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Today isn't any different from the other days, Sanzu's laying on the couch motionless, emotionless and quiet. The house is all alone, everything except from the little coffee table in front of him is clean, as the table holds packs of cigarettes, an ashtray, ashes, pills, and whatever he had put in his body.
Sanzu is staring at the ceiling with his brain almost completely shut and unresponsive until he starts to feel cold. It's really cold. When did the temperature go down this much? His body starts to have slight spasms from the cold, yet his blood seems to burn inside, and he feels a little dizzy suddenly, even if he's laying down.
A memory precipitates to his mind. He's laying on a couch that he doesn't recognize right now, but he's getting thrown a blanket on top of him, and a thick, strong arm hugs him by the chest, bringing him closer to it's body. He can feel the warmth of the memory almost palpable in the couch he's on right now, and knows he might be raving, but it feels so good he wishes he had it back.
Mucho was the owner of the warmth he felt that day. The memory of it sticks with him till this day, there is no way he could ever forget it.
The slight smile plastered on his face dissipates at the now memory of Mucho's dead body, to the memory of how heavy he was, that it was so hard to throw him to the ocean, and he wonders if throwing that blanket on top of him felt as heavy in that moment, but he can't ask now, and his nostrils seem to get filled with the awful salty and irony smell of blood and the ocean.
Sanzu misses Mucho's warmth.
He rolls over his body on the couch and hides his face between the decoration pillows, not making a single sound but trying to get the pillows to hold back his emotions. They fail their purpose and the tears start to pour out of Sanzu's eyes, wetting two spots on the fabric, but not a single sound comes out of his mouth, so he gets startled at the sudden voice that breaks the complete silence in the room.
"Thou may not vomit on the couch again." The monotone, though unbearable and unmistakable voice irrupts.
Sanzu's head comes out of between the pillows and Koko is surprised by the view. Sanzu's eyes look burning red, he's got all his face wet (Koko is not sure if it's tears, drool, vomit, or the three of them.), looks lost, and also fucked up.
"Whad." Is the only word sanzu can formulate. He can't even process what he's got in front of his eyes; A very disgusted Kokonoi.
A sigh is heard as Sanzu just gives up trying and hides his face again. "I'll bring you a bucket." Koko says as his steps walk away and the sound of his heels clacking on the floor disappears.
It comes back again but it feels like each step is a bomb, and Sanzu's head starts to ache. He hates this, a minute ago he wouldn't even hear the steps and now they feel like a fucking bullet going through his head.
"Take off those," Sanzu vaguely formulates, trying to control his tongue so Koko will understand. "Head...ache." His head did not hurt, but the noise feels like a scream directly into his ear.
"Sorry. Here's the bucket." Sanzu hears a loud crash, suddenly, like plastic being whipped against wood. "Good luck." And a burning sensation in his scalp for a couple seconds, but disappears almost immediately alongside the steps.
The burning sensation feels almost like fourteen years ago, laying on that really thin mattress on the floor, fighting between life and death, or maybe between being awake or asleep, when Mucho's hand caressed his hair, trying to wake him up, or keep him asleep, he isn't sure what was the purpose, maybe he had a fever.
Did koko smile as softly and warmly nice as Mucho did that time?
How... How did mucho smile? The image of Mucho's smile and face had faded in his memory over the years. It's understandable after twelve years that it fades, but a feeling took hold of Sanzu's heart and mind when he realized that he doesn't remember the little details of his face. Did Mucho have a mole somewhere? He can only remember the most vague and general things, like the way Mucho's eyelids covered most of his eyes, and how big and strong he was, and the way his body made him feel so warm to the point of sweating.
Sanzu's sweating right now, but it's not because of Mucho, and that desperates him. He feels like he can't breathe, and his face once again peels off the pillows, and something feels changed.
He needs mucho. He wants him.
Sanzu is very aware the fact that Mucho isn't here anymore is his fault, but if it's then he should get a chance to redeem it and maybe, if it's ever possible bring him back.
Hanma. Hanma can. Hanma is the answer to everything here. Hanma can do anything he proposes to do and he could bring Mucho back, and if he can't, he can bring Sanzu to Mucho, even if that would mean death. Sanzu would do anything at this point.
"Han.." His voice cracks in the middle of the name, so he decides to wait until he feels better to call him, and start it all. The long way back to Mucho's heart.
[...]
