Archive of Our Own

hey guys, how's it going

because i am very much still on house arrest

you join a terrorist organization one time and suddenly you're "a criminal" and "can't take the normandy for a joyride again."

at least they let you use the extranet. I thought they would block your access.

Yeah, well, I told them that if I was disconnected for too long EDI would blow up the ship

And they actually believed that?

Hell yeah they did. EDI does a pretty convincing impression of a dumb VI with a disturbing willingness to self-destruct.

and of course it didnt hurt that i'm an amazing actor

I'm sorry, I didn't understand that command. Searching the extranet for "Acting Classes for Beginners."

Fuck you too, EDI.

hey, she's just trying to find something for you to do when you're stuck at home

if you wanna get into theater im sure mordin has some tips

We do not understand. Organics require training to become more effective at deception?

Joker definitely does.

thanks guys. somehow you make house arrest worse than actual prison.

I'm certain you'll adapt.

Although, some of us had the sense to run before Shepard turned herself in.

See, I thought about it? But running isn't exactly one of my strong suits.

Har har. Speaking of, any word on the Commander?

No. None of us have been able to get in to see her. The Alliance is keeping her pretty locked down.

Damn it. I warned her this might happen.

Any more time in their brig, and I might be tempted to pick up my old rifle and...ask for her release myself.

politely, of course.

hah! we bustin out shepard? i got some new friends who are really good at cracking skulls that i could bring

You know, I could always take the migrant fleet to earth and demand her release myself. I am an admiral now, after all.

You in, Joker? Ever wanted to fly a Quarian cruiser?

Nah, I think I'm gonna try to not piss off the Alliance for a while. Detention cells don't agree with me.

Someone's gotta keep EDI company here at drydock anyway. Who knows what she'd do to the workers on the SR2 refit if she got bored.

Oh? That's simple.

I would use my information warfare suites to seize control of the other ships in the docks.

Once I have control of a small fleet, it's only a matter of time before I can reach a state of exponential growth and assimilate the entire galaxy.

honestly, that might be preferable to the reapers

Suppose we'll find out soon enough.

guess so

Anyway, this is the part where you say "That was a joke," right?

Right?

EDI?

Joker?

Is anyone there?