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During that second kiss, things seemed to heat up. Nikolai pulled us away for a second, only to stand up and put his hands on my waist. Suddenly, I was pressed against the conference table and one of his legs was wedged between mine.
I might have been surprised at the passion he put into the kiss, but I felt exactly the same way. After so long wanting him from afar, and after so long being afraid of my own feelings, I didn't want to hide it anymore. I didn't want to hide from him anymore.
— We... — I pulled away quickly when I heard Genya's voice. She looked at us with wide eyes, but slowly her face was replaced by malice. — I was expecting you to dock at some point, I just didn't think it would be in such a public place.
I felt my cheeks heat up and I quickly straightened my posture, thinking of a way to justify what she had just seen. Before I could open my mouth, however, Nikolai approached me. He put one of his hands on my waist, and rested his chin on my head.
— What do you need, my dear Genya? — I could feel how relaxed he was. His voice sounded even deeper since I was so close, and I felt his chest flutter as he spoke. For a moment, I was speechless. In the second, I was tempted to push him away and say he was crazy. On the third, I remembered it was just Genya. And that, as she had already said, there was nothing surprising there.
And if I were to be honest with myself, I didn't want to push him away. We had literally just come out of a war, and I didn't allow myself to have a moment's peace. I didn't allow myself to rest even after literally turning into a dragon. I wish I could have that moment right now.
Genya looked at us for a second before answering, saying that there were some bureaucracies that Nikolai had to urgently address. When she left us alone again, Nikolai walked away from me. There was a weight to that moment, lots of unspoken things that both he and we knew existed.
He took me by the shoulders and turned me towards him. I was still afraid to look him in the eye, but he repeated his earlier move and held my chin for me to look at him.
— I don't want to leave you now. — Nikolai leaned his forehead against mine and closed his eyes. — I don't want to leave this moment.
— But you need to go. — I smiled. — You need to clarify everything you said here. It seems we never have a moment of peace.
— We will have. — He kissed my forehead, and for a moment I felt disconcerted by his affection. — I promise we will.
After we said goodbye, I went straight to my quarters. I still wore my war armor, and as beautiful as it was, it wasn't comfortable to wear all the time. I asked the servants to prepare the bath while I tried to remove it, and once I did, I got into the bath with hot water. I rubbed my body hard and washed my hair, trying to get every last bit of sweat and blood and battle out of my body. I didn't want to think about anything that had happened so far. I didn't want to think about war.
I could reflect on more recent events, like the fact that I'd turned into a dragon or, more surprisingly, told Nikolai in all the right words that I loved him but didn't want to either. What I tried most to avoid, however, was thinking about Nina. I preferred to think about Juris as I got out of the shower and changed into my most comfortable pajamas. I preferred to think he believed me. I preferred to think that he believed I was strong enough to get through anything that seemed too difficult, even when I showed my heart. I also allowed myself to miss him.
After I'd picked up a novel to read and engaged in fluid reading, I heard Nikolai knock on my door. My heart raced, and I'm not sure what I expected after I opened my heart. I had long ago established that there could be nothing but a professional relationship between us. I had told myself that anything beyond a working relationship was an illusion. There were so many things that separated us, including my uncertainty about his feelings, and now, however, there was nothing left. We were free and I didn't know what to make of it.
My only certainty was that I didn't want to hide my heart anymore, as difficult as showing it might be. I didn't want to be afraid of love anymore.
— You really weren't lying when you said you read novels. — He arched a brow at the book in my hands once I waved him in.
— Do you know how long I've been trying to finish this book? — I asked, lifting the object in my hands. — Three months! Three months without success. And it's not even a difficult book to read.
— I can come back later, if that's what...
— No. We... — I started, not sure what to say.
— Fine, I understand the book is more interesting than I am and… — He was joking and turning to leave, but when I stood up, completely forgetting what kind of nightgown I was wearing, he stopped talking and was immediately serious. .
Things could be complicated, or not. We could think of all the unfinished business between us, or not. And after all we'd gone through to get here, I didn't want to complicate anything. I wanted things to be as easy as possible. And I could see in his face that he wanted it as much as I did.
