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“Jisoo-yah,” says Jeonghan. “Do me a favor.”
“No,” says Joshua’s honey-sweet voice from across the hotel room. Joshua’s room, technically. Jeonghan had wormed his way in here after today’s show, only to find Joshua sitting at the desk chair, not even bothering to look up from his phone.
Jeonghan frowns. “I haven’t even told you what it is yet.”
Joshua finally looks over at him. “Okay,” he says, nodding his head and blinking slow. He gestures with his hand in a vague indication of, go on, let’s see what you could possibly suggest that would be worth my time right now.
Jeonghan settles back against the bed, spreading his legs slightly, and gestures to his crotch with his good hand. “I need help getting off.” To punctuate his point, he lifts his bad hand weakly, letting the wrist fall limp. “I’m injured.”
Joshua smiles, eyes crinkling unkindly at the edges. “No,” he repeats. He gets up and walks off, turning the corner into the washroom. “I’m gonna shower. Do whatever you want out there but don’t get the sheets dirty.”
Jeonghan hops off the bed too. He’s only got a t-shirt and boxers on, so he removes those on the way there, kicks his boxers across the bathroom floor so they land on top of Joshua’s so he’ll have an excuse to mix them up and wear Joshua’s on the way out.
Joshua doesn’t look surprised when Jeonghan pushes the shower curtain aside and steps in behind him. Jeonghan nudges him with his foot to get him to move over so they can fit, and Joshua laughs under his breath as he does so.
“You told me not to get the sheets dirty,” Jeonghan says by way of explanation.
Joshua lifts an eyebrow. “I’m not going to do it just because you followed me in here.”
Jeonghan shrugs. “Scrub my back, then. It’s hard to reach when I’m,” Jeonghan waves his limp arm, “handicapped.”
“How sad,” says Joshua. He doesn’t sound sad at all. Jeonghan misses the look on his face the day he went in for the surgery. Brow furrowed in genuine concern, pretty lips set in a tight line. He’d sat at Jeonghan’s bedside, after, and peeled apples for him. Fallen asleep there and woken up with the bedsheets imprinted on the side of his cheek.
Still, even now, he soaps up Jeonghan’s back with gentle, large hands. Because it’s Joshua, and Jeonghan can always count on him to be Joshua. He kneads the muscles in Jeonghan’s back that are always sore, slides his hands down slow and makes Jeonghan shudder. He cleans the rest of Jeonghan’s body, too. Soaps up his hair, scratching his scalp gently. Traces the flat planes of Jeonghan’s front, his arms. Jeonghan swallows hard, looking at Joshua standing in front of him. They were both the same type of skinny and lanky once, and then one day Joshua decided to start working out and left him in the dust.
He presses his hands against Joshua’s biceps, admiring. Then steps forward to press their crotches together. Joshua sees it coming and steps back. For a moment, the only sound in the room is the hot water, running down over the two of them. Jeonghan breaks the silence.
“Wouldn’t it be so easy to jerk me off, since you’ve touched me everywhere else already?”
“Wouldn’t it be so easy to jerk yourself off, since your arm is clearly feeling fine enough to touch me?”
Jeonghan drops his hand from Joshua’s bicep. He lets out a loud, dramatic sigh. “I knew I should’ve asked Seungcheol to do it instead.”
The line of Joshua’s shoulders grows tense. His jaw tightens for a split second before his usual expression fits back onto his face like a glove. Joshua’s not easy to rile up, which makes it all the more satisfying when Jeonghan succeeds.
“Then why didn’t you?” Joshua’s smile is tight.
“Your room was closer,” Jeonghan lies. He knows Joshua sees right through it, but that’s not the point of this game.
“Mm.”
Joshua rinses himself off, then pulls the curtain back to step out of the shower. Jeonghan finishes up too and follows him out. He watches Joshua dry off, rubbing the towel over his hair until it’s moist and fluffy before handing it off to Jeonghan. Jeonghan takes it and dries himself off, still keeping his eyes on Joshua, noting, not without glee, that Joshua is starting to get hard. His own dick has been half-hard for a while and there’s no sign of it going down anytime soon.
Joshua heads back out with only a towel wrapped around his waist, which he promptly takes off when he flops backwards onto the bed. He gets comfortable, pulling the sheets up over him like he’s about to sleep. Jeonghan pushes the sheets off and straddles him.
“Come on, Joshuji,” he whines. “You’re really just going to leave me like this?”
Joshua blinks slowly up at him, wearing that constant, never-fading, smug little smile. “Yeah. I could.”
