Work Text:
☺ : Oppa, are you excited for your birthday next month?
진: No, I’ll be on the frontline.
He should not have gone to Weverse.
Taehyung practically throws his phone aside and grabs a packet of Raison he keeps for emergency purposes, this being one of them. Seokjin will kill him if he smokes in the bedroom, so Taehyung slides down the bed catlike, not wanting to rouse him, and shrugs into a snuggly bathrobe before padding to the beach house's front porch.
Outside, the waning moon hangs over the dark sea, its silvery light casting sparkly reflections on the rippling water. It is November and the temperature has started to drop below 20°, but Taehyung is thankful for the numbing cold, welcoming it like a deserved punishment. He sticks a cigarette into his mouth and lights it, the flame taking some time to ignite as he tries to hold the lighter steady with trembling hands. He succeeds on the third try and inhales the smoke deeply, the nicotine calming his frayed nerves.
They came here after Seokjin wrapped up his solo projects, the last of which Taehyung watched not thirty minutes ago. Seokjin had booked the beach house for the weekend in a spur-of-the-moment decision, and left earlier to make sure everything would be in order by the time Taehyung arrived from work. As with everything these days, they spoke by action rather than words, so when Taehyung came and walked past the seafood platter he'd laid out on the table to take him straight to the bedroom, Seokjin did not protest.
They spared no expense in energy, and Seokjin passed out from exhaustion right after. Taehyung might have followed suit had he not heard his phone's reminder for Seokjin's wine journey show – the one he self-produced with Taehyung's help on the aesthetics.
Taehyung watched with headphones on, his shoulders shaking from restrained giggles at Seokjin's unbeatable comedic timing. The show – a visually pleasing, mouthwatering look on Korea's traditional wineries – made him hungry, but instead of making midnight snacks, he made a regrettable decision to check Seokjin's replies to the fans’ messages, looking forward to more un-serious Seokjin to give him the laughs he badly needs these days.
Instead, he'd clicked that damned post reminding him of how Seokjin will spend his upcoming birthday.
The answer isn't exactly news for Taehyung – he had learned about it before anybody else – but he had chosen to ignore it, casting it out of sight, out of mind, until he saw it there on the phone screen, black on white. It made everything sounds real and final, and he does not know whether to blame the poster for asking the question or Seokjin for choosing to answer it.
It is not like they've completely avoided the subject of Seokjin's enlistment: in fact, both of them have readied themselves for it since 2020, when Seokjin planned to join the military after their world tour. But then the pandemic happened, changing their whole trajectory, and instead of touring, the band used their time of isolation to produce a massively successful English single, followed by an even more successful second English single. Their popularity grew even bigger than it was before the pandemic, and things kept happening: sold-out post-pandemic US concerts, collaboration with global artists, AMA wins and second Grammy nomination, and an invitation to speak on social issues in the UN and the White House. Their country saw a staggering increase of income from tourism thanks to the band, and their agency took the chance to pitch for military exemptions for the boys, a privilege given only to athletes and artists with exceptional international achievements.
But the shift in the political landscape and strong opposition from certain parties left the government divided on the issue, and so they tried to appease everyone by dangling the carrot in front of the boys while continuing to milk them for all they are worth. Seokjin had planned to enlist by last summer if things remained at standstill, but then the concert to support Busan's bid for the 2030 World Expo happened, and everyone – particularly Taehyung – convinced him to try one last time to sway the policymakers' decision with their star power.
The concert was a massive success, bringing Busan the influx and attention it needed, yet still the government refused to take any action on their enlistment status, leaving the boys – particularly Seokjin – to take the barbs for their indecisiveness. Sick of their game, Seokjin eventually took matters into his own hands and withdrew his application for enlistment deferral, shutting up critics and opportunists alike and lifting the pressure off the members.
Taehyung still remembers the night Seokjin sat him down to tell him the decision, his voice steady despite tears rolling down his face. Taehyung himself was too stunned to speak, unable to believe that his worst nightmare was truly happening, his mind chanting you already knew this, you already knew this to numb the devastating impact of Seokjin's words.
That was when he realized that he was never fully ready for this to happen, never able to accept the reality despite having anticipated and talked about it many times. Taehyung had become so confident in their ability to defy the odds, so hung up on miracles, that the possibility of Seokjin leaving had become more and more inconceivable for him with each passing year.
Now, in such a short notice, they will be separated for at least two solid years with limited communication – more if Taehyung's turn to serve is later rather than sooner. It is too much too soon for a couple that never separated for more than a day without checking on each other, and with video calls being out of option for safety's sake, Taehyung will not be able to fully tell how Seokjin is doing while on duty. Just thinking about it makes him want to vomit.
