Archive of Our Own

Chapter 1.  Catalyst

“Why, if it isn’t Keeley Jones!” 

Ted couldn’t help himself from shouting across the fancy venue at the NBC Sports event he was currently desperately willing to be over, after spotting the young woman in the crowd. They’d met a few months earlier at an international fundraiser her PR firm had hosted and hit it off immediately. 

“Ted Lasso, what are you doing here?” Keeley pulled him in for a hug, happy to see him again.

“Oh, you know, gotta sing for my supper”, He joked, “they have me on some committee, panel or rigamarole, I couldn’t tell you which, to be perfectly honest. I have no idea what it even entails or what I’m supposed to be doing beyond mingling and putting a butt in a seat.”

“Aw, I’m sure it’s not just that, although you seemed to be doing great with both.” Keeley laughed while giving him an appreciative side glance. He did look nice in his fitted suit.

“How bout you? What brings you to our shores?” Ted shifted a little, a warm blush coloring his cheeks.

“Same”, she laughed, “networking, trying to sign international clients, butt in seat.”

“Well, let me help you find yours, by that I mean seat, not butt, I doubt you need help finding that...” She stopped his rambling by taking his arm and they spent the rest of the way chatting amicably, making their way to her table. 

The event went by faster than anticipated and Ted was excited about the prospect of a couple of promising scouting trips he was able to set up. On his way out he spotted Keeley again standing in the lobby by herself, something about her demeanor made him reconsider and turn around.

“We gotta stop meeting like this!” He laughed, but paused as he saw her expression.”What’s the matter, everything ok?”

“Yeah,” she tried to wave him off, “some mess up with the car service. They’re sending another, but said it would take a few minutes, at least that’s what the person on the phone said”. 

“Alright, how about this? I can drop you off at your hotel, I’m on my way out myself.” Ted blurted it out before he could think twice and withered a little under her measured look. They were interrupted by a rowdy party that spilled out of one of the rooms, and he saw Keeley shifting a little to the side so she was hidden behind him.

“Come on, it beats standing around here, being fair game to the...” he paused, “elements.”

She burst out laughing at that, linking her arm through his. “Alright, Coach. But no funny business!”

“Scouts honor.”

It took the valet a moment to bring Ted’s car around, so he asked her if her evening had been successful, to which Keeley visually exhaled.

“Honestly, I am also looking for a work opportunity for a close friend of mine. She’s currently a solicitor working for a premier football club in London. Do you know anyone who’s looking to hire? She’s incredible, handles all the player contracts, loans, the whole thing. She just needs…”, Keeley looked up at him, fixing him with a look he couldn’t quite place, “a change?”

“Well, sheesh, I am not sure we could afford someone like that, but if you wanna forward her resume, I’ll ask around?” He had barely finished his sentence when he felt the Blonde pulling him into a fierce side hug, their height difference causing him to slightly lose his footing. 

“Gosh, you’re strong!” He exclaimed, as the valet pulled up with his car. “My lady, your carriage awaits!”  

————

He had almost forgotten their exchange until a week later when a thick envelope made its way across his desk, stamped in London bearing a loopy feminine handwriting he didn’t recognize. 

He took it over to HR, opening it while he walked and marveled at the smooth finish of the pristine paper included in the envelope.Handing it off to Rachel, the person in charge of hiring with a sticky note that read Please consider  x Ted earning him a raised eyebrow and a smile. 

“Are we still set for the company picnic? I’ll bring the cake!!” And with that he was retreating, finger guns blazing. 

Rachel called him 2 hours later, exasperated. “What am I supposed to do with this? Are you kidding? She’d be overqualified to replace our boss's boss, but if you’d ever repeat that, I will call you a bold and shameless liar!” 

“Whoa,” Ted interjected, “I don’t think money is really a deciding factor, to be honest. As long as there is a year work visa attached? Why don’t you call her and see what she says. And stop sniping at the messenger!” 

“I’m sorry, Ted. She sounds amazing. Do you know why she’s looking?” Rachel clearly wasn’t going to let this go. “Do you know her? Like personally? Judging from her headshots…”

He cut her off right there. “Now hold on, I have never met or even laid eyes on this woman in my life. If you must know, it’s a favor for a friend of a friend. You satisfied?”

“Not even remotely”, was her answer, but he could hear the smile in her voice. 

Two weeks later he saw the welcome announcement on the bulletin board in the employee lounge. Rebecca Welton will be joining the staff at the WSU Shockers. What do ya know. 

Chapter 2 Introductions

The knock on his office door came about two weeks later, him and the team having just returned from an away game against Albany State. On days like this the paperwork seems insurmountable, and he welcomed the distraction of someone wandering this late into the quiet part of the building where his office was located.  His shout to whomever, to come right in was therefore a little overly enthusiastic, even for Ted. 

He could hear someone on the other side pause, take a step and then stop.

“Come on now, I won’t bite, and since when do you knock, Beard? How many times do I have to apologize for changing on the bus without telling you? And since when have you become so bashful anyways? I remember many a time in college…” He thankfully stopped, looking up at the imposing stranger that had stepped into his space.

“Can I help you?” He was lost for words, which for him was a rare thing, but caught himself, giving her an encouraging smile.

“Yes? I’m looking for Coach Lasso? At least that’s what I was told, I think?” She still looked unsure.

“Well, you’ve come to the right place, cuz you’re looking right at him!” Ted extended his hand, “what can I do for you, Ms..?”

“Mannion, ahem, I mean Welton”, she stuttered while taking the hand he offered, “please just call me Rebecca.”

“Ok, just Rebecca, what can I do for you?” He had intended it as a joke to put her at ease, but a pained expression so raw flashed across her face, he wished he could take it back. It was so fleeting, a second later he almost believed he’d imagined it, as she squared her shoulders and met his look with an edge he couldn’t name.

“I was told I have you to thank for my position here?” She arched one of her eyebrows questioningly, and finally the pieces locked in place.

“Yes! You’re Keeley’s friend! Naw, no thanks needed, I was glad I could help out. And from what I hear, we’re lucky to have ya! Welcome to Kansas, how are you settling in?” He tried to give her a reassuring smile, but she still seemed a little lost for an answer.

“It has most certainly been an adjustment, as one would imagine. But I am grateful, and if there is ever anything I can do, please don’t hesitate to call on me.” 

She started turning on her heel, seemingly satisfied with their exchange, and he had the sudden urge to stop her, to ask what made her leave her life and promising career in England to start at a Division 2 Football program in Kansas of all places. But all he could bring himself to reply was: 

“Right back atcha.”

And with a polite smile she was gone, the sound of her heels echoing in the quiet hall. He gave his head a little shake to bring himself back from this strange encounter and turned back to his paperwork, only to give up again after a few minutes. 

He kept replaying their conversation in his head, wondering what had made her seem so haunted. He could only guess at a recent divorce, judging from her stuttered introduction. He remembers the early weeks  after Michelle had packed up and left them, Henry being barely old enough to walk. How he had flailed, trying to  answer questions as to where his wife was. 

But it was getting late, he should drive over to his moms before it got past midnight, so she wouldn’t stay up waiting for him. He packed up his papers and made his way to the parking lot, putting off the enigma that was Rebecca Welton for another day.

—-----

Their next encounter happened purely by chance, Rebecca received an email inquiring into signing packages and scholarship details for the upcoming fall semester and decided to call a meeting to discuss it. She was surprised to see Ted bounce into the conference room, his casual attire a stark contrast to the suits and business casual of the rest of the men. And they were all men. She pursed her lips, deciding not to ponder that specific hardship too closely. She had already been seated as a nervous looking young man made his way over to tell her he’d like a cup of coffee and if there were going to be snacks. She rose, enjoying the look on his face as he realized she was a good foot taller than him.

 “I don’t care much for coffee, but I’ll take tea, thank you for offering. No cream, one sugar.” With that she turned, effectively dismissing him, but caught the small smile Ted tried to hide by looking down.

“Aw, Nate, how about I’ll grab that for Rebecca, so you can find a seat?” He addressed the flustered young man, and turning to Rebecca, “Nice to see you again.”

Nate took a seat on the furthest end of the table, mumbling under his breath he didn’t know who she was, and Ted responded low with something she didn’t catch, leaving the room to get her tea. 

The rest of the meeting went by without incident, she was starting to find her footing, and respect surely had to be earned. It wasn’t as much of a good old boys club as she had feared, and Ted surprised her with his insightful views on how to grow the program without going over budget. She had heard about the small miracle he managed to perform last season, about his tireless efforts and enthusiasm where the students and team were concerned. 

He found her later in her office, rapping his knuckles gently against the door to ask if she had a minute. She contemplated saying no, he was one of those unnerving sincere people that she found difficult to interact with, his wide open smile and kind eyes looking at her like he was trying to read the darkest secrets between her words.

But it wouldn’t be constructive, she had to build rapport and from what she gathered, he was the one to charm to be accepted into the inner workings of this place.

“Hey there. Just wanted to check in and see how you’re getting on!” 

If his smile got any bigger she could count the fillings in his molars she thought a little unkindly. What did he want? He didn’t strike her as a man looking to seduce her, he seemed way too wholesome in his interactions. She wasn’t used to men being kind to her, to watch her with this intensity while lacking ulterior motives.

“Has Keeley put you up to this? I told her on the phone it was just allergies, several times in fact. I am almost afraid of what she has told you, if we’re being honest. And it’s not that I don’t appreciate it, Ted. I do, it’s just not necessary.” She hadn’t realized how much she had raised her voice until her last words seemed to echo into the silence that filled the room.

“Hey, Rebecca.” His eyes locked with hers, searching her with a look so tender, she was glad she was sitting down. “ I’ve met Keeley twice now, and both times we exchanged about 12 sentences, none of them about buying antihistamines for you. All I know is that I played a part in getting you a job halfway across the world from all the things and people you have ever known. You’re part of our team now, and I’m just the kind of person that would like to make sure his coworkers are squared away. Has nothing to do with who they are or what might be happening in their lives. Not that it’s any of my business. I just tend to operate under the assumption that you can never have too many friends. That’s all I’m offering.”

He put his hands in his pockets and was ready to turn around and leave, but she stopped him, a fierce blush tinting her creamy complexion. 

“I’m sorry, Ted, you've been so nice and just wanted to.." She looked down on her desk, as if looking for inspiration on how to proceed. "I wish I could start over with you.”

He surprised her by crossing the room in two long strides, his hand stretched out between them.

“Hi, my name is Ted Lasso. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Rebecca.” His goofy grin was contagious, and she startled herself with the nervous giggle that escaped her as she took the hand he offered. 

“The pleasure is all mine!” 

They stood there for a minute smiling at each other awkwardly until he released her hand and saved them by asking if she wanted to grab lunch with him. She agreed readily, she owed him that at least, and was rewarded with another 1000 watt smile. It became a bit of a personal challenge for her to how many times she could make his dimples appear during their lunch hour. It became a weekly thing for them. 

Chapter 3 Today has been okay

“Hi Babe, how are you getting on? I miss you!” Keeley’s concerned face filled the screen of her phone, making Rebecca smile.

“I’m sorry I missed you yesterday, Ted dragged me to this team picnic to “make friends”, as if it isn’t awkward at all to have to spend your free time with the people you work with. And he kept introducing me to all these women I have absolutely nothing in common with and everybody is just so nauseatingly kind, it feels like I wandered onto the set of one of those American family tv shows, you almost expect them to randomly burst into song. It makes you want to tear off your clothes and scream, or something equally scandalous just to feel alive!” Rebecca huffed annoyed, while Keeley burst out laughing.

“Sounds like a nightmare. What a bunch of arseholes, being all nice and shit. And what’s going on with you and Ted? You haven’t started a single sentence in the past few weeks that didn’t have him in it. Also, if you ever do decide to go through with tearing off your clothes, please make sure someone gets it on video, including your new friend's face when he sees you.” 

“Aww, fuck off, it isn’t like that. We’re just friends. I don’t think he realizes I’m a woman to be honest, and if it wasn’t Ted it’d be almost a little insulting. I'm sure if I ever tore off my clothes for whatever reason, he would just hand me his coat so I wouldn’t catch a cold.”

“So what you’re saying is that the man is blind? I can’t say I got to know him that well, and he does seem rather harmless, but trust me, he has a pulse, so he would notice. But you might be right about the coat thing,” Keeley laughed, “god, I miss you!” 

“Well, can’t you come up with some mad scheme that makes a trip to the American Midwest unavoidable? I miss you, too darling. It’s good here, but not the same without you and our adventures.” Rebecca audibly exhaled, bracing herself before speaking again. “Has there been anything in the press?” 

Silence.

“Keeley?”

“Yeah. I mean, not about where you went. But your absence has been noted and discussed. And..”, she paused, looking at her friend.

“Yes? Please tell me, so I don’t start looking it up on the internet.” Rebecca sounded almost pleading, her brow furrowed into a concerned frown, “Tell me!”

“There have been more…, ahem women who have come forward. It’s a mess. Please don’t look it up. Promise me!” Keeley gave a smile that was meant to be reassuring, but ended up looking pained.

“Ok.” 

—------

From: Keeley Jones <[email protected]>

To: Theodore Lasso <[email protected]>

Hi Ted,

Rebecca gave me your email, and I just wanted to say hi! You should send me your number, so I can add you to our group chat! But all joking aside, I do want to talk to you. Give me your digits and when a good time to chat would be! Can’t wait!!

xoxo Keeley

From: Theodore Lasso <[email protected]> 

To:: Keeley Jones <[email protected]> 

Hi Keeley,

I just texted you, so if you were wondering who that was from, it was me. And I’m not sure I want to intrude on your girl time, so maybe no group chatting, but if you ever need anything, I got two ears ready to listen. I appreciate you wanting to give me the heads up, but it doesn't feel right to me talking about Rebecca’s business with her best friend, you know? She knows she can tell me if there’s something bothering her, and that I’ll always have her back. I know your heart is in the right place and you're just tryin to look out for your friend, but I’d rather only know what she wants to tell me herself, ok? And if there’s ever a time where you think she might need cheering up, just text me, ok? We could have like a code word! What do you think about Safari? Oh, this will be fun! Anyway, let me know. 

P.S. You’re a really good friend and she’s lucky to have ya.

P.P.S. Loved your photoshoot in that magazine!! Do you think you could sign a copy for a friend of mine? His name is Roy and he’s a huge fan! Thanks (from me and Roy)

Ted

From: Keeley Jones <[email protected]>

To: Theodore Lasso <[email protected]>

Hi Ted,

it was so nice to talk to you!! How did she seem today? Give her a hug from me, yeah? I'm working on maybe planning a trip out there soon. Oh, and I put the magazine in the mail for you. Why didn't you tell me "your friend Roy" is Roy Kent?!? 

xoxoxo Keeley

__ __ __

The next morning Ted made his way straight to her office, placing a tub of homemade snickerdoodles in front of her with a smile. 

“What’s this?” She arched one of her eyebrows in question.

“Are you kidding me? Are you telling me you’ve never had a snickerdoodle? I whipped up a big batch last night cuz I couldn’t sleep and thought you might like some with your tea?” As on cue, he produces a takeout cup with her name on it from behind his back.

“Ted! Thank you, but you know you don’t have to bring me breakfast?” She opened the container, inhaling deeply, “God, they smell delicious. You made these?!?” He smiled shyly as he watched her take a bite, delighting in her ecstatic expression. She mumbled something under her breath he didn’t catch. 

“Well, I’m glad you like them. My mom always made them for me when I needed a bit of a boost.”

She gave him a measured look. “What brought this on?” 

“Nothing! Just thought you’d like some and save Henry from having a tummy ache. Because let me tell you, that boy would eat the whole thing if I’d let him.” He tried to look innocent, but the slight blush creeping up his neck was just visible enough to make her purse her lips.

“I’m assuming the grapevine is well up and running? You can tell Keeley I’m fine.” She raised her hands before he could interrupt her, “It’s okay, honestly. But I do have a favor to ask, if that’s ok?”

“Sure, ask away!” Ted leaned forward, looking at her expectantly. 

“Could you explain the purpose of a four way stop sign to me? I’m studying for my drivers test, and I can’t seem to find a satisfying explanation.”

“What? You don’t have a driver’s license?” Ted couldn’t believe what he just heard. “How have you been getting around these past weeks?”

She just shrugged at that, telling him that the university had made an exception for her to stay in one of the faculty accommodations on campus usually reserved for TA’s until she was able to commute. 

“So you’re telling me you have been stuck in one of those tiny rooms, living out of a suitcase with no way to get around since you got here? Rebecca!” He shook his head, trying to wrap his head around what he had just heard. “I don’t think they even have a kitchen! When was the last time you had a meal that didn’t come out of a plastic wrapper?! Forget the cookies, you’re coming home with me after work and I’m cooking you dinner.”

“Ted…listen. I’m…” 

“I wasn’t asking. Let me know when you’re done today. I can help you study for your test, too. It’ll be a blast, I promise! Have you practiced driving on the right side of the street yet? I can’t wait for you to meet Henry! I’ve told him so much about you, he’s gonna be tickled pink!” And with that he turned and sauntered out of her door, excitedly plotting under his breath.

Chapter 4 (If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To

He walked into her office just after 5:30 pm, interrupting her contemplating the evening ahead. After asking if nothing left on her desk had to be dealt with today he told her to pack it in, waiting patiently for her to grab her coat. 

She asked him nervously how she will be getting back to campus after dinner and he paused embarrassed, realizing that his innocent offer could have been misconstrued to be a very different kind of  invitation. 

“Rebecca,” he started, unsure how to continue, “this isn’t that kinda dinner invite.”

He bit back a laugh after seeing her shocked face. “I promise to bring you back to wherever you want to go after feeding you.” With that he made an overly dramatic gesture crossing his heart, making her smile. “Besides, my mother will be there to protect your virtue.” With that he turned and left the office, throwing a smirk over his shoulder as she followed him out the door.

“Wait, what? You live with your mother?” Rebecca stopped, giving him a side glance. 

“Why, Dealbreaker?” He smirked after seeing her face. “No, I mean technically yeah, I moved back in after…, anyways, she needed help with her mortgage and we have separate living areas, but technically yes, we live in the same house. It’s honestly great, with me working and her helping with Henry…”

“I’m sorry, you don’t need to explain, Ted, it’s none of my business.” 

“It's not a secret!” He laughed, giving her a playful shove. “Let’s go before you talk yourself out of the chance of experiencing Midwestern hospitality.”

She was quiet on the drive over, and he wasn’t sure how to break the ice, so he told her about the new students he was hoping to recruit, and ended up telling a truly chaotic story about his last trip with Coach Beard that involved a family of raccoons living under the ice machine in a rural motel that somehow made themselves at home in Ted’s room after he had failed to close the door properly. He had her laughing hysterically at his comical impression of a panicked Beard chasing the animals around the parking lot, worried they’d get hit by traffic. Before she knew it they had pulled into a driveway, Ted shutting off the engine, exhaling audibly.  

“I feel like I have to give you a fair warning, my mother can be a bit…” He paused, rubbing his hands across his face. “What I’m trying to say is, there might be a lot of questions.” He winced a little, making her smile.

“You should see your face, you look so worried!” She laughed, shaking her head. “I’m sure it will be fine.” And with that she opened her door, giving him a challenging look. “You coming?”

She didn’t really get a chance to feel awkward about being clearly overdressed in her very formal business attire as an overexcited Henry barreled into her, skidding to a halt but overshooting in his socks. He flung his arms around her middle to steady himself, while yelling excitedly, “Are you really from England? Do you know the Beatles? They are my favorite band!”

Rebecca laughed and ruffled his hair while setting him back on his feet as Ted came to her rescue, clearly embarrassed about his son's greeting.

“Come on Henry, that’s not how we say howdy to our guests. This here is my friend from work. Her name is Ms. Welton.” He grumbled, but was distracted by the huge smile she wore. Rebecca just waved him off, telling the boy to call her Rebecca and bent down to add that she had indeed met Sir Paul McCartney at a gala before.

“Wow, that’s awesome! Nana, did you hear that!?! She knows Paul from the Beatles!!” And with that he was gone, running up the stairs singing yellow submarine loudly and off key.

“Well, that was Henry.” Ted chuckled, “sorry about the body check, he’s been impatiently wanting to ask you this question ever since I told him you’re from London. But come on in, and again, please excuse our mess, there was not enough warning to make the house a bit more presentable.” With that he gave an apologetic wave around the comfortably lived in space, helping her out of her coat and moving towards the kitchen.

She could hear him talking to someone and a moment later he appeared again, followed by a woman that was so clearly his mother, it was a little disconcerting having two sets of the same kind hazel eyes fixing her in their gaze. Before she could decide what she should do next, the woman had pulled her into a warm hug, introducing herself as Margaret and exclaimed surprised delight at Rebecca's impressive height. 

It became clear to Rebecca now where Ted got his warm and easy manners, and they spent a few minutes chatting amicably about the weather until a crash from upstairs caused Margaret to rise with an apologetic smile, saying she better check on the boy. 

Rebecca wandered towards the kitchen, unsure if she should follow Ted while trying hard not to scrutinize her surroundings too much. She couldn’t help but notice how homey it all looked  with it’s scuffed baseboards, mismatched shoes by the door, bookshelves bowing under the weight of books, board games and in the corner two overstuffed couches covered in cozy looking blankets. It made her realize how little she really knew about the man she had been spending so much time with lately, who didn’t hesitate to invite her into his home just to feed her a proper meal. The overwhelming amount of books surprised her, they covered literally every available surface. He hadn’t really struck her as such an avid reader, but again, for someone who talked as much as him he revealed surprisingly little about himself. Not being able to resist the temptation any longer she walked over to look at the bookends on one of his shelves, running her fingertips gently over the backs of the well used volumes.  

He startled her by placing his warm hand gently on her shoulder making her turn in surprise, a guilty expression on her face. He laughed, handing her a glass of water.

“You want to hang out with me while I cook, or keep my stuff company in here?” He grinned at her, eyebrow raised. 

Flustered and blushing fiercely she followed him, apologizing profusely for snooping. He waved her off goodnaturedly, joking about wanting to keep his air of mystery. He started teasing her almost immediately about her lack of cooking skills and they bickered about it until his mother joined them and recruited Rebecca to help set the table. 

She caught Margaret looking at her while they supervised Henry placing the silverware, and Rebecca was bracing herself for the ominously predicted questions, but the older woman stayed quiet, an amused smile on her face. 

“You’re probably wondering what I am doing here, intruding on your family meal on such short notice.” Once the words had left her mouth, Rebecca couldn’t believe she’d actually said them out loud, but Margaret just continued to smile at her, surprising her by saying that she was just glad to finally meet her.

“He talks about you a lot.”

They were interrupted by Ted bringing in the food, calling them loudly to sit down and tuck in,  Rebecca still contemplating the bombshell Margaret had just dropped. She wondered what he had said about her.

But whatever it was, there was no time to really worry about this now, so she gave herself a little shake to will herself back into the moment and accepted the plate of food Ted was handing her, laughing at the ridiculous amount of Ketchup Henry was squirting on his meatloaf. A heated discussion about the fact that Ketchup was not in fact a vegetable even though it was made from tomatoes broke out between Ted and his son, and she leaned back and enjoyed the fact that she was not expected to participate, that she could just sit here and take it all in with no expectation that had to be met. 

When dinner was over Margaret took Henry upstairs, while Rebecca offered to help with the dishes. But Ted declined, and told her not to worry about it, he would do them later after he dropped her off at her dorm. She took this to mean that the evening was over, and went to grab her coat. 

“Hey, where are you going?” He asked, confused.

“I thought you were taking me back?” She said, putting her bag down and giving him a bewildered look. “It is getting late, and you have a child to put to bed and I don’t want to intrude any further than I already have.” She gave him a sad smile. “Thank you for dinner, Ted. It was delicious and I really enjoyed meeting your lovely family:” 

“Naw, come on, fun’s just about to start. You’re gonna have a beer with us, play some cards or heck, we can do whatever you want, I could quiz you for your road sign test…I mean you don’t have to, obviously, but come on it’s still early!” He gave her a pleading look, and she realized that she had misunderstood him. 

“But you said I can’t help with the dishes because you’re driving me back? I’m so confused!”

“Rebecca.” He looked down, suddenly quiet. 

“What?”

“You just don’t strike me as a woman who washes dishes.” He flinched slightly as he saw the hurt expression flicker across her face. In just an instant it was gone, her expression giving nothing away again. It wasn’t the first time he marveled about her ironclad composure and unflappable poise.

She surprised him by asking quietly, “you don’t think I could help washing dishes?”

“No, that’s not what I meant. I think there is nothing you can’t do. I mean, look at you. Starting over in a foreign country by yourself, no license, no car, no kitchen. And yet you take the job by storm, improving so many things, I mean Rebecca, you’re amazing. I wonder sometimes…” and with that he stopped, a slight blush creepy up his neck. 

“You wonder what? Who would do my dishes if I had a kitchen?” She turned from him, her tone cutting through him, realizing too late how much he had hurt her with his comment.

“I sometimes wonder what holds you together. Keeley keeps asking me to give you hugs from her, and don’t worry, I would never presume to just do that unprompted, or ask why unless you wanted to tell me.” He touched her elbow lightly with his hand turning her towards him, his expression softening as he saw her eyes brimming brightly with unshed tears. 

“Hey, come on, I’m sorry, it’s alright”, and with that, in spite of what he had just promised, he pulled her into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around her. “You don’t have to tell me, but please promise me you let me know if there is something I can do?”

She pulled a little away from him, resting her forehead on his shoulder.

“I promise.” 

He released her, rubbing his hands down her back encouragingly, making her shiver. “Come on now, what do you want to drink? I have cheap red wine and even cheaper beer.”

“She’s having a G&T with me, come on Teddy, make yourself useful and get the Hendricks from my kitchen. I want to talk to Rebecca for a bit without you butting in!” And with that Margaret pulled her into the living room towards the couch. “Sit down, sweetheart, and tell me all about yourself!”

Rebecca threw a futile glance towards him, mouthing “Teddy?” under her breath, which earned her a saucy wink from the man himself as he rushed out to fetch his mothers liquor. 

The three of them ended up spending the rest of the evening talking and laughing, Rebecca recalling her days back at University, and Margaret chiming in with her adventures backpacking through Europe in her twenties. It was such an easy relaxed evening, Ted didn’t even realize how late it had gotten until his mother rose and told them she was turning it, glancing meaningfully at the clock showing half past midnight. 

“Oh Gosh, I had no idea it’s gotten so late, let’s get you back to your place, young lady!” 

“I haven’t been called “young lady” since year ten”, she giggled, “Also, I think I’m older than you “Teddy.””

He chuckled at that. “Pretty sure you’re not. Good lord, how much gin was in those G&T’S?” he teased her, as she unsteadily tried to put on her heels.

“Oh, fuck off!” 

She nodded off on the drive back and he waited for a bit after pulling into the parking at her quad, unwilling and unsure how to wake her. She looked so much younger asleep, so carefree,  peaceful and safe, it made his chest ache with an unnamed emotion so confusing and intense, it took his breath away.

A car alarm went off in the distance startling both of them.

“Hey, sleepy head, I was just about to wake you.” He said gently, his voice raspy and low. 

She smiled at him through her long lashes, blinking tiredly and stifling a yawn.

“Thank you so much for tonight. It was…” She trailed off, but he just smiled.

“Anytime.” 

He just sat in the parking lot after watching her go into the building, trying to make sense of what had just happened, whispering a quiet “shoot” under his breath before making his way back to his house.

Chapter 5 you can't hurry love

The next morning he found an envelope on his desk, a beautifully written thank you note tucked inside with two etickets to “Van Gogh Alive'' at the Nelson-Atkins for this coming Saturday. Not wasting a minute, he made his way over to her office, smiling to himself. Was this an invitation and her way of testing the waters? He had been thinking about her the entire drive home and spent most of the night tossing and turning trying to get her off his mind. She really put his emotions in a tailspin, and he couldn’t decide if he should tell her how much he admired her for her grit or pull her into a hug to never let go.

And speaking of hugs…he was worried he had crossed a boundary, not sure how comfortable she was by just being pulled into such a tight embrace. 

Heaving a frustrated sigh, he contemplated how he usually was so good with people, but with her he just didn’t know. He’d like to think they were friends, having spent countless lunch hours together talking and laughing, but he still knew surprisingly little about her. She rarely spoke about herself, and often changed the subject when they got into personal things. She had mentioned that she was very newly divorced and that both of her parents were back in England, but beyond that nothing. And even these rare little admissions were usually buried inside offhanded remarks, never to be revisited again. Well, maybe this was his chance to spend some time with her, away from work or his inquisitive mother. He smiled, remembering their animated conversation about Paris and Amsterdam, but now was his turn. Sticking his head into her office, he gestured a spooning food motion into her direction, to which she wordlessly nodded, her phone tucked tightly into the crook of her neck, a slight frown on her face. He had been so distracted by his train of thought, he hadn’t realized she was in a call and kicked himself internally. He really needed to get a grip as he backed out of her door, giving her privacy to finish her conversation. 

She joined him a few minutes later and he could still see the ghost of a frown line between her brows and had to stop himself from reaching out to smooth it out with his fingertips. So much for getting a grip, he thought, shaking his head slightly, drawing a confused side glance from Rebecca, who was otherwise completely oblivious to the confusing mix of emotions currently at war inside his chest.

It was a fairly warm fall day, so they grabbed their food and sat outside, watching the students and enjoying the sunshine, as he turned to her and smiled.

“Thank you for your note. It was very thoughtful and oh so proper!” He started laughing as she playfully shoved his shoulder.

“Well, where I am from, there is a certain way of doing things. And I wanted to show you how much I appreciated the gesture, the meal and the company. And when I saw the ad for the exhibit online after Margret and I were talking about the van Gogh museum in Amsterdam, it just felt like it was meant to be. I just want to show you how grateful I am for everything you’ve done for me so far, I feel like since I got here I haven’t really had the opportunity to just be Rebecca…”, she trailed off as she saw his confused expression.

“So, who have you been all this time, then?” He joked, ducking out of the way before she could shove him again.

“You know what I mean, not  Ms. Welton-at-work. How did you put it, “just Rebecca”?” She gave him a little smile.

“You seemed so angry when I said that,” he laughed, “I remember!”

“Not angry…it just reminded me of something someone said to me not too long ago.” She was looking off into the distance, lost in thought.

“Fine, be all cryptic, see if I care!” He huffed, but it was obvious that he was joking.

“Thanks for the tickets, by the way. I’m almost afraid to ask, and maybe this is a bit forward, but..”

She interrupted him, her eyes wide. “Oh shit, I didn’t even think about that. Of course! I could ride back with you after my meeting unless you mind me changing at your house? I didn’t even think about Henry!” 

He looked up confused. What was she talking about? But he didn’t have time to double check, their lunch hour was up and she was already gathering her things.

“So, just to make sure, I’m taking you back with me on Saturday after practice and you’re changing at my house?”

“Yes, if that’s ok?”

“Sure, I mean, why not?” He still wasn't sure what she meant about Henry, but at least she had agreed. “Hey, what’s the rush?” He called after her.

“We have a meeting with the Dean in 10 minutes, one I believe you are expected to attend as well?” She laughed at his panicked expression, her eyebrows arched. “Better hurry up coach!”

“Yes Ma’am!” And  with that they both hurried towards the main building, Saturday plans momentarily forgotten.

______

The next couple of days kept them both busy, and they didn’t really get a chance to talk, and all of Saturday he was running drills on the field trying to get them ready for the first home game this season on Sunday. 

Rebecca texted him around noon after her meeting wrapped that she was just going to be in her office doing paperwork until he was ready and to text her, so she could meet him in the parking lot. It left her with enough time to change into comfortable clothing, relieved to not have to get changed in someone else’s house. She put on some soft black yoga pants with an oversized white knit sweater and pulled her hair back into a low and messy bun just when Ted texted her that he was going to be ready in a few. Pulling on her Nikes, she quickly made her way to his truck, catching him giving her an appreciative side glance. 

“I must say, after-hours looks way more comfy on you than those heels you always wear!” He laughed, watching her roll her eyes. “They look like they need to be classified as a weapon of deadly force.”

“They are definitely not for the weak, but give you killer calves. Hey Lasso, eyes on the road!” She gently teased him as he grumbled something about her to stop talking about her calves.

They talked about practice and the upcoming game and she marveled at how easy it was to talk to him and was grateful that she had found such an amazing and caring friend. 

“So, any rules I should worry about? Is there going to be food? Because believe me, you do not want to subject your only child to my cooking!” She laughed, and he shot her a questioning look, but was distracted by her bag missing from the backseat. 

“Aw, I think you forgot your clothes back at the office Rebecca!” He looked at her, smiling. “Do we need to run back and grab them?”

“No, I left them on purpose. I won’t need them tonight for hanging out with Henry, and I’ll grab them Monday when I ‘m back in the office. So, is Margaret excited about the exhibit? I can’t wait to hear all about it, I might ask you to take me next, so I have someone to go with!” 

He gave her a confused look as the pieces finally fell into place. Had she thought he had asked her to the house to watch Henry, instead of coming with him? And the tickets were for him to take his mother!? Wow, he was so glad he hadn’t asked anything else to make a fool out of himself. So he just rubbed his neck, and contemplated what to do next. He didn’t want it to be awkward, so he decided to just go with it, asking her inside and telling her to make herself at home while he went in search of his mother and son. 

He quickly explained to them that Rebecca wanted to hang back with Henry, giving his mom the chance to see the exhibit, which resulted in an excited squeal from Henry and raised eyebrows from his mother. He told her sheepishly that he’ll explain later, as he tried to catch up with the kid, lecturing him on how to behave himself while the adults were away.

“So, I’m not an adult?” Rebecca smirked, having caught the end of his sentence. He muttered under his breath “barely”, and laughed as she stuck out her tongue at him behind Henry’s back.

He ordered a pizza for them after a long and harrowing toppings negotiation, and ran upstairs to change out of his practice gear. When he came back downstairs, his mom was already waiting, wearing a dress he hadn’t seen in years, and he was suddenly thankful for the mix up, realizing how rarely his mother had a chance to go out. He smiled at Rebecca gratefully, catching her off guard while Henry chattered on in a lengthy explanation about minecraft.

He turned to Rebecca before they left and told her thanks again, how nice it was to do this for him and his mother, and almost choked himself up while rambling about repaying her in kind.

She just smiled and made him promise that they would never become those people that kept score, so as to not be in the others debt. 

Ted and Margaret left not shortly after that, and he took a deep breath before he shut the car door, looking at his mother in mock despair.

“I know what you are going to say, and it’s embarrassing enough, so can we just agree that my wonderful friend has, in an incredible kind gesture, allowed us to spend a fun evening out and leave it at that. She just wanted to do something nice for both of us after you talked about that museum in Amsterdam, and I got my hopes up and misunderstood, alright?”

“So, are you planning on telling her that you’d like to take her out? Or are you just going to pine away and keep giving her longing glances?” Margaret laughed at the face he made while protesting that he was not giving Rebecca glances, longing or otherwise. That he liked her, but also felt like she was not yet ready to talk about her last relationship, and that something told him he needed to be patient and gentle with her.Margaret just rolled her eyes at that. “Don’t wait too long, son. That woman is a knockout and mark my words, while you waffle somebody is going to sweep her off her feet. Sure, divorce is hard, but nothing cheers you up like a body warming your bed at night.”

Ted thanked his lucky star that in the meantime they had pulled up to park at the museum, grumbling under his breath that he was not planning on discussing who warms his bed in any capacity with his mother, earning him such a loud laugh from Margaret, the valet dropped their car keys.

Back at the house Henry was in the middle of showing Rebecca all his Lego sets, while complaining about his homework for the weekend. He had been procrastinating about his reading and now the day where he was supposed to hand in his worksheet about Charlotte’s web was quickly approaching. After he swore her to secrecy she offered to read the book with him, doing all the different voices, making him giggle. After their pizza arrived Henry gave her a look that reminded her so much of Ted she laughed out loud.

“What’s going on, Hen, spit it out!”

He gave her another long look and finally asked, “why did you change your mind about going out with my dad? I mean, I’m having tons of fun and reading with you is so awesome, you sound like someone from the movies. But he was really excited about it and I hope it wasn’t because of me.” He looked down, playing with the fringe of the blanket they were wrapped up in, scooting closer to her on the couch.

“What are you talking about? Did your father think I was asking him out when I gave him the tickets?” She gave him a wide eyed look, but the boy just shrugged. “I dunno, I just know Nana teased him about it.”

“Please don’t ever think that I don’t want to spend time with your dad because of you, ok? I’m so sorry if I made you feel that way.”

Rebecca was still reeling from the bomb Henry had just dropped, but now all of Ted’s strange behavior in the last couple days started to make sense. She smiled to herself, wondering why he hadn’t corrected her. 

Putting the situation out of her mind for now, she challenged Henry to another round of Go Fish, to which the boy happily agreed. They spend another hour giggling and playing until it was time for Henry to go to bed. He asked her shyly if she would sing him a song, so they quietly sang Here comes the sun together, while Henry snuggled into his blankets, closing his eyes.

“Rebecca?” Henry called after her as she quietly made her way to his door.

“Yes darling?” She replied, smiling.

“I’m glad you stayed with me today.” He yawed, laying back down.

“Me, too Henry. Now go to sleep, or your dad will never let me watch you again!” She closed the door carefully, smiling to herself.

She went downstairs to put away the rest of the pizza, wondering how much longer Ted and Margaret were going to be, contemplating their whole misunderstanding. Finally she decided to just call Keeley, to get a different perspective on the situation.

“Hi Babes! What are you doing up on a Saturday at 9:30 pm? Aren’t you usually in bed by now, the faithful celibate that you are?” Keeley’s laughing face filled her screen, making her heart ache.

“Oh fuck off. I could ask you the same, it's almost 4 in the morning!! If you must know, I’m at Ted’s.”

“Oh, you’re at Ted’s on Saturday night, and you're calling me? What’s going on? Has he finally thrown you up against the wall, and now you want to tell me all about the mind blowing orgasms he gave you? Where is he anyways?”

“Well, if you’d give me a chance I could actually explain instead of your imagination running wild..” Rebecca sighed, and launched into a lengthy explanation about how the evening had taken such a turn.  

She finally looked up, watching her friend's face until Keeley finally broke and burst out laughing.

“I’m sorry babe, I know it’s not nice to laugh but that is hysterical. You buying tickets for him and his mum and when he asks you when to pick you up, you assume it's to babysit his child.” Keeley was howling with laughter now. “And him being too nice to say anything as you show up in yoga pants at his house, and now he’s out on a date with his mum. I just can’t with you, Rebecca!” She was still laughing, and Rebecca couldn’t help it, she burst out laughing, too. 

“Well, I’m glad my messed up personal life brings enjoyment to your early morning hours.” She said a little stiffly, but relented. “Do you think I should talk to him about it?”

“Well obviously, unless you want to friendzone him eternally.” Keeley moved closer, her face filling the whole screen. “Do you want to just be friends with Ted or give him a chance?”

“I’m not sure what that even means, but I don’t know. I never thought he’d be interested, you know..”

“He’d be mad not too, I mean look at you!”

“You just say that because you’re my friend.”

“That’s not true, but I’ll allow it for now. I still think you should talk to him, yeah? Even if it’s just to laugh about it together. He’s such a nice bloke, I would hate for things to get weird between you two.”

“You’re right of course. Thanks, love and get some sleep! I'm so glad I caught you!”

“Anytime, and keep me posted on how it goes with your sexy cowboy!” And with that Keeley signed off, leaving Rebecca to contemplate her next move. 

Since there was no sign of Ted returning as of yet she decided to borrow one of his books and made herself at home.

This is where he found her 30 minutes later, wrapped in his favorite quilt and so immersed in Wuthering Heights, she jumped when she heard the door open.

She exchanged a few pleasantries with Margaret and listened to her gush about the evening until she politely asked Ted to take her home.

