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Where is she?
Ricky’s eyes scan the hall for the hundredth time but she is nowhere to be seen. It has been past an hour since auditions started, the auditorium bustling with all sorts of new faces. Since the teaser for the Frozen documentary was released and the rumours of certain people closely associated with High School Musical dropping into the school circulated, the theatre community suddenly expanded exponentially.
His friends open the auditions, setting the bar extremely high. And not to be biased but Ricky is certain that the only newcomers joining the original theatre group are Jet and Maddox.
Good, he thinks. The school’s theatre community are his friends, his family, and he is not inviting a warm welcome to some fame hungry sophomores.
“She’s not replied to any of my texts,” Ashlyn whispers as a junior who Ricky thinks is called May (or Shay?) attempts to pirouette mid song and lands as gracefully as a giraffe on skates.
“Where is Channing to film all of this?” Carlos smirks before turning to Ricky. “You need to find her, I can’t believe I am living in world where she’s late and you’re 15 minutes early!” It was a surprise to all when Ricky causally strolled in well before the clock struck 12, with a box of red velvet cupcakes and a smile rivalling Julia Roberts. (The cupcakes were quickly hidden away in a top secret location that Carlos, and only Carlos, knows about.) He had always liked his friends but a new fondness developed during summer camp and Ricky’s determined to reciprocate their energy.
He surveys the room one last time, double checking that she hasn’t secretly sneaked in and hiding away from them like she had been the last few days. Ricky was convinced that it was just him that she was avoiding but Kourtney had mentioned it earlier and everyone silently agreed.
“Ricky, you’ve not auditioned yet, shall I go find her?” Maddox comments from behind.
“He’s probably the only one who’ll know where she is.” Big Red replies before Ricky can open his mouth. A flush of pink warms his cheeks and he’s glad the lights are low.
“Maddie you know your way around this school like I know how to ride a bike,” Jet squeezes Ricky’s shoulders, “I don’t know how to ride a bike.” Someone giggles next to Jet, and Ricky turns to see Kourtney with her hand firmly covering her mouth. A soft grin and wistful eyes light Jet’s face. Mental reminder to tease Jet about this later, Ricky thinks.
“If I’m not back in 20, start tap dancing, Red,” Ricky jumps out of his seat and sprints out of the auditorium.
Ten minutes later and a detention from Ms Green for walking into the girls’ changing room with his hand covering his eyes and shouting Gina, Ricky stands by her lockers and tries ringing her for the fifth time. A sigh escapes his lips when he reaches voicemail again, sliding down to the floor, knocking his head back, and shutting his eyes.
They’d been teetering on blurred lines since the ride back home, their friendship not quite the same.
*
Carlos decides days before Camp Prom that he’s hitching a lift back with Ricky – I can catch up on my beauty sleep and the world of reality without being disturbed by EJ’s sing alongs, he says. Ricky beams in response. Post show, and with Gina and EJ definitely not together, Ricky searches for Gina and finds her at the lake. We set off at 10, he whispers, and she nods, resting her head in the crook of his neck, their feet treading the cool of the night as the orangey hues surrounding them fade.
Carlos suggests riding back with EJ instead but both Ricky and Gina insist he stays and the long journey passes by with multiple renditions, silly debates, and deep laughs echoing around the car. If someone had told him a year ago that he would be joking about Kristoff and Anna and Olaf and singing horribly off key to Into the Unknown with Gina Porter and Carlos Rodriguez, Ricky would have said Who? But now, this memory and the warmth that surrounds him would be forever etched inside his mind.
An hour outside of Salt Lake City, Carlos reunites with his family at his grandparents’ house. After helping him take his bags inside, Carlos wraps his arms around both Ricky and Gina, crushing them into a strong embrace.
“You guys, my Kristoff and Anna, thank you for making this Olaf a happy snowman!” Gina’s face is pushed into Ricky’s chest and her laugh reverberates through his body, the sweet sound setting every single nerve ablaze. He tightens the hug, the corners of his mouth lifting as he chants to himself I want to bottle this very feeling.
They break apart and Carlos waits before Gina is out of earshot before whispering “tell her about the confession.” And as Ricky watches as Gina gracefully accepts the very large bag of snacks Carlos’ mother gifts her, her whole being warm and bright, he realises he can’t blindside her. He had stopped himself after prom but they had always been open with each other- or they tried to be. Or they used to be. Unsaid words and feelings seemed to linger between them since Gina had returned but they had started afresh, and he knew how much Gina hated liars. She needed to know.