He lights his second cigarette, dimly realizing that he has been smoking a pack a day since Seokjin's conscription notice came. He is not sure he'd covered it up enough with Xylitol and Listerine, but even if Seokjin noticed, he hadn't shown it. In fact, they barely have time to get up close and personal these days, what with Seokjin wrapping his solo projects before leaving and Taehyung focusing on the music he plans to release before the end of the year.
Other members are baffled with Taehyung's work ethics, thinking he would want to prioritize spending his precious time with Seokjin instead. Taehyung reasons that he wants to complete a single by December as Seokjin's birthday gift, but a select few people know the truth: that Taehyung dreads the fast-approaching good-bye and tries to stall time by not dealing with it until the very last minute.
"You're wasting your time in denial, Taehyung-ah," Jimin confronted him one day in the studio. "He's leaving in a few weeks, and you're hiding here writing and crossing out lyrics instead of spending your remaining time together."
" Ninety days ," Taehyung corrected rather aggressively. "That's a month and a half . And I'm not in denial. We're both busy ."
"The hell with specifics," Jimin retorted. "You know what I mean. You're shutting down emotionally because you can't bear the pain. I get you, Tae – I really do. But running away from difficult feelings is not the answer."
"Then what is, if you're so knowledgeable?"
" Talk . I mean hard, messy, nitty-gritty talk. It won't be pleasant, but once you get the fears all out, they won’t feel as scary."
"Sorry, I don't see how rehashing the 'nitty-gritty' we've talked about a million times will do anything but make us feel worse."
"I'm not talking about the service, pabo . I'm talking about how you guys feel ."
"You mean how we feel about not being able to see each other for years without knowing how each other is doing?” Taehyung’s voice rose. “We already know that. It feels shitty ."
"Then at least share the shit. That's what soulmates are for." Jimin rolled his eyes. "Jeez, this is like 2020 all over again, except it's you who's shutting down this time."
"Are you done? If yes, get out and don't come back until you have a practical solution."
"Ask your Wooga hyungs for that. Make them useful." Jimin walked off before Taehyung could throw a slipper at him.
"Bastard," he muttered just as Hoseok popped his head into the studio.
"You fought with Jimin again?"
"Hyung, can you tell him to stop acting like my mother?"
Hoseok walked into the room, and Taehyung could not bring himself to shoo him away. Unlike Jimin, who could be really insufferable at times, Hoseok does not have a judging bone in his body, making it easier to talk difficult stuff with him. "You alright?"
"Not really." Taehyung let out a shaky breath. "Hyung, what do I do? I feel so powerless ."
Hoseok squeezed his shoulder. "You can't do anything, Tae. All you can do is to be strong for Jin. To show that you can face anything coming your way. It'll put him more at ease, because it's you he's worried about."
Taehyung felt tears stinging his eyes. "I-I'm fine being alone. I only fear for him , for his safety. I won't be able to take it if…" He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.
Hoseok looped his arms loosely around Tae's neck. "He's much stronger than we give him credit for, Tae. I think you know that best. But Jimin's right: you guys need to talk it out. Discussing worst case scenarios will purge all the fears and worries from your system. It won't change the situation, but it’ll make things easier to bear."
Taehyung chuckled. "That's what Wooshik-hyung told me, too."
"Jimin'll freak out if he knows a Wooga agrees with him," Hoseok quipped, and they laughed.
Taehyung returned home that day with a renewed perspective, but Seokjin was down with another bout of epiglottitis, triggering his anxiety through the roof. He stayed home to nurse him, and Seokjin became uncharacteristically clingy, perhaps craving for the unreserved intimacy they used to share before closeness became too painful. In other circumstances, Taehyung would have relished it, but now a needy, adorable Seokjin only makes it doubly hard for him to face what is coming.
He stares at the waning moon for some time, then crushes out his half-burned third cigarette and pads back to the bedroom. Seokjin has not moved from his spot on the bed, his bare back to Taehyung. He has been sleeping naked more often than usual lately, contrary to his usual habit of bundling himself up after intimacy. Taehyung asked him once about it, knowing that Seokjin hates the cold, and Seokjin casually said that he is preparing himself for the winter deployment. He was half-joking, of course, but Taehyung tensed at his answer, his hand clenching painfully on Seokjin's hair, and they never talked about it again.
On the bright side, this new habit intensifies their sex life, because really, Taehyung can never resist naked Seokjin. Plus, sex allows them to tell so much without saying a word. All the pent-up emotions are safely vented in every hungry kiss, every greedy touch, every desperate thrust. And whenever one of them gets overwhelmed after climax, the other would just silently scoop them in their arms, stroke their hair until the tears cease to flow and they ease into sleep.
