Chapter Text
It all started on a random day during the summer of 2020, while restricted by quarantine.
Byulyie spent most of her days over at Yongsun’s because she found out that she really missed her when she didn’t see her for too long and that the older woman always made her days better. She had never truly thought about it before, as their filled schedules always ensured that they would see each other every day.
But after a couple of days of not seeing her, the temptation was too strong, so she invited herself to her place, and the leader had been happy to spend time with her. So she dropped by every day, or if she was a bit too busy, as soon as she could be free.
When left alone, Byul would be restless, thoughts of the meaninglessness of life swarming her in a world without stages or concerts. She hadn’t expected it, if she was honest with herself, to depend so much on an audience, but that’s what made her job her passion. If it was just cameras, it was all just a chore.
But going to Yong’s helped keep the thoughts away, especially when she made her laugh at her silly antics.
It’s because Yong was always this bright and happy presence in her life that hearing her cry was so heart-wrenching.
Byulyie had fallen asleep on the couch while watching TV with Yong, but when she woke up, it was alone in the dark living room, covered with a blanket, to muffled cries coming from her friend’s bedroom.
She didn’t know what to do exactly: act as if she was still fast asleep or go comfort her? Her wondering didn’t last long as hearing her cry tugged at her heartstrings. She softly knocked on her bedroom door.
“Unnie…? What’s wrong?” She asked through the wood.
She had expected Yongsun to either call her in or deny everything like she tended to do when she wasn’t going well. But no, the door opened brusquely, and she was faced with a clearly distraught Yong that could barely breathe through her sobs. “Unnie?! What’s happening?!” Byulyie asked urgently, rubbing Yong’s shoulders to try and calm her, but Yong shook her off and went to fetch her phone.
“Byul-ah!” She cried, sniffling and trying to calm herself as she could barely talk. “Byul-ah, I’m in so much trouble!” Her sobs started again, and, in lieu of an explanation, all she could do was open her phone and show the screen to her best friend.
The rapper stared, dumbfounded, at the first page of a news article with a blood-freezing headline “Mamamoo’s Solar dating a woman? Korea’s pop world is shaken! ”. With it came a picture that clearly showed Yongsun, though looking younger, kissing what was unmistakably a woman whose identity remained hidden.
Byul looked at Yongsun wide-eyed, her mouth open in shock. She got startled when Yong threw her phone against the wall, the screen crackling as the phone flew out of its protective cover.
Yongsun sat on her bed, defeated, face in her hands as she kept sobbing her heart out. Then, Byulyie picked up the phone and put it back in its cover, scrolling down to the rest of the article.
Mamamoo’s leader’s relationship with a mysterious woman was revealed through explicit pictures leaked from an anonymous source that hacked her cloud. Will the scandal be the end of the woman’s career?
Byulyie had a lump in her throat as she saw so many pictures in the article, some by a pool, others taken on a bed. You could never see the face of Yongsun’s lover, though. She put the phone down and knelt in front of Yong, gently prying her hands off her face.
“Yong, look at me.” She said softly, trying very hard to calm her own turbulent feelings.
“Byul-ah, everything’s going to shit!” Yong cried as she looked at her. Here bloodshot eyes were a punch to Byul’s gut.
“No, everything will be alright. We’ll get through this.”
“How?! You know what this means!!” Yongsun shouted with anguish.
“So, what? You’re just going to give up without a fight?”
“What fight?! You know how it goes here!” Yong replied angrily, pulling her hands from Byul’s. She felt coddled, and she hated it.
Byulyie sighed, getting up and pacing the room to give the older woman some space.
“What we need is to do some damage control, that’s it. Make everyone believe this is not real.”
“How?! They have the original files! So it’s easy to prove it wasn’t photoshopped!”
“I mean, we did troll the media once; we can do it again.” Byulyie insisted, unable to settle for the other option: their career going up in flames.
Yongsun scoffed at her words, furiously wiping her tears from her face. Byul didn’t take it personally, knowing how horrible it all must feel for the other woman at that moment. She was looking at her when she suddenly got an idea.
“Wait… Yong, no one knows who that other woman is.”
“So?” She snapped.
“So… We can do the same thing we did back in 2015… Let’s just act as if this was a publicity stunt from you and me.”
Yongsun looked at her, a frown in place. “A publicity stunt?” She asked as she watched the rapper’s face; the younger woman was deep in thought with a faraway look.
“Yeah… We had released those pics to promote Um Oh Ah Yeah…. So let’s pretend we were the ones leaking those pics from your phone to promote a new song.”
