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By now, Ryujin is used to being stared at. Even before her first modelling gig in a less than professional warehouse with somehow even less than professional equipment, people looked at her. Turned their heads as if to double check she was real, not bothering to consider that the object of their attention might be a bit uncomfortable with so many eyes on her while she's trying to live her daily life. It took a while to harness that power into her work, posing this way and that, knowing every appealing angle she can contort her body into but she's got it down to a science now — can practically become the most captivating person in the room at the flip of a switch.
Still. The way Yeji stares has always been different.
The first time she stares is incidentally also when they meet face to face for the first time. Yeji's new to their makeshift group of teen models and Ryujin promises to welcome her with a hug if they ever see each other.
She hugs her at her side, looking up at her with what she hopes is a friendly smile and Yeji stares . And stares . And stares .
Ryujin's not sure how long Yeji just looks at her, but she is sure that she's looking back just as much. There'll always be a difference between pictures and reality, Ryujin knows that — sees it in the dissonance between the her in a polished and edited magazine and the her that she sees in the mirror — but Ryujin almost curses at how vastly unprepared the tiny pixels of Yeji's profile picture have left her. Yeji is beautiful — not just beautiful like the unrealistic body expectations and superficial standards that the modelling industry thrives off of, beautiful in a way that Ryujin's convinced she'll never ever forget having met her because nobody else will ever compare.
And her eyes.
Her eyes are dead set on Ryujin, but it's not uncomfortable or dehumanising. It's warm, it's a little confused and in shock, it's blinking like Yeji can't look at her directly for too long without her brain shorting out.
According to their friends there's more stares in between, so many glances exchanged when the other wasn't looking, but the next instance Ryujin remembers so insanely vividly is their last shoot together at the warehouse before finally signing off to proper modelling agencies. Yeji's 19, Ryujin's 18 and their photographer's made the executive decision that they might as well use the little time they have left to add more "artistic" shots to the girls' portfolios since the whole operation is being bought out by an actual agency.
(He actually means his portfolio, because the odds he’ll send over any pictures in time for the girls to make use of them are low, but that remains unsaid.)
It's an outdoor shoot at a skatepark, just as the sun sets. None of the girls knows what they're doing but Ryujin doesn't wobble as much on her board so she goes first. Despite their photographer giving the usual vague instructions, it doesn't take long for her to get into the feel of it. The large hoodie she wears is comfortable and her short hair fits the concept of aloof skater girl so well it almost feels planned.
"Okay, look to the side now. Gimme your best disinterested look."
When she does, she somehow meets Yeji's gaze. She's getting her makeup done just a little ways away, softness being painted away to highlight her sharper features for whatever "emo girl" idea their photographer decided to give her but her eyes are still all warmth and encouragement.
You're doing so amazing right now, how are you so good at this? They say so loudly Ryujin is almost convinced Yeji's actually shouting it at her. She stares like Ryujin is the only person to ever look pretty in front of a camera, she stares like Ryujin hung the stars in the sky, like Ryujin can do no wrong.
Ryujin loses her concentration then, feeling a smile creeping onto her lips and it must be cocky and self assured because their photographer loves it, singing her praises and snapping more shots even more exaggeratedly than before.
They don't see each other for three more years. Ryujin signs a contract in Canada and Yeji stays in Korea.
Their reunion is nothing special.
Ryujin returns home with two new best friends and a bucket load of offers from about every relevant Korean designer in tow. It doesn't take long to sign to JYP, if anything because they wouldn't stop hounding her about it and Chaeryeong and Jisu decide to sign there as well. She's in the cafeteria after a particularly irritating negotiation for an underwear shoot she's not very interested in, tired out of her mind and wishing she could go back to the days when her mum was her manager because as overbearing as that had been at least she actually had Ryujin's best interests at heart.
She almost doesn't recognise Yeji, not with the large scarf, the mask and cap worn low over her eyes but she can feel the intensity of her stare even from a few tables across. First the confusion from their first meeting complete with a small head tilt, then the fondness she grew accustomed to as they worked together all those years ago.