As soon as they were in the car she turned to him, exclaiming that she had no idea he thought she wanted him to take her out tonight. Ted just smiled and asked if Henry had spilled the beans. 

She nodded, suddenly unsure what to say.

He saved her by telling her that he really enjoyed being able to take Margaret, and that in retrospect it was such a kind and amazing thing for her to do for his mother, and how much he appreciated it.

“And honestly, we wouldn’t have found a sitter so last minute, to thank you again Rebecca.” They sat in comfortable silence for a while until he added.

“I would like to get to know you better though, but I am starting to wonder if you are not quite ready for any of that yet. Will you let me know when you are?” He turned, looking at her with his beautiful hazel eyes, taking her breath away.

“I will”, she tried to say, but it came out as barely a whisper. He must not have heard her, since he pulled into the parking outside of her place, turning to her, saying “Please?”

So she just leaned over the armrest and pressed her lips gently to his cheek.

“Ok.” 

He closed his eyes as her lips touched his skin, feeling his whole body tingle, but when he opened them again she was already getting out of the car, wishing him a good night.

As if he was going to get any sleep tonight he thought, touching his face where her lips had been mere moments ago.

Chapter 6 So take this night (Wrap it around me like a sheet)

It was just after 8:00 am and he’d just sat down at his desk when his phone started ringing, startling him. Seeing the international prefix, he smiled, accepting the call.

“Why hello there Ms. Jones, to what do I owe the pleasure of a good morning call all the way from England?”

There was silence on the other line, and Ted wondered for a minute if she had butt-dialed him until he heard a sharp exhale on the other end of the line.

“Ted, I’m here at the airport and I need your help. Could we meet somewhere and talk, maybe?”

“What do you mean, you’re here? Like here here, in Kansas? Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, the plane landed like 30 minutes ago and I really need to talk to you, do you think you could meet me?”

“How about I come and pick you up and we’ll figure it out?” Ted was already grabbing his things.

“Thanks Ted, and I’m really sorry. I’ll be outside by the cab station when you get here, yeah?”

And with that she hung up.

The feeling in the pit of his stomach didn’t ease when he pulled up at the curb, looking at Keeley standing there in a light drizzle. She looks like she either hadn’t slept in days or had been crying, and both made him worry about what she was here to tell him.

He got out of the car and after noticing her lack of luggage decided to wait for her explanation, a slight frown on his face. He realized his second guess was about right when she burst into tears, throwing her arms around him.

“Hey now, I’m sure we can figure something out. Come on, let’s go sit down somewhere and get you some breakfast, ok? You’re shaking like a leaf.” He helped her into his truck and drove them to a place called “The Easy Egg” by the airport. After ordering them coffee and blueberry pancakes he leaned over, giving her an encouraging smile. 

“Look, whatever it is, it’s not going to get worse if you tell me. So let’s put on our game faces on and our heads together to figure this thing out, alright?”

“You’re right”, she started, sitting up a little straighter, taking a deep breath.

“Rebecca’s father passed away yesterday morning. I flew straight over after her mum called me, I just didn’t want her to be alone when she found out. But that’s not all.” She looked at him with a guilty look on her face. 

“I also have a confession to make, and it’s so stupid, and I don’t even know how to explain it. Rebecca’s mum can be a little pushy, and has been on her about dating again and getting out there, so Sassy and I told her that she had a new man, you know, just to get her to stop badgering Rebecca…” She paused, looking down at her hands in her lap. “So we might have thrown your name around, since Rebecca talks about you all the time and there was no way her mum would ever meet you, and now,” she took a deep breath, “her mum expects you to be there, at like the wake and stuff, and I couldn’t come up with a reason that would explain why you wouldn’t be going to your own girlfriend’s father’s wake without looking like an arsehole. And I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her mum the truth right now, she’s got enough going on with everything and I tried, but I chickened out. So Sassy thought maybe you could just tag along this weekend, and we think Rebecca can use all the people she’s got, you know with everything as it is and I told Sass it was crazy, but now I’m here and I’m so sorry, Ted.”

“Ok, let me get this straight. You and Sassy? That’s a person I’m assuming?” He gave her a puzzled look and she nodded, looking wide eyed and scared. “So, just to make sure I am getting this right, I am dating Rebecca and going to a funeral in England to bury her father? And she knows about this?"

Keeley shook her head slowly, gnawing nervously on her lower lip. 

Look, I am sure you meant well, but that can’t be the only solution to this problem. And what were you thinking?” Ted shook his head in disbelief, scratching his chin, but relented as he saw a tear roll down Keeley’s face.

“How about you just tell her that I did something inexcusable and she broke up with me?” 

He rubbed his hands over his face, thinking. “But regardless of our little snafu here, we need to tell Rebecca about her dad. Does she know about you guys spinning a yarn about the two of us?”

“Of course not. Shit, she’s going to be properly mad. Do you know where she is right now?” Keeley pulled her coat around herself, shivering. “Might as well get this over with.”

They drove back to campus in silence, both of them worried about how Rebecca would take the news. When they pulled up to his parking spot, Keeley turned to Ted pleadingly. 

“Please don’t be angry at me. I wish I could go back and never tell the lie in the first place, and I am going to make it right, I promise.” She looked so sincere he couldn’t help but rub her arm encouragingly. 

“It's alright, Keeley. I know you meant well, let’s focus on Rebecca right now, alright?”

____

Rebecca's initial excited expression at seeing both of them step into her office was quickly replaced by a look of apprehension. 

“Why are you two looking like you're being led to the gallows? And when did you get here, Keels, did I know you were coming?” Keeley pulled her friend into a tight hug, and just held on.

“Oof, that’s a long hug,” Rebecca joked, “but seriously, what’s the matter with you two?”

“Why don’t you sit down babe? We’ve got something to tell you.” Keeley paused, waiting for Rebecca to meet her eyes. “I’m sorry babes, but your father passed away yesterday morning.” An unreadable shadow of emotions rippled across Rebecca's expression, but in the end she just pressed her lips into a thin line, raising her eyebrow at Ted. “I see. And Ted picked you up from the airport? I could've sent a car, darling. Or did you just run into each other here?”

“See that’s a little more complicated, and I’ll let Keeley here tell you the whole thing in a minute, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss and if there is anything you need, do not hesitate to call me, alright?”

He was almost out the door, but Keeley grabbed his arm, giving him a pleading look. “Could you stay for a minute, please, just while we call her mum?” 

“I don’t know Keeley, maybe you should tell Rebecca about your and Sassy’s flights of fancy first?”

Rebecca groaned loudly at that, fixing Keeley with a glare. “Sassy? What have you two done, and how does Ted know about it before I do?”

So Keeley confessed, and explained what had happened, Rebecca listening with a horrified look on her face.

“So you mean to tell me that you and Flo have been trying to placate my mother by telling her a tall tale about my new life in the West and you didn’t think at some point to mention this or that it was surely to come up one way or another? Jesus, Keeley! And am I right in assuming that the reason you told Ted first was to rope him into some crazy scheme involving him in this mess somehow, so you wouldn’t have to come clean?!”

“Come on now, Rebecca, Keeley feels bad enough as it is.” Ted chimed in, surprised at Rebecca’s outburst. 

Rebecca just hid her face in her hands. “You know she’s going to be insufferable now?” giving Keeley a long and pointed look.

“I know. I’m really sorry, ok?” Keeley sounded close to tears again, and Rebecca sighed, looking past both of them as if trying to decide what to do next.

“Let’s just get this over with.” Rebecca did the math quickly, making sure it wasn’t too late to call and grabbed her phone.

“Hello mother.” Deep exhale. “Yes, Keeley just told me, I am so sorry to hear that” Pause “No, nobody will be joining me. Why? Because…I don’t have to explain myself to you or anybody.” Rebecca inhaled sharply, suddenly tears in her eyes. “How can you say that, mother? To me? Today of all days?” 

Ted looked confused at Keeley, but she just fixed her eyes on the floor, her expression unreadable. He made the decision right there and then, surprising Rebecca by taking the phone from her and putting it up to his ear. “Hello? Hi, this is Ted. Yes, ma’am, the one and only. I am terribly sorry for your loss. Let us put a pin in this conversation while Rebecca and I over here figure out the logistics, all right? When is the wake again? We’ll be sure to let you know. Yes, of course. It was lovely to speak to you. Bye now.” 

And with that he hung up, handing the phone back to Rebecca, the realization to what he had just agreed slowly dawning on his face. It would have been funny, if not for the circumstances. 

“Ted?” Keeley touched his arm gently, almost like she was afraid to startle him. “Did you just tell Rebecca's mum you'll be coming along to the funeral?”

“It would appear so. I think I need to sit down. Wow, she sounds mean on the phone. Are you ok there Rebecca?” He looked at her, wide eyed, and she finally burst out in a high pitched nervous giggle.

“You two have completely lost your minds, I hope you do realize that. This trip will be a disaster, how do I keep getting pulled into these mad schemes? Sassy has a lot of explaining to do, what were you thinking agreeing to this, Ted?”

“Hey now, I guess I kinda like being able to support you with all that, how are you feeling anyways?” He cleared his throat, adding “About the funeral and your dad, not us, ahem, fake dating I mean. I think Keeley is right, we shouldn't spring this on your mom right now and she’ll have plenty to worry about at the wake instead of little old me, I’ll be the perfect gentleman and we’re going to just go to this thing, and then in a couple of months you just dump me and it will all be over, alright? Unless you'd rather have me stay here.” Rebecca just put her face in her hands, shaking her head. 

He gave her a long look. “Well, I better call my mother to tell her I have to go to England for 4 days. Boy, this is going to be... something.” And with that he left the two women giving each other looks behind his back.

_____

Rebecca took the rest of the week off and Keeley stayed for as long as she could helping both of them to get ready for the trip Friday. This involved a long shopping trip for Ted, since Rebecca insisted on buying him a new suit that was so expensive, Ted was starting to worry about her bank account. When he expressed his concern, Keeley snorted out loud, mumbling something about Rebecca's private jet, a joke he clearly missed out on, because there is no way she had a jet, right? Fortunately his passport was still valid and after enduring 3 days of being mercilessly teased by his mother about his lady friend as she put it and Henry being distraught that he couldn’t tag along to go sightseeing in London, it was finally time to go.

He picked Rebecca up at her dorm and they drove to the airport in nervous silence that for once, he didn’t try to fill. She finally turned to him with a questioning look. 

“Are you alright, or having second thoughts? It’s not too late to change your mind, I will make some excuse.”  She gave him an encouraging smile, but he just shook his head.

“No, I said I would and I’m not going to back out and leave you to deal with that on top of everything else. I was honestly just wondering how you are doing with all of it. I mean, was he sick, or something? Were you two close?”

She exhaled, looking out the window. “I’m fine, and no, we were not. Not really. Is it ok if we don’t talk about it now? Maybe someday I’ll tell you, but I just can’t, not right now. Is that ok?” 

He took her hand and gave it a little squeeze. 

“Of course, whatever you need. And I know, I’m not your boyfriend - gosh that sounds so weird to say - and it’s none of my business, but I do care about you a lot, so whatever you need on this trip, you just let me know, alright? I’m glad you’re letting me do this for you.” And with that he released her hand, pulling into the long term parking and leaving her to contemplate the upcoming days. 

I guess Keeley really hadn’t been kidding, he thought as he saw the private plane idling on the tarmac, a flight crew member taking their bags.

“Hello Ms. Welton, everything is ready for you in the cabin, I’ll store the bags for you!”

“Thank you Sophie. This is Ted, he’ll be joining us on this trip.”

“Pleasure to meet you, sir!”

“Likewise”, Ted said, giving Rebecca a side glance she chose to ignore, and twenty minutes later they were on their way. She spent most of the trip pretending to nap, while Ted watched a couple of movies and later pulled out a book, silently scrutinizing her over its pages. She didn’t seem ok, but had wrapped herself into this icy calm exterior he recognized from when she interacted with certain members of the staff back on campus, and he felt a strange sense of hurt, like she was shutting him out on purpose. It was ridiculous of course, her grief wasn’t about him or making him feel like he was helping her deal with it. He didn’t like that part about himself, that craved to be a part of her pain just to feel like he earned the space he occupied in her life. 

They touched down just after midnight London time and he was overtired and jet lagged to the point where they exchanged a total of 4 words until he gratefully fell into bed at the hotel Keeley had booked for them. He could hear Rebecca talk quietly in the room next to his through the closed connecting door until he passed out into a restless and fitful sleep. 

The next morning was hectic, they had both overslept and were scarfing down a hurried breakfast until it was time to drive to the church. He was grateful that she had a car waiting to drive them, he did not feel up to attempting to drive in the UK and he wasn’t sure she had a license to drive over here. And it was nice to sit with her in the back, trying to calm his nerves about the day ahead.

She must have sensed his unease, because she gestured to the driver to raise the partition and turned to him, asking if he was ok.

“I know it must seem silly, but I am kinda nervous about meeting your family. I don’t want to make things harder for you by being over here and I am starting to doubt my decision to impose myself on such an important day. I mean, Rebecca, you might not have been close, but he was still your father, and I don’t want to distract you or make you lose the chance of being in the moment, saying goodbye.”

“Ted, I can’t think of a single situation that would not be made better by having you with me. Wait, that came out wrong. But you know what I mean. I’m glad I am not facing this alone if we’re being honest. So thank you for agreeing to this. It means a lot to me. You and our friendship mean a lot to me. Can I ask you a favor, though?”

He leaned forward and turned, so he could look her in the eyes. “Absolutely.”

“There is a pretty good chance there’ll be people there that may seem…not very supportive of me and my choices”, she said, choosing her words carefully. “I want you to know that I do not expect you to defend me or confront any negative comment that might be made.”

He gave her a searching look, but she chose that moment to look out the car window, lost in thought.

They pulled up to the church and he was relieved to see Keeley standing there, waiting for them. 

“Hi babe, I’m so glad you’re finally here, your mum’s in a right state already, yeah? Ted, you look gorgeous, I love you in this suit! Everything work out with the rooms? Flight ok?” She pulled them both into a bear hug and whispered something about game faces and showtime in Ted’s ear. He was introduced to countless relatives whose names he would not remember, Rebecca safely tucked into his side, his hand resting reassuringly  against her lower back. Her mother seemed nice in a polished and cold, eccentric sort of way, but she was delighted with his easy Midwestern charm, flirting shamelessly and making Rebecca roll her eyes more than once.

Midway through the greetings he was accosted by a tall brunette with a roaring laugh and the vocabulary of a sailor and nobody needed to tell him that this was indeed the infamous Sassy in the flesh. She made Rebecca blush so fiercely at one point, he was wondering what she had said to the usually so composed Blonde.

Suddenly he felt Rebecca’s whole body tense, her gaze fixed on the couple approaching them. He didn’t have time to ask anything, before the man greeted her smoothly, calling her darling, while her mother embraced him. Rebecca coldly quipped about him not being invited, while her mother contradicted her, calling him family. And with this Ted finally realized that this must be Rebecca’s ex husband. He pulled her a little closer, and whispered a quiet Breathe Rebecca before he was introduced, being distracted by the sharp inhale from the woman next to him as Rupert introduced the young woman holding a baby as his wife and their daughter. Ted missed most of the pleasant banter between Deborah and the couple, focusing solely on the woman pressed along his side, her body taut like a bowstring about to be released.

Rebecca leaned towards him briefly once the group had moved on, resting her forehead on his shoulder for a second until Keeley pulled her inside by her wrist, loudly proclaiming outrage at the audacity of that pretentious twat showing up with his two infants. Sassy pulled Rebecca towards the vestry giggling, Keeley following close behind. 

Ted started wandering, looking for a seat and ended up being  pulled into a conversation by an older gentleman who clearly mistook him for someone else. After excusing himself he spotted  Deborah in the front of the church, waving at  him. After making his way over towards her, she told him to sit upfront by her side, complaining under her breath about the girls getting caught drinking sacramental wine by the vicar, musing that Florence had as much sense now as she had when Rebecca and her were school girls. He was about to ask who Florence was until he realized that Sassy was probably a nickname for the hurricane of a woman that sat on the other side of his friend, holding her hand so tightly, her knuckles were white. 

The reception back at Rebecca’s childhood home was fortunately brief, and most of the guests, including the odious man he now knew to be her ex, had left after the service. Keeley and Sassy stayed behind helping Rebecca's mother wrangle the catering staff and restore order to the stately home, and he loosened his tie and went off to look where Rebecca had gone off to. He found her in the kitchen swigging champagne straight from a bottle and couldn’t help but laugh. She smirked back, handing him the bottle, but he shook his head, trying to gauge what was going on in her head. They were interrupted by Keeley and Sassy joining them, both giggling while taking swigs from the bottles still sitting on the counter.

He excused himself for a moment, wanting to give her space, even though her strange, overly composed calm demeanor set him slightly on edge. He took off his jacket and tie while opening the first two buttons of his dress shirt,  rubbing his hands absently through his hair. The jet lag and emotional tension of the day were starting to catch up with him, so he went into a room that looked like a study and called Henry, wanting to hear all about his soccer game. He chatted for almost an hour with his son and mom until he heard loud voices from the kitchen.

Wrapping up his call with a quick goodbye he went to see what the commotion was about, only to walk into Rebecca angrily squaring off against her mother. They abruptly stopped arguing as he stepped into the room and he shot Rebecca a questioning look about the eerie silence that now filled the space. 

She just shrugged her shoulders, telling him her mother had sent home their car, because they were apparently staying in the house tonight sharing her childhood room. She sounded exasperated and maybe a little drunk, so he just told her he didn’t care, that it was alright. She just scoffed, saying all their things were back at the hotel, and didn’t he want his toothbrush? He just shrugged, pulling her aside.

“What do you want me to do, Rebecca? I could pitch a fit, demanding I need my cold cream and special slippers so she orders another car?" He was trying to make her laugh, but she just stared at him. 

"I can't figure out if you're joking." She got lost for a minute in the scrutinizing look he gave her.

"Or should we just get some sleep? You look..”, Ted trailed off, unsure how to continue.

“I look what, exactly?” 

“Tired. Sad. A little drunk? I’m not sure what you want me to say.” She was taken a little aback by this, and he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I just…like what do you want to do?”

She sighed, dropping her shoulders in a shrug. “What the hell. I do need to lay down for a bit, at least until the room stops spinning.”

He gently took her arm and let her lead him upstairs to her old room.

“Do you want me to get you something to eat or some water? You barely had anything besides liquor and champagne, and hey I am not judging, but it might feel better in the morning if you do eat something before laying down. That’s all the arm twisting Imma do, I promise.” 

She just took her shoes off and stepped towards him, leaning her forehead against his shoulder. He hummed quietly into her hair, asking if she was ok, but she just shook her head gently, leaning against him. After a minute she started swaying against him, almost as if in a drunken haze, and he indulged her, looping his arms loosely around her waist, following the silent song playing in her mind. 

“What are we doing here, Rebecca?” He tried to pull away to be able to look at her, but she just tightened her hold on him, pulling him closer, her eyes unfocused.  He stills in her hold as she starts trailing  her hands slowly up his sides to his shoulders, resting her temple in the crook of her elbow. He turned his head, eyebrows raised questioningly, trying to get her to look at him, but she just closes her eyes and rests her forehead against his neck, her hands roaming his back in lazy circles. He pressed his lips into her hair, not wanting to break the spell she was under, it was so rare that she openly reached out for comfort and he would give this to her, after all, that’s why he flew halfway across the world with her. 

She started playing with the buttons on his dress shirt, slowly undoing them as she snaked her hands under the soft, worn fabric of the white T-Shirt he wore underneath, untucking both while leaning her face up into his shoulder, whispering quietly against his skin. Alarm bells started to go off in his mind as his dress shirt slid off his shoulders, slightly trapping his arms. He didn’t understand what was happening, but it did not feel right to him, so he reached for her hands, pulling them out from under his shirt, pushing her an arms length away. He was still trying to get her to look at him, but she just let out a needy sound, reaching for him while avoiding meeting his eyes.

“Rebecca? What’s going on, you ok?” His words came out louder than he intended, and he dropped her elbows, causing her to stumble forward into his chest. She lifted her head and pressed an open mouthed kiss just under his ear, and whispered “Please. Just help me forget this day…Please,Ted.”

He took a shaky breath to steady himself and stepped away, acutely aware of the absence of her warm body leaning against him, how she felt almost feverish in his arms.

She looked up at him through her lashes, and he swallowed hard, barely recognizing her with the look she gave him.

“Are you saying you don’t want this?” Her voice sounded raspy and shaky. ”That you haven’t imagined this a hundred times over? I never took you for a liar, Ted. Well, here’s your chance. And if you want, this will stay here, we never have to speak of it. You can have me any way you want. Dealer's choice.”

A single tear was running down her cheek that she caught with the tip of her tongue as she moved towards him, but he sidestepped her, frowning. 

“You know what, yes I have imagined more for us, I am not ashamed to admit that. And if we continue on this course in our relationship, yeah, sex will possibly enter into it, but not until you take off this armor you hide behind and allow me behind those thick walls you’ve built, and certainly not tonight. I’m sorry, Rebecca, I’m sure it would be incredible, but I don’t care about the next couple of hours, not if it means they will rob me of a future with you. I want to know you, really know you and be able to love and understand all of you. I don’t want to have to navigate every conversation like a minefield, and don’t look at me like you don’t know what I am talking about. I can’t do that if you won't let me in. I’m not just going to be this dumb hick from Kansas that you allowed to fuck you on the day of your fathers funeral so you wouldn’t have to think about whatever the heck it is you are trying to hide from. I want more than that. For both of us.”

She started pacing the room, circling him like a fighter who was trying to land the next punch.

“Oh, so you want to see me without my armor?” She was openly crying now, a hurt and angry sneer distorting her face, make-up streaks marking her cheeks where she had furiously rubbed at her angry tears. She reached around and yanked down the zipper of her dress, letting it fall to the floor at her feet.

Ted put up his hands like he wanted to stop her, but she froze him in place with the look she gave him.

“You want me to show you my scars and tell you all about my secret pain?” She was crying so hard now, he could barely understand what she was saying, their eyes locked, the kindness in his eyes burning into her, making her shiver.

“See this one on my hand?” She was shouting now. ”It’s from the surgery after my husband broke my wrist.”

He reached for her, but she pushed his hands roughly away. 

“How about this one?” She pointed to a faint line he’d never noticed on her cheek. “You might have noticed the signet ring he wears when you shook his hand at the church.” 

Another sob shook her shoulders, making her whole body tremble. 

“Rebecca, please stop.” He said it quietly, pleading with her, but whatever she was teeing up, she was  planning on saying it.

“You want to see the worst one?” She stepped up close to him, hooking her thumbs into the waistband of her underwear.

His eyes never strayed from hers as she pulled them down, pointing at a faint line hidden in her pubic hair. “This is from when he convinced me to get my tubes tied,” she said between sobs, “he said that after 4 miscarriages I should listen to my body and my husband that I wasn’t meant to be a mother!” She tried to step forward, but tripped on her panties that were still wrapped around her ankles and would have fallen if he hadn’t caught her. 

He set her back on her feet, shrugged out of his button down and pulled his T-shirt over his head, balling it in his fist, his hands shaking. She flinched as he brought it up to her face, and he stilled, his eyes locking with her asking silently for permission. She leaned forward slightly, and he started to gently wipe her face, first her nose and then her cheeks, rubbing the soft fabric gently against her face while he brushed away the snot, tears and mascara streaks her tears had left in their wake.

After Ted finished cleaning her face he discarded the shirt on the bed and turned to her. He gently dropped to his knees in front of her, his eyes still fixed on hers, and she couldn’t stop herself from releasing another heart wrenching sob, her whole body shaking. He shushed her gently, and took her hand in his, turning it over and gently kissing the scar on her wrist before placing it on his shoulder to steady her. He bent down to untangle her underwear from her feet, gently pulling them up her endless legs until he paused, never breaking eye contact. 

The silence in the room was deafening and she was watching him, wide eyed and scared, waiting for what he would do next. He felt his blood pounding in his ears as he slowly rose on his heels and pressed a gentle kiss right over the scar on her pubic bone as he continued to gently pull her panties over her hips. He could hear her sharp inhale, but she didn’t pull away, just stood there trembling, waiting for what he would do next. He rose unsteadily, his knees cracking loudly in the otherwise silent room as he leaned forward and gently ghosted his lips over the faint scar on her cheek. 

“I’m so sorry this happened to you Rebecca. I’m so sorry.” Tears welled in his eyes and she pulled him close, holding herself up with their embrace as he chanted I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I’m so sorry into her hair. She shivered in his arms and he suddenly realized that she was wearing nothing but a lacy set of lingerie, so reached and grabbed the robe that was hanging from the back of the closet and wrapped her in it. Walking her over to the bed, he pulled the comforter back, helping her in.

She went willingly, exhausted after the long day and the ordeal they had just put themselves through. He kissed her gently on the forehead and told her he would get her a cup of tea, pulling his dress shirt  back on and smiling kindly down at her as she nodded and burrowed into the pillows. “I’ll be right back, ok? Don’t go anywhere, I’ll just be a moment.”

Ted closed the door behind him and released a breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding and made his way to the kitchen. His heart was still beating loudly in his chest, his mind completely focused on the woman he had just left upstairs; so he startled as Deborah suddenly appeared behind him.

“You’re a good man, flying halfway around the world to help out a woman you barely know.” She smiled at him knowingly, after he realized what she had just said.

“You knew?”

“Keeley confessed to me after the wake. I should be upset with all of you, but it seems like I got my wish. I just didn’t want her to be alone in that god awful country without anyone caring about her, but you clearly do. She’s lucky to have found you.”

But Ted wasn’t going to be distracted. He gave her a long and searching look before he asked her “Did you know? About Rupert, what her life was like? How he treated her? Did you?” Deborah looked down, cleared her throat, obviously uncomfortable with where the conversation was headed. 

“I'm not sure what version she told you, there were so many over the years.” A shrug. “He was her husband. What was I supposed to say?”

“You could have told her that she deserved better, you should have tried. She’s your daughter!” He shook his head in disbelief, leaving the older woman standing at the counter while holding on to Rebecca’s tea cup so tightly he was afraid it might shatter. 

She was wearing his white T-shirt sitting up against the headboard when he got back to her room, looking embarrassed.

“I don’t even know where to start.” She shrugged, looking so small and miserable he had to fight the urge to pull her into another crushing embrace. Worried about sending the wrong message he handed her the tea with a warm smile instead. 

“You don’t have to say anything Rebecca. I’m glad you told me. And by the way, your mom knows we’re not dating, so I can sleep downstairs, heck I can even go to a hotel if you want me too..” He scratched his neck nervously, wanting to make sure she knew that he would give her space if she needed it while hoping she didn’t think that she’d scared him away. She sipped her tea, contemplating his words.

“Would you stay here with me tonight? I mean to sleep, I know I just performed the world's saddest striptease for you, but would you?” She looked down on the blanket in front of her, not meeting his eyes and waiting for his answer.

He flung himself onto the opposite side of her bed with an long dramatic sigh. “I am so glad you asked, I am exhausted and was not looking forward to trying to sleep on that uncomfortable weird couch your mom has downstairs. And why is it so cold in this house!! You better keep me warm tonight, Welton!” He joked,  pulling her close and laughing at her trying to defend the priceless antique he’d just insulted. 

“But all joking aside, are you ok?” He gave her one of his patented soul searching looks.

“Honestly, no. But I have a feeling I will be.” And with that she snuggled back into his side, taking his hand and closing her eyes. He took a deep breath and nudged her gently with his hip.

“Can I tell you a bedtime story? It's about a boy who grew up in Kansas and fell in love with the girl next door."

He paused and cleared his throat, but Rebecca stayed quiet, leaning against him and waiting for him to continue.

"And she was all he ever saw and all he ever wanted. But she had a restless soul, and there were times where she just up and left, sometimes just a few hours, sometimes days or even weeks. But she’d always return, wrapping him in kisses and lies, telling him she missed him when she went away, how he was her anchor in a dark and scary world. And he believed her because he loved her and it would be good for a while.

They conceived a beautiful child and he hoped and prayed it would be enough. But it turned out she craved wings more than she wanted roots, so she left again and was gone while he celebrated their child's first birthday.

She turned up at their doorstep 5 weeks later, barefoot and holding a bouquet of balloons. But he was angry at her, so he told her that their boy was starting to remember her being away more than her being there and that if she couldn’t find what she was missing in their home, she should just stay away and save them all the heartache. 

So she let go of the balloons and turned around walking down the street, and nobody that knew her has seen her ever since. 

And that’s why there is a sweet little boy back in Kansas growing up without his mother.”

“Ted..”, she started, but he interrupted her.

“No, it’s ok, Rebecca, you don’t have to say anything. I think we both have scars that we like to hide from the world, and I am so humbled that you let me see yours. I wanted to honor that by sharing some of mine, you know what I mean?” He looked down at her, but her face was hidden in the shadows. She wordlessly squeezed his hand, lost for words.

He got up after a minute to turn off the lights and shook his head, trails of his tears still visible on  his face. If someone had told him 3 days ago that he was about to get into the childhood bed of Rebecca Welton, her wearing nothing but his old T-shirt after baring some of their darkest secrets to each other, he would have told them that they were crazy.

It had been a long week.

Chapter 7 There'll be days like this (mama said)

“Son, I am not sure what happened on that trip, but you have been quiet and scatterbrained since you all got back, and it has been two weeks..” Margaret gave him a look. “You wanna talk about it? I know it couldn’t have been easy, it being her fathers funeral and all…”

She stopped herself from asking him the question that was really on her mind.

“Mom, I am fine. This has nothing to do with what happened with Dad.” Ted gave her a smile, trying to reassure her.

“Teddy, I am your mother and I have known you for as long as you have been alive. You are fooling no one, especially not me. Did you know I found your car keys in the refrigerator last night? Just sit down and lighten your load.” He heaved a heavy sigh.

“Most of it really isn’t my story to tell. But do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try to do the right thing, it just ends up twisting everything up like a big old pretzel?”

“Well, I have always believed that many roads will lead to the same destination, but there’s never one labeled The Right Path , so some are faster and some are slower, few are scenic and a few are scary; and I’m not sure that you’ll always know if you’re on the right track. Your problem has always been that you try to feel with your brain and think with your heart, your brain ending up tripping over your big old heart. If it’s her story, then trust her with it’s telling. Listen to her words, not the pictures they make inside of your head. You bleeding for someone else has never closed a wound.” She smiled at him kindly. “You’ll figure it out. You always do.”

______

The first thing he remembered from that morning was waking up feeling uncomfortably hot, Rebecca’s warm body pressed tightly against him, his white under-shirt she was still wearing clinging to her damp skin, making it almost transparent. He tried to carefully disentangle himself, but she just turned over, backing herself against him in a way that was going to haunt him for the foreseeable future. He shut his eyes tightly repeating she is your colleague and good friend in his head, until he felt her moving beside him, sitting up in bed. He pretended to be asleep as he heard her quietly padding around the room, a minute later the door closing gently behind her. He gave her a bit of a head start and then went in search of a bathroom. He had no choice but to put on the clothes he slept in after rinsing off, all his spare things were back at the hotel in London. So he looked about as disheveled as he felt when he made his way downstairs, following the smell of coffee.  

Ted found both Rebecca and her mother in the kitchen, reading the paper. Determined not to let things get weird between them he wished them both a warm good morning, giving Rebecca a grateful smile as she handed him a mug of coffee. Ted then turned to Deborah and asked her if he could speak to her for a minute, so Rebecca told him she would see if Sassy could run over some clothes for her, saying she doubted anything from her closet has fit her since the early 90’s.

After she left he turned to Deborah and exhaled audibly.

“I want to apologize about how I spoke to you last night. I was upset and tired, but that’s no excuse. I have no idea what the situation or even your relationship with Rebecca was and is, and I just ended up judging something that really is none of my business. I hope you can forgive me.” He gave her a nervous smile, but she just covered his hand with hers and gave it a warm squeeze.

“You’re quite alright, dear. Now I am not sure what happened, but you looked like you’d just seen a ghost or watched a train derail. And you are right, you don’t know the story, but I think it’s still nice that you were trying to look out for your friend. It makes me feel better about her being all the way over in America by herself. So thank you for apologizing, you're a good man, Ted Lasso. It’s almost a shame you two are not really in a relationship.” She gave him an amused smile, contemplating. “You know, she’s always been lucky in her friends, just please don’t tell Florence I said so.” And she handed him the sports section with a wink and a smile.

Fifteen minutes later he heard a commotion upstairs, followed by what he by now considered Sassy’s signature laughter, as the two women made their way into the kitchen. Ted shot a questioning look at Deborah, but she just gave a dramatic sigh, saying that Sassy used to scale up the trellis and vault over the balcony railing to climb into Rebecca's window at night, commenting that it seemed to be a habit she was unwilling to break. 

Rebecca had already changed into some dark grey pants and an oversized black shirt, handing him a bundle of clothes with the comment that they’d hopefully fit. He took them from her, rambling something about making it work or calling it fashion. Sassy just watched the two of them with a suggestive smirk, making Ted blush. 

He quickly went upstairs to change while idly wondering who’s clothes he was about to put on, but not willing to lose the chance of changing out of the dress pants he ended up wearing all night.

By the time he came back downstairs he overheard the women negotiating the plan for the rest of the day. He walked in just as it was decided that Sassy would drive them back to London to join Rebecca for lunch. 

Deborah handed him a garment bag that already held his jacket and tie, so he hastily added the rest of his clothes, trying to ignore Sassy commenting on how nice Darren’s pants fit him with an exaggerated wink in Rebeccas direction.

Deborah hugged him tightly as they were leaving, telling him she hoped to see him again soon, surprising both Ted and Rebecca. On the way to Sassy’s car he grabbed Rebecca’s hand and asked her to please not leave him alone with her friend. 

“That woman makes me nervous.” He said, and he was only half joking. 

Back at the hotel he took a quick shower, shaved and was glad to be changing into something of his own, just so he could start to slowly feel like himself again. 

He hadn’t really had time to process any of the things that had happened, meeting the people that loved and had known Rebecca all her life, running into her ex and the tense response it had caused in her. Her drunk and distraught attempt of seducing him; and their harrowing exchange after. He blushed fiercely at the thought of how bold it had been of him to kiss all of the scars she had shown him. Not to forget about him confronting her mother, and after ending up in bed with Rebecca wearing nothing but his undershirt, telling him about the break up of his marriage. Him apologizing to Deborah. 

Shesh, it was hard to believe they had been here for less than 48 hours. Shaking his head slightly, he was startled out of his thoughts by a knock on the door that connected their rooms.

He unlocked it,  pushing it open while grabbing the things he had worn earlier to hand back to Sassy, offering to pay for the drycleaning. She just waved him off, telling him to keep or chuck them, with the remark that it's something she should have done years ago. 

Rebecca asked if he wanted to join them for lunch, but he just smiled and told them to have fun. He had promised Henry to take some pictures of the sights, so he was going to be a tourist for the day, he explained with a smile.

“Do you want us to come with you? It sounds like a lot of fun!” Sassy smiled at him widely, elbowing Rebecca, who after wincing and rubbing her side, gave him a smile while nodding. 

And it was fun he remembered, them riding the tube, eating kebabs while taking pictures of holding up Big Ben, pretending to get their hands stuck in a mailbox while mailing postcards and doing silly walks across Abbey Road. His favorite is still the picture of Rebecca and Sassy both trying to make one of The Queen’s Guard at Buckingham palace smile.

The two women helped him pick out fridge magnets and kitschy souvenirs for everybody back home, arguing loudly over getting the Queen bobblehead vs the teddy bear in guards uniform, him not able to take sides and buying them both. Rebecca insisted on buying a double-decker bus Lego set for Henry herself.  They said goodbye to Sassy back in the hotel car park after grabbing an early dinner in the pub across the street. 

Rebecca was quiet on the elevator ride up to their floor and it hit him in that moment that this was the first time they had been alone since falling asleep last night. He started motormouthing about how psyched Henry was going to be with all the stuff they got and the pictures and boy it had been a fun day. She turned to him and smiled while swiping her key card to open the door to her room. “Thanks for letting us tag along.” 

He ended up taking another shower to kill some time and then called Henry, just to find out that he had already been sent to bed with a tummy ache after eating almost an entire tub of ice cream at his friend's house. He was just about to turn on the TV to flip through the channels when there was a quiet knock on his door.

“Howdy, neighbor! To what do I owe the pleasure?” He drawled, watching her roll her eyes. She wordlessly held up two little bottles that clearly had come from the mini bar. 

“Wanna join me in a nightcap?” She was already in her pajamas, a fluffy robe bearing the hotel logo tightly drawn across her chest.

“Sure, come on in.” She sat on the bed as he grabbed two glasses from the bathroom, rinsing them before handing them over.

They clinked them together in an awkward toast, the loud noise startling them both. 

“So I’ve been thinking about how we left off last night and I feel like I owe you an explanation.” She started, shushing him as he tried to interrupt her.

“No please let me get this out. I feel like I gave you the wrong impression with my dramatic antics last night. I was not some poor battered woman. Our marriage was complicated, he was almost 30 years older than me and I initially loved how he took charge of every situation, he seemed so sure of what he wanted and who he was, it was a little intoxicating to be pursued by someone like him. It gradually turned into him having very specific expectations on how I should dress, what I should eat and how I was to conduct myself. He wasn’t ever violent, and rarely even raised his voice, he would punish me with looks, cruel remarks and later silence. He would refuse to let me accompany him to events if I had not behaved in a way he found acceptable, or wore what he had picked out for me. He loathed my friends and would disappear for the evening if I chose to spend time with them. He isolated, belittled and controlled me, but the two times things got physical I provoked him. My wrist was the result of me making a scene outside of a restaurant. I saw him dining with another woman while I was out with a client, he tried to pull me into a cab to take me home and I resisted and ended up falling, my wrist still in his grip. He apologized profusely, and at the moment I do believe he had not meant to hurt me. He later told me he hated me for turning him into a man who put his hands on a woman in that way.

The scar on my cheek happened in a similar fashion. I started the fight, I was drunk and screaming in his face at home about something, what I can’t even remember. I was gesturing wildly in front of his face and he batted my hand away, catching my cheek with his ring. He drove me straight to the hospital and must have paid a fortune for the best plastic surgeon in London to come out at 3 am to stitch up my face. I told the nurse I had hit my head on an open cabinet door while he held my hand.

For many years I was proud of those scars because they seemed to me like my rewards for resisting, my physical reminders of that there was something wrong with our relationship, that he was hurting me even if he claimed I was to blame. What a fool I was. 

About 18 months ago a story broke about the numerous infidelities he had throughout our marriage, the tabloids celebrating him while condescendingly wondering about his poor old wife at home. I called Keeley that night, which was crazy since I barely knew her and even then mostly just as the girlfriend of one of our players. I went to her house and ended up staying for 4 weeks after telling her my whole story. She helped me draft my resignation from Rupert's football club, found me a temporary flat, an incredibly capable lawyer who handled my divorce and later a job in Kansas City. And that’s my story about an English girl ending up all the way in America.” She smiled at him, finishing her drink in a big gulp. 

“Rebecca..” Ted started, but she interrupted him.

“I wasn’t some victim that had no control, Ted. I chose that life out of habit and pride. But that’s not even what’s important. I got myself to where I am, and where I want to be, and that’s all that matters.”

“And your pregnancies?” He gave her a shocked look, like he couldn’t believe he had said his question out loud. “I’m sorry if that’s too personal, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, it’s ok. I’ve always wanted children, but we had trouble conceiving. I lost them early, all except one in the first trimester. He later told me it was for the best, he never wanted kids in the first place. Back then I thought he was trying to be kind, that he was protecting me. Turns out he just didn’t want them with me.” She shrugged her shoulders, pushing herself off the bed. “I should probably go and try and get some rest.”

