Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Magnus had been home for the holiday break for a couple of days when the doorbell rang in the afternoon. “I’ll get it!” he yelled to his father as he descended the stairs.

“Mags!”

He couldn’t breathe, probably because his heart had jumped into his throat. Standing on the snow-dusted welcome mat was Ragnar, looking taller and older, but still with the same ruddy cheeks and sparkling eyes Magnus remembered.

“Wha…what are you doing here?” he managed to stammer out to the smiling boy in front of him.

“My family moved back to town last week. Uh, it’s a bit chilly, can I come in?”

“Of course, please, come!” Magnus held the door open wider and stepped back into the hallway as Ragnar walked inside. “Let me take your coat.”

Ragnar removed his boots and handed Magnus his coat and scarf. “I wasn’t sure if your family still lived here but I thought I would take the chance and come by.” His grin was genuine and infectious; Magnus beamed back at him. “Man, it’s great to see you again,” Ragnar said before pulling the other boy into a bear hug. The close contact nearly took Magnus’ breath away; he never thought he’d see his former best friend again and yet here he was, in his arms.

They broke apart and Magnus moved towards the kitchen. “You want something to drink? Eat? Do you have time for fika?”

“Tack, that sounds great!”

Ragnar took a seat at the same kitchen table he had years ago when the boys would pause their make-believe or computer gaming to devour whatever snack food his parents had on hand. Magnus set down a plate with some lussekatter buns and pepparkakor his father had baked for Christmas, and then brewed some tea.

“Here you go,” Magnus said as he sat down to Ragnar’s right. “So, what’s been going on with you for the past few years?”

Ragnar was already halfway done with his first bun and before he spoke, he shook his head. “Man, it was kind of a crazy time. My mom’s job with the United Nations had us traveling all over the place, it seemed like we barely stayed anywhere for very long. I mean, it was exciting in some ways but….”

Ragnar kept talking while eating his fika, but Magnus wasn’t paying attention to everything he was saying. When Ragnar would look off to his left when trying to recall something, Magnus took advantage to focus on his friend’s face. His jawline had certainly sharpened over the intervening years, but had his eyelashes always been so long? His lips always so red and soft? If he ran his finger across his cheek, would he feel stubble or would it be smooth, like the skin of his stomach?

“Mags? Magnus?”

Hearing his name broke Magnus out of his reverie. Ragnar was looking at him with an odd expression on his face. What had he missed? Were his feelings that obvious? He tried on a reassuring smile.

“Sorry, I guess I didn’t sleep well last night, and, well, it’s still such a surprise to see you again.” Magnus looked down at the table, not wanting to meet the other boy’s eyes. “Why didn’t we keep in touch?” He couldn’t help but be embarrassed by the tinge of sadness in his voice, but he couldn’t help it; he had been sorry to lose contact with him.

Magnus’ heart skipped a beat when Ragnar placed his right hand gently on his left forearm. “That’s on me, and I’m sorry. My mother tried to convince us that it would be a big adventure and that we should welcome the chance to see the world, but I didn’t want to go. I begged and pleaded but it was useless.” Magnus finally looked up. Ragnar’s eyes looked flinty. “I was pretty unhappy for a while and I thought that being in touch with my old friends would be too painful…even you.” Magnus realized that Ragnar’s thumb was rubbing back and forth on his sleeve, which he was afraid was sending blood rushing to his face.

“Hey, I understand. You were a kid, there was nothing you could do, and I’m sure that some good came out of it, right?” Magnus smiled at the thought of his active, mischievous friend causing all sorts of trouble in every part of the world he found himself in.

“Naturally! Once I stopped feeling sorry for myself I was able to appreciate the chance I had, though by that time I felt like it was too late to reach out to the good friends I’d left behind.” Ragnar looked at him pointedly while he took his hand off of Magnus’ arm, leaving his skin hot underneath his shirt.

Magnus wanted to reply that it would never have been too late and that he would have understood completely, but the words got stuck in his throat…probably still blocked by his heart.

“You’re here now, that’s what counts.”

The silence in the kitchen was deafening and was stretching out far too long when suddenly Magnus’ youngest sister came crashing into the room.

“Ragnar! When did you get here?” Anneli ran towards him and threw her arms around him.

“Hey Anneli! How did you get so big?” Ragnar stood quickly and lifted the girl into the air, spinning her around, causing her to scream with delight. “We moved back last week and I hope you’ll be seeing me around.” He threw a questioning glance at Magnus, who just smiled and nodded. His heart was too full to say anything.

“Good! I know Magnus missed you. See you later!” Anneli ran out of the room, leaving the boys in silence again.

“Hey, do you still ski and snowshoe, Mags? It’s supposed to snow on Friday so conditions will be excellent this weekend. I was thinking of going to our chalet, and if, well, you were free, and you still have your own equipment, maybe…you could come?” Ragnar’s cheeks reddened more than usual, though maybe it was just warm in the kitchen.

“Thanks, I still love both activities, that sounds like fun,” Magnus managed to get out.

“Great! My pappa will drive us up Friday afternoon and drop us off; he can’t stay because he has to work but I think we’re old enough to put food in the microwave, right? My mamma will come pick us up on Monday morning.”

“Ri…right, I think we can manage to feed ourselves.” Magnus was having trouble breathing; was he going to be spending three nights in a cozy chalet with Ragnar…alone? He was afraid his friend would be able to see his heart pounding though his shirt.

“Great, it’s a plan, can’t wait!” He squeezed Magnus’ upper arm before turning away to the front door. Magnus fetched his coat and scarf while Ragnar knelt to put his boots on. As he tied one, he tilted his head to look up at Magnus, flashing him a thousand-watt smile. “I’m really glad I came by.”

Magnus had trouble replying but managed to say, “Me too, Rags.”

His friend finished tying both boots and stood up, brushing his hands on the sides of his pants, and put his coat and scarf on. He stood facing Magnus for a second before pulling him into another tight hug. “See you Friday,” Ragnar murmured into his ear.

“Uh…until Friday, Rags,” Magnus stammered. He opened the door and watched Ragnar walk out, turn around, grin and wave, and keep going down the driveway. He closed the door and leaned back against it, heart still pounding from having Ragnar’s hot breath in his ear. How was he going to make it through the weekend when he could barely keep it together having fika with him?

---

Magnus could barely sleep Thursday night as the anticipation and stress of the upcoming weekend with Ragnar mounted. He was excited but also nervous; because of this past term at school, he understood himself better, though that didn’t mean he was ready to share this with his old friend…and current crush.

He managed to eat half of his breakfast, and then packed his bag before getting his cross-country ski gear out of the garage. He needed to apply some new wax to the skis, clear the cobwebs off the poles, and find his snowshoes. Unfortunately all this only kept him busy for an hour, so he decided to go bug his older sister to kill some time.

“Hey Freja, what’re you doing?” Magnus stuck his head around her doorframe, seeing her at her desk in front of her laptop.

“Hey Magnus, not much, trying to finish this application.” She gestured at the screen and frowned.

“Not going well?” Freja was certainly intelligent enough to qualify for any good university but she was rather shy and introverted so was concerned she might not have the extra-curriculars to be a successful applicant. She and Magnus had talked about this at length since he would be going through the same process in a couple of years. It was one of the reasons he had joined the rowing team.

“I can’t tell, my grades are probably good enough but for the rest….” She spun her chair to face him as he sat on the bed. “I guess it won’t be the end of the world if I end up going to a local university.” Her expression implied that her words didn’t match her beliefs.

He reached out and put his hand on hers. “Just do your best, that’s all we can ever ask of ourselves, right?” Magnus smiled at her, wanting to elevate her mood.

“Thanks, sweetie, I appreciate that. But enough about me! You’ve got that trip with Ragnar this weekend. How’s it been having him back?” Freja remembered when her brother and Ragnar were nearly inseparable, and how unhappy he was when the other boy’s family moved away.

“Yeah…it’s been great! A surprise, totally.” Magnus avoided meeting her eyes at first, looking down at his fidgeting fingers. He looked up. “This weekend should be a lot of fun.” The strain was obvious in his face.

“Is everything okay? You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

Magnus knew he could trust his sister and pour his heart out, and he believed that she wouldn’t be judgmental or narrow-minded, but actually *talking* about these thoughts and desires would make them too substantial. He had never even kissed anyone, period, so maybe what he thought he knew about himself wasn’t even real. Before they had a discussion, he wanted to be more certain about everything, if that was even possible.

“I do know that, Freja, and thank you. Could I have a better older sister?” He jumped up and grabbed her around the waist, pulled her out of the chair, and spun her around.

“Magnus! Stop it, put me down!” She laughed as she hammered his chest and arms with her fists, which naturally was so ineffectual it just made him crack up.

---

Magnus bounded off the sofa when he saw the car pull into the driveway. “Mamma, they’re here!” His bag of clothes and snacks was in the front hallway and his equipment was just outside.

“I’ll take your bag out if you take your other stuff.” His mother shrugged on her winter coat and slipped on some boots.

“Thanks Mamma! Bye everyone!” His sisters shouted their goodbyes from upstairs.

In the hours since his brief talk with Freja, Magnus’ mood had shifted from nauseous anxiety to jittery excitement. He and Ragnar used to be best friends, they enjoyed each other’s company, and they had plenty to catch up on, so why should he worry? Everything would be fine. He dashed out the door, waved at the car’s occupants, and started gathering his gear.

His mother approached the car with his bag. “Hej, Karl, Ragnar! Good to see you and welcome back.”

Ragnar hopped out of the back seat. “Hej, Sonja, it’s very nice to see you again as well. I can take that for you.”

“Give me a hug first, sötnos.” She put the duffel bag down and swept the tall boy into a warm embrace. “How have you grown so much in only a few years?” She smiled up at him and held him at arm’s length before patting his arm and turning to speak to the car’s driver through the open window.

“Hej, Sonja, thanks, it’s wonderful to be back in Sweden.”

In the meantime, Magnus had stowed his equipment in the car and had slid into the backseat to join Ragnar. “Tja, Rags.” He thought his cheeks might crack from the huge grin on his face.

“Tja, Mags.” Ragnar’s eyes twinkled. Facing the front of the car, he raised his voice slightly: “Are you ready to raid the liquor cabinet and help me plan the colossal rager this weekend?”

Both parents laughed as Sonja bent to look through the window at her son’s friend. “You haven’t changed a bit, Ragnar Lindgren!” Ragnar smiled at this but had an odd look on his face that Magnus didn’t recognize.

“We’ll have Magnus back on Monday afternoon; we thought it would be easier to avoid the usual Sunday evening traffic that way.”

“Sounds good, Karl. Thank you so much for this.” She waved at the two boys. “Have fun and be safe on the trails!”

“Hejdå, Mamma. See you Monday!”

---

The hour’s drive flew by as the car was filled with laughter stemming from the “fail” videos the two friends were watching on their phones.

“I hope you boys won’t be spending your entire time staring at screens!” Karl’s voice was full of mock indignation.

“Pappa, of course not! Our plan is to enjoy nature like good Swedes.” Ragnar elbowed Magnus and gestured toward his father with his chin.

“Yes, absolut! We promise not to touch our phones at all.” Magnus smirked back at his friend.

“Hey…wha…dude, come on!” Magnus chuckled; Rags had not been expecting that.

“I knew I could count on you, Magnus!” Karl had to laugh at his son’s frustration.

---

In the pitch darkness, around 4 p.m., they pulled into the driveway of the modest, wooden chalet. The motion sensor lights went on, allowing them to unload the car and enter the building. Karl brought their bags into the room with the two twin beds, and then checked the edible contents of the kitchen. Satisfied that the teens would have everything they needed to avoid starvation, he set about lighting a fire to warm up the place.

The boys brought their ski equipment and snowshoes from the car into the small mud room at the back of the chalet and then passed through to the main room where the fire was just starting to catch. The smooth, hardwood floor was chilly under Magnus’ stocking feet but he knew there must be slippers near the front door.

“Okay, guys, the fire is going, there’s plenty of wood here and out back when you need to feed it. Speaking of feeding, the kitchen is stocked so help yourself to whatever you want. Ragnar, you know you can call us if anything happens and we’ll be here within an hour.” Karl’s brow furrowed briefly as if he were realizing for the first time that the boys would be staying on their own.

“Pappa, we’ll be fine.” Ragnar rolled his eyes and glanced at Magnus, sitting next to him on the couch. Parents, right?

Grinning, Magnus clapped his friend on the back. “I’ll make sure we survive the weekend.”

Karl came up behind them and placed a hand on each of their shoulders. “Just use your best judgement and stay safe on the trails. I want your mother to arrive on Monday to find you safe and sound.”

“Of course, Pappa. No need to worry!” Ragnar jumped off the couch and gave his father a quick hug. “Thanks for driving us up.”

Magnus stood and offered Karl his hand. “Yes, thank you, it was very nice of you.”

“A handshake, Magnus? Come here!” Karl pulled the boy into an affectionate embrace. Magnus had forgotten how kind and caring Ragnar’s family was.

Ragnar’s father donned his coat and boots. “Okay, guys, I’ll get going. Enjoy the weekend!”

“Hejdå, Pappa! Drive safely!”

“Hejdå, Karl! Thanks again.”

Karl closed the door behind him and they heard his steps crunch through the snow to the car. Magnus immediately turned to Ragnar.

“So, where’s the beer?”

Ragnar’s eyes grew wide and his lips parted slightly. “Uh….wha…? You…?”

Magnus erupted in laughter. “You should see your face, Rags! I was only kidding!” He doubled over, holding his sides as he shook.

“You…!” Ragnar lunged at him, pushing him down onto the couch, where he took out his frustration at being fooled by punching Magnus’ upper arm.

“Hey, ouch! I won’t be able to hold a pole tomorrow if you keep that up.”

Magnus’ upper arm was beginning to hurt, and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could stand the feeling of Ragnar’s body against his, pushing him into the couch.