Taehyung slips out of his bathrobe and quietly climbs back to bed, watching as Seokjin's shoulder rises and falls quietly with his breaths. His eyes sweep the contour of that wide shoulder, down Seokjin’s slender arm, following the dip from his broad back to his slim, hourglass-like waist. Taehyung itches to wrap his arms around that dainty waist like a vise, to hold tight and never let go. But he does not want to rob Seokjin of the only reprieve he has from the hard reality he’s facing these days. So Taehyung just sits there, content on watching the shapely figure and the head of fluffy, chestnut brown hair similar to his own.
He remembers when Seokjin told him he would go with Taehyung's wavy 'do for the MV of his newly-released debut single, which is really a heartfelt good-bye letter for their fans in general and Taehyung in particular. The hairstyle always looked as if it was tailor-made for Taehyung, softening his angular jaw and asymmetrical features around the edges, but on Seokjin, it looks like a huge wooly helmet, making his already small face look even more delicate. Taehyung dares a peek at that small face now, half-hidden under the messy bangs, and for a second his breath is taken away. Even after all these years, he cannot get over how beautiful Seokjin is in his sleep, his soft features looking impossibly sweeter when relaxed, with fluttering lashes on rosy cheeks and slightly parted peach-plump lips that even Michelangelo's cherubs would kill to have.
Taehyung feels a lump rising in his throat. How can this even be allowed to happen? Even though he knows what lies beneath that deceiving soft appearance – the witty, brilliant brain and tough mentality that can overcome almost any situation – Taehyung just cannot imagine how the lovely creature in front of him will adjust to ruthless military life, especially without his loved ones by his side. To think of those slim hands doing manual labor and cocking rifles, the slender figure tested to their physical limits, the tender heart trained to tolerate violence…
It just feels so wrong .
Taehyung reaches for the anti-anxiety tablets laying on the bedside table, popping two of them into his mouth. Then he lies back down on his side of the bed, waiting for the drugs to work. He feels something damp and cool below his cheek and spots a wet, dark patch on his pillowcase. It is not cum, and it is definitely not his.
Did Seokjin cry when he was outside? Or had he teared up when they had sex?
Taehyung decides to settle with the second scenario, not wanting to drive himself crazy with more dark thoughts. He lets his eyes feast on Seokjin's smooth back, and as he begins to relax, his thoughts start wandering to a different, much more pleasant direction.
Seconds later he wraps his hands around his erection, trying not to make a sound as he starts stroking himself slowly, reliving the feel of Seokjin's warmth around him earlier that night. Seokjin has enjoyed being at the receiving end of Taehyung's love lately, and Taehyung loved the view under him, Seokjin's eyes like stars on his lovely, flushing face as he tightened around Taehyung and pulled him towards release.
Taehyung turns his face to his pillow to muffle his cry as he comes into his hands, praying that Seokjin will not hear his moans. His mind goes hazy with contentment, and he falls asleep in a matter of seconds.
***
The dream starts like any other dream: him feeding Yeontan in his parents' house, him reading an old manga about a pair of shinobi lovers in the Tenshō era. Then Taehyung suddenly finds himself in the manga as one half of the pair, struggling to prevent an ambush to their village. A letter came, telling them that there has been some kind of truce and that his husband does not have to fight in the borders. Then he is suddenly back in Malta, the place they visited with the members some years ago, looking out at the sea with his feet dangling from the dock. Seokjin sits beside him as Taehyung takes a picture of a man on a raft, the sun warm on his back. I'll never leave you, Taehyung-ah, he says. Taehyung turns around to find Seokjin smiling at him, his hair completely shaved off, and he smiles back. The next thing he knows, he is in a Parisian apartment they never had, packing clothes and medicines into Seokjin's suitcase. It feels never-ending, as there are always more things to pack every time he thinks he is done. Then he feels Seokjin's hand on his forearm. It's fine, Taehyung-ah, he says. We still have time. Taehyung turns around to find himself alone in a cabin in the woods, its front door wide open to allow a raging snowstorm into the house.
That is when he starts to cry, and in the next minute he finds himself awake in a pair of strong wiry arms, his scream clogged in his throat.
"Taehyung-ah? Taehyung-ah?"
Taehyung blinks and sees Seokjin's concerned face above him, fluffy hair and all. "Seokjin-ah?"
"You had a bad dream, Taehyung-ah."
Taehyung wipes his face, finding it damp with tears, and tentatively touches Seokjin's hair and face. "You're still here?"
Seokjin nods, pressing the hand to his cheek. "I am. You scared me."
Taehyung feels the warm skin under his palm and breaks. "Don't…," he begins, his emotional dam collapsing into a series of choked sobs. "Don't leave me…"
Seokjin crushes him to his chest, rocking him back and forth to soothe him, but it only makes Taehyung sob harder. "Shh, Taehyung-ah, shh," Seokjin murmurs, his own tears splashing on Taehyung's hair. "It's okay, It's okay. I'm still here."
