Chapter Text
The brisk fall air nipped at Byleth’s fingertips as she held her hood in place against the wind. Her footsteps quickened, realizing she was slightly underdressed for this evening excursion. To sneak out meant to also risk not being properly dressed for the weather.
Byleth had been cooped up inside all day, reviewing documents with Seteth. They didn’t even stop to go to the dining hall. The man was basically a machine. All work and no play. In a way Byleth was grateful because he did so much of the work for her, but in another way she hated the strict devout nature, feeling constantly stifled by her new position; constantly unworthy. She was almost certain she would never be able to live up to Seteth’s expectation, or the expectations of all of Fodlan.
That was what alcohol was for.
It had been almost a month since she was able to drink anything alcoholic. The last event was Dimitri’s coronation in Fhirdiad. And even that was just a simple glass of sparkling wine during the toast. She was on-duty for the event so she was unable to really enjoy the beverage or the company of her former students.
The more Byleth sank deeper into her archbishop lifestyle the more she realized it was not for her. Anytime she wore the standard dresses of the archbishop the more she felt she lost a piece of herself. Looking in the mirror had become a struggle.
But right now, she wore her former mercenary garb, minus the neck piece that did not survive the war. She knew she was overly exposed for the weather but she did not care. She felt like herself again, which was rare.
The warm glow of a pub pulled her inside. The smell of ale, oak, and some sort of pot roast filled her nose. She took a deep breath and smiled. The place was rather busy, only offering two empty bar stools in the corner of the bar. The heavy crowd should play nicely in hiding herself, although she doubted many of the townspeople actually knew what the new archbishop looked like, thank the Goddess.
Byleth slipped through the crowd without touching another body then sat down at the bar. Not long after sitting, a large pint was placed in front of her. Byleth sipped the contents happily, and tried not to think about the last time she was at a bar. She was with others, former students and at the time soldiers fighting, along each other to end the war. Although being the archbishop made her squirm in her skin, it at least gave her a purpose. The loneliness of no longer being the professor or commander of the Blue Lion had initially shocked her. She had always considered herself a bit of a lone wolf, even when she had spent most of her life in a group of mercenaries. Never before had she felt the need for companionship…not before Garreg Mach and Sothis. Now all of her former students were off trying to mend the scars of war and heal the hearts of their people. They were either off claiming titles or letting themselves fall in love; hopefully finding purpose and happiness in this new age. But in a way they had all left Byleth behind…She knew her job was incredibly important but…she wasn’t with her students anymore…wasn’t with the people she held most dear…well most of them anyway. One of the Lions had done their best not to leave unless given a royal summons by Dimitri.
Byleth heard him before she saw him. That warm laugh, even when there was disdain and pain behind it, still stirred something in her stomach. Only recently did it have a purity to it, an ease. The end of a war can do that to a person.
A young woman with long brown hair and a nice maroon dress had her hands wrapped around his forearm. She giggled and pressed herself against his side. The man looked at her with honey brown eyes and a practiced smile, then did something that shocked Byleth. He took a step away from her, then gently pulled his arm out of her grasp. The woman looked surprised but continued to push her chest against his side. He leaned down to whisper something in her ear. The young woman’s face went from disappointment to surprise. Then she frowned, said something back to him and walked away. It took Byleth a moment to realize the man’s gaze was suddenly on her. Heat rippled up her body to her cheeks. She did her best to pull her hood closer, afraid he might not appreciate being watched, maybe think she was too nosy.
A minute later, Byleth felt someone take the seat next to hers, then another pint of ale being pushed in front of her.
“Fancy seeing you here Professor” the voice purred, then dropped. “Or should I say, archbishop?”
“Shhh!” Byleth said, wiping her hand out to cover his mouth. He grinned against her palm and the heat of his breath on her hand made her suddenly warmer. He chuckled when she retracted her hand. “Please don’t call me Professor either. I have a name, something everyone seems to forget.”
He chuckled again then reached out and pulled her hood down. “Don’t worry, Byleth. No one here will recognize you, despite your somewhat unique hair color. This pub is dim enough that only your natural beauty will be what draws people to stare at you.”