Yeji waves, and Ryujin doesn't need to see her face to know she's beaming. Her manager gives her a look, probably wondering why Ryujin changes her course to go sit at some random's table but lets her go with only a small grumble of " Please don't take too long, we have to get back in 10. ".
"You look exhausted," Is all Yeji seems to manage as a greeting. Her mask is finally off, her cap discarded and even if her own eyes reflect the same profound tiredness weighing Ryujin down they still shine with overwhelming joy.
"The Calvin Klein deal," Ryujin answers, short but Yeji groans in complete understanding.
They don't talk much, both too worn down from their respective contract woes to have the energy to catch up, but the ache of stress seeping into Ryujin's soul is replaced with a strong wave of comfort. Suddenly they're teens again, grabbing a quick bite in between a children's vitamin ad and a shoot for a local family magazine.
"Ryujin."
She looks up to see Yeji's eyes on her again and she almost drowns in the familiarity in her gaze.
I'm so glad to see you again. I'm so happy you're back. I can't believe we signed to the same agency.
She reads it loud and clear like it hasn't been ages since they last saw each other. So when she responds, her voice is soft but not because she's over used it arguing back and forth in a meeting room on the fifth floor. "Yeah?"
"I have to head off to a beach shoot soon, but I'll talk to you later?"
Her stare this time is questioning, a little scared and so hopeful Ryujin finds herself smiling, whisker dimples and all.
"Well yeah, you still owe me an ice cream date remember? I'm not ghosting you again until after I cash in on that."
Yeji laughs.
"Yeji?"
A hum of acknowledgment, a quick soothing kiss at the mark she's left on Ryujin's inner thigh then Yeji finally settles between spread legs and meets her eyes.
This stare is the most intense Yeji gets, pupils dilated, face flushed, every fibre of her body screaming want . It's the closest her stare ever comes to everyone else's but also somehow the farthest removed from how anyone has ever looked at her or will ever look at her.
Yeji wants her . Not the Ryujin on billboards and the covers of magazines, not the Ryujin who smiles effortlessly for skin care commercials and runways. Her . The most intimate, most real, most her version of her to ever exist and Ryujin has to hold back a whimper at how much that drives her crazy even if she's known and reciprocated this feeling for so long.
She's breathless but she still gets out her request, threading her fingers into Yeji's hair as she asks: "Look at me?"
Yeji groans like the words have an effect on her and nods, before dipping her head downwards to where Ryujin needs her the most.
The first lick is shy, as if Yeji hasn't tasted her so many times over the past two years and then Yeji's eyes snap up to meet hers again as she licks firm, reverent and so, so slow Ryujin might actually cry.
She keeps that pace, taking her time watching as Ryujin moans and squirms and falls apart because of her, only sinking a finger inside her wetness when the grip on her hair becomes desperate.
Ryujin's own eyes flutter shut — it's too much, too good — she physically can't hold her gaze anymore but she can feel Yeji's eyes pinning her down, so heavy it's like they touch every place her fingers can't reach.
"Let go, Ryujinnie. Wanna see you come for me."
And fuck , if she says it like that how can Ryujin refuse her.
When Ryujin comes, Yeji's rapt, unwavering attention is still on her even as she whispers the sweetest, corniest, most Yeji-est things to help her down from her high.
It takes a while for Ryujin to come to her senses again but when she finally does Yeji still looks at her, a little less intense than before because right now they're brimming with pure awe and something deeper, something still somehow unsaid with how little time they have for themselves in between so many contracts and runways and galas.
"Again?" Yeji asks, pouting because she already knows Ryujin's answer.
Ryujin rolls her eyes but there's a teasing smile plastered onto her face. "Baby, you know we have an early shoot tomorrow."
Yeji makes an indignant noise and Ryujin laughs, pulling her closer and kissing the taste of herself and Yeji's adorable pout off her lips.
"Fine," Yeji says as they cuddle into each other. "But next time I'm going first."