They remain like that for some time, weeping silently, then Seokjin starts to kiss Taehyung's naked shoulder, igniting the hunger within him. Taehyung clambers all over Seokjin, pressing their bodies together, trying to feel as much skin as he can.
Seokjin pins Taehyung to the bed, their kiss throat deep and open-mouthed now. He shifts to get the lube, but Taehyung's forearm around his waist stops him. "Let me," he says, pinning Seokjin's belly to his as he rolls them over and reaches for the lube on the bedside table. He lubes up Seokjin's rigid manhood, feeling the sturdy length of it, and Seokjin moans like an animal. Taehyung licks him from stem to stern, greedily feeling Seokjin's pebbling nipples with his fingers, and when Seokjin looks up, eyes wilder and hungrier than they'd looked in days, Taehyung nods at him.
Seokjin flips Taehyung to his back and goes down to wet him as Taehyung props himself up with a sigh of pleasure. All worries and fears dissolve as both of them give in to their primal desires, and when Seokjin pushes himself into Taehyung, they both let out inhuman, aching cries. Taehyung digs his heels on Seokjin's wide back as the older moves slow and deep within him, his hands stroking his own cock in the same rhythmical fashion. The keen, delicious sensation builds and builds from where Seokjin is grinding him, and Taehyung clings to Seokjin's shoulders as the sensation peaks and explodes, drawing a guttural cry from his throat.
Seokjin buries his face on Taehyung's damp chest, letting out a long, ululating moan as Taehyung's spasms tugs him to release. Taehyung feels Seokjin's warmth filling him and he throws his head back to the pillow, panting and sobbing with relief.
"Oh, my VV," Seokjin hiccups as he pulls Taehyung into his arms. "I love you so much."
"I love you, too," Taehyung sniffles, dropping affectionate kisses all over his lover's face. "So much."
They lie in each other's arms, soothing each other until the sky turns purplish gray with the morning light and they drift back to sleep.
***
They wake up at noon, heat yesterday's dinner for lunch, and stay inside the whole day. They shower, make love, cry and sleep again, cramming all the things they should have done in the past month into twenty-four hours.
"Hyung…" Taehyung begins when they sit on the porch in warm blankets, him sitting on Seokjin's lap as they watch the sunset together. "I want to apologize."
"For what, VV?"
"For not being available to talk lately. For shutting down emotionally." He swallows. "I've been a coward. I couldn't stand the thought of you leaving, and to the frontier no less. It's too painful for me, so I hide under my work, but it is not an excuse. Jimin called me out for it, and he was right. I should've been stronger, should've been with you more, shouldn't have let you face things alone." He wipes a tear rolling down his cheek. "I'm so sorry, Hyung."
Seokjin pulls him closer, drawing slow circles on Taehyung's back. "It's okay, Tae," he murmurs, but Taehyung knows it is not. Not really. A true partner would not leave their significant other to deal with the burden of separation alone just to protect their weak heart. "No amount of preparation can prepare you for this. It's okay to be a little scared."
"No," Taehyung shakes his head. "I mean, yes, this is very scary for us, but at least you face it bravely. And I should've been by your side, giving you moral support and a shoulder to lean on when you need it. Not locking myself up and staying in denial."
Seokjin chuckles. "I had my moments too, Tae. You might not realize it, but I wasn't as busy as I looked. The bulk of my work is done, and the pre-enlistment tests will only start in a couple of weeks. I was… feeling as conflicted as you, wanting to spend our precious last moments together, but was afraid I couldn't bear the pain, knowing every minute means goodbye."
"Oh, Hyung." Taehyung sniffles as he buries his face on Seokjin's neck. "What are we gonna do? What am I gonna do?"
Seokjin sighs, stroking his back. "You'll be alright without me, Tae-bear. You have your Paris photoshoots, your solo projects, the members and your Wooga hyungs…"
Taehyung groans. "Please don't mention them again, Seokjin-ah. They are not you."
Seokjin blinks. "Did you just have a fight with them?"
"No, but everyone's acting as if they could fill your place at the first opportunity."
"You mean everyone named Jiminie?"
Taehyung giggles. "That punk. I don't get why he dislikes them so much."
"Oh well. They are not everyone's cup of tea, to be honest. But I'm glad you have them to keep you company. Though it's nice to hear you say they can't replace me."
"Hyung, seriously . I'm actually thinking of enlisting early next year. I don't have much to do after my album anyway…"
"You don't have to rush, Tae-yah," Seokjin says, a little edge in his voice. "Besides, it'll be weird if you enlist before the others."
"Hyung, I don't want to sit on my ass while you're struggling up there. And we'll all have to go anyway. May as well start early so we can reunite as soon as possible."
"I know, but let's do it in the proper order, okay? You're not helping me by enlisting too early. Besides, you'll have things to look forward to in the next few months, you won't even remember me."
