Archive of Our Own

I never expected a single 3-set game at a tournament I barely remembered would change my life. 

The Kanto Singles tournament in my third year of high school was when I first met Mouri. It was the very first round of the day. He had this air of arrogance around him. He couldn't manage to even get a single point our entire match. I don't remember how far I even progressed in that tournament, but that game bothered me for a bit afterwards.

When it was time to return to the U-17 camp, there were rumours going around about some newcomer that kept winning shuffle match after shuffle match. According to Mitsuya, it was only a matter of time before this person made their way into the top 20. Around the same time, I was pulled aside by the coaches for a meeting. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I had a feeling it was about this newcomer.

"Ochi-kun, we've been very impressed with your progress," Coach Saitou praised me, "however, I do believe it is time for you to change directions a little."

I was confused, but said nothing in response.

"Now, the change from singles to doubles isn't going to be easy, but I believe you'll do just fine," he continued. "Unfortunately, this change will require you to forgo your position as the No. 4 rep in order to take up a lower representative spot."

"I see," was the only thing I could say. I was not enthused to be giving up such a coveted position along with such a drastic change to my playstyle.

"You don't need to agree to it now. We'll give you time to think about it."

"Who is going to be my partner then, Coach?" I asked.

"I'm glad you asked," he smiled as he led me through a door into the coaches' meeting room. 

There stood the other coaches hunched over a table with documents scattered about. Another person I didn't recognize was also present, but standing further away from them. Coach Saitou walked up to the other person and nudged him towards me.

"Ochi-kun, meet Mouri Jusaburou," he introduced him to me. 

That name was familiar, but I had forgotten where I had heard it before. The other kid looked absolutely terrified of me. 

"Starting today, he will be your doubles partner. He has a tendency to skip practices, so I expect you to be able to keep him in line."

"Hey..." he murmured. "Looking forward to our partnership."

"Likewise," I nodded.

"He will also be moving into your room as well," Coach Saitou added as he shooed us out of the room. "Try not to kill each other!"

Both of us were still trying to process that conversation, but it seemed as if I was stuck with this person as my new doubles partner—whether I liked it or not.

"...Mouri-san, was it?" I asked.

"Y-yeah," he stuttered. "Mouri's fine, though."

"Okay," I nodded. "Mouri, then. Shall I show you to our room?"

He shook his head. "Coach Kurobe already showed it to me."

"I see..." 

"We should go practice, Ochi-san," he suggested. 

"Okay."

I couldn't stop thinking about Mouri's name and where I had heard it before. I was certain that I knew that name, but from where? I didn't realize I was spacing out until someone tapped on my shoulder.

"Earth to Tsukki! Are ya in there?" Tanegashima whistled as he waved his hand in front of my face.

"Is the heat getting to you? Maybe I should put you inside a Bull of Phalaris and see if you can handle that!" Toono exclaimed.

Kimijima looked annoyed. "Anyway, who is the new one you brought along with you, Ochi-kun?"

"Mouri Jusaburou," I told them.

"Is he the kid who's been climbing the court ranks like crazy?" Tanegashima asked.

"That name's familiar," Oomagari commented. "Didn't you play at the Kanto Singles against a guy with that name?"

That was when it dawned on me. My new doubles partner was that same person I overwhelmed only months prior. I suppose that could be why he looked so afraid of me. Still, if he really was this good, what happened on that day? This only made the knot in my stomach tighten. I wanted to ask him, but we had just met and I didn't believe he'd open up about that.

A week had passed since we had become partners, but we weren't making any progress towards functioning as a cohesive team. It did not help that the coaches announced that we would be going overseas for an expedition in a few weeks time. I kept thinking back to what Coach Saitou first said when he introduced us. I was warned that Mouri skipped practices, but I had never seen someone work so hard before. It was strange. Where did that assumption come from? It only created more questions I could never get the answers to.  

Living with him was strange too. He was always in bed immediately following dinner and would wake up in the middle of the night to take a bath. I never particularly minded his unusual schedule, but it only added to the questions I wanted to ask. I probably shouldn't lie. I was mostly curious because I thought he was cute. I just didn't know if he's the type to like someone like me.

One night, I stayed out much later than everyone else to work on my serve. I thought everyone had gone to sleep by the time I got back, but Mouri was not in his bed. While wondering where he had gone, I was in the bathroom, brushing my teeth for the night. What I wasn't expecting to see emerging out of the baths was my new doubles partner, who seemed panicked when he saw that I was there.

