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Jeonghan is fucked.
Figuratively, that is. Don’t get the wrong idea.
This afterparty idea of Seungkwan is great, really. All the party food and drinks, superb. The breeze of the nearby ocean hitting his skin, awesome. And a one-night pass to not think about anything else but to have fun, absolutely great.
It really caught the whole vibes Seungkwan was going for: Summer in Christmas or Christmas in Summer, whatever he gushed about non-stop since the day he thought of it.
The best thing was Joshua was there, with him, talking to his friends comfortably.
A sight he somehow still can’t get used to.
And indian-sitting on the sand surrounding a fire pit on a beachfront, with Joshua looking so pretty under the moon’s shine and illuminated by the fire’s glow. Jeonghan admits to himself for the thousandth time; He was fucked.
He was so in love with the boy beside him that he was fucked.
“Okay guys, start tayo sa classics of the classics, truth or drink!” Seungkwan announces.
And to reiterate; He is fucked.
Not just because he thinks he has fallen—and still is falling—madly in love with someone who he hasn’t even discussed about serious relationships with yet, but also because the way Seungcheol and Mingyu are whispering and giving him the most cunning smirk says that he is. It was clear the assholes were up to something again, Jeonghan just had to find out what.
His staring—glaring contest with his friends that are right across from him is pushed aside when the pretty boy he was raving about earlier gets a little too close to his ears that his breath tickles. “Your friends love this game, huh?”
“It’s a mood setter, pwede pang gago, pwede pang chansing.”
“What’d you mean?”
Jeonghan shrugs and leans back, palms down and arms supporting his weight from behind. He laughs when Joshua squints at him, pinching the younger’s cheeks before trying to actually pay attention to whatever Seungkwan and his loud host tendencies are saying.
Joshua told him earlier, when they had their little date escapade (aka making out in their dorm couch when they’re supposedly grabbing their bags for the party), that it was his first party in a while since freshman year. He even laughed about how he was dragged by Jun with the promise of a good time and ended up being the one to be dragging Jun home. Getting puked on wasn’t exactly the good time he had hoped for. Adding to that fact, Joshua wasn’t really the type to attend non-academic social events that had more strangers than acquaintances, and seeing him stick to Jeonghan’s side since earlier just proves it more.
Even now, where the circle contains his friends, Joshua’s friends, a bunch of acquaintances and a whole bunch more of strangers. Which he’ll call Seungkwan’s friends, that guy wasn’t just a social butterfly, he was a freaking social dragon or some shit with bigger wings.
“Explain ko rules.” Speaking of the dragon, “Sabihin ko muna ‘yung question tsaka ko ispi-spin ‘yung botelya para may thrill, then kung nasagot mo ikaw na gawa question, if hinde, edi drink.
Simple lang.”
Jeonghan catches Seungcheol and Mingyu snickering while eyeing him, he subtly flips them off and refocuses on Seungkwan.
“Okay! First question, something bad you’ve done and still haven’t apologized for?”
With a flick of his wrist, Seungkwan spins the bottle on the wooden platform thing he improvised in the middle of the wonky circle of people. The bottle starts to slow down, and excited yelps come from the opposite side of where the bottle isn’t facing. Away from Jeonghan’s side, and then it stops completely.
“Kuya Cheol!” Seungkwan claps his hands in glee, laughing. “Captain’s duty!”
“Ano..” Seungcheol tries to think off the top of his head, “Ah! Joshua! ‘Di ako sure kung sinabi na ba sa ‘yo ni Jeong kaya ako na lang magsasabi. Ako nag-drawing ng tite sa painting mo dati, sorry!”
Joshua looks at him with wide eyes, offended. Everyone laughs when he makes a throat-slitting gesture, and yes, everyone including Jeonghan. He shouldn’t really be laughing at his best friend getting threatened jokingly but that depends on who does it.
The night is young, and with a big crowd playing the game, everything’s going in Jeonghan’s favor. Not to be picked, that is. Jeonghan’s enjoying the look of disappointment on Mingyu’s face whenever the bottle points vaguely in his direction and ends up pointing to just someone close to him.