Taehyung frowns. "Did you plan something?"
"What plans?" Seokjin slaps his exposed thigh lightly. "Get down now. You're heavy."
"You're the one who's too skinny. Please bulk up before I go bonkers with worry."
"I'm trying ," Seokjin retorts, then kisses Taehyung's pouty lips. "Eomma has been practically spoon-feeding me with every nutritious food there is, so hopefully I'll gain a few kilos by the time of physical exams."
"Hope so." Taehyung gently touches his arm. "Hyung-ah, I was serious when I said no one can replace you. Ever ."
"Well, I'd be worried if you said otherwise," Seokjin chuckles, but Taehyung does not laugh.
"I'm not being dramatic, Seokjin-ah. You may be strong enough to live without me, but I can't live without you. So don't die, okay?"
"You're talking as if I was going to World War III."
"I didn't mean–"
Seokjin silences him with a kiss. "You're wrong," he whispers. "No one needs anyone more than I need you."
And before Taehyung can object, Seokjin sweeps him off his feet and carries him to the bedroom to prove his point.
***
They return to the city the following night, sore and puffy-eyed from crying and lack of sleep, but feeling lighter than they'd been in weeks. Taehyung makes a mental note to buy Jimin a thank-you gift for kicking him back to his senses – that is, if his friend hadn't gotten it from Jungkook first.
With Seokjin bound for the pre-training facility for his tests at the end of the month and Taehyung leaving for Paris for work at the same time, they will be too busy packing and making travel arrangements, leaving them only a couple of days together before Seokjin departs. So they made good use of their last day in the beach house: taking long walks along the shore, playing games, watching their favorite Pixar flicks over pizzas, and making slow, languorous love that lasted through the night, storing memories of each other's bodies for the lonely months ahead.
But mostly, they talked. Long, long talks. About unspoken fears, hidden insecurities, regrets – mostly regrets. Taehyung apologized for convincing Seokjin to agree with him on the Busan concert and causing him to have to enlist during harsh winter, even though Seokjin had reiterated many times that it was his choice, that they had to take that last chance of turning things around. Seokjin apologized for his occasional insecurities whenever he saw Taehyung surrounded by cool men, and Taehyung tenderly kissed him, reassuring him of his love. They poured their hearts out to each other, cried more tears, and fell asleep at the crack of dawn.
On their final night together in Seokjin's apartment, they play games for hours on end and cuddle in bed afterwards, feeling too heavy to make love. Seokjin gently lists all the things he wants Taehyung to remember during their time apart: chats instead of voice calls, picture exchange through private Instagram accounts, no visits without the presence of at least one other member. Taehyung only nods, his thoughts flying elsewhere: his flight to Paris the next day, lonely days ahead, returning to an empty apartment, dinner for one.
How will he make it through the week, let alone the next two years?
"What are you thinking, VV?" Seokjin asks, sensing him far away.
"Nothing, it's just…" He swallows. "Everything just hits home now."
Seokjin tightens his embrace, burying his face on Taehyung's neck, and Taehyung can feel his shaky breath. "VV…" he struggles. "I'm scared ."
Taehyung turns around and pulls Seokjin's face to his chest. "You can tell me anything, Seokjin-ah," he says, dropping honorifics as is his habit when emotional. "You hear me? ANYthing. Don't ever hide something from me. Ever ." His voice cracks. "I'm stronger now, way stronger. I can face anything for you – you can lean on me. It's okay."
Taehyung feels anything but okay, or strong, but he knows he has to be the rock for Seokjin now, and he wants to be that rock. He drops kisses all over Seokjin's head, but Seokjin continues to hide his face on Taehyung's chest, wetting his bare skin with tears.
"Seokjin-ah?" Taehyung asks, worried. "What's wrong?"
Seokjin shakes his head, but his breath starts to hitch, his body quaking with restrained sobs. "Seokjin-ah, please," Taehyung pleads, panicking. "What's wrong? Tell me!"
When Seokjin eventually answers, his voice is thin and reedy. "I'm… I'm scared of losing you, Taehyung-ah."
Taehyung blinks through his tears. "Losing me? What are you talking about?"
Seokjin swallows. "When I said in the beach house, that no one ever needs anyone more than I need you… it's true . Truer than you may think." He wipes snot from his nose. "It only hits me now, too, just how much I'm afraid of losing you. All this time I've been by your side, protecting you, loving you. But after today…" His breath hitches again. "I won't be here, and maybe you'll miss me, long for me, but in a few months, you'll fall back on your routines, surrounded by your loved ones, meeting new people on the job. And… and you'll realize that you're doing just fine without me."
