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Just wishin', and hopin', and thinkin', and prayin',
Planning and dreamin'
His kisses will start.
That won't get you into his heart.
So if you're thinking how great true love is,
All you gotta do is hold him,
And kiss him,
And squeeze him,
And love him,
Just do it,
And after you do,
You will be his.
Listening to the song, Katsuki understands why Mina said that this is her road map song. It is light, sweet, honest and… Beautiful. It suits her. This song sounds just like her bubbly personality, and he can imagine this is exactly the way she loves Tetsutetsu.
But it doesn’t suit the way that he feels about Kirishima.
Regardless, he has listened to the song so many times that he is able to hum along with it. Even absentmindedly as he walks through a store in search for a new kettle.
The song plays into his ears from his headphones, and he quietly listens to the words. He is hoping that one day the lyrics will mean something, to guide him, and encourage him as he tries to be patient for Kirishima. That it will somehow give him the answers that he is searching for, rather than bounce carelessly in his head becoming yet another song that becomes stuck in his mind.
This isn’t his song, he realizes, just someone else's that he is borrowing.
That doesn’t mean he can’t secretly hope that it could help him, does it? It’s just a song.
It doesn’t have the in-depth meaning that his favorite songs have. It is just… Wishful, and hopeful just like the song sings about.
However the longer he listens to the song, he is beginning to think that isn’t the point of the message in the song. Perhaps it is telling him to stop wishing and hoping but instead do something about how he is feeling. But what?
What could he do? Kirishima made it very obvious that he didn’t want to have a relationship? Friendship or otherwise… Even if he said that he wasn't outright rejecting him, it feels like he was. So isn’t his silence some kind of communication?
All or nothing? Not even friendship-
Who am I kidding, could I even be friends with Kirishima with the way I feel? Wouldn’t that just be torturing myself at that point?
Katsuki frowns, shaking his head to brush off the thought.
He sent a text message yesterday when he woke up. The call from that early morning was no longer connected much to his disappointment. He knew Kirishima had fallen asleep with him. He heard the man’s rhythmic breathing, fell asleep listening to him. Enjoying each hum and sigh that he had slowly started to enjoy while they spent more and more time together. But did the man wake up and hang up the call? Or did Kirishima’s phone just die?
They said they would talk later about that night's conversation. So is he just being impatient rather than patient? Isn’t that the quote? Love is patient? Love is kind?
Yeah…
Katsuki is pretty sure he loves Kirishima. That he doesn’t just like the man like he had said. Which is stupid. How can someone love another when they don’t know a whole lot about them? He isn’t sure he would ever know and that bothered him.
The not knowing and unpredictable future looming over him is really starting to drive him insane. He just wants there to be a clear answer. A manual, if you will, that would tell him what all the right steps are because he feels like he is drowning in his efforts. That with each step forward he thinks he is making, he is actually taking two steps back. He just wants to know how to comfort Kirishima and ease his worries away. He just wants to ensure that he isn’t adding to Kirishima’s struggles and be someone that can lift them away just like Kirishima has done for him.
But there isn’t a manual. He knows. He looked.
Most of the things he has found online in relation to how a relationship works, or what to say to your partner were just some sort of self help guide that was just full of nonsense. It didn’t talk about complicated relationships, or how to ease from a sexual relationship into a more romantic one.
That is what he wants... To be romantically involved with Kirishima, to call him his, and take care of him in the way he thought Kirishima deserved to be. He wants that security that he saw others have being in a relationship.
People in a relationship seemed to be able to find understanding of the other, and be able to lean on the other so that they were less alone in the world. However, on top of that, they were able to have confidence in their partner, and in life that allowed one another to find this inner peace with themselves that Katsuki was craving. He wants that peace he had felt with Kirishima. He wants the man to just pick up his phone and reach out to him again. But is that what Kirishima wanted?
Did Kirishima only tell him that they would talk about it later because he was pacifying him? Still looking for a way to push him away, and not acknowledge what Katsuki has told him?
The lack of knowing is what is really driving him mad. He knows the future isn’t set though, but in an instant it could be, and there is no comfort in that, because that still means there's a chance Kirishima will reject him in the end. That Kirishima will not see him as someone worthy of being his partner, and maybe he isn’t right now… But could he be?
Could he allow himself to believe that he could be?
Could he be enough in the way that Kirishima needed him to be?
No?
Was that why Kirishima wasn’t reaching back out yet? Because he thought that?
He really hoped not. How is he to reassure that thought away from the man if he also was insecure about that and himself?
Katsuki stops, placing his hand to his chest and forces himself to take a deep breath. He rubs at the center of his chest trying to soothe that deep ache he has been feeling since Kirishima sent that message ending everything. The inhale makes his chest burn, and it is a struggle for him to fully take in the air as his body rejects the action in a series of shaky pauses, but Katsuki persists and inhales deeply to hold it.
He knows it will help calm his mind if he just breathes. If he takes a moment to actually utilize the tools that he had picked up from therapy. Even if he didn’t take it as seriously as he should have while he was actively going, he had learned a lot in therapy.
He learned how to calm himself, how to stop his mind from running away from him in the moment, and to analyze emotional thoughts from fact. However all he can do right now is breathe. Just like he had helped Kirishima do… He thinks, and that ache sharpens in his chest.
The pain mixes with a slow growing panic that threatens to start building into something bigger and unmanageable. It makes him want to zip out of his skin like a suit just so he can be out of his body and mind for a moment. But that isn’t a physical possibility, so he exhales with a sigh before resuming his walk to find the section he is looking for.
He can just get the kettle, and go home and deal with how he is feeling. He can’t deal with it right now as much as he would like to, so he just needed to hurry and try to stop thinking long enough that he could do the simple task that he came out to do. However, his mind is not so kind to him.
It immediately reminds him how his fourteen year old self would know what to do. That if he hadn’t made the decisions he had, and knew how to communicate back then, then maybe he wouldn’t be in this position now. He would be able to reach Kirishima, and have avoided feeling the way that he does right now.
He had been a hopeless romantic that idolized his parents' loving relationship. Until…
“Little Darling, I told you. People are fakes.” A voice whispers. A hand caresses the heated skin bruising at his cheek because of the slap that was struck to his face by the same black gloved hand that now lovingly touches him.
“They don’t show true love like your silly books depict it.” They continue.
A cloud of smoke, and a raspy chuckle echoes in the silence as a pair of lips brush against his with a tenderness that makes Katsuki gasp, but timidly leans into it. The soft kiss left him feeling like he really had no idea what love was, but wanting to hold onto him desperately because he loved him.
Right?
Katsuki tips his head back in submission, his hands trembling as he attempts to touch the man in front of him and hoping he will allow him this. That if the man will just let him touch him, that will stop the man from slapping him again, or moving to hurt him in another way. He agrees that he is wrong without speaking words, but by giving in.
