Work Text:
Step One: Purchase a cocoa tree.
______________________________
Keigo frowns down at the recipe. “Are you sure, chickling? Pumpkin chocolate pie- does chocolate really go with pumpkin?”
“Bakugou swears by it, and he’s the best cook of all of us.” Shouto shrugs. “And I want to try baking this, to give my class a treat for Halloween- and also prove to Iida that I should not be banned from the dorm kitchens.”
The hero turns to his adopted little brother and blinks. “Didn’t you set off the fire alarms 6 times?”
Shouto hmmphs. “No one got hurt, and the kitchen was fine!”
“… Right, then.” He grins. “Well, we’ll make the best damn pumpkin pie ever! Maybe we can bring a piece to Touya in his prison-rehab centre too, see what he thinks?”
“Ah, you mentioned he was a good cook.” Shouto nods. “Very well. The first thing it says we need to do is make the chocolate pie crust. We need… cocoa powder.”
Keigo looks to his kitchen cabinet, frowning.
He definitely doesn’t stock that- it’s only recently, since he bonded with Shouto after Touya’s surrender and imprisonment, that he’s started cooking properly. They’re not the best cooks, but- they’re learning together!
Still… while it’s an ingredient that he could, theoretically, just fly to the nearest grocery store and quickly grab…
They’re going to make the best pie ever. They need the best ingredients.
He claps his hands together. “We need a cocoa tree.”
Shouto, thankfully, catches on immediately, humming. “Are they in season right now?”
A quick google search reveals that it is indeed possible- a further search has him buying a cocoa tree from the nearest greenhouse (thank goodness for the variety of plants readily available in this century) and waiting for its arrival.
While they wait, Shouto pauses. “How do we turn cocoa pods into cocoa powder?”
…Ah.
A further google search reveals that they need to ferment, dry, roast, shell, and grind the beans. All of which usually takes… multiple days.
…They don’t have that kind of time, Halloween is tonight-
It is while they are thinking it over that the cocoa tree arrives, delivered by a bored-looking delivery girl. “Sign here, please.”
Keigo does, and both he and Shouto stare at their new plant.
Eventually, Shouto speaks. “Well, we can probably just skip the first step, right? I remember that website said that drying the beans would probably finish the fermentation.”
Keigo nods. “Good idea. Let’s get the beans out of their pods, then?”
With the help of his feathers, all nine of the tree’s cocoa pods are quickly harvested, cracked open, and beans procured. “The next step.” Shouto looks towards the living room, where Keigo’s house fan sits. “Dry the beans.”
Keigo nods, already placing the beans on a paper towel to rest in front of the fan. “For how long, do you think?”
Shouto shrugs. “Ten minutes? That’s how long it takes to dry my hair.”
Ten minutes it is.
Once dried (though, when Keigo pokes one, they still feel a little moist), it’s time for the roasting. Shouto goes to the kitchen and gets a baking pan, dumping the beans inside and holding them in the kid’s left hand. “I’m much faster than any oven. It said to roast for twenty-five minutes, right?”
Keigo nods, and Shouto gets work.
While his brother heats the beans, humming off-key to We are the Champions, Keigo looks at his new cocoa tree, now depleted of pods. It probably needs water, right?
He moves it to the sunniest part of his living room, and adds a cup of water.
Shouto soon finishes, and although the beans look a little… blacker, than the online photos, it’s probably fine. The darker cocoa powder is, the richer it is, right? Keigo’s pretty sure he’s read that somewhere.
Shelling the beans is equally as fast, thanks to his smallest feathers, but then it’s time to grind.
Shouto frowns at him. “Maybe we shouldn’t use your wings for this. The food processor might be better- should we really be sifting them through our cocoa powder?”
Keigo gasps theatrically. “Are you calling my wings unsanitary?”
Shouto shrugs. “I’m just saying-”
“No.” He frowns, gathering up their pile of black beans. “This will be fastest. Just give me five minutes!”
And within five minutes, they have very fine cocoa powder.
(It’s a little lumpy, and the color is weirdly different shades of black-brown, but that’s fine.)
______________________________
Step Two: Double the pie crust.
______________________________
Making the pie crust is not as hard as Keigo feared.
(He’s heard a lot of horror stories, okay?)
But Shouto freezes the butter, and then Keigo cuts it into icy chunks. They sift it with their dry mix of flour, salt, and cocoa powder, until the whole thing is a relatively even looking pile. Shouto fetches cold tap water from the fridge, and slowly, they add to the mix.
It ends up looking slightly mushy, with the still-visible pea-sized chunks of ice butter floating throughout.
Google tells them to add more flour, so they do, until finally it looks a bit more like the pictures on the internet.
The next step is, apparently, to chill the dough.
For a recommended period of overnight, in the fridge.
Keigo frowns. “I suppose we could just finish baking the pie right before you need to go back to the dorms, chickling, so at least it gets partly chilled-”
“No.” Shouto glares at the crust. “We still need to figure out the pumpkin parts, we don’t have time, there’s only a few hours left. I guess I should have started earlier, but I wanted this to be as fresh as possible-”
Keigo snorts. “Did you even read the recipe fully firsthand?”