“How is that a better solution to make people believe you were the one kissing me in those pictures, Byul?!”
“Yong, just listen to me for a second!” Byul snapped back, frustrated that Yongsun was only listening to parts of her words and still didn’t get what she was getting at. “Let’s just say we had those pictures on your phone because they were taken on the shoot of our subunit MV and that I’m the other woman in those pictures.”
Yongsun stared at her deadpan, unimpressed. “So we have to create a whole subunit, record a whole song and shoot an explicit MV? That’s your solution?”
“Do you have a better one to explain those pictures, unnie?”
Byulyie was facing her with a stern face, hands on her hips. Yongsun deflated with a deep sigh, her head hanging low as she stared at her feet.
“No.” She simply said, defeated.
Byul sat beside her and rubbed her back softly. “It’s gonna be okay, unnie. I promise it’ll be alright. But I think we should call the company now …”
“It’s 2 am…” She said with a small voice, knowing that they should call them right away (it was better than them finding out in the morning), but she couldn’t bring herself to it. But Byul gave her a pointed look.
“I’m here, unnie. Just do it, and you can go back to sleep.”
Yongsun didn’t think she’d be able to sleep but kept that thought to herself as she dialed Kim Dohoon. Byulyie stayed by her side, their CEO on speaker, rubbing her back soothingly. She shared her idea with their boss, who thought it was their only option, and told them to come to the company early the next morning so they could work on the unit right away. Yongsun was barely reassured when he told her he would threaten the news outlet with a lawsuit if they didn’t withdraw their article.
Silence greeted the two women as he hung up.
Seeing how the older woman didn’t move, Byul gently turned the leader’s head to face her.
“Unnie, go back to sleep. I’ll be on the couch if you need me.” She whispered with a slight smile.
“Can you…” Yongsun felt ridiculous, but she didn’t want to be alone. Byul’s presence was comforting. “Can you stay here with me? The bed’s big enough…”
“Of course, Yong.” Byul kissed her temple and got in the bed, urging her to join her.
Byul was on her side, back to Yongsun as the leader lay on her back, staring at the ceiling. Time seemed to stretch, and yet sleep didn’t come to her. The singer forced herself not to move so she wouldn’t wake Byulyie.
“Unnie, sleep,” Byulyie said groggily, unable to completely surrender to sleep as she almost heard Yong thinking in circles.
“I can’t.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“About what?”
“I don’t know… about what happened.”
“What else is there to say?” Yongsun replied bitterly. Byul turned around, looking at Yong’s side profile.
“Well… To be honest, I have a lot of questions.”
Yongsun didn’t dare look at her. “Shoot.” Byul didn’t like that Yong wouldn’t face her, but she also understood; she kept watching her, though. Truth be told, the rapper was consumed by her curiosity. She had so many questions and was also somewhat angry at Yong. They were so close… Too close according to her own sister, and yet she didn’t know such a big part of her life.
“Who was that woman?”
“No one you know. She was a… friend… from college, this was before our debut.”
“When did you break up?”
“Around the time you broke up as well.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about it?”
Yong glanced at her but quickly glanced away when she was met with the intense curiosity shining in Byul’s eyes. “Because it wasn’t that important.”
“Were you hurt?”
“By?”
“The breakup.”
Yongsun took the time to think, biting her lip. “A little… She didn’t want to share me with the rest of the world.”
Byulyie nodded to herself as she took in all this new information. “Why did you never tell me? About her? About the fact that you like women?”
“She wasn’t important. Also, what’s the point of talking about my preferences?”
“If she wasn’t important, why did you still have pictures of her in your phone? Through the years?”
Yong turned her back to Byul. “We should sleep.”
“You’re running away from my questions.”
“Is it that obvious?” Yong shot back sarcastically.
“Unnie, we’re past this kind of attitude,” Byulyie said patiently.
“You’re bothering me with your questions.”
“And you’re bothering me by hiding things from me.”
“I don’t owe you things, Byul.”
“No, you don’t,” The rapper conceded, “But I thought we loved each other enough to share everything. You used to pester me because I wouldn’t tell you things.”
“Don’t act like you tell me everything either. And I used to pester you because you wouldn’t tell me how and why you felt angry towards me when we fought. I never said you had to tell me absolutely everything. And you don’t.”
Byulyie clenched her jaw, anger rising inside her, and she knew it was because Yong was pointing out the truth. But she also knew Yong was more blunt the more hurt she felt. Yong had been through a lot that night; she ought to be the patient one.
“You’re right; I don’t tell you absolutely everything… but you’re always free to ask anything,” Byul said calmly.
