of sweaty hands joined together.

The streets were narrow, filled with stands and friendly merchants that invited them to browse through their stuff. The collection of tea leaves fascinated Levi, while Petra tried on several sets of earrings.

“Which one do you like the most?” she asked him.

“Er… You’re beautiful with all of them.”

“Aww, what a fine young man!” the lady in charge of the shop exclaimed. “He wants to buy all of them for his girl!”

Petra’s eyes widened. “Uh, no, that wasn’t what he m—”

“How much?” Levi cut her off and spoke to the seller. “I’m buying them all, so give me a discount.”

“Levi, you don’t have to,” Petra nudged him. “I only asked for your opinion. I would buy them myself!”

He ignored her and took his wallet out of his pocket. After he paid and they walked down the market, Petra took his hand again and squeezed it. 

“Let me buy something for you now,” she told him. 

“No need, baby. Already got my tea leaves. I don’t want anything.”

“I’m sure we’ll find something.” She let go of his hand and wrapped her arm around his waist. 

Levi didn’t particularly enjoy public affection. Those were the values Kenny had instilled in him. In the privacy of his room, a man could be all tender and lovey-dovey with a woman – as Levi had witnessed many times when Kenny returned home with a lady. But out on the streets, show your vulnerable side and you’re dead. Targeted. They know your weakness. You can’t have that.

Kenny was out of Levi’s life long by now, but the ghosts of his teachings had never left the back of his mind. In a way, they were embedded into his identity. 

When they took a turn from the alley into the main square of Lauhofen, the sun blinded Levi’s eyes momentarily. And then he remembered he wasn’t in the Underground anymore. Humans were trash both on the surface and under, and they could always go after you, but right now Levi didn’t want to think like that. Perhaps Kenny’s worldview wasn’t absolute. There should be moments for men to enjoy their lives without constant worries. And maybe this right now was one of them. 

Releasing the breath he was holding and surrendering himself to the pleasure of the moment, Levi lifted his arm and held Petra around her shoulder. Spontaneously, he planted a chaste kiss on her temple. 

“The clouds are gone, we need hats if we’re gonna visit the waterfall,” Petra observed. 

“Sure.” He gave her another kiss. 

“I’m gonna find you the perfect one!”

It took a bit of strolling around the square, and then Petra gasped and pointed to a shop window with childish enthusiasm.

“Look at this hat!”

Made out of straw, purple flowers, and a pink ribbon. Petra ran inside the shop and Levi followed.

“I think it’ll look great on you!” Petra took the hat from the stand and put it on his head. A deathly glare emerged from the depths of his soul. Like the brat she was, Petra burst out laughing. “Wow! What a beautiful boyfriend I have!” She left a kiss on his cheek.

“Very. Funny,” he grumbled and took it off. 

They asked the shop owner if he had more… masculine hats. Unfortunately, only the ones with the flowers and the ribbons were left. Levi stood his ground. He’d rather get a sunburn than be Petra’s dress-up doll. 

The hike to the waterfall was easy. Well, it was supposed to be fifteen minutes, but they made it in half an hour because Petra insisted they take turns wearing her girly hat. 

“Levi, it’s to protect you!”

“No, you want to make fun of me.”

“Please, put it on one more time! You’re adorable! Come here!”

She chased him many times along the trail. Sometimes he let her catch him, and others no. And sometimes he chased her. 

When they reached the waterfall, Levi’s jaw dropped. He had imagined a humble, cute little thing, certainly not what seemed to be an almost three hundred meters spectacle. 

They were alone, except for a couple with a baby, not much behind them. They sat on the grass and admired the nature around them, while talking about… everything. Levi laid his head on Petra’s knees, and she stroked his hair. They talked about how they both wanted to travel from time to time, and about their horses, and what apples they liked most – Daisy preferred green ones. And about nutrition in general. And the long-term consequences of starvation. Levi told her about his stomach problems, that were still troubling him. And Petra revealed that she used to suffer from anorexia when she was a teen and that she’d often puke after a meal. Levi couldn’t get how people who had food on their fucking plates didn’t want it, but he didn’t tell Petra that. He simply told her he was sorry and he was happy she was over it. 

Petra also said that she used to take guitar lessons once upon a time, and Levi asked her to sing something. She refused profusely and blushed, but eventually gave in after Levi promised he’d close his eyes. 

He didn’t know the song. It was about a fisherman who wanted to catch a giant trout and cook it for his girl. The melody was simple and cheerful, and Petra’s voice made it even more charming. 

After the last verse, Levi opened his eyes, took her hands and kissed them, and thanked her for the performance. She claimed she wasn’t steady enough, and fuck if Levi knew, he had no idea about music, but he knew he absolutely loved what he had heard.

The hours went on and they didn’t realize. When they got up from the grass, Petra’s legs were numbed from the weight of Levi’s head on them for so long. So, he carried her. Until she attempted to put her stupid hat on his head. Then he dropped her.