He had turned into her drive as she turned the radio down slowly.
“Gi,“
“Rick-“
They were facing one another now, the porch light illuminating their faces. An awkward chuckle escapes both of them as Ricky gestures for Gina to go first.
“Ricky,” she starts again, and he notices a cute dent between her brows, and he’s wondering what it would be like to kiss it, and now he’s thinking what it would be like to kiss her and- “Ricky?” Her voice snaps him out of his daze as he refocuses back onto Gina. He wasn’t supposed to get distracted but how could he not? How could someone still look so beautiful after hours in the car, and now – Snap out of it Bowen, he shouts in his head.
“Uh, yeah?” Ricky splutters.
“I just wanted to say thank you. Not only for the ride, which has been the most entertaining road trip, but thank you for the summer. Wait,” Gina says as he was about to interrupt her, “you, along with the rest of the gang have really made my summer. And I’m glad we were able to put the past behind us and start again as friends because I would not have wanted to miss out on your bucket list adventures! I had so much fun with the play and everything in between. And well, pretty much, all of it was down to you.” She lets out a breath.
“You don’t have to thank me, Gi. You’ve made my summer and I’m glad that I decided to join you guys because who else would have helped me complete my bucket list? And I would not have wanted to miss out on you making that awesome shot? Or miss out on the best Anna performance!”
“You were amazing as Kristoff!” Gina retorts.
“Gina, you and Kourtney were the stars of the show!”
“Don’t sell yourself short, Bowen. There is a reason why you have been the lead three times.” Gina says, and then her voice softens. “You are insanely talented.” Warmth floods his cheeks and he lets out a low laugh.
“Well, I’m honoured to have been the Kristoff to your Anna. I can’t wait for the world to see you shine.” And this time, it’s Gina’s face who betrays her as crimson colours her face and he feels the knots in his stomach turn. I’ve mentioned the documentary, now is the perfect time to bring up the confession and hopefully we can laugh it off together, he thinks.
“I nee-“
“I’ve missed you.” She pauses as she catches his gaze again. “I think you’re my best friend.”
His mouth opens, the words stuck in his throat. Best friend. That’s what she sees him as – a best friend. He can’t ruin that. But he needs to tell her and yet, a beat passes. Gina’s face slightly hardens as she desperately scans his face, looking for any sign. Her eyes start to lose hope as Ricky’s mouth slowly moves but with no sound.
“I’m sorry, if you don’t,” her voice barely a whisper.
“You’re my best friend too.” He responds, and her face breaks into the brightest grin and it tugs at his heartstrings, the joy breaking but also soaring his heart. I’ve made the right decision, he thinks, for now. Just to see the joy on her face, he still has time to tell her.
And the she surprises him again as her lips touch his cheek – gentle, light, barely there – but his whole being is screaming at him, begging her to stay. His cheeks are burning and his thoughts are unravelling quicker than a bullet train. He is in awe. He wants her. His feelings run deeper than a crush – it was never just a crush.
“Oh, Ricky, didn’t you need to tell me something? I’m hoping it’s slightly better than the Carlos/Olaf story.”
As she sits there, eagerly waiting to hear what he says, her eyes bright, her smell sweet, her everything drawing him in, he knows he can’t lose her, not again. So he honestly replies:
“I missed you too.”
*
Initially, Ricky tries to keep his distance from her, holding her at an arm’s length. But, it’s so hard to, Gina had become his person again. She would text him when she found her new favourite cupcake flavour and he would message when Big Red had concocted the most insane pizza combo that would make anyone nauseous, and he would open the door to her when she arrived, a box of red velvet cupcakes and a grin, demanding to try Red’s Frankenstein’s monster. As the summer nights start to chill, he would wrap his jacket around her shoulders and gently ask if she’s okay and she would reply I’m fine. He would hear the wistful tone and she would draw the jacket tighter around herself, and then the guilt would gnaw away inside him as he tries to bottle his ever-growing feelings in the smallest, tightly closed box right at the back of his mind.