He breaks with that last word, and Taehyung crushes him into a hug so tight, it's almost suffocating. "How could you say those things, Seokjinnah?" he howls. "You're everything to me. How can you still doubt it, after all these years? Haven't I told you enough? Haven't I shown you enough?"
"It's not your fault," Seokjin answers, his voice just above a whisper. "I'm doubting myself, whether I'm really the right man for you. And I never want you to feel unhappy, even for a second, because of me." He looks up to meet Taehyung's gaze, smiling through his tears as he strokes Taehyung's hair. "Now that I've said it, it's not so scary anymore. Taehyung-ah, if one day everything changes, if I change, I want you to follow where your heart leads you, even if it means leaving me. And I'll never blame you, not for a second. I'll always love you for being you ."
Taehyung's eyes welled up with fresh tears. "Seokjinnah," he says after a pause. "Do you know why I agreed to date you years ago?"
"Because I'm handsome?" Seokjin tries to crack a joke.
"No, it's not because you're handsome, or cute, or sexy and funny as hell ," Taehyung says, and Seokjin blushes. "It's because, when I first saw you, even at seventeen, my heart knew . It knew then, it knew when… when I lost my way, and it knows now. That you're my home ." His voice cracks with the certainty that hits him like a truck. "Can't you see? You and me, we belong together. Being with you… is as natural as breathing. I become my best self when I'm with you, and if I had ever so much as glanced at other men, it was just because I saw you in them."
"Poor men," Seokjin hiccups, and Taehyung chuckles with him.
"I'll always wait for you here, Seokjinnah," he solemnly promises, placing a palm on Seokjin's damp cheek. "Even if I die, it'll always be you."
Seokjin snuggles into the crook of Taehyung's neck. "I'm so pathetic, huh?"
Taehyung shakes his head. "Not pathetic. Just… lovely. Sweet. And…" He racks his brain for the right word.
"Weak?"
"No… more like tender. Tender, but never broken." Seokjin blushes, and Taehyung brings that small, precious face to his for a deep, long kiss. "I love you," he whispers, with all his heart.
"I love you more," Seokjin whispers back.
Taehyung only smiles, not arguing for once as he holds Seokjin close, murmuring words of endearment into that head of fluffy hair until his lover drifts to sleep, hoping that Seokjin will hear the words in his dreams.
***
Taehyung wakes to the sound of his alarm after just two hours of sleep, then slides quietly from under Seokjin's arm to cook breakfast for them and run through Seokjin's luggage checklist.
"Artificial tears… Ursa capsules… allergy meds… melatonin…"
"What are you doing, Taehyung-ah?"
Taehyung jumps. Seokjin appears beside him, hair messy, red blotches on his face.
"I'm double-checking your things… hang on, where was I? Allergy meds…"
Seokjin places a hand on his arm, stopping him. "Taehyung-ah, it's okay. Everything's sorted out."
Taehyung gets a strange sense of deja vu, then realizes he had dreamed about this on the beach house. Him packing Seokjin's stuff, turning around to find him gone, disappearing into the raging snowstorm. His heart lurches to his stomach.
"You go and check the dakjuk , Seokjinnah. I'll be there in a minute." He starts going through the checklist again, but Seokjin holds his wrist.
"Taehyung-ah, let's have breakfast," he says gently. "Our car will arrive in two hours."
Taehyung stops, staring vacantly at the paper in his hand, then doubles over, hugging his chest as if it had been hollowed out. Seokjin catches him before he slides to the floor, holding him, keeping him from breaking apart.
It is going to be their last breakfast together.
The smoke is what finally startles them. They rush to the stove to find the dakjuk all but stuck at the base of the pot. Seokjin starts to laugh, followed by Taehyung, and they giggle hysterically over their burnt breakfast.
Taehyung takes the pot and starts scraping the contents to throw them away, but Seokjin stops him. "I'm already hungry," he says as he scoops salvageable chunks of porridge to his bowl.
"We still have Ottogi Jin ramen," Taehyung forces a smile, tears welling in his eyes as he remembers the many times Seokjin ate up his failed cooking attempts.
"Make one for you," Seokjin says, pecking Taehyung's lips. "I won't be able to eat much anyway."
They eat in heavy silence, the humor over the kitchen accident slowly dissipating. Taehyung can barely swallow his noodles past the lump lodged in his throat. He glances at Seokjin's bowl and sees that he is barely eating as well. "I'm going to shower," Seokjin says after a moment, rising from his chair, and Taehyung stops him.
"Let me clean you up," he says. "Just one last time."
Their eyes meet, and Seokjin nods. They head to the bathroom after washing the dishes and step out of their clothes. Taehyung runs the hot water and Seokjin steps under the jet, his muscles relaxing under the torrents. Taehyung starts soaping his back, massaging his muscles, holding back tears as he commits every detail, every feel of Seokjin's body to memory.
