Chapter Text
You are the purple of my evening sky
"You know a purple sky is actually known as scattering, and it occurs when heavy rains rid the atmosphere of larger particles that absorb most light. What's left are smaller particles that scatter the light in all directions. The result is an electric sky, filled with purple and pink colors''
Eddie can’t help but smile, as Buck shares another interesting fact about the many beautiful mysteries of mother nature, as he likes to call them.
They're all sitting around the campfire, enjoying their long weekend. Bobby had surprised everyone last week, telling them he planned a camping trip.
So here they are. Bobby, Athena, Hen, Karen, Chimney, Maddie, Ravi, Buck and Eddie. The kids are all taken care of by Carla, who offered to look after them, so they can enjoy their well deserved mini vacation.
"You know, each month of the year the full moon is given a different name?" Buck continues, jumping from one fact to another.
Oh, that's right. There's supposed to be a full moon tonight. Eddie remembers and loves to know what his best friend has to say about it. Before he can open his mouth though, Chimney lets out a frustrated groan.
"Please, don't tell me you're going to explain them all to us. I'm way too sober for this"
Hen elbows him and Maddie gives him a smack to the back of his head. But they still have smiles on their faces. They laugh it off. They all do. As always.
It's just a joke. Don't take things so seriously. Chimney's just being funny.
It's nothing new, Eddie heard it all before. The thing is, he loves his found family, he really does. But when it comes to teasing Buck, Eddie feels like kicking each and every one of their asses. When it comes to Chimney's so-called "jokes", Eddie feels his blood boil. Because it's not a joke to him. He knows it hurts Buck when someone makes fun about him and his random facts. Eddie knows that deep inside that big, strong, fearless man hides an anxious, insecure, shy little boy. So no. Eddie does not think it's funny at all.
"S - Sorry Chim, I - "
"Don't" Eddie interrupts him, twisting the empty beer bottle in his hands. "Don't apologize for being you" the last part comes out as a whisper, meant for Buck and Buck only.
Everyone falls silent for a brief moment, before Athena speaks up, changing the subject and just like that everything is back to normal again. Almost.
They're all laughing and having fun again. Everyone except Buck.
Buck is sitting next to him, fidgeting with his shirt, his left leg bouncing up and down nervously. He's been doing that a lot lately, Eddie has noticed. He tried to talk to him about it a few times this week, but each time there was someone or something, interrupting them.
Eddie lets his eyes wander to Buck’s chest which seems to rise and fall irregularly and way too fast. Looking up at his best friend's face, sends a cold shiver down Eddie’s spine. Buck is biting his bottom lip, probably to stop it from quivering, little beads of sweat are forming on his forehead and there's absolutely no color left on his face.
Damn it. He’s having an anxiety attack.
Eddie’s seen it once or twice before, not with Buck though, but he recognizes the signs. He knows that look, the panic written on his best friend's face, the sweating, the shivering of his body. Buck is having an anxiety attack and is trying to take care of it himself. He's trying to push it away, hide behind a mask and act like everything's okay. But everything is not okay and Eddie needs to do something about it.
"I'm gonna check on Carla and the kids for a sec" It's the first thing that comes to his mind. "Buck, you wanna come say hello to Chris?"
When he doesn't get a response, Eddie gets up and turns his back towards the others, putting a hand on Buck’s shoulder to get his attention.
"Buck? Come with me" He whispers and finally Buck seems to snap out of his thoughts enough to get up and follow him. They walk towards where their tent is, a few feet from the others, because Buck insisted on a view over the lake. Eddie was actually a bit nervous about sharing a tent with his best friend, which he is very much in love with, but as always Buck was very convincing.
Eddie stops when he realizes Buck is slowing down. He sees him moving his hand towards his chest while taking rapid, deep breaths and shaking like a leaf.
This is not good.
Eddie looks over Buck's shoulder for a second to find their friends still laughing, probably over another one of Chimney's stupid jokes. None of them is paying attention to him or Buck and Eddie couldn’t be more grateful for it. He takes Buck’s hand and pulls him behind a big tree, so they're out of view.
"Eds, I - I'm ha - having, I think, I'm" Buck stumbles over his words.
"Shhh...I know. You're having an anxiety attack. It's okay. I'm here. I'm right here. No one else. Just me" Eddie steps into Buck’s space and takes both of his hands in his, they're cold as ice and Eddie just wants to wrap Buck up in his arms and cuddle him warm again. But he can’t. Not yet. He needs to calm him down first, get his breathing under control.
"Let's breathe together, okay?" He tries to keep his voice steady and starts to count.
"One, two, three, breathe in"
....
"One, two, three, breathe out"
....
"One, two, three, breathe in"
....
"One, two, three, breathe out"
....
"That's it, you're doing great. Keep it going"
....
Buck’s breathing starts to slow down, but his body is still trembling. Eddie knows it's not over. He can see the panic in Buck’s eyes.
"Buck, can you tell me 3 things you see?" He asks softly. "Take your time. I'm right here with you"
"You" Buck breathes out. "I see you"
"I'm glad you do" Eddie giggles "what else?"
"Trees. The, I - I can see the trees"
"Perfect. Can you give me one more ?"
"Purple. The sky behind you, it's purple. So beautiful"
Eddie turns his head around for a second and sees indeed a beautiful purple sky hanging over the lake behind them.
"It's absolutely gorgeous" he agrees and turns back to face his friend.
"What about noises? Can you tell me 3 things you hear?"
Buck Closes his eyes and Eddie waits patiently, giving him all the time he needs.
"Laughing. I -" a tear runs down Buck’s cheek when he swallows down whatever he was about to add to that and Eddie feels his stomach drop.