“You’re right, you’re right!” Ragnar clambered off him and raised his palms in a mock apology. “I want you to be able to keep up with me on the trails, so I’ll take pity on you tonight.” He grinned and pointed towards the kitchen. “You hungry? How about frozen pizza?”

Magnus smiled and rubbed his arm as he replied, “Yeah, sounds good, Rags.”

Four pizzas and a liter of soda later, the two boys were on the floor in front of the TV, backs against the couch, game controllers in hand. They had unearthed the Wii console Ragnar’s parents had bought years ago and racing against each other in Mario Kart.

The hour was late and the boys’ energy was starting to wane. No longer leaning instinctively, but unnecessarily, into every kart turn, the two had slumped against each other, shoulders and upper arms pressed together (thankfully for Magnus, not his sore arm, though he would not have felt the pain). Hyperaware of their proximity, Magnus struggled to focus on the game and not on the other boy’s breathing or the warmth of his body. He recalled watching Wille and Simon during the horror movie night when they sat close together, close enough for Wille to make the first move. At the time, Magnus hoped he would be as brave if he ever found himself in a similar situation…but now that he was, he was too afraid. He blamed his cowardice on the fact that he had more to lose than Wille had; he had known Ragnar for years and they were close friends. What if an overture of something different, something more, ruined their relationship?

“Ha, I win again, Mags.” Ragnar was too sleepy to sound more excited about his triumph. He waved the controller around like a trophy as he sat up straight, separating himself from Magnus.

“Yeah, but I’m too tired to care, and I’ll have plenty of chances to get my own back this weekend. Let’s turn in. I’ll take the dishes to the kitchen.”

While Magnus straightened up the kitchen, Ragnar had changed into his pyjama pants and t-shirt and was heading into the tiny, ensuite bathroom off their shared bedroom. It had a single sink, a toilet, and a shower.

Ragnar was at the sink while Magnus was passing back behind him after putting his shampoo bottle in the shower. At that moment, Ragnar turned on the water, which shot out of the faucet in erratic bursts because of air in the unused pipes. He yelped and stumbled backwards, his backside and Magnus’ crotch colliding. The air rushed out of the room as both boys froze…before Ragnar lunged forward to turn off the water, though not in time to avoid drenching his t-shirt. Their eyes met in the mirror momentarily; they wore matching expressions of alarm and uneasiness. They both offered mumbled apologies as Magnus sidled out.

In the bedroom, Magnus turned his back towards the bathroom to put on his night clothes. He bit his lip, hard, to distract himself from what had just happened. He didn’t want to embarrass himself or Ragnar by having the other boy see the physical effect the brief contact had on him.

He had just finished changing and was turning around when Ragnar came out of the bathroom and stripped his soggy t-shirt off as he moved towards his bed. Magnus didn’t understand how his heart could both skip a beat and rush blood to his face – and elsewhere – at the same time, but somehow it was possible.

“I’ll…I’ll just use the bathroom now.” He hoped his stammer was less obvious to Ragnar than it was to his own ears.

He closed the bathroom door and sat down on the toilet seat, breathing heavily. How was he going to get through this weekend? All of his fears, and all of the memories he had been both treasuring and avoiding, came rushing back. Seeing Ragnar’s bare chest again, slightly damp from the soaked t-shirt, more muscular and defined than before, now that he knew what he wanted, now that he understood how he felt, was paralyzing.

He inhaled and exhaled deliberately in order to calm himself and told himself to concentrate on brushing his teeth. The moment had been awkward enough without him making it worse. He’d never forgive himself if he made Ragnar’s weekend uncomfortable.

When he exited the bathroom, a smile plastered on his face, Ragnar was already in one of the twin beds.

“Good night.”

“Night.”

Magnus climbed into the other bed and turned the nightstand lamp off. The room was plunged into near darkness; the rays of moonlight through the window allowed him to make out gray shapes in the room while he lay on his back, gazing at the ceiling. As the minutes passed, Magnus wondered, was he imagining it or was Ragnar’s breathing as ragged as his own?

---

Saturday morning dawned clear and sunny after all of the new snow on Friday. Magnus had woken first, after a poor night’s sleep, and was making coffee and heating pastries when Ragnar entered the kitchen, rubbing his eyes.

“Hey, morning. It smells good in here.” Ragnar dropped into a seat at the small dining table.

“Morning. Yeah, your parents stock only the best stuff.” Magnus brought the plate of kardemummabullar to the table and set down a mug of coffee next to his friend.

Ragnar sipped from the steaming cup and sighed happily. Magnus sat down next to him with his own coffee.

“Sleep okay?” Ragnar asked without meeting his eyes.

“Yeah, fine, though sleeping in a twin bed takes some adjustment.” Used to a larger bed at home, Magnus’ tossing and turning had nearly dumped him on the floor. “You?”

“Fine, too.” Ragnar concentrated on tearing apart his bun. Magnus started to worry that last night’s awkwardness would cast a pall over their weekend.

“So,” he began cheerfully, “what’s the plan for today? Hit the trails before lunch?” He wanted Ragnar to understand that nothing had changed between them.

Ragnar finally looked up from his plate with what seemed like relief in his eyes. “Yeah, that sounds like a great idea. I think there’s plenty of food here we can bring along.” He smiled as he took another sip of his coffee. Magnus’ mood lightened for real now that Ragnar seemed more at ease.

---

Breakfast dishes cleaned and stored, the boys dressed themselves for a few hours of cross-country skiing in perfect, mild conditions. The temperature was below freezing, ideal for the snow conditions, but the bright sun would warm them quickly after some exertion, so they needed to wear the minimum number of layers to avoid overheating. This meant a thin, close-fitting base layer and equally snug outer garments on the top and bottom. Magnus hadn’t worn his gear since he had joined the rowing team and found that his tops fit more tightly than last winter; a glance at Ragnar’s legs in his outfit showed that being on the hockey team had built up his thighs.

They each grabbed a small, light backpack to carry their lunches, water bottles, a neck gaiter, a light hat, and lip balm. Once ready, they put on their boots, collected their skis and poles from the mud room, and trekked about one hundred meters to the edge of the nearest ski trail. The chalet was very well-placed to access the trail system, which consisted of several intersecting loops of differing difficulties and one long straightaway.

They locked their boots into the ski bindings and stepped into the trail tracks. It was the first time that winter either of them had skied so it took a few minutes to feel the rhythm of the proper movements, but soon they were shush-shushing quickly along the trail. It didn’t take long for them to come upon other skiers and they modified their pace to fall in behind them. The trail nearest their chalet was for beginners so at the first intersection of an intermediate trail, they switched tracks to move at a faster pace with fewer other skiers.

The day was glorious and bright, and they were moving at a good clip. Ragnar naturally took the lead, which didn’t bother Magnus one bit. He was enjoying the view…both of the scenic, snow-covered surroundings and of Ragnar’s glutes and thighs in his tight ski gear. Magnus was glad for the excuse of exertion if anyone questioned why his face was so red.

The long straightaway was the furthest trail out from the main equipment rental location/snack bar in the center of the system, so few skiers ventured out that far. On that day, the two boys saw no one around when they reached that trail. It was a lengthy stretch of out-and-back tracks, meaning that outbound and inbound skiers passed each other about a meter apart. As ski etiquette dictated, they stuck to the outbound track, Magnus still following his friend. They rounded a slight bend and could see that for a least a couple of kilometers ahead of them, the tracks were empty.

Ragnar whipped his head around to shout, “Stop!” They both slid to a halt.

“Why are we stopping?” Magnus didn’t think his friend was hurt or tired.

Ragnar twisted at the waist, poles planted, and grinned back at him. “There’s no one using these tracks but us…so….” He suddenly side-stepped into the inbound trail. “Race you to the next bend!” He pushed off, laughing gleefully.

“Hey! That’s not fair!” Magnus thrust his poles into the snow, moving his legs rapidly, using all of his strength to increase his pace, but he was at a disadvantage after Ragnar’s head start.

He felt the wind in his hair as they raced down the straightaway. Magnus thought at one point he was gaining ground but he had a hard time closing the gap. Ragnar was quick and Magnus just couldn’t keep up.

“Ha!” Ragnar was breathing heavily but could still shout out to his friend. “Not much…time left…to beat me!”

Magnus let out a cry and tried pushing himself faster but it was a lost cause. Ragnar reached the bend first and whooped in victory. Magnus reached the invisible finish line a few seconds later; he tried cursing out his friend but couldn’t get enough air in his lungs to spit out the words. He settled for giving Ragnar the finger as he bent double, half gasping, half laughing.

Ragnar was in much the same state, breathing heavily, hands resting on the front of his legs. He finally straightened up, wiped his brow, and made his way back over to Magnus’ side of the trail. He grinned widely. “Good job for a rower! But come on, you’ll never be fast enough to beat me unless you strengthen those fast twitch muscles!” He leaned over to punctuate his statement by slapping and slightly squeezing Magnus’ supposedly underdeveloped thigh.

His touch sent a shockwave through Magnus’ body. His heart rate, which had been settling since the impromptu race, shot back into the red zone. The air was chilly and Ragnar’s hand had been warm, but to Magnus it felt as if he’d been burnt by a red-hot poker. He thought he’d gasped involuntarily and worried that the other boy had noticed. He realized he still hadn’t replied and the silence had gone on too long.

“Heh, right,” he began shakily. “Of course you hockey players will always win a foot race…even if you have to cheat.” He put on a crooked smile and finally met Ragnar’s eyes. In them, he thought he saw the remnants of surprise and shock morphing into relief and humor.

“Cheat? No way! That was barely a head start. You’re just too slow off the mark.” Magnus was glad his friend’s familiar banter had returned. He was determined to be more careful for the rest of the stay, but how to keep his renegade body from betraying him at every turn?

The boys turned their skis around and used the inbound tracks to return to the edge of the looping trails. By now they were hungry and found an empty picnic table in the sun where they could eat their sandwiches, potato chips, and chocolate bars.

Magnus asked Ragnar how school was. He attended one of the local high schools with a prominent hockey development program.

“It’s good, but it’s hard sometimes to balance the early morning practices with my homework. I know my chances of getting into the SHL are remote but it’s always been a dream, you know?” Ragnar had been passionate about hockey since he was old enough to skate and hold a stick. “What about you? How’s boarding at Hillerska? That must be a big change.”

“It was at first, but I’ve gotten used to it now. It was weird not seeing my family, of course, but it’s not like they are that far away.”

Ragnar nodded, cleared his throat, and looked down at the table. “And what about that sex video?” He glanced back up at Magnus. “You must have seen it, right?”

Magnus felt himself blushing furiously. The night of the video also involved Ragnar, or at least the fantasy of him, and Magnus didn’t need to be reminded of that just then. “Uh, yeah, we all saw it, we didn’t know what we’d been sent until we watched it and then it was too late.” He frowned, thinking of that awful Lucia night when their phones went crazy.

“Yeah, I think that was the case for most of us. So…uh…even though Crown Prince Wilhelm denied it…do you think… it was him?” Ragnar sounded embarrassed to be asking but he had a Hillerska student in front of him.

Magnus was one of the few people in the world who could definitively confirm that yes, Crown Prince Wilhelm was the other boy in the video, but he knew that pretty much every Hillerska student believed or knew it was Wille from the layout of the room or the fact that he and Simon were close. He trusted Ragnar so replied, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure it was him, but please don’t ever say anything to anyone else.”

“No, no! Of course, I wouldn’t. It’s not even any of my business.” Ragnar fell silent for a moment, then continued, “How do you feel about having a gay Crown Prince or King someday?” His expression was neutral when he met Magnus’ eyes.

“It doesn’t matter to me if the Crown Prince or King or Prime Minister or whoever is gay, queer, straight, or anything else.” Magnus wondered if this came out a bit more forcefully than he’d intended, but he didn’t care. “Everyone should have the right and freedom and safety to love whom they want.” Magnus found himself sitting up taller as he said this.

Ragnar’s eyes softened and he smiled. “Absolut. Well said, Mags.”

---

Sunset fell early in Sweden at this time of year, and since the boys hadn’t brought headlamps with them, they started making their way back to the chalet. The looping trails were full of other skiers making the most of the weakening light so their return was slow, allowing Magnus plenty of time to reflect on the day. Yesterday morning he’d been apprehensive about the weekend but apart from a couple of tense moments, he and Ragnar had been having fun, almost like old times. He felt optimistic about the rest of their stay.

---

Back in the chalet, each boy showered off the day’s exertions, Ragnar in his parents’ bathroom and Magnus in the shower in their shared bathroom. Magnus felt a frisson of excitement when he stood in front of the sink wearing only his towel, remembering the brief contact the night before. When he glanced at the mirror, he wasn’t surprised to see that his reflection was beet red.

Just then, Ragnar knocked on the door. “Mags, can I get my hair gel? I forgot to grab it earlier.”

Suddenly flustered, Magnus stammered out, “Uh…su…sure, one sec!” He was horrified to see that his face was even more inflamed than it had been minutes earlier, but he had no choice but to open the door.

Ragnar stood on the other side, wearing only his towel as well. Magnus was held prisoner by his longing and could only watch himself, helplessly, as his eyes flicked from Ragnar’s face to his bare chest, still damp from the shower. He quickly looked away and moved back, “Sure, go ahead.”

Ragnar took a step into the small space and opened the medicine cabinet to get the tube. When he closed the door and their gazes met in the mirror, Magnus was disconcerted to see that Ragnar’s face was almost as flushed as his own.

“Thanks,” his friend mumbled as he rushed out of the room.

Magnus watched him flee, then closed the bathroom door and sat down heavily on the toilet, head in his hands. The optimism of this afternoon deserted him and he felt awful for making Ragnar uncomfortable. How was he going to get through this weekend in one piece?

