Chapter Text
The bass on the club is overwhelming and he can feel it rumming through his veins. Pete is watching him closely as he gulps down another bloody mary onto his bloodstream.
On any other occasion, he would love to be close to Pete and hug him closer for he was the only one Porsche would every once and then break down in front of.
But now he couldn't handle it and it wasn't Petes fault. So he kept his eyes closed as the sweet taste of the drink disappeared and faded to the pure bliss of alcohol on his throat, to drown out the look of worry on the others face. He didn't want to hear it today.
"Hey man, wanna take it easy? We just got here" Vegas said, taking the drink away from him, handing him an unopened water bottle which he put over the table.
"I don't, actually, Vegas. But thanks" The moment it left his tongue bitterly he regretted it.
It wasn't his fault.
It was four months after he and Kinn started texting each other. After Kinn, mind you, pursued him and invited him to the most romantic first date Porsche had ever thought of.
Not even when he was the one making the first move, he had ever made an effort as big as Kinn did that August afternoon when the taller one came and picked him off from classes.
Kinn had taken him upstate to a restaurant ("I know the owner, so I can get us a good table" as the motherfucker winked) and spent the whole evening smiling at Porsche from the other side, sharing his food with him and leaning over to clean the corner of his mouth with his cloth.
That same day, Porsche found out Kinn was majoring in Business and was in his last semester. He told him he was majoring in Economics and he was in his fourth semester.
He also found out Kinn had two brothers and his mother had passed away. Porsche told him he was sorry and he meant it, hoping Kinn would feel it as he made to grab his hand and squeeze a little bit. The outburst of bravery must be the wine, he tried to convince himself.
Porsche mentioned he had a younger brother, Porchay. He tried to hold himself back but he couldn't and the way Kinn was smiling with his whole face as he spoke about that time Porchay got stuck in a mall bathroom with no paper towels encouraged him more and more.
It felt like Kinn was untying the knots of his doubts just as easily as he felt himself fall for that part of his hair that was falling on his eyes. He wanted to reach out and tug it behind his ear.
Porsche wanted to throw himself out from the balcony they were eating from. The view was amazing, the sun was setting low in Bangkok, a beautiful sea of orange and pink.
"What's your favorite season?" Kinn asked, taking to his mouth a spon of the coffee souffle he had ordered earlier, eyes never leaving Porsche
"Summer" Porsche shifted under his intense gaze "You?"
"Spring" Kinn said
"Doesn't seem to fit a guy like you" Porsche pointed out curious
"How so?"
"I don't know if you get this often, but you look intimidating"
"Yet you are on a date with me" Kinn smirked mischievous
"Never said I didn't liked it" Porsche shrugged and the smile the other gave him was enough to have his toes curling on his shoes, his chest was having a hard time keeping up with his heart rate and his hands were sweating the perfectly polished wine glass.
If sealing a deal with the devil felt like anything, it felt like Kinns eyes on Porsches neck.
At the end of the date, Kinn dropped him outside his and Petes departament, squeezed his hand and kissed him on the corner of his lips wishing him goodnight.
In love was too short of a term.
These dates went on for a couple times the first three weeks.
Then Kinn was pulling up on his and Petes department building with coffee and breakfast, taking him classes almost four times a week.
Then, in the first month they started talking to each other, Kinn gifted Porsche a gold cuban chain. It was thin and it was probably as heavy as a nail but it looked worth all his uni tuition, if not more. The black leather box it was in was heavy and it looked expensive, wealth itself. Porsche knew he couldn't accept it even before he knew what it was.
"You know I wont accept this, right?" to this Kinn burrowed his brow. Porsche told him it made him look older. In a more mature, tired kinda hot way. Kinn just laughed it off.
"It's no big deal" the taller sighed "can't you just kiss me and say thank you?"
Porsche ignored him and opened the box, and there it laid in perfect display, glistening golden on the morning sunlight entering through Kinns car window.
