Work Text:
Jiang Wanyin could hear the sounds of Lan Wangji’s shouts ringing into his ears as he rushed out of Jingshi and went straight into the forest, taking a completely random path than the one already present. Panicked pleas coming out of his mouth when he realized what words he spat out at Jiang Wanyin in the middle of an argument. Words that were always forbidden to say, no matter what happened. It was a silent understanding between both of the lovers. No matter how bad the situation seems to be, Lan Wangji could never cross that line. They never talked about it in a serious conversation, but the whole cultivation world knew how this subject could affect the Jiang sect leader.
It was no secret that the Jiang sect leader always came second after the infamous Yiling Patriarch. Even after his return, he somehow managed to be the main subject of all conversations. People forgot about Jiang Wanyin and the man was only brought up when they wanted to talk about the sect Wei Wuxian belonged to one day . It was nothing more. None of his acheviements were comparable to the ones Wei Wuxian made. The fact that Jiang Wanyin had to rebuild his own sect from nothing didn’t seem to bring any shock or any feeling of awe. No one seemed to mind the fact that he was left at a very young age with lots of responsibilities on his shoulders and a newborn to take care of.
No one but Lan Wangji.
For the first time in his whole entire life, Jiang Wanyin was a first choice, the first one to be picked.
His was the first in Lan Wangji’s arms, the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, the one he loved.
He always thought Lan Wangji had something for Wei Wuxian. Jiang Wanyin can’t even hide the fact that he was hurt to his core when he first saw Lan Wangji protect his brother in front of everybody. He was already in love, and Lan Wangji and him developed a bond, a relationship in those thirteen years. Of course, it might have been over Wei Wuxian, but for once Jiang Wanyin was the one Lan Wangji wanted to get closer to.
So when Lan Wangji came back to him and confessed his whole heart out, who was Jiang Wanyin to reject the man he waited for for so long?
Their relationship had been going so well ever since. The misunderstandings and conversations that were needed to be cleared and heard were over and their lives have never been better. Wei Wuxian himself gave the couple his blessings and they were able to marry with the support of their families and friends. Jin Ling had to get on better terms with Lan Wangji and accept the fact that he couldn’t have his uncle all to himself, but once the topic was over, it was over.
Still, hearing and knowing about his lover’s adventures and history with his brother didn’t sit right with him. No matter how many times Lan Wangji would assure him it wasn’t a love story, he would still have this little fear of ending up second.
And Lan Wangji knew.
Oh, he knew it so well.
So well that he knew he should never bring it up or mess with it since it could ruin a whole day or week. Wei Wuxian was still a very messy topic to bring up, and they would only discuss it if absolutely necessary or if the younger had questions. Other than that, it would stay buried.
Lan Wangji surely knew how much his words meant to Jiang Wanyin. He had to know with how many times the sect leader reminded him and showed it to him.
Yet, the words left his mouth.
They were arguing about Gods know what. All useless and meaningless words thrown at each other after a long painful day. It wasn’t their first fight, for sure, but it was most definitely the first one that escalated so quickly.
Both of them must have been in a seriously bad mood for their voices to get so loud. Insults were starting to be used when Lan Wangji suddenly said:
“I should have chosen Wei Ying.”
The fight altogether stopped as soon as those words left his mouth. All the arguments and shouts Jiang Wanyin was about to let out were stuck in his throat when he heard them.
Lan Wangji seemed to have realized what he voiced a little too late. He hurried to take back his words, “No. Jiang Wanyin, I didn’t-”
“Wei Ying. Wei Wuxian, my brother. Him, huh?”
“No, Jiang Wanyin, I didn’t mean to say that. I didn’t mean what I said.”
“Sure, you didn’t mean it. Isn’t he so great, isn’t he a better person, a better choice!?”
“Jiang Cheng!” Lan Wangji finally shouted back. “I didn’t mean it! I enjoy being by your side and only wish that. Those words were impulsive, there were no real feelings behind them.”
“Whose side did you take for more than thirteen years, Lan Wangji!? Are you telling me that there really are no feelings!?”
Lan Wangji went silent at that. He only quietly stared at Jiang Wanyin.
The younger one continued, “Tsk. Even after all those years, you would still choose him. Really, how did I dare to think I was your first choice…”
“Jiang Cheng, you-”
“Lan Wangji!! Never once in my fucking life have I been better than Wei Wuxian, on top of him! You were the first one to accept me, to take me…” Jiang Wanyin felt tears at the corners of his eyes as memories resurfaced in his head. Memories of his father, of his sister, of their favorite little boy… “I thought that maybe, just maybe, I finally found someone who would care and love me.”
