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Shu Yi watches Shi De quietly when they arrive at home. He’s painfully aware of the tension inside the whole of his body, his jaw that keeps clenching, his downcast eyes, and quiet, tortured overthinking.
He knows Shi De is hurt by this more than he himself, and mostly he’s just angry, so good at hiding everything else behind fury. But he can’t be angry around Shi De, or he will feel even worse than he already does, and he can’t allow for that to happen.
Shu Yi will just have to keep it inside, and let it out once the time is right, at best in the presence of those deserving of it.
When Shi De gets lost inside himself, and just stands there, head bowed, Shu Yi approaches him from behind, carefully puts his hands on Shi De’s shoulders, and applies some soft pressure with his fingers.
“This isn’t your fault, and you didn’t break your promise, so don’t think that.” Shu Yi does his best to emphasize his words with utmost sincerity, needing Shi De to understand that.
Shi De releases a heavy breath, suddenly placed back into a not too far away memory.
Rain's pouring like curtains outside as Shi De stands before the window, looking outside as he gets dressed, a chill surging through his body when arms close around him from behind, cold skin against his own much warmer, a small gasp sounding from the lips pressing against his shoulder.
He can feel Shu Yi's shudder all the way through himself, unsure as to why, concerned and craving to care for him, to make it better, whatever it is. He drops the shirt he was about to put on, and gently rubs Shu Yi's cold hands and arms with his warmer ones, glancing backwards, unable to see him, his face now pressed against the back of Shi De's neck, but he can hear his shaky breathing.
“What's wrong, love?” Shi De asks softly, not wanting to pressure him if he's not yet ready to tell, but yearning to find out, and help in any way he can.
He can hear a long sigh, then Shu Yi shifts, holds Shi De even more tightly, and slides his face up over his shoulder until his chin rests on the crook of it, and Shi De can finally glimpse his face.
To his surprise, he's smiling, letting Shi De's heart pound rapidly.
“I'm just so happy,” Shu Yi speaks against the skin under Shi De's ear, making him shudder.
Shi De frowns puzzledly, though immensely glad Shu Yi doesn't seem to be in pain, and he turns around slowly, Shu Yi's arms giving way, Shi De's hands finding Shu Yi's face to frame, to hold so dearly, his gaze searching his beautiful eyes.
“Because you'll never leave again.” The sparks, and emotions in Shu Yi's eyes take Shi De's breath away, a jolt and a chill rushing through him, soul-deep, and he takes a trembling breath, their faces touching tenderly, his fingertips tickling Shu Yi's skin, and hair, Shu Yi's fingers digging into Shi De's back, just enough to satiate his need to feel him in this moment.
“Never, I promise.” Shi De finally whispers out of the torrent of emotions inside him, Shu Yi's smiling kisses luring his own overflowing joy, stumbling back to bed, living and loving in their own world, finally filled with prevailing happiness.
Shi De's been holding his breath, pain inside his very bones, lets go in defeat, and turns slowly, Shu Yi’s hands sliding down his arms, stopping to hold his wrists lightly, seeking out his troubled eyes.
“I know we can’t refuse them just yet, I don’t want to do anything to compromise your position, and I know two weeks aren’t particularly long, but-”
The thought of having to leave Shu Yi behind, the thing he promised to never do again, now forced to do by those at the company, who have enough power over them both to hurt them - hurting them either way - is tearing him apart, but he can’t see a way out of it.
“I’m sorry I’m not beyond their attacks, yet-” Shu Yi is shushed by Shi De’s finger on his lips, his look heart-wrenchingly sad, and desperate.
“This isn’t your fault, Shu Yi. Maybe we should have seen something like this coming. Maybe I got too careless because I was so happy when we came back from our honeymoon, and I was determined to keep us both happy.”
Shu Yi’s heart aches even more when he remembers their wedding, and travels, and how perfect every minute was, trusting to never see Shi De this upset again, and yet these bastards found a way to hurt, and separate them right away.
He really wonders how serious these ‘utmost important missions’ they have them do truly are, but right now he only cares about getting Shi De through this.
“We are, and we will be. Don’t let these bastards tarnish that, they won’t control us forever.” He will make absolutely sure of that, come what may.
Shi De closes his eyes, inhales and exhales, and sinks into the hug Shu Yi pulls him into.
“Why America, though? Why not any other place.” He sighs sorely, trying to accept it, yet finding it incredibly hard to, every cell in his body struggling against the mere thought.
