Archive of Our Own

I.  Garrus

The last person Garrus had expected to see crossing that bridge was Shepard, but as soon as she’s standing before him, he knows he can’t deny that it’s her. In the flesh. Two years after her death. Frankly, he’s glad to be in this situation now so that he doesn’t have more time to think about it and let it sink in. He just has to accept it and move on.

“What are we working with here?” Shepard asks.

He almost misses the question, distracted by her presence. By the people accompanying her. He’s pretty sure those are Cerberus symbols on their uniforms, which is just a little bit concerning. He’s sure Shepard has an explanation, though.

He gives the rundown of the scenario. Explains how the bridge has been his saving grace so far, but they’ll get slaughtered all the same if they try using it to escape.

“All right. So, we eliminate the competition,” Shepard goes on. “Sounds easy enough.”

Perfect. Spoken exactly like the Shepard he remembers. He readies his rifle. “Just like old times, Shep.”

Considering the odds, things go rather smoothly for them. Even when they have to split up, two and two. Keep him alive, Jacob. The words ring through his mind with every shot of his rifle. No worries. Now that Shepard is back, he’s definitely gonna stay alive. He can’t help but feel they have unfinished business, after all. That they need to…pick up where they left off. If that’s even a possibility at this point. Shepard seems the same so far, but that doesn’t mean—

Well, shit. He hadn’t been expecting that damn airship to take part in this battle. I thought I had taken care of that thing. Not that he’s overly worried. They’ve handled everything else just fine so far, so this shouldn’t be any different. It flies through and—

He hears Shepard call out his name. Except he can’t move. And he feels cold. Spirits, he hates being cold. He’s disoriented, trying to get an idea of his surroundings, but his vision keeps going in and out. Until he sees Shepard above him, and he suddenly remembers that he has to breathe. He has to stay alive. He just got her back, so he can’t be the one to—No. He won’t let himself—If Shepard is the last thing he sees, though…

He hears beeping. Insistent. He takes a deep breath, and it stings. Especially when his right mandible flares in response. That only makes it worse.

“Patient waking,” a voice says. “Recovery stable. Implants well-received.”

He gets his eyes open and, once his vision focuses, realises he’s no longer on Omega; he’s on the med bay of a ship. He looks to see a salarian and—

“Doctor Chakwas?” It hurts to speak.

“Garrus. It’s good to see you again,” she says. “Although, I do wish it could be under better circumstances.”

He wants to laugh but can’t bring the noise out of his sore throat. “What—What hap—?”

“What do you remember?” she asks.

He remembers Omega. Fighting through the mercs with Shepard and her new squad. Being successful until— “The airship,” he says. “I… Was I hit by the airship?”

“Yes,” the salarian speaks up. “Survival surprising. Consider self lucky.”

He does. “Did I hear something about…implants?”

“Hide and plating along right side of face, neck, and carapace severely damaged,” he goes on. “Cybernetic implants needed to restore damages. Holding well.”

“This is Mordin Solus, by the way,” Chakwas then says.

Garrus nods, but the motion is slight. “Right. The doctor from Omega.”

“Frankly, it’s a good thing he was here. I’m not so sure I would’ve been able to save you without his assistance.”

Garrus is only half-listening, looking around the med bay some more. He sees more of those symbols. “Is this—?”

“The Normandy rebuilt? Yes. Cerberus funded it, along with bringing the Commander back to life.”

Oh. So, she had truly been dead for these last two years. That somehow makes him feel better. Like he hadn’t been left in the dark. “Can I see her?”

“Not now. Out on mission,” Mordin says. “Need more rest.” He turns away from him, “Doctor Chakwas?”

“Yes, I should be able to handle it from here, Mordin. You are free to return to the lab. I’ll call you down if you’re needed.”

Excellent. With that, the salarian is gone. Garrus watches him as he goes until the door slides shut behind him. Then he takes a deep breath. Shepard is already out on another mission. Didn’t even wait around to see if he would be okay. Hmm…

“You must have a lot of questions,” Chakwas starts. “I could try to answer some of them for you. Unless you’d prefer to wait for the Commander.”

“I’ll wait,” he says. “No offence.”

He’s waited two years already. What’s a couple more hours?

She gives a nod of her head. “None taken.”

EDI, the ship’s AI—another change he’ll need to get used to—lets them know the moment Shepard is back aboard. I have informed her to go directly to the med bay. Garrus tries not to feel nervous. Isn’t sure why he would feel that way in the first place. He’s already seen her. Already spoken to her. It’s just Shepard.

The door slides open and she’s standing there. The worry lines on her face melt away to a look of relief when her eyes land on him. She crosses the med bay as he sits up, not stopping until she’s at his bedside.

“I’ll give you two some privacy,” Chakwas says without even being prompted, and she takes her leave.

“You’re okay,” Shepard starts. “Sorry, I just—” She shakes her head. “EDI and Jacob had me worried. Jacob said that Mordin and Chakwas did all they could, while EDI told me to come straight here and I—I mean, they made it seem like—”

“Hey, it’s fine,” he says. “I’m fine, Shep.”

She takes a deep breath, nodding her head now. “This might be a stupid question, but how are you feeling?”

“Well, it hurts more than I was anticipating.”

She quirks an eyebrow at him. “I’m sorry? You weren’t anticipating a rocket to the face to hurt much?” He shrugs his shoulders and winces at the pain that shoots through his right arm. “You don’t have to act tough for me,” she goes on.

He’s not entirely sure how to respond to that. “Doc mentioned that Cerberus brought you back,” he goes on, deciding to change the topic altogether.

“Yeah. Project Lazarus, they called it.”

“Cerberus? C’mon, Shep, you remember those awful experiments they were conducting, don’t you? Or did they conveniently leave those memories out of your reconstruction?”

She chuckles. “Oh, no, they pieced me back together one hundred percent. Or…tried to, at least. I don’t think I came back exactly how the Illusive Man wanted, but he’s gonna have to deal with the version of me he does have.” She takes a deep breath. “But yeah, I remember. And this is a temporary alliance, Garrus. Human colonies are disappearing, and it turns out that the Collectors are behind it. Cerberus wants to stop them, and the Illusive Man believes I’m the only one who can get it done.”

“He’s probably not wrong about that.”

“Either way, this doesn’t mean I trust them.”

“It’s fine, Shep, I—I trust you, regardless, you should know that. It just caught me off guard, is all.”

“Understandable.” Another pause. “I’m glad you’re here, though. It’ll be good to have someone at my six who I know for a fact won’t shoot me in the back.”

“Any of these people would be stupid to even think about pulling a gun on you.”

Shepard smiles, but there’s something uneasy about it. Garrus can’t quite place it. They had grown close during the mission to hunt down Saren, but human expressions are still out of his league when it comes to decipherability. And he likes to think he knows her better than that, but it has been two years.

“The point is, I am wary of them,” she says. “As of right now, though, we seem to share a common goal. So, I’ll work with them for as long as it’s necessary. Which, hopefully, won’t be long at all.”

“Right. So.” He pauses, thinking. “They brought you back to life and they had you save my life, just so we can now go on a suicide mission?”

She laughs again, and it seems much more genuine this time. “Trust me, I also see the irony there.”

“Well, if there’s one person who can get it done, it’s you. I mean, the Collectors already killed you once and all it did was piss you off, so…” He shrugs his shoulders. Winces again at the pain. “Thank you, by the way.”

“For?”

“For getting me off Omega.”

“Well, I wasn’t gonna leave you behind. That’s not my style, Garrus.”

His good mandible flares. “What’s the next step, then?”

“There are still more people for us to pick up to expand the team. Although, Cerberus put together these dossiers, so I don’t know what to expect from any of these people.”

“You trust the dossiers?”

“I can’t imagine Cerberus purposely giving me a bad team if they want the mission to be a success.”

“Fair enough.”

“Plus, they brought me to you.”

His mandibles tighten to his face at that. Another comment he doesn’t know how to react to. Not that he doesn’t feel the same way because…he does. Cerberus does have at least one point on their side now, if only for bringing Shepard back into his life. Two points for bringing her back to life in general, actually.

“I should go,” she then says. “Let you rest.”

“I don’t need any more rest.”

“Garrus, you took a rocket to the face and pretty much underwent life-saving surgery. So, yes, you definitely need more rest.”

“C’mon, Shep, Mordin said the implants are holding well and that I’m stable. Is that not good enough?”

“I need you at your best.”

“I need to be on the field to be at my best.”

She shakes her head at him, the corner of her lip quirking in a smile. “Stubborn as always, Vakarian,” she starts. “Okay. How about this? Let’s get through the night cycle, and maybe I’ll take you on an easy mission tomorrow.”

“Fine. I’ll set up in the forward battery until then.”

“Just…take it easy.”

“I will.”

“Promise?”

He’s a bit taken aback by this. By her current attitude. Sure, Shepard would always worry about her crew before and be concerned, but this seems…different. Hell, even when the crew had been mourning Ash’s death after Virmire, she still told them to shape up. To use her death as motivation. She practically yelled at Kaidan to get over it because it was her choice. So, this compassion is just…throwing him off. It’s not what he’s used to. Not what he knows about her. Hmm. Well, it’s probably just because of his injury, which still isn’t necessary.

“Promise,” he says, if only to satisfy her.

The smile he gets in return is worth it. More than worth it. She pats his arm and takes her leave with that. He watches her go. Catches a glimpse of her as she stops to exchange a few words with Chakwas about something. Then she disappears beyond a wall. Chakwas returns to the med bay, omni-tool already open.

“Commander says you’re dismissed from the med bay,” she says. “Not that that’s her call, but I suppose I agree your condition is stable enough.”

He jumps off the hospital bed. “Thanks, Doc.”

“You come straight to me if you feel—”

“Got it, Doc.” And he’s through the door.

He stops almost immediately and looks around at the new crew. They stop and look at him, as well. Huh. This ship may be called the Normandy, but this is definitely not the Normandy’s colours. He squares off his shoulders and stands tall as he makes his way the short distance to the main battery. He can feel their gazes following him. Hears a murmur or two about can’t believe we’ll be working with a turian. Yeah. Garrus can’t believe it, either. He does believe that Shepard will have his back, though, if any of these humans give him a hard time. And that’s what matters.