It's saturday night and Sanzu's once again on the filthy couch he can't seem to be able to take his ass off of. The coffee table is covered in substances again but the dim light makes it a little more presentable (he guesses).
Hanma is sitting in front of him, on the other side of the couch, looking at him through his eyebrows with that stupid smile of his. Sanzu wants to propose the idea to him but he needs his mind to take a small break before.
From one second, his eyes move from Hanma's grin and go to the door and he doesn't think he will have to propose the idea anymore; Mucho's here.
Sanzu is sure he's there. The presence is unmistakable, the tallness and the figure, the smell, the clothes. It's mucho. He's right there, in front of him.
Sanzu tries to call for him but nothing comes out and Mucho walks right past him, past the couch, maybe he didn't see him, maybe he needs a glass of water before coming to him, maybe he's going to bring him his favorite snacks, or a piece of cake, like he used to do sometimes, so Sanzu waits for him, stays still on the couch.
He waits, and it's been hours now, Sanzu supposes, and Mucho is still in the kitchen, still not on his visual camp but then he feels two heavy weights pressing on his back, grabbing his shoulders, and smiles at the thought of it being Mucho's heavy hands on him again.
Though there's something different. These weights are not near as heavy, warm and don't occupy a big space on his back as Mucho's hands. It's not him. The smile disappears and Sanzu grabs one of the hands, looking up to see whose are.
He's meet with long, white hair hanging over his head, and two eyes who pierce through his and reach his soul, trying to eat him whole, kill him. It's not Mucho.
Sanzu closes his eyes, rests his head on Koko's stomach and pretends to enjoy the false touch and tries to think of Mucho, but he can't. It feels like he's cheating on Mucho. He can't have another man's hands on him that aren't Mucho's. He needs Mucho.
"Let me go." Sanzu interrumps distant chatter with his words, alongside a voice crack. The hands get off him and support Koko's weight on the couch's back, each hand in each side of Sanzu's head.
He opens his eyes and looks at Hanma, trying to maintain his own head's weight. "Where's Mucho?"
Hanma's expression changes, from a satisfied, fun grin to a slight smile now, a little confused. "Didn't you...?"
"He walked in. Where is he?" Sanzu asks Koko, looking up again, caressing a strand of hair as Koko looks down from where he is, and doesn't answer, he's got the same eyes as before.
"Six feet underground." Koko replies, no expression shown, and Sanzu doesn't understand.
"He's hallucinating." Hanma says like Sanzu isn't there also listening, and Sanzu sees Koko looking at Hanma and nodding understanding.
"I wanna see Mucho." Sanzu complains.
"Shall I bury you too?" Koko asks jokingly, smiling after so long.
"That!" Sanzu violently changes positions and mimics Hanma's, sitting with his legs spread wide, his arms resting on them and also looking through his eyebrows. "Take me to the past." He blurts out.
Hanma looks at him incredulous, his face neutralising. Absolutely not. "No." He answers without giving it too much thought.
Sanzu takes a few seconds to process the word, and gets up the second he understands, with intention. "What do you mean by 'no'?!" He yells, not being able to control his tone.
"It's not that easy." Hanma doesn't explain further.
"What is so hard about it?" Sanzu's voice is still loud, and he walks over to Hanma, until standing next to him. Hanma stays sitting, looking up to him. "I need to go."
"Maybe we can..." Hanma peeks at Koko from the corner of his eye and smiles. "Talk it better when you are sober."
Sanzu lets a frustrated sigh, his hands close in fists and his eyes feel even more itchy, almost watery. "I can't." His tone suddenly drops in volume, but it's heard almost like a sob. "I called you to talk about it now." He concludes.
"I want you to understand." Hanma gets up and towers in front of Sanzu, making him look slightly up to his eyes. "If you want to see Mucho, sober yourself up." Says with an actual sweet tone, but Sanzu is too frustrated to hear it, though he accepts it, only because it means that under a circumstance, Hanma will acceed.
Hanma leaves the house right after, and Sanzu falls onto the couch, not being able to cry but wanting to, as Koko watches him from the other side, awkwardly standing.
"Perhaps.." Koko tries to talk. "Shut up." But is immediately interrumped by Sanzu. He won't hear right now, he can't, he doesn't want to.
There's a brief silence between them before it breaks again.
"Koko." Sanzu calls, in a fake sob. Koko stays silent, giving Sanzu the word, and listens. "Throw all of this to the garbage." Asks.