Ted just gave her a long look. “Come on, like either one of us is going to sleep at 9:00 pm! Come and help me decide what to watch! We can always raid my mini bar next.” He winked at her.

“You really want me to stay?”

“I would. But it’s up to you.”

So she stayed and they ended up watching The Great British Bake Off until they both kept making each other yawn. She had crawled under the blankets after the first episode, Ted had insisted after seeing her rub her bare feet trying to warm them up.

“Would you say no if I asked if I could stay?” Rebecca asked so quietly, she wasn’t sure he had heard her. 

“I don’t know. It would depend on the reason why, I guess.” Ted turned on his side, looking at her.

“Because I trust you and feel safe with you?”

“Okay.”

“Okay for a reason or okay, I can stay?”

“Both.”

He woke up once in the middle of the night, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist, his face pressed into her hair. Before putting some respectable distance between their bodies he couldn’t stop himself from gently pressing his lips to her temple, whispering that she had deserved better, before realizing that he was starting to form a bit of a habit. 

In the two weeks since they have returned he hadn’t been able to forget how she felt curled up against him, her lashes fluttering while she dreamed. He keeps himself up thinking about her and wakes up in the middle of the night, wishing she was there next to him.

Chapter 8 Be still, be still and know

“Hi Babes, you got a minute?” 

Keeley’s video call had come just before lunch and Rebecca gladly accepted, happy to get the chance to talk to her before going to eat.

“Hi, of course! What’s going on?” Rebecca smiled expectantly. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, everything is fine. I just haven’t had a chance to chat with you since you went back, between work and bloody time zones, I thought we could catch up?”

“Not much new over here to report, I am afraid. You know me, dull, dull, dull.” Rebecca laughed. “Oh, but I passed my road sign test, so now Ted is helping me practice driving on the right side of the road.” She finished, managing an uncanny impression of Ted, making them both giggle.

“Oh yeah? Ted’s taking you for a ride? Sounds sexy. Is he going to show you how to switch gears and how tightly you need to grip the steering wheel?” Rebecca rolled her eyes at Keeley’s suggestive tone. “Nothing too exciting I’m afraid. I just need to pass my drivers test, so I can move out of my dorm. You would not believe how loud the people I share walls with are!” 

“Partying, arguing or fucking?”

“All three, I’m afraid. I am looking at houses as soon as the ink on my license is dry.”

“Maybe you need to repay the favor? Make some noise, so they realize how thin the walls are?” Keeley was laughing. “I’m being serious babe, it’s been like what now, almost 2 years? I worry about you. It’s not healthy!”

“I appreciate your concern, but I assure you that I am perfectly well.” Rebecca smirked. “Was there a reason for this call besides mocking me for my involuntary celibacy? Ted will be here any minute to go to lunch and I don’t want you to try and rope him into a pity shag for my well being. Sassy already frightened him with her brazen ways back in England. He seriously was nervous about me leaving him alone with her!” They were both laughing now. 

“No, I just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you babes! I know it’s only been 2 weeks, but I barely got to see you. Are you coming home for Christmas? Or are you spending it with the man you are definitely not dating? I must say, I noticed he has very big hands with nice long fingers….”

“Who has big hands? Hi Keeley!” Ted poked his head through the door, giving Rebecca a confused look.

“Shin Lim,” she lied smoothly, hearing Keeley snort on the other end of the line.”I assume that’s why he’s so good at card tricks. Bye Keeley.” She hung up, not waiting for a reply.

“Really, hmm, never noticed his hands being particularly large, but anyways, how come I didn’t know you liked card tricks! Oh boy, wait till Henry hears this! Are you all ready?” And with that he had already turned around, excitedly chattering about magic.

She followed him shaking her head, glad that she had dodged the question, but groaning about the prospect of the endless prattle about magicians she feared she was about to experience.

______

He tossed her the car keys at the end of the day, laughing at her stunned expression. 

“You’ve driven a car before, correct? So you already got the mechanics down. Now you just need to get comfortable doing it over here. Best way to do that is driving!” He gave her an encouraging smile. “I’ll be your co-pilot and navigator, unless you really are not comfortable driving yourself yet? I just figured you know the way to my house, it’s late enough that there is almost no traffic, and I’m right there to help if you need me.” He winked at her and she relented, wondering out loud about the legalities. 

“That’s how the permit they gave you works over here, young lady. Now you just need a licensed driver to supervise and to get comfortable enough to pass your test. It’s a piece of cake, you’ll see.”

She got into the driver's seat, and after fiddling with the mirrors she started the car. “Do you want the radio on or off?”

“Doesn’t matter to me, whatever is easier for you. I figured you’ll drive back to my house, and you and Henry can work on the LEGO bus you got him, which he is refusing to touch without you by the way, and I’ll cook us some dinner. After he goes to bed, you’ll drive us back to campus and we can practice parking if you need to? Sounds good?” 

“It has been a while since I went parking with someone, but I hear it's like riding a bike, so I'm not sure I need to practice.”

She delighted in the blush that crept up his neck, but relented after a moment, telling him it sounded like the perfect plan.

The drive went surprisingly well, she calmed her nerves by listening to him distracting her with a story about some shenanigans of the coaching staff and especially his best friend Beard. He had tried to include her in a couple of their weekly outings, but so far she’d always declined. 

If she was being honest with herself, she did worry about how much time they were spending together, but she could never make up her mind if it was too much or not enough. They hadn’t really talked about the two nights they’d shared a bed back in England, but it didn’t feel like it had changed their relationship. He was still the same kind and wonderfully supportive friend, always up for a chat or helping her out. She had noticed that his looks sometimes lingered on her face and he seemed to always check in with her, but that was just how he operated, she was almost sure of. 

Before she could get deeper in her head about them and their relationship they had arrived, Ted praising her driving excessively as they walked up to his front door.

She barely had time to greet Margaret as Henry tore down the stairs, yelling Rebecca’s name off the top of his voice. Ted shot him a look and a smile, shaking his head and whispering some peoples kids, holy moly under his breath. 

She followed Henry up the stairs and Ted paused, watching them go. The sound of his mother clearing her throat startled him out of his thoughts, and she smirked at him.

“Come on Teddy, we can’t all sustain ourselves with looks and longing. Let’s get started on dinner, alright?” She laughs at him as he follows her into the kitchen, protesting quietly under his breath.

Upstairs Rebecca was trying very hard not to step on any of the little LEGO pieces with her bare feet, Henry having dumped out the entire box and started sorting them according to color and shape. They spend some time in comfortable silence sitting on the floor together, dividing the pieces in zip lock bags, Rebecca carefully labeling them with a sharpie.

She felt Henry look at her more than once, but every time she tried to meet his eye, he quickly looked away, busying himself with the brightly colored bricks in front of him. 

So Rebecca started asking him about school, how his book report had turned out and the kids on his soccer team, trying to figure out what was on his mind. He told her proudly that he had gotten an A on his worksheet about Charlotte's Web, grinning at her. She gave him a conspiratorial wink, making him giggle. After a couple more not so subtle side glances she decided just to come out and ask him.

“Is there something you want to ask me, darling?” She looked at him reassuringly, trying to put him at ease.

He looked down embarrassed, a slight flush creeping up his neck. He shook his head, but wasn’t meeting her eyes.

“It’s ok if there is something you don’t want to talk about. I understand, I just don’t want you to be upset or worried if there is something we can do about it, ok? And if you’d rather talk to your gran or your dad, that’s ok, too. I just want to make sure you know that you can talk to me.” She leaned forward to ruffle his hair. He rolled his eyes, but returned her smile.

She went back to her task, feeling him size her up with a long, measured look.

“Can I ask you something and you promise to tell me the truth?” He blurted it out quickly, like he was afraid he'd lose his nerve.

“Of course. I’ll always tell you the truth, Henry. There might be things I would have you ask your dad instead, but I’ll do my best to give you an honest answer. What’s on your mind?”

“Do you think you will be here in Kansas long enough for us to finish the bus?” 

She looked up, surprised. “Of course, Henry! Why wouldn’t I be?” 

He shrugged his shoulders, looking down on the floor in front of him. “I dunno. Nana says sometimes people leave, even if they don’t want to. Like they have to go, even when they miss the people back where they left them.” 

“Is this because I had to go back to London a couple of weeks ago?”

He just shrugged. “Nana said you didn’t have time to say goodbye because you were sad because of your dad. But I wasn’t sure if you would come back. Steve said I was being a stupid baby about it, and then his mom got mad at him and gave me ice cream, and I ate so much my tummy hurt.” He rolled his eyes, like he was trying to lighten the mood, reminding her so much of his father in that moment it made her chest ache.

“Hey,” she waited until he looked at her, “I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye before my trip. I won't do it again, ok? Come here.” She pulled him in her lap, hugging him tightly.

“I promise that I will finish this project with you,” she smiled and added with a groan, “all 1686 pieces of it”. She tickled his side lightly, making him giggle as he snuggled a little closer into her, comfortably sitting in her lap. This is how Ted found them half an hour later, sorting through bricks and laughing at Rebecca's attempts to separate a couple of the plastic pieces. He watched them for a minute before telling them dinner was ready and gave her a curious look as she passed him in the door frame, but she just shook her head. 

“I’ll tell you later, alright?” He just nodded, his brow furrowed.

The three of them were all quiet during the meal, so Margaret filled the silence, telling them about her quilting group, the little stray tomcat she started calling Racket due to the unholy noises he made when he got trapped in the garbage cans out back. Henry started to join in, begging his father to let the kitten come inside when it starts to get too cold outside, and Ted promises that they will talk about it. It’s getting late and Rebecca asks him quietly if he could take her back, she wasn’t feeling well.

She hugged Henry and Margaret goodnight, and it was almost enough to bring her to tears. She quickly walked out the door, waiting for Ted in the dark driveway. 

Once they were in the car, he turned to her, trying to read her expression. He intuitively had gotten into the driver's seat, somehow sensing that she wasn’t up for more practice tonight.

“You wanna tell me what’s got you all up in knots?” 

She told him about her conversation with Henry, and saw him clenching his jaw. 

“And what do you think about that?” He asked her carefully.

“That I’m not sure what I am doing anymore. I left England to start over, to build something of my own and instead I am playing house with you and your wonderful family, and don’t misunderstand me, it’s been so lovely and I am so grateful, but I need to get my feet under me. It’s not fair to him, or you. I’m not ready for any of this. And I don’t want to hurt either of you, so I think I need to take a step back from us and figure out who I am after my divorce and what I want before I can dive into anything new. I hope you can understand that, Ted…Can you please drive?” She turned to him pleadingly.

He hadn’t realized they were still parked in his driveway. So he backed onto the road and sighed. 

“Please say something.” Her voice was barely a whisper, but it cut through him like a knife.

“What do you want me to say? I guess I’m a little surprised. You just promised my kid that you’d be around to build that LEGO thing with him, and don’t get me wrong, it's not even about that, but you did promise him. And now you’re telling me that you are taking a step back and I can’t help but wonder how I’m  goin’ to explain that to him, so he doesn’t think it’s his fault. I’m sorry, that came out way harsher than I meant it. I guess I’m just processing and I fell like I can’t keep up with you sometimes.”

She swallowed hard. “Of course I will still be around to keep my promise. And we are still friends, that's not going to change. I don’t want to lose you Ted.”

“I guess then I have no idea what you mean, honestly. Are we still goin’ to, what did you call it? Playing house? What does that even mean?” He sounded resigned and a little lost, so she reached out for his hand.

“Please don’t be disappointed, I couldn’t bear that. And I don’t know how to better explain it. But you can’t tell me you haven’t felt this…thing between us? And it scares me, I feel like I am free falling, and there is no bottom and I am not sure if it’s us, or if I am just lonely and scared.”

“What makes you think I wouldn’t catch you? Or that we can’t go slow enough for you to still figure everything out? I will talk to my mom and Henry about us being just really good friends for now, and see where we go? Can’t you give us that, please?”

“I want to.” She looked at him wide eyed, letting go of his hand, “But I don’t trust myself with you. I just…” She rubbed her hands across her face, frustrated.

He pulled up to the curb in front of her dorm. “I don’t want to leave this conversation unfinished. Can I come up for a minute, please?” 

“Sure.” She gave him an hesitant smile. 

He followed her up the stairs, feeling strangely out of place in the hallway of her dorm. He wondered, and not for the first time how she felt about living there, and where she will eventually move to once her whole situation stabilizes a bit. He probably doesn't give her enough credit sometimes for how much she has accomplished all on her own in a presumably short period of time and he is starting to regret his sharp words from before. She was right of course, he had brought her home and introduced her to his family before he had really stopped and thought about how they would interpret it. And if their conversations during the weekend of her fathers funeral were anything to go by, she had been through some serious stuff in the years of her marriage. Maybe they were rushing things between them. Maybe he wanted to rush with her, hopefully for the right reasons. 

She was quiet as she walked by his side, trying to figure out what he was thinking and why he had asked to come up. She wasn’t worried, she felt safer with him than with most men, but it made her nervous to have him in her space. She just hoped her next door neighbor weren’t home. As they reached her floor there was thankfully no light under the door next to hers. 

She ushered him in, feeling like a silly sixth form girl smuggling a boy into her room. 

They went through the awkward dance of trying to figure out where to sit (he didn’t dare sit on her bed, so he chose the chair at her desk) and her offering him a drink. He declined, clearing his throat. It was strange for him to be in her space, her pale silk pajamas peeking out from under her pillow, and she blushed slightly, obviously not prepared to have her things examined so closely, especially not by him.

“Can I ask you what you meant by saying you don’t trust yourself with me?” He finally asked her.

Her blush deepened. Was he really going to make her say it?

“Look, we’re obviously attracted to each other, I think there’s no point denying that. I just don’t want to rush into something that I’m not ready for.” She squared her shoulders, meeting his gaze. “How did you put it back in my bedroom before I started to take my clothes off? You want more for both of us. Well, I agree.” She exhaled. “I think Henry is still struggling with his mother leaving, and bringing me up in that context today was a little sobering. It is not something I am ready for yet. I’m sorry Ted. I don’t want to hurt your little boy if our relationship ends up going tits up because we rushed into it.” She had started pacing, and stopped herself in front of him. 

He stood up abruptly, and she suddenly realized how close they were.

“Ok.” He gave her a tender look, his eyes scanning her face. “So you do want more. Just slower? How slow are we talking? How do I know I’m not pushing you? Is it the worst thing in the world that I want you?” He was still looking at her intensely, his pupils dark and filled with an emotion she couldn’t name.

“No. Not the worst thing.” She backed away a bit, trying to put some space between them. The silence in the room was starting to unnerve her. Ted was still watching her closely, and finally asked:

“Do you want me to go?”

“Yes, please. I can’t think with you looking at me like that.” She laughed nervously. “I’ll think about what you said, ok? And thank you for understanding. You are too good for me, Ted. Better than I deserve.”

“Naw, come on, none of that.” He considered for a minute and then pulled her in for a hug. She leaned into him, resting her temple against the side of his head.

“We’re ok. Please don't blame me for hoping.” He smiled at her fondly and walked towards the door. “I have a feeling it will all work out in the end. You just gotta believe.”

Chapter 9 Spare me a strike

Getting her license a week later and buying a car the very next day helped with her feeling a little more centered. She hadn’t realized how much she was forced to rely on the kindness of coworkers and friends in these past weeks, and how she still struggled with accepting their help.

It took the pressure off her and Ted’s friendship, she now could just drive out to spend time with them, keeping her promise to Henry without Ted having to wait around work or drive her home at the end of the night. 

It cut down on the time they were alone together and she couldn’t help but miss their quiet drives a little, where he told her about his day and inquired curiously about anything she was willing to share. It struck her that she had never met someone like him, who was endlessly fascinated with the most minute details of her life.

She was also busy looking into finding a home, so the next weeks passed in a blur of meetings with her realtor and before she really knew it, October was drawing to a close and she was getting ready to close on a house.

It had become a bit of a habit for her to drive out to Ted’s house on Wednesday nights, work with Henry on their LEGO project and afterwards spend some time with Margaret and Ted catching up. She wasn’t sure if Ted had talked to his mother, but there hadn’t been any jokes or insinuations towards them being anything but friends since the night of her and Ted’s talk in her room. Margaret had been incredibly insightful with helping her narrow down the neighborhood and finding a home inspector and contractor to help turn her soon-to-be home into the perfect place for her. She couldn’t wait to pick up the keys from the contractor next week.

Ted was keeping himself busy, football season was in full swing and there were nights where she barely saw him, even though she was spending it at his own house. 

So he surprised her when he followed her outside after she had said goodbye to them one evening, standing awkwardly in the dark driveway. 

“Did you need something?” She gave him a questioning look, not sure why he was silent.

“Naw, it’s alright, I’ll catch you some other time, it’s getting late. Drive safe!” He tapped the roof of her car, backing away slowly, smiling.

“Ted. It’s too cold outside to do the thing where you pretend it’s not important, so why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind, so we are not out here freezing our bollocks off.” 

“I was just wondering if you needed help, your moving day must be coming up. But forget I asked, I’m sure you’re squared away.” He trailed off, embarrassed. 

“I don’t have that many things in my room, but I was wondering if you could come by the house this week and help me with hooking up the washer and dryer? They were supposed to install them, but since they were delivered when I wasn’t there the contractor just signed for them and put them inside.” She sighed. “I can probably have them come back, so if you’re busy..”

“No, I’d love to! Let me know when it’s a good day for you!” 

“I will.” She gave him one last look, and got in her car, giving him a little salute from the car, smiling.

He stood outside, watching her pull away, lost in thought.

______

He caught her a week later at work, asking if she was starting to pack, and she just exhaled. There had been some issue with the water-main and it was supposed to be resolved by the weekend, but she had been having trouble getting in touch with the guy in charge of her bathroom remodel, so he let her vent and then offered to make a few calls, saying he knew a guy who would take care of it. 

She laughed at that, one of her rare throwing-her-head-back laughs, and he realized how much he had missed her. Before he could change his mind he asked her if she was free tonight so they could properly gossip about work and everything, and she agreed, asking him if she should bring anything. 

“Just yourself. We’re not eating in tonight. I’ll talk to my buddy, sort out your water situation and then we will celebrate. It's bowling night with Beard and Roy, and you are going, I will not take no for an answer this time!”

“Oh, is that so? In that case you need to tell me where and when.” She was still laughing.

“Carpool leaves here at 7.” 

______

She called Keeley the minute she walked into her office. 

“I need help.”

“What’s going on? You didn’t google your name again, did you? Rebecca! We talked about that!!”

No…why? What’s in the papers?! You know what, never mind. Ted asked me to go bowling with him and his coaches!”

“I’m sorry, what? Can you repeat that, it sounded like you said you are going bowling with coaches? What does that even mean?”

Rebecca burst out laughing. “Not coaches as in buses, coaches as in gaffers. Ted’s coaching staff. He wants me to go bowling with them.”

Silence.

“Keeley?”

“Yeah, I’m here. That’s good? I honestly can’t tell with you two. You give each other looks like you want to shag the pants off each other, but then you say you don’t want to go out with him, but you go to his house to hang out with his mum and his son, and now you’re bowling? With his team of gaffers?“ Keeley burst out laughing. “If you tell me next week you are chewing tobacco now and going on hay rides I wouldn’t be surprised at this point, babes. Is it something you want to do with him, or are you going because that’s what he wants?”

Rebecca paused. “ I don’t know. I’ve never gone bowling before. Why do you ask?”

Keeley exhaled. “Well, if you want to go because it sounds fun or it’s something you want to experience, then I think it’s great? I just thought you were worried about getting lost in your next relationship again, so make sure that what is happening is what you want, yeah?”

“I said yes because I want to spend time with him and I thought it might be good to see him with his peers, how he is around them?” 

“That’s great then, just don’t overthink it. He’s nothing like Rupert, babes. I don’t know him well, but I do know that. I’m trying to  picture you in a bowling alley and I can’t, if we’re being honest.” Keeley giggled. “Make sure you send me some pictures!”  

“I will. And Keeley?”

“Yes?”

“What does one wear to go bowling? I haven’t gotten the faintest idea.”

“Assless chaps.”

“Do be serious!”

“I am! You’d look stunning. Alright, I can feel you rolling your eyes all the way over here. Something casual. Like jeans? Do you own any? Remember it’s a informal thing with him and his friends. Wear something comfortable and socks, I think they make you rent special shoes.”

“That sounds dreadful. So definitely socks, so I don’t have to go barefoot in rented shoes. Can you imagine? And Keeley? Thanks for looking out for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Aw, thanks babes. You know I love you! Have fun!”

“Love you, too! I’ll call you after?”

“You fuckin' better!”

______

Rebecca was second to arrive, and it was a little awkward at first after she introduced herself to Ted’s friend Beard. They stood there in what she later came to understand as his usual silence and was so relieved when Ted pulled up, she had to stop herself from pulling him into a hug. The man with him turned out to be Roy Kent, and she was surprised how young he was, having only spoken to him on the phone once before. He raised his eyebrows at hearing her name, and gave Ted a questioning look, asking The Rebecca? quietly under his breath, but after a short confirming nod from Ted he didn’t elaborate and they all piled into Beards truck and drove off.

She was glad she had dressed down when they arrived at the bowling place, wearing comfortable skinny jeans with an oversized T-Shirt falling off her shoulder. She caught Ted eyeing her bare collarbone as he helped her out of her coat, and couldn’t help but smirk at his guilty expression when she caught his eye.

It was interesting to observe how the friends interacted and Rebecca was quiet for most of the first half of the night, gratefully accepting help and instructions from all of them throughout the game. She had originally worried about being the fifth wheel, but they all seemed to enjoy having a new member to their little group, and entertained her with stories about mishaps on the road with the team that had her howling with laughter. 

There was a little burger and franks counter tucked into the side of the bowling hall that Ted claimed had the best cheeseburgers, so she offered to order some while Roy and Ted argued good-naturedly about the scoring and who was winning. 

As soon as she was out of ear shot, Roy turned to Ted.

“I can’t believe you took her on a date bringing her bowling with us!? Holy hell, Ted. A woman like that, you really need to up your game!”

“It’s not like that, we’re just friends. And this isn’t a date!”

“Clearly it isn’t, because it is three dudes and a lady…fucking hell. Unless Beard and I are on a blind double and you forgot to tell us? If that’s the case, I want to be dropped off first, I don’t want any rumors that I put out on the first date. And are you just going to keep looking at her like your ovaries hurt or are you going to just tell her you like her and not subject us to your pining? It’s making me feel all weird inside!”

Beard chimed in. “Yeah man, just tell her. You’re making me all squiggly and she obviously likes you, too. Why else would she agree to this?” He shook his head affectionately.

“First off all, I don’t have any ovaries, so how would that even work. Secondly, she knows.” Ted heaved a sigh. “It’s complicated.”

“So, you’re saying she shot you down, and now you are bowling friends? Jesus Christ, Ted!” Roy threw up his hands in exasperation. 

“No..not exactly. She was worried with my mom and Henry basically making her a part of the family before we had even started anything. And she’s just...look, it’s not really my story to tell, so we talked and kinda decided to go slow? Maybe? It’s weird, I haven’t really had a chance to talk to her in a couple of weeks, so I panicked and asked her to come out tonight.”

“So, you’re not sure if she agreed to the going slow to let you down easy, or if she meant it and has just been busy?” Beard scratched his chin. “And you don’t want to badger her by asking? Man, that is rough, buddy!”

“I can’t listen to you two ninnies going on like you’re gonna need a fucking enigma decoder. Just ask her! And if you don’t want to come straight out with it, talk to her about what she’s been up to. Tell her you miss hanging out, it’s not fucking rocket science.” Roy lowered his voice as he caught Rebecca looking over at them. “ If she’s not interested, you have a right to know. So stop making eyes at her and figure it out. “ With that he stomped off towards the men’s room.

Beard shrugged. “Hate to say it, but my date is right. You need to talk to her.”

So Ted followed their advice and lingered after Beard dropped them off, offering to walk her back to her dorm. He wasn’t sure how to start, but she saves him the trouble and starts telling him about the miracle he’d worked with the plumber, that the man had called her back this afternoon to tell her the issue with her water had been resolved and that they should be done by tomorrow.

“So, moving day is this weekend?” Ted asked, surprised.

“Yes, finally! I can’t wait! It shouldn’t take more than a couple of trips, I don’t have that much stuff at my dorm. I just need to buy a mattress and then I am all set.” She sounded almost giddy with relief. “I can’t wait to take a bubble bath! It’s been ages since I had a tub!” 

Ted tried hard to not imagine her reclining in a tub full of bubbles, so he cleared his throat and offered again, if she needed any help, he’d be glad to lend a hand.

“You know, it might be helpful to have someone with me that can tell me where to buy the things I need.” She looked thoughtful, contemplating. “And you did agree to help with the appliances, so did you want to come over on Saturday and see what we can accomplish?” She looked at him while they stopped in front of her building. “I thought it might also be fun. I feel like I haven’t really had a chance to talk to you in ages. I miss our night time drives.” 

He laughed a little at that, telling her he’d love to help in any way he can. 

“Oh, and Ted?” Rebecca called after him.

“Yes?”

“Thanks for tonight. It was great to meet your friends Roy and Beard. Is that really his name, by the way?”

“I’m glad you decided to come and that you had fun. And Beards name…well, that’s a story you’ll have to ask him about yourself. Why don’t you make a list of all the things you absolutely need by Saturday and I can give you options of places we can get those at. And if you haven’t bought a bed, we should definitely put that on top of the list, so you don’t have to spend the first nights in your new house sleeping on the floor. I could ask to borrow Beards truck, so we could haul the mattress ourselves, that way you don’t have to wait for them to deliver?”

“I’ve had most of the furniture picked by a decorator, but wanted to pick my own mattress. It needs to be comfortable, don’t you think? If I can’t find any that I like, I can always sleep on the sofa.” She sounded so excited, it made him smile at her warmly.

“I can’t wait to see your house! Scott told me so much about it!”

“You know my contractor and have discussed my house with him?” She shot him a questioning look.

“Well yeah, my mom recommended him on account of him being an old neighborhood friend who also does good work. I’ve been touching base with him a couple of times to make sure he was taking care of you and what you needed done!” He smiled at her widely.

“Oh? Did he tell you he asked me out to dinner?” Rebecca gave him a measured glance while Ted’s face went through an interesting range of emotions until he settled on a blank smile.

“He did? Huh, no he failed to mention that.” He turned away, looking at his feet.

“Let me know your address, and I’ll see you on Saturday, or do you want to meet here?” He still wasn’t looking at her. She gently nudged his hand, trying to get him to look at her.

“Ted? I can tell him no if it bothers you. I didn’t mean to upset you.” 

“Well, that’s up to you, isn’t it? And I’m not upset, thank you for telling me tho. Always good to know where we’re at.”

She stepped forward and gently kissed his cheek. “That’s not where we’re at. Thanks for walking me back. Goodnight Ted.” 

Chapter 10 Take me home

She texted Keeley as soon as the door closed behind her.

RW oof, I think I fucked up.

KJ Oy, do you know what time it is? Is everything alright? Wtf happened?

RW Oh shit, I’m sorry I forgot about the time difference. Go back to sleep. 

KJ  Well, I'm up now. How did you fuck up? How was bowling? Spill it, Welton!

RW Bowling was fun. His mates are nice, but I think he’s told them about me.

KJ Why’d you think that? Did they say something?

RW No, but I could tell. 

KJ So..how did you fuck up?

RW I told him about Scott asking me to dinner. 

KJ WAIT WHAT? YOU HAVE A DATE AND DIDN’T TELL ME?!? Who the fuck is Scott?!

RW My Contractor! We’re sitting down to talk about warranties and maintenance?  

KJ REBECCA!! Poor Ted. When is the date?

RW Tomorrow? And it's not a date!!!

KJ Okay…that’s too late to cancel. Just set clear boundaries. You pick the place, you pay the bill, dress in one of your power suits and killer heels. Meet him at the restaurant. Find an excuse to text Ted after to show that you made it home alone at a reasonable hour. And maybe explain that it was not a date at some point. Seriously, babes. I know you’re not doing this on purpose, but you can be so oblivious sometimes. Or do you fancy the contractor and your subconscious is  trying to make a fantasy come true?😂

RW Don’t be ridiculous. He looks like a potato.

KJ LOL. Poor you. You know who doesn’t and would gladly make all your fantasies come true?

RW Stop it. He’s barely spoken to me since I got my license.

KJ Ahem, because you told him to back off basically. And he is so sweet and patiently waiting for you to give him a sign. 

RW I kissed him on the cheek tonight.

KJ Unless it was his butt cheek I don’t want to hear about it. What century do you call this? He flew halfway around the world to go to your fathers funeral with you!! He cooks you dinner every Wednesday! And you haven’t properly snogged him yet? Do you not fancy him?

RW It’s not about that. I’m not sure how to explain it. 

KJ Fuck this. Give me a minute, I’m calling you.

The voice call came through a second later. 

“You want to tell me what it is about then?” Keeley waited.

“My therapist said I need to not form such strong attachments with the first men that come into my life. That I need to recover myself and be single. To go on a couple of dates and figure out what I want. But when I think about what I want, all I see is Ted’s face. His kindness, how he is so focused on me when we are together, like I am the only thing that exists in the world. And it scares me. Rupert whittled me down to someone I don’t even recognize, and it was still not good enough. And I meet this man, and he acts like nothing is good enough for me. And I can’t think straight when I am around him. The way he kissed me after I showed him the ugliest parts of me. What if he is the perfect man, but it’s the wrong time and I am going to lose my chance at something extraordinary because of all my fears?” A tear rolled down her face, but she barely noticed it. “What if I have already screwed this up?”

“I’m sure you haven’t. But he’s not a mind reader. And what is the worst thing that could happen?”

“We could really hurt each other.” Rebecca whispered.

“I think you are doing that already. Don’t let this one get away, babes. You deserve to be happy, yeah?” Keeley paused. “You deserve to be loved. Also not to change the subject, but when did he kiss you? I thought you said you hadn’t. Explain!”

“After the funeral. I showed him some of my scars and he kissed them.”

“Did you say SCARS?! And he kissed them? Wait, ALL of them?! I need a lot more information than that! How come I only hear about this now?”

“It’s a little awkward and I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“Alright, be like that.” She could hear Keeley pouting through the phone. “Will you tell me the whole story over Christmas, please?”

“I’m not coming home for Christmas.” Rebecca said confused.”My mum is going on a cruise with some of her friends, and I decided to stay here.”

“I know, silly. That’s why I am coming to Kansas. Surprise!”

“Oh my god. That’s fantastic news, Keeley!” Rebecca almost shouted it in her excitement.

“I know, I can’t wait to see you. I’m flying in on the 19th.” Keeley smiled and added. “Sort out your thing with Ted soon, yeah? I want him to introduce me to Roy Kent.”

“Hey Keels, would you do me a favor and ask Ted what his favorite ice cream flavor is?”

Sure, any particular reason why?” You could hear the smile in Keeleys voice. “Don’t overthink it, babe. You’re doing great. Call me if you need a pep talk, I’ll call him and text you about the flavor once I'm fully awake.”

______

Her dinner with Scott went well, he explained all the improvements that were made to the structure, how the thermal insulation barrier worked and explained to her why she shouldn’t drill holes or drive nails past a certain depth so as to not damage it. He explained the warranties on her new furnace and water heater and gave her a couple of recommendations on what cleaners to use on the reclaimed hardwood floors.

Scott insisted on getting the bill, joking that he had already added it to her invoice as an expense. When they said their goodbyes he ran out to his truck and handed her a bottle of champagne, wishing her best of luck in her new home, and that he hopes she will be very happy in it. She got a little teary eyed as she thanked him for all his hard work, but he waved her off, saying there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for a friend of Ted and Margaret’s. She gave him a curious look, but he just waved her off, saying they did him a kindness 30 years ago and were some of the best people he knew. 

—--

Ted was sitting in his study trying to figure out the tutoring schedule for his team's students and frowned. He was worried they would be put on academic probation if their grades didn’t improve and was working hard with the faculty to find students to volunteer to help them out.

So when his phone lit up with a notification of a text from Rebecca at 9 pm he welcomed the distraction.

RW Hi Ted! Are you home?

TL Yes. Why is everything ok?

RW Everything is great. Come down and let me in?

He smiled to himself as he quietly made his way downstairs, his mind going a hundred miles a minute. He noticed she was still dressed in her work clothes as he opened the front door, but she smiled holding up a brown paper bag. “I’ve come bearing dessert!”

“Is that why I had a very mysterious conversation with our friend Keeley about my favorite flavor of ice cream?” He gave her a warm smile as he ushered her inside.

“Could be. Who knows.” She smirked at him. “I just had a lovely dinner with our friend Scott where he explained all about not poking holes in the walls and what not to use to clean the floors. And something about a furnace, that I hope I do not have to remember mainly because I’ve already forgotten it. And I thought to myself this evening could only be improved by sharing some ice cream.” That earned her another big smile. 

“Well plying me with sugar will get you anywhere.” 

They spend a long moment staring at each other, but Ted finally broke the spell by offering to get them bowls and spoons, expressing his delight at the local brand she had chosen. She instructed him in the art of adding a bit of milk to make the ice cream creamier and he gave a low moan when he tried it, exclaiming it was life changing. She blushed at that, trying not to think too much about how he had closed his eyes and leaned his head back, how the sound he made caused something to uncurl in her stomach, making her skin tingle. 

They chatted a bit about all and nothing, but it was starting to get late, their bowls empty and forgotten on the table in front of them. So she reluctantly rose to her feet, asking him if he was still up for helping her tomorrow.

“Of course, we have practice in the afternoon, but the morning is all yours and the evening after, if needed. And thanks for coming out and telling me how your dinner went. I appreciate it, and the ice cream of course!” He chuckled and rubbed his jaw a little embarrassed. 

Be brave, chanted Rebecca silently inside her head. So she stepped a little closer and looked deep into his eyes.

“Thank you for being so patient, and not holding it against me when I get something wrong.”

He tilted his head in confusion, but she took the chance before she lost her nerve and gently touched her lips to his, feeling him go completely still. She leaned into him, savoring the soft velvety feel of his lips against hers, feeling her blood pound in her ears. His hands reached up and cradled her face tenderly and she released a sigh in the back of her throat as he gently licked her bottom lip, as if silently asking permission. She stepped even closer, pressing her chest against his as she deepened their kiss, caressing the roof of his mouth with her tongue. This elicited a low moan from deep within him, making her shiver. He released her face and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her flush against his body. She could still taste the ice cream on him, as she sucked his lower lip between her teeth. He tried to gain control by slowing them down, kissing her softly and deeply; and then pulling away to catch his breath. The sight of her before him, starry-eyed, her lips slightly parted and flushed from their kisses made him almost lose his resolve, his whole body feeling like it was on fire. 

She leaned her forehead against his, and gave him another gentle kiss before stepping out of his embrace with a smile.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then? Just text me when you’re on your way, I’ll be in my room packing.”

He nodded, lost for words, watching her get in her car and drive off. 

_____

He picked up some coffee and blueberry muffins for them in the morning, nervous excitement flowing through him as he remembered the kiss from last night. He barely slept and couldn’t wait to see how she was doing. He was a little nervous as he bounded up the stairs, but she greeted him with a smile, thanking him profusely for getting them breakfast. They sat down together and planned out their day, Rebecca shamelessly stealing the better part of his muffin while he was looking over the list she had made for them. They agreed to start by loading up as much of her stuff that she had ready to go and head over to the house. She shoved all the little bottles and vials from her bathroom into a box while Ted tried to wrestle her suitcase out the door, pretending to suffer an injury and making her laugh. Between both of their cars they fit most of her stuff, she really hadn’t accumulated too much during her 3 month stay beyond the things she had originally brought with her. 

They drove over to the house, and she paused in the driveway, suddenly nervous.

“Hey, is this the first time you're back here now that it’s yours?” He gave her an excited look, but she just nodded.

“I mighta thrown out my back lugging that suitcase of yours down those stairs, but if you want I can try to carry you across the threshold even tho the tradition is steeped in controversy about bride stealing.” He babbled on, but she just smacked him lightly on the shoulder. He playfully reached for her, but she just ducked out of his reach and ran up the path.

“Don’t you dare!” She was laughing, waiting by the door. He watched her fiddle with the key, and took her hand as she opened the door, stepping inside together. 

“Welcome home, Rebecca.” He pulled her into a warm hug. “I hope you will always be very happy here.”

She buried her face against his neck, breathing him in. “Thank you Ted. For everything.”

“Aw, come on you’re gonna make me cry and what will the good folks at the mattress barn think about me showing up there later all puffy and red eyed?” He joked, releasing her. “How bout you give me the grand tour of your new digs?”

So she led him around the house, him oh-ing and ah-ing in all the right places, making her smile. The workers had really outdone themselves, the house was gorgeous. 

He teased her about the size of her huge free standing tub, but she just shrugged, saying she liked to be submerged without any parts sticking out getting cold, making his brain stutter for a whole minute. He gave her a tape measure to figure out the size of the bed frame, since she couldn’t remember what she had ordered. 

“Looks like a king to me, but you want to be sure, before the mattress doesn't fit.” He called over his shoulder, getting ready to unload the boxes from their cars. By the time she had measured and looked up the dimensions to see that he was right, it was indeed a king sized frame, he had finished unloading and called her downstairs.

“Hey I really think we should get going, so we have a chance of having the mattress delivered today. Also, I gotta scoot here in a couple of hours, I have practice, remember?”

She agreed and grabbed her bag, locking the house behind her.

They decided to both drive so he could go straight from the store to the field. She took the opportunity to call Keeley for a quick pep talk. Keeley picked up on the 5th ring.

“Oy, I was waiting on my update last night, so what happened? Is everything alright?” She sounded like she was walking.

“Oh shit, I'm sorry about that, I didn't want to call you in the middle of the night. Again. I followed your advice and I brought him ice cream and kissed him, and holy fuck that man can kiss, and now we’re on our way to pick out a mattress for my bed. And I’m freaking out!”

“Whoa, slow down there. How did you go from kissing him to picking out a mattress in less than 24 hours, for fucks sake Rebecca!” Keeley started to giggle. “I’m sorry I know I shouldn't laugh, but how do you keep getting into these scrapes with him? It’s frankly adorable.”

“It’s clearly because I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. Why is he helping me with this? I don’t know, because I can barely think straight when he looks at me with his big brown eyes? Because he offered and it made perfect sense last night?”

“Okay, you need to breathe, babes. It’s goin’ to be alright. Just have fun and STOP STRESSING! You’re making me nervous and I’m not even there. Let me know how it goes, but during daytime hours in the UK if you please.” 

“Again, I’m so sorry about the other night, Keeley. I’ll make it up to you when you get here in 2 weeks! I can’t wait!”

“Alright, you’re forgiven. Now go and pick out your shag pad with your cowboy!” She hung up laughing, realizing that Ted had just pulled into a strip mall, with the words mattress barn written in bold letters on the front.

“My god, I had hoped he was joking!” Not realizing she’d actually said the words out loud she got out of the car, Ted already waiting for her.

The salesman immediately accosted them, drawing Ted into a long winded conversation about what brought them to the store today, requiring all of Rebecca's focus to not roll her eyes. She immediately thanked her lucky star for Ted's gift for endless small talk, so she could just hang back and look around. There were a ridiculous amount of models on the floor, and she was horrified to see a sign that states you can “test” a mattress for 30 days with a money back guarantee. What are they doing with the ones that have been used and were returned? She tried to get Ted's attention, but he was deep in conversation with the man that had pounced on them as soon as they had walked in.