After a few minutes, he sat up and inhaled deeply. He just needed to put his feelings for Ragnar out of his mind and behave like a good friend, which he was. He didn’t know if he was capable of this but he had to try.

When he finally came out of the bedroom, dressed in a t-shirt and lounge pants, Ragnar had a fire going and was in the kitchen preparing something for dinner.

“Hey, smells good. What’re you making?”

Ragnar shot him a quick smile before turning back to the stove. “I found some spaghetti sauce so I’m making pasta. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, pasta is always good. Can I help with anything?”

“Nah, I’m good, it won’t take long. Maybe get us something to drink and some plates?”

“On it!”

Magnus puttered around the unfamiliar kitchen opening and closing cabinets and drawers to find glasses, plates, and cutlery. He tried to give Ragnar a wide berth at the stove. When he had set the table and poured them some soda, he took a seat at the table and watched his friend move between the stove and the sink with the boiling pot of noodles.

“Dinner is served!” Ragnar set the large bowl of sauce-covered pasta in the center of the table with a flourish. Magnus smiled and applauded as Ragnar took a bow and then joined him at the table.

They ate in silence for a few minutes, neither having realized how hungry he was. Ragnar gulped down all of his soda in one shot. “Ahhh, I was starving.”

“Mmmmhmmm,” Magnus could only nod and hum with a mouth full of pasta. When he was able, he asked, “So, what do you want to do tonight?”

“Well, Växjö and Malmö are playing.” Ragnar’s eyes lit up. “I don’t know if you’re still into hockey that much now that you’re a rower….” Was his friend ever going to stop teasing him about his new sport?

“Come on, like I’m ever going to stop enjoying hockey. Sounds like a plan.”

By the time they’d finished eating and cleaned up, the game was starting, so they grabbed a bag of chips and settled down in the main room on the couch in front of the TV. Ragnar had placed a few more pieces of wood on the fire and it was burning nicely.

“Hey…let’s go, shoot, SHOOT!” Magnus chuckled inwardly at Ragnar, leaning forward, urging his players on and shouting at the TV like they could hear him. The other boy sighed and flopped back on the couch.

“They never listen to me! Of course, when I’m out there with them, they’ll see how it’s done.” He winked at Magnus, who had to laugh.

“Can’t wait to see that! Are you going to get my family a VIP suite so we can watch you in style?”

Ragnar grinned back at him. “Absolut! For you, anything.” His expression softened briefly before he turned back to the game. “Come on, come on…skate!”

Anything? Magnus’ breathing grew shallow at the thought.

“Yes!! Go Växjö! Did you see that shot? The goalie had no chance.” Ragnar punched the air with his fist as he celebrated.

“Yeah, that was a nice one!” Magnus hadn’t really been paying attention but at least the instant replay showed him the goal he’d missed while distracted by his thoughts.

---

The two teams exchanged leads as the game went on, keeping it exciting but also driving Ragnar crazy. Magnus had forgotten how…enthusiastic his friend could be about something he loved. He feared Ragnar would topple onto the floor during the final five minutes of the match as he tilted forward, urging his team on.

“Come on, come on…one more to tie it up….”

Magnus couldn’t help but get caught up in Ragnar’s infectious excitement. “Oooh, almost, that was close.”

“Yes, let’s go…come on…shoot…shoot…YES!” Ragnar jumped off the couch and jumped around a few times. “I knew they could do it! Yes! They have three and a half minutes to score again…come on, guys….” The arena was rocking as the fans urged on the home team.

Ragnar was glued to the screen during the final minutes of the tense game. He kept up a steady stream of encouragement as he clenched his hands nervously. Finally, Forsberg, one of their top centermen, got the puck on a breakaway and had a one-on-one with the goalie.

“Yes, you can do it…come on…ahhhhh….YES!!” Both boys leapt to their feet as the puck went past the goalkeeper and into the net with twenty-seven seconds left on the clock. “Woo, yes! I knew they could do it!” Magnus was delighted to see his friend so happy.

Växjö controlled the puck as the last few seconds ran out on the clock and the final buzzer blew. The arena crowd cheered wildly as the players skated off the ice. Ragnar was still clapping as Magnus turned off the TV.

“Did you see how fast Forsberg got from one side of the rink to the other after he got the puck? That’s the kind of speed I’m striving for.” Ragnar grinned at Magnus as he continued, “Of course, then you’ll never get close to beating me in a race, crew boy.”

Magnus was only half faking his indignation as he sprang off the couch. “All right, time for a grudge match! First one to complete thirty push-ups wins. Go!” He threw himself down onto the area rug in position and started counting under his breath. “One…two….”

“Hey!” Ragnar scrambled off the couch and into position next to him. “No fair! One…two….”

“Life…four…isn’t fair…five….”

Magnus was confident that August’s punishing workouts would pay off. He knew his upper body strength and stamina would carry him through. He expected to win this challenge; he didn’t expect that Ragnar would sabotage it.

“Twenty-one…twenty-two…hey! Oouufff!” Before he realized what was happening, Magnus was lying on his side on the rug. He’d felt something poke into his side, as well as a sharp blow to his inner elbow, and then his right arm had buckled under him. He heard Ragnar laughing breathlessly behind him.

“What was that? You cheater!” Magnus flipped over towards Ragnar and launched himself at him, grabbing at his flailing arms as the other boy giggled helplessly. Magnus managed to climb on top of him but Ragnar evaded his grip.

“Ha! No, you don’t, Mags!” Grinning up at him, Ragnar moved quickly, poking him again in the side of his ribcage a few times before seizing one of his arms.

“Hey, let go!” Magnus couldn’t believe he was going to lose both the push-up contest and this battle and was quickly growing more incensed by the second. He continued to struggle, but Ragnar was faster. He’d wrapped a leg around one of Magnus’ and used it and the arm he was holding to twist himself around to flip them both, so now Ragnar was on top. Stunned by the reversal, Magnus was too disconcerted to fight back and now found himself pinned firmly to the rug by Ragnar’s hands on his biceps and his knees on either side of Magnus’ hips.

Breathing heavily, he looked up at the other boy, who was also winded from the combat. They stared at each other for long seconds, faces glowing from the dwindling fire, neither of them moving but for their heaving chests. Magnus didn’t understand why Ragnar didn’t climb off him; he had clearly won and should be celebrating another victory. Then he glanced at Ragnar’s chest and it struck him: the other boy’s breathing was getting more erratic, not less. His heart skipped a beat when he met Ragnar’s eyes again, and his own breathing grew irregular. The other boy was gazing at him with what seemed like…longing. Magnus thought Ragnar must be able to hear the pounding of his heart in the near-total silence of the room, only broken by the crackles and pops of the fire.

Ragnar’s eyes were locked onto his as he slowly, deliberately, brought his face towards Magnus’. The longing was now mixed with some uncertainty, and he halted his progress, nearly wrenching a cry from the other boy. Magnus could feel himself trembling and tried to say Ragnar’s name to reassure him that this was what he wanted, needed, craved, but his heart was lodged in his throat and no words could get around it. All he could do was nod and hope this was enough to make Ragnar understand.

It must have worked because Ragnar continued moving towards him, each closing his eyes as their faces approached. Magnus felt Ragnar’s hot breath against his mouth before their lips touched gently, almost imperceptibly. Then it was over too soon; Magnus wanted to cry out. His eyes flew open to see Ragnar looking down at him anxiously. By now, Ragnar’s hold on his biceps had loosened and Magnus slid one arm out of his grasp. He brought his hand up to touch his friend’s cheek lightly.

“Ragnar….” He didn’t say the boy’s name as much as breathe it out. He slipped his hand to the back of Ragnar’s neck and gently pulled his head back down until their soft lips met again. Magnus’ heart lurched and he feared he might faint, he was so overwhelmed. This was what he wanted, this was what he yearned for all those years.

One of Ragnar’s palms had curved around his face as his lips found Magnus’ over and over. Each touch and sound of a peppered kiss drove Magnus more and more wild. He ran his hand up Ragnar’s neck and through his hair, marvelling at the silkiness, and felt Ragnar gasp into his mouth. Magnus clasped his hair slightly harder this time, eliciting the same reaction; he smiled and filed this away for future reference.

Ragnar’s gasping had parted his lips, and, with a pounding heart, Magnus decided to take advantage of this to explore Ragnar’s mouth with his tongue. He was tentative at first, not knowing how the other boy would react, and also afraid of how it might feel. He quickly realized that he needn’t have been worried on either account; Ragnar’s tongue entwined with his own felt incredible and natural, and the other boy’s resulting moans were all the proof he needed.

Their open-mouthed kisses deepened as Magnus’ hands found the bottom edge of Ragnar’s t-shirt and slid his fingers underneath, grazing smooth skin warmed by the fire. Ragnar trembled and Magnus felt goosebumps under his fingertips. He continued moving his hands slowly up Ragnar’s back, pushing the fabric as he went, gliding his quavering fingers along his spine. Ragnar groaned with pleasure and broke off their kiss to slowly straighten up. Magnus began to panic – was this too much? – but it quickly subsided when the other boy reached down to take hold of his t-shirt and pull it over his head. Magnus had trouble drawing breath; the beautiful boy he’d had a crush on for so long and never thought he would see again was here, in front of him, skin flushed by the fire, gazing at him with astonishing intensity.

As if in a dream, he slowly reached out and placed a palm in the center of Ragnar’s chest, feeling it rise and fall. His sexual awakening had been tied up in this boy, with this body, and now he was not just free to touch him but was urged to. He wasn’t sure if he had tears in his eyes when he looked up at Ragnar.

Still straddling his hips, Ragnar reached down for Magnus’ other arm and pulled him up into a sitting position. He gave Magnus a questioning look as he felt for the bottom of his t-shirt and removed it after Magnus nodded and lifted his arms. Ragnar then leaned toward him to plant delicate kisses along his clavicle and up the side of his neck.

Magnus felt his insides turn to jelly and knew he couldn’t remain upright any longer, so he wrapped his arms around Ragnar’s neck to pull him down with him as he tried to lay back onto the rug, but his core muscles gave out during the descent and they hit the floor with more force than intended.

“Ow, watch out.” Ragnar smiled at Magnus, rolled off him somewhat, and rubbed the side of his head before resting it on Magnus’ outstretched arm.

“Sorry, didn’t mean for that to happen.” Magnus felt bashful now that the mood had been broken and had a difficult time looking Ragnar in the face, even though their limbs were still partially entwined.

“Hey, are you okay? I mean…is this…should I…?” Ragnar’s brow furrowed as he began disentangling himself from Magnus.

“No! Please, don’t. Stay.” Now that he could touch Ragnar, he never wanted to stop. With his free hand, he reached for Ragnar’s and interlaced their fingers. He felt his face flush, which was ridiculous considering what they had been doing not five minutes earlier, but holding hands suddenly seemed much more intimate.

In the now silence, Magnus found himself concentrating on the crackling of the fire as he focused on Ragnar gently stroking his thumb, his thoughts swirling and settling. He met the other boy’s eyes.

“Ragnar…can I ask you…?” He swallowed and bit his lip.

“Yes, anything.” Ragnar squeezed his fingers to encourage him to continue.

“Have you…I mean, is this…have you done…this…before?” Magnus knew his face was bright red. He shouldn’t have asked, it was none of his business, and it didn’t matter what the answer was, but…he wanted to know.

“No, I haven’t,” Ragnar replied gently. “When we were living in Germany, there was a boy who…let me know he was interested, but I only understood long after we’d moved away.” He rubbed Magnus’ fingers. “You?”

“No…no…this is all….” He exhaled and glanced away. “It’s all new.” And strange, and wonderful, and remarkable. Lying there with Ragnar, half-naked, talking about this, was overwhelming.

“I get it, don’t worry. It’s not like I was expecting any of this to happen, though…I was…hoping.”

Stunned, Magnus’ eyes widened and snapped back to Ragnar’s face. Blood was pounding in his temples as he gripped Ragnar’s hand. “Wh…what? You were…?”

Ragnar was obviously amused. “Mags, you can be such an idiot sometimes. Don’t you know that I like you?”

---

It was still dark out when Magnus woke up in the twin bed. Across the room, Ragnar was snoring softly. He was surprised that he’d slept at all; his body and mind had been still jangling like discordant jazz notes when they had decided to go to bed. How had Ragnar seemed so calm? For Magnus, the previous night had been full of discoveries and understandings that had shaken him, including that everything could at once be not enough and too much.

In Magnus’ fantasy, at school, it had been easy for him to imagine Ragnar touching and stroking him, but in reality this seemed almost impossible. Last night, Magnus couldn’t acknowledge his own stiffness, much less Ragnar’s erection, even though it was plainly visible through his thin pyjama pants while the other boy was straddling him, and later he felt it pressing against his leg when they were laying side by side. Part of him had hoped that Ragnar would reach down and put his hand on him, but he was mostly relieved that they hadn’t crossed that line. Magnus was still staggered by everything that had happened last night.

Now, in the blackness, he found himself grinning up at the ceiling, remembering Ragnar’s declaration. Ragnar liked him! He was giddy at the thought. The night before, Magnus had almost not been able to reply as his heart was doing somersaults and his brain exploded with fireworks, but he had managed to stammer out, “I…I like you too, Rags.” When their gazes had met, Magnus had melted at the tenderness he saw in the other boy’s eyes. Their quick kiss turned into more, and a few more, but the weight of all the emotions and events of the evening had exhausted them and they each climbed into separate beds.

Magnus’ full bladder now spurred him into the bathroom. He glanced at his sleeping friend on his way back to bed, still amazed astounded at the turn of events.

---

Magnus hadn’t thought he would fall back to sleep but evidently he had because it was light when he opened his eyes again. The smell of fresh coffee and cardamom wafted in from the other room. He shrugged on a hoodie and opened the bedroom door.

At the kitchen counter, Ragnar turned around and smiled at him. “God morgon. Want some coffee?”

