Work Text:
Sanghyuk finds himself wondering these days. Is it worse to have someone fall out of love with you, or for them to have never loved you at all?
Either way, he knows one thing for sure. The suffocating feeling he gets everytime he sees Taeyang lately is not a good sign.
They've been together for almost a year now; well past their honeymoon phase and have grown incredibly used to each other's presence. Sanghyuk can't remember the last time Taeyang giddily greeted him with a hug and smile, peppering his cheeks with kisses, as he did when they first started dating.
Sanghyuk partially takes the fault. He's been out of work for almost two months since his company laid off half its workers. Taeyang has been working more hours since, presumably to make up for the lower influx of income. He wakes up before Sanghyuk and oftentimes gets home when the older is getting ready for bed.
Outside of the rare nights they manage to be intimate, Taeyang barely speaks to him in full sentences; his responses to Sanghyuk are short, uninterested.
Sanghyuk chalks it up to him being tired. After all, he is working these long hours because Sanghyuk has yet to find another job.
Yes, it's Sanghyuk's fault.
He just needs to try harder. At his job search, at their relationship.
Tonight he tries to initiate being intimate. He nearly drifted off to sleep around nine-thirty but made sure he was awake for when Taeyang finally returned around eleven.
"You're back late," Sanghyuk starts. He helps Taeyang out of his suit, massaging the tensed muscles beneath. "How was work?"
Taeyang huffs, shaking off his pants. "Work was work."
Not very specific, and not even a question about Sanghyuk's day. But he tries not to think much of it.
"Well let's head to bed and get some rest," Sanghyuk rests his hands on Taeyang's chest. "I can help you relax?"
Taeyang doesn't seem very affected by the suggestion, pressing his lips into a tight smile -- if you could call it one. "I'm going to wash up first. I'll meet you in bed."
Sanghyuk tries not to look defeated, just smiles and lets Taeyang go off to the restroom while he goes to lay in bed. He stares at the ceiling, waiting patiently for his boyfriend.
He's surprised when Taeyang kisses him first, the fresh flavor of mint toothpaste entering Sanghyuk's mouth before Taeyang lowers his lips to his neck.
There's little foreplay but Sanghyuk expected as much. They're both tired and if Taeyang waited any longer Sanghyuk mightve fallen asleep while he was being stretched.
Taeyang's thrusts are sloppy and unfocused. He seems to be looking everywhere but Sanghyuk's face and as much as Sanghyuk tries to shake it off he feels the burning in his eyes and that suffocating feeling in his throat.
He brings his hands to Taeyang's face. "Kiss me?" He asks. Look at me, he pleads internally.
Taeyang huffs, groans out "I'm close."
Was he ignoring him or did he just not hear?
"Tae--" it comes out as a half cry-half moan. The younger grips Sanghyuk's cock, pumping it furiously in time with his thrusts. It doesn't feel like he's doing it for Sanghyuk's sake. Like it's because he feels like he has to.
Sanghyuk comes first, followed shortly by Taeyang.
"I love you," Sanghyuk beckons, hoping for a response. He gets one, though not at all satisfying. The other simply hums, rolling over to his side of the bed, back towards Sanghyuk.
He can't breathe. He can't see. Tears blur his vision as he makes his way to the bathroom to clean himself up. The moment he closes the door behind him he's on the floor, a broken sob escaping his lips before he coughs, and coughs again. He feels like he's going to throw up, if he doesn't pass out first.
He can feel it coming up his throat and it won't let any air in or out. All he can do is cough, trying to hack out whatever is lodged in his throat.
He must have finally gotten Taeyang's attention, the bathroom door swinging open.
Sanghyuk looks up at him, looking for any sign of hope. But the guilty look in Taeyang's face seals his fate.
Sanghyuk coughs again, this time the most painful of all.
A petal falls, and then another. And Sanghyuk is afraid that they'll never stop.
He's crying, scared. He wants Taeyang to tell him he'll be alright. But when he looks up he sees that Taeyang is already gone.