Chapter Text
now playing : dm by fromise_9
hey you, what you doin’
wanna come out for a sec?
i wanna see you
in the mirror, i’m so perfect
new shoes, check it, okay
to riki, home was an already defined, everlasting concept. home was his parents who lived back in japan, satisfied seeing their successful children each pursuing their own passions. home was his supportive sisters, who checked in on him almost daily, albeit there were petty bouts of bickering between them at times.
most importantly, home was the family he’d started. since the moment he met sunoo, he’d felt his heart tugging him towards the elder, telling him, he was the one. when they adopted two baby girls whose parents were unable to take care of them at birth, home became even more definite to him.
he could still remember with astounding detail the way sunoo cradled the both of them in his arms, tears of affection dotting at his eyes. the way his sweet, familiar smile reached both sides of his cheeks, the rosy blush illuminating them even further.
taking the twins was a whirlwind of emotions for the both of them, sitting in the back of the taxi with tears streaming down both of their cheeks, each of them with a baby in their delicate hold. when they reached their apartment, jay and jungwon were, to their surprise, ready to assist them, their own four-year-old asleep on the couch.
sunoo frowned at jungwon and shook his head. “i shouldn’t have given you the spare keys.”
“parenting is more difficult than you think, hyung,” jungwon insisted in a hushed voice, his eyes flashing with indignance. “especially since you have two of them.”
ni-ki’s heart melted as he watched sunoo eye jungwon uncertainly, protectively holding the baby closer to his chest. a few moments of silence passed, with jungwon stubbornly standing in front of sunoo with his arms crossed. finally, sunoo gave in and sighed.
“fine, wonie, what are we supposed to do?”
and so jungwon coached them on the dos and don'ts of caring for their infants, what to do when they start crying, what to do when they fall ill. ni-ki listened in attentively, allowing his gaze to occasionally dart down towards the baby in his arms.
sora. he smiled, his heart fluttering when he remembered how sunoo had stared at him like he was crazy when he suggested that one child would have a japanese name and the other would have a korean one.
“are you insane?” sunoo had protested, “we live in korea, they should both have korean names!”
“hyung, i live in korea and i have a japanese name,” he had pointed out, laughing. which earned him a light smack on his arm as sunoo scowled.
“don’t be stupid, riki.”
“but seriously hyung, at least they’ll feel unique?” he had tried to appeal one last time, bending down and looking at his boyfriend right in the eyes. conflict flashed in sunoo’s orbs, as he fixated his gaze on the twins sleeping soundly in their respective cribs at the hospital. he’d looked at them as if he had been the one to give birth to them, and riki just wanted to smother him with a kiss because of it.
sunoo shook his head, before burying his face in his hands. “you’re ridiculous.”
nevertheless, he had agreed to name them sora and haeun respectively.
“riki-ya! did you hear what i said?” jungwon snapped out of the blue, cutting him out of his thoughts. riki instinctively flinched backwards, pulling sora closer to his chest while glaring at jungwon.
“they’re sleeping, you stupid sh-”
“love, he said not to curse in front of the babies,” sunoo sighed exasperatedly, dropping a quick kiss to his cheek before gazing back down at haeun with crescent-like eyes. “you weren’t paying attention, were you?”
riki shrugged playfully, leaning in towards the elder’s ear before he murmured, “i was counting on you to tell me later.”
sunoo’s eyes widened in mock-surprise at that, and he rolled his eyes, but remained silent. when riki drew away, he admired how his boyfriend had haeun coddled in the baby blanket they’d recently bought, his orbs sparkling everytime his gaze drifted downwards.
jungwon threw his hands up in frustration, his eyebrows furrowed. “god, i can’t do this. goodnight, sunoo hyung, all the best. riki-ya, please listen carefully when he explains everything that you missed out.”
