Chapter Text
Jungkook wakes with a start. His heart starts beating quickly as the remnants of sleep disappear, almost panicking because he doesn't even remember falling asleep.
Disoriented, he whimpers, shivering even though he doesn't feel cold. He is afraid of the darkness that usually never bothered him, unless when he is like this.
Soon, though, he could feel a pair of arms around him, surrounding him with warmth. Tethering him. Grounding.
Then the smell comes. He is familiar with this smell. Calm. Soothing. Warm. Safe.
Jungkook blinks his eyes open, his vision is blurry, but the blear and darkness around him doesn't stop him from meeting Seokjin's worried eyes.
"Jungkook-ah," Seokjin sighs that familiar tone. One that he reserves for each of his dongsaengs whenever they are sick, injured or sad.
Jungkook blinks slowly, wondering why his hyung is even here in his apartment. Then his hands unconsciously tighten their grip on Jin's shirt (he hadn't noticed that he has placed them there in the first place).
Then he remembers. He had a panic attack before this.
Logically, he knows Seokjin will be leaving soon.
Logically, all of them will have to leave one by one, and Jungkook will be left alone before he, eventually, has to go too.
He knew, everybody knew and have been updated about the arrangements and announcements.
Logically, he should have been prepared.
But the moment the announcement was out, where Jin's name in particular was mentioned that he would enlist in mid December (soon, too soon), Jungkook had broken down.
He doesn't clearly remember breaking down. There are only bits and pieces.
He somewhat recalls his hand letting go of his phone when he saw the official news, rendering it broken for the umpteenth time. His ears were ringing and he had felt tears flowing down his cheeks.
He distinctly remembers Jimin trying to get him back from his dissociative state, his poor hyung having to practically carry his dead weight to one of the many mattresses he had placed in his apartment. While he was laying down and trying to catch his breath, he had heard Jimin's pleas to his own phone, saying, "Please come quickly!"
In his mind, he also recalls how in his panic he had called for his eldest. "Hyungie, where's Seokjin? Where's Seokjinie-hyungie?" He had cried in distraught, feeling like a scared little child who was lost and searching for his favorite person, and so unlike the 25 year old young man he was supposed to be. Filled with fears and tears and hurt right in his chest, he had called out for the one person he can't live without.
It had felt like hours, like years, and it was only when a pair of strong arms finally held him, making his face rest in the strongest and widest shoulder he knows, that Jungkook had finally managed to calm down from his episode.
Seokjin.
Seokjin is finally leaving.
But Jungkook can't live without his Seokjin-hyung.
Jungkook had met Seokjin when he was 14 years old. The older had took him under his wings, given him comfort and protection. Provided him with care and safety from when he was a child and even to this day as a man. He taught him how to cook, how to drive, how to talk in confidence, how to love. He made him fall in love.
Ever since the day they met, he couldn't imagine living without him. He doesn't remember a time where he had lived in a world without his Seokjin-hyung.
"Oh, Kook-ah, how am I supposed to leave when you're like this?"
Jungkook blinks again, this time frowning when he realizes Jin has tears in his eyes.
Then don't. Don't leave me.
"Hyung, please don't worry about me."
He never wanted to be the reason of any of his hyungs' sorrows.
"There won't ever be a world where hyung doesn’t worry about you, Jungkook-ah. You know I can't live without you too, right?"
Jungkook buries his face back into the strong shoulder.
"I'll be okay. I'll be waiting for you."
"Technically, when you come home, hyung will be the one waiting for you."
"I'll be waiting longer."
"...I know."
"I'm scared."
"I'm scared too."
"I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you more, JK."
"I love you."
"I love you more."
"I love you most."
"Not possible, baby."
"Hyung? Hyungie?"
"Hmm?"
"There isn't a world where I don't love you, hyung."
"I know."
Soon, Seokjin will leave. Soon, Jungkook will also leave.
But they will see each other again, because Seokjin and Jungkook can't live without each other.
♡