"O-ochi-san!"

I looked up from the sink and saw his reflection in the mirror. There were a number of faint red lines and healing bruises that covered his entire chest. By the time I turned around, he was using his arms to cover up himself, which only revealed more red lines and bruising that were all over his body.

"P-please... Don't look at me..." he begged.

I wasn't sure what was going on, but it pained me to see him like this. I ran over to my locker and pulled out an extra towel before coming back and draping it over his body to cover him up.

"Use this," I told him as I crouched down and wrapped it around him. 

"Ochi-san..."

I didn't want to make him any more uncomfortable, so I stood up to leave, but he grabbed onto the seam of my pants, unwilling to let go.

"Don't leave," he pleaded.

"Okay," I assured him. 

He slowly got up and dragged himself to his locker. I looked the other way as he patted himself dry and got dressed. The moment he was done, he quickly walked past me and out of the bathroom area without another word. It confused me, but it wasn't my business to pry. I followed suit and headed out of the bathroom and towards our shared room. He was hiding underneath his sheets by the time I got in and turned off the lights.

I crawled into my own bed. "Good night."

I wasn't expecting an answer, but I could hear him mumble "uh huh" before I closed my eyes.

Sleep didn't come. I was distracted by what I saw, but it really wasn't my business. Sighing, I sat myself back up and looked around the room. Mouri was also awake, staring right back at me the moment I turned to look in his direction.

"Can't sleep?" he asked me.

I shook my head.

"Same..." he admitted as his voice trailed off.

There was an uncomfortable silence as we both sat in the dark, unsure of what to say to each other. The ethereal blue light from the full moon gently illuminated the dark room. I turned my head to look out the window to admire it.

"O-Ochi-san," he finally said, "d-did you wanna go out? O-on a walk, t-that is."

I turned back to him and nodded.

We both got ourselves out of bed and slipped on some shoes. We made our way out of the dorms and onto the training grounds, walking around silently until Mouri stopped and sat down at the benches beside the outdoor vending machines. I sat down next to him.

"It's nice out, huh?" he remarked. "The moon's pretty tonight."

"Yeah," I agreed.

The suffocating silence began to take over once again. I felt compelled to ask, but Mouri let out a frustrated grunt before turning to glare at me.

"Just say it," he demanded. "Tell me I'm a freak. Ask about them. Just say what's on your mind."

I was confused as to where this anger came from. "Ask about what?"

"You know what," he accused me. "Don't lie and say that you saw nothing."

'Was he referring to his scars?' I thought. "No... That's—"

"What? What could you possibly mean?"

"I did see something, but it's not my business to pry," I stated calmly. "If you wish to tell me, then I will listen. If you do not, then I will respect your choice."

Mouri broke into laughter after I finished speaking. "You're joking, right? You're not even a little bit curious?"

I shook my head.

"You're lying," he concluded. "You're a liar."

"Would it make you feel better if I did ask, Mouri?" 

He looked back up at me, completely awe-struck at what I had just asked him. He seemed lost and unable to respond.

"Mouri?"

"'Would it make you feel better if I did ask'... You're hilarious," he snorted. 

"...Would it?" I cautiously raised the point again.

He reached over and held onto my hand tightly with his. They were trembling, yet warm. 

"Thanks," he smiled weakly. 

I nodded.

We got back up and headed back to our room. After that walk, I was feeling more exhausted than usual. As I got back into bed and began to close my eyes, I heard a faint voice before I drifted off.

"Good night, Ochi-san."

It had been a few days since that night and neither of us mentioned anything about it. It was likely for the better that we didn't speak of it. Our partnership was going smoother than I thought it would. For two people who almost exclusively played in singles, we weren't that bad paired up with each other. The coaches seemed impressed as well and told us to keep it up. 

I had been rather exhausted as of late and I was certain it was due to the training schedule. I wasn't sure where Mouri had disappeared to following dinner, and I wanted to find him before I retired for the night. I opened the door to our room, where I saw him standing in the middle of the room, looking at himself in the mirror. His shirt was off, exposing all of the scars that covered his entire torso. There was an unsheathed box cutter in his left hand. 

"Mouri...!" I shouted as I lunged over to pull the cutters out of his hands.

He didn't seem fazed one bit as I entered the room in a panic. He didn't say anything and just stared at me.

I frantically scanned his chest to see if there were any new cuts, but it seemed like there were none. I let out a sigh of relief as I tried to calm myself down.