But as the game continues on for longer, the circle lessens of participants, with some too inebriated to keep up and some trying to meet their curfew.
With lessened people, it wasn’t looking too good for Jeonghan’s plan of not getting selected at all.
And with lessened people, the question just gets… well,
“Would you make-out with your best friend?”
A girl Jeonghan recognizes from the same department as him asks after getting away with her question. Seungkwan vigorously spins the bottle yet again, and when it gradually stops, it incites a loud cheer from Seungcheol. “OOOH! Awkward.”
“Shut the fuck up ka nga, Choi.” Ali rolls her eyes at him, throwing a fistful of sand that doesn’t even reach halfway. She looks flustered for once, red face and all, it was probably the alcohol but it’s still a situation Jeonghan never expected to see her in.
“I don’t get it.” Joshua comments beside him, taking a sip from his cup as he watches Seungcheol do an annoying little tease of a dance over the rim. “That’s supposed to be an easy one.”
“Mahirap siguro ‘pag ‘di lang best friend tingin mo sa best friend mo.” Junhui, from the other side of Joshua, adds in a serious tone Jeonghan rarely sees him use. He said it like he had a lot of experience, so Jeonghan understands why Joshua gives him a dramatic gasp.
“Are you secretly in love with Soons?”
“Gago, Hindi!” Junhui desperately looks over Joshua's shoulders to peer at Jeonghan. “Pre paki-layo sa ‘kin jowa mo, susukaan ko ‘to.”
“You already did a long time ago.”
Jeonghan laughs, ears catching a particular word that makes him shift on his spot. And the fact that Joshua doesn’t seem to make a big deal out of it like he does, well… he didn’t know what to feel, honestly. Joshua moves closer to Jeonghan when Jun acts like he really was gonna throw up, his hands clinging over Jeonghan’s arm like it’ll protect him.
There’s still something about being so freely close to Joshua like this in public that makes his stomach churn. It feels illegal.
He watches Joshua be so immersed with whatever was going on with the game, Jeonghan couldn’t care less actually, his eyes busy tracing every crevice of Joshua’s side-profile that abruptly forms into a surprised expression. Only when he hears loud cheers and Joshua turning to him with wide eyes that Jeonghan realizes he was spacing out. “Ano?”
“I said that was wild.”
“Ang alin?”
“Did you not hear? She said she would.” Joshua diverts his attention back to the middle.
And when Jeonghan does the same, his eyes catch the sight of Ali being teased with Seoyoon who was beside her. Wild, indeed it was, like Joshua phrased it.
“Mingyu!” Seungkwan gleefully announces when the nozzle of the bottle stops like a sniper’s scope lasering between its target’s eyebrows, pointing dead straight to Mingyu who seems like he doesn’t know whether to be glad ‘cause he’d be asking the question next or dismayed ‘cause he needed to get through the question first. Jeonghan finds it funny.
So much for wanting Jeonghan to be chosen and look at him now.
“Ano nga ulit tanong?” For a big guy, Mingyu sure does a lot of talking in tiny.
“Fuck, marry, kill daw.”
Mingyu scrunches his face when he hears the question. Jeonghan nearly laughs out loud, there’s no sweeter victory than doing absolutely nothing and still winning. Absolutely nothing.
“Wala naman siya dito ‘di ba?” Mingyu cautiously looks around as everyone anticipates his answer, he may not seem like he’s getting bitches to his friends but deep down they know how much of a heart throb he is with that face. And it only proves to be true when a few—or a lot— disappointed looks are thrown his way the second he blurts out a name that wasn’t theirs. “Jeon Wonwoo sa fuck and marry na kasi bakit hindi? ta’s killing Seungkwan.”
“Pinarehas pa, tanginang simp, fyi papatayin rin kita.” Seungkwan clicks his tongue in irritation, “Oh dali, question.”
