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“I tried to save him when I couldn’t even save myself,” Dean took a deep breath looking at the piers filled with mourners. “Being with Cas was like everything wonderful. But sometimes it was like we were both drowning, trying to save each other even though neither of us had oxygen. It was like we thought if we could save one another, we would somehow save ourselves.” Dean looked at Sam crying with Charlie, Bobbie supporting them both while holding Evelyn. “Castiel Winchester wasn’t sick, he was just too good for this world. I’m not trying to romanticize what he did, some part of me will always hate him for leaving me; he didn’t just leave me though, he left a brother, a sister, and a daughter. I know he never did this to hurt us, I know that, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less.” Dean glanced at his shaking hands that were rested on the podium, tears flowing down his face. “For the past month, I picture walking through the door with honey and toast from the bakery. When I get in the car, I keep expecting him to be sitting next to me complaining about the classic rock playing though the sound system.” Dean sobbed, “I want to wake up with him next to me, I want him to see Evelyn grow up; I want him to argue with me about how Aphrodite is way better than Apollo, that honey is better on fries than it is on chicken. That backroads are better than highways, Evelyn’s favorite color is yellow, not blue, Chevy is better than Cadillac, dogs are better than cats, Elvis faked his death.” The crowd chuckled through tears.
“ I want him here with me. I want to see him breathe.” Dean took a deep breathe and stepped down from the stage, looked up at the sky, and shed a single tear.