"Want me to put it for you?" Porsche noded
Kinn grasped his hand for the box and motioned him to turn around, then there was a sound of movement and his hands were surrounding his neck, placing the chain in place. After he was done, Kinn placed a tiny kiss on the left side of his neck, lips touching skin and golden.
Porsche wondered when his heart was going to stop sinking and racing as soon as the mere sight of Kinn came around.
"Thank you is not enough" he said, locking eyes with the dark haired
"It wouldn't look this beautiful on anyone else, Porsche. I think you're doing the world a favor"
"Shut up before I leave" Porsche laughed, flustered
"Don't leave me then" Kinn said, stretching his hand to Porsches chin and pulling him closer to a small kiss which Porsche was happy to plead.
He opened his mouth and let his hand travel from the slope of Kinns neck hair to his strong arm painfully slowly, just how he liked, then moving to his chest to play with the hem of the opened shirt. He was kissing Kinn so slow and deep the ground underneath him might open and spit him out. Kinn was breathing hard on his nose and Porsche bit his lip playfully.
"I've got classes" Porsche said, planting sloppy kiss on the dark haired mouth
"Sounds like a you problem" Kinn said breathlessly, grabbing Porsche by the arm and pulling him closer guiding his hand to his half hard cock, starting to plant wet kisses from the top of his chin to his collarbone, stopping to mouth at the chain, to his shoulder. Porsche started to move up and down his hand slowly making Kinn stop in his tracks and bit out a moan on his neck.
Porsche didn't make it to classes that day.
Pete didn't ask anything. As soon as he arrived to see the state of his room, just shook his head laughing.
The first time was on a lazy September cloudy afternoon.
It wasn't a fight fight. Kinn picked up Porsche from his classes and they grabbed pizza from a place on the way to Kinns department. The place was all white and grey colors, stark expensive furniture. No pictures of anyone in sight.
Porsche was getting himself a cup of water and Kinns phone buzzed on the cooking aile. Porsche reached out to it. He was just going to tell him who was who was calling, but Kinn all but ran and snatched it from his hands a tad too aggressive to his liking. He looked at the screen then to Porsche, then at the screen again.
So Porsche understood. None of his business.
Yet the seed was planted within his mind. Not that Kinn had a life besides them, of course he did. Porsche did, too. But he wasn't able to put his finger on it.
"Just work" Kinn kissed his cheek and went outside to make the call.
For his own sake he dismissed it, after all they weren't official or anything like that. As uneasy as that made him feel, he had to live with it for a while because he wasn't brave enough to ask (yet).
The second time, they went out on a double date with Pete and Vegas.
Though it seemed like there might be some differences for their own personality, Vegas and Kinn got along just fine. Fine enough to make dinner pleasant for everyone, they even laughed at jokes with the same cold, serious undertone.
Almost at the end of their night, Kinn's phone was furiously buzzing on the table. He looked embarrassed and excused himself to attend the phone call.
"He does that often?" Pete asked casually, toying with the last sip of beer on his vase. Porsche just shrugged
"What if he has a wife and kids?" Vegas said jokingly but it felt flat on the table and on his anxious stomach, even Pete must've noticed since he didn't laugh at his boyfriends joke "Just kidding man"
"He always says its work" he said with a defensive tone
"Where does he work?" Porsche didn't know.
The ride back home, Porsche asked him if he liked kids. Kinn wrinkled his nose and told him he didn't ("I'd prefer cats") So that was the end of it.
The third time, Porsche found blood on Kinns white t shirt.
He was rummaging through his clothes looking for his favorite pair of sweatpants. He was sure he left them there since they weren't anywhere to be found on his dorm
"I'll buy you all the pairs you want," Kinn screamed at him from the bathroom. Porsche rolled his eyes, he wanted those.
He looked in the pile of dirty clothes, where the white tainted t shirt lay. It wasn't Kinns, he was sure. He had gone through his whole body last night and he didnt had any scratch, just the body of a fucking greek god. It looked fresh and the red color took half of the lower part and it splattered at the neck. It looked as if Kinn had just squeezed the dripping blood out of it and thrown it into the pile of dirty clothes.