Junhui snaps his head towards Jeonghan’s direction in disbelief. “May gusto siya kay Wonwoo?”
“Ah oo, ‘di pa pala obvious?”
“GAGO?” Junhui slaps a hand to his mouth. “Pogi naman ng parechong natin.”
“Don’t tell me you like Wonwoo?” Joshua imitates him, hand also moving to cover his mouth.
“Tangina ang malisyoso mo pakyu, marami lang kasi nagkakagusto sa kanya.”
“Like who?”
“Basta.”
Joshua playfully gives him a skeptical look, “Wait, where are they pala?”
“Sina Wonwoo?” Jun opens his phone to check. “Hindi na nagreply si Nyong, sabi ko may games eh.”
Jeonghan was too focused on their silly conversation that he doesn’t catch Seungkwan spinning the bottle again, doesn’t catch Mingyu and Seungcheol crossing their fingers, and doesn’t catch the bottle slowly coming to a stop leaning towards their direction.
Shit.
“Kuya Josh!”
Wait, what?
“Boyfriends or flings?”
Fucking Mingyu and his stupid annoying ass. Jeonghan looks at their way with the nastiest glare and a protruding middle finger. He knew from their surprised faces that it wasn’t what they intended, but he knew from them giving each other pats on the back that they’ll take it anyways. They laugh and about while Jeonghan, well, aside from choking his friends with his bare hands in his mind, Jeonghan stiffened on the spot.
Jeonghan feels the pressure of eyes on them and he avoids them by staring at the sand beneath him instead. Counting each particle like it was his job. Which kind of work. Though he knows, no matter how much he tries to distract his mind from paying attention, deep down he knows. He wants to hear Joshua’s answer as well.
‘Cause who knows?
Perhaps being on the same page wasn’t guaranteed throughout the whole book.
The silence is killing him, he never felt seconds pass by this long.
Joshua clears his throat, feeling the insistence when a few leans forward to hear in on the response. Jeonghan glances at him and sees him looking straight forward, clearly as tense as he was. In the softest tone, the lowest of the lowest, as if Joshua was saying it to Jeonghan himself, he mumbles. “Boyfriends.”
“YIEEEE!” Junhui sets off a train of teases and cheers, not to mention the shoving that almost makes Jeonghan eat sand. Mingyu even went out his way to howl like a freaking wolf, and Jeonghan deduces from that alone that his lightweight of a friend has had more than enough drinks.
Jeonghan ignores them, he tries to ignore how quick his heart is beating too.
The game continues like nothing happened. Other than the supportive nods or smiles he keeps getting from people he barely even knew the name of whenever he makes eye-contact with them, it’s pretty much the same.
Okay, it isn’t the same.
Jun excuses himself, saying he had someone to annoy or something Jeonghan is too keyed up to really understand. Now Joshua has shifts closer, if that was even possible, shoulder-to-shoulder and knee-to-knee kinda thing. And Jeonghan doesn’t even know why it’s making him so fuzzy. You’d think from how much he had spent time with Joshua—whether just a normal hang-out or eating each other’s face (actually the line between is very much thin)—he has to have got used to this.
Clearly, he hasn’t.
“Babe.” Jeonghan slightly flinches when Joshua turns to him, fortunately Joshua doesn’t seem to plan on calling it out. The younger has his full face flushed with redness, his eyes a little droopy too, and when Jeonghan glances at his cup, the contents are gone to its every drop. “I keep thinking about that night you confessed and… I feel like shit. I’m so, so sorry.”
“Hey,” Jeonghan takes Joshua’s hand in his, letting his thumb tenderly caress the back of it. “It’s fine, okay naman tayo ngayon, ‘di ba? That’s all that matters.”
“I just didn’t know what I was feeling that time.” Joshua leans on Jeonghan’s shoulder, letting the older hold his hand like he’ll never let go. And he won’t, Jeonghan won’t.
“Also, remember that time I told you I was scared more than I was jealous seeing you with… Sam ?” Jeonghan nods in understanding, eyebrows raised to let Joshua know he had his full attention.
