Chapter Text
Hawks is bored. He landed wrong while chasing a villain, and he can feel every minute he’s been laid up. He got the guy and was lucky to limp away with a sprain. He could go to Recovery Girl. He just can't make himself. She has a lot of people to take care of, as he pointed out to Enji. An injury that can heal with rest and time isn't worth bothering her.
He’s starting to regret that decision. The boredom is making him stir crazy, but it's more than that. He isn't cooped up alone. Enji has been steadily switching from the front line to background support for a while now, and he decided on his own that he'd stay home to look after him. Burnin was happy to take over his patrol for overtime pay.
This is the fifth day. The swelling isn't bad, and he’s good using crutches when he's inside and can't fly. He really doesn't need a chaperone. If he has to have one, there are plenty of people who wouldn't give him blue balls.
Enji has been making the same guilty face since he came home and found him lying on the bed with his leg on top of all the pillows he could find. He doesn't live here, but he knows where to find bedding. He’d hoped that seeing him so at home would distract Enji. He'd even changed into a pair of boxers that Enji has enjoyed peeling off in the past.
It was no use. Enji put Hawks’ patrol together with the injury and made the correct connection: Hawks got hurt because his wings were too unsteady for the way he was flying.
It's been long enough that Hawks rarely has nightmares about a fire burning them off. He doesn't blame him for what Dabi did. They all made their choices, and despite what Enji thinks, the terrible things he’s done don't justify someone else lashing out at the world.
There are moments when Hawks is angry with him. Angry, frustrated, disappointed, horrified- he isn't going to absolve him. Loving him doesn't make him perfect. His table is too big for his family of one, and he's earned the empty places. At the same time, Hawks can't ignore that Enji hasn't flinched from his past. He accepts the hate he's earned without trying to minimize it.
But he collects guilt like blankets. He surrounds himself with that hate and turns it into a never ending pile so heavy it's suffocating him.
Enji's guilt didn't make Hawks itch less when his wings were regrowing. It didn't help him learn ways to fly. It didn't let them kiss in the kitchen of Enji’s massive, empty house. Maybe it was there in the back of his mind, but it wasn't the only feeling. It wasn't the one that pushed him to lift Hawks onto the counter and kiss him until the soup boiled over.
But here it is, disrupting his work so he can be attentive to everything Keigo wants.
It's getting harder and harder not to say something he shouldn't. Sometimes picking a fight is the way to get Enji to listen. The problem is, it doesn't work when Hawks winces every time he loves the wrong way.
He tried arguing. He tried teasing. He tried being annoying. He tried being unreasonable. He tried bargaining. It all rolled off Enji’s back.
Seeing him like this hurts even more than his ankle.
Fortunately, Keigo has an idea. Enough time has passed that it has a good chance at working.
They barely saw each other in the month before he got hurt, and despite how he acts, Enji likes being touched.
Keigo slowly rearranges himself on the sofa so he can lean his head on Enji’s shoulder.
“Enji,” he sighs.
“Is something wrong?”
“No, I just wanted to sit in a different position and you looked so inviting.”
Enji makes a sound of disbelief but raises his arm so Hawks can settle against him comfortably. He lowers it once he's settled and curls it around him. His hand rests on Hawks’ hip over his sweats.
Perfect.
Hawks stays like that for a while. It’s supposed to lull Enji into focusing on his work, but he catches himself drifting off. Cuddling like this brings back memories from the earliest days of their relationship. The wounds had long since become scars, but the extra warmth from Enji’s body helped relax tension in his back before it became cramps.
He snuggles closer, and Enji wordlessly rearranges himself, shifting his arm to hold him more comfortably.
Before the Hero Commission’s fall from grace, Hawks hadn't thought anything about his inexperience with relationships. He’d never expected to have one; it was more likely that he'd die on a mission than live long enough to retire and meet someone. As the smoke cleared on the day of All for One’s defeat, he found himself in a world he hadn't let himself want to join. With the sudden welcome came a series of embarrassments.
He was in his twenties, but he'd never been held by a partner.
All of his kisses were for the sake of a mission. He could turn someone on but couldn't say goodnight with a peck on the lips.
The intimacy he'd had wasn’t real, and he hadn't known that that would matter.
Everything he knew about relationships was manufactured. He'd read it or learned it by watching other people. He knew what he should do and how. He faked it so well that he never got caught.
He didn't date Enji first. He went out with several people and tried to make it work, but he felt like he was playing another role.
When he got that first, heated kiss in the kitchen, inexperience didn't make his hands shake. He didn't have to think about how much he didn't know. Enji didn't notice, so Hawks didn't have to care about it. He'd learn everything he needed to, and Enji would be none the wiser. He was confident in that plan.
Until he found himself holding Enji in bed one night.
They'd been together for a while, so it was normal to for him to sleep over. After getting railed and sharing a warm shower that got derailed because Enji wanted to blow him, he hadn't had anything on his mind but going to sleep. Enji had already lain down when Hawks crawled in, expecting to be cuddled. Enji hadn't, though; he'd already fallen asleep. A great opportunity to try something he'd been joking about for a while opened up: being the big spoon.
He'd put his arm over Enji’s waist and bumped his nose on his back. They use the same laundry soap, but Enji always smells better. That night, he'd accidentally used Hawks' shampoo. It was nice. He'd felt so solid that Hawks’ eyes had prickled. His thoughts had whirled. He was holding Endeavor. He was in Endeavor’s bed, cuddling the man who saved him.
Who wouldn't be overwhelmed by that? It had made so much sense that he hadn't realized he was shaking and digging his fingers into Enji’s chest until Enji took his hand.