"Huh?" Koko isn't sure what Sanzu is referring to.
"I'll get sober." Sanzu declares and Koko looks at him unamused. There's no way Sanzu is deciding to get sober from one minute to the other after near a decade of addiction just because of the mere caprice of having back someone that he himself had killed twelve years ago.
He doesn't believe him, but doesn't complain. Koko walks away to the kitchen and walks back in with the trash can in his hand, or fingers, holding it with disgust. He places it next to the table and proceeds to throw everything inside the trash bag.
"That was..." Sanzu starts, looking at Koko's hands on the table with melancholy, and anguish. "Near two thousand dollars worth of drugs."
"I make ten thousand a week, this is a day worth of work, Sanzu." Koko tries to fix it somehow, and even if it doesn't help a lot Sanzu guesses he shouldn't worry too much. He can buy and take some more after coming back.
He doesn't plan on staying for too long with Mucho. He just wants to see him again, be close to him again, feel his big heavy hands all over his body again, he doesn't need to leave drugs forever for a couple minutes or days with Mucho.
[...]
So a month passes and Sanzu had surprisingly succeeded at staying sober. Of course it wasn't easy, but he managed to take only paracetamol everytime he felt like getting high, and had only been given one six hundred milligram pill, that doesn't make the same effect as fentanyl but it's still something he guesses, and anyway seeing Mucho is worth this hell.
Sanzu decides that after a month sober, it's enough for Hanma to consider it.
"Still no." Hanma replies in a chuckle after Sanzu asks once again for him to take him to the past, but Sanzu's feelings are different.
"Can you at least explain why not?" Sanzu almost begs and Kakucho is surprised to hear Sanzu being actually calm about this and not screaming over not getting what he wants.
"First of all, a month sober is nothing." Hanma starts with and sanzu is rethinking being so nice. "Second, I don't want to." Finishes with. Sanzu thinks he understands but he doesn't. "You might ruin things."
"What do you mean?"
"Remember those episodes from series where a character goes back in time, moves a single chair and the entire future gets fucked up? Well; That." Hanma 'explains'. Such a shitty explanation and excuse not to take him.
"I promise I won't do anything to change how things go, I'll stay quiet and on the side like I did in that time, Hanma, please." Sanzu's voice cracks and he looks really desperate to go back, almost seems like he does want to change something, fix something, but Hanma doesn't care enough to ask.
Hanma stares at him, not folding at Sanzu's strange and sudden change of attitude, something is off, but he guesses drugs change people and this was who Sanzu actually was the whole time.
"Do you understand why did I ask you to get sober?" Hanma asks, and looks in Sanzu's eyes for an answer as he waits for his words to come out.
There's a brief silence before he answers. "I think."
"You are totally a different person from who you were a month ago, and totally someone else to who you were twelve years ago." Hanma assumes Sanzu wants to go at least twelve or around years back to be able to see Mucho. "Are you sure you can go back to that?"
Sanzu looks lost. He doesn't know. He just knows he wants to see Mucho again, and even having been sober all these days his need hasn't changed.
"Sanzu." Hanma calls. "It's not something you can treat like an every day thing." He knows well Sanzu doesn't care about a single thing other than himself, and if he were to, he would sell all of them and the entire organization for a dollar.
"I know." Sanzu grabs Hanma's hand with his own both. "I promise I'll be careful."
[...]
Mucho is sitting in front of Sanzu, at a restaurant table. How good it feels to dream of him.
Mucho looks as bright as ever, the restaurant is busy and Sanzu feels small in his chair, under Mucho's gaze. He looks slightly upset.
Sanzu wished that if he could dream of Mucho, that he dreamt of him being happy, or closer to him than a table away, but he guesses he can't ask for much, this is enough for a dream.
"What do you wanna order?" Mucho's voice is heard so vividly, it must be a dream, Sanzu doesn't hear very well after drugging himself and getting hit multiple times in the ears.
Sanzu finds that things aren't going as smoothly and that he's too conscious of it being a dream, that he doubts it is. He actually can make a decision. Well, lucid dreams are nice to have with Mucho.
"Whatever you order." He says and his voice is so small, much different than what he remembers his voice is like. He looks down for a minute and everything is so clear it scares him. He's wearing his toman uniform and his hair is long and blonde, and hangs over his shoulders to his waist. He can actually feel the fabric of the uniform against his skin. He grabs his own hair and pulls of it a little to prove himself if it's a dream or not, and it hurts. It's... Not a dream?