He gingerly slips his hand to Seokjin's front and feels Seokjin's gentle hand on his. "I'll take it from here."
Taehyung nods mutely and steps under the jet, his back on Seokjin. He soaps himself quickly, intending to get the hardest part done and over with, yet his body sends different signals under his own touch. He slows down, hesitating, then turns around before he can stop himself.
Seokjin is standing still, rigid, watching Taehyung with agony on his face. His manhood is at full attention, and without thinking, Taehyung throws himself at him.
They kiss ferociously, moaning and whimpering, hearts aching so badly as if ripped into two. They tumble outside the shower stall, clutched in each other's arms, and Taehyung bends over the marble sink. Seokjin empties the stand-by bottle of lube on them, then slips his fingers into Taehyung, his other arm crushing Taehyung's back to his chest. Taehyung sobs at Seokjin's warm skin on his, the sweet, intense ache working its way up his body. Seokjin pushes himself in and Taehyung welcomes him like a glove, both crying out at their union.
Taehyung reaches behind him, cupping Seokjin's butt cheek, urging him to go slow as Seokjin's hand strokes his cock. They move gradually, deliberately, drawing things out as long as possible so they can linger on every sensation, etching the feel of each other's body to their bones.
But as with all things, it has to end.
"VV…" Seokjin whimpers. "I-I can't…"
Taehyung wraps his large hand over Seokjin's smaller one on his cock, guiding him forward. "Come with me, my love."
And they come, long and sweet and wonderful, and Seokjin slumps forward, sobbing into the bare skin of Taehyung's back.
Taehyung turns around and draws him into his arms, and they huddle there against the shower stall, holding each other in heavy silence until a faint car horn from the driveway tells them it's time.
***
They don't let go of each other's hand until they drop Seokjin at the agency's office, where he will ride a different car to the army pre-testing facility. Taehyung wears Seokjin's worn-out black leather coat.
"I'll text you when I land," Taehyung promises. Seokjin nods and presses his lips on Taehyung's.
"Safe journey, Taehyung-ah," he whispers, and after one last look at him, turns away to open the car door.
Taehyung watches as Seokjin hops off, then suddenly lurches forward to hold the door before Seokjin can slam it shut. "Can I send you off on the 14th?" he blurts.
Their gazes meet, and Taehyung can see the pain in Seokjin's eyes. "I'd love that," he says with a sad smile, "but maybe it's not a good idea."
Taehyung swallows and nods. There will be many people at the training center, parents and wives sending their sons and husbands off, and he cannot trust himself not to break down there and expose them. "Yeah. Okay."
Seokjin reaches for him and Taehyung sweeps him into a tight hug, kissing him long and hard. Seokjin closes his eyes as he inhales the crook of Taehyung's neck, then slowly pries the younger away from him. "I love you," he says tightly, stroking Taehyung's cheek one last time.
"I love you."
Seokjin lets go and closes the door. Taehyung watches him as he stands there, his eyes following Taehyung's car until it disappears from view.
***
Taehyung sleeps for most of his journey to Paris, the mental and emotional exhaustion finally catching up with him.
He is barely conscious when Jaehyung whisks him through the immigration check and baggage claim and into a company-rented car. He does not even register his hotel room as he crashes on the bed fully-clothed and falls into a long, deep sleep, comforted by the familiar warm smell of Seokjin's jacket.
A loud knock on the hotel door jolts him awake, and the first thing he remembers is that he forgets to text Seokjin. Cursing, he grabs his phone only to find the battery has dropped to 5% and that he has slept for more than ten hours.
"Taehyung-ssi, are you up?"
"In a minute!" he croaks as he sees five anxious texts from Seokjin and quickly types his reply before the battery goes out.
Sorry I overslept!!! Battery at 5% now, Jae's knocking at the door. Tell me all about your day. Love you so much.
He clicks Send and scrambles to the door. Jaehyung stands there, already in his suit, his face a mix of worry and annoyance. "Taehyung-ssi, you okay?"
"Yeah, it's just… I've been so tired." He wipes off his eye boogers. "Is the photoshoot today?"
"No, tomorrow. We're going somewhere though. Can you text me when you're ready?"
"Sure," Taehyung blinks. "Where are we going though?"
"If I'm not mistaken, you mentioned visiting some art galleries. We can go and have lunch outside and go back to the hotel by noon."
"Oh," Taehyung says, wondering if he ever made those plans, but nodding anyway. "See you in half an hour then."
Jaehyung nods and walks away, and Taehyung can almost swear he sees a small smirk on his manager's face.
