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Sometimes he would look at me as if the whole world was breaking. The hollow light that sparked and burned just past his eyes, the fire that drove him forward and tried to eat away at the surface of his skin until Mercutio would clutch me and scream, and all I could do was hold my beloved and pretend that he would be all right. That we would be all right. But we both could tell when I was lying.
And when his hand gripped my chest like a vice in the middle of the night, I thought for a moment I could hear his mind crack.
“Mercutio,” I whispered into the darkness. The hand on my chest constricted even more.
“Benny, I didn’t think-“ Mercutio’s voice broke. “Benvolio, you’re-“ There was a gasp of breath in the darkness, and he turned and wrapped his arms tight around me, pulling my body on top of his. “Ben. Benvolio. Benvolio. B-Ben, it’s burning me. It’s burning. It…” I felt his tears on my face.
I pressed my lips to his cheek and returned his embrace. “Shh, Merc, I’m here. Mercutio, I’m here. I’m here. We’re together, Merc. I’m here.”
“No. No, no, it’s not real, Benny. It’s not real. We’re not- real-“ he struggled for air through his sobs, and I held him tighter, squeezing my eyes shut.
“I’m real, Merc. I’m real, and my feelings for you, those are real, too.” I kissed him again, full on the lips this time. “Hey, you can feel me, right?”
He nodded soundlessly and I met his wide, terrified eyes. “That feeling, Merc. That feeling is real. I- I love you, and that’s real.”
Mercutio released a shuddering breath and kissed me long and hard, and when he was calm again he reached down to the place we both wanted to touch.
The following morning, I woke up to the sound of him breathing. His face was peaceful, calm. Sleep had been kind to him, at least. This time.
I shook my head and tried to forget my own dream, the lingering sensation of Mercutio’s lifeblood spilling out of his chest and onto my hands, his final tormented whisper in my ear – Were we ever even really here?