Byleth let her eyes take in the beauty that was Sylvain Gautier. Despite his comment about the dim lighting affecting the color of her hair, it only magnified his. The red becoming richer and occasionally glistening from the reflection of the large fireplace behind them. He was close enough that she could see the light freckles covering his face, and the swirl of caramel that his eyes always had about them. Right now they were brimming with mischief and amusement. She realized she was staring and pulled her attention back to the new mug of ale.
“Running away from your new duties?” he teased.
Byleth smiled. “Couldn’t I ask you the same?” Sylvain laughed deep and it warmed her whole body. At this point how could she be any hotter?
Ever since the end of the war, Sylvain had spent a majority of the last four months at the monastery, only returning to Gautier once and Fhirdiad a few times at the request of their new King. He had volunteered to be a liaison between the Church and the new Kingdom, but mostly he stayed in his old dorm room and helped the monks and knights rebuild the damaged monastery. Byleth suspected that he was doing all of this to stay out of Gautier, a place that was filled with nothing but bad memories for Sylvain. Despite that, she thought for sure that once all the Lions left, he would be happier stationed in Fhirdiad where running into them would occur more frequently. She couldn’t fathom why he decided to camp out here. Either way she was appreciative. He really was a big help.
“I know one day my father will send an army down here to drag me back to Gautier. For now our wonderful new King is doing all he can to keep that from happening.”
“Why not stay in Fhirdiad then? Afraid of running into your father?” Byleth asked curiously
Sylvain took a swig of his own mug, his tongue darting out to catch a drop he missed. “That’s one reason.”
He took another drink but didn’t say anything more. Maybe he wasn’t up for talking….but he had sat down next to her. Perhaps he needed a reason to stay away from that woman.
The fact that she had quickly drank her first pint and was already half way through the second was making Byleth bold. “What happened with that girl? She was clearly interested in you.”
Sylvain smiled softly. “I told her I was in love with someone already and she backed off.”
“Oh!” she said, almost spilling her drink. She didn’t expect him to say that. He looked at her curiously. “But that was a lie right? You just weren’t interested?”
Sylvain leaned forward, his face only a few inches from hers. Byleth could smell vanilla and cedar, Sylvain’s normal scent. It made her head a bit dizzy. “Why are you curious, Byleth?”
The way he said her name did something to her stomach. For a moment she wanted to reach out and touch his hair. It always looked so soft. She had always wanted to touch it.
“I was hoping it was true.” Sylvain’s eyes widened slightly before he shifted back a bit in his chair. The word ‘why’ was clearly written in his expression so she answered it. “If you’re in love then that means maybe you can actually marry for love instead of an arranged marriage. I know how you feel on the matter….” She hesitated. “I’ve…always hoped you would find someone that would make you happy, Sylvain.”
His features softened and a small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. Then he sighed and placed his hand behind his head, something he had been doing since she first met him.
“Don’t be happy for me yet. I have yet to gather the courage to confess.”
“Why’s that?” Byleth knew she shouldn’t be nosing in his business but she couldn’t stop herself, the pleasant buzz of alcohol pushing the words out of her mouth before she could stop them.
Sylvain chuckled softly then finished his pint. “Because she’s too good for me. I don’t deserve her. I keep hoping maybe she’s secretly in love with me and she’ll tell me first.” He rubbed the back of his head again. “I know it’s pathetic that the boy who could easily approach any girl and confess his love to her is now struggling with the real thing.”
It was Byleth’s turn to chuckle. “I don’t think that’s pathetic at all. You’ve never meant it before, so why would you be good at it? Besides I think you’re making this hard on yourself.” Sylvain cocked an eyebrow at her, while she started her third ale. “I know you think very little of yourself but you are quite the catch Sylvain and I don’t mean because of your title and crest.” Sylvain looked ready to protest so she quickly continued speaking. “You were an amazing commander during the war. You constantly put yourself in between danger and your friends. You were a constant source of hope and life when things seemed doomed. I…I don’t know if I would have made it through the war without you…it wasn’t easy when I returned after five years…when Dimitri was…” Byleth stopped talking, trying not to think too hard about the past. Then suddenly she realized some of what she said and blushed heavily. Quickly she turned her face from his to focus on her pint hoping he would not notice the red on her cheeks.