She cleared her throat audibly, interrupting, as the man just started launching into his sales pitch, but Ted gently placed his hand on her arm, giving her a conspiratorial wink. So she zoned out again as they nattered about pillow tops and foam vs. springs. It turned out that Ted knew an alarming amount about mattresses, grilling the salesman on the latest models they had advertised in their sale while simultaneously charming him into agreeing to guarantee delivery today. She gave him a side glance, not wanting to interrupt, but he turned and finally asked if he could show them the models they had discussed, so Rebecca could check them out. Ted leaned in, whispering in her ear that he’d done his research last night thinking she wasn’t going to want to lay on every single mattress in the store.

She smiled at him, nodding. She was impressed how little she had to contribute besides answering a couple of truly cursed questions regarding her sleep habits. Finally Ted thanked the man profusely and asked if they could have a moment to themselves.

Ted smiled at her fondly, and pointed at the ones he had researched, gesturing for her to lay on it. She blushed, sitting gingerly down and giving Ted a unsure smile.

“Aw, come on, you gotta lay on it to figure out if it’s comfortable.” He dramatically threw himself onto the mattress next to the one she was sitting on.

“This is kind of embarrassing.” She stated, her cheeks still flushed.

“It’s just a bed, Rebecca. Nobody is expecting you to test it’s durability in an explicit fashion.” He smirked at her. “Just pretend we’re back at your dorm, well, scratch that, what would I be doing there…hmm, alright, I got it. You are back in London in one of those fancy hotels and just got in from a 12 hour flight, and you stretch out on the bed and say to yourself…”

He looked at her expectantly.

“Fine.” She swung her legs around and reclined backward. “It’s very comfortable.”

“Great start! How does your back feel? “

“Fine?” She shot him a questioning look.

“We won't settle for fine. Let’s try this one over here!” He distracted her with his chatter, making her laugh until finally she sank back into a mattress releasing a surprised sigh.

“Well color me impressed, I think we found a winner. Anything that makes you sound like that is going to be an instant purchase. Wait, that came out way differently than I meant.” He sat down next to her, looking a bit embarrassed.

She just gave him a look while asking him to summon the salesman. “Or what do you think?” She shot him a suggestive smile, making him giggle. He leaned back into the bed and turned over to face her, smiling. “It feels like heaven.”

After that she quickly pulled out her credit card and gave the guy her address, Ted having to leave soon if he was going to make it to practice in time. 

They stood outside in the parking lot for a minute, trying to make the moment last. She finally decided to just walk him towards his car and thank him again for all his help.

“You still want me to come back after or are you all set?” He asked after getting into his car, the door still open.

“It’s entirely up to you. I appreciate all the time you can give, but if you need to get home to Henry I completely understand.”

He smiled at her, telling her Henry was at a sleepover, so there was no reason to rush home. 

“So I’ll see you tonight?” She was standing by his open car door, unsure what to do. He saved her by pulling her close, giving her a chaste kiss.

“I can’t wait!”

Chapter 11 Burning slowly, my one and only

Ted picked up a pizza for dinner on his way back to her house, not sure if she had made it to the store yet. Practice had run a little late, so he headed straight over to make sure she was all set to spend the night in her new home. 

They spent the better part of the evening setting up her router, TV, cable box and appliances; and he showed her how to light the furnace in case the power went out. He even drove to Lowe’s to grab a longer connecting hose for her washer, teasing her mercilessly about the supplied one being too short for her setup. 

She rolled her eyes at him, trying really hard not to look too hard at the exposed part of his abdomen where his shirt had become untucked as he wrestled with the faucets. After an enthusiastic high five he told her to test it by starting a load of laundry, washing the towels and sheets she had bought earlier.

They ended up eating their slices over the sink while drinking the champagne Scott gave her by passing the bottle back and forth since she had yet to buy plates, glasses or even mugs. He finally held up his hand after she tried to pass him the bottle again, laughing that he needed to keep a clear head. 

She giggled, asking him over her shoulder if he was afraid she’d take advantage of his inebriated state, while going to check on the washer, swinging the almost empty bottle by its neck. She didn’t hear him follow her into the room, the spin cycle of the washer kicking up and he startled her with stepping up so close to her, she could feel his breath on her neck. Trying to ignore the goosebumps he raised on her skin, she listened to him telling her he wasn't afraid of her taking advantage, explaining he needed to be somewhat sober to be able to drive home at a reasonable hour. 

She turned around, leaning towards him as she took another sip, giving him a hooded glance. The tension in the room was starting to be palpable, the air slightly humid from the washer gently rumbling in the background. She offered him the bottle again, shrugging after he declined and saying maybe she doesn’t want him to be sober enough to drive home. 

He gave her a little smile and joked what it was about champagne that made her proposition him. 

He knew the minute the words left his mouth that this was a mistake, watching her freeze and turn from him, setting the bottle down on the floor with a sigh, saying that’s not what she had intended.

“I’m sorry Rebecca, I’m an idiot. I think I’m just nervous after last night and the way you kissed me,” he exhaled loudly, “well, I haven’t been able to think about anything else all day. Hey,” he slowly turned her around towards him and tilted her head up with his fingers, making her look at him.”I was just joking. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright”, she smiled crookedly, caught in his gaze. “But would it be the worst thing in the world if I wanted you, too?”

No, not the worst thing.” He exhaled, scratching the stubble forming on his jaw. “I just wanna do this right. I don’t want to pressure or rush you, but then we’re here and you’re so..”, he sighed deeply, “and I feel like I can’t think straight, all I wanna do is kiss you. And then I get scared.”

“Scared of what?” She furrowed her brow.

He shrugged, not meeting her searching look. “I dunno, scared of you regretting this. Scared of this being too much or not enough.”

“I have many regrets, but this…us… is never going to be one of them. The only thing that’s too much is how much I want you to stop talking.” 

Something snapped in him hearing her say those words and he backed her against the washer, pushing his hips into her as he felt the machine vibrating behind her. He tangled his hands in her hair, kissing her fiercely. She hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her pants and pulled them down along with her underwear, her tongue licking into his mouth, his hands everywhere at once. He lifted her onto the washer and wrapped her legs around him, grinding himself against her. 

She struggled with trying to lift his sweater and shirt over his head, cursing loudly about his many layers, and he laughed, pulling them off in one swift move. The cool air in the room made him shiver as she pulled him back against her body, running her nails gently along his naked back.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” He asked her breathlessly, and she paused, asking him if he wanted to stop. He frowned at that, telling her yes, if it’s not what she wants then it’s not what he wants. She pulled him in for another deep and messy kiss, sucking his tongue into her mouth, whispering against his lips that yes, this is what she wants. 

Ted didn’t hesitate after hearing those words, leaning his forehead against hers while pulling her knees further apart and towards him, tipping up her hips. 

He marveled out loud at how ready she was for him as he cupped her gently with his hand while pressing the heel of it against her center. Sliding two of his fingers gently inside her, he paused, watching her intently as he spread his fingers lightly, curling them deep inside her massaging her inner walls delicately, deliberately and assured until her breath hitched, her nails gripping his shoulders tightly. He stayed there, working her expertly towards her peak while listing carefully to her breathing as a needy sound tore from the back of her throat. She leaned back onto the washer, bracing herself as she started moving her hips against his hand, a broken string of curses and praises falling incoherently from her lips.

He leaned back a little to watch her, almost as if he was trying to memorize every move and sigh she made, entirely mesmerized by the sight of her chasing her own pleasure at his hand. He added a third finger when her inner walls started to spasm and she cried out, pulling him against her and trapping his hand between their bodies. He continued to work his fingers inside her while slowly circling her clit with his thumb until her hips started to buck off the washer. Wrapping his arm around her waist he scooted her closer into him, holding her down.

"What do you need, baby? Tell me." He breathlessly whispered against the skin of her neck, burying his nose in her hair. 

“Just kiss me.” She turned her face towards him, moaning against his lips as he sank his teeth sensually into her lower lip, swallowing her broken moan as her orgasm rippled through her, her whole body shaking. 

He continued stroking her gently, careful to not overstimulate her as she rode out her high, her head resting against his chest as she tried to catch her breath. 

The washer under her started beeping, signaling that the load was done, making them startle out a surprised laugh, both a little shocked and surprised at what had just happened. 

He slowly removed his fingers, feeling her involuntary shudder and surprised her by licking his fingers clean reverently, remarking that he knew she’d taste delicious. Pulling him close she kissed him deeply, chasing her own taste on his tongue as he lifted her easily, carefully steadying her on slightly wobbly feet, a vaguely smug smile ghosting across his features. 

She tried walking him back into the living room towards the couch, pressing her lips to his neck and reaching for his belt, but he pulled out of her embrace, telling her he’d be right back. The atmosphere had suddenly changed between them and he seemed almost shy as she watched him switch the laundry over to the dryer and pulling his shirt back on. 

"Is everything ok?" She asked him quietly, seeming almost afraid while anticipating his answer, but he just gave her one of his dazzling smiles, stepping close to her as he brushed her hair back with a gesture so tender, she was afraid her knees would give out from under her.

"Yes, I'm more than ok. I think my brain is just trying to catch up with what just happened. And I just remembered my mother gave me something to give to you."

She chuckled while leaning her cheek against his palm. "If in this moment you are thinking about your mother I really need to up my game."
He laughed at that, breaking the tension that had settled between them. "I promise you that is not what is happening here. But I will grab it out of the car anyways, just so I can stop thinking about it, ok? I'll be right back, I promise." And with that he leaned forward, pressed his lips gently against her forehead and walked briskly towards her front door, releasing a shaky breath.

She turned towards the kitchen to grab them a glass of water, remembering to late that she had yet to purchase any glasses or cups. Outside she could hear his car door slam, worrying for a second he had bolted, but then her front door opened, him stepping inside holding a large gift bag with a sheepish smile. She sat down on her couch, realizing to late that she was wearing nothing but a shirt, her pants and underwear still somewhere discarded on her laundry room floor. But before she really had a chance to feel awkward about it he reached into the bag and pulled out a beautiful hand sewn quilt, telling her that it was his mother’s housewarming gift to her.

Giving him a watery smile, she felt suddenly overwhelmed by the love and care this incredible man had brought into her life and rose to her feet stepping towards him, completely speechless as he wrapped her into the gorgeous and colorful blanket, kissing away the tear that rolled down her cheek.

“Hey now, don’t cry. I wish you could see how beautiful you look wrapped in this. Makes my heart wanna beat outta my chest.” He pulled her close, kissing her hair gently. 

“Thank you Ted”, it came out as barely a whisper, but he smiled and told her she needed to thank his mother and her quilting group, he was just the delivery man. 

She pulled him down on the couch while wrapping them both into the quilt, running her fingers gently through his hair, down his temples along the stubble of his jaw, mapping his face. He closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation of her soft fingertips exploring him, feeling her scatter barely-there kisses along his jaw. 

He released a shuddering moan when she nipped at his ear with her teeth tenderly, pushing herself on top of him, straddling his hips with her thighs. He reached for her shirt to pull it over her head and dropped it somewhere behind them, as the sight in front of him took his breath away. 

He’d always known she was a stunning woman, but seeing her here straddling him, finally and gorgeously naked, she looked like a goddess from some ancient myth backlit by the light from the kitchen with the quilt pooling around her bare hips. She pushed herself up on her knees trying to undo his belt, but couldn’t really reach from her position, so he undid his pants and pulled them down. She worked her thumbs under the waistband of his boxers, impatiently tugging.

“These, too. Take them off. Please.” She had to nudge him twice until he obliged her, being so wrapped up in tracing her back with his hands, marveling on how her muscles rippled under his touch while kissing the little divot between her collarbones. 

He scooted towards her, bringing their hips together as he ground himself against her, coating his hard length in her arousal. She exhaled sharply, cursing quietly under her breath. She reached between them, wrapping her slender fingers firmly around his cock while swirling her fingertips across his already leaking head, eliciting a broken moan from Ted, his head falling against the back of the couch as he tried to slow down his breathing. 

She lined him at her entrance while leaning forward, capturing his lips in a messy kiss while slowly sinking down on him. He grabbed her hips when he bottomed out inside her, stilling her for a moment while he locked eyes with her. “Slow down darlin, or this will be over before we start.” He wrapped his arms around her pulling her flush against his body, his breath hot against her skin as she slowly started to move, circling her hips. 

“God you feel so good, Rebecca, holy smokes. You’re so beautiful..oh good lord, just like that.” He barely knew what he was saying, being so caught up in the sensation of them together, her on top of him slowly working herself towards another orgasm as he slipped his hand between them, using his fingers to help her as she rolled her hips, her legs shaking. 

He could feel her orgasm building, her inner walls fluttering so he flipped them over, tucking her knees against his chest as he fucked her deeply and steadily. He knew he wasn’t going to last much longer, this angle being so deep and intense, when he felt her arching her hips off the couch, her orgasm tearing through her, the sensation of her inner walls contracting so powerful, he followed after almost immediately while holding on tight to her trembling body. 

He collapsed next to her after a moment, and she rolled over to face him, a sated smile on her face as she buried her face against the warm skin of his chest. 

They stayed like this for a while, listening to their heartbeats, and he must have nodded off because suddenly he realized she wasn’t next to him anymore. 

The house was quiet and dark, so he went up to her bedroom, catching her wrapped in a towel wrestling with the fitted sheet. 

“Come on, let me help you with that.” He smirked at her. “I can’t believe you didn’t invite me along for your shower.” He pouted at her, and she threw a pillow at him.

“I wasn’t the one falling asleep downstairs. Come on, let's finish this so we can get some sleep.”

“Yes ma’am. Gosh, you’re bossy!” He giggled as she threw another pillow, and after securing his corners of the sheet he grabbed her, pushing her playfully onto the mattress and peeling off her towel with a dramatic sigh. “I am the luckiest man alive.”

“Oh, you think so?” She yawned. “Do you need me to put on some pajamas?”

He pulled her close, nuzzling into her neck, kissing her behind her ear. “Why would I want that?” 

She paused, contemplating. “My ex husband didn’t like it when I slept naked. He thought it was unhygienic.” 

“I’m sorry, but your ex is an idiot. There is nothing I want more than you naked next to me in these unbelievably soft sheets. Where did you get these?” He closed his eyes, a blissful expression on his face. “I just want you to be comfortable. Preferably naked.” And with a smirk he kissed her again. “Sweet dreams, Beautiful.”

____

She woke up in the middle of the night, feeling him trail his fingers carefully over her hips along her abdomen in the semi-darkness. 

“If it were up to me you would never be wearing anything but a smile.” Ted kissed her shoulder gently while reverently tracing the elegant curve of her naked spine with his fingertips. 

“Hopefully we’d live in a warmer climate in this fantasy, because I would get terribly cold being naked all day.” She answered with a quiet laugh, turning over to give him a sleepy smile. 

It was still so dark outside, she wondered what had woken him. 

“You still ok?” She tried to read his face in the darkness of the room while pulling him close, rubbing her nose against his and pressing their foreheads together.

“I’m more than ok, I’m..” He trailed off, his voice low, as he ghosted his lips along her hairline, tracing the shell of her ear with his tongue and kissing her gently in the space where her neck meets her jaw. She released a content sigh, pulling him closer. “You’re what?”

“I’m..” He continued kissing down her throat, along her collarbone, scraping his teeth lightly over her shoulder joint. 

“Speechless?” She joked softly, arching into him. “Can I get that in writing? On this day in the year of our Lord 2021, I, Rebecca Welton, rendered Theodore Lasso speechless!” 

“Oh, you think you’re funny, huh?” He tickled her sides affectionately, earning him a delighted chuckle. 

“I know I am.” She pushed herself up onto her elbows, scrutinizing him. “But seriously, I want to know what you are thinking. And why are you awake at this ungodly hour?”

“I guess I’m just a little overwhelmed.” He kissed along her abdomen tenderly, making her muscles twitch and flex. “And no, not in a bad way.”, he added after seeing her frown in confusion.

“I guess I just want to take it all in and remember it all, I can’t believe I’m here with you. And you are so.. delicious. And beautiful. And sexy. And warm. And perfect. And soft. And beautiful.” He punctuated every compliment with an open-mouthed kiss along the underside of her breasts. 

“You said beautiful twice.”

“That was not by accident.” He delicately traced the hardened bud of her breast with his teeth, biting it gently, before sucking it between his lips.

She starts to grind her hips against him, whispering his name as he continues to lavish her with kisses, running his fingers along her thighs, making her pull up her knees, trying to find purchase with her curling toes on the smooth sheets. He tenderly pulled her knees apart, and crawled down the bed to kneel between them, leaning down to trace a line from her hip to her pubic bone with his mouth, making her whole body tense.

“ Ted please…” 

“Just relax baby, I got you.” He pushed his tongue carefully against her center, applying gentle pressure before carefully licking towards her clit, pulling a sound from her lungs that had him pause to catch his breath.

“That good, huh? Come on baby, let me hear you. I want to know what feels good.” He sucked her clit between his lips while rubbing it lightly with the tip of his tongue. 

She started moving her hips, grinding against his face, her fingers fisting the sheets into her palms, panting while breathlessly repeating his name like a prayer.

Her legs were starting to shake and he picked up his speed, while teasing her opening with his fingers.

“Tell me, Beautiful, what do you need?” He sucked harder on her clit, making her yelp.

“You. Inside me.”

He pushed himself up to his knees while flipping her carefully onto her stomach, spreading her legs wide and slowly entering her from behind. Pulling her up, he wraps his arm across her torso, pinning her against his chest while his other hand reaches down, his thumb rubbing carefully against her clit. He could feel her inner walls flutter as she released another moan so low, he could feel it vibrating throughout her body. He starts to thrust up into her deeply, setting a slow rhythm, angling his hips until he hears her exhale sharply, cursing under her breath. Having found what he was looking for he picked up his pace, both of them so close, he could feel her rapid heartbeat against his chest. 

“Fuck, Rebecca, you’re so tight. I want to feel you come all over me, let go baby.” He whispered into her ear. She arched her back, and threw her head back with a scream so loud he thought he had hurt her for a second until he could feel her orgasm crest, her body in his arms taunt like a wire. 

“ Ted please, please…” 

He held her tight to his chest while she soared, chasing his own release until he came from the intense sensation of her pulsing, tight heat only moments later. Exhausted, he tipped them carefully to the side, spooning her from behind while still buried deep inside her, trying to catch his breath. They laid like this for a few minutes, both spent, Ted nuzzling his face into her damp hair, muttering incoherently. When he started to slip out of her she turned in his arms, wrapping him in a tight embrace. He sighed against her skin, resting his head against her chest.

“You ok?” She asked him again softly, trying to smooth down his hair. 

“Yeah. You? I thought I had hurt you there for a second.” He smiled bashfully, burying his face between her breasts.

“I surprised myself, honestly. That was intense. But you didn’t hurt me, quite the opposite.” She smiled, running her fingers through his hair while scooting down in his arms, giving him a long and lazy kiss. 

He hummed contently and pulled away so he could look at her. “I would never want to hurt you, I hope you know that.”

She kissed the tip of his nose. “I do.”

“Rebecca?” He fixed her with a tender look. “I..”

She stopped him by putting her hand gently over his mouth, shaking her head. “Don’t say it. Please. Not yet.”

He closed his eyes, hiding his disappointment and kissed her palm softly. She moved out of his embrace to use the bathroom, and by the time she returned he was fast asleep.

She curled up into his side, pressing her face against his chest and whispered,

“I do, too.”

Chapter 12 And the world spins madly on

“Hey sleepyhead.” He kissed her shoulder gently, watching her eyelids flutter.

“What time is it?” She groaned and stretched with a yawn, burying her face in her pillow. 

“It’s early. I’m sorry to wake you, but I gotta head out. Game day, remember?” He sat down on her side of the bed already fully dressed, brushing a strand of her hair tenderly out of her face as he watched her blink a couple of times. 

“Game day?”

“Yeah, we have a game against UCM in Warrensburg this afternoon, gotta go pick up Henry and then hightail it to the stadium so I don’t miss the bus.” He started to lean down to kiss her, but she sat up, rubbing her eyes.

“You’re taking Henry along to an away game? Won’t you get back too late, doesn’t  he have school tomorrow?”

“Yeah, but it’ll be alright, he’s slept on the bus driving back before. My mom has some food drive for her church and Henry begged me not to make him go on account of there being too much cheek pinching and old ladies hugging him.” 

“Do you want him to hang out with me for the day?” She stretched again, making him lose all coherent thoughts for a minute. 

“Naw, that’s ok.” He got up quickly, rubbing his hand down her leg, looking distracted. “I really gotta scoot, I’ll text you later?” He blew her a kiss from the door and was gone.

_____

She must have fallen back asleep because the next thing she remembers is her phone buzzing on her nightstand with a text notification.

TL   I can’t stop thinking about you

RW Come on coach, focus on your team 

TL We’re on the bus, nothing to do but daydream 

RW What about your child?! Still a little miffed that you didn’t let him stay with me

I’m an excellent babysitter 

TL He’s sitting in the back with the girls supposedly doing his homework

RW Girls? Don’t let the fans hear you calling your players that!

TL You just made Gatorade come outta my nose…not the players, the cheer squad

RW Ah, I see. Go Henry

TL …

RW Something on your mind?

TL Yes

TL You

RW That’s very flattering. But I better get up, put on some clothes and start my day

TL You’re still in bed? (sigh)

RW I am. 

TL Wish I was there to keep you warm

RW There’s always next time

She waited a few minutes, but there was no response, so she climbed out of bed to get ready for her day. Remembering that the stores were open in this part of the world on Sunday, she ended up picking up groceries, clothes hangers, an electric kettle and a couple of mugs, bowls and plates to tide her over. She hadn’t heard from Ted since their exchange in the morning, but it didn’t really worry her, surely he was busy juggling all his responsibilities. 

She got out her phone to check if Keeley was available, and paused when she unlocked her screen, seeing the three dots next to his name indicating he was typing. Excitement started to bubble up in her stomach until the dots disappeared. Trying not to read too much into this, she sent Keeley a quick text to FaceTime her as soon as she had a minute, watching fascinated how three dots kept reappearing in her message screen with Ted, just to be gone a minute later. Before she could think too much about what this might mean a video call request from Keeley rang through, and she accepted with a smile.

“Hi Babes!! You look like you are in desperate need of a break. How’s moving-in going? What do we need to do to unfurrow that beautiful brow of yours?” Keeley’s smile filled her screen, making her grin back at her friend.

“So much work! I keep having to go back to the shops because I forgot to get something I need! It’s madness. All my clothes are wrinkled, I’m considering dropping them all off to be dry-cleaned, so I don’t have to deal with them.” Rebecca laughed. “Which reminds me, I want to arrange to have some of my things shipped, do you think you could go by the house in Richmond this week, so we can mark some of the boxes and be there when the company picks them up?” 

“Absolutely, just let me know when it’s good for you!” Keeley paused. “If there is something you need right away I could also bring it when I’m coming out, yeah? Just let me know! But how is the new place? Feeling at home yet? I can’t wait to see it!!”

“Do you want the grand tour now, or wait until you get here?” Rebecca paused. “Because I have something to tell you.”

“That sounds ominous. Why do you look like you’re about to throw up? What is it, are you sick?” Keeley looked so worried, Rebecca forced a bright smile.

“No, I’m fine. Will you promise not to text Ted or badger him in any shape or form?”

“Oh my god, Rebecca, are you about to tell me that you finally put that man out of his misery and took him upstairs!?” Keeley was loud enough to make Rebecca wince.

“Well, that’s certainly one way to put it. But yes, Ted helped me set up my router and appliances last night and then..stayed.” Rebecca sighed, readying herself for the squealing that was sure to follow.

“Unless that’s some twisted sex thing I don’t want to hear about your chores. You’re really making him work for it. And what do you mean, he “stayed”?! Stop winding me up if it’s basically him passing out in your house after all the manual labor you are forcing him to contribute!” 

Rebecca rolled her eyes. “Nothing twisted I’m afraid, but there was sex. Are you satisfied?”

“Have you met me? I’m goin’ to need a lot more details than that! Was this your first time since…” Keeley’s eyes looked like they were about to fall out of her face. “Did you cry? How was it? God Rebecca, will you just come out and tell me what happened? So I can stop trying to imagine my own version and fantasize about the real thing?”

Rebecca made a horrified face, causing Keeley to burst out laughing. “Yes, it was the first time since Rupert. No, I didn’t cry, was I supposed to? And it was…unexpected? 

“Okay..”, Keeley was quiet for a moment, “like in what way? Like you weren’t ready, or it was over before you could really decide if you wanted to in the first place?” 

“KEELEY!! I have no idea how to talk about this with you.” Rebecca sighed. “It’s just not how I would’ve imagined it, that’s all.”

“Aw, babes, I’m so sorry. He does look a little vanilla, but I was hoping that the whole “silent waters are dark and dirty” might ring true with him. Maybe I can give him some pointers when I’m there? Show him what thumbs are for?”

Rebecca released a strangled laugh. “Don’t you dare. He knows what thumbs are for..that’s not what I meant.  And there was nothing vanilla about any of it.”

“So, what’s wrong then? Did you..not?” Keeley gave her a look. “Listen, stop being so bloody bashful. Between the worst and best sex of your life on a scale of 10?”

“17.” Rebecca moved the phone back, Keeley's squeal echoing through her bedroom.

“That is surprising! Go Ted! But also, that twat of an ex of yours probably couldn’t find his own arse with both hands in a well lit room, so maybe this isn’t saying much. I can’t believe you settled for that for what, 14 years?!” 

“16, if you count the time after. Until yesterday.”

“So how do you feel about it?” 

“Honestly?” Rebecca laughed nervously, ”It was fantastic until this morning, where he basically bolted right after I woke up and he’s been composing a text message for the last 40 minutes without sending it. And now I’m all in my head about what if it wasn’t what he had hoped for?”

“Rebecca, that’s not possible! You probably blew his mind so hard, he has trouble forming a sentence now. And if anything, it shows that he’s thinking about you. And who wouldn’t! I can’t wait to get you drunk enough to tell me all about it!” Keeley gave her a saucy wink, making Rebecca smile.

“Thanks Keels. You are the best friend anyone could hope for. I wish you were here. It’s hard  not to worry if your ex husband preferred half of London to you.”

“I know doll, that’s why you divorced him and are now moving on to better and brighter things. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. And the thing with Ted? Just enjoy it. You earned a bit of fun, luv!”Keeley blew her an exaggerated kiss. “I’ll let you know about the boxes, yeah?”

“Thanks darling. I’ll talk to you later!”

____

 “Everything ok, coach?” Beard startled him out of his thoughts. “You haven’t talked a lick since you got on and off the bus.” He checked his watch before continuing, “and that was 5 hours ago, which is a new record from the 20 minutes you lasted after our truth or dare in 2008.” 

Ted gave him a conflicted look, but before he could make an excuse an angry grunt from Roy interrupted their exchange.

“I’ve been waiting for him to make that face ever since he found out about Rebecca dating his buddy the contractor. And Ted, I hate to tell you, but what did you expect after taking her fucking bowling with your coworkers as a first date?!” Ted tried to interrupt him, but Roy went on. “But nothing to be ashamed of, you shot your shot and it missed. Big whoop. Next time you will take your lady friend out to a nice dinner and we won't be having these conversations ever again.” 

“No, that’s not why…I was at her house last night hooking up her washer and router and stuff, and..” He didn’t get any further before Roy exclaimed loudly, “Are you telling me that she still has you helping her with shit like that if she’s dating a contractor? How shit is this guy at his job, no offense? And why are you giving away the milk for free if she’s petting the other cows in the pasture? Ted, have some self respect!!” 

Roy shook his head at them angrily, while Beard burst out laughing. “Why won’t you let him tell us that’s got him all twisted in loops?”

“Fine! What’s happened last night at Rebecca's house that has you staring at your phone like a moon calf for hours?” 

Beards eyes widened. “Did you?”

Ted exhaled. “Yes, but you know I don’t like all that kiss and tell stuff.”

“WHAT? Then what’s with the face?! With as little details as possible, I beg you. I do not want those images burned into my mind, not if I can help it.” Roy threw up his hands in exasperation. 

“It’s just, my situation is a bit complicated. And…”Ted sighed. “I don’t want to lose her.”

Understanding started dawning on Beards face as Roy exclaimed that now he was completely lost.

“Time to file a motion for serving by publication?” He gave Ted a look, rubbing his shoulder lightly. Roy looked back and forth between them, confused. “Serving what?”

“Divorce papers.” Ted said quietly, avoiding Beards sympathetic look. 

“Fucking hell! Does Rebecca know you're not divorced yet? And why the hell not, it’s been years?” Roy shook his head in disbelief.

“She doesn’t know. Not yet.” Ted bent over, bracing himself on his thighs, breathing through his mouth.

“In and out, coach, that’s the ticket. Why don’t you sit down for a minute.” Beard took his arm and led him over to the team bench. “Does she know the situation?”

“Not all of it.” Ted’s breathing was still shallow, but some of the color was coming back to his cheeks. “I know I need to sit down with her and just get it over with. I just didn’t think we were there yet, with her wanting to take things slow. And then last night happened, and anyways, it’s just that she’s had such a rough situation with her own ex, I just didn’t want to burden her with this.”

“Coach, you need to tell her. As soon as possible.” Beard gave him a long look.

“Agreed. The longer you wait the worse it’ll get.” Roy nodded. “Buck up! What’s the worst that could happen?”

“That’s what I’m afraid of finding out.”

Chapter 13 The Art of Breaking

TL Hey you

RW Hey yourself

TL Still awake?

RW Barely. Didn’t get much sleep last night.

TL That so? 

RW Yes. How was the game? Are you home yet?

TL 13:17 loss. Just walked in.

RW Sorry to hear that. Long night. You alright?

TL …

RW It feels like those three dots were the sum of your afternoon 

And yes, I saw it. Something on your mind?

TL Nothing that I want to do over the phone. 

RW Listen, if last night was not what you had hoped for or wanted

it’s ok to say. I’m a grown woman. I’d prefer honesty over silence 

TL That’s not it at all. Please don’t ever  think that. But honesty is a good policy. So, can I come over Tuesday and cook you dinner? And talk?

RW You’re making me nervous

TL I’m sorry. The last thing I want is to make you worry. 

RW Can I call? I want to hear your voice

TL Give me a couple of minutes.

Her phone rang 7 minutes later. She picked it up, waiting for him to speak.

“Hi.” His voice was low, she could hear a faint echo of his words in the background, making her wonder where he was calling her from.

“Hi.” She waited for a moment to see if he would fill the silence, but there was only breathing on the other end of the line.

“Ted, for god’s sake, don’t make me guess.” She could hear him swallow.

“I’m sorry for making you nervous. We took a big step yesterday, and I’m not sorry about that, but we do need to talk about a couple of things. I was serious when I said I want to do this right. You are so important to me.” He exhaled audibly. “I feel like I am all over the place. And I’m scared of losing you. And if you really need me to, I will wake up my mom to watch Henry and drive over, but I’m hoping you’ll let me do this my way.” 

“Tomorrow after work. I am not waiting until Tuesday night.” 

“Okay. I’ll have to move some things around, but I will make it happen.”

“Thank you.” She paused. “Ted?”

“Yes?” 

“Please be gentle with my heart.” He could hear the strain in her voice, but before he could respond she had hung up the phone.

______

Rebecca tossed and turned the rest of the night, and was almost grateful when her alarm rang in the morning. Her day was busy with staff meetings that thankfully excluded the athletics department and she avoided their section of campus for the rest of the afternoon, so as to not run into him by accident. She needn’t have worried, Roy told her Ted had called out today when she ran into him at the coffee shop. He gave her a look when she asked if Ted was ok, but then just shook his head and walked off. 

She decided to leave a little earlier in the afternoon, not willing to spend another minute staring at the walls of her office without really getting anything done and texted him that she was on her way home.

It took him a couple of minutes to respond, sending her a message that he could be there in 2 hours, so she took a shower when she got home and then there was nothing to do but wait, so she decided to organize her closet just to keep busy. 

She heard his car in the driveway a little after, and opened the door before he had a chance to knock. She wordlessly moved out of the way, sidestepping his attempt at a hug and asked him to come in. He stood in the door frame for a second, contemplating, and then moved past her into the living room. He looked around like he was going to quib about something, but she held her hand up.

“Ted, let me stop you right there. We’re not going to talk about dinner or the weather or whatever, not until you’ve sat down and told me what is going on. We are both too old for these games. And I appreciate the irony of me lecturing you on running hot and cold, but please, just out with whatever it is.”

“Alright.” He rubbed his hands over his face, his voice gravely and shaky.”I owe you an apology and an explanation.”

He sat down on the sofa, avoiding her look and sighed. “The story I told you that night at your fathers funeral was not the entire tale of my situation with Henry’s mother. There was a good chunk missing and something that is somewhat only partially true. I should have told you this before we took things further, I know this and I am so sorry about that, Rebecca."

He release a strangled breath and continued." I just thought we were miles away from getting together, and then Saturday night I just got caught up in the moment and in you, how much I want us to be something…and I just couldn’t ruin it by sitting down and sharing my mess of a situation. But it wasn’t fair to you, and I’m so sorry. Please believe me when I say this.” A tear spilled down his cheek, making him rub his eyes roughly like he was trying to stop them from falling.

“Ted. Just tell me.” Her voice sounded strange even to her own ears, so she took his hand and waited.

“I already told you that Michelle had a tendency to just up and leave, and you might have suspected, like we did for the longest time, that drugs were the reason. And it was certainly part of the problem, but I’ll get to that later. I told you that 5 weeks after Henry’s first Birthday when she showed up barefoot carrying balloons was the last time anyone saw her. That was only true in the sense that the Michelle we all knew was gone by the next time I saw her 3 years later in a psychiatric ward in Indianapolis. Turns out she was admitted to the ER three weeks before and transferred with the suspected diagnosis of schizophrenia. They stabilized her to the point where she was able to communicate, and that’s how they were able to contact me. Her mom and I got her transferred back to Kansas after rehab for the drugs she was self medicating with, and eventually moved her into supported housing, but she refused to come back to the house and would get distressed when we offered for her to come see Henry.  Her mother took all of this very hard, as you can imagine. She blamed herself, you see, and made me promise not to tell anyone. I started the process of getting her health insurance through the state, because she would lose coverage from my plan if we’d divorce. I just wanted her to be able to get her medication and…I don’t know, I just felt like I abandoned her, even though that’s not what happened.” 

He stopped, trying to even out and calm his breathing.

“Her mom passed away that spring, and Michelle went off her meds again, and one day just disappeared again. I have no idea where she is, if she’s even still alive. And I know I could’ve filed for divorce, but what if she needs medical attention? I’m the only one she has left, her parents are both gone, and I just couldn’t. And I worry about her being out there, you know? Our relationship ended almost 8 years ago, but she’s still the mother of my child. I know I should’ve told you, and I’m sorry I lied. I just never thought I would meet someone like you, I thought this was just it for me. So, I don’t know what you want to do with all of this, but I do know that you deserved better. I should’ve told you the truth. But I was being selfish, and just trying to hold on to something that felt so good.” He covered his face with his hands, his shoulders silently shaking.

“So, nobody knows? Not even Margaret?” Rebecca looked at him, stunned. 

He wiped his face again, looking at her. “Beard and Henry’s friend Steve’s mom know. She’s a friend from high school that works in social services. She helped find a place for Michelle back when, and has been helping me trying to find her in the system. That’s why I didn’t want you to watch him yesterday, I was afraid she’d say something when we’d pick him up. But it also  made me realize how wrong I was in keeping this from you. See, I want you to meet my friends and be a part of my life, like I said, I wanted more, but I also realized that in order for that to come true I needed to share all of this with you, even if it meant to burden you with my issues. And you deserve so much more, Rebecca, you deserve someone who doesn’t have all this baggage and is truthful and treats you right.” 

He drew a shuddering breath and put his head down looking at his hands, startling when he felt her fingers under his chin, tilting up his face. 

“Hey. I forgive you.” She held his gaze as tears spilled down his cheeks, him opening his mouth, trying to find words.

“Divorce is hard, no matter what the situation is. I’m so sorry you felt like you had to carry this by yourself.” She rubbed his arms, turning from him. “Thank you for telling me. I need to think about what that will mean in terms of our relationship. Of all the things I came up with in my head, this is not even remotely close to what my worst case scenario was. I’m sorry, I’m trying to process all of this.” Rebecca sat back down, unsure what else to say.

“I went to talk to a lawyer today, and filed a petition for serving by publication. That basically means they will publish my request to file for divorce for 60 days while I give proof that I have tried unsuccessfully to reach my spouse. If no one responds in that time frame, the court will grant my request for divorce and dissolve my marriage.” Ted looked at the floor. 

“Is that what you want? I don’t want you to do this for me, this is a huge decision. And Ted? You need to tell Margaret. She deserves to know the truth about all of it.”

“I know.” He sighed deeply, his voice shaking. “Where does that leave us?”

“I don’t know.” She pulled him into her side, his head coming to rest on her shoulder. “Can I think about it?”

He shrugged. “I want you to know I’m really sorry if I hurt you with this.”

“I know, Ted. I’m sorry, too. For you and Henry. God, I can’t even imagine. This must have been so hard for you, to keep this secret while worrying about her being out there in god knows what condition.” She pulled him into an awkward side hug, rubbing his back as he started to openly cry. 

They sat like this for a while, him holding onto her, while she ran her hands soothingly over his arms and back. It wasn’t the most comfortable position and she started shifting in her seat after a little while, trying to adjust the angle of her body, making him pull back, asking if he could use her bathroom. He was gone for a while, so she got up and poured herself a drink, downing it in one go, her mind spinning. 

When he came back he looked worse that he did before, something she wasn’t sure was possible until she saw him.

“Hey Ted, when do you need to get back for Henry?” She asked him carefully.

“I told my mom I might not come home tonight, not knowing how this would go and not wanting to leave until you were able to say everything you wanted to say.” He gave her a tired smile. “Don’t worry, I’m not trying to invite myself over.”

“I honestly prefer it if you’d stay, you look in no condition to drive. Or can I give you a ride back? I could be there if you wanted to tell Margaret tonight.” 

“I don’t think I have it in me tonight. I know I need to tell her, but I’m pretty beat. My last two nights are starting to catch up with me.” He gave her an apologetic smile. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to offer your couch. I’ll be alright.”

“Ted. You let me stay with you in England twice, even after I behaved like a complete lunatic, because you knew I needed it. Now, I won’t push and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but you deserve to have needs, too. Let me do this for you, regardless of where we are or will be going. I don’t want you to leave and worry about how you got home or if you’re alright.” She gave him a searching look. “You deserve comfort. Even if you made a mistake. Stay, please.”

“I can’t ask that of you.” He turned away from her, gathering his things.

“You’re not asking, I am offering. You don’t have to punish yourself for what happened, not with me. I said I forgive you, and I meant it.” She pulled him in another hug. “You were so wonderful and supportive at my fathers funeral, I am not sure I ever really thanked you for it properly. Let me do this for you. Please.”

He relaxed against her and agreed, so she led him upstairs, marveling at how wildly different it felt compared to the last time he followed her. Shaking her head in disbelief she could only wonder that less than 48 hours had passed since their last night spent together, naked and tangled up in each other.

She was already sitting up in bed when he got out of the bathroom, and he paused, unsure what to do next. She just folded back the blanket and reached for him as he stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt. He settled against her, head on her chest and inhaled deeply. She just tightened her hold on him, carding her fingers through his hair gently. 

“Sleep Ted. We’ll deal with everything else tomorrow.” 

He relaxed against her and drifted into a deep and fitful sleep after a few minutes, completely exhausted. She held him until she was sure he was asleep and gently disentangled herself out of his hold, slipping out of the room. He found her downstairs 30 minutes later, having been woken by a troubled dream and realizing she wasn’t there.

She was standing  so still in her completely dark kitchen that it scared him for a moment, until he saw the streaks of tears on her face, as she turned to him in surprise. 

“I’m sorry, you weren’t supposed to see that.” She wiped her face quickly and he pulled her close, whispering for her to come back to bed  into her hair. 

