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Math class was awful, except for the fact that Dean was able to spend an entire period bumping knees and glancing over at the person he was completely in love with. Here he was, sitting beside Cas with his chin resting in his hand, gazing dazedly at his best friend. Cas' hair was tousled and his tongue stuck out slightly from the corner of his mouth, and it was all kinds of adorable watching him focus so intently on his work.
Cas was tall, but he didn't quite reach Dean's height. His lithe build and toned muscles gracing his arms and torso drove Dean crazy, while he had a tousled mess of dark soothing brown hair, often mistaken for black; Dean constantly dreamed of running his hands through it. All in all, Cas was gorgeous. He could easily be an underwear model for Calvin Klein, and Dean observed the way that girls, and some guys, stared at him with wide and hungry eyes as Cas walked down the hallways at school, completely oblivious.
Over the past year, Dean had become more and more infatuated with his best friend. When he first realized his feelings for Cas, he had freaked. He had only ever been interested in girls, and then all of a sudden he was head over heels for his best friend, which was, to say the least, terrifying. They had known each other for years, and instantly became inseparable on the first day of middle school. From then on, they went anywhere and everywhere together, their friendship evolving into something more, something unbreakable.
Dean didn't know exactly when he fell for Cas, but he had a feeling that it was always there, and he was utterly oblivious the entire time.
"Dean, what are you doing?" Cas asked, still twiddling his pen between his fingers as he stared at his work.
Dean startled, shaking his head quickly. "Huh?"
"Why were you staring?" Cas looked up at him this time, and his powder blue eyes flickered with something that resembled curiosity.
"I wasn't."
"Yes you were. Is there something on my face?"
"No! No, uh- I must have zoned out. You know how I do that sometimes," Dean reasoned as he wiped his clammy palms on his jeans.
Cas showed the barest hint of a smile; soft and gentle. "Yeah, I know."
He smiled nervously at his friend, hoping he didn't see through his facade. Cas tilted his head at Dean in his typical endearing way and he resisted the urge to cling to him and never let go.
"Winchester! Novak! Heads down and working!" Their math teacher, Mrs. Harvelle, snapped them out of their trance and they both quickly turned back to their sheets.
He nudged Cas' foot with a smirk and Cas glanced over at him from the corner of his eye with a stifled smile.
Dean's heart fluttered, and he hoped Cas couldn't see it through his shirt.
During lunch they would always sit together, side by side, in a relatively less crowded area of the cafeteria. Their friends would join them, rowdy and cheerful, and it was a nice routine.
Dean often snuck glances over at Cas, watching the way the corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled, or how he would duck his head shyly whenever he laughed, and Dean adored the way Cas would look at someone while he talked to them; soulful eyes trained on the person he was engaged with.
It didn't matter the time of day or what mood he was in, Dean was always searching for new ways to make Cas laugh or smile. He couldn't help it; Dean couldn't think of anything better than seeing Cas happy. So Dean would tell him pointless puns, silly jokes, and all too often went out of his way to make a fool of himself just to see a grin split across his friend's face.
He was in the middle of telling Cas yet another pitiful joke at lunch, when Charlie broke their conversation. "So have you two gone on a date yet? Or..."
They both snapped their heads towards her, eyes wide. Dean hadn't told anyone about being in love with Cas, even Charlie, and his heart began to pound in his chest. He was worried Cas would find out, and he was even more worried that Cas would never feel the same way.
"I, uh- pssh, Charlie! Come on," Dean spluttered out. He could feel his cheeks heating up and it was spreading to his ears.
"Yeah, why would you even think that?" Cas questioned, squinting his eyes at her.
She shrugged nonchalantly. "You guys just seem like you dig each other, that's all. You'd be really cute together."
Their other friends had stopped talking, and gave each other knowing looks. Dean shook his head lightly, looking down at his lap and fiddling with his hands.
He glanced up at his friend to read his facial expressions, and Cas gave him a tiny smile.
"Didn't we tell you already? We just got married," Cas joked.
Chuck and Jo laughed, and Charlie let out a dramatically fake gasp, her hand flying to her mouth.
Meanwhile, Dean began to forcibly laugh, probably a little louder than normal, and his friends turned their heads to stare at him before his forced laugh faded into an awkward cough.