"You know who I think has the most beautiful heartwarming laugh?" He doesn’t want to flirt with Buck, not right now. That's not what this is about. But he can see the pain on his friend's face and he just wants to make it go away. "You" he continues. "I think you have the best laugh I have ever heard. Well besides from Christopher’s obviously"
Buck’s eyes flutter open and the tiniest smile appears on his pale face. "Christopher really has the best laugh" he agrees and Eddie smiles back at him, rubbing his thumbs in soothing circles over Buck's knuckles.
"Can you hear something else?"
"I hear birds chirping"
"Good....You know, someone once told me an adult male mockingbird can mimic up to 200 different sounds in their lifetime."
"I - I told you that" Buck stutters, a little insecure.
"Yes. Yes, you did" Eddie lets go of one of Buck's hands to wipe a tear from his friend's face. "What else do you hear?"
"Rustling. The leaves are rustling in the wind"
"Perfect. Now the final round. Can you move 3 of your body parts for me?"
In response Buck nods his head with a soft smile and Eddie counts.
"One..."
Buck squeezes Eddie’s hand, before letting go and bringing it up to his left shoulder.
"Two..."
Finally, Buck lets himself fall forward against Eddie’s chest.
"Three..." Eddie immediately wraps both of his arms tightly around him in a protective embrace.
"Thank you, Eds"
"Hey, no need to thank me, Evan. You know I'll do anything for you"
A heartbreaking sob suddenly spills from Buck’s lips and Eddie feels the tears burning in his own eyes. He slowly turns them around so he can lean against the tree, while he carefully slides down to the ground, pulling Buck with him until he's sitting in his lap. For the slightest moment, he feels Buck tense up, but then he relaxes in his hold.
"I've got you, sweetheart" The pet name just spills from his lips, but it doesn’t seem to make Buck uncomfortable at all, so he continues. "You don't have to hold back with me. Just let it all out"
And Buck does. He buries his face into the crook of Eddie’s neck and cries, his body shaking heavily with every sob. He's holding onto Eddie like he’s his lifeline and if he could, Eddie’s sure he would try and crawl into his skin.
"That's it. I've got you. Take your time, baby"
Shit, another pet name. Has he gone too far? Eddie wonders, but once again, Buck doesn't seem to mind, so he keeps whispering sweet little nothings into his friend's ear, while slowly rocking them back and forth.
"You know, in his Nonverbal Dictionary, David Givens, points out that the rocking action back and forth or side to side stimulates the vestibular senses and is therefore soothing, in a very primitive, but effective way" Buck murmurs as his body finally seems to relax.
"I didn't know that, but it makes sense" Eddie runs a hand through Buck’s hair and starts massaging the back of his scalp. "How do you feel about taking a walk and you can tell me about those different types of full moons?" He asks, when he notices Buck has stopped crying.
"You don't have to. I know I can be annoying and I'm - "
"Hey" Eddie interrupts him and pulls away just enough to look Buck in the eyes. "You are not annoying, okay? And I would love to listen to all the facts you have about the moon and that beautiful purple sky behind us"
"You do?"
"I do" Eddie smiles and wipes a final tear from Buck’s cheek. "So what do you think about that walk?"
"I'd love to"
"Good. Come on. I bet the view from the lake will be amazing"
They get up and Eddie automatically reaches for Buck’s hand. It's still a bit cold, but before he can think too much of it, Buck opens his hand and intertwines their fingers, giving him the softest smile Eddie has ever seen.
How can this man be so perfect? So beautiful and sweet. So selfless and soft.
If possible, Eddie feels himself fall even more in love.
……..
The sound of their friends' laughter dies behind them, while they make their way over to the lake. The sun slowly seems to sink into the water, making room for the moon to show off his beauty against the colors of the evening sky.
Eddie wonders if tonight will be a good time to be brave and tell Buck how he really feels about him. He doesn't want to overstep, he doesn't want to push and send Buck into another anxiety attack, but there’s something about the way Buck had looked at him. Something about the way their fingers fit so perfectly together. Something in the comfortable silence between them tells Eddie his feelings for his best friend might be mutual.
They reach the water and Eddie sees a little rowing boat a few feet away from them. Perfect. He looks at Buck, who's already giving him an encouraging nod and lets go of his hand. Eddie drags the boat over to the water and helps Buck get in, before joining him.
…………
They reach the middle of the lake and the moon is now right above them, reflecting in the water. The sky is already filled with a million stars and Eddie feels like a fucking teenager again, when he takes off his jacket and drapes it over Buck's shoulders.
"Tell me" He whispers, wrapping an arm around Buck, who immediately leans into the touch.
"Tell you what?" Buck lays his head down on Eddie’s shoulder.
"The moon. What is this one called?"
Buck lets out a nervous laugh. "You wouldn't believe me"
"Try me"
"It's called the Buck moon, named after the new antlers that emerge from a buck's forehead around this time of the year. It is also called Thunder Moon, Hay Moon, and Wyrt Moon"
"Buck moon?"
"Yeah…"
They fall into a comfortable silence again. Buck is no longer shaking and Eddie wishes they could stay like this forever. He wishes he could hold Buck in his arms till the day he dies. He wishes he could show him just how much he cares about him. How much he loves him.
"Look" Buck pulls him from his thoughts, right in time to see a falling star. And listen, Eddie was never a man of faith or believing in the universe. But right now the universe is screaming at him and he can’t ignore it. He can't let this moment pass. This beautiful, romantic moment with Buck wrapped up in his arms, in the middle of the lake with a full moon shining bright above them, a star literally falling from the sky and no one else there to burst their little bubble.
No, he has to tell him now. He has to tell Buck how he feels.
"You wanna know what my favorite beautiful mystery of mother nature is?" He whispers softly into Buck’s ear.
"what?"
"You"
.......