Chapter Text
They didn't have many opportunities to be with the other throughout the day, so having lunch together was a given at that point.
The couch at Albedo's lab had been their preferred place; silent, comfortable and private. That day, like many days before, eating had become snuggling, and talking, and laughing, and eventually kissing.
As hands clung looking for a place to hold and as tiny whimpers escaped their lips, for their ears only, Kaeya caressed Albedo's waist with practised ease. As their mouths met over and over Kaeya's hands moved a little lower, apparently unnoticed by the alchemist, his thumb dipped slightly at the man's hips, tracing the shape, relishing in the feeling.
Eventually the hand stretched, going lower, caressing from the hip, to the thigh, and eventually moving to Albedo’s bottom, squeezing the flesh.
"Wait"
*******************************************************************************
"So… That's what got you here, asking to stay on the third floor for the night?" Diluc's arms were crossed as he stared at his brother, who had been drinking since earlier and way faster than usual.
"Yes, will you fill my glass again now? You can't decide how much I drink, I'm an adult, a paying adult" Kaeya whined.
“I'm still concerned” Diluc replied, refusing to bring out the second bottle of wine Kaeya had requested.
“Why” he complained.
“I'm your brother, if you really want to be stupid and succeed you shouldn’t do it in my presence” Diluc said, rather matter-of-factly. Kaeya didn't argue or comment, so he decided to pry a little more, “so then, Albedo asked you to wait”.
“Yes, and I embarrassed myself further” Kaeya dropped his head between his arms, refusing to look at Diluc just yet, “I basically jumped away from him because I was scared I had overstepped, I excused myself and ran away, I've been doing that for the past few hours because I can't look at him in the face”.
“Because he told you to wait” Diluc repeated, like he was still trying to verify.
“Yes Diluc!” Kaeya said a little too loud, bordering exasperation and making some faces at the tavern turn in his direction, a little too far from them to actually listen.
“I think you did the right thing” He stated plain and simple, Kaeya lifted his head, his single eye looking at him in disbelief “By not trying to go any further despite him being against it, I mean, but you did embarrass yourself after that by reacting so harshly” he took Kaeya’s empty glass and filled it, to which the man sighed in relief, he hated being monitored on what he could and couldn’t do, even if it was out of concern. Diluc stared at the contents of the glass for a moment and then handed it back to his brother, “I know I'm not the most experienced taking the lead in these matters”
“You literally have no experience” Kaeya said without thinking, taking the glass to his lips shortly after.
“Not the point” Diluc stated, clearing his throat, “But do you know what he meant when he asked you to ‘wait'?" Kaeya's single eye stared at him, unmovable, "I mean, it could have actually been 'wait', as in, do this later, or a 'stop, I don't want this at all', my point being, have you discussed what you want in your relationship?"
Kaeya mumbled more than said “I haven't really had the time to bring it up” so softly Diluc had to strain his ears to hear it.
“You've been dating this man for almost 6 months, and you haven't had the time?” his tone sounded incredulous.
“No… Okay, no, it's just I…” Kaeya was looking at absolutely anywhere but Diluc, his fingers tapping nervous over the varnished wood of the bar that, apparently, looked incredibly interesting to the bluenette at that moment.
“You're scared” Diluc stated without a shadow of doubt.
“No, I'm not” Kaeya was quick to reply.
“Yes you are” Diluc said, sure and filled with certainty, with a soft smile gracing his lips as if he had discovered something fascinating, or rather, as Kaeya suspected, he had managed to get a glimpse beyond the mask of flirty confidence he always wore, “Have you ever discussed anything in your relationships with your past lovers”.
Kaeya lowered his head again, “No”.
“I see, the great Kaeya Alberich trembles upon uncharted territory” Diluc said, oddly entertained.
“Like you weren't a sobbing mess when Jean asked you out” Kaeya replied without missing a beat, bringing the glass against his lips once more.
“Again, not the point” by now Kaeya felt like he was testing Diluc’s patience and pushing it maybe a little too far.