He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and bent towards his food, praying that they would switch the topic quickly, and his prayers were answered when Cas began to describe the migration pattern of some exotic bird that only resided in the Midwest for 2 months of the year or something like that, while Dean went back to dreamily staring at his friend.
The rest of the day carried on with no other disputes or uncomfortable situations.
Dean had nothing to do after school, and he knew that Cas only had soccer practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so he shot him a quick text asking him to hangout.
D: hey cas, u busy after school?
His response came only a minute later.
C: No I don't think so, why?
D: u wanna hangout? we can watch movies or something at my place if u want
C: Yeah that sounds good :)
D: awesome! meet me by Baby when the bell rings
C: You have such an unhealthy attachment to that car, Dean
D: ;) don't you know it
And as Dean tried to stifle his laughter in class, he realized what he had just sent to Cas and nearly shot out of his chair. 'Don't you know it?' Jesus Dean, can you think before you send stuff for just one second? Maybe he won't notice. Maybe he'll totally ignore the fact that you just basically hinted you have an unhealthy attachment to him.
He wrung out his hands and cracked his neck, trying to brush off his mild feelings of panic, and attempted to concentrate on his English assignment.
By the end of the day, he had almost gotten over the slip up text that he sent to Cas. He walked outside to the parking lot with a little bit of eagerness at the thought of spending time with his best friend, even though they had hung out together a hundred times before.
Dean casually leaned against his glossy black 67' Chevy Impala and waited for Cas, humming some old Metallica tune.
It had been a few minutes when Dean saw Cas walking out of the school, and he couldn't help it when a huge sappy grin broke out across his face. Stop smiling so big, you idiot. Don't be such a girl, he chided himself, but his smile wouldn't go away, especially when Cas returned it with a sweet one of his own.
"Hey, sorry I'm a bit late," Cas said as he looked at his feet. "Balthazar just asked me out."
Dean's hackles rose up, and something searing hot and desperate flared up inside his chest. His throat was tight when he tried to squeeze out his reply.
"Oh, wh-what did you say?" His voice was embarrassingly high and he coughed to try and cover it up.
Cas stared at him questioningly for a moment before letting out a tiny smirk, "I told him I had a prior engagement."
Dean's shoulders relaxed at that, and he let out a breath he hadn't known he had been holding. "Oh...wow, can't get rid of me that easily, right?" He laughed nervously and nudged Cas' arm with his.
"Of course, Dean," Cas smiled at the ground, and man, if that wasn't the cutest thing ever.
He just stared at Cas for a moment too long, watching the way his dark eyelashes brushed his skin and the tousled beautiful mess of his dark brown hair gently blowing in the light breeze.
He cleared his throat and proceeded to fumble with his keys before letting Cas into the passenger side.
They drove in companionable silence. They were both used to this; so comfortable with each other, and simply enjoying one another's company with a heavy but deafening silence. Dean always thought that the silence was filled with feelings and confessions left unsaid; but in the impala it was natural, as if nothing mattered except them. And though he would never admit it, Dean often imagined them holding hands as they drove, their fingers laced on the seat between them, and his thumb stroking affectionate patterns on Cas's smooth skin.
His heart swelled with pure adoration as he glanced over at Cas, who was gazing innocently out the window, watching the world as it flew by. Damn it. Why can't I have him, Dean thought to himself.
Once they arrived at Dean's house, and fortunately no one was home, they retreated downstairs to the TV room, arms filled with overflowing amounts of junk food. Cas giggled as Dean balanced a box of cookies under his chin, before it fell out from under him and toppled to the floor.
"Oh!" They both said in unison as they knelt down to pick the box up.
It was too late when Dean noticed how close their faces were, and he could smell the alluring scent of Cas' shampoo and see the dry ruggedness of his pink lips. He swallowed visibly when Cas' eyes darkened, and they were so close, too close. In the process, Cas somehow had placed his soft hand over Dean's rough one, and the shock it sent to Dean's brain was almost nauseating.
Of course, Dean had the option of leaning forward and kissing that stupid look off his face without thinking of the consequences or the possibility of Cas never speaking to him again, or he could just gather his box of cookies and stand up.