He tells this man silently that he knows this man knows better than him. That he is so lucky that the man had found him and was willing to guide him to learn the truth.
“I love you, and that is why I do the things I do.” They tell him, their fingers pinching his chin brutally, ripping his lips from his, so that he is forced to look up into their cold soulless eyes. “So stop making me hurt you, let me love you—“
“No.” Katsuki halts in the middle of a section taking another deep breath, tapping his foot anxiously.
“One… Two… Three… Four…” He counts as he breathes in, and holds it again.
No, you didn’t love me. You hurt me. You manipulated me. You broke my vision of love. You were a monster and nothing more.
I am safe. I am okay. I am my own person. I am healing.
Katsuki nods with the mental affirmations, as he exhales and it loosens the tightness in his chest a little bit. Not a lot, but just enough that he can do another deep inhale before he opens his eyes now feeling a little dizzy. But he continues until he is in the aisle that he needs to be in.
Katsuki lifts his hand to touch his neck protectively and wraps his other arm around his waist as he looks at all the different kettles. There isn’t a collar around his neck anymore, but he can feel the one he had worn for years today.
He can feel the invisible leather strap tightening as if to remind him just how suffocating and cruel it had been to be trapped in that relationship. The ghost feeling makes him close his eyes and bow his head. He knew what it felt like to be trapped, so why the fuck is he so goddamn willing to do that to Kirishima?
There is only one more day left before he makes the trip up to Gunma for the fashion show. If he really thinks about it the idea of trapping Kirishima in a room with him or at an onsen sounds stupid. Honestly, he really hasn’t tried to think too much into it because he has started to feel guilty about what he has done.
What good came from being deceptive if even for an innocent reason? Nothing. Not a goddamn thing and he knew that.
It sounded good when he was drunk, and completely consumed by his emotions. It sounded like the perfect way to fix all of his problems with Kirishima. But was it?
He didn’t think so any more. What good would come from it? Nothing. If anything it is just going to show Kirishima that he is nothing but a liar. That he isn’t truly giving him space like he said he would. But…
He hates not knowing what to do to show Kirishima how he feels, or what he is willing to offer the man if he gives him a chance. Right now, he feels like he is no better than that man that had done the same thing to him. That he is being manipulative and controlling.
He knows what it feels like to be trapped in a situation that he doesn’t want to be in, so why is he so ready to do that to Kirishima? Why would he hurt Kirishima in the way someone else had hurt him? He doesn’t want to hurt Kirishima anymore than he had already done, so…
Why?
He doesn’t want Kirishima to feel that kind of hurt from him. Not when Kirishima had made those horrible memories fade away so easily, and showed him how kind and understanding a relationship could be. Even if they haven’t labeled whatever it is that they have, it is still a form of a relationship. It made him feel safe.
So if he wants Kirishima to feel safe doesn’t that mean he has to let him come back on his own? To feel comfortable in his own heart and mind that Katsuki would wait for him just like he said he would?
Katsuki takes a deep breath, looking back at all the different sizes and brands curiously as he strokes his throat just like his therapist had taught him to do in anxious moments like this. He thinks about the kettle he had before he broke it.
It was a hot plate. It was quick. It was black. It was easy to clean. It was simple. He reminds himself, practicing another grounding coping tool to ease himself away from his thoughts.
But does he want another glass kettle? Or does he want something less fragile? He wonders, turning his head to view the different colored regular metal kettles.
They are substantially cheaper than an electric kettle, but it would mean waiting longer for a cup of tea. That he would have to have a little more patience and that would be rewarded with more hot water, more tea, more comfort...
He could just get a bigger electric kettle, but the price of those are astronomical. It would give him what he wants quickly, and he wouldn’t have to worry if he wanted more tea because it would be as easy as clicking a button and forgetting about it versus waiting at a stove for the water to boil.
Katsuki sighs, grabbing an electric kettle from the shelf to turn and leave the aisle. However, just before he can round the corner, he stops. He looks at the box in his hands then sighs again, dramatically, and walks back to return it to the shelf.
God… I am just so tired of not having tea in the morning. If there is anything worse than lukewarm tea it is microwaved tea. It just isn’t the same. But what fucking kettle do I get?
Katsuki looks at the standard kettles, his frown deepening as he glares at the similar packages that all promise satisfaction. He hates how suddenly even choosing a fucking kettle feels like a challenge. It is just a kettle, right? It doesn’t matter which one he gets as long as the results are that he gets a hot cup of tea. So why did it feel like he had to choose the right kettle to solve all of his problems?
That somehow he could be making the wrong decision by taking another electric kettle instead of possibly grabbing a standard one? As if owning the right kettle will make Kirishima suddenly come back to him—
It’s just a fucking goddamn kettle! It won’t change a goddamn thing! His mind screams at him, but even still he stares at them continuing to ponder what the fuck to pick.
He feels like he really is beginning to lose his grip with reality. In the past when that happened, he would go to the club. He would see Midoriya and forget the world for a little while while Midoriya distracted him. But isn’t that what got him into this mess in the first place?
Avoiding his feelings, not reacting, not waiting? Just running somewhere to quickly forget about his worries for another day? Honestly, yeah. That is what got him into this goddamn mess.
If he hadn’t been paired with Kirishima, a perfect stranger, and forced to work through his problems, would he still be in a place where it felt like his world had been flipped upside down? That he isn't walking on the ground anymore, one foot at a time like he had been as he coasted through life?
If he had never met Kirishima would he be happier, less anxious? Would he no longer be walking blindly around the ceiling, or walls looking for the right path to follow so he could fall back into step with the rest of the world?
How dare he… How dare that asshole of a man fuck up my life like this… Katsuki thinks, gripping his throat a little tighter.
He can feel his chest tighten, ears popping angrily when he swallows, and glares at a red metal kettle that sits on the shelf off to the right. Is that what is wrong? He just needs to call Midoriya? Ask him for help?
How long had it been since he had any sort of physical release? Would this all stop if he just reached out to Midoriya and asked him to come to him? Could Midoriya help him feel more in control of his emotions if he just—
“No!” Katsuki snaps loudly, startling the shopper coming down the aisle as he lifts his hand to his face. “No…” he whispers, shaking his head.
Midoriya just gave him a distraction, leaving him to have to pick up the pieces at a later time. Even if he doesn’t want to acknowledge it, Kirishima has helped him more than anyone has. He has only proved to Katsuki that he didn’t waste his money listening to a fucking shrink for five years.
He echoed everything his therapy had ever tried to tell him in the past. He gave him a safe space to let go and process his emotions even if it was difficult to do so. Then he would come and reward him for working through it and making progress.
I really haven’t worked through this on my own, have I? Katsuki thinks to himself, looking down to his feet and resumes stroking his throat. He focuses on the slow even movement, imagining that he is touching that anxiety and stroking it back.