“Of course!” Shouto frowns harder. “I just… was also listening to Izuku talk about All Might at the same time, so I wasn’t fully paying-”
“Oh, ho ho!” He chortles. “Do tell me more-”
Shouto whacks him in the side with a used spoon, and Keigo squawks.
(No matter. He’ll continue to fondly tease Shouto about the kid’s crush until either his dying day, or they finally get together.)
Eventually, Shouto merely sighs. “It’s fine. I’ll lightly freeze it now, and then by the time we bake it should be defrosted enough to roll properly.”
With that, Shouto reaches out a hand, and promptly encases their pie crust in a thin lump of ice.
Keigo shrugs. “Alright, then. I guess the next thing is the pumpkin…. oh, no.”
Shouto looks vaguely panicked, peering over his shoulder at the recipe. “What’s wrong?”
“Your crust recipe is separate from the pie recipe, right?” He sucks in a breath between his teeth. “It says here that this is enough for two chocolate pie crusts, not one.”
…”Ah.” Shouto frowns. “I… didn’t see that either.”
Keigo chews his lip, thinking. He’s got no use for an extra pie crust, they’re only making one pie.
…Wait.
“I know!” He perks right up, using a feather to ruffle Shouto’s hair. “Let’s just make the crust extra-thick. Who doesn’t love pie crust, right?”
“True.” Shouto nods at him. “Let’s do that, then.”
Phew. The crust is saved.
______________________________
Step Three: Beat the pumpkin.
______________________________
Much like the cocoa, Keigo refuses to do anything by halves for this perfect pie.
Within fifteen minutes, the fattest baking-worthy pumpkin from the best patch in Japan has arrived at his door. The same delivery girl stares him down. “Sign here, please.”
Keigo does, marveling at how her dead eyes see right through him.
Soon, they have sliced open the pumpkin, removed the strings and seeds, and they’re ready to roast it for the puree. They’re running low on time, only two hours to go- so again, Shouto slaps it center-down on a baking pan, and roasts it until Keigo can stab it through with a fork.
Except… the inside is soft, sure, but the outside flesh still seems a little tough.
Keigo glares at his little brother. “Did you burn it?”
Shouto grumbles at him. “No. Does it look black to you?”
This is true. The pumpkin is a rich brown color on the outside, but it’s not a burned black.
Keigo shrugs. “Still… I’m not sure I can puree this properly. We can add water, but it might be chewy, still.”
Shouto nods, slowly. “What if we beat it first?”
Keigo raises an eyebrow, and the kid goes on. “You know- with mashed potatoes, after you boil them, they’re already soft, but you still beat them more? If we beat this maybe it’ll soften further, and then we can puree it.”
Keigo thinks it over, before enthusiastically nodding. It’s as good a plan as any.
Within two minutes, both he and Shouto are armed with the baseball bats he keeps around the house (sure, he’s the number-one hero, but one can never be too careful) and they’re standing over the pumpkin.
The pumpkin, which has been hastily laid out on a sheet of plastic wrap, to meet its fate.
They look at each other and begin.
Five minutes later, Keigo deems it smashed enough. Shouto makes him put it in the food processor, and they add a bit of water to soften it further.
It looks… fairly smooth, honestly. It’s not the perfect shade of orange the internet had shown them, but- well, the internet lies, anyways.
And now, it’s time for the actual filling.
The eggs are, of course, freshly harvested from a chicken that morning. The milk has been sweetened and condensed mere hours ago, the dairy company promised. And as for the fresh spices…
Keigo grudgingly agrees to put them in the food processor as well for grinding.
(Cocoa powder was one thing, but admittedly he doesn’t want to smell like a walking advertisement for a grocery store baking aisle.)
Shouto blinks at the teaspoon measurements required for the spices. “Doesn’t this seem a bit small to you? Especially the nutmeg- it’s only quarter a teaspoon?”
Keigo tilts his head. “You’re right… let’s just add extra, then.”
With a shrug, Shouto adds an extra teaspoon of nutmeg, as well as more cinnamon, ginger, and allspice.
And with that, they’re done.
Filling accomplished.
______________________________
Step Four: Broil the pie.
______________________________
Shouto looks as close to panicking as the kid ever gets. “The pie needs to bake for around an hour, and I need to be back at the dorms in less than half an hour..”
Keigo winces, staring at the clock. They’ve barely managed to roll out the thankfully de-iced dough and shove it into the pan. “We’re not going to be able to bake for that long, then. We’ve still got to blind bake the crust, for whatever reason.”
“Google said it was to make sure the crust cooked, which we especially need because ours is thick- oh.” Shouto blinks. “I’ll just add a little fire to it right now. That should solve the problem of blind baking.”
Shouto holds the pan in his left palm for two minutes, surrounded by dancing golden flames, while Keigo ponders their problem.
He knows they can’t just put it on a higher temperature for a shorter time while baking. A very sad attempt at an orange cake had led to that conclusion a month ago.
He stares at his oven… and sees the button called broil.
…Wait.
“Shouto!” He walks over to the button and prods it. “Isn’t broiling like a more intense version of baking?”