They stopped at a souvenir shop to ask where they could find a hotel, and of course Petra spent a fortune there.

She came up to Levi with two clay tea cups that had ‘Lauhofen’ written on them with calligraphic letters and a drawing of the waterfall.

“We’ll drink tea from these and always remember how happy we are right now,” she told him, a wild shimmer in her eyes he hadn’t seen before.

Levi looked at the tag and whispered, “They’re overpriced, Pet. It’s a tourist trap.”

“I’m buying them. Oh, and we need to get something for the boys. And Nifa. Here, look at these little wooden sculptures! Amazing!”

Levi sighed. “Take whatever you want.”

She inspected them one by one. Meanwhile, Levi busied himself with looking at a stand with scarfs of different colors and patterns. One in particular caught his eye. It was white, silk, with blue roses. What the hell, blue roses don’t exist. Maybe that was what drew him. A special scarf. For a special person.

Petra approached him. Four wooden statues inside her shopping basket. “Oh thanks, love, but I’m not really into scarfs, to be honest.”

“It’s for Hange,” Levi replied.  

They got to the cashier and paid one million coins and one of their kidneys, but hey, at least they got directions for the closest hotel. Which happened to be the only one in the village.

They took their horses and the few belongings they had packed from the rented stable. 

“You want an apple, sweetie?” Petra asked.

“Nah, I was thinking we could go to a restaurant later,” he suggested.

“Levi!” She burst out laughing. What the fuck. “I was talking to my horse!” She wiped a tear from her eyes. “You’re hilarious!”

“Tch. Tell your horse to look away.”

She deserved punishment for laughing at him. So, Levi took her hand and led her inside a dark alley, vertical to the main road. Before Petra had time to react, he picked her up, pinned her against the wall, and slammed his mouth to hers. Stupid brat, she had it coming.

Petra locked her legs around his waist and buried her hands in his hair. 

“Levi, this is perfect,” she breathed when he left her mouth and kissed her neck. “Ah, yes, there. There.”

“Still think I’m hilarious?”

“Don’t talk, just kiss me.”

He was getting hot, and not because he wasn’t wearing a hat.

Her moans were getting louder. Eh, wrong place, wrong time. He indulged her for a little longer, until he reminded her that their horses were loose and unsupervised. She countered that they were trained.

“You’re not funny anymore,” she whimpered when he let her down. Then she gasped and her cute face lit up instantly. “I know how to make you funny again!”

“What the—”

She took off her flowery hat and put it on him, then proceeded to crack up like a maniac.

Levi frowned. “Pet, I swear, I’ll tear that goddamn thing in a million pieces.”

“Nooo! You can do that with the rest of my clothes, but please spare my hat!”

He took it off, returned to the main road, and put it on Daisy. “There. It looks better on her than on either of us. Come on, let’s go to the hotel.”

“Sir, yes, sir!” She saluted him, still not serious. 

The hotel was easy to find, and when they entered, the receptionist recognized them and all but screamed.

“I can’t offer anything less than our finest suite! Our favorite couple deserves it!” he said with a toothy grin that made Levi want to kick his balls. 

Levi scoffed. “Eh, no thanks. Two rooms, please.” He tried to make a grumpy expression. “We had a fight.” He took a step away from Petra. Hopefully convincing. And he thought he wouldn’t have to act anymore. 

“Oh.” The smile fell from the receptionist’s lips. “I understand. It happens to all the couples, I’m sure you’ll reconcile! In the meantime… we have rooms number six and number seven on the first floor.” 

“They’ll do.”

Once they were outside their respective doors, Levi snuck a kiss on Petra’s cheek.

“Get settled and when you’re ready, come knock on my door and let’s go out to eat.”

She hummed. “Great.”

“And don’t bring the hat. Please. The sun is nearly gone.”

Petra stifled a laugh. “Okay, I’ll show mercy. For tonight.”

“Appreciate it. So. I’m taking a quick shower.”

“On your own?”

Levi momentarily lost his voice. “Why would I need help?”

“I’m just saying… If you’re not hungry yet, we could… um, we could kill some time by—”

“I’m starving.”

She dropped her gaze to the floor and hastily got the key out of her pocket to open the door to her room. “Okay. See you in a bit.”

Petra shut the door behind her.

The room looked cozy and clean, and the sheets were—Ah, she wanted to scream with joy! She had Levi for herself for the whole day! 

Nifa was right, she should’ve packed lacey underwear. 

Never mind, it’d be an unforgettable, magical experience anyway. 

She took a shower, shaved her legs and armpits, brushed her teeth, and put on clean underwear and a yellow one-shoulder dress that reached slightly above her knees.  

Was she really ready for tonight?

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Perhaps she shouldn’t make it that big of a deal. Everyone had done it. Now it was her turn. 

She’d heard it would hurt. Sure, Levi would take care of her, but still. 