Is that what he needs to do? Work on it by himself? Then will Kirishima know he really is better? That he can be the best thing for him because he no longer would be an emotional wreck that was causing him problems?
Katsuki digs the heel of his hand deeply into his brow, then drops his hand from his face as he steps forward to grab the electric kettle once more. However, just as his fingers are about to touch the box, they curl back into his hand. Pausing, and scratching at his palm nervously.
It doesn’t matter what I want. Not if it meant forcing Kirishima to do something that he doesn’t want to do…
I’m just doing what he asked me not to. Topping him from the bottom. Ignoring his request to be left alone.
Why do I think I know what was best for Kirishima? So much so, that I am willing to force him to be near me.
That he will realize that he likes me, or maybe more… That he will see he feels the same way I do…
Katsuki sighs, dropping his hand to his thigh.
What if he doesn’t? What if I am wrong and the thing that Kirishima really needs is for me to just truly leave him alone?
Time... His father told him that he needed to give it time, but how much fucking time? Why isn’t there a clear time limit?
He is trying. He is trying so hard to be patient and give Kirishima space, but what if in that space Kirishima just drifts further away from him? He doesn’t want him to.
He wants…Katsuki frowns, looking at the kettles once more, his eyes landing on the red kettle to the right. There is no reason for him to grab the red kettle, but at the same time the damn thing makes him think of Kirishima.
He just needs a kettle, so what does it matter if it is red, silver or black? If it is electric or not? It doesn’t matter, right? Katsuki wonders as he grabs the box. He looks down at the item, and feels his chest tighten again.
He tells himself he just likes the way that the bright red metal kettle looks on the box, but all of his thoughts tell him differently. That the bright red color is something that makes him think of Kirishima and the bright smile the man has. That the soft textured handle in the picture is just like the firm grip that Kirishima had while gently guiding him. That this kettle could be something that Kirishima probably would like or have himself. That by picking it, it would bring him comfort as he waits. That…
Maybe by having it, Kirishima would somehow know how he feels and come back to him. It’s comforting… but also stupid wishful thinking.
Kirishima isn’t going to just come back because I picked a red fucking kettle—
Wait… What song is this? What did it just say?
Katsuki’s brows furrow down at the kettle, hearing lyrics to a song he has never heard before. There was a line he just heard that broke through his thoughts and made his heart jump.
Something about the rain, and not being the same…
He moves the kettle to his chest, and reaches into his back pocket to look at the phone that is softly supplying a song that sounds slow and heart aching. Angel?
He hits the back button to start it back to the beginning wanting to hear it because it isn’t a song he has saved. The music app must have finished the playlist he had been listening to and was now just playing recommendations. However the lyrics that he heard broke through all of his thoughts by saying something that sounded familiar.
Birds chirping…
Soft piano tinkling…
So soft that Katsuki has to turn the volume up all the way despite how much he hates listening to anything at full volume. He has sensitive hearing, but the way that the song is recorded makes hearing the damn thing difficult. It is just too damn soft for him to pick up. However, as the music builds up, and the song’s lyrics begin, he doesn’t even bother to turn it down.
The lyrics are immediately pulling at his chest, making a slow warming burn spread across his body that eases the tension he feels. It glues him to where he is standing, now clutching the box even tighter to his chest.
Katsuki gasps, inhaling suddenly, licking his lips nervously as the lyrics sing out into his ears. Each word calls out to him, shaking that patience he has been clasping tightly to, making the walls tremble that he had desperately been trying to keep in place to hold himself together, and suddenly he isn’t in a department store.
He is in a hotel room, looking down at Kirishima as he sleeps.
He is tracing his fingers over the man’s relaxed face touching the sunspots, and freckles lightly littered over his sun kissed skin. Connecting the small barely noticeable dots one by one as if they are a puzzle meant for him to solve about the man beneath him.
He is admiring Kirishima for his beauty that really shines out to him as the man sleeps peacefully with an arm around his waist not allowing him to move, and telling himself to not wake him. However, he also really wants to kiss him despite knowing he should just allow the man to rest undisturbed.
He is leaning down pressing a feather-like kiss on one eye, one cheek before repeating it to the opposite side of Kirishima’s face. He is kissing that man’s lips hoping that the man doesn’t wake up as he satisfies his want– God…
Why the hell had he even done that? Why did he kiss Kirishima in his sleep, not once but twice? Katsuki wonders as his heart squeezes painfully as the man sings with an ethereal like grace that makes Katsuki inhale shakily. He releases the breath that he has unknowingly held for too long, the burning sensation from before turning into something scolding hot.
His hand tightens around his phone, while his arm squeezes the box to his chest as he closes his eyes. He takes another breath, his body shaking with the action. He knows he has to give Kirishima time, and that by doing so maybe the man will come to him…
Just like Tetsutetsu had suggested that night at the club, being the only sober voice of reason. That he couldn’t rush him, because just like a rushed repair in a shop, it could be botched.
Was that what he really was offering Kirishima? A botched repair by wanting to trap him into going to Gunma?
Katsuki breathes in then swallows hard.
He doesn’t hold back when he feels the stinging prickle in his eyes. He doesn’t tell himself to get a grip or push down his emotions, rather he just lifts his arm and crushing the box to his chest. He holds it like he wants to hold Kirishima, squeezing every tiny insignificant and largely significant emotion he feels right now into the inanimate object.
How the fuck did this stranger know what to sing? How does he have the words perfectly crafted to express exactly how I feel and what I am craving to have again?
God… What have I done? What can I do to fix this? How do I fucking fix this? He thinks, as he begins to cry, turning his face down to the box.
Congratulations, you've been pretending to be human so well.
Might even fool the neighbors,
Reading your Sunday papers, I won't tell,
But I know better than to bring up the w eather with you and talk about the rain,
After you fall asleep I'll kiss both your eyes and cheeks, I know we're not the same…
You're an angel in disguise…
You're an angel in my eyes…
Katsuki hates how this song is so fucking spot on. That it has him crying like a bitch in the middle of a goddamn department store as if he is some main character in a romantic drama. This is real life, not a fucking movie. Kirishima isn’t going to magically appear, in some sweet meet-cue to sweep him off his feet and into his arms to forgive him for everything that has happened.
That isn’t how life works… Katsuki thinks bitterly, sniffling as he opens his eyes to look down at the box, gently caressing the top.
What the fuck am I doing? It’s just a fucking kettle that I will fucking forget about in a few days…
It isn’t going to do anything to fix the gaping fucking hole I feel in my life. It isn’t going to fill the emptiness I feel. This…
This is just pathetic. So completely and utterly pathetic...
He turns to rush out of the aisle, still clutching the stupid box, taking in a much needed deep breath now that the tension is being released as he silently cries. However it spreads the heat in his chest to his face, making more tears stream down uncontrollably.