“We’ll deal with everything else tomorrow.” He repeated her words deliberately, pulling her up the stairs and into bed with him. Wrapping his arms around her waist he held her close, whispering the words she didn’t want him to say against her skin. 

Chapter 14 Enjoy the silence

Ted was gone by the time she woke up in the morning and part of her was grateful for it. She was still reeling from what he had shared with her the night before and she needed time to think. She was glad that he had decided to stay, it steadied her more than she cared to admit having him asleep next to her so she didn’t have to stare down the barrel of this situation alone. She slept unexpectedly well, all things considered.

Rebecca couldn’t help but be surprised to see Beard holding two takeout cups when she pulled into her parking spot at work, him clearly waiting for her.

He handed her one without a word, and she took a careful sip, relieved when she realized he had gotten her tea. He fell in step with her walking towards her office building until she finally shot him a questioning side glance, eliciting a long exhale from Beard.

“Ted called me this morning after he left your house.” He cleared his throat. “And I offered to watch Henry for him on Wednesday so he can take Margaret out and talk to her about Michelle. I know that Wednesdays are your usual LEGO days with Henry, so I thought I would tell you that you could stop by without running into anybody if you’d like.” 

“Thank you.” She said it quietly, not sure if he heard her until he reached out to squeeze her arm.

“Listen, I understand that you need some time with this, so I thought I would help you out in keeping your promise to the kid.” He cleared his throat. “Ted is my oldest and best friend, he saved my life in more ways than one. And you supporting him during this time, even though he put you both in a difficult situation…well, if you ever need anything, you just earned yourself a coupon for life.”

She looked down at her feet, unsure what to say.

“I’ve been on him to tell his mother and take care of the paperwork for years, to get some closure. It couldn’t have been easy to put your own feelings aside and tell him what he needed to hear. You’re good for him.” Beard looked at her encouragingly. “Don’t give up on him yet, he’s worth the effort.”

She just nodded, having arrived at her office door. “Thanks for the tea and about Wednesday, Beard. I just need some time, I think.”

“Absolutely. I’ll text you when they take off so you can fly under the radar? Ted gave me your number, I hope that was ok. And Rebecca?”

“Hmm?”

“Let me know if you need someone to listen. I know he’s my friend, but so are you.”

“We’re friends now?” She gave him a smirk. 

“Yup. Have a good day, bestie!” He turned on his heel and marched off. 

______

TL thanks for last night

TL I wasn’t sure if I should write you a note

and I didn’t know what to say. Let me know when you’re ready to talk.  

TL I’m sorry. 

______

“Thank you for making this appointment Rebecca, I know it's not easy for you to talk about the things you're still struggling with. I’m glad you reached out. Would you like to tell me, starting from the beginning, what has happened, so we can come up with a plan and a response? Or is there something else you’d like to discuss first?” Dr. Matthews leaned back in her chair, fixing Rebecca with an encouraging smile.

“It’s hard to know where to begin. Some things are, well, a little embarrassing I suppose.” Rebecca shifted in her seat.

“I understand how hard this is for you. But I am not here to judge, chastise or correct you. I am here to help you understand why you react and feel the way you do based on what you choose to share with me. So the more information I have, the better the plan going forward will be. Ultimately it is up to you what you will get out of this, the great thing about me is that my only task here is to reach the goals we decide on together, beyond that there is no expectation.” Dr. Matthews smiled at her compassionately. 

“I don’t think I ever had a relationship where there was no expectation to be met.” Rebecca sighed.

“Well, would you like to start by telling me why you decided you wanted to see me today?”

So Rebecca told her about how Ted came into her life, became her friend and what happened during the trip to England, how they had decided to slow things down and finally, what happened the past weekend and the revelations that followed. It wasn’t easy to sum it all up in the cold light of day, and she balked a few times, but Dr. Matthews just wrote something in her notebook and waited patiently for her to continue.

Rebecca finished her story by telling her about Beards offer and her plan to go over to Ted's house the next day to keep her promise with Henry, and looked up after drawing a deep breath, waiting for her therapist to speak.

“Do you want to tell me how you feel about Ted being still married and his plan to file now after he told you?” Dr. Matthews looked up from her notebook again, waiting for Rebecca to respond.

“I don’t know how I feel about it. I was hoping you could help me find a healthy response. I go back and forth between feeling so terrible for him and his son for having gone through that, and then I’m angry that he kept it from so many people, and then I feel guilty for making it about myself and I’m back to being devastated at how unfair it all is. And then I feel selfish because I am jealous of a woman who has a terrible disease and I am possibly forcing the only person she has left into cutting off her ability to receive proper care. And then I feel upset that he made me the other woman in someone else's marriage without my knowledge, and I know this situation is wildly different from what Rupert has done during ours, but I can’t help resenting him a bit. I understand why, and I have forgiven him, but I can’t help feeling this way and I just keep going round and round in my head.” Tears had started to form and threatened to spill across her lids, and she angrily wiped at her eyes, not willing to succumb to them.

“Rebecca, why don’t you take a couple of deep breaths for me. First of all I want to start with telling you that all the emotions you have listed are a healthy response. Feelings are the symptoms of our mind, telling us there’s something we need to pay attention to, and they can never be wrong. What we need to find out is, are you having these reactions based on what is happening in your situation or are the feelings triggered as a response to something from your past.” Her psychiatrist paused, and after a moment of consideration continued. “The most important question is what your goal for your relationship with Ted going forward is after everything that has happened and what you’d both need to accomplish to reach it.”

“I keep thinking there is a reason why he has put off filing for divorce for so long, and I don’t want him to rush into it now because we started something, and he thinks it's the right thing to do, or that I expect him to do it. I’m afraid if his wife somehow resurfaces and isn’t able to get the help she needs he will blame himself while I blame myself and it will ruin our relationship. I also feel like I am breaking up his marriage, which is ridiculous, but I can’t help it. I told him that he needs to tell his mother the truth, and he is planning on doing this tomorrow, and I worry it’s because I asked him to and not because he wants it, almost as if it’s his punishment for not telling me the truth while sleeping with me. And I’m worried it’ll upset their relationship and I feel I am to blame.”

“Just so I have this correctly, you are worried that the only reason he offered to file for divorce is because he had sex with you and now feels obligated to be in a relationship with you? And you are blaming yourself for his wife’s possible interrupted medical care, the break up of his marriage, and his now possibly troubled relationship with his mother?” Dr. Matthews gave her a long look, but Rebecca just shrugged.

“From what you told me about your conversation, Ted took ownership of all those things. Fact is that he caused the possible strain in his relationship with you and his mother by not telling you the whole truth. Ultimately his wife caused her possible lapse in insurance coverage by disappearing 4 years ago. None of those things are happening because of you. And it is also not what I asked you. I wanted to know what your goal is for this relationship, and what needs to happen to make it possible.”

“I would like to give us a chance.” Rebecca said it so quietly, it was almost a whisper. “I care about him deeply.”

“That’s good to hear. Do you know what you need from him going forward?” 

“Honesty.” She said it before she even really thought it through.

“Yes, very good. May I share a suggestion?” Dr. Matthews asked her with a raised eyebrow.

“Isn’t that why I am here?” Rebecca responded, surprised.

“I don’t know, is it?” The doctor smiled at her thoughtfully. “I think you need to tell him how he made you feel, because I don’t think you had an opportunity to do that. It’s important that you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with him if you decide to go forward in this relationship. You have a tendency to blame yourself for all negative things that occur, a learned behavior from your previous marriage that Ted needs to be aware of. You also need to decide on your boundaries while his divorce is still pending. Are you planning on continuing to be intimate with him?”

A fierce blush colored Rebecca’s cheek, and she shook her head, her eyes fixed on the floor between her feet.

“In this case you need to communicate to him what you are comfortable with. Are you planning on keeping in touch with him, can he call, text, hug or touch you? These are all things I would like you to decide and communicate to him.”

“I told him I needed time to think about what this changes between us, and so far he has been very respectful and giving me space. I know I do not want to continue our physical relationship until his marriage is dissolved, but I am worried that this puts pressure on him to act on something he might not be ready to otherwise. I am so conflicted about it all. I asked him to stay the night after he told me because he was very upset and I was concerned about him driving.” Rebecca sighed, her fingers nervously touching her hairline. “Nothing happened, he just held me, and I am glad for it. But I don’t think we should continue this, because ultimately it will lead to other things and I don’t want to complicate anything more than it already is.” 

“Are you comfortable telling him this in person?” 

“Oh yes, he’s a very kind man. I just don’t know how to support him and keeping boundaries to protect myself. This is hard.” 

Her therapist looked at her kindly. “Hurting yourself by supporting someone else can and in most cases does more harm then good, since it can exasporate the situation with feelings of guilt and shame. How do you think Ted would feel if he knew you being supportive of him is hurting you emotionally?”

He would hate it.” Rebecca paused. “I think it would be easier for me if we don’t spend time alone together or touch.”

“I agree. Would you like to go over how you can tell him with me?”

“No, I think I got that part. And Dr. Matthews?” Rebecca gave her a conflicted look. “Do you think this is salvageable?”

“I would like to think that almost all situations are salvageable. You might have to adjust your expectations, but in the end I’d like to think we can arrive at a place you are comfortable. What is your biggest fear in regards to your relationship with Ted?”

“That is fails and I'll be alone again. Those were Rupert words to me, that that’s what I would be if I left him. And I don’t want to be alone.”

____

CB Hi, this is Beard. They just took off if you want to head on over

RW Thanks. Are you going to tell me what your real name is someday?

CB Someday maybe. See ya in a few?

RW On my way!

____

“Rebecca!” Henry came running down the stairs after Beard had opened the door, answering her knock, “I knew she’d come!!”

“Of course, it’s Wednesday, why wouldn’t I?” She replied, looking at Beard while giving the boy a hug, ruffling his hair. “We still have got some work to do on our project, don’t we? Why don’t you go upstairs and get us set up while I take off my coat and say hi to Beard.” 

She followed Beard into the kitchen, setting down the box she brought with her on the counter with a sigh. He shot her a questioning look, and she explained that she bought some cupcakes for them as a thank you for the blanket Margaret had made her.

“How are you doing?” He gave her a searching look, but she just shrugged. 

“I’m trying to figure that out.” She smiled a little sadly, and he just nodded.

“Well, if you need anything..” He didn’t finish, but she knew what he meant.

“Thanks Beard.”

She went upstairs to see what Henry was up to, and he was already in the middle of spreading out the instructions and organizing the pieces. It looked like they were almost at the end, but Henry only gave her a side glance when she expressed her excitement about finishing the set tonight.

He was surprisingly quiet, so she told him all about moving in and how much she loves her new house, trying to draw him out of his shell, but for some reason he remained uncharacteristically silent. 

“What happens when we finish?” He didn’t look up, but he sounded so nervous that his question gave her pause.

“What do you mean? Well, if we finish tonight then we have to find a great spot to display our masterpiece, won't we?” She gave him big encouraging smile, not sure what he was worried about.

“Yeah, ok.” Henry turned back to the instructions, avoiding looking straight at her.

“What am I missing? Do you not want to finish it tonight? That’s okay, Darling, we could watch a movie instead? But would you mind telling me why”?

He just shrugged. “I kinda like you coming over on Wednesdays, and what’s gonna happen when we finish?”

“Hmm, I see what you mean. I think we will both be pretty busy over the holidays, but maybe I can talk to your dad if we can pick out something new to build after New Years?” She leaned over, ruffling his hair affectionately. “Maybe we can build the next one at my house, so we don’t always have to put it away at the end of the evening? I have a guest room we could maybe use? But I will talk to your father and we’ll figure something out, does that sound good?”

He gave her a huge grin, nodding his head enthusiastically. 

“Well, let’s finish this thing, what do you say?”

___

Ted drove them to his mothers favorite Italian restaurant, trying not to seem too out of sorts and nervous. Margaret kept shooting him amused looks but remained quiet until they were seated.

“Okay son, I’ve watched you squirm now ever since you got back from Rebecca’s house Monday morning, so I’m assuming we’re having this dinner so you can tell me you two are finally an item? Why are you so nervous? I am so happy for you. She's a wonderful woman.” She smiled at him kindly. 

He shook his head lightly, and decided to just start telling her everything, starting at the beginning. He told her about the night he got the call from Michelle’s mom Dawn in the spring of 2016, asking him if he could drive out with her to Indianapolis, that they had found Michelle. About why he was scared to tell her because he didn’t know if it was true, that he had gotten a few calls like this himself when the police were still actively looking for her. How Dawn had reacted to Michelle’s condition and diagnosis, how she had made him promise not to tell anyone. About how when they had finally been able to have her released from the ward into assisted housing she had refused to go and see Henry or let anybody else visit for the matter. How guilty he felt for keeping it from everybody, but Michelle’s mother insisted that she would get better and be able to come back into all of their lives. He acknowledged that he had his doubts, seeing how Michelle struggled with her mental health, but also didn’t want there to be external pressure, so he kept quiet. 

At this point his mother interrupted him. “Ted, are you telling me that Michelle has been living in Kansas City for 5 years and you are just telling me now? Why?”

“No mom, that’s not what I am trying to tell you. Please let me finish.” He sighed, rubbing his face absentmindedly. “Her mother died that year in the spring and three weeks later Michelle was gone again. They found her medication hidden in her mattress, there is no telling how long she had not taken them. I wasn’t able to finish the process of getting her independent health insurance, so I withdrew my petition for divorce.” He exhaled. “So, no I do not know where she is, if she’s even alive. I know that if she is, she’s very ill. And technically and legally she is still my wife.”

Silence settled over them, briefly interrupted with the waiter approaching, refilling their water glasses. Margaret waited until he was out of earshot and turned to her son.

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“Because I am falling in love with an incredible woman, who made me realize that I can have a relationship where I am happy and wanted, that I do not need to feel angry and guilty anymore, and that I want to move on with my life. And I can’t do that until I tell the truth, face the people I have hurt by lying to them and close this chapter of my life.” He rubbed his eyes again. “I’m sorry mom, thinking back now I can’t even believe I thought it was ever a good idea to keep this from you. I just went along with it, and that’s no excuse, but after a while it was just easier not to think about it. I know it wasn’t right. I know that. And I kinda hid behind the fact that Dawn wanted it to be kept a secret. I should’ve told you mom, but I was worried how you would take it after what happened with dad. I’m so sorry.”

“Ted, I don’t even know what to say. All those years I have blamed that poor woman for leaving you and her child, to find out…I need to wrap my head around this.” Margaret shook her head, not sure what else to say.

He signaled their waiter to get the check, and they sat in silence until he had paid. On the way to his car she pulled him into a fierce hug. “I am glad you told me, I know that couldn’t have been easy. So, what’s next? Have you actually told Rebecca about any of this? Have you filed for divorce? What are we going to tell Henry?”

He sighed. “Yes, Rebecca knows. I told her Monday night, she was actually the one insisting on telling you as soon as possible. Well, her and Beard. I met with a lawyer earlier on Monday and filed a petition for serving by publication, so in 60 days after giving testimony that I was unable to contact Michelle I will be divorced.” He paused. “As to Henry, I don’t know. I’m not sure what to tell him honestly. I was hoping to take care of telling you, sorting out my legal stuff, and hopefully making things right with Rebecca so I can have a future with her first.”

“Ted, no. If you are planning on getting divorced from his mother and starting a new relationship with someone else you really should sit down and talk with him. Have you thought about talking to the school counselor, maybe they have a suggestion or you could talk to Kim, doesn’t she work in social services? Maybe she can recommend someone? No more lies, Ted. Not even by omission. Promise me!”

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I just don’t want him to get hurt. But I’ll give Kim a call, see if she has a name for me.”

Margaret gave him a tight smile. “Good. How’s Rebecca with all of this?”

Ted exhaled. “I don’t know. She said she needed some time. I just hope I didn’t screw this up.”

“At least you told her before anything happened between you. At least there is that.”

Ted just looked down on the ground blushing.

“Theodore Lasso! Am I to understand that you had relations with this woman before you told her about the situation with your wife?!”

“Not so loud mom, gosh. And I don’t really want to talk about that. Just know I will do everything I can to make this right.” He looked around nervously, watching people following their exchange. “Can we please drive home now?”

“Yes, let’s go. But I must say, I raised you better than that. And to think that I even encouraged you! What she must think of me!” Margaret shook her head in disbelief. “You have a lot of making up to do, son.”

“I know. And I will. With both of you. Mom, I am really sorry and if I could go back in time, I would do things differently.”

“I know Ted. We can only do better now, I knew there was something going on back then, how you kept sneaking around with Kim and Dawn. I thought you were taking care of the paperwork. Well, what’s done is done.”

They got in the car and drove home, both lost in their own thoughts. When they walked into the front door they were immediately accosted by Henry, showing them his finished LEGO set, proudly telling them about his evening with Rebecca.

Margaret gave Beard a surprised look, and he just shrugged, telling them that Rebecca had brought cupcakes.

Margaret turned to Ted and fixed him with a glare. “You better fix things with her, mark my words. If not I will trade her for you. Look at those beautiful cupcakes!”

Ted mumbled under his breath that they were probably store bought, and he could bake way better ones.

Beard just shook his head at them, hiding his smirk. “Your mother is not wrong, you know? If you don’t marry that woman, I will.”

“How was she?” Ted asked nervously.

“Why don’t you ask her yourself?” was all Beard replied, “How did it go with your mom?”

“As well as can be expected I reckon. Not outta the woods, but I’m glad it’s all out in the open now. Onward, forward, am I right?”

“That’s right, coach. No sense in doing anything else." 

____

RW I hope tonight went well and Margaret is ok

TL Thank you for saying that. And for the cupcakes

RW Can I ask if you’re ok?

TL I had better days that’s for sure

RW …

TL But it was something I should have done years ago

So that part feels lighter 

TL Thanks for coming over and finishing Henrys LEGO thing with him

RW You’re welcome. Ted?

TL Yeah?

RW We’ll talk soon, ok? I’ll let you know

TL Ok.

TL I miss you

Chapter 15 The Storm, it's coming

“Are you ready for us to go through your stuff?” Keeley sounded almost giddy through the phone, pulling Sassy after her into the foyer of Rebecca’s Richmond town home.

Rebecca sighed audibly at the end of the line. “The answer to that will never not be no.” 

“Oh come on, Rebecca, don't be such a killjoy.” Sassy’s wide smile appeared behind Keeley on her screen. “It will be fun!”

“I don’t know what I was thinking of unleashing you two in my home. Why do I have a feeling I will regret this?” She heaved another exasperated sigh. “Let’s get on with it, it’s almost 1 am over here.”

“Ooh, are you expecting a visitor later? Anything you want to tell us? You’ve been so bloody dodgy all of last week, and I know you’ve been screening my calls, I would be upset if I didn’t know you were probably in the middle of shagging Ted’s brain out!” Keeley laughed at the shocked expression Sassy gave her.

“Jones, are you telling me our good old friend Rebecca has finally gotten over herself and taken that gorgeous man to bed?” Sassy yelled, and there was a short commotion, both of them gone from view until the camera swung around, revealing the two friends stretched out on a sofa giggling. 

“You’re “good old friend Rebecca” would like you two to get off your arses and help me with getting this done, so I can get some sleep.” They both oohed at that, so Rebecca added “Alone.”, making her friends erupt in giggles again.

“Seriously, anything you want to tell me? And how does Keeley know before I do? I thought I was your best friend!” Sassy pouted into the camera, eliciting an eye roll from Rebecca. 

“You are my oldest friend Sass, you know I don’t play favorites!” She smiled at Keeley pointing at herself behind Sassy’s back.

“Let’s start in the kitchen!” Keeley was suddenly all business. 

They spent the better part of an hour marking boxes and repacking a few things, and then there was nothing left to do but wait for the shipping company to pick them up. They ended up being late, so Sassy left with an apologetic smile, making them promise to FaceTime her as soon as Keeley got to Kansas. 

“So what’s really going on babe, you’re not fooling me with the brave face you’ve been putting on every time I ask. Are you alright?” Keeley gave her a long and concerned look, sitting back down in Rebecca’s old closet, surrounded by garment bags and shoe boxes.

“Keeley, there’s just a lot going on right now. I am trying to work through it with my therapist and Ted is dealing with his own stuff with Henry’s mother. I’m actually sitting down to talk with him hopefully, well, I guess it's already tomorrow, so tonight? It’s all a bit of a mess, but can we talk about it when you get here Sunday? I don’t really want to do this over the phone if that’s ok.”

“Sure babe, whatever you need. You know you can talk to me, right? I’m here for you!” Keeley gave her a smile, concern still etched into her expression.

“I know and I will, I promise. It’ll just be easier once you’re here. I ‘m so glad you are coming, you have no idea how much I miss you.” 

She sounded so lost, Keeley wrinkled her brow. “Are you sure you’re alright?” 

“Yes, I’ll see you next Sunday! Can’t wait!” And with a bright smile she disconnected the call, not wanting to crack under her friend's scrutiny.

Keeley sighed and was startled out of her thoughts by the loud ringing of Rebecca’s doorbell indicating the arrival of the movers to pick up her friend's things.

_____

“I just can’t believe he just kept all of this from me.” Margaret finished telling her quilting group about Michelle’s diagnosis, her reappearing and then disappearing again after Dawn's death in 2016 and Ted’s confession the day before.

Her friends just looked at her in disbelief. “What about his new friend Rebecca?” Tina asked, putting down the scissors she was holding. 

“That poor man, can you imagine? After everything him and his boy have been through. Schizophrenia is a terrible disease, there are a few people that come and eat at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, and I can’t even imagine if this was a loved one of mine. Poor Ted! And carrying this alone this whole time.” Kay heaved a heavy sigh.

“You would defend that boy if he was standing over my cold body holding a bloody knife, Kay!” Margaret exclaimed in exasperation. “He should’ve told me.”

“Yes, I agree. And he did.” Kay looked at her over her glasses. “You going to punish him for finally doing the right thing? Doesn’t make a lick of sense to me. Ted is a fine young man, and I’m sure he had his reasons. I just wish there was something we could do to help him. I was really rooting for him and that pretty girl I saw him with at the store.”

“Yeah, that’s Rebecca. She is just lovely, my heart aches for her. Not sure where Ted is with all of that, you know how he gets when I ask him. And she’s so wonderful with Henry.” Margaret sighed and shook her head. “I don’t even know what to tell that poor kid. Ted’s heart is in the right place and he doesn’t want his son to get hurt, but he needs to start being honest with the boy. No telling what kind of story is brewing in that kid's head instead of the truth. Could be way worse by my reckoning, but what do I know.”

“I know they probably have resources for family members up at the CBM on hospital hill. I know from the people at church they also run several group homes, might be a way to give you all an understanding by volunteering. Henry is still a little young, but I’d gladly take him along to the soup kitchen and try and explain about people struggling with reality.” 

“I don’t know, we need to sit down with him first, but you know Ted.” Margaret groaned. “But maybe I could tag along next time, check it out first?”

“Sure, that’d be great! We could always use the extra help! I try and go every Sunday, if you want to come along?” 

“You know what, I think I will. Let me check with Ted if he has a game, and I’ll let you know!”

______

RW Hi Ted, sorry I missed you this morning. Thanks for the biscuits 

TL That’s alright, I dropped them off early to not break my promise. Are you really calling my beautiful cookies biscuits? That seems like a crime 

RW What promise?

TL To give you space. I’m here when you’re ready to talk.

RW About that, would tonight work for you? I could stop by after Henry goes to sleep.

TL I’ll text you when he’s down. 

RW okay. I’ll see you tonight

TL …

RW Yes?

TL Nvmd. I’ll see you tonight.

_______

Rebecca made her way over to Ted’s house just after 10 pm, Henry had been so wound up after they had decided to join a few of his soccer team mates at Chuck E. Cheese following  practice, Ted had been struggling for almost an hour getting him to settle down. It was almost like he sensed the tension radiating off his father, who was worried about the conversation he and Rebecca were about to have. 

He kept up a texting commentary on his progress towards Henry’s bedtime and grew more and more exasperated until Rebecca offered to reschedule. Not wanting to spend another night tossing and turning, he told her to head over and Henry will be in bed, come what may.

It was a little awkward when she walked in, him having told her for all that is holy to not ring the doorbell. She found him in the kitchen putting away the leftovers from dinner, offering to make her a plate in the process. She declined with a nervous smile, waiting for him to turn around and face her.

“Rebecca..”

She interrupted him before he got any further. “No Ted. No more apologies. I know that you are sorry about not telling me the full extent of your situation before things between us progressed, truly I do. I also understand why and as I said before, I forgive you.” 

He cleared his throat, but she continued on. “No, please let me get this out before I lose my nerve. I had a very long conversation with my therapist a few days ago and have been thinking about how to explain this. I think we both have a lot of baggage from our marriages, and I have shared in part that Rupert's behavior has shaped me in the last decade of my life to an extent that I am just beginning to understand.” 

He reached for her as she paused, but she stepped away, putting up her hand.

“He gaslighted, blamed and punished me for everything that was not to his standard or his liking. I am just starting to unlearn the assumption that everything happens due to a fault of mine, or that negative things are what I deserve. So I think it is important that you understand that I blame myself for pushing things further than they should have gone that night at my house. No, please don’t say anything. I want you to know that I am not sorry it happened, I just wish it had happened under different circumstances. You know that Rupert's lies and infidelities were the reason I decided to finally leave my marriage. It is hard to describe how it feels when your husband prefers multiple partners over you intimately, and how difficult it is for me to feel like I would be worthy of being loved and desired. You were the first man I have been with since then, and for that I am grateful. You have no idea how you made me feel that night.” She paused, trying to collect her thoughts. 

“You have been such a god sent, Ted. Helping me get this job changed my life, inviting me into your home, meeting your family and letting me be a part of their lives is something I will be forever grateful for. I have found a home here, and it is largely thanks to you.”

A single tear ran down the bridge of her nose, but she wiped it away impatiently. 

“I want to be a part of your life, and want you to be a part of mine, nothing has changed about that. But I also feel that you need to take care of a few things before you can dive into a new relationship, and I want to support you in that by taking a step back. I will always be your friend and if you ever need anything, consider it yours if it’s mine to give.”

Ted wiped his face, looking at her. “I feel a but coming…”

“But, from now on there needs to be honesty. No more half truths, I understand the situation and how we ran before we could walk, but Ted? No more.”

“Yes. I promise.” He took her hand and squeezed it lightly before she pulled it out of his grip.

“That’s not all, I’m afraid. For reasons that you might understand I can’t be in a relationship with a married man, there were always at least 3 people in mine at all times or so it would seem; and it is not something I am willing to settle for. Never again.” She sighed, but continued on. “I don’t mean for this to put pressure on you to rush into dissolving your marriage. I want you to take the time and think about why you have not done so in the past and what motivates you now. My therapist and I agree that it would be easier if we didn’t date or meet one on one during this time. I think it would make it hard for both of us to remain friends without crossing boundaries. “ 

“Okay.” he nodded, trying to fully grasp what she was saying. “So, we’re just friends? I’m not sure how to go back to that, Rebecca. You are all I think about.”

“And maybe that is not what you need right now? Ted, I think you should worry about your family and what these news might mean for them. You need to tell Henry why his mother left so he doesn’t blame himself or feel like he wasn’t enough for her to stay. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that he seemed so worried about me disappearing from his life. Your family should be more important than a woman you just met and had a fling with.”

“Is that what you think? That this was just some fling? Jesus, Rebecca. You really have no idea, do you. And I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’ve been falling in love with you ever since you tripped over introducing yourself in my office. And I will do whatever it takes to make this right, because you are it for me.”

He pulled her into a fierce hug, feeling her tremble in his arms. 

“Ted, we can’t do this anymore. No more hugging, holding hands or kissing. Please.”

He released her reluctantly, nodding while avoiding looking at her. “Why does this feel like goodbye?”

“I hope it’s not.” She stopped herself from rubbing his arm. “But I’m going to go. I’m sorry I can’t tell you what you want to hear.”

“Wait! So this is just..it? Can I call you or message? Can we meet if it’s in a group? I don’t understand what you mean by being a part of my life but we can’t hang out. And what about Henry?”

“Of course we can message or call. I would like to wait until after the holidays to consider seeing each other outside of work. I need some time, I hope you understand that.”

“Okay. I’ll try.” He looked down on the floor between them.”You’re not going to acknowledge that I just told you that I am in love with you?”

“No, I am not. And not because it doesn't mean anything to me. I just don’t think we need to make this any harder than it already is.” She looked up, waiting for him to meet her eyes.  “Is it true?”

“Is what true? That I am in love with you? Of course it’s true! What do you mean?”

“Because I asked you for honesty, and in that sense thank you for telling me. Good night, Ted.” She turned and started to walk towards the front door, but he stopped her.

“I don’t want you to go, please, Rebecca.” He looked at her with such anguish, she stopped. “Can we please not leave it like this?”

She exhaled and stepped into him, wrapping her arms around his hips and pulling him close while resting her cheek against his head. “This is not the end for us, I have to believe that. But please don’t push me. We need to learn to trust each other. So, do you trust me when I say that you are important to me?”

“Yes.” He whispered it against her skin, barely audible, while ghosting his lips against her temple. “Please don’t give up on us yet. I swear, I’ll make it right.”

She pulled out of his embrace, pressing her lips briefly to his cheek. “I won't. I promise.” 

And with those words she turned and walked out of his house, got in her car and drove away. He stood in his kitchen watching her go, taking his heart with her.

Chapter 16 you own the place where all my thoughts go hiding

“Was that Rebecca’s car? Has she gone already?” Margaret stood in the entrance way of her part of the house, looking surprised. After seeing his face she moved past him into his kitchen, getting a bottle and two glasses from a top shelf with an understanding smile.

“Didn’t go well?” She fixed him with a searching glance and released a long sigh. “Not sure what you expected. You wanna talk about it?”

He just shrugged. “Not really. She’s kinder about it than I had any right to hope for. Doesn't make it any easier tho, if anything, it makes it harder. I just hate that no matter what I do at this point, I end up hurting the people I love.” He buried his face in his hands, tired and discouraged.

“Now, come on, you know that’s not true. You are doing the right thing, and how could that make anything worse? Might make it a little harder, but in the end, I think you’ll be glad to finally have put that chapter behind you.”

“And what if Michelle comes back and needs someone? She has no one left now that Dawn is gone.” He said it so quietly, she barely heard him.

“What of it? Are you saying you were planning on carrying on with a good woman like Rebecca and then break it off when the wife that has left you almost 8 years ago comes back, so you can help her out?”

“No, why would you even say that? But as her husband I have a say when it comes to her care. She’s got no one left, ma. I feel like I owe her this.”

“Son, you can still advocate for her with social services, you know Kim would make sure she was taken care of. Doesn’t mean you have to live your life alone, just because she might appear again some day.”

“Speaking of Kim, I talked to her about a councilor for Henry. She recommended someone and I have made an appointment. She wants to meet with me beforehand, the doctor, not Kim. I was wondering if you would come with me?”

“Of course I will. I’m so glad you are doing this, I know how you feel about therapy.”

“Well, it’s hard not to feel that way after what happened with dad.”

Margaret was quiet, sipping her drink. “You know that was not anyone's fault, right?” She looked at him closely. “He tried for so long, but in the end it just was too heavy a burden for him. Have you ever considered that maybe because he saw a doctor all those years was the reason he stayed with us for as long as he did?”

Ted shrugged, not sure if he believed that. “I know we need to tell Henry something, Rebecca wasn’t wrong about how he seems to really struggle with the fear of losing people. And if a psychologist can help him understand his mothers disease, then that’s who we'll see. I’m willing to do anything for him, and I promised Rebecca that I would. I have to earn her trust again.”

“That you do, son.“ Margaret sighed. “But I have a feeling things will work out with you two. She wouldn’t have come all the way out here to talk and tell you to come clean to me and Henry if she wasn’t trying to have a future with you.”

“I’m just afraid I’ll lose her, ma. There is no one else for me.” He rubbed his hands across his face roughly. “I know how hokey that sounds, but it’s the truth. This whole thing has brought up some old wounds from her divorce and I’m so scared she’ll meet someone new, without all this baggage, who hasn’t lied to her. She is so incredible, I’m sure I am not the only man that can see that. What if this all takes too long, and by the time I have my life together, she is happy with someone else?”

“I don’t know Ted. You just gotta show her that you’re trying. All any of us can do. Have you decided what you’re going to tell Henry, now that she probably won't be coming around as much?”

Ted heaved a sigh. “No, I haven’t.”

“Did you know he wants her to come to his Christmas concert at the school this Friday? Better figure out something quick.”

He just groaned. Could this evening get any worse?

______

RW Hi. Just wanted to check in

TL Hasn’t been the easiest couple of days, probably for us both.

RW No, it has not. Anything I can do?

TL …

RW Within reason of course

TL Henry’s Christmas concert is on Friday

and I haven’t figured out how to tell him that you won't be attending 

RW What time is his concert?

TL 5pm. But you don’t have to come if you’re busy. I’ll figure it out

RW I’ll let you know tonight

TL Thank you. Rebecca?

RW Yes?

TL I miss you

______

Beard caught up with her outside her office building, something he had started doing in the morning, always walking her from her car to her office, carrying two take out cups and holding the door for her. She couldn’t figure out if this was because Ted had asked or if it was something he chose to do on his own account, but after the second day she had to admit to herself she was happy to pull up in the morning, seeing him waiting for her in the staff parking lot. 

“I heard you might need a ride to an elementary school on Friday?” He handed her a take out cup of what she now knew to be tea, his unreadable expression locked in place.

“Oh?” She arched her eyebrow up in question, but he just shrugged.

“Would be an honor to take a friend, and be a buffer if she needs it.” He didn’t look at her, but she smiled at him anyway.

“Sounds like a plan, mate.” 

“Mate?” He burst out laughing. “I thought we settled on bestie! Mate makes me feel like a pirate, not sure I want a peg-leg or that I could pull off an eye-patch!” They were both laughing, and she elbowed him into his side. 

“Fine. I’ll pick you up at 4 pm, bestie !”

—---

With the concert looming the next day, Ted grappled with quietening his mind enough to get some rest. He had been struggling all week, tried breathing exercises, limiting his screen time, melatonin supplements, essential oils, meditation and listening to audio books and soothing podcasts; but nothing seemed to help.

He started running extra laps with his players, lifting and cycling in the training room, his body exhausted and sore at the end of the day.

But sleep continued to elude him, hours spent staring at the ceiling, counting the times he looked at his alarm measuring the passage of time.

He stepped up to fill a vacancy as assistant coach for Henry’s soccer team at the Y, hoping the added workload would keep him occupied with managing carpool schedules, phone trees and snack sign up sheets, helping him shut of his brain at the end of the day. 

But dawn came around too early every morning as he tossed and tuned in his bed, thinking of warm skin and butterfly kisses. After 4 days he was almost desperate enough to try the sleepy-time tea his mother had picked up for him, an alarming development considering how much he loathed drinking tea, having always associated it with being sick as a child. 

He knew the reason for his restlessness of course, but there was nothing else to be done but wait at this point after filing the papers with his lawyer, contacting the recommended child psychologist and making the appointment for Henry in the beginning of January. 

He had a long and difficult conversation with Kim, trying to sort through his feelings of shame, guilt and avoidance but it didn’t help him cope with the fact how much he missed Rebecca. 

She had been right with everything she said, he knew this, but a small selfish part of him still ached for her. It was confusing and he wasn’t sure how serious she had been about them keeping in touch, so he stopped himself from texting her, only responding when she reached out, waiting with his phone in hand for a reply that often took hours to arrive.

He over-analyzed and drove himself crazy, forcing himself to shut off his phone for hours just to stop looking at it’s screen. 

Beard had told him about his offer to attend the concert with Rebecca and that she had gladly taken him up on it. Part of Ted was relieved to be able to postpone having a conversation with Henry about his situation with Rebecca, the possibility of her spending less time over at the Lasso house was sure to devastate the boy.

Ted was constantly at war with himself about how much of the reality of things he should share with his son, wanting to protect him while simultaneously avoiding hard topics. It wasn’t fair to either one of them, and his mother was right, the explanations Henry came up with in his own mind could be worse than anything life could throw at them. 

He'd never really given any thought to Henry being aware of the careful silence Ted had constructed around the absence of Henry's mother, or how the boy might feel about it. The conversation was long overdue, Ted knew this, but he couldn’t help but stall, afraid it would change how his son looked at him once he revealed the part he had played in the disappearance of his mother from both of their lives.

He knew those thoughts weren’t rational and that Henry loved him, but a persistent voice inside his head steeped in guilt and fear kept whispering to him to put it off, that Henry was too young to be burdened with so much pain.

And then there was Rebecca. He hadn’t seen her since she left his house Monday night after their conversation, and even though it had been barely more than a few days it felt like an eternity. She was on his mind almost constantly, and he was afraid he was going a little crazy wondering if she was ok, what she was thinking and how she was feeling.

He was grateful that Keeley was about to fly in this weekend, so Rebecca didn't have to spend the holidays alone. A cruel part of him still insisted that if he had been honest from the beginning, she would probably be celebrating it with him. He tortures himself with thoughts of them snuggled up in front of the fire drinking mulled wine while watching movies and kissing under the mistletoe, but there was no point worrying about what might have been.

He rolled over again in bed, starting to give up on getting any sleep for another night. If he was honest he was nervous about seeing her tomorrow. So far work had kept him busy and away from the admin building her office was in and she hadn’t ventured into their shared spaces, not by accident he assumed. Beard has been checking in with her based on the fact of them going to the concert together and Roy had mentioned eating lunch with her once or twice but neither of his friends had been willing to volunteer any information beyond that, him been too proud to ask.

He gave up just after 3 am, resigned to the fact that he wasn’t going to fall asleep tonight. So he rolled out of bed, made his way downstairs and started to preheat the oven, baking his fourth batch of Christmas cookies this week. 

—---

True to his word Beard was outside of her office at 4, giving her one of his rare smiles as he waved off her trying to insist she’d drive them. 

“I get nervous in the passenger seat, but that’s a story for another day.” He helped her into her coat while laughing at the face she made. “Besides, you don’t even know where we’re going and I do.”

And with that it was decided, her following him to his truck in comfortable silence. She had come to appreciate how taciturn he was, at times nothing more than a comforting presence. He had a certain steadfastness to him and it was strangely comforting, so he surprised her when after a long side glance he turned to her with a raised eyebrow and asked, “anything you want to get off your chest before we get there? I am a vault.”

“I don’t know,” she paused, “I am nervous about seeing him, his mother and Henry all in the same place after everything that has happened. I’m not sure how he is to be honest, we have not really spoken since that night and I miss him. I find it really difficult to not try and reach out to him, but I also know I need to enforce my boundaries.”

“Not sure what you are afraid of  happening, but he would never force you into anything you weren’t comfortable with, I hope you know that.”

She shook her head insistently. “No, you misunderstand. I don’t trust myself with him. I’m afraid if I see him I will be the one…” She trailed off at that, embarrassed, a slight blush creeping up her neck and coloring her cheeks.

Beard cleared his throat, and fixed her with a measured glance. “I will reverse wingman for you then. Every time you feel you're getting into dangerous waters give me a look and I will intervene with something so mood killing, you’ll curse me before thanking me.”

She startled him with a surprised laugh. “You’re the best, Beard!”

“So I am told, frequently I might humbly add.” He gave her a smirk as they pulled up to the school.

“You ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

—-----

The concert passed in a blur and she didn’t really have time to feel strange or out of place because Henry skidded into her with one of his tackle hugs right when they entered, an alarmed Beard thankfully steadying her or she would have stumbled. Margaret leaned in, stretching up to kiss her cheek and whispered that she was glad Rebecca made it. Ted gave her one of his warm smiles, but kept in the background, feeling a little like Icarus, afraid to get too close to the sun. 

