Chapter Text
Taehyung was happy at the thought of spending the weekend out of town in the company of his best friends. He hadn't seen them in a long time, too consumed with other events going on in his life. Moving into a new apartment, his sister's wedding, a casting for a role in a movie was fast approaching. That's why he didn't hesitate for a second when Jungkook called him with a proposal for a trip, because getting away from Seoul was something they all needed. With that, he shared his friend's excitement, who couldn't wait until all seven of them were together and they had the opportunity to make up for lost time.
Only after he hung up did it occur to him that the seven of them included Seokjin. And that made all the enthusiasm fly out of Taehyung like air from a punctured balloon. However, he did not want to give up on the trip, as the problem was not the mere presence of his friend, but the feelings he had for him. This, in turn, was something he had to deal with on his own.
That's how, two weeks later, Taehyung was sitting around a campfire in the company of six other men. Jimin sang every song that Yoongi played on the guitar, Namjoon put his arm around Jungkook's shoulder and whispered something in his ear, Hoseok threw in a "And do you remember how..." every now and then, evoking various memories, while Seokjin was busy roasting marshmallows to make them suitable for the others to eat.
Meanwhile, Taehyung looked at each of them with a smile, wanting to remember this evening for the rest of his life. About 10 minutes before Namjoon, Jungkook and Jimin arrived to pick him up, he was close to retreating under the guise of sudden illness. However, he came to the conclusion that he should not deprive himself of the opportunity to meet his best friends. Even now his heart was close to jumping out of his chest every time he made eye contact with Seokjin.
Kim Seokjin was even more attractive than Taehyung had last seen him, if that was even possible. He still had the same broad shoulders, characteristic laugh and plump lips. His hair was no longer raven black, but brown. He told his more or less funny jokes, shared his impressions of working on the set of his first kdrama and blushed every time he heard a compliment. He explained that he felt warm because they were sitting so close to the fire, but everyone knew that Seokjin turned pink whenever he heard praise about himself.
“Taehyung-ah," Yoongi's voice snapped him out of his musings. “Where did you lose the ring?”
He knew that Min must have been a little drunk by now, since he had suddenly become so chatty and straightforward. Hoseok slapped him on the shoulder, and Jimin tried to start another topic. Namjoon and Jungkook looked away, not understanding what was going on, and Seokjin stared at him, wearing an unconcerned expression.
“Ekhm," he grunted to somehow mask his embarrassment. “We broke up.”
“What do you mean?” Jimin asked, looking at him with concern. “You were together at your sister's wedding, right?”
“Yes, actually...” Taehyung hesitated for a second and stuck his gaze to the ground, unable to bear so many pairs of eyes looking at him. “We parted ways the next day.”
“But why? What happened?” Jungkook unsuccessfully tried to hide his worry about his friend's situation.
“Looking at Joohyun and Minhyuk made him realize that we shouldn't do this when... when we don't love each other," he said, then picked up a piece of wood lying nearby and added it to the fire. “When I don't love Bogum the way he loves me.”
“Oh, Tae,” Hoseok grabbed his hand and squeezed it to comfort him a bit. “I'm very sorry it turned out that way.”
“Yeah, me too," Taehyung admitted. “I wanted things to work out between us, but... Bogum was right. No matter how much I cared about him, this was never it. I shouldn't have accepted his proposal at all.”
“So why did you do it?” Namjoon's tone clearly indicated that he was worried that their friend had hidden his feelings from them for so long. They had always considered him the leader of the group, so it was no wonder that he was so concerned about what had happened in Taehyung's life and that he had not shared it with them.
No one was angry with Taehyung, of course, he had the right not to tell them anything if he didn't feel ready. Especially since everyone was busy and they hadn't had a chance to meet together for such a long time.
“At the time, it seemed right to me," he replied briefly. “ We were together for two years, we lived together, our parents knew about us, we felt good about each other and it was so... familiar? I don't know, I just wanted Bogum to be the one. But I was wrong, because I shouldn't drag it out just because it was convenient.”
After those words, everyone considered the topic over. Yoongi apologized to him for starting it in the first place, but Taehyung dismissed him, saying he didn't need to worry about it. After all, if any of them were in the same situation, Tae would also want to know the truth.