He. Did he. Did he actually go back?
Sanzu's heart sinks to his stomach in that time and starts to get anxious. He's... Back, and Mucho has no idea, even if it all doesn't feel real, he guesses it is. Though he doesn't remember ever going to a restaurant with Mucho with the uniforms on, neither of Mucho looking so upset with him. He used to always have a neutral, soft expression, almost lovingly.
Sanzu didn't pay attention to when Mucho actually ordered their food, and got startled when the table started to get filled with food and dishes, and he heard Mucho giggle, probably at his confused eyes.
Right, he still has his mask on. Sanzu hurries to take it off, how uncomfortable it is.
"You are always so distracted." Mucho says, not touching any of the food, and only sweetly staring at Sanzu. "Thinking about something?" There's a silence before he speaks again. "Or someone?" But the tone and expression changes, and he sounds rather disgusted now. Yeah, Mucho can't stomach anything when he's upset, so they won't be able to move on until they talk about whatever Mucho is referencing to.
"No... I was just..." Sanzu says and is still weirded out by his own voice, he didn't realize how much it changed in the future. "Thinking."
"About what?" Mucho asks as he takes a sip of the miso soup he ordered, not taking his eyes off Sanzu, maybe in hopes to get a glimpse of something that indicates that he's lying, or hiding something.
"About how much I missed you." Sanzu says with a straight face as he watches Mucho choke on the soup. Little does Mucho know that Sanzu has learnt how to hide every single expression he could have, and it's impossible to tell he's lying.
"Wow." Mucho chuckles. "We are together every day, how could you miss me?" He giggles now. "You're such a kid." Right. He's a kid now, again.
Sanzu decides not to say a word and starts to eat. It feels good to be back, but he can't help being anxious. How is he going to hide absolutely everything that has changed in his attitude in twelve years? He doesn't even know what year is it, but guesses it's around two thousand five, or six. Only three or two years away from Mucho's death.
"So," Mucho starts again. "Where were you yesterday?"
Why does everything feel like a proof that he's from this timeline? He doesn't remember where he was yesterday. Today's yesterday. He remembers where he was yesterday from the day it was in 2016, not today yesterday. What can he say?
"Hanging out with Koko." There's a moment of realization for Sanzu the moment he sees Mucho thinking, stopping eating, that he might've said something incoherent, that he doesn't know Koko yet.
"Oh, you are already friends?" Mucho asks rethorically. "Weird." Of course it is weird, Sanzu doesn't talk with anyone besides three people incluiding Mucho. What the fuck. Why didn't he say literally anything else? Just being alone in his own home would've been a better excuse, why would he bring Koko up? He had just entered Toman, they aren't close yet. Fuck. He fucked up already.
"Yeah. He's nice." No, fuck, Koko wasn't nice in this timeline. Tenjiku humbled him, losing his power humbled him and the fact that they are something more than friends made him nice, but Koko wasn't nice at all.
"Whatever you say." Mucho chuckles and keeps eating. "But," He makes a pause, and Sanzu has all his attention on him. "I don't want you to be too close to him."
"Why?" Sanzu knows damn well why, but doesn't stop him from asking, maybe in hopes of a certain answer.
"He's dangerous. He just came from Black Dragons. He can't be good." Mucho warns.
Sanzu sighs, resigned. "Okay." He didn't remember how seriously Mucho took his role as the fifth division captain.
[...]
So far it's been hard to keep the secret. Sanzu wants to air it all out. He wants mucho to know that he's not a kid anymore, at least in his mind, all that has happened after he died, and how much he missed him, and how much he wants to he wrapped in his arms once again.
It's hard to keep the secret, but it's harder to live without Mucho, so he thinks he has a little consequence to pay if he wants to be with him.
Though Sanzu is slowly, very slowly losing his patience. Mucho doesn't pay as much attention to him as he remembered. He wouldn't have a problem with that if it wasn't that he gave up on what gave him the will to keep living for Mucho.
Mucho is currently playing Shogi with Nahoya, and they are as loud as ever, but it doesn't hurt his ears. He hates how healthy his body feels.
He doesn't remember mucho as a loud person. He always talked so quietly around him, and didn't do much other than stare at him and cross a few words. He was (Is?) someone else when he's with close friends.
