Chapter Text
Imogen sighed unable to focus on the book in her hands. She’d read and re-read the same page over and over knowing she’d just have to read it again. With a heavy breath she rubbed the sides of her head sliding her circular glass off of her nose pinching the bridge. At least it was just a reading headache, the kind that comes from looking at printed paper in a bright sun lit room for too long and not a dream induced migraine. The dreams have been getting weirder every time she has one. She sees her and Laudna in strange clothes walking through the streets of Jrusar, Bassarus, other places they’ve traveled but they’re not right. They’re all older, they look medieval almost.
She saw herself with the same scars on her arms walking arm and arm with Laudna talking about things that didn’t make sense. Fights, wins, loses, Otohan Thull. Otohan who had been nothing more than an enemy of her mother she and her friends dealt with and she hadn’t been back since. Her therapist chalked it up to longing for a simpler time or wishing she had more power in her day to day life or some garbage like that, Imogen knew better though. Knew it meant something she couldn’t place.
In the quiet of the apartment she heard the door opening and closing feeling excitement bubble in her stomach knowing who was coming. The same excitement she felt when hey first started living together. Sitting up straighter she put her glasses on the coffee table set in front of the couch staring at the living room door way waiting to see her smiling face. She heard shoe soles hit the ground, listened for keys to clink against their shared ceramic bowl and mouthed along with an ethereal voice cutting happily into the quiescent living room warmly.
“Oh Imogen!” Launda called from the kitchen over rustling plastic bags. “I’m home darling.” She trailed off opening and closing cabinets putting away whatever it was she got from the store. She smiled at Imogen coming into the door way looking exhausted.
“Long day at the shop darlin’?” She closed her book marking its page with a braided red string, it was once a bracelet given to her by Laudna early on but the clasp snapped from use and set it down beside her discarded glasses. She smiled watching as Laudna sulked dramatically holding the back of her hand to her forehead sighing against the doorway.
“Oh darling you wouldn’t believe how demanding people can be with their specific alterations and requests.” Laudna loved her work, the clientele? Not so much. Imogen loved to listen and let her rant about how she works hard to make and fix what’s asked of her. She loves to sit in the spot she’s in now and come her purple stained fingers through ink dark hair as Laudna raves about how much she loves her self run furniture repair, sewing, craft store. Imogen could just sit and say nothing for days completely content in just being there.
“Yeah sweetheart? Customers gettin’ on your nerves again?” She raised her hands knowing her girlfriend would want to lay her head in her lap after such an excoriating day.
“Don’t they always?” Laudna chuckled draping herself across the couch taking a moment to look Imogen in the eye before placing a gentle kiss to her lips. As her head moved to lay in her lap everything felt like it was moving too slowly. She wanted to tell her to stop, her chest tightening with a feeling of anxiety knowing something was wrong but couldn’t place what so she closed her eyes and told herself everything was fine. Then her head landed in her lap just as light as it always does and her eyes snapped open.
She was in the middle of a broken city block dressed in blood stained clothes having to squint against dust kicked up into her eyes from billowing winds. All she could hear was a high pitched ringing. She looked around seeing her friends gathered around her looking at her with utter regret and sorrow, tears fell from their eyes looking down at the feeble weight in her lap.
Her eyes dropped. Her heart followed sinking to the depth of the nine hells at seeing Laudna, blood dried to her face, her statuesque mouth that was turned up at the just the corners smiling even now always in comfort for her Imogen. She followed the stain to see it soaking through her clothes from a gaping wound where a sword had pierced, the blood flow stopped having nothing left to bleed.
“Laudna…?” Her name tumbled form her mouth quiet and choked in a whisper drowned out by the cascading cyclone just beginning to slow with the dying dust storm. She stared at her chest seeing it still as tears struggled to fall having to carve out a path in the dust coated to her face. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She repeated over and over both out loud and in her friends minds falling on top of Laudna unable to hold herself up any more. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t hear. She was focused only on the woman in her lap and how her mind was silent.