The hell, Petra wasn’t a scared innocent puppy, she’d had her fair share of pain. She was a soldier, for goodness’ sake. One time she got smashed into a tree so hard that the doctors said she was lucky to survive only with a few broken bones. 

Was sex going to hurt more than that?

She doubted it. 

But she wasn’t certain.

Maybe it was not just about the physical pain. So much more came with it. The questions arose one by one, thorns in her meadow of bliss. 

What would Levi think of her? Would he find her breasts too small? And if so, would he tell her? Or he’d just pretend to find her beautiful? Would he be disappointed by her lack of experience? Would the blood disgust him? Would she be wet enough for him? She wanted to be wet for him. But would her body obey? Her muscles down there. Would they relax enough to let him in?

“Ah…” She shook her head and grabbed the comb. Her hair was a mess. Her head too, but her hair she could fix. 

Petra tried to push her worries away. None of that would matter. He loved her. And Petra loved him too. And she’d love him even if the sex was bad. 

She went to the corridor and knocked on his door. And god, when she saw him again she jumped straight to his arms. It hadn’t been an hour tops, and she’d already missed him. He smelled heavenly and he was dressed so elegantly. 

Levi snorted and called her ‘horrifically clingy’. However, he left a kiss on her forehead before he pushed her away.

They found a lovely restaurant with a live band and ate their food while dozens of couples danced around them. Quite the romantic atmosphere. Surely, Levi hated it, but all the other restaurants were closed by now. 

Stares were directed at them. Even if Lauhofen was a quiet place, they wouldn’t escape their popularity completely. 

Levi noticed people whispering. Petra squeezed his hand. “Ignore them, love. There’s only me and you.”

“Yeah. I don’t care,” Levi said to his plate. “I need my hand to eat.”

Petra chortled and let go. She should focus on her food too. Her father used to tell her so when she was a kid. She’d rumble on about her day and what she’d learned in school, and her food would get cold. 

Petra looked at the clock on the wall. Yep, her father was now eating. Alone. But he ate alone every day, Petra shouldn’t feel sad about it. 

Ah, now she felt sadder. 

Even if his own actions had caused her to leave early.

“Come on,” Levi said as soon as Petra took the last bite of her food.

She pouted. “What, you want to leave already?” Not that she didn’t want to go back to the hotel. She did. Badly. But she had hoped they’d eat dessert. 

“No.” He got up from his chair. “I owe you a dance. Remember?”

She squinted her eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“At the pub. When we first agreed to the fake relationship. You asked me to dance with you, and I said no. Remember?” He offered his hand. “Is it too late to say yes now?”

Their gazes locked and it took a while for Petra to realize he was serious. She got up and took his hand. “It’s not.”

The way she was looking at the other couples while playing with her fork, it was… Levi couldn’t see her like this, he knew he had to do it. One dance wouldn’t hurt anyone. And when Petra accepted, the gleam in her eyes made it all worth it. 

One good thing finally happened to him. He’d better not fuck it up. He’d better.

He held her in his arms and they swayed to the music. Isabel had taught him how to waltz one time. He tried to reenact it. It went like… One, two, three, one, two, three… Was he doing it right? Petra kissed him and suddenly he didn’t care.

When they returned to the hotel, he let go of her waist only when they reached their doors. He wished her goodnight.

“Let me… Let me come to your room. I’m not sleepy yet.” Petra stepped closer. “Let’s hang out some more. Please.”

It was still early, he supposed. He unlocked the door and gestured for her to go in first. 

Once they were both inside and he closed the door behind him, he realized there was no other furniture to sit on, except for the bed. Fuck.

“May I?” she asked kindly, with a timid smile. 

He nodded, expressionless. 

“Oh! It’s so soft!” she exclaimed when she sat on the end of it. She bounced a little. “What? You’re gonna stand there forever? Come here!” Petra patted the space next to her. 

Levi knew this wasn’t a good idea. He shouldn’t have let her inside the room. He should send her away. 

Shit, look at him. His girlfriend was happy and wanted to talk with him, and he was having improper thoughts. Petra didn’t deserve to be kicked out. 

Carefully, Levi sat down next to her. 

“Best day ever!” She rubbed his forearm. “You’re so good at dancing, I didn’t know!”

He shrugged. “Me neither.”

“It seems you’re talented with all things physical.”

When she was sitting, her dress went higher. Back at the restaurant, the table was hiding the view, but now he could see her thighs clearly. Soft. He swallowed and gathered his fingers in a fist. Looking away, he muttered, “On second thought, I’m a bit tired. You should—”

“Levi?”

She reached out and turned his face so he’d look at those doe eyes that drove him crazy. She parted her lips and whispered his name again.

Levi couldn’t do anything but kiss her. Slowly at first. Then with the force of a hurricane. Petra was fire. He licked her tongue. Goddess. He could feel her eyelashes batting against his face. Her hands moved up and down on his chest. Holy fuck. 