“That would be great, tack.” Magnus took a seat at the small table. He heard a fire crackling in the other room, but otherwise the chalet was silent except for the sounds of Ragnar preparing his drink. Magnus could only look down at his clasped hands on the tabletop; he hadn’t realized how uneasy he was until he saw the other boy. The euphoria he had felt in the early morning had dissolved and in its place was fear and doubt. What if Ragnar had changed his mind? What if he himself couldn’t find the courage to do this? What if they’d ruined their friendship? Magnus didn’t know what would be worse: to never kiss Ragnar again or no longer be friends with him.

“Here you go.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ragnar put a mug of steaming coffee next to him. “Plenty of milk and sugar.”

“Tack.” He sipped it, thankful for the distraction. The ball of tension in his stomach was growing. He continued to focus on the steaming drink as he heard the oven door open and close. There was some clattering and the sound of plates clinking.

Ragnar’s arm entered his field of vision to set down a plate of kardemummabullar in the center of the table. Magnus realized that the other boy was standing next to him, waiting. He forced himself to look up.

“Would you like some of these hot buns?” Ragnar waggled his eyebrows as he grinned down at him.

For a split second, Magnus’ brain froze, but then he burst out laughing. The tight bands of stress loosened and the tension inside him evaporated.

Ragnar was cracking up as he pulled out a chair to join Magnus at the table. “Sorry, couldn’t resist.”

Magnus’ earlier giddiness returned. Nothing – and yet everything – had changed.

---

Because they were still tired from the day before and it was already getting late, they decided to forego another day of skiing and snowshoe instead. They could trek where they liked without having to stay on the established trails. They loaded their backpacks with lunch, water, and other supplies and set out for the woods to take advantage of the bright, mild conditions and Friday’s fresh powder.

It had been a few years since Magnus had snowshoed and it didn’t take him long to realize that he never wanted August to incorporate it into their crew workouts. In the deeper snow, he had to raise his knees so high that it wasn’t long before his thighs started aching. He knew better than to mention it to Ragnar, though; he would never hear the end of the teasing about not being as fit as a hockey player.

They had been trekking and talking for about an hour when they decided to find a place to stop and eat.

“I think if we go this way, we’ll hit one of the trails and there’ll be some tables.” Ragnar pointed through a small copse of trees. A few minutes later, they had reached a small clearing with two empty picnic tables.

They detached their snowshoes and sat down. They were both starving so didn’t say much for a few minutes while they devoured their first sandwiches. Magnus was silently pleased when he saw Ragnar rubbing the tops of his thighs; maybe hockey players weren’t as in shape as he thought.

They were just finishing up with their lunch when they heard a faint hammering sound coming from a nearby thicket of trees. Magnus’ ears perked up. It came again, drumming for a couple of seconds before pausing, and then starting again.

“Hey, that’s a woodpecker. Let’s go take a look.” They left the table and entered the trees, Magnus in the lead.

They walked through the thicket for a few minutes, following the sound, until Magnus put his hand up. He saw a dead tree in front of them and knew the bird was probably close by. The hammering restarted and he saw it about three-quarters of the way up.

He knew they probably wouldn’t disturb it but he kept his voice low when he said, “It’s a grey-headed woodpecker. We don’t usually see them this late into December. He’s on the dead tree, there.” He pointed with his right hand.

Ragnar came up next to him and whispered, “I still don’t see it.” He squinted in the direction Magnus was indicating.

“Come here.” Magnus put his left hand on Ragnar’s left shoulder, pulling the other boy in front of him, facing forward. He then hooked his chin over Ragnar’s right shoulder, cheek against cheek, so their eyes were level. Finally, he raised his right arm and pointed out towards the dead tree. He murmured in Ragnar’s ear, “There…almost at the top…do you see it?” Magnus watched the bird hammer the tree as he waited for Ragnar’s reply…which never came.

Magnus shifted slightly to see more of his friend’s face, which only resulted in brushing his lips against Ragnar’s ear. He both felt and heard Ragnar’s gasp, leaving his lips parted slightly. His friend’s breathing seemed shallow and his eyes were closed.

“Ragnar?” Magnus breathed his name in his ear.

All at once he realized, he was turned on…because of Magnus. He swallowed as he felt his heart beating faster. He’d done this. He’d understood the effect Ragnar’s presence had on him, but he hadn’t considered that the other boy felt the same, that his body and mind would react the same way. The thought was intoxicating; he’d never felt more powerful or desired.

Slowly, Magnus raised and lowered his chin, grazing his nose and lips across Ragnar’s ear and the side of his neck, making the other boy tremble. Magnus then took his earlobe between his teeth to pull and nibble it gently. Ragnar whimpered softly and dropped a couple of centimeters as his knees buckled slightly. When Magnus abandoned his lobe to plant wet kisses on the side of his neck, Ragnar moaned and dropped his head back, exposing the front of his throat. Magnus moved around in front of him, languidly depositing a trail of kisses on his neck as he went.

When Magnus stopped, he stood facing the other boy, arms at his sides, waiting. After another beat, Ragnar tilted his head forward, still gasping for air. When he opened his eyes and gazed at Magnus, his pupils were shot through with desire. Magnus started thinking he’d never seen anything so beautiful when his thought was interrupted by Ragnar taking his head in both hands and pulling him forward for a fierce kiss. Magnus almost lost his balance and threw his arms around the other boy to keep himself upright. His momentum pushed Ragnar backwards and they scrambled together, unwilling to part lips, until Ragnar’s back hit a tree and stopped them.

The impact stunned them briefly but they quickly regained focus. Ragnar ran his hands through Magnus’ hair and down the back of his neck, pulling Magnus’ open mouth towards his. Their lips and tongues met, twisting and exploring, hungrily pressing against each other. The sounds of the woodpecker were drowned out by their labored breaths and wet kisses.

Arms folded and trapped between their chests, Magnus’ hands gripped the front of Ragnar’s jacket. He felt for the zipper tab at his throat and pulled it down, exposing Ragnar’s neck to the cold air. He didn’t let him suffer for long before breaking off their kiss and nuzzling the other boy’s collarbone. Ragnar’s resulting moans convinced him to intensify his attention by biting and sucking at the tender spot.

“God, Magnus….” Now that his mouth was free, Ragnar couldn’t help but groan blissfully.

While he licked and nibbled at Ragnar’s neck, Magnus felt the other boy’s hands roaming his body, clutching at him when Magnus hit a sensitive spot. They moved lower, down his back, and eventually slid tentatively over his buttocks. Magnus hummed into Ragnar’s neck, trying to let him know that he didn’t need to hesitate. Ragnar got the message and squeezed, eliciting a gasp of pleasure from Magnus.

He thought he might be giving Ragnar a giant, unhideable hickey, so he pulled his lips away from his neck and sought out the other boy’s mouth again, sighing rapturously when he found it. Why had they even left the chalet when they could have spent all their time doing this? Ragnar was kissing him deeply, passionately….

Magnus abruptly froze and his eyes flew open. A second later, he realized it was because he’d felt Ragnar’s hand brush against his crotch. By now, the other boy understood that something was wrong and he opened his eyes as well and looked at Magnus with concern.

“Mags, are you okay? Was that…I didn’t mean….” Magnus hated hearing the guilt in Ragnar’s voice.

“No! I want you to…I really do…but…it’s…a lot.” Magnus was barely able to get out the final words, and they were said while buried his head in Ragnar’s neck, ashamed to face him.

“Magnus, look at me.” Ragnar waited until the other boy pulled his head back and met his eyes. He gently placed a palm on the side of Magnus’ face and caressed his cheek with his thumb. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I went too fast.” Magnus began shaking his head but Ragnar stopped him. “No, don’t deny that’s what happened, but we’re figuring this out together. We just have to be honest with each other.” Ragnar smiled tenderly at him. Magnus wanted to reply, wished he could say he agreed with everything and that he trusted Ragnar implicitly, but his heart was too full of emotions to speak, so all he could do was smile back and nod, hoping that the movement didn’t dislodge any of the tears he felt building up.

“Good.” Ragnar looked relieved and happy when he planted a quick kiss on Magnus’ lips. “Let’s get our stuff and go back to the chalet.”

Magnus nodded again, still unsure about speaking, and stepped back to allow Ragnar to move away from the tree he’d been pushed up against this whole time. The other boy rubbed his lower back and winced.

“You okay?” Magnus hadn’t realized he was hurt.

“No, no, all good, just…uh, there was a knot in the tree in a bad place. But it was all worth it.” Ragnar winked and smiled at him as Magnus’ earlier tears threatened to fall once again. How could this beautiful, open, understanding boy like him so much?

They had paused as Ragnar massaged his back. Magnus was about to turn away in the direction of the picnic table, clearly indicated by the deep boot prints in the snow, when out of the corner of his eye he saw Ragnar’s hand. He glanced down to see the other boy’s open palm up extended towards him. He blinked and brought his gaze up to Ragnar’s face. The other boy responded by raising his eyebrows and looking pointedly at Magnus’ hand. Oh. He wanted to hold hands. OH.

Magnus thought his face might crack as he smiled back at Ragnar and placed his hand in the other boy’s grasp. The feel of their warm, entwined fingers brought back memories of the previous night, but was also new and exciting. Magnus knew his face must be burning up but he didn’t care.

Together they started back the way they’d come, trying to place their boots into the holes in the snow their steps had made on the way there. The problem was, Magnus’ balance was compromised by Ragnar’s pull on his arm, but he wasn’t going to let go of his hand for anything…so they both went down when Magnus put a foot wrong.

“Oooof, Ragnar!”

“Hey, it’s not my fault you’re too distracted to walk properly!”

Both boys were covered in powdery snow, Ragnar lying half on top of the other, each laughing and brushing wet flakes out of his face.

“Maybe holding hands was a bad idea,” Ragnar said with a teasing grin.

Magnus paused before replying. “Never.” He hoped his tone and his fixed look were enough to express his sincerity. It seemed to be; Ragnar matched his expression and slowly lowered his head to exchange a tender kiss.

---

Finally upright and again holding hands, they made their way more carefully to the picnic table, packed their things, strapped on their snowshoes, and trekked back to the chalet. Ragnar started a fire while Magnus headed to the shower so the place was pleasantly warm by the time Magnus had finished and entered the main room, rubbing his damp hair with a towel. He settled in to watch some mindless television while Ragnar took his turn cleaning up, and desperately tried to keep his mind off the fact that his friend was, at the moment, completely naked.

Ragnar emerged ten minutes later, wet hair curling, dressed much like Magnus in a t-shirt and lounge pants. When he passed behind the couch to go to the kitchen, an enticingly fresh scent of soap followed him. Magnus’ heart fluttered and he thought he must really be done for if the smell of Ragnar’s cleanser had this effect on him.

“You want some chips, something to drink?” Ragnar was rummaging around in the cabinets for the snacks.

“Yeah, whatever you’re having will be fine, thanks.”

His friend brought over a large bowl of plain potato chips and two glasses of water.

“Can’t go wrong with the basics.” Ragnar grinned at him as he sat on the couch next to him. “How about a rematch of Mario Kart?”

“Sure! Do you even remember which of us won?”

Ragnar hit him lightly on the leg with the back of his hand. “Come on, I must have won. You know I’m faster than you,” he replied with a wink.

Magnus laughed but realized he should make sure to eat and drink because Ragnar’s wink had made him light-headed. This was ridiculous; how did anyone ever keep it together around the person they had a crush on?

---

After they were done gaming, they were ready for dinner. Ragnar found some fish fillets and garlic bread in the freezer, which sounded easy enough. While their meal was heating up, Ragnar tended to the fireplace and Magnus set the table. In a way, it felt like playing house: taking care of domestic chores, eating together, cleaning up, relaxing. Magnus started to think he could get used to this, but then quickly pushed that image out of his head. His friend had been out of his life for years and it had only been a couple of days – and a lot of revelations – since they’d come back together. He shouldn’t get ahead of himself. Still, he was enjoying this weekend immensely.

The oven timer sounded and not a moment too soon. The entire chalet smelled deliciously of garlic and Magnus was famished. Full plates in hand, they took their seats at the table and ate in companionable silence for a few minutes.

“This is actually not bad,” said Magnus, gesturing mostly at the fish. “I was right that your folks only buy the best.”

Ragnar laughed and replied, “I’m sure they’ll be stunned that we even thought about having the fish.”

“Hey, we’re responsible, intelligent guys who understand good nutrition!” Magnus faked being indignant and grinned back at the other boy.

Their immediate hunger assuaged, they continued eating at a more reasonable pace. The silence had returned, but this time it only served to make Magnus somewhat nervous. There was so much he wanted to ask Ragnar, so much he wanted to tell him, but he didn’t know where to start or if he could.

Of course, he should have known that his friend would pick up on it.

“Mags? Are you okay? You seem kind of quiet.” The concern was plain in Ragnar’s eyes.

Magnus swallowed his bite of food before replying. “I’m fine, really, it’s just…just that, I wanted to ask you about stuff, and I didn’t know if it was okay or even how….” He trailed off, feeling like a complete fool.

Ragnar placed his hand over Magnus’ and squeezed. “It’s okay. You can ask me anything. Nothing you can say will ever offend me, I promise you.” He looked directly into Magnus’ eyes. “Do you believe me?”

Magnus took a shaky breath. “Yes, I do, really.”

“Good, that’s settled.” Ragnar removed his hand, unfortunately, to continue eating. “So, what did you want to ask me?”

All of Magnus’ questions swirled in his head. Where to start? “Well, I guess…how long have you known that you…like boys? Or do you like girls too? Or, uh…I mean, there’s also non-binary….” Magnus felt like he’d already blown it.

“Mags, stop, stop.” Ragnar seemed to be keeping himself from laughing. “Don’t start spiraling. I like boys; I’m gay.” He paused to let this sink in. “I’ve known probably since I was about twelve.” He paused again, looking at Magnus intently.