She sat down in the row furthest from Ted and next to Beard, the friendly looking man to her left gallantly helping her out of her coat in the tight space between their seats after she almost elbowed him in the face. The concert itself could be best described as enthusiastic and she wasn’t sure who struggled harder with keeping a straight face, her or Beard as the sound of 32 recorders filled the auditorium that suddenly felt too small to contain all that was happening. 

Henry’s solo had them all in tears, and Beard reached for her hand and held it for the rest of the evening.

And then it was all over, Margaret pulling her around like a human kite to introduce her to a gaggle of strangers whose names she would not remember even if her life depended on it. There were church friends and soccer moms, the members of the quilting group and Steve’s mother Kim who gave her a knowing smile while squeezing her arm. She was starting to feel like it was too hot in the room and it was getting a little hard to breathe, but something in her expression must have tipped Beard off, because all of the sudden he took her arm and steered her out of the room, through a side door, his hand reassuringly pressed between her shoulder blades. 

The fresh air hit her like a slap in the face and she had to hold on to the side of the building to steady herself.

“Rebecca, I need you to breathe.” Beards' voice sounded like it came from far away, making her draw a shuddering breath, her lungs screaming in protest as the world came back into focus.

“That’s the ticket, in and out. Come on now.” He took a step back as she turned, leaning her back against the wall while fixing him with a confused look. “What is happening?”

“Don’t worry about that right now. In and out, Rebecca. Slow and steady.”

They stood there for a few minutes, Beard slowly counting as Rebecca tried to make sense of what was going on. She finally started walking towards his truck, unwilling to go back to say her goodbyes and he followed her without a word, a worried frown on his face. 

“Beard, what happened back there?” She asked again, unable to keep the edge of fear out of her voice. “Am I going crazy?”

“Not more than anyone else. You had a panic attack. But you're alright now and I know just what to do to cure those. Do you trust me?”

She contemplated his question for a moment and finally nodded.

“Then let’s go.” With that they both got into his truck and pulled up to a nondescript parking lot about twenty minutes later.

“Please tell me where we are and if I’m about to be murdered. I don’t think I can take any more suspense today.” She meant it as a joke, but it sounded resigned and wary.

He chuckled and shook his head. “You said you trust me. Can’t take that back. Come on, scaredy cat. I’ll make sure you’re safe. You’ll get a helmet and everything.”

“I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.” She said, but was starting to smile while following him into a fenced in area.

“No more questions. It’ll be an adventure.” He went up to a booth but before she could figure out what he was doing he was back, handing her a baseball bat and helmet with a smile.

“Welcome to the best batting cages in Kansas City!”

“You can’t be serious.” Rebecca rolled her eyes at him.

“Trust me, this is exactly what you need. You’d be surprised how good it feels to hit a ball with a stick. Makes all your worries and cares disappear. Come on, I’ll show you!”

She followed him reluctantly, as he lined up his token for the ball machine. 

He showed her how to adjust the helmet and how to hold the bat, explaining the best way to hit the ball is to wait for the right moment, promising her to call it out as he fed the first token into the ball machine.

She missed the first three balls but he kept cheering her on until finally the bat collided with the ball, resulting in a loud clack, startling her into dropping the bat. In that moment it felt as if time stood still, a huge smile spreading over her face as Beard loudly cheered.

They spend the next two hours taking turns, laughing and playfully striking each other out until it became too dark to see the ball.

Her shoulders and arms were already starting to feel sore, but with a bright smile she realized he had been right. This was exactly what she had needed.

When he dropped her off at her car she squeezed his arm in thanks, her eyes threatening to overflow.

“Thanks for going with me tonight. And for after. I…”

He interrupted her, waving her off. “Coupon for life, remember? And it didn't feel right to just drive you home after all of that. You're about as chatty about personal things as I am, so I figured this might help." He turned towards her and she blushed lightly under his scrutiny. "You do know he filed, right? His divorce will be finalized on February 14th?" He shrugged when he saw her surprised face. "Just thought you might wanna know. And next time you're buying, matey.” And with a chuckle he got back in his car, driving off and leaving her in the parking lot to contemplate all that had happened. 

Chapter 17 The hidden Laws of a probable outcome

Ted walked around the packed auditorium after the concert was over, searching for her. He caught his mothers eye, submerged deep in a conversation with a woman he didn’t recognize, Henry standing next to her bouncing on the balls of his feet. After shooting her a questioning look she just shrugged, knowing exactly who he was looking for.

He saw a flash of blond hair out of the corner of his eye, but before he could fully turn, whoever it was had stepped out of the room. He frowned when he realized that Beard was nowhere in sight either, wondering what had made them both leave without a goodbye.

Ted was pulled out of his thoughts by Kim walking over with Henry and Steve, asking if the boys could have a sleepover. It pulled his focus from scanning the room to trying to get Henry to stand still long enough to take his school backpack and giving him a talk on how to behave. He agreed with Kim to picking up the boys for a pancake breakfast the next morning while walking out of the school towards the parking lot, noticing Beards truck was gone. 

Margaret had also left already with her friends from her quilting group, announcing loudly that after sitting through the concert everyone had earned themselves a drink.

Standing in front of the school by himself he paused, his lack of sleep and constant state of worry these past few days leaving him feeling strangely detached, his vision slightly blurry around the edges. 

He had worried so much about how it would feel to see her that he couldn’t help but be disappointed. If he was honest he couldn’t remember if they’d even exchanged a single word, her planted firmly and deliberately a safe distance from him at all times. 

His stomach dropped at the thought that this might be how it will be between them from now on. He had watched her trying to hold in giggles with Beard while the kids played their pieces and couldn’t help but be a little jealous, even of the man he didn’t know who helped her out of her coat. 

He chided himself internally for being petty, reminding himself how grateful he was that Beard was looking out for her, but a small part of him couldn’t help but feel that he wanted to be the one who she leaned up against, hiding her smile; who’s hand she took at the end of the evening to step in to the waiting car, to be driven to a shared location, the drive full of stories and laughter while holding her hand. 

He sent Beard a quick text, jokingly asking them where they had run off to and made his way to his car to drive back home. Standing outside his car door for another minute, he was suddenly aware that everyone seemed to have left and shrugged lightly to himself, feeling weirdly disconnected from all that was happening around him.

It was strange driving home alone after all the noise and excitement of the evening, and he checked his phone more than once to see if Beard had replied, but so far his message remained unanswered. 

He started puttering around the house when he got in, picking up odds and ends that were left out in the rush to leave the house in the morning, starting dinner while humming along to his playlist. He checked his phone an hour later, a slight frown on his face. It wasn’t like Beard to go without checking his messages, or to send him a quick text letting him know they had gotten home alright.

He didn’t want to interfere in their friendship, truth be told he was endlessly fascinated seeing them interact, he always thought Beard needed someone to fill his silences, but there was an easy rapport established between them he had never before seen when it came to his best friend.

It gave him such hopes for a shared future with her, road trips and cookouts with all the people he loved.

So why wasn’t Beard checking his phone? Before he could talk himself out of it he sent a quick text to Rebecca, thanking her for coming to see Henry and wishing her a good night. 

Busying himself with putting away a load of laundry and taking a shower he was surprised to find when he checked his phone again that neither of the two had checked their phones. It was starting to make him uneasy, even though it wasn’t unusual for Rebecca to not respond right away, she would always read his messages almost immediately, Beard having never gone a day without responding to a message in more than 15 minutes. 

His slight annoyance was replaced by worry, what if something had happened? It would certainly explain their sudden departure. Not really stopping to worry if he was being rash or unreasonable he pulled on his shoes and grabbed his coat and keys, the door slamming loudly behind him in his rush to get to his car.

While fitting his keys in the ignition he paused, suddenly unsure if he wasn’t overreacting. But no, after checking his phone again he assured himself that almost two hours had passed with still no word from either one of them, his messages delivered but not read.

He contemplated driving to Beards house but dismissed the thought almost immediately. It was her needed to see, and he knew Beard was a night owl, the possibility that he’d already headed out again bigger than finding him at home on a Friday night. 

Her house was dark, and he couldn’t make out if her car was inside the garage, so he pulled into the driveway and knocked on her door. It didn’t feel like she was home, the house seemed eerily quiet, so he walked back to his car to check his phone again. It was really starting to worry him.

Getting back into his car his eyes lit up when he saw a notification from Beard, but before he could check it his cockpit was back-lit by headlights pulling up behind him.

She gave him a surprised look when she got out of her Landrover, walking over to the driver’s side of his car and tapping lightly on the window. 

“Ted? What are you doing here, is everything ok?” She gave him a searching look.

He opened the door, embarrassed, rambling on about trying to get a hold of Beard and not being able to reach him, that he had started worrying so he decided to stop by.

She arched her eyebrow at that. “You were worried about Beard, so you decided to come to my house? What’d he say? Is this about what happened outside the school?”

“No…” Ted slowly got out of the car and turned to face her. “What happened outside of the school?”

She sighed at that. “I don’t know. One moment I was fine and the next I couldn’t breathe. That’s never happened to me before.” She paused, giving him a long look. “Why didn’t you tell me that you have filed the paperwork with your lawyer?”

“Honestly? I didn’t wanna hurt you by bringing it up again. You said you were worried about rushing me or that I needed to decide why I hadn’t filed a long time ago and that I needed to focus on my family. I don’t know how to explain this, but the real reason why I haven’t filed before was not because of any lingering feelings for my ex wife. I wish it was as noble of a reason as that. Truth be told, I just didn’t want to think about having to deal with it all, having to come clean to the people in my life and dealing with the guilt, shame and anger I still feel when I think about the whole situation. I don’t like this part about myself, the one that just found it easier to pretend that none of this stuff was happening. How do I explain to my son that his mother has a terrible disease, that I was so busy fencing her into the life that I had always dreamed about I completely missed how much she struggled. That I didn’t want to acknowledge that there was something going on, and instead of showing her kindness and support I was angry and hurtful, basically showing her the door, telling her it was the best thing she could do for her son.” 

He shook his head sadly. “I wish I have had the opportunity to make her understand that I’ve been sorry for my words ever since, that I have lived my life in this self imposed exile with an absent spouse as a punishment. That I would try to live my life serving other people, that I was never gonna let anybody get by me without understanding they might be hurting inside, you know. Cause life it's hard, doing the right thing by your people is really hard. So for as long as she was out there alone, I didn't deserve to find someone either. But the truth is, I don’t know where she is and me being trapped in this situation isn’t doing anyone any good, least of all her.” He ran his fingers nervously through his hair. 

“I made mistakes. That doesn’t mean I have to freeze my life in the moment I really let someone I love down and make myself pay for it forever. I filed for divorce because my marriage ended almost 8 years ago. I have made an appointment for Henry with a child psychologist so I can find a way to explain to him what happened to his mother, and that it’s not because of something he did or because she didn’t love him. I have told the people in my life the whole truth about the situation and want to work on rebuilding that trust again. I don’t know what else to do.”

She didn’t look at him when she spoke, her eyes fixed on the pavement before her. 

“Something I’m just starting to learn for myself is that you are entitled to your emotional response to someone hurting you, Ted. You are allowed to feel angry and hurt about her coming and going, her lies and broken promises. You just never had the opportunity to work through them with her, to find out what was happening, and that isn’t anyone's fault. Looks like you were both in an impossible situation reacting to it in the only way you knew how at the moment. Not unlike us right now.” She released a shaky breath, leaning onto the side of his car. 

“You made mistakes in your relationship, as we all do, you just never had the chance to fix them. That doesn’t mean that you are to blame for everything that went wrong.”  

She swayed slightly on her feet, her fingers pressed into her hairline, a nervous tick he recognized from when they were at the funeral of her father.

“You sure you're ok, Rebecca? You’re looking kinda pale, it’s starting to scare me a little.” 

He put his hand on her back, trying to steady her, his brow furrowed with concern.

“I don’t know what's wrong with me! I just can’t seem to..” She trailed off, sounding almost scared, and he took a step forward before stopping himself. 

“I think all the stress and tension from the last few weeks is starting to catch up with you. I’m so sorry Rebecca.” He flexed his hands, looking lost and unsure how to proceed for a moment until he looked into her eyes with a steely resolve that sent a shiver down her spine. 

“Tell you what, I’m going to set a timer for 10 minutes and during this time I will just stand here and hold you if you’ll let me, we’ll just step out of everything that we are and aren't, just being in this moment together, leaning on each other. I swear, Rebecca I am not trying to push your boundaries, but I find it incredibly difficult to stop myself from comforting you and hide what I feel for you. And I promise this will not progress into anything you don’t want. Please let me do this for you.” He stood back and waited until she looked up and gave him a slight nod.

He exhaled visibly while setting the timer on his phone and putting it down on the hood of his car, not able to hide that his hands were shaking. She took a tentative step closer, slowly exhaling as she leaned into him, his arms wrapping around her, pulling her close.

“I sometimes dream of never being called resilient again in my life. I am exhausted from having to show strength.” She whispered it quietly against his neck, her breath hot against his skin, making him shiver.

“I’m not sure that’s what I would call it, strength.” He said with a frown.

She looked up, startled.”What do you mean? What would you call it then?”

He pulled her closer, running his fingers absently through her hair. “Painful. That’s what I would call it. I would never want to add to whatever hard thing you’re going through by expecting you to act tough about it. Showing vulnerability is not a weakness, so how can hiding it be a strength? Overcoming things and finding your way back to yourself, to what you want, that’s strength.” 

He kept carding his fingers through her hair, making her close her eyes and lean into him with a sigh. 

“You are the strongest woman I have ever met, Rebecca Welton. And not because of how well you hide your pain. Remember what I told you when we were standing in your old bedroom back in England? I want to see all of you, want to know all of you. I want to know what makes you laugh and makes you cry, even if it is me. I want you to tell me about the things you wrestle with at night and the words you still hear in your ex husband's voice when you are unsure of yourself. You showed me some of your scars once like it was gonna make me love you less.” He shook his head with a smile. “It only makes me want to love you more, to show you that every line and every mark on your body is what makes you the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. And I will wait until you are sure, I will do everything I can to earn your trust again, but how I feel, Rebecca? That is never going to change.”

“How do you always seem to know how to say the exact right things that make me want to cross all the lines and break all the rules?” She chuckled quietly against his shoulder, pressing her forehead into his sweater, breathing him in. “Right now all I want to do is take you upstairs.”

He responded by kissing the top of her head, holding her tight. 

“I think I will save us both from the regret in the morning by telling you that there is no way I will let this happen tonight and I think you already know that it’s not because I don’t want to. Heck, I haven’t slept a lick since last Sunday because I can’t stop thinking about you.” 

He tilted up her face gently and looked deep into her eyes, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead, whispering that they have all the time in the world.

They stood there for what felt like an eternity suspended in time, his lips gently pressed to her skin breathing her in, until the timer of his phone startled them, Ted squeezing her one more time before letting her go and stepping back with a shy smile. 

“Guess our time’s up.” He shrugged, trying to read her expression. “Thank you for this, talking and you know, listening. I miss you and knowing how you are.”

“I have been thinking about that. What do you say we plan on calling each other once a day? To keep in touch and figure things out?” She tilted her head in question, a relieved smile crossing her features when he nodded.

“I would like that. I miss talking to you. Are you sure you’re okay?”

She gave him a warm smile. “I am now. Can you believe Beard took me to the batting cages and taught me how to hit a baseball?” 

“Wow, I wish I could’ve been there to see that. That man is worth his weight in diamonds.”

They stood in her driveway for another minute, an awkward silence building between them until Ted finally asked her about when Keeley was supposed to fly in and what their plans for the holidays were.

Rebecca just shrugged, telling him all she knew was when her friend was planning on arriving on Sunday, beyond that everything had been classified as a surprise adventure by Keeley.

They shared a quiet laugh together about the endless possibilities of that statement until Ted leaned forward and put his hand gently on her shoulder.

“Merry Christmas Rebecca, in case I don’t see you before the holidays.”

“Merry Christmas Ted.” And with a smile she turned to walk towards her front door, the tension she felt during the day chased away by the memory of his words and embrace.

Chapter 18 Miss You Most (At Christmas Time)

Rebecca called him the next day after dinner, curling up on the couch with a glass of wine in her hand, for some inexplicable reason nervous. He put her at ease almost immediately by telling her about his day watching Christmas movies with Henry and trying to make a dent in the alarming amount of cookies that were currently at his house due to his night time baking adventures during the past week. 

He playfully threatened to drop half of the baked goods at her house after she teased him about having to start running extra drills with the team to keep his girlish figure, as he laughingly put it.

Confessing that he had slept for the first time last night after their conversation on Sunday, he made her smile while admitting to feeling a little more settled herself now that they had agreed to their daily calls.

Ironically she hadn’t slept the night before, it struck her as almost comically that she had tossed and turned, the ghost of his embrace still wrapped tightly around her. 

She remembered fragments of a dream, of his hands on her skin and his lips ghosting across her body. She had woken up turned on and frustrated just before dawn, unwilling to chase the feeling with her own hands, burrowing frustrated into her pillows. 

“Hey, you still with me?” She could hear the smile in his voice, but also the uncertainty.

“Yes, I was just getting a bit lost in my own head.” She answered a bit vaguely and he hummed at that, but decided not to push her, changing the subject instead.

So, you excited about Keeley getting here tomorrow?” He asked instead, trying to fill the silence that had settled over their conversation.

“Yes and no.” She sighed, waiting for him to question her, but he waited for her to continue.

“I haven’t told her about…what’s been going on.” She heard him exhale, and hastily added, “I will tell her of course, but I thought it might be easier in person and now I am worried about what she’ll say knowing I have kept this from her.”

“Rebecca.” He said it quietly, a hint of reproach in his voice. “I’m sure she’ll understand. Have you told her about us..” He trailed off, unsure how to continue.

She surprised him by laughing. “God, listen to us. We sound like teenagers. Yes, she knows we had sex. And that there is a bit of a complication involving Henry's mother. But that’s all.”

“Will I have to flee the state, you think? She is pretty strong for such a tiny person.” He was laughing now but she could hear a little edge to his tone, something unnamed and a little fearful.

“I doubt that. We both played a part in pushing our relationship beyond what we were both comfortable with. You do know I don’t blame you for that, right? Talking to my doctor about it made me realize how much baggage I still carry from before. I'm just realizing what a dysfunctional role sex has played in my marriage, how much I gauged the state of my relationships with being desired and praised for following arbitrary rules when in truth it had nothing to do with me or my behavior and everything with his infidelities and desire to control every aspect of my life. I wish…”

“You wish what?” He whispered, sucking in his breath.

A mirthless chuckle escaped her, startling them both.

“I wish I was a little less battered? I feel like I don’t know what the hell I am doing and I am worried I will hurt both of us because I am too broken for a relationship and you deserve someone who is in this with you.” 

He paused at that. “Are you saying that you’re not?”

“I’m not what?”

“In this with me?”

“That’s not what I meant.” She exhaled audibly. “I’m sorry if I am not explaining this well. My therapist is worried that I will get caught up in my next relationship without really dealing with the fallout from my last one.”

He made a sound there, but she stopped him. “It's not the main thing I'm worried about. It’s more that I have the same fear for you, you are such a giver Ted, what if this is not what you need?”

“I don’t think relationships work like that Rebecca. I know we both have been dealing with a lot in our past. That doesn’t mean us meeting like this is a bad thing. It’s shown me that it’s time to let go of my anger, guilt and fear and deal with my situation to be able to open myself up to a wonderful new possibility. I hope you know that I’m always here to listen if you need to talk something through. And I feel that if there are things I’d like to share with you, I’ll just tell you? I mean, yes, I don’t really want to wait past my divorce being final, I want to be with you, but we decide what that means, right?”

“Yes? I’m not sure what you mean.”

“That it’s up to us how fast we go. If you need time with something, you just let me know. If sex is off the table while we figure things out, that's ok, too. There are so many ways to be intimate with each other, I'd be lying if I would claim I'm not looking forward to exploring that with you. I like the idea of us supporting each other through all of it. And why go through something alone if you can do it together?”

“But if there is something we need to talk about or there is something we need from the other person, we have to talk about it, promise me, Ted. Even if you think it’s not important or if I am having a rough time. And I will do the same.”

“Deal. So, is there something you need or something you want to talk about?”

She laughed nervously. “I don’t know where to start.”

“Hmm. How about we tell each other something we struggle with and something we are happy and excited about every day. Kinda like a high/low of the day?” He continued without really giving her a chance to respond. 

“Okay, I’ll start. My high today was spending the day with Henry soaking up Christmas magic while knowing that tonight we were going to talk. My low was me worrying about Henry's friend Steve being a little turd during breakfast, and I’m not really sure how much I need to step in.”

She contemplated this for a minute before launching into a story explaining that her mother’s fear of Sassy not being the best influence had pushed Rebecca more towards her friend, and that in retrospect her parents interfering had done more harm than good. She asked him if he had talked with Henry about how his friend makes him feel when he’s being mean and what Ted could do to support his son without making Henry think his father didn’t believe he could handle himself in these situations.

“Henry is a lot tougher than you give him credit for sometimes.” She said it carefully, like she was afraid of upsetting him, but Ted just laughed. “Oh, you picked up on that already, have you?” He jokingly teased her.

“I’m sorry, I have no idea what it’s like, seeing your child hurt or struggling.” She said it wistfully, but he could hear the hidden pain in her words.

“Rebecca, that’s not how I meant that. You would have made a wonderful mother. Any kid would be lucky to have you as their mom.” He waited for a moment if she’d respond, but the line stayed quiet.

“But what about you? What was your high/low today?”

“Hmm..my high was definitely talking to you tonight. My low probably not getting enough sleep last night?”

“Oh yeah? Something keeping you up?” She could hear the smile in his voice.

“Maybe.”

“Well, we can’t have that. Let me know if there is something I can do to help you sleep.”

“Oh yeah? Mr. “I have baked every night all week and now have all these cookies”? She was laughing now. “Look at the state of us!”

“Hey, Rebecca?”

“Yes?”

“I could call Keeley and tell her if you’d like. I mean, if you’re worried about her response.”

“No Ted, I’ll talk to her tomorrow. It’ll be alright. Thank you for offering. Call me tomorrow?”

“You got it, boss. Sweet dreams!”

You, too Ted.”

______

Picking up Keeley from the airport, making it back to the house in a chaotic rush filled with hugs and too much luggage, Keeley gushing over the house and how adorable everything was didn’t give Rebecca a lot of time to contemplate how to best approach the subject with her friend until they were snuggled together on the couch, a bottle of wine almost finished between the two of them.

But in the end it was easier than she had anticipated, Keeley giving her a long, searching look after taking her hands, an eyebrow raised in question. Rebecca hadn’t realized how hard she had been clenching her fists.

“Whatever it is babe, you know you can tell me, yeah?”

And that’s all it took for the words to tumble out of Rebecca's mouth, starting at the night Ted and her had spent together, leaving out as much detail as possible despite her best friends probing and teasing. She told Keeley about the confusing way she felt after he left, his confession the day after and the aftermath. Of her budding friendship with Beard, how much she missed Ted and how hard it was for her to balance doing what she knew she needed with what she wanted. At some point Keeley had climbed into her lap and wrapped her arms and legs tightly around her friend, holding her while her friend spoke, Rebecca’s voice trembling.

They sat in a silent embrace after she finished, Keeley running her hands gently up and down Rebecca’s spine, making her friend shiver. She pulled back to look at Keeleys face and noticed the tears in her eyes.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. It’s not that I didn’t want to..”

“It’s alright Babe,” Keeley interrupted her, “you have nothing to apologize for. I’m glad I’m here so I can hug you right now. And everything else will sort itself, you just got be patient, yeah? So, you haven’t, like, seen him since that night? I’m sorry, I am still processing. This is a lot.”

“You’re telling me? And if by seen you mean slept with him, then no. I did go to Henry’s concert Friday and it’s a bit of a long story involving Beard and Baseball, but Ted came over afterwards and we..talked.” Rebecca rested her head on the back of the couch, closing her eyes briefly, making her friend pull her in tightly.

“Oof, another long hug!” Rebecca chuckled quietly against her friend's cheek.

“Oy, fuck off! You know you love it!” They stayed like this for a while, until Rebecca cleared her throat, gently shuffling Keeley off her lap.

“So, tell me all about the surprise adventure you have planned. I’m getting nervous even thinking about it!”

“Whatever it was, we’re not doing any of it. I have a client with a luxury spa resort in Cancún and if you can get us there on your plane, we are spending Christmas by the pool getting pampered like the fucking goddesses we are. Come on, say yes!! I’ve been dying to go for ages, but I thought you wanted to stick around here, spend the holidays with the people here. But this is perfect!!”

“Perfect?” Rebecca gave her an astonished look. “Not sure what’s perfect about my messy personal life at the moment.”

“You know what I mean! Please say yes! Please!” Keeley pouted at her, while Rebecca shrugged.

“I don’t think I even have a bathing suit that is not in storage.” Rebecca frowned, but Keeley’s enthusiasm was not going to be tapered down with that piece of information.

“We have some online shopping to do then, do we? Come on, it will be fun, yeah?” And with that she bounced off the couch, running to grab her macbook from the guest room, Rebecca smiling to herself.

It would be fun to take a trip and get out of her head for a bit.

______

Unfortunately there was still some work back at the office for Rebecca to finish before her holiday break, so the next day Keeley convinced her to letting her tag along while Rebecca finished up a few budget proposals that had to be submitted before the end of the calendar year.

After making up an excuse to grab them coffee, Keeley made her way over to the athletics department, barreling into the coaches office and almost taking Nate out in the process.

“Which one of you is Beard?” She asked breathlessly, giving the surprised men a searching look. She caught Beard's eye, muttering a Nevermind under her breath as she crossed the room in three determined strides, him rising nervously to meet her.

“Can I help you…” Beard got no further than that before she tackled him into a fierce hug whispering a quiet thank you, but before he could react in any way she had already released him, leaving him with a puzzled smile, his jacket askew.

Nate was the first to recover his composure, watching a flustered Beard sit back down, giving her a searching look. “Excuse me, Miss but who are you?”

Keeley never got the chance to answer, because in that moment Ted stepped into the office, stopping dead in his tracks when he saw who was in front of him.

“You!” She exclaimed, but couldn’t keep a straight face for more than a moment, watching the slight panic on Ted’s face. “I need to talk to you!” And with that she was pulling a uncharacteristically silent Ted out of his office, her ponytail bouncing.

Nate finally broke the stunned silence that had settled over the office. “No, seriously, who was that?!”

Roy just chuckled quietly under his breath. “Keeley Jones, everybody. What a fucking legend.” Shaking his head he saw the looks Beard and Nate gave him.

“Are you being serious right now, telling me you don’t know who Keeley Jones is?!” Beard shrugged, while Nate just gave him a blank look.

“She used to be PR manager at a premier soccer club in London, then started her own firm and on top of that is now basically running a non profit for underprivileged children in sports. She’s involved in countless charities that support mentoring and helps unemployed people with resumes and job placement. You seriously don’t know who she is?”

There was a minute of silence, Roy shaking his head in disbelief, until Nate asked, “Yeah ok, but what is she doing here, hugging Beard and kidnapping Ted?”

Beard contemplated this for a moment until he simply said, “She’s Rebecca’s friend.” with a pointed look at Roy.

“What? You mean Ms. Welton? I still don’t understand..” Nate looked at both Beard and Roy, understanding dawning on both of their faces.

“Fuuuck!”

______

“Listen, Keeley before you start, I know what you’re gonna say and believe you me, no one is harder on me that I am myself about the situation..oof” Ted caught her just as she was launching herself at him, wrapping her arms tightly around his midsection.

“Not what I was expecting, but I’ll take it,” he joked nervously, but she silenced him with a look, hugging him tightly.

“Ted, stop, it’s ok. I’ve known you had feelings for her ever since the funeral, and that the situation is complicated. It’s just she’s been through a lot, and I need you to understand that she spooks very easily, so if there are any other skeletons hiding in your closet I would like to know now. She told me your divorce is pending?”

She released him and he took a step back, giving her a long look. “No more skeleton, scouts honor. And yes, it should be finalized in mid February. Why?”

“Let me know if there is anything I can do? How are you holding up?”

He just shrugged. “How’s Rebecca? Like really? I’m worried she is only telling me the abridged version because she knows I feel responsible as it is. I just worry about her.”

He sounded so lost, she pulled him in and gave him another tight squeeze.

“Don’t worry, I’m taking her to a spa for a few days, cheer her up a bit. Just make sure you keep in touch, yeah?”

“Naw, I wouldn’t wanna cut into your girl time. Besides, looks like you could both use a break, Rebecca told me how busy you’ve been these past few months. Don’t worry about me.”

“Ted. She doesn’t need space or girl time, she needs to know that you're in this and that you think she’s worth fighting for. She was so happy telling me about you planning daily calls. Don’t muck this up now, just by trying to be polite!”

She gave him a smirk. “We’ll be back the day before New Year's Eve. I suggest you find somewhere fun for us all to go if you want to kiss the most beautiful woman in Kansas at midnight!”

“Well, I, ahem, I was going to go to Roy’s house, he’s having a little get together, but..” He trailed off, not sure how to put in words that it might not be fancy enough to take a date, especially since the only other time they’ve been out he had taken her bowling with his friends. “I don’t want to send the wrong message, she deserves somewhere fancy!”

She smiled at him kindly. “Sounds perfect actually and fancy is overrated, unless we're talking spas. You better let your friend know you’re bringing two guests.”

And with a wink she was gone.

______

Rebecca gave her a wry smile when she returned to her office, remarking that for being gone almost 30 minutes on a coffee run she had no beverages to show for herself, making her friend giggle.

“No, I was talking to Ted and wanted to say hi to Beard.” Keeley replied with a smile.

Rebecca’s eyebrows rose towards her hairline at that, giving her friend a long look.

“Is that why we’re flying to Mexico tonight, do I actually need to wipe down my counters at home to get rid of fingerprints? And how on earth do you know Beard?”

“You’re funny.” Keeley stuck out her tongue. “No, everything is fine. I just wanted to say hi.”

"Well, I'm about ready here and we got some packing to do." Rebecca gave Keeley a bright smile while grabbing her coat.

"Are you going to model all the bikinis for me that you ordered yesterday??" Keeley asked with a saucy wink.

Rebecca just shook her head at friend and chuckled. "Let's see if the overnight shipping was not an empty promise during the holiday season before I make any promises."

"If not you'll just have to sunbathe in the buff." Keeley shrugged and pulled her friend into a side hug. "With your curves and body I don't know why insist on wearing clothes at all. If I looked like you I'd be naked all the time."

Rebecca just shook her head laughing. "I'm so glad you're here Keeley."

"Me, too babes. Me, too."

Chapter 19 you and tequila make me crazy

“This may have been your best idea as of yet.” Rebecca said sleepily while turning over on her sun lounger and stretching out gracefully with a content smile, catching Keeley staring at her open-mouthed holding her phone.

“What’s the matter with you?” She scrunched up her forehead adorably, giving her friend a puzzled look. “Wait, are you filming this?! Don’t you dare put this up on your instagram, the last thing I need is the tabloids posting close up shots of my wobbly bits in their rags tomorrow!”

“Oy, what wobbly bits, you look like a vision, that guy over there almost fell in the pool watching you stretch just now. Besides, I would never post anything without asking. These are for…something else.” Keeley gave her a halfhearted pout, but Rebecca was not so easily distracted.

“Which would be?” She gave her friend a mock-stern look over her sunglasses, eyebrows raised in question.

Keeley flopped herself down on the chair next to her dramatically. “It’s just that Beard was bragging about being your bestie and making Ted so flustered with a picture of you playing baseball he couldn’t form a coherent sentence for 6 minutes and 32 seconds, so I bet him I could beat that time easily. And Roy agreed to time it, so it’s impartially recorded. I just need the right footage.”

“Keeley,” Rebecca sighed heavily. “Please tell me you are not sending pictures of me in a bikini by the pool to Roy and Beard!”

“No!! I would never! I’m texting the groupchat, so they can tell me when they’re all in the same room, so it’s legit. I would only send these to Ted, come on!”

“There are so many things wrong with this, but let’s start with why are you competing with Beard over who can antagonize Ted the most? And since when are you, Roy and him in a group chat?” 

“Aw, come on babe, it’s just a bit of fun! And Ted is not going to mind, believe me.” Keeley smirked at her. “No harm reminding him a bit of what he’s missing.”

Rebecca hummed quietly at that. “Who knew how long 60 days could feel? I know it’s silly, and I am the one making us wait, but I…”, she trailed off, embarrassed.

“What do you mean?” Keeley scooted her lounger closer, snuggling into Rebecca’s side.

“It’s a little embarrassing. Rupert was never very…demonstrative with his affections, and in the end he barely touched me. And as strange as that may sound, after a while I stopped missing it. But since I met Ted, it’s like the floodgates have been opened. I feel like a teenanger and it’s a bit overwhelming.”

“You’re telling me, I’ve been in the same room with you two.“ Keeley was laughingly fanning herself, making Rebecca blush. “I can only imagine your steamy FaceTime calls everyday!”

“What? No! There is nothing steamy about our calls! We just talk about our day and chat about all and nothing. It’s perfectly harmless, besides we do not video chat and not everything has to be about sex, you know.”

“Nobody said anything about everything. But you can’t tell me you haven’t thought about having a wank while Ted natters on about how perfectly your hair blows in the wind or much he loves watching you sign contracts at work, or whatever you guys go on about!”

“Keeley! I most certainly do not.” Rebecca shot her another scandalized look, trying to keep from bursting out laughing. “Can you imagine?!”

“Oh I am.” Keeley smirked at her. “But as much as I want to encourage you and Ted wanking during your calls, we better get going, or we are going to miss our hot stone massages.”

______

Their conversation stayed with her until she finally heard her phone chime, Ted’s contact photo flashing across the screen.

“Hi. I was just thinking about you.” She sat down on the bed, reclining back into the headboard.

“Is that so? I rarely think about anything else but you these days.” He could hear the smile in her voice when she playfully scolded him for being a flatterer.

“I actually have it on good authority that flattery and baked goods will get me anywhere. I’m glad I caught you, tho. Looks like you have a busy schedule of lounging by the pool and getting massages.” He sighed dramatically, making her laugh.

“Where are you getting all this inside scoop, Lasso? Are you stalking me?”

“Naw, we just have a mutual friend who likes to torture me.”

“Oh god,” she sat up in bed in shock, “I meant to tell you that Roy is enabling Beard and Keeley in some sibling rivalry shenanigans involving us. What was I thinking, to ever take the risk of putting those three on the same continent?” They were both laughing now.

“Oh, so Roy is to blame for my near heart attack this afternoon? Good to know. And which one of the two is Jan and which one is Marsha in the sibling scenario, you think? I need to plan my payback accordingly.”

“I have no idea what that even means, so we’re going to have to put a pin in your revenge fantasies. And I am not even going to attempt at guessing if the torture by Keeley falls into your high or your low category today! Tell me about your day, please?”

He chuckled. “It’s definitely my high today seeing you so relaxed and happy, being able to spend some time with your friend in a beautiful place. My low today was a little complicated, it’s not a low as in that it wasn’t good. It was just hard.” He paused with a sigh.

“Do you want to tell me about it now or maybe some other time?” She asked carefully, making sure to give him an out in case he didn’t want to get into whatever had upset him today, pushing down the irrational fear of it being somehow caused by her.

As if sensing her unease he reassured her right away by telling her that he and Margaret had met with the child psychologist he was planning on taking Henry to help him understand the situation with his mother, the divorce and his mothers mental illness.

“And it was good, you know, talking about it all. She gave me some good recommendations on a couple of books for both me and Henry. And it felt like I’m actively doing something to unravel the whole mess, but it was hard.”

“I’m sorry about that. But I’m really glad you went. How did she seem? You think she is going to be a good fit for you and Henry?”

“Oh, absolutely, she’s great. My mom and I really liked her input.” He cleared his throat. “But what about you? What was your high/low today?”

“My high was pretty much my whole day, including this call. We slept in late and then lounged by the pool until brunch where we had way too much champagne, a massage and yoga in the afternoon, went for a little walk and read my book by the pool until about half an hour ago when I came upstairs to shower and get ready for meeting Keeley at the bar tonight.”

“Sounds like the perfect day on vacation, you’re making me jealous over here. I bet you look fantastic all dolled up ready for a night out.” 

“I haven’t gotten that far yet, I just got out of the shower.” She could hear him swallow, even though he tried to disguise it as a cough.

“I’m sorry if that was a bit too much. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, Ted.”

He could hear the insecurity in her voice, so he quickly told her that she hadn’t, and quite frankly she was as enticing to imagine in her bathrobe as if she was wearing one of her beautiful dresses and killer heels.

“This coming from the man who can make khakis look sexy.” She exclaimed, instantly lightening the mood.

“Who’s the flatterer now? Stop distracting me and tell me about your low, if you even have one. I’m honestly not sure now after you told me about your dream day.”

“My low is a bit tricky. I was talking to Keeley about intimacy earlier and it made me realize how much I still struggle with the concept, and that I would like to get better at talking about my needs and wants.” 

“First of all I shudder to imagine what a conversation about intimacy with Keeley would be like, I’m sure my ears would turn purple permanently. But I know what you mean. I guess both of our lows were in a “scary but good” category today.”

“Yes. So would it be ok if I asked you to think about what you enjoy in regards to intimacy, and I don’t mean sex exclusively, and I’ll do the same and we’ll share in when we’re ready?”

She could hear the smile in his voice when he said, “That sounds like the best idea I’ve heard all day. I can tell you one thing right off the bat, tho. Us, here talking like this? Definitely makes the top ten.”

“Yeah?” She still sounded a bit unsure, but then quietly added, “Mine, too.”

They were quiet for a moment and she leaned back against the bed, closing her eyes.

“Hey Ted?”

“Yeah?”

“I wish you were here right now.”

Me, too darling. Midnight margaritas with Keeley sound like a heck of a good time.”

“Midnight margaritas?”

“Are you telling me you haven’t seen the movie Practical Magic?! Rebecca! That’s going on the list! But seriously, have fun and I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“Can I text you good night?”

“You can always text me, day and night. Now you better go put on some clothes before Keeley decides to send me another video. There is only so much my poor little heart can take in one day.” They were both laughing as she hung up, rising reluctantly off the bed to get ready before her friend's arrival.

______

Rebecca woke with a start, her head pounding while sunlight fell through the open curtains, making the room impossibly bright. She froze when she realized there was someone else in her bed, but relaxed when she saw Keeley’s ponytail sticking out from under the pillow her friend currently had her head buried under. 

“Oh my god, what happened last night? All I remember is Tequila and Karaoke..”

Keeley just groaned in response.

“What time is it?” Rebecca sat up carefully, her stomach doing a little somersault as she looked around for her phone. She got out of bed slowly, still wearing last night's dress and made her way over to the door of her hotel room where her heels laid discarded next to her clutch and the key card to her room. 

“What are you looking for?” Keeley sat up in bed, her eyes scrunched half closed, watching Rebecca pad around the room barefoot with a confused look on her face.

“I can’t find my phone. God, my head is pounding. How much did we drink last night?” Rebecca went into the bathroom and returned a moment later holding a glass of water and a bottle of ibuprofen.

“Bless you, babes, I can barely open my eyes without it feeling like someone is shoving daggers into my brain. Why is it so bright in here?” Keeley took a long drink while taking the offered painkillers fixing her friend in a measured look. “Your phone is still here on your pillow, right where you left it last night. Don’t you remember calling Ted demanding a bedtime story when we got back to the room last night? That's probably the reason we both passed out still wearing our dresses, him yammering on about the book he’s reading about people from the channel islands writing letters during the occupation in WW2 would have put an insomniac on speed to sleep. The man has truly missed his calling.”

Rebecca groaned in response, locating her phone tangled in her sheet and noticing the battery had died.

“Here, use mine.” Keeley handed her the phone without looking, pressing the thumbprint to unlock it while turning over, burying her head in the pillows. “Order some breakfast please? And coffee, buckets of coffee!”