And because Ryujin can't help but mess with her a little she brings her lips to Yeji's ear and whispers: " Next time you can do whatever you want. "
Yeji shivers but before she can do anything else Ryujin turns over and scoots farther into her side of the bed.
A pause, a groan and then Yeji spoons her from behind.
"You're the worst ."
Ryujin laughs. "Goodnight babe."
The catering service for this shoot surprisingly brought in a large assortment of snacks, large enough that even an expert like Yeji actually takes some time scanning every single packet and tin strewn out onto the table. Yuna's beside her, pretty much bouncing off the floor as she points to this and that excitedly, Yeji nodding her head in complete seriousness, mentally noting every suggestion. Yeji spots something and beams, Yuna protests but she slots it into her cup and they continue their hunt. Ryujin doesn't see the rest as her makeup artist gets up in her face, which is unfortunate because those two have always been a fun duo to watch.
Where she had Jisu and Chaeryeong as her closest companions away from home, Yeji had Yuna. Yuna's the taller of the two but she usually leans into Yeji's side until they're height level, always talking with an enthusiasm that only Yeji can return in double. They're on a makeup break, not supposed to be eating yet but the two shared a look and in a flash were at the snack table to grab what they can before it's their turn to touch up.
Her makeup artist finishes and Yeji replaces her, plopping down with a grin and two large plastic cups brimming with bite sized treats. Ryujin expects a tirade about what she's managed to scavenge for with her partner in crime but instead Yeji just stares , just like the first time, like all her cognitive functions are suddenly offline.
"Like what you see?"
It's meant to tease but Yeji nods, totally sincere. "Yeah. You're so pretty, Ryujinnie."
She's heard that before, from photographers, from fans, from everyone, even heard it from Yeji but the way Yeji always says it like there's nothing truer in the universe knocks the breath out of her lungs.
She wants to make a comeback, get Yeji back for leaving her utterly speechless but the older girl continues. "They didn't cover your freckles this time?" It's phrased as a question but it's more like a statement of utter disbelief.
Ryujin’s pretty surprised too. After 5 years in the professional industry and who knows how long modelling since she was a child her freckles were always the first thing to be wiped away with mountains of concealer. Blemishes don't suit you, you look prettier without them and Ryujin never really cared all that much to protest.
Yeji first sees them late into the night in the back of a car as they help each other remove their makeup — or rather, Ryujin helps Yeji and Yeji tiredly tries and fails to return the favour. The only light filtering in through their slightly open windows is from street lights so Ryujin has no clue how Yeji even spots them but she does and gives up the cotton swab for light touches and a continuous brush off her lips as if she wants to kiss every single dot across the bridge of her nose.
She didn't really see how Yeji looked at her then, it was too dark but as always she felt it, felt that unsaid something that's becoming more and more prominent in Yeji's gaze day by day.
It's there now too as Yeji stares at her again, it's probably always been there, so consuming Ryujin almost forgets that they're not in their own little bubble but at work with who knows how many crew members waiting on them so they can pack up and go home. Ryujin usually loves to take advantage of that, to put Yeji on edge because she can never actually resist her but her own sense of professionalism won't allow her to ever act on anything.
Once in a while though Yeji'll push back just as much and when she gets this intent Ryujin knows she has to stop her before they get in trouble.
Yeji leans in, and it takes all Ryujin's willpower to put a hand to her face to stop her. "You're going to ruin my makeup," she explains as she feels pouting lips against her skin.
"I'm not going to give you any kiwi gummies then," Yeji responds almost childishly, like a snuck kiss is fair trade for some candy. And it is, if anything Ryujin would kiss Yeji for free, but this is more fun.
"Yes, you are," Ryujin says, because she will and they both know she will. "Go get your makeup done."
Yeji presses her lips to Ryujin's hand in a soft kiss, places the cup with the blue pack of kiwi gummies on the armrest next to her and heads to their changing room.
Before she leaves she gives Ryujin on more look, smile growing when she sees that Ryujin's looking back at her.
It's inconsequential, just another exchange among millions past and present. But, like always, Ryujin hears her.
I love you .