Work Text:
Your head was spinning while you tried to made sense out of the whole situation, you were breathless and your heart was pounding in your chest so hard you could hear the blood pumping through the veins in your neck, you could feel it in your ears and your wrists. And you couldn’t move, watching Castiel lying in the floor, disturbingly pale, Dean and Sam hovering over him and the cufflink lying in his open hand.
“What’s this?” asked Dean picking up a button with a coat of arms carved in it.
“That’s one of my father’s cufflinks,” you heard yourself answering, as if from far away.
This couldn’t be.
“C`mon Sam, let’s get him on the bed!” Dean ordered, and the two brothers picked the angel up and rested him in the same spot Dean had been occupying just a minute before.
“He’s hurt,” pointed out Sam, ripping Castiel’s shirt open and revealing a triangle-shaped wound right under his left ribs. “That’s an angel blade cut.”
“Cas… CAS!” Dean shouted, slapping his face lightly.
“Just let him rest, Dean,” you said in a soft voice, regaining a little of your strength. “He’s not dead. He’ll be fine. He needs his rest.”
Sam and Dean looked at you hesitantly, the older brother now holding the cufflink and looking at it and back to you in turns.
“Y/N… How did Cas get a hold of something of your father’s?” Sam asked slowly.
“I wish I knew,” you said picking up the golden button from Dean and looking at it closely. All the pain and the feelings you had successfully put in the past rushed back into your mind. “I guess the only way to find out is for him to wake up. We should clean that wound and patch him up.”
You left the boys’ room to go get the first aid kit that Sam had left in your bedroom. Every step you took felt like a whole mile, every breath like the last. Your head was racing, watching your memories over and over again, that scene were your mom and dad had been lost under the train car; all that blood spatter, the screams, the tears, the noise, the smell.
“When is the train coming, daddy?” you asked impatiently, holding your father’s hand and leaning forward to get a better look of the black tunnel. He tightened his grip and pulled you back.
“Any minute now sweetheart, just stay behind the yellow line. And mind the gap.”
You did as you were told and stood still, switching your weight from one leg to the other, a smile on your face. Your mom was telling something to your dad and laughing, a smile in his face too as he looked at her. You looked around and watched the other people on the platform; some were talking, some were reading, some were having a little fight. There were kids, and women all dressed up, and men in suits with briefcases. There was a homeless guy playing a wrecked guitar at the other end and you could barely acknowledge he was playing Strawberry Fields. Everything was amazing, and new.
Suddenly you started to feel the ground shaking and excitement crawled up your spine, as you looked at the two dots of light that were coming quickly towards you. But all the joy went away when people started to scream and run, and your parents grabbed both your hands and started running to the exit stairs.
They weren’t fast enough, though, and there were a lot of people. The screeching sound surrounded and engulfed you and now you were screaming along with everyone else, taking both your hands to your ears, unable to breathe because of the smoke and the smell. You felt two hands pushing you against the wall, and when you hit it you turned around just in time to watch your mom and dad disappear in the middle of the wreck.
You cried and shouted and wanted to stand up but there was a piece of wall over your legs. You were trapped, and the smell was starting to make you sick, all that smell of burning iron, and fire and rotten eggs.
You stopped in your place, frozen. You were already back at the boys room with the kit in your hands, but you dropped it.
“Bloody hell,” you whispered.
“Y/N?” Dean was pressing a towel against Cas’ wound, looking at you intrigued. You picked up the box quickly and sat next to him, opening it.
“I was… I was remembering,” you said in a weak, low voice. “Dean, I-I haven’t thought about that dreadful day in years… Never after becoming a hunter.”
“So?”
“The smell, Dean.. the smell… It smelled like rotten eggs.”
“What…?” but he didn’t finish the question, because at that exact moment, Cas regained consciousness and his wound started to heal itself. “Well that’s just great. What am I supposed to do with this now?” he asked, showing Castiel the threaded needle.
“I’m sure you’ll come up with something,” he answered not even looking up at him, all his attention on his closing wound, and Dean’s face full of a perplexed expression until he cackled.
“Cas, what happened?” asked Sam, moving closer.
“I was attacked,” he replied shortly, and the three of you just stared at him for a moment, waiting for him to go on. But he didn’t.
“Yeah, we kinda figured that out,” Sam insisted, exchanging looks with you and Dean. “I meant why? Or… by whom?”
Castiel’s eyes lingered on you for a second; there was concern in his gaze, and maybe just a glimpse of fear too. You felt his eyes on you and he didn’t have to tell you anything else, you suddenly realized that this wasn’t going to be just another hunt or quest, this was going to take you far away from your happy spot and probably not even being around your friends was going to make you feel safe; and you wished you were standing again in front of a phantom truck, because suddenly that didn’t sound so bad.
