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"hyung! aren't you excited? i'm so, so excited, i can't breathe! i can't wait to perform in front of all those engenes, international and korean! they're gonna clap so loud for us! and it's finally our own personal concert! i hope that i don't cry - i hope that we don't cry, i hope that you don't cry! if you cry i'm teasing you afterwards. hyung, do you think that i'll cry?"
with a heavy breath for air after the long rant, ni-ki collapsed onto sunoo's bed next to him, snuggling up to him as close as he could. a touch of affection warmed sunoo's heart and he smiled, pulling the younger closer by the shoulders. he closed the book resting on his lap, bookmarking the page he had left off on.
"well, if you do cry, i'll tease you more," sunoo hummed amiably in response, cupping riki's cheek and pulling him in for a quick kiss. "love, i'm nervous too, and yes, we should sleep early, but please calm down."
flashback :p
and he was speaking the exact truth. bundles of anxiety roamed his stomach, making him feel slightly sick. for the past week, they'd been preparing for their first concert for their first world tour; they'd been so exhaustingly busy. the entire day they'd been having their final rehearsal in the stadium, trying their best to give their all even though they were drained from all the practicing that week. fortunately for them, that day's rehearsal had ended early so that they could get enough rest before their big day.
and the seven members had definitely been using the time to the fullest, heeseung and jungwon playing video games together on the eldest's gaming computer to destress, jay trying to cook a hearty meal for them before they slept, jake and sunghoon taking their first nap that week, completely knocked out on the australian's bed. finally, sunoo had been trying to finish the romance book that he'd bought a month prior, while ni-ki bothered him by peeking over his shoulder, laughing at him for reading "those cheesy scenes," to quote him.
sunoo had protested, insisting that they were most definitely not cheesy, and that ni-ki was just trying to get on his nerves. or, he simply wanted some attention. either way, sunoo had tried to ignore him for an entire thirty minutes, even plugging in his wired headphones to blast music such that he could not hear ni-ki's persistent nags and complaints about how he wasn't listening to him.
however, this only made the younger annoy him more, trying to snatch the book out of his hands, playfully trying to tickle him so that he'd receive any form of response. so ultimately he decided to take out his earpiece, rolling his eyes at the triumphant smirk plastered onto riki's smug lips. sunoo was sure that he thought that he'd won like he usually did.
okay, in sunoo's defense, it wasn't that he was a weak character - he was quite the opposite. but when it came to his boyfriend, he definitely tended to fall victim to his mischievous antics, and when the maknae of their group tried to convince him to get what he wanted, it was difficult to say no.
but not this time. sunoo resolved to try to ignore him for another ten minutes before answering. page after page he read, albeit it proved hard with a life-sized distraction at the corner of his vision, whining and trying to pry his legs open for the attention he so obviously wanted.
yeah, ni-ki definitely wasn't just trying to bug him at that point.
he'd begun to trail light kisses up his legs, rolling up his already short shorts and sucking pleadingly on his thighs. sunoo could feel himself falling further into the younger's trap, his face flushing a deep red of longing as riki continued to work his way further upwards. finally he came to his sense, shaking off his boyfriend with a scowl of irritation. but internally his heart ached at how persistent his boyfriend had been, and was still being.
at this, ni-ki seemed to grow frustrated, standing up and beginning to ask sunoo whether he was actually excited for the next day, whether he would cry. sunoo could see the plain neglect deep in his eyes, narrowed with hurt.
so when riki plopped his whole body onto the bed, giving up, sunoo gave in, keeping away his book and pressing a calming kiss to the younger's quivering lips, then telling him to calm himself down.
"why were you ignoring me?" murmured ni-ki with a pout, but his eyes betrayed his true delight, shining even in the dull light of a late summer evening. "you were reading that stupid book of yours."
sunoo let his mouth fall wide open with mock offense, giving him another eye roll. "do not call it a stupid book, it's so good. you just don't read enough."