Sylvain was quiet for a while. “Wow…” he said softly. “I had no idea you thought those things about me…”
Byleth chanced a glance at him. He was worrying his bottom lip, his fingers playing with the handle of his pint, his eyes focused on the spot next to her hand on the bartop. Suddenly they snapped to hers and he smiled. It was big and bright and it made her whole body heat up.
“Thank you Byleth. It’s rare to hear something so nice said about me… I know I’m bad at taking compliments but…coming from you…I know it means something….especially to me.”
Byleth felt herself blush again and returned to drinking. “You’re welcome. But I’m not the only one who said those things.”
Sylvain leaned in close to her again. “Even the part about not being able to get through the war without my smiling face?” he teased. Byleth elbowed his shoulder and he laughed. “That was such a Felix response! Did you pick that up from him?”
Byleth laughed. “Maybe. We did spend a lot of time together over the last year.”
“I know. I was jealous of all the attention he got. Honestly, I’m surprised he didn’t ask you to marry him, but by the middle of the war it was obvious he was head over heels for Annette.”
Byleth smiled. “He always had that dreamy look on his face when she sang one of those cute little songs of hers.”
“I teased him endlessly about it. His face would get so red, that’s how I knew he really liked her. That reminds me. I need a date for their wedding.” Sylvain nudged Byleth lightly in the side with his elbow. “Wanna go with me or is your date card already full?”
Byleth stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out if he was teasing. She couldn’t. “You wouldn’t want to go with the woman you’re pinning after?”
Sylvain smirked, this time putting both arms behind his head. “You may have said all those nice things about me earlier, but deep down I’m a coward.”
His shoulders suddenly sagged and he placed an elbow on the bartop, his body completely angled toward her. Byleth couldn’t help but look at the skin showing through the unbuttoned portion of his top. She could see the ends of his collarbones and felt her fingers twitch.
“Although I guess I’m like so many others, afraid to love, afraid to be rejected by the one person you finally want to open your heart to” Sylvain said softly.
Byleth was surprised by the drop in his act, the sudden exposure of the real Sylvain. No practiced cadence in his voice, no teasing or charming words, just him, his real feelings and thoughts. He looked vulnerable and Byleth couldn’t contain the way her heart felt like it wanted to jump out of her chest.
For months now she noticed how her eyes constantly sought out Sylvain. At first she thought it was because he was easy to see. Tall, with bright red hair, broad shoulders and a voice that carried through the wind. Who wouldn’t easily spot him? But soon she noticed how tight her heart would become as she sought him out after a battle. If she didn’t immediately see him, her feet moved on their own to find him. That tightness would vanish when she saw the shock of red hair and heard that wonderful voice. Byleth had always liked Sylvain. She knew his playboy lifestyle was an act; saw through the bravado and the fake flattery he threw at everyone, including her. She knew he was tortured by his past and thought he deserved absolutely nothing. In reality he deserved the world. Sylvain actually had a huge heart. He loved every one of his friends deeply and would literally trade his life for theirs. So many times Mercedes had to bring him back from the brink of death. So many times Byleth thought she didn’t bend time enough to keep alive…too many times she saw him die. That was when she fell in love with him, after one of the many times they brought him back to life and he brushed his actions off as no big deal. Except that time it was her life he saved. Even with the Divine Pulse there was ultimately nothing protecting Byleth, no one looking out for her…except Sylvain.
After the shock of her five year absence, it had been Sylvain’s warm smile and teasing words that made her start to forgive herself for not being there to support her students….to save Dimitri. She knew they had all been through so much, saw it in their eyes and their smiles, and really Sylvain was no different…but there was something there, a constant burning flame to make everyone around him smile, even at his own expense. It had been directed at her since her return. Instead of the bit of disdain he used to have in his gaze when looking at her, it was nothing but affection after her return. At first Byleth wondered if he felt guilty. Some of their academy conversation had ended poorly, Sylvain accusing her of having life too easy, not understanding what most crest born people go through. He once told her she was a spoiled brat and the way he said it had made her whole body go ice cold. It had only been two months after that conversation when she fell into the chasm. So after her return she took his nice demeanor as guilt. But it never changed. If anything he went out of his way to spend time with her. He would try to cheer her up if she looked depressed, make sure she was eating enough if he hadn’t seen her in the dining hall much. Sometimes, if she spent all day in the war room, he would team up with Felix and convince her to join them in the training hall. Like all those he cared about, Sylvain kept an eye on her, made sure she was ok.