He makes it to the battery. Takes a deep breath and forces himself to focus on the console before him. This will be his distraction for however long this mission takes. His distraction from the crew. From the fact that they’re allied with Cerberus. From the pain. From whatever else he may be feeling. Hmm…

“All right. Let’s see what we’re working with here.”

~~~~

II.  Shepard

Liz heads straight to her cabin when she returns from her solo mission. Tch. She isn’t sure what exactly she had been expecting when she initially landed the shuttle at the original Normandy’s crash site. Cold and barren and—Seeing her ship in that state… She thought she’d be able to handle it, but it was intense. Not to mention the twenty dog tags of her fallen crewmembers. And her old helmet.

Speaking of, she sets the broken piece of armour on the table beside the sofa. She can’t decide if it’s a bittersweet memory or just a dark reminder.

“Officer Vakarian has requested your presence in the battery,” EDI suddenly speaks over the comms. “Should I tell him you are occupied?”

“No, no, it’s fine. Just tell him to give me fifteen and I’ll be right down.”

“Very well.”

Liz takes a deep breath and strips out of her armour. Before redressing into her fatigues, though, she collapses onto the bed. Stares up through the ceiling window. At the blur of stars passing by. It seems almost like a cruel joke; Cerberus adding this to her cabin. Another dark reminder.

At least the fish tank is a nice touch, despite the harsh glow.

She gets into her fatigues and returns to the elevator. Hits the button for the third level. Takes the few seconds to decide what mission they’ll hit next. She still has to round out the team. Better to get that done sooner rather than later.

When the elevator stops at the third level, she’s slipping out before the door has even fully slid open. She rounds the corner and heads directly to the main battery.

“Everything okay, Officer?” Liz asks by way of greeting.

“Shepard.” Garrus turns away from the console to face her. “I—Yeah. Actually, uh…” He clears his throat. “I wanted to check on how you’re doing.”

She quirks an eyebrow. “Me?”

“Joker mentioned you were at the Normandy’s crash site.”

“Ah. Right.” She takes a seat atop a power cell box off to the side of the small area. “Well.” She doesn’t even know what to say. “Honestly, I’m still…processing.”

“That makes sense. Sorry. I should’ve given you time—”

“No, no, it’s fine.”

Ugh. She wants to cringe at herself. Conversations were never this awkward between her and Garrus before. Even when they had first met, everything had flowed so easily between them. Naturally. Except it’s been two years. Plus, she was dead for those two years. Things are bound to be different. Hell, she’s different. In a way that Garrus hasn’t yet seen. And she’s sure the same is true the other way around.

She’s a little bit afraid for both of them to experience those differences. She understands it’ll have to happen eventually, though.

“Y’know, I believe you promised an explanation as to what happened on Omega once we got off the station,” she then says.

He sighs. “Here I was hoping you’d forgotten all about that.”

She tilts her head. “That bad, huh?”

“It was worse than bad, Shep. It was—” He shakes head. “Spirits, I don’t even know where to begin.”

“It’s okay. Take your time.”

She can already tell this…softer side of her is seemingly making him uncomfortable. Maybe making it a bit harder for him to figure out how to formulate a response. Most of their conversations before were always very direct. Blunt. She would get straight to the point and straight through to him. She wanted to know they were on the same page and that he—her entire crew—would be in fighting condition. Now, she doesn’t feel the need for any of that. Now she wants to know they’re okay. That they’re here to fight because they want to. Not just because they think they have to.

Hell, it’s an adjustment for her, as well.

“I went to Omega because I was fed up with the Citadel’s clerical crap,” he finally speaks up. “All the politicking was too much for me.”

“What happened to reapplying for Spectre training?”

“Wasn’t worth it after—” He stops. Shakes his head. She narrows his eyes. “Either way,” he continues. “Omega presented itself as the best option. The best place to serve up justice. After all, it’s crawling with criminals just begging to be put in their place. So that’s what I did. Not that I made very many arrests. There, it’s kill or be killed. The more I killed, the more men joined my cause. By the end, including myself, there were twelve of us. By the time you showed up…” He takes a deep breath “…it was back down to just one. To just me.”

Yeah. She remembers seeing some body bags at the hideout. She doesn’t dare ask about them. She can put two and two together. “How…?”

“I was set up by one of my own. A turian named Sidonis. He lured me away from the rest of the men with a fake meeting. Once I realised what was happening, he was gone and the mercs had already attacked the base. Two of my men were still alive by the time I got back there, but… Well, neither of them held out very long. Meanwhile, Sidonis cleared out all his personal accounts and booked passage off Omega as the mercs tried to finish me off.” He chuckles darkly. “Lucky for me, none of them anticipated you.”

She swallows hard. “How long had you been there, Garrus?”

“Closing on day three when you arrived.”

Her eyes widen a bit. Shit. He had spent three days surrounded by the corpses of his fallen comrades? She shudders at the thought. If only she could’ve gotten there sooner…

“And what about Sidonis?”

“His trail was covered after he left Omega. I’m gonna find him, though. I have to.”

“Of course, just…” Tch. What the hell is she supposed to say? Don’t be too rash? That’ll only make her sound like a hypocrite. Especially with what Garrus knows about her. The best way to handle this will be for her to show Garrus that there are other ways. “Don’t forget what you’re fighting for,” she says instead.

“Never.” He looks away. “Thanks for the chat, Shep, but I should really get back to these calibrations.”

“Sure. Yeah. Uhm.” She gets to her feet. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Will do.”

She nods her head once even though he’s not looking in her direction anymore. Then she sees herself out. Well. That…wasn’t so bad. He definitely needs to get off this ship, though. Get some of that pent-up aggression out.

“EDI, chart courses for the next two dossiers.”

“Yes, Commander.” A pause. “If I may I remind you: Your old Captain has also requested your presence on the Citadel. It may be worth it to stop by and speak with him. As well as the Council.”

She lets out a sigh. “Fine. We’ll stop there first.”

They arrive at the Citadel much more quickly than Liz thought they would. As much as she wants to see Anderson again, she’s not sure she’s ready to face him. She’s definitely not ready to be judged by the Council all over again.

She asks Garrus and Mordin to accompany her onto the Citadel. Figures they’re the most discreet options, seeing as she doesn’t want to trounce around a proud merc or two people adorned with the Cerberus symbol. After all, she can only imagine whatever rumours are out there about her are bad enough as it is.

Somehow, the meeting goes far better than what she had been happening in her head. The Council had even been willing to reinstate her Spectre status. In this case, she’ll take all the resources she can get. Especially resources that aren’t Cerberus. Of course, Udina hadn’t been too happy with her presence, but the same would’ve been true two years ago. Seeing Anderson again is what really made it worth it. Stay out of trouble. She can’t make any promises, but she’ll do her best.

“Maybe we should take a look at the shops,” Garrus says after they leave the Presidium. “Might find something useful.”

She nods her head. “Fair enough.”

While they’re looking around, they come across a volus accusing a young quarian girl of stealing from him, and a C-Sec Officer not handling the situation well at all. Liz can’t help but interfere.

“Shepard, what’s the point?” Garrus asks. “Does it matter if she stole from him or not? The volus probably deserved it anyway.”

She shakes her head. “That doesn’t mean she deserves to be accused.”

It doesn’t take much to clear the girl’s name, either. Just a quick stop at Saronis Applications and an even quicker chat with the salarian shopkeeper. Then they return to the trio so that Liz can let the volus know where he can find his so-called stolen credit chit. It’s all she can do to not push him over when he makes a comment about how the girl could’ve stolen it, and the officer waves the comment off.

“Wow, a stern talking to,” Garrus says after the fact. “I think you made that Officer rethink all his life choices.”

She doesn’t appreciate the sarcasm in his tone but keeps herself from rolling her eyes at him. “Don’t start with me, Vakarian, or you’ll get a chat of your own.”

He laughs, and she looks over her shoulder at him with a raised eyebrow. “Are you serious, Shep? C’mon, that was a joke. The old Shep—”

“It’s just me. I’m the Shepard that’s here.”

His mandibles tighten to his face. “Understood.”

Mordin then clears his throat. Shit. Liz had almost forgotten about him being with them. “See tensions high,” he starts. “Perhaps now good time to return to ship.”

She nods her head. “Yeah. We should get back.”

There are no other arguments. And as soon as they’re back aboard the Normandy, Garrus doesn’t wait to officially be dismissed before taking off for the elevator. She gives Mordin the go-ahead and lets out a heavy sigh.

“Man, what’s his problem?” Joker asks.

She folds her arms across her chest. “What are your thoughts on our old turian crewmate?”

“You want my honest opinion?”

“Always.”

“I dunno. I mean, I guess it’s nice that he pulled the stick out of his ass, but I don’t think I like the fact that he’s beating people up with it now.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Maybe it’s just me, but he seems more…intense than before. And not in a good way.”

“Is there a good way to be intense?”

“Yeah. Like how you were before.”

She shakes her head. “That’s an idea everyone needs to get out of their heads. Fast.”

Joker puts his hands up, as if surrendering. “Hey, you don’t gotta tell me twice. I can get behind any version of you. Frankly, the fact that you’re not exactly what the Illusive Man wanted is kinda hysterical to me, which makes this whole situation even better.”

“This whole situation? As in…the fact that Collectors are quite possibly abducting humans, and we’ll have to embark on a suicide mission to stop them?”

A pause. “Yeah, pretty much.”

She chuckles, shaking her head. “Don’t know what I’d do without you, Joker.”

“Well, you sure as hell wouldn’t be on this ship because no one else would be able to fly her as well as I can.”

“You’re lucky there’s evidence for you to live up to that ego.”

He also laughs as she begins to walk away. “See ya, Commander.”

She starts stripping off her armour as she makes her way for the elevator. She debates going to the third floor to check in with Garrus but decides against it. Figures he might need some time to…settle. So, she hits the floor for her cabin instead. Fuck. She really hopes they can get past this. Whatever this is. She doesn’t even know. All she knows is that she needs him here. Especially since he is the only one that she knows she can trust at this point. Aside from Joker, of course.

They’ll get past this. They have to. If only because they have much bigger problems. Much bigger things to worry about.

~~~~

III.  Garrus

The next two missions Garrus joins Shepard for are not straightforward missions.

The first is aboard a prison ship. Granted, it should’ve been simple… Until, that is, the Warden had attempted to arrest Shepard. That got a good fight out of her. Classic. They fought through the trail of destruction until they could put a bullet in the Warden’s head and called it day. When it came to apprehending Jack, though… Why don’t we just knock her out? Shepard hadn’t liked that suggestion. Instead, she promised Jack access to Cerberus’ database.

The old Shepard never would’ve negotiated.

“Not exactly the friendliest face,” Garrus says once they’re back aboard the Normandy and everything is settled. For the most part. “Think it’ll be worth it.”

“Only one way to find out,” Shepard says.

“You’ll wanna find out sooner rather than later. Plus, would finding out on the battlefield really be the best way to go? C’mon, Shep, you need to be able to turn your back on these people without fearing they’ll put a bullet in it.”

“I know. Trust me, I know. But if I don’t give them a chance, then why should they give me a chance?”

“Because you’re the one saving their asses.”

She shakes her head. “That’s not the point.”

“And you’re letting Jack access classified files? Why? What if she gets what she wants and then doesn’t help—?”

“Garrus. It’s Cerberus. What do I care what she does with the information? I’m not trying to protect them.”

His mandibles flick. That’s a fair point. Why is he arguing for a human terrorist group? This change can’t really bother him that much…can it? Son of a—

“You trust me, don’t you?” Shepard goes on.

“Of course.”

“Then act like it.”

He lets her walk away. Can’t watch her as she goes, so he just watches the floor. What is his problem? Or maybe she’s the one with the problem. Being brought back to life after being dead for two years could leave someone with an attitude. That doesn’t mean she has to take it out on him. Besides, she knows him. She knows he’s argumentative. Or she should know, at least.

For the second mission, they’re tracking down a Krogan Warlord. Except there had been nothing in the dossier that could’ve prepared them for what they faced. Experimental, tank-bred krogan, with the Warlord himself seeming to have been losing his mind. The mercs had been a bit of a surprise, as well.

In the end, they didn’t get to leave with the Warlord but with his creation. An allegedly pure krogan. Trouble in a tank.

“We’re taking it with us?” Garrus asks. “You’re not thinking about opening that thing, are you?”

“Not now,” Shepard says. Firmly.

He doesn’t have to ask to know that she means not to argue now. The short shuttle trip back to the Normandy is quiet. Jack is with them. She had proved herself a formidable ally. Her biotic abilities are truly something else. Especially for a human. And she’s quite open about her hatred for Cerberus, so he supposes they don’t have to worry about her. No one would put up that much of an act so just fool someone.

Garrus finds himself waiting by the elevator for Shepard to finish being debriefed by the Cerberus pair on what happened during the mission. When she pops out of the lab, he straightens up. She quirks an eyebrow as she approaches him.

“Something on your mind?” she starts.

“You’re not gonna open that tank, right?” he asks again.

“Don’t start, Garrus.”

“Shep, you have no idea what to expect.”

She hits the button summoning the elevator. “And I’ll never find out if I leave him in the tank.”

“What happens if you can’t control him?”

“This isn’t about control. If people are going to be on this ship and part of this crew, then I want it to be because they want to be here.”

“I wouldn’t say Jack wanted to be here.”

She closes her eyes and breathes deep. “Garrus, please. I already have Miranda standing over my shoulder and questioning my every move.” The elevator door chooses that moment to slide open, and she steps inside. “I don’t need the same from you.”

