Chapter Text
Fire. That's what almost every feeling is. They feel like fire when they touch your skin, and they feel warm when done.
When you're in love, you feel fire and warmth in your whole body. When you hate someone, you feel the fire of anger and the warmth of it through your veins every time you see this someone. When you feel embarrassed, there's fire and warmth in your face.
Although, most of the feelings that are fire and warmth are red. And not a normal red, but a strong one, the ones you see clearly as day. They're strong feelings and only strong people feel them.
Johnny was strong. That's what Sensei Kreese said about him; he was strong. He knew he was and other people also knew about it. He was proud of being like that, because then he could feel all of those red feelings, all of them. At least that's what he thought, 'cause the funny thing about the red feelings is; you can be strong but are you worth of this strength? are you worth feeling these feelings?
Anger. It is a bad feeling, Johnny knew that, but he couldn't stop when he felt like that.
He couldn't stop feeling like that when he lost a fight at the All-Valley or when Sid started talking shit to him.
He couldn't stop feeling like that when Ali broke up with him because of a bad decision or when she was talking to this skinny kid in a red hoodie.
He couldn't help but hate this kid because he stole his girl. He couldn't help but feel angry at him.
He couldn't stop feeling angry most of the time, because that's what he always felt and always will feel. Because anger is a feeling that's been around forever and always will be.
Johnny was worthy of feeling angry. He knew he was, otherwise what would he feel?
If he said he never felt the warmth of embarrassment in his face, he knew that it would be a lie, Johnny felt embarrassed about a lot of things when he was younger; of his life, of how he looked, of how he acted. But he never felt like that anymore, he never felt embarrassed anymore. Not at cobra kai, not at school, not when he was with his friends or Ali.
Now he feels embarrassed when he goes to school and people are looking at him, gossiping around about how he lost to the skinny kid at the tournament. He feels embarrassed when the stupid kid looks at him and gives him his stupid smirk.
He feels embarrassed when he looks at him and the fire of his body starts burning and burning. It burns like hell and he doesn't like it. He can't feel embarrassed anymore. He doesn't want to.
Johnny is strong enough for it, but he didn't have enough space for embarrassment. He wasn't worthy.
Just like he wasn't worthy of love.
Oh, love. How could someone explain love? A feeling that makes your whole body burn, that makes you want to run and never look back and at the same time makes you want to stay and see what can happen.
Johnny was worthy of his mom's love, because it was great love. It was a natural love, it was a great love.
He wasn't worthy of his dad's love, though. He was never around and never would be.
He wasn't worthy of Ali's love, but how could he be? She was sweet, calm and worthy of the most beautiful love in her life. He was rude, angry and didn't deserve anything good.
He wasn't worthy of Daniel's love.
He was only worthy of anger and a bit of embarrassment. But not love.