“I…think I know what you mean. It’s hard to accept that someone in the world might actually love you for you, not your title or money or heroics on the battlefield. It’s even harder thinking they might reject you” Byleth finally said after a few moments of silence.
Sylvain stared at her for a moment. “You speak as though you know” he said softly, then a big smile consumed his face. “Don’t tell me somewhere along the way you actually fell in love! I always thought you were too busy to think about things like that…Although if “I only train, eat and sleep” Felix Fraldarius can find time to fall in love I suppose you can too.”
Byleth frowned. She knew she was late to the game in terms of emotions but hearing Sylvain say that…“Does everyone think that? That I don’t have the time for love?”
Sylvain’s eyes went a bit wide. “Oh damn. I’m sorry Byleth I didn’t mean to offend you. I was just teasing. I mean we all know you love the Lions, we could tell by how hard you fought to keep us all alive during the war. It’s not like we think you’re emotionless, just…insanely busy trying to save all of Fodlan from a war.” He lightly bumped his shoulder into hers. “Forgive me?” he said, shifting his head low so he could look up at her with puppy dog eyes.
Byleth laughed. “I suppose your reasoning is hard to fault.”
Sylvain grinned then leaned closer to her. “So who is the lucky guy who managed to get the love of the new archbishop,the savior of the war, the holder of the Goddess’s powers, the former Ashen Demon?” he said with a deeper voice filled with reverence.
Byleth punched him in the arm again. “Stop with the titles! It’s embarrassing enough that I’m the archbishop now…”
Sylvain chuckled. “Just trying to keep the conversation light. I did just ask you to confess who you’re in love with after all. Although I could probably guess.”
It was Byleth’s turn to lean on her elbow and shift closer to him. “Oh? I’ll give you one guess.”
“Only one? Well I think I only need one. It’s gotta be His Majesty. Dimitri has clearly been in love with you since the academy days and after he returned to us you two have been thick as thieves, always together.”
Byleth chuckled softly. “Dimitri did approach me not long after the war to see if a union between us might be good for the entire country.”
“He did! Why didn’t I know about this?” Sylvain said wide eyed and flustered.
“Because we both decided it was not a good decision…” Byleth leaned back in her chair and took a big gulp of her drink.
“Seriously! What possible reason would make you two go against it if you love each other? I mean Dimitri is a big romantic. If it was your position I know he wouldn’t care. He would fight tooth and nail for you.”
Byleth gave him a little smile. “I think there was a time when we both thought we did love each other…but we…slept together once, at the end of the war, and realized we weren’t actually in love. I mean don’t get me wrong I love him more than I can explain but Dimitri’s is not the man I want to spend my life with…not the person I truly love. And he felt the same. Like you said, we were constantly by each other’s side, but Dimitri was still recovering and I was still trying to figure out who I am. After that night…it was clear that our feelings were heightened by the war.”
Sylvain bit his lip for a moment then waved the bartender over. A moment later there were two glasses of whiskey in front of them. He pushed one to Byleth, then took a big gulp of his.
“Why do you look so…distressed by this news?” Byleth questioned.
Sylvain laughed. “Not distressed, just incredibly surprised.” His eyes focused on the bar. “I’ve been spending the last few months preparing myself from when you would be announced as the Queen and…” He stopped his sentence then finished off the rest of his glass.
Byleth waited for him to speak again, sipping on her whiskey. It took him a few minutes and another half of a pint of ale for him to say “So then who….”
Byleth laughed. “You told me you’d get it in one guess. You don’t get to ask me that question Sylvain.”
“Oh come on Byleth! You can’t do that to me!” he whined.
She laughed harder then reached out her hand to gently place it on his shoulders. “Nope! Besides, it's my turn.”
“Your turn?”
“To guess who you are in love with. I mean it’s hard to imagine someone in this world is able to claim the much sought after love of Sylvain Gautier. She must be someone incredibly special.”