“Imogen?!” Her name was called but it sounded like she was at the bottom of the ocean breathing in breath after heightened breath of water suffocating herself from the inside out. “Imogen, can you hear me?!” It was there again, that voice calling to her from within her grief. “I’m sorry in advance.” The voice was fading, a forgotten thought as she felt hands on her body telling her they had to go, they had to run to Joe’s and get the fuck out of the street.
“IMOGEN TEMULT!” Laudna screamed directly into her head forcing a deep pained breath into her chest as her eyes squeezed shut feeling her already growing headache pound at the rate of her slamming heart, her hands were over her ears lacing into the hair at the back of her head pressing dull nails into her skull to try and ground herself. She opened her eyes regretting the blinding light of her sun of filled living room intensifying the pain racking her body. Seeing Laudna sitting on the coffee table. She did her best to try and breathe but every time she blinked she was in the middle of a crumbled street staring down at her dead body.
She was aware of her talking but couldn’t make out a single word. She was getting dizzy and her body was going numb, her panicked state getting worse. She couldn’t control herself. She could feel her scars lighting up, saw the way the purple was dancing in Laudna ’s eyes. Laudna’s dark eyes that were filled with worry and fear while her face was set to comfort and strength always worried about Imogen.
“Darling, what can I do? How can I help?” Laudna’s hands were on her shoulders holding her sobbing body upright doing her best to hide the shaking in her own hands. Imogen only shook her head not able to do anything else. She tried to focus on the five things she could see but her eyes too blurry. She tried to move down to four things she could feel but she could feel everything real and only in her head. “Imogen, I can’t seem to remember where I left your meds, where are they?” Laudna tapped a constant pattern across her shoulders knowing she would begin to count the number of each side until they were even.
“Um…” She took a stuttered deep breaths trying to remember where her meds were. “B-bath. Bathroom.” Imogen felt confused as the answer left her. Laudna always knew where her meds were. She knew the exact number of pills in each bottle keeping a meticulous list helping Imogen keep track. She blinked, rapidly wiping away the steady flow of tears as Laudna stood from the table rushing off before coming back to sit in front of her.
“How many of these do you take?” Laudna looked at an orange pill bottle in each hand, knitting her eyebrows together staring at the white labels like she couldn’t read them.
“Three and two.” Imogen felt herself taking deeper, longer breaths. By the look in Laudna’s eye as she tipped the pills into her hand she could tell she was physically getting better, even if just a little bit. Her scarred hand was shaking too badly for her to take the pills so Laudna one by one popped them into her mouth moving to sit beside her. Imogen relished in the way her hands ran up and down her back counting to ten then down to one.
She breathed in ten. Held ten. Let go ten. Her body recognized the loss of danger as her meds kicked in and finally let her go from fight or flight. She looked to Laudna at her side feeling guilty for the way she was looking at her, worried and confused at what had brought this on.
“What happened?” She asked as Imogen gently pushed her to lay on the couch laying on top of her wrapped in her sewing strong arms.
It took a few moments to put language together, but once the word vomit started she couldn’t stop describing what she what saw and how real it had been. How real it felt to see Laudna lying there in her lap dead and gone.
“I’m sorry.” Imogen squashed herself deep into Laudna’s embrace keeping her eyes open afraid to let them shut for even a second. “Last night was that weird guild raid. The night before the fucked up scientist Ira, the race, all the way back to the air ship a couple weeks ago. They just keep happening.” She buried her face into Laudna’s neck. “They’ve never… I don’t know. Leaked,” She kept talking, Laudna always waited for her to stop unsure of when the story will truly end. “, into real life like that.” She stopped doing her best to put the images still playing in her head into a vault to deal with later.
“You don’t have to apologize.” Laudna shifted so they were laying on their sides face to face. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Those other us-es aren’t us.” She placed her soft colder than average lips to Imogen’s forehead tentatively finishing her sentence.
“I know, I just-” Imogen blushed holding Laudna’s cheek in her warm, slightly sweaty hand. “I can’t fathom losing you.” She started deep into black eyes seeing nothing but assurance and love staring back at her. Her chest swelled with warmth replacing the decaying cold of panic attack aftermath.
“You won’t.” Launda sighed out a gentle smile kissing Imogen’s warmer, soft lips sealing her words with a promise.