“Turns out you’re just like all of them!!”
“Jiang Cheng, I only love you!”
“Liar! Lies upon lies, when will you stop!?” Jiang Wanyin furiously wiped away the tears before continuing, “Leave me alone, get out of my fucking life! I should have known better ever since the day you stood up for him, I should have known it!”
Jiang Wanyin was prepared to leave, but got held back by the strength of an arm, “Wanyin! Wei Ying was never the one I wanted to be with! It was you. I love you, and you only!” He pulled the sect leader in his arms in a tight hug, “I’m sorry Wanyin, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean those, I didn’t. Worthless words, nothing more. I’m sorry.”
He whispered the words ‘I’m sorry’ into his hair a couple more times before he was forcefully pushed away and onto the ground. Jiang Wanyin had traces of tears on his cheeks, and new ones were threatening to escape his eyes.
“Fuck off Lan Wangji. Don’t ever let me see your face again.”
“No! Jiang Wanyin, Jiang Cheng! Wait, come back!”
And with that, Jiang Wanyin hurriedly left without taking a single look back. He had quite a start and easily escaped into the forest without being totally seen.
Which leads us to the currently crying Jiang Wanyin, the one on his knees and hidden face in his palms.
As much as he would like to not care and not give a fuck, he just couldn’t.
He didn’t want to admit it, but he cared about Lan Wangji’s opinion way more than anyone else’s, even if it was his. He was hurt, heartbroken and defeated right now. He crumbled to his knees because of his words, because of the thoughts the other had.
Lan Wangji is one of the last people Jiang Wanyin had left.
And he just had to break his heart.
Jiang Wanyin leaned against the tree next to him and stayed hidden under the shade. He observed his surroundings and figured out that it would be a good hiding spot, which absolutely fits his need of being alone for a while. Only after being comfortable and letting out the last tears inside did he close his eyes and fall into a much needed sleep.
“Wanyin!”
Jiang Wanyin woke up to the sound of his name being shouted.
“Wanyin..!” this time, the voice clearly had desperation. Another one followed right after, “Wanyin…”
Curiosity crawled up as he peaked out of the bushes and leaves blocking the way, only to find Lan Wangji down on his knees, a hopeless look on his face. Jiang Wanyin could easily guess that the man had just given up on something, and he had to admit that he never ever saw Lan Wangji in such a state.
“Wanyin…” the older one whispered, his voice trembling. Only now did Jiang Wanyin seem to notice the tears on the man’s cheeks.
Oh.
Oh.
Jiang Wanyin quickly got back to his hiding spot.
Lan Wangji was looking for him, clearly.
And he just almost found him.
Almost.
A sudden thought appeared in his mind. Searching? For him?
He instantly glanced up at the sky and finally realized the reason behind the panic: the moon was shining up there, brighter than ever. The stars were looking down at him, offering some help with making the environment glow despite the darkness of the night. Hours went by since Jiang Wanyin left the Jingshi, since Lan Wangji last saw him, and it was now late in the night. Gods know how long after the usual Lan bedtime.
He hesitantly looked in another way and saw some lanterns glowing a little further.
Oh no, don’t tell me-
Well, apparently, the second twin jade of Gusu issued a growing concern about the disappearance of the sect leader Jiang once the sun was starting to go down to the sect leader Lan. The leader was quick to take the matter seriously and decided to send a team and start a search. Needless to say they were not very successful.
Jiang Wanyin did his best to suppress the sound of annoyance threatening to escape his mouth. Another sound brought his attention and he was once again looking at Lan Wangji, who now had another tall figure standing next to him.
“Wangji, we’ll find him…” Lan Xichen said, putting his hand on his brother’s shoulder.
The shoulder shook under his hand as the river of tears kept flowing, “I didn’t mean it, Xiongzhang… I didn’t mean it… ” A sob escaped as Lan Wangji tried his best to stop the tears, “What if something happened to him? What if he doesn’t come back.. ?”
“Do not say such thing.” Lan Xichen got down on his knees to be on the same level and proceeded to pull his younger brother into a gentle hug, “Didi, we’ll find him… We’ll keep looking until we find him, I can promise you that.”
A small moment of silence stretched between them until Lan Wangji’s now small voice was heard, “What should I do..?”
The older brother’s hand softly stroked the younger’s hair in a recomforting way. He finally answered, “Do not panic. I cannot tell you to stop looking for him.” He then added, mumbling, with a small hint of a smile in his voice, “You wouldn’t listen if I tried telling you to do so anyways…”
“Xiongzhang…”
“Alright, alright,” the first twin jade pressed the younger one against him before whispering some more words. “Jiang Wanyin is a strong man with much power. I can’t possibly think of a single being that would dare to threaten him. This region is very safe as well, no need to worry about creatures.”
