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Silent snowflakes were falling from the sky, covering the muddy ground in a soft white blanket. Aleksi watched them heavy heartedly, heaving out soft sighs every now and then.
It surely had not been the first time of him sitting on his windowsill, a warm blanket pulled around his shoulders while he was watching the world get covered in snow, but today it was different.
The warm breath coming from Joels lips was still lingering on his, although it had been hours since it happened. The blond had been cupping his cheek with his hand, letting his thumb graze over the soft skin. Sighs had escaped both of them, as they knew it would be the last time.
People had been getting suspicious of them, their behavior no longer able to be excused as close camaraderie, being close friends, close bandmates.
When Joonas and Niko had done it, nobody had thought anything of it. Their playful games with each other, the endless kisses they had shared during the endless number of times they had played Sharks Love Blood on any of their shows.
Nobody had thought anything about it.
Aleksi let out a sarcastic huff.
When they did it, it was okay. But as soon as Joel and him shared some close moments together on stage, and got closer to each other over time, it was a big deal, and they were in a secret relationship they had kept from their fans.
Oh, they had been. They had been in a relationship, and they had kept it from their fans, even from their bandmates for most of the time.
But all of this just was not fair.
A silent tear fell from his eye, rolling down the flesh of his cheek, dropping to his pullover - it was Joel’s actually; the one he loved so much, with the purple print on it - leaving a small damp spot on the fabric.
His hands still felt Joel´s in them. His soft skin, and the little wounds on his cuticles that formed from his nervous habit of picking them. They felt his hair that was not tangled at all, despite it looking like it. On the contrary: it was soft, his hands just glid through the small strands.
Aleksi sighed, again.
If it had not been for that damn post on Instagram; the one post that had ruined it all for them. But he did not want to blame Joonas for posting it. After all, he had just wanted to post a selfie to his story; it had not been his intention to leak their secret relationship to the outside world.
The fans became more and more suspicious after it though.
Aleksi sitting in Joel’s lap, and letting his head rest in the crook of the vocalists neck, apparently was the one thing that made the coin drop; although he just could not understand it.
They were just close, like all of them every now and then. Why did the rumors have to be about them?
While the press it was getting them had been giving more attention to the band, it also brought some hate with it.
The gay scandal; broken teenage girls’ hearts.
A sob escaped Aleksi´s lips.
They had decided to end things for good.
It would be best for the band, Joel had said. They did not need more suspicion around them; or a scandal; the press invading their private romantic lives.
The man who never gave two fucks about the opinions of other people, especially people hating on the band, ends their relationship because of some stupid commentary from teenage girls that could not accept the fact they would never end up with their celebrity crush because they were gay.
Another sob. Another, not as silent, tear.
The whole band had tried to change his mind, tell him that this was unneeded, and they would get through the wall of hate; but the vocalist had shaken his head and left the room.
Aleksi remembered Joonas walking after him, saying something about their special bond and how he would handle it.
They had not seen him again that evening, neither had they seen Joel.
Later, when everyone but Aleksi had left the studio, the DJ being too caught up in his work to try to distract himself, the vocalist had come back.
He had stood in the doorframe, tears in his eyes, and shaking hands. If it had not been for the silent sobs, Aleksi would not have noticed him there.
They had shared some tender moments; soft kisses, the general chance of being close to each other and feeling the other’s skin.
And they had cried. Both of them; holding the other as close as they could.
This sucks, Aleksi had said, pressing his face into the fabric of Joel’s hoodie, holding him a little tighter while sobs had escaped his throat.
The vocalist had said that he knows, while he had held his boyfriend in his arms, suppressing his own tears. He had not wanted to be weak, he owed this strength to the other.
It had been silent around them after that. Only their breathing and the soft noise of the still running PC breaking the quiet.
The whole night they had stayed like this, entangled in each others arms, sharing nothing but love between them.
I love you, Aleksi had said, and that he always would.
And Joel had replied with tears in his eyes, the words almost stuck in his throat, that he loved him too.
Then they had kissed. Then they had shared a hug.
Something had been left unspoken in the room, but they both had thought of it. Maybe we can try again some other time.
Aleksi’s sobs developed into actual crying, and he didn’t care enough to be silent. He was hurting; if his neighbors were annoyed by his loud cries it was their problem.
Rilla, his beloved little dog, was sitting next to him. Cuddled up to her owner, she was trying to spend some comfort, which was working semi-well. Sobbing, the DJ petted her small head before looking out the window again.
The outside was cold, white and lonely, not a soul to be seen on the streets.
So he watched the snowflakes falling, covering everything under them, while he was wishing to not be alone; to have Joel by his side.
Maybe he had deserved this tragedy.