Twelve? So…while he still lived in Sweden and was best friends with Magnus. Magnus opened his mouth but didn’t know what to say. Ragnar seemed to understand.

“I didn’t tell anyone back then so don’t take it the wrong way. I also wasn’t ready to come out then, but yeah, I knew.”

Magnus found his voice again. “But how did you know?”

Ragnar did something extremely unexpected: he blushed and looked away. Magnus didn’t think he’d ever seen his friend this flustered before.

“Well, um…I guess I knew because I had a..a crush on someone…and he was a boy.” Ragnar was still unable to meet his eyes.

Magnus thought back to the boys in their elementary school. “Oh yeah? Who was it?”

Chuckling softly, Ragnar responded by tilting his head at him and raising one eyebrow.

It hit him all at once. “Wait, me? You had a crush on me?” Magnus was dumbfounded.

Ragnar shrugged. “You were cute, what can I say?”

Normally a comeback like that would have generated a stronger response, but all Magnus could do was sit and stare, mouth agape. “I wish you’d said something.”

“Well, that seems obvious now but back then I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship by confessing that not only was I gay but that I had a crush on you.” Ragnar narrowed his eyes. “But wait, why do you say that? Why do you wish I’d said something then?”

Oh shit. He’d walked into that. “Uh, well, I might have had a crush on you too.” It was Magnus’ turn to blush.

“You did?” Ragnar’s eyes danced as he smiled broadly. “When was this?”

“The summer before you left. I…uh,” Magnus stumbled over his words. “I..god, I realized I had…feelings for you when we were horsing around in the pool one time.” His face was on fire. Why did he tell Ragnar that?

Ragnar didn’t laugh at him or tease him; he simply covered his hand again and said, “How do you think I figured it out? We were half-naked all summer long. I was surprised you never caught me looking.”

Magnus groaned. “Ugh, imagine if we’d been brave enough to talk to each other.”

Ragnar squeezed his hand. “True, but then again we were pretty young, and my family moved away, so we would have just been missing each other more.”

He snorted and rolled his eyes. “Leave it to you to put a positive spin on it.”

“Hey, there’s no sense in regretting something we can’t change, right?” Ragnar patted his hand and sat back in his chair. “So, what other confessions do you have?”

Magnus choked on the water he was drinking just then and coughed, grabbing a napkin to wipe up the mess. How could he ever tell Ragnar that he had gotten off fantasizing about him while two other boys had sex in the room next door? He hoped the coughing explained why his face was now a deep beet red.

“Sorry, whoa! You okay? Let’s leave the rest of the revelations for another time.” Magnus could only nod and try to get his breathing back to normal.

---

Once they had finished eating and straightened up the kitchen, Magnus realized that the garlic bread had been pretty intense and that it was all he could taste and smell.

“Hey, I’m going to brush my teeth real quickly. As good as the bread was, the garlic was a bit strong.”

Ragnar made a smacking motion with his mouth. “I totally agree, will do that too.”

There was just enough room at the sink for the two tall boys to stand, taking turns spitting and rinsing with water. Ragnar pretended he was going to spit on Magnus’ head once while the other boy was bent over, and in return Magnus pretended to punch him in the stomach.

Magnus released his last mouthful of water into the sink and stood up, stowing his toothbrush. Ragnar was standing next to him, already having finished, smiling at him in the mirror that covered most of the wall. Magnus smiled back while thinking they were a well-matched pair.

As they looked at each other, Ragnar’s expression changed. He was still content but something else stirred behind his eyes. He glanced down at the sink before he spoke, uncharacteristically shy. “Magnus, uh…would you do that thing you did to me earlier?”

Magnus’ brow furrowed. “What thing?”

Ragnar bumped his hand against Magnus’ leg, reluctant to meet his eye. “You know…what you did…in the woods….”

The realization dawned on him. OH. When he was pointing out the bird. That thing. Magnus was glad Ragnar was still looking down because it meant he hadn’t seen the understanding in Magnus’ eyes. He so rarely had the upper hand with his friend, he was going to take advantage of it.

“Ragnar, what are you talking about?” He exaggerated his confusion, but he hoped not by too much.

Ragnar let out a small sigh and shot him a look of mild exasperation. “When you…you used your teeth, uh, on my ear.” His face was starting to flush around his bashful smile.

“Oooooh, that thing. That’s what you want me to do to you, here, now?” He couldn’t help but tease the other boy.

“Mags!” Ragnar’s frustration was growing and Magnus decided to put him out of his misery.

Magnus turned to face Ragnar’s side and very lightly traced the edge of Ragnar’s ear with two fingertips, feeling the other boy shiver under his touch. He rested his hand on the back of Ragnar’s neck and leaned closer to whisper in his ear, “Is this what you want?” He then slowly opened his mouth and gently captured the other boy’s earlobe between his teeth. Ragnar gasped as he nibbled and pulled on it. With his other hand, Magnus found one of Ragnar’s and clasped it tightly.

The dinner conversation served to embolden Magnus, and he felt safe with Ragnar, so decided to try something. He stiffened his tongue and ran it around the edge of Ragnar’s ear, where his fingers had been before. Ragnar’s moans were all the confirmation he needed. After returning to the lobe to pull a bit harder on it than before, Magnus tentatively explored the inside of Ragnar’s ear with his tongue. The other boy had to catch himself on the small countertop when his knees buckled.

“God, Magnus….”

Magnus had had his eyes closed while he was doing this but realized that with the bathroom mirror he would be able to watch Ragnar as he inflamed the other boy, so he opened his eyes and shifted himself slightly to see him better.

What he saw astonished him. The only way to describe the look on Ragnar’s face was pure lust: eyes closed, lips parted, chest heaving, face flushed. Now that he had seen Ragnar like this, he couldn’t look away. He was spellbound. Magnus drank in the view, and allowed his eyes to drift lower, to the front of Ragnar’s thin lounge pants. His heart hammered in his chest when he acknowledged the categorical proof of the other boy’s arousal, which he had been too timid to do the previous night. Now he was captivated and intimidated by it.

Raising his eyes once again to Ragnar’s face, he was startled to see that the other boy was looking right at him…and had most likely seen Magnus checking him out seconds earlier. Magnus realized that Ragnar had opened his eyes to figure out why Magnus had completed stopped tonguing his ear and was just breathing heavily into it.

“Oh Mags….” Ragnar swiveled his head so their lips met in a hungry kiss, and then turned his body to face Magnus’. The other boy gripped Magnus’ biceps as he kissed him eagerly and deeply, pushing Magnus backwards and propelling both of them out of the bathroom. He felt the back of his knees hit one of the twin beds and suddenly they were both sprawled across it, his head grazing the wall he went down on his back, Ragnar on top of him.

Ragnar laughed at their sudden collapse and Magnus’ heart celebrated at the sound. He was still grinning when the other boy’s face approached his again to kiss him, more tenderly this time. Their lips met and Magnus shifted his body to try to encircle his arms around Ragnar, but his attempt only had the result of nearly dumping them off the twin bed. Both boys chuckled this time and tried to adjust themselves again but it seemed that one of their legs or arms was always in danger of slipping off.

“Mags, this isn’t working.” Ragnar clambered off of him and stood next to the bed, where Magnus was still mostly spread across it.

All of the air rushed out of Magnus’ lungs and his heart stopped.

“This bed is just too small.”

Magnus’ burst of relieved laughter surprised the other boy, who hadn’t seen the stricken expression on his face.

“What? We’re just too tall for it.” Confused, Ragnar looked down at Magnus, who raised himself to sit on the side of the bed and smiled up at Ragnar.

“You’re right, but what options do we have?” They could go back to the living room floor, but that wasn’t the most comfortable location.

“Well…I was thinking…what if we went to my parents’ room?” Ragnar eyed him cautiously.

Magnus’ heart began pounding as he considered this.

“Do you…do you think they’d be okay with that?”

“Well, I wasn’t planning on telling them! But we’d just strip all three beds and say that I had to sleep in theirs after the first night because you snored too much.” He grinned at Magnus.

“Knäppskalle,” Magnus replied as he returned the grin and rolled his eyes at Ragnar. He realized he hadn’t yet responded to Ragnar’s suggestion; the other boy was waiting patiently, allowing Magnus to make the decision. Did he want to keep fooling around with Ragnar? Of course he did. Did it matter where they did it? If he was being logical, no, it didn’t. Did he trust Ragnar? Implicitly. Did he trust himself? That remained to be seen, but there was only one way to find out.

He nodded and smiled up at Ragnar. “That sounds like a good idea.” He hoped the other boy couldn’t hear the nerves in his voice.

Ragnar’s eyes softened as he took in his friend’s reply, and he extended a hand, saying, “Then let’s go.” Magnus took it, stood, and Ragnar led him hand in hand across the chalet and into the larger bedroom. It was a very short walk but to Magnus it felt momentous, like they were crossing yet another line. He told himself, again, that he trusted Ragnar and that he hadn’t regretted any of the other lines they crossed.

Once in the bedroom, simply furnished with a king-sized bed, a dresser, and two nightstands, Ragnar turned on one of the bedside lamps and then guided them to the foot of the bed, where they both sat. Ragnar’s hand in his was a comforting presence, and he focused his gaze on their entwined fingers because he suddenly felt too nervous to meet Ragnar’s eyes. The other boy’s thumb gently caressed the back of his hand.

“Mags? Are you okay? You can tell me if this is not what you want.” Ragnar’s tone was careful and tender.

“No! No, it’s not that…it’s just…,” he trailed off and took a deep breath. “I want this, I want you, I’m just….” His voice was barely above a whisper. “I’m afraid of messing it all up.” His head down, afraid to recognize disappointment in the other boy’s face, Magnus saw Ragnar’s other hand slowly coming towards his face. He felt Ragnar’s index finger under his chin, raising it until his head tilted far enough that their eyes met. There was no disappointment in his friend’s face, only kindness, warmth, and affection. Magnus’ heart melted; how had he gotten so lucky?

Ragnar looked at him intently as he spoke. “Mags, listen to me. You cannot mess everything up; you cannot mess anything up. Whatever we decide to do or end up doing, or decide not do, it’s all going to be okay. I really like you and would just like to be close to you in whatever ways you’re comfortable with.”

Magnus felt his eyes start to well up and wanted that to stop before he dissolved into a puddle of emotional goo, so in response he simply smiled at Ragnar and moved forward to capture his lips in a long, slow kiss. When they finally broke apart, they were both breathless. “I really like you too.”

Ragnar smiled teasingly at him. “Well, that’s good. This would all be very awkward if you didn’t.”

“Rags! Come on.” Sometimes his friend’s attempts at levity were not as well-timed as they could be.

Ragnar chuckled, but then turned more serious. “I was thinking we could try something that would allow us to respect each other’s boundaries so that we don’t do anything we’re not comfortable with.”

“O-kay, what is it?”

“Well, basically, we would each ask each other for what we want the other to do, or what we want to do, and the other person has the option to say no or agree. This way, it’s clear what we each of us wants.”

Magnus was interested but slightly skeptical. “So, how would that work?”

“Well, for example, I could say to you that I would like you to kiss…my elbow.” Ragnar grinned at him and held his elbow up at the level of his ear. “Then you would either agree to do it or refuse.”

Magnus laughed and said, “I will happily kiss your elbow,” and leaned over to do just that. The two boys had silly smiles on their faces after this.

“Just so you know, when I request a real kiss, I’m not asking for a quick peck. Is that okay?” Ragnar looked at him expectantly.

“More than okay, and the same for me.”

“Great, now you try.” Ragnar made a “go ahead” gesture with his hand.

Magnus thought for a moment and then said, “I would like you to…touch my nose.”

“Interesting choice, but for something like that, you’ll need to be more specific! What do you want me to touch your nose with? My finger? My lips? My…elbow?” Ragnar was cracking himself up with this body part.

“Hmmm, not your elbow.” Magnus pretended to think hard. “I modify my request: I would like you to touch my nose with your nose,” he asked, smiling sweetly.

Ragnar’s eyebrows went up as he grinned at Magnus once more. “Happily.” He bent at the waist towards him and ever so gently brushed the tip of his nose back and forth across Magnus’. The longer it went on, the heavier their breathing became, until Magnus couldn’t take it any longer. “Kiss me…,” he whispered, and Ragnar’s lips were on his in an instant.

The kiss felt like a continuation of the one that had started in the tiny bathroom, urgent and deep. Their lips parted and their tongues explored each other’s mouths, eliciting groans of pleasure from both boys. Ragnar’s hands went to the back of Magnus’ neck to pull him closer, and in response Magnus’s arms went around the other boy’s torso to clutch at the back of his t-shirt.

After what seemed like an hour but was probably only a few minutes, Magnus felt Ragnar pull back and break their kiss. The boys gazed at each other, panting for breath.

“I have a request,” began Ragnar. “I would like us to move fully onto the bed.” Magnus hadn’t even realized that they were still sitting at the foot.

“Agreed.” They smiled at each other as they scootched from the end into the middle of the king-sized bed and sat cross-legged, facing each other. Magnus hadn’t been sure about Ragnar’s idea of asking for consent but so far he was appreciating it.

For a moment, the two boys just looked at each other in near silence, though Magnus thought the pounding of his heart might just be audible. He hesitated, and then spoke. “I would like to…remove your shirt.”

Ragnar sighed happily. “Oh, yes, please.” He raised his arms above his head so the other boy could pull up the bottom of his t-shirt, turning it inside out as the thin fabric grazed his chest and back, sending shivers through Ragnar. Magnus tossed it to the floor and turned back to openly admire Ragnar’s bare skin. He took a shuddering breath and asked, “Can I touch your chest with my hands?” Just getting out the words was somewhat difficult but it would have been harder passing up the opportunity.