“Don’t you remember all the times I helped you out,” says Jeonghan, rolling his hips against Joshua’s to grind their cocks together. “In the car on the way to our schedule three months ago. That time when we were on holiday two years ago. That time when we were trainees, remember, when you got a boner in the showers and you were so embarrassed and trying to hide it from everyone—”
“Okay,” says Joshua with finality. He grabs at Jeonghan’s cock and wraps his hand around it forcefully. “Now will you be quiet?”
Jeonghan grins even as he bucks his hips into Joshua’s hand. The friction almost hurts, but he likes it. “If you were going to do it anyway, then why didn’t you do it earlier?”
“Because you don’t really need my help,” says Joshua, even as he strokes Jeonghan methodically. “You have a perfectly good left hand. You just want my company. So in the end whether I touch you or not doesn’t matter as long as I’m here.”
Jeonghan scowls. That’s the problem with Joshua. They know each other too well. Their bodies, too—Joshua knows exactly how to twist his grip, exactly where to run his thumb over to make Jeonghan moan and thrust into his touch.
“Yeah,” Joshua breathes out. “Just like that.”
Jeonghan bites indignantly on his lip, but Joshua reaches around and squeezes his ass and he bucks forward with another groan. Joshua sits up a little, with his back against the headboard, making it easier for Jeonghan to fall forward into him. He clutches helplessly at Joshua’s shoulders when Joshua flicks his thumb over the slit, buries his face in Joshua’s neck when he picks up the pace.
“That’s it,” Joshua coaxes. “Come on, almost there.”
It doesn’t take much, not when he’s been pent up for so long. Joshua strokes a hand through his hair with his free hand and scrapes a fingernail against the nape of his neck, presses his lips to the spot just below his ear, and Jeonghan comes just like that, with a soft, strangled gasp into Joshua’s neck.
He leans his weight against Joshua, catching his breath for a short while. When he comes to again, he moves off of Joshua’s lap and looks down.
“Need help with that?” Jeonghan gestures to Joshua’s clearly hard cock.
“I’m good, actually,” says Joshua. He is so, so exasperating. “I think I’m just going to sleep.”
“I’ll help you anyway,” says Jeonghan. “Because that’s what friends are for. I’ll make it good for you, too.”
Joshua rolls his eyes and shrugs lightly with a go ahead. Jeonghan slides down the bed, positioning himself between Joshua’s legs, and runs his hands over the smooth skin of his inner thighs. Fuck, he wants to mark them up so bad. No one would be able to see under the long pants they wear on stage. But they’d be tight enough that the fabric would rub over the marks, constantly, a little secret for only him and Joshua to know.
Instead he takes the base of Joshua’s cock in hand and lowers his mouth onto the head of it. Joshua lets out a stifled gasp, hips bucking up slightly before Jeonghan holds him down with his free hand. Joshua squirms under him, and Jeonghan takes his sweet time, teasing at the head with his tongue and licking up the side, before finally sinking down and taking it all in one go. Joshua moans, hips jerking up surprisingly rough, knocking Jeonghan off-balance for a moment. He makes the mistake of bracing himself on his bad elbow, sending a pang of pain shooting up through his arm, and winces.
It’s gone as soon as it happened, but Joshua notices, of course. “Sorry,” Joshua pants out, breath leaving him in a rush. He runs his hand over Jeonghan’s elbow in a gentle apology. “You okay?”
“It’s fine,” says Jeonghan. Wouldn’t be the first time. His doctor already hates him for taking off his sling during performances.
“Here—” Joshua grabs an extra pillow and sets it down on the floor. “It might be easier from there, you won’t have to hold yourself up.”
“Wow, you want me on my knees for you that bad?” Jeonghan jokes, even as he clambers off the bed and gets on his knees.
Joshua huffs out a chuckle that turns into a groan when Jeonghan takes his cock back into his mouth. He can feel Joshua trying to hold back, treat him carefully, but that’s not what he wants at all. With one quick motion he grabs Joshua’s hand and places it against the back of his head, squeezing so that Joshua’s fingers are tangled in his hair. He looks up at Joshua with half-lidded eyes and he doesn’t have to say anything for Joshua to get the hint.