And just like that, the door separates them all the same.

He wants to hit something. Fight someone. Tch. Maybe he can fight the damn krogan. Be put through his paces. That’d be a good challenge. Fighting anyone else on the ship would be too easy. Hell, he’d break Joker just by looking at him wrong. And don’t even get him started on the salarian… His mandibles flare as his subharmonics thrum with a low growl. He makes his way back to the battery.

“Your blood pressure is elevated, Officer Vakarian,” EDI speaks up. “Is there anything I can suggest to help you lower it? Perhaps put in a request for a brief shore leave on the Citadel or Illium so you can find a female turian to—?”

“No, EDI,” he says. “Thank you, but that’s not necessary.”

“Are you sure? I understand turians use—”

“Not necessary, EDI.”

“Very well. My…apologies.”

His mandibles tighten to his face as silence fills the battery. Garrus doesn’t want a female turian. He wants—Spirits, he wants to go back in time two years. To stop the Normandy from ever being attacked in the first place. To stop Shepard from—

Would things be different now? Would they be better now? He probably never would’ve gone to Omega, that’s for damn sure. He and Shepard would both be Spectres. They’d be one hell of a team. The dynamic duo. A power couple.

He swallows hard. He doesn’t like feeling this way. Helpless. Lost. He’d thought that would go away being with Shepard again, but… No. This isn’t about her. It can’t be. Because it’s Shepard and he has nothing but respect for her. This has to be about Sidonis. Of course. He’s still mourning his men and the only way he’ll get over that is if he tracks down Sidonis and—

And what? Does he really want to sink to that level? To Sidonis’ level? Hmm. Well, it may be the only way to get his point across.

~~~~

IV.  Shepard

Fuck. That couldn’t have gone any worse.

When Liz initially got the call to drop everything and head to Horizon, she wasn’t happy. After all, she doesn’t like being told where to take her own ship. Especially on short notice. Especially by the Illusive Man. He somehow had intel that that was the next colony the Collectors would be hitting, though, so that’s where they had to go. Like it or not.

Even knowing Kaidan was there couldn’t have prepared her for actually seeing him again. The distrust in his demeanour had been…uncalled for.

At least, that’s what she’s telling herself.

“We got the information we need,” the Illusive Man says. “Proof that the Collectors are, in fact, working for the Reapers.”

“So, what’s the next step?” she asks.

“We move forward with our plans to hit the Omega 4 Relay.” He takes an infuriating drag of his cigarette. “Of course, before that, I need to know you’ve put your past relationships to rest.”

She folds her arms across her chest. “You don’t need to know anything. My past is my own business. You brought me back to burn the Collectors, not to burn bridges.”

“I understand. But—”

“I’m focused on the mission. That’s all you need to know.”

“Very well.” Another pause. Another drag. “I’ve sent along a few more dossiers so you can continue building your team.”

“I’ll look into them.”

The channel cuts and she lets out a heavy sigh, shaking her head. When she turns, she sees Jacob standing by the door.

“So,” he starts. “It’s really happening, huh?”

“Isn’t that what you joined for?”

“Sure, but…” He shrugs his shoulders. “Just didn’t seem real before, I guess.”

“Well, it’s real.”

“Right.” He stands up straight as she moves past him. “Guess that means it’s now or never to take care of…unfinished business.”

“I guess so.”

“Commander?”

She takes a deep breath. Stops to face him. “Yes?”

“You know we’re behind you on this, right? Miranda and me? I get you’re weary of us, but we wouldn’t be here if—”

“We’re here for a mission,” she says. “Not to be friends.”

He nods his head once. “Understood.”

And, of course, he’s only going to try telling her exactly what she needs to hear. Nothing will work, though. So long as Miranda and Jacob wear Cerberus colours, she won’t be able to trust them. Not one hundred percent. And in a situation like this, she’s better safe than sorry. Especially when her other options are temperamental biotics and a genocidal salarian. She shakes her head. Somehow still better than Cerberus.

It's only temporary.

“EDI—”

“Dossiers have been forwarded to your private terminal, Commander.”

“Thank you.”

She moves to the elevator before bypassing it altogether and heading for the helm. As she gets closer, she can hear Joker arguing about something. She can only imagine what the issue is now.

“Everything going well up here?” she asks by way of greeting.

“Sure, if you call having a backseat driver question my every move well.”

Sounds familiar. “EDI is part of the ship, Joker. You can’t call that backseat driving.”

“C’mon, you know what I mean.” He pauses. “So, uh…talk about a reunion, huh?”

She takes a deep breath, shaking her head. “I wasn’t expecting that sort of reaction out of him. I mean…was he completely out of line? Was he being fair? He wouldn’t even listen to my explanation.”

“Cut him some slack, Commander. You came back from the dead after two years and are suddenly teamed up with what the rest of the galaxy has deemed a human terrorist group. I think Kaidan’s reaction was pretty reasonable. Almost lacking, considering.”

Yeah, she was afraid of that. “I’m not sure if having Garrus there made it better or worse.”

“For you or for Kaidan?”

“I don’t know. What if he thinks I’m brainwashing aliens into trusting Cerberus?”

He laughs at this. “C’mon, Shep, that’s ridiculous.”

She shrugs her shoulders. “Anything seems possible at this point.”

“Speaking of Garrus,” he then starts, and she holds back an eyeroll, “has he calmed down yet? I don’t think so much pent-up anger is healthy for turians. Or anyone, really.”

“I think he’s handling it.”

“You think? C’mon, isn’t there anything you can do to…help him along?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You don’t have to lie to me, Commander.”

“What are you talking about, Joker?”

“Weren’t you and Garrus, like…” He pauses. “Oh, c’mon, are you really gonna make me say it?”

“Say what?”

“Weren’t you guys knocking boots before?”

Her eyes widen. “Excuse me? What—? No, we were not. What the hell ever gave you that impression?”

“Uh…you’re kidding, right?” He shakes his head. “Never mind. Forget I said anything.”

“That is so inappropriate, Joker. Besides, he was my subordinate. And it’s against Alliance protocol to fraternise.”

“Sure, but I figured it didn’t matter since Garrus isn’t Alliance and you were a Spectre so you could make your own rules.”

She doesn’t even know how to respond to that. The fact that he ever thought—Oh. Oh no. How many of the others had the same thought? Did she spend that much time with Garrus? Was it…that obvious…? No. There was nothing to be obvious about. There was nothing more to their relationship than friendship. Nothing. Not that she would’ve said no to something more, but that’s neither here nor there. It never would’ve worked.

It especially doesn’t seem like it’ll work now.

“Commander?”

She gives another shake of her head. “Garrus and I never had that sort of relationship.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course, I’m sure.”

“Well, I think that would solve a lot of your problems.”

“Out of line, Joker.”

“All in good fun, Shep.”

“Uh-huh.”

With that, she leaves him to it. Heads up to her cabin to look over the new dossiers and figure out where to go next.

“Commander, if I may,” EDI starts the moment Liz sits down at her desk. “It is customary on turian military vessels during high stress missions for turians to unwind either by sparring or by engaging in sexual intercourse.”

She clicks her tongue. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because Mr. Moreau may not be far off in his speculations of what could be beneficial to Officer Vakarian’s state of mind.”

“Boundaries, EDI.”

“Apologies, Commander. I just thought you would want the crew at their best.”

Liz clenches her jaw as the comm goes quiet. She does want her crew at their best, but the thought of Garrus…knocking boots, as Joker had so eloquently put it, with some random women doesn’t leave her in her best state of mind herself. It shouldn’t bother her. It’s not like they ever made plans. It’s not like he belongs to her. It’s not like they have any sort of romantic history. Tch. Being dead for two years certainly killed those chances.

She pinches the bridge of her nose, closing her eyes. This can’t be her biggest concern right now. She has more pressing matters to attend to. Entire human colonies being abducted for reasons still unknown. That has to be her focus. Everyone’s focus. If anything, she’ll call for a mandatory shore leave before they hit the relay and Garrus—the entire crew—can do whatever they want for those twenty-four hours. They can be with whoever they want. And then—

Ugh. She doesn’t even want to think that far ahead.

~~~~

V.  Garrus

Going on a mission that requires killing a lot of geth definitely feels just like old times. It’s honestly a relief to be fighting geth over mercs for once. A welcome distraction. And that’s not something Garrus ever thought he’d say. It’s even better to have Tali back by the end of it.

“I see Garrus wasted no time joining your new cause,” she says with a teasing tone.

He’s not sure what she means by that, but Shepard gives an uneasy chuckle in return. “He was one of my dossiers, just as you were.”

“Oh, so that’s the only reason you came?”

She quirks an eyebrow. “You know that’s not true.”

Tali shrugs her shoulders. “You sure know how to make a girl feel welcome.”

She shakes her head, grinning. “Let’s just get back to the ship.”

Garrus helps Tali get settled and acquainted once they are back on the Normandy. Shows her around, ending with the battery.

Tali hums thoughtfully. “She bears the same name, but she doesn’t feel the same,” she says. “I suppose we can’t have exactly the same, though. Especially since the last version didn’t stand a chance against the Collectors.”

He’s not sure if she’s referring to the ship or her Captain. “It’s actually a relief to have you onboard, Tali,” he says.

She tilts her head. “Why do you say it like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like it’s been utter torture for you until now.” She leans against the wall next to where Shepard usually sits—on the few occasions when she does bother checking in. “I’d thought you’d be ecstatic to be fighting alongside Shepard again.”

“Yeah, well… She’s…different now.”

“Different? As in—Wait, don’t tell me she actually trusts Cerberus?”

“No, no, that’s not what I mean. She’s as weary of Cerberus as ever. It’s more like…” He hums with dual tones, trying to think of a good way to explain it. “You know how before she would run into a fight, guns blazing, and if anyone survived to the end, it wouldn’t be for long?”

“I remember.” She folds her arms across her chest. “It was reckless and quite frightening, to be honest.”

“It was admirable. Not that it matters anymore because that’s what’s changed.”

“What do you mean?”

“I dunno. She…talks to people now. Convinces them of better ways to—” Spirits, it sounds stupid now that he’s saying it out loud. “It’s almost as if she’d rather save as many lives as she can rather than just kill anyone who gets in her way.”

“Garrus, that’s a good thing. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to kill everyone on sight.”

“It’s not what the Illusive Man wanted.”

“Also a good thing.”

“Saving everyone isn’t possible. It’s futile. And not everyone deserves—”

She puts her hand up. “Stop.” She then steps up to him. “If this is how you truly feel, then I think you’re the one who needs to change their stance. Not Shepard.”

“You say that now, but…” He shakes his head, mandibles flicking. “You’ll understand once you see her in action. Giving everyone a second chance just…isn’t right.”

“From what I’ve heard, she gave you a second chance when she saved your life.”

“Are you saying I wouldn’t have deserved it?”

“A rogue vigilante on Omega?” She shrugs her shoulders. “The old Shepard may not have thought so.”

With that, Tali shows herself out, leaving Garrus with slackened mandibles. Shit. Is she—? No. She’s not right because he’s not that bad. He isn’t like those other mercs Shepard put a stop to. That’s why the merc gangs on Omega teamed up to put an end to him. Because he had been doing good. And the old Shepard would’ve seen that; she would’ve agreed. He was in the right. He is in the right. Not Tali.

Speaking of Omega…

He opens his omni-tool. Creates a private channel but doesn’t add anyone. Doesn’t contact anyone. Doesn’t know who to contact. Who from his C-Sec days could have information about transportation from the Terminus Systems? He’s not sure anyone keeps close tabs. Hmm. There has to be someone who can help him track down Sidonis. Anyone. Because he has to find him. He has to settle the score. Especially before they get too deep into this suicide mission.

Shit.

Well, he at least finds a reason to use the channel.

GARRUS:

Hey, Sol.

SOLANA:

I’m sorry, do I know you?

GARRUS:

Funny.

