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Gold had been raised in a very religious community since he was born, so of course he had some sort of cultural shock when he finally started high school. For starters, he had to take the bus every morning from his small New Bark Town to Ecruteak City. An hour-and-half-long ride that left him with plenty of time to watch in surprise how wilder the other teenagers looked as they slowly approached the city. From the way they modified their uniforms to the way they spoke and behaved. They had been enrolled in an extremely religious school, but mostly he was shocked to see that many of the students did not care much about faith or religion in general. He had heard the adults in his community bemoan how people from the city had lost touch with tradition and preferred to worship celebrities as well as their vapid so-called progressive ideals. Warning Gold to not imitate them in any way, because that shallow lifestyle always led to depression or even something worse, like drug abuse. Gold was taken aback to see that even the teenagers were already on that path, so he tried to be kind to everyone around him. If they were on a path to suffering, it was the least he could do.
So when he met Silver, he tried to be extra kind. Gold’s heart was about to leap from his chest the first time they spoke. He wore many dark, spiky accessories as well as using nail polish that would later get him sent to detention, so he had to remove it. He seemed to have not a single care in the world, especially since Silver was often asking him to borrow a pen. Claiming that he forgot his pencil case at home and needed to finish homework real quick before the next period. Gold once was brave enough to suggest helping him with it, swallowing past his unease at the idea of being at Silver’s place, alone, together. To his surprise, Silver was not actually rude or aggressive — to him at least. He was grateful to Gold, and since that day, he would always greet him as he passed Gold by in the bus on his way to the back seats, where he would talk with his friends that seemed to have just the same style in clothing and music as him.
Even if they seemed to live worlds apart, something about Silver drew Gold towards him, and they grew even closer that year. He told himself that he simply wanted to show kindness in hopes to offer solace to his soul, as he had been raised to, but Gold would sometimes find himself longing for Silver to sit closer to him in class, instead of in the back row with that loud group of punk degenerates. He would invite him to study with his friends, but Silver was never interested. As the weeks went by, they became friends. Gold was still a bit scared of him, he figured, with his heart beating fast and his hands feeling jittery when they talked, but Silver seemed to enjoy his company. Later in the year, they were watching a film in class, when suddenly two main male characters kissed. Gasps and laughter echoed across the classroom through the few seconds the kiss lasted, yet Gold could barely hear them over the roaring in his ears. He felt sick, and immediately looked away. He almost did not feel bad, when the teacher that put on this film for the class to watch got sent home for the rest of the year due to some parents – like his mother – complaining about it. When he talked to Silver about it, he was shocked to see him just shrug.
“It’s just two dudes kissing. Is it really that big of a deal?”
Something snapped in Gold. Before he realized, he was telling Silver all the reasons for why it indeed was a big deal. Repeating all the words he had heard from every other adult in his life. It was wrong. They had a single right to have those ideas not being pushed onto them, it just was not okay, and he personally did not like it. However, Silver had interrupted him for the first time.
“Wow, okay, sure, whatever you say. The evil gay agenda, of course, I get you.” he sighed, rolling his eyes, but also crossing his arms. “You don’t have to yell at me, y’know?” Silver was mad at him, he realized, and the thought mellowed his indignation into sadness. Gold mumbled an apology for raising his voice, and then, Silver asked:
“Do you hate gay people?”
Baffled, Gold could only end up replying, “I don’t hate them. I don’t hate anyone.”
After staring at him for a moment, Silver dropped his shoulders and sighed. “We’re cool, then.” and then walked off in silence. They did not talk for a few weeks after this situation, Silver was not greeting him everyday like he always used to. Yet it made Gold wonder why Silver was so defensive? If he was one of them, he imagined him kissing another boy, just like the men in the film, and it made him sick. Even so, he was pretty sure that he once dreamt of Silver kissing him. The next day, after it happened, he prayed for an additional thirty minutes, completely stressed out, begging God for forgiveness for having such a blasphemous dream. When caught by his mother, he told her he was praying for good luck during an upcoming exam from a subject he is not particularly good at. That is how the situation and their bitter-sweet relationship was looking, until they both became juniors.