He knows he doesn’t look as composed or dignified as he wants to, but how can he? How can he stop his face from scrunching up into this ugly expression as more pointed lyrics stab into his ears, his mind, and into his heart?
It’s perfect… This stupid fucking song is absolutely perfect, and something Kirishima would probably like even though to Katsuki it is depressing as fuck. But Kirishima will never hear this song will he?
Not unless he comes back and Katsuki can show him it, play it and tell him that this is his song for him.
He didn’t know that he would enjoy spending his time with Eijirou Kirishima. He didn’t know that slowly but surely he would start to depend on that man. He didn’t fucking know that he would mess up so badly that he would feel like he was going to lose him altogether. Or that he would end up missing him so much that he couldn’t think straight.
If he had… Would he have done anything differently?
What would he have done?
God I fucking miss him so fucking much… Katsuki sniffles, lifting his hand to swipe at his nose as he makes his way to the registers. Hastily starting the song over, just to really fucking hurt himself once more as the song begins again.
He wants to feel the song more. He wants it ingrained into his mind until he knows all the words because this… This is his song.
Just like this kettle.
It may be stupid. But it is his fucking kettle. Both would bring him comfort as he waits, and remind him why he is learning to be more patient and understanding.
I bought a house to live in but you're the home I'm missin', I know..
Nothing good lasts forever but nights with you are better, so, go slow.
I never knew I needed you before I found you for the first time.
I'm out of step, I'm off my feet, I'm waking up inside a dream.
Teach me how to fly…
You're an angel in disguise…
You're an angel in my eyes…
Katsuki stands in line behind a man listening to the song for the third time. He watches that man wrap his arm around the woman beside him, pulling her closer to him so he can lean in and kiss the top of her head. Katsuki looks away, but instead his eyes now land on a couple that are holding hands, chatting excitedly to one another as they place a pregnancy test on the counter to be rung up.
He lowers his head to the box in his arms. He doesn’t want to see any of this. Not right now… Not when he is feeling everything so intensely.
He doesn’t even make eye contact with the cashier when it is his turn to be rung up. The thought of giving her the fucking kettle, as stupid as it sounds, is just not going to happen.
This is his kettle, doesn’t she understand that? However, somehow she does understand that and simply grabs the scanner and gently scoots his arm up so she can scan the barcode. She doesn’t offer him a bag or the receipt after he claps his debit card to the card reader. She does offer him an empathetic smile when Katsuki lifts his head to make sure that the transaction is complete.
It only makes him feel worse, as he quickly turns and walks out of the store to find his car. He doesn’t want her fucking empathy or anyone’s sympathy. He just wants to go home, make a cup of tea and drown himself in this goddamn song.
He just wants to be alone as he sits and waits for some miracle to reach him that will bring Kirishima back to him so that they can talk. So they could work on this together, and be together. Isn’t that what normal people do?
Wait in this goddamn place of misery until something finally makes sense? Katsuki wonders, clicking the key fob to his bright orange chrome Supra, unlocking it as he quickly approaches it. But the closer he gets to the vehicle, the more he feels like he is falling apart.
He can see the car in his blurry vision, but all he can feel is how his heart is crushing him. That his heart is just too big, or too heavy for his body to hold it in. He chokes on the sob threatening to erupt from his throat not wanting to cause more of a public disturbance.
That is what he is, isn’t he?
He is just a massive disruption to the gentle waves of a person's normal day. Just like he had been to Kirishima’s…
“I’m sorry…” Katsuki sniffles, gasping quietly into the box, reaching for the door of his car. Then throws himself into the driver’s seat, and once the door is closed he buries his face into the box still pressed to his chest and screams.
“God dammit, I’m sorry! I’m sorry I didn’t understand, Eijirou. I’m sorry I’m a mess. I’m sorry…
”But fuck you! How dare you fucking do this to me? I didn’t want this!” Katsuki shouts in the quietness of his car.
“You weren’t supposed to do this to me! You weren’t supposed to bring meaning back to my fucking life! No one was! I just wanted to be alone…”
He leans back into his seat, gasping as he closes his eyes, still tightly clutching the box to his chest as if it is his lifeline. In a way it is.
Because something as simple as a kettle, could actually represent something else, or hold a deeper meaning that it’s intended purpose. It could remind someone of a person, a memory, or even a feeling. Life is funny like that. But not in the “funny haha” kind of way.
More like the “funny, I’m so fucking stupidly and grossly in my feelings and I hate it” kind of way.
Katsuki wants to just curl up in the driver's seat, and cry for the second time about yet another man that has uprooted his life. Even if in a different way, it still sucks. It hurts and he wants to just yell at the world for being so cruel.
Once again he regrets buying this goddamn car because he can’t recline and just have that proper cry like he desperately wants to. Except this time, there isn’t a man listening over the phone as he cries. There is no one that he can damn for making him feel things he vowed to never feel again.
No… This time he is alone and somehow that feels even worse than having someone unknowingly listen. Or some random person knocking their knuckles to his window, Katsuki thinks as he straightens hearing the sharp noise.
It is startling, and makes him quickly wipe his hands to his face allowing the box to rest in his lap. He moves to put the box in the passenger seat, but then shakes his head, petting the top of the box.
There is no way he is willingly going to let go of this box right now. It is going to stay in his lap all the way home. That is where his head is and he isn’t going to discomfort himself when he is alone and can just do something as dumb as cuddle a fucking box.
He starts his car to roll down the window, wiping his eyes once more with the sleeves of his jacket. “I’m leaving. Sorry.” He barks out quickly, hoping he doesn’t sound as horrible as he feels.
Hoping that the person will just mind their business, and leave him alone. They can have his parking spot if that is what they want but he doesn’t want to talk to anyone. However, as he is rolling up the window, the person crouches into his sight and Katsuki freezes.
Soft concerned red eyes look at him. A gentle smile parts the man’s lips as the man says something Katsuki can’t hear. Red hair pulled up in a messy bun, with loose strands framing his annoying handsome face.
He opens his mouth to speak but right now all he wants to do is disappear. He can feel his tears come back in full force, trickling down from his eyes, trailing down his cheeks, to drip from his jaw onto the box. What the fuck is he doing here? Katsuki thinks, swallowing as the man steps aside and opens the door.
Kirishima crouches down, resting his arms on his knees as he looks up at him. Then he lifts a hand up to pull the airpod in Katsuki’s ear out. “I think your music is pretty loud with just the stereo playing, Katsuki. Maybe these aren’t needed anymore?” He suggests moving to collect the other one from his ear before offering them to Katsuki.
“What are you doing here?” Katsuki blurts out, taking the pods from him quickly and tightens his hand around them. He ignores how the brush of his fingertips to Kirishima’s palm sparks a comforting warmth up his arm.
Kirishima sighs, moving his hand to rub the back of his neck. “I was just getting some things. I didn’t know you were here until I saw you in line.” He says, with a short nod.
