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Goten isn’t used to the lack of silence in this house. He’s used to the subtle snores from his father, the near silence from being out in the middle of nowhere , the stars peeking out from his window. He doesn’t understand why his brother moved out to the city. It’s odd and unnerving.
He watches his brother return from his room with blankets and a futon. He’s yawning as he walks over.
“Sorry, I completely forgot you were coming so I didn’t buy you much. We have heating if you get cold.” Gohan lays out the futon in the middle of the living room. Goten helps him out.
Once everything is set, Goten sits on his futon and watches Gohan. He’s making sure everything is clean and off. Gohan always had the habit of doing that when he still lived at home, though it was mostly because he was up studying half the time.
It makes Goten feel like a child again, watching his big brother make sure everything is the way it is.
Gohan returns to Goten, bidding him goodnight before ruffling his hair.
“Wait!” Goten blurts out. Gohan turns around and hums in response, waiting for Goten to continue.
“Do… Do you ever miss it?” Goten asks. The windows in Gohan’s home are enough to brighten the room and shed light on Gohan. He sees the surprise color his face.
“Miss what?”
Goten really does feel like a child again. He almost decides against answering the question.
“Home. Do you miss it?” Goten stares back up at Gohan. His older brother frowns, thinking of an answer.
“Sometimes. Why?”
Goten fidgets, unsure of what to say. He doesn’t know why he asked, but he knows that he’s torn between the feeling of nostalgia and the feeling of growing up.
It’s been years since Gohan moved out. Goten was still a child when he moved out. It was just too sudden. He remembers crying and making a fuss, begging his older brother to stay. He invited Videl to stay with them too, to which his mother scolded him saying their house was too small for such a thing. He hated how heavy his chest felt watching Gohan pack his things up.
He misses waking up and seeing his brother next to him, sleeping soundly. The warmth of being with his brother is unmatched. It comforted him, protected him. It eased him.
“I would hate to live here,” Goten admits. “It’s too loud.”
Gohan laughs. “Well that’s why you don’t live here, dummy. Besides, it’s not that loud.”
“To you. I can hear your neighbors going through their fridge.”
Gohan turns toward the window. “Really?”
Goten scoffs, nearly amazed by his brother. “No, idiot. I was trying to make a point. It was a hyperbole.”
“I’m the idiot? That was not a hyperbole.” Gohan mocks him. Goten shrugs and tries to reach over to pinch Gohan’s legs, making him scowl.
“You should sleep with me, big brother,” Goten teases. “Like old times.”
Gohan almost contemplates the idea. “Can’t. Videl’s waiting.”
Goten’s stomach flips. He tries not to show that he’s bothered, but he can’t help the pout. He was so caught up in reminiscing about the past that he forgot Gohan has a completely different life than the one that is still stuck in Goten’s head. Gohan notices, however, and crouches down to meet Goten.
“Do you miss it?”
It’s Goten’s turn to ask: “Miss what?”
“Me being home. Do you miss it?” Gohan’s voice becomes softer. It’s the same tone he’d use when Goten would cry if he was scolded or if he was upset over a slight inconvenience. It brings him back, almost seeing the same 17 year old that would comfort Goten before he would go to school.
“Sometimes,” Goten nearly whispers. “It’s just not the same.”
“Goten-“
“I’m not trying to beg you to come back, if that’s what you think,” Goten begins to realize how much of a baby he must look like right now. “I’m just thinking out loud!”
“Being here, sleeping over, it just brings back memories. It’s nice, seeing what you’ve been up to. It just really puts things into perspective.”
“Like what?” Gohan asks, now sitting down next to Goten.
“Like how you’re an adult. You have a wife and a kid. You have a family, one separate from ours.”
“We’re still family. Pan is your niece.”
Goten groans. “I know that, Gohan. You know, you can be as airheaded as Dad sometimes.”
“I mean like, you’re in a completely different city, kilometers away from us. You have this career and a family to protect. You have this huge house and you’re living a city life! You were from the country and now it just feels you’re like everyone else,” Goten rambles, frustrated with the outcome.
Gohan interjects, “What’s your point?”
“My point is that you just feel so out of reach,” Goten confesses. Gohan stays silent, basking in his brother’s honesty.
“I admire you, Gohan, I do, so don’t take this wrong. But it just feels like you forgot about us. Like you’re no longer at arm’s length anymore, you’re farther than that..” Goten starts to fidget again. He’s never not been honest. His dad had told him that he’s the most candid between them all, but he begins to fear that maybe he shouldn’t have said anything at all. Maybe this was something he should’ve vented to Trunks about instead.
Just as he’s about to apologize and take back his words, Gohan sighs. Goten looks over at him and watches as Gohan yawns. Goten is in awe.
“Look, Goten, it has nothing to do with you, so I’m sorry that it feels that way.” Gohan is scratching his temple, almost embarrassed to be talking about it. Goten, however, is confused.
“I could tell you that I’m just busy, but I don’t think you’d take that as an answer, right?” Goten hums in agreement.