Seeing his friend toy with his spiritual health still deeply worried Gold, especially when he heard the rumour that Silver started to date one of their seniors. That afternoon, he hung out with Silver, and with his heart hammering in his chest once again, he asked him about his ‘romantic preferences’, as he heard he started to date one boy recently. Maybe people were just talking and he was getting worried over nothing?
“Yeah. He’s pretty hot, y’know?” he laughed, confirming everything as he idly rocked the swing where he was sitting.
“Oh, so you really are one of them?”
“What? He’s not my boyfriend, if that’s what you mean by that… We were just messing around.” Silver saw Gold looking at him with disgust and then added, “You’re just acting like this, because you are mama’s good boy that always follows the rules of false divine. Trust me, you try it once and then never want to let go. Come to my house at the weekend, my father won’t be home. I’II show you some stuff, if you want.”
“I’m not interested.”
——————————
Yet, he indeed did come to his house. And everything cumulated way quicker than he expected, feeling full disgust to Silver, but mostly himself. He got possessed by some evil spirit that made him agree to Silver touching and kissing his body as they were both laying on his bed. The feeling of dirtiness was growing stronger with each passing second, but for some reason Gold did not want to make him stop, nor tried to make him do so.
“Do you like the way I look?” Gold nervously asked after some time, full of surprise for himself.
“Of course I do. You’re beautiful, Gold” Silver answered.
Silver softly kissed Gold's neck in multiple places. Gold quietly hummed in approval as Silver's feathered kisses across his collarbones. Each kiss was so gentle, soothingly sweet. He then sighed when he felt Silver’s hands trace the sides of his body. Gold grabbed his hands and made him stop, slowly gasping for air, he started to shake his head as he could not believe what was happening. He looked at Silver, who did not seem to see any problem with casually making out with the person of the same gender. Of course, he did not, Silver was, after all, a fucking faggot and Gold now in the eyes of his God was nothing more than a dirty sinister who agrees to everything only, because he likes it.
“I'm going home,” Gold said as he finally let go of Silver's hands.
“Oh, come on… don't be like that. You have to admit that you liked it… at least a bit.” Silver saw him hesitating and came closer to him once again and gently said, “Just for this night, let go of everything and stay with me.”
“Fuck off—”
“You came here even though you knew what we're going to do, right? Even if you don't feel it, deep inside you want it.” Silver smiled at Gold, with the corners of his eyes crinkling with affection. “I think that I’m in love with you, Gold. Although you're one of the worst people I have ever met.” He finished.
He did not say anything to that, just stared at him in disbelief. Yet, Gold let Silver’s hands run through his hair as he gave him a quick kiss. The gentle scratching on his scalp felt nice, and Gold hummed softly in response. As they continued to kiss, quiet sighs and moans could be heard. The pressure was kept gentle and light, careful not to break the slow burning passion growing between the two of them. When it was time to part their lips, Gold’s cheeks were flushed from the shared heat. His chest heaved in unison as golden met silver. Gold looked at Silver for a second, like not truly believing what he had just done, then quickly buried his face into his shoulder, like he did not want to confront what he did. Silver slowly started to stroke his back, as the black haired boy started shaking.
“We sure do have a lot to work through.” Silver whispered to him softly. That tone of voice was unlike him.
Yet Gold did not feel like answering. Instead, he just started rubbing his eyes to stop the tears from forming.