“I know, and I’m sorry. The only thing I'm buying is that they chose you because you have the most experience over there.” Shu Yi strokes his hair, trying to relax him while tension rises inside himself.
Shi De snorts sarcastically. “I wish I could erase all of that,” he whispers, clutching Shu Yi tighter, who’s pressing his lips together sorely.
He knows that that time in their lives will forever be a painful, regretful topic, and somehow Shi De hasn’t managed to handle it as well as Shu Yi, or isn’t able to disregard it as well, and having to fly to the USA now for a stupid job that apparently no one else is good enough for, must take a huge toll on Shi De, Shu Yi wishes he could safe him from.
But the company execs that are still above Shu Yi, his grandfather he despises, above all, would use it immediately as an opportunity to get rid of Shi De altogether, not happy about them working towards taking the company over, and even less so about their open relationship.
If there was a clause about that in their regulations, they would have made them keep it a secret, or forced them to work apart right away.
Shu Yi feels utterly torn because the company is not more important than Shi De, but it's both their wish to turn it into something much better than it is now, and though Mr. Zhou is backing them these days, they all still have to play by the rules to achieve that.
It’s ripping him apart anyway when he has to say bye to Shi De, not even able to take him to the airport because there’s a very important meeting scheduled he has to host, and he wonders whether they did that on purpose, too.
The night before, they make love like there is no tomorrow, catching only a couple of hours of sleep, not caring one fucking bit.
“Just two weeks,” Shu Yi presses his lips on Shi De’s neck as they hug for the last time.
Shi De swallows harshly, his chest sore and taut. “Just two weeks,” he whispers, squeezes Shu Yi so much it hurts, and rushes out to the taxi without looking back because he couldn’t go if he did.
*
Shu Yi’s lying on his stomach on the bed, staring at the tablet in front of him, waiting for Shi De’s face to appear, immediately putting on a smile when it does. He can’t let him know how he truly feels when he’s already hurting so much.
Shi De wants to break down instantly when he sees Shu Yi smiling at him, his whole being aching to be with him, but things in the US have turned out more complicated than he was told, and two weeks haven’t been nearly enough to solve them, and though Shu Yi immediately told him that it’s okay if he has to stay longer, the thought alone crushes Shi De core-deep, and only the knowledge of the consequences should he go back before he solved all these issues is keeping him going somehow.
And talking to Shu Yi every single day, no matter the time, because he needs to hear, and see him, or he’ll go insane.
Shu Yi is immediately alarmed at Shi De’s drawn, pale face. He hasn’t looked this bad all this time, and Shu Yi was hopeful that they’d get through the weeks better than they both expected, and he could curse, and scream, and punch in walls, or certain faces, for keeping them apart for an even longer, uncertain period.
And the outcome of this is agonizingly visible on Shi De’s face. Shu Yi has to tame his rage, and upset, though, never wanting it directed at Shi De, even if only indirectly.
“Hey, how are you holding up?” He asks with an aching heart, and sick stomach, well aware that Shi De won’t tell him the whole truth.
“I'm OK. Just haven't been sleeping too well.” Shi De rubs an eye, sighing softly, and Shu Yi wishes nothing, but to be able to magically be pulled into the tablet and come out on the other side so he could hold him.
“You look tired, too,” Shi De adds, still close to tears he just cannot fight whatever he tries.
Shu Yi snorts quietly. “Yeah, haven't slept well, either. I miss you too much.” He swallows roughly.
Shi De presses his lips together, shutting his eyes for a moment, trying to keep it together still. “Me too.”
The first tears rush out of his eyes, and he wipes them, chuckling painfully. “I'm sorry, I don't even know what I'm doing here. And I really underestimated the impact being here by myself would have. And now I have to stay even longer, I just-” He shrugs helplessly.
Shu Yi manages to control his own feelings a little better, but he’s sobbing inwardly. “I know, and I wish this didn’t happen, but nothing and no one can keep us apart this time, okay? We’re never going to make the same mistakes, and everything is different now. Hell, we’re fucking married, okay?” He laughs softly, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye.
Shi De smiles, still wiping his face. He’s developed a habit of touching, and turning his wedding ring every time he’s missing Shu Yi, and it helps a little. “You're right, of course. I just wish I could reach through this stupid screen and hold you, that's all I want.”
“Me too, but we’re strong, and we will be okay. Have you eaten?” They keep asking each other every day, because they’re both prone to forget and neglect their own needs when apart, and stressed, but they’ve made extra effort for each other to take care of themselves.
Shi De nods. “Have you felt okay, or sick?”