Sylvain smirked then shifted his body to face hers again. “Fine, but you only get one guess. Fairs, fair and all that.”
Byleth twisted her lips in thought. “Only one person really comes to mind…but I’m not sure I should guess it because it doesn’t explain your behavior.”
“My behavior? You mean turning down women?”
“No. I mean staying here at the monastery for the last few months.”
Sylvain just laughed and finished his pint glass. “Go on, let’s hear your guess. I want to know who you think is worthy of my love” he said mockingly.
“Mercedes.” Sylvain just stared at her, then motioned his hand to provoke her to explain why she guessed her. “She’s beautiful, kind, helpful and has a big heart. I know you have a soft spot for Mercedes. Even though you hit on her like every other girl, I could always tell you respected her. You also went out of your way several times to protect her during the war. I mean Mercedes is the ideal woman and she even has a crest so there are other positives. Knowing that…maybe you let yourself be more open with her since it’s obvious her love wouldn’t be influenced by things like crests and status.”
“Mercedes does deserve the word and she definitely deserves more than my love.”
When Sylvain didn’t say anything else Byleth prompted, “So is it her?”
“Nope.” Sylvain said with a grin. “But I can see why you’d think that. I do love Mercedes but it’s more like she’s my big sister. I mean she’s basically the mom of the Blue Lions. It’s hard not to love someone so caring.”
Byleth twisted her lips. “I thought for sure I was right.”
Sylvain laughed. “So I did I, but since we are both wrong, how about a follow up question.”
“Let me hear it first.”
“Do I at least know this person?”
Byleth laughed. “The game wouldn't be fair if you didn’t…unless. Did you trick me?! Have I not met the girl you love?”
Sylvain chuckled. “Of course you know her. I’m not cruel Byleth. I would have felt horrible if I guessed yours and you had no chance at guessing mine.”
Byleth smiled. She was having a really good time sitting here and chatting with Sylvain like this, even if it was about something that could ultimately break her heart.
“Maybe we should change the subject” she said.
“Why? Afraid I’ll say horrible things about the person you love?”
“I know you would” Byleth said, finishing her ale.
Sylvain’s mouth dropped a bit. “If…Byleth I have no idea who I would disapprove of that would cause me to say bad things about them but…oh Goddess…is it Seteth?!”
Byleth laughed, the alcohol going right to her head as she did. She was definitely very buzzed and at the mention of Seteth’s name she realized she needed to end this night or she would be useless tomorrow. She placed some money down on the bar then stood up and put her hood back over her mint green locks.
“This was fun, Sylvain. I hope we can do this more often. I love spending time with you. Maybe you’ll have to come rescue me from Seteth sometime soon.”
Sylvain repeated her actions then extended his arm. “Let me walk you back.”
Byleth stared at his arm for a bit. “You know I can probably kill everyone in this bar within a minute.”
Sylvain chuckled. “I know but I’m not quite ready for our evening to end. I had a great time too.”
Byleth smiled and took his arm. The second they got outside a burst of cold air shot through Byleth’s thin outfit. Sylvain immediately took off his coat and placed it on her shoulders. She thanked him and properly put it on, the smell of him washing over her. She smiled and took his arm again.
They walked in peaceful silence until they got to the monastery. Just as they were about to enter the main building, where Byleth’s new quarters were, they stopped. Byleth turned to face Sylvain and smiled at him. He gave her a warm smile back that caused her chest to tighten. She reached out and gently placed her hand on his cheek.
“I must admit I’m jealous of the girl who has your heart. She’d be a fool not to love you.” Sylvain’s eyes went wide and Byleth took the opportunity to kiss his cheek and slip inside the building.
Quickly, she ascended the two flights of stairs to her quarters then ducked inside her room. If she had a heart she knew it would be beating fast. Being that close to Sylvain all night…touching him, kissing his cheek…it made her feel like a giddy school girl. But he had someone he loved. In the morning she’d have to focus again on her current situation. She was the archbishop, sworn to duty and destined to never have love. But for now…she’d let her mind drift to how she really wished this evening had played out.
Her fingers brushed against Sylvain’s coat and she just realized she had forgotten to give it back to him. She inhaled his scent again then decided she should return it this evening in case he needed it for tomorrow.