“Alright.” Yong simply replied, and Byul wanted to smack her up the head.
“So… why did you keep such… sensitive… pictures on your phone?”
“Because I wanted to have memories of the only woman I had ever been with.”
“You’ve been with guys then?”
“Not since I’ve been with her. Just stupid high school boyfriends.”
“So… you were in love with her?”
“Yes. I’m not sorry I kept the pictures, and I don’t intend on deleting them either.”
“I didn’t say you had to.”
“I know.”
“Unnie, at least look at me when we talk.”
Yong sighed frustratingly and turned around. The two women were lying on their sides, facing each other.
“Happy?”
“No,” Byulyie replied, watching her intensely. “To be honest, I’m still angry you hid that from me.”
“As if you didn’t do the exact same.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just that it takes one to know one.”
Byulyie simply held her gaze, feeling put on the spot. So she changed subjects. “Do you have ideas about the subunit?”
Yongsun chuckled at the obvious change of subject. “I mean, it’ll have to be a romantic song since we’ll play the part of a couple.”
“Right…” Byulyie, a bit uncomfortable, rolled on her back and stared at the ceiling while Yong simply observed her.
“Thank you, Byul-ah.” She said in a much softer voice than she had used the whole night.
“For what?”
“For being here. For helping me. I know I’m being difficult tonight… I’m sorry… But I’m really grateful.” Yongsun had to push herself to say this, but she felt swallowed by the world around her, and Byul had been a lifeline. She ought to tell her how much she appreciated her.
“Of course, Yong. I’ll always be here. Whether you like it or not.” She teased playfully, turning her face to look at her with a smirk.
“I know I always act like you’re invading my home… But I’m always happy you do.”
“I know; that’s why I keep doing it.”
“Good,” Yong said with a nod.
“Good,” Byul replied. They both turned to look at the ceiling.
“Sleep tight,” Yong said.
“You too,” Byulyie replied awkwardly. The atmosphere was thick, a sort of weird tension permeating the air. But as the minutes passed by, it dissolved as they slowly answered the call of sleep.
An hour later, only their deep breaths occupied the silence of the night.
They had barely woken up that the news outlets were swarmed with articles about the pictures being from their upcoming subunit. Yongsun was relieved, and Byul tried her best to make her smile as they got ready.
Then, as soon as they arrived at the company, they entered an intense work mode. Thankfully, Yong had a love song she had worked on that they could use, changing up some things and leaving a place for Byul’s rap.
“Did you write this song about the woman from the pictures?” Byulyie asked kindly, not wanting to overstep but curious all the same.
“No…”
“Oh… Who did you write it about then?” Byulyie couldn’t help but identify with the lyrics. She was being stupid, she knew, but still, some lines felt like they were inspired by her.
“No one in particular. I just wanted to write a love song,” Yong said as she started the instrumental to it. “If you don’t like it, we can get a producer to write a song.” She said a bit impatiently.
“No, no!” Byulyie was quick to reassure her. “I really like it; I was just curious.”
“Mmh. Do you feel like you can write a rap for it?”
“Sure, unnie.” And she did. Byul’s last relationship had ended quite badly, and even if, through the years, she’d had short flings here and there, they never could inspire a love song. And she still felt drawn to Yong’s lyrics. So she decided to simply write about her love for Yong, even if it wasn’t romantic, because she was, after her family, the person she loved the most.
As she watched Yong record her part, Byulyie couldn’t help but think that, as unfortunate as the circumstances were, she was happy that they finally had the subunit they had wanted for so long. Having quite a bit of singing parts on top of her rap was the cherry on top. The only thing that tainted it a little bit was how stressed Yong still was, even after the morning articles. But Byulyie understood… it had always been a fear of hers, that her sexuality be revealed. That’s why she never talked about it, not even to Yongsun. But, judging from the leader’s words the night before, she seemed to know.
They had decided to forego promotion on music shows, so they didn’t have to waste time with choreography and planned the shoot for three days later. It was miraculous, really, that they managed to get all of this rolling so quickly.
Byul insisted on at least having dinner with Yongsun that night, and seeing how the younger woman wouldn’t budge, Yong accepted. When they entered the apartment, though, they could hear Wheein and Hyejin bickering in the kitchen. Finally, Wheein’s head appeared, and her bright smile illuminated the entrance as the two unnies took their shoes off.
“You’re finally here! Jin-ah, they’re here!”
“I know, Wheein-ah, I heard the door too…” The maknae drawled. Wheein rolled her eyes and disappeared again to go annoy her best friend.
Yongsun looked at Byul with a clearly displeased face. “Why did you give them the code?” She whispered.