Half an hour later, they are in the car that takes them through the streets of Paris. Usually the sight of the city never failed to invigorate Taehyung – there is something about the Paris air that touches his soul – but today Taehyung only stares vacantly outside the window, sometimes checking his phone to see if Seokjin sends any more messages. So far, he only gets one reply for his frantic text earlier:
It's OK, Jaehyung had texted me that you were sleeping ;) Have a great time! xoxo
Taehyung smiles: Seokjin's texts are usually more personal than this, but he is in the pre-training facility and cannot risk anyone accidentally seeing their boyfriend conversation. Both of them agree to use company phones for Seokjin's entire service term to avoid potential hacks of sensitive data.
They drive past the metropolitan Paris to a quieter neighborhood area, and Taehyung feels something jogging his memory. "Jaehyung, this is…"
"We're in the 16th arrondissement," the other man answers, then gives a few instructions in French to the driver.
They pass the Victor Hugo Place, some art galleries, and a university building before stopping in front of a row of apartments. Jaehyung leads Taehyung to one of them, a brownstone five storeys with classic 19th-century exterior, and speaks with the woman at the receptionist before leading Taehyung towards the uppermost floor.
"Jaehyung," Taehyung asks quietly. "Did Seokjin-ssi ask you to take me here?"
Jaehyung does not answer as he swipes the card key on the door scanner and motions Taehyung to step in. He gasps.
It is a bright, beige-painted semi-furnished studio apartment large enough for two occupants with a compact kitchen set, a mini bar and a pristine king-size bed. The French windows open to a pretty railed balcony facing a park just across the street, with bakeries, cafes and florists just nearby. Beyond these lies the sprawling city of Paris, the Eiffel Tower standing tall at a distance. A white built-in cabinet stands in the far corner of the room between the window and the wardrobe closet, and Taehyung immediately recognizes it as a cabinet for art supplies.
"Jaehyung…" He turns around but Jaehyung is gone. Instead, he finds a king-size Wootteo plushie Seokjin designed as a mascot for his debut single sitting beside Taehyung's own boston bag on the sideboard, holding a cream envelope between its pudgy hands.
Taehyung approaches it, suddenly remembering a conversation with Seokjin eons ago, after their 2019 Speak Yourself concert in Paris.
"Hyung, wouldn't it be nice if we have a place here to crash when we're in Europe?"
"You wanna retire here?"
"Maybe. We can get married and settle in Canada and have an apartment here for investment."
"Well, I hope we still have enough money for that. We've gotten properties back home too, you know."
" Pabo . I'm talking about the far far future. I've always imagined staying here, studying art and opening a studio."
"Hmm. What kind of place do you imagine?"
"An apartment for two, with 19th-century exterior and chic interior. A balcony for me to paint and enjoy breakfast with you. We can walk to the boulangerie for lunch, or enjoy lattes at one of the cafes."
Hands shaking, Taehyung picks the envelope from Wootteo's hands and tears it to find a handwritten letter.
My VV,
You asked me once why I chose you as my companion, when there were so many people I could've chosen from.
The answer is because you chose me first.
You chose me when I was still a gangly, insecure college kid with two left feet and nothing except my face to boast of. You still choose me after all these years, despite so many cool and attractive men out there who are willing to give everything for you. You saw and liked me before I saw and liked myself, accepted me with all my flaws and made me see how beautiful they are.
I'm only returning the love you gave me when I didn't even love myself. Because of you, I am what I am now.
Cheer up. Always be the VV that I love, who loves to paint and listen to jazz music and make friends everywhere you go. I hope you like the apartment – you can decorate and lease it, or keep it as a place to crash in whenever you are in Paris. And someday, if fate allows, I hope I can stay there with you.
Whatever happens tomorrow, know that my heart will always be yours. And whenever you have your croissant in the balcony and paint the Paris landscape in your little art corner, I hope you can feel me there with you.
Love,
Jinnie.
Jaehyung finds him two hours later, sitting on the floor beside the bed, his eyes staring at the balcony with Wootteo and Seokjin's letter clutched to his heart. "You alright, Taehyung-ssi?"
Taehyung looks up, his face damp with tears, but he is smiling. "Yeah, more than alright." He hesitates. "Can I stay here tonight?"
Jaehyung nods. "I already thought so. There are clothes in the wardrobe, in case you haven't noticed. And I've stocked the fridge with your favorite food, in case you want to eat in."
Taehyung stares at him. "You've been in this from the start, haven't you?"
Jaehyung only smiles. "You're a lucky man, Taehyung-ssi."
Taehyung smiles back. "I am." The luckiest man in the world.
Jaehyung pats his shoulder and leaves. Taehyung walks over to the balcony, casting a look at his favorite city beneath him, his hand clutching Wootteo and Seokjin's letter closer. He has no idea of what the next two years will bring, or how it will change them - he only knows that, whatever will happen, it will not change the unbreakable bond he shares with Seokjin, nor the never-ending history between them.
"I'll be waiting for you, Seokjinnah," he promises as he kisses Wootteo's round head. "Forever."