Rebecca checked the time and was just about to open the weather app when suddenly the screen lit up with countless google notifications.

“Holy shit.” She dropped the phone onto the bed, a shocked expression on her face, turning to Keeley with a frown. “Why do you have google alerts for Rupert on your phone?”

“What?” Keeley sat up quickly, a guilty expression on her face. “Somebody’s got to keep an eye on what that odious twat says in the press, come on, Rebecca! I would be a terrible friend and shit at PR if I wasn’t keeping an eye out. What did it say?”

Rebecca just shook her head, looking white as a sheet, so Keeley picked up her phone and clicked on the link. 

“Holy shit is right! Did you know about this?!” 

Rebecca just shook her head. “I didn’t read past the headline.”

“You want me to read it to you?” Keeley gave her a unsure smile, but Rebecca shook her head again immediately. “No, just tell me what it says, please.”

“Ok. Looks like Bex gave an exclusive interview to the Daily Mirror about her divorce from Rupert Mannion, fuck, they kept that quiet, I didn’t even know they had split, and the fact that their daughter Diane is not his biological child, that he used Bex to hurt and to get back at his ex wife, that’s you I guess, including pressuring her into having a baby, but she insinuates that because of his advanced age they had trouble conceiving for which he blamed her, seems on brand, so she secretly enlisted the help of her ex and…, oof that must sting reading this in the paper, wait what, Jamie Tart?!? Oh my god, Rebecca! Turns out my ex is your ex's baby's father?!”

“I think I’m going to be sick.” Rebecca barely made it to the bathroom before being violently ill.

“I think we can both agree that tequila hangovers do not mix with Rupert news.” Rebecca startled a bit, she hadn’t realized Keeley had followed her into the bathroom. “I didn’t even know they knew each other, Bex and Jamie I mean.”

“Yeah, remember when I told you after the gala that I was finished with him? The cheeky bastard had requested a second plus one to an event I was hosting…guess who he brought?”

“I don’t even know what to say other than that she seems to have a pattern with men who are not single? Or is that unkind?”

“It’s certainly true. She’s quoted here saying that he talked so much about you during their marriage even she started to miss you, regardless of never having met you.” 

“Well, she seems to be dealing well with the disappointment of her failed relationship. And going to the Daily Mirror to air all their dirty laundry? Rupert is going to be furious..”

Keeley gently rubbed Rebecca’s back. “How are you with all of that? I mean, it’s a lot, but it hasn't gotten anything to do with you, I mean not really.”

“Honestly? I have no idea. What a mess. And how dare he be on his next divorce already when I have not even managed to go on a date with the man I love?” Rebecca let out an indignant huff, making both of them giggle. “Look at us sitting on the floor of a bathroom in last night's party clothes. What do you say we shower, get some breakfast and not waste another minute on thinking about him and his nonsense?”

Keeley wiggled her eyebrows at her suggestively, making Rebecca burst out laughing. “And by showering I mean separately, Keeley! Don’t give me that look!”

They were both laughing now. 

“A girl can dream, right, babes? Besides, we’re already connected through sex if you think about it. Your ex slept with Bex who slept with mine, so?” Keeley shrugged, but couldn’t keep a straight face when Rebecca threw her hands up in the air, loudly proclaiming how this was her life.

“Meet you for breakfast in half an hour downstairs?”

“Sounds great. And Keeley? Thanks for keeping an eye out.” Rebecca gave her friend a warm smile.

“Anytime. Would right now be a good time to try and talk you into a couples massage?” She ducked before Rebecca threw a towel at her.

“Out!”

“No harm in asking. I’ll see you downstairs!”

Chapter 20 Into Your Heart I'll Beat Again

She picked up his call on the first ring, not even trying to pretend she hadn’t waited for it all day.

“So, how badly did I embarrass myself yesterday? And remember, you promised to be honest with me!” 

“Aw, come on now, none of that. You were adorable!”

“Not sure that’s a compliment I’ve had before.”

“Really? Huh. But all joking aside, I said you can text or call me anytime and I meant it. And it was nice, knowing you were safely back in your room, thinkin’ about me before bed and wanting to hear my voice.” 

She hummed at that, listening to the quiet smile in his voice. There were starting to be little lulls in their conversations as of late, but she didn’t mind it, loved that he felt comfortable just being in the moment with her, that he didn’t need to fill the silence. She was grateful that they had decided on calling each other at least once a day and was starting to be able to tell by the sound of his voice how he was feeling, that she could hear it in his silences and in the words he chose.

“I’m afraid I missed how the story ended..” She sighed, content to just listen to him speak. 

“She asks him to marry her.” His voice is low, almost a whisper, sending a shiver down her spine.

“Oh? What about the kid?” She frowned a bit at how breathless she sounded, waiting for his answer.

“Hm. They explained to her that her mother was gone, and raised her as their own, I imagine. The book kinda stopped after the wedding but it was heavily implied.”

“Do you think they were happy?” 

“Very,” she could hear the smile in his voice. “Dawsey and Kit loved Juliet so much, I’m sure they lived happily ever after.”

There was silence for a moment until Rebecca sighed, saying she loved happy endings in stories.

“There’s one thing, tho..” He paused, unsure if and how he should continue. 

“What’s that?”

“I wonder if she ended up being happy on Guernsey, if it was enough. I mean, her life in London was filled with libraries, museums, parties and life. And I know it was hard after the war to see her beloved life so devastated and tainted with all the violence that happened, but I wonder if she at some point, after she had some time to heal and reflect, didn’t miss it.”

“We’re not just talking about the book anymore, are we?” It wasn’t a question.

“Maybe not. And it’s ok if you wanna bench this conversation for a later moment, but I think it’s one we should be havin’, and sooner rather than later.”

“Ok.” Rebecca took a deep breath. “What is it you are asking me?”

“I want you to think about what you want. I know you set up boundaries for us after I told you the truth about my situation, and you were right, I needed to address that chapter in my life. But you were worried about not being ready for a serious relationship before any of it, and you do have a whole life on the other side of the Atlantic waiting for you, so I guess I’m just worried about all of it. We’ve talked about intimacy the other day, and you know what I keep coming up with? Vulnerability. I need you to try to be vulnerable with me, with how you feel, with letting me help, with allowing yourself to need and want, to let me answer and fulfill that for you.”

“Ok.” She sounded strangely neutral, and he wasn’t sure if she had started to wrap herself in her armor again, but she surprised him by asking, “What do you want?”

“Me?” He chuckled, surprised. “Lot’s of things! I want to fast forward in time to mid February so I can take you out on a real date, while simultaneously wanting to slow down time because these talks we’ve been having these past few days? I want to sometimes just curl up and live in those moments.” He paused, but then continued.

“I want the conversation with Henry to be over so we can work on helping him process and hopefully address some of his separation anxiety.  I want to just wrap you up in my arms until you can’t remember why you think you don’t deserve to be loved and wanted. I want my mother to stop this silly new diet she’s on so I can have pizza in my own house without being treated like I am passively committing a crime.  I want to shake your ex husband for weaponizing affection to the point of you not allowing yourself to let down your guard.  I want to kiss you at Midnight on New Years Eve without being all in my head about that it’s not what you want. I want to tell you that I love you until you believe it.”

She was quiet for a moment, taking in his words. 

“I don’t know where I will be in 5 years' time, but I do know I want to be there with you. And please let me know if there is anything I can do to help make things easier for you and Henry. I am working on allowing myself to enjoy good things without being afraid when the other shoe will drop, you might need to be a little patient with me there. Now, tell me all about Margaret’s new diet!” 

He launches into a long story about the quilting group poisoning his mothers mind about heart health and she laughs at his dramatic antics about how he misses bagels so much he could cry. They spend another half an hour talking about their day, Rebecca reluctantly sharing the news about  Bex’s article in the tabloid, enjoying Ted proclaiming outrage at the nerve of Rupert’s soon-to-be new ex wife  ruining her day.

“It didn’t ruin my day, I promise. Honestly I am feeling a little sad for all of them, especially that little girl, and it made me realize that I stopped being a pawn on his board a long time ago. I don’t wish him ill, I don’t wish him anything. I feel like I’m finally free, and it’s exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time.”

She paused. “And Ted?”

“Yeah?”

“I want you to kiss me at midnight on New Year's Eve.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

______

The next day she called him during the day, catching him by surprise.

“Hey you, shouldn’t you be on a plane?” He jokingly answered, but she could hear a tint of worry in his voice. “Everything alright?”

“Oh yes, we are fine, I didn’t mean to alarm you, but I do have some bad news. There is a weather front between here and ICT and a weather advisory in effect for all smaller planes. I’m really sorry, Ted, but I don’t think we will make it back to Kansas until the first.”

“But that’s in two days, are you sure the weather is going to be that bad?”

“I’m afraid it was the first available flight slot we could get, all the delayed, rerouted and bumped commercial flights take priority.”

So, you’re saying you and Keeley won’t be here for the party? Roy will be crushed.”

“I’m disappointed too, Ted. I was really looking forward to seeing you.”

“Well, I am actually on my way to the store right now, can I call you back later tonight?” He sounded a little off.

“Ted? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, I’m alright. Just hoping you didn’t change your plans because of what we talked about last night is all. If you thought about it and changed your mind, I’d like you to tell me, please.”

She was lost for a minute and then realized what he was referring to. 

“Ted. I was hoping we could call each other when it’s midnight over here? I know it’s going to be a little late, but I was hoping we could FaceTime and maybe postpone the actual kiss until the next time we see each other?”

“Yeah? I’d like that. So, raicheck?”

“Looking forward to it. So, Call me later?”

“Can’t wait.”

______

“Happy New Year, Ted.” She whispered it quietly, watching his smile fill the screen on her phone.

“Happy New Year, Rebecca. Why are we whispering?” He replied just as quietly, so she just pointed the camera to a sleeping Keeley, all tucked into her side next to her on her bed. 

“Let me try to sneak into the bathroom, so we can chat without waking her.” The screen went dark for a second and then he heard a light switch flick, illuminating Rebecca in a tank top and shorts perched on the edge of a tub.

“Hi again.” She smiled a little shyly at him. “Sorry for the casual attire.” 

“Rebecca! I am glad you are comfortable. I hope you know I don’t expect you to sit around your hotel room in the middle of the night all dressed up just because we decided to FaceTime. In fact, we can just make this a call if you are more comfortable. It is nice to see your face, tho. I’ve missed your smile.” He leaned back comfortably and she was wondering if he was calling her from his bedroom, but it was too dark to make out anything besides his face.

“But speaking of comfort, that’s a heck of a tub! I think the only one I’ve seen that’s bigger than that is the one you had Scott’s poor men haul up your stairs.” He smiled when he heard her laugh. 

“I’m not going to pretend I didn’t choose the house because of the massive master bathroom.” She was still laughing as she heard him loudly proclaim that he just knew that was a reason.

“Looks like you enjoy bubble baths. Gosh, I can’t remember that last time I took one, but my tub is more of a large shower basin. Not sure it would be fun in that.”

“In that case, you can use mine any time you want.” She paused, a slight blush tinting her face, barely visible over her beautiful sun kissed skin. “That came out wrong, you know what I mean!”

He just smiled and nodded. “So how many times have you soaked in this bad boy?”

She furrowed her brow, momentarily confused, but then laughed. “Honestly, I haven’t had the chance. I might not have time before we leave tomorrow.”

“Are you being serious?! Nope, we can’t have that. How ‘bout you fill it up right now, I could keep you company?” Now it was his turn to blush as she fixed him with a level glance, him tripping over his words, trying to reassure her he meant off screen. She was laughing again, enjoying watching him squirm.

“Ok, let me get my earbuds.” She sounded a little giddy putting the phone on the counter and he could hear her turning the faucets in the background, the clattering of some bottles or maybe bodywash she was adding to the water. Then there was the sound of the door opening and a few seconds later her face was back on his screen, telling him to switch to voice call.
The screen went back to his contact photo just as she was putting her earbuds in and she didn’t miss a beat asking about his day, listening contently as he told her about the little party Henry and him had at their house, but that the kid didn’t even make it past 10 pm before falling asleep on the couch.
She asked him why he decided against going to Roy's house, but he just shrugged, saying he’d rather spend the day home with Henry. She in turn told him about her day that started with the insane notion of sunrise yoga that Keeley had forced her into, an early dinner and them watching a movie while laying in bed that resulted in how he found them earlier snuggled up in Rebecca's bed. He could hear a rusting of clothes and then the sound of water and a breathy exhale, making him pause.

“You all settled in?”

“Yes. I’m sorry if this is awkward. I’m not sure if this was such a good idea.”

“Oh come on now, that’s just silly. I’m glad I get to be a part of something that makes you feel good.” She barked out a startled laugh, but stopped herself immediately. “Oh my god, I’m going to wake Keeley and after our conversation a couple of days ago I can only imagine what she will say!”

“Ok, I’m gonna need a lot more words if I’m supposed to understand what that means.”

Rebecca exhaled, and judging by the rippling water sounds in the background, shifted in the tub. “She was trying to encourage me to make our phone calls more..intimate.”

“I see.” She could hear him smile. “Is that something you’d be interested in?”

“I’ve never done anything like this before, I can’t imagine I’d be any good at it.” 

She could hear him tsking on the other end of the line. 

“I don’t understand it when people say they are not good at sex, because I’m assuming that’s what we’re talking about? Sex is the physical manifestation of the desire to give someone pleasure. How can you be good or bad at something like that? It’s kinda like telling a joke. Some will land and some things you won't repeat, but that shouldn’t stop you from trying to make the other person laugh.”

“Well in that case, you are very good at telling jokes. Some of them I was still laughing at days later.” There was a little edge to the tone of her voice, but she willed herself to lean into the discomfort of sharing something so personal.

“I feel like the metaphor is getting away from us, but I’m glad that I could make you laugh. Do you want to try it now?”

“Ted, if you’re about to tell me one of your knock-knock jokes, I am hanging up the phone!” 

“I’m not, I promise. I would never intentionally joke about something so personal, and I know this isn’t easy for you and I’m really impressed that you’re trying? No, impressed is not the right word. Humbled?”

“Are we? I mean, trying…this?”

“That’s entirely up to you.”

“Ok.” he could hear the water shift again.

“How about we just focus on helping you relax right now? I want you to lean back, close your eyes, get into the most comfortable position in the tub and just listen to my voice. Let me know when you are ready.”

“I’m ready.” She replied almost immediately.

“Good. This is to make you feel good. If at any point you feel uncomfortable or you want to stop, we stop, ok?”

“Ted, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

“I’m sorry, darling, but I have to insist. I am not there to be really able to tell how you feel, so I need to be able to trust that you tell me if it’s still what you want. Otherwise we stop right now and talk about something else. There is no expectation here, Rebecca.”

“How are you so perfect? I feel like sometimes if I ordered you based on what any woman could possibly want, I would not have been able to find someone so perfect. It's a little daunting.”

“Oh baby, I am far from perfect, but I am not planning on going into my many imperfections while I have you naked in the bath.”

He could hear her quiet laugh, but she didn't respond, so he continued, his voice low.

“I want you to keep your eyes closed and just follow my voice. Rest your head comfortably on the little bath pillow I saw earlier, relax your shoulders and back, relax your hips and pelvis, relax your legs and toes. I want you to feel the warm water surrounding you, soothing your muscles and warming your skin. What scent did you put in the water?”

“Jasmine and vanilla.”

“Perfect. I want you to slowly breathe in, sink lower in the tub and focus on how your skin feels in the warm water, how it's surrounding you with only the smell of jasmine and vanilla and the sound of my voice.”

“Do you want me to touch myself?” 

“That is entirely up to you, you can do whatever you want and you don’t even have to tell me. I just want you to feel good, sweetheart.”

“I wish you were here right now.”

“Me, too, beautiful. But why don’t I tell you how often I think about you, and you do whatever feels good, alright?” He paused for a second, but the line remained quiet besides a breathy sigh.

“You want to know the first thing I noticed about you?
I know, most people would think it was how tall you are or how beautiful, your incredible figure or how elegantly you dress. That you have the grace of a dancer and the voice of a siren? Yeah, for me it was none of those things. Do you remember when you came into my office to thank me for helping you get hired?
The first thing I noticed about you were your eyes. There’s only been one time I’ve ever seen that same beautiful shade of green, and it was the first time my parents took me to see the ocean. It was during late fall, I couldn’t have been more than 7 or 8 at the time when they took me on a trip up to Maine. It was already too cold to do anything but sightseeing and I remember my parents arguing about it late at night after the fancy dinner I refused to eat because they made us choose the lobsters out of the tank. I remember I cried the whole way back to the hotel. My father woke me early the next day, it must have been before 5 am and it was still dark out, to go to the beach. I remember stumbling around this rocky beach in the early morning half light when I found this beautiful piece of green sea glass. I can still hear my father tell me how the wind, the tides and the waves turned it into the gorgeous piece in my hands, how before it might have been just any ordinary green bottle, but after it’s being persistently tumbled and ground it’s softened it’s edges and gained its frosted appearance and slick surface. 

And that was the first thing that popped into my mind after looking into your eyes. How you stumbled over the introduction when you told me your name, like you weren’t used to being you again, and in that moment I knew that every hardship you endured, whatever it may have been, it just made you more precious.” He audibly exhaled, listening to her labored breathing. 

“And that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. You are so beautiful and precious to me, and not despite all you have endured, but because it made you who you are. And that is who I love.”

“Ted…I am..so close.”

“What do you need, baby?”

“I don’t know…I can’t..”

“It’s ok, darling, just let go. I got you, I promise.” He heard her make a sound, something between a moan and a half-sob and then waited as the line went quiet. 

“Ted?” She finally said after a few minutes, her voice low and quiet.

“Yeah? I’m here.”

“Thanks for making me laugh.” 

He chuckled. “Anytime.”

“I think I’m in love with you.” Her voice sounded so scared, he wished he was there to wrap her tightly in his arms and to never let her go.

“I’m in love with you, too. More than you’ll ever know.”

“I’ll call you when I get home tomorrow?”

“I can’t wait. Sweet dreams, Rebecca.”

“Will you be able to sleep?”

“Maybe in a little while. I might need a minute here.” He chuckled lightly.

“Ok. Think of me?”

“Always.”

Chapter 21 Where Joy Should Reign

“Hi.” She sounded a little breathless. “I’m sorry it’s so late. I just didn’t want to not call.”

“I’m glad you did.” His voice was low and a little raspy, almost like he had just woken up.

“Ted? Were you sleeping?” 

“Just drifting, it’s ok. It’s good to hear your voice. And thanks for letting me know earlier that you landed safely. I wasn’t sure when your flight was supposed to get in, made me feel better knowing you are safely back in Kansas.”

“We can talk tomorrow if you want to go back to sleep, I’m sorry if I’m keeping you up.” She sounded unsure, her voice quiet.

“None of that! Are you ok? You sound a little blue.”

He could hear her laugh, startled and a little insecure. “It’s nothing. Keeley had to fly straight on to England, there is an event tomorrow she has to attend and I just spent the last two hours packing up the things she had left at my house to ship to her. It just felt strange to wander through my silent house picking up her things. Is it silly that I miss her already?”

“Not silly at all. I always feel weird when Henry is at sleepovers, the house is just too quiet. I’m so glad you were able to go on your trip, though. She’s a good friend.”

“The best.” She paused, the line going quiet.

“You still there?” Ted sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes. “Do you want to come over for a bit, soak up some noise?”

“That’s ok, I’m just being ridiculous, it’s not like I haven’t been alone in my house before, time to get used to it again I suppose.”

“Rebecca. I have no doubt in my mind that you are capable of being perfectly fine by yourself, all I’m saying is you don’t have to be.”

“It’s late, Ted.”

“So? Since when do you have a curfew? Or are you afraid of turning into a pumpkin? I hate to tell you, midnight has come and gone and whatever spell your fairy godmother has cast is already over.” He chuckled at his own metaphor, picturing Keeley wearing wings. “Besides, we still have so many movies on our list, I’m afraid if we don’t get started we’ll never finish them.”

“I’m a little nervous.” She audibly exhaled.

“About?”

“Seeing you.” She paused for a moment, considering her next words. “The last time we spoke on the phone I got myself off in the tub, and I know I’m being all in my head about it, but I am a little embarrassed.”

She could hear him breathing on the other side of the line. “Would it help if I told you I did the same this morning thinking about the time we did laundry together?”

This startled a laugh out of her, and he smiled. “There’s no need to be embarrassed, but I understand. Just know that I have and always will enjoy making you laugh.”

“Ted.”

“Rebecca.” He echoed her cadence perfectly, making her giggle. “Please come over. I promise it will be a somber cinematic evening. No funny business.”

“Ok.”

______

She pulled up at his house about 20 minutes later, wrapping herself tightly in the jacket she had hastily grabbed on her way out the door, the cold chill in the air making her shiver.

He opened the door and ushered her in, closing it quickly behind them. 

“Hey there, look what the wind blew in!” He quibbed, but his face turned serious when he saw her shiver again. “You ok?” 

“Yes, I’m fine, sorry I just can’t seem to get warm, I’ll have to get used to winter again after my short escape into the sun.” She chuckled a little laugh while wrapping her arms tightly around herself.

He pulled her close, engulfing her completely, her arms pinned by his body. 

“Wow, you do feel like an icicle! Let’s get you inside and all warmed up!” Rubbing her arms for warmth he walked her over to the couch, releasing his hold on her while gently pushing her down, pulling a quilt around her.

“Let me make you some of that chamomile tea my mom brought me last time I had a sore throat. Who would’ve thought that would ever find a use in this household?” 

Ted was already in the kitchen filling the kettle when he heard her laughingly protest, defending tea and its many benefits. He smiled to himself as he prepared her tea, digging through his cabinets for the hidden tub of shortbread cookies he had stashed there earlier today.

When he returned to the living room he found her curled up on the sofa, her impossibly long legs folded in a way that simultaneously impressed him while making his hips hurt just by looking at her. Her eyes were shut, and he couldn’t help himself but pause for a minute as he was setting down her cup, watching her lashes flutter.

He ran his fingers tenderly through her hair, brushing a stray strand away from her forehead, startling her. “Hey sleeping beauty, I got your tea.”

She sat up, rubbing her eyes, giving him an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, I think you made me too cozy with your blanket and…”, she trailed off, “wait, are those biscuits?”

“Yes. Keeley told me they’re your favorite, so I’ve been trying to get them right.” He gave her a smile. “Go ahead, take a nibble. I think I finally cracked the recipe.”

She tentatively took a little bite, the shortbread melting in her mouth. “Fuck me, these are good! You made these??” 

“Sure did!” He lifted her feet gently in his lab, tucking the blanket around them as he sat next to her, telling her about his day, watching her sip her tea. The whole moment felt so domestic it made his chest ache and he paused, a wistful smile playing on his face. She interrupted his reverie with a loud yawn, covering her mouth immediately with an expression so shocked, it made both of them laugh.

“Looks like neither one of us has it in us to sit through a movie tonight, how about you finish your tea while I find you something comfy to wear?” She shot him a slightly confused look, but he bent down to place a gentle kiss on her forehead, telling her there was no way he would send her out into the cold to go home tonight unless she insisted.

She contemplated this for a moment and then gave him a slight nod, setting her cup down and followed him upstairs. It was a little awkward at first, she could hear him opening and shutting drawers as she entered his bedroom, he seemed a little flustered as he handed her a pair of flannel sleep pants so impossibly soft, she was already trying to come up with a plan to smuggle these out of the house with her tomorrow. He pointed her to the bathroom, admitting sheepishly that he didn’t have a spare toothbrush but that she was welcome to use his if she wanted. She just shrugged, telling him that they were past the point of worrying about such things, watching delighted as a slight blush rose up his neck. 

She took her time in the bathroom, washing her face and folding her clothes carefully, mindful that she would have to put them back on in the morning. He had also included a grey t-shirt with the pajama pants, but she was not brave enough to wear it braless in front of him, choosing to keep on her black cami instead. It might get a little chilly, but she was willing to take her chances. 

He must have used the bathroom down the hall because by the time she came back to the bedroom he was already in bed, jokingly telling her he was warming it up for her. He turned over to switch off the light on his nightstand when she slipped under the covers, bathing the room in darkness. She heard him rustling with the sheets for a moment as he laid back down and then silence. 

“Ted?” She couldn’t help but whisper, feeling a little like a kid at sleep-away camp.

“Hmm?” He turned over, trying to make out her expression in the dark. She hesitantly moved towards him, resting her head against his shoulder. “Is this ok?”

“Of course, come here.” She could hear the smile in his voice as he put his arm around her, pulling her close as he pressed a tender kiss into her hairline. “Sweet dreams darlin’.”

______

He woke up to her completely wrapped around him, their legs entangled, her arm around his waist and face pressed against his chest so closely, he could feel her warm breath through his shirt. She sighed in her sleep when he tried to carefully disentangle himself from her hold, painfully aware of his erection straining against her stomach, but she pulled him even closer, rubbing her nose adorably against his chest. He shut his eyes again, knowing that the moment where he would have to release her from his embrace would come soon enough.

He must have fallen asleep again because the next thing he remembered was Henry barreling into his room, launching himself into bed with them while chatting up a storm about Ted sleeping in before realizing they were not alone. Rebecca recovered before either one of them, pulling Henry into a hug and proclaiming how much she had missed him. Without missing a beat, she started telling him about her trip, and the Christmas present that was waiting downstairs in her car for Henry, distracting him enough that Ted climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom. When he returned, Rebecca and Henry were snuggled together under the blankets, muttering in  conspiratorial whispers about the Harry Potter books he’d received from Santa—a sight that made him want to climb back into bed and stay there with them forever.

“Are you here to spend the day with us?” Henry was clearly on a mission to get Rebecca to commit to whatever plan they had been hatching before he walked in.

She shook her head sadly, telling him that she had a lot of errands to run now that she was back. 

“But you’re staying for breakfast? Nana had me come up here to keep you busy so she could take her hot rollers out before coming back over.”

Ted paused. “Wait, you knew Rebecca was here and told your grandma?”

Henry just shrugged, a confused smile on his face. “I thought she was in the guest room, I saw her shoes downstairs. But this is snugglier.”

Ted audibly groaned. “Well, I better get started on cooking the breakfast you just invited our guest to.” And with a dramatic head toss, he went downstairs, leaving Rebecca and Henry giggling upstairs.

A few minutes after his father left Henry turned to Rebecca with a measured look. “Can I tell you something?”

Rebecca sat up in bed. “Of course. You can tell me anything.”

“I think there’s something wrong with me.” Henry said it so quietly, she thought for a moment she’d misheard him.

“What do you mean, darling? Are you not feeling well?” She gave him a concerned look, but he just shook his head.

“No, but I have an appointment next Thursday and Stevie said only crazy people go to see shrinks.” 

“Oh Hen, why are you talking to Stevie and not your dad about this? You know he likes to wind you up. Can I tell you something about me?”

He nodded earnestly and she pulled him in for another hug. “I have been seeing a psychologist for the better part of a decade, so you know at least one person who is not “crazy” that’s going to a shrink.” She mimicked air quotes around the word crazy, making him giggle.

“What’s a decade and why do you go?” He was playing with the edge of the blanket, not meeting her eye.

“Hmm, a decade is a measurement of time—one decade is ten years. As to why I go, well sometimes your story gets mixed up into the stories of all the people around you and it’s nice to talk to someone who is outside of it all, whose job it is to give professional advice to keep you on track without you worrying that they only tell you something because they feel like they should, or it’s what you want to hear. They can share their experiences of similar situations and help explain why you might feel a certain way about something and how to help you process it.” She paused, contemplating. “It’s also nice to be able to tell someone how you are feeling without having to worry about hurting their feelings or saying something wrong. I think everybody would benefit from talking to a psychologist at points in their lives. It’s a little like getting your car checked, making sure everything runs as well as it should.”

“You really think so? So I’m not crazy?” He rested his head against her side, still not making eye contact.

“Yes, I really think so. And there is definitely nothing wrong with you. I don’t like the term crazy, every single person struggles with emotional problems, some more than others. Being sad or anxious doesn’t make you crazy, it just means you need help feeling better. Can I ask you a question?”

“Okay.”

“Why is Stevie your best friend when he is sometimes so unkind to you?” 

He just shrugged. “I dunno, he’s fun.”

“Have you talked about how he hurts your feelings sometimes with him?”

“No!” He looked at her in shock. “He would laugh at me so hard.”

“And do you think that’s something a good friend does? Maybe think about how you would like your friends to treat you and what we could do to make that happen?”

“Ok.” He gave her a big grin. “I’m so glad you’re back! I missed you!!” He gave her another bear hug, making her laugh. 

“Hey Hen? Do you want me to come over after your appointment on Thursday for some fun with the Christmas surprise downstairs, give you something to look forward to afterwards?”

“Yes, please!! Can we go get it?” He was already out of bed and halfway out of the room. 

“Sure, give me a minute to put on some clothes.” 

______

She came downstairs after getting dressed, trying to assume a casual air like this was something they did, sleepovers and breakfast in last night's clothes. A part of her started chiding herself almost immediately, reminding her of the boundaries she had set for them, worrying about having to explain herself to his family, about being judged. It was ridiculous of course, they were both adults, and her mind couldn’t conjure up a scenario of her being questioned by his mother no matter how hard she tried. So she silenced the voice and stepped into the kitchen, watching Henry dancing around the island with a stack of plates, Ted standing in front of the stove scrambling eggs, his back to her telling Henry to be careful. 

She stood in the door frame for a moment taking it all in, it seemed surreal, like she was looking into a possible future, but before she could really process how she felt being in this moment with them a pair of arms wrapped around her waist, spinning her around. Margaret hugged her tightly, wishing her a happy new year and told her how glad she was to see her. Rebecca blushed a little at that, but Margaret just waved her off, giving her a gentle push into the room.

Margaret bustled past her, muttering to herself that she hoped the sheets in the spare bedroom were fresh, to which Henry happily replied that Rebecca hadn’t slept in the spare room, giving her pause.

“Henry Theodore Lasso, I hope you knocked before you burst into your fathers bedroom!”

Henry gave her a puzzled look. “No? Why would I knock?”

There was a moment of awkward silence between the adults as Henry gave them looks, trying to work out what was going on. Fortunately the eggs were done, so Ted distracted Henry with helping him to plate the food, giving his mother such a deer-in-the-headlights look, both women burst into laughter.

They ate in amicable silence, Henry dominating the conversation with excited rambles about the things he got for Christmas and by trying to guess what the surprise from Rebecca might be. Ted had put his foot down, saying the present had to wait until after they had eaten. Henry’s plate was barely empty when he shot out of his seat like an arrow, begging Ted to be excused and asking if it was time yet.

Rebecca took pity on the kid and picked up her car keys, telling Ted to leave her cup while walking towards the door, reaching for her shoes. He put the plate he was holding down, asking if she needed help with a look she couldn’t quite read. Giving him a little nod, they both went outside, him taking hold of her arm, stilling her as soon as the door closed behind them.

“I’m sorry about all of that. I…” He stopped, unsure how to continue. She just gave him a smile, telling him it was alright, reminding him that he was the one inviting her over to “soak up some noise” with such an uncanny impression of his accent he couldn’t help but laugh. 

“I know we can be a bit much in the morning, or come to think about the afternoon, or anytime, really.” He rambled on, but she put her fingers to his lips, shaking her head. 

“You could never be too much for me. I love your family, I’m just afraid we have shocked your mother with our sleepover.” She gave him an impish grin but he just laughed, saying he will definitely think about installing a lock on his door.

“For next time?” 

“Are you flirting with me, Ms. Welton? How shocking! Let’s get this present out of your car before we get caught again in a compromising situation by my nosy kid.”

“He told me about his appointment next week.” She gave him a searching look. “He seemed nervous about it, so I offered to come over that night to help with the present he’s about to receive.”

He surprised her by pulling her into a crushing hug, pressing his lips to her neck. “Thank you. I…, Rebecca..”

“Hey,” she gently rubbed her hands up his back. “It's ok. I’m glad to do it.” She released him, opening her trunk and handing him a large wrapped box. “Be good and take that in for me? I’ll get Margaret’s from the front seat.” 

By the time she made it back into the house, Henry was already busy ripping the paper, so she turned to Margaret with a smile, handing her several yards of a beautifully patterned red fabric, telling her about having found it in Mexico in a little shop while out sightseeing with Keeley.

This earned her another hug from Ted's mother, the latter being so touched by the gesture, words failed her. They were interrupted by Henry’s loud cheer when he finally got the box free out of the wrapping, yelling loudly that he had been hoping it was another LEGO set, beside himself with joy at the Hogwarts castle he was holding. He flung himself around Rebecca, pressing his face into her stomach, telling her a muffled thank you. 

“Ok, Henry, let Rebecca breathe, by golly, kid!” Ted came to her rescue, peeling the kid off her like a band aid and setting him back on his feet, telling him to clean up the paper. They stood looking at each other for a moment, before Rebecca broke the silence, telling him in an apologetic tone that she hadn’t gotten him anything.

“It’s alright. I think I already got my present last night.” He gave her a smile, trying to ignore his mother loudly clearing her throat in the background.

Rebecca blushed, telling him she better head on home, giving his arm a squeeze. He followed her, holding the screen door open for her when she leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to his cheek. “Thanks for the noise. I haven’t slept this well in weeks.” 

“Anytime.”

______

RW Hey, what are you doing Thursday night?

CB Hate to tell you this, bestie, but I don’t like you that way.

CB Besides, Ted is my friend, would seem cruel to start dating you now. 

RW You’re funny, you should be on television. But seriously, are you free?

CB Depends on what we’re talking here

RW Hen has his therapist appointment. I’m going over to spend some time with him.

RW  I was wondering if Ted might appreciate your taciturn presence. 

CB I’ll drive. Let me know where and when to pick you up.

______

TL We’re just leaving her office, should be home in 30 min.

RW How’s Hen?

TL Quiet. But he asked if you were still coming over.

RW Beard and I will be there in an hour.

RW  Ted? 

TL Yeah?

RW it’s going to be ok. Do you want us to pick up pizza on the way?

TL Pizza sounds good. I’ll place an order for us at Grimaldi’s.

RW Beard knows where this is?

TL Yes. See you in an hour.

______

Margaret opened the door when they got to the house, ushering them wordlessly into the kitchen. Beard set the pizza on the counter with an expectant look on his face but Margaret just shook her head, saying nobody really felt like sitting down to eat. Beard scoffed, grabbed a box and walked out, Margaret pointing him toward the garage with a knowing smile.

“How are you, and where’s Henry?” Rebecca reached for Margaret’s hand, holding it tight. 

“I’m ok, glad it's done. He took it better than I thought, but went straight up to his room. I don’t know. I hope we did the right thing. I’m glad you’re here, dear. I think I’m going to lay down, just knock on my door if you need anything.” 

“Ok. Are you sure you don’t want to eat anything before?” Rebecca pulled her into a side hug, concern etched on her face.

“No, I really couldn’t. Thank you for picking up something to eat, though. It’ll keep, don’t worry.” She walked over towards her door, giving Rebecca a tired smile. “I’m so glad he found you. You are a godsend, Rebecca.”

“Takes one to know one, Margaret. Sleep well, and if you need anything, let us know.”

Rebecca went back into the kitchen to plate two slices of Henry’s favorite pizza and climbed the stairs apprehensively, unsure what was waiting for her as she gently tapped the door, waiting for the boy to call her in.

He was sitting on the floor, the LEGOs already out of the box, little bags all over the floor.

“Hey Henry, I brought you pizza.” She sat down the plate gently on his desk, waiting for him to respond.

“Thanks.” His voice was quiet. “I’m not really hungry.”

“Yeah, me, neither.” She kneeled down next to him, picking up the LEGO instructions. 

“You want to get started or just sort the bricks for now?”

He shrugged his shoulders, looking straight ahead. Rebecca scooted a little closer to him, pretending to make room on the floor while sitting cross-legged on the carpet. “We don’t have to do anything, Henry. Do you want me to wait downstairs for a little while?”

“No! Please stay.” He leaned over, resting his head on her knee. “Do we have to talk?”

“We do not, unless you want to.” She handed him the first bag, opening the instructions. “Ready?”

They worked beside each other in silence for a while, Henry’s head still resting against Rebecca until she felt him sit up and turn towards her.

“Did you know about my mom being sick?” He scrutinized her for a moment but averted his eyes when she looked up, focusing his eyes on her hands holding one of the pieces.

“Yes, I knew. Your dad told me a couple of weeks ago.” 

“Was that why you stopped coming over?” He was looking at her again, waiting for her to speak.

“It wasn’t the only reason, but yes, it had something to do with why I stopped coming over for a little while.” She cleared her throat. “I know this might not make you feel better, but your dad was struggling with a number of things, and we all decided that it was time to tell you the truth, that you were old enough to understand.”

“I don’t really remember her, or what she looked like.” Henry was back to turning over the bricks in his hands. “I thought she was dead when I was little because dad always got so sad when someone brought her up.” He released a sigh. “But then Stevie told me he had heard his mom talking to a friend saying that my dad was still looking for her and that he should just stop and move on. She said that my mom never wanted to have a kid or a family and it was for the best if everyone just accepted that.” He was quiet for a moment. “I hated her for that. For not wanting us. For making dad sad. For just leaving.”

She reached out and pulled him into her lap, holding him close. 

“I hated her and she couldn’t help that she was sick, I thought she just left us!” He sniffed, trying to hold in his tears, but Rebecca just kept rubbing his back, rocking them gently. 

“It’s a hard thing to tell someone. I think your dad hadn’t given up hope that she would get better and come home. I think in his own way he wasn’t ready to admit to himself what was really going on. I do know he never meant to hurt you by not telling you the whole story.”

Henry let out another sniffle. “I know. I’m not mad at him. I’m just mad. It’s not fair that she got sick and everybody is sad and I don’t have a mother because of it.”

“It’s not fair. I’m sorry Hen.” They sat for a moment like this, just holding on to each other.

“It feels weird being sad about this since she’s been gone for as long as I remember. Do you think I’m being silly because I’m upset?”

“No. I think I would be upset, too. It’s ok to be mad at the world for a little, because sometimes life really isn't fair. Just make sure that the people that love you know it’s not them you’re angry with. I know your dad was really worried about you not forgiving him for not telling you before.”

“Can we wait for a little while before I go tell him?” Henry snuggled closer to her, burying his face against her neck.

“Yes, we can wait a moment, but would you mind telling me why?” She ran her hands gently through his hair, brushing it back so she could look at his face.

“I like cuddling with you.”

She gave him a warm smile. “I like cuddling with you, too. But while we are here all snug I think your dad is outside feeling terrible about hurting you. So if you are not mad at him, I would really like for us to tell him, so he can feel better and then we can go back to cuddling? Maybe we can read part of one of your new books snuggled up in bed?”

“Okay. And maybe eat some pizza?”

Absolutely!” She helped him to his feet and got up, careful not to step on any LEGOs, taking his hand and the plate with the untouched pizza and walked them carefully downstairs. She found Beard in the kitchen preheating the oven, shaking his head at her when she raised an eyebrow in question.

“Is he still out there? Would you heat up Hen’s slices so he can eat?” Beard nodded, taking the plate from her. 

“Come on buddy, let's get this dinner started.”

______

She found him outside on the porch sitting on the swing with a bottle of Coors light in his hand, looking across the yard with a faraway expression that made her ache for him. She sat down next to him, taking the bottle from his hand and taking a sip, suppressing a shudder. 

“Beer not your favorite?” He still wasn’t looking at her. “How is he?”

“It’s a charitable thing calling this swill “beer,” but no, it’s not my drink of choice. He’s inside eating and I think he would like to talk to you in a few minutes, if you like.”

Ted hummed at that, taking back his beer and taking a long pull. “Got any tips for me?”

“Keep being honest with him. Make sure he knows how much you love him. Let him say what he needs to say so you can move past this.”