A few days ago, he messages her about his suspicions of Jet crushing on Kourtney. No reply. Then, he’s messaging her about the rumours of a Zanessa reunion at their school and hey, wouldn’t it be insane if Vanessa Hudgens saw you as Gabriella??? Still no reply. So, he rings her, and it goes straight to voicemail, worry creeps into his mind.
Hey, Gi. Are you okay? I’m always here for you, or if I’m the reason why you’re not replying, I’m sorry. Can I help?
He receives a text two hours later: Ricky, I’m sorry for not replying, it’s not you. Just super busy helping my mum! See you at the party :). He breathes a sigh of relief but she doesn’t show up to Ashlyn’s pre-audition party and he overhears Ashlyn saying to Maddox that Gina had texted saying she had a bit of a cold and needed to rest before the auditions.
He finds Carlos and whispers his guilt of not admitting to the confession, wanting to shake off the uneasiness from Gina’s sudden disappearance.
“Maybe they won’t show it?” His voice carrying a stupid amount of hope.
“Honey,” Carlos sighs gently, “the confession from a boy who is yearning for his co-lead even though she is in a ‘happy’ relationship. The unrequited shit? That’s TV gold, dude.”
*
He checks his phone for any updates but Carlos is sending him numerous texts counting down. His mind scrambles for where Gina could be as he focuses on the poster for the auditions. Suddenly, it hits him.
He runs up the stairs, two at a time, and blames the lack of exercise as to why his breathing quickens when he sees her. Gina’s sat on the edge of bench, her phone a few metres away, looking down, her head in her hands. It’s pathetic how much he misses her.
“Well this is very appropriate place to be when they are holding auditions for HSM 3.” He remarks, skirting closer to her.
“Ricky?” She says, lifting her head slowly, her eyes flutter open, and he catches the red rimming her eyes.
“Hey, hey Gi. Are you okay?” Ricky rushes towards her.
She turns to him, surprised colouring her face. “How did you know I would be here?”
“Troy intuition I guess?”
She laughs, his heart flutters. “Confident that you are going to be Troy again?”
He lets out a low chuckle. “No. Actually, I wouldn’t mind if I wasn’t the lead this year.”
“Ricky, you are literally the Troy Bolton?” She raises an eyebrow, shaking her head.
“And you are Gabriella uh - I forgot her surname.” He knocks his leg against hers.
“No I’m her understudy.”
“That was last year.”
“This year will not be any different, so many insanely talented people, and Nini just played her incredibly and I will just be the second best choice if I am casted. Or third or sixth even.” Gina trails off, her hair falling softly, hiding her face.
His chest clenches at the thought of Gina losing her confidence. “No, no. You are no one’s second choice, Gi. Nina was amazing as Gabriella but so are you! You were the perfect Anna and everybody knew it. You are the perfect Gabriella and everyone will know it.” His voice is loud, clear, and unwavering. He leans forward, without thinking, delicately pushing her hair behind her ear and tilting her head towards his.
A pleasant sigh escapes her lips, and she rests her hand on his knee, her touch feather light yet the imprint sears into his skin, the rush coursing its way, beating the blood flow to his chest as his heart constricts – he feels the corner of his lips turn as she simply says, “well, then I’ll need my Kristoff.”
Ricky is sent back to reality when he sees her phone light up – shit, the auditions.
“Why are you up here, Gi? I didn’t think you were one to doubt yourself.”
“I don’t know. I don’t even think it is the pressure of Gabriella. I mean I would be happy for anyone to be her. It’s just, oh you don’t have to hear this, Ricky.”
“Hey, I thought this is what we do for each other?” And he gingerly places his hand on top of hers, his fingers curling around hers with a delicate squeeze, and he ignores how natural and right this feels.
“Yeah, we do,” she begins, “I haven’t told anyone this yet, not even Ashlyn.” She draws a breath. “But my dad kind of just turned up out of the blue last week.”
“What?” Ricky interrupts. “Shit, Gi. That’s crazy. How do you feel?”
She looks away but their fingers are still interlaced, and he waits.
“I don’t know, I’m feeling everything and I’m feeling nothing. I’m angry, then I’m sad, then I’m angry again. My mom is feeling it all too and I can’t talk about it, she doesn’t want to talk about it. My mind is completely scrambled and I’ve just resorted to listening to Phoebe Bridgers and Taylor Swift whilst ignoring everybody.” She pauses. “Sorry about that, by the way.”