"Why...?!" I asked him.

He looked ashamed as he retracted away from me, grabbed his jacket and hastily put it on to cover himself. He dashed out of the room before I could even get back up on my feet. I ran after him, hoping to find him before someone else did. 

He was staring at the empty courts by the time I located him. I cautiously made my way to and sat down beside him. I said nothing as we just looked into the distance. He was the one to break the silence again.

"I started playing tennis because of my mom, you know."

"Is that so?" I asked.

He nodded. "Ever since my mom died, my dad's been a wreck," he said. "He made us move to Kanagawa midway through my first year of middle school. Night after night, he was drunk... He didn't care what I got up to."

I nodded silently as he continued.

"I didn't fit in much with the Rikkai kids. They're just so... different, y'know? Always so obsessed with perfection... I started skipping tennis practice. Hung out with the wrong people. Acted out. The usual. And then..." 

It was hard for him to say more as tears started falling. He balled his hands up into fists as he trembled.

"I realized I wasn't... normal," he began, "I wasn't like other guys."

I raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

He bit his tongue. "You wouldn't understand."

"I'd be willing to try."

"That's what everyone says, until they realize what I mean," he said reluctantly. "Well, not like it matters. Those guys—when they found out..."

He slowly unzipped his jacket, exposing all of the still-healing bruises that dotted his body.

"Wasn't really expecting them to be here at this camp either, y'know? But these scars here," he ran his fingers over the faded, sharp lines that covered every inch of his skin, "were all me."

"Mouri..."

"I hate myself," he admitted. "I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror because all I see is a repulsive creature."

He buried his face into his hands and said nothing more. I gently wrapped my arm around him and pulled his head into my chest.

"You're not a repulsive creature," I told him. 

"Easy for you to say," he scoffed. "You're not— Nevermind."

"Not what?"

He shook his head furiously. "Forget I said anything. It's not important."

"It is." I reached down and held his hands in mine. Our eyes met. "I won't look at you any different."

His deep, honey molten eyes were welling up, but he refused to budge. He jerked himself away from me and rubbed his eyes. 

"Mouri."

He stormed off without another word. I wasn't going to lose him again. I ran towards him, wrapping both of my arms around his broad frame from behind, burying my head deep into his back.

"Don't brush me off as if I don't understand," I pleaded.

"Ochi-san...!"

"Please..."

"Don't say something like that," he choked. "You don't know these things. You don't—"

My arms were the only things holding Mouri Jusaburou together at this point. Years of self-hatred and loneliness began to pour out of his heart. I was afraid to let go even for a second. It was cathartic to watch as his heavy heart grew lighter with every tear he shed. We were both a mess by the end of it.

"We should go get cleaned off, huh?" he sniffled as he cracked a small grin.

I nodded. "Better?"

He nodded. "Thanks, Tsuki-san."

I was taken aback at the sudden name change. "...Tsuki-san?"

He had a worried expression on his face. "Do you not like it?"

"No... It's... nice," I realized. "I like it."

"Tsuki-san, then," he smiled.

The expedition crept up on us quicker than we had thought it would. The coaches were staying behind this time around, so we were all on our own. I wasn't sure what was going to happen, since there were quite a lot of conflicts the last time we were left alone like this. None of it interested me, but I always ended up mediating, which was exhausting. 

Mouri looked a little gloomy as he stared out the plane window. He has been quiet the entire flight, but I knew it wasn't the best place to talk about things. All I could do was place my hand over his and gently hold it. He turned around, smiled at me, placed his head on my shoulder and quickly fell asleep. He didn't wake up until we had landed. He was even quiet on the ride to our accommodation. It wasn't until we got into our room that he finally said something.

Mouri walked over to the windows and looked down at the busy streets below. "I'm here, mom," he whispered. 

"Mouri?"

He didn't respond to me as he opened the window coverings to expose the skyline. The sun was almost gone. There were hints of stars in the distance, but the city lights made them hard to pick out.

"My mom used to travel the world," he finally said, breaking the silence. "Macau was her favourite place to go. She always wanted to show me around when we had the chance to go together."

It pained me to see him tear up. I wanted to wipe them away, but he rubbed his eyes dry before I had a chance to.

"Sorry. I didn't expect to be so emotional," he chuckled.

"We can go out and explore the streets when we're free," I suggested.

"Ain't you sweet, Tsuki-san?" was his reply. "But our schedules look real tight. Is there really gonna be time for that?"