Lan Wangji couldn’t help but act like he was once again a kid with his older brother’s arms around him. He leaned in a little closer, his head now resting on the other’s shoulder, “Do you think he’ll come back?”
“You must know him better than I do.” The other mindlessly stroked the silky smooth hair, “You must know he will.”
A silence stretched between the two brothers. One that Lan Xichen was the first to break after a while, “I’ll go back to searching. Take a small break.”
“Mn.”
And with that, Lan Wangji was left alone again, on the rather cold ground.
Jiang Wanyin couldn’t tear his gaze away.
He had known Lan Wangji for years, was in a relationship with the man for some time already, yet he cannot quite remember the last he ever saw the older display so many emotions for the whole world to see. He didn’t want to think that he was having such effect on him.
“Jiang Wanyin?”
Jiang Wanyin jumped at the sudden call. He turned around and instantly felt as if his soul left his body.
Of course.
Of fucking course.
He was quick to scramble back up to his feet and bow in as much politeness as he could, “Sect leader Lan.”
He felt his forearms being held and looked up, “No need to be so formal.” Lan Xichen moved his gaze down to where the other was hiding then looked around. “Were you..?”
“Oh!” Jiang Wanyin quickly took some steps and hurriedly cleaned his robes from the dirt, “Ah no, I was looking for something.”
“At this time in the night..?”
Shit .
He cleared his throat, “Very urgent.”
“I shall help then.”
“No!” The Lan sect leader stopped in his movement, and Jiang Wanyin had to forcefully calm himself down in seconds, “I mean, no need. I will be fine. It’s late, you should get back to your room. I wouldn’t dare to bother you…”
“Wanyin..?”
He could recognize that voice anywhere.
He turned around, only to be met with another set of white robes. The person wearing them wasn’t the cold and elegant man he was used to, but a panicked yet relieved one. He rapidly made his way to Jiang Wanyin and pulled the man in a strong, full-of-love hug.
“Wanyin..!” Lan Wangji then exclaimed, burying his face in the smaller man’s shoulder. “I’m sorry Wanyin, I’m sorry.”
Jiang Wanyin was too stunned to let out a single sound or move a single inch. He wisely decided to stay still while the ‘sorry’s coming out of his lover’s mouth were pouring out like a mantra.
Finally realizing that the words weren’t getting him anywhere, he decided to change them, “A-Cheng, I really do apologize for my words…”
The nickname catched the man’s attention. He then continued, “I didn’t mean it and this is the whole truth. I am happy with you, delighted to wake up with you.” He gently hugged the man this time, “Wouldn’t replace you for anyone…”
After a long pause, Jiang Wanyin said, “You must learn to be careful with words like that.” He hugged back and could instantly feel the other’s body relaxing. “I forgive you.”
“Mn, will be careful.”
Jiang Wanyin didn’t know if it was the emotions from Lan Wangji, the words and explanations or the mantra which consisted of endless ‘sorry’ that pushed him to forgive him, but it worked. He couldn’t stay mad forever, especially not after him. He could’ve chastised him further, but he was tired. He was horribly tired, and sleeping on the ground like an idiot didn’t help his case.
“A-Zhan?”
“Mn?” Jiang Wanyin could feel the slow burning of the other’s ear on his neck. He simply ignored it and said:
“Can you be good and take me to bed? My body’s aching.”
He didn’t miss to catch the way Lan Wangji’s grip tightened with those words. “Mn.”
He was swept right off his feet by strong arms.
“Thank you,” Jiang Wanyin mumbled before pressing his cheek against the other’s chest. He also realized at that moment that Lan Xicheng simply disappeared. What did he expect? He understood and made a small note in his head to talk to him and maybe thank him.
“Mn… Jiang Cheng?”
“Hm?”
“Please do not ever run away. I… It was… scary. Worried. A lot.”
“I’m sorry, Lan Zhan-”
“You do not need to apologize to me.”
“Say, how do you still manage to sound fucking hot while saying things like that?”
“A-Cheng…”
“Ah, how adorable.” … “Wangji? Hey, Wangji, where are we going?” … “Wait wait wait! Ah, wait! I’m sorry, wait- Hmph! Lan Wangji, I was serious when I said my body was aching, so could you please be gentle with me? I’m sorry. Please- ah! Okay, no more apologizing, understood-”