His first instinct was to run. He pushed the shirt to the bottom of the clothes and washed his hands on the sink until Kinn came out of the shawer and asked him if everything was alright. It wasn't. He smiled and said he was fine, then he took a shower and made sure to wash even behind his nails.
When he got out his heart rate was going so fast he could hear it. Kinn had made them breakfast.
In Porsches head, it made sense.
His wealth, the calls, the fucking blood.
He wondered where and why the rumours about Kinn being part of the fucking mafia started. He didn't want to know, he already got his answer that same Friday afternoon before he went out clubbing with Pete and Vegas.
Kinn had parked outside his dorm since they were going out to dinner. As soon as Porsche entered the car he was hit with a strange smell, he joked it was time to clean the car up (even though it looked brand new and polished) Kinn just smiled awkwardly and started off the car engine.
Porsche was running out of battery and wanted to leave his phone charging before they went in but it happened so quick.
He opened the car console before Kinns hand could stop him or him screaming his name reached his ears. As soon as he opened the console, he slowly closed it.
"Porsche" Kinn repeated, in the most serious tone he had ever used in his presence
"What do you do?" Kinn sighed, eyes never leaving the road. Porsche hated him right now, the way he could look so composed.
"Don't you know by now?"
"Is that your fucking answer?" Porsche bite back, raising his voice.
When he saw the holster it felt like he was being drowned in cold freezing water. It was the truth he had denied himself to see. Everything stopped in slow motion, even the words coming out of the taller mouth didn't make sense, couldn't reach him.
"Pull up" he demanded
"No, Porsche. You are going to listen to me" Kinn said, looking back at him with an empty stare, Porsche shook his head "You said you didnt care what others said" he tried, parking on an empty street by a park.
Of course Porsche had mentioned Kinn what people said. He did it in an almost black out state and he didn't remember Kinns face or the words he said next. He just said Kinn made him happy and Kinns smile was all that mattered to him.
"You could have warned me Kinn '' This isn't right, he needs to get out of the car. His heart was sinking
"I couldn't risk it" Kinn said, keeping his eyes focused outside.
"Risk what?"
"You must know that I love you too much," the other said, reaching out to take his hands.
Porsche was sure he was going to be sick.
So he opened the car door and closed it behind him hard, strutting back to his department that was probably five blocks away.
Occasionally he would turn back to make sure the taller one wasn't following him. He wasn't.
When he arrived home Pete asked him if everything was alright and he just mentioned he had ended things with Kinn. The other looked surprised but by the look on Porsches face, he got the hint to not ask anything and just offered him to go out.
So there he was, drowning on four types of alcohol on the club's bar. As soon as they arrived he had a shot of tequila.
"Im sorry" he said to Vegas ear, the other just clapped his back and told him it was alright
"It happens, right?" the other said and Porsche just nodded away the heartbreak on his face.
Arm and Pol arrived at their table, they were accompanied with a group of friends he did not know but soon he was taking shots with them from the same glass and jumping to the music beat and laughing when Arm accidentaly poured a drink on his chest and fixed it by taking his whole shirt off.
His phone buzzed on his pants. It was Kinn, so he hung up.
Where are you?
Pick up, are you alright?
The texts came one after the other. Porsche just ignored them and took another shot, already regretting the hangover waiting for him tomorrow. Then his phone was buzzing with another call and this time Arm was faster than him to pick up, happily screaming "Hello!" into the line. He was fucked.
"He's busy man, stop calling" then he hung up and returned Porsche his phone, mouthing a 'You are welcome'
Porsche was too far gone, he didn't care. He just kept dancing with Pete until he decided it was enough. He dragged Pete and Vegas to the dance floor and now the bass was low and nasty and if he were to turn around he would be met with the sight of Vegas awkwardly grinding down on his best friend, a sight he didn't want to see.
He just wanted not to think, wanted to dance until his feet gave out. Tomorrow, he'll fix everything.
By his rear view, he could see Pete dragging Vegas away, probably to the bathroom.