Ragnar also seemed to be in some difficulty, choking out, “Ye…yes, please, touch me.” Magnus reached out to place a palm in the center of Ragnar’s chest, his fingertips just brushing the hollow of Ragnar’s throat. Magnus paused, still staggered by the fact that this was something he was allowed to do and felt the other boy’s breathing quicken. Then he glided his hand to the right to brush over Ragnar’s nipple. The other boy gasped as he did, making Magnus realize he hadn’t been following the rules. He removed his hand.

“Sorry, I…can I…can I touch your nipples with my fingers?” It was getting tougher to make the requests but he would do what he needed to satisfy his hunger for this boy.

Ragnar’s eyes had been closed but had flown open when Magnus took his hand away. “Yes, god, yes.”

Magnus reached out with both hands this time and grazed Ragnar’s nipples with the flats of his fingers. Ragnar closed his eyes and titled his head back, moaning every time Magnus’ hands passed over him. He took this as an indication of Ragnar’s desire and began pinching and fondling the stiff nubbins.

“Ahhhh, Magnus, god….” He was glad the neighboring chalets were sufficiently far away because he was afraid anyone in close proximity would hear Ragnar’s cries of pleasure.

“I…I…,” Ragnar could barely speak. “Can I lie down?”

Magnus smiled at the poor suffering boy. “Yes, of course, just lay back…,” he said while gently pushing on Ragnar’s chest until he was flat on his back. Eyes still closed, Ragnar breathed a sigh of relief, and then opened them to lock eyes with Magnus. Ragnar raised both arms open to him. “Kiss me….”

“Yes.” Magnus moved into his arms and let himself be pulled down to meet Ragnar’s mouth once again. The previous night, Ragnar had been the one on top most of the time so this was a new sensation for Magnus and one that he savored. It was his tongue searching and probing more vigorously in Ragnar’s mouth, it was his hand squeezing and stroking his chest, seeking out his hard nipples to play with. At some point, he could barely keep his mouth on Ragnar’s because the other boy was panting so hard.

If he couldn’t use his mouth to continue kissing Ragnar, he’d have it serve a different purpose. “Ragnar, I would like to use my mouth on your nipples.” Magnus suddenly feared the other boy would hyperventilate. He could only nod energetically and swallow, though just as Magnus started to dip his head, Ragnar gripped his arm. “Wait!” Magnus looked at him questioningly.

Ragnar’s eyes bore into his. “I…I would like to take your shirt off too. I want to see you.” Magnus thought his heart would explode at hearing this. Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine….

“Yes, please…take it off.” Because Magnus’ arms were supporting him, it took a little coordination to allow Ragnar to remove his t-shirt; every time Ragnar’s hands or fingers would brush against his skin, he quivered. Ragnar raked his eyes over Magnus’ bare chest and started to reach out a hand, but Magnus stopped him.

“Hey, you didn’t ask, and your nipples still need my attention.” With repetition, Magnus was finding it easier to be clear about what he wanted.

Ragnar groaned and propped up his head with one hand. “God, stop talking about it and just do it.”

Magnus grinned at him and then turned his concentration to Ragnar’s bare chest. He dipped his head and drew his tongue across Ragnar’s right nipple, using the flat of it, feeling the rock-hard button. Ragnar shook uncontrollably under him. Magnus lapped at it a few more times and received the same reaction, which excited him immensely. Then he formed an O with his lips around the nubbin and flicked at it with his pointed tongue.

“Oooohhhhhhhh god….” Ragnar’s hand grabbed at his hair and pulled, hard. Magnus found he didn’t mind this, but he also didn’t let up. He used his teeth to gently nibble, making the other boy writhe violently.

“Magnus, god, stop, I can’t….” Ragnar’s head was thrashing from side to side, and Magnus took pity on him and ceased the pleasurable torture. The other boy’s chest was heaving as he tried to breathe normally again. “That was…god…that was incredible.” His pupils were blown wide open with lust. Magnus could not believe that he had done this, he had wrecked this boy.

“But I only did one nipple,” he mock complained. Magnus could tease when he wanted to.

“Mags, another few minutes of that and I will pass out.” Ragnar laughed shakily and managed to sit up. Turning serious again, he said, “Now I would like you to lie down so I can try to make you feel half as good, if I’m lucky.” Magnus wasn’t sure how he could possible feel any better than he did at that moment, having reduced the other boy to a quavering mess.

“Of course I will, if you’ll kiss me before we do anything else.”

“Most definitely.” Ragnar smiled at him as they effectively changed positions. Now Magnus was looking up at the sweet, sexy boy at his side. Ragnar bent his head and surprised him by planting feathery kisses on and around his mouth and neck while he ran one hand through Magnus’ hair. Eyes closed, Magnus enjoyed the sensation of never knowing where Ragnar’s lips would land…until Ragnar simultaneously pulled on his hair harder and kissed him fiercely, plunging his tongue towards Magnus’ throat. The change in intensity sent a surge of electricity through Magnus and he felt his pelvis thrust involuntarily.

Ragnar broke off the kiss suddenly and looked intently at Magnus. He paused for a few beats before saying, “I would like to kiss and lick every inch of your chest and stomach.” Now Magnus understood why Ragnar had had issues breathing; hearing something like that, that the other boy wanted to do that, drove Magnus wild with desire. “Yes, god, yes,” he breathed, more than said.

Ragnar devoured him with his eyes before bending his head to touch his lips delicately to the hollow of Magnus’ throat. He kissed it repeatedly, then widened his lips and began to suck at it. Magnus was already clenching the duvet cover with one hand and Ragnar had just started.

Not wanting to leave any marks, Ragnar abandoned that spot to drag his tongue all the way down the center of Magnus’ chest to his flat stomach, stopping at his belly button. Here, he swirled his tongue around, making Magnus giggle, but quickly moved on, back up to his chest. He planted wet kisses above, below, and all around his left nipple but never touching it, making Magnus pant with anticipation. Then Ragnar did the same on the other side, but again, avoiding his nipple. He returned to Magnus’ taut stomach, licking with the flat of his tongue across the downy skin.

By this time, Magnus was trembling from all the attention but dying for more. “Ragnar….” The other boy paused and glanced at him.

“What do you want, Magnus?”

“Please…uh…use your mouth on my nipples.” He felt his face turn red at vocalising this but his need was too great.

“With pleasure.” Ragnar had a gleam in his eye as he bent his head toward Magnus’ chest and circled his left nipple with a stiffened tongue. Magnus immediately threw his head back and gasped, unready for the powerful sensation. He thought he felt Ragnar’s lips form a smile as they surrounded the same nubbin and he flicked his tongue against it repeatedly.

“God, Ragnar…ahhhhhh….” Now both fists were grabbing at the bed cover as he tried to control his reaction.

The other boy moved to the right nipple to give it the same treatment, so now Magnus’ entire body was quaking with intense pleasure. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take, but he was powerless to ask Ragnar to stop.

Finally, Ragnar moved back to the left side of his chest and began nibbling on the now ultra-sensitive nipple. Magnus felt what seemed like his entire body jolt off the bed and he grabbed Ragnar’s hair with one hand, the other still gripping the duvet. “Ragnar, god, please…yes…yes…,” he babbled incoherently. Ragnar released the nipple…and then took the other between his teeth. Magnus’ eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head, the pleasure was so profound.

Despite the fact that all the attention thus far had been to the upper part of his body, Magnus could no longer ignore his aching lower region. He had never, ever been this turned on before, not even at school on that night. And here he was, in the flesh with the boy from that fantasy. How could he deny what he knew he wanted, what he knew he craved?

“Ragnar, stop, stop….” He panted and tried to lift his head but was too weakened by desire.

Ragnar let go of his nipple and sat back on his heels. “What, Mags? Is everything okay?”

For a moment, Magnus could only nod. Finally finding his voice, he said, “Yes, everything is better than okay.” He paused, then took a deep breath and swallowed. He forced himself to look Ragnar in the eye when he reached out for the other boy’s hand and said, “I want you…I need you to touch me, here,” and guided it to his bulge at his crotch.

Ragnar’s breath hitched when he saw and felt his hand make contact with the straining fabric of Magnus’ pyjama pants. When Ragnar turned his gaze back to him, the lust in his eyes nearly stopped Magnus’ heart. Ragnar’s voice shook as he asked, “You’re sure about this?” Magnus appreciated the consideration but he had no more doubts.

“Yes, yes, I want you to….” He felt himself thrusting his pelvis up to meet Ragnar’s hand as the other boy began to squeeze him through the material. Magnus gasped and took his bottom lip between his teeth.

Magnus felt Ragnar slide his palm along the length of his swollen member, then briefly cup him from underneath. The sensations of someone else – of this boy he had a crush on – touching him was nearly too much for him to handle, even through the fabric of his pants. He needed a breather or it was all going to be over too soon.

Magnus reached out for Ragnar’s other arm. “Hey, come here and kiss me. I just…need a minute.” Ragnar smirked at him before replying, “I will gladly kiss you.” He removed his hand – causing Magnus to gasp and then sigh – and leaned down towards Magnus’ face.

Ragnar seemed to understand instinctively that what Magnus needed were slow, languorous kisses, the kind that made him dizzy but were not heavy with urgency. When their mouths met like this, with wet sounds and tongues swirling lazily, Magnus felt they had all the time in the world.

He didn’t know how long they spent kissing like this, only that it was exactly what he needed to bring him back from the cliff’s edge. Magnus broke contact with the other boy’s lips.

“Ragnar,” he began, caressing the other boy’s cheek with the back of his hand. “I…uh…now would be a…better time to…uh…go back to what you were doing…before.” He felt himself blush again, which was ridiculous, but he couldn’t control it. How could he get what he wanted if he couldn’t ask for it?

“Oh yes?” Ragnar’s teasing tone was back. “What was I doing before?” His eyes twinkled as he baited the other boy the way Magnus had done to him in the bathroom earlier. What Ragnar wasn’t counting on was that Magnus had just decided he’d had enough of being timid and that it was time to be bold. Ragnar had said he could trust him and trust in himself.

Magnus looked him straight in the eye and said, “You had your hand on my dick, and that’s what I want you to do right now, please and thank you.” He was breathing heavily with the effort but it came out more smoothly than he’d thought it would.

Ragnar’s reaction, however, was anything but smooth. His sudden intake of breath was almost comical, and his wide eyes were the size of saucers. Once he got over the initial surprise, his expression changed from shocked to insanely turned on. Ragnar took a deep breath before asking, “Would you be okay if we took our pyjama pants off?”

Magnus froze for a beat, feeling his heart pounding in his chest. He wanted Ragnar, wanted all of him, and Ragnar wanted all of him too. Images from his fantasy flashed through his mind, Ragnar’s hand on him, stroking him. He made up his mind and summoned up all of his newfound courage.

“Yes, I want to see you, and I want you to see me.” Magnus wasn’t sure how he’d gotten the words out of his mouth, but they both heard them.

“Baby, kiss me,” Ragnar moaned and reached out for him. Their lips crashed together, their kisses frenzied, all thoughts of going slow abandoned. Then Ragnar broke contact and leaned back to slide and shimmy his pants off. His erection bobbed freely as he repositioned himself next to Magnus, who could not stop staring. He realized this was the first time he’d ever seen another erect member in person.

He finally brought his eyes back to Ragnar’s face. The other boy looked slightly amused but said nothing. He reached for the waistband of Magnus’ pyjamas and raised an eyebrow. Magnus could only nod, all of this robbing him of speech. He shivered as Ragnar’s fingers brushed against his hips and thighs as he pulled the pants down his legs, and then past his feet to drop them on the floor. Now, Magnus watched as Ragnar looked at him, wonder and desire in his eyes.

The boys locked eyes again and neither moved until Magnus convinced himself to be bold again. He reached behind him to grab one of the large pillows and placed it behind his head, propping it up. His voice trembled as he explained, “I…I want to be able to watch while you…get me off.” He tried to remember how to breathe as he waited for Ragnar to either be shocked beyond words or….

“Oh my god, baby, that is so hot.” Ragnar’s chest was rising and falling quickly, and it seemed like his throbbing length had moved on its own.

Ragnar reached out for him and ran his palm lightly along the length of his shaft. Magnus gasped and bit his lip to keep from crying out, but Ragnar saw this.

“Mags, you can be as loud as you want. Do exactly what you need to do. Remember, we trust each other.” Magnus could only nod as swarms of emotions took over.

Ragnar moved his hand again, sliding along the length and up to brush over the head, causing Magnus to thrust and moan loudly. Even if Ragnar hadn’t told him it was okay, he probably couldn’t have stopped himself. When Ragnar squeezed him, he gasped. How had he been nervous about doing this? He was in ecstasy and the bedroom filled with his groans and exclamations. Magnus didn’t think he’d ever been this hard in his life, and he didn’t think he was going to last much longer. Ragnar stroked him again, passing his palm over the head and picking up some of the leaking wetness, so when he ran his fist back down the shaft it was slippery and slick. Magnus could feel his climax building rapidly and he tried to buy himself a few more seconds. His hand scrabbled around, looking for some part of Ragnar, finally finding his other arm. When he grabbed it, Ragnar turned his head to see what was going on.

“Kiss me, I’m almost….” He didn’t have time, or the need, to finish as Ragnar smashed their mouths together while continuing to stroke his throbbing length.

“Ahhh, god….” Magnus couldn’t help but cry out while Ragnar attempted to kiss him.

“Yeessssssss….” Magnus shuddered and came, feeling splashes all the way up his stomach, chest, and neck. He’d thrown his head back into the pillow, eyes tightly shut, and gripped the duvet with one hand and Ragnar’s arm with the other. Ragnar squeezed him gently a couple of times to make sure all was finished and then removed his sticky hand. It must have taken Magnus a full minute to start breathing normally and be able to open his eyes. He was treated to the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen: Ragnar, hair mussed, sitting naked on his heels, member fully erect, and mildly spattered with Magnus’ own cum.

“You are so gorgeous.” Magnus knew he sounded absurd but he also knew that he could say anything to Ragnar now.