Shu Yi shakes his head, a little queasy at times, but then he always takes care of himself right away, thinking of Shi De, so it’s never been worse than that. “I’ve been alright, and ate all the good, fresh food, even a few carrots.” He pulls a face that makes Shi De laugh.
“Good, thank you.” He smiles, but it turns sad right away.
Shu Yi desperately wants to alleviate a bit of his pain, just to take away some of the heartache, and tension. He gets an idea he’s not sure about because he’s never done something like it, but what other option is there?
“Shi De, lie down on your back for me and try to relax.”
Shi De has finally stopped his tears, and frowns a little puzzledly, but Shu Yi smiles encouragingly. “Go on.”
Shi De does as he’s told, pushing a pillow behind his head, adjusting his tablet on his chest so he can keep seeing Shu Yi.
“Good, now close your eyes.” Shu Yi’s speaking in a softer, lower tone, hoping that will help, too.
Shi De frowns even more adorably. “Then I won’t be able to see you,” he pouts.
Shu Yi wishes he wouldn’t find him this fucking cute, the need to grab him and smooch him too big.
He sighs inwardly, smirking a little. “Please, just do it, for me.” If it won’t work then it doesn’t matter.
Shi De still doesn’t look too happy, but he can’t reject Shu Yi’s request, so he closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath.
“Good, you can still hear me, and imagine I’m with you. Imagine that I’m lying right next to you, and that I’m touching your lips, can you feel me?” He is very close to the screen, his voice the softest, and smoothest he can manage.
Shi De feels an immediate chill on his skin imagining what Shu Yi’s telling him. “Yes.”
Shu Yi is glad, and smiles, but concentrates. “Good, now I’m leaning closer, and I’m kissing your cheek, and then your neck. Can you feel me?” He whispers, a chill rushing along his spine.
Shi De swallows, licks his lips, and nods, and Shu Yi is very happy that this seems to be working.
“I’m kissing all along your neck, and my hand is now on your chest, and I can feel your heart beating, and the goosebumps on your skin when I touch you.” Shu Yi didn’t expect to be yearning quite this much, but he shoves those feelings away, as well, putting all of his focus on his husband.
“I feel you,” Shi De whispers, the sound of Shu Yi’s voice like magic running through his veins.
“Feel me more, feel me undressing you, feel me kissing every inch of you, feel me touching you… Shi De… touch yourself, do it, it’s me.” Shu Yi’s whirring with tension, his heart pounding, rousing sensations crawling inside his own body, but he doesn’t move, only watches Shi De’s face.
Shi De’s not thinking, only listening to the most beloved voice he knows, his hands moving over his own body, his stomach, and into his pants, feeling Shu Yi’s mouth, and hands on him, arousal expanding inside him, soft moans forming.
“Shu Yi,” It’s merely a faint wisp of breath from Shi De’s parted lips, but it casts over Shu Yi like a warm rainfall.
“I’m here, it’s me, my mouth, my hands, my body, all over you, all yours. Just feel me, Shi De, feel me licking your neck, feel me stroking you. Can you feel me?” Shu Yi’s overcome by such deep feelings, and sensations, tears burn in his eyes he cannot take off of Shi De’s face, his head arched backwards, his mouth open wider, his face flushed, eyes closed as if he’s lost in beautiful feelings.
Shu Yi’s happy, but terribly sad, too. But again he pushes it away. “Gao Shi De… Shi De… I feel you, just keep feeling me… everywhere… I’m everywhere… and you’re so beautiful, and hot, and I want you to want me, to want more of me…”
“Shu Yi… I always want more of you, everything.”
Shi De moans, and Shu Yi smiles, takes a deep breath, and continues in the most sultry voice. “Shi De… feel me around you… and inside you… feel all of me…everywhere… I love you… Shi De…” He watches him for a moment in anticipation, waiting for the right moment. “Gao Shi De… Shi De… come for me.”
Shi De’s eyes fly open suddenly, just for a second, then shut again, his face contorted in pleasure as he cries out, the tablet shaking with the jerks of his body, then falls and Shu Yi’s screen turns black, but he can still hear Shi De’s heavy breathing.
He swallows, wipes his eyes, and takes a moment to regain some composure. This was very oddly hyper-emotional, and high tension is now pouring out of every muscle in his body.
“Shu Yi?”
Shu Yi looks up, seeing Shi De’s face again as he holds up the tablet, turned on his side, biting his lower lip. Shu Yi smiles softly. “Mhm, thanks for the alluring show,” his lip quirks into a smirk.