Someone was pulling him by the waist and when he turned around he expected to be met with steady hands and prominent eyebrows yet he was met with the sight of a blurry face; though the body that was pulling him closer was too tall and too lanky, he let himself get carried away by the atmosphere and threw his hands up dancing.
The hot body was dancing too close to his body, running his hands through his spine and was just about to pull him for a kiss when the moment came to an end. Before he could cypher what was going on he was being ripped apart by the shirt from the hot body on the dance floor. There were so many people and the music was so loud he didn't know where the commotion was coming from, his eyes felt lazy and droopy.
Kinn was screaming at him, his expression unknown to the Kinn he was used to. His furrowed brow was so prominent and his eyes were so dark it even made him look unattractive.
For the first time around him, Porsche felt afraid and disoriented.
Next thing he could pinpoint Kinn was grabbing the hot body by the neck and pushing him to the floor. The other was quick to stand up and clean up the blood running from his nose and returning the favor, missing his target by a hair.
Porsche was going to throw up.
Kinn laughed and pushed both arms forward sending the other to the floor, everyone around them was looking and stepping away from the scene. He wanted to be with Pete and Vegas. Then Kinn knelt down and aimed a punch to the other's stomach,once, twice. He was sure he was screaming Kinns name but it was all useless, the music was too loud and the temperatura was too high. He grabbed Kinn by the arm, avoiding him from throwing a punch to the face of the stranger on the floor.
When Kinn stopped putting up a fight with security, he didn't know. He was too exhausted and let himself be dragged outside.
Out, the cool breeze hit him until he felt sober enough to face Kinn.
"Care to explain what the fuck was that?" Kinn spit out, walking away from Porsche to his car, hands on his hips. As if physically hurt him being close to him
"None of your business" Porsche said, walking away
"Get in the car, Porsche" said the other, grabbing him by the wrist.
"Dont fucking touch me" he said, lifting his hands in the air away from Kinn "I dont wanna be with you anymore"
Kinn looked hurt, how dare him? Porsche was the one hurt, Porsche wasn't the one with sketchy secrets and blood.
"Just get in the car, please. Porsche '' Kinn said, looking at him and pulling away his hands in an attempt to make peace.
"Leave me alone" Porsche said, walking away down the street
For some fucked up reason, he couldnt get the stupid golden necklace off his body. It felt heavy and he needed it gone. His phone was buzzing on his pants, he was sure it was Pete.
"Porsche, just let me explain" He was deliberately ignoring the way Kinns voice sounded as if it was one word away from breaking down "Please" Kinn begged
"I don't know you, Kinn!" he said, turning around to face him "I have no fucking clue who you fucking are, thats what. You wanted honesty?" He didn't know when he started crying "Or just wanted me to be honest enough to keep you happy?" His voice came out as defeated as he felt.
The taller just stood there speechless, feeling abysms away even though it was just one feet.
"Porsche, I don't-"
"Don't know what to tell me?" then he closed the distance between them and forcibly put the chain on the others closed fist "It was never about the price, Kinn"
He walked to the nearest street and grabbed the first taxi he managed and gave his house address. His phone kept buzzing on his jeans
"I'm sorry, Pete" he said, before the other could even say a word
"Where are you? Are you okay?" He felt like crap, Pete sounded one minute from calling the marines.
"'s okay" he slurred on the line "I'm going home to see Chay, 'kay?"
On the other line he could hear a very worried Vegas telling Pete to get Porsche back
"Okay, it's okay. Call me when you get there"
"Hey?" he spoke before the other could hang up "I love you too"
Pete sighed on the line and a heartbeat passed before he spoke "I know you do, get some rest when you get there" then the line went dead.
The taxi home from downtown was forty minutes and in the quiet of the dawn, Kinns' silence resonated.
When he arrived home, Porchay was sound asleep. Before he fell on the sofa in the living room under the dim light entering from the rising morning sun, he imagined he whispered those words of the phone line into a set of bright dark eyes and deep brown hair and they were returned in the form of a playful half smile.
Porsche closed his eyes and surrended to sleep.