Right, he was totally another person back in Tenjiku even. He really changed.
Sanzu's lucky Nahoya is always with his eyes closed, even if it doesn't make sense to be playing Shogi with his eyes closed, but behind Mucho and with Nahoya not looking there's no way he could get caught.
Yet right when Sanzu is about to leave, Mucho has the ocurrence to look back after Nahoya whispered something unintelligible to him, that Sanzu saw, but thought it was part of the game.
"Sanzu?" Mucho calls for him, and Sanzu knows he can't just pretend he wasn't there almost the whole time, and his very recognizable blonde long hair wouldn't help too much.
"Yes?" Sanzu answers slightly turning back, acting uninterested.
"Are you going home already?" Mucho asks, almost completely turned back from the table, giving Nahoya his back. How disrespectful, is Sanzu that important to him?
"Yep." Sanzu keeps walking till the main entrance of the area at that park, not expecting anything else to happen, or maybe expecting Mucho to be at least upset about him spying.
"Wait!" Though he's surprised by Mucho running behind him, calling his name. Is he going to walk him home? Like he's a kid. How fun. "I thought we could pass by and get some cake." He suggest once he gets to Sanzu's pace.
"Sure." Sanzu pretends to be fine with it as he feels like he's getting his heart pulled out and scratched with a dagger. That fucking cake. He knows exactly what cake Mucho means.
They walk till they arrive the place, and the mere sight of the shop makes Sanzu want to tear up. He's getting anxious, desperated, and incredibly nostalgic. He doesn't think he can get a bite of the cake without breaking down, even if he will be eating it next to mucho once again.
Once they are back home, that is Mucho's appartment, and not actually Sanzu's home but they liked to call it home, and Mucho places the box with the pieces on the table, Sanzu is quick to take them out of the plastic bag.
"It's cheesecake, by the way." Mucho warns from the kitchen, turning on the stove and getting a kettle with water, and two small plates that he brings to Sanzu with two small forks.
"I know." Sanzu says and he realizes that he doesn't like cheese. He didn't like it in this year, so he pretends to look doubtful about eating.
Mucho comes to the table with the boiling hot kettle and two small cups of tea. Sanzu thinks he feels ready.
"I don't like cheese, but I'll give it a try." He manages to remember what he said, and starts eating.
The first bite tastes like the most delicious thing on earth, like he's getting a piece of heaven in his mouth, and chewing the starts and clouds.
The second bite tastes like love. Sweet and soft, and still delicious, like a caress to the soul.
The third bite feels like grief, and Sanzu's throat starts to knot. It's hard to swallow, and to keep a straight face, but he can't scare Mucho right now. He'd rather not say anything.
Mucho assumes he liked it by the way he keeps eating without even a break. Sanzu is such a kid, so cute and small, and clumsy.
There's no conversation after that.
[...]
Three days have passed since Sanzu arrived and everything has been pretty boring besides the more highlightable moments with Mucho; Those were a rollercoaster of emotions.
He's currently sitting at the table with Mucho, they were playing Shogi but Sanzu got stuck thinking about his next move, since Mucho asked him to not use a defense movement but rather attack.
They were talking but the conversation had fell silent a while ago. Sanzu's staring at the board with his mind blank. His head points to Mucho and they make eye contact. Mucho had been staring at him this whole time, with a bored face that is starting to haunt him.
He remembers that face. He remembers that Mucho had stared like that before, and not only from now, but there were other times. Sanzu never knew how to interpret it, so this time he made a kissy face almost by reflex.
Mucho's expression doesn't change even in a slight bit. Sanzu suddenly feels embarrassed and turns his eyes back to the board, but he can feel his body getting hotter, specially his face. Does he have a fever? Fuck.
"You're so cute." Mucho's hand reaches for his face and his elbow rests on the board and he caresses Sanzu's cheek. Apparently the game doesn't matter anymore.
Sanzu is surprised but can't even smile, he's too embarrassed and can't even look at Mucho in the eye, though he doesn't need to make an effort himself because Mucho takes care of it before he can, and forces Sanzu to look at him by lifting his face from the chin.
Then, from one moment to another Mucho is standing up and reaching for Sanzu's face with his own, over the table, and eventually kissing him.
The kiss is simple. Mucho has his lips against Sanzu's, unmoving, until Sanzu feels a movement, Not trying to do anything, but rather he can feel Mucho smiling over his lips, and unconsciously he's smiling too.