For the first time in years, I allowed myself to recognize the desire in his eyes. I allowed myself to pay attention to the way his eyes followed me as I walked over to him, and enjoyed that. Enjoy acknowledging that the man I loved was looking at me with burning desire, as if I really were the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. And I smiled as I stopped in front of him.
— What were you saying, my king? — I asked, blinking my eyes at him in the most innocent way I could. Nikolai bit his lower lip when he saw me standing in front of him, in my nightgown that left very little to the imagination. He looked down and the way his eyes sparkled made the pressure in my belly increase.
— I honestly don't remember. — There wasn't that characteristic humor in Nikolai's tone. There was no teasing, no sarcastic comment, nothing but his clear desire. — And I don't think there's anything more important than you right now.
I smiled, unable to contain myself. I had already received thousands of compliments in my life, and many of them made no difference to me. But when it came from Nikolai, everything seemed so much bigger.
— If I remember correctly, today when we parted ways you promised me that we would have time for each other. — I moved a little closer, until I could feel his breath on my face. I knew he wouldn't try anything if I didn't show him what I wanted, and I didn't want to hold back. I wanted to allow us to have a moment of happiness after so much sadness. — I wonder what you mean by that. — I dragged my index finger down his face, feeling its smooth texture as he closed his eyes. — I'm hoping you've thought of a continuation of our kiss.
In my entire life, I've never been the kind of girl who didn't know what she wanted. I was never the kind of shy girl who was afraid of her own desires. I always knew exactly what I wanted, and in this moment, more than anything, I wanted Nikolai. I had wanted him for so long that now that I allowed myself to feel, the feeling threatened to consume me. And I didn't want him to hold back. I didn't want to hold back. I wanted to feel everything.
My heart raced inside my chest when Nikolai brought one of his hands to my waist. He brought his body closer to mine, staring into my face with impressive fixation. Then his hand started moving, up and up until he was gripping my neck, angling it so that I was at his mercy. He buried his hand in my hair, pulling my head back, then bent down to brush his lips against mine. We'd kissed before, that same day, but that kiss felt different. Nikolai captured my lips with such passion that I couldn't help but sigh, and at this point he deepened the kiss and suddenly his tongue was tangling with mine.
And it felt like heaven. It felt like heaven the feel of his lips against mine, of his body pressed so tightly against mine where I could feel everything. Nikolai used his other hand to wrap his arms around my waist, to pull me even closer to him, and suddenly, I was very aware of all the hard parts of his body pressed into all the soft parts I was.
Nikolai started pushing us backwards toward the bed, and when we were out of breath, he buried his face in my neck.
— How can you smell so good? — He took a deep breath before planting a wet kiss on my neck, then taking a bite that had me groaning in surprise. — How can you look so good? — One of his hands slipped down my body, tangling beneath the fabric of my dress. His hand was icy cold, and the touch of it against my warm skin made me sigh. Nikolai took the opportunity to kiss me again, his tongue tangling with mine as his hand roamed my body. He was pulling my nightgown up to my neck and we pulled away so he could take it off completely.
I wore nothing underneath, and the way Nikolai admired my body almost made me come there.
— Zoya... — His voice was so husky I almost didn't recognize it. — You are… You are so beautiful.
Before I allowed him to see my flushed face, I reached over to take his shirt off. I didn't want to be the only one naked there, after all, and I also wanted to be able to admire him. His shirt flew over his head, ruffling his golden strands. His hair fell over his eyes, and he brushed it back with one hand as he leaned into me. His defined abdomen flexed, as did the muscles in his arms, and I nearly melted. He really did look like the golden prince he was, one of the most beautiful people I had ever seen; inside and outside. I almost sighed at how much I wanted him inside me.
— Do you think I'm pretty like that? — I asked, arching an eyebrow. I thought it was amusing when his cheeks took on a rosy color, but he nodded anyway. — And you don't intend to do anything to me?