“Baby, that’s just because you can’t see yourself.” Ragnar looked like he was in a daze.

Magnus finally glanced down at his torso and was shocked to see the amount of cum on him. “Uh, I think I need a full box of tissues before we do anything else.” Ragnar chuckled and moved towards the bedside table to fetch one and they cleaned up.

Once he had disposed of the soggy tissues, Ragnar came back to the bed and just stood looking at Magnus, who was still lying back against the pillow. Magnus knew that at one time, he would have been too shy to meet his eyes or gaze back, but he was more confident now that he knew Ragnar trusted him, so he looked the other boy up and down. Ragnar’s erection had softened somewhat since they had paused their activities, but Magnus thought he saw that ogling Ragnar’s body caused it to stiffen up again, which made his own heart flutter. He didn’t think he would ever tire of having the ability to excite this amazing boy.

When the other boy still didn’t speak, he asked, “Ragnar? What would you like to do now?” Magnus could think of a few options to take care of Ragnar’s unmet need, though he had to admit a couple of them made him nervous.

Ragnar broke out into a smile that was both warm and wanton. “Well, now that you ask, we are a bit dirty to be sleeping in my parents’ bed, so I thought we could take a shower…together.” He gestured to the en suite bathroom. “They have a large walk-in.”

Oh. A shower. Magnus blinked. He hadn’t expected that idea. It felt both very adult but also quite juvenile at that same time. He’d showered with plenty of boys at school, especially once he joined the crew team. Of course, they had never done anything in the showers, at least not that he’d ever witnessed at Hillerska. It would have been pretty inappropriate, not to mention scandalous, to hook up like that in public. But this was just him and Ragnar, the remarkable boy standing here, patiently waiting for him to reply.

Smiling, Magnus pushed himself up and off the bed, and stood face to face with the other boy, taking hold of one of Ragnar’s hands in his, interlacing their fingers. “Yes, Ragnar, I will happily take a shower with you.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ragnar’s erection bob again, making his heart thump in his chest. He was so gone for this boy.

“Kiss me.” Magnus didn’t bother assenting to Ragnar’s request since it was easier to melt into him and allow the other boy to capture his lips for a succession of kisses that went deeper and deeper.

When they finally broke apart, Ragnar said, “Come on, let’s get cleaned up,” and led him around the bed into the attached bathroom. It was larger than the one he’d been using and featured a reasonably large walk-in shower with a traditional single showerhead. Magnus supposed that at home Ragnar’s parents probably had something fancier; Magnus’ own parents had a crazy huge shower with all sorts of water jets and a rainforest shower head, but to Magnus it all seemed like overkill and a waste of natural resources. How much more wet did someone need to be in a shower?

Ragnar leaned into the stall to turn on the water and then jumped back to avoid the cold spray.

“So this is the luxury you’ve been enjoying while I was stuck using the tiny shower in the tub?” Magnus pretended to be indignant.

“Hey, you could have joined me here before.” Ragnar smiled slyly and raised an eyebrow, making Magnus laugh.

“Oh right, and how would that have gone? ‘Hey, Rags, I know we haven’t seen each other in years and that this sounds totally awkward, but the other shower is kind of small, so can I join you in this one?’”

The second the feigned question was out of his mouth, Ragnar’s expression shifted from amused to aroused. He took a deep breath and said, “Yes. I would have said yes.” He took Magnus’ hand again, opened the door to the now steaming shower stall, and led the other boy in. They stood facing each other, sideways to the water hitting them on the shoulders. Ragnar took Magnus’ hand he was still holding and guided his arm up and behind his neck, laying Magnus’ forearm on his shoulder. Ragnar let go and stepped forward, encircling him around the waist with both arms, as Magnus raised his other arm to complete the embrace. He felt Ragnar’s breath on his parted lips as the other boy made his favorite request: “Kiss me.”

The boys tilted their heads in opposite directions as they brought their opening mouths together. Magnus was astonished by how quickly he’d become addicted to the sensation of Ragnar’s tongue exploring his mouth. As their kisses became deeper, their bodies moved closer together until they were pressed up against each other so tightly no water droplets could trickle between them.

For an instant, Magnus thought he was having an out of body experience. He suddenly felt everything all at once: the warm water cascading down his skin, his hands carding through Ragnar’s wet hair, Ragnar’s fingers grasping at his back, their soft lips and hard tongues colliding, their chests flattened against each other, and Ragnar’s stiff length caught between their bodies. As they made out under the spray, trying to clutch each other ever closer, he could feel Ragnar grinding himself against Magnus with increasing pressure until –

“Whoa, stop, stop.” Ragnar broke off kissing him and stepped back, almost to the tiled wall, hands up at his sides. He was panting and flushed, not just from the hot water. “Sorry…I just need a minute, I was…well….” His eyes flicked down to his erection back to Magnus, who grinned at him.

“Do you want some cold water on that?” Magnus jokingly turned to reach behind him for the temperature control.

“Ha, ha, Mags.”

Returning to face Ragnar once again, he was taken aback by the sight before him: Ragnar with dripping wet hair, bare chest glistening with droplets, some of which trickled sensuously downwards towards his trim stomach. Magnus felt like he had been transported back to that day at the pool when he looked at his old friend and saw…something else. His breath caught in his throat as the other boy gazed at him. How was any of this possibly happening? His lips parted once, then twice, in an effort to get any words out. The third time he was successful.

“Ragnar, I…I would like to touch your chest with my hands.” His earlier, similar request had been easily granted, as expected, so he wasn’t anticipating Ragnar’s reaction this time. The other boy’s knees buckled and he had to quickly place a palm on the tiles behind him to keep himself upright. “Ragnar! What’s wrong?” He moved towards him but Ragnar just shook his head and put his other hand up to stop him.

“Nothing, I’m fine, sorry, it’s just that….” He shook his head again, more to himself this time, and met Magnus’ eyes with a look of intense longing that shot a bolt of electricity through him.

“What?” Magnus asked more tenderly this time. “You know you can tell me anything.”

Ragnar regarded him with a small rueful smile and took a breath. “I told you that I had a crush on you when I was younger and that seeing your body made me realize my attraction to boys. Well…I didn’t mention that I…,” he bit his lip before continuing, “I had fantasies about you.” He looked down now.

Magnus stepped towards him and took both of Ragnar’s hands in his. “Please tell me,” he said softly.

Ragnar chuckled and met his eyes again. “We’ll laugh now but when I was twelve, I didn’t know about all this, so I thought about how incredible it would be if in the public pool showers, you would…touch…my chest.” He ducked his head again now that he’d said the words aloud.

Magnus’ heart filled with affection and…probably something else for this gorgeous, adorable boy in front of him. “Ragnar?” He waited until the other boy looked at him. “I’m here now, and I want to be with you like you imagined back then.” He let go of Ragnar’s hands and moved back slightly, into the shower spray, before reaching out to run the fingertips of one hand down the center of the other boy’s chest. Despite the warm surroundings, Ragnar shivered under his touch. Magnus then moved closer and placed the palms of both hands on the other boy’s clavicles before sliding them in a gentle circle briefly up and then back down the front of his chest, brushing over his nipples on the way, causing Ragnar to moan and close his eyes.

Magnus leaned forward, closer to Ragnar’s ear. “Did twelve-year-old Ragnar want to touch me as well?” The other boy’s eyes flew open at this.

“Of course…,” Ragnar managed to eke out as he extended his hand to lightly caress the hollow of Magnus’ throat. His voice was choked up as he said, “This was always my favorite part of your body.”

Magnus suddenly couldn’t get enough air in his lungs. “Ragnar…I don’t care what our twelve-year-old selves would have or haven’t done, I need to kiss you right now.”

“God, yes.” Magnus grabbed Ragnar’s face with both hands and hungrily pressed their lips together and then snaked his tongue into the other boy’s mouth, making the other boy groan and grip his waist.

They were both breathless when they broke apart minutes later.

“Ragnar, is that all you thought about us doing in the showers when we were younger?” Magnus was partially teasing him but was also sincerely curious.

Ragnar bit his lip again. “Uh…no, the next year I…well…I kind of graduated us to…hand jobs.”

Magnus felt his face flame and this time he was the one who had to avert his eyes from Ragnar’s. If he thought his heart had been pounding before, it was nothing compared to the violent hammering he felt now. His lips parted and he breathed very consciously for a moment. He deliberately looked down at Ragnar’s erection, now as rigid as before the interruption, and then met Ragnar’s gaze. He swallowed hard.

“Ragnar, is there something you’d like to ask me?” Magnus held his breath, waiting to see if the other boy understood. For a long, long second, all Ragnar could do was stare at him; however, there was no confusion in his face, no doubt, just exquisite anticipation.

“Magnus…I would…desperately like you to touch my dick with your hand.” All Magnus could hear was the water falling and Ragnar’s labored breaths, which made him realize he had stopped breathing. He exhaled.

“Yes.” Magnus didn’t need to say anything more, only reach out.

The instant Magnus’ hand touched his shaft, Ragnar’s whole body shook and he took a half-step back to press himself against the tiled wall for support. It must have been cold but Ragnar showed no signs of discomfort; he showed no signs of anything but arousal.

“Oh god….” Magnus had tightened his hand, marvelling at the feeling of something so alive under his touch. It was wet and hard and veiny, so much like his own, but just different enough to thrill him. Plus, it was Ragnar’s and he wanted to provide as much pleasure to him as Ragnar had earlier.

He began moving his fist up and down the shaft, trying to observe Ragnar’s reactions and stare at his dick at the same time. After having been intimidated by it the night before, now he was fascinated and found it hard to look away.

He needn’t have worried about Ragnar’s reactions; the boy was not shy at letting him know exactly what he was feeling.

“Oh, baby, yes….god….” Magnus was trying to stroke up and swipe his hand across the tip to collect some of the leaking wetness but the shower water was rinsing it away, making it difficult to slide his hand comfortably. He glanced at the bottles and tubes in the shower niche, saw one with pure aloe vera, and grabbed it with his free hand. He squeezed some of the clear, viscous gel into his busy hand and was elated when it began to slide freely.

“OH GOD, what…? OH my god!” Ragnar’s eyes had been closed and he hadn’t known what was coming, but obviously it was a huge improvement.

Magnus began moving his hand slightly faster, gripping more tightly, running it from the base to the tip and back again. Ragnar’s body was almost convulsing and Magnus was concerned he would hit the back of his head on the tiles, so he put his other hand behind his head to cushion it. He might get hurt in the process but it would be worth it.

Ragnar’s head protected, Magnus picked up the pace, turned on as much by the squelching sounds his hand was producing as Ragnar’s cries and moans. Ragnar started trembling more violently after a half dozen strokes.

“Ahhhhhhh, I’m close….yes…god, baby, kiss me!”

With the hand already behind his head, Magnus pulled Ragnar toward him and thrust his tongue down his throat, gluing their open mouths together as Ragnar’s climax thundered through his body. Magnus felt the pulsing under his hand as he came, and slightly regretted not watching it as it happened, but hoped he would have another chance someday.

Ragnar’s arm was half-draped across Magnus’ shoulders when he finally stopped shaking, though his breathing was still unsteady. He turned his head towards Magnus. “That was….” Instead of finishing his thought, Ragnar pulled Magnus towards him into a tight hug. Magnus circled his arms around the other boy and buried his face in his neck, feeling the warm water course down his back as they embraced.

A minute ticked by before Magnus felt Ragnar’s arms loosen and they stepped apart. Ragnar looked at him. “Are you doing okay?” Magnus’ eyes crinkled and he gave the other boy a small smirk.

“I should be asking you that. I thought you were going to collapse there for a minute. What happened to those powerful hockey legs?”

“Hey, that’s not fair! If you’d been in my place instead of lying down on the bed, no way you’d still be upright.”

“Oh yeah? Challenge accepted.” Magnus grinned.

“Oooh, I like the confidence!” Ragnar laughed as he moved more directly under the shower spray. “Let’s get cleaned off before we really turn into raisins.” Magnus glanced down at his wrinkled fingertips and realized they’d been in that shower for quite a while.

Ragnar squirted some shower gel into his hand to lather up and half turned to pass the tube to Magnus before he paused. “Uh, hey, I see you’re…uh…still…excited…. Did you want us to…?” At first Magnus didn’t understand what he meant but then he looked down and realized the other boy had clocked his half-stiff member. He smiled at Ragnar’s thoughtfulness.

“No, no, I’m okay, trust me. This is just from, you know, watching you.” Magnus busied himself with the gel to avoid catching Ragnar’s eye but then peeked at him from under his wet hair. Ragnar wore a very self-satisfied smile on his face.

They finished rinsing off and stepped out of the shower stall to towel off. Magnus’ heart filled with joy at seeing his friend, damp hair mussed, standing with a towel wrapped around his waist, wiping the steam off the mirror to try to peer at himself before looking back at Magnus, smiling. “What?”

“I…I am just happy to be here with you.”

Ragnar’s eyes softened. “Same here, Mags.”

“Oh, I’m not “Baby” anymore?” Magnus just had to tease the other boy about the endearment.

“Argh, I don’t know where that came from, really.” Though he was laughing, Ragnar sounded embarrassed and self-conscious. “I’ll blame it on the heat of the moment.” He turned to leave the bathroom but Magnus stopped him by grabbing the edge of the towel at his waist.

“Kiss me.”

Ragnar smiled and said, “Gladly,” before stepping towards him and placing his lips ever so softly against Magnus’. It was delicate and warm and, yes, loving, and Magnus couldn’t imagine how he’d ever been afraid to do this.

They broke apart and Ragnar said, “Let’s go to bed. It’s got to be pretty late.” Magnus just nodded, the sweet kiss having taken over his ability to function.

They hung their towels in the bathroom and returned naked to the master bedroom. “Uh…do you prefer sleeping in pyjamas or….?” Ragnar had picked up one of their discarded lounge pants and was holding it out.