"Maybe not," I realized. "But, would you be opposed to the idea if we did find the time to?"

"Are you asking me out on a date, Tsuki-san?"

"N-no..."

He wrapped his arms around me. I felt the air in my lungs being pushed out. It was comforting.

"You're the best, Tsuki-san. I've never had a friend who cares about me as much as you do."

I felt strangely bothered by those words, but I couldn't understand why. There was a strange heaviness in my chest that wasn't because of how tightly Mouri was holding onto me. It was difficult to shake the feeling off. My body was exhausted from the flight, but I couldn't sleep very well that night.

After all the scheduled practices and matches, there was just enough time to go out and explore the city we were in. Mouri didn't seem too eager to be awake so early, but I felt my heart skip a beat as I watched his face light up with excitement. He had a goal in his mind as we walked around the bustling streets, weaving around everyone staring at us along the way. 

We eventually made it to an area where the only feature that stood out was the façade of a worn-down cathedral. There was something mystical about it. It was the first time Mouri smiled genuinely since we had arrived.

"Ain't it neat, Tsuki-san?" he asked me. "My mom said a fire burnt this whole thing down, but the whole front part of the building survived."

I nodded in agreement, but didn't say anything.

"I wonder what made this place so interesting that my dad decided to propose to my mom here," he wondered.

"...This is where your parents got engaged?"

He nodded. "They would come here on their anniversary every year before she got sick."

"I see..."

"Can't say I get it, but I'm glad I got to see it," he concluded. 

We didn't speak to each other as I watched him silently admire the façade. I could sense the sadness that panged in his chest, but there was a great wave of relief as well. Mouri looked like he was at peace. He turned to smile at me.

"Thanks for coming out with me, Tsuki-san. You're a real sweet friend, y'know."

I nodded, but that same strange feeling that bothered me days ago came back. I realized that it was because he addressed me as his friend. But I didn't want him to think of me as just his friend. I grabbed a hold of him and stared directly into his eyes. He looked back at me, but wasn't frozen in fear.

I realized at that moment that I had fallen completely for Mouri.

"Tsuki-san?"

"I like you," I confessed. "I want to be more than just friends."

There were tears welling up in his eyes as he laughed nervously. "What're you saying, Tsuki-san? You're joking, right? Tell me you're joking."

"I mean it," I reaffirmed. 

"Seriously, Tsuki-san," he frowned. "This isn't something to joke about."

"How can I prove it to you?" I asked. "What would I gain from lying to you?"

I could see that he was wrestling with his internal demons, which only frustrated him more. He pulled me down so that our heads were at the same height and fiercely planted his lips on mine. I felt the anger and frustrations dissipate slowly from him, only for sadness to take its place.  

"Don't throw away your life like this," he told me in a hushed tone. "We can't be together."

"I'm not throwing away anything," was my response. "I like you and I want to be with you."

"Tsuki-san—"

"You deserve to be happy too, Mouri."

The tears that had welled up in his deep, chestnut eyes trickled down his face. He had a look of disbelief as he tried to work through his inner turmoil. 

"This has to be a joke, right?" he asked, lips quivering. "I've done so many horrible things... Why is this happening to me?"

My instincts made me wrap my arms tightly around him and let him bury his face into my chest. I wanted him to feel a sense of security—something he had never really experienced before. 

"I don't need an answer now," I reassured him. "I can wait until you've thought about it."

"Tsuki-san—"

"Please," I pleaded with him, "at least give it some consideration."

He looked at me with his beady, tear-stained eyes before wiping them dry and sighing. "Okay, but don't expect an answer until much later."

"I know."

Mouri hadn't given me a straight answer by the time we got back to Japan. The camp was suddenly a lot more lively when we stepped foot back inside. According to Oni, the head coach invited middle schoolers to the camp while we were gone. Now, they wanted to challenge us for a representative spot on the national team. Mouri also seemed on edge ever since then, but I couldn't figure out why that was. 

He was strangely tense around any of the middle schoolers from his own institution. Likewise, those middle schoolers were eyeing him in a very intense way. They never exchanged a single word of acknowledgement towards each other. I didn't have to wait very long before Mouri started to tell me about what happened.

We were just challenged by the middle schoolers for our positions on the team. The competition was planned for the next day, so we left to go prepare. 

"Tsuki-san, have you ever had an awkward encounter with an ex before?" he asked me.

I shook my head. 