“Thank you for coming out tonight, Rebecca. I’m not sure I’ve told you yet how much I appreciate you talking to him, helping him feel safe.”

“It’s my pleasure. You know how much I love you both. And this is good, I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but in the end I think you will be glad you did this.”

“You might be right.” He took another sip. “I just feel like I failed him. I know, I know. That’s just how it feels.”

 “I’m sorry, Ted. I wish there was something I could do.” She ran her fingers over the stubble of his cheek, tracing his face carefully like she was trying to commit it to memory. 

“Remember our New Year’s Eve kiss? Would it be ok if I cashed in that rain check right now?”

She gave him a searching look and then leaned in to gently touch her lips to his. Wrapping his arms around her waist he lifted her onto his lap, tilting his head to deepen their kiss. She could taste his tears when she traced his lips with her tongue and almost pulled away, but he leaned further into her, chasing her lips with his mouth hungrily. She ran her fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp lightly with her nails, feeling more than hearing him release a content sound from deep within as he licked into her mouth, meeting her tongue in a gentle probing caress that made her shiver into his embrace. 

She pulled away after a minute, out of breath and overwhelmed, holding his face between her palms, scrutinized him. They were interrupted by a discreet cough, startling them apart, as a slightly uncomfortable looking Beard called out from the front door that he was going to head out, asking if Rebecca needed a ride home.

“What do you say you go inside, talk to Henry and eat something while I have Beard take me back to my car so I can come back out? I promised Henry some more cuddles.”

“Ok.” He still sounded out of breath, looking up at her as he gently released his hold on her. “Where do I sign up for some cuddles?”

She leaned down, resting her forehead against his. “I’ll be back in a little while, just hear him out, ok?”

“Yes, ma'am.” He smiled at her, and she leaned in again, kissing his nose. 

“I’ll let Henry know I’m coming back. See you inside in a minute?” With that she turned around and went back into the house. Ted rose slowly to his feet, his knees protesting after sitting so long outside in the cold. He stopped to give Beard a hug, thanking him for coming out to help, but Beard just waved him off, telling him he didn’t get a chance to do much, besides, heated kisses between friends just wasn’t his style. Ted raised his eyebrows at that, but couldn’t help but give him an embarrassed little shrug .

“I know I've said it before but I’m being serious Ted, if you don’t marry that woman, I will.” Beard gave him a pat on the shoulder, turning just in time to Rebecca coming up behind them, wryly saying that it’s good to know that she had options, making Ted bark out a startled laugh that was probably a little louder than the comment truly warranted. 

“I’ll see you in a little bit, ok?” She squeezed his arm and got into Beard’s truck.

“I can’t wait.”

Chapter 22 The Space Between

She was quiet in the car on their way back to her house, looking out of the passenger window of Beards truck, lost in thought. Beard cleared his throat audibly, but she just sighed and turned her head away.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

“Pretty sure you don’t.” He gave her a measured look. “But hey, all joking aside, we’re friends, right?”

“Of course.” She still wasn’t looking at him.

“So…can I be honest with you?”

“Can you?” Her eyes started to gravitate towards him, but she stopped herself, staring at her hands in her lap. He didn’t answer, so she eventually just sighed, telling him to go ahead and say what he needed to say.

“I’m worried about you.”

Whatever she thought he would say, this wasn’t it. “You’re worried about me? Why?” She gave him a surprised side glance, unsure how to react.

“Without knowing the whole story I think I am safe in assuming that in your previous relationships their wants often eclipsed your needs, and don’t ask me how I know this, I just do, alright? We are alike that way. I know you have set boundaries with Ted and I’m not trying to get involved in your business, but I can’t help but be worried that you are putting him first in this and I just want to check in with you. And you can tell me to mind my own business, but are you? Okay I mean?” 

She just sighed again.

“Rebecca.” Beard pulled up into her driveway. “Don’t act like I don’t know what I am talking about, I was there in the parking lot after Henry’s concert. And I know that Ted is a good man, but right now he can’t see past his own needs. And please tell me to shut up, but before your trip you were concerned about being alone in a room with him and now I’m walking up to him kissing you and asking for cuddles?” 

She exhaled loudly. “He came over that night, after the Christmas concert, did he tell you that?”

“He did not.”

“And, it’s hard to explain, but we decided whatever we were going through was hard enough already, there was no point to go through it alone. So, we’ve been talking every day since that night, and it has helped me. And maybe that doesn’t make any sense, but supporting him in this has helped me deal with some of my own insecurities, fears and avoidances. I’ve been talking about it with my therapist and she agrees that we need to define our relationship based on what we are both comfortable with and I think the closer we get to his divorce being finalized the more comfortable I am getting with allowing myself to want this. So, to answer your question, yes I am ok. It’s a lot, but I’m ok.”

“Okay. You know you can talk to me, right? I’m not trying to fit you for a chastity belt, I promise, but if you ever need to talk or hit a couple of balls out of the park? I got you.”

She gave him a smile. “I do. Thanks, Beard.” 

He gave her a long measured look. “Call me Chris.”

—---

She ended up taking a quick shower, changing into a pair of comfortable leggings and an oversized knit sweater afterwards. Putting her hair in a messy bun, she decided to forgo reapplying her make up, settling for a tinted moisturizer and a bit of mascara. It felt good to challenge herself to let go of the standard of perfection she had forced herself into in the past, to allow him to see her the way she was without having to worry about being rejected or belittled. The more she felt the absence of this fear, the more she realized how much of her married life had been dictated by Rupert with his impossible expectations, unavoidable scorn and his loaded silences. She still caught herself from time to time looking up as if seeking approval or worse, permission, before ordering dessert or cocktails in public, or trying to not smile too broadly, not to laugh too loudly. 

Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror made her pause, giving her reflection a big toothy grin. She was in love with a wonderful man and it felt like the biggest act of self care she had yet allowed herself to achieve. She was happy and what was more important, she knew that she deserved her happiness, and for the first time in a long while it didn’t feel like defiance. It felt like freedom.

—---

She was back at his house before she knew it, knocking softly before stepping inside. She found Ted in the kitchen transferring cookies to a cooling rack, humming quietly under his breath. He startled a little when she stepped up behind him, trying to sneak a cookie by him, but he tsked her, asking her playfully if she’d eaten dinner yet.

“No, and I’m starving.” She gave him a big-eyed pout and he relented, handing her the cookie.

“Fine. Do you want me to warm up some pizza for you?”

“Yes, please.” She broke off a piece of the cookie, licking the melted chocolate off her fingers and paused, waiting for him to meet her eyes. “How are you?”

He busied himself with putting two slices of leftover pizza in the still warm oven before giving her a tentative smile. “Better. He’s in the tub right now, so why don’t you eat so you can have cuddles and story time as soon as he’s out?”

“Ok. You talked to him?” 

“I did.” They were interrupted by a notification going off on his phone, him turning from her while silencing it before busying himself again with the cooling racks. “Let’s get some food into your stomach before story time.”

“Ted…” 

“No, I’m ok, I promise, just still processing. Can we talk about it later?” He was still facing away from her, so she stepped up behind him after setting a timer on her phone and putting it on the counter next to his hand.

“5 minutes.” She wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling his back towards her chest. “Come on, breathe with me.”

He exhaled a shaky breath, closed his eyes and leaned back into her.

“You don’t have to do this.” There was a slight tremble in his voice, betraying the complicated mix of emotions currently churning within him.

“I know I don’t have to. I want to. Be here with me now, Ted. Just breathe.” He turned his face, trying to read her expression, but she just pulled him closer while leaning her temple against his forehead. She could feel him exhale deeply, his breath ghosting against her skin while he relaxed back into her. She ran her hands tenderly over his chest, inhaling deeply, her chest rising and pushing against his back. A smile ghosted across her features when she felt him inhale with her, their breathing in sync. Her hands came to rest over his stomach, rubbing in gentle circles while tightening her arms around him. He ran his hands down her arms and tangled his fingers with hers, wrapping himself in her embrace. 

“This is nice.” He nuzzled his face into the space behind her ear, breathing her in before leaning his head back against her. “How are you?”

“Hungry.” This startles a quiet laugh out of him, but she just tightens her hold on him, running her thumbs over the backs of his hands. “I’m fine. Beard expressed concerns about how he found us outside on the way home.”

“Oh?” He leaned forward slightly, giving her a searching look before relaxing back against her. “I’m glad he’s looking out for you. Can I ask what you told him?”

“He promised that he won't try and fit me with a chastity belt and told me to call him Chris.” She smiled when she saw his face.

“I’m not gonna pretend that I didn’t wish I could've been a fly on the wall during that conversation, but don’t think for a minute you can distract me with the image of Beard attempting that or him actually dropping his first name. It’s ok if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“That’s not it at all, I just wanted to make you smile. I told him we have been talking about our relationship and boundaries during my vacation and decided we are happier working through things together.” 

“Will you tell me if all of this becomes too much? Please?” His eyes were closed, his voice almost a whisper.

“I promise that you, your family or anything connected to them or you will never be too much. Never ever, ok? I need you to hear me on this, please.”

She could feel him sigh, his back pressing into her upon his forced exhale. They stood like this for a moment until the loud chime of her phone startled them apart.

“Ted, I…”

He just gave her a crooked smile. “Time’s up, sweetcakes. We better feed you before Henry gets down here!”

As on cue they could hear someone stomping down the stairs, so Ted turned to the stove to get her slices out of the oven. “Just hope they didn’t burn.” He pulled the pan out of the oven, transferring the pizza onto a plate. “Will you look at that? Perfect!”

She gave him another long look, thanking him with a nod, but they were interrupted by Henry’s excited shout about the cookies, stopping dead in his tracks when he saw Rebecca sitting at the kitchen island.

“I knew you’d be back! Can I have a cookie before we go read my book? Can Rebecca tuck me in?” He looked at Ted expectantly. “Please?”

“Yes, you can have a cookie, please give Rebecca a chance to finish her pizza. And, hey, don’t forget to brush your teeth after, alright young man?”

Henry rolled his eyes, but nodded. He climbed up on the stool next to Rebecca after claiming his cookie, munching on it while giving her a side glance. “Are you guys having another sleepover? Can we go out for waffles in the morning?” 

This startled a surprised sound out of Ted, him not quite succeeding in masking it as a cough, but she just smiled.

“Afraid not, Hen, but why don’t you go upstairs and get comfortable and I’ll be right up?” She gave the boy an encouraging smile as she watched him walk out of the room slowly, looking back and forth between her and Ted as if he was trying to gauge their mood. 

Ted rubbed his hand across his face. “Yeah, I know. I probably should talk to him about that. Wow, this day just keeps on giving. Can we pick this up later? Please?”

“Ok.” Rebecca drew a deep breath. “Maybe one thing at a time? But I do think it might be better for me to go home tonight.”

He sighed deeply. “You’re probably right.”

______

Henry didn’t even make it past the second page of the book, the day had clearly worn him out. She leaned down and brushed his hair away from his forehead tenderly, overcome with the fierce and irrational desire to protect him, no matter what and how.

She sat on his bed for a while, watching him and letting his even breathing soothe her. She was startled by Ted clearing his throat, his silhouette back-lit by the light coming in from the hall. He gestured for her to join him, his finger pressed to his lips. She carefully moved out of  Henry's loose embrace, freezing momentarily when he shifted, but thankfully didn't wake. 

They walked down the stairs as quietly as possible and she followed Ted into the kitchen, shaking her head slightly at him offering her a drink.

“I know you’re worried about what he said, but I already talked to him once about us just being really good friends, and for him it’s not that weird to have a sleepover with your pals. Please don’t worry about it, alright?” He gave her a shy smile. “And that’s literally all it was the last time you stayed. We were both fully clothed when he burst into my room, he didn’t see anything that could be confusing to him. Just two friends sleeping in the same bed.”

“Ok.” Rebecca exhaled. “I just don’t want to add even more to everything else that’s been going on.”

“Look, it’s not going to be a bad thing, I promise. And if he asks, I will tell him honestly that we are in a relationship. There is no reason to complicate things, he already knows that I love you, but I will have to eventually talk to him about boundaries and privacy, but I don’t think his comment is all that alarming. Truly.” 

“So, if he asks?” She didn’t meet his eye.

“We will answer honestly all the questions he might have. Rebecca, we’re not doing anything wrong here.”

“You are still married to his mother. I’m worried what he thinks of the overlap of finding me in your bed and learning a week later that his parents are still married.”

He exhaled. “Rebecca, he’s 9 and he knows his mother has been gone for most of his life. I have explained to him what it means that I am legally separated from his mom with our divorce pending and being finalized in 3 weeks. ” He stepped closer to her, gently lifting her face with the tips of his fingers, trying to meet her eye. “What can I do to make you feel better about this?”

“I don’t know.” She gave him a tentative smile. “Build a time machine?”

“I’ll get right on that.” He stepped back, returning her smile. “You sure you don’t want to stay?”

“I’m sure. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

______

CB When is the court date again?

TL Tomorrow at 11:30 am

CB You sure you don’t want someone there with you?

TL Yes. I’ll call you after. 

TL Shouldn’t take long. 

CB If you change your mind, I’m here. 

CB Ted?

TL Yes?

CB It’s going to be alright. How’s Rebecca holding up?

TL I think she’s waiting for the next shoe to drop.

TL With everything that’s been happening, I can’t blame her. 

TL Henry made a comment about our sleepover, I think it rattled her more than she admits

CB Sleepover? 

TL Long story. You check on her tomorrow?

CB Obviously. 

TL Thanks. Wish me luck.

______

Rebecca smiled when she saw Beard the next morning waiting in her parking spot with his hands full of to-go cups and a pastry bag. 

“Hey there stranger. What’s with the long face?” He gave her a big smile. “No caffeine in you yet? Let’s fix that.” He handed her one of the cups and followed her into the building.

“Oh, are we having breakfast together this morning? I’m afraid I have a pretty full morning and meetings until the early afternoon, a few I know you are also scheduled to attend?” She gave him a side glance and took a sip of her tea. “Bless you for getting me this. I did not sleep at all last night.”

“Yeah, I figured, I’ll get outta your hair here in a minute.” He opened the pastry bag. “I got you a danish. You wanna have lunch with me and Roy later?”

She gave him another look. “You’re not going to the courthouse with him?”

“No. He wanted to go alone.” Beard sighed. “So I’m doing the next best thing and making sure you eat. I’ve had my eye on the best friend of the year trophy for a while, this year I am making it happen!” He looked at her expectantly, but she just gave him a wry smile. “You are a good friend Chris. We are very lucky to have you.”

Now that’s the spirit! We have to work a little on your delivery sounding a bit more enthusiastic, but this I can work with. I am a coach after all.”

She gave him a little laugh, but he just frowned and told her to stop coddling him. “I know it’s a difficult day for you both. Let me help.”

“Fine. I’ll see you at noon in the cafeteria?”

He made a face. “No way are you getting me to eat that garbage. Oh you are in for a treat, bestie, and before you try anything, I’m driving. See you at noon in front of my truck.”

He gave her a look, contemplating. “Do you need a hug? Because I’m pretty sure I could make Roy give you one at lunch.”

This got him an honest giggle. “That trophy is as good as yours, Beard. Just keep this up and tell Roy he’s off the hook. I’ll see you at lunch.”

“You got it bestie.”

______

Ted left the courthouse feeling strangely off kilter, for all the waiting and worrying he had invested into the situation it seems strangely anticlimactic to leave the building only 45 minutes later with a paper stating his marriage was dissolved and sole custody of Henry has been appointed to him. He stood on the steps blinking in the bright cold sunlight, shaking hands with his attorney and thanking him, unsure what to do now that it was all said and done. 

It turned out he hadn’t needed to call any witnesses, there were some notarized statements from Kim in her the capacity as a social worker, and the police officer handling Michelle’s disappearance in the early days was kind enough to come in and offer to give testimony, but in the end it was signed, stamped and done without delay.

He was so lost in thought, it startled him when someone grabbed his elbow, spinning him around.

“Ted! I was calling you, did you not hear me?” Kim sounded a bit out of breath.

“Hey there, and no, sorry about that. Afraid you missed it. Did I tell you the wrong time?” Ted tilted his head at her in question, trying to read her expression.

“No, I’m sorry I am late. I was wondering if you could come with me?” 

“Sure, is everything ok?” Ted furrowed his brow. “Did the school call? I didn’t tell Henry that the court date was today, but the kid has a way of finding things out…”

She interrupted his rambling by putting her hand on his arm, giving him a reassuring squeeze.

“Henry is fine, I didn’t mean to scare you. But I do need to talk to you.”

“Alright.” He nodded as she steered him towards a coffee shop across the street, never letting go of his arm. 

“Look Ted, there really isn’t an easy way to say this, but remember when we started the paperwork to get Michelle insurance through the state? She put a PO box as her address on the forms and I have over the years sporadically written to her, but never received an answer nor have my letters been returned. I called the post office, but all they could tell me was that the mailbox was active and paid for  in cash annually. When you told me you filed I decided to give it one last shot and mailed her the announcement with the scheduled court date. I know I should have told you, but I wasn’t even sure she was still in touch with whomever the box belonged to. This morning when I was ready to leave to meet you downtown I found her sitting outside my house.”

Ted gave Kim a confused look. “Her?”

Kim just nodded her head towards a table in the back of the shop. “Michelle.”

Ted froze for a moment and then crossed the room in three large strides as he locked eyes with the woman rising slowly from the booth Kim had indicated. 

“Michelle?”

“Hi Teddy.” 

He stood rooted in place for what felt like an eternity, all color drained from his face, until he felt Kim taking his arm gently and pushing him down into the booth.

“Why don’t you sit down and I’ll fill you in on what Chelle and I’ve been talking about in the last two hours.” Kim scooted in next to him, taking one of his cold, clammy hands between hers and giving him a concerned smile. “I know it’s a lot, but I need you to breathe, Ted.”

He exhaled a shaky breath, his eyes never leaving the woman sitting across from him as a bit of  color slowly returned to his cheeks. She looked older and like someone who had not always had an easy life, but when she gave him a tentative smile across the table it was without a doubt his wife, or now ex-wife he automatically corrected himself.

Kim gave them both a moment to take a breath and continued.“I told you that I had sent her the information for the court appointment today and she mistook it for a summons. She was going to leave after I explained to her that she did not need to appear in court unless she didn’t want the dissolution of the marriage to proceed, but I convinced her to sit down and talk with you. I think it would help you both.”

Ted ran his hand through his hair, his other hand still holding on to Kim as if she was his lifeline, rubbing his face and clearing his throat.

“I’ve thought about this moment so many times in the past years, and now that I am sitting here, I don’t know what to say.”  He chuckled to himself. “It’s good to see you. We’ve been so worried about you.” 

His voice sounded a bit hoarse, so he cleared his throat and continued. “I’m so sorry about what I said to you after Henry’s first Birthday all those years ago. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long. I’m so sorry.” Tears welled up in his eyes, but he wiped them away impatiently. 

Michelle reached across the table and took his other hand, squeezing it tightly. 

“I know.” She gave him a watery smile. “You were upset. It’s ok, Teddy. I was angry at myself for a long time, too. I just couldn’t do it. I had more bad days than good ones back then, I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I kept hearing and seeing  things that scared me. I was afraid of hurting someone. I tried, Teddy, I really did. I just couldn’t do it.”

There were tears in all of their eyes now as they held onto each other's hands.

“I’m so sorry, Michelle.” Ted kept repeating these words under his breath, he seemed to be unable to do anything else. 

Kim released his hand she was still holding and gently rubbed his back. “Michelle told me she didn’t want to interrupt the proceedings because she didn’t want to endanger you receiving full custody.” 

“I’m so glad you finally filed, Teddy. You deserve to be happy. I still believe I did the right thing, I didn’t want him to grow up with all of that. He was always more yours than mine, you were always meant to be a father, and this can be a way for both of us to start over, to leave the past in the past.” Michelle looked at their clasped hands on the table. 

“I can’t believe I’m sitting here with you.” Ted ran his hand through his hair again. “It doesn’t feel real. I’m so glad you are safe. I’m just…” He scratched his forehead absentmindedly. “We’ve been talking with Henry to a counselor and it has helped us all understand better what might have been going on back then. But I have so many questions. I don’t want to scare you away, but I want you to know that if you ever want to see or hear from him, the door is always going to be open. He’s a great kid.” Thinking about Henry made him smile. “He looks just like you.”

He pulled his hand out of her grip, opened his wallet and took out Henry's last school photo, sliding it across the table at her. She took it with shaking hands and looked at it for a long moment before setting it back down and wiping her eyes. “He’s got your smile.”

“He’s got your cowlick.” Ted startled himself with a nervous laugh. “You see?” He’s pointing at the photo, trying to make her laugh. “Are you still in Indianapolis? Is there anything you need?” 

Michelle shook her head. “I went through a rough patch after I left here in 2016.” She started looking around the room, suddenly looking frightened. Kim slid out from her side of the booth and sat next to her, putting her arm around her. “Hey, it’s ok. You don’t have to get into anything that’s too hard to talk about right now. We’re just so thankful that you’re alright and here with us.”

Michelle leaned into her, closing her eyes for a moment before she continued. “I’ve been living in St. Louis for the past two years. They have a great assisted living and job placement program and it's been good. I’m happy there.” She smiled to herself quietly. “I have people there that understand what I’m going through. I’m sorry I left the way I did, but I want you to know that I’m alright.” She smiled at them both.

“We’re so glad to hear that.” Ted smiled at her warmly as she tried to slide the photo back across the table. “You can keep it if you’d like.”

“Thank you. He does look a lot like me.” She took the photo and carefully tucked it into her pocket.

“Do you want to see him?” Ted wasn’t sure if he should offer, afraid of it being too much, but she just shook her head, her expression a complicated mix of fear and longing.

“No, I couldn’t.” She looked around again, but he just covered her hand gently with his. 

“It’s ok, Michelle. You don’t have to, if you’d rather not.” Ted cleared his throat. “I moved back in with my mother, let me write down the address for you. I’d like to write to you once in a while, maybe send you some of Henry’s drawings and photos?” He looked at her. “Why don’t you think about if that’s something you’d like, and then send me your address?”

“Ok.” She smiled at him. “I will.”

“Michelle.” Ted gave her a serious look. “This is not going to be like it was back when. It’s going to be one hundred percent on your terms, I promise. We can even introduce you as an old friend of mine if you just wanted to meet him. I’m not going to make the mistake of fencing you into something you don’t want or can't be for him. I promise.” He exhaled loudly. “I made so many mistakes back then. Please give me a chance to do better.”

“It’s ok, Ted. I promise I will think about it, ok. Did the court grant you the divorce? Is it over?” She gave him a searching look.

“Yes. It’s over.”

Chapter 23 This. Here and Now. With You

CB Have you heard from him?

RW Not a word. 

CB I’m thinking about heading over to see if he’s home. 

CB He’s not answering his phone.

RW He ended his marriage today. It’s a big deal. Maybe he needs a moment.

CB Ted needs people, even when he says he doesn’t.

RW Have you tried Margaret? She might know where he is.

CB Yeah. She is taking Hen to the library, but hasn’t heard from Ted.

RW I’m about to leave work. Let me know if you hear from him.

CB Will do. How are you?

RW Honestly? I don’t know. Worried about him, mostly. Confused?

CB Not too late for a Roy hug… just sayin’

RW Stop soliciting members of your team or I will have to report you to HR 

CB Yeah yeah, you’re so scary. Might work on Nate, but I know you’re a big softie

RW I’ll let you know if I hear from him. 

CB Same. Call if you need anything.

______

She saw his car in her driveway as soon as she turned onto her street. Pulling up behind him she spotted a hunched over shape sitting on her porch steps. Apprehension started to squeeze her lungs like a vice, but she was determined to not let her worries and fears get the better of her before she knew what the situation was. She sent a quick text to Beard that she had found him outside her house and approached him carefully, trying to step into his peripheral vision to avoid startling him. She really needn’t have bothered, he was so lost in thought and his face half turned away from her that he jumped when she quietly called his name.

“Hey. Why are you sitting out here, you know you could have used my spare key!” She pulled him up by his hands and wrapped his arms around him. “God, you are freezing. How long have you been out here?”

He shrugged his shoulders in a noncommittal way, leaning into her embrace. 

“Come on, let’s get you warmed up.” She led him to her front door and after fumbling with the keys for a minute, pulled him into the house. Walking him over to her couch she pulled a blanket out of a basket and put it over his lap, turned on the fireplace and went to take off her coat and shoes, keeping a concerned eye on his slightly shivering frame.

“First things first. Why are you not answering your phone? Beard has been half crazy and worried about you!” She gave him a mock-stern look, but was visibly hiding a smirk while he squirmed in his seat, mumbling an inaudible apology before admitting that his phone had died.

“Alright, let's get it on a charger.” She gave him another long look. “Would you like me to get you something to drink?”

“Yes, water would be great.” He smiled at her sweetly, while digging through his pockets and handing her his phone. She put it onto the dock in her living room, while handing him hers. “Go ahead and use mine to give Margaret a call, there’s a good chance Beard has called her and she might like to know that you are safe.” He withered a little under her look, but she softened her words by leaning over and kissing him gently on the cheek. “It’s ok, Ted. Let’s just deal with one thing at a time.”

She went into the kitchen to get his water, brewing herself a cup of tea while she heard him speak to his mother on the phone. He joined her in the kitchen after a minute, handing her her phone back with a grateful smile.

She passed him the glass of water she had poured and leaned against the counter, sipping her tea carefully. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” She sat her cup down and turned to him.

“I do, but that’s not why I’m here. I wanted to ask you if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight? I’m going to ask Beard and Kim, too.” He ran his hands through his hair nervously. “It’s not that I want to celebrate this day or anything, but I figured I’ll get everyone together and tell you all what happened. Does that sound good?”

She gave him a concerned look. “Did something happen?”

“Yes.” He pulled her into his arms, gently running his hands soothingly across her back. “But it’s something good, I promise. Will you come over? Please?”

“Ok. What time?” She looked up at him with a questioning smile.

He pulled her closer, burying his face in her hair. “I just need to swing by the store to pick up a couple of things, so give me an half an hour head start? You could be my lovely assistant and help me cook?”

She snorted into his neck, mumbling something about giving everyone food poisoning, but he just laughed and released her with a sigh.

“I better get going before I kiss you, because if I do that, everybody will be at the house in two hours wondering where dinner and the host is.” He rubbed his nose against hers, smiling at the adorable way she scrunched it.

“What if I wanted a kiss?” She fluttered her lashes at him mischievously.

He took her wrist in his hands, pressing his open mouth to her pulse point while caressing her skin lightly with his tongue. Pulling back he playfully told her he’d never deny her anything and watched her blush with a delighted smirk. “I’ll see you soon?”

She nodded, watching him grab his keys before reminding him his phone was still docked in the living room.

“Yeah, can’t forget that.” He blew her another kiss from the door. “See you soon, darlin’.”

______

True to his word Ted put Rebecca to work as soon as she got to the house, explaining that they were running a little late and needed to hurry before everyone else got there. The tension between them had started building as soon as she walked in with him helping her out of her coat, pressing a gentle kiss to the exposed skin of her shoulder. 

He kept it up the entire time they were working side by side in the kitchen, him brushing against her as he showed her where the mixing bowls were located and gently ghosting his fingers against the exposed skin of her lower back as she reached up to grab them off a high shelf. 

“Are you trying to make me ruin this meal?” She asked a little breathless, feeling him tense beside her and back away. 

“I’m sorry, Rebecca, I’m having a bit of a hard time keeping my hands to myself.” He took another step back. “I need to be a little more respectful. I’m sorry.”

She turned around, looping her arms around his waist. “Hey. Look at me please. It’s ok.” She kissed him quickly and sweetly, smiling as he tried to chase her lips, his eyes closed.

“How about we focus on preparing this meal, eat with your friends while you tell us about your day in court and after they leave we sit down and talk about what’s next for us?”

“You’re right.” He took a deep breath. “I just can’t wait.”

She gave him a confused look. “For what?”

He leaned his forehead against hers. “For our happily ever after.”

______

They had finished dinner and were in the process of clearing the table for dessert when Kim poked him in his side while handing him a stack of plates to load into the dishwasher.

“Hey Ted, please don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t think your new friend likes me very much, she’s been watching me and Stevie like a hawk ever since we got here. She knows I’m not after you, right?” Ted let out a startled chuckle. “Naw, that’s not it. Stevie just made a couple of remarks to Henry about his therapy and she’s very protective of him. It’s nothing serious, I promise.”

“Stevie did what?” Kim gave him a shocked look. “What did he say?”

“Come on now, it’s not a big deal!” Ted tried to change the subject, but Kim was adamant.

“Rebecca? Could you come in here for a second?” She called into the living room, giving Ted a pointed look.

“Everything ok?” Rebecca gave them both a confused look.

“I don’t know.” Kim folded her arms across her chest giving Ted a look. “Ted just mentioned that my kid was being a turd, but won't tell me what was being said. You think you could tell me?”

Rebecca looked uncomfortably back and forth between the two friends. Finally she just shrugged. “He teased Henry about his appointment, saying only crazy people see therapists. I’m sure he didn’t mean any harm, but Henry sometimes is really hurt by how Stevie teases him.”

Kim looked down on the floor, taking a deep breath before calling out into the living room. “Steven, would you please come in here for a second?” 

Ted pulled Rebecca's sleeve lightly, telling her to come and help finish clearing the table in the dining room. She gave him a nervous look but followed, leaving mother and son alone in the kitchen.

“I hope I didn’t…” Rebecca started, but Ted held up his hand. “No sweetie, I’m glad you told her. It's ok. Trust me.”

Kim came out of the kitchen a moment later and announced that she’s taking the boys home for a sleepover, giving Ted a wink when he gave her a searching look.

“It’ll give you all a chance to talk and us to work on how to be a good friend, isn’t that right, Steven?” Stevie just looked at his shoes, mumbling an apology in Henry’s direction. 

Then there was a moment of utter chaos as Ted was trying to pack Henry’s things for an overnight while Henry tried to locate his left shoe and his favorite stuffed animal simultaneously, but after a while the boys were buckled in the back of Kim’s van chatting excitedly about the movie they were going to watch once they got to the house.

“I’ll drop him at school tomorrow together with Stevie, alright? Have a good night!” Kim gave Ted a squeeze and got into her car. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, alright?”

“Thanks Kim. I owe you one.”

Margaret met him coming in with an expectant look on her face. “Are you going to tell us now what the heck happened downtown at the courthouse? I can’t take this suspense any longer!”

“Alright, let's all sit down. Anybody need a drink?” He knew he was stalling, and after Beard gave him a look he sat down and started.

“As you know, today was the court date for the divorce, and it barely took 40 minutes for the whole thing to be signed, which is crazy but…” He paused, rolling his shoulders and scratching his neck. “It’s not the real part of the story why I asked you here tonight.”

He cleared his throat. “Turns out there was a PO Box address on Michelle’s old insurance paperwork that Kim had been writing to over the years, never receiving a response or having her mail returned. She never told me because she didn’t know if the letters even reached Michelle, you know. The last thing she sent was the court announcement and the date, never really thinking it got to where it needed to go. Well, long story short, when Kim was getting ready to meet me downtown yesterday she found Michelle sitting on her porch.”

Margaret was up on her feet after hearing this. “She was here? You saw her?”

“Yes mama, please sit down and hear me out. She thought the court papers were a summons, you see. After Kim explained, Michelle was ready to just leave, but Kim convinced her to stay and sit down with me for a chat.” He let out a long breath, looking at Rebecca and Beard exchanging looks.

“And she seems good, been living in St. Louis in a assisted living program, has a part time job and a good support system. We had a really good talk, I got to apologize to her for everything and she said she was sorry, too.” His voice started to break at the end of that sentence, but he took another deep breath and continued. “I offered for her to come and see Henry, but she got really scared, so I wrote down my address and told her to send me her info once she thought about it, so I could keep in touch. I didn’t wanna push her. She was, I mean you can tell that things were rough for her for a while. Kim told me they talked some more after I left and Chelle gave her the name of the program, so I’m gonna call them tomorrow and leave my number, in case she needs anything.” He smiled at them. “She seemed relieved that the divorce was final, said it could be a new start for all of us and I really wanna believe that.”

At this point Margaret got up and wrapped him in a hug. “I’m so glad she came to see you. I really hope it will bring her back into Henry’s life, even if it’s just so she can see him growing up, knowing what a beautiful person she brought into this world.”

“Thanks mama.” Ted pulled out of her embrace. “I wanted to tell you this, because I don’t know if I should share with Henry that she was here but didn’t want to see him. I’m all up in knots about it.”

“Maybe that’s something you can discuss with his therapist? When is your next session?” Rebecca took his hand and gave him a reassuring squeeze. “I’m sure she has an idea how to frame it, keeping it truthful without hurting him.”

Beard nodded his head. “I think that’s a great idea, you should give her a call tomorrow.”

They sat in silence for a moment, contemplating the news they had just heard. 

After a long moment Margaret was the first to rise. “I don’t know about you kids, but I’m going to turn in, I think I’m getting too old for all this excitement. I’m glad everything went well at the court today, Teddy and thank you for making this wonderful meal. We’ll talk some more about everything after you talk to Henry’s therapist, alright?”

“Of course mama. Have a good night, I love you.” Ted got up and gave her a hug, holding on for a moment until gently releasing her. Beard decided it was probably a good idea for him to also get going, so they all said their goodbyes and hugged until Ted and Rebecca were the only ones left standing in the living room.

“You want to come back to mine?” Rebecca leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Yeah? You sure?” Ted rubbed her back gently, resting his hand on her waist.

“It’s been a long day and you look absolutely knackered. Let me take care of you, we could even soak in my beautiful tub while we talk if you’d like. Or we could stay here. It’s up to you.”

“It would be nice to know that whatever we decide to do, we are not going to share a wall with my mother or having to dodge her looks in the morning.” They both laughed at that. “Why don’t you go on and head over and I’ll finish up here and grab some clean clothes. I’ll be over in 10 minutes.” He gave her a lingering kiss before reluctantly letting go of her. 

She turned and gave him a mischievous grin. “Before I forget, I have something for you.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

She just handed him a key with a smile. “This way I will never have to find you freezing in front of my house ever again.” She laughed. “This is your key to my house. Use it whenever you want.” and with a smile she grabbed her coat and walked towards her car.

______

She was already in her bathrobe when she heard him gently tapping on the door frame of her bedroom. 

“Can I come in?” He asked hesitantly. 

She just pulled him into a hug and held him until she felt him relax against her. “Of course you can. That’s why I gave you your key.”

He smiled at her gently. “I swear I’m going to get better at this.”

“You’re doing fine, Ted.” She stretched up to kiss his cheek. “How are you?”

“Really looking forward to the bath I was promised.” He smiled while burying his face in her hair. “Unless you were joking.”

“Of yours not. Let me get the water started, it takes a while to fill up.” She turned around and walked towards the bathroom. “Did you want to get yourself a drink? I got some beer in the fridge for you if you’d like.”

“Bless you, you absolute angel. Can I get you something while I’m down there?” 

She just pointed at the glass of wine sitting on the counter and shook her head. “No thank you, I’m all set.”

The tub was halfway full by the time he made it back upstairs and she pulled him into the bathroom, setting his bottle carefully next to the tub before sneaking her hands under the hem of his T-shirt, pulling it carefully over his head, him raising his arms to help her. He stepped out of his sweats and boxer shorts feeling a little awkward standing naked in her bathroom, but she just opened the sash of her robe, revealing that she wasn’t wearing anything underneath. She was the first to step into the water and leaning forward she motioned for him to get in behind her, leaning against his chest with a sigh after he got settled. 

“You weren't kidding about the size of this thing, it’s absolutely enormous, holy smokes. I bet you could fit a whole nother person in with us.” Ted gave a playful whistle, making her smile.

“Why, do you want me to give Beard a call?” She gave a playful little squeak as he wrapped his arms around her suddenly, squeezing her tight. “Don’t you dare joke about that. I could tell you stories about that man.”

“I’m not sure I’m ready for that.” She let out a quiet laugh. “This is nice.”

He gave a content sigh, running his fingers playfully down her arms and sides, continuing down her hips and stretching to lightly tickle her knees. “You wanted to talk about what’s next for us?”

“Hmm.” She turned her head slightly, kissing his jaw. “I know we had a couple of bumps in our road, but I want you to know I am in this. I don’t want you to feel like you have to court me or follow some arbitrary rules. I want to be with you and not hold anything back. We’ve done everything so backwards, but the great thing is, I already love you and know that I will do everything to make this work.”

He shifted in the tub so he could press his lips to hers in a deep, searing kiss. “I love you, too, baby and I feel the same way. I would like to maybe not have you stay the night over at my house until we’ve told Henry about that you are my girlfriend but beyond that, I’m in, one hundred percent.” he picked up his bottle before kissing her again. “You will not believe how many times I have imagined you in this tub since Scott told me about special ordering it for the remodel.” He chuckled while taking a sip. “I can’t believe I’m actually in it with you being all gorgeously naked and it’s not a dream.” 

“So, in these dreams, what was I doing?” She gave him a little smile while grinding back against him. He swallowed hard and shifted in the water.

“You were doing this.” He was running his fingers over her breasts, playing with her nipples and pulling a soft moan from her lips. “And this.” He continued trailing his fingers across her stomach, over her hips toward her knees and then back up the inside of her thighs until he reached her center. She inhaled sharply as his thumb brushed her clit and started to gently circle it while his long fingers teased her opening. He gently pushed two of his fingers inside her,  massaging the inside of her walls with his fingers until he heard her sharply inhale, pushing against her g-spot as he continued to rub her clit with his thumb. 

“Ted, please, don’t stop…”

“Tell me what you need, baby.”

“Just like that, oh god Ted…I’m going to..”

Her orgasm crested so suddenly, it surprised both of them. Ted continued to gently stroke her, careful to not overstimulate her and she turned on her side, resting her face against his chest.

“Want to get out and continue this in bed?” 

He just smirked and nodded, helping steady her as she stepped out of the tub. He took a fresh towel from the shelf and carefully dried her off, making her giggle as he playfully tickled her sides. She pulled him towards the bed impatiently, ignoring his protests that he was still wet.

Laying her out on the bed, he crawled up next to her and gently tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. She pulled him in for a kiss, opening her mouth and sucking his bottom lip between hers, delighting in the sexy groan it elicited from him.

“How do you want me?” She reached for him, gently stroking him with her slender and elegant fingers, causing him to reflexively thrust into her hand. 

“Any way, I don’t care, god, Rebecca, you feel so good..” He babbled incoherently, as she rolled on top of him and straddled his waist. He sat up to press his lips to hers, licking into her mouth and stroking her tongue with his, as she slowly sheathed him inside her.

Ted wrapped his arms around her, pressing his face against her neck as he started to thrust up into her, setting a slow and deep rhythm that had her panting his name into his mouth. He scooted them back, sitting up against the headboard and she leaned back, bracing herself against his thighs as he started to rub her clit in sync with his deep thrusts that had her crying out his name with every move. He could feel her orgasm built again as her walls started to twitch and her hips started to move, meeting him on every upthrust. He sucked her breast into his mouth and bit down on her hardened nipple, tipping her over the edge when her second orgasm tore through her, making her wall spasm and flutter and contract so intensely, he followed her almost immediately. 

Falling back against the headboard he held her tightly against his chest, trying to catch his breath. 

“I love you.” He whispered gently against her skin while kissing her tenderly along her jawline. “This is the best first date ever.”

“I love you, too.” She smiled at him. “Mine, too.”

Straying like this for a while, they held each other close until Rebecca disentangled herself to go clean up, and they took turns in the bathroom to get ready for bed.

They fell asleep in each other's arms that night and every night that followed. It had taken them a while to get where they were, but it helped them to never take the life they were building together for granted. It wasn’t always easy, and life continued throwing curve balls at them, but they faced their challenges just like they had agreed, always together. 

THE END