SOLANA:

Can you blame me? I haven’t heard from you in weeks. Why now?

GARRUS:

I know. I’m sorry. There’s been a lot going on.

SOLANA:

When isn’t there?

GARRUS:

Is there anything you need? How are Mom and Dad?

SOLANA:

They’re both well enough, considering. Any chance you have some extra credits you could send our way?

GARRUS:

I don’t. I’m sorry. My last job…fell through.

SOLANA:

What was wrong with this one?

GARRUS:

It just didn’t work out.

SOLANA:

This wouldn’t be an issue if you had just stayed with C-Sec.

GARRUS:

Some support would be nice, Sol.

SOLANA:

Yeah, no kidding.

GARRUS:

Listen, I—I reached out to let you know that I’m on a new mission. I’ll be in and out of touch. Can’t say how often or how long I’ll be gone, but… This is something I have to do.

SOLANA:

Should I be concerned?

GARRUS:

No. I’m taking care of myself, don’t worry.

SOLANA:

Fine. Just…try to come home soon, okay? I could really use you here. And Mom wants to be able to see you again before—Before it’s too late.

GARRUS:

I’ll try.

SOLANA:

You’ll try? Is that the best you can do?

GARRUS:

I’m sorry, Sol. I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.

With that, he disconnects the channel. Lets out a heavy breath as he runs a hand over his fringe. Talking with his sister is never easy. Especially lately when it feels like every word out of his mouth is a lie. It’s for good reason, though. At least, that’s what he keeps telling himself.

Yeah. This is all for good reason. Which means it’ll all be worth it in the end. It has to be. Otherwise, what the hell is he fighting for?

~~~~

VI.  Shepard

The next two additions to the crew are a drell assassin and an asari Justicar. Not archetypes that would typically be Liz’s first choice, but beggars can’t be choosers. And it’s not like just anyone is willing to throw their life into a suicide mission.

She makes daily rounds on the ship. Tries to speak with the entire ground team to make sure they all have what they need at any given time. To make sure that they’ve all provided what they can for the ship and the mission. That they’re all in good spaces. Of course, now that they’re getting closer to the end, everyone is requesting her assistance. At least with Kasumi and Zaeed, she was expecting it from the get-go. Still, she’ll help them all. Even Miranda and Jacob.

“How are you settling?” she checks in with Thane. “Are you comfortable?”

“Yes. Thank you, Commander.”

“Doctor Chakwas is one of the best, so if you need anything—”

“It is all right. My sickness is not one that can necessarily be helped. At least, not without another drell.”

“I see.” She pauses. “Does it hurt?”

He seems to consider this. “Did being brought back to life hurt?”

“I don’t know. I don’t recall the actual process.” She clicks her tongue as it hits her. “That’s not your point, though, is it?” It’s none of her business; that’s his point. “Sorry. It wasn’t my intention to cross any boundaries.”

“Quite all right, Commander.”

“Well, I’ll leave you be. Let me know if you need anything.”

She exits his room and glances past the mess and towards the main battery door. She hasn’t checked in with Garrus in a few days now. Every time she tries talking to him, she feels as if he just brushes her off. Like he’s not interested in her company. It’s a complete one-eighty to the relationship they had before.

She supposes he’s not the only one stuck in the past, after all.

She ends up turning and letting herself into Kasumi’s room. “Hey. How is everything on this end?”

“Not very good at being casual, huh?” Kasumi says.

“I—”

“Why haven’t you visited Garrus yet?” she then asks.

“Excuse me?” How the hell does she even know that?

“Please. I know everything that happens on this ship almost as well as EDI.” The corner of her lip quirks up into a little smirk. “I’ve got eyes and ears everywhere, Shep.”

“I thought you were a thief, not a spy.”

She chuckles light-heartedly. “Sometimes it’s required for me to be both.”

“Well, maybe I was going to see Garrus after seeing you.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“Because you haven’t been.”

Tch. Eyes and ears everywhere or just inside Shepard’s head? “He’s worked with me before, so he knows what to expect.”

“Tali has worked with you before and you still check in with her.”

“Because she’s still adjusting.”

“Are you sure it’s not because tensions are running high between you and the turian? The entire ship is talking about it. Seems you two no longer see eye to eye.” The entire…ship? People are gossiping about her and Garrus? “I’m not saying it’s right, Shep, I’m just passing along information.”

“Could you maybe talk about something else?”

She hums thoughtfully. “Oh, could I discuss the heist with you?”

“You know what? Instead of talking about it, let’s just go do it.”

She grins. “Even better.”

And just like that, the two of them are off. Except, before they go, Kasumi informs Liz that she’ll need to change. Formalwear, so a dress and heels will work. No. It won’t work. If it’s what Kasumi needs, though…

“Where the hell are you going dressed like that?” Liz stops dead in her tracks before seeing Garrus pop out of the helm. What was he doing in there? Visiting with Joker? She didn’t realise they were that close. He gives her a onceover. “I mean, this can’t be just a regular Citadel run,” he goes on.

Kasumi wraps an arm around Liz’s shoulders. “Doesn’t she look fantastic? She should really wear this stuff more often, don’t ya think?”

Liz clenches her jaw, praying she isn’t blushing. “I’m assisting Kasumi with a mission.”

He raises a brow plate. “Dressed like that?”

“Don’t worry, I won’t let anything or anyone touch her.”

“That’s not—”

“We really should be going now.”

With that, Kasumi ushers Liz away. She glances over her shoulder, but Liz keeps her gaze set ahead.

“He’s watching you,” Kasumi says.

“Yeah, because you just made that very weird.”

She laughs. “If you say so.”

The mission goes off without a hitch. Of course, the rest of the mission…not so much. Not that that slows either of them down. And by the time they’re out of there—

“Is there any way we can save the memories?” Liz asks.

Kasumi shakes her head. “The data is woven into the memories. Like a data core. There’s no destroying just one…” She takes a deep breath. “I know it’s what he wants, but this is all I have left of him. I can’t—”

“Then don’t.”

“What?”

She shrugs her shoulders. “If you’re ready and willing to live with the consequences, then keep it. Especially if it means that much to you.”

“Yeah. Of course. I’ll live off the grid. It’s what I’m used to.” She smiles with a small nod. “I want this.”

Liz finds herself smiling back at Kasumi’s happiness. It’s almost a bittersweet feeling. Loving someone so much that—She shakes her head. Huh. She also finds herself in need of a drink. Except she can’t just sit down and relax and have a drink.

Duty calls.

~~~~

VII.  Garrus

“No heels or skirts this time, Shep?” Garrus asks as he joins Shepard and Zaeed at the shuttle for the next mission.

She shoots him a glare, but that’s a look he does know. A look that hasn’t changed. “That was a one-time thing.”

“Too bad,” Zaeed says. “Bet you look good in a skirt.”

She rolls her eyes. “See what you started?”

He chuckles. “My bad.”

As far as he knows, this next assignment is per Zaeed’s request. Something about a mining facility and the workers needing to be saved. Garrus isn’t too concerned with the details, just happy to get off the ship and back in the field. Calibrations can only keep him occupied for so long.

They make it to their destination. So far, so good. Everything seems normal. The further along they go, though, the less Shepard herself seems to expect.

“What the hell is this about?” she asks.

“Vido Santiago,” Zaeed says. “The bastard who ruined my life.”

“Gonna need a little more context than that.”

And that’s how they get the story about Zaeed founding the Blue Suns twenty years ago and being betrayed by this man who had him shot in the head. Garrus almost can’t believe what he’s hearing. How much it resonates with him. He honestly doesn’t blame Zaeed for wanting to get revenge. For wanting to put an end to this man. Tch. It’s been a hell of a long time coming.

“I thought this was about—” Shepard starts.

“Well, maybe I lied,” Zaeed says. “I couldn’t anticipate how you would react, so I didn’t bother telling the full story off the bat.”

She clicks her tongue. “Let’s just get this over with.”

The rest of the mission isn’t nearly as smooth. Especially when Zaeed causes an explosion without warning. Garrus can tell Shepard is trying not to lose it. Trying to be supportive. Hopefully it won’t be much longer.

Until, that is, one of the workers runs out of the facility screaming for help.

“Where do ya think you’re going?” Zaeed asks. “Vido’s this way.”

“The mission parameter you gave me included saving these people,” Shepard says. “They need our help now more than when we arrived, so that’s who we’re helping.”

“Shep, c’mon,” Garrus dares to speak up. “You’re here for Zaeed. To help him. Not these people. They’re not part of the mission.”

“They’re innocents.”

“Well, if we help them then we’ll most likely lose Vido.”

Zaeed shakes his head. “Like hell we’re losing Vido. I’ve spent twenty years cornering that bastard and I ain’t letting him walk away now.”

“Last time I checked, you two follow my orders,” Shepard goes on. “Now, we are going in there and we are saving these people. Nothing else matters.”

The growl Zaeed lets out is borderline-turian. Still, who the hell are they to disobey direct orders? So, they follow Shepard over the railing and that’s the end of it. And by the time they get through the facility and make it out the other side, Vido is taking off in his escape shuttle. That doesn’t stop Zaeed from shooting at it until he’s out of ammo, screaming the entire time.

“If you think I’m gonna stick around to help—”

“Who says I even want your help?” Shepard takes over. “Not with this kind of attitude.” She scoffs. “You’re not a one-man team anymore, Zaeed. You can’t just be looking out for yourself. Be lucky I even got you this far. But if you’re gonna be coming back aboard my ship, then you’re gonna have to let this go.”

“Son of a…” He lets out a grumble. “Fine. For now, at least.”

“That’s all I ask. We survive this mission, and you can go back to chasing after Vido to your heart’s content.”

“Deal.”

Garrus is relatively surprised at the way Shepard handled that. It doesn’t make the shuttle ride back to the Normandy any less awkward. It especially doesn’t make calling her to the battery any easier, either.

“What can I do for you, Garrus?”

He doesn’t even know anymore. He does, but… Where the hell is he supposed to start? After witnessing what she did for Zaeed—or, technically, didn’t do—he has no idea how she may react to his own request now.

“Why did you choose those people over helping Zaeed?”

“Is that really why you asked me here?”

“I just… Help me understand.”

“What do you need help with? As I said back at the facility, those people were innocents. They didn’t deserve to get caught up in Zaeed’s mess.”

“What about Vido, though? He isn’t innocent.”

“Frankly, neither is Zaeed.”

“Then why recruit him in the first place? Because Cerberus told you to?”

She presses her lips together. “What do you want from me, Garrus?”

He swallows hard. Maybe he’s taken this too far. “I…” Should he even bother? He sighs, turning his head away from her. “I found a hit on Sidonis,” he then starts. “An old contact of mine on the Citadel said that he was in touch with someone who goes by the name Fade. Apparently, he makes people disappear.”

“You want us to go after him?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“I don’t.” She folds her arms across her chest. “What’s your plan to handle Sidonis?”

His good mandible flicks. “A bullet to the head.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“You asked me not to question you, Shep, so—”

“Yet, you still are.”

“What?”

“What was that display at the facility?”

He shakes his head. This isn’t what he wanted. “Just forget it. I’ll deal with Sidonis on my own.”

“That’s…not what I meant.” She lets out a heavy sigh. “Look at what being so hellbent on revenge did to Zaeed. He has wasted twenty years of his life on one man, Garrus. Is that the path you want for yourself?” Yeah. He was afraid of her making that point. Connecting those dots. “Just…at least promise me you’ll consider other options.”

“Or what? You won’t help me?”

“That’s not what I said.”

He stops himself from saying anything more. Spirits, he hates this. Hates that their entire relationship seems to be hanging by a thread. They were so close before and now he’s not even sure what to call them. All he knows is that he misses her. Shit. He somehow misses her now more than when she was actually—gone. She seems farther away now.

“He owes me ten lives, Shep,” he finally breaks the silence. “I expect him to pay up.”