He shoved the box of cookies into his arms and hastily stood up. Yeah if a brick could just fall from the sky and onto my head that would be great, thanks, Dean mentally groaned to himself. When he looked back, he saw Cas crouched on the ground with a quizzical expression on his face, and he was doing that little frown thing that he puts on when he doesn't understand a social situation. Dean grimaced, then proceeded to pretend like it never happened.
"So, Marty McFly or Luke Skywalker?" He asked nonchalantly.
Cas headed over to the couch and sat beside him with ease. "Are you asking which of those two characters I could see myself with or which movie I want to watch?"
Dean gaped, then closed his mouth, then opened it as if to say something again, then paused. "Uh, I, wha-, I meant which movie Cas,"
Did Cas just suggest he was attracted to guys, or was that all in his head? What the- holy shit holy shit holy shit. He shifted awkwardly on the couch while his shoulders brushed against Cas', and he let out a large breath he had been holding.
"Oh, Back to the Future would be good then," Cas relaxed into the sofa and curled his legs up to his chest, which Dean most certainly did not find endearing.
"Marty McFly it is," and he popped the DVD into the player.
They both shifted beside one another before deciding that leaning against each other with their shoulders pressed tightly together was the most suitable position. There was a soft blanket thrown across their legs and Dean was kind of enjoying this form of snuggling, even though it probably meant nothing to Cas.
The movie was somewhere near the part where Marty had just time traveled to the 50's, and Dean was paying attention until he felt a pair of eyes boring into the side of his head.
He slowly, but deliberately turned his head to face Cas, who was gazing at him with a soft intensity and an unreadable emotion in his eyes. His cheeks began to flush and he was suddenly glad it was very dark in the room except for the dim glow of the TV.
"Why are you staring at me?" He questioned.
"I'm not."
"Uh, yeah...you kind of are, man. What are you doing?"
"Nothing." Cas shrugged, but his striking eyes still peered into Dean's, and Dean gulped.
What is happening? Is he...possibly feeling the same way? No way. I should watch the movie...but his lips look so nice...
Dean found his eyes flickering to Cas' lips before quickly looking back up at him, and oh, Cas definitely saw him do that.
Their friendship was teetering on the line of not enough and too far, and Dean wanted to kiss him so badly. Dean was facing an internal battle of whether or not to jeopardize their relationship, and he wondered if Cas was thinking the same thing or if he was the only one head over heels here.
But Cas' pupils were dilated and his lips were slightly parted while Dean's heart pounded through his chest, and it was as if there was a magnetic pull drawing their faces closer and closer together.
"Cas," Dean murmured with a slight question in his voice. He was so unsure at this point, but they were both still staring at each other in that same intense way and they were only mere inches apart.
"Yeah?" Cas breathed out, his eyes trained on Dean's nose and mouth.
It was now or never, and he had been dying to say it since he first realized how he felt. He opened his mouth and words had never felt so difficult to say.
"I-," he took in a shaky breath. "I think I'm in love with you."
You finally said it, holy shit. Dean's head was spinning and he bit his lip anxiously.
Cas didn't say anything. He didn't look surprised, he didn't look angry, he didn't look elated; his face just remained neutral, eyes shifting between Dean's own.
There was a minute filled with apprehensive silence, and Dean wanted to squirm under Cas' gaze, before he spoke.
"You think you're in love with me," he stated.
Dean's eyes widened. "Well, uh...I kind of know I'm in love with you. I just- I didn't wanna freak you out, but I guess I kind of screwed tha-"
"Dammit, Dean." Cas cut him off.
"What?" Dean's asked in a shaky voice.
Oh no, here it comes. The moment where he says we can't be friends anymore, or worse...Dean wanted to cry.
"How long have you felt this way?"
He paused. "A really long time."
"Wow," Cas shook his head and let out a dry chuckle.
"Wow?" Dean questioned.
"Yeah. Wow."