He took a long sigh. "I kind of dated three of my kouhais..."

The news was a bit of a surprise, but I wasn't particularly phased by it. "Okay...?"

"...All at the same time. And none of them knew it. And I abandoned all three of them," he added in quick succession.

I wasn't sure how to feel about his confession—other than envy. All I could ask was, "why do you feel like you abandoned them?"

"Because," he began, voice quivering, "I hurt them, Tsuki-san. They hate me. I just know it."

"I don't believe so," I stated.

"No, it's true," he protested. "Yanagi, Yukimura and Sanada... I messed around with their feelings when I shouldn't have... All because I couldn't stop myself from..."

"... From what?" I asked.

"It's nothing," he shook off. "The point is I played them."

"And, you think they hate you because of that?"

"I'm positive that they do. Have you seen the way they glared at me?" he asked. "Your kouhais barely know who you are, but for me... I know mine too well..."

He proceeded to tell me the story of how he toyed around with his three kouhais from his middle school tennis team. How he stole their first kisses, how he knew the best way to annoy them, how he fell in love with all three of them at the same time... I didn't want to believe it at first, but what reason did he have to lie to me?

"But then, Yukimura—the one with the blue hair—fell ill. He had to be hospitalized. They said it was Guillain-Barré, which I thought was incurable." He started to shake in his skin and grabbed onto himself to try and steady himself. "I started to distance myself from all three of them when it happened."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I was scared," he answered. "I was scared that he was going to die. I was—" 

He started to choke on his words as I saw his eyes begin to water. I gently placed my hand over his and squeezed gently.

"I was scared... I was scared to lose him the same way I lost my mom," he finished. "The same way I lost my family."

"But... That Yukimura person is here at the camp, isn't he? Doesn't that mean he got better?"

He furiously shook his head. "I overheard Kimi-san on the phone the other day. With a doctor from America, maybe. They were discussing Yukimura's condition."

"I see..."

We sat in silence as the weight of his words began to sink in. He broke the silence by chuckling in the same way he would when he realized something.

"I'm a terrible senpai, Tsuki-san... Are you sure you can like someone like me?"

"Why do you say that?" I asked, ignoring the second part of his statement.

"Because," he explained, "I made three of my kouhais fall in love with me, broke their hearts, ran away because I'm a coward, and I can't even bring myself to apologize to any of them..."

"Give it time," I suggested. "You'll find a way to make it up to them."

"I hope so..."

But there wasn't much that I could do or say that would alleviate his growing anxieties. I knew he was more than capable of finding a way to reconcile with his juniors. He just needed the confidence to do it.

As we continued to walk, Mouri tensed up on the spot all of a sudden.

"Mouri?"

"Tsuki-san, forgive me for this," he apologized in a hushed tone.

He gently grabbed onto the collar of my jersey and pulled me down towards him. The next thing I knew, our lips were touching again. I was confused more than anything, but it didn't last long. 

"Mouri...!"

"One of them was approaching to our right," he hissed. "I can't face them now. Not yet."

I looked over and saw one of the middle schoolers speed walk away from us. I turned my head and saw another who was frozen in shock behind us. I suppose both of them were the kouhais he said he wronged.

"You can't keep running away from them like this."

"I know," he sighed. "But what am I supposed to say to them? 'Oh, sorry I played with your feelings and for making you fall in love with me'? Doesn't really roll off the tongue."

"Would it be easier for you to practice with me?" I offered. "I can pretend to be your kouhais."

"Ain't you sweet, Tsuki-san?" he cracked a smile. "I'm not the best at pretending, but thanks anyway. I'll just have to work on this in my own way."

Before we knew it, the next day had arrived. Mouri and I were slated to go first against the middle schoolers, and I was slightly intrigued by our opponents. The one who talked too much and sounded full of himself happened to go to Hyoutei as well. I vaguely remember hearing his name being whispered in the hallways when I was at school. His partner kept changing shape between multiple different people and I couldn't tell which one was the real version of himself. 

It was a very good match, but Mouri and I lost in the end. I could tell we were almost there in terms of syncing up our playstyles to complement each other. We headed off of the courts and went to the vending machine area to cool off and recollect ourselves. Mouri was adjusting his right shoulder, making really unsettling noises in the process.

"Ah," he sighed. "Finally got it in."

"...Got what in?" I asked rather hesitantly.

"My shoulder joint. Works fine now." He swung his arm around in a circle to show me that it reattached properly. 