He did not consider his relationship with Bogum a failure. Taehyung liked him right away, otherwise he wouldn't have dated him. They had similar interests, always had something to talk about, and sex wasn't a problem either, because they liked the same things. They mutually accepted each other's flaws, both were sometimes moody, and there were days when each of them needed to be alone. They were used to each other, but a long-term relationship cannot be built on that. On the surface, it seemed that nothing foreshadowed their sudden breakup. But inside Taehyung felt that this was not how love should be, and that he wanted something more.
The truth was that he didn't tell his friends everything. What he didn't reveal to them was that Bogum saw that not only did Taehyung not reciprocate his feelings, but in addition he was in love with someone else, and this was going on long before they even met. The former partner reckoned with this, but held out hope that in time he would become the object of Taehyung's affections. However, months passed, and this did not happen. Even if he heard "I love you" and it wasn't insincere on Taehyung's part, it still wasn't the kind of "I love you" Bogum wanted to hear from him.
Taehyung hated having secrets from his family and friends. But he couldn't confess to them that for so many years he had had feelings for none other than Seokjin, who was sitting right in front of him. And even more so when that affection had followed him for a good seven years, the last two of which he had spent in a relationship that had recently broken up. He was hopeless. But rest assured, Taehyung had learned to live with it. Or at least that's what he thought, until today, when he saw Seokjin after so long.
They spent the rest of the evening continuing to talk, drink alcohol, sing and dance. Soon, Yoongi was too drunk to play even one tune well, especially with Hoseok asleep in his lap. Jimin couldn't stop giggling, and Jungkook and Namjoon slipped away some time ago to actually take care of themselves, as everyone had advised them to do for the past two hours. They acted like horny teenagers, but no one seemed to mind. They had been in love with each other ever since they met. All five of them had been rooting for them since the beginning and no one could believe it had taken them years to start dating.
Only Seokjin and Taehyung were still hanging on somehow: Taehyung didn't drink too much, while Seokjin, on the other hand, had no problem with alcohol and, in most cases, ended the parties only slightly drunk. The rest of the friends had no brakes, as evidenced by the beer and soju bottles. No one could blame them - everyone in their group needed to spend an evening like this under the stars, with friends, away from all their worries.
Taehyung was still sitting in his chair while the others went inside their rented house. He grabbed the last piece of wood lying around and added it to the pile. The night was cloudless, so it was the perfect opportunity to still sit outside and admire the sky.
Suddenly he felt an extra layer of cloth on his shoulders. He turned his head and saw a smiling Seokjin, who brought him a blanket to keep him from getting cold. After a while, he took the seat that had previously been occupied by Hoseok.
“I thought you had gone to sleep," Taehyung said, wrapping himself more tightly. “You look tired, hyung.”
“I wanted to take a walk and saw that you were still sitting here," he replied. “I went home for a while to get you a blanket and came over.”
“Thank you, but won't you be cold?”
“No, Taehyung-ah," he denied. “How do you feel?”
He sighed heavily, then allowed himself a glance in Seokjin's direction. For the umpteenth time that evening (or night already, rather, given the time as it was) they were looking straight into each other's eyes, but this time Taehyung wasn't going to stop it so soon.
“Good. How about you?”
“Much better when I'm here with you.”
This was definitely not the answer he expected. Taehyung almost bolted from his seat and ran home, embarrassed by his hyung's words, but restrained himself. Instead, he smiled at him and turned his head to hide the blush on his face.
There were many things he loved Seokjin for. He always admired how Seokjin always cared about others and looked out for their well-being, even more than his own. He did this selflessly without expecting anything in return. Another thing was how Seokjin knew how to sense what kind of mood Taehyung was in, even if he didn't say a word. That way he always knew how to make his mood better or how to behave so as not to make it worse for him. But what he loved most about him was that he never pretended or tried to be someone else. He was always sincere in his actions as well as his words. Perhaps it's ironic, given that he was also a great actor, but outside of work he never pretended to do anything.
That's why Taehyung knew how much Seokjin had always cared about him, but never in the way he wished. Over the years, he had the opportunity to see his hyung more than once with different partners. Each time, it hurt him just the same, even if over time he began to reconcile himself to the idea that he would never be one of his lovers. He always wondered what it would be like to be Seokjin's boyfriend. To be loved by him, to wake up every day at his side, to kiss him goodnight. He hid in his deepest desires how much he longed to get even closer to Seokjin. To touch him in a more intimate way and to feel Seokjin the way only his partners could.