“I called out to you but you didn’t hear me, and now I know why. Were you listening to this on repeat in the store as well?” He asks, pointing a finger to the middle console as the song begins to start from the beginning again.
Katsuki immediately slaps his hand to the volume knob, silencing the car from playing the sweet melodic song. However, he doesn’t look away from Kirishima. He is still trying to process how in the fucking hell this man just happens to be at the same place at the same time as him.
How is that even possible? He thinks, scanning the man’s face for a possible answer.
“Are you alright?” Kirishima asks quietly, folding his hands between his legs.
Do I look fucking alright? Katsuki thinks, but his mouth doesn’t move to say the words. He just swallows, blinking as his tears begin to slow.
The man is crouching in the doorway of his car. Kirishima is right here in front of him. He found him in some weird fucking way and Katsuki is honestly dumbfounded by it. There are so many things he wants to say, but none of those thoughts register to his mouth.
“Katsuki?” Kirishima hums, tilting his head, making him blink again, coming back to reality and out of his head.
“F-fine.” He whispers, lifting a hand back to his eyes as he turns away from Kirishima. “I’m fine… You?” He asks instead of the thunderous questions mountaining in his mind.
When Kirishima doesn’t answer him, he turns back to look at him half expecting the him to be gone. To get that proof that he is literally out of his goddamn mind and has begun to hallucinate and should probably take himself to a hospital or something. Yet, the man is still crouched where he last saw him.
“I’m alright.” Kirishima says, offering a smile as he shrugs his massive shoulders. “Not ‘fine, crying in my car’ alright. But I’m… managing.”
Katsuki feels his cheeks redden at the statement.
Is this man really trying to make a joke about how he had found me? Did he not know that this was all his fault to begin with? That if we had never met, I wouldn’t have had my unresolved feelings stir up and broken my kettle only to lead me to this exact moment?
“I needed a kettle.” He says, clearing his throat.
“You came to get a kettle, and that made you cry?” Kirishima asks, his brows raising curiously as a small smirk pulls at his lips.
“Picking out a kettle can be very difficult.” Katsuki grumbles, leaning back comfortably into his seat.
“I can tell.” Kirishima chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief before looking down to his feet.
Katsuki knows he shouldn’t say it. He knows he shouldn’t do anything because Kirishima will probably pull away or possibly reject the notion. But he can’t help himself when he takes a deep breath, and whispers softly, “I miss you.” while his hand reaches out to lift the man’s chin.
He wants Kirishima to look at him again because of the gentleness in his eyes and to see that vibrant smile. It soothes the deep ache in his chest, as well as calms his mind. He watches Kirishima’s brows furrow as their eyes meet, his jaw clenching under Katsuki’s finger and throat flexing like he wants to say something. But he doesn’t.
Maybe that is for the best… Katsuki thinks, lowering his hand to reach for the door to close it, and hoping Kirishima would just move away. There is no need to continue this conversation if Kirishima isn’t ready to have it.
“Sorry for disturbing you. I really am leaving though and I am fine.” Katsuki repeats. However, Kirishima shakes his head again, pushing Katsuki’s hand away from the door and instead into his.
He laces his large fingers through Katsuki’s slender ones, pulls it to his lips, and presses a kiss to the back of his hand.
“I miss you too.”
The whisper licks an electric current through Katsuki that makes him take a deep breath that finally relaxes the tension in his chest. The heat in his cheeks lowers into a tolerable sensation that is easier to manage as Kirishima sighs against his palm, pressing yet another kiss to his hand. Katsuki can see the doubt in his expression, the conflicting emotions surfacing as Kirishima closes his eyes pressing his face to his hand.
Alright… Maybe he too has been suffering just as much as I have. I’ll forgive him… Just this once.
“It’s alright—“ he begins, but Kirishima cuts him off. He looks up hopefully at him and lifts his head timidly.
“Do you want to come over?” He asks, clearing his throat.
“Maybe stay over so we can talk? We can go to Gunma tomorrow together so you don’t have to worry about how to get there… Mina said you were in the show.” Kirishima offers and Katsuki’s heart skips a beat excitedly at the request.
Kirishima wants him to come back to his house? He wants to talk to him and go to Gunma— No.
He really shouldn’t go to Kirishima’s place and just pretend that everything is fine. He isn’t fine and clearly neither is Kirishima.
Going to Kirishima’s would just mean that they would be starting this cycle over again wouldn’t it? It would just lead him to repeating the same mistakes all over again and driving Kirishima further away. Wouldn’t it?
“I don’t think that is the best thing for either of us.” Katsuki whispers, feeling the ache return to his chest and lifts his hand to his forehead.
Kirishima wouldn’t even text him back… So why is he suddenly asking him to come over?
Just because he saw him crying in his car? No… He doesn’t want to be asked over just because Kirishima felt some moral obligation to comfort him and cave on his own personal wants. If that is what is happening—
“Please, Katsuki. So we can at least talk? You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to, but I really have missed you.”
Katsuki lifts his eyes to Kirishima again only to find the giant of a man kneeling now beside his car. Kneeling for him, kissing the back of his hand, sighing heavily as tears wet at the brim of his eyes.
“I miss you. I really do, and I know I said I didn’t think we should see each other. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I am not communicating with you like I constantly harp. I know you are dealing with your own things, but don’t you want to talk about this? Can we? Please?.” He begs softly, lifting his gaze back up to him. “Can we just talk, please?”
He doesn’t want to say no to that. If Kirishima wants to talk to him, then yeah. They can talk. He doesn’t think that it should be done at either of their houses or in a car, or anywhere that could potentially act as a conduit that would lead them to doing more than talking.
He knows himself, and if Kirishima continues to touch him like he is doing now, he is going to lose it and there would be no talking. However, he also really wants a fucking cup of tea, and to just be somewhere comfortable. What was more comfortable than being near this man?
“Okay…” Katsuki nods. “Okay, let’s go.”
The way Kirishima’s face positively lights up with his words makes Katsuki swallow back another bout of sobs that threatens to come forward. He doesn’t know how he managed to allow Kirishima to straighten up from the concrete floor without flinging himself from his own car to hold him. Even more confusing is how Kirishima peeled himself away from his car to head back to his own.
They agreed to talk.
There was a plan in action as spontaneous, as it was, so why did it feel like he was losing him again? Why did watching Kirishima take the necessary steps to return to his vehicle and place all his bags from his discarded shopping cart into his Jeep feel like he is watching the man leave him once again?
That isn’t what is happening yet Katsuki can feel the angry hot tears return to silently fall down his face. This plaguing feeling of abandonment should be an answer to how this talk of theirs will go. If he couldn’t allow Kirishima to leave to meet him somewhere else without panicking what was he going to do when it came to him having to make a departure for his own home later?
God… He was really deep in his feelings if this was how he was acting after a measly two second interaction.