Without turning around, he'd said, “Stop rushing. You’ll catch up.”
It was humiliating. Hawks doesn't feel the difference in their ages often, but despite the misery he brought to his first marriage, Enji has years more experience existing with someone else in his space. He's more comfortable than Hawks can fake.
But he was right that night. Hawks did catch up. He hasn't loved most of the people he's kissed, but he's kissed the man he loves more than he kissed any of them. He had a lot of sex with people to get something the Commission needed, but he's had even more sex with someone who knows him and wants him. He's been the little spoon and the big spoon. He's posted photos of them online. Given the strain that dating him is already putting on the tentative ties Enji is building with his family, it could have been a disaster, but it went as well as he could have hoped.
Shouto’s simple “hope he doesn't burn it” on the first picture of Enji cooking caused a stir. What no one outside his family and Hawks know is Enji’s poor sense of heat. If meat isn't undercooked, it's overcooked.
He's good at prep and cleaning up, which makes up for it.
Cleaning up reminds Hawks of lunch, which reminds him of what he's supposed to be doing.
Enji keeps saying that they can't fool around until Hawks’ ankle heals, but he forgot about that when Hawks sat on his lap earlier. If he hadn't noticed the dirty plates on the table, he might have finally gotten over the idea that they have to wait a month.
He did see them, and Hawks was carried to the sofa like a troublesome kitten.
The joke’s on Enji, though. Carrying him like that had just reminded Hawks of how long it's been. He's partial to positions where Enji holds him up.
None of the people he slept with before could hold him up on their own. Only Enji can stand in the middle of the room and hold him so Hawks can only cling onto his neck until Enji decides to let him down. That's how they did it the last time, before the long, involved case he got hurt finishing kept Hawks too busy and exhausted to do more than collapse on the rare days he got here at all.
He finally has time and energy, but Enji won't do more than kiss him. He has such soft lips. It's a shame that he won't let Hawks have more than a peck.
Hawks blinks. He got so comfortable that he forgot what he’s supposed to be doing.
Refocusing, he squeezes his Enji’s thigh. “E-n-ji.”
“You can wait,” Enji tells him. He doesn't look over from the laptop balanced on his knee. “I’m working on something important right now.”
“You've been staring at the same page for ages.”
“There's a lot on it.”
“There are two paragraphs, and you wrote both of them.”
“I can't turn in anything with spelling or grammar errors. Stop distracting me.”
He says that, but he’s petting Hawks’ hip. The scratch of his rough fingers send shivers up his spine as they follow his waistband around from his hip to his spine. From there they slide under his pants.
Keigo smiles when he feels him pause then start searching.
Enji accepts the obvious quickly. “Why aren't you wearing underwear?”
“Hmm? It’s a mystery. But maybe if you think really, really hard, you'll come up with an answer.”
“We've been over this. No sex until I know it won't make your ankle worse. You shouldn't take sprains lightly.”
For a moment, Hawks relents. He presses an innocent kiss to Enji’s chest. Every hero takes damage; it’s inevitable. Enji’s body has taken more of a beating than it should have. On top of getting hurt over the years, he pushed himself too hard and refused to rest or see Recovery Girl when he was younger, and his body is paying the price for it now. He’s too proud to admit how much he hurts and too angry at himself to ask for help.
The ghosts of his children's futures hang over the home gym. In a way, giving up on Fuyumi and Natsuo protected them from the worst of their father’s behavior. Shouto wasn't so lucky. Enji pushed him too hard too fast. Unless he finds himself faced with an opponent even stronger than his older brother, the injuries that pain him the most will always be from his father.
As for Touya… At least this time he’ll stay dead.
Hawks can feel Enji's guilt expanding like a balloon. One of these days it's going to pop.
“Come on. I’m getting around fine, aren't I?” Hawks points out. He needs to distract Enji before he gets pushed away. “Give me a little something. We don't have to go all the way. We could do it like this. You don't even have to move your computer. Actually, you don't have to do anything at all. Just let me pull your pants down a little.”
The distraction works. Enji sighs. “I’m not going to do paperwork while you suck me off.”
Sensing a way in, Hawks stretches up so he can speak into Enji’s ear. At the same time, he slides his hand higher up Enji’s leg.
“Think of all the work you'll get done after. You know I get sleepy after sex. All you have to do is let me give you a blowjob and touch me a little. Everybody wins.”
He moves his hand up to the seam of Enji’s sweats. He doesn't get told to go away, so he moves his hand up to the drawstring and unties it.
“You missed me, didn't you?”
Enji squeezes his ass. “Don't fish for praise.”
“But I love when you tell me I'm good. ‘Hawks, you feel so good.’ ‘I’ll never have anyone as good as you-’”
“I've never said that.”
“‘You fuck me so good I cum just thinking about it.’”
“I've definitely never said that.”
“It's true, though, isn't it?” Hawks tilts his head up and fixes him with a look. “I missed touching you.”
He waits, silently watching as Enji decides what to do.
Finally, he lets out a heavy breath and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Fine. But wait here.”
“Yes, sir!”
Enji squints at him but doesn't say anything as he puts his laptop on the table and carefully gets up.
“If you move, I’ll change my mind.”
Hawks makes a show of delicately lying back on the sofa and laying his foot on the arm.
Enji sets off, disappearing down the hallway that leads to their bedroom. Hawks cranes his neck to watch him go. The pants don't hide Enji’s ass. He smiles to himself.
With any luck, Enji is getting lube and Hawks will be sleeping off a good fuck within the hour.