“I was following a hint. Word in heaven is there is a big faction of demons running wild and against Crowley’s reign. They are trying to get him out of the way.”
“So what?” asked Dean in surprise. “Are we protecting Crowley now?”
“No, Dean, we are not. But we cannot abide a rogue faction running freely. As we heard, they are cheating their contracts, killing people, taking them before time.” He stopped his eyes on you again and lingered for a second.
“Where were you, Cas?” you asked earnestly. But he didn’t answer; he just looked around to Sam and Dean, avoiding your gaze. “Cas? Tell me where you were.”
“I told, you, I was following a lead. We need to find and take down this faction before it’s too late.”
“Cas, this…” you said showing him the button. “Where did you get this?”
“What?” he looked surprised and confuse at your question. “That is just a button. I must have take it from the last demon that attacked me, the one that stabbed me with the angel blade. Y/N? What is wrong?” he stood up rapidly as you stumbled down onto a chair, walking towards you.
You were now pale and terrified, shaking uncontrollably, strongly clutching the cufflink. It couldn’t be. You knew what you’d seen; your father had disappeared under the train. There had been no remains to bury. Your mother… she was wrecked and you could never forget that sight, but your father had been completely crushed. So… how could Cas been holding one of his cufflinks? Why did a demon have them?
“That cufflink…” said Sam softly, trying to explain to Castiel what was going on, while hugging you and stroking your hair softly, making you burst into tears “It belonged to her father… Her dead father.”
“Cas, where were you?” Dean inquired now, not angry, but worried.
“I was in London.”
—————-
You woke up to a scream, and it took you a few seconds and two Winchesters stumbling into your room to understand that it had been your own. They lowered their weapons and Sam sat down by your side.
“You okay?”
“Shiny,” you answered with a smile. “You better go back to your beauty sleep. There’s not much that can be done about me.”
“Wanna share?” asked Dean from the door.
“Oh, no! There’s nothing to share, you know. Just the same old bloody nightmare over and over again.” You replied with a smile.
“Right… Well, if you need us…”
“I’ll scream,” you ended. “You seem to come faster when I scream than when I just call.”
Sam gave you half a smile and followed Dean out of your bedroom. You remained seated in the bed, looking around. You were crashing in what used to be Bobby’s house, before it burned down. Everything was old and dusty and burned, of course, but here you had his workshop and you and Dean were spending your days fixing Ghost, while Sam did some research and Cas came and went with news.
He had refused to tell you anymore than he had, and wouldn’t say why he was so worried about you either. The clock showed 5 am, so you decided it was a good hour to wake up and have some tea. Maybe a nice cup of Earl Grey would help you calm your nerves, or Ceylon, yes, maybe Ceylon.
You went down the stairs to the basement, the only part of the house that hadn’t been touched by the flames, and the little kitchenette you had improvised there. Everything was still dark, but your eyes were adjusting fast, so you grabbed the matches and lit the fire, placing your kettle on top of it, the one you always filled with water the night before.
A swift noise of ruffling pages made you jump and rapidly turn around, looking for something pointy to grab as you tried to figure out the source of the noise, but you relaxed immediately as you recognized Castiel’s figure sitting on the old couch, playing with a book.
“Cas?” you whispered, in an attempt to not startle him, he didn’t look as if he’d noticed you. When you said his name he shook his head and looked towards you, a smile crawling up his lips, a genuine and sincere smile that you hadn’t seen in a while. “Well, that’s something I had been missing.” You said turning back to the stove. “I didn’t know you were back.”
“Hard time sleeping?” he asked, still playing with the book.
“You heard, huh?”
“Yes.”
“I just keep on dreaming about that day. You know… the way she looked when they pulled her from under the train car. The bits of clothes and… fingers… they said were my fathers.” You sighed, pouring the water into the mug. “I had already put all those away, and now they’re back! I should’ve known it was not forever.”
You sat on the couch next to him, holding your mug, the sweet aroma of the tea filling your nostrils made you smile as you closed your eyes for an instant. When you opened them again, Castiel was looking at you amused.
“Good tea?”
“Marvelous… would you like some?” you offered, handing him the mug, he hesitated but took it.
“I can’t actually enjoy it,” he said, fixing his gaze in the dark burgundy liquid.
“With that attitude of course you won’t, love. In order to actually enjoy a cup of tea, you need to experience every bit of it, starting with the fragrance.” You leaned forward and inhale deeply again, taking pleasure in the smell. You looked at him and nodded, encouraging him to do the same.