“I like it when you kiss me rough,” she told him. “You’re unbelievable.”

He replied with a grunt and continued kissing her. 

Her hand left his chest and went lower. She traced it over his stomach. And then started rubbing his thigh. It pulled a groan out of him. He felt her smile against his mouth, and she continued rubbing. Closer and closer to—

Fuck .

“Petra.” 

Levi drew back.

Her eyebrows furrowed in concern. “You want me to stop?” 

Yes.

No.

Ugh.

He got up from the bed. 

“No one has ever touched me like this,” he confessed. “No one has ever touched me there. I, um. I don’t know how to…” The remainder of his sentence got stuck inside his throat. 

“It’s okay. Me neither,” Petra admitted, a coy smile on her swollen lips. “We’ll help each other.”

Relief. That was a huge relief. It only lasted for a second, though. 

He could just leave. Go find Philipp in the stable and sleep next to him. Animals were nice. Animals didn’t want to discuss. They neighed and asked for food, and you had to clean after their shit, but it was easier than dealing with another human being. What could he tell her?

Sorry, honey, I have a headache tonight. Now get the hell out. 

Someone in the Underground cut off my dick. Oops. Don’t ask me how I piss.

“Levi, you’re trembling.”

He froze. Forced his hands to freeze. His mind was already frozen.

Petra stood up and approached him gingerly. “Are you okay?”

He coughed to clear his throat. And push the memory of their kiss out of his mouth. “Petra. It’s too early to cross that line,” he stated evenly. 

“I appreciate that you’re being respectful, but… you don’t have to. With you, it won’t be like James if that’s what you’re afraid of. You’re not pressuring me. Then, I didn’t want… it because I didn’t love him. But I do love you. And I trust you, Levi. I’ve known you for over three years, and… with you, I’m ready for everything. I need it.”

She gripped his hair, pulled him in and kissed him.

“Stop.”

Petra let her arms drop and took a step back. Good, she knew what stop meant. “You don’t want this? You don’t want... me?” she asked, the hurt visible in her eyes.

“Fuck. Of course, I do. Petra... Dammit, I want you a thousand times! It’s just that... I want to do this the proper way.”

She frowned. “What proper way? What do you mean?”

“I mean…” He breathed out hot air. “I mean we’re not married, okay?”

She looked at him as if he had three heads. And Levi couldn’t blame her. Three heads were more normal than a loser turning down a hot chick who had thrown herself in his arms.

“Levi, we’re two consenting adults who love each other. What’s improper about that?”

“It’s wrong because I’m nothing to you. I’m not your fiancé, I’m not your husband—”

“You’re my everything .” She cupped his face adoringly. “A ring or a piece of paper won’t make any difference.”

He let himself relax under her touch. “I know.”

“Then what’s stopping you?”

“Petra. Shit, we’ve only been together for a fucking day! You’re asking too much, too soon!” 

“I thought you were sure about me.”

“I am. Sorry for not treating you like garbage, I suppose?” he spit out the words like venom.

Her face turned red. “What? You wouldn’t be treating me like garbage, Levi!” she shouted.

“That’s what they did to her !” he shouted louder.

He didn’t mean to raise his voice. He didn’t mean to scare her. He was always going to be a terrifying monster, wasn’t he? And yet, she was still cupping his face. She shouldn’t.

Levi removed her hands from his cheeks. Then he paced around the room, until he sat on the bed and buried his face into his hands. Yesterday, he told her he wanted to be open about his past. Tonight, he knew it wasn’t about ‘wanting’. He had to do it. Because he’d never be free from it. 

“My mother,” he rasped quietly. “She… She didn’t have a choice. She was a good person.”

He felt Petra’s weight next to him on the mattress, and then her hand on his shoulder.

“Men were coming over almost every night,” he continued, his face still buried. “I was too young to understand. She hid me in the closet, but… I had ears. I heard her screaming many times. And she often had bruises all over her body. Sometimes she was bleeding. Told me they were just playing games.”

“Levi, I’m so sorry.”

“When I got older and realized what was going on… Well, it was too late, she was already dead. But I swore to myself,” he exhaled, “that I would never become like these men. That if I were to sleep with a woman, I’d devote myself to her all the way.” He raised his head and looked at her. “You understand now?”

“I don’t doubt your devotion. You’re nothing like those monsters. Levi, you are gentle and sweet. I know you’d never hurt me.”

He let out a bitter laugh. “And what if I get you pregnant? Huh? I hate the thought of my child being a bastard.”

“First of all, there’s nothing wrong with being born a bastard.”

“You weren’t one, so you don’t get it.”

“Okay. Even so… We’ll be careful.” He was blunt, and Petra still spoke to him lovingly. He didn’t deserve her. “And if we fail, we can get married, if that’s what you want.”