Diluc decided to wait for something more than a defensive response, so they looked at each other in the eye for a moment, and then Kaeya followed with “I'm not good when it comes to talking about how I feel, I think maybe you get me in that department”
“Yeah, it's hard to open up… but I've learnt to open up to you with time, also with Jean so, maybe if you're going to start somewhere, start with him, the same way you have been trying to do it with me” it wouldn’t be that evident for anyone else, but Kaeya could see how Diluc was trying to give him an encouraging smile, so soft it was almost imperceptible.
Now it was Kaeya’s time to sigh. “And what if he doesn't want me the way I want him”
“You learn to live with it” Diluc said, seeing how fear and hopelessness settled clearly in Kaeya’s expression, “You have to know first, and then maybe you can do something about it, but you can’t expect to dance around the subject the rest of your life, you have to ask”.
Kaeya groaned and sunk his head between his arms, "But he's much better at that… Asking, I mean, he rarely stops, so I was just thinking that if he hasn’t asked, maybe doesn’t care?"
"So, actually, you're scared he doesn’t care" and that made Kaeya feel oddly small, like Diluc was looking straight at all his vulnerabilities, and reading him like an open book, "You can't just guess"
"I don't know how to do it… whatever I am supposed to do…" he sighed and lifted his head, meeting Diluc's scrutinizing stare once more, "my first instinct is to hide, and I don't know if I have ever chosen to be vulnerable" Kaeya stared now at the contents of his half empty glass of wine, as if the burgundy liquid could give him the answers he was looking for, or maybe the courage he lacked, "I wish I was a little bit more like him in that regard, you know? He's always straight to the point, he doesn't fear confrontation, he just goes head first and-"
The door to Angel's Share opened with a soft squeal and Albedo walked in, locking eyes with Kaeya immediately.
Kaeya looked so taken aback, for a moment Diluc could almost see how all cognitive functions in his brother had shut down, so he decided to jump on before he did or said something overtly stupid. “Chief Alchemist, always a pleasure to see you around, anything I can get you? Your usual?”.
Just like Kaeya said, there was something in Albedo that despite reading the awkward situation, didn't waver, "Actually I came here looking for Kaeya, but if Master Diluc has him busy then-".
“The usual it is then, help yourself” Diluc said taking away Kaeya’s glass, still half full. Kaeya didn't say anything, he just stared as Diluc cleaned the spot and said “Go home, and think about what we talked”.
“Yes, sir” Was all Kaeya managed to say before standing up a little too fast, wobbling a bit.
“He might have had a few too many drinks, I advise you take him home with the utmost care, Albedo” Diluc said looking at the shorter man, talking like Kaeya wasn’t there any more.
“Thank you, Diluc”, Albedo replied as he held Kaeya tight, putting one of the bluenette’s arms around his shoulder and holding him by his waist, just in case.
At first the walk home was silent, and a little tense for Kaeya.
From the moment Albedo walked into the bar, he saw something in his eyes he couldn't identify, he had expected anger or frustration, after all he had been avoiding the blond at all costs, for hours. A part of him expected a reprimand, a cruel remark on how bad he was dealing with stuff in general, a painful jab, he wouldn't be surprised if Albedo left him either, not at that point.
Yet as he looked at the man, all of these feelings he was looking for were not there and this absence made something in his stomach sink, creating something heavy, deep within his chest, something that felt an awful lot like worry.
He knew he had to ask so many things, and he knew Diluc wouldn't leave him alone if he didn't, hell, he could even involve Jean out of concern. And yet he felt so reluctant, so scared of showing how frail and insecure he actually felt behind everything that he had made Teyvat think he was.
"I get how you feel" Albedo said out of the blue, startling Kaeya a bit and making him question if he had actually been rambling out loud. "I'm not judging you, I also tend to run away when something weighs heavy in my heart, I'd rather go face first against a sword than against my feelings''.
That calmed Kaeya down slightly. "If you run away too, why are you here now?" He asked, he felt like it was a safe, mild beginning to all he still had to talk with Albedo.