whipping around, he beckoned for jay to leave the apartment, picking up their toddler into a bear-hug. he walked out as quickly as possible, leaving riki and sunoo standing in the darkness, holding an infant each. fortunately for them, they were both already sleeping soundly, so all they had to do was place them in their crib as gently as possible, trying not to wake them up. they both knew the nightmare that would ensue if they accidentally woke one up.
after they had settled both of them down, sunoo went to take a shower, leaving riki to watch over the two of them. he leaned over the edge of the crib, taking in their chubby cheeks and adorable tiny arms and legs swaddled in cloth. they were probably identical twins, riki concluded with a pang of affection in his heart as he scanned their facial features.
it could have been because most infants look similar at birth, but riki swore he could see both of his and sunoo’s features mixed into their faces. it would have truly been a blessing if sunoo could bear his own children, but they both knew it was never going to happen. riki pursed his lips at that, scolding himself mentally for thinking about it. it wasn’t anybody’s fault that they would never have biological children, and really, he should just be grateful that if anyone, he was experiencing parenting with sunoo.
his chest tightened with love for the elder. he just knew that he was going to be a great mother to sora and haeun.
wake up the sleeping city, late night, late night
it’s more, more, more exciting
streets aglow with spotlight, spotlight
when i get closer to you
“love? you’re still there?”
after awhile, sunoo came out of the shower, closing the bathroom door gently behind him as he walked over to the crib where riki was. the younger hummed and greeted him with a tight hug around his waist, pressing a chaste, warm kiss to his lips. sunoo seemingly melted into his hold, closing his eyes.
“what’s this about?” sunoo laughed when riki began to litter kisses along the column of his neck. nonetheless, he still tilted his head to let riki kiss him more. relishing every last stretch of skin on sunoo’s throat, riki continued to leave a trail of gentle pecks there, tightening his hold on the elder’s body.
when he drew away, grinning, he rested his nose against sunoo’s collarbone, resisting the urge to suck him until he was swollen. “can’t i just kiss my boyfriend?”
“you gotta get as much sleep as you can before one of them wake up,” sunoo pointed out, but made no attempt to move, instead standing still with his arms crossed. “that’s what jungwon said.”
“i know, but,” riki protested with a pout, circling his hands over sunoo’s slim waist again before kissing his earlobe gently. “i love you. you’re going to be the perfect mother, you know that? this is just the beginning. if the first night is going to be so difficult, what about in the future when we’ll have two girls running around the house?”
“let’s cherish this first day, love. just let me kiss you a little…”
as soon as he leaned in, though, he was interrupted by a small cry emerging from the crib. sunoo made a face that said, i told you so, before he walked over to the infants and began to nurse haeun, who had begun wailing. unfortunately, it woke sora up as well and riki had to carry her, rocking her back and forth.
“what do we do?” he mouthed to sunoo, who looked just as panicked as he felt. biting his lip, sunoo stared at him desperately, before he widened his eyes in realisation.
“i think they’re hungry. jungwon said they need to be fed very frequently. i’ll go prepare some milk formula. can you hold haeun too?” sunoo frowned, looking like he was reciting something from a history book. he passed riki the infant as delicately as possible before leaving the room. riki followed him, trying to manage the two wailing babies in each arm.
“hyung, do they not need breastmilk?” he pointed out, concerned, as he followed sunoo into the kitchen like a lost puppy. he quickly came to the realisation that, yes, he should have listened to jungwon. and the nurse.
sunoo turned around slowly, a disdained expression on his face. "riki, do i look like someone who can produce milk to you? no, obviously not!
he let out a huff and turned back to where he was spooning tablespoons of milk powder into two bottles. while riki held the two crying infants close to him, trying to calm them down to the best of his ability - placing gentle kisses on their cheeks. sunoo smiled at him sweetly as he stirred the powder into the lukewarm water, and riki felt tingles in his spine watching him.
somehow, even with the loud wails in the background, standing in the dim kitchen light next to his boyfriend felt so intimate and quiet.
eventually, sunoo finished dissolving the milk powder and turned around, holding a bottle filled with warm milk in each of his hands. leading riki to the sofa, he sat down and took sora from him while handing him a bottle.