"oh, really? let me see?" ni-ki gazed intently into his eyes, smiling warmly while he spoke.
sunoo was not an idiot, he knew ni-ki's ulterior motive for requesting to look at his book. he'd probably launch into a huge teasing session, criticise literally every word of the book, or, again, scowl at how 'cheesy' the scenes were.
they're not cheesy, for god's sake, they're romantic, sunoo protested inwardly, feeling another eye-roll coming on. but he held it back, giving in to the younger despite his theories and handing over the book.
and as expected, his boyfriend began to mock him terribly for reading something like that, asking if he didn't give sunoo enough romance for an entire lifetime, his book instantly thrown to the side carelessly. ni-ki had read a couple of words, his eyes widened, before he tackled a surprised sunoo to the bed.
"really, sunoo hyung, are you really so love-deprived? affection-deprived?" teased ni-ki softly, leaning closer to sunoo's ear and lowering his voice, "sex-deprived?"
sunoo's eyes shot wide open, and he shoved riki away, having enough for one day. "no, ni-ki, not today. we're going to be so tired tomorrow. no." he tried to ignore the fact that his face was a prominent red and his cheeks were burning from the bluntness of the younger's suggestion.
"hyunggg," whined ni-ki almost immediately, tugging on his shirt convincingly. "don't you wanna fuck before we go? we're going to be awfully tired after the series of concerts."
"and we're going to be awfully tired and aching after you rail me and we wake up naked tomorrow, so no," sunoo refused, glad that his mind was staying loyal to him at that moment. he knew that if his body gave in, ni-ki would not hesitate to take him right there and then.
"i'll try to be gentle," ni-ki attempted weakly for the last time, and sunoo could tell that he was trying to make his voice as persuasive as possible. but it wasn't working on him, luckily. his common sense was finally prevailing, for the first time in ages since he had started dating riki.
"riki," sunoo whispered simply, shaking his head. he looked deep into the younger's eyes, admiring the way they still managed to shine with hope. he was so optimistic, always hoping for the best. sunoo wished he could do the same, but there were times when he just had to accept reality.
"are you sure it's not you who's sex-deprived?" he murmured lowly, ensuring that only ni-ki could hear. but he was sure that none of the other members even cared, with jungwon yelling uncharacteristically at heeseung, ranting something about how he was playing too well.
there was a stretch of silence as ni-ki closed his eyes, his pretty eyelashes fluttering as he did so. and after a while he nodded, sadly gazing into sunoo's eyes. shivering from the proximity, sunoo tilted his head understandingly, but they literally couldn't go for it that evening. they still had dinner to get to, and sunoo hadn't been lying - they would definitely be unable to move much the next day, regardless of how intense riki decided to be.
so instead he pulled the younger closer, pressing a comforting kiss to the still shaky lips that were slightly parted. sunoo wondered how ni-ki could still look so innocent although he had openly been asking for the most intimate thing a couple could do.
sunoo wasn't going to question the younger. they both had much on their minds. a mixture of anxiety for the next day as well as the longing to get intimate with each other one last time before exhaustion and fatigue him them like a train.
"next time, okay, riki?" sunoo whispered, letting his lips brush lightly against his boyfriend's ear. really, it wasn't that he didn't want it. he did. but they couldn't. it'd be too big of a risk. anyways, their hyungs were just outside, it'd be dangerous to go for it at that moment. so sunoo ran a hand through ni-ki's hair in an attempt to calm him down.
humming, ni-ki leaned into his touch with another pout, sounding disappointed and still excited for their performance at the same time.
sunoo was about to brush his fingers through the tiny hairs on the back of riki's nape, pulling him closer to hug him warmly, but the sound of jay calling them for dinner rang out, and the two of them had to reluctantly pause what they were doing.