Joshua grabs onto his hair and thrusts hard. It hurts a little, in just the right way. Tears form at the corners of his eyes as Joshua hits the back of his throat. He wasn’t always good at this, but he’s had a lot of practice, and he and Joshua knows what makes the other tick so well by now that they work like a well-oiled machine. It’s not long before Joshua is choking out a groan and coming hard into Jeonghan’s mouth, the hot wetness filling his throat and making him cough as Joshua pulls off. Jeonghan swallows what he can, but what he doesn’t catch drips over onto Joshua’s stomach. He wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand, and looks at Joshua as he falls back onto the bed looking all pretty and fucked-out, and decides he’s feeling greedy. He gets back up on the bed, on top of Joshua, and before Joshua can even begin to protest he’s got his hand wrapped around Joshua’s cock again.
“Ah—!”
He looks so pretty like this, squirming helplessly beneath Jeonghan. Jeonghan wants him all to himself, for as long as he possibly can. He leans over Joshua, making sure to rest his weight on his good arm, this time. Pinches the bud of Joshua’s nipple between his forefinger and thumb and teases at it until Joshua’s back arches off the bed. He gets an idea, then, and, with a wild grin on his face, scoops the come off of Joshua’s stomach and coats his fingers in it before pushing one into Joshua’s hole. Joshua moans, tightening around him, legs coming up to wrap around Jeonghan’s waist on instinct. It only spurs Jeonghan on even more, pushing his finger in, curling it in a way that has him shaking.
“Wait,” Joshua gasps. “Wait, Jeonghan, I can’t—”
Jeonghan stills, finger still inside of Joshua. “Do you want me to stop?”
Joshua shakes his head immediately. “No, fuck—keep going—”
Jeonghan keeps going. Adds another finger, stretches him out and watches his face contort with pleasure. “I told you I’d make it good for you, didn’t I? What’s better than two orgasms for the price of one?”
Joshua can’t respond. His fists are balled in the bedsheets, pretty lips half-open and head turned sideways to expose his neck. He’s fucking gorgeous, like this. Jeonghan wishes he could see himself, and at the same time he’s glad that he’s the only one that gets to.
Jeonghan rolls over onto his side to free up his other hand, so that he can fuck Joshua on his fingers and jerk him off at the same time. He’s honestly not sure if Joshua can come again so soon, but is rewarded for his efforts nonetheless when Joshua lets out a high-pitched whimper and throws his head back, shooting out a small spurt of come onto Jeonghan’s hand.
He lies there, breathing hard, as Jeonghan grabs the box of tissues on the nightstand to clean him off. After he’s done, Joshua groans, exhausted, and rolls onto his side so that he’s facing Jeonghan. Even half-closed, his eyes flit down to Jeonghan’s elbow. He runs his hand over the junction of it, his gentle touch eliciting a strange, tingling sensation just under Jeonghan’s skin.
“Does it still hurt?” he asks, his gaze insistent.
Jeonghan pauses. Not in the way that you’d expect, no. The truth is that he can withstand the physical pain. He’s used to it, always being sick, always tired for no reason. It’s everything else that he hates. The feeling of being the only one on stage who can’t perform at his best. The idea of letting all the fans down. The knowledge that sometimes you can give a hundred and one percent, and it still won’t be good enough.
He asked himself, all those years back when he was thinking of quitting as a trainee, if he really had anything to offer. Everyone had their niche. Jihoon with producing, Soonyoung with choreography, Seokmin with his vocals. What do I bring to the table, he would ask himself. Over the years he’s grown more comfortable with the idea of his role in the group as a psychological one. The one who keeps people on their feet. Cheating during games. Doing quirky little things that confuse even the members. The quiet support, for anyone who needs it. He’s good at reading people and situations and delivering on exactly what people expect from him. And when he can’t do even that, it’s—
He just gets in his own head sometimes. And when he does, he knows himself well enough to know it’s best not to be alone.
“Not really,” he tells Joshua. “It just… sucks. That’s all.”
“I know.” Joshua brushes the hair out of Jeonghan’s face, tucks it behind his ear, delicate, tender. His eyes are wide, shining with so much sincerity that Jeonghan almost can’t look at him. “I’m here. I’ve got you.”
Jeonghan lets Joshua wrap his arms around him, lets him hold him close. He nestles himself comfortably into Joshua’s hold, lays there and listens to their twin heartbeats, setting a rhythm in unison.
“I was never going to ask Seungcheol,” he says into Joshua’s chest.
Joshua laughs, whole body vibrating. “I know.”
“You’re fine if I sleep here tonight?”
“Of course.” A pause. “You’re fine if I snore?”
“Yeah. You’re nowhere near as loud as Mingyu.”
Another laugh. Quieter, this time. The cadence of it makes Jeonghan’s heart kick in his chest.
“...Good night.”
“...Good night.”