Taehyung did not know how to deal with the feelings he had been holding inside for so long. He didn't want to lose Seokjin, he was too important to him and couldn't imagine his life without him in it. But on the other hand, he couldn't move on, and his breakup with Bogum confirmed that he would probably never stop loving Seokjin. If he was to be honest with himself, he didn't even want to stop loving him. Seokjin was the best person he knew and deserved to be loved, even if the feeling would never be reciprocated.
"Taehyung-ah."
"Yes, hyung?"
"You know you can always talk to me about anything, right?"
"Hyung... I haven't told anyone about my breakup with Bogum, not even Jimin. Only my parents know, because I had to explain to them my sudden move to another apartment." blurted Taehyung.
"I understand, I really do. I don't want you to think I'm pressuring you. I just feel that we are no longer as close as we used to be." confessed Seokjin, not hiding the sadness in his voice.
"Oh, I didn't know you felt that way," Taehyung couldn't bear the thought that his behavior had hurt Seokjin. "I'm really sorry, hyung. I've been very busy the past few months and neither of us have had much opportunity to meet."
"I know, I know, I just..." Seokjin hesitated, unsure if he should share his thoughts with Taehyung. "I just missed you. I missed all of you.”
"I missed you too, hyung. Every day, every hour." Taehyung couldn't help but say those words. He would probably regret them quickly, but fuck it, the sight of Seokjin being hurt was unbearable for him. Seokjin must have known how much he meant to Taehyung, though he wasn't ready to tell him everything. Not now, but maybe in some time he would gather the courage to do so. “You are one of the most important people in my life, Seokjin-hyung. Never forget that, please.”
"I will try." muttered Seokjin, still not looking at Taehyung.
“Promise me, hyung.”
“I promise.”
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, I don't know what got into me." Seokjin laughed and turned his head toward the starry sky. "I think I'm getting sentimental in my old age, Taehyung-ah."
"Ah, hyung, don't talk nonsense," Taehyung rebuked him, to which Seokjin laughed again. "You're not old... You look as good and youthful as you did that afternoon when I ran into you coming out of the library.”
"You literally fell into my arms," Seokjin reminded him, causing Taehyung's cheeks to blush. "But in my opinion, you don't look the same as you did then."
"Oh, yeah? How do I look now?" Taehyung was curious and couldn't pass up such an opportunity. Seokjin watched him closely and soon a disheveled smile appeared on his face.
"Back then, you were cute and pretty, it didn't surprise me that so many people wanted to date you," Seokjin said, not taking his eyes off Taehyung for a moment. "But now... now you are beautiful. Captivating and gorgeous, but charming at the same time. You still have the same smile that attracts people to you. I'm sure that when you finally get your breakthrough role, the whole world will fall at your feet, Kim Taehyung."
Taehyung stared dazedly into Seokjin's eyes, looking for at least one sign that this was a joke. But no, Seokjin was as serious as ever. He knew that his hyung would never deceive him or feed him lies. He didn't expect to hear something like that about himself, and didn't quite know how to act now. A simple "thank you" did not seem enough at the moment. That's why he decided to get up from his chair, then walked over to Seokjin, leaned in and kissed him on the cheek without hesitation.
"Thank you, hyung."
"It's nothing, I just said what I think."
"I know, and such words mean a lot to me, especially from you."
"If I could make you happy even for a moment in this way, then I don't need anything else."
Taehyung approached again, this time kissing Seokjin on the other cheek. He then pulled away, not trusting himself not to do something stupid. Seokjin's lips looked extremely inviting and Taehyung resisted them with difficulty.
"You always make me happy, hyung."
Seokjin also got up and together they headed toward the house. Once inside, Taehyung wanted to head to the room he shared with Jimin, but suddenly Seokjin grabbed his wrist.
"Are you sleepy?" he asked, to which Taehyung shook his head. They had had a very long day, and yet he didn't feel tired. On the contrary: he felt that the day spent in the company of friends had recharged him with the energy he had been lacking a lot lately. "In that case, do you feel like going to my room and watching a movie? I have my laptop with me."
"Ghibli marathon?"
"Whatever you feel like, sweetheart."
Taehyung's heart began to pound against his chest at the sound of this pet name. He didn't want to show the reaction it caused him, so with a big smile on his lips, he headed straight for Seokjin's bedroom without waiting for him.