"everyone, who wants ramyeon?"
timeskip :p
after dinner, the members all went for their showers to get ready to sleep early. as usual, sunghoon, jungwon, sunoo and riki played a game of rock, paper, scissors in order to decide who'd get to use their singular bathroom first.
naturally, although sunoo lost and ni-ki won, the younger invited sunoo to shower with him as always, with an innocent smile on his face. for once he didn't seem teasing and looked eager for the next day. sunoo shuddered at the thought of trying to get an enthusiastic riki to fall asleep.
however, it proved quite easy when ni-ki lulled himself to sleep in sunoo's arms, his head buried deep into sunoo's chest. sunoo had continued threading his slim fingers through ni-ki's hair, his nose nuzzled into the top of his head, breathing in the comforting scent of strawberry flavoured chocolates.
smiling softly, never wanting to let go of that moment, sunoo planted a final kiss on riki's forehead and tilted his head back onto the pillow. it was merely a few moments before sleep was consuming him, despite how excited and nervous he was.
almost instantly, his heart began to thump wildly, surprising him. shadows pressed in on the edge of his eyes, black and deep and scary. and somehow he could see his bedroom enveloped in a haze of darkness, sunghoon and jungwon just lumps on their beds.
dread bubbled up inside his stomach, spreading hot lava inside of him. sunoo knew what was going on, he'd been through this before, in i-land. it had been such a terrible experience that sunoo got shivers when he though about it.
sure enough, when he tried to move his limbs, they merely tightened and refused to move a single inch. despair clutched at his heart, tears forcing their way into his eyes.
i don't want to be choked by yet another ghost! he wailed inwardly, trying to thrash his body around, to wake ni-ki up. the younger was a still, empty shadow next to him, his face looking distorted yet familiar. then he began to rise, instantaneously relieving sunoo. maybe now ni-ki would wake him up, calm him down before the hallucinations started.
he was wrong. ni-ki's familiar body transformed into a black figure, merely made up of waves of matter emanating from the body that rose and began to creep over him. his breath catching in his throat, sunoo twitched, trying to get his arms and legs to push the blank-faced figure backwards. but, as expected, they didn't comply, instead his body shivered with fear, uncontrollable tears dotting his cheeks. they were piercing cold although he could hardly feel anything around him - the bedsheets were just limp around him, the hallucination coming closer to his face.
and as he struggled for breath, gasping, his throat tightened, the waist-long arms of the once-ni-ki creature closing in on his neck. there was a seeping numbness spreading through his body, only increasing when he closed his eyes desperately, wanting it all to be over.
ni-ki, wake up! he begged, hoping that the fact that the hallucination was hovering above him, trying to choke him like usual, meant that ni-ki was awake and trying to get him to wake up. he couldn't sense the presence of his sleeping boyfriend beside him anymore, the familiar log that meant that he was there.
but pure fear seared through his nerves anyways, and he shuddered, looking into endless white eyes of light, no emotion in them. the figure shook him, choked him, pinned him down, and all he wanted to do was to scream for help. but he knew better.
he closed his eyes, trying to ignore the ringing in his ears and the pulsing in his tightened throat. eventually, to his immense relief, the weightless figure began to loosen its grip on his neck, reaching up to brush his sweaty hair instead. and sunoo tilted his head into the calming touch, feeling his heart rate slow down, feeling returning to his limbs.
he threw a weak hand upwards, searching for ni-ki's. he felt too scared, too tired to open his eyes, afraid of what he'd see, but he reached out anyways, glad that the paralysis was over.
"hyung, hyung, what's wrong? are you okay?"
warm fingers interlaced with his and soothed him, bringing him down to earth again. trying to focus on taking a breath at a time, sunoo forced his eyes to open, shocked when masses of tears greeted him as well as a blurred ni-ki against the shadow of darkness behind him.
"hyung, it's just me," ni-ki murmured worriedly as sunoo tried backing away out of instinct, kicking his legs reflexively. he wasn't sure either why he reacted like that, maybe it was the overwhelming need to be able to see things clearly to make sure that it was really ni-ki there.
"ni-ki," sunoo just managed to choke out, giving in to the huge pressing urge to burst into tears. his head pounded as he lay there, one hand clasped in ni-ki's, his only connection to sanity. he couldn't get the creeping creature out of his mind, the way it crawled up towards him and tried to suffocate him.
and suddenly there were fingers brushing the sticky tears off his cheeks, a drop of a kiss on his trembling lips. his heart beats began to slow even more, falling into a steady rhythm. it was a huge contrast to the erratic pace they'd been going at previously, spiking up and down.