“I don’t want us to get married like that . Petra, I’m sorry. I just can’t do this. Not yet. Understand where I’m coming from.”

She nodded weakly. “I don’t mean to pressure you.”

“It kinda feels like it,” he snapped.

“I’m sorry.” It was nothing but a faint whisper. She mouthed it, rather than actually saying it. And fuck, her eyes were watery. He had fucked it up after all. On the first day of their relationship.

“Listen, baby.” He took her hands. She wouldn’t look at him, but he’d try to make this right. “I’m negative not because I don’t want to sleep with you. You think I don’t have wet dreams about you? You think I don’t jerk off with you in my mind?”

She sniffled and looked up at him. “You do?”

“What do you think I did before we went to dinner?” He breathed. “I want to do this. But after marriage.”

She caught him off guard when she kissed his cheek. “I understand. I respect it.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

“I won’t lie to you, I feel a little sad. But at the same time... I like that you respect me and you see me seriously.” She leaned her head on his shoulder, just as she did last night when they got together. “And… if you ever get carried away, I’ll stop you. We won’t be doing anything in the heat of the moment. I won’t let us go that far unless you explain to me in a serious conversation what has changed, okay? I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.”

“That’s… very mature of you.”

“Surprised?”

He kissed her forehead. “No.”

“When the moment comes, whenever you're ready, it will be amazing. It will be worth the patience.”

“Eh, you don’t know that. Maybe my dick is three centimeters long.”

She chuckled. “Hm, that’s why you want to secure me as your wife first?”

“Damn brat, you discovered my plan.”

She fake-punched him in the chest. “Don’t worry. I’ll love you even if your penis is small. I mean, by default it will be the best I will ever have.”

“How comforting.”

Petra laughed. “Guess you told the truth to the receptionist. We really had a fight.”

He pulled her closer. “Petra… Thank you for putting up with me. Not just about this issue. Generally. I know I’m not easy to deal with.”

“Hey, don’t think like that about yourself. I’m not putting up with you. I love you.”

“Love you too.” 

They kissed. It wasn’t heated or horny. It was sincere. Levi didn’t mean to let out all his trauma on day one, but she had accepted him. He’d try with every ounce of his being to love her back in the way and in the magnitude she deserved.

“You can sleep here if you want,” he told her. “But we’re not doing anything.”

She hummed. “I’d like that. Let me go grab my pajamas.”

First thing when you get up tomorrow.

That’s what Erwin had told him as soon as he and Petra returned to the barracks. His guess? He wanted to congratulate him for taking a trip with Petra. And then he’d scold him for choosing a place so remote. 

Levi should tell him. He was his friend. He was going to tell Hange anyway, and then everyone would know. 

“I’m here.” His way of saying good morning. Levi walked into Erwin’s office without knocking and sat across from him. There were two cups of tea on the desk. Gorgeous bastard.

“Good morning, Levi. Did you have a good weekend?”

He searched his face for a crack. “Yeah, it was okay. But you didn’t call me to ask me that.” He took the cup in front of him and sipped. Citrus and ginger. Excellent. 

“I need to inform you of a matter of high importance. Miss Kramer from Hange’s squad will be taking her maternity leave for one year, starting today.”

Levi set down his cup. “Nifa’s pregnant?”

“Yes, Nifa’s pregnant.” Erwin leaned in. “As you can imagine, this will change many things in the way we operate. Your squad is concerned too.”

“Yeah, I imagine.” Levi rubbed his temples. It wasn’t bad news, but… No, it wasn’t bad news. “Gunther will need to take paternity leave, right?”

“Limited compared to Nifa’s, but yes.” Erwin paused. “And there’s something else.”

Levi didn’t like his tone. “What?”

“We’ll have to find someone to replace Nifa. Ideally, someone her size. With enough experience for a high-status squad like Hange’s.”

“Okay,” he said through gritted teeth. “Then. Find. Someone.”

They looked at each other. A staring competition. No, Levi wouldn’t be the first to break.

Say it. Say it, asshole.

“I believe miss Ral would be a good fit.”

Levi didn’t react. A deformed smile tried to form on his lips, but he fought it back. “Petra is mine,” he declared.

“I’m confident that your squad will be effective despite that loss. You are an incredibly skilled Captain, Levi. You’ll figure out what modifications you need in your formations in no time.”

He snorted. Kissing his ass wouldn’t get him anywhere. “You can’t break my squad apart.”

“Technically, I can.”

Yes. Yes, he was the Commander, of course he could. But it wasn’t reasonable. “We’ve trained together for years, we know each other like the back of our hands. Take one away and the whole team is lost. You want to destroy the Survey Corps’ Elite Squad? Don’t think so.”

“Levi, I trust in your ability to adjust. It’s only temporary, after all.”

“Temporary my ass. You want to take Petra away from me. Admit it.”