There was another stretch of silence, and Dean decided to break it. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean- I never wanted to make this awkward. I get it if you just want to be friends." He sighed. "And please, I really, really don't want to lose you as a friend. I don't- I don't think I could handle-"
He was cut off by the sudden sensation of warm lips on his own, and it took him a moment to realize they were Cas's before he closed his eyes and began to respond with fervor. His heart was beating wildly and his mind was spinning like a violent tornado as Cas opened his mouth, just a little, enough to feel his heavy breathing collide with his own. Is this really happening? Cas brought his hand up to tangle with the hair at the back of his head, light fingers trailing along his skin, and Dean couldn't help but shiver at the touch. He reached up to hold Cas's face with sturdy hands, fingers reaching to his ear while caressing his cheek and jaw delicately. He felt Cas shudder beneath him and Dean grinned against his mouth.
When their tongues met, Dean swore that his body lit up with thousands of tiny electric currents, winding their way into his cells and throughout his limbs. He eagerly deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue along Cas's, feeling the way it slipped against his while savouring the taste of sour sweetness from the candies he had consumed earlier.
The kiss was slow and lazy, both of them exploring the ridges and curves of each other's mouths. Dean licked a strip along the roof of Cas's mouth and felt him involuntarily shudder, but then Cas took his lip between his teeth and gently bit down on it. Before he could stop it, a moan leaked out of Dean's lips and poured against Cas, leaving a blush crawling up his neck. But Cas said nothing except push harder into him, letting his hands drift along Dean's back, coming to rest just above the waistline of his jeans.
Dean changed their positions by smoothly moving to hover over Cas, pushing him back against the couch cushions and lowering himself between his bent legs, all the while kissing him like Cas was his life source. His lips moved purposefully but leisurely, and when Cas next licked into his mouth, Dean trapped his tongue and sucked on it, earning a low groan from Cas.
He didn't even notice he was grinding slow, sweet circles against his friend's hips until he broke the kiss for air. They paused with their foreheads pressed together and their noses rubbing, panting lightly and gazing into each other's dark and hooded eyes.
"This is okay, right?" Dean breathed out.
Cas looked at him affectionately, and a soft, pleased smile spread across his features; the one he only used for Dean. He just nodded contentedly before leaning up and catching Dean's mouth in a light kiss, holding his bottom lip between his own.
This felt right, and for the first time in a while, Dean finally felt like maybe things could work out after all. He melted into Cas, relishing their closeness and the feeling of Cas's strong, beautiful body beneath him. It was bliss.
They kissed for a moment longer. Light, meaningful touches and gentle nips; quiet noises of affection.
Cas was the one to break the kiss this time. He pulled back and gazed at Dean with such a fond expression that Dean had to look away, instead focusing his attention on the collar of his friend's shirt. That is, until tender hands cradled his face and guided him back up.
Dean practically purred as he nuzzled into the warmth of Cas's hand and pressed his lips to his palm.
The low murmur of Cas's voice drew Dean to him like a moth to light. "I'm in love with you too, you know."
Dean's eyes widened and his stomach felt like it had flipped 3 times. "You- what? Really?"
"Yes, really," his fingers went to fiddle with Dean's amulet. "I can't believe you felt that way this whole time and you didn't even tell me! I- imagine how much time we could have saved," he shook his head.
Dean leaned in and place a warm, lingering kiss on Cas's lips before pulling away. "Yeah, we were both kinda stupid, huh?"
The darker haired boy laughed at that. "We're such idiots. Even our friends knew before us."
"Ahh, maybe we both sort of always knew but we were too scared to do anything about it." Dean shrugged.
There was a gleam in Cas's eye and his hand curled around the back of Dean's neck, pulling him down to him. "Sounds about right."
And then they were kissing again, wrapped up in each other, and it was the most contented they had both ever felt in their entire lives.
When Mary and Sam came home that night, they walked around the house calling Dean's name. He wasn't in his bedroom, and there was no other place he would be except in the basement playing video games or watching movies, so they headed towards the den.
As they trudged down the stairs, the first thing they saw was the last scene of Back to the Future flickering on the TV screen. The second thing they saw was Dean and Cas sound asleep, curled around each other on the couch. It was hard to tell where one ended and the other began, with Dean's head laying against Cas' chest, and their arms wrapped around each other like a vice.
Sam just muttered "it's about damn time," before he turned around and headed back upstairs.
A soft, warm smile spread across Mary's face and she walked over, pulling the blanket over both of them. Shutting the TV off, she quietly made her way back to the stairwell.
And they were still holding each other, even when the room went dark.