“I understand you’re hurting.” She steps up to him. “You’re also not thinking with a clear head.” She hesitantly reaches for him, placing a gentle hand on his forearm. “Please.”

The touch sears his hide even through his armour. And the look in her eyes… “Fine. I’ll take some time to think about it. We can’t wait too long, though. I can’t lose his trail.”

“You already sound like Zaeed.”

“Well, the sooner you help me get this done, the sooner you can stop worrying about this being the next twenty years of my life.” She pulls her hand away at this, and he instantly curses himself for making the comment. “Shep…”

“I know. Uhm.” She puts distance between them. “Was there anything else?”

Yes. Anything to keep her here. To put things back to normal. He fears there may not be a normal for them anymore, though.

“Uh…” He clears his throat. “Y-yeah. I have schematics in mind for how to improve the main gun. Figured we’ll need all the firepower we can get.”

“Perfect. Go ahead and make whatever installations and configurations you need.”

“Will do.”

She nods her head once. “We’ll chat later.” And she takes her leave.

The moment the door slides shut behind her, Garrus feels as if he’s suffocating. Spirits. He shuts down the console and leans against it. Closes his eyes and just focuses on breathing. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale…

Shepard wants him to change his mind. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to do that. His men deserve to be avenged. And the only way to do that…is with a single bullet.

~~~~

VIII.  Shepard

“You’re up late,” Tali says by way of greeting as she joins Liz in the mess, sitting across from her at the table.

“Could say the same about you,” Liz says.

“Had to make some finishing touches to the new shields.” She studies her for a moment. “What’s on your mind, Shep?”

“A lot.” She swallows hard. “Just trying to figure out how to fit everyone in.”

“Relax. It may not feel like it, but there’s still time.”

“It definitely doesn’t feel like it.” She lets out a heavy sigh as her head falls back. She runs her fingers through her hair. Maybe a nice, long, hot shower will help clear her mind. Fuck. She shouldn’t ask, but… “Have you spoken with Garrus?”

“Of course.”

“Like…” She gestures her hands in a forward rolling motion, unsure herself of what the hell it’s supposed to mean. “How is he with you?”

Tali shrugs her shoulders. “He seems a little distracted.”

“Has he given you a hard time about anything?”

“Is he giving you a hard time?”

“We’ve been…fighting a lot.”

“I don’t find that surprising. He seems to be having a hard time with—”

“The fact that I’m not a bitch anymore?”

“Hey, you’re the one who said it.”

She lets herself laugh softly. “Yeah, well… For once, I don’t know what to do. I hate that I can’t get through to him. That I can’t talk to him like we used to.” She gestures between them. “Like this.” She breathes deep. “I thought having him here would be a relief, but I think it’s just adding more stress. And I hate feeling this way because—” Because he used to bring her nothing but joy, and she always looked forward to seeing him at the end of a long day because seeing him always made it better and now… “What do I do?”

“He’s been through a lot, Shep. Honestly? I think you just need to give him time. Wait for him to come around.”

She nods her head. “Maybe you’re right. Pushing him will probably only make it worse. It’ll only add to the distance.”

“Commander,” Joker suddenly speaks up over the comm channel. “Sorry to bother you, but it’s good you’re up. The Illusive Man is asking for ya.”

“What does he need?”

“I dunno. Didn’t ask for details, but it seems urgent.”

Her brow furrows, and she gets to her feet. That’s when she notices Garrus walking down the hall from the main battery and the breath catches in her throat. Son of a—She hopes he hadn’t been there long. Still, she gives him a quick nod before heading for the elevator. She doesn’t understand what the Illusive Man could possibly need now.

“Shepard,” he starts. “We caught a break.”

With that, Liz finds herself on a shuttle to a derelict Collectors ship. She had decided to bring along Tali and Garrus, seeing as she knows for a fact that they were both up before the Illusive Man’s call.

“A turian ship took this out of commission?” Garrus speaks up. “Turians are good, but not even I would claim they’re that good. Especially not just one ship.”

“Yeah, I don’t get it, either,” Liz says.

“Are you sure this is safe?” Tali asks.

“Only one way to find out.”

Garrus actually laughs at this, and Liz is ecstatic to be wearing a helmet that covers her face. “Not your best pep talk, Shep.”

The ship is as eerie as any of them could’ve imagined. It feels like a giant beehive. Finding piles of rotting corpses doesn’t make it any homier, either. And it only gets worse.

By the end, they get what they need…but at what cost?

“You didn’t even wait until I had turned around for you to stab me in the back, huh?” Liz says once she’s reconnected with the Illusive Man.

“Don’t be so dramatic.” He takes a drag of his cigarette. “This is war. Every second we wait is a second we give to the Collectors.”

“If you expect me to cooperate with you, then I need to know I won’t be sent into another trap. I can’t expect that, though, because I don’t trust you.”

“It worked out, didn’t it? We got our information, and no one got hurt. Plus, the Collectors never could’ve anticipated EDI and she worked as flawlessly as ever.”

“That’s not the point. You push me and I’m sure as hell gonna push back, but you do not push my people. I take care of them and if they risk their lives because of you—”

“I think you need to take a step back and reevaluate why we’re here, Shepard. Why you’re here.” Another drag. “It may be time to tap into how you used to be. That’s the drive that will defeat the Collectors, after all.”

She folds her arms across her chest. “Except that’s not who I am anymore. I’d say sorry to disappoint, but I’m not sorry. And I’ve been doing just fine against the Collectors as it is.” She shrugs her shoulders. “Not gonna fix what’s not broken.”

His eyes narrow. “Fine. Then leave it to me to make the hard decisions, but don’t complain when I do. That’s the only way we’ll be able to move forward from here.”

Tch. She’d rather not leave any decisions up to him. And she’ll complain every step of the way if that’s what it takes. Hell, she’ll go down kicking and screaming if she has to. For now, though…

“Fine. No more traps, though. Got it?”

He tilts his head, and his little quirk of a smile makes her uneasy. “Shouldn’t be necessary now that we know what we need.”

Right. The IFF. That’ll be the next step. Once Liz builds her team more, at least, because there’s still a lot to do.

Garrus is waiting right outside the room after she finishes her chat with the Illusive Man. He stands up straight, arms dropping to his sides when he sees her.

“You should really get some rest, Garrus,” she says.

“What was his excuse?” he asks.

She lets out a soft sigh. “Just that it was a necessary means to an end. I don’t agree with it, but… I dunno, maybe he’s right. We did get the information we needed.”

“Yeah, and we almost lost the ship at the same time.”

“I know. Don’t worry. This only makes me trust him even less.”

“Do you think Miranda or Jacob knew?”

“Seeing as they were in just as much danger…I honestly don’t. But it’s difficult to say.”

He nods his head. “What’s next?”

“Make the team stronger.” She pauses. Don’t do it. Don’t ask. This is going well for once. Don’t— “Have you given any more thought to what I said?”

“I, uh…” He clears his throat. “You’re right. I think I’m gonna turn in.”

With that, Garrus walks away. Liz closes her eyes, pressing her lips together. She’ll take that nonchalant avoidance as a resounding no. She supposes there’s still time, though. Maybe she’ll be able to convince him. One way or another. Until then… Well, she’ll just have to focus on the problems of the rest of the crew.

~~~~

IX.  Garrus

When Garrus next retreats from the main battery, he finds most of the crew lounging in the mess: Tali, Kasumi, Thane, Jack, Grunt, Zaeed, and Jacob. He brews a pot of dextro-coffee and joins them.

“So, you do come out of your hidey-hole,” Jack says by way of greeting.

Garrus’ good mandible flicks. “You’re one to talk.”

“Yeah, well, the Cerberus Cheerleader isn’t around, so that makes it easier.”

“C’mon, Miranda isn’t that bad,” Jacob speaks up.

Jack sneers. “You’re both with Cerberus so you’re both bad. I’m sure if it were Shepard’s choice, neither of you would even be here.”

“We’re on the same side.”

“That’s what you want us to think.”

With that, Jacob shakes his head and dismisses himself. Once the elevator door slides shut, Garrus pours himself a cup of coffee and sits down in the newly vacated seat.

“So, where is the second in command?” he asks.

“Apparently it’s her turn to have a field trip with Shep,” Kasumi says.

Jack rolls her eyes. “Not sure why the Commander is even bothering with that one. Not like she deserves the help.”

“That’s not fair,” Tali speaks up. “We all have our problems.”

“I have to admit,” Thane starts, “the Commander is not what I had been expecting. And I don’t mean that in a bad way.”

“Considering all the goddamn stories I’ve heard about her, I can’t say the same,” Zaeed says. “I wish I could’ve gotten to know the old Shepard. Y’know, before she died. That version sounds like she knew how to have a good time.”

Jack scoffs. “Please, you’re just mad because she let your boyfriend get away.”

“Vido ruined my goddamn life and career. And you’re one to talk, holding grudges against Cerberus bullshit.”

“For good reason. Cerberus is a shitty group, point blank.”

“Yes,” Thane takes over. “You were betrayed by mercs, which shouldn’t come as a surprise. That’s what happens when you grow a reputation around being merciless.”

“Which, no offence, a lot of you should be able to relate to,” Tali says.

“I dunno what you’re all complaining about,” Grunt speaks up. “Shepard’s all right in my book. Old or new.”

“I almost think she’s getting more accomplished with her new bargaining ways,” Kasumi says. “Plus, less of a blood trail means less chance of being tracked.”

“As someone who has known and worked closely with both versions,” Tali starts, “I prefer the new Shepard.”

“Likewise,” Joker chimes in over the comms.

“Exactly. I mean, I know she cared about me and the crew before, but she always had an odd way of showing it. Now she’s just as straightforward, but she’s also more prone to compassion. It’s nice.”

“What are your thoughts, Vakarian?” Jack asks.

He grips at his coffee cup. “It’s…been an adjustment.”

“Bad or good?” Kasumi goes on.

“I dunno. It’s strange not knowing what to expect. It’s strange that she looks and moves and fights the same way, but—” She’s not the same. No matter how many times he tells himself otherwise, he can’t move past it. “It’s complicated.”

“Maybe you’re just overcomplicating it.” Jack shrugs her shoulders. “She gets the job done. That’s what counts.”

“Quite admirably so, as well,” Thane says. “She’s almost turned fighting into her own work of art.”

The cup in Garrus’ grip suddenly shatters and everyone jumps back from the table. What the shit? Jack’s voice rings through his head just a notch lower than the cracking sound.

Chakwas rushes out of the med bay. “Is everyone all right?”

Tali’s hand is on his shoulder. He still hasn’t moved, so she reaches to check his hands. Gets him to his feet and walks him into the med bay, Chakwas right behind them. Through the window he can see the chef cleaning up the mess. Once Garrus is seated, Tali leaves to help.

“Are you okay?” Chakwas checks again.

“Fine,” he says.

“What happened?”

“I…don’t really know.”

She’s picking broken pieces out of the softer part of his hide on the underside of his hands. Luckily, none cut too deep. Once everything is out, she applies medi-gel. The med bay door slides open, and he doesn’t look. Figures it’s just Tali coming back in, but—

“What the hell happened?” He jolts, seemingly getting knocked out of whatever strange trance he had fallen into. He then turns his head to see Shepard. “Are you hurt?”

“He’s fine, Commander,” Chakwas says. “Shell-shocked, perhaps, but no serious injuries, otherwise.”

She places a hand on his shoulder. She needs to stop touching— “Garrus.” He meets her gaze and the look in her eyes makes him feel giddy and achy all at once. “Can you tell me what happened?”

“It was nothing,” he says. “Just broke the cup by accident.”

“How did it break?”

“I may have squeezed too hard.”

She pauses. “So…you physically broke it?”

“I’ll replace it.”

“That’s not—” She lets out a soft sigh. “I don’t care about the stupid cup. I just need to know that you’re okay.”

“And I’ve already told you that I’m fine.”