It was sinful to be with an another man like this. So degenerative and absurd that he felt that Silver could suddenly push him away and laugh him in the face, saying that it was all a cruel joke. Gold knew there was a higher power, witnessing the loneliness and pleading of those below. And perhaps he found it sadistic too, someone just observing everybody at their worst points. Someone watching his debauched everyday life. The tiny cross on his necklace burned against his chest beneath the layers he wore. He believed he was horrid for this goreish admiration that wound up inside of the hollows of his heart for the young man beside him; basked in gold like that of an angel. He also believed said horrid love was gifted to him as a curse from said higher power since it went against absolutely everything he had been taught. He felt as though any minute he would be outed and condemned.
Silver.
Ah, Silver.
Gold was positive that Silver was a test from God, a temptation of sin. That or he was the Devil himself, encouraging carnal passion into his loins and love deep into his heart. And Gold was all the more sure that no matter how hard he resisted and fought against it, he was smitten. Silver was like a forbidden apple and he simply took and bit it. Tomorrow, he will act as if that were not true. Yes. Tonight, he will kneel and pray at the foot of his bed, ensuring himself that it was not true and that it was just the heat of the moment, a moment of horrible weakness. Just the Devil making use of this perfect occasion in order to make him sin.
In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
"Gold!" He felt a tug on his arms, Gold finally calmed down enough to take his head from his shoulder and look at him. "Don't scare me like that! You completely zoned out I thought something happend."
Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love.
He stared at him for a moment, like he had not heard what was said. Then he just flashed him one of his so-called confident smirks. Although Silver probably could guess that it was fake. "Sorry, had to think things through."
Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge.
"Don't lie. Is it because of what I said? Then—"
"You know... I think I should just go home. I'm not feeling well." He said as he backed off and got up from the bed, but Silver quickly caught him by his wrist.
"Haven't you told your mother that you're saying for an entire night? We can just forget about what happend! Really! Just... stay..."
Gold never heard him sound more pathetic.
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
"I'm sorry. But I really have to. We will see each other at school though."
As Gold was about to start to get his things and leave, Silver suddenly took his hand and placed something on it. Gold gave him a confused look as he saw what is it. "A bracelet?" It was pretty similar to the one Silver often wears.
"Well things haven't went as smoothly as I anticipated, but I want you to have it nonetheless. Take it as a gift from a... friend."
Gold nodded and put the bracelet in his backpack. For some reason he did not mention the fact that his mother forbids him to wear jewellery.
Deliver me from the guilt, O God, you who are God my Savior.
Gold took as long as he could to get home, turn down every street he could, even if it was not in the right direction, and then turn around and go back in the right direction. He did not want to see his mother, she is too...nosy. She would immediately ask why he came back much earlier than he intended, is he sick? Did something happen to him? Did he have a fight with Silver? Or much worse... oh God. Maybe she would immediately guess what it was really all about and the first thing she would do is tell him to go to the nearest priest and make him beg with all his might for forgiveness and then send him straight to conversion therapy or completely disown him. Ah yes, Gold wanted to avoid that.
What he also wanted to avoid is that damn bracelet. He tried to throw it away at every dumpster he passed. He did not want this, he did not want to be reminded of the dirt he had committed. But in the end he could not do it and was furious with himself for it.
My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, you, God, will not despise.
Late in the night, after making sure that his mother is asleep, the first thing he did was to throw his backpack and bracelet on the floor, kneel by his bed and start praying as if in a trance. In fact, he was praying only in some sort of way, when he started to whisper, his mind was thinking about something else, he was getting distracted by it, and then was starting all over again from the beginning, furious. And so on and on. He is not sure how much time he spent in this vicious circle.
When he finished, the longed-for sense of relief did not come, and what is worse, his subconscious kept showing him images and sensations from a few hours ago: Silver's sweet smiles, his incredibly heartwarming touch, and most importantly, his breathtaking kisses. Gold hated himself during that moment. He glanced at the bracelet, slowly walked up to it, picked it up and smiled involuntarily. But then he quickly came to his senses and hid it between his underwear in the drawer.
And lastly, once again forgive me Father for I have sinned. I’ve followed the serpent and let him seduce me. Forgive me, for loving him, the way you wished me to love a woman.