"Because I saw the expression you had on today" he stated, Kaeya could feel Albedo's grip tightening, probably unconsciously, over his waist, "I can stand a lot, plenty of painful things, but I couldn't bear it, seeing how you looked at me, knowing you'd be out there feeling so terrible, drinking yourself to sleep to numb something".
Kaeya fell silent. They were both scared then, but Albedo was so much more mature than he was… He was willing to feel uncomfortable to make sure he was okay and in the meanwhile, he was out there effectively with the plan of drinking until he couldn't feel the inadequacy that weighed in his heart.
It made him feel like he was behaving like a child would, a puny brat, running away like he was going to face the worst punishment, when all Albedo had waiting for him was empathy, love and comprehension.
Before he could notice, they had arrived at his flat.
Albedo helped him with everything, opening the door and making sure he sat comfortably on the couch before going straight to the kitchen.
"How much did you drink?" He asked, a room away.
"I didn't get to drink more than usual, I did it really fast though" he said as he heard Albedo moving around, "Diluc wouldn't let me drink, a terrible business strategy if you ask me" he said, laughing a bit at the end.
Albedo brought him the largest glass he had, filled with water and handed it to Kaeya, looking as he started drinking and hoping that would counter the alcohol in his system. He knew Kaeya hadn't finished his lunch and probably didn't have anything that could actually be called a dinner.
"This is not the time to talk about it, I want you to be sober first" Albedo said, kneeling in front of Kaeya on the couch, so he could not avoid him, still calm and collected. Kaeya knew this was what he signed up for the moment he left the tavern, but for a moment he strongly considered never being sober again, just because he could feel the fear and anxiousness settling in his abdomen.
"For now this is what you need to know" he said looking at him in the eyes "Kaeya, I do wish to have a more intimate relationship with you"
"You didn't look like it" came out without him wanting and without any warning.
"Because I was scared, I still am, this is all new to me", he looked into Kaeya's eye but all he saw was incredulity to the point he was surprised question marks weren't coming out of him. So he took a deep breath.
He had already pretty much got by himself to the same conclusion Kaeya got with the help of Diluc regarding what they had to do. "I don't know how many lovers you have had, but I have no experience whatsoever, so despite being aroused by a variety of things that you do, I'm still scared".
His words fell slowly into place in Kaeya's mind, but everything still felt slow and thick like honey, he wasn't sure if it was the alcohol that didn't help him process, all he managed to get out of that was…
"I make you feel aroused?" He asked with an incredulous tone.
"Yes, Kaeya", Albedo sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, he really knew it was better to have this talk when Kaeya was completely sober, but he refused to leave him feeling like trash for the rest of the night.
The shorter man decided to start from the beginning, "I love you, I've told you that, right?" Kaeya nodded, this was an improvement in his eyes, Albedo reached out to hold the man's hands in his own "I love your voice, your tenderness, your touches and lingering stares, most of what you do when you are with me makes me feel like you care about me, I feel your need to take care of me and be by my side" and despite the anguish he had been feeling during the day, Kaeya smiled, a genuine, relaxed expression reaching his factions, "but I do, too, get aroused, from your flirty words, your hands over me, the beautiful sight of…" by the end Albedo could feel himself growing redder in the face, so trying to get over his breathlessness, he tried to finish, "well… you… do I have to spell it out? Every thing you make my body feel?".
"No, I think that will suffice…" he now looked at Kaeya again, who was, too, slightly flustered, smiling back at him, looking more relaxed than he had during the whole day, "so, you do want it" he finally said.
"Yes" Albedo said, his tone an expression manifesting the security he needed.
"Then… Any suggestions? So we can actually, you know, get to it" Kaeya felt like all his brain could process now was that Albedo was okay with him, and that tranquillity was settling in slowly.
"That's what I don't know, of course as a man of science I'm not ignorant of how people have intercourse, but that's the thing, I could draw a diagram and give a class on it, but I have no idea how you go from kissing to… actually holding your lover, and calling it making love instead of just… I don't know, copulating" by the end of his sentence Albedo was looking down, frowning as he tried to visualize all those abstract concepts that seemed so foreing to him, his hand reaching to the back of his neck to scratch it unconsciously.