Nikolai smiled at the challenge, suddenly losing all shyness and remembering what an arrogant prince he was. Then he pushed me so I was finally lying on the bed, and then he tugged my heels so I was on the edge of it.
— My dear Zoya, you have no idea how many things I've imagined doing to you. — His hands moved over my body, exploring it as if he wanted to decorate every curve. He squeezed my breasts tightly as he kissed my neck, hugged my waist as if he wanted to keep me with him forever, and fingered my crotch until he found the most interesting spot. — You can't imagine how many times I've imagined myself doing this. — He spread my legs, and my already racing heart sped up even more when I realized what he was going to do. And then he bent down to lick my center. I threw my head back and grabbed the sheets, unable to hold back the groan of surprise. Nikolai let out a muffled laugh, but continued his service. He licked heartily, as if I were the most delicious thing he'd ever decided to taste, before introducing one of his fingers. I tossed and turned on the bed, the volume of my moans increasing considerably as he gripped my thighs to keep me in place as he feasted. I grabbed at his blond hair, trying to hold on to something, but he was taking me to the skies. And when I felt close to the apex, he stopped.
— What are you… — I started, lifting my head to see him rise. However, when I saw him unbuckling his belt and pulling down his pants, I stopped complaining. I was on my knees on the bed in a second and suddenly I was kissing him again, desperately. I slipped one hand under his boxers, feeling his length and pulling a moan from his lips. I started to stimulate him, our lips parted and our foreheads touching, but as I picked up the pace, Nikolai gently withdrew my hand from inside his pants.
He finished removing the rest of his clothes and laid me carefully on the bed. I honestly didn't bother to hide how excited I was, and he chuckled as he positioned himself between my legs. Nikolai leaned his forehead against mine again, entering me with excruciating slowness. I closed my eyes at the sensation, feeling every inch of him inside me.
Nikolai let out an anguished groan, as if he was trying to hold back and not hurt me, but I didn't want kindness right now. I lifted my hips against his, in a silent order for him to pick up the pace. And so he did. Nikolai dropped a kiss to my lips as he increased the pace of his thrusts, and finally buried himself fully inside me. It felt heavenly, of having been stretched to that point and not feeling anything but him. And each time he withdrew fully to penetrate me again, I went a little crazier. I raved a little more in the pleasure it was to have him moving so desperately inside me, as if he couldn't hold back. As if that pleasure was too much for him too.
Then he buried his face in my neck, placing warm kisses there and murmuring how much he'd dreamed of it, how much he'd wanted it, and how I felt like a dream to him.
I moaned his name as he moved, my hands desperate on his back, on his hips, trying to drive him even deeper. Trying to get closer until we were just one, until there was no space between us. Then I moved my thighs up to his waist, turning us on the bed so I was on top. As I went down his length, he felt impossibly deeper. We both moaned at the contact, and his hands went to my waist so he could help me with the movements.
— Nikolai… — My voice sounded as sly as possible, and I didn't want to sound too desperate, but I had absolutely no control over my body. I just wanted to say that it was coming, and that I wanted him to achieve it with me.
His hand went down to the bundle of nerves between my legs, and that and his hard, frantic thrusts took me to heaven. I felt myself break into a million pieces, contracting as hard as I could and making him moan, kissing me on the lips. I felt Nikolai swell inside me as he climaxed at the same time as I did.
— All saints, — Nikolai murmured, a smile on his face and his lips close to mine. — That was...
Intense. I knew it had been, for it had never looked so good. I wondered if the difference was that I loved him, and he loved me too. As impossible as it seemed.
— You're amazing. — He kissed me again, and I moved to get off him and lie down beside him. Nikolai mimicked my movements, pulling my waist against him.
— Well, you did well too, considering I skipped reading my novel for you,— I said as arrogantly as possible, not wanting to let my embarrassment and happiness show. I was still a terribly proud person.
But all Nikolai did was laugh and lean his cheek against mine.
— I'm more than happy to have been enough, my love.
Before closing my eyes, I made a mental note to say that he was more than I had ever dreamed of.