Byleth opened her door to find Sylvain standing on the other side. His expression was a mix of surprise and apprehension.
“Oh Sylvain! I was just about to come find you. I still have your coat.” She gently pushed the garment into his hands. Sylvain barely seemed to register that she had done it because the next moment the coat was on the floor and his hands were on her cheeks.
Byleth’s eyes widened in surprise as he leaned forward. “Tell me to stop and I will” he said before pressing his lips to hers. It took Byleth a moment to register what was happening. Had she fallen asleep and her mind was playing out how she wished the night had gone? But his mouth was so warm and as she responded she was almost certain it wasn’t a dream. Byleth wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into his body. Sylvain pulled her tight against him, one hand still on her face the other on her waist. They kissed like starved people until Byleth tried to pull him inside her room. He resisted, looking like he wanted to say something.
“Get inside before Seteth finds us like this” she said.
This time Sylvain followed but he kept a hand on her arm to keep her from moving too deep inside the room.
“What’s wrong?” Byleth asked, looking at his apprehensive face. “If you’re concerned I might be too drunk and you’re taking advantage I promise you’re not.”
Sylvain smiled slightly before taking her face in his hands again. “I appreciate your confirmation, but no. I…I need to know something first.” Byleth watched him patiently. Sylvain sighed and placed his forehead against hers. “This can be a one time thing if you want or we can stop all together, but I need to know…” He stopped again. This time he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It wasn’t until Byleth gently touched his arm did he open them again. He shifted back so he could fully see her face. “Were you…were you talking about me…at the bar? You said I would say horrible things about the person you love and the only person I can think of that I would openly say terrible things about…is myself. Plus you said all those other wonderful things about me…and how you were jealous thinking of the woman I love…I just…I need to know Byleth.”
It was Byleth’s turn to hesitate, to swallow hard and try to steady her breathing. “Sylvain I…I already told you I’m on board with this. I…know you love someone else and I’m fine with this being a one time thing. You don’t need to check in on my feelings. I promise I’ll be ok.”
Sylvain’s hands shifted to her shoulders and gripped her tightly. “I’m serious Byleth. I don’t mean to put you in an awkward spot but I need to know…please…am I the one you love?”
Byleth stared at him. He really was being serious. She couldn’t fathom why this mattered to him. “Oh!” Byleth said. “I’m sorry Sylvain. Are you having second thoughts? We can stop, I promise I won’t be upset since I know you have feelings for someone else.”
“Dammit Byleth!” he said, gripping her tightly. “Just please answer my question” he said desperately.
Apparently this was very important to him. She couldn’t fathom why. Byleth sighed and reached her hands up to grasp his. She pulled them down from her face then let them go. She knew he was tense in front of her. She didn’t want to tell him this, afraid it would ruin their friendship. But he seemed so desperate to know. How did they go from kissing to this?
Byleth stared at the floor unable to look him in the eyes. Very quietly she said “yes.”
Sylvain did not respond right away. Byleth got the impression he was holding his breath, but then one of his large hands was on her face again, tilting it up so she would look at him.
“Please…say it again so I know this isn’t a dream…that my stupid mind isn’t playing a trick on me.”
Byleth furrowed her brow, confused by his reaction. Her whole face was starting to burn with embarrassment. She had never confessed to someone before. “I said yes, you’re the one I was talking about you’re…the one I’m…in love with.”
Sylvain suddenly sank to his knees in front of her. His forehead pressed into her lower stomach while his hands lightly rested at the back of her legs.
“Sylvain? Are you alright?” she asked, suddenly concerned. Maybe he had been too drunk. Maybe he would forget her confession and they could go about their normal relationship.
Sylvain laughed softly. “I’m sorry, Byleth. This just doesn’t feel real. I mean how could it?”
He wasn’t looking at her and Byleth was beginning to feel like she made a horrible mistake. “I’m sorry Sylvain but it’s true” she said, taking a step back from him, suddenly feeling incredibly self conscious. Then she started to back away from him completely. “If it bothers you so much then please forget it. I don’t want our relationship to change just because I have feelings for you.”