“I don’t know why I’m saying this right now but, I was scared that you’ll be happier with her. I mean, she can brag you to the world, and… and do those little meaningful things you always ask me like eat lunch together or meet my friends. Which at the time, you weren’t able to do with me and I… I was afraid when you meet someone who’ll give you what you truly deserve, you’ll just…”
“I still wouldn’t have left you.” Jeonghan intervenes before Joshua could even find the words to finish his sentence. He brings Joshua’s hand to his lips, placing an assuring kiss. “I know we weren’t in good terms at the time, pero kahit ‘di mo ‘ko pagmamalaki sa iba n’on, or ‘di man tayo nakakapaglunch ng sabay, hulog na hulog parin naman ako sa ‘yo. Napagod ako, oo, aaminin ko, pero that doesn’t mean I have ever loved you less.”
Joshua stares at him for a bit, absorbing the dear words and looks away to hide his blushing face. A cheeky smile replaces the serious frown he had, humming like he’s thinking, “What if I turned into a worm? Will you still love me?”
“Mag-fifishing ako.” Jeonghan snickers.
It takes a second for Joshua to process before a sulky pout forms on his lips. “You’re gonna use me as bait?!”
“Hindi.” Jeonghan heartily laughs before he even says the follow-up he made-up on spot. “Papakita ko lang sa iba. Kasi regardless of how many fish there are in the sea, sa ‘kin ka parin.”
It makes it even funnier when Joshua smiles, all flattered, snuggling close to him giddily and closes his eyes in comfort. Jeonghan tries not to shake so much from laughing to not disturb him. “Cute mo. Sleepy ka na?”
“Nooo.” Joshua whines, sitting up straight like it’ll prove that he isn’t. “I still wanna play—”
“Kuya Jeong!”
Seungkwan points the stick he has been holding since earlier at Jeonghan, like a mic and a host, waiting for his answer to a question he doesn’t even know. He gives Seungkwan an apologetic smile when he asks, “Ano ulit question?”
Seungkwan sighs impatiently. “Kinks.”
Jeonghan didn’t need to think twice before raising his cup for Seungkwan to pour in the alternative answer: not answering at all.
The drink part of truth or drink.
He hears Seungcheol boo him from across which he blatantly ignores as he downs the cup in one go. He wasn’t about to reveal something so personal to a whole bunch of strangers.
And the night continues, somewhere between humiliating truths and daring revelations, Jeonghan has subconsciously started playing with Joshua’s hand in between sips of his refilled plastic cup. A favorite pass-time of his, it seems. Tracing each crease of his palm and gently rubbing the calluses he probably gained from using his pencil too much, even interlocking their fingers just to check if they still fit—It still awes him each time, how perfectly it does.
Jeonghan isn’t that drunk, just enough that he feels all hot and bothered.
Just enough that he feels every contact of their fingers burn his skin.
Just enough that every passing second makes him gravitate closer to Joshua.
Just enough that he badly wants Joshua’s attention all to himself.
His eyes dart to Joshua every time the younger chuckles at something amusing or mumbles a quick remark under his breath at some absurd answers. And when Joshua throws his head back in laughter, pointing at Seungkwan doing a silly skit with Seokmin, Jeongha’s eyes are drawn to him again, this time they catch the little remembrance he did on his neck earlier.
“Baby.” Jeonghan coos into Joshua’s ear, lips faintly touching his lobe.
Joshua turns to him with curious brows. “Hm?”
Jeonghan stares at him before deciding to bring his lips over Joshua’s neck, hovering just above the purplish spot. He gives it a quick kiss to let Joshua know what he was talking about when he asks.
“Dagdagan natin?”
Jeonghan is fucked.
Okay, literally this time.
Well, technically, Jeonghan’s the one doing the fucking.
They were able to slip away from their friends, blurting out a made-up excuse that Joshua was sleepy. But as soon as they step foot into a room—it was frustratingly trial and error until they found an empty one—Joshua doesn’t waste a second to claim Jeonghan’s lips. Already so eager for someone sleepy.