"Have you...?" Mucho says, still sgainst Sanzu's lips but isn't able to continue his question before Sanzu starts kissing him properly, even if it's uncomfortable with a table between them.
Sanzu sneaks small bite on Mucho's lips in the kiss, making him let out a surprise sound, to what makes Sanzu smile again. He actually wants to laugh, but doesn't want to separate.
Mucho forces a separation and sits back on his chair, but makes a signal to Sanzu to come closer.
Sanzu excitedly gets up from his chair like a child that's called for a candy giveaway and once in front of Mucho he bends over for another kiss.
This one starts the same as the second one, after Mucho tried to talk, but even more softly, not as new.
Not much time is needed till their hands are already on each other's bodies and one of Mucho's legs in between Sanzu's, since he's standing up. Sanzu is supporting his upper body with his hands on Mucho's shoulders and mucho's hands on sanzu's waist.
It also doesn't take long for the kiss to become even deeper, and for their tongues to finally meet.
It feels nice, but Mucho is rather surprised by how fast Sanzu picked it up. This can't be his first time making out with someone, and the thought of that slightly upsets him. He thinks that thought is kept between himself, his mind and God but Sanzu suddenly whimpers and he realizes he had put too much strength on his hold.
"Sorry." He mutters under his breath.
"Don't worry." Sanzu reassures with a smile, trying to catch his breath. "I like it." He leaves a last kiss over Mucho's lips before going back to his chair, and sits with a huge smile.
"I've decided my move." Sanzu fixes the pieces that Mucho kicked with his elbow and makes an attack, taking one of Mucho's pieces as he sneaks little mischievous looks to him, both smiling dumbly.
Mucho doesn't want to go too far, but apparently this far is okay for them.
[...]
So far, being here has been nice, but there's things that Sanzu fears, for example, not being able to come back. It's not like he can avoid Mucho's death, or... Murder, even if it is under his control, because it played a part of Hanma's little game that he promised he wouldn't change, but he's scared he will never see Mucho again, that he will miss him forever, even. If he believes having seen him these days is near enough, but it actually isn't. It won't be when he's back in the future, he knows it.
He also fears forgetting it all. He knows if he forgets things it's because he had become an addict and after fourteen years there is no way he would remember anything, but he doesn't want to, again, start to forget Mucho's face. He will make sure to engrave it in his mind.
He has realized that he doesn't miss "home" right now, but he sure will soon. He's scared he would ruin his relationship with Koko, also, but he can't bring himself to worry about anything about the future when he's laying next to Mucho, hearing his heart against his ear, and being wrapped in his arms.
[...]
"Hey, Sanzu!" Mucho has arrived home quite excited today. It makes Sanzu smile to see him so happy. He walks closer to Sanzu with a small, orange plastic bottle. "Try one of these."
He takes out something that looks like a sweet from the bottle, and Sanzu isn't sure if it's an actual sweet or drugs. If it is a drug, he's fucked.
"What's that?" Sanzu watches as Mucho leaves the pill, or sweet on the counter and fills a glass with water, then grabs both and turns to him with a smile.
"Just sweets that a friend made." He's too close, Sanzu can almost feel his body warmth coming out as he's standing there. "I want you to try it."
Sanzu looked up at Mucho, looking incredulous. His face was serious, almost asking if he was joking, if he thinks Sanzu is dumb, but Mucho's face expresses true happiness, apparently, so Sanzu opens his mouth and complies.
Mucho gets it and puts the pill/sweet at the very back of his tongue, invading his mouth with his fingers. Sanzu lets out a moan in surprise, and almost choking on that thing. Then, Mucho hands him the glass.
Sanzu drinks it with a straight face, staring directly into Mucho's eyes, trying to to challenge him, but he just won't react.
So, this is how it all started, huh?
Thirty minutes later, Sanzu's sitting motionless, emotionless and quiet on the couch, and he remembers how this was how it all started, how he came to the conclusion that he needed Mucho back again. Now he understands why.
His brain is completely shut, but he starts to get spasms over his body, as if he was cold. The feeling of it all is so familiar he's almost happy with it.
At least now he can be wrapped around Mucho's arms now, and it's all real.
He suddenly feels soft fabric over his bare arm, and Mucho hugging him. He had just thrown a blanket on top of him. How good it feels to be back.