“They wanted to do something nice for you.”
“I just want to forget things and go to sleep.”
“Just indulge them, please. They’ll take your mind off of things.”
Yongsun sighed but put on a happy face as she entered the kitchen to see what Hyejin was cooking.
Byulyie observed her throughout dinner and was happy to see Yong slowly relax and get swept in Hyejin and Wheein’s silliness.
As the night continued, the energy decreased, and the atmosphere grew a bit more serious.
“Unnie… Have you protected your phone better?” Wheein asked, finally engaging with the elephant in the room.
Byulyie could see it plain as day, the relief at the kids’ acceptance of her as she was.
“Hmm… No, I was too preoccupied with the rest.”
“Unnie, I’ll get you an external drive so you can store your pictures somewhere that’s not hackable like your cloud,” Byulyie said, and Yong nodded with a slight smile.
“Do we know who it is?” Hyejinie said with a teasing smile, and Byulyie couldn’t help the pang of jealousy that hit her when Yong reacted to the question much better when it came from the maknae.
“No, Jin-ah,” Yongsun said with a smirk of her own. “But I’ll tell you if I ever date again.”
Byulyie’s smile froze slightly, and she finished her can of beer to let the awkwardness go.
“We love you, unnie,” Wheein said, and they gathered in a tight group hug that had Yong teary-eyed.
“Go home, you rascals.” She mumbled to the kids, looking up at the ceiling and blinking to prevent any tears.
“See you soon, unnie! You can call us whenever!” Hyejinie said as she got her things.
“I will,” Yongsun said with a warmth she couldn’t contain, and Byulyie couldn’t help but be moved by the love in her eyes as she walked the kids to the door and waved them goodbye.
When she returned to the couch, though, her smile had disappeared, her eyes somber. Byulyie looked down at her hands, swearing at herself for being so easily affected by the older woman’s different moods.
Yongsun threw herself into work the next two days, needing to get away from her thoughts, and it worked! Byulyie was happy to see her more relaxed, even though she was getting herself very busy, and stayed by her side at night. Yongsun had never asked her to, but she was very happy Byulyie stuck to her. Yonghee didn’t ask anything after those leaks, nor did she act any different towards her, but it felt much more reassuring to have Byulyie around. Maybe it kept Yonghee from prying, after all, because she did catch the intense gaze directed her way here and there.
Byul knew she would be dead tired for the MV shoot the next day, she did. Yet, she found herself unable to fall asleep, tormented by a thought that only made itself known now, in the middle of the night with a sleeping Yongsun by her side: she would have to kiss Yongsun. They had to recreate the pictures, and in half of them, Yong was kissing her girlfriend. The rapper was lying there on her back, realizing that their first kiss would be on a set.
Wait, first kiss? Byulyie scoffed at herself. It was not a first kiss… There would be no other kisses.
She rolled her eyes and lay on her side, her back to Yongsun. She was worrying for nothing: it’d be awkward, sure, but over in a flash. Then, after this whole thing was done, they’d all be able to move on from this ordeal and return to their regular life. After all, they had a group comeback at the end of the year.
Exhausted didn’t even begin to cover how Byul felt as they arrived on set the following day. But she was at least kept awake by the nerves eating her up at the thought of kissing Yongsun. It was stupid to be nervous: they were extremely close friends, there was nothing to be anxious about… and yet...
Yong had noticed, she had asked her repeatedly why she was being so jittery, but the other woman wouldn’t tell her why so she eventually stopped asking, more busy discussing the different scenes with the director.
Eventually, Byul couldn’t keep it to herself, or she would die before they started the shoot.
“Unnie, can I talk to you…?”
Yongsun turned to her with a raised eyebrow. “Now you want to talk? Sure…” Byulyie grabbed her wrist and pulled her aside so no one would hear.
“Unnie, how are you not stressed out about the kissing scenes?!” She whispered animatedly.
“The kissing scenes?” Yongsun frowned at her question.
“Yeah! It’s going to be super weird to be kissing you! It’s making me so nervous! Please tell me I’m not the only one being nervous!” She insisted.
“Byul-ah, don’t be ridiculous. We’re not going to kiss, we’re going to fake it… Like we did back in 2015.”
Byul widened her eyes, staring at the amused face of her best friend. “Oh...” Byul let out an awkward laugh. “Oh yeah, I’m so stupid!” She laughed even more. “I was stressing out for no reason… Don’t mind me, unnie!” She let out a forced laugh again and quickly walked to the waiting room.
Yongsun simply watched her go, a perplexed expression on her face.