“You have elevated levels of stress,” EDI speaks over the comms. “I highly suggest finding ways to alleviate that stress.”

He shakes his head before hopping off the table. “For the last time, I’m fine.”

With that, he excuses himself from the med bay and heads straight for the main battery. Of course, Shepard isn’t far behind him.

“What the hell is your issue?” she asks.

He paces back and forth by the console. He doesn’t know what to say. He can’t possibly admit that he’s just pissed over the fact that everyone seems to be taking no issue with this new Shepard. Everyone is warming up to her. Getting along with her. Everyone is enjoying her company on and off the battlefield. It isn’t fair. Most of them don’t even have anything to compare to. Meanwhile, he’s locked himself in this stupid room to get away from her because he can’t stand the fact that they’re not getting along when he used to be in—

Spirits.

“Are you purposefully putting off helping me?” he then asks.

Her eyes widen at this. “Excuse me? Are you serious?”

He already hates that those words got past his mouth plates. “You just seem to be helping everyone else to avoid helping me.” No taking it back now. “I mean, shit, you’ve even given Miranda and Jacob assists before me.”

“Is that really what this is about?” No. “You think I’m that petty?” Maybe. “Fine. We’ll go to the Citadel first thing tomorrow.” She gives him a onceover, her gaze stopping at his hands. “Be more careful next time.” And she sees herself out.

He should’ve stopped her. He should go after her now. After everything that’s been said and done, though… Tch. She’ll never want him. She would never feel the same. Maybe he had a chance before, but not anymore. It’s ruined now. They’re ruined.

History.

~~~~

X.  Shepard

Liz never made it past the mess after she stormed out of the battery. Even now, she’s sitting at the table still debating going back in there. She should tell Garrus to get over it already. Beg him to get over it because she wants her friend back. She wants their relationship back. And it’s so hard to focus when one moment he’s teasing her—just like old times—and the next moment he’s cold and distant and judging her.

This is all so fucked up.

Worse yet, now she has to take him to the Citadel tomorrow. And she already knows he hasn’t changed his mind; that much is easy to tell. The last thing she wants is for him to go through with this, though. Hurting or not, she fears he’ll only regret pulling the trigger in the end. Then that will only make him spiral further into this darkness he has burrowed himself into.

How the hell is she supposed to make him see that?

Chakwas ends up sending her to bed after she falls asleep at the table. Liz only finds herself back in that same spot the following day, though. The Normandy is already on course for the Citadel and Garrus is in the battery…preparing. She’s trying to prepare, as well. For any possible outcome or argument that could happen today.

“Commander,” Thane starts as he appears from around the corner. “May I join you?”

Liz gestures across the way from her and he takes a seat. “Are you well?” she checks. “Do you need—”

He raises a hand, and she stops instantly, holding her breath. “What is on your mind?” he then asks.

Now she takes a deep breath. Tch. Has she become that easy to read? “Just thinking about the crew.”

“Anyone in particular?”

Yeah. Apparently, she has. “Were you there for Garrus’ odd…display yesterday?”

“I was.” He pauses. “He seems quite taken with you.”

She freezes. “Excuse me?” She hadn’t been expecting that.

“I don’t mean anything bad by it. Just…the path your relationship has gone seems to have him feeling lost.”

She clears her throat, not wanting to chance this discussion when Garrus could come out at any moment. “I don’t think that has anything to do with me.” She takes a deep breath. “Much like the rest of you, he has asked for my assistance with a personal matter, and I don’t agree with the way he wants to handle it. But…it’s not my business, so is it really my place to try and dictate how he does handle it?”

“What is the situation?”

Her brow furrows. She doesn’t want to give away too many details. That doesn’t feel like her place, either. “He was betrayed by someone he thought he could trust. Now he wants to end their life.”

“You do not want him to take that path?”

“He’s spiraling. And the worst part is…it’s my fault.”

He folds his hands together, placing them atop the table. “How so?”

“Because I was reckless and ruthless before I died, and I’m afraid—” She squeezes her eyes shut. “I know I taught Garrus to be the same way. I taught him to do whatever it takes to get the outcome he would want, no matter the cost. Even if lives are at stake. Except now that I’ve been given a second chance, I’ve realised that that’s not the only way to get things done. There are more civil manners to use.”

“That is a good lesson to learn.”

“Yeah, but I can’t get Garrus to see it.”

He hums thoughtfully. “When I met my wife—” His eyes suddenly glaze over, as if he’s in a trance. “Laser dot trembles on target’s skull. The smell of spice on the spring wind. Sunset eyes defiant in the scope.” He blinks and seems back to normal. Liz understands this as one of his memory-lapses. He clears his throat. “To be clearer, I met my wife when she stood between me and my target, blocking my shot.”

“Wow. Talk about bold.”

“Commendable, is more like it.”

“So, she impressed you?”

“She woke me up.” He pauses. “Perhaps you could use the same tactic.”

“What do you mean?”

“If you are unable to convince him not to take the shot, then simply do not give him the option.”

Oh. He means— “I don’t know…”

“You trust Garrus, yes?”

Just then, the battery door slides open and Garrus steps out. Liz watches him for a moment before swallowing hard. “With my life.”

“Then you need not worry.” Thane gets back to his feet as Garrus moves down the short hall. “Love does not pull the trigger.”

~~~~

XI.  Garrus

Garrus takes the lead for this mission. It is, after all, his. And, so far, Shepard doesn’t seem to have a problem with that. Good. Even if she doesn’t agree with his choice, maybe she’ll just respect it and let it go. He’d be perfectly content with that. Whatever animosity comes out of it afterwards—

Spirits, he hopes that doesn’t end up being the case.

“This is the place where we’ll be meeting Fade,” he says as they move into what looks like a storage area.

A volus isn’t what he had been anticipating. Of course, they’re quick to discover that he’s not Fade. Even quicker to get him to tell them where they can find the real Fade. Over in the factory district. So, without wasting any more time, that’s where they go next.

When they find Harkin there, Garrus can’t say he’s surprised. Harkin at least makes more sense than a volus. And when he runs at the sight of them, it doesn’t help his cause. It also doesn’t protect him when Garrus and Shepard fight through his entire merc and mech army, leaving him more defenceless than anything.

“What do you think is Harkin’s game?” Shepard asks at one point.

“No idea, but I’m not playing along.”

“You’re tense, Garrus,” she goes on. “Just…take a deep breath.”

“I’ll breathe again when this is over.”

“Garrus—”

“Stop. We need to get to Harkin because I am not risking the possibility of him tipping off Sidonis. That’s the last thing I need.”

“Fair enough. Let’s keep moving, then.”

When they finally do reach Harkin, Garrus doesn’t bother holding back. He slams him into the wall. Knees him in the diaphragm. Steps on his throat—You know what else is bad for business? A broken neck—until Shepard practically forces him off. Garrus shakes her off, as well, not wanting to deal with feeling that right now.

“Here’s what’s gonna happen,” Garrus goes on. “You’re gonna get in touch with Sidonis and let him know there’s a problem with his new identity that needs to be taken care of immediately. Got it?” He gestures towards the terminal on the side of the room. “Go.”

Harkin does exactly as he’s told. And when he asks if he’s free to go, Shepard also has to stop Garrus from shooting him. He wasn’t gonna kill him, just maim him. Instead, he gives him a headbutt before walking away. He notices Shepard shaking her head at him out of the corner of his eye. Tries to ignore the somersaulting feeling of disappointment in his stomach.

“We shouldn’t have just let Harkin go,” Garrus says as they arrive at their next location. “He’s a criminal now. He needs to be—”

“We didn’t come here to deal with him,” Shepard says. “Would you like to turn around and arrest him instead?”

He scoffs. “Fine. I get it.”

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay?”

He’s far from okay. Even now that he’s so close to achieving his goal… “I’ll be better once this is all over.”

“I just…” She lets out a soft sigh. “You were pretty harsh with Harkin.”

“You don’t think he deserved it?”

“Listen, I know you’re angry, but this isn’t you.”

No. He can’t. This isn’t what he wants to deal with right now. Tch. And just when he was beginning to think she would let it go. “What do you mean this isn’t me?” he asks. “You’re the one who taught me to shoot first and ask questions later. Everything I am, is because of you.”

There’s a pause. “You’re better than this.”

“Says you. But you were gone for two years, so I don’t expect you to understand.”

“That’s not fair. I wasn’t gone by choice.”

His mandibles tighten to his face. “I need to set up,” he goes on. He looks around the area. “I can get a good vantage point from over there.”

She places a hand on his. “There’s still time to change your mind.”

“No.” He pulls his hand away. “There’s not.” He climbs out of the shuttle. “Please, Shep. Just get him into place and let me deal with the consequences.”

He watches as she flies off in the shuttle to move to the lower level. Then he goes to his chosen spot and readies his rifle. Quickly finds her through his scope before also finding Sidonis. His brow plate narrows. There he is. He watches Shepard wave him over. And he watches as she proceeds to stall him. Listens as she warns Sidonis. It’s a damn miracle Garrus doesn’t jump from his position when Sidonis lays a hand on her.

“I’m only trying to help,” Shepard’s voice sounds off over the comm. “You move and you get a bullet in the head.”

Worse yet, he has to sit and listen while Sidonis rattles off some bullshit excuse as to why he did what he did. Everyone has a choice. He doesn’t believe a word of it. And even if it were true, it doesn’t make it better. It doesn’t bring those men back.

“Damn it, Shepard, move,” he says. “He’s a selfish coward and doesn’t deserve—”

“I’m not trying to say what I did was right,” Sidonis goes on. “Trust me, I know it wasn’t. And I have to live with the fact that they’re all dead because of me. I have to live with their faces haunting me. I don’t even—You should just let Garrus shoot me. Put an end to my misery.”

“I can make that happen,” Garrus says. “Let me take the damn shot.”

“I won’t,” Shepard says. “This is over, Garrus. Look at him; there’s nothing left to kill. Where’s the satisfaction in that?”

“This isn’t for me. This is for my men.”

“Something tells me your men wouldn’t have wanted this for you.”

He growls low in the back of his throat. “Forget it. Just…tell him to go.”

She does. And he watches Sidonis walk away. Alive. His mandibles flutter as he moves his finger away from the trigger, the desire to pull it gone. He looks back at Shepard through the scope to find her already looking back. The look on her face is… Tch. He had expected something akin to indignation, but she looks like she’s smiling. Like she’s proud. And that look alone…

He breathes deep, getting back to his feet and putting his rifle away. And when Shepard returns with the shuttle—

“Don’t ask,” he says. “We’re not talking about this now. Not while it’s still fresh.”

“You’ll see soon enough that it’s for the best,” she says.

He shakes his head. “Let’s just get out of here. I’ve had enough of this place.”

“Right behind you.”

The whole shuttle ride back to the Normandy, Garrus can tell that Shepard wants to say something. He can feel it in his plates; she’s practically vibrating. He’s not ready, though. Not ready to admit she had been right. Can’t understand why he suddenly believes that. He just…needs time to process.

When they get back to the ship, he doesn’t give her the chance to stop him, heading straight for the elevator. Except once he gets to the third level, he doesn’t move farther than off the elevator. He stands in the hall, unsure of what to do or where to go. Of how to feel. What to think. He just—

“You have returned.” He turns his head to see Thane coming out of his room. The drell clasps his hands behind his back. “You seem angry.”

No. Yes. Maybe. He doesn’t even know. “She stood in the way of my shot,” he says. “I wasn’t gonna risk hurting her.”

“Not even to take out your target?”

“What? Of course not. If something had happened to her because of me—” He shakes his head. “It wouldn’t have been worth it.”

“Garrus. Please.” He gestures towards the mess. “Sit.”

“No offence, but I’m not in the mood.”

“I would just like to share a short anecdote. It will not take much of your time.”

Thane moves around the corner and Garrus follows him. Sits at the table with him, his curiosity piqued.