When he saw Kirishima round to the driver seat of his car, Katsuki quickly wiped his hands to his face and cleared his throat. That was enough crying. If he wanted this conversation to go well he couldn’t keep blubbering like this what good would it do?
Pulling out from his parking spot and navigating to follow being Kirishima, Katsuki knew without a doubt that he mentally checked out. In some bizarre way he was now just blindly following after the man he had been pining after with nothing but confusion and hurt clouding his mind. So much so that when he did check back in he was no longer in his car but standing inside Kirishima’s home. How he got from point A to point B was beyond his comprehension…
Physically he felt as if he was still standing in the store debating some life altering decision.
The house was eerily quiet unlike the other times he had been in it. There was no bass vibrating the walls and very foundation of the home. The sound of Mina’s voice was nowhere to be heard bouncing happily in a room or down the stairs meaning she had to be out. Vaguely, he recalled Kirishima attempting to take his jacket from him.
There was something muttered about ‘making himself comfortable’ but the voice that spoke to him had been distorted, almost as if the speaker was underwater. Or maybe his ears were finally giving out to just have this shrieking tone screaming in his ears. Either way his jacket stayed on and any further movement made to come towards him was met with an abrupt backwards step.
“Tea? Do-do you have tea?” Katsuki asked, voice quiet and straining with a thick tension that made it feel like his throat was coating in something like crystalized honey.
“Uh…” Kirishima frowned, taking a step back from him but nodded as he gestured to the kitchen entryway. “Yes. I think its on the second shelf… Let me get it.” He agreed, offering another smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
Now he was anxiously standing in front of a stove, staring at the red kettle, wishing it would hurry up and heat the water inside. He wasn’t sure where Kirishima was but he felt that they were a safe distance away from one another by standing mere inches from the stove. That was until Kirishima came up behind him and slipped his arms around his waist.
He buried his face into Katsuki’s shoulder and exhaled deeply to relax further against him. It should have been comforting to be held in such a way yet Katsuki went rigid and immediately moved to push at Kirishima’s arms. “I thought you said we would talk?” He says quickly, reminding Kirishima of their plans only for the arms at his waist to tighten around him.
“Can I just have a moment to hold you? Is that okay? Please…” Kirishima whispers into his back, pressing his face closer and voice muffled. It’s not a lot, but god it pulls at Katsuki’s heart feeling Kirishima hold him like this. As if he doesn’t want to ever let him go, and needs to hold him. But he also knows that this is also a gateway to not talking. Even if this is new territory for him, Katsuki knows if he doesn’t ask he might take this as a sign.
He will want more and ask to be held in a different way. Then all thoughts of talking will disappear.
“We aren’t exactly the best at talking if we are touching.” Katsuki points out flatly. “So I would rather you didn’t, just so that we can actually talk and not do anything else—”
“Please… I promise I am not going to do more than just hold you.” Kirishima responds, softening his touch, and suddenly this touch doesn’t feel like it is threatening to their conversation anymore.
“This is my love language, Katsuki.”
Love language? What is that?
Katsuki stops pushing at Kirishima’s arms, instead settling to rest his hands on his forearms. “What are you talking about, Eijirou?” He asks softly.
“Love languages,” Kirishima repeats, lifting his cheek to Katsuki’s shoulder. “It's the way you receive or want to be appreciated or feel loved. Mine is physical touch.”
Katsuki hates being touched by anyone. At least, mostly everyone.
Kirishima gets a free pass because he does enjoy how the man touches him. It makes him feel a type of comfort that he has never known, and makes him feel safe. “Is that it? Just physical touch?” Katsuki asks, curious now what his own love language would be.
“No… There are five.” Kirishima sighs heavily, loosening his arms around Katsuki’s waist as he straightens. However, he still remains close and keeps a constant contact with him as if he can’t bring himself to leave his side. “Quality time. Words of Affirmation. Acts of service. Gift giving. And physical touch.” He lists out as Katsuki turns so that he faces him.
He instantly regrets it.
Kirishima is towering over him, but they are too close. He can see each and every line that is etched into the man’s face, even the sprinkling of orange and yellow in his eyes. He can feel the body heat radiating off of Kirishima, warming his front and… He wants to kiss him.
Badly… Aching to do so, but he clears his throat, lowering his eyes from the man to focus on his hands as he rests against the oven rail.
“How do you know what yours is?” He wonders aloud. “Does everyone have one?”
Maybe he didn’t. Somehow, he just didn’t think that he did. He didn’t appreciate love, or see it as something that truly existed in the way that he wanted it to until he met Kirishima.
“Everyone does. Sometimes more than one.” Kirishima answers, lifting his hand to touch Katsuki’s hair. “I think yours is quality time. You seem to enjoy it without much fight when someone wants to just be with you. You also invite people in, once you are comfortable with them.”
Katsuki frowns, shaking his head. “I hate being around people.” He protests, holding his hand over his fist.
“Do you?” Kirishima chuckles, shaking his head. “Is that why you played hooky with Mina? Or why you invite me into your spaces?” He gently teases making Katsuki blush a little.
That blush immediately grew more as Kirishima leant forward to rest his forehead to Katsuki’s. It makes Katsuki stop breathing for a moment, thinking Kirishima had been going to kiss him. He didn’t entirely hate the idea either. If Kirishima kissed him though, he definitely didn’t think they would be talking for much longer though. He missed his touch too much, and he wouldn’t allow Kirishima to just stop at one kiss. Even if the man reminded him that they needed to talk—
“Would you rather spend time with me?” Kirishima asks, pulling Katsuki from his thoughts. “Or do you prefer to be touched by me, something intimate but not invasive like me touching your hand?” Kirishima lifts his hand over Katsuki’s, gently lifting the one on top to be held by his hand again.
“What about hearing me speak to you, telling you that I care for you? That I appreciate everything that you have done to try and reach me? Or that I am proud that you are the person I like?”
Katsuki swallows, feeling his body tremble at the words and prays his hand isn’t shaking. That is a lot to process right now.
Is he truly saying that to him or is he just saying that. Out of the three options Kirishima is giving him right now… He wants to hear Kirishima speak to him. He needs it.
He needs to hear from Kirishima that they are okay. That Kirishima isn’t going to pull away again. He wants to be reassured and hear Kirishima whisper promises to him that he knows the man is going to keep. All while he drops gentle praises to remind him that he was appreciated.
“Or how about, I do something for you, like make your tea? Clean for you? Or drive you somewhere and talk to you so you don’t get nervous?” Kirishima offers, lifting his head to look down at Katsuki. “Or would you rather I give you something? Like a kettle or a random object that makes me think of you? Like a book or spicy food?” Kirishima adds, giving an example of each love language Katsuki realizes.
Examples that are specific to me.