“hold haeun like how i’m holding sora, and feed her the bottle,” sunoo murmured the instructions to him, something he was grateful for when haeun let out a loud wail, piercing his eardrums. he supported the infant’s head with his hand and let her tiny fingers fumble at the bottle as she sucked instinctively on the nipple. biting back a soft smile, riki looked down at haeun with a burst of love fizzling in his heart. she and sora were part of his family now, and he would do whatever it took to protect them.
when the babies finished drinking, they seemed calm again, and sora even let out a content gurgle. sunoo beamed down at her, kissed her forehead lightly, and stood up.
“let’s put them back to bed, love. time is of the essence now, they’re going to wake up in a couple of hours’ time. we’re not going to get that much sleep,” he whispered, shrugging his shoulders. “this is the life we live now.”
“i’m glad,” riki mumbled as he walked to their bedroom, cradling haeun in his arms. “this is the life i’m living with you.”
sunoo flushed a deep red and glanced away, shy. “don’t say something like that, it’s not good for my heart.”
riki laughed softly, and they placed their infants side by side in their crib before collapsing on their own bed. riki immediately shifted closer to sunoo, wrapping his arms around the elder’s body. it emanated a comforting warmth.
“turn around, hyung. i don’t want to back hug you to sleep, i want to see and kiss you,” he confessed with a lilt in his voice. he loosened his hold on his boyfriend, allowing him to turn over.
“happy now?” sunoo sighed as he met riki’s eyes, rolling his own in turn. nodding profusely, riki scooted closer to him and looped a leg around his waist. he placed lingering kisses over the elder’s shut eyelids, dropped his head to his clothed shoulder and tried to teasingly bite him there. instead of jerking away like riki thought he would, sunoo remained silent, tucking his head into the recess of his neck.
“i’m scared,” sunoo suddenly blurted, looking directly into his eyes. his hazelnut orbs glowed faintly from the weak moonlight filtering through the window. riki frowned.
“scared of what?”
sunoo shrugged and didn’t say anything, his fringe falling messily over his darkened eyes. riki combed it away instantly, heaving out a long breath.
“you are going to be a brilliant mother,” he insisted firmly, pecking his boyfriend’s lips again. “i should be the one worrying, everything that jungwon said slipped past my ears. i didn’t process a thing.”
sunoo chuckled and shook his head in disapproval. “idiot.”
riki tutted and hugged him tighter. “you’ll be naturally great, love.”
the elder smiled warmly, and buried his face into riki’s chest. “and you.”
the words they shared proved to be true in the following weeks, wherein some days they had to pull all-nighters, unable to get a single wink of sleep due to the infants raising a cry every thirty minutes. sometimes they were hungry, sometimes they had soiled their diapers, and sometimes they just wanted to be nursed. sunoo was quick on his feet to treat the babies in the night, and riki would play with them during the day.
as the months passed, the two of them adjusted well to the growing babies that had been gifted to them, and with consistent encouragements from each other, they were able to overcome the first year of having them in the house. riki had come to love them so much, and he knew sunoo did too, with the gleam of delight in his eyes when sora and haeun began to crawl. they were blessings, really, but it was difficult for him and sunoo to get time alone to unwind.
however frustrated riki was by it, he told himself that he’d have more opportunities as the twins grew older, so he put it off.
ah-ooh-ooh-ooh,
a smile upon my lips
i see in your eyes, my eyes
i’m trembling, yeah
sweet whispers of what i’ve been feeling
yeah, it’s you
doesn’t matter, special me and you
get closer to you, i want to
so you can’t look away or change the subject
if it’s alright with you, doesn’t matter
don’t hesitate to open your heart to me
i want to hold your hand,
i want to hug you tight
i like you, my heart says i want you
“p-please, love, please don’t wake them up, they’re five, they understand their surroundings..” sunoo moaned, burying his head into the bedsheets riding up with every powerful thrust riki made into him.