“Hey, don’t apologise,” Ricky replies, slightly knocking her shoulder with his.
“And there’s everything with EJ. I do think I’m over him but him being here as Miss Jenn’s assistant is affecting me more than I thought it would. Everything is just completely throwing me off.”
The air has grown thick and the bubbling of distress increases in Ricky’s stomach. Annoyance washes over him, why did EJ come back? Did he not think about Gina? Does he ever think? He exhales, this unfortunately couldn’t be pinned down to Elton’s existence and Ricky was aware that EJ had his own life, and happiness.
“You miss him? EJ?”
“It’s more that I miss his friendship, you know?” She focuses her attention back towards Ricky, he nods in response.
“You will be friends again. It took Nini and me awhile but we’re getting there. EJ would be crazy to pass on your friendship. Well, not as crazy as letting you go in the first place.” The corner of her eyes crinkle, laughing lightly. Gently, he lifts their hands up, kneeling on the ground in front of her as he takes her other hand into his. She shares a perplexed look, knitting her brows.
“I know your dad coming back is not ideal and everything seems out of control. But, Gina Porter, you’ve got this, you’ve got me. You’ve always had me,” he pauses and he notices how her features soften. “I am the founder of the parents’ issues club. You can talk to me? We can do this together.” Ricky says with complete certainty.
They sit there for what feels like forever as Gina holds onto his hands, her eyes glistening, and Ricky draws small circles onto the back of her hand.
“Thank you,” she finally replies. “We’ll talk about it, just not today.”
“That’s fine with me. But we can’t miss out on your audition? We are all rooting for you! Even EJ I would say.” He moves to stand them up and faintly tugs onto their hands to steer Gina towards the stairs. Their hold drops and Ricky suddenly misses Gina’s warmth but she instead loops her arm inside of his.
“Lead the way, Wildcat.”
*
There’s one more person before it’s her turn and he can see her shaking nervously in front of him. Quietly, they had returned to their friends, who had all breathed a sigh of relief asking if Gina was okay.
“East High were unfortunate to miss my tap dancing today.”
“Yes, unfortunate is the word I would use, Red.” Carlos drawls before Kourtney and Ash push Ricky and Gina to the front of the hall, whispering break a leg!
Ricky is the last one to go up and he can tell from Miss Jenn’s face that she’s glad these auditions are almost over. Just before the final high note of this painful performance, Gina spins towards him.
“Ricky?” She asks.
“Yes?”
“I was wondering if we could maybe… do a duet?”
“What?” Ricky shoots her a quizzical look.
If you want to sing solo that is fine! But, I just think we worked well together as Anna and Kristoff? And, I don’t know, it might be my last time singing with you.” She shrugs her shoulder and he can hear the hope ringing in her words.
“Gina, it won’t be the last time, trust me. And you don’t need me up there with you.”
“But, I want you.” She says, her voice clear and genuine and it’s all he’s ever wanted to hear. And he knows she doesn’t mean it about him, she’s talking about the audition, he reminds himself. But when has he ever been able to deny Gina Porter of anything?
“Well,” he clears his throat, making sure his words don’t waver. He extends his arm towards her, his hand open wide. “Can I have this dance?”
She jumps as she wraps her arms arounds him, her body fitting against his, and her giggle tattooed into his mind.
They walk out onto the stage, introducing themselves, and he catches their friends (their friends) shooting them a thumbs up. And when she sings take my hand, take a breath, he follows – he follows her every move, and he sings back. He can feel the eyes staring at him but she’s absorbed into this moment, and he starts to drink it all in, singing and dancing – and shouting a mental thank you to Carlos for the numerous dance lessons. It’s so natural, and it feels like he’s been doing this his whole life, it feels like this is what he’s always supposed to do – just exist with Gina. He spins her just before the finish and the auditorium is thunderous, but he is laser focused on her as they stand millimetres apart, her excitement fanning his face. Ricky is aware the pain he is putting himself through, and he knows he is not being honest with her – but he will forever be magnetised to Gina, and he would do this a hundred times over.
They stay in that moment, and he feels himself drowning as her eyes gleam, and neither can break apart, and Ricky thinks to himself - I am completely utterly fucked.