They blindly make their way through the dark room, not even bothering to turn on the lights and rely solely on the smidgen of moonlight seeping between the thick curtains, bumping into things as they go. And unsurprisingly, along the way, Joshua managed to remove his jacket and toss the flip flops he was wearing to the side.
The back of Jeonghan’s knees hit something soft, making them stumble over what luckily feels like the bed. Jeonghan falls on his ass, and Joshua quickly climbs over him, straddling his lap with both his knees by Jeonghan’s sides, arms wrapping around his shoulder for support.
Perhaps it was the bitter taste of alcohol lingering on their mouths.
But Jeonghan was quite sure he was getting drunk on Joshua's lips.
Joshua kisses him so hard and so needy, he’s in such a haste and Jeonghan loves every second of it. A hand tangled in Jeonghan’s locks and another swiftly sliding under Jeonghan’s sweater, feeling his ‘athlete attributes’ under his palms.
On the other hand, Jeonghan has his caressing Joshua’s waists, pulling him closer to his body like he wasn’t close enough, never close enough. He licks at Joshua’s lower lip, and it doesn’t take much restraint for him to be engulfing the younger’s mouth with his tongue. Twirling it with his like it was the last dance.
Joshua groans against their kiss when he feels Jeonghan groping his thighs, moving his hands up and down it, feeling every inch of his skin. Then it goes higher, up his shorts to tease. It makes Joshua whine and pull away to chase his breath. Jeonghan uses the time to latch his lips onto Joshua's neck, nibbling at the skin just below his ear. Living up to his promise of adding more marks.
“Baby.”
“Mhm?” Jeonghan hums, too occupied with placing small kisses down Joshua’s neck to actually form a word.
Joshua moves a hand in between their bodies, sensually rubbing the hard-on Jeonghan visibly has through his shorts. “I want this.”
“ Tangina .” Jeonghan groans when he feels the slight squeeze Joshua unpromptedly does. “Patience, babe.”
As revenge, he takes Joshua’s ass in his hands, fondling with them as he sucks on a certain spot on his neck. Then his hands swiftly move under his shirt, pinching at his nipple that brings out a gasp out of him.
Jeonghan shifts to take Joshua’s lips again. Sucking and gently tugging at his bottom lip, and when he sticks his tongue out, Joshua sucks on it like it was sweet lollies. They fall back on the soft mattress and Jeonghan lets his elbows hold him up slanted. He couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, which Joshua only finds attractive if anything, but at this moment? Really?
“Why are you laughing?” Even in a whisper, Jeonghan could tell Joshua had a pout adorning his swollen lips.
“Wala, ang cute mo kasi.”
“Hannie. I was deepthroating your tongue and you find that fucking cute?”
Jeonghan chuckles, stealing a short smack on his lips to compensate. “Yes.”
Joshua grumbles a complaint as he removes his shirt over his head, letting Jeonghan’s eyes roam all over his bare skin. Jeonghan presses their lips together again, this time with a lot more force. Simultaneously, Joshua starts grinding his hips slowly against Jeonghan’s crotch, making sure his bulge slid fittingly between the curves of his ass.
“Shit.” Jeonghan exhales when they part, all the sensations he’s feeling making him throw his head back.
“Am I still cute to you, hm?”
Joshua is full-on riding him clothed, and Jeonghan’s shorts just get tighter, and tighter, and tighter.
Jeonghan absorbs the sight of Joshua with his back all gracefully arched and his brows furrowed, biting down so hard on his lips, feeling himself. It’s driving Jeonghan insane, then Joshua fucking moans .
That’s it, enough foreplay.
Jeonghan was about to slam him against the pillows when he cried out. “Baby, let me ride you.”
Something about the way Joshua says every word while looking straight into his eyes with hooded lids makes his dick twitch in his pants. The has cock decided, can’t really do anything about that. How they managed to undress themselves while eating each other’s faces off at the same time was a question no one should ever ask.