“if they wake up, it’s your fault for being so loud,” riki insisted in protest, breathing heavily as a bead of sweat dripped down his temple.
“i can’t believe you made me do this…” sunoo whined, arching his back into riki’s hold, tears gathering in his eyes. he sincerely hoped that neither sora nor haeun would wake up from all the loud noises he was making and trying to muffle by biting down hard on his boyfriend’s hold. he’d teased him into submission earlier on, sitting on the floor and kissing his thighs as he worked on an assignment from his boss. sora and haeun had already fallen asleep - he hoped.
he was so, so close to his climax. he could feel it rising inside him, familiar and climbing up his body desperately. it felt so good, riki just needed to help him ride out the waves of his oncoming orgasm. just one more deep thrust would help sunoo reach what he so desperately wanted…
“mommy? daddy.. i’m thirsty!” there were a couple of raps at the door as sora’s voice drifted through the walls.
“fuck,” riki mumbled under his breath, pausing his movements, remaining still inside of sunoo. panic washed over sunoo - this was the last thing he needed. he tried to stifle his moan when he gestured for riki to slide out of him, but tears slipped down his cheeks nonetheless. doing his best to ignore the younger’s burning gaze on him as he put on his clothes as quickly as he could, he shakily stumbled towards the door and opened it.
sora greeted him with a hug at his thighs, looking up at him with pleading eyes. “mommy! what took you so long?”
sunoo squatted down and gazed at her, trying to keep his voice level as he murmured, “nothing, honey, i’m sorry.”
he lifted sora up and let her cling around him like a koala bear as he went to the kitchen and gave her a plastic cup filled with water. when she finished it, he rinsed the cup and took sora back to her shared bedroom with haeun, who was thankfully sound asleep.
“are you crying, mommy?” sora asked sunoo as he sat next to her on the bed to put her to sleep. dread washed over him, and he attempted a lie, shaking his head. however, sora didn’t believe him.
“are you sure? you look like you’re crying, mommy. did daddy make you cry?” sora pouted, reaching up with her small hands to point at his tear-stained cheeks. it made sunoo want to cry even more, out of pure affection.
“daddy would never make me cry,” he insisted nevertheless, grabbing sora’s wrists and kissing her forehead. her cuteness would always be endearing to him.
“okay, mommy,” sora whispered, and closed her eyes.
when sunoo was sure that she was asleep, he left the room, closing the door gently behind him, and went back to his own bedroom, where riki was waiting for him on the bed. sunoo silently got in beside him, sorrow stirring deep inside him. the younger sensed his awkwardness and tried to ease it by kissing his cheeks.
“is she asleep?”
sunoo nodded, not knowing what to say. he still ached with need, and his boyfriend’s presence beside him was only helping with the emptiness a little.
“she asked if you made me cry,” sunoo blurted out suddenly, choked with emotion. he sensed riki’s gaze softening as he shifted closer and enveloped him in a smothering hug.
“love, you know that i would never do that,” riki laughed, nuzzling his nose into the crook of sunoo’s neck, leaving a biting kiss there. sunoo shook his head as love pierced his chest harder than any arrow or bullet ever would.