Shi De chuckles roughly. “Gosh, you… that was…” He’s quite lost for words. “Give me a minute.”
“Okay.” Shu Yi lies with his chin on his hand and waits.
Shi De is back very quickly, smiling a little, gazing at him wondrously. “You didn’t plan that, did you?”
Shu Yi shakes his head a little. “No, just felt like it, I guess. Something new.” He smiles a bit.
Shi De licks his lips, and nods, and Shu Yi itches to run his fingers through his hair, and kiss him breathless. Fuck, it hurts.
“Yeah, definitely.” He looks at Shu Yi for a long, quiet moment. “Are you okay? Do you want me to-”
“I’m okay, I’m good, and-” he checks the time, hating that he has to leave for work soon while Shi De has to get some sleep.
“I gotta get ready.” His whole being is revolting against the thought alone.
Shi De’s face falls immediately, too, but he’s trying hard to not break again. He has to deal with this shit better again, and do what he has to do, and then fly home to Shu Yi and find a way to never be forced to leave him again.
“Of course, yes, um, thank you? I guess I’ll sleep better tonight.” Or he might cry himself to sleep, he isn’t sure, yet.
Shu Yi moves up and smiles, touching the screen with his finger over Shi De’s cheek. “I hope so, because I need you to look after yourself as best as you can, okay? Promise.”
Shi De swallows. “I promise, and you, too.”
Shu Yi nods. “I promise.”
“I love you.” Shi De wants to say more, but he would cry if he did.
Shu Yi kisses the screen. “I love you, too. Sleep well, and kick some asses tomorrow, okay?”
Shi De chuckles quietly, sighs, and nods. “Okay. You, too, and don’t forget to eat.”
Shu Yi shakes his head. “I won’t, and I’ll message you later, so get some sleep, and I'll talk to you soon.”
Shi De sends him a kiss, and once the screen is black, Shu Yi drops the tablet and drops his head down, groaning loudly with pent up longing, frustration, anger, regret, sadness, and determination.
He holds onto the latter, unwilling to just give in like this. They might keep Shi De there for weeks and weeks if Shu Yi can’t find a way out of this. He will. He will. He’s sicker than anything of people having any kind of power and control over them, and he won’t take it anymore.
~
Approximately two days later, he’s at the airport waiting to board a plane to the US, to Shi De. He couldn’t reach him, but sends him a message to let him know he’s coming, and that he won’t be able to reach him for the duration of the flight.
Shi De and his team are having a stressful night, and day, and a late meeting with the most important client, and Shi De doesn’t realize his phone ran out of battery for a long while, then leaves it charging for a few hours, only just remembering before he has to go meet the client.
When he sees Shu Yi’s messages, he drops into the chair that thankfully stands right behind him, shell-shocked.
Shu Yi is here?! Waiting at his hotel. Shi De suddenly forgets about everything else, unable to care, and rushes out to get a taxi instead of leaving with his team. He just has to see him right now.
Shu Yi’s waiting in Shi De’s hotel room, drinking some water when he hears the sound of the door, finally. He didn’t want to worry too much, but the lack of a reply from him did concern him.
He rushes to the door, and when Shi De sees him he breaks into tears, making Shu Yi tear up, as well, not giving a fuck as they hug each other so tight they can’t even breathe.
Shi De pulls back, and stares at him, touching his face as if he can’t believe he’s real. “You’re here. Oh my god, Shu Yi, how are you here?” He doesn’t wait, just hugs him again even harder.
Shu Yi smiles, sniffles, and strokes Shi De’s hair and back. “Because I couldn’t stand another day without you, so you better be happy.”
Shi De inhales loudly, flooded with relief. “Never been happier. I don’t know how I kept it together for this long.” But how did he manage?
Shi De pulls back, watching him worriedly. “But, Shu Yi, what about-” Shu Yi places a finger on his lips and shakes his head, looking confident, and reassuring.
“You don’t have to worry about a thing, nothing will happen to either of us. I fulfilled my duty, more than that, and I left the rest in Yu Zhen Xuan’s more capable hands - but don’t tell him I said that.” They smile, but Shi De is still too shocked, and doesn’t understand how they let Shu Yi come here.
Shu Yi takes Shi De’s hands and makes him sit on the couch. “Bing Wei assured me that there is nothing they can punish me for, and we even found a valid reason for me to be here, and if they try anything, we can sue them, and honestly, I hope they will. I’m not going back without you.”
