Chapter Text
It’s been two whole weeks since the night of the Spring festival, since Alex gave Ryan a rose, since they shared their kiss, since Jed tried to murder Alex. It felt like months but at the same time only hours. Ryan was sitting on the roof, next to his and Alex’s tree. Was it their tree? Or was it just a tree? Alex had been in hospital since the revelation in the bar at the meeting, he’d heard she was miraculously okay. Not uninjured obviously, based on the limp and the way she clutched her side that made Ryan’s stomach tighten she clearly wasn’t unscathed. He remembers seeing the graze on her head from the, luckily, poorly aimed bullet by his father, and a feeling of ice running through his veins.
It wasn’t a cold night but the memory made Ryan shiver. He’d tried to visit Alex in the days after but he’d been turned away every time.
“Sorry, but it’s close family only.” The nurse at the front desk would say as she frantically shuffled around her paperwork, looking for a pen.
“But she doesn’t HAVE any family. I’m her, well I’m” Ryan faltered “I’m sort of her boyfriend but we. We didn’t have a chance to make it, well make it official”
The nurse sighed, looking at Ryan with a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry sweetheart, but ‘sort of her boyfriend’ isn’t enough for me to let you through. We’re under strict rules to not let anyone in unless close family”
Ryan tilted his head back, draining the last dregs of his sixth or seventh beer after who knows how many shots Duckie had “encouraged” Ryan to knock back. Once it was officially empty Ryan crushed the can and threw it in the general direction of the others. “Shit.” He thinks to himself. “That was actually number eight. Ah well, the hangover is future Ryan’s problem”
Ryan stumbles to his feet and takes a few steadying steps, hands on his knees and his world spinning and he's not sure if he’s going to pass out or throw up. Fuck, maybe even both. After a few minutes of deep breathing and the mountain breeze flowing over his face he’s able to stand up straight, slowly turn and somehow make his way down to the empty apartment below to pass out face down on the bed. He didn’t know when or even if Alex would be back but the lingering smell of her in her sheets and pillow made Ryan feel like she was there with him. Thoughts of her spiral through his drunken mind, no matter how much his brain is swimming in alcohol he can’t escape the fears that she’ll never come back to Haven. Who could blame her after everything that happened.Thankfully Ryan was only haunted by the thoughts of Alex, Gabe, and his father for a moment before falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.
He was right. The hangover was future Ryan’s problem, the problem was he was now future Ryan. The sun was streaming through the windows, he hadn’t remembered to close the blinds, so when he checked the time and saw he’d only been asleep for maybe 3 hours and it was only 8AM he groaned into the mattress. The thump in his head made his skull feel three times too big and all he could taste is the burn from Duckie’s whiskey.
“Coffee” Ryan says to himself “I need coffee” He’d learned speaking actions out loud made him more likely to do it, that’s why he has his daily morning affirmations which had seemed to die off the last two weeks. “Whatever, I’ll get back to them eventually” He tries to convince himself. It was a coping mechanism he’d learned after Jed put him in therapy after Mom died. A quiet boy to begin with but once Mom died Ryan retreated into more of a shell, one he didn’t think possible. Therapy had helped, but therapy won’t help this hangover so Ryan forces himself off the bed, again having to steady himself. Now he’s standing he’s not entirely sure he isn’t actually still drunk, but he’d said he needed coffee, so coffee was what he was getting.
Ryan stumbled over the fridge, the few steps felt like miles with every footstep sending a pain radiating through his skull. Opening the fridge and avoiding the light inside he grabs the milk and takes a sniff. Big mistake. He’d been so fucking busy with all the lawyer stuff, transferring ownership of the Lantern to him, the old family house, he’d forgotten he was behind on groceries. The smell of the sour milk made Ryan’s stomach flip and he rushed over to the sink, clutching the sides willing himself to not spill the contents of his stomach, which by this point would be nothing but alcohol and the half slice of bread forced on him by Steph as a feeble attempt to sober up last night.
After a few moments and some water splashed across his face Ryan was feeling slightly better, still felt like death though. He took a deep breath realising his only option for coffee was to brave the stairs and go down to the bar and use the supplies down there.
“I need coffee” he repeats to himself, which is enough to put one foot in front of the other and make his way downstairs to the messy bar, covered in used shot-glasses, wet napkins and spilled whisky, the smell of which again makes Ryan’s stomach flip again. As he makes his way around the back of the bar to make his coffee his eyes land on the chalkboard mounted on the wall. Gone was the welcoming sign to everyone written in his fathers recognisable handwriting, replaced with chalk drawings of penises of varying sizes and the memory came flooding back from last night. Probably not his proudest moment but it had made Duckie laugh at least. Ryan was hurting from what his Dad had done but he had to remember that Duckie and Jed were good friends and had known each other for years too. Everyone had. The whole town was hurting, not just him.
After finally making his coffee he decides to slide into the booth where not too long ago Alex sat across from Diane, waiting for Ryan to act as a distraction so she could steal her USB drive. The mission was a success, but Ryan’s favourite part of the day was when Alex picked Ryan over Steph to distract Diane and he remembers the feeling as he sips on his hot coffee and the warmth spreads through his body. His eyes scan over the walls and recalls the first time he stepped foot back in the Lantern after watching his Dad be taken away in handcuffs, how he’d started ripping everything off the walls that reminded Ryan of the man he’d once viewed as a hero, always having to live in his shadow. Now Ryan was tainted by what he’d done. Steph had tried to stop him, screaming pleas for him to stop but it was actually Mac who finally got Ryan to stop after hearing the commotion from outside. Ryan had broken down and sobbed with Steph wrapping herself around him, trying in vain to sooth his screams, breaking down to tears herself.
His coffee was almost halfway through when his eyes landed on Gabe’s plaque. Ryan felt a hot ball rise in his throat and tears prickle in his eyes. He gulps his coffee and firmly closes his eyes.
“Fuck I miss you Gabe. I wish you were still here. We need you so much right now. I need you so much right now” Ryan speaks aloud, his eyes still firmly shut.”
“I miss him too” a small voice speaks by the bar.