"hyung, what happened? are you okay?" ni-ki whispered, his voice sounding thick from concern and fear. "you were twitching like crazy, and you were making strangled noises. i had to shake you awake."
gripping harder onto ni-ki's hands as he gained his strength again, sunoo managed to mumble, "sleep paralysis."
he realised that ni-ki wouldn't have been with him for his first episode, only sunghoon had, and even then he had been extremely confused and worried for him as well. sunoo remembered the panic in his wide eyes as he looked around for something that would comfort him.
"hyung," ni-ki blurted, slicing through his thoughts. sunoo could see him clearly now, his face leaning in close to his, his eyes filled with anxiety. there was also a faint well of tears in both his eyes, that made sunoo want to hug him tightly and promise him that he was okay. but that would be a lie. he was still trying to comprehend what was going on, still unable to form sentences.
"hey, love, breathe with me, okay?"
ni-ki's voice rasped in his ear, his warm breath tingling his earlobe. sunoo felt his hands squeezed tighter in his grasp, his waist being pulled towards ni-ki who was laid back down in bed, hugging him close.
"one." a shuddery, shaky breath. sunoo tried to feel the way the air entered his lungs, easier than when he had been dreaming and hallucinating.
"two." a longer, still slightly trembling breath. all the air that sunoo could inhale, he inhaled.
"three." a slow, calm breath. sunoo was aware of ni-ki's gentle whispering, his fingers travelling up his body to clutch at his chest. "are you calm now?"
letting his eyelids close, sunoo mumbled sleepily, "yes."
and his heart definitely felt lighter than before, his lungs burning for air less, his chest not stopped up. his head was clearer, it was easier to think. but despite feeling much better, sunoo didn't feel like explaining what had happened. it would bring back horrible memories. so when ni-ki asked him if he wanted to talk, he shook his head. but on the other hand, he didn't want to sleep again, completely scared that he would see the creature rise again.
and then he was on the brink of tears again. "i don't want to sleep," he blurted, beginning to sob again. he couldn't help it, there was genuinely a pit in his stomach growing wider at the thought of having to experience that kind of paralysis again.
luckily, ni-ki understood, like he always did. indeed, he was incredibly sweet, caring and empathetic. "do you want to take another shower? a warm one? you're all sticky."
sunoo didn't feel like he could get up, his muscles shaking weakly, but he nodded anyways, letting ni-ki heave him into a sitting position. his boyfriend pulled him into his arms, carrying him to the bathroom in just a few moments.
and then there was a blurred period of time as ni-ki kissed him once, sweetly and calmingly, before pulling all his garments off him and taking him into the shower. of course, it was just a quick rinse, they didn't have time to take a whole shower. when it was finished, ni-ki wrapped a huge towel around him, enveloping him with the scent of recognisable chocolatey strawberries. fully draped underneath the oversized towel, sunoo was wiped dry by none other than his boyfriend, who also slipped his new clothes on him and took him into the living room where he was fed a glass of water.
"if you don't want to sleep in the room, why not here?" ni-ki murmured, brushing back sunoo's hair to kiss his forehead. "we have to sleep, we have our concert tomorrow, remember?"
a twinge of panic hit sunoo, but he tried to shrug it off with a careful nod, closing his eyes exhaustedly. he wanted to hug the younger tight and thank him for everything he had done for him, but he just felt so tired.
"don't worry, love, we can talk tomorrow. just sleep now."
ni-ki then pulled him close, providing him with support and comfort, and sunoo felt safe in his arms. this time, as they fell asleep, ni-ki's fingers threaded through sunoo's wet hair, tempting him into a more peaceful sleep, one with no scary figures and limbs of dark matter.
and when they woke up, jittery and anxious as they prepared to meet their families and all the engenes, and finally went up the stage and performed to the best of their abilities, sunoo was ashamed to admit that he had cried, disappointingly, but that night, he slept peacefully and content in his boyfriend's soothing hold.