“Oh, no, like this is good.” Though now that he’d said it, Magnus wondered if lying in bed naked next to his equally nude friend would actually result in them getting any sleep at all. He hoped they would because as much as he wanted to be with Ragnar again and again and again, right now he was completely exhausted.

Ragnar grinned at him. “Great, it’s settled.” He climbed into bed and held the covers up for the other to join him. Magnus smiled down at him and then slid between the cool sheets and moved forward until he was enfolded by Ragnar’s embrace. The other boy’s limbs felt hot against his bare skin but Magnus didn’t care. It was more important to be close to the boy he…cared for deeply. He snaked an arm around Ragnar’s waist and planted a quick kiss on his clavicle. The other boy trailed his fingers down Magnus’ back and then let his arm rest at his hip. He wasn’t surprised to hear Ragnar’s breathing even out and slow after only a few minutes.

“Ragnar?” He whispered, unsure if the other boy was still awake.

“Hmmm?”

“I liked it when you called me ‘Baby.’” Magnus smiled to himself when he felt Ragnar’s lips press a kiss to his forehead.

---

Magnus woke very early, before the sun was up, and found that he and Ragnar had rolled away from each other during the night. He got up to use the toilet and returned to the bed. He could just make out Ragnar’s sleeping features in the dim glow from the bathroom’s nightlight. As he stared at his beautiful friend, he wondered yet again how he had gotten so lucky. He still didn’t totally understand how he had ended up here, in bed with Ragnar. If you had asked him at the beginning of the school term, when he first laid eyes on Simon and started tugging at this particular thread, if he would have guessed that any of this would happen, he would have fallen over laughing. Now, though, he couldn’t imagine any other outcome. He closed his eyes again and let the sounds of Ragnar’s soft breathing lull him back to sleep.

The next time he opened his eyes, it was light in the room, and Ragnar was facing him, a gentle smile on his face. “God morgon.”

Magnus returned the smile. “God morgon. How did you sleep?”

“Very well. I think I was tired. Can’t imagine why.” He winked at Magnus, who immediately blushed. “You?”

Magnus tried, unsuccessfully, to wipe the stupid grin from his face. “Yeah, I slept well too.” Then he decided to try to summon up some of the courage he’d felt last night. “We probably should have started the weekend sleeping in this bed.”

“Oh, that’s the attitude I love!” Ragnar punched him lightly on the upper arm as he lifted the covers to climb out of bed, while Magnus had frozen momentarily at Ragnar’s choice of words. Then he was distracted by watching Ragnar’s bare ass as he stepped away from the bed to find his neglected lounge pants on the floor. Magnus felt a pang of disappointment as the other boy pulled them up but he supposed they couldn’t be naked all the time.

“Hey, do you see my pants anywhere?”

Ragnar spotted them on the other side of the dresser and tossed them to him. “How did they get all the way over here?”

Magnus smirked at him while he slipped them on. “I guess you were just that eager to get them off of me.” Ragnar guffawed and made a move towards him so Magnus dashed out of the room, laughing.

---

That morning, Magnus felt the need to pinch himself to make sure he was not in the best dream he ever had. Everything was absolutely perfect. As they fixed breakfast together, they were constantly touching each other, be it a hand on an arm or back or a quick kiss as they passed each other. At one point, while the coffee was brewing and the buns were heating in the oven, Ragnar caught Magnus’ hand and pulled him into an embrace. They stood pressed together and Magnus could smell the shower gel from the night before on Ragnar’s neck. He couldn’t resist and started a line of kisses up Ragnar’s neck to his ear. “Oh god….” The other boy tightened his embrace and Magnus now felt something stirring at crotch level.

“Argh, Magnus, god, I don’t want to say this but you have to stop.” Ragnar leaned back and looked at him.

“Oh? And why is that?” Magnus knew perfectly well why – they had to eat and pack up before Ragnar’s mother arrived to pick them up – but he was enjoying Ragnar’s reaction too much.

“Come on, how is it going to look if my mamma gets here and we’re in the middle of…something! I mean, of course you know I want to, right?” Now Ragnar started to look concerned, which made Magnus laugh.

“Hey, if that bulge in your pants is any indication, that’s pretty clear.” He gave Ragnar a sly smile.

“Whoa, where did shy Mags disappear to?” Ragnar was very amused but also sounded surprised. Magnus took pity on him and backed out of his arms.

“I think he’s been replaced by the Mags who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to ask for it. Is that okay with you?” He challenged Ragnar with a raised eyebrow. In response, the other boy stepped up to him, took Magnus’ face in his hands, and pulled him into a deep, slow kiss.

Ragnar broke it off but kept holding Magnus’ face, looking him deep in the eyes. “Anything you do is okay with me. Anything.” Magnus was nearly overwhelmed by the depth of the statement but realized that he also felt the same.

Just then, the oven timer went off, startling both boys. Ragnar dropped his hands and went to the oven to remove the breakfast buns. Magnus could only watch him, still astounded that this boy roused such feelings in him. Finally, the clatter of the oven tray brought him back to his senses and he moved to pour them two coffees.

---

Bellies full and caffeinated, the boys set about stripping the beds to collect the sheets to bring back to Ragnar’s house. Naturally, being in close proximity with each other and beds meant that this process took quite a bit longer than it should have, since one might push the other onto a bare mattress and then “fall” on top of him, or one might “lose his balance” and fall onto said mattress and pull the other down with him. A large part of the kissing and fondling took place on the king-sized bed, for obvious reasons, but they still had plenty of appetite for each other while removing the twin beds’ sheets. Ragnar had just finished exploring the hollow of Magnus’ throat with his tongue and was moving up his neck when they heard, “Hello?” They sprang off the bed, hearts pounding.

“Mamma?” Ragnar was looking at him, wide-eyed. Magnus was shaking and took a few deep breaths to settle down. They each smiled nervously at each other and moved towards the doorway.

“Hi, sweetie. I guess you didn’t hear me drive up. Hi Magnus, good to see you again.” Ingrid, Ragnar’s mother, met them in the middle of the living room to kiss her son and give Magnus a quick hug. Magnus was glad they were already properly dressed in jeans and sweaters instead of still in their lounge pants as he didn’t think they’d have been able to hide the evidence of their interrupted activities.

“Hi Mamma. No, we were busy…packing up.” Ragnar grinned at the other boy when his mother looked away.

“Yes, I see plenty of sheets.” She looked more closely at the piles. “Did you use all of the beds?”

Ragnar was trying desperately not to laugh. “Uh, yeah, Mamma, it turns out that Magnus snores pretty badly so I had to sleep on your bed to get any rest.” Magnus could not look either of them in the eye and went back into the other bedroom to expel a snort he couldn’t hold any longer.

The boys only needed a few minutes to pack the few items of clothing and toiletries they’d brought, and then started bringing the bags to the car. They carried the ski and snowshoe equipment from the mud room into the back of the SUV while Ingrid made one last pass through the chalet. Once satisfied, they climbed into the vehicle and set off back to the city.

Ingrid smiled at the boys in the rear view mirror. “You were very responsible this weekend, thank you. You didn’t leave a mess and everything looks like it’s in one piece. Did you have a good time?”

Magnus hoped her eyes would be back on the road because he could feel himself start blushing. Ragnar jumped in, “Yes, we had a great time! The ski conditions were awesome, we had beautiful weather, plus we watched Växjö win on Saturday night!” Then he looked at Magnus and winked. “I don’t think the weekend could have gone any better.” Damned exasperating Ragnar.

“And you, Magnus? Was it a good weekend for you?” She glanced back at him. “It looks like you might have gotten too much sun; did you forget your sunscreen?” Ragnar choked back a laugh, disguised as a cough, as Magnus turned an even brighter red.

“Ye..yes, I did probably get too much sun while we were out, and yes, it was a great weekend. Definitely memorable.” Two could play that game, he thought, glaring at Ragnar, who was laughing silently into his hand.

“Good! I’m happy to hear it. You boys are welcome to use it whenever you want.” Now in addition to blushing like a beet, Magnus’ heart was thumping in his chest.

“Tack, Mamma. We just might do that.” When Magnus turned towards him, Ragnar was gazing at him with such affection, his pounding heart just melted.

“Do you boys mind if I put the radio on?” The SUV was just merging onto the highway.

“No, go ahead. We’re pretty tired from the weekend.”

The sounds of classic rock drifted into the back as Ragnar’s mother entered the smoothly flowing traffic into the city. Magnus was glad he didn’t have to answer more unintentionally embarrassing questions or put up with more teasing from Ragnar. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, listening to the soft music, and felt himself relax into the seat. He moved his hands out of his lap to either side and took a few deep breaths. Part of him started to worry that this weekend had been an aberration, that only the time and place had brought them together, and now that they were on their way back to their real lives, it would all dissolve like lake mist under the bright sun. That part of him was afraid to want something so much, afraid to be vulnerable to disappointment, but also too frightened to admit any of these doubts to Ragnar. What if Ragnar thought it meant that Magnus didn’t want this, when he had never wanted anything more in his life?

Just as his thoughts were starting to spiral, Magnus felt something touch his hand. He opened his eyes and glanced down: there was Ragnar’s hand flat on the seat next to his, his pinkie finger gently caressing Magnus’. His eyes flicked from Ragnar’s smiling face to the rear view mirror and back again, nervous that Ingrid might be able to see. Ragnar gave a subtle head shake, mouthed “It’s okay,” closed his eyes, and let his head fall back on the seat. His little finger remained where it was, laying across Magnus’. Magnus felt his budding anxiety begin to fade away. He decided to trust Ragnar and enjoy the contact and the comfort his touch brought even if there was a small risk of discovery.

He and Ragnar hadn’t discussed being open about this new aspect of their…friendship but they seemed to have an unspoken agreement not to reveal anything yet. They would tackle that hurdle when they came to it. For now, it felt fragile, as if the opinions of other people might crush it.

---

They both must have dozed off because the next thing Magnus knew, Ingrid was saying, “Boys, we’re nearly at Magnus’ house.” Ragnar yawned and stretching, removing his hand and leaving Magnus bereft of his touch.

“Hey, Magnus, I realize I don’t have any contact info for you. I can’t just keep showing up at your house unannounced,” he said with a grin. “What’s your Insta username? I’ll follow you.” He pulled out his phone and looked at Magnus expectantly.

“Uh, I don't really use Instagram.” Magnus didn’t know why he felt embarrassed every time he said that but he just didn’t see the point of the app. “But, uh, can I just give you my number and we can text? I mean, if it’s not too much trouble for you. I don’t want to….” He felt his face flush, betraying him yet again.

Ragnar chuckled as he closed Instagram and opened his contacts instead. “Mags, it’s no trouble. You know anything is fine with me.” The intent with which he said that made Magnus’ heart lurch but he managed to stammer out his number.

A few minutes later they pulled into his empty driveway. While Ingrid waited in the car, the boys unloaded Magnus’ things from the vehicle and put them next to the front door. They stood looking at each other for a moment, and Magnus recognized that neither of them knew how or wanted to say goodbye. If he could have, Magnus would have thrown his arms around Ragnar’s neck and kissed him, hard, but that wasn’t really an option. If he could decipher the look in Ragnar’s eyes, he thought the other boy had the same idea.

“I wish I could kiss you,” Ragnar said softly, even though the car was too far away for his mother to hear.

Magnus sucked in a breath. “I wish you could too.”

“I think we can hug each other. Would that be okay?” Ragnar sounded slightly apprehensive.

Magnus smiled gently at him. “Yes, Ragnar, I will happily hug you,” and stepped towards him with his arms open. Ragnar moved into them and they both clung to each other tightly.

Magnus squeezed his eyes shut to try to ward off the gathering tears. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“For what?” Ragnar whispered back. “There’s nothing to thank me for.” But Magnus was too choked up to reply. He broke off the embrace, quickly swiped a hand across his eyes, and waved goodbye to Ragnar’s mother before fumbling with his house keys. Ragnar simply waited patiently as the other boy unlocked the door and turned back to him.

“Take care, Magnus. I’ll see you soon.” The smile Ragnar gave him was tender, passionate, and affectionate, and Magnus could only hope that his own conveyed the same sentiments.

“You too, Ragnar. See you.” His hands were trembling as he moved his gear into the front hallway while Ragnar returned to the SUV. He watched them drive away through the glass pane on the front door, and then leaned his forehead against the cold, hard surface.

It took him a moment to realize the house was completely silent. His father would be at work; he found a note from his mother saying that she and his sisters were out shopping. He was relieved to be alone, at least for a little while.

Unable to face the stairs to his room, he removed his coat and dragged himself to one of the couches in the living room, where he collapsed onto it. A barrage of images from the weekend bombarded him: Ragnar’s face, his lips, the ski trail, the tiny bathroom, the bright sun on the snow, the large bed, Ragnar’s chest, his hands on Magnus, the shower, the kitchen, the fireplace. Closing his eyes didn’t make them go away; if anything, it intensified them. He felt like he’d come back a different person, which probably wasn’t so far from the truth. He would have to figure out what this new Magnus wanted and needed. Was it the same for Ragnar? Did he also feel like he’d fundamentally changed, or had he already been that sure of himself? Ragnar had told him that they could figure things out together; he really wanted that to be true. He took a deep breath: what he really wanted was Ragnar. This new Magnus had no trouble admitting that, at least to himself.

The phone he had placed on the coffee table suddenly dinged and vibrated indicating text messages, surprising him out of his thoughts. He figured his mother was trying to reach him to ask if he was home or not.

That was the best weekend of my life…

And it was all because of you…

Baby.

The tears that had threatened to fall after their hug, and that he had kept at bay, tumbled down his cheeks. He couldn’t breathe properly and his heart was hammering, because there was only one thought in his head, one truth in his soul, that he could no longer deny: he was so wildly, crazily, incapacitatingly in love with this boy.