I couldn't help showing my disdain. "I wish you wouldn't do that."

"I don't do it often, relax!"

"Mouri—"

I felt a chill down my spine as Mouri placed his hand on the side of my face and gently caressed it. There was a devious smile on his face—one that I had never seen before.

"Tsuki-san, you're real sweet, ain't ya?"

His face inched closer towards mine. I wasn't sure what he was trying to do, but it made my stomach turn. 

"I really wish you weren't. It's only going to make this harder for the both of us."

He brought our lips together, but something felt off about it. His lips didn't feel as tender and light like the last time. His vice-like grip was digging into my skin. It felt as if he was forcing his tongue down my throat. The twisting sensation in my gut continued to tighten. The tightness in my chest began to numb into a tingle. I felt like I couldn't breathe, but I was suffocating. I pushed him away, confused. I was terrified of the dark, soulless gaze in his deep, chestnut brown eyes as we stared at each other in silence.

"You hated that, didn't you?" he asked me while smiling sadly. 

My mind was drawing a blank. What was he doing and why was he saying these things? I couldn't stand to look at him any longer.

"I... I need to go..."

I felt something inside of me screaming to not leave, but my feet and legs carried me away without much of a second thought.

Mouri didn't return to our room later that night. I didn't want to go search for him, and that sickening feeling in my stomach kept me up all night. When morning came, he was still nowhere to be found. Even the others were starting to notice that he was missing when he failed to show up for practice the next day.

"Where on earth is Jusaburou?" Kimijima wondered. "I haven't seen him since that match."

"Since when did you care so much about that kid?" Oomagari questioned him back. "He's always had that habit of his anyway."

Kimijima turned towards me. "Say, Ochi-kun, why don't we pair up?" 

I looked at him, unsure of where he wanted to go with this. 

"Your partner is gone and mine... Well, let's just say he's been taken care of."

"You mean you smooth-talked your way into making those brats take him out," Oomagari pointed out. "Seriously, is there ever a time where you're not conspiring to take all of us out?"

"I am not some hitman or the Evil Queen," he scoffed. "I am merely negotiating a mutually beneficial arrangement."

"I don't see how you teaming up with the former No. 4 rep is going to do you any favours."

"Actually," I interrupted, "I appreciate the offer, but I'm not interested."

"What a shame, Ochi-kun," Kimijima sighed. "We could have climbed our way to the top of the Genius 10 together." 

Oomagari rolled his eyes. Mitsuya came strolling into our practice session with his usual unreadable demeanour.

"May I speak with you for a second?" he said to me. 

I nodded as I stepped off of the court.

He handed me a train ticket and a folded piece of paper. "The paper contains the location where your partner ran off to. Coach Kurobe explicitly asked for you to go bring him back."

"Me...?"

"The guilt and confusion you are feeling right now has a 99.76 percent chance of disappearing if you choose to go," he reassured me. "Also, you'll have to run to the station yourself. It's part of your training."

I wasn't sure what came over me, but I started to run. I suppose this is what love does to someone. I glanced down at the ticket, which was for a trip to a place just west of Kobe. The ride down was agonizing, as I had to worry about whether he would do something drastic. I fumbled around with and read the piece of paper I was handed over and over again until the contents burned itself into my mind. The moment the train pulled into the station, I sprinted to the location detailed on that paper, which turned out to be a cemetary of sorts. 

I looked around the area to see if I could spot him, heading deeper in. As I brush past some overgrown vegetation, something red moving behind the foliage caught my attention. I turned back and looked through the leaves, where I found Mouri lighting some incense and praying in front of what I believed to be his family tombstone. I hesitated to go over and just stood behind and watched him. He was just within earshot that I could hear his conversation.

"Sorry I never got a chance to visit you until now, Mom," he sighed. "Y'know how much of a wreck Dad's been. I'm sure he wants to come see you, but give him some time, m'kay? Dad promised he'll never remarry—he loves you too much to do something like that and is fearful of your wrath when he does go to Heaven."

My gut told me not to continue listening to his private conversation, but the rest of my body told me to remain where I was.

"A lot's happened. We moved to Kanagawa. I'm in high school now. Ryouta-niichan's going to med school in Europe. Emiko-neechan just got accepted into the university you went to. I know you'd be crying right now, but it's okay, Mom!" 

I heard a sniffle as I watched him wipe his face with the sleeve of his jersey.