Now began the real conversation. Erwin stayed composed, but his look had changed. This wasn’t the Erwin he drank beers with. He was Commander Smith. 

“Yes,” he said confidently.

“Because you think I’m fucking her,” Levi added.

“Are you?”

“And what if I am?”

Erwin breathed out. “You know the code of misconduct.”

“You screwed that already when you asked us to pretend to be together. You don’t like that it could actually get real?”

The Commander slammed his fist on the desk. Finally, a crack. “I want your devotion, Levi.”

He knew Erwin Smith was insane. Selfish enough to only care about victory. A madman who wanted to conquer the world using the deaths of his comrades. And yet… And yet Levi would follow him to the abyss. He was a devil looking like a god, and Levi would dedicate his heart to him, because any other response would be disgraceful. Because Erwin Smith was the only way to peace.

“You have my devotion. All the way,” Levi answered.

“Tell me, Levi. Would you send Petra to certain death? If the mission required it, would you sacrifice her? Knowing full well she’d die. Would you?”

He paused. He tried to picture Petra dead. Headless. Covered in blood. No, he wouldn’t allow it. “You know what I think?” he hissed. “It’s not about me being unable to command her efficiently. It’s about you and your resentment. You couldn’t have the girl of your dreams and thrive in the Survey Corps at the same time, so no one else can.”

“You really think me so low?”

“I don’t know what to think of you.”

Erwin sipped his tea. “I dug my own grave when I forced you two together. If you want to be with Petra, go ahead. It’s not what I wanted, but as your friend, I’ll be supportive. However, nothing can stay the same.”

Levi sighed. Nothing was the same. He was a changed man since that fateful kiss. “We got together two days ago. I love her.”

“If you were casually hooking up, I wouldn’t bat an eye. But I know you, Levi. You’re not that kind of person. You give yourself fully. And that’s why I can’t ignore what’s going on. I can’t have you prioritizing her safety over the regiment’s interests. I know you will. It’s inevitable. So, I have to keep you apart.”

Levi drummed his fingers on the desk. Erwin Smith was always right. “And what happens when Nifa returns?”

“A lot can happen in a year.”

“You hope we won’t last.”

“I don’t hope for anything. I’m giving it some time. When the moment comes, we’ll see.”

He looked into his eyes. His Commander. His friend. He’d trust him. Maybe that was for the best.

How would he tell the boys? They would take Petra away from their squad because he thought it was a good idea to make out with her. 

And Petra. How would she react? The price for their relationship was for her to be kicked out of her squad, out of her family. Lose her status as an Elite Soldier. Would she accept it? Or it’d be best to forget everything that happened between them while it was still early? Well, Levi didn’t want that. He was too selfish. Petra wouldn’t want it either. He knew. 

In the end, Erwin offered the only possible solution. Levi wished Petra wouldn’t resent him.

Abruptly, the door opened and Abigail stormed into Erwin’s office. Who the fuck invited her?

“Erwin, is this your doing?” she asked, angrily. 

Before either of them could say anything, she threw a newspaper on the desk. Levi read the title:

SHOCKING REVELATION: THE SURVEY CORPS TRICKED US ABOUT LEVI AND PETRA’S “RELATIONSHIP”?

ONE YEAR LATER

Friday was pub evening. 

That was the rule they had established. And they had stuck to it so far. 

“Levi, I’m so happy for you and dear Pet, but now that you have a girlfriend you’ll forget all about me!” Hange had cried when he broke the news to her. 

“Levi, I love you more than anything and I enjoy our dates so much! But… sometimes I want to see my friends, too. You know how I miss the boys now that I’m not in your squad,” Petra had told him after a week of consecutive dates. 

“It would be good to see you outside of the barracks. It’s been a while,” Erwin proposed.

Taking all that into account, Levi and Petra reached an agreement. Every other night was theirs. But Friday was reserved for the pub. 

One of those Fridays, he sat at their designated booth. With Erwin, Hange, and Petra. Petra was now a part of the ‘sacred booth’ as she used to call it, but she often left them to sit with the boys or Nifa. 

Today Nifa had decided to bring the baby along, and Gunther was doing his best to feed him.

“Ah, look at that!” Hange exclaimed. “They brought little Noah with them! I’ll go see him.”

“No. You’ll scare him.” Levi said.

“Excuse me?” She brought her hand to her heart and gasped. “Petra, do you think I’m scary?”

“Perhaps it’d be good not to upset the baby,” Petra said hesitantly and took a sip from Levi’s drink. 

Hange pushed her glasses up her nose. “I’ll have you know I’m very good with kids!”

“Why don’t you produce your own then, dear?” Erwin suggested. 

“Hm, Erwin’s got a point,” Petra said, and they clinked their glasses. 

“Ha! No, thanks. But I’ll wait for yours.” Hange’s eyes shifted between Levi and Petra suggestively. “Give me a niece already! How much more do you want me to beg?”