“What’s the story about?” he asks.

Thane blinks, the hint of a smile across his lips. “About how I met my wife.”

~~~~

XII.  Shepard

Liz is only half out of her armour as she paces her cabin. She hasn’t decided yet if today had been a success or not. Sure, she stopped Garrus from killing Sidonis, but not because she had talked him out of it. Simply because she wouldn’t move.

“Commander,” EDI starts.

“Yes?”

“Officer Vakarian is standing outside your cabin.”

She freezes. Garrus is—What? “Thank you, EDI. Uhm.” She approaches the door. “Initiate privacy. Don’t call for me unless it’s urgent.”

“Understood.”

The comm goes quiet as the door slides open. Indeed, Garrus is standing on the other side. Seeing him still in his full armour reminds Liz of her various states of undress. He looks her up and down, mandibles fluttering.

“Thane’s wife…”

She can’t help the grin that spreads across her face. “Did I wake you?” His mandibles flutter even more, and she steps aside. "Come in, Garrus.”

She strips off the rest of her armour and somehow convinces Garrus to rid himself of his, as well. You’ll be more comfortable. Then they settle on the couch, staying arm’s length apart, but still close enough.

“When you died,” Garrus starts, “I think a part of me died, as well. I felt so lost without you; I didn’t know what to do.”

“You could’ve still become a Spectre.”

He shakes his head. “You weren’t there, Shep. Everything you had built just fell apart. No one cared, and I couldn’t be a part of that. So then when you came back, I thought that everything could go back to normal. That it would be—”

“Just like old times?”

He huffs. “Exactly.”

She hums softly. “I’m glad you took our little talks to heart and that they resonated with you so much, but you may have taken them too far.”

“Yeah. Kinda became my own worst enemy there, huh?”

She scrunches her nose, nodding. “The Zaeed thing didn’t freak you out at all?”

“Maybe it did.” He pauses. “But I figured…y’know.” He shrugs his shoulders. “If I got my revenge done as soon as possible then it just wouldn’t matter because it wouldn’t have to consume me for twenty years.”

“I think you still would’ve been thinking about it twenty years down the road. Thinking about how you put down someone you used to care about. Betrayal or not, that wouldn’t be easy to deal with.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“Honestly? I wanna be pissed, but…I’m not. I—I’m glad you blocked my shot. Even as he was walking away… I realised I didn’t want to shoot him.”

“Good. I don’t think I would’ve been able to deal with you being mad at me.”

He chuckles and looks up from his lap at her. His mandibles slacken. “Spirits, I’ve missed you.”

She smiles again, her cheeks flushing. “Now that that’s all out of the way… If you still need stress relief, EDI may have some options.” He groans and she laughs. “I believe the two choices were between sparring and…sex?” Now he won’t look at her. “Is it true? About turian vessels?”

“Yes. It is completely normal between other soldiers or officers.”

Her eyes widen. “You could proposition an officer?”

“So long as the ranks were respected, it didn’t matter.”

She smirks. “You gonna proposition me, then?”

He sputters. “Didn’t realise you’d be interested in sparring, Commander.”

“Not what I mean, Vakarian.” She stretches her legs out, resting them across his lap. “Well?” she goes on. “C’mon, I couldn’t have been the only one purposely flirting back before I died.” She pauses. “Or am I making a complete fool out of myself?”

“No, I—” He takes a deep breath. “Sorry. I guess I just figured whatever chance we had died with—well…you.”

“It didn’t.” She leans closer to him. “There’s still a chance if you want it.”

His mandibles are fluttering again, and she’d like to take that as a good sign. “This is what you want?”

“I wouldn’t be offering, otherwise.”

“I—Yes,” he breathes. “I do want that. I just—”

“I don’t mean now,” Liz quickly adds, pulling feet away only for Garrus to pull them back. She smiles again. “I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You could never make me uncomfortable. Nervous, yes. Maybe a bit infuriated, as well, but never uncomfortable.”

She rolls her eyes. “Don’t even get me started on infuriating.” She gets up, shifting to lean against Garrus. To lean into him. He wraps his arm around her in response. “Are you going to stop questioning me now?”

“I’m gonna try.” He pauses. “Hey, do you think when Miranda rebuilt you that she maybe made you different on purpose?”

“That’d be one hell of a twist. Not sure how she could’ve managed something like that, though.”

“Well, she got your memories pieced back together.”

“True enough.”

They fall silent. Garrus brushes a finger softly up and down Liz’s arm. She rests her head against his shoulder. This is…nice. She never thought she and Garrus would be able to have this. Especially with how these last couple of months have been. Now that they’re here, though, and everything is sorted out—For the most part, at least.

They’re still nowhere close to the end, but at least she’s close to him.

~~~~

XIII.  Garrus

Garrus starts to find himself distracted for a whole other reason now, which causes him to spend even more time in the battery. Calibrating the main gun is the only thing that keeps him focused.

While he’s not in the battery, he’s out on missions with Shepard. And while he’s on these missions, he tries his damnedest not to question her tactics. It isn’t as easy as he thought it would be. He ends up mostly just…vocalising his concerns to himself, under his breath, at a level only he can interpret. He trusts Shepard, after all. Trusts that she knows what she’s doing. She does know what she’s doing. She’s proved that time and time again.

When the Illusive Man calls for another mission, though—this time on a derelict Reaper—he can’t hold it in.

“It was a trick last time,” Garrus starts. “What makes you think that this time will be any different?”

“Because I told him no more setups,” Shepard says.

“And you believe he’ll stay true to his word?”

“We also need the IFF,” she goes on. “Like it or not, we won’t find one on any other ship. It has to be the Reaper.”

“It’s too convenient, Shep.”

“I agree with Garrus on this one,” Tali says, joining the conversation.

“Even I find it suspicious,” Joker speaks over the comms.

“All of your concerns have been noted.” Shepard takes a deep breath. “It doesn’t change anything. We need the IFF.”

Garrus nods, squaring his shoulders to show his resolve. “Ready to go when you are.”

“Sorry, Vakarian, but seeing as you’re already questioning my orders, you’ll be staying behind for this one.”

Tali barely suppresses a laugh while he flares his mandibles. “C’mon, I was simply voicing a concern.”

She shrugs her shoulders. “Thane. Be ready to move out.” She nods towards Tali. “You, as well.”

“Hold on. So, Tali agreeing with me doesn’t count as questioning you?”

Shepard grins in a way that tells him this is some game to her, and he’s trying not to take it personally. Thinks that she’s just trying to keep the crew off their scent. Although, he’s pretty sure most of them are onto them by now. Tali and Joker, included. And especially Thane. Probably also Kasumi, since she seems to know everything about everyone on this ship. One of the girls is pregnant. Even on a Cerberus vessel, life finds a way. He still doesn’t know exactly who she’s talking about.

Shepard heads for the shuttle without actually giving him an answer.

“Maybe next time,” Tali says before following their Commander.

Yeah. It’s nothing personal.

Rather than returning to the main battery, he heads up to the helm with Joker to watch the shuttle as it approaches the Reaper. It’s crazy seeing the thing up close, even after seeing and dealing with Sovereign. This is different. Shepard is actually going to be inside this one. He doesn’t enjoy the thought. He doesn’t enjoy not being at her six.

“Your heartrate is elevating, Officer Vakarian,” EDI speaks up. “Has the Commander not been able to adequately assist you with your stress relief?”

His mandibles flare before fluttering. “Nothing is—” He looks to Joker who has turned his head with a raised eyebrow. “Nothing is happening,” he finishes. Yet. “We’re not relieving stress in any way or form.”

“Awfully defencive for nothing,” Joker says, turning back to focus on the ship. “Not like the rest of us don’t see it anyway.”

“See what?” He regrets the words the moment they’re past his mouth plates. “Never mind. Forget I asked. I don’t wanna know.”

“Suit yourself.”

The mission seems to go smoothly enough. Although, it feels like ages before they return. It’s a rush of madness getting them out before the Reaper plummets. And when they do return, they have the IFF.

Along with an intact, active geth.

Garrus is able to catch Shepard before she reaches the AI core. “You’re not actually gonna revive that thing, right?”

“Are you really questioning me again?”

“C’mon, this isn’t the same. This is a geth. Tali can’t be okay with this. Spirits, I’m surprised she even let you bring it back with—”

“Let me?”

His mandibles flutter. “You know what I mean.”

“I thought we were past this, Garrus.”

“What if it attacks?”

She quirks an eyebrow. “You do know who you’re talking to, right?”

“Shep—”

She places a hand on his shoulder and it’s comforting. “Hey, I do appreciate your concern, but it’s gonna be fine. Plus, I think I can handle myself. And if it acts up, I’ll shoot it. Besides, look how well things worked out with Grunt.”

Tch. Yeah. That had gone well enough, he supposes. Although, fighting that damn Thresher Maw hadn’t been fun, but they got it done. Just like Shepard rescued a crew that had been missing for nearly a decade. And like how she helped Thane stop his son from assassinating that politician. And she got Jack through the trauma of her past. And she helped Samara take out an Ardat-Yakshi. And she prevented Tali from being exiled from the flotilla. All these things Shepard did without threats. Out of the kindness of her heart. Because—

Fuck.

Violence isn’t always the answer.

“You’re right,” he finally says.

She smiles softly, as if she understands he’s—at long last—coming around to this realisation. To this enlightenment. “Thank you.”

With that, he lets her go. He takes a deep breath, his mandibles fluttering. These last few months have been a whirlwind of emotions. With being betrayed, Shepard coming back, learning how much she’s changed, debating constantly with her, unlearning just about everything she had taught him before, and now whatever is growing between them…

It’s a lot to take in.

He’s a little bit angry with himself, to be honest. For how he had treated her. For claiming to respect her so much, he hadn’t acted very respectful towards her. He could blame the turian in him, but he’s also always claimed that he’s a terrible turian, so unless he wants to be a hypocrite…

“You just gonna continue to stand there?” He jolts, turning to see Miranda leaning against the wall jutting out from her office. Her arms are folded across her chest, and she quirks an eyebrow at him. “Something on your mind?” she goes on.

“What do you care?” he asks.

“We’re on the same side.”

That might as well be hers and Jacob’s battle cry. “Not exactly. You’re with Cerberus.”

She pushes herself off the wall, approaching him. “For the record, I don’t agree with most of the stunts the Illusive Man has pulled. That thing with the derelict Collector ship wasn’t fair, and it caught us all off guard.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because maybe Shepard will believe it hearing it from you?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “And why should I believe it?”

“I just…” She sighs softly. “Whatever happens, Jacob and I have the Commander’s back. We’ve come this far; we’d be foolish to turn on her now. Not that it ever crossed our minds before.”

He looks her up and down, not sure where this is all even coming from. “Sure, but you still have to understand Shepard’s weariness.”

“Of course.” She pauses. “I figured we were close enough to the end by now…”

It doesn’t sound like a complete thought. “Talk to Shepard yourself.” Because something about this seems…genuine. “I don’t care if you think she would believe it more from me. It would mean more to her to hear it from you.”

She nods her head. “I’ll keep that in mind.” She then lets out a soft chuckle. “Y’know, I’d say I screwed up, accidentally changing her personality from that ruthless behaviour she had before, but… This is so much better, isn’t it? The other version of her may have agreed with the Illusive Man more often, and even I think that would’ve been disastrous.”

Shit. She’s not wrong. “Yeah, it would’ve been.”

Just then, Shepard comes out of the med bay and looks back and forth between the two of them. “Everything okay?” she checks.

“How’d it go?” he asks.

“It’s on our side,” she says. “Legion.”

“Legion?” Miranda says.

“That’s what It’s gonna go by.”

“And It’s going to cooperate?”

“Yes.”

Miranda hums. “Commander. May I speak with you privately?”

Shepard quirks an eyebrow. “Am I in trouble?”

She rolls her eyes, but she’s chuckling. “Hardly.” And she returns to her office.