His brother frowns. “Maybe… but I think I read somewhere that it’s higher heat, and we can’t do that.”
“Well yeah, we can’t just bake it on a higher heat. But broiling sounds different, so it’s probably not the same.”
Shouto shrugs. “I guess… Google it, then.”
Keigo does, and…
…Oh.
“Hey!” He flaps his wings excitedly, after clicking the first link in a search of baking versus broiling times. “It says that things that might take up to an hour baking can only be a few minutes broiling.”
Mismatched eyes light up. “Let’s do it. If it takes an hour baking, then what- 4 minutes broiling?”
Keigo pinches his eyebrows thoughtfully. “Maybe… let’s keep the oven light on and watch it. Just in case, then we can make sure it’s the right color!”
Shouto nods solemnly. “Let’s do it.”
They hunch over in front of the oven, and Keigo watches with hawk eyes as the pie crust starts to look nice and crispy, and the pie surface bubbles and starts to also turn solid.
Thank fuck. It’s working.
Within five minutes, the pie is removed from the broiler.
The center seems to be a nice, relatively firm, orangey-golden crust (perhaps crispier than the online photos, but surely that’s fine) and the outer chocolate crust is similarly well-done.
Keigo looks at his little brother, and holds out a hand.
Shouto, with a small smile, gives him a high five.
______________________________
Step Five: Perform the Heimlich Maneuver.
______________________________
Keigo chirps cheerfully as he makes his way into the prison visitation area.
He’s got a very special treat for his boyfriend.
Shouto had given him a generous slice of the pie to take to Touya, placing it in a reusable plastic container, and proceeded to bring the rest to U.A. The pie center had looked a tad bit runny when they cut it, but Keigo’s heard that foods can solidify on their own heat after cooking, so it’s probably fine.
At least, he’s pretty sure some cookies do that. Pies can’t be that far off, right?
After all, they are all baked goods. Or… broiled goods, in this case.
Whatever.
His boyfriend smirks at him as he takes a seat across from him on the table. “This is a surprise, pretty bird. I wasn’t expecting you today.”
He hums and leans over the table for a quick kiss. “Yes, well, Shouto and I have a surprise for you!”
Red eyebrows raise. “Oh?”
Keigo grins, and proudly uncovers his plastic container, and produces the spoon the guards had given him. “Homemade chocolate-crusted pumpkin pie! We just baked it fresh!”
Blue eyes look at the pie, and then back up to him.
Touya is silent for a long moment, until finally the redhead speaks. “… Is this your way of trying to break up with me?”
“What!” He squawks, offended. “No- So mean! I’ve been getting better since you entered prison- Shouto and I have been practicing together!”
Touya, if anything, looks even more concerned. “Shouto can cook?”
Keigo turns his nose up. “He, like me, is getting better.”
His boyfriend looks at him, and sighs.
And calls out to the guard standing at the side of the room. “Hey, so I know I haven’t written a will or anything, but my family gets all my possessions, right? Barring my dickhead dad since he’s thankfully also in prison?”
The guard gives them an unamused face.
Keigo frowns.
Touya sighs again, and slowly picks up the spoon with the air of a man heading to his execution.
Keigo watches in anticipation, as Touya scoops up the tiniest bite of the still-runny filling and crispy crust-
And starts to choke.
Pale hands fly to a scar-wrapped neck, and Touya’s eyes bulge out.
Years of hero instincts take over, and Keigo’s on the other side of the table in a flash, arms wrapped around Touya’s tummy and starting to do the Heimlich maneuver.
At this, the guard moves forward, but seems to realize that Keigo has it handled- still, at least they do call for a glass of water and a doctor, so there’s that.
When Touya can breathe again, declared alive by the doctor, baleful blue eyes glare at him. “When I get out of here-”
Keigo winces, already backing away.
“You and my baby brother are biohazards!” His boyfriend screeches. “I swear, you are not going to be allowed to ever step foot in our kitchen! How the hell does someone make a half-baked but still burned pie that tastes worse than literal dog shit? There’s too much spice, the chocolate crust tastes like something died-”
He protests, thinking it over. “But we got the best ingredients, and- is it really that bad?”
Touya gives him a menacing grin. “Try it yourself, pretty bird.”
Keigo is afeared.
But, he’s not going to back down from a challenge with his lover, never has, so bravely picks up the spoon and takes a big bite.
(Touya, unfortunately, does not know how to perform the Heimlich maneuver.
Thankfully, the prison guard is still there even after the doctor left and saves Keigo from a brutal death by pie.)
______________________________
Step Six: Accept Defeat and Total Failure.
______________________________
Shouto stares at him mournfully from the kid’s position on the floor. “None of my classmates even touched the pie. Bakugou took one look at it and declared it a nuclear threat, and no one else went near it. Not even Izuku.”
Keigo sighs, from where he’s lying on the couch, both of them having convened in his apartment the day after the Great Pie Disaster. “Were you banned from the kitchen again?”
Shouto nods. “Yup.”
“Me too.”
…But, they’re not going to give up.
Practice makes perfect, right?