He swallows, chewing on his bottom lip as he moves his hand to Kirishima’s chest. “I want to hear from you.” Katsuki whispers. “I want to hear you tell me how you feel… Not just about me but about everything. I want to know more about you and be able to read you like a book, Eijirou.” He admits, watching Kirishima’s face soften as he speaks.
It probably sounds like yet another confession and maybe it is. But it is the truth, and if Kirishima wanted an answer this is it. He could wait for everything else that Kirishima had offered. There isn’t anything he wants more than to hear this man just talk to him like he always had since the moment that they had met.
He never thought he would willingly want to listen to someone speak for hours on end, but Kirishima?
He could listen to him talk for days, maybe even longer if Kirishima wanted to and still ask for more. He wants to know the inner workings of this man’s mind, to be included in the conversation and know what he will say before he even says it. He wants Kirishima to feel heard, and know that he has his full undivided attention, putting everything aside, to make sure he doesn’t miss anything else this gorgeous man has to say.
“So can we talk?” Katsuki asks, breathing quickly as his heart begins to race, tilting his head subconsciously.
Somehow they had inched forward, closer to one another as Kirishima spoke, and Katsuki listened. Their faces are so close that their noses brush against one another, nuzzling softly. He can feel Kirishima’s breath fan across his lips, and the urge to just lift up to his toes to kiss him is strong.
As much as he really wants to listen, and communicate with Kirishima, he really wants to kiss him right now. Much more than he wants to know what the hell they are doing.
“Okay.” Kirishima whispers, licking his lips nervously. Katsuki leans forward, their lips almost touching until Kirishima takes a step back from him. He lets out a long strangled sigh, leaning back to the stove as his heart continues to thump aggressively against his ribcage.
“We can focus on just talking then, Katsuki...”
The silence that immediately follows is nerve wracking. That paired with the way Kirishima is looking at him as if he is fighting everything inside him telling him to move back and hold him, Katsuki has to say something. Anything. Kirishima said he wanted to talk, so he should just say something.
“H-how are you feeling?” Katsuki blurts out, closing his eyes. It is just a general question and one they had already asked one another, but it is something to break their new found silence. Maybe Kirishima will say something else or at least be more detailed so that Katsuki can really understand how he is feeling right now.
“Better, honestly.” The man says with a nod, before he leans back onto the table that is behind him. Putting enough space between them that Katsuki feels his heart slow down from its aggressive beating. “I’ve been doing some self reflecting, and soul searching, I guess.”
Katsuki nods, biting his bottom lip. “That’s good.” He says lamely, looking down at his hands and trying not to focus on how cold he feels now. That somehow Kirishima had taken all the warmth that he had felt and now he wants it back. “Do you feel better about… Um… Shindo?” He asks quietly.
The man sighs across from him, looking up at the ceiling. He looks like he is struggling to stay relaxed as he processes the question. As if he has a thousand things to say but he doesn’t know where to start.
“I… I’m going to grieving therapy. They specialize in survivor’s guilt.” He says. “That’s what I did yesterday afternoon and then today I had my first session.”
Oh… He was dealing with it in a healthy way. Not just moping like me… Katsuki thinks, lifting his arms to cross them over his chest to hold himself.
“Therapy is good. Hard… but good. I… I think I need to go back to therapy myself, and take it more seriously this time. But I am not sure if that is something I can handle right now.” He admits, opening up just a little, to relate to Kirishima.
“Can I ask you about that?” Kirishima asks, nervously shifting his weight from one foot than to the other. “Hashimoto said that… You have a past and I would like to know more about it if you are open to talking about it.”
Oh…
That sounds like a lot to do, but if he wants to be with Kirishima wouldn’t it be best to tell him? Would it be safe to expand the circle of people that knew what he had been through? It isn’t like Kirishima would be involved in that past, just be aware of it.
That would make their relationship better, right? Give him information to understand him better as well as maybe help him learn to communicate more effectively?
“Y-yeah.” Katsuki swallows. “It’s a lot though, I should warn you. It’s not a pretty story or fun to listen to.” he whispers, squeezing his arms tightly around himself.
“Only share what you are comfortable with. If you don’t want to talk about the details that is okay. I just want to know about your relationship and how it has affected you.” Kirishima says gently, before quickly adding to it. “We don’t have to talk about it now either. But, in the future, I can also open up to you more about Shindo and I’s relationship—”
“I want to be with you, Eijirou.” Katsuki whispers, looking at Kirishima. “I want that very much. But I am… scared. I wanted to be with him, and that was a mess. I don’t get as tripped up about it now like I used to… But I have moments.”
“I know. I know and I feel the same way, Katsuki.” Kirishima reminds him, lifting himself from the table. “But I think if we talk and get to know one another better… Perhaps we might be able to make something beautiful between us, something that we both want.”
Katsuki can hear the kettle behind him starting to bubble as Kirishima moves back towards him. Each step he takes, Katsuki inhales and exhales, the air leaving him quickly as he lifts his head. Kirishima lifts his hand to his face, stroking his thumb to his cheekbone, and he finds himself leaning into the touch. Even going as far as to rest his hands to Kirishima’s chest where he could now feel the steady heartbeat thrumming just under his fingertips.
“I… I made the decision to stay though. It was bad and I chose to stay—“ Katsuki sighs, closing his eyes, turning his face more into Kirishima’s hand as the man dips down whispering softly against his temple.
“I did too. Maybe not in the same way as you, but we both did that and have our reasons…” he whispers reassuringly, kissing softly at the pulsing nerve beneath his lips. “We can help each other be better… I think that is why I met you. To remind me of what I had lost sight of.”
Yeah… That’s also what Hashimoto-san said. That he paired me with you to show me what I was missing and to help you see what you wanted… Katsuki thinks, leaning forward and slips his hands up to Kirishima’s shoulders.
That old man had stuck his nose where Katsuki hadn’t wanted anyone to look.
“I don’t think I need to point out the obvious, Bakugou-kun. However, I believe you are using KTKD as a crutch.” Hashimoto says softly, coming to sit in the chair beside him.
“Tch. No, I’m not. I just came here to fuck.” Katsuki scoffs, defensively scooting away from him.
“Is that all you want from Kirishima-san? Sex? Because it doesn’t look or sound like that to me.” Hashimoto chuckles, and turns more to him as Katsuki’s brows furrow at him. “I think you care about him.”
“Don’t Leads and Follows care for one another.” Katsuki huffs looking down. He doesn’t want to admit that out loud to anyone else.
He knows how he feels about Kirishima. Kind of. He is beginning to understand it at the very least.
“Bakugou… I hope you know I was in a similar position as you.” Hashimoto says kindly, and reaches out to touch his shoulder. “I was nervous about letting Miriko-sama in when I first met her. It took time. It took a lot of talking. But…” he smirks, lifting his hand to show the gold band on his left hand. “It was worth it.”