"I also wanted to show you my new jersey, Mom. I'm a representative on the U-17 national team—just like you wanted! I even travelled to Macau and saw that cathedral face you always talked about."

He sat there in silence for a long time. I wanted to go over there, but something compelled me to continue watching instead.

"But playing tennis ever since you died has felt empty. My only reason for playing it so much was 'cause I thought making you happy would help you recover faster. That me telling you about my victories would make you better. Of course it's stupid, but I really thought I could cure you by doing my best."

I knew he started playing tennis because of his mother, but was that still the same reason he was playing now?

"But, I've been losing a lot as of late. Even yesterday, I lost a really important match."

I didn't realize he was still hung up about that match. We were the only ones to have lost yesterday, but those matches meant nothing in the end after Coach Mifune's announcement. Still, I suppose a loss was a loss.

"To tell you the truth, I wanted to quit tennis after you died, Mom. I tried to quit, but I always felt some sort of guilt when I tried to. Like you're watching over me and scolding me."

He got up and started picking away the stray leaves that were sticking onto the surface of the smooth stone.

"The more I continued to play, the more pain it caused me. The wins felt so empty, but the losses..." 

He paused for a second. "I did a lot of things to myself because I hated myself. I hated who I was and I hate who I am now."

He sat back down and started to swirl the water in the bucket beside him with his fingers. 

"But, those feelings started to go away when I met someone. I think I might like them."

Another moment of silence. Another wipe of his face with his sleeve.

"But, Mom... I did something bad... I hurt them... That person I like..."

Who was he talking about? I leaned in to listen more closely.

"I pushed them away from me cuz I didn't want to hurt them, but I guess the opposite happened, huh? Nothing good ever comes out of getting involved with me..."

There it was again. I still didn't understand what he meant by those words. What was so dangerous about getting involved with him?

"I don't want them to get hurt. I don't want them to face the hatred and abuse I get. I don't want them to suffer just because they like me."

Was that why he pushed me away? He was worried about me going through what he went through?

"Mom, I don't want to like boys. Why couldn't I be born normal and like girls? Why do people have to hate me cuz I like boys? Why are people so horrible to me..."

I couldn't take it anymore. I sprung out towards him and embraced him from behind.

"That's enough," I begged him. "Please."

"T-tsuki-san?!"

I buried my head into the back of his neck. "Please stop talking, Mouri. Please stop saying those things."

"You heard everything, didn't you?" he lamented.

I nodded without saying anything further.

He didn't say anything, but I felt his hands touching my arms. I felt the tiny tremors as they rested on my forearms, fingernails gently digging into me.

"I love you, Mouri Jusaburou. Nothing will change my feelings for you."

"Tsuki-san..." I could hear his voice trembling. "I want to believe you, but I just can't..."

"I know," I acknowledged.  

"Tsuki-san, I'm so sorry about what I did," he choked. "I... I thought that I was doing you a favour, but I—"

"That's enough," I pleaded. "It's okay to love me. I love you."

I held him in my arms. The sensation felt similar to the first time I watched him fall apart and pull himself back together. 

"Tsuki-san, you really are sweet, y'know?" he laughed softly after a while. "I'm lucky to have you."

I nodded. "I should give you some privacy to finish up, then."

"If you're gonna eavesdrop, you really need to get better at hiding, Tsuki-san," he teased. "But thanks. I'll come find you at the entranceway and we can head back to the camp together, yeah?"

"Alright," I said. "I'll see you there."

As I got up and left, my ears picked up on one more sentence before I was out of range.

"What do you think, Mom? Is he a keeper?"

Things have gotten better ever since we got back, but it wasn't long before we had to head to Australia for the World Cup. The tournament structure this year stipulated that a certain number of middle schoolers needed to play each round, which likely meant that Mouri and I wouldn't be partnered for anything. Still, the room assignments for our accommodations paired me up with him, which was a relief.

I was minding my own business one day when I overheard a heated conversation in the hallway. I recognized one of the voices as that kid who was always with Mitsuya. It wasn't until I turned the corner that I realized who he was yelling at.

"Do you even care?!"

It was Mouri. 

"No matter how many years pass, I will never forgive you. Don't you dare utter Seiichi's name ever again."

I watched as that boy stormed away before I gently approached and rested my hand on his shoulder.

"Oh, Tsuki-san," he acknowledged. "You saw that, too, huh?"

"Will you be alright?" I asked.

He nodded. "I made up with one of them, but the other two are just unbelievably stubborn. But I have an idea."

I raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"You'll see, Tsuki-san," he reassured me. "Wanna go practice?"

"I suppose..."

I knew I had to put my faith in him, but I couldn't help but worry. Mouri had gotten better at knowing when I was upset about something and confronted me about it later when we were about to sleep for the night. His head was resting on my chest as I twirled his hair around in my fingers while looking upwards.

"Tsuki-san, are you still worried about me making up with my kouhais?"

"A little."

"That's so like you," he snickered. "But I know they'll forgive me."

"What makes you say that?" I asked him.

"Have you ever heard of the Tooth Fairy?" he responded with an unusual question.

"I suppose?"

"Well, imagine the Tooth Fairy, but instead of it giving you money for your teeth, it leaves you a cold bottle of sports drink after you worked really hard that day," he laughed. "A sports drink fairy, if you will."

"Mouri—"

"That's what I used to do when I was watching over them. Yukimura had to go through really painful and soul-crushing rehab to get where he is now," he explained. "Just being able to see the smile on his face whenever he saw the cold sports drink I would leave for him every day..."

"And you think this will help...?"

"Those three are mad at me cuz they think their own senpai never cared about them," he sighed. "But, I figured it was time to at least reveal this secret and hope that the apology part that comes afterwards is easier."

"And if it doesn't...?"

Mouri sat up and looked down at me. "You're asking a lotta questions, Tsuki-san—not that I mind."

"...Sorry."

"It's fine," he grinned. "I didn't think any further than that, so we'll just leave it up to a little thing called fate."

I felt uneasy about his blind confidence, but it was what he said next that seemed to ease my worries.

"If fate gave me you, Tsuki-san, then I'm sure it'll work something out with them."

I was prepared to kiss him right then and there, but it seemed as if Mouri had another idea of what he wanted to do.

Match day against France finally came, where Mouri was partnered up with that Yanagi kid as per the coach's lineup. When we were doing the reconnaissance mission to ensure Duke would end up playing against the French team captain, we had the opportunity to change the rest of the lineup as well. I pointed out to Mouri that he would be playing with his kouhai, but he insisted that we leave it as is. I knew he had a plan—I just needed to trust him.

The first set was going very well for us, despite the circumstances. We were up five games before the match paused for a break. It was during the court change that I saw what he was doing.

"Here, catch!"

He was throwing something at the one he called Yukimura. I narrowed my eyes to see what it was and it appeared to be a bottle of some kind. That Yukimura person seemed shocked to be holding the bottle. At the same time, his partner on the court, Yanagi, seemed equally as stunned.

"You were watching over us during the Nationals, were you not, Mouri-senpai?" his partner realized.

Mouri smiled at him. "That's enough talk for now. C'mon, only one more game for the first set. Relax, okay?"

The French quickly turned the first set around and stole it, but Mouri and Yanagi were able to claim the last two sets after some intense back-and-forth. Japan would go on to win the quarterfinals and advance to the semis, where our next opponent was waiting.

When the games wrapped up, I went out to look for Mouri. He wasn't in the locker room when I checked, but I didn't think he'd be too far away. It took me a bit to parse the area, but I was able to locate him just a little outside the entrance. He was talking to Yanagi, but I saw him leaning into his kouhai. I walked over and picked him up by the collar.

"Tsuki-san!"

I said nothing to him and turned around. I could hear him finishing up his conversation before running to catch up with me.

"Wait up, Tsuki-san!"

This time, I did stop and looked over. "What were you doing?"

"Apologizing," was his laid-back response. "I think he took it well."

"He seems... happier," I commented. "I'm glad you were able to make up with them."

"Senpai!" A voice from behind called out to us.

We both turned around and it was that Yukimura person running towards us. Mouri had a sheepish grin on his face as he looked to me.

"Tsuki-san, can you give us a sec?"

I nodded and took a step back. I averted my attention elsewhere while those two conversed. Mouri pulled the smaller boy into his arms and then gave him a pat on the head before they parted ways. I was happy for him. It really seemed like Mouri was finally able to let go of those burdensome feelings he's had for so long.

"Say, did you wanna go check out that new Italian place that just opened up?" he asked me, completely changing the topic.

"I suppose..."

He nudged me down towards his height before playfully kissing me on the lips. I was honestly too stunned to say anything.

"You're the best, Tsuki-san."

"...Mouri?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you're here."

"Me too, Tsuki-san," he smiled. "Me too."