“Whoa, you want me out of your squad that bad, eh?” Petra laughed.

“My Nifa will be back soon, so don’t worry about my squad. You’re free to reproduce.” Hange winked. “Hey, look at Valerie! Wow, she’s like a giant balloon!”

“Hange, that’s not a very nice thing to say,” Erwin reprimanded her quietly.

“But it’s true! Every Friday she’s getting bigger and bigger! Nifa wasn’t like that.”

Petra rested her head on Levi’s shoulder. “Every pregnancy is different.”

“Tch. Poor girl, she’s carrying a mini-Eld in there. Of course she’s like a balloon,” Levi said. “When the baby pops out, she’ll deflate and fly.” Petra elbowed him. 

“You’re just angry that two of your men will get paternity leave, aren’t you?” Erwin noticed.

“Hell yes I am,” Levi grunted. “Soon the pub will be a fucking kindergarten. At least, with Oruo I won’t ever have to worry about that. He’ll never get a girl.”

“Are you sure?” Erwin asked. “Look there.”

They all turned to take a look, not very subtly.

“Oh my! Oruo’s dancing with a girl!” Petra exclaimed happily and shook Levi’s shoulder. 

Levi rubbed his eyes. “Huh. She probably lost a bet or something.”

“I don’t know, they seem to be laughing.” Petra sat up. “Wait. Is that… Clara?”

Levi appeared baffled. “Clara who?”

Her voice dropped. “Remember that maid from… you know, the minister’s house?”

“You’re referring to mister Pierce?” Erwin asked. “I’m happy to inform you he’s no longer a minister.”

“And what is he?”

“Covered in debt.”

“Oh!” Petra smiled. “And to think we wanted money from him!” She yawned.

Levi fake-yawned. “Yeah, I’m very tired too. Let’s go. I’ve had enough socialization for a night.”

“Oh, I’m not that tired!” Petra protested. “If you want, we can stay for a little—”

“No, I don’t want. Come on, Petra, let’s go.” Levi got up.

“Love, you’re acting strange lately.”

“When is he not?” Erwin said and took a sip from his drink. “Good night.”

Petra grabbed her bag and coat, and followed Levi. “Good night, guys!” She waved. “Oh, Hange we’re still on for tomorrow, right?”

Hange gave two thumbs-ups. “Sure, honey.”

“What happens tomorrow?” Levi asked curiously.

“It’s Nifa’s wedding dress fitting!” they both replied in sync, with the same enthusiasm. 

Levi rolled his eyes, muttered something along the lines of “what’s the deal, wear something white”, grabbed Petra’s hand, and walked away from the sacred booth, towards the exit. 

“Hang on a minute, love.” Petra went to the girl they saw Oruo dancing with. Carla. Or Clara. Whatever. How was Levi supposed to remember a girl they spoke to for two minutes a year ago? That day wasn’t very pleasant. He had wiped most of it off his memory. He only kept the sexy image of Petra in that purple dress. 

“Clara?” Petra called out to her.

The girl turned around and blushed. “Oh, hi, Petra! Gosh, do you remember me?”

“I never forget faces. It’s so good to see you!”

“You too! And you, Captain.” Clara’s eyes travelled between Petra and Levi. “When I read the newspapers, I was disappointed. What happened?”

Petra exhaled. “Okay, so… What you read was true. We weren’t a real couple. But by pretending to be, we got to know each other better. And—”

“And then you became a real couple!” she filled in her sentence.

“Yes,” Petra confirmed and held Levi’s hand to make a point.

Clara clapped. “I knew it! I knew your chemistry was too good to be fake!”

“And what about you? Are you still working… there?” Petra lowered her gaze. Levi squeezed her hand.

“No. Mister Pierce approached me once and… let’s just say his comments made me super uncomfortable. I quit the same day. Since then, I’ve returned home for a while, I’ve switched different jobs, and now I started working here!” 

“That’s great! Good luck with your new job then!”

“Thanks, I’ve already met very interesting people.” The way she was side-eyeing Oruo was obvious.

“I’m sure you have!” Petra smiled. “Well, good night. I suppose we’ll be seeing each other often from now on. Because you work here. And because… Well, good night, Clara!”

When they got out of the pub, Levi suggested they take the long way back.

“Mmm. Someone’s in an athletic mood.” Petra nuzzled up against him. Now that they were away from everyone’s sight, she could be openly affectionate with her boyfriend.

“Athletic? Nah, I’d say romantic.”

“Aw!” She kissed him on the lips. “You really are acting strange. Are you sick?” She checked his forehead for a fever.

“Tch. Get off,” he pushed her hand away.

“That’s more like you!”

He clicked his tongue and began walking. Petra followed. 

The streets were quite empty by now, especially in the neighborhoods they were passing through. It was gonna take them longer to return, but they’d pass by the river. The view from the bridge was stunning, and hopefully they’d catch some swans. 

