Chapter Text
Nagito's POV
Today was a day like all the others. Another predictable routine is given to you by Hinata-kun when you wake up.
- Shower
- Brush teeth
- Get dressed
- Eat
- Wait for further instruction
Not like you minded, having a routine was good for you and it helped keep you on track. The thing is, you always had to plan a cutting session in between. Just to keep you sane. Just to keep you in check.
You turn your back to Hinata, peeking over your shoulder to make sure he wasn't looking and slide one of your blades up your sleeve. He doesn't suspect anything, as usual. You give him a peck on the cheek and scurry into the bathroom as usual, locking it tight. The sound of the fluorescent always comforted you during this routine.
Grabbing your toothbrush, you run water over it and squirt toothpaste onto it as you've done countless times before, beginning to brush your teeth while you stare yourself down in the mirror.
You're worthless. Hajime doesn't really love you, and you know it. Stop pretending like you mean anything to him. Stop trying to force yourself into his life.
Taking a step back, you drop your toothpaste into the sink and grab your face, starting to sulk. We're all those words really true? Was everything a lie?
You pick up the blade, hovering above your wrist shaking. This part never got easier.
Pressing down carefully, you swipe across your arm with the blade and wince as the blood starts to trickle out of the vicious wound you've created. You grab and squeeze it slightly, sniffling. It's not as if you would stop now, you just started. Stretching out your skin with your fingers, another cut was made.
Keep going.
Another swipe.
Try harder.
More pressure was used this time, swiping again. A pure white wound emerged, quickly filling with blood. You outright sobbed from the pain, the aching and throbbing of your arm starting to become unbearable for even someone like you.
Now stop. People will get suspicious.
You shakily place the blade down, rushing to grab a tissue and pressing it down against the cuts. You winced, it hurt so bad. But that was what you deserved, right?
Or maybe you need to just sit down for a second. You stumble to the toilet and take a seat, trying as best as you can to calm yourself down while stsring at your wrists as they drip blood onto the tile below you. You have absolutely defiled yourself and if you aren't careful enough, Hinata-kun, the one man you could tolerate and love so dearly, is going to find out.
Would he be disgusted?
Of course he would. You were already revolting enough, these ugly scars etched into your arms just gave him more of a reason to hate you. Gross. Disgusting. Horrible. Ugly-
A knock at the door reached your ears as you panicked. It couldn't be him, right?..
"Can I come in? You've been in there a while."
But as he spoke, your worst fear came to life. Hinata was right outside, asking to come in.