Kaeya stared. As much as the cryo user liked to listen to him when he got passionate, he was usually the one that carried conversations between the two of them, so Albedo couldn't help but to feel a little out of his depth, as that single pupil seemed to give him his cue to keep elaborating while all Albedo seemed to muster at the moment was gently massaging the man's knuckles with his thumbs.
"Today, when you kissed me and held me in your arms, I was ecstatic. My heartbeat was galloping, and I felt so light, but then your hand lowered, and it was my mind's turn to race. Is it going to happen here? When Sucrose or Klee could walk in at any second? Is it going to be rushed? What if I freeze and don't know what to do…" maybe it was all a trick of his mind, but as the words blurted out he was sure Kaeya was looking every time more sober, more receptive of what he was saying. "I guess I'm so used to knowing what to do, this kind of thing makes me a little anxious".
After what had felt like the longest silence Albedo had seen coming from him, Kaeya spoke again, "I'm not gonna lie, I didn't think about someone walking in, I was just thinking of you… but it's good you thought about it, love".
Albedo smiled, Kaeya probably didn't notice, but he dropped all the endearing names when he got tense, so hearing him call him "love" again made both his heart flutter and his mind relax.
"I do want that with you, Kaeya" Albedo sounded like he was holding a sigh.
"There's no time like the present" Kaeya replied with a seductive smile.
Albedo chuckled, "No, you're drunk" he stood up, reluctantly letting go of his partner's hands and stretching a bit on his spot.
"Then let's do something, whenever I sober up for real, let's schedule this if that makes you feel any better" Kaeya followed the motions of his lover as he sat next to him on the couch, making space for him.
"Schedule it?" Albedo asked, curious.
"I mean, it sounds like a boring knight meeting if I put it like that. But let's put a date on it, and prepare everything, I know what we need so don't worry, and if you have any preparations I will take care of them" Kaeya sounded rather confident with his idea, yet he was truly wishing Albedo didn't think it was dumb.
"Thank you, Kaeya" the alchemist replied, "it sounds like a great idea, we can look at the details after we have rested, would that be okay with you?"
"Yes, that'd be lovely, sunflower" At that moment the shorter man could see nothing in Kaeya's eye that didn't look like adoration.
"Let's go to bed" Albedo suggested, stretching his hand, ready to help Kaeya stand if he needed it.
Kaeya gulped down the rest of the water and allowed Albedo to help him stand, guiding him to his own room, and helping him out of his many layers of clothing, so he could sleep comfortably.
Putting on his sleeping gown, Kaeya thought about how this was the last thing on his predictions for today. He really expected to be smashed at the tavern and sharing a bed with an irritated Diluc at best, and barely making it to his flat and falling asleep on the floor or couch at worst.
He removed his eyepatch and laid on his right side, making sure his fringe was covering that side of his face even through the foggy stupor of the alcohol that remained in his system. Albedo joined him, facing him and gently taking him into his arms.
Kaeya's head rested on Albedo's chest, and as the other's fingers caressed his hair, he truly felt all the tension leaving him after what had been a really long day.
He looked up at his lover's face, still a little tense, but smiling at him all the same.
"Anything worrying you, dear?" He asked
"Today you looked so dejected…" Albedo began, as if testing the waters.
"I was, a little" he said with honesty.
"I'm sorry I made you feel like that because I wasn't able to have this conversation before, I'm sure I could have saved you both worry and pain." Albedo said as he played with thin locks of Kaeya's hair between his fingers.
"Don't worry, I also wasn't able to tell you anything, you're so close to my heart, Bedo…" he thought about what he talked with Diluc. "No, you are not close, you have it there between your hands, and as much as I cherish you looking after it, I can't help but be scared…"
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, putting one of the locks behind Kaeya's ear, taking that motion to lower his hand a bit to caress his jaw.
"In the morning? Right now, I just want to be like this" Kaeya said before hugging Albedo by the waist, holding him, sinking his face in the other's chest.
"Then I got you, captain" Albedo replied, caressing Kaeya's head as he also drifted and allowed tiredness to take him.