He smiles confidently, and Shi De could burst, shedding more tears, his lip quivering, more amazed at him than ever, and he crushes him yet again in his embrace. “Oh god, I love you so much. Thank you, thank you.”
Shu Yi pulls back to look at him, cups his cheek, brushes a few tears away tenderly, smiles, and leans in for a kiss, finally feeling like the world is right again.
Shi De melts into him, and Shu Yi’s repressed need, and longing swashes to the surface, his hands all over Shi De as he moves onto his lap, suddenly disturbed by Shi De’s phone ringing.
Shi De could curse, and cry, and scream, only now remembering where he should be instead of here. “Fuck, I’m so sorry.” He doesn’t need to check who it is.
Shu Yi frowns, but it dawns on him then that even though it’s the evening already, Shi De must have something else important to do, and he only came here because he saw Shu Yi’s messages…?
“You’re not supposed to be here, are you?” Shu Yi wants to explode, but it’s no use, he will just have to wait a bit longer… fuck!
Shi De looks crestfallen, holding onto him, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, we have this super important dinner with this damn client who will make or break us, depending on our performance.” Shi De hates him, and this company, and the US, and everything- except Shu Yi.
“Shit, I didn’t know, sorry.” Shu Yi moves off of him, but Shi De moves right after him, hugging him more.
“Hey, no, nothing’s your fault, and you being here is the best thing in the world, and I promise I will come back as soon as I can.” He wants Shu Yi to go with him, but that would disrupt things, and he would probably fuck up just because he wouldn’t be able to focus on anything else but him.
“I understand, and I won’t go anywhere. I’ll be right here waiting.” Shu Yi looks deeply into his eyes, kisses him, and sends him off.
~
Shi De gives the performance of his life, together with his team, and they secure the deal, and get everything they need, and he would collapse and get drunk right then, if his husband hadn’t fought the villain and won, and came all the way across half the world for him.
He feels utterly drained, and yet more alleviated than he has in over two weeks, excitement and adrenaline whirring inside his blood all the way back to the hotel where he finds Shu Yi, naked, leaping into his arms, his legs wrapping around Shi De’s waist, and Shi De holds him, never intending to let him go, high on love, lust and joy.
He carries him to the bed, and they get rid of his clothes as fast as possible, kissing madly, smiling and laughing, everything around them fading away.
Shi De slides onto him, skin on skin, kissing each other breathless, and more, hands everywhere, digging into each other, leaving red streaks, and still trying to get closer somehow.
Shu Yi’s drowning in bliss, finally able to let go, and lost in Shi De, in every frenzied sensation, and incredible feeling he’s ravaging him with, not suppressing any of his sounds as Shi De’s mouth around him, and fingers inside him wreck him the way he’s been craving so desperately.
Shi De barely lets him come down from this first high, kissing him ardently, molding their bodies, entangling them, Shu Yi’s mouth only parted from Shi De’s when his cry of perfect rapture sounds as Shi De slides into him, the flames of their passion overwhelming them both, alighting them in a blaze of pure pleasure.
~
Shu Yi’s pulled out of his afterglow by Shi De’s lips scattering little kisses all over his face, tickling him, making him giggle.
He slides his arms around Shi De’s shoulders, now hovering above him, gazing into his eyes.
“You’re my hero, you know that?” Shi De asks, eyes alight with unbound, overwhelming happiness.
Shu Yi frowns. “There’s no such thing.”
Shi De nods, his fingertips brushing Shu Yi’s jaw and chin. “You are, and I love you so much, you’re… everything, my everything.” His gaze and words are so intense, Shu Yi shudders, and brings his hands around Shi De’s face.
“I know, and I’ll never doubt it. And you mustn’t doubt me.” Because even if he may lack in showing it as well as Shi De, he’d fucking kill for him.
Shi De shakes his head. “I’m not, and never will. You’ve already given me everything.” He takes Shu Yi’s hand with the ring on his finger into his, and kisses it.
“Now we just have to make everyone else stop screwing with us.” He laughs softly, but the pain in his eyes shows.
“I promise you we won’t ever yield, not to anyone, especially not to those bastards. We’re like… those trees that have been around for thousands of years and withstand every storm and fire. No one can break us, and we’ll make sure we won’t let each other, either. Not ever.”
Shu Yi takes Shi De’s hand and presses his fingers against his lips, staring into his glistening eyes, overcome by the deepest emotions.
Shi De nods, not finding the words, trusting Shu Yi with his life anyway, and moves to kiss him, pouring everything into his devotion he wants him to remember once more, feeling even more steadfast, and secure in their love.