Even if Friday was supposed to be about her friends, in the end Petra would always wind up with Levi. Her partner. Walking next to him in comfortable silence was one of the little things she cherished in their relationship. They had their quarrels every now and then, yes. But nothing too serious. Except that one time Hange had to intervene and locked them in the same room. Petra loved Hange.

It took a while to get used to her training methods. She and Levi had a very different approach to almost everything. Both great squad leaders, but contrasting in many aspects. 

Petra missed Eld, Gunther, and Oruo, but she made a conscious effort not to lose contact with them, and they’d frequently sit together in the Dining Halls. Her new squad wasn’t so bad, either. She got closer with Moblit and the rest of the group. 

Her life was great. She couldn’t be more grateful about how things turned out for her. 

By the moment they reached the bridge, the clouds had travelled, revealing the pale moon. Now that she noticed him better, Levi was equally pale.

“Love? Seriously now, what’s wrong?” In their one year together, she’d learned to decipher all of his mysterious facial expressions. 

Levi opened his mouth. He appeared hesitant. “About what Hange said…”

“That we should give her a niece? Levi, don’t—”

“No, no, no!” He wrinkled his nose. “About Nifa returning to her squad.”

“Ah. Yes. It’s been almost a year, after all.”

“Yeah. So.” He stopped walking. “What will you do when she’s back? Return to my squad or stay with Hange?”

Petra smirked. “Actually… neither.”

He watched her with puzzlement. Then, his paleness turned to boiling red. “No. Forget about it. Petra, you’re not leaving the Survey Corps. You can’t sacrifice your dream for our relationship, it’s not—”

“Shh!” She put her finger over his lips. “Of course I’m not leaving, you dummy!” She stole a quick kiss from him. “Listen. I’ve talked with Erwin. It’s not finalized yet, so I can’t officially reveal anything, but… You can’t tell anyone, okay?” She gestured for him to come closer and whispered in his ear, although no one else was around. “I’m getting a squad of my own!”

“You. What?”

“Erwin thinks it’s crucial to create a new squad led by a veteran. First, he approached Eld for the position, but he turned it down because now that he’s starting a family with Val he’ll have limited time. So… he offered me the job. And I said yes.”

“That’s… Wow. Congratulations.”

She squealed. “Thank you! And the best part? Our ranks will be equal now. There’ll be no problem with us dating.”

“That’s good to hear, Captain Ral.” He kissed her cheek. “I can’t believe you’re getting your own brats.”

“So… As you can imagine, next date’s on me. I’m treating you for my promotion.”

“Baby, I’m so proud.” He squished her into his hug. “You’ll be the best squad leader in the regiment. Better than me.” Petra laughed on his shoulder and squeezed him back. “Now your father won’t give you a hard time for dating a higher-ranking officer.”

“Oh, come on!” She pulled back from his embrace. “You know he’s only joking.”

“He’s not.”

“Okay, maybe not completely. But he’s fond of you, you know that, right?”

Levi breathed out. “Yeah, only took a year.”

“He’s changed now. And he truly regrets selling us out to the journalists. In the end… I guess he liked the ‘Humanity’s Strongest and his girlfriend’ plan.” Petra kissed him on the cheek and beamed. “I did too.”

“It was pretty awesome, we gotta give it to Eyebrows. But…” He cleared his throat. “I may have something better in mind.”

“Yeah?”

“What about ‘Humanity’s Strongest and his wife’?”

Petra’s heartbeat stopped. Her mouth shaped the roundest O. 

Before she could ask him to repeat it, Levi knelt down and pulled out a shiny ring from his pocket.

“Levi,” Petra breathed, half-excited, half in disbelief. Her chin quivered as she focused on his dazzling blue eyes.

“Look, I… Shit, I’m not good at this. We rehearsed it with Erwin a million times, but still—”

She jumped into his arms. “Yes! Yes, I will marry you!”

“Careful! You want me to drop the ring in the river? It cost a fortune!”

She let him slide it into her finger. “Wow!” she admired. “It’s so beautiful!”

“Yeah, imagine if it was expensive and ugly. Oi. Are you crying?” 

Unable to utter any word, she simply nodded. 

“Come here, baby.”

Petra cried, kissed him, and then cried some more. The love of her life had proposed to her. He wanted to keep her forever. If Levi wasn’t holding her, she’d faint from all that consuming happiness. 

“I knew you were nervous!” she said between her sobs. “But you didn’t have to! Did you seriously think there was a chance I’d say no?”

“Nervous? Who, me? Hell no.”

“And why were you acting so strange?”

“Eh… ‘Cause I want to take a big shit. Come on, let’s go home.”

‘Humanity’s Strongest and his girlfriend’ plan may have failed when the truth was revealed in the newspapers. But for Petra and Levi, it had worked. It brought them together. Now they resumed their way back to the barracks hand in hand, and Petra knew in her heart that their next plan would also be a success.