Sylvain suddenly stood up and reached out for her. Byleth found herself crushed against his chest. “No…please don’t say that. I can never forget this and I never will.” He sighed into her hair. “I’m sorry I’m such an idiot. I never knew you felt that way about me, never pieced it together. I can’t imagine how much I might have hurt you with my stupid ways. But I’m done with that.” He shifted back to look into her eyes. “I promise you Byleth. I’m done with other women. You are the only one I want now and forever.”
It was Byleth’s turn to feel shock. “What? I don’t understand” she said, shifting back from him again.
Sylvain chuckled. “Guess I’m not the only one who thinks they don’t deserve love. Byleth…I love you.”
An odd tingling feeling shot down Byleth’s back. Her mind went blank against her better judgment. What did Sylvain say? Did he say…that he loved her? No, that was impossible. Why would anyone love her? She was just a walking a weapon, literally heartless. For a while now she had accepted that she was meant to be alone.
Tears started to fall down her cheeks. “Please don’t just say what I want to hear Sylvain.”
Sylvain took a step toward her and she took another one back. “Byleth…why would I do that?”
“I…I don’t know!” she shouted. Now she was shaking. “I already told you, I’m fine with one night. You don’t need to lie to me!”
Sylvain looked hurt and slightly angry. “Come on Byleth. I haven’t pulled that kind of shit since I was a student. I know it hurt my reputation but…we’ve been through a war! I’m different now. I figured out what matters to me…who matters to me.” He took a tentative step forward. “Byleth, why do you think I’ve been at the monastery as much as possible these last few months? It’s not because I’m running away from responsibility. It’s the opposite in fact. I was hoping to ask you to marry me…but I’m such a fucking coward. I was too afraid of rejection, of my feelings pushing you away. I figured I’d at least wait awhile till things settled down, especially since I thought Dimitri would propose. I know how stressed you are, adding my feelings to everything would just have made things worse. You’re such a caring person I know you would feel bad if you didn’t feel the same…probably pity me which would just kill me…I’d have to run back to Gautier in shame.” He chuckled and gave her a soft smile.
Byleth bit her lip, obviously still uncertain. “I didn’t realize that you are just as insecure about love as I am. Goddess I’m an idiot. I wanted to show you how I felt from the start but I figured you’d think I was just flirting, not being genuine.” He took another step, and this time Byleth didn’t move. He lightly brushed away some of her tears. “I’ve loved you for so long Byleth, before you fell down that chasm and slept for five years. I was just a fucking idiot about it because I couldn’t handle my own stupid life. I knew you’d never love me so I lashed out instead, made sure you couldn’t. But five years of war changes a person, makes them realize that once you love something you could lose it…I hated myself for how I treated you, decided that I would never be worthy of your love even after you returned. But even so I wanted you to feel loved. I tried so hard to take care of you from afar, knowing that none of it mattered, that you’d never love me. But I got you back in my life and I was determined to do everything I could to help you, to make your life better. What you said earlier…about not making it through the war without me…I honestly thought I had failed to help you. I thought all the small things I did hadn’t amounted to anything. That once again I didn’t do enough. And now…now you won’t even believe me when I tell you I love you.” He gently kissed her forehead. “I will spend the rest of my days making sure you know how much I love you” he practically whispered.
Byleth wrapped her arms around him and shook. She started crying, unable to handle his confession and the sheer level of his self-hatred.
“Hey, hey I’m sorry Byleth. Please don’t cry. I’m sorry for making you so miserable. I can leave if that helps.”
Byleth clung to him as he tried to back away. She looked up and the face of worry he exuded, then began to laugh through her tears. “Don’t you dare leave Sylvain Gautier. I finally have you in my arms. I’m not letting you go, ever.”
Sylvain smiled and crushed her to him again. “Fuck Byleth…does this mean my dreams actually came true, that you want to be with me?”
Byleth laughed again. “Now I know why Felix always calls you an idiot. Of course I want you. I think my confession made that clear.”
Sylvain chuckled. “Yeah…Felix is right. He has been telling me for months now to grow a pair and confess to you…I hate when he is right…I should have done this sooner.”
Byleth leaned up and kissed him. “Let’s not think about the past anymore. We finally found each other. I just want to think about now.”