“liar,” he sniffled before breaking into tears, both happy and sad emotions mixing up inside of him. riki held him together as he did so, and they spent the rest of the night cuddled in each other’s embrace.
hesitate and i may get away
you know i’m special, ooh
there’s just one thing i want
you know it, it’s so obvious
i’m not joking, i want it all
i can’t let you get away
after that incident, riki didn’t try to get sunoo going unless jungwon offered to take care of the twins for a couple of hours in the afternoon. as a result of the number of times jungwon came over, sora and haeun became good friends with jungwon’s own son, despite their four year age difference.
however, it wasn’t enough time for them to feel satisfied or content - in fact, it left both of them wanting more all the time.
if they were making out in the kitchen, haeun and sola would begin fighting, and riki would have to settle their dispute as best he could.
if sunoo was busy sucking the younger off in the bathroom, haeun would knock at the door and insist that she needed the toilet, causing riki to be left painfully hard and positively horny.
however much riki loved the both of them, treated them as if they were his own children, cherished his time with them as their father, it frustrated him down to his feet that he was unable to spend satisfactory time with his partner.
so when jungwon and jay suggested that to mend the tiny rift that had put between riki and sunoo, they would babysit sora and haeun for an entire day and night, excitement shook riki so hard that he was unable to sleep in the nights leading up to the special day.
doesn’t matter, special me and you
get closer to you, i want to
so you can’t look away or change the subject
if it’s alright with you, doesn’t matter
don’t hesitate to open your heart to me
i want to hold your hand,
i want to hug you tight
i like you, my heart says i want you
“haeun, love, aren’t you excited to go to jungwon uncle’s house?” riki called, walking up to his daughter’s bed and tapping her shoulder lightly, trying to rouse her.
like clockwork, her eyes snapped open and she sat up on the bed with her hair as messy as a bird’s nest. riki found it adorable, and he combed through it gently with his fingers.
“yes, daddy! i’m so excited! i wanna see daehyun again!” she squealed, giving a tiny little bounce of joy at the prospect of seeing her friend again. riki grinned at her enthusiasm and gave her a tight hug.
“i’m glad you are, honey. why don’t you grab your bag and eat your breakfast? sora’s waiting for you!” he suggested as he released haeun from his arms. the latter grinned, nodding, and scrambled out of the room, leaving riki behind to eye her affectionately. it made him feel so guilty for wanting her out of the way so that he could spend quality time with sunoo.
then again, they’d been unable to have a moment’s peace the past five and half years, so it was about time that he took the elder out on an old fashioned date again.
he smiled to himself and with enthusiasm that would match haeun’s energy, he walked to the kitchen to find sunoo.
after sharing their routine morning kiss, getting sora and haeun to finish their breakfast, and driving them over to jungwon’s house, sunoo and him were finally, finally left alone in the car.
instead of the tense air that riki had expected, sunoo was extremely chatty and cheerful as jay lead the twins into their house.
“where are we going first?” sunoo’s eyes sparkled with excitement, and it heartened riki to see that he’d looked forward to this as much as he had. he rested a hand on his boyfriend’s thigh and stroked his thumb over his jeans.
“where do you want to go?” he raised his eyebrows teasingly, clicking his tongue. “to the bedroom?”
sunoo instantly flushed a deep red, seeming as if he wanted to sink into the car seat. riki laughed boyishly. no matter how much time had passed, sunoo had never stopped growing shy whenever he said things like that shamelessly.
“kidding, i’m taking you to a cafe,” he chuckled, backing out of the parking lot while simultaneously lacing his fingers together with sunoo’s. the latter squeezed his hand tight, conveying words that didn’t need to be said. affection stirred in riki’s heart, and he tightened his grip on the steering wheel, forever grateful to have sunoo next to him.
he took sunoo all around the city, in an attempt to let him remember all the teenage dates they had at their favourite places, and he also recreated memories from long ago while he was at it.
at the cafe, he ordered sunoo his mint chocolate ice cream, something he had somehow never lost a taste for. it baffled riki, but he watched eagerly across the table as the elder scooped the dessert one spoon at a time into his mouth. he didn’t forget to rise from his seat and kiss sunoo long and hard as he rested his palms on the table. it was one of their core memories - when they had confessed to each other, and riki had lost all self-control.
he took sunoo to a bowling centre and they competed against each other the entire afternoon - although riki had to hold sunoo’s hand to guide him while he threw the ball since the elder had forgotten the proper form completely.