He sniffed the vapor crawling up from the mug and looked at you skeptical, but then breathed deeply while closing his eyes. You could see his nerves relaxing, head slightly dropping forward, and a tiny smile in the corner of his lips. When he opened his eyes they were brighter than they have been before, and he looked at you peacefully.
“Well?” you inquired. “Are we still believing you can’t enjoy a good cup of tea?”
“The smell is… overwhelming. I like it.”
“Oh, love, of course you do. You have every bit of a British gentleman in you. We just need to get it out. Have a sip now,” you said, pointing at the mug with your whole hand, and waving it up to indicate him to drink. “Slowly, and keep it in your mouth for a second, let the flavors sink in on your tongue and the liquid coat your throat.”
You gave him that last indication in almost a whisper, and something inside you moved while you watched him follow your instructions. But he was somewhere else, deep inside the tea now. You shook your head away from you’re the confusion and smiled again as Cas let the mug down on the trunk that served as a coffee table.
“It’s amazing,” he said softly, still looking at the beverage. “I never thought I could taste something like this. Not as a full angel, at least.”
“Tea isn’t something that can be easily left aside. It’s an ancient drink and has lots of healing powers, as it’s been proved along history. It’s actually not a surprise for me that angels can enjoy it too. Thatyou can enjoy it too.”
He gave you a smile and returned the cup of tea. “Thank you.”
“What for?” you inquired.
“For believing in me. And for not pushing harder into this matter.”
“You mean the demons that stabbed you?” you joked, taking a small sip of your tea. “I just wish we knew who they really are, because I won’t let them get away with trying to kill you, you know. Even if it’s not really possible…”
“I’m not impossible to take down, you know…” said Cas in a soft voice and a cute smile.
“Sure you are. You’re Castiel. You get rid of the bad guys and always come back for dinner… and… you know… not eat.”
Castiel let out a weak laugh. “how do you do that, Y/N?” he asked, looking intensely at you with his ocean-like eyes.
“What?”
“How do you always find the way to make things seem… less terrible?”
“Oh, come on, it’s not something I do at all. Things… they’re what they are, right? And well… when you’ve seen what we’ve seen… and done what we’ve done… Just nothing seems so terrible anymore, you know? Not with you three around, at least.”
“You must be the only person in the whole… universe, to think like that. Most of them just… run away from us.”
“I would never do that. You three are my family.” You said, laying a hand on his, and a shot of electricity ran through your entire body at the contact of your skin. Castiel froze for a second and then looked away from you and grabbed the book again.
“I should continue to read. I might be close to a breakthrough.”
You nodded and stood up. The sun was already out, so you thought you better started working on the Mustang. You were really close to finishing it now, and you could even go back to the bunker once you did. You walked towards the stairs, but when you were passing by Cas, he took your hand softly, making you shiver.
“Thank you for the tea. It was delicious.”
————-
“Well,” said Dean cleaning his hands and looking at his finished work. “It’s just the paint missing now.”
Ghost was already in one piece again. You had tested it and it didn’t even made a sound. Still, the putty was still showing, so you needed to paint it black again.
“Thank you, Dean” you said smiling. That car was a part of you now, and you couldn’t just replace it.
“Any time, sweetheart.”
“I think it would be wise to call it a day. There’s nothing else we can do before the sun goes down. Would you park it for me?” you asked tossing him the keys.
Dean caught them in the air and sat in the car, slowly maneuvering it inside the garage. You cleaned your hands with the same dirty cloth your friend had just used and started to put away the tools, but you didn’t managed to do much, for as the same time Dean was closing the garage’s door you two heard the distinct noise of gravel being crunched on by tires.
You ran into the house while Dean called for the other two.
“Sam! Cas! We’ve got company!” Sam came running from the basement and Cas appeared beside you, he looked out of the window and his face hardened.
“They’ve found us,” and without another word he grabbed you and disappeared.
“Cas, what the bloody hell?” you shouted as you landed right outside a circled room and Cas pushed you inside. “What’s this?” The walls were iron and they had all kinds of symbols carved and painted on. The floor was a whole a devil’s trap, and in the ceiling, the only source of light and air was another.
“We’re just downstairs. Bobby built this panic room back in his day. It will keep you safe.”
“I don’t want to be safe! I want to be up there, fighting with Dean and Sam! they need me, Cas!”
“We need you alive! They must not reach you. The demons, they cannot know you’re here. You’ll be safe.” He shut the door with a slam and you heard the lock clang.
“Cas!! Castiel! You bastard! Let-me-out!!” You screamed as you punched the door with your fists. But he didn’t open it again.
You could hear distant noises and screams, muffled by the thick walls. After a while you heard nothing else and you assumed the fight was over, but the time went by and no one came to set you free. Half an hour later you started calling and punching again, but still there was no answer, so you curled up on the cold floor and cried.