Katsuki stares at the ring, his chest swelling with that same pang of jealousy and confusion that he had felt seeing Kaminari’s. He didn’t want to get married, did he? He didn’t want commitment like that. At least… he hadn’t.
Now he isn’t so sure. Maybe he did want a sense of commitment. Maybe not quite marriage, but something else.
Something less serious, but still that is more concrete with Kirishima and not just as a Lead and a Follow. However, Kirishima didn’t say he was looking for a relationship. So maybe just being that would be fine for now? They could talk about it.
“I think you are reading into this too much, and trying to play matchmaker.” Katsuki says finally, but Hashimoto just shakes his head. He taps a finger to Katsuki’s chest.
“I can see your heart, Bakugou. I saw it in how you moved to protect Kirishima over Midoriya, and I see it now. You may not like it but I do know you better than you think.” He says quietly and lifts his hand to touch Katsuki’s cheek. “It’s okay to have feelings for someone. It is okay to feel them.”
Katsuki frowns. “No it isn’t.” He whispers, shaking his head. “It isn’t.”
“I know it feels scary, considering what we have been through. But I can personally vouch for Kirishima that he would never ever hurt you like that.” Hashimoto whispers, leaning in to rest his forehead to Katsuki’s. “I know… I have been there too. But you have to allow yourself to experience them, and learn from them in order to keep healing.”
Katsuki swallows, leaning back to look up at Kirishima. A gentle hand lifts to swipe at a tear that Katsuki wasn’t even aware had slipped down his cheek. “Why are you crying again? What’s wrong?”
“I hate this. I hate how uncomfortable this makes me feel…” he whispers, scanning Kirishima’s face urgently. “I hate that I want to run away but that I also want you… It’s confusing me—”
“We can work on it…” Kirishima answers, leaning down, and closing the gap between them as Katsuki tips his head back.
“I’ll be mean to you.” He insists. “I was a fucking asshole when I was in therapy.”
“Lucky thing I like asshole men, that I can just kiss and hold until they can process their feelings.” Kirishima chuckles, tipping his head up more.
“I didn’t make much progress in five years.” Katsuki whispers doubtfully, shaking his head until their noses touch. He feels Kirishima’s lips brush his and relaxes a little.
“That just sounds like we have a lot of time to work together then…” Kirishima says simply, tightening his arms back around Katsuki’s waist. “No rushing… Just time to get to know one another, and move forward.”
Okay… When you put it like that, yeah. It does seem like that. Katsuki thinks, moving his hand up to Kirishima’s cheek.
He likes the idea of Kirishima being there. That he wants to be there and help him but also let him help him right?
“You’ll let me help you, too?” He asks, and Kirishima nods.
“I want your help, Katsuki. I want you and everything that comes with it. Is that okay?” Kirishima breathes quietly.
Yes! Yes it is okay. God, I want him to kiss me. Right now. Just a small one… That would be okay, right?
He thinks, sneaking his hand behind Kirishima’s neck and pushing his fingers up into the man’s thick red hair. However, as if to answer his question, the kettle shrieks behind Katsuki. It startles them both out of the small bubble that they had made, whispering sweet soft promises to one another.
Kirishima drops a hand from Katsuki’s waist to flip the stove's knob and moves the kettle off the hot burner. “Right, your tea–” he nods, clearing his throat as he begins to straighten but Katsuki tightens his fingers in his hair, halting him from moving away.
“Kiss me.” Katsuki pleads breathlessly. “Please. Please kiss me, Eijirou.”
Kirishima smiles, his lips parting for his white teeth to peek out at the edge of his lips. The soft look in his eyes makes those familiar small crows feet appear from the widened smile and Katsuki finds himself smiling for the first time in days.
“Is that really okay? We are okay, right? Are we going to do this?” Kirishima asks. “I want to. I want you, Katsuki.”
Kirishima’s arm comes back to his waist and pulls him in closer, tightening sweetly to keep Katsuki snug to him. He tips his head, coming back in for a kiss when the front door swings open and a chorus of laughs and giggles interrupts them again.
“I am telling you, Tet! I swear if you do that again—“ Mina giggles, swatting at Tetsutetsu’s chest as they walk into the entryway.
Katsuki could literally murder them with the way Kirishima tenses, a heavy sigh falling from his lips. “Maybe that is a sign?” He scoffs, but Katsuki says fuck the signs.
Fuck everything that keeps trying to put a god damn speed bump in the path of a kiss he has waited for. All he wants is for Kirishima to kiss him right now.
To seal the deal they were making. If he wasn’t going to just because he had an audience, then maybe Katsuki had to show him just how the dynamics of their relationship was going to be. Katsuki sighs, gripping Kirishima by the front of his shirt, and pulls him back to him before the man can get too far from him.
He lifts himself to the tips of his toes so that he is perfectly at height with Kirishima. Then presses his lips to Kirishima’s. He tilts his head for a better angle, hearing Kirishima gasp in surprise, but softly cups his cheeks and kisses him back. He wants to just fully surround Kirishima in all of his affection.
To tell the man to let go and melt into him knowing he wouldn’t let him fall. That he isn’t Shindo and wasn’t going to hide the fact that they are together, and he doesn’t want Kirishima to either. This is his chance to show Kirishima just how much he has missed him. Even if it is a mistake to do it now, it wasn’t going to cause any harm would it? Because he just wants to be close to him, never let go.
Katsuki wants him just as much as Kirishima said he wanted him. But right now he just wants Kirishima to kiss him, to keep kissing him, and to never stop.
Kirishima parts from his lips, but only to continue to hold him like he absolutely adores him, like he is precious as he buries his face into the crook of his neck nodding. He seems content with just holding Katsuki for as long as possible, and caressing his back. It’s nice, so Katsuki doesn’t ask him to kiss him again.
“Is it safe to say that things have been worked out?” Mina asks quietly, looking at Katsuki knowingly as she leans in the doorway.
“Yeah. So take a picture so I can post all about it.” Katsuki scoffs jokingly, the statement making Kirishima move to look down at him nervously. He just smirks, tightening his grasp on the man’s shirt and nuzzles his nose to Kirishima’s. “You’re my boyfriend now, right? Gotta make sure no one tries to steal you from me—“
He can’t finish the statement. Kirishima is kissing him once more, slightly demanding this time.
Katsuki lifts his arms to wrap them around his wide shoulders and hums appreciatively, pressing himself closer to the man in front of him so he can kiss him back. “You’re going to be mine.” he sighs against Kirishima’s lips, moving both of his hands back into his thick red hair.
Eijirou came back. He still needs time. We need time. But we are going to be okay. Katsuki tells himself, as they kiss right there in Kirishima’s kitchen.
He means everything that he says to him, vowing to himself that he is never going to let this man go. That he is going to try therapy again, just like Kirishima. That they can make this work like they said and everything will be alright.
Yeah…
We are going to be okay.
Baby steps, and with time, we will be okay…