they went to the same bar that riki had once gotten so drunk at that he’d puked all over sunoo’s clothes, causing the elder to have to take him home and care for him and his hangover the following morning. fortunately, riki had driven them home and they’d taken a cab there as they had no fucking idea how drunk they would get. but it didn’t matter, because for once, riki felt young again, he felt so content with sunoo. after drinking a few shots, he’d taken sunoo to the bathroom and made out with him in a toilet stall, relishing his fingers in his tangled hair, strawberry scent lingering on his lips.
when they took another cab home at around midnight, riki could feel sunoo falling asleep beside him, his enthusiasm-filled words slurred as his head drooped onto his shoulder. however, it shocked him when they reached their apartment and sunoo came to life again, closing the door and pressing a smothering kiss to riki’s lips.
“calm down, love,” riki spluttered, panting from the sudden attack on his lips. “let’s relax first.”
they took a shower together like they used to when they felt the need to hurry, and when they were finally in bed, dressed comfortably in their hoodies, riki felt a sense of satisfaction rising up inside of him. finally.
they switched on the television and put on a horror movie, the first one they’d ever watched together. riki shifted as close as he could to sunoo and hugged him, breathing in his familiar, warm, fruity scent. he loved it so much.
“how was today?” he whispered, closing his eyes to block out the sounds of flesh being ripped apart. it was inappropriate for the moment, but he really didn’t care.
sunoo gazed at him softly, and he shivered. “i loved it, so, so much. you have no idea how happy i am to have spent today with you.”
“i think i have an idea,” riki laughed, pulling the elder closer. he left gentle kisses on his crystal clear skin at his neck, occasionally leaving small bites that had sunoo whimpering quietly. after a few minutes of their eyes focussed on the screen, sunoo turned his head to look into riki’s eyes.
the precious look sunoo gave him made him want to melt. “yes?”
“do you still love me as much as you did before?”
everything came to a grinding halt at those words, and riki had to force his voice to stay stable as he stuttered, “w-what do you mean?”
“i feel so bad for saying this,” sunoo confessed, looking utterly conflicted. “but sometimes i don’t know whether sora and haeun are more important to you, or if i am.”
riki’s breath hitched. he could hardly believe his ears. sunoo had to know he was special, no matter how much he loved sora and haeun, they could never replace him. never.
“sunoo hyung, look at me,” he whispered, letting his palms rest on the elder’s cheeks. he was so precious, so cute, so important to him. he never wanted to see him go.
“yes, i love sora and haeun so, so much, and they are so precious to me, they really are. but hyung, you come first before anyone, and i hope you know that. i’m not going to make a whole ass speech about it since it’s cringy but i would give up the world for you. i’ll love you the same even when you can’t walk anymore.”
he pressed a kiss to sunoo’s cheek and smiled when the elder flushed.
“fuck you, riki, the day i stop walking is the day i die,” he huffed, ever sassy, but riki could feel the affection laced in the words. his heart warmed.
“if you shut up, i’ll really fuck you,” he smirked, and flipped sunoo over so that he hovered above him. delight gleamed in sunoo’s eyes and he tilted riki’s jaw to kiss him long and hand. it was long overdue.
“then do it, love, i dare you.”
and riki felt his teenage energy emerge from inside him, making him take up the challenge, for he was as stubborn as a mule.
“i will, hyung.”
needless to say, it was a day they would cherish forever, stuck in their minds as they continued taking care of sora and haeun, the perfect family that riki had always dreamt of as a teenager.
so just listen, take my trembling hand
you’re so special, the moment i’ve been waiting for every night
you’re the one that i needed
tell me you feel the same before the night is over
doesn’t matter, let’s begin, me and you
got a good feeling, i got you
oh boy, me and you, up close like this
i can feel your heart, doesn’t matter
don’t hesitate to wrap me up in your arms
perhaps you and me, this moment together
i like you and you only,
i want you.
end.