“I love you, and I love Mom and Dad. But you’re right, Goten, I do have a family to protect. Pan is 5 years old now, which is the same age I was when Dad first died.” Goten is taken aback. This is the first time he’s hearing it.
“There’s a difference between me and you. You’re living the life I wish I had at your age, Goten. I envy you,” Gohan removes his glasses, carefully setting them down. “Dad died twice. One for me and another because of me. I can’t possibly imagine putting my family through that.”
Goten stays quiet, searching for the right words. Gohan smiles instead, allowing him to take his time.
Goten decides to apologize.
“What for?”
“I don’t know. My worries just feel so trivial compared to yours.”
Gohan shakes his head. “They’re not. If anything I should be apologizing. I am busy, so I wasn’t lying when I said that, but you’re also not wrong. Now that Pan has taken an interest in fighting, I guess that fear is creeping up again. Home just reminds me of that pain.”
“I understand, Gohan. I just wish you wouldn’t make me a part of it.” Goten mutters loud enough for his brother to hear. He avoids looking at Gohan, suddenly interested in a loose thread from the blanket covering his lap.
He doesn’t have time to be shocked when he feels Gohan pulling him for a hug, the strength nearly choking him.
It’s odd. Goten has spent his life being comforted by Gohan. Just earlier Gohan was reassuring him. At this moment, he can’t tell who needs the hug more.
Goten hugs him back. The noises from outside die down, giving the two the silence that relieves Goten just enough. He revels in it.
Gohan pulls back and presses their foreheads together.
“I will always be your big brother. I haven’t been doing a very good job at it, but I am always going to be there. It’s not your fault.” Goten is shocked. He never once thought that Gohan was a bad brother. The idea had never once crossed his mind.
Goten pulls away, gripping Gohan’s shoulders.
“It’s not like that!” Goten almost shouts, desperate to tell Gohan otherwise. “It’s just you… you should visit more often. Call more often. I want to know what’s going on in your life. You should bring Pan over too!”
Gohan watches Goten quickly come up with solutions. He can’t help but laugh at the way Goten creates multiple plans in front of him.
“Okay, Okay, I’ll make time.” Gohan accepts defeat. Goten deflates, relieved to hear his promise.
“I mean it. If you need to make a reminder or add it on your calendar, then do it. I don’t want this to be like the last time where you say you’ll do something and then I end up having to do it for you.” Goten complains, sounding exactly like their mother. He shuts up when Gohan tries to aim to smack Goten’s head.
In response, Goten pushes Gohan away from him, urging him to get up and leave. “You’re taking away precious sleep time! If Trunks wins tomorrow it’s your fault. You’re buying my brooding meal.”
“I hope you lose.” Gohan teases. Goten gasps, pushing him even further toward the direction of his bedroom. Gohan shushes him when passing by Pan’s bedroom. This sparks a whispered argument between them until they reach Gohan and Videl’s bedroom.
“Goodnight!” Goten waves, closing their bedroom door behind him in a hurry before running back to his futon.
After finally settling in and getting comfortable, the noises return, reminding him that he is still in the city and not back home. This is okay, he tells himself, because Gohan reminds him of home. He’ll be okay.
It doesn’t take him long to sleep, but it takes him long to wake up. His phone rings and he groans. Goten curses Trunks for wanting to wake up so early. He’s about to reach for his phone before he hears another groan near him. His body freezes. That noise did not come from him. He immediately sits up, searching for the source of the sound.
He thinks maybe Pan was already awake, as a child somehow has the capacity to be awake so early. Instead, Goten is met with a great surprise. He sees Gohan mumbling to himself on a futon, pulling the blanket to muffle the sound of Goten’s alarm.
Goten quickly looks for his phone, not wanting Gohan to wake up cranky. He waits until Gohan’s breathing has evened out again before he sighs out a breath of relief.
He looks over again and Goten’s chest tightens. He felt so silly for asking Gohan to sleep with him last night. He doesn’t know whether he should feel embarrassed or not for such a childish request. He groans again, letting his head fall to his hands.
Nonetheless, he gets up, gets ready, and cleans up as quietly as possible. Before leaving the house, he looks back at Gohan and decides to leave a small surprise. It doesn’t take long to find paper and a pen. Being studious has its perks.
Thanks for letting me stay over. I’ll win today, so let’s grab dinner after, okay? Winner’s choice! Be ready!!
-Goten
Content with the note, he places it somewhere obvious before making his way out. He walks out and breathes in the fresh air. Despite it being so early, there’s already movement within the city. It feels like everyone is awake and for a small moment, he understands why Gohan would like it. It’s alive.
“What has you so bright?” Trunks asks, rubbing the sleepiness from his eyes. Goten shrugs, following Trunks into his home.
“Nothing special.”
“But special enough to have you in smiles. You haven’t dropped it since I opened the door.” Trunks comments.
“I guess I’m just starting to like the city a bit more,” Goten admits. “But next time you’re coming to my place.”
Trunks huffs. “That’s if you win today.”
“No, I’m sure I will. I have a meal waiting for me after.”