Jeonghan takes a packet of condom and lube from his shorts before tossing it away, again, don’t ask why he had those conveniently on him. Emergencies chooses no time, so does his horniness.
Jeonghan gives Joshua’s sweaty forehead a chaste kiss. “Papasok ko na baby, ah?”
Joshua quivers when Jeonghan pushes a slick finger inside him, using Jeonghan’s shoulders as support and burying his head into the crook of his neck. Then the second finger goes in, and then the third, he hears the slight whimper Joshua makes by his ear when he curls his fingers inside. The way he had his head positioned makes it so that Jeonghan could hear his every sound, his every breath with every thrusts of his fingers, both low and loud, and god , it’s driving Jeonghan crazy.
After a while, Joshua mumbles words that Jeonghan is certain are gibberish. “Mhm? linawin mo babe.”
“In me. Put it in me na, please.”
Jeonghan wonders if the moon was proudly looking down at him or muttering swears at him for fucking the one he bawled his eyes out for. He wishes it wasn’t the latter, the moon wouldn’t judge. Yeah, the moon wouldn’t
“Mhm.”
Joshua sinks down on him slowly, hitting the very bottom with a slight struggle at the end and Jeonghan couldn’t help but hiss, “ang sikip mo, babe.”
Once he feels accustomed to the feeling, he starts to grind his hips just as unhurried, still getting the feels for it. Jeonghan has himself busy with trailing open-mouthed kisses down Joshua’s collarbones, grunting brokenly against his skin when the younger starts picking up the pace.
“Shit.” Jeonghan winces between pants, meeting Joshua’s bounces half-way with a thrust of his own hips.
“Jeonghan—” Joshua chokes back a moan when Jeonghan takes his cock in his hand. Letting him grind up to it with every jolt. “Jeonghan… fuck, fuck, fuck .”
Jeonghan takes a mental picture of Joshua throwing his head back, eyes tightly shut and mouth agape slightly. He looks so fucking hot, Jeonghan can’t believe he was his.
Well, technically, still not official.
“Shit.”
But still exclusively his.
“ Jeonghan.”
And still exclusively the name he’s moaning. Smiley face.
Seems like a win more than anything in Jeonghan’s book. A win that includes the sounds of skin slapping on skin, a whole lot more moaning, and an orgasm that makes their head float into the clouds.
“Shua. Tangina .” Jeonghan manages to exhale in between heaves of breath, lifelessly falling back on the bed afterwards. “You’re so good at riding, baby. When’d you learn that?”
Joshua falls on top of him, all snuggled into his neck, too out of breath to actually say anything back. After a while of catching his breath while hugging Joshua tightly in his arms, Jeonghan decides to speak up. “Shua.”
For a second Jeonghan thought he was fast into dreamland, but he hears a faint hum from Joshua and he takes it as a sign to continue.
“Alam ko we already established na we have feelings for each other and all that, and… we go on normal dates, and… we do all those couple things. Pero kasi lately… my friends have kept—wait, this is not about them. I mean I just wanna know if, y’know… actually no, I’m telling you this but I don’t want you to feel—” He sighs when he catches himself rambling, then he inhales a sharp breath to hold. “Be my boyfriend.”
Joshua perks up his head to look at him, stare at him.
“Babe?” Jeonghan mutters nervously.
The sweetest smile slowly creeps up Joshua’s lips. “Okay, let’s be boyfriends.”
“Seryoso?”
“I love you, my Hannie.”
Call him dramatic, but he felt like his whole chest just had fireworks explode inside them. Like his brain has been smushed to non-existence ‘cause fuck, he can’t think. Somehow, he can’t process the words he yearned to hear for so long. The words that make this journey of his worth it. The words that both end and start a chapter in a book called life.
“Do you not love me back—”
“I love you… so much. Mahal kita, mahal kita ng sobra, sobra sobra, Shua ko.”
Perhaps jerking off in a shared dorm with your enemy without locking your room doesn’t all lead to bad things.
Somehow.