She looks to Garrus with that same expression, and he simply shrugs his shoulders. “Maybe I’m not the only one coming around.”

“Uh-huh.” And she walks away.

Yeah. It’s been a long journey, but it’s not over yet. Garrus has a feeling, though, that it’ll all be worth it.

~~~~

XIV.  Shepard

There’s fog covering the mirror. It takes a few long seconds of standing in front of it before Liz wipes her hand across it to be able to see herself. She runs that same hand through her wet hair. Her cheeks are flushed from the heat. Depending on how this night goes, they could soon be flushed for another reason.

She takes a deep breath. Laughs at herself for actually feeling nervous. Not about hitting the Omega 4 Relay in a couple hours, but about the fact that Garrus will be joining her in her cabin. It won’t be a first, but it’ll be…different. They’ve been talking about this for a couple weeks now; they’re on the same page. So, there’s really no reason for her to feel nervous. Hmm. Another deep breath.

If this doesn’t work out…

No. It has to work out.

She redresses into something casual. Takes one last look in the mirror, giving herself a nod. She’s not worried about her appearance or trying to impress him because it’s Garrus. She’s just been Commander Shepard for so long…even with the two years in between… It’ll be nice to be herself. Even just for a couple hours.

When she exits the bathroom, she finds that Garrus has already let himself into her cabin. He’s in casual attire, as well, which is nice. She’s glad that he’s starting to feel so comfortable around her. At least, that’s what she thinks…until he starts talking.

“Relax,” she finally speaks up after he had asked—begged—her to throw him a bone. She can’t help it if he’s cute when he’s flustered. “You’re overthinking this.”

“Am I?” he asks. “I’ve already lost you once.”

“That was out of both of our control.”

“Still.” His mandibles flare as he lets out a soft sigh. “I just… I want something to go right. For once. The first few months had been close to a disaster.”

“That’s being a little dramatic.”

He hums with dual tones. “There’s a reason I call myself a bad turian, Shep. I can’t follow a bad order without—”

“Are you trying to tell me that I make bad orders?” She hopes he can pick up on the teasing lilt in her tone.

“That’s not—” He shakes his head. She doesn’t think he catches her tone. “I thought they were bad calls just because they were calls that I wasn’t used to you making,” he goes on. “So, I questioned you because I thought you would change your mind. That you would come to your senses. You only got angry, though, which made me angry because—”

“We’re both stubborn, I get it.” She closes the distance between them. “We’ve moved past this already, Garrus. There’s no need to linger.”

That doesn’t seem to satisfy him. “What if—?”

She places a gentle hand on the scarred side of his face. “Stop.” He does, his good mandible tightening to his face. “You say you want this to go right—”

“I do. Because I’ve already seen so much go wrong. Between my work at C-Sec and Omega and even—”

“Stop,” she says again. “We’ve gotten through the worst of it,” she then continues as her thumb traces the scarring along his mandible. “And we’re supposed to be taking this time to ease tension.” She steps even closer to him, keeping her hand in place. “This is about us, Garrus.”

His much larger hand encases hers while his other hand falls to her waist. “Shepard, I—”

“Call me Liz.”

There’s a falter in his subharmonics before they kick up a notch. She almost never realises she’s hearing them until she causes them to stutter. It sounds like he’s purring, though, and it’s soothing.

“Liz,” he speaks, and she shudders. Hearing him say her name with those vocals… Fuck. “I’ve wanted this for so long…” he goes on.

“Well, here we are.” She smiles softly. “We made it.”

His good mandible flutters before he leans forward, pressing his brow plates against her forehead. She presses back. Shit. She never realised so much emotion could go into such a simple touch. She can feel his subharmonics vibrating beneath her skin. Coursing through her bones. And she feels it even more when he wraps his arms around her to pull her body flush against his. Her arms wrap around him in return, tracing the edge of his cowl. Even this for the rest of the evening would be perfect.

“I believe you said something about…easing tension,” he says, his voice flanging and much lower than what she’s used to.

She feels heat rush to her cheeks. “Did you wanna crack open that bottle of wine?”

“Only if you want to. I’d rather have a clear head for this.”

She hums. Then why did he bother bringing it? She holds back the chuckle. “You read my mind.”

“Great minds think alike.”

Of course. Because they’ve always been on the same wavelength. Even after all this time, they can still read each other. He still knows her better than anyone. And she likes to think she knows him better than anyone else, as well. They’ve seen the darkest sides of each other. The most vulnerable sides.

They’re about to see more.

Except their moment of solace could never have lasted long enough.

They’re at the Omega 4 Relay before they know it. The trip through isn’t easy, but they make it. There are still fourteen warm bodies. Too bad making it to the other side is barely the beginning.

Liz splits the squad into two teams. Appoints Garrus the leader of the second team. Not having him at her six makes her a little uneasy, but she doesn’t trust anyone else to lead these people, and she knows he’s capable, despite his own hesitation. Between the two of them, though, they understand how to expect the unexpected. They understand that plans fall apart. That improvisation is part of planning.

She has a strong feeling this mission will require a lot of lateral thinking. A lot of last-second calls.

They find the crew. Save them. It’s a miracle, really, considering what they had witnessed happen to the colonists only mere moments before. Liz doesn’t waste any time sending the crew back to the Normandy; they’ve been through enough already. Then the squad splits again, Garrus still leading the second team. He already seems so much more confident than before. Liz is proud of him. She’s proud of everyone. The team proves themselves time and time again.

By the time they reach the end, Liz is more than ready to blow this place up. Of course, not that it should be a surprise, but the Illusive Man seems to have other ideas.

“Think of the technology, Shepard,” he says. “We’ve made it this far. We’d be foolish to destroy the base now when we could use it to our advantage.”

She shakes her head. “You hired me to destroy the base. And when I’m hired for a job, I see it through to the very end.”

“Mission parameters have changed.”

“No. Your ideals have changed. You’re only thinking about yourself.”

“I’m thinking about all of humanity. This technology could set us forward—”

“No. This technology could give you the advantage of building your own damn Reaper. No way in hell I’m giving you that opportunity.” She scoffs. “This place is an abomination and needs to be destroyed. Once and for all.”

“You’re making a mistake, Shepard. You don’t understand the implications. All we could accomplish. Using the Reapers’ own resources against them would be our best bet.”

“Do you even understand how many lives have been lost?”

“But imagine the lives we could save by keeping this technology intact.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Shepard. I brought you back because you were someone who got the job done no matter the cost.” He pulls his hand away from his face. “Don’t let your fear of the unknown stand in the way of your better judgement.”

“I won’t let fear compromise who I am.” She turns away from him. “Which is exactly why I won’t be listening to you and why this base is getting destroyed.” With that, she continues working at setting up the detonator. “And I still get the job done, just not by your standards” she goes on. “Sorry you didn’t get the puppet you wanted.”

She’s not sorry.

The rest of the mission is a blur. Between fighting the Reaper-Human larva and getting tossed around on those platforms and booking it out of the base before the detonation went off, Liz can barely remember returning to the Normandy. She’s back here, though, standing in the CIC. With a full ground team and a full crew. Back on the other side of the Omega 4 Relay. They did it. They survived.

Another fucking miracle.

Liz pulls herself away from the celebrations. Heads up to her cabin. She promised Admiral Hackett a while back that she would take care of a mission for him. Now’s a better time than any, while she’s still riding on the high of this unexpected win. Maybe the adrenaline will push her along. She wants to at least shower first. Wash the smell of dead Collectors and rotting flesh off herself.

“You’re not wasting any time, huh?” She startles a bit, turning at the bathroom door, half-undressed, to find Garrus in her cabin. He’s somehow much more casual now than he had been earlier. He folds his arms across his carapace. “Going somewhere?”

“I have to take care of something for Admiral Hackett.”

“Now?” He steps up to her. “We just got back. At least let yourself enjoy this.”

“You know me.” She shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t like wasting time.”

He brushes her hair behind her ear. “How long will you be?”

“I’m not sure. I have to go into—” She stops. Telling him that she has to go into batarian space alone doesn’t seem like a good idea. He’d never let her leave. “It’s a personal favour, so I don’t know exactly what to expect.” Not a total lie.

“You’re coming back, right?”

She doesn’t think she stops the face she makes. That seems like a foolish question. “Where else would I go?”

“I don’t know, I just… What happens next, Liz?”

Her brow furrows. “What do you mean?”

“Last time we went our separate ways, I lost you.”

“This is a standard mission, Garrus. I’ll be fine.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about.” He takes a deep breath. “You told the Illusive Man off. I think that makes it fair to say that this is no longer a Cerberus vessel. Does that mean you’ll return to the Alliance? And if you do, will I have to leave the Normandy? Because I don’t—I don’t wanna go, Liz. I want—Spirits, knowing you’re out there and not being with you would be so much worse than knowing you’re dead.” He pauses before huffing. “Sorry. That…came out really wrong, but—”

She laughs. “I know what you mean.”

“Do you?”

She takes his hands in hers, steps closer to him. Leaves no space between them before lifting herself onto her tiptoes to press a kiss to his mouth plates. “We can talk about it more once I get back because I will be back. You have nothing to worry about, though. You’ll always have a place on my ship.”

He wraps his arms around her. It’s sudden and almost takes her by surprise—does take her breath away—but she returns the hug. Buries her face in the space between his neck and cowl. He’s warm and comforting and it makes her not want to go. She wants to stay right here. In this moment. With Garrus. With the person she—

She gasps inaudibly.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

Okay. Maybe not so inaudibly.

She swallows hard, pulling far enough away to meet his gaze. That piercing blue gaze that’s had her entranced since she first saw it in the Presidium. “I love you.”

And there’s that stutter in his subharmonics again. It makes her feel giddy. He takes her face in his hands and covers her lips with his mouth plates. Kissing isn’t a turian thing, but fuck, if he doesn’t give as good as he’s got…

“I love you, too,” he then says against her lips.

She grabs hold of his arms at his elbows at the feeling of going weak in the knees. She’s a soldier, damn it, she should have more control than this. She never imagined she’d hear those three words, though. Not just from him, but from anyone. The fact that they are coming from him is just a bonus.

“I should go,” she speaks up.

“Not yet.”

She laughs breathlessly. “I have to go.”

He pulls away but doesn’t let go of her. His hands travel from her face to her shoulders and down to her waist. “When you get back, you’re mine.”

Her cheeks flush at this. “That a promise or a threat, Vakarian?”

His mandibles flick in a turian smirk. “You’ll just have to wait and find out.”

“Well, at least I have something to look forward to.”

He hums with dual tones. “If we play our cards right…maybe we’ll have the rest of our lives.”

There’s an uncertain tone to his voice. She doesn’t ever want him to feel uncertain. “The rest of our lives, huh? You thinking about a future for us, already?”

“Difficult to say, considering our fate being so unknown, especially with a potential Reaper invasion, but… I do know there’s nowhere I’d rather be but at your side.”

The breath catches in her throat. She’s never prepared for his sentimentality. “I want that, too,” she says. “And if I can help it, I’ll make sure we get that. Because this—us—is worth fighting for.”

With that, Liz finally gets that shower. Garrus joins her. It’s sweet and intimate, and if this gets to be the rest of her life, then she isn’t complaining.

When it comes time to say goodbye, she’d think they believed they would never see each other again. That won’t be the case this time around, though. She’ll be back this time. And she’ll go straight into his embrace. Get lost in the stars with him.

Two years doesn’t compare to the rest of their lives. The bad moments don’t ruin the good moments. And they’ve had their fair share of both. But they also found their way back to each other. They made it through the hardships. Relearned and unlearned the worst and best parts of each other. Despite everything, Liz wouldn’t change anything. She’s here with the love of her life. Garrus will be here, waiting for her. Always waiting. Always at her six. And she’ll always come back to him. Come home to him. Her light in the darkness. Her guardian angel.

If she could have her life to do it over again…she wouldn’t.